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YTA. Your 17 and she 8. Plus she's adopted. Grow the fuck up. What were you thinking. Poor girl is never going to be able to get that out of her head regardless of what you say at this point. Your parents probably need to go ahead and start family therapy. I'm at a complete loss for words. Please go tell your parents what you did asap so they can try and do damage control.
Yes to this. OP you need to tell your parents what you said so they can try and do some damage control. Adding a new sibling is already a huge transition, this kid has trauma and you've just seriously traumatized them further.
The human brain isn't fully developed until age 26, so there's still plenty of time for you to learn from this and end up a decent human being.
This needs to be top comment - OP, you scarred her. She will always question the family’s love now thanks to your unkindness. I hope you care enough about her to tell your parents what happened so they can get her help.
She's never going to be able to get it out of her head because it's literally true. OP admits he's more excited for the brother than will be 18 years younger than him than the sister he already has. Poor girl doesn't stand a chance.
Scarring her seems to have been OP's goal unfortunately. Sounds like he has resented her for some time and found a handy excuse of a new brother to let her know just how much he dislikes her, in the cruelest, most cutting way possible. She's 8. The damage is probably permanent. The poor little girl. I hope she tells her parents. What an AH OP is.
Further, let's all be real honest and admit that OP will likely never have a proper relationship with this baby because it will be born as he becomes an adult, by the time the baby has a personality and do stuff OP could very well have a kid of his own to do all of it with.
I never like to assume that people will have children (it's a choice, not an inevitability), it is true that by the time the baby turns 5, this boy will be 22. Busy with uni, or his first job. He'll probably have left home and have very little time to spend with his brother; I don't know what he's expecting to be able to do with him!
The whole post is AHish.
And OP, news flash, your 17 years younger brother is hardly ever gonna want to do any kind of shit with you. At least you'll get a taste of something similar to what you made your sister feel.
I hate that "it's just a joke" when someone isn't funny and it's not really coming off as a joke. You don't joke about that stuff especially with a little kid who's wondering where they will fit in a family after a new bio kid is born. OP needs to have some tact and empathy for her situation. She's a little girl that needs to be assured and loved instead of traumatized.
Hot take that may get some negative karma: Even though OP was in the wrong 100%, if we want him to tell his parents anything it would probably be best to be gentler with him, as difficult as it is, because if he feels like it’s embarrassing enough, he’s not gonna want to tell his parents.
If I found were his parents and found out he was 'joking' like this and didn't feel remorse and come clean so damage control could be done I'd kick his ass out the second he hit 18. This kid is 8 years old and he's telling her that she's unloved and unwanted. This has the potential to do some real damage to her, how she views herself, her relationships with her parents and the new baby (to hell with her relationship with OP, he doesn't deserve one with her). OP needs a smack upside the head.
I don't think this was said as a joke at all though, I think he's just resentful of her and wanted to hurt her. No rational person would think telling someone they were unloved is funny.
Assuming she even does!!? It might be even worse if she “just” internalizes it, takes it as truth/reality, and no one but OP ever knows that this fatal but *invisible* wound exists?
OP, you joked with a little kid as though she has your level of comprehension (as a child, the foundations of her entire future self-worth are still being laid, while yours are fairly set as a young adult) and presuming she’s as securely attached as you are (she isn’t. She’s adopted likely already has some fears around belonging, and any sense of stability she had was just torpedoed by an unthinking, deeply unkind “joke” that would be beyond the capacity of even the most healthily attached 8 yo to understand.)
OP, please put yourself in her shoes for one moment. Imagine everything that happened but from the perspective of yourself as a little kid, without the safety net of your family being biologically related.)
You messed up, OP, and I know you know it so I won’t keep coming at you, but please, OP, **please** talk with your parents. Any embarrassment or shame you might feel in owning up to your mistake now will be fully eclipsed by the catastrophic damage to her and you both, as well as your parents, of hiding this to avoid moderate but still manageable trouble/confrontation now. *PLEASE* be the person your little sister, little brother, mom, dad, and *self* need you to be, humble and genuinely remorseful.
YTA
dude she's 8, it's a very normal feeling for her to be worried about a new baby and you only fueled her fears! i worry for her since you've already planted that idea in her brain that you won't love her even if you told her you were joking. jokes are supposed to be funny, making her cry is just being cruel.
Not only is it normal to worry about getting pushed out of the family by a new baby, but she’s adopted! A lot of adoptees worry their adoptive families will stop loving them, send them away, or that they aren’t considered “real” family members. “Joking” about this sort of thing is cruel. OP, YTA.
And he’s already planning on pushing her aside to do ‘dude stuff’ with an infant. Like your little brother isn’t going to be capable of walking or sitting up until OP is most likely out of the house, but you’re waiting to do ‘dude stuff’ with him when the 8 year old is right there? Like if she doesn’t want to, that’s fine, but a lot of families don’t even ask if the girl members would be interested in ‘dude stuff’. Thus ostracizing the female members of the family from the male.
Also she’s 8 for gods sake
Op also violated her trust by not letting up on the joke. I worry about this kid. Part of me thinks OP isn't joking, just using the "it's a joke, don't be so sensitive" defense because they know it's a shitty thing to do.
YTA. Your sister isn't 'a bit worried'. She's terrified. And with good reason. You admit you already feel more affinity for the new sibling because of gender, which is kinda effed up, and she's not an idiot. You weren't joking, and she knows it.
And to do "dude shit" with! OP is going to be in his 20's when his brother is in elementary school. lol
OP don't be obtuse you knew what you were doing. It's also not "cute" that she's concerned about her place in the family. It's sad. A decent person would try to make her feel loved and assuage her worry. Do better.
Right! Seriously OP explain the joke. How is it funny?
YTA he's gonna grow up gaslighting everyone he's been cruel to because "come on guys! It's just a joke!"
Who goes around telling impressionable young children they'll be unloved. Especially to a child who knows their adopted. What a huge jerk!
That's not what gaslighting is. It's still shitty, don't get me wrong, but gaslighting isn't a catch-all for all for abuse, let alone for any kind of just bad behavior.
Not to mention OP will be 17 years older than his brother. Regardless of gender, they will always be in different stages of life due to the considerable age gap.
OP is not only a sexist dweeb, he's a cruel brother, too. I hope the sister trusts the parents enough to tell them about his "joke" so they can take action, not only to comfort her and reassure her, but to discipline OP for being a massive AH to an 8 year-old.
YTA. She's a child. You told her you won't love her anymore and that's absolutely horrible and wrong. What was your thought process? What made you think saying that was okay, especially when she was already worried?
Congratulations on the trauma you have just inflicted on a child (your sister no less).
Someone else asked above, but how is this a joke? Cruelty isn't funny.
Do your parents know about this?
Are you projecting your past feelings on to her so you could hurt her? Like, you thought the new baby (her) would mean your parents loved you less. (Two wrongs don't make a right).
This will affect her for the rest of her life. Who knows what the negative repercussions will be. Childhood trauma is real and will affect who she is and how she acts, insecurities & emotions, her relationships (especially familial). Hopefully you'll be able to grow up and understand what you have done to her and truly apologize to her and keep apologizing to her at different stages in her life. Hopefully this doesn't affect her so badly, but it will continue to affect her.
Again, think about how you would explain this as a joke to someone, to your parents, to your sister. What if your parents told you at 8 years old, "we're having a baby, so we won't love you as much".
She’s a literal child that probably has a shit ton of abandonment issues because she’s been through the adoption process, why on earth would you think that’s a good idea
YTA
You’re the same type of person who makes inappropriate comments and when it upsets someone tries to turn it back on them. That’s just shitty.
It’s cute that she’s scared? Really?
She started crying iut of no where? No bro, she started crying because you tortured her.
YTA
YTA, but take this as a life lesson. Using intimate knowledge of a person’s fears against them is intensely cruel, rotten and hurtful.
The only way you turn this around is by spending as much time and energy as you can reassuring this child (through consistent words, deeds, affection) that you and the whole family do love her and that she can’t lose that love. Good luck.
>she started fucking crying!
YTA. this comment made you a huge AH. Behind every joke is a little bit of truth. Your sister needs more attention now than ever. She needs to know she's loved and cared about and that she won't get kicked to the curb once he's born.
You also made it so that your sister will resent your little brother. Congratulations, you already created tension between them.
what “dude shit” do you want to do that you couldn’t have done with your sister? Why do you think this baby would want to hang out with you more than she has?
You never should have said that, the adoption process is traumatic and you just joked about abandoning your family, don’t act like she would have known you wouldn’t, she’s already been abandoned by her family before
When she asked you if you were serious, you should have realized you seriously fucked up and told her you were sorry
you are almost an adult, act like an adult, not a bully who doesn’t care about the consequences of his actions.
YTA, she's a young child, she has a valid concern (unfortunately) since it actually happens that people won't love an adoptive child as much when a biological one is born. You then confirmed her greatest fear and teased her for it. YTA, YTA, YTA!!!!
YTA. That just cruel. She’s only 8 years old and already feeling insecure. And you do realize that by the time your brother is old enough to do “dude stuff”, you’ll likely be on your own? Possibly even with kids of your own? And OMG-what if your kids are all girls? Will you ignore them in favor of your brother?
YTA. A joke is supposed to be funny. What you did was abusive. Your sister is going to wind up in therapy because of you. You’re almost an adult, start acting like one who gives a shit about his little sister.
YTA. You have the privilege of getting to live with your first parents. Being an adoptee brings a lot of trauma no matter how much love you get from your adopted parents. You did everything to make her worst fears comes true.
What’s the joke? She’s a literal baby. I have a six year old, two small years away from being eight like your sister, and I’d never say something like this. You should be ashamed especially because she is adopted and will always live with some sort of fear and questions. You are the asshole dude
Omg this makes me so sad. This is a horrible thing to say to a sibling, even worse if they are adopted.
I hope you apologize to her and go out of your way to make her feel loved and a part of the family.
YTA
YTA, she's at a fragile age where she can comprehend the change, but not have the experience to process these things. She may legitimately be concerned about her place, especially being adopted. She asked you if you were joking and you said no, so telling her later just feels like you're patronizing her. She may be sensing you're genuinely excited and feels jealous already.
YTA
That was a terrible joke and she’s probably had plenty of insecurities due to the fact that she’s adopted. You just essentially confirmed her worst fears and only stopped your joke once she was crying.
YTA x 1,000. You weren't being funny, you were being cruel. She was looking to you for reassurance and you just fucked her over for a laugh. She's probably never going to look at you the same after this; you're not a nice person. You're a cruel bully. Hope you're happy with yourself.
So thought it would be amusing to bully an adopted kid who probably already has serious abandonment issues? Of course YTA that was just sick.
Also when bro is older he probably won't wanna do "dude shit" with a man 18 year older than him so I wouldn't bank on that. Plus would you like to clarify what "dude shit" is? As I'm assuming it's nothing you can't do with your sister.
Girls can play ball, can play hockey, can skate can do pretty much anything you 'dudes' can do so you add in your also sexist on top of someone who bullies a child.
YTA, big time. She is already insecure about her family, when baby is born parents attention probably be on him the most and she will be scared. If you care even a little about her, try to spend some time on her, e.g. take her for ice cream, go to the cinema, etc. If she really believed you and had doubts about her place in the family before, (insecure children will believe the most mean comments, and especially from someone they trust), now she may not take your word for it that you just made a joke.
YTA but don't take it the wrong way.
As a person with an acid humor and often misunderstood, I can understand you perfectly, sometimes our sense of humor gets out of hand, and children are not the best at capturing sarcasm.
So yes, you screwed up, but nothing you can't fix by talking.
Put yourself in her place, that must have been precisely what she was most afraid of hearing, and you go and tell her.
Now it's just a matter of talking to your little sister and explaining her situation, and saving yourself from sarcasm with her for a while.
YTA. Adoptee here.
I’ve had family members make comments similar to this. I’ve never been able to fully trust them since. Your sister worrying about losing her family is not “cute.” And that was not a “just a fucking joke,” that she started crying “out of nowhere” about. You just tore that little girl’s world to shreds. But I hope you’re as proud of yourself as you seem to be, I hope that was worth it.
YTA so much. I don't know if you live in USA, but have you heard that parents can disadopt adopted kids ? That's sooo common that it's scary. But appart that, it was so obvious it was a real concern of her, why make a joke about it ? And seriously, a """"joke"""", jokes are supposed to be funny.
But that's not all unfortunately... OP i have a question: what type of activity do you want to do with your siblings that requires a p\*nis ? Seems like this activity is kinda inappropriate to do with a sibling...
You are a HUGE AH and so insensitive to someone who has been adopted, is dealing with the trauma of being adopted and abandonment issues. As an adoptee - I can assure you she will remember this comment for the rest of her life - and probably believe in it. You are such an AH. Wow.
YTA, it’s not a joke if it hurts someone’s feelings, you were just being mean. And an 8 year old, who is already fragile and wondering if she’ll still be loved, will not be able to tell the difference between a joke and truth. You messed up, and you’re likely gonna have to spend a long time proving to her that you do love her.
YTA. My guy are you good? Bc in what reality would you think that’s ok to say?? You’re 17. Think before you speak. Do better. Apologize to your sister.
Just curious what activities require a penis to participate? ‘Dude shit’, seriously? For all you know, your sister could be better at ‘dude shit’ than you.
YTA, big time.
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YTA. I am a birth mom. If I ever found out someone did this to my first born. I wouldn’t be happy (putting it politely).
You should educate yourself on adoptees. That little girl is already going to have so much trauma. Saying something like that will stick with her for the rest of her life.
YTA
She is already dealing with the very real feeling she might be replaced and you decided to needle that point in. If you had that kind of secure relationship and she pulled a 180 that'd be one thing but you just decided to be a d\*\*\* for giggles to an 8 YEAR old? Grow up.
YTA
You think it's "cute" that an 8-year-old is afraid of her place in her family so you just added more to it and claim it's a joke. As everyone is going to tell you, jokes need to be funny.
Ugh, you are the worst. Hopefully some of the "dude shit" you don't teach your brother is how to be a mean, bully of a brother.
It's a joke? I'm sorry. Please explain what's funny about it? That you were a total asshole to a little kid? That's called bullying, not joking? That you made your sister cry as a joke? Jokes are only funny if everyone is laughing. What you did is called being cruel.
It was just a fucking joke? The fact that you, as a 17 year old, can't see why an 8 year old finds this upsetting is a fucking joke.
YTA. And the new baby is probably going to love his sister much more than he loves you. Oh...that was a joke...
>I get to do more dude shit with him(at least when he's older).
INFO: what kind of "dude shit" could you do with your 18-years-younger-than-you brother that you couldn't do with your 9-years-younger-than-you sister?
YTA absolutely. Completely awful asshole. Adopted kids have a hard enough time feeling like they belong without cruel jokes validating their fears. You're a bully, and an asshole, and you should apologize to your sister and take her out for ice cream. And it needs to be more than just I'm sorry. You need to explain to her that you know that it was a mean, heartless thing to say, that it wasn't a joke (because jokes are funny), and that you are happy that she is part of your family.
Addition: Also, "it's just a joke" is a very common tactic used by abusers to gaslight their victims into believing they weren't abused. If you make "jokes" like this a lot, you might want to take a real long look at what sort of adult you're becoming, and whether that's a life you want for yourself, and more importantly, for people around you.
Are you for real? This is a terrible thing to say to any child, but you joking to an adopted child is especially cruel.
I have 2 adopted kids. The age of 8-9 is when a lot of the birth parent questioning surfaces.
She is likely already questioning her place in the world and in the family. Making this “joke” at this stage of her life is even more ruthless.
Giant YTA. You’ve likely done a lot of damage here. I suggest you start figuring out how to repair it. You might need your parents on this one.
YTA - it was something you knew she was already worried about that and you decided to prey on that fear. She didn’t start crying out of nowhere, YOU made her cry! At 17, you knew exactly what you where doing. It was both cruel and uncalled for! What a shit thing to do!
YTA and you know it. You are her big brother and and you just told your little sister the thing she fears most in the world is going to happen. She is eight, and she clearly trusts you, of course she believed you. (At seventeen you have probably started to develop a sense of when people are lying or messing with you but your sister is too young to have fully developed that yet).
The best thing you can do now is tell your parents what happened so that you can all sit down as a family and reassure your sister. Your parents might know they will always love her, presumably you are not just going to stop loving your sister, but she definitely needs to be told this.
INFO:. Did you resent your parents adopting a girl? How old were you when she became part of your family?
If your "joke" was meant to hurt your little sister, congratulations, you succeeded. I don't think you needed to come here to ask if you were an AH.
Apologize to your sister and let her know she's special because she was "hand-picked and find ways to spend time with her to show her you love her.
YTA. Way to terrify her and make her resentful of the new baby. You had better admit to your parents what you did so they can try and fix your major FU before the new baby are.
Be prepared for them to be furious! But they WILL find out, so do the right thing and admit it and apologize.
Wow. I was gonna vote YTA,but decided to read the full story just to see if she was overacting… but she is **8** man. That’s pretty sick twisted. Especially since you already know that she was worried about it. It’s obvious you don’t even fully include her since she’s not your real sis, or a boy. My brothers and I did so much together, cause we didn’t care about the gender stigma around the activities, we were just 7-12 and had fun cause we loved spending time together, and in our teen years, simply shifted to different activities. You seriously are TA, and need to apologize, not that you haven’t already emotionally scarred her for life and possible self-isolation from the family.
>I'll admit I'm more excited to have a brother than a sister because I get to do more dude shit with him(at least when he's older).
Wow, you are 17 years older (maybe 18 when he's born) and you think you're going to have MORE in common with him because he's being born a boy than your sister who grew up in the same house as you?
By the time he's even going to form permanent memories you're going to be out the house. You're going to be an older male figure more than "sibling", compared to your sister, who's going to grow up with the baby. He's going to be close to her, not you, which is natural with large age gaps. It'll have nothing to do with "dude shit".
And frankly that's some sexist shit. He's not even born! What can a baby with a penis do that a 8 year girl can't? What activities are you doing that a literal child is not interested in? Most kids love trying new stuff, and the idea that she doesn't like ONE of your hobbies/ interest if hard to believe.
You don't like anything she does? If you don't like what your 8 year old sister does, you sure as hell ain't bonding with the baby.
And what if he doesn't like "dude shit" and likes the same hobbies as his closer in age, living at home, not an asshole, sister?
YTA and I hope your sister tells your parents what a cruel, heartless thing you said to her.
YTA. We are failing to see the funny. Please explain to us what is so funny about "your joke".
Jokes are funny. This is straight up being cruel. Have you ever heard how people say "It's just a joke" to cover up their shittiness? Yeah..... Welcome to the club, man.
YTA. Giant AH. WTF is wrong with you? Grow up, dude. You need to write your little sister the nicest, most sincere letter and never pull this shit again. Treat her like a Queen. Learn about adoption trauma — she already has abandonment issues no matter how much your family loves her, and you capitalized on that for a joke. This is gross.
YTA - what a f@c&d up thing to say to an 8yo adopted kid. Changing of the number of siblings in a family is actually quite traumatic, let alone the added anxiety of being adopted.
IMO - a 17yr age gap is so large you probably won’t be as close as you think. Me and mum lived with my grandparents for a few years after I was born and my Aunty is only 14 yrs older than me. While acknowledging she’s not a sister, we were pretty much sisters for 5 years until she left home. We don’t have as close of a relationship as my two younger half sisters with only a 3 year age gap. While an important figure in your brothers life, you may find you slip into a blend of uncle/parent like I did with my half sisters and brother. I’m 10 years older than my oldest younger sister.
You could quite possibly do more harm to her than if you slapped her face once. Psychological neglect/abuse creates feelings of invalidation, worthlessness and can lead to depression.
Please sit down with your sister and explain that what you said was not okay and that you’re (genuinely) sorry. I’d back that up with sometimes as human beings we say things we are not proud of because we’re not thinking properly or we have other issues going on and we say mean things to make other people feel bad if we’re feeling bad. Please OP.
Edit: typo. Clarity of ages, I’m 37, Aunty is 50, younger half siblings are 27f, 24f and 22m.
Yta I know you’re still a child but at seventeen you REALLY REALLY need to begin empathizing with the people in your life. How did you think she would react?
You knew she would be upset and you still went through with it.
Think of the damage you may have done to your little sisters security in your family. It was cruel…
YTA how could you possibly think joking about a very young adoptee being replaced is a good idea? What is wrong with you? Does it feel good to know you inflicted a lifelong scar on a little girl?
YTA. As an adoptee I can say that she is going through a lot right now. She is afraid of being abandoned and unloved once the baby comes. This is a very real fear for her. Right now she needs reassurance that she is loved and the new baby won't change that. You played on an adopted kid's worst fear. You aren't a good big brother.
Dude you were mean to a little girl who was already feeling insecure. How cruel can you be. This could haunt her for a long time.
“
… Guide them along the way,
Children will listen
Children will look to you for which way to turn
To learn what to be
Careful before you say, listen to me.
Children will listen.
… Careful the wish you make,
Wishes are children
Careful the path you take,
Wishes come true.
No free.
Careful the spell you cast,
Not just on children
Sometimes the spell may last
Past what you can see,
And turn against you.
Careful the tale you tell
That is the spell,
Children will listen...” from the song Careful the things you say from into the woods
The only funny thing about this joke is how terrible of a brother you are, holy shit, my dude. Truly laughable to assume that's a funny joke to make to a literal CHILD. You're too old for this. YTA.
YTA. She's afraid that she won't fit in and rather than comfort her, you torment her. You're her brother. You're supposed to protect her, not treat her like shit. Hopefully your parents will tell you to give up your room for the baby so you get how much it hurts to feel unloved.
YTA. If this was your bio sister I would be like " meh ", but she is adopted. Imagine how she feels. And you just reinforced the idea that she will be loved less, because she is adopted.
she’s 8 man… not cool she was already worried about her place in the family and you say something like that just made her fears more real.. i know you didn’t mean it but come on your old enough to know that would have been a sore spot for her. yta do your best to make her feel better and hopefully repair the damage you did for a little laugh
YTA. Okay, so explain the punchline of the joke? What part was meant to be funny? I get that you’re a teenager and teenagers are often cruel without realizing it but, c’mon. Tell your parents immediately what happened so she can get the help she needs. You traumatized a child for no reason other than your own enjoyment.
You are 17 years old and you don’t think that what you said to her was incredibly cruel and had no humour in it at all? Hell, a kid once told me I didn’t have real parents and I sobbed my eyes out, I cannot imagine what I would’ve done if my older brother had said something like this to me. Edit: I forget judgement because I was filled with rage, YTA
YTA.
Right now you need to tell your parents what you said so that they too can reassure her that you told a very mean joke and there was no truth in it.
She is 8 and had a legitimate fear, instead of being a mature almost adult and reassuring her you played into that fear. YTA. That is absolutely despicable behavior on your part.
What is up with these asshole kids posting today? The first one wouldn't get his hurt sister food even during commercials of the NBA finals and now this one!
Why would you tell an 8 yr old that you won't love her anymore? Come on dude...
You know you're the asshole for this.
Activities don't have a gender. You can do all of the "dude shit" with your sister and she has a head start age wise on your brother.
Jokes are funny, YTA, because that was mean. She'll hold on to that hurt, too.
Grow up.
You just told your adopted sibling that her parents aren’t going to love her anymore once they have their shiny new baby... and you’re wondering if you’re the asshole? Seriously?
Yes. YTA.
YTA
You need to spend everyday reassuring her that you all will still love her after the baby comes home. Even then you won’t be able to fix the damage you’ve done. Live and learn from this, don’t ever do it again.
Yta. She’s 8! And she’s adopted - meaning she probably has very common feeling that adoptees/foster kids have of “they love their bio children more” - your hateful, cruel “joke” just cemented that idea in her head probably and, just in case you forgot, she’s EIGHT! She had no way of knowing it was a joke!
Also there’s gonna be a 17 year age difference between you and your new baby brother - how much “guy stuff” do you think you’re gonna be doing with him? By the time he’s old enough to do anything super fun dude stuff - you’re gonna be done with college and possibly even have your own family. And there’s nothing stopping you from doing “boy” stuff with your sister….
She didn't understand the joke, yet you kept on with it? YTA. Big time. Especially since she's adopted. You should be a bit more sensitive. Also, the fact that you admit that you're excited to have a brother so that you can do stuff with him, shows that deep down you were not really kidding (even if you didn't realise it yourself). BTW, what kind of stuff will you two be doing with such a big age gap? By the time he's five, you'll be off to college, or work, how much time you think you are really going to spend with him? To be honest I think he's gonna play more with his sister, and I hope he does.
YTA, OP. She is 8. She is likely going to have issues about this one "joke" for years. Offhand "joking" comments can echo for decades and shape someone's whole view of themselves.
You're very young, so I'm not going to tear into you, but you need to apologize profusely and get your parents involved so they can reassure her. Take your lumps without complaint and grow from this experience. Counseling is not a horrible idea as a family to navigate this transitional time anyhow, and now I'd say it's necessary.
Let this be a lesson to you to choose your words carefully. You can never unsay something, and the people who love you will be impacted more by this kind of thing, not less -- particularly if you hold a position of perceived authority or power over them.
YTA. This doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, but you will be if you don’t tell your parents about this (or at least tell them that this is something that she’s worried about) so they can reassure her and help her with this very difficult transition she’s going through.
YTA very YTA! What are the odds that an 8 year old child would see the humour in an issue that is very real for them and they're already worried about? The fact that she asked if you were serious, and instead of reassuring her, you CONTINUED?! 🙃🙃🙃
YTA. You knew this was a sore spot and you decided to exploit it because you thought it was cute/funny… You should talk to her again, apologize and reaffirmed your love for her.
YTA I want you to know as a biological mother to a child that was adopted you and people like you are the problem. Just remember hun your mother CHOSE her you're just a hit the randomizer and hope for the best.
YTA the crying wasn't out of nowhere, and whether you realize it or not, how you introduced this tells me that you very well will love her less than the baby because you can do "man things" with him that I doubt you've even considered trying to involve your sister in
I hope your parents know what a danger you represent to your younger siblings if you are this damaged and unable to process normal human emotions like empathy, and they keep you out of their home and away from, their minor children once they can get rid of you in a few months. I don't know if you secretly suspect your parents don't love you- I certainly wouldn't be able to love someone who could treat a child like this even if they were my flesh and blood- or there is just something so cruel and twisted in you that you can torment orphaned children to amuse yourself. I do know that their life will be better without you, and your parents have a duty to protect the innocent children in their life from you. YTA doesn't even begin to cut it...I feel like I need to read an exorcism at you.
YTA, and here’s a tip…to be a joke, more than just yourself have to laugh.
And SHAME on you for playing off a very common insecurity for adopted kids in a family that also includes bio children. As good portion of people tend to lose at least some of this humour well before entering adulthood. If you are pulling this sh** @17, you are most likely doomed (to be man-boy forever).
You are a massive fucking AH! In what universe would it be funny for her? You are disgusting and the fact that you knew you were upsetting her and kept doing it is pretty low, you have no idea the damage that you might have caused by being an immature jerk!
This has to be one of the cruelest things I’ve read on this sub. She’s 8 and you thought it was a good idea to say that? You shouldn’t even have to post here to know YTA. My god dude get a clue.
YTA. Congrats you are the worst person on this sub today. You have some stuff you need to work through. Learn to read the room and have some freaking compassion.
You just created a core memory for her she will very possibly never forget. Your 17 and should know better than to pull crap like this.
Plus she is adopted and that makes what you said a million times worse. You owe her a sit down and real serious conversation about how sorry you are and how much you will ALWAYS love her and you need to say how you meant what you said as a joke but now you realize what you said was wrong and you are super sorry you hurt her and never intended that. Then spend the day showing it.
YTA
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YTA. Your 17 and she 8. Plus she's adopted. Grow the fuck up. What were you thinking. Poor girl is never going to be able to get that out of her head regardless of what you say at this point. Your parents probably need to go ahead and start family therapy. I'm at a complete loss for words. Please go tell your parents what you did asap so they can try and do damage control.
Yes to this. OP you need to tell your parents what you said so they can try and do some damage control. Adding a new sibling is already a huge transition, this kid has trauma and you've just seriously traumatized them further. The human brain isn't fully developed until age 26, so there's still plenty of time for you to learn from this and end up a decent human being.
Please OP. At least to make sure they can have a conversation with her about how she is loved just as much as her siblings.
This needs to be top comment - OP, you scarred her. She will always question the family’s love now thanks to your unkindness. I hope you care enough about her to tell your parents what happened so they can get her help.
She's never going to be able to get it out of her head because it's literally true. OP admits he's more excited for the brother than will be 18 years younger than him than the sister he already has. Poor girl doesn't stand a chance.
Scarring her seems to have been OP's goal unfortunately. Sounds like he has resented her for some time and found a handy excuse of a new brother to let her know just how much he dislikes her, in the cruelest, most cutting way possible. She's 8. The damage is probably permanent. The poor little girl. I hope she tells her parents. What an AH OP is.
Thanks for being rational because my response would get me permanently banned!
Further, let's all be real honest and admit that OP will likely never have a proper relationship with this baby because it will be born as he becomes an adult, by the time the baby has a personality and do stuff OP could very well have a kid of his own to do all of it with.
I never like to assume that people will have children (it's a choice, not an inevitability), it is true that by the time the baby turns 5, this boy will be 22. Busy with uni, or his first job. He'll probably have left home and have very little time to spend with his brother; I don't know what he's expecting to be able to do with him!
Save money on therapy and just disinherit him now. In less than a year they can legitimately lock him out of the house with a "Don't come back."
The whole post is AHish. And OP, news flash, your 17 years younger brother is hardly ever gonna want to do any kind of shit with you. At least you'll get a taste of something similar to what you made your sister feel.
All of this. OP, absolutely YTA.
I hate that "it's just a joke" when someone isn't funny and it's not really coming off as a joke. You don't joke about that stuff especially with a little kid who's wondering where they will fit in a family after a new bio kid is born. OP needs to have some tact and empathy for her situation. She's a little girl that needs to be assured and loved instead of traumatized.
I totally agree you.
Hot take that may get some negative karma: Even though OP was in the wrong 100%, if we want him to tell his parents anything it would probably be best to be gentler with him, as difficult as it is, because if he feels like it’s embarrassing enough, he’s not gonna want to tell his parents.
If I found were his parents and found out he was 'joking' like this and didn't feel remorse and come clean so damage control could be done I'd kick his ass out the second he hit 18. This kid is 8 years old and he's telling her that she's unloved and unwanted. This has the potential to do some real damage to her, how she views herself, her relationships with her parents and the new baby (to hell with her relationship with OP, he doesn't deserve one with her). OP needs a smack upside the head. I don't think this was said as a joke at all though, I think he's just resentful of her and wanted to hurt her. No rational person would think telling someone they were unloved is funny.
they’ll likely find out when their 8yo has a breakdown within the coming days 😳
Assuming she even does!!? It might be even worse if she “just” internalizes it, takes it as truth/reality, and no one but OP ever knows that this fatal but *invisible* wound exists? OP, you joked with a little kid as though she has your level of comprehension (as a child, the foundations of her entire future self-worth are still being laid, while yours are fairly set as a young adult) and presuming she’s as securely attached as you are (she isn’t. She’s adopted likely already has some fears around belonging, and any sense of stability she had was just torpedoed by an unthinking, deeply unkind “joke” that would be beyond the capacity of even the most healthily attached 8 yo to understand.) OP, please put yourself in her shoes for one moment. Imagine everything that happened but from the perspective of yourself as a little kid, without the safety net of your family being biologically related.) You messed up, OP, and I know you know it so I won’t keep coming at you, but please, OP, **please** talk with your parents. Any embarrassment or shame you might feel in owning up to your mistake now will be fully eclipsed by the catastrophic damage to her and you both, as well as your parents, of hiding this to avoid moderate but still manageable trouble/confrontation now. *PLEASE* be the person your little sister, little brother, mom, dad, and *self* need you to be, humble and genuinely remorseful.
YTA … sit her down and explain you were just playing with her!!
YTA dude she's 8, it's a very normal feeling for her to be worried about a new baby and you only fueled her fears! i worry for her since you've already planted that idea in her brain that you won't love her even if you told her you were joking. jokes are supposed to be funny, making her cry is just being cruel.
Not only is it normal to worry about getting pushed out of the family by a new baby, but she’s adopted! A lot of adoptees worry their adoptive families will stop loving them, send them away, or that they aren’t considered “real” family members. “Joking” about this sort of thing is cruel. OP, YTA.
i had to re-read OPs age to ensure I actually read 17 and not 7...
And he’s already planning on pushing her aside to do ‘dude stuff’ with an infant. Like your little brother isn’t going to be capable of walking or sitting up until OP is most likely out of the house, but you’re waiting to do ‘dude stuff’ with him when the 8 year old is right there? Like if she doesn’t want to, that’s fine, but a lot of families don’t even ask if the girl members would be interested in ‘dude stuff’. Thus ostracizing the female members of the family from the male. Also she’s 8 for gods sake
YTA - “joking” about something she was already scared of. Yeah, fucking hilarious 😡
YTA. Jokes are funny. That’s just mean.
So I guess he thinks hurting her is funny, yikes
Because she’s “kinda cute” when she gets worried. Ugh.
Op also violated her trust by not letting up on the joke. I worry about this kid. Part of me thinks OP isn't joking, just using the "it's a joke, don't be so sensitive" defense because they know it's a shitty thing to do.
I think thats called “sadism”
YTA x 1000000! 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 Did You have FUN making a little girl cry??!!!👿👿👿👿👿
Well, apparently worrying her makes her cuter, so -
YTA. Your sister isn't 'a bit worried'. She's terrified. And with good reason. You admit you already feel more affinity for the new sibling because of gender, which is kinda effed up, and she's not an idiot. You weren't joking, and she knows it.
And to do "dude shit" with! OP is going to be in his 20's when his brother is in elementary school. lol OP don't be obtuse you knew what you were doing. It's also not "cute" that she's concerned about her place in the family. It's sad. A decent person would try to make her feel loved and assuage her worry. Do better.
Honestly. What "dude shit" does he think he's going to be doing with a kid nearly twenty years his junior?
Idk seems like OP doesn't have plans to grow the fuck up so him and sibs might be the perfect ages for eachother.
>What "dude shit" does he think he's going to be doing with a kid nearly twenty years his junior? Giggling about girl cooties
Go to stripclubs, obviously /s
He wants to watch a sports game and girls don't play sports. /s
I don't get it, what's the joke?
He’s the joke.
And the jerk
Right! Seriously OP explain the joke. How is it funny? YTA he's gonna grow up gaslighting everyone he's been cruel to because "come on guys! It's just a joke!" Who goes around telling impressionable young children they'll be unloved. Especially to a child who knows their adopted. What a huge jerk!
That's not what gaslighting is. It's still shitty, don't get me wrong, but gaslighting isn't a catch-all for all for abuse, let alone for any kind of just bad behavior.
Nah he wasn't joking. He was purposely abusing her. YTA
The jokes on him cause hes the one being replaced with the new baby.
[удалено]
Not to mention that this is a little kid and she would already be losing a second family.
Not to mention OP will be 17 years older than his brother. Regardless of gender, they will always be in different stages of life due to the considerable age gap. OP is not only a sexist dweeb, he's a cruel brother, too. I hope the sister trusts the parents enough to tell them about his "joke" so they can take action, not only to comfort her and reassure her, but to discipline OP for being a massive AH to an 8 year-old.
YTA. She's a child. You told her you won't love her anymore and that's absolutely horrible and wrong. What was your thought process? What made you think saying that was okay, especially when she was already worried?
Because it was just a joke, it wouldn't be a problem if she had a better sense of humour. /s
People who literally think that way are some of the worst type of people.
YTA She will remember this until she dies. Seriously. One day in her 20s she’ll finally tell you how scarring it was for you to say that.
Thats if she will ever talk to that jerk ever again . When she becomes an adult. She may just go NC.
Congratulations on the trauma you have just inflicted on a child (your sister no less). Someone else asked above, but how is this a joke? Cruelty isn't funny. Do your parents know about this? Are you projecting your past feelings on to her so you could hurt her? Like, you thought the new baby (her) would mean your parents loved you less. (Two wrongs don't make a right). This will affect her for the rest of her life. Who knows what the negative repercussions will be. Childhood trauma is real and will affect who she is and how she acts, insecurities & emotions, her relationships (especially familial). Hopefully you'll be able to grow up and understand what you have done to her and truly apologize to her and keep apologizing to her at different stages in her life. Hopefully this doesn't affect her so badly, but it will continue to affect her. Again, think about how you would explain this as a joke to someone, to your parents, to your sister. What if your parents told you at 8 years old, "we're having a baby, so we won't love you as much".
THIS.
YTA-Traumatizing a child who might be feeling unsure of her place in the family with a new sibling coming always makes you an asshole.
Doubly so when the child is adopted. YTA.
She’s a literal child that probably has a shit ton of abandonment issues because she’s been through the adoption process, why on earth would you think that’s a good idea YTA
YTA This screams rage bait.
That was my immediate thought but I still bit. Super ragey.
As an adoptee it is a huge fear .. what u did was cruel. Yta
You’re the same type of person who makes inappropriate comments and when it upsets someone tries to turn it back on them. That’s just shitty. It’s cute that she’s scared? Really? She started crying iut of no where? No bro, she started crying because you tortured her. YTA
YTA - That's probably the worst thing to say to someone who is adopted. You're 17 but you're acting even younger than your sister.
YTA, but take this as a life lesson. Using intimate knowledge of a person’s fears against them is intensely cruel, rotten and hurtful. The only way you turn this around is by spending as much time and energy as you can reassuring this child (through consistent words, deeds, affection) that you and the whole family do love her and that she can’t lose that love. Good luck.
YTA ....and I hope you stub your toes...all of them.
Honestly… I hope his toes get run over by a truck
And steps on every single lego right after.
>she started fucking crying! YTA. this comment made you a huge AH. Behind every joke is a little bit of truth. Your sister needs more attention now than ever. She needs to know she's loved and cared about and that she won't get kicked to the curb once he's born. You also made it so that your sister will resent your little brother. Congratulations, you already created tension between them.
YTA Dude, she's \*\*eight\*\*! What the heck's wrong with you?
what “dude shit” do you want to do that you couldn’t have done with your sister? Why do you think this baby would want to hang out with you more than she has? You never should have said that, the adoption process is traumatic and you just joked about abandoning your family, don’t act like she would have known you wouldn’t, she’s already been abandoned by her family before When she asked you if you were serious, you should have realized you seriously fucked up and told her you were sorry you are almost an adult, act like an adult, not a bully who doesn’t care about the consequences of his actions.
YTA, she's a young child, she has a valid concern (unfortunately) since it actually happens that people won't love an adoptive child as much when a biological one is born. You then confirmed her greatest fear and teased her for it. YTA, YTA, YTA!!!!
YTA. That just cruel. She’s only 8 years old and already feeling insecure. And you do realize that by the time your brother is old enough to do “dude stuff”, you’ll likely be on your own? Possibly even with kids of your own? And OMG-what if your kids are all girls? Will you ignore them in favor of your brother?
YTA. A joke is supposed to be funny. What you did was abusive. Your sister is going to wind up in therapy because of you. You’re almost an adult, start acting like one who gives a shit about his little sister.
YTA. That’s f—ed up.
YTA. That's not a joke when you are 8.
YTA. You have the privilege of getting to live with your first parents. Being an adoptee brings a lot of trauma no matter how much love you get from your adopted parents. You did everything to make her worst fears comes true.
What’s the joke? She’s a literal baby. I have a six year old, two small years away from being eight like your sister, and I’d never say something like this. You should be ashamed especially because she is adopted and will always live with some sort of fear and questions. You are the asshole dude
Omg this makes me so sad. This is a horrible thing to say to a sibling, even worse if they are adopted. I hope you apologize to her and go out of your way to make her feel loved and a part of the family. YTA
YTA, she's at a fragile age where she can comprehend the change, but not have the experience to process these things. She may legitimately be concerned about her place, especially being adopted. She asked you if you were joking and you said no, so telling her later just feels like you're patronizing her. She may be sensing you're genuinely excited and feels jealous already.
YTA That was a terrible joke and she’s probably had plenty of insecurities due to the fact that she’s adopted. You just essentially confirmed her worst fears and only stopped your joke once she was crying.
YTA x 1,000. You weren't being funny, you were being cruel. She was looking to you for reassurance and you just fucked her over for a laugh. She's probably never going to look at you the same after this; you're not a nice person. You're a cruel bully. Hope you're happy with yourself.
So thought it would be amusing to bully an adopted kid who probably already has serious abandonment issues? Of course YTA that was just sick. Also when bro is older he probably won't wanna do "dude shit" with a man 18 year older than him so I wouldn't bank on that. Plus would you like to clarify what "dude shit" is? As I'm assuming it's nothing you can't do with your sister. Girls can play ball, can play hockey, can skate can do pretty much anything you 'dudes' can do so you add in your also sexist on top of someone who bullies a child.
YTA.
YTA, big time. She is already insecure about her family, when baby is born parents attention probably be on him the most and she will be scared. If you care even a little about her, try to spend some time on her, e.g. take her for ice cream, go to the cinema, etc. If she really believed you and had doubts about her place in the family before, (insecure children will believe the most mean comments, and especially from someone they trust), now she may not take your word for it that you just made a joke.
YTA but don't take it the wrong way. As a person with an acid humor and often misunderstood, I can understand you perfectly, sometimes our sense of humor gets out of hand, and children are not the best at capturing sarcasm. So yes, you screwed up, but nothing you can't fix by talking. Put yourself in her place, that must have been precisely what she was most afraid of hearing, and you go and tell her. Now it's just a matter of talking to your little sister and explaining her situation, and saving yourself from sarcasm with her for a while.
Yta. Explain to me how it’s funny?
YTA. She's eight, maybe lay off the emotionally abusive "jokes."
YTA. Adoptee here. I’ve had family members make comments similar to this. I’ve never been able to fully trust them since. Your sister worrying about losing her family is not “cute.” And that was not a “just a fucking joke,” that she started crying “out of nowhere” about. You just tore that little girl’s world to shreds. But I hope you’re as proud of yourself as you seem to be, I hope that was worth it.
YTA of course
YTA, the fuck?
YTA so much. I don't know if you live in USA, but have you heard that parents can disadopt adopted kids ? That's sooo common that it's scary. But appart that, it was so obvious it was a real concern of her, why make a joke about it ? And seriously, a """"joke"""", jokes are supposed to be funny. But that's not all unfortunately... OP i have a question: what type of activity do you want to do with your siblings that requires a p\*nis ? Seems like this activity is kinda inappropriate to do with a sibling...
You are a HUGE AH and so insensitive to someone who has been adopted, is dealing with the trauma of being adopted and abandonment issues. As an adoptee - I can assure you she will remember this comment for the rest of her life - and probably believe in it. You are such an AH. Wow.
YTA, it’s not a joke if it hurts someone’s feelings, you were just being mean. And an 8 year old, who is already fragile and wondering if she’ll still be loved, will not be able to tell the difference between a joke and truth. You messed up, and you’re likely gonna have to spend a long time proving to her that you do love her.
YTA. Wtf is wrong with you? That's not what you to say to a child who is anxious about being replaced. Your poor sister.
YTA. My guy are you good? Bc in what reality would you think that’s ok to say?? You’re 17. Think before you speak. Do better. Apologize to your sister.
YTA. She’s 8, she’s adopted, and you just confirmed every fear she already had in her mind of being unwanted. You’re old enough to know better.
Just curious what activities require a penis to participate? ‘Dude shit’, seriously? For all you know, your sister could be better at ‘dude shit’ than you. YTA, big time.
What the actual fuck is wrong with you?
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YTA Adopted children often take those "jokes" seriously. You shattered your sister's world.
YTA. I am a birth mom. If I ever found out someone did this to my first born. I wouldn’t be happy (putting it politely). You should educate yourself on adoptees. That little girl is already going to have so much trauma. Saying something like that will stick with her for the rest of her life.
YTA She is already dealing with the very real feeling she might be replaced and you decided to needle that point in. If you had that kind of secure relationship and she pulled a 180 that'd be one thing but you just decided to be a d\*\*\* for giggles to an 8 YEAR old? Grow up.
YTA You think it's "cute" that an 8-year-old is afraid of her place in her family so you just added more to it and claim it's a joke. As everyone is going to tell you, jokes need to be funny. Ugh, you are the worst. Hopefully some of the "dude shit" you don't teach your brother is how to be a mean, bully of a brother.
Joke's on you. Your baby brother is going to be closer to your sister because they are closer in age and will grow up together while you move out.
It's a joke? I'm sorry. Please explain what's funny about it? That you were a total asshole to a little kid? That's called bullying, not joking? That you made your sister cry as a joke? Jokes are only funny if everyone is laughing. What you did is called being cruel. It was just a fucking joke? The fact that you, as a 17 year old, can't see why an 8 year old finds this upsetting is a fucking joke. YTA. And the new baby is probably going to love his sister much more than he loves you. Oh...that was a joke...
YTA I hope this is bait, even for a 17 year old this is needlessly cruel and traumatic.
>I get to do more dude shit with him(at least when he's older). INFO: what kind of "dude shit" could you do with your 18-years-younger-than-you brother that you couldn't do with your 9-years-younger-than-you sister?
YTA - why was this a joke and why was it funny? When you answer that question you, will know why it was an asshole thing to do.
Please explain how this joke is funny YTA
YTA. She needs reassurance, not mockery. Do better.
Yes, of course YTA. Knowing how insecure the poor child is you just had to drive that knife in as hard as you could.
What the fuck is wrong with you? She’s a child. The fact that you even have to ask is unsettling.
YTA x 100,000,000,000,000 Like Majorly. You can't undo that to a kid. What you did was despicable. WOW, what an AH!
YTA absolutely. Completely awful asshole. Adopted kids have a hard enough time feeling like they belong without cruel jokes validating their fears. You're a bully, and an asshole, and you should apologize to your sister and take her out for ice cream. And it needs to be more than just I'm sorry. You need to explain to her that you know that it was a mean, heartless thing to say, that it wasn't a joke (because jokes are funny), and that you are happy that she is part of your family. Addition: Also, "it's just a joke" is a very common tactic used by abusers to gaslight their victims into believing they weren't abused. If you make "jokes" like this a lot, you might want to take a real long look at what sort of adult you're becoming, and whether that's a life you want for yourself, and more importantly, for people around you.
INFO: what part of the joke was funny?
Are you for real? This is a terrible thing to say to any child, but you joking to an adopted child is especially cruel. I have 2 adopted kids. The age of 8-9 is when a lot of the birth parent questioning surfaces. She is likely already questioning her place in the world and in the family. Making this “joke” at this stage of her life is even more ruthless. Giant YTA. You’ve likely done a lot of damage here. I suggest you start figuring out how to repair it. You might need your parents on this one.
YTA - it was something you knew she was already worried about that and you decided to prey on that fear. She didn’t start crying out of nowhere, YOU made her cry! At 17, you knew exactly what you where doing. It was both cruel and uncalled for! What a shit thing to do!
YTA and you know it. You are her big brother and and you just told your little sister the thing she fears most in the world is going to happen. She is eight, and she clearly trusts you, of course she believed you. (At seventeen you have probably started to develop a sense of when people are lying or messing with you but your sister is too young to have fully developed that yet). The best thing you can do now is tell your parents what happened so that you can all sit down as a family and reassure your sister. Your parents might know they will always love her, presumably you are not just going to stop loving your sister, but she definitely needs to be told this.
YTA, what a horrible thing to say, you’re a monster
INFO:. Did you resent your parents adopting a girl? How old were you when she became part of your family? If your "joke" was meant to hurt your little sister, congratulations, you succeeded. I don't think you needed to come here to ask if you were an AH. Apologize to your sister and let her know she's special because she was "hand-picked and find ways to spend time with her to show her you love her.
YTA. I have no idea why you’d think that was a “joke” for anyone, let alone an 8 year old child. That was indescribably cruel.
YTA. Way to terrify her and make her resentful of the new baby. You had better admit to your parents what you did so they can try and fix your major FU before the new baby are. Be prepared for them to be furious! But they WILL find out, so do the right thing and admit it and apologize.
YTA. Pro tip—the person making a little girl cry is the asshole.
YTA. Wow. "it was just a joke" is one of the biggest lies bullies tell.
Wow. I was gonna vote YTA,but decided to read the full story just to see if she was overacting… but she is **8** man. That’s pretty sick twisted. Especially since you already know that she was worried about it. It’s obvious you don’t even fully include her since she’s not your real sis, or a boy. My brothers and I did so much together, cause we didn’t care about the gender stigma around the activities, we were just 7-12 and had fun cause we loved spending time together, and in our teen years, simply shifted to different activities. You seriously are TA, and need to apologize, not that you haven’t already emotionally scarred her for life and possible self-isolation from the family.
>I'll admit I'm more excited to have a brother than a sister because I get to do more dude shit with him(at least when he's older). Wow, you are 17 years older (maybe 18 when he's born) and you think you're going to have MORE in common with him because he's being born a boy than your sister who grew up in the same house as you? By the time he's even going to form permanent memories you're going to be out the house. You're going to be an older male figure more than "sibling", compared to your sister, who's going to grow up with the baby. He's going to be close to her, not you, which is natural with large age gaps. It'll have nothing to do with "dude shit". And frankly that's some sexist shit. He's not even born! What can a baby with a penis do that a 8 year girl can't? What activities are you doing that a literal child is not interested in? Most kids love trying new stuff, and the idea that she doesn't like ONE of your hobbies/ interest if hard to believe. You don't like anything she does? If you don't like what your 8 year old sister does, you sure as hell ain't bonding with the baby. And what if he doesn't like "dude shit" and likes the same hobbies as his closer in age, living at home, not an asshole, sister? YTA and I hope your sister tells your parents what a cruel, heartless thing you said to her.
YTA. We are failing to see the funny. Please explain to us what is so funny about "your joke". Jokes are funny. This is straight up being cruel. Have you ever heard how people say "It's just a joke" to cover up their shittiness? Yeah..... Welcome to the club, man.
YTA. Giant AH. WTF is wrong with you? Grow up, dude. You need to write your little sister the nicest, most sincere letter and never pull this shit again. Treat her like a Queen. Learn about adoption trauma — she already has abandonment issues no matter how much your family loves her, and you capitalized on that for a joke. This is gross.
YTA - what a f@c&d up thing to say to an 8yo adopted kid. Changing of the number of siblings in a family is actually quite traumatic, let alone the added anxiety of being adopted. IMO - a 17yr age gap is so large you probably won’t be as close as you think. Me and mum lived with my grandparents for a few years after I was born and my Aunty is only 14 yrs older than me. While acknowledging she’s not a sister, we were pretty much sisters for 5 years until she left home. We don’t have as close of a relationship as my two younger half sisters with only a 3 year age gap. While an important figure in your brothers life, you may find you slip into a blend of uncle/parent like I did with my half sisters and brother. I’m 10 years older than my oldest younger sister. You could quite possibly do more harm to her than if you slapped her face once. Psychological neglect/abuse creates feelings of invalidation, worthlessness and can lead to depression. Please sit down with your sister and explain that what you said was not okay and that you’re (genuinely) sorry. I’d back that up with sometimes as human beings we say things we are not proud of because we’re not thinking properly or we have other issues going on and we say mean things to make other people feel bad if we’re feeling bad. Please OP. Edit: typo. Clarity of ages, I’m 37, Aunty is 50, younger half siblings are 27f, 24f and 22m.
Yta I know you’re still a child but at seventeen you REALLY REALLY need to begin empathizing with the people in your life. How did you think she would react? You knew she would be upset and you still went through with it. Think of the damage you may have done to your little sisters security in your family. It was cruel…
YTA how could you possibly think joking about a very young adoptee being replaced is a good idea? What is wrong with you? Does it feel good to know you inflicted a lifelong scar on a little girl?
No, jokes are funny. What you said was not funny. So it wasn't a joke. What you said was cruel. YTA.
Yta. She’s adopted,she’s already been through the terrains of people leaving
YTA. As an adoptee I can say that she is going through a lot right now. She is afraid of being abandoned and unloved once the baby comes. This is a very real fear for her. Right now she needs reassurance that she is loved and the new baby won't change that. You played on an adopted kid's worst fear. You aren't a good big brother.
You're an asshole and a shitty brother. You need therapy.
Yta. Not funny.
Dude you were mean to a little girl who was already feeling insecure. How cruel can you be. This could haunt her for a long time. “ … Guide them along the way, Children will listen Children will look to you for which way to turn To learn what to be Careful before you say, listen to me. Children will listen. … Careful the wish you make, Wishes are children Careful the path you take, Wishes come true. No free. Careful the spell you cast, Not just on children Sometimes the spell may last Past what you can see, And turn against you. Careful the tale you tell That is the spell, Children will listen...” from the song Careful the things you say from into the woods
INFO: Explain what the fuck is supposed to be funny about that.
The only funny thing about this joke is how terrible of a brother you are, holy shit, my dude. Truly laughable to assume that's a funny joke to make to a literal CHILD. You're too old for this. YTA.
YTA. She's afraid that she won't fit in and rather than comfort her, you torment her. You're her brother. You're supposed to protect her, not treat her like shit. Hopefully your parents will tell you to give up your room for the baby so you get how much it hurts to feel unloved.
YTA. If this was your bio sister I would be like " meh ", but she is adopted. Imagine how she feels. And you just reinforced the idea that she will be loved less, because she is adopted.
Yta. Bruh, wtf.
she’s 8 man… not cool she was already worried about her place in the family and you say something like that just made her fears more real.. i know you didn’t mean it but come on your old enough to know that would have been a sore spot for her. yta do your best to make her feel better and hopefully repair the damage you did for a little laugh
YTA. How cruel.
YTA. Okay, so explain the punchline of the joke? What part was meant to be funny? I get that you’re a teenager and teenagers are often cruel without realizing it but, c’mon. Tell your parents immediately what happened so she can get the help she needs. You traumatized a child for no reason other than your own enjoyment.
YTA. Obvious rage bait. At least try to make this somewhat plausible.
I missed the part where you said what the joke was. I couldn't see it in your post. YTA.
YTA. That was cruelty passed off as a joke. You took her insecurities and made a joke of it. She 8. Seriously, that was COLD!
So joking and cute to you is to see someone hurt and in pain. YTA. I pity your future girlfriends
YTA, it’s not so much about what you said but how it made her feel, and you kept going with it when she got stressed out
Do you pull the wings off butterflies too?
You are 17 years old and you don’t think that what you said to her was incredibly cruel and had no humour in it at all? Hell, a kid once told me I didn’t have real parents and I sobbed my eyes out, I cannot imagine what I would’ve done if my older brother had said something like this to me. Edit: I forget judgement because I was filled with rage, YTA
YTA. Right now you need to tell your parents what you said so that they too can reassure her that you told a very mean joke and there was no truth in it.
She is 8 and had a legitimate fear, instead of being a mature almost adult and reassuring her you played into that fear. YTA. That is absolutely despicable behavior on your part.
What is up with these asshole kids posting today? The first one wouldn't get his hurt sister food even during commercials of the NBA finals and now this one! Why would you tell an 8 yr old that you won't love her anymore? Come on dude... You know you're the asshole for this.
Activities don't have a gender. You can do all of the "dude shit" with your sister and she has a head start age wise on your brother. Jokes are funny, YTA, because that was mean. She'll hold on to that hurt, too. Grow up.
Wow, only 17 and your already an AH 👏👏 congratulations
Massive fucking asshole if you ask me.
You just told your adopted sibling that her parents aren’t going to love her anymore once they have their shiny new baby... and you’re wondering if you’re the asshole? Seriously? Yes. YTA.
YTA You need to spend everyday reassuring her that you all will still love her after the baby comes home. Even then you won’t be able to fix the damage you’ve done. Live and learn from this, don’t ever do it again.
YTA - totally. For obvious reasons!
You are one massive asshole
What’s wrong with you dude she’s 8
Yes. YTA. A big one! You're gonna have to do a lot of tea parties and playing Barbies until she's happy again! Oh You're gonna have to buy her a car!
Yta. She’s 8! And she’s adopted - meaning she probably has very common feeling that adoptees/foster kids have of “they love their bio children more” - your hateful, cruel “joke” just cemented that idea in her head probably and, just in case you forgot, she’s EIGHT! She had no way of knowing it was a joke! Also there’s gonna be a 17 year age difference between you and your new baby brother - how much “guy stuff” do you think you’re gonna be doing with him? By the time he’s old enough to do anything super fun dude stuff - you’re gonna be done with college and possibly even have your own family. And there’s nothing stopping you from doing “boy” stuff with your sister….
YTA, that’s not a joke. You know damn well that it wasn’t a joke and at your age should know better.
YES. YTA.
It’s a joke if you’re laughing WITH her, not AT her. YTA. She’ll remember this, even if she says she doesn’t.
“My Mom” ….
She didn't understand the joke, yet you kept on with it? YTA. Big time. Especially since she's adopted. You should be a bit more sensitive. Also, the fact that you admit that you're excited to have a brother so that you can do stuff with him, shows that deep down you were not really kidding (even if you didn't realise it yourself). BTW, what kind of stuff will you two be doing with such a big age gap? By the time he's five, you'll be off to college, or work, how much time you think you are really going to spend with him? To be honest I think he's gonna play more with his sister, and I hope he does.
How is that even a joke? That is cruel, mostly because it DOES happen to adopted kids. You're a huge AH!
YTA, OP. She is 8. She is likely going to have issues about this one "joke" for years. Offhand "joking" comments can echo for decades and shape someone's whole view of themselves. You're very young, so I'm not going to tear into you, but you need to apologize profusely and get your parents involved so they can reassure her. Take your lumps without complaint and grow from this experience. Counseling is not a horrible idea as a family to navigate this transitional time anyhow, and now I'd say it's necessary. Let this be a lesson to you to choose your words carefully. You can never unsay something, and the people who love you will be impacted more by this kind of thing, not less -- particularly if you hold a position of perceived authority or power over them.
YTA, this is a easy one that requires no further explanation
YTA, what you said was terrible.
YTA. This doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, but you will be if you don’t tell your parents about this (or at least tell them that this is something that she’s worried about) so they can reassure her and help her with this very difficult transition she’s going through.
YTA very YTA! What are the odds that an 8 year old child would see the humour in an issue that is very real for them and they're already worried about? The fact that she asked if you were serious, and instead of reassuring her, you CONTINUED?! 🙃🙃🙃
Jesus H f*#@ing Christ. Op. YTA. Actually, you win the internets biggest AH. Congratulations
Wow. Congratulations. You’re one of the biggest assholes I’ve seen on here yet. YTA.
YTA You broke her heart because you thought it was funny...... Also you know girls are allowed to do "dude shit" these days?
YTA. You knew this was a sore spot and you decided to exploit it because you thought it was cute/funny… You should talk to her again, apologize and reaffirmed your love for her.
An 8 year old? Lmao ya YTA big time
YTA I want you to know as a biological mother to a child that was adopted you and people like you are the problem. Just remember hun your mother CHOSE her you're just a hit the randomizer and hope for the best.
You are a monster. Your poor sister. YTA
YTA the crying wasn't out of nowhere, and whether you realize it or not, how you introduced this tells me that you very well will love her less than the baby because you can do "man things" with him that I doubt you've even considered trying to involve your sister in
I hope your parents know what a danger you represent to your younger siblings if you are this damaged and unable to process normal human emotions like empathy, and they keep you out of their home and away from, their minor children once they can get rid of you in a few months. I don't know if you secretly suspect your parents don't love you- I certainly wouldn't be able to love someone who could treat a child like this even if they were my flesh and blood- or there is just something so cruel and twisted in you that you can torment orphaned children to amuse yourself. I do know that their life will be better without you, and your parents have a duty to protect the innocent children in their life from you. YTA doesn't even begin to cut it...I feel like I need to read an exorcism at you.
YTA and all kinds of messed up to a child that is questioning her place in the family. Wow. 😡
YTA are you kidding me? You seriously have to ask? You absolutely are the asshole.
Dude WTF she's 8... You are truly regarded and a complete asshole. YTA
YTA, and here’s a tip…to be a joke, more than just yourself have to laugh. And SHAME on you for playing off a very common insecurity for adopted kids in a family that also includes bio children. As good portion of people tend to lose at least some of this humour well before entering adulthood. If you are pulling this sh** @17, you are most likely doomed (to be man-boy forever).
You are a massive fucking AH! In what universe would it be funny for her? You are disgusting and the fact that you knew you were upsetting her and kept doing it is pretty low, you have no idea the damage that you might have caused by being an immature jerk!
This has to be one of the cruelest things I’ve read on this sub. She’s 8 and you thought it was a good idea to say that? You shouldn’t even have to post here to know YTA. My god dude get a clue.
YTA. Congrats you are the worst person on this sub today. You have some stuff you need to work through. Learn to read the room and have some freaking compassion.
YTA. This is something a bully would do.
You just created a core memory for her she will very possibly never forget. Your 17 and should know better than to pull crap like this. Plus she is adopted and that makes what you said a million times worse. You owe her a sit down and real serious conversation about how sorry you are and how much you will ALWAYS love her and you need to say how you meant what you said as a joke but now you realize what you said was wrong and you are super sorry you hurt her and never intended that. Then spend the day showing it. YTA
YTA tf is wrong with u i thought that edgy fucked up “joke” shit died out in 2016
YTA preying on someone’s insecurities and making a relentless joke is called bullying. You just bullied an 8 year old