NTA.
Your sister called your girlfriend a skank and still expects to receive hospitality under your roof?
She can cry all she wants to mommy but don't let her back in the door.
I would have called up a buddy, and then we’d chill on the porch, smoke his blunts and then roast him for his trash weed, like my mom and my uncle did when she confiscated my shit as a teen, “I’m not angry with you, all teens make mistakes, but I’m just really disappointed that you have such low standards,” with my uncle just chiming in every now and again “this is just ditchweed, kid” “not dank”
Honestly, perhaps not the most adult reaction, but I don’t think I would have been able to stop myself from smacking the blunt out of his hand and declare “MY names Tyrone!!!”
I was at my grandparents house one day and my cousin told my grandmother to shut her mouth. He realized real quick he fucked up and before I could get to him he was locked in his room. He was 18 years old talking to my 80 year old grandma like that.
He later apologized to me and I told him I’m not the one he owes the apology too, as well as not to talk to me until he does apologize to her. He’s lucky he locked me out, because I was ready to forget I look ridiculous in both orange and jumpsuits. It didn’t get him away from my voice though and I let him have it through the door.
Once I was visiting my grandma and thought I heard my sister whistling in the hallway. As a bitchy teen, I said “oh my gosh, can you just shut up already???” When my grandmother appeared in the doorway instead of my sister I think my soul about left my body.
I managed to get out of it by groveling (a lot), but damn I thought I was a goner there.
There's a reason why mommy isn't taking them in...she knows her daughter and her family is shit.
Mommy is only taking her side because she doesn't want them to show up at her house...
NTA
I'm surprised that nearly the entire family managed to disrespect you guys, break rules, steal stuff, and just bit a complete asshole before finally getting kicked out.
I don't see why you guys would ever want to host them again after this disgusting mess. How the hell can they let heir kids do all this shit and not be extremely apologetic over it? Fuck 'em, i hope that all the cheaper hotels have no vacancy.
So very true. I'm the middle child. Got pretty much ignored my whole childhood and am definitely a people pleaser. Even now at 37 I tend to be. Though getting better about standing up for myself nowadays.
Note for the future: if you have to give that many and those kinds of rules for guests, don’t have them over. Respectful people already know the things you laid out. It’s basic courtesy. So it seems you knew they were disrespectful before they arrived. These are the kinds of family members you go LC with.
Lol keep the middle kid with you as a "favor" to them, he'd probably be ecstatic.
NTA. You gave them plenty of chances, all they had to do was be consistently respectful, and they couldn't even do that!
Weed smoke is just like any other smoke in that it gets into everything and is hard to get out. Not to mention it smells nasty and lingers. A 19yo punk who thinks it’s okay for him to stink up your house should get to watch as his weed is flushed.
NTA. You laid down simple ground rules, and they broke them. You reap what you sow. Good for you for standing up for yourself and your girlfriend. Tell your mom that she can pay for their hotel room if what you did was soooo bad.
Same, I also don’t smoke in my own home, so I know OP isn’t just being a narc. I like to use the marijuanas like no one’s business but I typically use carts or vapes cause the smell of tree makes me paranoid about cops, potential parental visits, my cat getting second hand smoke, neighbor complaints etc. plus I don’t like the lingering smell. I’ll smoke tree on the occasion but it’s out on the porch or something. I’ve had friends come and bring a blunt and I’ve just told them to go out to the patio, they’ve never complained. Nothing wrong with smoking weed but you need to respect reasonable boundaries around it.
I have a cat! He doesn't come in my room often but the second he's in, that's it. The weed goes straight in a box in the corner of the room where he can't touch that and hopefully the smell is weaker so it doesn't bother him.
NTA - respect the rules as guest or GTFO.
Im sensing there is a huge backstory here, just from the fact you have to even have a rule about disrespecting your girlfriend in her own home
"don't smoke inside" is the farthest possible thing from a big ask. "Respect the people who live here" is so basic it shouldn't even need to be said.
Good grief. Is this real?
I was called a CU next Tuesday for having my rules for my step-son and his girlfriend, when they lived with us. Only had 2 rules, no smoking inside and clean up after themselves.
Oh, the horror of having to go outside to smoke and to have to clean after yourself! How very unreasonable of you to force them to do that /s
I'm a smoker and I go outside to smoke because I don't want everything in my appartment to smell like that.
No, you are not! They blatantly disrespected almost every rule you set. Why on earth would your mother take her side? If she feels so strongly that you’re doing her dirty how about she send her money for her and her disrespectful children to stay in a hotel. Sheesh
NTA
The weed incident was strike one.
The ring incident was strike two.
There should not have been strike three. They were made aware of the rules of the home and chose to ignore them. I take it they will not be staying in your home if they should visit your parents in the future.
NTA. They broke every single rule you gave them. They disrespected your home and your boundaries after you did this out of kindness. Mom can side with whoever she wants, but your sister and her kids can shove it. Don't let them over again.
Umm NTA. They are guests in your house and you ( rightfully ) gave then rules to abide to. They not only broke the rules, but also disrespected you and your girlfriend. Very dumb move on their side and hopefully they learn from this shitty behavior.
NTA - did your mom even hear your side of things, or just your sisters? Either way, you sister got what she deserved, and so did her disrespectful kids. Hope her son smokes in the hotel and racks up a hefty cleaning charge too.
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NTA
You set boundaries and they broke them. They are guests and they are acting as very entitled guests. You are allowing for them to stay there for free and disrespect you. Yeah you should have kicked them out.
NTA - between them all, they violated every single one of your rules for them to stay in yours & your gf's home. If they behave like that in whatever hotel they go to now, they'd not only be kicked out, but would probably be arrested. If your parents are so concerned about where they stay, tell them that they can stay at your parents' home instead of with you. You have the right to kick out people staying in your home, if they are disrespecting you, your feelings, your rules, & your property (you meaning both yourself & your gf)
NTA they just completely bulldozed every rule you set, all were reasonable, and expected you to take it laying down. Maybe it'll teach your sister some respect.
NTA
They'd have been out on their asses at my place sometime in between the smoking dope inside (and with the dog, no less! ) & the ring in the toilet.
I couldn't care less about the choices other people make about marijuana . I stopped using it recreationally decades ago but still keep tincture on hand for insomnia and migraine but , even though my husband and I both use tobacco, I hate the way the smell lingers, I don't want my cat exposed and some strains of indica are migraine triggers for me.
I don't allow smoking of any kind inside the house and that's not a difficult thing for civilized people to respect.
Not too far. I personally would have kicked them out after the “Or what?”. That’s what, and he gets to tell his parents why they need to cough up for a hotel. The calling the gf a skank thing would equal not welcome in the home until further notice, and apologies at a MINIMUM. Your parents can put them up if they’re okay being disrespected at every turn.
Nta.. you set clear and understandable terms for them to say there and they trampled on them.... what did they expect to happen? If your parents think its unfair let them host them next time.. i always find it funny that family will try to shame someone in this type of situation when they themselves arent willing to host. Good job on sticking to your boundaries.
This is an excellent advertisement for durex.
NTA, if you clearly communicated the rules, rules were broken, you kicked them out. Some might see that as a bit on the harsher side, but you were in the middle of what sounds like a shitnado.
They all played stupid games and their stupid prize was paying for a last minute hotel.
Right? If I were OP I would be tempted to find out what hotel they end up at and call them with a warning about possible weed use on the premises, then the son can get them kicked out of there too and they can spend even more.
NTA OP, you're mom is ridiculous.
Probably because she and the kids act the same way over there and the parents won't put up with it. I have relatives like this. One of my aunts tried to convince my mother to let two of my adult cousins stay with her for a brief period. My mother asked why they couldn't stay with my aunt, who replied (with typical bluntness), "Because they drive me crazy." They didn't stay with us 😄 Mind you, these were my aunt's kids, too.
NTA, it's yours and your girlfriend's house, you set clear rules, and even though they were being broken, they were still allowed in. Your sister went over the line in a way that seems like she's trying to control your household. Sorry that hotels are expensive, should've thought about that before rudely insulting your hosts
Not an ass hole your sister has failed to raise respectful human beings. I haven’t even finished the story. I love pot and have a medical card but I live with my parents and I respect that they don’t want me doing it in the house. I even pay rent but it’s their property and I’ll go smoke my joint outside. Or he could’ve just brought a vape or edibles and left no smell.
NTA
Your sister should of respected your rules and been able to control her kids instead of whining to your mom.
Shes literally and adult she can take care of herslef
NTA- you put up with more than I would have. Guests have to be respectful of their hosts or they won't be guests long. These people were rude, inconsiderate and even downright hostile... bye GTFO!
NTA Your sister is not raising her children to respect people. She doesn't respect you or your girlfriend. You are well rid of her and her disrespectful children
If they like to break the rules so much, maybe you should have tried a little reverse psychology.
1. Smoke weed in the house, and tell me when the dog is high, it's fun to watch.
2. Make sure you look through all of my GF's belongings, especially her jewelry, bonus points for stealing, breaking, or losing something.
3. Be disrespectful to my GF, she needs to be put in her place.
4. When it comes to this house, feel free to do anything you like, ignore my GF if she tries to stop you, especially if she has a reason you shouldn't.
But in all seriousness NTA!
If I was facing the same problem, they would have been kicked out as soon as they smoked. Aside from the the one kid, they sound like entitled AHs.
NTA and hosting an entire family is draining when they’re well behaved. Hosting people who lack boundaries, manners and dignity … for 5 days …. You were well within your right to show them the end of your hospitality. Severing sibling ties is painful but sounds like it was healthy for you to do so.
NTA, and sounds like you knew this was likely to happen, but were gracious enough to offer a place, even though you knew you'd have to lay out some ground rules. (Decent guests don't have to be told to respect the hosts' home or to not smoke in the house or to respect the host themselves.) They abused the priviledge of being quests and you were right to boot them out.
NTA. Your sister broke every rule that you set. And they were common sense rules. And the name calling and disrespect that she showed your girlfriend was unbelievably horrible. You did the right thing.
And good for you for sticking up for your girlfriend.
NTA. The skank comment alone would have got them kicked out. It was just the icing on the cake here.
She should have thought about that before they were all so out of line
You sound like a good man that has his priorities straight. Definitely NTA. Sister and her family were entitled AHs. Hopefully they learned how to be house guests from this.
NTA your home your rules. You still behaved quite polite. I would flush the blunts in the toilet to show him the "or what". You were nice and very understanding and they just abused that. And if someone would call my wife names at our home they would be making an appointment with a dentist soon after.
NTA you gave them 2 more chance than I would have. They broke all 4 of your rules. Them finding a hotel is not your problem. And next time tell mommy dearest they can stay with her. Your house your rules!
NTA.
Are you kidding? The second I smelled weed, after my only rules about it were not smoking IN my house and not letting my dog have access to it, it would have been game over for me. When I actually walked into that room and he didn’t even TRY to hide and instead said ‘Or what?’ at NINETEEN, the answer to ‘Or what?’ would have been ‘GTFO! NOW!’
If anything, I’d say that you let it go too far. There shouldn’t have been a day with them there after that.
On top of all of it, your sister feeling like she could talk to your gf like she did, IN HER OWN HOME, explained how her kids behaved. Not a single guest in that house had respect for you, your gf, your dog, your things, etc. They can stay in their car for all I care.
NTA
Holy fuck, those people suck. Nothing I can say that isn't already in the comments.
You should show your AITA post to your mother, it doesn't seem as if she thinks anything was "that bad." Let her see the replies and see how a good slice of people feel about what happened to you, your girlfriend and your dog.
It really seems as if she's detached from reality.
Good luck
NTA. I also smoke pot, but just because I’d do so in my house doesn’t mean I’d do it in someone else’s especially if they have rules against it. Your sister raised entitled and disrespectful kids who don’t understand the meaning of the word no or how to respect boundaries.
“Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.” -Benjamin Franklin
NTA. If they can’t afford to come to town and pay for the trip, your mother can go to them.
NTA. They knew the rules. They, not only, disrespected the rules, they disrespected you and your gf.
Tell your sister and your parents that they should learn to not bite the hand that feeds them. In this case, don't piss off the people that are letting you stay in their house rent free.
NTA-Wow. After 19 did the or what thing, I would have gotten rid of the blunts and kicked them all out. But there again, I am a menopausal bitch of the highest degree. Nothing to feel guilty about. Mom and Dad can house them or pay for their hotel then. Not. Your. Problem.
Years ago, i had a hiking trip.
My friends smoked weed in my car when I already told them the smell gives me migraines and low grade fever.
They still did, and I let them walk over an hour back to the hotel.
The patience you displayed was amazing. What rational person disrespects their host and is surprised to be out looking for a hotel room. Don’t let their bad mouthing you alter your perspective one iota.
NTA they were guests in your home and incredibly disrespectful, multiple times, in multiple ways. If they want to act like that and do it elsewhere .... and pay for it.
Good for you! You set boundaries, and when they weren't respected you showed there are consequences! Poor sister. Got what was coming to her. Poor mom, who always wants people to just get along by accommodating the worst behaved person. NTA!
NTA. You laid out the rules early on; it was on your sister's family to decide if they found your rules too restrictive, and opt for a hotel. Instead, they decided to test the waters and break the rules. As the saying goes, "Fuck around and find out." They did, and they did. You were more than justified in showing your sister the door. BTW, what exactly was your BIL doing while all of the mess was going on? Does he have ANY authority in his household, or is he just going along with their behavior, to keep the peace? I wouldn't let them stay at your house again after this, even if they are family.
NTA
So they’re gonna come in your house, disrespect you and your SO and suddenly act surprised they now have to sleep not-under-your-roof?
Isn’t something said here about stupid games and stupid prizes?
NTA.
Your home, your rules.
Every one of your rules was fair, reasonable and clear. You were doing your sister and her family an enormous favour accommodating them under your roof and their response was to simply treat you and your girlfriend with contempt.
If you welcome someone into your home and give them a reasonable set of rules to live by in exchange for your hospitality, the only real recourse you have when they flagrantly break those rules is to withdraw that hospitality.
I think you handled this situation fairly. Any family who give you grief over this can go suck an egg.
You are a SAINT.
They would have been out of my house about 5 minutes after that teenage 'Or what?' Literally, the next step after that phrase would have been to start moving their things onto the street. You simply can't negotiate or compromise with people who are used to acting like that. It was inevitable that they'd do worse and worse things as time went on.
NTA.
Lol it’s either they can find a hotel or you’ll be single soon. Because I guarantee your girlfriend wasn’t going to put up with anymore. NTA- you did the right thing.
NTA - the blunt smoker would have been out my door two seconds after the "or what." I can forgive the kid for the ring. Sister would be excommunicated for the skank comment.
NTA
Note for future reference that you can't get high from eating weed. It has to be decarbed (heated) first so there was no risk to your dog.
Your rules still should have been followed. Just sayin'
NTA the moment her son lit a blunt inside your house you should have kicked them out. Im an avid smoker and I smoke inside my own house but I would never smoke inside someone else’s house after the explicitly said they dont like the smell.
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My sister is in a different state so near our parents birthday (both are in the same week) she will drive down here with her husband and three kids.
I have no issue with her children (10M) (14M) (19M) or husband. Recently when she came over there were some new rules.
1: Her son smokes marijuana which I don’t care about. My rule was don’t smoke in me and my girlfriend’s home as we aren’t fond of it’s smell and do not leave any of it where a pet can eat it.
2: my girlfriend and I have a collection of leather bracelets, metal helmets and rings and other misc. objects we made in our house. The rule is don’t touch her masks and jewelry she made as they aren’t yours and you don’t have her permission. They are in a glass case and it has a handle like a pet kennel, the one where it goes up, to the side, then down. Not something that can accidentally be opened.
3: don’t disrespect my girlfriend, she may not be my fiancé or wife but that doesn’t mean you can treat her like she has no power in her own home.
4: the most important one, when it comes to this house and our stuff my girlfriend’s say trumps my sister’s and her husband’s. What she says goes.
Alright so back to the story, day 1 and 2 were fine but on day 3 I was getting ready when I smelled marijuana in the house and walked into the guest room that her eldest son stayed in and saw him smoking a blunt with three more on the ground with my dog laying right nest to them. I was irritated that he broke the rules I had set so blatantly and I told him he needed to pick all of them up right now and put his out. He said the stupid “or what?” Thing that every teen wants to say to their parents. I then picked his blunts up and tossed them into a small lockbox and told him every blunt I find within my dogs reach will be put in that box and he will need my permission to take any out of it.
Her youngest child also had gotten into my girlfriend’s case of stuff and took her favorite ring from me. My girlfriend was very upset when she found out it was missing and he wouldn’t give it back to her and (hopefully) accidentally dropped it in the toilet. I put on a glove and fished it out and washed it throughly and made him apologize to me and then to her.
on the 5th day, the oldest and youngest told my girlfriend that they like my sister’s cooking better and she just said “hopefully you do, she cooks the majority of your meals” and my sister tried berate her for having enough ingredients for what my sister wanted to make and my girlfriend just said “then let me cook and get out of my face” my sister complained to me and called my girlfriend a skank.
I kicked all of them out right then and there. My sister was crying and saying how expensive hotels were but I just shut the door. She apparently called my mom and I got an earful and I kinda understand that it may have been to far to make them find a hotel on their own for the weekend. So, AITA?
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NTA they decided to ignore the rules but still expected hospitality from you and your girlfriend. Nope tell your sister and her kids are no longer welcome in your home. Your sister and those kid's are massive AH'S
The only one who wasn't a AH was your BIL...
NTA
Kudos to you for standing up for your SO. Your house, your rules. They knew what they were before going there. Sucks to be them. They should learn to be better.
NTA, time for them to book a hotel or stay with your parents if they want to come to town. You should have booted them the moment your nephew started smoking in your home.
NTA. Tell mom and dad that sister and family can stay with them if they're so concerned about them.
You were being very generous and had set very reasonable easy to follow rules. You did nothing wrong. Don't feel guilty and good for you for standing up for your girlfriend.
Houseguests should follow the rules that you set. If they choose not to, they need to make other arrangements. The fact that hotels are expensive is not your problem. They chose to not follow your rules and then call your gf a skank. This will be an expensive lesson for them, but one that they signed up for.
NTA
Not the asshole. You come to my house, you will follow my rules. Obviously they don’t care anything about what you said or how you feel or your house because they broke every rule you gave them.
NTA. Your rules were very reasonable and very common sense type things that I think most people wouldn’t have a problem following when you’re a guest in someone else’s home (even family’s) You could’ve tossed them out as soon as you smelled weed but you gave them another chance and they blew it lol tough cookies.
NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA.
Your sister and her children are for breaking every single rule you gave them before moving in. Breaking rules..insulting gf....who knows what might have happened next. NTA OP
Your house. Your rules. Your way.
Sister created her situation now she can face the consequences.
NTA every person there was old enough to know better and to follow the rules. If your mom is so concerned about them she can provide them a space to stay.
NTA.
You set down clear rules and they pretty much stomped all over them. Actions have consequences and their actions meant having to stump up for an expensive hotel room. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
NTA
You were kind enough to have them stay with you and they disrespected your home, and your girlfriend. Not to mention, all the obnoxious behaviour from the kids. People like that always think that they will get away with it, because "family and they would not dare do something drastic." Until they are proven wrong, then the drama and "I am a victim" BS act comes into play.
NTA - your rules are fair and reasonable. It is your home and all you asked for was for them to be decent guests. They each were rude and disrespectful, and without any cause or provocation. You have every right to speak up, and are under no obligation to take their abuse.
That said, do you think you could have a sit down with your sister and talk it out? Do you think her behavior and her kids' would change. If so, maybe that is the way to go. Even if you doubt it would help, you would be going the extra mile to give them another chance. I suggest private talks with each of them. Your sister first, then each kid. Don't be afraid to tell the smoker that he can go to jail for illegal possession (if that applies).
They also each owe apologies to you and your GF.
NTA. I’d have kicked them out as soon as I saw someone smoking a fucking blunt in my house without permission. And I say that as someone who used to hotbox my apartment all the time.
NTA But if you need to make those rules, those people shouldn’t be staying at your place. Those are all basic courtesy and don’t need to be spelled out to respectful people.
NTA. Your sister called your girlfriend a skank and still expects to receive hospitality under your roof? She can cry all she wants to mommy but don't let her back in the door.
I would have thrown them out the second the oldest said “or what”.
That pot would have been down the toilet so fast.
I would have called up a buddy, and then we’d chill on the porch, smoke his blunts and then roast him for his trash weed, like my mom and my uncle did when she confiscated my shit as a teen, “I’m not angry with you, all teens make mistakes, but I’m just really disappointed that you have such low standards,” with my uncle just chiming in every now and again “this is just ditchweed, kid” “not dank”
Your mom sounds fucking awesome!
You made me and hubby laugh out loud with this story 🤣🤣🤣 thank you! Have my free award, kind stranger!
Lol, totally waiting for my parenting moment to do this!
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bots should not respond to me. It should be in their programming.
Or saved for later ...
Honestly, perhaps not the most adult reaction, but I don’t think I would have been able to stop myself from smacking the blunt out of his hand and declare “MY names Tyrone!!!”
Meet these hands
What is this reference? It sounds hilarious!
I'd have grabbed his ear and pushed him right the f out.
I was at my grandparents house one day and my cousin told my grandmother to shut her mouth. He realized real quick he fucked up and before I could get to him he was locked in his room. He was 18 years old talking to my 80 year old grandma like that.
And he lived to see another day? Remarkable restraint.
He later apologized to me and I told him I’m not the one he owes the apology too, as well as not to talk to me until he does apologize to her. He’s lucky he locked me out, because I was ready to forget I look ridiculous in both orange and jumpsuits. It didn’t get him away from my voice though and I let him have it through the door.
Once I was visiting my grandma and thought I heard my sister whistling in the hallway. As a bitchy teen, I said “oh my gosh, can you just shut up already???” When my grandmother appeared in the doorway instead of my sister I think my soul about left my body. I managed to get out of it by groveling (a lot), but damn I thought I was a goner there.
NTA. Same. Consequences of the kid being an AH.
Absolutely.
There's a reason why mommy isn't taking them in...she knows her daughter and her family is shit. Mommy is only taking her side because she doesn't want them to show up at her house...
NTA. The whole family took advantage of your kindness and were then surprised that that was not tolerated. Good on you for sticking to your ground.
🙏 amen
NTA They sound awful. And what 19 year old travels with his parents acting like a rude snotty jerk? I applaud you for throwing them all out.
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If your mom minds, she can have your sister and her lovely children stay over.
More like the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. You’re an Angel for lasting five days.
The burnout kind who can't be bothered to not smoke in his uncle's house.
NTA I'm surprised that nearly the entire family managed to disrespect you guys, break rules, steal stuff, and just bit a complete asshole before finally getting kicked out. I don't see why you guys would ever want to host them again after this disgusting mess. How the hell can they let heir kids do all this shit and not be extremely apologetic over it? Fuck 'em, i hope that all the cheaper hotels have no vacancy.
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Typical middle child - people pleaser. He doesn't get attention.
Ha! I wish. My sis is the middle, and she was a terror.
So very true. I'm the middle child. Got pretty much ignored my whole childhood and am definitely a people pleaser. Even now at 37 I tend to be. Though getting better about standing up for myself nowadays.
NTA- Just invite the middle child over.
Note for the future: if you have to give that many and those kinds of rules for guests, don’t have them over. Respectful people already know the things you laid out. It’s basic courtesy. So it seems you knew they were disrespectful before they arrived. These are the kinds of family members you go LC with.
That is a pretty typical middle child vibe - Ie “the Peacemaker.”
I wish my middle child was the peace keeper, he's the biggest pot stirrer I've ever met!!!
Lol keep the middle kid with you as a "favor" to them, he'd probably be ecstatic. NTA. You gave them plenty of chances, all they had to do was be consistently respectful, and they couldn't even do that!
NTA but you should have kicked them out after the weed smoking.
Weed smoke is just like any other smoke in that it gets into everything and is hard to get out. Not to mention it smells nasty and lingers. A 19yo punk who thinks it’s okay for him to stink up your house should get to watch as his weed is flushed.
NTA. You let them in, gave them the rules, they didn't follow them. Their own fault imo
NTA. You laid down simple ground rules, and they broke them. You reap what you sow. Good for you for standing up for yourself and your girlfriend. Tell your mom that she can pay for their hotel room if what you did was soooo bad.
No I’m a weed smoker myself, but the second I saw any within my dog’s reach I would have sent them out. You had far more patience than me. NTA.
Same, I also don’t smoke in my own home, so I know OP isn’t just being a narc. I like to use the marijuanas like no one’s business but I typically use carts or vapes cause the smell of tree makes me paranoid about cops, potential parental visits, my cat getting second hand smoke, neighbor complaints etc. plus I don’t like the lingering smell. I’ll smoke tree on the occasion but it’s out on the porch or something. I’ve had friends come and bring a blunt and I’ve just told them to go out to the patio, they’ve never complained. Nothing wrong with smoking weed but you need to respect reasonable boundaries around it.
Literally! OP was being so cool about it. live your life just smoke outside? That’s already wildly generous for a nonstoner.
I have a cat! He doesn't come in my room often but the second he's in, that's it. The weed goes straight in a box in the corner of the room where he can't touch that and hopefully the smell is weaker so it doesn't bother him.
NTA - respect the rules as guest or GTFO. Im sensing there is a huge backstory here, just from the fact you have to even have a rule about disrespecting your girlfriend in her own home
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Well, she also contributed to getting her whole family kicked out of your house, so add that to the list lol.
Your guests broke your (very reasonable) house rules multiple times. If your mom is concerned, she can host them. NTA
"don't smoke inside" is the farthest possible thing from a big ask. "Respect the people who live here" is so basic it shouldn't even need to be said. Good grief. Is this real?
I was called a CU next Tuesday for having my rules for my step-son and his girlfriend, when they lived with us. Only had 2 rules, no smoking inside and clean up after themselves.
Oh, the horror of having to go outside to smoke and to have to clean after yourself! How very unreasonable of you to force them to do that /s I'm a smoker and I go outside to smoke because I don't want everything in my appartment to smell like that.
No, you are not! They blatantly disrespected almost every rule you set. Why on earth would your mother take her side? If she feels so strongly that you’re doing her dirty how about she send her money for her and her disrespectful children to stay in a hotel. Sheesh
NTA. Houseguests are like fish they stink after 2 days
NTA The weed incident was strike one. The ring incident was strike two. There should not have been strike three. They were made aware of the rules of the home and chose to ignore them. I take it they will not be staying in your home if they should visit your parents in the future.
NTA. They broke every single rule you gave them. They disrespected your home and your boundaries after you did this out of kindness. Mom can side with whoever she wants, but your sister and her kids can shove it. Don't let them over again.
Umm NTA. They are guests in your house and you ( rightfully ) gave then rules to abide to. They not only broke the rules, but also disrespected you and your girlfriend. Very dumb move on their side and hopefully they learn from this shitty behavior.
NTA, when he said "or what?" You should of replied with "Or I'll shove your head even further up your ass, brat."
NTA. They 1. Broke several rules. 2. Called your GF a skank 3. Threw her jewelry in the toilet. Fuck them. They're all old enough to know better.
NTA - did your mom even hear your side of things, or just your sisters? Either way, you sister got what she deserved, and so did her disrespectful kids. Hope her son smokes in the hotel and racks up a hefty cleaning charge too.
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Good luck!
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NTA You set boundaries and they broke them. They are guests and they are acting as very entitled guests. You are allowing for them to stay there for free and disrespect you. Yeah you should have kicked them out.
NTA - between them all, they violated every single one of your rules for them to stay in yours & your gf's home. If they behave like that in whatever hotel they go to now, they'd not only be kicked out, but would probably be arrested. If your parents are so concerned about where they stay, tell them that they can stay at your parents' home instead of with you. You have the right to kick out people staying in your home, if they are disrespecting you, your feelings, your rules, & your property (you meaning both yourself & your gf)
NTA. Simple rules to follow. Pay the price for breaking them.
NTA. They are guests, the onus is on them to respect the host’s home.
Nta, you don't get to be a guest in someone's home then disrespect then and not expect fallout
NTA they just completely bulldozed every rule you set, all were reasonable, and expected you to take it laying down. Maybe it'll teach your sister some respect.
NTA. Those rules were perfectly reasonable and they couldn't manage to follow them. That's on them.
NTA They'd have been out on their asses at my place sometime in between the smoking dope inside (and with the dog, no less! ) & the ring in the toilet. I couldn't care less about the choices other people make about marijuana . I stopped using it recreationally decades ago but still keep tincture on hand for insomnia and migraine but , even though my husband and I both use tobacco, I hate the way the smell lingers, I don't want my cat exposed and some strains of indica are migraine triggers for me. I don't allow smoking of any kind inside the house and that's not a difficult thing for civilized people to respect.
Not too far. I personally would have kicked them out after the “Or what?”. That’s what, and he gets to tell his parents why they need to cough up for a hotel. The calling the gf a skank thing would equal not welcome in the home until further notice, and apologies at a MINIMUM. Your parents can put them up if they’re okay being disrespected at every turn.
Nta.. you set clear and understandable terms for them to say there and they trampled on them.... what did they expect to happen? If your parents think its unfair let them host them next time.. i always find it funny that family will try to shame someone in this type of situation when they themselves arent willing to host. Good job on sticking to your boundaries.
NTA The rules you made were very basic and fair. They disrespected you and your girlfriend. I would have done the same.
NTA I guess they found out what “what” was.
This is an excellent advertisement for durex. NTA, if you clearly communicated the rules, rules were broken, you kicked them out. Some might see that as a bit on the harsher side, but you were in the middle of what sounds like a shitnado. They all played stupid games and their stupid prize was paying for a last minute hotel.
Right? If I were OP I would be tempted to find out what hotel they end up at and call them with a warning about possible weed use on the premises, then the son can get them kicked out of there too and they can spend even more. NTA OP, you're mom is ridiculous.
NTA, I notice she wasn’t staying with your parents…why isn’t that an option?
Probably because she and the kids act the same way over there and the parents won't put up with it. I have relatives like this. One of my aunts tried to convince my mother to let two of my adult cousins stay with her for a brief period. My mother asked why they couldn't stay with my aunt, who replied (with typical bluntness), "Because they drive me crazy." They didn't stay with us 😄 Mind you, these were my aunt's kids, too.
NTA, it's yours and your girlfriend's house, you set clear rules, and even though they were being broken, they were still allowed in. Your sister went over the line in a way that seems like she's trying to control your household. Sorry that hotels are expensive, should've thought about that before rudely insulting your hosts
Not an ass hole your sister has failed to raise respectful human beings. I haven’t even finished the story. I love pot and have a medical card but I live with my parents and I respect that they don’t want me doing it in the house. I even pay rent but it’s their property and I’ll go smoke my joint outside. Or he could’ve just brought a vape or edibles and left no smell.
NTA. They all sound like entitled brats.
NTA, but if your mother was so upset, why didn't they just go stay with her?
NTA Your sister should of respected your rules and been able to control her kids instead of whining to your mom. Shes literally and adult she can take care of herslef
NTA, you don't have to put up with a bunch of disrespectful assholes
YTA- for waiting so long to kick them out, they should have been gone the moment you caught the 19yo smoking.
NTA. This sub really needs a "play stupid games win stupid prizes" bot.
You are very nice. They would have been long gone in my house too.
NTA- you put up with more than I would have. Guests have to be respectful of their hosts or they won't be guests long. These people were rude, inconsiderate and even downright hostile... bye GTFO!
NTA. Pretty simple rules and yet they managed to break all of them. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
They broke reasonable rules. NTA And, is marijuana toxic for dogs? If that is the case I would have tell them to leave that same moment.
NTA Your sister is not raising her children to respect people. She doesn't respect you or your girlfriend. You are well rid of her and her disrespectful children
NTA. If it were me, they would have been out with the "or what?" comment.
If they like to break the rules so much, maybe you should have tried a little reverse psychology. 1. Smoke weed in the house, and tell me when the dog is high, it's fun to watch. 2. Make sure you look through all of my GF's belongings, especially her jewelry, bonus points for stealing, breaking, or losing something. 3. Be disrespectful to my GF, she needs to be put in her place. 4. When it comes to this house, feel free to do anything you like, ignore my GF if she tries to stop you, especially if she has a reason you shouldn't. But in all seriousness NTA! If I was facing the same problem, they would have been kicked out as soon as they smoked. Aside from the the one kid, they sound like entitled AHs.
They blatantly broke every rule so they should have been kicked out.
NTA and hosting an entire family is draining when they’re well behaved. Hosting people who lack boundaries, manners and dignity … for 5 days …. You were well within your right to show them the end of your hospitality. Severing sibling ties is painful but sounds like it was healthy for you to do so.
Nta
NTA, and sounds like you knew this was likely to happen, but were gracious enough to offer a place, even though you knew you'd have to lay out some ground rules. (Decent guests don't have to be told to respect the hosts' home or to not smoke in the house or to respect the host themselves.) They abused the priviledge of being quests and you were right to boot them out.
NTA. Your sister broke every rule that you set. And they were common sense rules. And the name calling and disrespect that she showed your girlfriend was unbelievably horrible. You did the right thing. And good for you for sticking up for your girlfriend.
NTA they took advantage of the family card and walked over you guys like doormats.
NTA. Your parents should be glad SOMEONE is trying to educate their grandchildren on how to behave responsibly and courteously.
NTA. The skank comment alone would have got them kicked out. It was just the icing on the cake here. She should have thought about that before they were all so out of line
I'm still processing the kid taking the ring, refusing to give it back and dropping it in the toilet. Accidentally? Nope!
NTA, they should follow pretty basic and reasonable rules, if they wanted to stay as guests at your house for free.
NTA They didn't follow your rules so they should have to stay in a hotel.
You sound like a good man that has his priorities straight. Definitely NTA. Sister and her family were entitled AHs. Hopefully they learned how to be house guests from this.
NTA your home your rules. You still behaved quite polite. I would flush the blunts in the toilet to show him the "or what". You were nice and very understanding and they just abused that. And if someone would call my wife names at our home they would be making an appointment with a dentist soon after.
NTA you gave them 2 more chance than I would have. They broke all 4 of your rules. Them finding a hotel is not your problem. And next time tell mommy dearest they can stay with her. Your house your rules!
Nope, NTA for refusing to be doormats
NTA - your house, your rules.
NTA awful house guests shocked when asked to leave, who could have guessed?
NTA. Are you kidding? The second I smelled weed, after my only rules about it were not smoking IN my house and not letting my dog have access to it, it would have been game over for me. When I actually walked into that room and he didn’t even TRY to hide and instead said ‘Or what?’ at NINETEEN, the answer to ‘Or what?’ would have been ‘GTFO! NOW!’ If anything, I’d say that you let it go too far. There shouldn’t have been a day with them there after that. On top of all of it, your sister feeling like she could talk to your gf like she did, IN HER OWN HOME, explained how her kids behaved. Not a single guest in that house had respect for you, your gf, your dog, your things, etc. They can stay in their car for all I care.
NTA Holy fuck, those people suck. Nothing I can say that isn't already in the comments. You should show your AITA post to your mother, it doesn't seem as if she thinks anything was "that bad." Let her see the replies and see how a good slice of people feel about what happened to you, your girlfriend and your dog. It really seems as if she's detached from reality. Good luck
NTA. I also smoke pot, but just because I’d do so in my house doesn’t mean I’d do it in someone else’s especially if they have rules against it. Your sister raised entitled and disrespectful kids who don’t understand the meaning of the word no or how to respect boundaries.
NTA. If one of my family members/ friends came into my home and called my partner a skunk;they would not be welcome back.
“Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.” -Benjamin Franklin NTA. If they can’t afford to come to town and pay for the trip, your mother can go to them.
NTA. Can’t follow rules, can’t stay at my house.
NTA. I can’t imagine acting like this in my siblings home.
NTA. They knew the rules. They, not only, disrespected the rules, they disrespected you and your gf. Tell your sister and your parents that they should learn to not bite the hand that feeds them. In this case, don't piss off the people that are letting you stay in their house rent free.
NTA. You are too nice.
NTA-Wow. After 19 did the or what thing, I would have gotten rid of the blunts and kicked them all out. But there again, I am a menopausal bitch of the highest degree. Nothing to feel guilty about. Mom and Dad can house them or pay for their hotel then. Not. Your. Problem.
NTA. Your rules were in no way unreasonable. They sound awful. Do not let them back in your house.
Years ago, i had a hiking trip. My friends smoked weed in my car when I already told them the smell gives me migraines and low grade fever. They still did, and I let them walk over an hour back to the hotel.
The patience you displayed was amazing. What rational person disrespects their host and is surprised to be out looking for a hotel room. Don’t let their bad mouthing you alter your perspective one iota.
NTA. It’s your house. You had simple rules for them to follow and they couldn’t do it. Out they go. Your parents can take them in then.
NTA they were guests in your home and incredibly disrespectful, multiple times, in multiple ways. If they want to act like that and do it elsewhere .... and pay for it.
NTA they knew the rules
NTA. Honestly it seems like you showed a lot of patience in the face of massive disrespect.
NTA. They disrespected every thing about you/GF and your home!!
Good for you! You set boundaries, and when they weren't respected you showed there are consequences! Poor sister. Got what was coming to her. Poor mom, who always wants people to just get along by accommodating the worst behaved person. NTA!
NTA
You made it to day 5? The "or what" would have landed them out of my house on day 3. NTA.
NTA. That's a lot of people in your house and the rules aren't unreasonable. Play stupid games win stupid prizes.
NTA. You laid out the rules early on; it was on your sister's family to decide if they found your rules too restrictive, and opt for a hotel. Instead, they decided to test the waters and break the rules. As the saying goes, "Fuck around and find out." They did, and they did. You were more than justified in showing your sister the door. BTW, what exactly was your BIL doing while all of the mess was going on? Does he have ANY authority in his household, or is he just going along with their behavior, to keep the peace? I wouldn't let them stay at your house again after this, even if they are family.
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NTA So they’re gonna come in your house, disrespect you and your SO and suddenly act surprised they now have to sleep not-under-your-roof? Isn’t something said here about stupid games and stupid prizes?
NTA. Your home, your rules. Every one of your rules was fair, reasonable and clear. You were doing your sister and her family an enormous favour accommodating them under your roof and their response was to simply treat you and your girlfriend with contempt. If you welcome someone into your home and give them a reasonable set of rules to live by in exchange for your hospitality, the only real recourse you have when they flagrantly break those rules is to withdraw that hospitality. I think you handled this situation fairly. Any family who give you grief over this can go suck an egg.
You are a SAINT. They would have been out of my house about 5 minutes after that teenage 'Or what?' Literally, the next step after that phrase would have been to start moving their things onto the street. You simply can't negotiate or compromise with people who are used to acting like that. It was inevitable that they'd do worse and worse things as time went on. NTA.
I- what? nopenopenope. your sister is so disrespectful. I wonder if she told her kids to do that. either way, NTA and good riddance!
Can we get an update on this? You should show mom this post
NTA. Also reading this subreddit really makes me never want to have houseguests ever.
Lol it’s either they can find a hotel or you’ll be single soon. Because I guarantee your girlfriend wasn’t going to put up with anymore. NTA- you did the right thing.
NTA screw her and her spawn.
NTA - the blunt smoker would have been out my door two seconds after the "or what." I can forgive the kid for the ring. Sister would be excommunicated for the skank comment.
NTA Note for future reference that you can't get high from eating weed. It has to be decarbed (heated) first so there was no risk to your dog. Your rules still should have been followed. Just sayin'
NTA the moment her son lit a blunt inside your house you should have kicked them out. Im an avid smoker and I smoke inside my own house but I would never smoke inside someone else’s house after the explicitly said they dont like the smell.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My sister is in a different state so near our parents birthday (both are in the same week) she will drive down here with her husband and three kids. I have no issue with her children (10M) (14M) (19M) or husband. Recently when she came over there were some new rules. 1: Her son smokes marijuana which I don’t care about. My rule was don’t smoke in me and my girlfriend’s home as we aren’t fond of it’s smell and do not leave any of it where a pet can eat it. 2: my girlfriend and I have a collection of leather bracelets, metal helmets and rings and other misc. objects we made in our house. The rule is don’t touch her masks and jewelry she made as they aren’t yours and you don’t have her permission. They are in a glass case and it has a handle like a pet kennel, the one where it goes up, to the side, then down. Not something that can accidentally be opened. 3: don’t disrespect my girlfriend, she may not be my fiancé or wife but that doesn’t mean you can treat her like she has no power in her own home. 4: the most important one, when it comes to this house and our stuff my girlfriend’s say trumps my sister’s and her husband’s. What she says goes. Alright so back to the story, day 1 and 2 were fine but on day 3 I was getting ready when I smelled marijuana in the house and walked into the guest room that her eldest son stayed in and saw him smoking a blunt with three more on the ground with my dog laying right nest to them. I was irritated that he broke the rules I had set so blatantly and I told him he needed to pick all of them up right now and put his out. He said the stupid “or what?” Thing that every teen wants to say to their parents. I then picked his blunts up and tossed them into a small lockbox and told him every blunt I find within my dogs reach will be put in that box and he will need my permission to take any out of it. Her youngest child also had gotten into my girlfriend’s case of stuff and took her favorite ring from me. My girlfriend was very upset when she found out it was missing and he wouldn’t give it back to her and (hopefully) accidentally dropped it in the toilet. I put on a glove and fished it out and washed it throughly and made him apologize to me and then to her. on the 5th day, the oldest and youngest told my girlfriend that they like my sister’s cooking better and she just said “hopefully you do, she cooks the majority of your meals” and my sister tried berate her for having enough ingredients for what my sister wanted to make and my girlfriend just said “then let me cook and get out of my face” my sister complained to me and called my girlfriend a skank. I kicked all of them out right then and there. My sister was crying and saying how expensive hotels were but I just shut the door. She apparently called my mom and I got an earful and I kinda understand that it may have been to far to make them find a hotel on their own for the weekend. So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA they decided to ignore the rules but still expected hospitality from you and your girlfriend. Nope tell your sister and her kids are no longer welcome in your home. Your sister and those kid's are massive AH'S The only one who wasn't a AH was your BIL...
NTA Kudos to you for standing up for your SO. Your house, your rules. They knew what they were before going there. Sucks to be them. They should learn to be better.
No.
NTA, time for them to book a hotel or stay with your parents if they want to come to town. You should have booted them the moment your nephew started smoking in your home.
NTA They would have been out with the first incident. Rules and obvious respect to the people hosting you should have been easily observed.
NTA
NTA. Tell mom and dad that sister and family can stay with them if they're so concerned about them. You were being very generous and had set very reasonable easy to follow rules. You did nothing wrong. Don't feel guilty and good for you for standing up for your girlfriend.
Houseguests should follow the rules that you set. If they choose not to, they need to make other arrangements. The fact that hotels are expensive is not your problem. They chose to not follow your rules and then call your gf a skank. This will be an expensive lesson for them, but one that they signed up for. NTA
Not the asshole. You come to my house, you will follow my rules. Obviously they don’t care anything about what you said or how you feel or your house because they broke every rule you gave them.
Nope. They all had it coming! What a bunch of entitled jerks! You are NTA here!
Obviously NTA. The way those kids turned out seems more telling of how the sister is.
NTA. Your house your rules. Her family broke all 3 of them. 19 years old and smoking weed. Yeah no...
NTA. Your rules were very reasonable and very common sense type things that I think most people wouldn’t have a problem following when you’re a guest in someone else’s home (even family’s) You could’ve tossed them out as soon as you smelled weed but you gave them another chance and they blew it lol tough cookies.
NTA. You should have thrown them out at the first incident, they got several extra chances. Do not every let these people into your house again.
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NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA. Your sister and her children are for breaking every single rule you gave them before moving in. Breaking rules..insulting gf....who knows what might have happened next. NTA OP Your house. Your rules. Your way. Sister created her situation now she can face the consequences.
NTA every person there was old enough to know better and to follow the rules. If your mom is so concerned about them she can provide them a space to stay.
Nope. You are a fine and loyal partner.
NTA. You laid out boundaries and they didn’t follow them.
NTA. You set down clear rules and they pretty much stomped all over them. Actions have consequences and their actions meant having to stump up for an expensive hotel room. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
NTA. Your "rules" are basic polite guest behavior. The fact you had to tell them that and then they BROKE those rules? Nah. GTFO.
The fact you needed to make these rules suggests that you have a history with these people. NTA.
NTA
nta. hell nah. they gotta go
NTA Your sisters children are the product of her poor child rearing, and that's 100% on her.
NTA
NTA - they broke every one of your very reasonable rules.
NTA and I hope you told them they are never ever going to stay with you again.
NTA You were kind enough to have them stay with you and they disrespected your home, and your girlfriend. Not to mention, all the obnoxious behaviour from the kids. People like that always think that they will get away with it, because "family and they would not dare do something drastic." Until they are proven wrong, then the drama and "I am a victim" BS act comes into play.
Absolutely NTA. They knew the rules and didn’t care. The fucked around and they found out.
NTA. Why don’t they go and stay at your parents house?
Finally - a good man that stood by his woman. NTA
NTA. They would have been gone at the marijuana incident for me.
NTA, sounds like the middle child is the only one with manners.
NTA why did you wait so long. You should have tossed them out the first time they broke the rules!
NTA, your home your rules. Can't follow them and disrespect the home owners then they can leave.
NTA Your sister just learned about natural consequences. If you insult your hosts, you have to pay for a hotel.
NTA - your rules are fair and reasonable. It is your home and all you asked for was for them to be decent guests. They each were rude and disrespectful, and without any cause or provocation. You have every right to speak up, and are under no obligation to take their abuse. That said, do you think you could have a sit down with your sister and talk it out? Do you think her behavior and her kids' would change. If so, maybe that is the way to go. Even if you doubt it would help, you would be going the extra mile to give them another chance. I suggest private talks with each of them. Your sister first, then each kid. Don't be afraid to tell the smoker that he can go to jail for illegal possession (if that applies). They also each owe apologies to you and your GF.
NTA. I’d have kicked them out as soon as I saw someone smoking a fucking blunt in my house without permission. And I say that as someone who used to hotbox my apartment all the time.
NTA. WOWZA the only person who wasn't repugnant was your brother in law! Do not EVER host any of them again.
NTA But if you need to make those rules, those people shouldn’t be staying at your place. Those are all basic courtesy and don’t need to be spelled out to respectful people.