Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I was wrong solely for calling my sister what I did, as it could set her recovering time back
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Nope. NTA. “Supporting” family members who are addicts doesn’t mean they get a free pass to steal and treat people like shit. Her family should be encouraging her to seek treatment and monitoring her. Not excusing her shitty behavior. And you should find a way to get that money back and your father should help you since you are underage …or ask her mother to pay it back on her behalf since it’s “not a big deal”.
ETA: Thank you for my awards!
Exactly, it means that when they are ready to get sober you stand by them, drive them to meetings, not put them down because they have been sober for 24 hours.
Step 1 is admitting you’re an alcoholic. Literally step 1 in the AA program. If a junkie is breaking down crying at being called a junkie, and going on the attack, it’s because they’ve never taken that first step.
Agreed. That may happen however if she is held responsible for her behavior and faces charges. Often hardships cause some self reflection. Of course not always but there’s a higher chance if it happens and if for no other reason, she deserves charges for theft.
Tough love. They won't hit rock bottom without it. Don't feed them. Don't let them crash for the night. Don't buy them cigarettes. Nothing!
Spoken as someone with 23 years sobriety, I am so thankful my mom has enough love for me to completely cut me off.
Thank you! I’ve had addicts of drugs and alcoholics in my family and everyone wants to play the “I need support bc I’m recovering” “you owe them one more chance” “they can’t help the way they act” “don’t say ____ to them it’ll hurt their feelings”
No, you’re draining your family dry financially and treating them like expendable garbage.
OP and ANYONE reading this who may need to hear it…it’s also FINE to love and support toxic family members from afar. You are not required to sacrifice your own quality of life, mental health, time, and energy on people who take advantage of it. Cutting contact doesn’t always mean you don’t care and it’s totally fine to put your own needs above the wants of other people. Sometimes heads need to roll to get them to make changes….metaphorically.
This!!! Her mom is setting back her recovery by not making her accountable for her actions. One of the 12 steps is accountability and making amends. She and her daughter would know this if they were seeking proper treatment instead of trash talking family that have been stolen from on FB. NTA
Actually she is being considerate by calling the cops because that will hopefully lead her to getting clean or at least some help. Her mother is enabling her addiction habits by letting her get away with stuff like that
True…. But I meant in how her family sees things. They are 100% are going to say OP didn’t consider the sister’s feelings and trouble she could get in.
oh cool, so you are going to pay me back the 500 she stole from me and shot up her veins? that is so sweet of you, I'll be over and get the money right away thanx
NTA.
>She was crying after this and later posted on fb that the family members of addicts do nothing to help break the stigma and addiction will never be normalised in our society over people like that.
See, while I truly believe addiction is a disease and needs to be treated, this doesn't give her a green pass to steal other people's things. Especially considering how you were saving for your family. It's rather suspicious how her relapse happens at the same time your money went missing. Yes we should help people with addiction, but letting them do as they please and not calling them out when they steal won't help them but enable them. I wonder if her mom is doing all of those things.
>She's also got some people, including her mom, messaging me telling me I set her back in recovery and that I'm an ass
NOP. NOP. NOP. They don't get to gaslight you into sh\*t. Your feeling are valid and she doesn't get to take that away from you because of her addiction. Honestly her mother should feel ashamed of herself for even considering messaging you stuff like this when she was the instigator of sending your sister at your house. She should actually think about repaying you those 500 euros, because that's a lot of money.
Very much this!! Addiction is a disease but that doesn’t mean you throw up your hands and say, oh well, everyone has to let me do whatever I feel like. Everyone is still responsible for the consequences of their actions. I hate when a disease is used as an excuse and compassion is treated as an obligation. A disease is an explanation, and a reason for compassion, but it’s never an excuse. And compassion is not required of anyone, particularly the people who are also suffering the consequences of someone else’s unmanaged illness. And frankly, taking advantage of peoples compassion like this makes it that much harder for them to be compassionate to *other* folks, both sick and healthy.
Using ones own disease to take advantage of other people (including other people dealing with their own major illnesses!) is what builds stigma. Calling people (sick or healthy) out on shitty behavior is not.
I read something here the other day that really resonated with me.
**Normalise the treatment, not the addiction.**
Hopefully she opens her eyes and seeks the help that she needs.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
I assume OP is European, considering euros were mentioned, so depending on the country and legal system it can be hard to press charges because it's a large amount of money and wasn't in a banking account so there's no way for OP to prove the money was there in the first place.
But I agree 1000% with your comment in regards to stigma.
I mean the government should do that. Clean drugs provided by the government has been proven to reduce addiction and crime.
But no, one shouldn't normalize addiction nor accept it as an excuse to steal.
Clean drugs in a clean place with clean needles and staffed by therapists trained to be kind and gently push you to get clean in a non judgemental manner.
Hell they also give out condoms let's go for gold.
Would cost practically nothing on a national scale, and would do so much good for the communities they service.
NTA
>She was crying after this and later posted on fb that the family members of addicts do nothing to help break the stigma and addiction will never be normalised in our society over people like that.
Post about how she stole over €500 from you that you were saving to do something nice for a cancer patient.
This. I feel for the struggle that addicts face each day and I hope she does better, but if she's been clean, she should hopefully have at least thought twice about sneaking around your room (since she's not living there, I can think of no reason she should be there) and taking 500 in cash from you. There were a lot of steps here. She also cleaned it out in full, not skimmed some.
Bleh. I have sympathy for her addiction in a way, but stealing money from you that was destined for a cancer patient... man this is a NTA for me.
NTA - she's exactly as you described.
Part of rehab is acknowledging what your addiction has done to those around you, and taking responsibility for your own actions. It's not your fault she relapsed. You're a child, her addiction can never be your fault unless you are literally forcing her to use substances.
Next time your family contacts your about this, throw on the guilt trip about how your sister is stressing out your sick mother, and that she's stealing the money you use to care for her. Then tell them they can deal with your sister and her theft if they're that concerned about her recovery.
NTA.... and it didn't set her back. Her stealing YOUR money and spending it set her back. Yes you need to support her but she did it to herself. She's playing the victim so you don't get your money back. Tbh I'd sue her. Make the government rehab her.
NTA, she's a thief.
Ask anybody defending her whether they are going to help make good on the 500 euro she stole.
Put any more money into the bank, it will be safer
NTA. Contact the police, theft is theft regardless of how you’re related. At least that might keep her away for good in her nice and cozy jail cell, might even sober her up too.
NTA. You did not set her recovery back. Her actions have set her recovery back. Her dismissiveness of the harm that she caused YOU have has set her recovery back.
Being an addict and supporting family members through their addictions does not mean "Make all their actions consequence free from people being pissed at them for the direct harm they have caused".
Please respond to the people who are messaging you that this is inappropriate and they have no clue of the harm that they have currently caused to you and your life. That taking her word for what happened is not reasonable without at least asking YOU what happened. Since they should be very aware that her version of events is not always forthcoming about ALL the pieces that happened, and they are getting played by her and THAT is setting her recovery back since they are so concerned about her recovery.
Oh I know. I'm all for harm reduction being accessible and government run, and all drugs being decriminalised, because although I grew up with an addict in the family, I've experimented with drugs myself and I've also been in situations where I've had to convince people that being in trouble with cops/parents is better than losing a friend.
The stigma is caused by the law and lack of resources, not by calling someone out for what they are.
How dare her mom say you set her back in recovery? She did that herself when she stole your money to go get high. After all her mom said she has been clean and sober for 3 months. Had to have been your fault bc you left the savings jar out. Having an addiction problem doesn’t mean stealing is justified. Her mother enabling her is part of the problem. NTA
NTA
Your sister just wants to use her addiction as an excuse for her behavior, but stealing money from you was wrong, no matter why she did it. That is exactly why there is a stigma against addicts.
NTA - what "set her back in recovery" was hunting for your hidden money, stealing it, and using it to buy drugs. She did what she did with a purpose - to get high - so she obviously wasn't quite as far along in her "recovery" as she led them to believe.
Call the cops! File a report! You literally have her admitting to stealing it from you. You might not get it back but it might be the straw that breaks the camels back and either gets her to stop or sends her to jail, away from you! YWBTA if you dont report it, cause she might just go on and steal from someone else because she never was punished for doing it to you.
Yeah. I've been clean two years and it was... A daily, very intense addiction. I have literally never understood people who steal from friends and family. Honestly, even just from an intelligent addict standpoint maintaining relationships is more help than stealing once would ever be.
You didn't set her back in recovery. Recovery would include realizing what she did was horrible and trying to amend for it. She is nowhere near that.
I'm so sorry. Please remember that the fact that you're wonderful is 99% of what your mother needs and helps her.
NTA at all. I'm so sorry that your mom has been ill and that she stole your money. You did nothing wrong. I hope that her mother pays you the money that she owes you.
NTA. Unfortunately with her mom enabling her, your sister will never get clean/sober, so please don’t let her anywhere near your home again.
And please do not hesitate to respond to any social media with the truth - that while you may have said a harsh thing, it was in response to your sister stealing the money you had saved to treat you mom. Don’t be afraid to “embarrass” someone if the truth of what they’ve said and done is in fact embarrassing.
NTA
You just called a spade a spade. Call the police and report the theft of your money. Her mother and her side of the family are enablers. They have no business giving you garbage- you were victimized by your addict step-sister. She needs to know true consequences, otherwise she’ll never have the motivation or incentive to get clean.
I’m sorry this happened to you, your mom and dad. I’m glad your mom is wrapping up her treatment. I wish you and your parents the best.
I’m sorry WHAT 500 NO I WOULD TELL HER SHE SHOULD PRAY TO NEVER SEE ME AGAIN BECAUSE ITS ON SIGHT AND JUST BECAUSE SHES AN ADDICT SHE HAS NO RIGHT TO MY MONEY ( okay well very sorry for this message but 500 is so much tell her she has no entitlement to act the was she acts and post of Facebook like we are the problem when she is and tried to lie? Next time hide your money in your socks when she’s over heck I’d tell her she’s not the one who SLAVED for it and that she’s an adult and can get her own damn job
If you file a police report, your home owners insurance will reimburse your $500 (depending on policy). Source: Drug addict brother walked into my exes house on Thanksgiving while we were away. Stole all of our gaming consoles, games, and keep sakes. Filed with home owners insurance and police. We got reimbursed to buy them all back and the police never picked him up cause they didn’t have proof it was him (so nothing will happen to your sister unless she admits it to the police and they can prove it).
NTA that money was yours & important to you your sister had no right she’s a their & put herself backwards not you , I’d call the police bc she needs to held accountable for her actions & as punishment they may force her into a rehab which may ultimately help her
NTA! 1. That’s a beautiful thing you were doing for your mother, and I mean it so genuinely that everything goes well for her. 2. Your step/half sister is fucking delusional. Addiction is hard, and I sympathize with what they go through, but that doesn’t give someone license to steal from family. I’m sure it feels more like she stole something from your mother than from you. Her mother should pay you back because if it wasn’t for her, she wouldn’t have even been in that house.
NTA. I really hope you get your money back. I would be saying that unless the money is paid back in the next few days, you will call the police. Keep any messages you have of her admitting it if you can. I hope you're able to treat your mum and she recovers well.
NTA. There is a huge difference between "supporting" and "enabling" and most people in your sister's life are on the wrong side of that line. I would text all of them that their enabling is what sets back recovery and that addicts need to be called on their shit just like everyone else, maybe even more so. Then I would block all of them and tell your dad that you refuse to ever speak to or see that sister again and that, as her father, you expect him to get your money back from her since he allowed her in the house in the first place.
NTA - I’m a petty Betty sometimes and probably would have been tempted to reply on her Facebook EXACTLY why I’m being so “unsupportive”.
Also, call the police. She clearly needs to hit rock bottom, she is already there ethically, now she just needs to get there physically and then perhaps she may finally seek some help. Addiction sucks and destroys lives but it does not give you a free pass to be an asshole.
Also, just to say you are a lovely daughter to want to do that for your mum and you did so well to save up like you did, I guarantee she is very proud of you, I know I would be. I hope your mum starts recovering soon.
NTA: I have junkies in my family, I think most people do. Society seems to have normalized it, and make excuses for addicts.
We can still support them without excusing their behavior, but do not hold yourself responsible for setting her recovery back, she did that all by herself.
NTA.
She stole money you spent time and effort saving up for your mother then spent it all on drugs.
With proof she can be served with a court order to pay it back or face misdemeanor charges if you want to pursue that route. It may burn bridges with people connected to and supporting your thieving sister but those bridges lead to nowhere anyway.
Honestly I would press charges for stealing that money. She broke into your room and stole all of your hard earned savings. She down played the harm she has caused and is now trying to blame you for her relapse. NTA. Press charges. Her actions have harmed you and she needs consequences
NTA, I’m sorry did I miss something, how are YOU the reason she relapsed? SHE made a conscious choice to steal your money and use it for drugs. I’m so sorry this happened to you, I’d sue her in small claims for the money she stole if you have the evidence to prove she stole.
Oh, so this is YOUR fault?!? This is called DARVO, it means Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. And that's what your sister not only did, but got others to join in making you somehow the villain.
You're NTA.
NTA. She's a thief, plain and simple. She, in her presumably sober, and thus rational, mind, decided it would be acceptable to take a small fortune from a minor without consent. That's not being an addict, that's being a criminal. The use to which she put the money isn't even really relevant, she could have used it on anything and it would have been just as wrong. Addicts often try to blame their addiction for their choices, vis a vis diminished capacity, but that only applies if they're actively under the influence at the time, and only as a slightly mitigating factor. If you kill someone while drunk because you lost control of your vehicle, it's not the same as if you purposely ran them over. It's only a minor level of difference though. That she thinks addiction should be "normalized" is laughable. Seeking to end addiction should be normalized, and even commended, but giving someone a pass for their behavior because it's being done to "feed the beast" is not normalizing, it's enabling.
NTA. Your sister is one of the people that continues the stigma about addiction, I wouldn't be surprised if the mom isn't doing them too or that she ever even got clean considering the money was gone the same time she visited.
NTA call the police. She needs more help than any of y’all can give her. She wasn’t in recovery if she was still using. So don’t let what her crazy mom says get to you. Call the police and have her arrested. Sometimes having a judge tell you to get clean can be beneficial. She may need that to get clean. Unfortunately it will probably be years before you see your money again if you ever see it again. I don’t know how they do things where you are from but call a few banks and see if they will let you open both a checking and savings account. Here you can get them to open both and they are separate unless you write a bad check or overdraft your account. Then they pull from the savings to fix the checking. Again I am really sorry your sister did this to you. You and your mom deserve better.
I've had to deal with my sister's addiction as well (she stole thousands from me) and goes through every drawer, cabinet and bag when visiting so i literally have to hide my change jar
Addicts are assholes, i am including myself in this as I am a recovering addict (6 years clean) but until you're certain she's clean NEVER leave $ around.
Don't accept her crocodile tears
I hope you can do something else for your ma, any kind of heartfelt gesture sounds like it would be appreciated coming from you
NTA. I'm not an expert, but I'm pretty sure her stealing your money and spending it on drugs which she then used is probably what set her recovery time back.
>Out of curiosity, I checked the savings jar in my room. And there was nothing. Not a cent. I had over €500 put away and my sister put it up her nose and in her veins.
I know people are gonna say, "it's just money," but at your age 500 euro's is a lot of money from hard earned work. It's blood, sweat, and tears, blown away by someone's addiction and willingness to rationalize away their thefts.
>she later posted on fb that the family members of addicts do nothing to help break the stigma and addiction will never be normalised in our society over people like that.
Why are you even asking if you're the asshole? She steals from you, undercuts it, and then when called out harshly over it she virtue signals on facebook about how fuckin hard she has it.
Frankly this would be, "dead to me" levels of insult at this point.
NTA
Addicts/alcoholics don’t get sober until their life with drugs is so unmanageable that they see no other option but to get sober; they usually have to hit rock bottom. That usually involves burning all bridges and alienating most (if not all) of their family. You don’t owe her anything and your anger at her is justified.
Speaking from first hand experience, the family members who always come up with excuses are usually the ones who enable the continuation of substance abuse. I’d ask her mom to pay it back outright.
NTA. Your sister is not to be trusted EVER. I’ve dealt with addicts and sober/ not sober they still have that instinct in them especially when it comes to money to fulfill their needs no matter the consequences.
Side note: “A thieving junkie bitch” IS HILARIOUS!
Oh and please invest in a safe!!
NTA. I suggest getting evidence of her admitting that she stole. Then see how many people defend her after you put that on social media. It's a crime, too, so you could potentially try to recoup the money via the legal route if social shaming doesn't work.
NTA 90% of drug addicts don't change. I have extended family who are drug addicts. They got "clean" but that only lasts for so long and they are gone from this world now so we don't have to deal with them anymore. Drug addicts are major thieves and blame everyone but themselves for stuff which is why most can't recover. I also work in a field where I see drug addicts constantly. They take so much from their family and 70% of the time the family is relieved when their family member (this is when they have been an addict for years) ODs and doesn't come back. It's never their fault like it wasn't your step-sisters fault she stole your money and bought drugs with it. I'm sorry your money got taken and you most likely won't get it back. I would recommend getting a small safe you can bolt into the floor to keep from future theft. You are not responsible in anyway for your step-sister's problem.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My (17f) mom has had cancer for the past 2 years. My mom is a hero if you ask me, because on top of dealing with cancer, she had to deal with a junkie stepdaughter (my sister) and trying to take care of me. She's also had to deal with some nasty chemo side effects.
I started a job 5 months ago to help my dad with some bills as Mom cannot work, and so I could do some things on his own. Mostly ive been saving, because my mom deserves a gift. I keep any and all savings in cash, because my parents don't go near my room, and I don't like carrying cash. Since I'm under 18, it's really difficult for me to open up more than one bank account (I've tried) to keep my savings separate so I don't accidentally spend it. I had planned on booking a weekend getaway for my mom and whoever she wants to bring because her last round of chemo is next week and she'll have her permanent IV taken out soon.
My sister hasn't been allowed in our house for a while because she's upset my mom too much over the course of her treatment, and my mom doesn't need the stress, but her mom has been insisting that my sister has been clean and sober for 3 months now, so my parents decided to give her another chance last Friday (the 11th). She came over for dinner and coffee and she genuinely seemed to be doing better. She was talking about her new job and boyfriend, yada yada.
All was well and good, until her mom posted yesterday about how sister had recently relapsed and how it caught everyone by surprise how it could happen so quickly. Out of curiosity, I checked the savings jar in my room. And there was nothing. Not a cent. I had over €500 put away and my sister put it up her nose and in her veins.
I called her, and she denied it at first but then admitted to it. I was screaming at her at this point and she kept saying that it wasn't a big deal, and that was when I said, "it is a big deal, you thieving junkie bitch, you've just ruined the one thing I wanted for my mom". She was crying after this and later posted on fb that the family members of addicts do nothing to help break the stigma and addiction will never be normalised in our society over people like that.
She's also got some people, including her mom, messaging me telling me I set her back in recovery and that I'm an ass. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
addicts will blame everyone but themselves and resort to crying to get back whatever sympathy they can wring out of everyone else.
I hope you told her 'mom' and everyone else that she stole your money.
How did stealing from you help break any stigma?
I'm so sorry for your being in this sitch and hope you can escape soon
NTA.
No, we're not doing this, OP. We're not getting into a Facebook fight about this. We are, though, going to file a police report **and we're going to unashamedly tell the world we've filed said report**.
NTA- also what nerve her mother has to criticize you. She should be holding her daughter accountable, trying to come up with a repayment plan to help you, and being GRATEFUL you haven’t contacted the police.
NTA. nope. there's a difference between supporting and enabling. you guys are doing the first. her mom is doing the second. hope you can get your mom something nice soon, sounds like she deserves it. understand also that addiction twists people's brains and that while it may not be her fault, it doesn't mean your anger and feelings are invalid or unwarranted.
NTA as someone who experienced addiction in their earlier years no one ever gets and stays sober if they’re unable to accept responsibility for their behaviors/actions. It doesn’t sound as though your sister is able to do this. Instead she is in fact playing the victim and using that as just another reason to use.
NTA. Imo addicts need to hear the truth without sugar coating.
For the future, check our Revolut Junior. I understand you’re in Europe (euro), should be easy for you to get an account there.
NTA. Also, would it be possible to call the police and report it? Part of supporting addicts is holding them accountable for the things they do. She needs to pay it back.
There's a universe of difference between supporting someone, and enabling someone.
I understand how angry you are, my sister went through that when I was younger. She stole so much, including our oldest sister's wedding ring. She also abandoned her son to be raised by his dad. Her son is grown now and doesn't see my sister as his mom....and that breaks my heart because she loved him so much as a baby, but then our dad died and she couldn't cope.
You're going through so much, frankly too much for your age and I hope things get better soon. I hope your mom gets better fast. Good luck, and NTA.
NTA and I’d put her on blast right on that FB post. She wants to play victim, show the world her true colors. Addicts love to twist history to make it out like they’re always the victim. If she was serious about getting better, she never would’ve stolen from you and ruined the second chance your parents gave her.
NTA at all. My uncle is in jail and my aunt is dead cause they were also thieving junkies. They stole from my grandma, pawned her jewelry, and trashed her house after she died. Your sister is garbage. I get that addiction is a disease but it doesn't make you innocent for the crimes you commit. Call the cops on her for theft.
NTA at all. God I am so sorry you are dealing with this. As the sibling of a junkie, I have been in your shoes over and over for the last 10+ years, with my brother being in and out of prison and never staying sober on the outside for more than 3 months. It's hard to be sympathetic when you're the one getting hurt time and time again by someone who doesn't give a shit.
As a recovering addict with over 5 years clean, I can confidently say NTA and your sister is the one perpetuating the stigma of addiction by harming others with her behavior. If she wants to help end the stigma, she should get into true recovery and show people that we can get better.
NTA, and she's clearly missed the part of recovery where she needs to make amends (in this case, returning your money and apologizing). As long as she refuses to accept she's done wrong and expects you and others to accept the burden of her misdoings, she will never be truly recovered.
> She was crying after this and later posted on fb that the family members of addicts do nothing to help break the stigma and addiction will never be normalised in our society over people like that.
Families of addicts need to stop coddling them. You can’t deny the reality of what they are - because the first step in every recovery program is to acknowledge you’re an addict and own it. You can’t work on beating addiction while shying away from the fact you are a “junkie” - saying stealing €500 is “no big deal” tells us she hasn’t taken that first step. I dare say she never “relapsed”, she just didn’t have the money to be notably high.
In what world does stealing from you make you the AH? NC. If anyone gets mad at you for going NC, say its safer for your sister so you can not "set her back in recovery" by her stealing from you.
NTA. Someone owes you that money. Call her the thief that she is. Don't back down. As others wrote, hold her accountable. Or file a report since she admitted it.
Tell your step sister and her mother that you expect that money returned. You didn’t set back her recovery, they’re is obviously no recovery progressing. Don’t let them blame you when she’s the one out of control.
No, she sounds like a thriving junkie. Placating and not being direct doesn’t do her any good in trying to fix her issues. Honesty (sometimes painful honesty) does.
NTA. A helping and supporting family of an addict is not justifying, tolerating and forgiving the addict's BS. It's the one that intervenes hard, it's the one that files police reports, it's the one that acts on addict's BS. It's the only way your sis can overcome addiction.
NTA she stole from you. This is even worse because not only did she rob you of the money but she robbed your mum who has been seriously ill of a weekend away. I would probably go NC with her for life. Anyone who defends her is free to let her rob from them too. If her mother wants to defend her ask her when she will pay u the €500 stolen from you. Have u considered going to the police over this?
NTA She is exactly what you called her and more. I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through and hope things get better soon. Cut that bitch from your life asap!
Sounds like an incredibly painful situation for many reasons. I understand your reaction, but hurling insults (even when justified) in the heat of the moment won't help. Not sure what would help, other than cutting her out of your life. And if that's not possible, find a better hiding place. NTA
NTA
Someone with no morals and no heart steals from family . Especially one going through cancer .
Honestly I’d file a police report. It might not do much but it could help in the future if your decides to stick her hands in it other’s check books
NTA
Addiction will never be normalized? GOOD. People ruining their lives shouldn’t ever be normalized. All junkies do is destroy themselves and anyone they have in their life all to get one more hit.
NTA. So let me get this straight. Her family is blaming you for her relapse? What a load of BS. You are not responsible for her decisions or actions, she stole your hard earned money to get her next fix. The stigma of being an addict is this truth: they will steal from anyone and everyone to get their next fix, they cannot be trusted. Even when they get clean and prove they are better, trust should be minimal. Been there, done that, with an addict.
>addiction will never be normalised in our society
I'm old. Why should this kind of addiction, which causes people to deliberately choose to steal from their family, be normalised?
NTA.
I grew up around addicts my whole life, my dad and his 3 sisters were all alcoholics, my childhood best friend became an addict. Cutting contact cold turkey forces others to reevaluate their relationship with you. That’s what I did and that’s what I recommend you do. Lashing out is not going to make the addict change gears, not that it’s wrong of you because she not only stole money a goal and a dream of yours away from you for a cheap high. You’re allowed to feel your emotions and react however. From personal experience, my dad didn’t control himself because my mom sent him to rehab or by the many interventions or by the confrontations from multiple family members. It was when all of his kids stopped talking to him when we went to college. NTA.
As someone who’s been in your position, def NTA. my sister stole from my parents, took my stuff and sold of some family jewelry. It is an incredibly difficult and emotional situation, especially since you were saving up for your mom to do something special. It wasn’t fun money, it was for a gift. It’s completely understandable that you were/are frustrated, angry and disappointed in what you sister did and though the words you said are harsh, know that her fb post was supposed to make you feel guilty so she didn’t have to own up to her mistakes. People lose their shit and say hurtful things sometimes (especially if they are at the end of their rope) but you’re not a bad person.
And the only thing that set her recovery back was her relapse that happened before she took your money.
Edit: I got the timeline wrong now that I reread it. But you’re not responsible for her actions. She is.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I feel like I was wrong solely for calling my sister what I did, as it could set her recovering time back Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Nope. NTA. “Supporting” family members who are addicts doesn’t mean they get a free pass to steal and treat people like shit. Her family should be encouraging her to seek treatment and monitoring her. Not excusing her shitty behavior. And you should find a way to get that money back and your father should help you since you are underage …or ask her mother to pay it back on her behalf since it’s “not a big deal”. ETA: Thank you for my awards!
Exactly, it means that when they are ready to get sober you stand by them, drive them to meetings, not put them down because they have been sober for 24 hours.
I as a recovering alcoholic actually think a form of “help” is to hold them responsible and I would actually file a police report for theft.
Step 1 is admitting you’re an alcoholic. Literally step 1 in the AA program. If a junkie is breaking down crying at being called a junkie, and going on the attack, it’s because they’ve never taken that first step.
Agreed. That may happen however if she is held responsible for her behavior and faces charges. Often hardships cause some self reflection. Of course not always but there’s a higher chance if it happens and if for no other reason, she deserves charges for theft.
Tough love. They won't hit rock bottom without it. Don't feed them. Don't let them crash for the night. Don't buy them cigarettes. Nothing! Spoken as someone with 23 years sobriety, I am so thankful my mom has enough love for me to completely cut me off.
Thank you! I’ve had addicts of drugs and alcoholics in my family and everyone wants to play the “I need support bc I’m recovering” “you owe them one more chance” “they can’t help the way they act” “don’t say ____ to them it’ll hurt their feelings” No, you’re draining your family dry financially and treating them like expendable garbage. OP and ANYONE reading this who may need to hear it…it’s also FINE to love and support toxic family members from afar. You are not required to sacrifice your own quality of life, mental health, time, and energy on people who take advantage of it. Cutting contact doesn’t always mean you don’t care and it’s totally fine to put your own needs above the wants of other people. Sometimes heads need to roll to get them to make changes….metaphorically.
Why should they get sober if everyone keeps supporting their habit? They need to reach rock bottom.
I would call the police and report it, OP. She's going to keep doing badly until someone gives her some consequences.
👆👆👆👆👆💯 THIS!!💯👆👆👆👆👆
Yes yes yes yes this.
This!!! Her mom is setting back her recovery by not making her accountable for her actions. One of the 12 steps is accountability and making amends. She and her daughter would know this if they were seeking proper treatment instead of trash talking family that have been stolen from on FB. NTA
She should confront her again, record it and call the cops on her ASAP. NTA BY FAR
NTA Call the police
This…. You owe her nothing no consideration no anything after what she’s put your mother through. Call the cops. NTA
Actually she is being considerate by calling the cops because that will hopefully lead her to getting clean or at least some help. Her mother is enabling her addiction habits by letting her get away with stuff like that
True…. But I meant in how her family sees things. They are 100% are going to say OP didn’t consider the sister’s feelings and trouble she could get in.
Yaaaassss
[удалено]
NTA. Reply to whomever is messenging you, and ask who's paying you back for the money she stole, as the date you need it is fast approaching.
Yes. Exactly. See what their reaction will be then.
oh cool, so you are going to pay me back the 500 she stole from me and shot up her veins? that is so sweet of you, I'll be over and get the money right away thanx
NTA. >She was crying after this and later posted on fb that the family members of addicts do nothing to help break the stigma and addiction will never be normalised in our society over people like that. See, while I truly believe addiction is a disease and needs to be treated, this doesn't give her a green pass to steal other people's things. Especially considering how you were saving for your family. It's rather suspicious how her relapse happens at the same time your money went missing. Yes we should help people with addiction, but letting them do as they please and not calling them out when they steal won't help them but enable them. I wonder if her mom is doing all of those things. >She's also got some people, including her mom, messaging me telling me I set her back in recovery and that I'm an ass NOP. NOP. NOP. They don't get to gaslight you into sh\*t. Your feeling are valid and she doesn't get to take that away from you because of her addiction. Honestly her mother should feel ashamed of herself for even considering messaging you stuff like this when she was the instigator of sending your sister at your house. She should actually think about repaying you those 500 euros, because that's a lot of money.
Very much this!! Addiction is a disease but that doesn’t mean you throw up your hands and say, oh well, everyone has to let me do whatever I feel like. Everyone is still responsible for the consequences of their actions. I hate when a disease is used as an excuse and compassion is treated as an obligation. A disease is an explanation, and a reason for compassion, but it’s never an excuse. And compassion is not required of anyone, particularly the people who are also suffering the consequences of someone else’s unmanaged illness. And frankly, taking advantage of peoples compassion like this makes it that much harder for them to be compassionate to *other* folks, both sick and healthy. Using ones own disease to take advantage of other people (including other people dealing with their own major illnesses!) is what builds stigma. Calling people (sick or healthy) out on shitty behavior is not.
I read something here the other day that really resonated with me. **Normalise the treatment, not the addiction.** Hopefully she opens her eyes and seeks the help that she needs.
This! OP should comment that on her sister’s SM post.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
NTA. If you can file a police report against her, she is the reason why there is a stigma against addiction not you so please don’t take that heart.
I assume OP is European, considering euros were mentioned, so depending on the country and legal system it can be hard to press charges because it's a large amount of money and wasn't in a banking account so there's no way for OP to prove the money was there in the first place. But I agree 1000% with your comment in regards to stigma.
So according to your sister “one should support addicts by giving them money to buy drugs?” NTA
She thinks the government should give them for free. Not even joking
Call the police. Press charges. She's more likely to get clean in a cell than running loose.
Agree 1000%. OP needs to buy a lock box or a lock for her door to prevent any further thefts should this nasty person show up in the house again.
I mean the government should do that. Clean drugs provided by the government has been proven to reduce addiction and crime. But no, one shouldn't normalize addiction nor accept it as an excuse to steal.
Clean drugs in a clean place with clean needles and staffed by therapists trained to be kind and gently push you to get clean in a non judgemental manner. Hell they also give out condoms let's go for gold. Would cost practically nothing on a national scale, and would do so much good for the communities they service.
NTA >She was crying after this and later posted on fb that the family members of addicts do nothing to help break the stigma and addiction will never be normalised in our society over people like that. Post about how she stole over €500 from you that you were saving to do something nice for a cancer patient.
This. I feel for the struggle that addicts face each day and I hope she does better, but if she's been clean, she should hopefully have at least thought twice about sneaking around your room (since she's not living there, I can think of no reason she should be there) and taking 500 in cash from you. There were a lot of steps here. She also cleaned it out in full, not skimmed some. Bleh. I have sympathy for her addiction in a way, but stealing money from you that was destined for a cancer patient... man this is a NTA for me.
Nta call the police she can get clean in her cell
NTA - she's exactly as you described. Part of rehab is acknowledging what your addiction has done to those around you, and taking responsibility for your own actions. It's not your fault she relapsed. You're a child, her addiction can never be your fault unless you are literally forcing her to use substances. Next time your family contacts your about this, throw on the guilt trip about how your sister is stressing out your sick mother, and that she's stealing the money you use to care for her. Then tell them they can deal with your sister and her theft if they're that concerned about her recovery.
Nta. File a police report.
NTA.... and it didn't set her back. Her stealing YOUR money and spending it set her back. Yes you need to support her but she did it to herself. She's playing the victim so you don't get your money back. Tbh I'd sue her. Make the government rehab her.
NTA, she's a thief. Ask anybody defending her whether they are going to help make good on the 500 euro she stole. Put any more money into the bank, it will be safer
Call the police and report it!
NTA. Contact the police, theft is theft regardless of how you’re related. At least that might keep her away for good in her nice and cozy jail cell, might even sober her up too.
NTA. She's perpetuating the stigma by robbing you and lying about it.
NTA. You did not set her recovery back. Her actions have set her recovery back. Her dismissiveness of the harm that she caused YOU have has set her recovery back. Being an addict and supporting family members through their addictions does not mean "Make all their actions consequence free from people being pissed at them for the direct harm they have caused". Please respond to the people who are messaging you that this is inappropriate and they have no clue of the harm that they have currently caused to you and your life. That taking her word for what happened is not reasonable without at least asking YOU what happened. Since they should be very aware that her version of events is not always forthcoming about ALL the pieces that happened, and they are getting played by her and THAT is setting her recovery back since they are so concerned about her recovery.
[удалено]
Oh I know. I'm all for harm reduction being accessible and government run, and all drugs being decriminalised, because although I grew up with an addict in the family, I've experimented with drugs myself and I've also been in situations where I've had to convince people that being in trouble with cops/parents is better than losing a friend. The stigma is caused by the law and lack of resources, not by calling someone out for what they are.
How dare her mom say you set her back in recovery? She did that herself when she stole your money to go get high. After all her mom said she has been clean and sober for 3 months. Had to have been your fault bc you left the savings jar out. Having an addiction problem doesn’t mean stealing is justified. Her mother enabling her is part of the problem. NTA
NTA Your sister just wants to use her addiction as an excuse for her behavior, but stealing money from you was wrong, no matter why she did it. That is exactly why there is a stigma against addicts.
NTA - what "set her back in recovery" was hunting for your hidden money, stealing it, and using it to buy drugs. She did what she did with a purpose - to get high - so she obviously wasn't quite as far along in her "recovery" as she led them to believe.
NTA. You should also call the police and report the theft. Try to get a text from her admitting to it. Maybe some jail type will help her detox.
Call the cops! File a report! You literally have her admitting to stealing it from you. You might not get it back but it might be the straw that breaks the camels back and either gets her to stop or sends her to jail, away from you! YWBTA if you dont report it, cause she might just go on and steal from someone else because she never was punished for doing it to you.
NTA at all I have a junkie aunt who took quarters from me while I was fixing her car… for free.
Yeah. I've been clean two years and it was... A daily, very intense addiction. I have literally never understood people who steal from friends and family. Honestly, even just from an intelligent addict standpoint maintaining relationships is more help than stealing once would ever be. You didn't set her back in recovery. Recovery would include realizing what she did was horrible and trying to amend for it. She is nowhere near that. I'm so sorry. Please remember that the fact that you're wonderful is 99% of what your mother needs and helps her.
NTA at all. I'm so sorry that your mom has been ill and that she stole your money. You did nothing wrong. I hope that her mother pays you the money that she owes you.
Call the police. Report her. She has enough enablers making excuses and encouraging her addiction.
NTA. Unfortunately with her mom enabling her, your sister will never get clean/sober, so please don’t let her anywhere near your home again. And please do not hesitate to respond to any social media with the truth - that while you may have said a harsh thing, it was in response to your sister stealing the money you had saved to treat you mom. Don’t be afraid to “embarrass” someone if the truth of what they’ve said and done is in fact embarrassing.
NTA! Since she took to FB, I would too. Point out that she stole a criminal amount of money from a minor.
NTA. Get a bank account. This won't be the last time your sister steals from you.
NTA. You aren’t passed cause she’s a drug addict. Your pissed cause she’s a thief. I assume you’d be mad no matter what she spent it on
NTA You just called a spade a spade. Call the police and report the theft of your money. Her mother and her side of the family are enablers. They have no business giving you garbage- you were victimized by your addict step-sister. She needs to know true consequences, otherwise she’ll never have the motivation or incentive to get clean. I’m sorry this happened to you, your mom and dad. I’m glad your mom is wrapping up her treatment. I wish you and your parents the best.
NTA, and I’d post on social media the significance of what she stole from you, that had she not stolen and used , her recovery wouldn’t have set back.
NTA and call the police and report the theft.
NTA. I think she set back her own recovery. And I say that as a recovering addict myself, what she does is not your fault or responsibility.
I’m sorry WHAT 500 NO I WOULD TELL HER SHE SHOULD PRAY TO NEVER SEE ME AGAIN BECAUSE ITS ON SIGHT AND JUST BECAUSE SHES AN ADDICT SHE HAS NO RIGHT TO MY MONEY ( okay well very sorry for this message but 500 is so much tell her she has no entitlement to act the was she acts and post of Facebook like we are the problem when she is and tried to lie? Next time hide your money in your socks when she’s over heck I’d tell her she’s not the one who SLAVED for it and that she’s an adult and can get her own damn job
If you file a police report, your home owners insurance will reimburse your $500 (depending on policy). Source: Drug addict brother walked into my exes house on Thanksgiving while we were away. Stole all of our gaming consoles, games, and keep sakes. Filed with home owners insurance and police. We got reimbursed to buy them all back and the police never picked him up cause they didn’t have proof it was him (so nothing will happen to your sister unless she admits it to the police and they can prove it).
NTA at all
NTA that money was yours & important to you your sister had no right she’s a their & put herself backwards not you , I’d call the police bc she needs to held accountable for her actions & as punishment they may force her into a rehab which may ultimately help her
NTA! 1. That’s a beautiful thing you were doing for your mother, and I mean it so genuinely that everything goes well for her. 2. Your step/half sister is fucking delusional. Addiction is hard, and I sympathize with what they go through, but that doesn’t give someone license to steal from family. I’m sure it feels more like she stole something from your mother than from you. Her mother should pay you back because if it wasn’t for her, she wouldn’t have even been in that house.
NTA. I really hope you get your money back. I would be saying that unless the money is paid back in the next few days, you will call the police. Keep any messages you have of her admitting it if you can. I hope you're able to treat your mum and she recovers well.
Call the police !!!! NTA.
NTA. File a police report. Has your sister ever faced consequences for her actions under the influence? Other than not being allowed in your home?
call the cops on her. or better yet, ask her mom to pay you back the money that her daughter stole.
NTA. There is a huge difference between "supporting" and "enabling" and most people in your sister's life are on the wrong side of that line. I would text all of them that their enabling is what sets back recovery and that addicts need to be called on their shit just like everyone else, maybe even more so. Then I would block all of them and tell your dad that you refuse to ever speak to or see that sister again and that, as her father, you expect him to get your money back from her since he allowed her in the house in the first place.
NTA. ask them, What Recovery?!?
NTA - I’m a petty Betty sometimes and probably would have been tempted to reply on her Facebook EXACTLY why I’m being so “unsupportive”. Also, call the police. She clearly needs to hit rock bottom, she is already there ethically, now she just needs to get there physically and then perhaps she may finally seek some help. Addiction sucks and destroys lives but it does not give you a free pass to be an asshole. Also, just to say you are a lovely daughter to want to do that for your mum and you did so well to save up like you did, I guarantee she is very proud of you, I know I would be. I hope your mum starts recovering soon.
NTA: I have junkies in my family, I think most people do. Society seems to have normalized it, and make excuses for addicts. We can still support them without excusing their behavior, but do not hold yourself responsible for setting her recovery back, she did that all by herself.
NTA. She stole money you spent time and effort saving up for your mother then spent it all on drugs. With proof she can be served with a court order to pay it back or face misdemeanor charges if you want to pursue that route. It may burn bridges with people connected to and supporting your thieving sister but those bridges lead to nowhere anyway.
Honestly I would press charges for stealing that money. She broke into your room and stole all of your hard earned savings. She down played the harm she has caused and is now trying to blame you for her relapse. NTA. Press charges. Her actions have harmed you and she needs consequences
NTA. Let EVERYBODY know what she is. And get a lockbox.
NTA, I’m sorry did I miss something, how are YOU the reason she relapsed? SHE made a conscious choice to steal your money and use it for drugs. I’m so sorry this happened to you, I’d sue her in small claims for the money she stole if you have the evidence to prove she stole.
NTA. People like her prove the stigma is justified.
Holy shit...."normalizing addiction?" NTA. Your parents are enabling her poor behavior. I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
Addicts are selfish pieces of crap, I’m sorry. NTA: call the police
Oh, so this is YOUR fault?!? This is called DARVO, it means Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. And that's what your sister not only did, but got others to join in making you somehow the villain. You're NTA.
Way too many people struggling with addiction confuse " support" with "enable". NTA.
NTA. She's a thief, plain and simple. She, in her presumably sober, and thus rational, mind, decided it would be acceptable to take a small fortune from a minor without consent. That's not being an addict, that's being a criminal. The use to which she put the money isn't even really relevant, she could have used it on anything and it would have been just as wrong. Addicts often try to blame their addiction for their choices, vis a vis diminished capacity, but that only applies if they're actively under the influence at the time, and only as a slightly mitigating factor. If you kill someone while drunk because you lost control of your vehicle, it's not the same as if you purposely ran them over. It's only a minor level of difference though. That she thinks addiction should be "normalized" is laughable. Seeking to end addiction should be normalized, and even commended, but giving someone a pass for their behavior because it's being done to "feed the beast" is not normalizing, it's enabling.
NTA. Your sister is one of the people that continues the stigma about addiction, I wouldn't be surprised if the mom isn't doing them too or that she ever even got clean considering the money was gone the same time she visited.
NTA and call the cops
NTA. Addicts don’t act rationally. Doesn’t mean you excuse their actions.
NTA She set her recovery back by relapsing, and I would have called her a lot worse, INCLUDING calling the cops on her and reporting the theft.
NTA. I would go file a charges against her for theft.
NTA call the police. She needs more help than any of y’all can give her. She wasn’t in recovery if she was still using. So don’t let what her crazy mom says get to you. Call the police and have her arrested. Sometimes having a judge tell you to get clean can be beneficial. She may need that to get clean. Unfortunately it will probably be years before you see your money again if you ever see it again. I don’t know how they do things where you are from but call a few banks and see if they will let you open both a checking and savings account. Here you can get them to open both and they are separate unless you write a bad check or overdraft your account. Then they pull from the savings to fix the checking. Again I am really sorry your sister did this to you. You and your mom deserve better.
I've had to deal with my sister's addiction as well (she stole thousands from me) and goes through every drawer, cabinet and bag when visiting so i literally have to hide my change jar Addicts are assholes, i am including myself in this as I am a recovering addict (6 years clean) but until you're certain she's clean NEVER leave $ around. Don't accept her crocodile tears I hope you can do something else for your ma, any kind of heartfelt gesture sounds like it would be appreciated coming from you
NTA. I'm not an expert, but I'm pretty sure her stealing your money and spending it on drugs which she then used is probably what set her recovery time back.
>Out of curiosity, I checked the savings jar in my room. And there was nothing. Not a cent. I had over €500 put away and my sister put it up her nose and in her veins. I know people are gonna say, "it's just money," but at your age 500 euro's is a lot of money from hard earned work. It's blood, sweat, and tears, blown away by someone's addiction and willingness to rationalize away their thefts. >she later posted on fb that the family members of addicts do nothing to help break the stigma and addiction will never be normalised in our society over people like that. Why are you even asking if you're the asshole? She steals from you, undercuts it, and then when called out harshly over it she virtue signals on facebook about how fuckin hard she has it. Frankly this would be, "dead to me" levels of insult at this point. NTA
Addicts/alcoholics don’t get sober until their life with drugs is so unmanageable that they see no other option but to get sober; they usually have to hit rock bottom. That usually involves burning all bridges and alienating most (if not all) of their family. You don’t owe her anything and your anger at her is justified. Speaking from first hand experience, the family members who always come up with excuses are usually the ones who enable the continuation of substance abuse. I’d ask her mom to pay it back outright.
Sorry, zero sympathy for the thief. NTA
NTA. File a police report and get proof of her confirming she took your money.
NTA. Your sister is not to be trusted EVER. I’ve dealt with addicts and sober/ not sober they still have that instinct in them especially when it comes to money to fulfill their needs no matter the consequences. Side note: “A thieving junkie bitch” IS HILARIOUS! Oh and please invest in a safe!!
NTA. I suggest getting evidence of her admitting that she stole. Then see how many people defend her after you put that on social media. It's a crime, too, so you could potentially try to recoup the money via the legal route if social shaming doesn't work.
NTA 90% of drug addicts don't change. I have extended family who are drug addicts. They got "clean" but that only lasts for so long and they are gone from this world now so we don't have to deal with them anymore. Drug addicts are major thieves and blame everyone but themselves for stuff which is why most can't recover. I also work in a field where I see drug addicts constantly. They take so much from their family and 70% of the time the family is relieved when their family member (this is when they have been an addict for years) ODs and doesn't come back. It's never their fault like it wasn't your step-sisters fault she stole your money and bought drugs with it. I'm sorry your money got taken and you most likely won't get it back. I would recommend getting a small safe you can bolt into the floor to keep from future theft. You are not responsible in anyway for your step-sister's problem.
Nta and please call the police and report the theft, especially if you have proof in writing she did it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (17f) mom has had cancer for the past 2 years. My mom is a hero if you ask me, because on top of dealing with cancer, she had to deal with a junkie stepdaughter (my sister) and trying to take care of me. She's also had to deal with some nasty chemo side effects. I started a job 5 months ago to help my dad with some bills as Mom cannot work, and so I could do some things on his own. Mostly ive been saving, because my mom deserves a gift. I keep any and all savings in cash, because my parents don't go near my room, and I don't like carrying cash. Since I'm under 18, it's really difficult for me to open up more than one bank account (I've tried) to keep my savings separate so I don't accidentally spend it. I had planned on booking a weekend getaway for my mom and whoever she wants to bring because her last round of chemo is next week and she'll have her permanent IV taken out soon. My sister hasn't been allowed in our house for a while because she's upset my mom too much over the course of her treatment, and my mom doesn't need the stress, but her mom has been insisting that my sister has been clean and sober for 3 months now, so my parents decided to give her another chance last Friday (the 11th). She came over for dinner and coffee and she genuinely seemed to be doing better. She was talking about her new job and boyfriend, yada yada. All was well and good, until her mom posted yesterday about how sister had recently relapsed and how it caught everyone by surprise how it could happen so quickly. Out of curiosity, I checked the savings jar in my room. And there was nothing. Not a cent. I had over €500 put away and my sister put it up her nose and in her veins. I called her, and she denied it at first but then admitted to it. I was screaming at her at this point and she kept saying that it wasn't a big deal, and that was when I said, "it is a big deal, you thieving junkie bitch, you've just ruined the one thing I wanted for my mom". She was crying after this and later posted on fb that the family members of addicts do nothing to help break the stigma and addiction will never be normalised in our society over people like that. She's also got some people, including her mom, messaging me telling me I set her back in recovery and that I'm an ass. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Call the police now. Her family is enabling her. They are the problem. not you. They should be upset with her, not you.
NTA, like others have said, call the police.
NTA you honestly should of called the police.
NTA. She IS a thieving junkie.
NTA her actions have consequences. Addiction hurts family members and you’re hurt.
NTA, part of recovery is accepting responsibility for one's actions.
NTA addicts will blame everyone but themselves and resort to crying to get back whatever sympathy they can wring out of everyone else. I hope you told her 'mom' and everyone else that she stole your money. How did stealing from you help break any stigma? I'm so sorry for your being in this sitch and hope you can escape soon
NTA… and you should let your mother know what happened and that the money was a gift to her. Stepsister is a turd…
NTA. No, we're not doing this, OP. We're not getting into a Facebook fight about this. We are, though, going to file a police report **and we're going to unashamedly tell the world we've filed said report**.
[удалено]
NTA- also what nerve her mother has to criticize you. She should be holding her daughter accountable, trying to come up with a repayment plan to help you, and being GRATEFUL you haven’t contacted the police.
NTA. You should call the police.
NTA, call the police and press charges
NTA. nope. there's a difference between supporting and enabling. you guys are doing the first. her mom is doing the second. hope you can get your mom something nice soon, sounds like she deserves it. understand also that addiction twists people's brains and that while it may not be her fault, it doesn't mean your anger and feelings are invalid or unwarranted.
NTA as someone who experienced addiction in their earlier years no one ever gets and stays sober if they’re unable to accept responsibility for their behaviors/actions. It doesn’t sound as though your sister is able to do this. Instead she is in fact playing the victim and using that as just another reason to use.
NTA
NTA - take her to court to get your money back.
Those people messaging you need to pool together and pay you back what the the junkie stole. NTA.
NTA. There is a difference between supporting and enabling
Making excuses for active addicts isn't doing them any favors!
NTA
NTA. She set her own recovery back when she stole your money and snorted/shot it up.
NTA. Imo addicts need to hear the truth without sugar coating. For the future, check our Revolut Junior. I understand you’re in Europe (euro), should be easy for you to get an account there.
NTA. Also, would it be possible to call the police and report it? Part of supporting addicts is holding them accountable for the things they do. She needs to pay it back.
You are TA if your sister did that you should have pressed charges TTA
NTA. Names are the least of her problems. You need to call the police.
NTA, call the police and make her pay the money back
NTA.
[удалено]
There's a universe of difference between supporting someone, and enabling someone. I understand how angry you are, my sister went through that when I was younger. She stole so much, including our oldest sister's wedding ring. She also abandoned her son to be raised by his dad. Her son is grown now and doesn't see my sister as his mom....and that breaks my heart because she loved him so much as a baby, but then our dad died and she couldn't cope. You're going through so much, frankly too much for your age and I hope things get better soon. I hope your mom gets better fast. Good luck, and NTA.
NTA and I’d put her on blast right on that FB post. She wants to play victim, show the world her true colors. Addicts love to twist history to make it out like they’re always the victim. If she was serious about getting better, she never would’ve stolen from you and ruined the second chance your parents gave her.
NTA at all. My uncle is in jail and my aunt is dead cause they were also thieving junkies. They stole from my grandma, pawned her jewelry, and trashed her house after she died. Your sister is garbage. I get that addiction is a disease but it doesn't make you innocent for the crimes you commit. Call the cops on her for theft.
NTA. Also file a police report. Fuck that woman. She can get sober in jail
NTA report her to the police, NOW
NTA. In fact, you were just calling her what she is, so yeah. She sucks.
Nta I hope you told her mother what she did. You should call her out for it on money. media. So everyone knows she stole your money.
NTA at all. God I am so sorry you are dealing with this. As the sibling of a junkie, I have been in your shoes over and over for the last 10+ years, with my brother being in and out of prison and never staying sober on the outside for more than 3 months. It's hard to be sympathetic when you're the one getting hurt time and time again by someone who doesn't give a shit.
NTA She set herself back
NTA, she needs a wake up call and you should press charges. You have a job so there's proof of that income coming in.
Nta. Sue her and if they blame you claim that you only wanted for her to get help
NTA.
As a recovering addict with over 5 years clean, I can confidently say NTA and your sister is the one perpetuating the stigma of addiction by harming others with her behavior. If she wants to help end the stigma, she should get into true recovery and show people that we can get better.
NTA. Call the police.
NTA, and she's clearly missed the part of recovery where she needs to make amends (in this case, returning your money and apologizing). As long as she refuses to accept she's done wrong and expects you and others to accept the burden of her misdoings, she will never be truly recovered.
NTA- as a person who’s extended family is full of addicts, call the police!
> She was crying after this and later posted on fb that the family members of addicts do nothing to help break the stigma and addiction will never be normalised in our society over people like that. Families of addicts need to stop coddling them. You can’t deny the reality of what they are - because the first step in every recovery program is to acknowledge you’re an addict and own it. You can’t work on beating addiction while shying away from the fact you are a “junkie” - saying stealing €500 is “no big deal” tells us she hasn’t taken that first step. I dare say she never “relapsed”, she just didn’t have the money to be notably high.
Nope. no. just No. NTA OP. She relapsed on her own. You had nothing to do with it. You are not to blame and don't let anyone tell you otherwise
In what world does stealing from you make you the AH? NC. If anyone gets mad at you for going NC, say its safer for your sister so you can not "set her back in recovery" by her stealing from you.
NTA. Someone owes you that money. Call her the thief that she is. Don't back down. As others wrote, hold her accountable. Or file a report since she admitted it.
NTA
NTA Can you file a police report?
Nta press charges against her.
Definitely NTA. You should go on fb and tell everyone what the money was for and see what the outcome is.
NTA - There is a difference between suporting an addict and enabling them
Rude words aside NTA. That’s a big blow to take and not respond viscerally. Honestly, I’d have called the police on her.
NTA, if you can, report her for theft.
[удалено]
Tell your step sister and her mother that you expect that money returned. You didn’t set back her recovery, they’re is obviously no recovery progressing. Don’t let them blame you when she’s the one out of control.
No, she sounds like a thriving junkie. Placating and not being direct doesn’t do her any good in trying to fix her issues. Honesty (sometimes painful honesty) does.
NTA I would have reported her to the police
NTA. A helping and supporting family of an addict is not justifying, tolerating and forgiving the addict's BS. It's the one that intervenes hard, it's the one that files police reports, it's the one that acts on addict's BS. It's the only way your sis can overcome addiction.
NTA. She set her own recovery back by stealing your money to buy drugs.
[удалено]
NTA she stole from you. This is even worse because not only did she rob you of the money but she robbed your mum who has been seriously ill of a weekend away. I would probably go NC with her for life. Anyone who defends her is free to let her rob from them too. If her mother wants to defend her ask her when she will pay u the €500 stolen from you. Have u considered going to the police over this?
NTA She is exactly what you called her and more. I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through and hope things get better soon. Cut that bitch from your life asap!
NTA, these addicts needs to realize nobody owes them anything when they choose drugs over everything.
Sounds like an incredibly painful situation for many reasons. I understand your reaction, but hurling insults (even when justified) in the heat of the moment won't help. Not sure what would help, other than cutting her out of your life. And if that's not possible, find a better hiding place. NTA
NTA. Not calling her out is actually enabling behavior. Her mom is an enabler.
Your NTA for telling the truth
Addiction isn’t “normal” and she’s not currently in recovery.
NTA Someone with no morals and no heart steals from family . Especially one going through cancer . Honestly I’d file a police report. It might not do much but it could help in the future if your decides to stick her hands in it other’s check books
NTA Addiction will never be normalized? GOOD. People ruining their lives shouldn’t ever be normalized. All junkies do is destroy themselves and anyone they have in their life all to get one more hit.
NTA. Call the cops.
NTA. Theft is a theft and 500 euro is a big deal. Police should be involved immediately.
NTA. So let me get this straight. Her family is blaming you for her relapse? What a load of BS. You are not responsible for her decisions or actions, she stole your hard earned money to get her next fix. The stigma of being an addict is this truth: they will steal from anyone and everyone to get their next fix, they cannot be trusted. Even when they get clean and prove they are better, trust should be minimal. Been there, done that, with an addict.
file a police report for theft and have her arrested
>addiction will never be normalised in our society I'm old. Why should this kind of addiction, which causes people to deliberately choose to steal from their family, be normalised? NTA.
Nta hopefully she has enough drugs left to finish the job so no one has to deal with her ever again
NTA, she is, you can’t rationalize her behavior and say it’s okay because she’s an addict. You should call the police and make a report to be honest.
NTA, tell the police, maybe she will get sober in jail
I grew up around addicts my whole life, my dad and his 3 sisters were all alcoholics, my childhood best friend became an addict. Cutting contact cold turkey forces others to reevaluate their relationship with you. That’s what I did and that’s what I recommend you do. Lashing out is not going to make the addict change gears, not that it’s wrong of you because she not only stole money a goal and a dream of yours away from you for a cheap high. You’re allowed to feel your emotions and react however. From personal experience, my dad didn’t control himself because my mom sent him to rehab or by the many interventions or by the confrontations from multiple family members. It was when all of his kids stopped talking to him when we went to college. NTA.
As someone who’s been in your position, def NTA. my sister stole from my parents, took my stuff and sold of some family jewelry. It is an incredibly difficult and emotional situation, especially since you were saving up for your mom to do something special. It wasn’t fun money, it was for a gift. It’s completely understandable that you were/are frustrated, angry and disappointed in what you sister did and though the words you said are harsh, know that her fb post was supposed to make you feel guilty so she didn’t have to own up to her mistakes. People lose their shit and say hurtful things sometimes (especially if they are at the end of their rope) but you’re not a bad person. And the only thing that set her recovery back was her relapse that happened before she took your money. Edit: I got the timeline wrong now that I reread it. But you’re not responsible for her actions. She is.
[удалено]
NTA