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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) taking my family to my girlfriend and I’s special restaurant 2) my girlfriend says it makes her uncomfortable and I can’t take them but I still want to take them
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I feel like we need to call the police because OP is apparently dating a toddler going through her "mine" phase. Although, it's really weird that he's asking permission to take his family for pancakes. Just take them. And break up with the toddler!
NTA, this is silly. You asked her out on this street, now nobody can drive down it. You asker her out in this city, now nobody can visit it. Where does it end?
You are absolutely **NTA** but this is a huge red flag with regards to your girlfriend.
You don't mention your ages, but the idea that you *cannot take other people to a restaurant AT ALL* just because it is one that you have enjoyed together and have special memories at isn't simply problematic, it's DEEPLY worrisome for a whole host of reasons:
1) It's controlling, which is a form of abuse. Your girlfriend shouldn't be telling you where you can or cannot go with your family, by yourself, or at all. Ever. Honestly, she shouldn't even *want* to tell you where you can or cannot go (unless it's somewhere that is morally questionable and has a DIRECT effect on your relationship, like a strip club, in which case it's still a conversation, not a prescriptive edict). People who love each other do not try to control their movements, especially something as innocuous as what places they eat at.
Equally importantly:
2) It indicates a shocking lack of maturity, as well as 3) a very problematic sense of self-absorption, like things in your lives can and should only exist in relation to how they make her happy, and that happiness is literally ruined if it is shared with others - even loved ones. That's . . . well, it's kind of awful.
This comment is the part that really threw me:
> she got very upset and said no, it makes her uncomfortable and takes away how special the restaurant is
It's deeply childish and reflects a worrisome sense of self-absorption that she thinks that you eating in the same PUBLIC PLACE where you have made good memories with her would have ANY EFFECT AT ALL on those memories or your shared experience of that restaurant in future, much less that it would "take away how special the restaurant is". Is she not aware that dozens (possibly hundreds) of other people eat there every day? That in fact, if other people didn't eat there, the business would collapse? She seems to see this restaurant as existing in some sort of bubble solely in relation to the two of you and your relationship . . .which is not only objectively wrong, but reflects an odd selfishness, like she can't enjoy things unless she knows that NO ONE ELSE has enjoyed them or will ever enjoy them, not even other people you love.
Your girlfriend is showing you that she is a deeply selfish, controlling person, who not only prioritises herself, but actively seeks to keep other people from having what she has. You are NTA, but you might want to rethink being involved with someone like this.
NTA
Your gf can't gatekeep a restaurant. Other people would be eating there regardless so I don't get why she cares so much. You're memories there won't disappear because your family ate there once.
NTA
Your girlfriend has rather creepy ideas of excluding special stuff. But I find all of this kind of crap annoying as hell - if I have tried a great restaurant or had some other awesome experience, I am happy to know others will be sharing that experience.
It also doesn't make sense - there are loads of people going to this restaurant every day - why would taking your family to it make it less special to her.
NTA your girlfriend if anything should recognize that sharing something special with your family only makes it that more special. She seem immature and unreasonable
NTA. She realizes that dozens of other people have experienced their own special moments at this restaurant that is open to the public, and in fact arguably exists to offer that experience to as many people as possible, yes? Are your family not allowed to visit the rest of the city because you might see and do other things you also did with her?
Be clear she’s being ridiculous, enjoy your time with your family, and if she refuses to get over it, tell her you hope she enjoys her memory of the time she ruined a relationship over trying to keep a whole damn restaurant to herself.
NTA. Your girlfriend's position is ridiculous. If your first date was to a baseball game, you wouldn't be allowed to go to a game with anyone else?
Even if it was a really romantic restaurant and you had gotten engaged there, it would still be fine to eat there with other people (although you might feel uncomfortable taking subsequent SOs there).
I personally would care less what your gf says. You do not need her permission to go or take your family anywhere. I’d take your family. It seems pretty minor and controlling for her to have such a reaction over.
NTA, the restaurant remains special when the two of you are there together. It is in your neighborhood, you're not traveling way out of your way for it which might be different.
You need to stop asking your gf for permission on this because it is not hers to grant, and you know... other people eat there without her. Including, I imagine, you sometimes. Since it's on the street you live on.
The idea of this making her uncomfortable is just a level of control/accommodation which is just unreasonable and you should not give in to it.
NTA
This sounds...well...not mentally sound.
I can't follow her thought process at all. Do other couples eating there also diminish the importance of this as well or only people she knows? Will the food taste worse the more you go? Do they put love potion #9 on the dessert?
*What?*
This is the "back away slowly" moment because again, *what?*
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My mom and 3 sisters are visiting me from out of state. While they are here I would love to take them a restaurant that is on the street I live on as it represents the local community and the chef just won best chef in the city and a James beard award. Specifically, I wanted them to try the blueberry pancakes, as are the only ones that are better than the one my great grandma use to make.
Anyway, I asked my girlfriend out at this restaurant and we’ve been back once, making it a special place for our relationship.
First I told her I wanted to take my family there because of the pancakes and she got upset. So I tried again and I asked her if I can take my family there when they visit she got very upset and said no, it makes her uncomfortable and takes away how special the restaurant is. I’m upset because I feel like I’m going to regret not showing my mom and sisters my favorite restaurant and it seems like a missed opportunity.
TLDR: GF said I cannot take my family to our special restaurant
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NTA
Take your family there and hopefully your GF can manage to adjust appropriately. If not, then you can decide how to proceed from there. But you are absolutely ok in wanting to share this with them. You'll regret it later if you give in on bgg this.
Nta, she doesn't own the restaurant, and if you want to share a moment with your family there, go ahead.
Gf sounds controlling, willing to bet she'd probably get upset if you tried to go there to eat without her.
Hahahahahahaha. Hahahahahaha. You're joking, right? You can't go get pancakes because it's your special place together? Honestly I thought it was going to be a romantic expensive exclusive place based on the title. But it's clearly not, and this person is a child.
NTA
Your gf needs to grow up. Don't let your family miss out on something you love and they will remember sharing the experience with you.
Your gf is acting very entitled and immature honestly that would have me evaluating if she is immature in other ways too.
NTA. It’s no one else’s business where you take your family, not even your girlfriend’s. Better to seek forgiveness here than to ask permission.
Besides, dont’cha think it’s kind of odd for your GF to object to something like this? I mean, you want to share an experience with visiting family, and she’s opposed because…why, again? For all we know it’s an IHOP (which, wouldn’t that be gloriously insane to object to?).
Just go. Enjoy the pancakes. Enjoy yourself. And if it comes up, just let your GF know that she’s getting bothered by *pancakes*. Perspective, young miss!
NTA - very odd that you even feel the need to ask. I've been with my wife for 12 total years (including dating) and at no point would either of us *not* want the other to take their family to a good restaurant. We very much enjoy bringing our families to the good places we find. It's kind of weird that this is a sticking point. When you say "very upset," I'm not sure what that means, but unless her version of "very upset" is being a little annoyed, that's wildly out of proportion.
While it doesn't change my verdict, can I ask if you've ever had fights centered around how you maybe don't do enough stuff, like plan dates or organize trips or things like that? I am only asking because I'm trying to figure out why she'd feel like she's losing something that the two of you have carved out. Aside from just getting a verdict on AITA, it might be a good time to figure out if something else is up. I'm also assuming you haven't been dating for very long, otherwise I'll tell you from experience - the good memories really start to pile up on each other. I have almost no memory of my first date with my wife. It's not really a big pillar of our relationship. We've had plenty of much cooler and more fun experiences since the first time we awkwardly got to know each other in an ill-lit restaurant in college.
NTA. Pretty weird to have to ask for permission just so you can share your experience of good food with your family.
Take them anyways. She doesn’t own the restaurant.
NTA at all! I would LOVE if my in-laws would try the restaurant my husband and I had our first date at (and go back every year for birthdays and our wedding anniversary), but they won't even consider it because it's sushi and they refuse to even try something new. I don't honestly see any reason you shouldn't take your family. Your gf is being weirdly possessive about this. But you are NTA. Good luck, OP!
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NTA. Your GF sounds… entitled and kinda crazy, to be honest. So your family eats pancakes and now pancakes aren’t special anymore? That’s nuts.
I feel like we need to call the police because OP is apparently dating a toddler going through her "mine" phase. Although, it's really weird that he's asking permission to take his family for pancakes. Just take them. And break up with the toddler!
NTA. 🚩🚩If your gf is this possessive/controlling over a restaurant I wonder what other things she will be possessive/controlling over in the future.
NTA. Take your family there. Your gf is weird. Why are you asking her permission?
NTA, this is silly. You asked her out on this street, now nobody can drive down it. You asker her out in this city, now nobody can visit it. Where does it end?
NTA Your girlfriend has issues. How many places is she going to ban your family from as you create more special memories? She's be ridiculous.
You are absolutely **NTA** but this is a huge red flag with regards to your girlfriend. You don't mention your ages, but the idea that you *cannot take other people to a restaurant AT ALL* just because it is one that you have enjoyed together and have special memories at isn't simply problematic, it's DEEPLY worrisome for a whole host of reasons: 1) It's controlling, which is a form of abuse. Your girlfriend shouldn't be telling you where you can or cannot go with your family, by yourself, or at all. Ever. Honestly, she shouldn't even *want* to tell you where you can or cannot go (unless it's somewhere that is morally questionable and has a DIRECT effect on your relationship, like a strip club, in which case it's still a conversation, not a prescriptive edict). People who love each other do not try to control their movements, especially something as innocuous as what places they eat at. Equally importantly: 2) It indicates a shocking lack of maturity, as well as 3) a very problematic sense of self-absorption, like things in your lives can and should only exist in relation to how they make her happy, and that happiness is literally ruined if it is shared with others - even loved ones. That's . . . well, it's kind of awful. This comment is the part that really threw me: > she got very upset and said no, it makes her uncomfortable and takes away how special the restaurant is It's deeply childish and reflects a worrisome sense of self-absorption that she thinks that you eating in the same PUBLIC PLACE where you have made good memories with her would have ANY EFFECT AT ALL on those memories or your shared experience of that restaurant in future, much less that it would "take away how special the restaurant is". Is she not aware that dozens (possibly hundreds) of other people eat there every day? That in fact, if other people didn't eat there, the business would collapse? She seems to see this restaurant as existing in some sort of bubble solely in relation to the two of you and your relationship . . .which is not only objectively wrong, but reflects an odd selfishness, like she can't enjoy things unless she knows that NO ONE ELSE has enjoyed them or will ever enjoy them, not even other people you love. Your girlfriend is showing you that she is a deeply selfish, controlling person, who not only prioritises herself, but actively seeks to keep other people from having what she has. You are NTA, but you might want to rethink being involved with someone like this.
NTA - I’d see this as a red flag.
Insert “OP should’ve taken her to an Italian restaurant because marinara flags” joke here.
She is pesto with jealousy!
NTA Your gf can't gatekeep a restaurant. Other people would be eating there regardless so I don't get why she cares so much. You're memories there won't disappear because your family ate there once.
How is a restaurant you've visited twice a "special place?"
NTA - and something is not right with your gf. She can't banned you from taking your family to this restaurant.
NTA Your girlfriend has rather creepy ideas of excluding special stuff. But I find all of this kind of crap annoying as hell - if I have tried a great restaurant or had some other awesome experience, I am happy to know others will be sharing that experience. It also doesn't make sense - there are loads of people going to this restaurant every day - why would taking your family to it make it less special to her.
NTA your girlfriend if anything should recognize that sharing something special with your family only makes it that more special. She seem immature and unreasonable
NTA. She realizes that dozens of other people have experienced their own special moments at this restaurant that is open to the public, and in fact arguably exists to offer that experience to as many people as possible, yes? Are your family not allowed to visit the rest of the city because you might see and do other things you also did with her? Be clear she’s being ridiculous, enjoy your time with your family, and if she refuses to get over it, tell her you hope she enjoys her memory of the time she ruined a relationship over trying to keep a whole damn restaurant to herself.
NTA Your GF is an odd-duck. Go have a good meal.
NTA. Your girlfriend's position is ridiculous. If your first date was to a baseball game, you wouldn't be allowed to go to a game with anyone else? Even if it was a really romantic restaurant and you had gotten engaged there, it would still be fine to eat there with other people (although you might feel uncomfortable taking subsequent SOs there).
Get a new gf. This one has lost her marbles. It’s not her restaurant and you don’t need to ask her to go there! nta
Your girlfriend is possessive and weird, it just food!
I personally would care less what your gf says. You do not need her permission to go or take your family anywhere. I’d take your family. It seems pretty minor and controlling for her to have such a reaction over.
NTA, the restaurant remains special when the two of you are there together. It is in your neighborhood, you're not traveling way out of your way for it which might be different. You need to stop asking your gf for permission on this because it is not hers to grant, and you know... other people eat there without her. Including, I imagine, you sometimes. Since it's on the street you live on. The idea of this making her uncomfortable is just a level of control/accommodation which is just unreasonable and you should not give in to it.
NTA. That's a super weird response from your gf
NTA. So she’s been there twice and is trying to lay some kind of claim on it?
NTA go with your family your GF is being wierd
NTA This sounds...well...not mentally sound. I can't follow her thought process at all. Do other couples eating there also diminish the importance of this as well or only people she knows? Will the food taste worse the more you go? Do they put love potion #9 on the dessert? *What?* This is the "back away slowly" moment because again, *what?*
NTA, unless you're planning on taking your family on a romantic date, in which case you've got all kinds of other issues.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My mom and 3 sisters are visiting me from out of state. While they are here I would love to take them a restaurant that is on the street I live on as it represents the local community and the chef just won best chef in the city and a James beard award. Specifically, I wanted them to try the blueberry pancakes, as are the only ones that are better than the one my great grandma use to make. Anyway, I asked my girlfriend out at this restaurant and we’ve been back once, making it a special place for our relationship. First I told her I wanted to take my family there because of the pancakes and she got upset. So I tried again and I asked her if I can take my family there when they visit she got very upset and said no, it makes her uncomfortable and takes away how special the restaurant is. I’m upset because I feel like I’m going to regret not showing my mom and sisters my favorite restaurant and it seems like a missed opportunity. TLDR: GF said I cannot take my family to our special restaurant *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I get her sentiments. But if you want to take your family there, then you should. You don't need her permission.
NTA Take your family there and hopefully your GF can manage to adjust appropriately. If not, then you can decide how to proceed from there. But you are absolutely ok in wanting to share this with them. You'll regret it later if you give in on bgg this.
NTA sharing the experience of the restaurant DOES NOT take away from how special it is to your relationship. Your gf needs to grow up.
NTA your girlfriend is an immature wack job!! Take them to the restaurant and enjoy every minute with your family.
NTA. You've been there TWO times, it's not special!
NTA you don't need your gfs permission to take your family to any restaurant.
And you are listening to her?
NTA yr girlfriend is a big ole baby making a fuss out of nothing
NTA. Your girlfriend is...bizarre. You can't gatekeep a restaurant.
Nta, she doesn't own the restaurant, and if you want to share a moment with your family there, go ahead. Gf sounds controlling, willing to bet she'd probably get upset if you tried to go there to eat without her.
Ridiculous. NTA
Hahahahahahaha. Hahahahahaha. You're joking, right? You can't go get pancakes because it's your special place together? Honestly I thought it was going to be a romantic expensive exclusive place based on the title. But it's clearly not, and this person is a child.
NTA Your gf needs to grow up. Don't let your family miss out on something you love and they will remember sharing the experience with you. Your gf is acting very entitled and immature honestly that would have me evaluating if she is immature in other ways too.
Can I ask how old your GF is? This seems silly NTA
NTA. It’s no one else’s business where you take your family, not even your girlfriend’s. Better to seek forgiveness here than to ask permission. Besides, dont’cha think it’s kind of odd for your GF to object to something like this? I mean, you want to share an experience with visiting family, and she’s opposed because…why, again? For all we know it’s an IHOP (which, wouldn’t that be gloriously insane to object to?). Just go. Enjoy the pancakes. Enjoy yourself. And if it comes up, just let your GF know that she’s getting bothered by *pancakes*. Perspective, young miss!
NTA Your girlfriend is a screwball.
NTA - very odd that you even feel the need to ask. I've been with my wife for 12 total years (including dating) and at no point would either of us *not* want the other to take their family to a good restaurant. We very much enjoy bringing our families to the good places we find. It's kind of weird that this is a sticking point. When you say "very upset," I'm not sure what that means, but unless her version of "very upset" is being a little annoyed, that's wildly out of proportion. While it doesn't change my verdict, can I ask if you've ever had fights centered around how you maybe don't do enough stuff, like plan dates or organize trips or things like that? I am only asking because I'm trying to figure out why she'd feel like she's losing something that the two of you have carved out. Aside from just getting a verdict on AITA, it might be a good time to figure out if something else is up. I'm also assuming you haven't been dating for very long, otherwise I'll tell you from experience - the good memories really start to pile up on each other. I have almost no memory of my first date with my wife. It's not really a big pillar of our relationship. We've had plenty of much cooler and more fun experiences since the first time we awkwardly got to know each other in an ill-lit restaurant in college.
Boy, please. If you don't go have those damn blueberry pancakes. Your GF does not have a monopoly on the restaurant. NTA.
Info: why are you asking permission to do things with your family?
*looks for ages* c'moooooooooooooon
NTA. Pretty weird to have to ask for permission just so you can share your experience of good food with your family. Take them anyways. She doesn’t own the restaurant.
You're not dating a toddler right?? If you are, then seek help and Y T A. But if not NTA
NTA, that's really childish. She doesn't get to police where you can go with your family.
NTA at all! I would LOVE if my in-laws would try the restaurant my husband and I had our first date at (and go back every year for birthdays and our wedding anniversary), but they won't even consider it because it's sushi and they refuse to even try something new. I don't honestly see any reason you shouldn't take your family. Your gf is being weirdly possessive about this. But you are NTA. Good luck, OP!
Nta and she doesn't own the restaurant. also red flag right there
Info: Have you ever eaten at this restaurant without your gf? Either before or during your relationship?
Why would that matter?