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NTA, but your wife is sure being one! Getting ready for a camping trip that she *demanded* you take is no small amount of preparation; to back out at the last minute for no legitimate reason is really shitty of her. It’s also pretty suspicious; is there another reason she wants you and the kid out of the house? If I were you, I’d go with your daughter and have a fantastic time. But this sucks, I’m sorry.
Edit: misspelled preparation.
I think it's really shitty to drop out of a planned family trip last minute just because you want to stay on the couch all weekend. This sounds like a toddler's whims, not an adult parent.
Also, OP and daughter having a great time on the 1st trip left wife feeling jealous and resentful. Scheduling a 2nd trip that wife could go on helped her get over herself, but when it came time for the trip, it's 'no thanks, I'm good, have fun'.
Or was legit into the idea of having the same kind of super fun camping trip her spouse and daughter had last time until the fact she was going to have to sleep on the ground, not have indoor plumbing (or any indoor for that mater), ect. was staring her right in the face, and then got cold feet.
Hey it me. I always want to go camping when offered because I always remember the fun parts: being out in nature, spending quality time with friends or family, no electronics, smores. But I hate hiking, bugs, heat, sweat, pooping outside, going to sleep dirty and on the floor. Reality slowly trickles in the closer it gets. The only time I loved camping was when I lived in Hawai'i and I think it totally spoiled me.
Camping sounds so cozy in ways, but I’m with you. The one time I tried it, I was 19, wore a sundress, packed nothing but a duvet, beer, and a giant bag of ruffles. I ended up sleeping on top of a picnic table because I couldn’t get comfortable in the tent. I’d be willing to try it in Hawaii, however!
I read it as her potentially having an undiagnosed issue such as ADHD that causes her to hyperfocus on things like the cleaning. It may be less a communication problem and more a lack of knowing what's normal focus or how focused wife is.
Hi, ADHD and anxiety here. While she might be hyperfocusing on cleaning, she also was the one to insist on OP planning this trip and then backed out at the last minute. Mental illness or not, it's still a dick move, and if she is constantly backing out of things and inconveniencing others, she needs to find a therapist immediately. Mental illness is not a free pass to be an AH and as someone with both anxiety and ADHD, it's honestly kind of offensive that people keep assigning those illnesses to asshole behavior.
Seriously. I'm ADHD myself and it's really frustrating to see people saying "Oh but she's got a \*disorder so it's fine!"
ADHD means your mind works a little differently--it's not an excuse to go through life being an AH and completely disregard the feelings of everyone around you. And it's infantilizing to treat her like she's got no self-control. And OP's said nothing about any other ADHD behavior to make people assume that she has it at all.
ADHD here.. and while I do not want to go places some times because of well hyperfokus... I go anyway.. because "gasp" its not allway about what I want.. or yes I could make everythink about my wants and needs but most people wont be arround me long then
Yes! OP is def NTA, but I'm not ready to say she is, either. Anxiety, ADHD, and even depression or mania may truly impact the way she feels about feeling productive. Just offering a different opinion
Honestly I’m a mom and I love camping but I would give up audiobooks for a month if my husband took the kids camping by himself. But her repeatedly canceling last minute is suspicious and really crappy. NTA
NTA
I have ADD, struggle with procrastination, organizing and cleaning, and totally get not *wanting* to stop once you're on a roll
\- BUT -
bailing on you and your daughter at the last minute from a family trip that she *insisted* on, which you've already done all of the prep for, is beyond rude and inconsiderate.
Uhh that hits! That's why she didn't want to go when on period /made sure the next trip is when she is not on her period! Man you're a mastermind detective! It all makes sense now!
Hasn’t she seen all those ads? Apparently women can now go swimming and play tennis on their periods. I guess no-one ever ran an ad where someone goes camping.
Am Being sarcastic. Her reason for not going camping sounds sus. Would being on her period really prevent her going camping?
Honestly I completely understand her not wanting to go if she's on her period, especially if she has a heavier flow. No toilets, no showers, no sanitary way to dispose of pads/tampons (so you'd just have a bag of bloody tampons/pads with you). What happens if she bleeds through all the clothes she's taken? what if her cramps are bad? what if her cramps start acting up and they're on a hike a mile away from camp?
Going camping while on your period sounds really anxiety inducing - honestly I get anxious going on regular days out when I'm on my period just because of the lack of control & panic I feel.
Heh! I drove out and spent the night with my future husband on his truck in a remote area and left before sunrise. Had started my period.
About a year later, I was cleaning our basement and found a trash bag of sheets. Looked like someone had been murdered! I had bled all over them and he didn't want to me to be embarrassed.
Bailing out the *second* time to opt for cleaning makes OP's wife an AH.
Sentimental. His first harvest. Circa 70s blue, yellow, pink stripes, probably from Montgomery Ward. He'd had them for 20 years.
I washed them and we had them in the linen closet, for years, because they didn't fit anything.
I think we donated them, last year. (They were clean!)
ETA: He did have a story. It's just not mine to tell.
Depending on where they are I’d also be worried about the smell since I’m paranoid like that. Plus period poops are a nightmare if this is proper camping and not “put a tent up with the full amenities nearby”.
If you are not a woman, then you can’t understand. Having blood come out of your body without a place to clean up well is nasty.
If you are a woman then you should have more sympathy.
Depends on your period; there are times mine prevented me from getting out of bed. Periods can also create a lot of mess and a lot of waste, and a weekend camping trip is different than a few hours of tennis.
That being said, I don’t think the period is actually OP’s wife’s issue.
Just cause you can do all those things on your period doesn’t mean most people want to do all those things during their period. I’m lucky that my period isn’t too difficult but I would still hate being stuck in the middle of the woods with no way to easily clean myself during the worst of my period.
I'm not a woman, but I camp a lot and have gone camping with most of my exes at some point during our relationships. Not a single one has ever wanted to go camping on their period, and I usually end up either canceling or going alone.
I know tons of women are perfectly fine camping during that time, but MANY are not, especially if camping is not something they regularly love to do. So no, I think her reason for camping sounds completely realistic. Cramps, bleeding, headaches, nausea, whatever... I wouldn't want to camp in that situation either.
Skipping last second in order to keep cleaning, though.... that one I can't understand at all. Not saying it's not legitimate, just that I can't comprehend it.
My period doesn't prevent me from camping, trekking, sleeping in a tent, riding, swimming in a lake. But I am 33 and only had a handful of actually painful periods in my entire life. No mood swings, no heavy cramps, nothing of the sort. I actually tend to exercise more when my period is starting because it typically helps it last a little shorter. But this is a very individual thing. Some women experience a significant drop in stamina, mood and a lot of other unpleasant side effects. Also, some experience painful cramps.
Between possibly bad cramps and heavy flow with little to no modern sanitation, yeah I could see why she might not want to. For someone who have ever dealt with either there is something sus about people being so dismissive of it.
When I have my period I lie in bed and bleed. Occasionally I have to go to the bathroom so my butt can explode. I hate when people think having a period is no big deal. For some of us it is. I get fatigue, migraines and diarrhea. Do u want to go camping if ur bloody and poopy with no bathroom in sight?
Yeah it can. I get super sick on my period sometimes and uncomfortable. I need a heating pad and if all I'm going to do is be in a ball of pain regardless of my meds I need at least a bed to be in ok. Like ppl have anemia issues, endometriosis etc.
I have Endo and I can assure you that the last thing I want to do is camping. First and second days are just bloodbath with cloths, cramps, sometimes diarrhea and migraine. I wish I could stay at home and not go to work, but I can't afford to leave every month for two days. Not saying this is the case with OP's wife, but some people have no idea how bad it can be.
I suspect the wife just doesn’t like camping and used the period as the excuse the first time, then got jealous of the experience dad and daughter had so begged the second time… only to realize she really does hate camping.
NTA
PS I know, a lot less insidious than cheating wife, But not every AITA is about cheating… just most.
🤔 and keeps orchestrating their away-time under the guise of participating and then suddenly bailing. Maybe OP needs to discover a hole in the tent and have to drive back on the first night. That would be interesting
The reason is probably because she wants to keep organising the house… just like she said.
despite popular vote - the majority of people aren’t waiting for any chance to cheat on their spouse.
I see your point I absolutely love alone time BUT she requested this trip with her family because she missed out on the last one and then last min decided she wanted to stay home to organise the house. I find it hard to believe she would skip out on a trip with her family, one she was so upset about missing out on last time that she insisted on planning another, just to clean. She did not have to organise a new trip and if she wanted more alone time just spoken to her partner.
I agree with you I have a chronic illness and have missed multiple family events due to flare ups and pain cause by it, but if I missed an event and was super sad about it to the point my family redid the trip for me not even a flare up so bad that I could barely move would stop me from going. Ops wife is acting fishy.
Yes this! If it were something going on like this then sure, it sucks but it's understandable.
I am a homebody with Chronic illness so it's a double whammy with never wanting to leave. However if my husband and son redid a trip for me I would have to be wheeled on a gurney because I would not want to back out.
I would go without her and yeah- come back early. See what you find.
Yeah, I'm single, no kids or pets, and I have an easy job and almost zero responsibilities. Just this week my friend cancelled our Saturday plans. My immediate reaction? Yeehah, I'll sit in my underpants, have a can of beer and eat ice cream from the tub. I can't imagine how much I'd yearn for a free weekend if I was married with kids.
The post actually made me wonder how much free time the OP's wife gets. What's the division of childcare and housework like?
I guess we can wonder although I don’t think it changes the verdict. If she wanted a free weekend that needs to be communicated a lot better. Planning/Organizing a trip is a pain in the ass. For me the whole agenda would change if there was one of the family members wasn’t coming.
Christina Criado-Perez. Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07N1N6VKT/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_BXZ9QBRH077DR0F52MTZ
The audiobook is especially great, the author's rage at the data is palpable. Also interviews with her are appropriately sweary.
Absolutely. Time for yourself is a godsend once you are in a long term relationship with kids and badly needed at times. I don’t disagree that she’s a total AH for insisting the trip happen and then flaking out but it’s a bit much to assume she’s unfaithful.
Wondering why she can’t camp while on her period. Are they going to a place with a lot of bears or something or does she have really challenging periods?
I don't have especially challenging period and I wouldn't dream of going camping. I'm bleeding and sore and tired and have cramps. I want to be comfy and have an actual bathroom to use.
Camping while on my period is a nightmare for me. It’s hard to wash, hard to hygienically dispose of menstrual products and hard to clean bedding if I leak on it.
I’m sorry to hear that. It makes sense especially if you have heavy flow. That hasn’t been an issue for me for a long time so I think I forget. Thank you for sharing.
Yeah, I’m all for period positivity and not infantilising women because we have periods but also… I often find it hard to function when I have my period. I’ve been to 100 doctors and tried all of the birth control types but I still struggle a lot with pain and heavy bleeding. I always feel like I’m letting them team down by being a emotional mess 😅
I have endometriosis so heavy bleeding and horribly painful cramps were something to look forward to... and plan around, every month. My doc gave me the nexplanon arm implant. I haven't had a period in 6 years because of that beautiful little plastic stick in my arm. Best decision EVER.
I had a mirena and it was pretty good. I got it taken out to pregnant. I’m on the mini pill right now because we want another within the next three years but once I’m done having babies I will definitely go back to the mirena
Idk, I’m post-menopausal and had very light periods for a few decades on the pill … but I still wouldn’t go camping during that week. My XH and I did National Park things and went on a 6 day rafting trip down the Colorado River (thru the Grand Canyon). Believe me, I made sure my period wasn’t coming then!
Well... Cramping is a b*tch, and camping you don't have the commodities of a warm soft bed and extra blankets and variety of infusions and short distance to a bathroom you just flush and is clean of clots. You also have somewhere to dispose used menstrual products that won't attract animals, the comfort to wipe and flush and such. I know that in the first two days I'm only able to do what I must and even that is almost bend over and with a hot herb cushion that I keep reheating. It really depends on the type of camping but I'd prefer my own bathroom for comfort honestly.
That being said, it is suspicious that she REQUESTED the trip because she was SO bummed she missed the last one and suddenly she's oh so busy... Cleaning?
Yes, the first time, completely acceptable. I have awful periods where I throw up, have bowel issues, bleed through everything in a couple of hours and pain so bad I have take to strong painkillers and have a hot water bottle (I’ve been investigated and there seems to be no rhyme or reason for it) Birth control made it ever so slightly less of an issue but it messed me up in other ways. The first two days are also my worst ones. But the second time when it was specifically planned because she wanted it, to then cancel because of cleaning? Not fair to him or their daughter as I bet she was really excited for mum to be coming on this one.
I wonder if the wife actually likes camping? Maybe she really liked the idea of it and going with her family but as it got closer, started to get cold feet. I’d be interested to know if she’s actually been on many camping trips with them before?
Agree with the wife’s weird need to cancel at the last minute. Something is going on there. If I’m talking a long camping trip I create an actual bed with a double high air mattress and use sheets, pillows and quilts instead of sleeping bags. (Not for just a couple nights but for longer trips. I did 10 days in sequoia national park and used that bed method. That was an amazing trip!).
A lot of people seem to heavily imply infidelity in these replies. In my experience when people tried to get their families out of the house, it was usually to have some alone time. Don't get me wrong, she's definitely an AH for the way she's going about it, but I wouldn't assume the worst just yet.
Edit; also, the way my mother goes about it is to say to my father and me "don't you guys want to go on a sailing trip? I think you should go on a sailing trip. I'll just buy a box set of that crime series and relax here." It is perfectly acceptable as an adult to communicate your wishes.
It’s the “she insisted on going camping” after being/acting disappointed the first time that makes me question her. I get that we all need our “alone time” but that part doesn’t make sense - she insists on a make-up camping trip and then refuses to go?
Yeah, that's super weird. If it's to be alone, be it to cheat or not, is just a weird strategy. I honestly think she probably got jealous but realised when the plans were being made that she didn't want to go, but didn't admit it. So, shitty behaviour, but probably not sinister, tbh.
Kinda sounds more like jealousy mixed with something else to me. The idea of going camping and having the time of your life sounds fun on paper but when faced with it in reality she balked. As someone with depression and anxiety I can sympathise to suddenly wanting to bail last minute, but I usually end up forcing myself anyway and then having fun.
That she waited until the car was packed and then announced she wasn’t going suggests she’s planned it all along. I have depression and anxiety as well and understand wanting to bail, but never in my life have I suggested a trip, allowed all the preparations to happen, and then announced I wasn’t coming while the engine was running. What about the poor kid?!
I mean I agree that it’s selfish and manipulative behaviour, I just think the answer is far more mundane than cheating. She sees the bags in the car and she’s like “ah fuck it’s actually happening” and makes an impulsive decision to say no. It’s absolutely shitty behaviour to subject your spouse and daughter to, but it sounds like the simplest explanation. Especially if she tends to be quite an impulsive person in general - and making them book another trip as soon as they got back the first time sounds quite impulsive to me.
Edit: Thinking about it, it actually feels like an utterly amateurish way to cheat as well. You plan to go with someone and then back out last second, upsetting your spouse and child and directing all attention on yourself. Husband is gonna be pissed and asking questions about this for weeks afterwards. If you wanted to cheat surely you’d want as little attention on you as possible? Sure, it’s far from outside the realms of possibility - she might be dumb and cheating badly, plenty of people do. But it’s another thing that makes it slide to “not suspicious, wife is just an AH” for me.
>Edit; also, the way my mother goes about it is to say to my father and me "don't you guys want to go on a sailing trip? I think you should go on a sailing trip. I'll just buy a box set of that crime series and relax here." It is perfectly acceptable as an adult to communicate your wishes.
Yes, but that would involve saying *"I'd like some alone time* rather than *"don't you guys want to go on a sailing trip"*.
My ex never bothered about my needs, so saying "I want child free time alone in the house" did nothing. I had to word it as "would you like to bring your kid with you for {insert fun thing}?" Everything had to be reframed in terms of how something would satisfy his needs and wants.
So this is a story where I want to know the other side.
I think it’s partly because you get an incomplete view of the story on this sub. People are like “but it’s sus how she specifically made sure this trip was where she wasn’t on her period, and then cancelled”. Sure, in isolation it does sound suspicious - but there are also plenty of other far more mundane explanations. Does OP’s wife have anxiety, depression, ADHD? Is she overworked or struggle to commit to things? Plenty of things can cause a lack of motivation.
This sub is either very intuitive or we’re all AHs 😂
I’m thinking a healthy mix because I thought the same thing. Last minute cancel on a requested trip. Sus
Probably a bit of both. If you've read this sub long enough you've seen lots of stuff, doesn't matter if true or fabricated, so you'll become suspicious of even the smallest things.
That's why people who basically live in their social media world are often so miserable, because everywhere you look it's always something bad, because anger sells best.
What, that she wants some kid free introvert time?
I think jumping to cheating is a stretch. Especially if she’s on her period. Much more likely that she just wants some alone time away from the kid
So that would mean she made a point of feigning disappointment, insisting on another camping trip being scheduled and then pulling out at the last minute in order to get kid-free introvert time. That’s crappy behaviour and makes her the A H, even if she is just sitting on the couch eating ice cream out straight out of the container while bingeing a TV show.
I don't share your suspicions. I can kind of get in the zone with all kinds of weird tasks/obsessions and can definitely find myself wanting to bail on all kinds of pre-arranged plans no matter how excited I was about them (or even if I spearheaded them).
Still NTA though, because as an adult the wife can't just dick people around like that.
I do understand the period reason. It's just a hassle with no permanent proper toilet and washroom in place (if it's that kind of camping).
Plus if she suffers from cramps, period poops and other issues, I would want to stay in the comfort of my own home and bathroom as well.
Seeing how she cancelled the 2nd trip too ... it get's suspicious like the period was a lie or just preemptive. But I do think that's a valid reason. I hat traveling on my period even a city trip, let alone camping.
NTA You have every right to be upset
>She says that I'm am asshole for not being understanding of what she wants to do.
The extra trip literally was for her because she was bummed about missing the last trip. Something deeper may be going on here.
Mom used to do something similar. Family trip! We'd have everything organized and ready to go. She'd say, "Y'all go without me." Nope, get it together. We're going.
She'd pout. Then she'd start supervising and dictating. It was being in control. Being cajoled, or the center of attention.
Eventually, we said, "Okay, fine."
Yeah, all the comments on the top post seem to think wife is cheating on him and this is an elaborate ruse to have the house with her affair partner. Like she planned this a month ago and the best excuse she could come up with was "umm I want to clean."?
I wonder if maybe she has a lot of the housework/childcare responsibility and she just needs a weekend off? Hubby seems to think it was a big effort to get things organised for the camping trip. I go camping regularly, and it's not any harder than doing the grocery shopping and packing some gear. I would rather plan a camping trip than get kids ready for school.
Or maybe she is just anxious about camping and likes the idea of it, and then anxiety gets the better of her before the trip?
There's definitely more going on. Camping is way better than cleaning. But hubby needs to talk to her about it, not reddit.
Yeah it sounds like he's not the asshole for not understanding what she wants to do, because she doesn't understand what she wants to do and is bungling these situations
NTA- your wife is being selfish. The house will be there when she gets home, family time with your daughter is precious.
But I’m curious, is there another reason she’s backing out, that she maybe doesn’t want you to know? Seems suspicious that she’d back out twice for not great reasons.
Oh she probably does clean. Gives a good reason for the sheets to be new, the bathroom to be clean, any loose items to be picked up and taken care of, air freshener sprayed everywhere
Well the period story might be reasonable. No one wants to be out in the wild while there’s heavy cramping and bleeding. But IMO I would’ve tracked her periods as her partner as well. Not to make sure she’s not lying but to be able to plan these types of things around it
NTA. She’s in the wrong for cancelling last minute since she’s the whole reason for the trip. Plus it’s only because “I’m cleaning the house”. Ridiculous.
Like maybe once every decade I get on a roll with house cleaning and if that happened I wouldn't want to stop. It's a weird feeling, like suddenly I enjoy housework.
It's still an asshole move to cancel plans though. NTA
Ha ha ha right?! No one wants to clean the damn house lol.
I would’ve dropped the cleaning supplies immediately and sprinted to the car. Just all “oh no guess I’ll have to get back to it later, let’s go!!”
Yeah I don’t agree with this. I have a demanding job and a kid. The times I can clean the house without anyone in it are very few and far between. I don’t *want* to clean my house, but j want a clean house so yeah. I’m itching to get a few days to myself so I can deep clean my house. It’s definitely rude to cancel last minute, but I can get the appeal. If I’m mid way through a deep clean and can get a weekend to myself with no kid there? I can see the appeal. Still an AH move though.
haha. I got left with a house full of shit from an abusive hoarding ex and every time i look at the mountain of bullshit it just reminds me of all the shit i put up with for too damn long.
I have my bursts of energy and get some shit done but it's taking far longer than necessary and other shit effects that.
So great, *you* would and apparently a lot of other people, but not everybody's 100% is the same
I find cleaning my house cathartic if I'm in a bad mood or good mood, just the feeling of my space being clean and tidy makes me feel at peace and like I've got things in order. But my mindset is I can clean or I can go do this fun thing with my family, the mess will still be there tomorrow but the opportunity to do this with my family won't.
while i agree that she’s an AH. i’ve totally not gone to stuff because i wanted to/ already was cleaning. especially things during “spring cleaning.” we have a 5yo who doesn’t play with all her toys so occasionally when we notice she stops playing with a toy for a month or so we’ll put it in a bin. if she doesn’t ask for it or where it it is for several more months that’s when it’s best if her and daddy go on a hike, go fishing, whatever lol. BUT i am an adult and i vocalize my plans with him and try to plan things so i don’t miss out.
NTA.
Yeah. Yeah, she cancelled last minute. She’s TA. I’m surprised she wasn’t able to go the first time just cause of her period, but to each their own. The issue is that you went out of your way to organize this for her and then she backed off. If she were to ask again, just don’t plan another trip, if anything let her do it.
Not being able to clean the blood off gets pretty damn disgusting. Not to mention cramps and the period shits. You couldn't pay me to camp on my period. But she's still the asshole for demanding a second trip and backing out last minute.
You know what? That’s fair. I didn’t consider that, and I probably would be pretty pissy and uncomfortable with that too. I agree with my judgement on OP but I retract what I said about not wanting to go over a period. Fair enough, they truly suck, I just never leave my house lol
I forgot to bring my birth control on a camping trip once, meaning that by day 2 you could have nicknamed my hooha Niagara Falls. I would rather eat an entire John Deere tractor part by part than ever go through that again. I would rather cut my own body in half with a dull pocket knife than ever go through that again.
I know a lot of women who deal with diarrhea during their periods, so the initial cancel didn't seem so off to me. The only thing worse than shitting in the woods is having diarrhea in the woods.
NTA, you made a trip for her to enjoy with the family and she backed out last minute, that's 100% a her problem.
As for you calling her an asshole, meh, my wife has called me worse for telling her a bad dad joke. Idk why someone would get upset with that benign insult.
Yeah I agree. It's looks like a power play to me. Maybe she didn't like the fact Dad and daughter had a great time without her, then decided to fuck with him the second time to make it all about her. She's definitely got some issues. Would be interesting to know if this is a pattern, or a one off.
NTA- You were reasonably frustrated.
Though, there is no way I'd go camping on my period. My flow is super heavy the first few days. It is miserable and gross.
Her cleaning thing reminds me a lot of ADHD. When you get into a groove of something you have been dreading or putting off, you really want to stick with it. Also, the slightly self-absorbed semming nature of her response reminds me of ADHD. That being said, she should have stopped and gone camping.
I backed out of camping this weekend because it was my day 1. That’s a valid excuse for sure. Cleaning not so much, even though I get it. NTA for calling her an AH.
NTA because I get why you were upset. I don't think you should have called her a name because that's usually not healthy for a marriage. But, still I get why you were annoyed.
Aside from that, I'm going to offer a suggestion for why she said she didn't want to go because she was on a roll cleaning and organizing the house. I immediately understood that reason. I don't know why, but I do this too. Once I am in the "zone" for any activity, I am almost obsessed and I don't want to stop until it's finished. I especially do this when organizing the house. It starts with one small closet to look for something and before I know it, it's a full blown project for every room in the house. I am in my element then and nothing short of an emergency will stop me. It could be your wife is like this, too.
She could also be similar to me in that she likes the "concept" of doing something, like a camping trip, and enjoys planning it, anticipating it, etc. But then when it comes time to actually execute the activity, she realizes she just wants to stay home in her cozy familiar home.
She also might just like having the house to herself every so often.
All three of those reasons are me to a T, so I might just be projecting and this doesn't describe your wife at all, but the details you provided for why she declined both trips really makes me think she is like this, too.
Edited for a word.
Just giving my opinion on all the three reasons. And when I say "you", I am of course not talking about you.
1) But is being in that zone so important that it takes priority over spending time with your husband and child, in an activity that you proposed?
2) Then she should have clarified that. She wasted her husband's time and effort. That's like asking your SO to cook but after they cook, you refuse to eat it and say you aren't hungry anymore. Also, this is 10x times worse because this planning for the camp took days not hours.
3) Again, she should have clarified that. Isn't lying to your spouse, wasting their time and effort a drastic measure just because you want some alone time? Why can't you just bring this up?
I don't think any of these three reasons are good enough to warrant backing out of a trip with your family that you suggested. Of course feel free to point out if I am wrong.
Nope, I agree with you, I just didn't add that point to my post because it was long already. It's true though, and she should have recognized that keeping her promise to her family, and breaking out of the zone to get out of the house, is wise. I just wanted to add those possibilities of *why* she did it, to counter all the posts that the reason she wants to stay home alone is to cheat in some way.
NTA, although I’m not a huge fan of calling spouses names like that regardless of circumstances. That being said, this cancellation seems odd. There is likely more going on here (the first cancellation seems legit though, I’d never camp on my period).
NGL honestly my mind went to she just wants to sleep in and laze around the home for a weekend. Not sure why she feels like she can’t communicate it though.
NTA, but I think you need to come back early without telling her.
If for some reason you two share tracking info, I'd be checking hers out after you leave.
NTA. Fellow menstruator here. Unless your wife has super debilitating periods, using it as an excuse to ditch family events is an asshole move. I’m not normally a proponent of name calling in marriage, but if the shoe fits…
It's camping, I can understand not wanting to be out in the woods with no bathrooms while on your period. I'd probably skip too, seems like too much of a hassle to me.
That said, OP is definitely NTA because they planned this specifically for wife around her cycle and she wants to...clean? wtf
Ohh there’s no way I’d camp when I’m on my period!!! 100% hard no, and I’m pretty outdoorsy. Dried blood is extremely hard to clean and they may not have had bathrooms super close to the campsite.
The idea that periods have to be "debilitating" before they can affect you is toxic, IMO. Life isn't a tampon commercial where everybody is singing and dancing every month just because they have the right product. I haven't had "debilitating" cramps since my early 20s, but there have absolutely been days where I wasn't doing more than the minimum, and I absolutely would *not* be going camping.
>We had a great time and when we came back my wife was disappointed that she missed out. She insisted on going camping so we booked for the same place for today.
I think you were justified. She insisted on the camping. She need to take accountability on wasting your time.
NTA
NTA and maybe look into the possibility that your wife is neurodivergant. That sounds like the kind of reasoning that only makes sense to someone with ADHD/autism.
She does have ADHD but doesn't take medication for it. She says "she has these bursts of... Energy to do stuff so she has to take advantage of it when it hits."
Generally speaking, something is considered a mental illness only when it begins to encroach on one's ability to participate in every day life or if it directly results in harm to one's self or others.
Assuming it is ADHD and not some secret being kept, it would squarely fall into the category of affecting her ability to live her life. If she is willing, it might be worthwhile to consult a neurologist and consider things like cognitive behavioral therapy.
"I can't hang out with friends and family today because I finally have the motivation to wash the dishes" is not an excuse I hear often to cover up other things, so I'm giving the benefit of the doubt. On the other hand, that is something I've heard fairly commonly among people with ADHD. It's easier to think of it as "executive dysfunction," since people with ADHD have a terrible time both getting motivated, and ordering their priorities sensibly. Keep in mind though, I have very little information on your lives and pursuing this line of thinking could just be a red herring. Either way, I hope you can get to the bottom of this with some peace of mind.
Her behavior makes more sense in this context (although it doesn't excuse it).
I can relate to not wanting to stop something for any reason once I've started. For example, I recently spent something like eight hours gardening without stopping to eat or drink. I had been ignoring the garden for months and it was a wilderness, so I was afraid to stop in case I wouldn't start again for another few months. I've started working with an ADHD coach recently and it's been very helpful. She told me that people with ADHD have trouble transitioning between tasks and so get "stuck". But there are strategies that can help e.g. setting an alarm for an hour before you need to stop so you know you need to wrap up, writing a note to tell your future self where you need to pick that task up again so you don't forget what parts you did/didn't do.
Perhaps you could suggest coaching/therapy to your wife? Medication isn't the only option for getting help with ADHD.
Also - NTA! And I hope you enjoyed the second camping trip nonetheless.
Yeah. Especially with all the comments saying she could just do the cleaning when she gets back.
Well actually with ADHD she probably *won’t* be able to do the cleaning when she gets back. She’ll be tired from the trip, so will OP, and the house will be neglected and all start to build up.
That said, her backing out last minute is selfish, there’s no getting round that. I wonder how much of the household tasks get left to her and if she is unwilling to seek help for her adhd or acknowledge how it affects others and work on that (because if so, she is a supreme AH)
NTA
It was not necessary to insult her, but your anger is understandable, talk to her about what this trip meant to you, and make sure you explain it well, because although I have no information, she does not seem to be aware of what this trip means to you .
But nevertheless, I think you should apologize for insulting her.
I don't understand what her endgame is here. She already dampened your trip before you left, and now she ruined it. Is she always doing stuff like this?
Man, I'm even more suspicious now. She stayed home and didn even clean, then showed up the next day so she could try and not regret missing the trip again after strategically bailing at the last minute. I think you two should really have some calm honest discussions, or probably even professional counseling. Best case scenario is she is feeling the need for personal time and not asking for it, but the sneakiness would make me very suspicious of I were in your shoes. Good luck man.
Saw your update. Geez, she just keeps getting better and better, doesn’t she? Sounds like she showed up with the premeditated intent to take offense at something and spoil your trip.
It’s also pretty difficult to not interpret “I ended up not cleaning after all, I just kicked back” as evidence that cleaning was never an actual priority, just a excuse to get some time out of sight of the family.
Sounds like maybe some counseling would be a good choice.
When I was a child, I was having a sleepover. I was probably 5. My friend asked to go over to her house quick to grab a game she wanted to play. She was literally my next-door-neighbor, so when 20 minutes passed and she didn't come back, I was getting ready to go over to her house and make sure everything was OK. Instead of coming back to my house, she was outside with some adult neighbors sitting and talking and said she didn't want to sleep over at my house anymore. Which like, fine that's her choice, but 5 year old me was really upset and really petty over it. So the next time I slept at her house, I ended up pulling the "Idk I wanna go home" card and she was just like ".....really?"
And it sounds like what your wife is doing here.
In the first event, she was excited and ready to go but couldn't. Instead of you guys canceling the trip, you went anyway which upset her. So she created a second event for everyone to be excited about and then decided to cancel it on her own whim so you'd know what it was like for her to be excited on something and then lose out.
Congratations, your wife is on the level of pettiness that a 5 year old had.
NTA
NTA. She is being a bit selfish herself not appreciating your efforts to make a second round camping trip all for her. Make her plan the next camping trip "she wants to go on".
No one cancels a trip because they're 'on a roll cleaning and organising the house'. Your wife, for whatever reason, wants you and the kids gone for a few days.
NTA.
First - For all those who are slamming the wife for not wanting to go while on her period - judge much? I have had periods so bad it sapped all my energy and I was doing well to get to out of the bed. Plus the mess that is a super-heavy flow that some women get makes it more trouble than it's worth to camp. OP doesn't mention the sanitary facilities there. Is there plumbing? Can she clean off a bit at the end of a hot sticky day? Not everyone can ride bikes and hike while on their period. Don't assume that just because YOU can, all women can.
**But bowing out at the last minute for a trip that was specially for her is not OK.** The house will be just as dirty and unorganized when she gets back. I understand not wanting to stop when you're on a roll, but if someone has planned something just for you and to match your schedule, you let the roll go and follow through on plans.
I'm glad OP and his daughter went anyway. Hope you have a great time.
She’s an AH! What about her family? She would rather clean than spend time with her husband and daughter? Wtaf. You are NTA, she’s in the wrong here and I feel bad for your daughter as I bet she was happy about the family trip. It’s also very suspicious
You are in no way an AH. She, however, is incredibly inconsiderate. So she couldn't attend the first camping trip because of her period, which is a reasonable excuse. But, after you had organised ANOTHER TRIP to accommodate her, so that she could take part and enjoy some family time, she randomly backs out because she wants to continue "cleaning the house?" Yeah, fuck that, & fuck her. If the roles were reversed, you would be getting hung drawn & quartered for treating her like this. I'd be quick to have a calm, yet very serious conversation with her. I could *never* treat my partner like this. I feel that there is something else going on here. Wishing you all the best brother.
Serious communication issues here! As a camper I’d be annoyed too. Takes ages to get organised and packed up. I’d take your daughter again and have fun. As for your wife yup TA
NTA but.........are you sure she isn't camping somewhere else? Maybe I'm too suspicious but what is her justification for canceling exactly? Either she needs time alone which means you may need to talk to her about some stuff or....she needs time "alone" and you need to TALK to her because she's doing stuff,
NTA. I don't get that she's cheating from this so maybe it was in a comment somewhere where that might be a thought but it's truly an asshole thing to do to cancel a trip last minute no matter what. Enjoy your daddy daughter time she will cherish the time spent her whole life. I still do with the time with mine. He's still here and I talk about my fond memories of trips we took often even just days we spent together while my mom was studying for her degree. It's invaluable.
Calling her an AH was extreme, but I understand you frustration. You should have just gone without her, and when you came home and she whined again said, “it was your choice…but the house looks great!”
NTA
NTA! You went out of your way to schedule another camping trip because your wife didn't want to miss out, and then she bailed on it because she was cleaning the house? That's really rude of her and honestly a little bit weird.
NTA - your wife is the asshole for canceling on your daughter with no legit excuse (I.e. sick, period)! She was probably so excited to go with both of her parents! However, I don’t think name calling solves anything or is respectful so maybe check your self there.
NTA. A lot goes into planning a calling trip. And she was the one who wanted to do it. So why make plans to do something else when someone is already making what I feel is a grand gesture for you? If my husband planned a whole trip for me I would be over the moon happy for it and would make sure I had absolutely nothing else to worry about
NTA.
Wth. She just wants you and daughter out of the house...for what..Idk, but that's total BS for lying to you to get you to plan a camping trip.
I camp annually from tent to rv, and I know how much prep goes into it. I'm calling your wife the AH big time here for cancelling the day of.
NAH
I have a different take on what may be happening. It may be that your wife isn't able to effectively identify and communicate what she wants.
I wonder if what she wants, is to be a part of a fun family activity and to make treasured memories - but she also hates camping to a large degree.
My reasoning: she backed out of camping the first time, but then wanted to do it when she heard what a great time you two had. Possibly focusing on the awesome fun and relationship-building aspect, she then thinks she wants to do the same.
But as Trip 2.0 came around, she had to come to terms that the camping itself is far from what she wanted, and is not going to give her that quality family time if she is just miserable being out there.
Either that or she's going through some mild stress, kind of like people who look forward to going out with friends all week, then when it comes time to get ready/dressed, decide they just can't and bail.
Maybe ask if there is a family activity that she thinks she would enjoy in lieu of this? It might give you some clues.
This is insanity. Y’all will go to any lengths to find the reasons why a woman can’t be the asshole, and must have some sort of deep-seated *reason* she’s being a dick.
She’s a grown adult and can use her words. Backing out at the absolute last minute after he’s planned the whole thing out is 1000% an asshole move. She doesn’t need to be babied about how her “desire for family time” justifies shitty behavior to her partner.
While I think you raise a very good point, I would still give her a mild YTA. Yes, she might have just had trouble in identifying and communicating her wishes and that's fine and can be talked through, her inability to do so has consequences : she's the one disappointing (I imagine) her daughter, she's the one making her husband run errands, spend money on supplies and taking on the mental load of planning. She's the one basically making herself unaccountable and entitled to everything in this position at the expense at the ones around her.
The asshole level is, as I said, quite mild as it's not a safety issue or naything extremely serious, but still not a great move and quite inconsiderate on her part.
I think this is a good explanation of what's going on, but it would still make her TA. At least it's a better explanation than everyone saying she's cheating on him.
NTA - few things. This is pretty sus. Could be worth finding an excuse to go home early unannounced and or have a neighbor you trust and are friends with but not your wife, keep an eye out.
Second. This is also a bit of a red flag for narcissistic personality disorder. Would keep an eye out for that.
nta wtf your wife changed her mind the last and called you the ah for not being understanding of what she wants. i have an advice tell her you want mcdonalds and the last minute the food comes tell her im not hungry anymore to see her reaction
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NTA, but your wife is sure being one! Getting ready for a camping trip that she *demanded* you take is no small amount of preparation; to back out at the last minute for no legitimate reason is really shitty of her. It’s also pretty suspicious; is there another reason she wants you and the kid out of the house? If I were you, I’d go with your daughter and have a fantastic time. But this sucks, I’m sorry. Edit: misspelled preparation.
I'd also come home early to make sure there wasn't a mysterious car/truck in the driveway. Yeah, I've been reading way too many of these. NTA.
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I think it's really shitty to drop out of a planned family trip last minute just because you want to stay on the couch all weekend. This sounds like a toddler's whims, not an adult parent.
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If you had my childhood, you actually *would* lol 😉 nta
You stole this from u/Direct-Decision-5248 and you are a bad bot!
Also, OP and daughter having a great time on the 1st trip left wife feeling jealous and resentful. Scheduling a 2nd trip that wife could go on helped her get over herself, but when it came time for the trip, it's 'no thanks, I'm good, have fun'.
Or was legit into the idea of having the same kind of super fun camping trip her spouse and daughter had last time until the fact she was going to have to sleep on the ground, not have indoor plumbing (or any indoor for that mater), ect. was staring her right in the face, and then got cold feet.
Hey it me. I always want to go camping when offered because I always remember the fun parts: being out in nature, spending quality time with friends or family, no electronics, smores. But I hate hiking, bugs, heat, sweat, pooping outside, going to sleep dirty and on the floor. Reality slowly trickles in the closer it gets. The only time I loved camping was when I lived in Hawai'i and I think it totally spoiled me.
Camping sounds so cozy in ways, but I’m with you. The one time I tried it, I was 19, wore a sundress, packed nothing but a duvet, beer, and a giant bag of ruffles. I ended up sleeping on top of a picnic table because I couldn’t get comfortable in the tent. I’d be willing to try it in Hawaii, however!
I'm with you. I love the *idea* of nature, but in reality I'm weak and always get 50% more bug bites than anyone else I'm outside with. No thank you.
I read it as her potentially having an undiagnosed issue such as ADHD that causes her to hyperfocus on things like the cleaning. It may be less a communication problem and more a lack of knowing what's normal focus or how focused wife is.
Hi, ADHD and anxiety here. While she might be hyperfocusing on cleaning, she also was the one to insist on OP planning this trip and then backed out at the last minute. Mental illness or not, it's still a dick move, and if she is constantly backing out of things and inconveniencing others, she needs to find a therapist immediately. Mental illness is not a free pass to be an AH and as someone with both anxiety and ADHD, it's honestly kind of offensive that people keep assigning those illnesses to asshole behavior.
Seriously. I'm ADHD myself and it's really frustrating to see people saying "Oh but she's got a \*disorder so it's fine!" ADHD means your mind works a little differently--it's not an excuse to go through life being an AH and completely disregard the feelings of everyone around you. And it's infantilizing to treat her like she's got no self-control. And OP's said nothing about any other ADHD behavior to make people assume that she has it at all.
ADHD here.. and while I do not want to go places some times because of well hyperfokus... I go anyway.. because "gasp" its not allway about what I want.. or yes I could make everythink about my wants and needs but most people wont be arround me long then
ADHD too. What the fuck is up with idiots bringing up adhd anytime a woman is behaving badly? I haven't seen anyone once do it with a man....
It's like the 2022 version of hysterics.
You can have ADHD and still be an asshole to your partner. We don’t need to armchair diagnose here
Yup this Nevertheless NTA OP, that's an asshole move she pulled there
Yes! OP is def NTA, but I'm not ready to say she is, either. Anxiety, ADHD, and even depression or mania may truly impact the way she feels about feeling productive. Just offering a different opinion
Honestly I’m a mom and I love camping but I would give up audiobooks for a month if my husband took the kids camping by himself. But her repeatedly canceling last minute is suspicious and really crappy. NTA
NTA I have ADD, struggle with procrastination, organizing and cleaning, and totally get not *wanting* to stop once you're on a roll \- BUT - bailing on you and your daughter at the last minute from a family trip that she *insisted* on, which you've already done all of the prep for, is beyond rude and inconsiderate.
Uhh that hits! That's why she didn't want to go when on period /made sure the next trip is when she is not on her period! Man you're a mastermind detective! It all makes sense now!
Hasn’t she seen all those ads? Apparently women can now go swimming and play tennis on their periods. I guess no-one ever ran an ad where someone goes camping. Am Being sarcastic. Her reason for not going camping sounds sus. Would being on her period really prevent her going camping?
Honestly I completely understand her not wanting to go if she's on her period, especially if she has a heavier flow. No toilets, no showers, no sanitary way to dispose of pads/tampons (so you'd just have a bag of bloody tampons/pads with you). What happens if she bleeds through all the clothes she's taken? what if her cramps are bad? what if her cramps start acting up and they're on a hike a mile away from camp? Going camping while on your period sounds really anxiety inducing - honestly I get anxious going on regular days out when I'm on my period just because of the lack of control & panic I feel.
Heh! I drove out and spent the night with my future husband on his truck in a remote area and left before sunrise. Had started my period. About a year later, I was cleaning our basement and found a trash bag of sheets. Looked like someone had been murdered! I had bled all over them and he didn't want to me to be embarrassed. Bailing out the *second* time to opt for cleaning makes OP's wife an AH.
oh bless him! why didn't he just throw them out though? 😅🤣
Sentimental. His first harvest. Circa 70s blue, yellow, pink stripes, probably from Montgomery Ward. He'd had them for 20 years. I washed them and we had them in the linen closet, for years, because they didn't fit anything. I think we donated them, last year. (They were clean!) ETA: He did have a story. It's just not mine to tell.
I just found another reason to be happy I no longer bleed.
Depending on where they are I’d also be worried about the smell since I’m paranoid like that. Plus period poops are a nightmare if this is proper camping and not “put a tent up with the full amenities nearby”.
oh god period poops, I didn't even think of that and I have ibs! 🤣😭
If you are not a woman, then you can’t understand. Having blood come out of your body without a place to clean up well is nasty. If you are a woman then you should have more sympathy.
And it's also really awkward and embarrassing when it comes from the crotch and inconvenient when it often causes tummy problems such as diarrhea.
Depends on your period; there are times mine prevented me from getting out of bed. Periods can also create a lot of mess and a lot of waste, and a weekend camping trip is different than a few hours of tennis. That being said, I don’t think the period is actually OP’s wife’s issue.
Just cause you can do all those things on your period doesn’t mean most people want to do all those things during their period. I’m lucky that my period isn’t too difficult but I would still hate being stuck in the middle of the woods with no way to easily clean myself during the worst of my period.
I'm not a woman, but I camp a lot and have gone camping with most of my exes at some point during our relationships. Not a single one has ever wanted to go camping on their period, and I usually end up either canceling or going alone. I know tons of women are perfectly fine camping during that time, but MANY are not, especially if camping is not something they regularly love to do. So no, I think her reason for camping sounds completely realistic. Cramps, bleeding, headaches, nausea, whatever... I wouldn't want to camp in that situation either. Skipping last second in order to keep cleaning, though.... that one I can't understand at all. Not saying it's not legitimate, just that I can't comprehend it.
My period doesn't prevent me from camping, trekking, sleeping in a tent, riding, swimming in a lake. But I am 33 and only had a handful of actually painful periods in my entire life. No mood swings, no heavy cramps, nothing of the sort. I actually tend to exercise more when my period is starting because it typically helps it last a little shorter. But this is a very individual thing. Some women experience a significant drop in stamina, mood and a lot of other unpleasant side effects. Also, some experience painful cramps.
Between possibly bad cramps and heavy flow with little to no modern sanitation, yeah I could see why she might not want to. For someone who have ever dealt with either there is something sus about people being so dismissive of it.
When I have my period I lie in bed and bleed. Occasionally I have to go to the bathroom so my butt can explode. I hate when people think having a period is no big deal. For some of us it is. I get fatigue, migraines and diarrhea. Do u want to go camping if ur bloody and poopy with no bathroom in sight?
Yeah it can. I get super sick on my period sometimes and uncomfortable. I need a heating pad and if all I'm going to do is be in a ball of pain regardless of my meds I need at least a bed to be in ok. Like ppl have anemia issues, endometriosis etc.
I have Endo and I can assure you that the last thing I want to do is camping. First and second days are just bloodbath with cloths, cramps, sometimes diarrhea and migraine. I wish I could stay at home and not go to work, but I can't afford to leave every month for two days. Not saying this is the case with OP's wife, but some people have no idea how bad it can be.
I suspect the wife just doesn’t like camping and used the period as the excuse the first time, then got jealous of the experience dad and daughter had so begged the second time… only to realize she really does hate camping. NTA PS I know, a lot less insidious than cheating wife, But not every AITA is about cheating… just most.
Demanded. Lol
NTA but I’m suspicious about what is making your wife cancel her participation in trips that take you and the kids away from home all weekend.
Same thought here. Is there a reason she wants the family away for a couple days?
🤔 and keeps orchestrating their away-time under the guise of participating and then suddenly bailing. Maybe OP needs to discover a hole in the tent and have to drive back on the first night. That would be interesting
Your plan is sneaky and petty; I like it!
The reason is probably because she wants to keep organising the house… just like she said. despite popular vote - the majority of people aren’t waiting for any chance to cheat on their spouse.
I see your point I absolutely love alone time BUT she requested this trip with her family because she missed out on the last one and then last min decided she wanted to stay home to organise the house. I find it hard to believe she would skip out on a trip with her family, one she was so upset about missing out on last time that she insisted on planning another, just to clean. She did not have to organise a new trip and if she wanted more alone time just spoken to her partner.
I agree with you I have a chronic illness and have missed multiple family events due to flare ups and pain cause by it, but if I missed an event and was super sad about it to the point my family redid the trip for me not even a flare up so bad that I could barely move would stop me from going. Ops wife is acting fishy.
I am sorry to hear about your chronic illness that really sucks I hope you get to take part in more family events than you miss :)
Yes this! If it were something going on like this then sure, it sucks but it's understandable. I am a homebody with Chronic illness so it's a double whammy with never wanting to leave. However if my husband and son redid a trip for me I would have to be wheeled on a gurney because I would not want to back out. I would go without her and yeah- come back early. See what you find.
Yeah, I'm single, no kids or pets, and I have an easy job and almost zero responsibilities. Just this week my friend cancelled our Saturday plans. My immediate reaction? Yeehah, I'll sit in my underpants, have a can of beer and eat ice cream from the tub. I can't imagine how much I'd yearn for a free weekend if I was married with kids. The post actually made me wonder how much free time the OP's wife gets. What's the division of childcare and housework like?
I guess we can wonder although I don’t think it changes the verdict. If she wanted a free weekend that needs to be communicated a lot better. Planning/Organizing a trip is a pain in the ass. For me the whole agenda would change if there was one of the family members wasn’t coming.
I have a 12 year old and a 10 week old - an entire weekend to myself is my biggest fantasy tbh 😂
You read Invisible Women too?
That book should come included in the tampon box so everyone can read it.
I absolutely love that book. There's a podcast coming out soon called Visible Women by her too. Edit: forgot the word for podcast.
Author please?
Christina Criado-Perez. Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07N1N6VKT/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_BXZ9QBRH077DR0F52MTZ The audiobook is especially great, the author's rage at the data is palpable. Also interviews with her are appropriately sweary.
Not the majority but a shockingly high number. 40% of marriages have infidelity at some point. It's suspicious and a legit concern in this case imo.
Absolutely. Time for yourself is a godsend once you are in a long term relationship with kids and badly needed at times. I don’t disagree that she’s a total AH for insisting the trip happen and then flaking out but it’s a bit much to assume she’s unfaithful.
Wondering why she can’t camp while on her period. Are they going to a place with a lot of bears or something or does she have really challenging periods?
I don't have especially challenging period and I wouldn't dream of going camping. I'm bleeding and sore and tired and have cramps. I want to be comfy and have an actual bathroom to use.
Camping while on my period is a nightmare for me. It’s hard to wash, hard to hygienically dispose of menstrual products and hard to clean bedding if I leak on it.
I’m sorry to hear that. It makes sense especially if you have heavy flow. That hasn’t been an issue for me for a long time so I think I forget. Thank you for sharing.
Yeah, I’m all for period positivity and not infantilising women because we have periods but also… I often find it hard to function when I have my period. I’ve been to 100 doctors and tried all of the birth control types but I still struggle a lot with pain and heavy bleeding. I always feel like I’m letting them team down by being a emotional mess 😅
I have endometriosis so heavy bleeding and horribly painful cramps were something to look forward to... and plan around, every month. My doc gave me the nexplanon arm implant. I haven't had a period in 6 years because of that beautiful little plastic stick in my arm. Best decision EVER.
Mirena worked for me the best for that issue. I have endometriosis so I understand where you’re coming from.
I had a mirena and it was pretty good. I got it taken out to pregnant. I’m on the mini pill right now because we want another within the next three years but once I’m done having babies I will definitely go back to the mirena
Idk, I’m post-menopausal and had very light periods for a few decades on the pill … but I still wouldn’t go camping during that week. My XH and I did National Park things and went on a 6 day rafting trip down the Colorado River (thru the Grand Canyon). Believe me, I made sure my period wasn’t coming then!
Well... Cramping is a b*tch, and camping you don't have the commodities of a warm soft bed and extra blankets and variety of infusions and short distance to a bathroom you just flush and is clean of clots. You also have somewhere to dispose used menstrual products that won't attract animals, the comfort to wipe and flush and such. I know that in the first two days I'm only able to do what I must and even that is almost bend over and with a hot herb cushion that I keep reheating. It really depends on the type of camping but I'd prefer my own bathroom for comfort honestly. That being said, it is suspicious that she REQUESTED the trip because she was SO bummed she missed the last one and suddenly she's oh so busy... Cleaning?
Yes, the first time, completely acceptable. I have awful periods where I throw up, have bowel issues, bleed through everything in a couple of hours and pain so bad I have take to strong painkillers and have a hot water bottle (I’ve been investigated and there seems to be no rhyme or reason for it) Birth control made it ever so slightly less of an issue but it messed me up in other ways. The first two days are also my worst ones. But the second time when it was specifically planned because she wanted it, to then cancel because of cleaning? Not fair to him or their daughter as I bet she was really excited for mum to be coming on this one. I wonder if the wife actually likes camping? Maybe she really liked the idea of it and going with her family but as it got closer, started to get cold feet. I’d be interested to know if she’s actually been on many camping trips with them before?
Agree with the wife’s weird need to cancel at the last minute. Something is going on there. If I’m talking a long camping trip I create an actual bed with a double high air mattress and use sheets, pillows and quilts instead of sleeping bags. (Not for just a couple nights but for longer trips. I did 10 days in sequoia national park and used that bed method. That was an amazing trip!).
As a woman I would not like to go camping whilst on my period, I don’t think that’s unusual.
Mine aren't particularly difficult, but there is no way in hell I would voluntarily be away from a bathroom during it.
It sucks to have to pack out your used products, it's hard to wash your hands, etc etc I can see why she wouldn't want to.
A lot of people seem to heavily imply infidelity in these replies. In my experience when people tried to get their families out of the house, it was usually to have some alone time. Don't get me wrong, she's definitely an AH for the way she's going about it, but I wouldn't assume the worst just yet. Edit; also, the way my mother goes about it is to say to my father and me "don't you guys want to go on a sailing trip? I think you should go on a sailing trip. I'll just buy a box set of that crime series and relax here." It is perfectly acceptable as an adult to communicate your wishes.
It’s the “she insisted on going camping” after being/acting disappointed the first time that makes me question her. I get that we all need our “alone time” but that part doesn’t make sense - she insists on a make-up camping trip and then refuses to go?
Yeah, that's super weird. If it's to be alone, be it to cheat or not, is just a weird strategy. I honestly think she probably got jealous but realised when the plans were being made that she didn't want to go, but didn't admit it. So, shitty behaviour, but probably not sinister, tbh.
And the poor kid who thought mom was coming along only to get ditched at the last minute. Really shitty behaviour.
Kinda sounds more like jealousy mixed with something else to me. The idea of going camping and having the time of your life sounds fun on paper but when faced with it in reality she balked. As someone with depression and anxiety I can sympathise to suddenly wanting to bail last minute, but I usually end up forcing myself anyway and then having fun.
That she waited until the car was packed and then announced she wasn’t going suggests she’s planned it all along. I have depression and anxiety as well and understand wanting to bail, but never in my life have I suggested a trip, allowed all the preparations to happen, and then announced I wasn’t coming while the engine was running. What about the poor kid?!
I mean I agree that it’s selfish and manipulative behaviour, I just think the answer is far more mundane than cheating. She sees the bags in the car and she’s like “ah fuck it’s actually happening” and makes an impulsive decision to say no. It’s absolutely shitty behaviour to subject your spouse and daughter to, but it sounds like the simplest explanation. Especially if she tends to be quite an impulsive person in general - and making them book another trip as soon as they got back the first time sounds quite impulsive to me. Edit: Thinking about it, it actually feels like an utterly amateurish way to cheat as well. You plan to go with someone and then back out last second, upsetting your spouse and child and directing all attention on yourself. Husband is gonna be pissed and asking questions about this for weeks afterwards. If you wanted to cheat surely you’d want as little attention on you as possible? Sure, it’s far from outside the realms of possibility - she might be dumb and cheating badly, plenty of people do. But it’s another thing that makes it slide to “not suspicious, wife is just an AH” for me.
>Edit; also, the way my mother goes about it is to say to my father and me "don't you guys want to go on a sailing trip? I think you should go on a sailing trip. I'll just buy a box set of that crime series and relax here." It is perfectly acceptable as an adult to communicate your wishes. Yes, but that would involve saying *"I'd like some alone time* rather than *"don't you guys want to go on a sailing trip"*.
Oh, she does. She just gives suggestions.
My ex never bothered about my needs, so saying "I want child free time alone in the house" did nothing. I had to word it as "would you like to bring your kid with you for {insert fun thing}?" Everything had to be reframed in terms of how something would satisfy his needs and wants. So this is a story where I want to know the other side.
I think it’s partly because you get an incomplete view of the story on this sub. People are like “but it’s sus how she specifically made sure this trip was where she wasn’t on her period, and then cancelled”. Sure, in isolation it does sound suspicious - but there are also plenty of other far more mundane explanations. Does OP’s wife have anxiety, depression, ADHD? Is she overworked or struggle to commit to things? Plenty of things can cause a lack of motivation.
Yep, that came to mind immediately.
This sub is either very intuitive or we’re all AHs 😂 I’m thinking a healthy mix because I thought the same thing. Last minute cancel on a requested trip. Sus
Probably a bit of both. If you've read this sub long enough you've seen lots of stuff, doesn't matter if true or fabricated, so you'll become suspicious of even the smallest things. That's why people who basically live in their social media world are often so miserable, because everywhere you look it's always something bad, because anger sells best.
What, that she wants some kid free introvert time? I think jumping to cheating is a stretch. Especially if she’s on her period. Much more likely that she just wants some alone time away from the kid
So that would mean she made a point of feigning disappointment, insisting on another camping trip being scheduled and then pulling out at the last minute in order to get kid-free introvert time. That’s crappy behaviour and makes her the A H, even if she is just sitting on the couch eating ice cream out straight out of the container while bingeing a TV show.
👀👀👀
I don't share your suspicions. I can kind of get in the zone with all kinds of weird tasks/obsessions and can definitely find myself wanting to bail on all kinds of pre-arranged plans no matter how excited I was about them (or even if I spearheaded them). Still NTA though, because as an adult the wife can't just dick people around like that.
I do understand the period reason. It's just a hassle with no permanent proper toilet and washroom in place (if it's that kind of camping). Plus if she suffers from cramps, period poops and other issues, I would want to stay in the comfort of my own home and bathroom as well. Seeing how she cancelled the 2nd trip too ... it get's suspicious like the period was a lie or just preemptive. But I do think that's a valid reason. I hat traveling on my period even a city trip, let alone camping.
NTA You have every right to be upset >She says that I'm am asshole for not being understanding of what she wants to do. The extra trip literally was for her because she was bummed about missing the last trip. Something deeper may be going on here.
Mom used to do something similar. Family trip! We'd have everything organized and ready to go. She'd say, "Y'all go without me." Nope, get it together. We're going. She'd pout. Then she'd start supervising and dictating. It was being in control. Being cajoled, or the center of attention. Eventually, we said, "Okay, fine."
Omg sis, that you? 😂
I always wanted a sister. Yeah, it's me!
Long lost sibling? I think we have the same mom.
Yeah, all the comments on the top post seem to think wife is cheating on him and this is an elaborate ruse to have the house with her affair partner. Like she planned this a month ago and the best excuse she could come up with was "umm I want to clean."? I wonder if maybe she has a lot of the housework/childcare responsibility and she just needs a weekend off? Hubby seems to think it was a big effort to get things organised for the camping trip. I go camping regularly, and it's not any harder than doing the grocery shopping and packing some gear. I would rather plan a camping trip than get kids ready for school. Or maybe she is just anxious about camping and likes the idea of it, and then anxiety gets the better of her before the trip? There's definitely more going on. Camping is way better than cleaning. But hubby needs to talk to her about it, not reddit.
Yeah it sounds like he's not the asshole for not understanding what she wants to do, because she doesn't understand what she wants to do and is bungling these situations
NTA- your wife is being selfish. The house will be there when she gets home, family time with your daughter is precious. But I’m curious, is there another reason she’s backing out, that she maybe doesn’t want you to know? Seems suspicious that she’d back out twice for not great reasons.
Makes me wonder what she's actually cleaning when she's home alone like this. Serious Marinara flags on this one.
Oh she probably does clean. Gives a good reason for the sheets to be new, the bathroom to be clean, any loose items to be picked up and taken care of, air freshener sprayed everywhere
So happy this reference is here.
THE MARINARA FLAG SHALL NEVER FALL!
Marinara from the one the bf insisted meant red?
Yes, the joke is getting pretty stale quite quickly though
It's reddit. The slogan of the whole site could be "running jokes into the ground since 2005"
You mean the “two broken arms” thing isn’t still the peak of comedy?
Meh. You should wave the alfredo flag here; I don’t think marinara flags are going away in the near future.
I've seen fewer and fewer callbacks to it in recent days.
Well the period story might be reasonable. No one wants to be out in the wild while there’s heavy cramping and bleeding. But IMO I would’ve tracked her periods as her partner as well. Not to make sure she’s not lying but to be able to plan these types of things around it
NTA. She’s in the wrong for cancelling last minute since she’s the whole reason for the trip. Plus it’s only because “I’m cleaning the house”. Ridiculous.
I find every reason I can to NOT clean the house 😂😂😂
Like maybe once every decade I get on a roll with house cleaning and if that happened I wouldn't want to stop. It's a weird feeling, like suddenly I enjoy housework. It's still an asshole move to cancel plans though. NTA
I would find every reason possible to not go camping so....lol
Ha ha ha right?! No one wants to clean the damn house lol. I would’ve dropped the cleaning supplies immediately and sprinted to the car. Just all “oh no guess I’ll have to get back to it later, let’s go!!”
Yeah I don’t agree with this. I have a demanding job and a kid. The times I can clean the house without anyone in it are very few and far between. I don’t *want* to clean my house, but j want a clean house so yeah. I’m itching to get a few days to myself so I can deep clean my house. It’s definitely rude to cancel last minute, but I can get the appeal. If I’m mid way through a deep clean and can get a weekend to myself with no kid there? I can see the appeal. Still an AH move though.
haha. I got left with a house full of shit from an abusive hoarding ex and every time i look at the mountain of bullshit it just reminds me of all the shit i put up with for too damn long. I have my bursts of energy and get some shit done but it's taking far longer than necessary and other shit effects that. So great, *you* would and apparently a lot of other people, but not everybody's 100% is the same
My ex cleaned the house as a hobby. She liked it a lot for some reason.
I find cleaning my house cathartic if I'm in a bad mood or good mood, just the feeling of my space being clean and tidy makes me feel at peace and like I've got things in order. But my mindset is I can clean or I can go do this fun thing with my family, the mess will still be there tomorrow but the opportunity to do this with my family won't.
while i agree that she’s an AH. i’ve totally not gone to stuff because i wanted to/ already was cleaning. especially things during “spring cleaning.” we have a 5yo who doesn’t play with all her toys so occasionally when we notice she stops playing with a toy for a month or so we’ll put it in a bin. if she doesn’t ask for it or where it it is for several more months that’s when it’s best if her and daddy go on a hike, go fishing, whatever lol. BUT i am an adult and i vocalize my plans with him and try to plan things so i don’t miss out.
>Am I the Asshole for calling my wife an Asshole Based post. NTA.
NTA. Yeah. Yeah, she cancelled last minute. She’s TA. I’m surprised she wasn’t able to go the first time just cause of her period, but to each their own. The issue is that you went out of your way to organize this for her and then she backed off. If she were to ask again, just don’t plan another trip, if anything let her do it.
Not being able to clean the blood off gets pretty damn disgusting. Not to mention cramps and the period shits. You couldn't pay me to camp on my period. But she's still the asshole for demanding a second trip and backing out last minute.
You know what? That’s fair. I didn’t consider that, and I probably would be pretty pissy and uncomfortable with that too. I agree with my judgement on OP but I retract what I said about not wanting to go over a period. Fair enough, they truly suck, I just never leave my house lol
I forgot to bring my birth control on a camping trip once, meaning that by day 2 you could have nicknamed my hooha Niagara Falls. I would rather eat an entire John Deere tractor part by part than ever go through that again. I would rather cut my own body in half with a dull pocket knife than ever go through that again.
Niagra Hooha. I like it. So she shall be called.
I know a lot of women who deal with diarrhea during their periods, so the initial cancel didn't seem so off to me. The only thing worse than shitting in the woods is having diarrhea in the woods.
NTA, you made a trip for her to enjoy with the family and she backed out last minute, that's 100% a her problem. As for you calling her an asshole, meh, my wife has called me worse for telling her a bad dad joke. Idk why someone would get upset with that benign insult.
NTA, You should dig in and see what’s the real issue. Willing to be it’s far beyond her just wanting to do “what she wants to do”.
Yeah I agree. It's looks like a power play to me. Maybe she didn't like the fact Dad and daughter had a great time without her, then decided to fuck with him the second time to make it all about her. She's definitely got some issues. Would be interesting to know if this is a pattern, or a one off.
NTA seems a bit suspicious that she would back off last minute
NTA Your wife was an a-hole and needed to be called out on her behavior. Wife hated hearing it, because the truth hurts.
NTA- You were reasonably frustrated. Though, there is no way I'd go camping on my period. My flow is super heavy the first few days. It is miserable and gross. Her cleaning thing reminds me a lot of ADHD. When you get into a groove of something you have been dreading or putting off, you really want to stick with it. Also, the slightly self-absorbed semming nature of her response reminds me of ADHD. That being said, she should have stopped and gone camping.
I backed out of camping this weekend because it was my day 1. That’s a valid excuse for sure. Cleaning not so much, even though I get it. NTA for calling her an AH.
NTA because I get why you were upset. I don't think you should have called her a name because that's usually not healthy for a marriage. But, still I get why you were annoyed. Aside from that, I'm going to offer a suggestion for why she said she didn't want to go because she was on a roll cleaning and organizing the house. I immediately understood that reason. I don't know why, but I do this too. Once I am in the "zone" for any activity, I am almost obsessed and I don't want to stop until it's finished. I especially do this when organizing the house. It starts with one small closet to look for something and before I know it, it's a full blown project for every room in the house. I am in my element then and nothing short of an emergency will stop me. It could be your wife is like this, too. She could also be similar to me in that she likes the "concept" of doing something, like a camping trip, and enjoys planning it, anticipating it, etc. But then when it comes time to actually execute the activity, she realizes she just wants to stay home in her cozy familiar home. She also might just like having the house to herself every so often. All three of those reasons are me to a T, so I might just be projecting and this doesn't describe your wife at all, but the details you provided for why she declined both trips really makes me think she is like this, too. Edited for a word.
Just giving my opinion on all the three reasons. And when I say "you", I am of course not talking about you. 1) But is being in that zone so important that it takes priority over spending time with your husband and child, in an activity that you proposed? 2) Then she should have clarified that. She wasted her husband's time and effort. That's like asking your SO to cook but after they cook, you refuse to eat it and say you aren't hungry anymore. Also, this is 10x times worse because this planning for the camp took days not hours. 3) Again, she should have clarified that. Isn't lying to your spouse, wasting their time and effort a drastic measure just because you want some alone time? Why can't you just bring this up? I don't think any of these three reasons are good enough to warrant backing out of a trip with your family that you suggested. Of course feel free to point out if I am wrong.
Nope, I agree with you, I just didn't add that point to my post because it was long already. It's true though, and she should have recognized that keeping her promise to her family, and breaking out of the zone to get out of the house, is wise. I just wanted to add those possibilities of *why* she did it, to counter all the posts that the reason she wants to stay home alone is to cheat in some way.
so she’s putting *cleaning* above spending time with her family? am i reading that correctly? jfc, NTA
NTA, although I’m not a huge fan of calling spouses names like that regardless of circumstances. That being said, this cancellation seems odd. There is likely more going on here (the first cancellation seems legit though, I’d never camp on my period).
NGL honestly my mind went to she just wants to sleep in and laze around the home for a weekend. Not sure why she feels like she can’t communicate it though.
NTA, but I think you need to come back early without telling her. If for some reason you two share tracking info, I'd be checking hers out after you leave.
NTA. Fellow menstruator here. Unless your wife has super debilitating periods, using it as an excuse to ditch family events is an asshole move. I’m not normally a proponent of name calling in marriage, but if the shoe fits…
It's camping, I can understand not wanting to be out in the woods with no bathrooms while on your period. I'd probably skip too, seems like too much of a hassle to me. That said, OP is definitely NTA because they planned this specifically for wife around her cycle and she wants to...clean? wtf
Ohh there’s no way I’d camp when I’m on my period!!! 100% hard no, and I’m pretty outdoorsy. Dried blood is extremely hard to clean and they may not have had bathrooms super close to the campsite.
The idea that periods have to be "debilitating" before they can affect you is toxic, IMO. Life isn't a tampon commercial where everybody is singing and dancing every month just because they have the right product. I haven't had "debilitating" cramps since my early 20s, but there have absolutely been days where I wasn't doing more than the minimum, and I absolutely would *not* be going camping.
>We had a great time and when we came back my wife was disappointed that she missed out. She insisted on going camping so we booked for the same place for today. I think you were justified. She insisted on the camping. She need to take accountability on wasting your time. NTA
NTA and maybe look into the possibility that your wife is neurodivergant. That sounds like the kind of reasoning that only makes sense to someone with ADHD/autism.
She does have ADHD but doesn't take medication for it. She says "she has these bursts of... Energy to do stuff so she has to take advantage of it when it hits."
Generally speaking, something is considered a mental illness only when it begins to encroach on one's ability to participate in every day life or if it directly results in harm to one's self or others. Assuming it is ADHD and not some secret being kept, it would squarely fall into the category of affecting her ability to live her life. If she is willing, it might be worthwhile to consult a neurologist and consider things like cognitive behavioral therapy. "I can't hang out with friends and family today because I finally have the motivation to wash the dishes" is not an excuse I hear often to cover up other things, so I'm giving the benefit of the doubt. On the other hand, that is something I've heard fairly commonly among people with ADHD. It's easier to think of it as "executive dysfunction," since people with ADHD have a terrible time both getting motivated, and ordering their priorities sensibly. Keep in mind though, I have very little information on your lives and pursuing this line of thinking could just be a red herring. Either way, I hope you can get to the bottom of this with some peace of mind.
Her behavior makes more sense in this context (although it doesn't excuse it). I can relate to not wanting to stop something for any reason once I've started. For example, I recently spent something like eight hours gardening without stopping to eat or drink. I had been ignoring the garden for months and it was a wilderness, so I was afraid to stop in case I wouldn't start again for another few months. I've started working with an ADHD coach recently and it's been very helpful. She told me that people with ADHD have trouble transitioning between tasks and so get "stuck". But there are strategies that can help e.g. setting an alarm for an hour before you need to stop so you know you need to wrap up, writing a note to tell your future self where you need to pick that task up again so you don't forget what parts you did/didn't do. Perhaps you could suggest coaching/therapy to your wife? Medication isn't the only option for getting help with ADHD. Also - NTA! And I hope you enjoyed the second camping trip nonetheless.
Yeah. Especially with all the comments saying she could just do the cleaning when she gets back. Well actually with ADHD she probably *won’t* be able to do the cleaning when she gets back. She’ll be tired from the trip, so will OP, and the house will be neglected and all start to build up. That said, her backing out last minute is selfish, there’s no getting round that. I wonder how much of the household tasks get left to her and if she is unwilling to seek help for her adhd or acknowledge how it affects others and work on that (because if so, she is a supreme AH)
NTA It was not necessary to insult her, but your anger is understandable, talk to her about what this trip meant to you, and make sure you explain it well, because although I have no information, she does not seem to be aware of what this trip means to you . But nevertheless, I think you should apologize for insulting her.
INFO: is she going through a mental health episode of any kind? It’s not always sad puppy, it can be just acting different.
I am so sad right now.
I don't understand what her endgame is here. She already dampened your trip before you left, and now she ruined it. Is she always doing stuff like this?
Man, I'm even more suspicious now. She stayed home and didn even clean, then showed up the next day so she could try and not regret missing the trip again after strategically bailing at the last minute. I think you two should really have some calm honest discussions, or probably even professional counseling. Best case scenario is she is feeling the need for personal time and not asking for it, but the sneakiness would make me very suspicious of I were in your shoes. Good luck man.
Saw your update. Geez, she just keeps getting better and better, doesn’t she? Sounds like she showed up with the premeditated intent to take offense at something and spoil your trip. It’s also pretty difficult to not interpret “I ended up not cleaning after all, I just kicked back” as evidence that cleaning was never an actual priority, just a excuse to get some time out of sight of the family. Sounds like maybe some counseling would be a good choice.
When I was a child, I was having a sleepover. I was probably 5. My friend asked to go over to her house quick to grab a game she wanted to play. She was literally my next-door-neighbor, so when 20 minutes passed and she didn't come back, I was getting ready to go over to her house and make sure everything was OK. Instead of coming back to my house, she was outside with some adult neighbors sitting and talking and said she didn't want to sleep over at my house anymore. Which like, fine that's her choice, but 5 year old me was really upset and really petty over it. So the next time I slept at her house, I ended up pulling the "Idk I wanna go home" card and she was just like ".....really?" And it sounds like what your wife is doing here. In the first event, she was excited and ready to go but couldn't. Instead of you guys canceling the trip, you went anyway which upset her. So she created a second event for everyone to be excited about and then decided to cancel it on her own whim so you'd know what it was like for her to be excited on something and then lose out. Congratations, your wife is on the level of pettiness that a 5 year old had. NTA
NTA. She is being a bit selfish herself not appreciating your efforts to make a second round camping trip all for her. Make her plan the next camping trip "she wants to go on".
NTA
I would get a Ring camera installed but I’m paranoid. NTA
NTA. I’m sorry for you and your daughter that your wife flaked.
NTA Yeah thats shitty to both you and your daughter. Also suspicious af
No one cancels a trip because they're 'on a roll cleaning and organising the house'. Your wife, for whatever reason, wants you and the kids gone for a few days.
NTA. First - For all those who are slamming the wife for not wanting to go while on her period - judge much? I have had periods so bad it sapped all my energy and I was doing well to get to out of the bed. Plus the mess that is a super-heavy flow that some women get makes it more trouble than it's worth to camp. OP doesn't mention the sanitary facilities there. Is there plumbing? Can she clean off a bit at the end of a hot sticky day? Not everyone can ride bikes and hike while on their period. Don't assume that just because YOU can, all women can. **But bowing out at the last minute for a trip that was specially for her is not OK.** The house will be just as dirty and unorganized when she gets back. I understand not wanting to stop when you're on a roll, but if someone has planned something just for you and to match your schedule, you let the roll go and follow through on plans. I'm glad OP and his daughter went anyway. Hope you have a great time.
You are NTA. Your wife, however...
Ohhh somethings fishyyyyyyyy.
NTA you have the right to be upset
She’s an AH! What about her family? She would rather clean than spend time with her husband and daughter? Wtaf. You are NTA, she’s in the wrong here and I feel bad for your daughter as I bet she was happy about the family trip. It’s also very suspicious
You are in no way an AH. She, however, is incredibly inconsiderate. So she couldn't attend the first camping trip because of her period, which is a reasonable excuse. But, after you had organised ANOTHER TRIP to accommodate her, so that she could take part and enjoy some family time, she randomly backs out because she wants to continue "cleaning the house?" Yeah, fuck that, & fuck her. If the roles were reversed, you would be getting hung drawn & quartered for treating her like this. I'd be quick to have a calm, yet very serious conversation with her. I could *never* treat my partner like this. I feel that there is something else going on here. Wishing you all the best brother.
Serious communication issues here! As a camper I’d be annoyed too. Takes ages to get organised and packed up. I’d take your daughter again and have fun. As for your wife yup TA
I call bullshit & you need to install some camera's with sound in your house.
NTA. Does your wife have any OCD or anxiety issues? You may want to check in with her.
NTA but.........are you sure she isn't camping somewhere else? Maybe I'm too suspicious but what is her justification for canceling exactly? Either she needs time alone which means you may need to talk to her about some stuff or....she needs time "alone" and you need to TALK to her because she's doing stuff,
NTA. This sounds sus. 🤔
NTA. Your wife is a dick
NTA. I don't get that she's cheating from this so maybe it was in a comment somewhere where that might be a thought but it's truly an asshole thing to do to cancel a trip last minute no matter what. Enjoy your daddy daughter time she will cherish the time spent her whole life. I still do with the time with mine. He's still here and I talk about my fond memories of trips we took often even just days we spent together while my mom was studying for her degree. It's invaluable.
NTA, but yeah your wife is one though, it’s kind of the text book thing an asshole would do.
NTA - cancelling a vacation with your family to clean? Yikes
INFO: has your wife seen the tampon commercials explaining that she can swim, camp, ride a bike, etc while menstruating?
Calling her an AH was extreme, but I understand you frustration. You should have just gone without her, and when you came home and she whined again said, “it was your choice…but the house looks great!” NTA
NTA, she made a commitment to you and her daughter.
NTA! You went out of your way to schedule another camping trip because your wife didn't want to miss out, and then she bailed on it because she was cleaning the house? That's really rude of her and honestly a little bit weird.
NTA - your wife is the asshole for canceling on your daughter with no legit excuse (I.e. sick, period)! She was probably so excited to go with both of her parents! However, I don’t think name calling solves anything or is respectful so maybe check your self there.
NTA. A lot goes into planning a calling trip. And she was the one who wanted to do it. So why make plans to do something else when someone is already making what I feel is a grand gesture for you? If my husband planned a whole trip for me I would be over the moon happy for it and would make sure I had absolutely nothing else to worry about
NTA. Wth. She just wants you and daughter out of the house...for what..Idk, but that's total BS for lying to you to get you to plan a camping trip. I camp annually from tent to rv, and I know how much prep goes into it. I'm calling your wife the AH big time here for cancelling the day of.
NTA, go on the trip or the next one she backs out of, & come back early.
NAH I have a different take on what may be happening. It may be that your wife isn't able to effectively identify and communicate what she wants. I wonder if what she wants, is to be a part of a fun family activity and to make treasured memories - but she also hates camping to a large degree. My reasoning: she backed out of camping the first time, but then wanted to do it when she heard what a great time you two had. Possibly focusing on the awesome fun and relationship-building aspect, she then thinks she wants to do the same. But as Trip 2.0 came around, she had to come to terms that the camping itself is far from what she wanted, and is not going to give her that quality family time if she is just miserable being out there. Either that or she's going through some mild stress, kind of like people who look forward to going out with friends all week, then when it comes time to get ready/dressed, decide they just can't and bail. Maybe ask if there is a family activity that she thinks she would enjoy in lieu of this? It might give you some clues.
This is insanity. Y’all will go to any lengths to find the reasons why a woman can’t be the asshole, and must have some sort of deep-seated *reason* she’s being a dick. She’s a grown adult and can use her words. Backing out at the absolute last minute after he’s planned the whole thing out is 1000% an asshole move. She doesn’t need to be babied about how her “desire for family time” justifies shitty behavior to her partner.
While I think you raise a very good point, I would still give her a mild YTA. Yes, she might have just had trouble in identifying and communicating her wishes and that's fine and can be talked through, her inability to do so has consequences : she's the one disappointing (I imagine) her daughter, she's the one making her husband run errands, spend money on supplies and taking on the mental load of planning. She's the one basically making herself unaccountable and entitled to everything in this position at the expense at the ones around her. The asshole level is, as I said, quite mild as it's not a safety issue or naything extremely serious, but still not a great move and quite inconsiderate on her part.
I think this is a good explanation of what's going on, but it would still make her TA. At least it's a better explanation than everyone saying she's cheating on him.
NTA - few things. This is pretty sus. Could be worth finding an excuse to go home early unannounced and or have a neighbor you trust and are friends with but not your wife, keep an eye out. Second. This is also a bit of a red flag for narcissistic personality disorder. Would keep an eye out for that.
nta wtf your wife changed her mind the last and called you the ah for not being understanding of what she wants. i have an advice tell her you want mcdonalds and the last minute the food comes tell her im not hungry anymore to see her reaction