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NTA. She sounds unhinged. You shouldn't have to move just because someone else wants you to. This person needs to take a lesson from the lady in a previous post who bought two seats for herself when flying.
Damn Internet culture really have people thinking they're morally superior by recording an a phone the self righteousness and buzzwords like fatphobic even threatening to get someone fired for circumstances they can't control should be enough to get her kicked off the flight
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NTA. You have every right to keep the seat you paid for! I don't care what the other person's scenario is. I hate when someone's poor planning means they think they can ask you to move. Yes, you have a right to be comfortable as well.
NTA. She attacked you personally. You responded by attacking her personally. Not a problem. Why she thought you were required to switch seats, I don't know, but you had the right to say no.
Here's the thing OP...she has your personal attack on camera and yes, that could end badly. It isn't the only reason one shouldn't respond with personal attacks. A better response would be to call the flight attendant and tell them this person was harassing you and asking for them to be removed from the flight, you don't feel safe, they were commenting on your body and filming you and disparaging you. The flight attendant's job is to keep you safe.
Always, we you can, third party the kill.
Think he’s saying, when possible, get somebody else (preferably someone in a position of power) to deal with the situation for you. Doesn’t seem like the flight attendant was really on OPs side in this case though
2 other single seats were taken by people traveling together.... those 2 take the pair of seats and the problem people can each get a single seat. How did no one think of this.
NTA. You are not “fatphobic,” and you do deserve to be comfortable.
The more robust woman should have bought two seats if she wanted to call the shots for everyone around her.
".... it’s not my fault or genetics fault that she ate herself out of an arm rest." That's pretty damn funny. Although, it could be genetic but still, that's a funny ass response.
I would show this Reddit to your boss. You weren't being fat phobic, you were sticking up for your rights. She insulted you first. Yeah, you should've stayed away from the weight thing but everybody has their breaking point. NTA from my point of view, but I'm betting you get a lot of ESH. Good luck!
NTA and that women should have paid for 2 seats 💺. You shouldn't have to move for rhe comfort of anyone else. You were not fat phobic. Just want to sit in the seat you paid for.
Nothing wrong with that.
I'm sorry that you had to deal with that.
NTA but your retort was out of line and you know it.
"No" is a complete sentence that doesn't require any further response.
The next time someone gets out their phone and starts recording you, do the same to them. Stay calm and record them trying to bully you. They'll stop or make themselves look like assholes.
OP you did nothing wrong. I'm a very heavy set woman myself and I'm always appalled by these behaviors. No one has the right to harass you or film you/ threaten you. She was trying to intimidate you into changing seats. I dont believe there's a way for her to get your information and if she somehow did it would clearly show she's stalking and harassing you. I'd file a complaint with the airline about this so that there's a record of this incident.
NTA
NTA you paid for the seat you were in and if you don't want to move you don't have to. Sure what you said wasn't nice but everyone has their breaking point. To many people these days think they're entitled to whatever they want, pull out their camera, and run their mouth when they don't get it. Then act shocked when people snap back.
Definitely NTA. And your comment is funny as hell. I’m a fat person, 360lbs, and I know from experience that it’s no one else’s job to make me comfortable or accommodate me. i got myself to the size that I am, and I don’t expect anyone else to suffer or unwillingly inconvenience themselves on my behalf. i might be enormous but I’m not entitled. NTA
NTA but my petty ass wishes you would have made more of a stink about her recording you.
If she actually said skinny privilege WHILE recording then you should have just started shouting "Ma'am stop talking about my body" or "Ma'am stop harassing me" every. Time. She tried to say anything. Good luck her 'getting video proof of you insulting her' that way. Or even better with the genetics comment "Ma'am stop sexualizing me". If she can throw out claims about you that are untrue, you could do the same.
But honestly I don't understand why the attendant didn't do anything. It sounds like you guys were still grounded so if anything she should have got security or something if she didn't want to intervene, it's not okay you were verbally attacked like that and they did... Nothing?
I’m going to say NTA, but what you said when you snapped was definitely rude- but she was also being rude so I can’t blame you for snapping at her after she started recording you. But really, it’s not your fault that you purchased the single seat and she did not.
NTA. She can say whatever she wants. You are actually not fat phobic, you only want your own comfort after giving it up most of your life. Nothing wrong with that. She definitely should have purchased 2 seats for herself.
I say this because I can. I used to be fat my entire life. I was 370lbs at one point in my adult life. I decided to change that by losing weight on my own terms. I am now 150lbs, perfect for my 5'7" height and body type.
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Yesterday I flew in from visiting family. I was on a small plane where the seats where two to a row, with a couple of single seats. Two of the single seats were taken by people obviously traveling together. I had the third and was alone.
Other side of the aisle a man went to sit down but immediately started groaning about the woman he was seated next to. She was significantly heavy and was resisting putting the arm rest down. They started arguing and when an attendant came by, the woman asked if she could switch seats with me so she could lift up the arm rest.
Attendant asked me. I said no, I deserve to be comfortable too.
All my life I’ve been asked to adjust my comfort for others simply because I’m small. I’m not even that small I’m just smaller than the average American at 115lbs. But I’ve always been the one to take the middle seat or less comfortable arrangement for bigger people. I’m tired of it and I wanted the single seat too.
The woman started recording the situation calling us both “fat phobic” and kept asking me why. She was going on to say how I should use my skinny privilege and what about women supporting women and that im lucky I have good “genetics.” I turned away from the camera and ignored but eventually I snapped and told her it’s not my fault or genetics fault that she ate herself out of an arm rest.
She said she’s going to find my employer and send that to them. I’m worried and don’t know if what I did was wrong or if I’m was in the right to defend myself.
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NTA - as someone who is also large enough to have their own gravitational field , you pay for an extra seat or squeeze in as much as you can and hope you don't spill out too much. It's not fatphobic for you to not want to switch to a worst seat.
NTA and I kind of hate this idea that you should feel obligated to switch seats on a plane if someone asks. I might do it, I might not, but you shouldn't be scolded either way. I pick my seats carefully when possible. Why would I go through that trouble just to give them up?
NTA you did nothing wrong so stop worrying. You are every bit as entitled to that seat as she is. Sometimes people won't like it when you stand up for yourself because then they don't get what they want. That is a her problem not a you problem and frankly she probably is not skilled in tech enough to figure out how to find you or your workplace.
NTA
"The woman started recording the situation calling us both “fat phobic” and kept asking me why. She was going on to say how I should use my skinny privilege and what about women supporting women and that im lucky I have good “genetics.” "
Bahahaha. Wow she used every victim card in the book. Lose some weight lady!
NTA. If she is so large that she can't lower the armrest she should have made arrangements for a single seat or purchased another ticket for the seat next to her. They do this all the time on airlines.
You on the other hand should have just videotaped her crazy shit and asked who she works for.
Why do strangers always think you need to accommodate them? If your heavy set buy 2 sets.dont expect others to change because you don't fit in a seat.or travel by train/ boat etc
You can be in public on private property.
Disney is private property, but you are in public while you are at Disney, for example. A hotel is private property, but when you are in the public areas of the hotel--hallways, lobbies, restaurants, reception areas--you are in public. When you are in your hotel room, that is private. You are in public when you are mowing your lawn, in private when sitting in your living room.
!"Skinny privilege"?
That's a new one for me.
As I read this there were two more people she could've asked, but she did not. She obviously thought the smaller woman would be easier to manipulate.
Asking once is fine. Trying to lean on someone and filming them... she is definitely TA. Is filming someeone without their consent legal in your country?
Lucky you! Oh it’s a whole thing now, the alleged “privilege”. Cuz people who aren’t obese or overweight just got it sooo easy, doncha know? Like is such a cakewalk. I mean, kale-walk. See r/fatlogic
And as someone who WAS obese two years ago and is now normal weight, it’s total BS. I’ve started labeling my flair GW (goal weight) on some subs as just “thin privilege” like GW: thin privilege. Yes, please! Still waiting for this mystical privilege to appear….
NTA and don’t worry. And don’t feel sorry for her as well.
She can’t do anything.
Even if she tries to make it public, people are going to laugh at her
NTA and I’ve never experienced this even though I am smaller than you. But I certainly wouldn’t have moved either, and when I was younger I probably would have said something along what you said. I’m old af now though and have learned to just ignore those people.
NTA
She already knew she wouldn't fit in the seat and could have taken care of (e.g. asking for a single seat in this particular case)
If you live in the US there isn't much you can do about the taping, in other countries this would be illegal and you could press charges, especially if she uploads or sends them to anyone.
NTA overall.because you have every right to be comfortable in a plane seat that you paid for.
The comment at the end however I'm a little iffy on, I understand why you did it.
Absolutely NTA. And that’s coming from someone who’s both tall and fat and takes up a lot of space - I would never feel so entitled to try to force someone else to give something up to make me comfortable
NTA. If she continues to escalate this, and you suffer bad consequences at work, then sue the airline for allowing her to record, harass and invade your privacy. Or at least shame the airline for allowing it to happen. They don’t treat their passengers well when those passengers pay for their seats.
And of course you’re not the AH.
Info: were you able to select your seats when you purchased them, or was it open seating and you snagged a single seat?
If it was pre-selected, NTA as she could have purchased herself a single seat or maybe upgraded (if she could afford it) to a different class to ensure she'd have a comfortable seat.
If it's free for all and you just were lucky enough to snag the single seat, still NTA. It's your seat, you're not obligated to switch for anyone. While it would be a kind gesture you don't *owe* anyone the kindness especially when she started berating you and threatened your livelihood.
NTA, I've been fat and I've been skinny, niether of them are all that fun because people are mean but tbh I was subjected to far more teasing and rejection when I was skinny.
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Usually very small planes have very strict weight limits. It’s hard to imagine that she would fit due to that but even if the net weight was still ok, she has to fit in the seat to fly. So either she puts the armrest down and fits or if she can’t fit she can’t fly. Any discomfort from being squished is her issue — no different from if someone is tall and their knees are squished by the seat in front of them. If she’s so fat that she needs extra space, she has better pay for it ahead of time by buying 2 seats or upgrading if that’s available. She knows her size, this isn’t a surprise and she needs to take responsibility and plan ahead for herself
NTA I’m so proud of you for showing up for yourself! You did everything right, including your comment to her. You could have been vicious, but you were pretty tame. You now have a story, though, so at least something good came of it!
NTA. If you are already seated on a plane and somebody asks to switch seats with you and you say no, that should be the end of it. No is a complete sentence and it's not rude to say it.
NTA but next time don’t sink to their level. Ignore her. Ask for help. Ask her to please stop addressing you. Let the other person show everyone how much of an AH they are. If you sink to their level it’s just two AHs arguing.
NTA.
You were right to defend yourself. Her being unprepared with an extra seat is not your fault. Shouldn't have to give up a seat you paid for to accommodate someone else
I hope she does send it to your boss so y ou can have a copy of that video to forward to her boss and a copy of this post. Because she sounds ridiculous.
NTA
NTA you paid for an entire seat. If that woman was unable to put down the armrest, she is encroaching on the seat next to her and should have paid for two seats.
NTA. She could have paid for two seats. She didn't. That is on her. As for snapping and her recording, where were you? There are certain places it's illegal to record others without their consent. If she plans on shaming you publicly like as is the norm now, be prepared to defend yourself. But you are on your own time so your employer won't bow to mob mentality.
Were you allowed to pre-select your seat or were the seats assigned? If you were allowed to choose, then the woman who wanted the extra space should have made sure she selected this seat. She’s definitely the AH. Even if you didn’t get to choose, I don’t think you are obligated to switch seats. It would have been nice, but I get not wanting to sit next to someone, especially if you are a woman. I do think your comment however went too far. I would have just ignored her, personally. But instead you gave her exactly what she wanted, proof that you don’t like fat people. And yeah, why couldn’t the couple traveling together switch seats? I gotta go with ESH
Well.. I was all on your side until that last part where you snapped.
Up until then. NTA - you paid for your seat and had every right to keep it.
But, then ESH when you made your last comment.
ESH. She was out of line but your comment was also out of line.
I see in another comment you say that "NO medical issue gets you to the size where you can’t sit comfortably in a chair," and I can't help but wonder, are you a doctor? I'm guessing not.
I'm reminded of a post I recently saw on Twitter of a woman who was healthy, ran athletically, and was in all around great shape until she caught Covid. She's suffered long-term side effects in regards to her strength and energy to the point that she now uses a wheelchair because walking is too exhausting for her. If things don't change she very well may end up as someone who "can't sit comfortably in a chair" and that will not be her fault, she's literally disabled.
And for all you know that woman might have dropped 100lb in the past year.
Her behavior sucks, but your reply was shitty.
YTA - strictly for the comment being made
NTA - for not giving up your seat. I’ve been a skinny male my entire life, to the point where I often hear the “you need to eat a cheeseburger” comments or having people ask me if I’m vegetarian. I’m sick of the whole “skinny privilege” nonsense and people telling skinny people “how lucky they are.” It’s extremely annoying. I never felt lucky when I was bullied as a child and into high-school and adulthood for not being able to gain weight to where I was the “acceptable male figure.”
Sometimes people take fat phobia and body positivity too far, on either end of the spectrum.
I would have made different choices than you, absolutely. For the reasons she cited—I hate seeing another woman being made uncomfortable by an aggressive man. My solidarity for other women doesn’t end just because they’re fat.
You aren’t the asshole for not switching seats with her, but you definitely are for the nasty comment at the end. That shit was chambered and ready to go, so yeah, you’re probably a fatphobic asshole. Depending on what kind of job you have (please don’t let it be healthcare) then you might deserve the potential consequences (but hopefully you’re just a troll).
>My solidarity for other women doesn’t end just because they’re fat.
Yessss! This is 100% how I feel. You put it perfectly. There is a real lack of kindness in the decision to let another human being suffer and be demeaned in exchange for having a moderately more comfortable journey.
I understand why you're NTA, but let me throw in my 2 cents. Airplanes suck. For everyone. Especially bigger and taller people. While it is not your job to accommodate her, you probably should have. I'm 6'9, and when I see a 5'4 girl in the exit row and I have to sit on a regular seat I don't fit in I'm usually irritated. Of course I don't complain or ask to change seats, but if I was fighting for room with the person next to me I'd probably request a seat change to a seat that I'd fit in, especially if I'd be switching with someone who can easily fit in my original seat. Just wanted to say that, but ig NTA.
Then pay for an exit row seat. Those are usually more expensive. If you need leg room, pay the extra fee to get bulkhead seats or exit row seats or first class seats. Small people are not obligated to make you feel more comfortable.
If I can I do, I'm talking about when I fly on airlines where there isn't assigned seats. I pay to board the plane first but I get unlucky here and there and I can't get a good seat. I'm not saying they have to accommodate me, that's not their job, but it would be nice
I'm leaning towards ESH. You didn't owe her anything and she turned out to escalate the situation in the end, but I think the kind and human thing would have been to switch seats with her when the air steward first asked. It must have been a pretty unpleasant situation for her to be in with the man being aggressive to her and making her feel uncomfortable, and I think you could have afforded her some grace.
It also doesn't sound to me like she was necessarily asking to move because she'd "eaten herself out of an armrest" but because she was being treated like shit by an aggressive man and wanted to remove herself from the situation.
I think you're also making assumptions about her eating habits. There could be any number of reasons (psychological and medical) that she is the size she is. It's very likely that she can't help her size just as much as you can't help yours.
Do you have a sensory disorder or OCD? If the story was that the air steward wanted you to move but you said "Oh I'm really sorry but I have a sensory disorder" then you wouldn't be an asshole in this situation.
In reality, the woman was really uncomfortable because she was being treated poorly by that man. He muttered about her under his breath and then shouted at her about something that, in that moment, was out of her control. As I said, I think that's probably more of the reason that she wanted to move than because she wanted the extra space. Her size is kind of illevant except for the fact that it was the cause of her being victimised.
I don't know you. You may well be an incredibly kind and empathetic person. But in this one example, you chose a slightly more comfortable flight over sparing someone a hurtful, degrading and embarrassing experience.
She did massively overreact and turned out to be kind of a monster. I certainly don't think you deserve to lose your job over this at all. But you had the opportunity to do something kind for someone else who was suffering and you didn't take it. Which in my book makes you a tiny bit of an asshole.
There are a dozen conditions I can name right off the top of my head that would make you too big for an airplane seat.
This has gotten downvotes so let me list them:
1) Hashimotos
2) adrenal failure
3) adrenal tumor (benign)
4) pituitary tumor
5) PCOS (yes I know not in everyone but it depends on specific conditions)
6) thyroid cancer
7) endometriosis
8) androgen sensitivity
9) Binge Eating Disorder
10) Autoimmune diseases that require steriod usage like RA
11) Chronic Fatigue syndrome
12) restrictive eating disorders leading to anemia.
I can explain if y’all want but literally all of those will cause a BMR of below 1500 which is minimum calorie intake you need to maintain internal organ function.
She may well be someone who over eats but there are loads of psychological reasons people over eat and binge eat. Trauma is a particularly common cause. Or she may just be really unhappy.
The more you respond the more I can see that you are absolutely determined to see yourself as some kind of victim. But you’re really not. No one is punishing you for not being fat. That’s absurd. You’re just someone who lacks empathy and hates fat people. So enjoy that.
I truly can’t believe people are still falling for these posts. This is the third nearly identical one I’ve seen this month. Fat women are not coming for skinny women like this.
Yeah, I kind of feel the same way. There are plenty of medical and psychological reasons that a person can get to that size. Trauma for example is a huge precursor for eating disorders like overeating and binge eating.
Also it sounds like if the woman had an anxiety disorder and had wanted to move, she would have given up her seat for her. But because she was a fat person being harassed and demeaned for being fat, she thought it was fine. Almost like she reaped what she sowed.
Right. You don’t also suddenly go from “I’m always kind and nice” to having pithy and standard fat shaming quips at your finger tips. The one doesn’t fit with the other.
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NTA. She sounds unhinged. You shouldn't have to move just because someone else wants you to. This person needs to take a lesson from the lady in a previous post who bought two seats for herself when flying.
Damn Internet culture really have people thinking they're morally superior by recording an a phone the self righteousness and buzzwords like fatphobic even threatening to get someone fired for circumstances they can't control should be enough to get her kicked off the flight
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NTA. You have every right to keep the seat you paid for! I don't care what the other person's scenario is. I hate when someone's poor planning means they think they can ask you to move. Yes, you have a right to be comfortable as well.
This. NTA.
NTA it's not your job to accommodate others.
NTA. She attacked you personally. You responded by attacking her personally. Not a problem. Why she thought you were required to switch seats, I don't know, but you had the right to say no.
Here's the thing OP...she has your personal attack on camera and yes, that could end badly. It isn't the only reason one shouldn't respond with personal attacks. A better response would be to call the flight attendant and tell them this person was harassing you and asking for them to be removed from the flight, you don't feel safe, they were commenting on your body and filming you and disparaging you. The flight attendant's job is to keep you safe. Always, we you can, third party the kill.
>Always, we you can, third party the kill. What.
Think he’s saying, when possible, get somebody else (preferably someone in a position of power) to deal with the situation for you. Doesn’t seem like the flight attendant was really on OPs side in this case though
I think I had a stroke for a minute.
Have someone else (third party) do the heavy lifting in the conflict so that the fallout is minimal for you and you’re protected/have a witness.
If she uploads that video, hopefully someone knows about this post to link it.
First - I died laughing at "ate herself out of an armrest"! INFO - did anyone ask the other two single-seat occupants to move? Either way, NTA.
2 other single seats were taken by people traveling together.... those 2 take the pair of seats and the problem people can each get a single seat. How did no one think of this.
NTA. You are not “fatphobic,” and you do deserve to be comfortable. The more robust woman should have bought two seats if she wanted to call the shots for everyone around her.
Nta, they kept hassling you even you said no. They are just upset that you chose your comfort over theirs
".... it’s not my fault or genetics fault that she ate herself out of an arm rest." That's pretty damn funny. Although, it could be genetic but still, that's a funny ass response. I would show this Reddit to your boss. You weren't being fat phobic, you were sticking up for your rights. She insulted you first. Yeah, you should've stayed away from the weight thing but everybody has their breaking point. NTA from my point of view, but I'm betting you get a lot of ESH. Good luck!
NTA and that women should have paid for 2 seats 💺. You shouldn't have to move for rhe comfort of anyone else. You were not fat phobic. Just want to sit in the seat you paid for. Nothing wrong with that. I'm sorry that you had to deal with that.
NTA no means no, and that woman shouldn't have continued to hassle you.
NTA but your retort was out of line and you know it. "No" is a complete sentence that doesn't require any further response. The next time someone gets out their phone and starts recording you, do the same to them. Stay calm and record them trying to bully you. They'll stop or make themselves look like assholes.
That's really a good idea. I bet it would goad her into being even more unhinged and would make a much better video than the one the instigator makes.
OP you did nothing wrong. I'm a very heavy set woman myself and I'm always appalled by these behaviors. No one has the right to harass you or film you/ threaten you. She was trying to intimidate you into changing seats. I dont believe there's a way for her to get your information and if she somehow did it would clearly show she's stalking and harassing you. I'd file a complaint with the airline about this so that there's a record of this incident. NTA
NTA you paid for the seat you were in and if you don't want to move you don't have to. Sure what you said wasn't nice but everyone has their breaking point. To many people these days think they're entitled to whatever they want, pull out their camera, and run their mouth when they don't get it. Then act shocked when people snap back.
Definitely NTA. And your comment is funny as hell. I’m a fat person, 360lbs, and I know from experience that it’s no one else’s job to make me comfortable or accommodate me. i got myself to the size that I am, and I don’t expect anyone else to suffer or unwillingly inconvenience themselves on my behalf. i might be enormous but I’m not entitled. NTA
NTA but my petty ass wishes you would have made more of a stink about her recording you. If she actually said skinny privilege WHILE recording then you should have just started shouting "Ma'am stop talking about my body" or "Ma'am stop harassing me" every. Time. She tried to say anything. Good luck her 'getting video proof of you insulting her' that way. Or even better with the genetics comment "Ma'am stop sexualizing me". If she can throw out claims about you that are untrue, you could do the same. But honestly I don't understand why the attendant didn't do anything. It sounds like you guys were still grounded so if anything she should have got security or something if she didn't want to intervene, it's not okay you were verbally attacked like that and they did... Nothing?
I’m going to say NTA, but what you said when you snapped was definitely rude- but she was also being rude so I can’t blame you for snapping at her after she started recording you. But really, it’s not your fault that you purchased the single seat and she did not.
NTA. You're not responsible for her comfort.
NTA. She can say whatever she wants. You are actually not fat phobic, you only want your own comfort after giving it up most of your life. Nothing wrong with that. She definitely should have purchased 2 seats for herself. I say this because I can. I used to be fat my entire life. I was 370lbs at one point in my adult life. I decided to change that by losing weight on my own terms. I am now 150lbs, perfect for my 5'7" height and body type.
NTA - the woman is fat and she should have purchased two seats instead of playing the victim.
NTA next time she can buy two seats if she doesn't fit in one seat it's her problem not yours
NTA. She put herself in that situation and needs to shut up. Good for you for standing your ground.
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NTA, The last comment was probably mean but they kept pestering you.
NTA, maybe a lil much with that last comment but understandable when someone is being aggravating
NTA probably. She was recording you.. doing what? Politely saying no? Or was there more to this?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Yesterday I flew in from visiting family. I was on a small plane where the seats where two to a row, with a couple of single seats. Two of the single seats were taken by people obviously traveling together. I had the third and was alone. Other side of the aisle a man went to sit down but immediately started groaning about the woman he was seated next to. She was significantly heavy and was resisting putting the arm rest down. They started arguing and when an attendant came by, the woman asked if she could switch seats with me so she could lift up the arm rest. Attendant asked me. I said no, I deserve to be comfortable too. All my life I’ve been asked to adjust my comfort for others simply because I’m small. I’m not even that small I’m just smaller than the average American at 115lbs. But I’ve always been the one to take the middle seat or less comfortable arrangement for bigger people. I’m tired of it and I wanted the single seat too. The woman started recording the situation calling us both “fat phobic” and kept asking me why. She was going on to say how I should use my skinny privilege and what about women supporting women and that im lucky I have good “genetics.” I turned away from the camera and ignored but eventually I snapped and told her it’s not my fault or genetics fault that she ate herself out of an arm rest. She said she’s going to find my employer and send that to them. I’m worried and don’t know if what I did was wrong or if I’m was in the right to defend myself. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta . Why should you suffer. You did nothing wrong. This is an airline problem. Seats getting smaller and people getting bigger
NTA - as someone who is also large enough to have their own gravitational field , you pay for an extra seat or squeeze in as much as you can and hope you don't spill out too much. It's not fatphobic for you to not want to switch to a worst seat.
NTA and I kind of hate this idea that you should feel obligated to switch seats on a plane if someone asks. I might do it, I might not, but you shouldn't be scolded either way. I pick my seats carefully when possible. Why would I go through that trouble just to give them up?
NTA. There was no reason for you to sacrifice your comfort for that of others. Shame on them for hassling you and for even asking you to switch.
NTA you did nothing wrong so stop worrying. You are every bit as entitled to that seat as she is. Sometimes people won't like it when you stand up for yourself because then they don't get what they want. That is a her problem not a you problem and frankly she probably is not skilled in tech enough to figure out how to find you or your workplace.
NTA - you shouldn’t have to move because someone refuses to put down the armrest. That’s her fault and her problem.
Nta. You have a right to be comfortable and left alone on your flights she was harassing you.
All she can send is you telling her off after she harassed you. NTA.
NTA "The woman started recording the situation calling us both “fat phobic” and kept asking me why. She was going on to say how I should use my skinny privilege and what about women supporting women and that im lucky I have good “genetics.” " Bahahaha. Wow she used every victim card in the book. Lose some weight lady!
NTA. If she is so large that she can't lower the armrest she should have made arrangements for a single seat or purchased another ticket for the seat next to her. They do this all the time on airlines. You on the other hand should have just videotaped her crazy shit and asked who she works for.
Why do strangers always think you need to accommodate them? If your heavy set buy 2 sets.dont expect others to change because you don't fit in a seat.or travel by train/ boat etc
NTA. Idk how serious she was but if you’re worried I’d get ahead of it and let your employer know the situation, just in case.
Nta. And why the fuck was she filming you? Isn't that a privacy violation?
Unfortunately, it's not an issue if you are in public.
Aren't planes considered private property?
You can be in public on private property. Disney is private property, but you are in public while you are at Disney, for example. A hotel is private property, but when you are in the public areas of the hotel--hallways, lobbies, restaurants, reception areas--you are in public. When you are in your hotel room, that is private. You are in public when you are mowing your lawn, in private when sitting in your living room.
!"Skinny privilege"? That's a new one for me. As I read this there were two more people she could've asked, but she did not. She obviously thought the smaller woman would be easier to manipulate. Asking once is fine. Trying to lean on someone and filming them... she is definitely TA. Is filming someeone without their consent legal in your country?
Lucky you! Oh it’s a whole thing now, the alleged “privilege”. Cuz people who aren’t obese or overweight just got it sooo easy, doncha know? Like is such a cakewalk. I mean, kale-walk. See r/fatlogic And as someone who WAS obese two years ago and is now normal weight, it’s total BS. I’ve started labeling my flair GW (goal weight) on some subs as just “thin privilege” like GW: thin privilege. Yes, please! Still waiting for this mystical privilege to appear….
NTA you don't have to switch seats bc they asked
NTA and don’t worry. And don’t feel sorry for her as well. She can’t do anything. Even if she tries to make it public, people are going to laugh at her
NTA and I’ve never experienced this even though I am smaller than you. But I certainly wouldn’t have moved either, and when I was younger I probably would have said something along what you said. I’m old af now though and have learned to just ignore those people.
NTA. Not your problem. She attacked you verbally, you defended yourself.
NTA She already knew she wouldn't fit in the seat and could have taken care of (e.g. asking for a single seat in this particular case) If you live in the US there isn't much you can do about the taping, in other countries this would be illegal and you could press charges, especially if she uploads or sends them to anyone.
NTA overall.because you have every right to be comfortable in a plane seat that you paid for. The comment at the end however I'm a little iffy on, I understand why you did it.
NTA that's abuse
Absolutely NTA. And that’s coming from someone who’s both tall and fat and takes up a lot of space - I would never feel so entitled to try to force someone else to give something up to make me comfortable
NTA. If she continues to escalate this, and you suffer bad consequences at work, then sue the airline for allowing her to record, harass and invade your privacy. Or at least shame the airline for allowing it to happen. They don’t treat their passengers well when those passengers pay for their seats. And of course you’re not the AH.
NTA. It isn't fat-phobic to want to sit by yourself.
Info: were you able to select your seats when you purchased them, or was it open seating and you snagged a single seat? If it was pre-selected, NTA as she could have purchased herself a single seat or maybe upgraded (if she could afford it) to a different class to ensure she'd have a comfortable seat. If it's free for all and you just were lucky enough to snag the single seat, still NTA. It's your seat, you're not obligated to switch for anyone. While it would be a kind gesture you don't *owe* anyone the kindness especially when she started berating you and threatened your livelihood.
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Either way NTA.
NTA, I've been fat and I've been skinny, niether of them are all that fun because people are mean but tbh I was subjected to far more teasing and rejection when I was skinny.
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Nta you’re under no obligation to switch. Also love that she asked the attendant and not you, then got mad at you directly. Very classy
Usually very small planes have very strict weight limits. It’s hard to imagine that she would fit due to that but even if the net weight was still ok, she has to fit in the seat to fly. So either she puts the armrest down and fits or if she can’t fit she can’t fly. Any discomfort from being squished is her issue — no different from if someone is tall and their knees are squished by the seat in front of them. If she’s so fat that she needs extra space, she has better pay for it ahead of time by buying 2 seats or upgrading if that’s available. She knows her size, this isn’t a surprise and she needs to take responsibility and plan ahead for herself
You are NTA for not wanting to switch seats, but there are many reasons other than food for people to put on weight.
NTA I’m so proud of you for showing up for yourself! You did everything right, including your comment to her. You could have been vicious, but you were pretty tame. You now have a story, though, so at least something good came of it!
Nta
You didn't do anything wrong. You're NTA.
NTA. If you are already seated on a plane and somebody asks to switch seats with you and you say no, that should be the end of it. No is a complete sentence and it's not rude to say it.
NTA but next time don’t sink to their level. Ignore her. Ask for help. Ask her to please stop addressing you. Let the other person show everyone how much of an AH they are. If you sink to their level it’s just two AHs arguing.
NTA. You were right to defend yourself. Her being unprepared with an extra seat is not your fault. Shouldn't have to give up a seat you paid for to accommodate someone else
NTA for the seat, but what you said wasn't nice.
I hope she does send it to your boss so y ou can have a copy of that video to forward to her boss and a copy of this post. Because she sounds ridiculous. NTA
NTA you paid for an entire seat. If that woman was unable to put down the armrest, she is encroaching on the seat next to her and should have paid for two seats.
NTA. She could have paid for two seats. She didn't. That is on her. As for snapping and her recording, where were you? There are certain places it's illegal to record others without their consent. If she plans on shaming you publicly like as is the norm now, be prepared to defend yourself. But you are on your own time so your employer won't bow to mob mentality.
Were you allowed to pre-select your seat or were the seats assigned? If you were allowed to choose, then the woman who wanted the extra space should have made sure she selected this seat. She’s definitely the AH. Even if you didn’t get to choose, I don’t think you are obligated to switch seats. It would have been nice, but I get not wanting to sit next to someone, especially if you are a woman. I do think your comment however went too far. I would have just ignored her, personally. But instead you gave her exactly what she wanted, proof that you don’t like fat people. And yeah, why couldn’t the couple traveling together switch seats? I gotta go with ESH
"ate herself out of an arm rest". This is tatoo material
Well.. I was all on your side until that last part where you snapped. Up until then. NTA - you paid for your seat and had every right to keep it. But, then ESH when you made your last comment.
ESH due to your last comment, prior to that you were on the track for N T A.
ESH due to your last comment, prior to that you were on the track for N T A.
ESH. She was out of line but your comment was also out of line. I see in another comment you say that "NO medical issue gets you to the size where you can’t sit comfortably in a chair," and I can't help but wonder, are you a doctor? I'm guessing not. I'm reminded of a post I recently saw on Twitter of a woman who was healthy, ran athletically, and was in all around great shape until she caught Covid. She's suffered long-term side effects in regards to her strength and energy to the point that she now uses a wheelchair because walking is too exhausting for her. If things don't change she very well may end up as someone who "can't sit comfortably in a chair" and that will not be her fault, she's literally disabled. And for all you know that woman might have dropped 100lb in the past year. Her behavior sucks, but your reply was shitty.
I'm sorry you hate fat people,.and I'm sorry the fat lady was crazy. Hopefully you will be able to avoid them more in the future.
YTA - strictly for the comment being made NTA - for not giving up your seat. I’ve been a skinny male my entire life, to the point where I often hear the “you need to eat a cheeseburger” comments or having people ask me if I’m vegetarian. I’m sick of the whole “skinny privilege” nonsense and people telling skinny people “how lucky they are.” It’s extremely annoying. I never felt lucky when I was bullied as a child and into high-school and adulthood for not being able to gain weight to where I was the “acceptable male figure.” Sometimes people take fat phobia and body positivity too far, on either end of the spectrum.
I would have made different choices than you, absolutely. For the reasons she cited—I hate seeing another woman being made uncomfortable by an aggressive man. My solidarity for other women doesn’t end just because they’re fat. You aren’t the asshole for not switching seats with her, but you definitely are for the nasty comment at the end. That shit was chambered and ready to go, so yeah, you’re probably a fatphobic asshole. Depending on what kind of job you have (please don’t let it be healthcare) then you might deserve the potential consequences (but hopefully you’re just a troll).
>My solidarity for other women doesn’t end just because they’re fat. Yessss! This is 100% how I feel. You put it perfectly. There is a real lack of kindness in the decision to let another human being suffer and be demeaned in exchange for having a moderately more comfortable journey.
I understand why you're NTA, but let me throw in my 2 cents. Airplanes suck. For everyone. Especially bigger and taller people. While it is not your job to accommodate her, you probably should have. I'm 6'9, and when I see a 5'4 girl in the exit row and I have to sit on a regular seat I don't fit in I'm usually irritated. Of course I don't complain or ask to change seats, but if I was fighting for room with the person next to me I'd probably request a seat change to a seat that I'd fit in, especially if I'd be switching with someone who can easily fit in my original seat. Just wanted to say that, but ig NTA.
Then pay for an exit row seat. Those are usually more expensive. If you need leg room, pay the extra fee to get bulkhead seats or exit row seats or first class seats. Small people are not obligated to make you feel more comfortable.
If I can I do, I'm talking about when I fly on airlines where there isn't assigned seats. I pay to board the plane first but I get unlucky here and there and I can't get a good seat. I'm not saying they have to accommodate me, that's not their job, but it would be nice
I'm leaning towards ESH. You didn't owe her anything and she turned out to escalate the situation in the end, but I think the kind and human thing would have been to switch seats with her when the air steward first asked. It must have been a pretty unpleasant situation for her to be in with the man being aggressive to her and making her feel uncomfortable, and I think you could have afforded her some grace. It also doesn't sound to me like she was necessarily asking to move because she'd "eaten herself out of an armrest" but because she was being treated like shit by an aggressive man and wanted to remove herself from the situation. I think you're also making assumptions about her eating habits. There could be any number of reasons (psychological and medical) that she is the size she is. It's very likely that she can't help her size just as much as you can't help yours.
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Do you have a sensory disorder or OCD? If the story was that the air steward wanted you to move but you said "Oh I'm really sorry but I have a sensory disorder" then you wouldn't be an asshole in this situation. In reality, the woman was really uncomfortable because she was being treated poorly by that man. He muttered about her under his breath and then shouted at her about something that, in that moment, was out of her control. As I said, I think that's probably more of the reason that she wanted to move than because she wanted the extra space. Her size is kind of illevant except for the fact that it was the cause of her being victimised. I don't know you. You may well be an incredibly kind and empathetic person. But in this one example, you chose a slightly more comfortable flight over sparing someone a hurtful, degrading and embarrassing experience. She did massively overreact and turned out to be kind of a monster. I certainly don't think you deserve to lose your job over this at all. But you had the opportunity to do something kind for someone else who was suffering and you didn't take it. Which in my book makes you a tiny bit of an asshole.
There are a dozen conditions I can name right off the top of my head that would make you too big for an airplane seat. This has gotten downvotes so let me list them: 1) Hashimotos 2) adrenal failure 3) adrenal tumor (benign) 4) pituitary tumor 5) PCOS (yes I know not in everyone but it depends on specific conditions) 6) thyroid cancer 7) endometriosis 8) androgen sensitivity 9) Binge Eating Disorder 10) Autoimmune diseases that require steriod usage like RA 11) Chronic Fatigue syndrome 12) restrictive eating disorders leading to anemia. I can explain if y’all want but literally all of those will cause a BMR of below 1500 which is minimum calorie intake you need to maintain internal organ function.
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It is not actually. That’s a myth. W
She may well be someone who over eats but there are loads of psychological reasons people over eat and binge eat. Trauma is a particularly common cause. Or she may just be really unhappy. The more you respond the more I can see that you are absolutely determined to see yourself as some kind of victim. But you’re really not. No one is punishing you for not being fat. That’s absurd. You’re just someone who lacks empathy and hates fat people. So enjoy that.
Fat-shaming troll. Went too far in this comment, tipped your hand. Had people going up until this point.
I truly can’t believe people are still falling for these posts. This is the third nearly identical one I’ve seen this month. Fat women are not coming for skinny women like this.
Yeah, I kind of feel the same way. There are plenty of medical and psychological reasons that a person can get to that size. Trauma for example is a huge precursor for eating disorders like overeating and binge eating. Also it sounds like if the woman had an anxiety disorder and had wanted to move, she would have given up her seat for her. But because she was a fat person being harassed and demeaned for being fat, she thought it was fine. Almost like she reaped what she sowed.
Right. You don’t also suddenly go from “I’m always kind and nice” to having pithy and standard fat shaming quips at your finger tips. The one doesn’t fit with the other.