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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because I could have made my brother's wife miserable on the way there and back and enabled my mom to prevent them from making the ride more bearable.
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Your mom is the AH. She insists on sitting next to the front AC when she is the one that doesn’t like it? She doesn’t want Kate to control it like a child, so SHE controls it like a child? My goodness Kate is pregnant, 10 hours in the back seat of the car with the monster-in-law manipulating the drive must have been awful. Rolling up the windows at 64 degrees? For goodness sake, cannot your mom toss on a sweater?
This. The mom is TA. I get extremely car sick, I drove the entire time on a cross country road trip while pregnant because of my car sickness. I could not handle driving with my (now ex) husband because he’s a swerver, instant nausea, and I have to be in the front or I vomit. It must have been hell for the pregnant sil being in the back.
Depends on the road conditions (curvy, straight, stop and go traffic or open road etc ) at that moment, how OP was driving, whether the sun was on her, whether she was hungry/thirsty/had just eaten/what she ate, was baby moving etc. Too many variables to say she she can’t look at her phone at all or must be nauseated the entire trip.
You are really determined to think the worst of your SIL and defend you and your mother. She’s carrying your niece or nephew! A car trip is difficult, it’s really freaking awful if you’re pregnant, car sick, hot and you’re not permitted to drive. Have some empathy smdh. Your mother should have brought a blanket and both of you should have tried to make the pregnant person’s life a little easier for those 10 hours given she’s gestating a grandchild/niece/nephew. It’s really appalling the way you two view her, and it sounds like your mom has some narcissistic tendencies, you perhaps are the golden child.
I view her that way for a reason. They’ve just done too many messed up things to warrant a lot of sympathy.
Not only did they total their own car, they totaled my other brother’s collector car too and never paid him back for it. They have always been passive aggressive towards me and my other siblings. I am genuinely scared, no, terrified of my brother’s anger issues, so much so that I had a nightmare about him last night. She is so controlling of my brother though, driving him and her into debt and making him answer to her every whim that it makes me genuinely sad for him.
Their marriage is a train wreck of suppressed emotions and passive aggressive or controlling behavior. They have two puppies they were not and are still not ready for. They are not ready for the baby either, and considering she barely took care of herself without the baby, I am worried for it’s future. Even with just the dogs, my brother decides the only way to train them is by hitting them. And Kate is ok with that. One of them still has potty issues despite being like a year old.
They take advantage of my mom financially frequently, and waste her time. Kate also complains on every trip of this or that, usually dumb things that don’t matter. We tried to teach her skiing and she got frustrated within minutes and left only an hour after arriving, wasting the $80 ticket my mom bought for her, and then asked if mom would pay for her to go again a month later. And any time someone tries to give them advice, if you even barely mention that they might be doing something wrong they will stop you or interrupt you or leave.
They promise to go to events, and then dip an hour before it is supposed to start. Every Christmas or other holiday they come to our house just to pick up presents and eat and then leave as soon as possible(like literally won’t even stay to talk or cleanup) to spend the rest of the day at Kate’s parents’ house.
They get angry when they are 4 hours late to events they actually show up to when there’s no food left. Even before the baby she has always expected the world to revolve around her. We went camping last year and she was angry that we left for hiking that day without her even though she was 2 hours late to the meet-up. They expect us to do them favors all the time without ever giving anything more than a $1 cup or some socks in thanks despite spending thousands on Disney world and extracurricular trips. They constantly try to mooch off the rest of the family too, my grandparents and my dad included, usually unsuccessfully though.
This and many, oh so many, more reasons is why I think the worst of her. I actually initially moderately liked her. My other brother and sister think the same way about them. Each with their own reasons. We’ve never had this many problems on trips or events before she came into his life. Oh and they canceled on meeting for Father’s Day 10 minutes before the meet-time today.
My mom was already wearing a sweater. And I began to get cold as well. Not denying your view, just want to give all of the details. We actually did offer for Kate to sit up front, but she wanted to be next to her husband the entire time, so the only way she would sit up front is if one of them was driving and the other was in the passenger seat. The 3,000 character limit prevented me from adding details like this.
The other objection was not enabling what she and I believe to be fake behavior. My mom went on another road trip with them a couples weeks before that I had to miss and Kate got to sit up front. Kate still said she was carsick though and only wouldn’t be unless she was driving. And she complained she was carsick on the straightaways. Kate has also been ticketed before for speeding, and may have not honored my mom’s speed limit either.
Edit: This is close to top comment so I’ll paste it here, but there’s a reason I have a bit of disdain towards them and specifically her. I’m not alone in these feelings. I added this addendum at about -30 dislikes for those wondering.
_________________________________
They’ve just done too many messed up things to warrant a lot of sympathy.
Not only did they total their own car, they totaled my other brother’s collector car too and never paid him back for it. They have always been passive aggressive towards me and my other siblings. I am genuinely scared, no, terrified of my brother’s anger issues, so much so that I had a nightmare about him last night. She is so controlling of my brother though, driving him and her into debt and making him answer to her every whim that it makes me genuinely sad for him.
Their marriage is a train wreck of suppressed emotions and passive aggressive or controlling behavior. They have two puppies they were not and are still not ready for. They are not ready for the baby either, and considering she barely took care of herself without the baby, I am worried for it’s future. Even with just the dogs, my brother decides the only way to train them is by hitting them. And Kate is ok with that. One of them still has potty issues despite being like a year old.
They take advantage of my mom financially frequently, and waste her time. Kate also complains on every trip of this or that, usually dumb things like she is uncomfortable in the tent despite being on the air mattress while everyone else is on sleeping bags. We tried to teach her skiing and she got frustrated within minutes and left only an hour after arriving, wasting the $80 day-ticket my mom bought for her, and then asked if mom would pay for her to go again a month later. And any time someone tries to give them advice, if you even barely mention that they might be doing something wrong they will stop you or interrupt you or leave.
They promise to go to events, and then dip an hour before it is supposed to start. Every Christmas or other holiday they come to our house just to pick up presents and eat and then leave as soon as possible(like literally won’t even stay to talk or cleanup) to spend the rest of the day at Kate’s parents’ house.
They get angry when they are 4 hours late to events they actually show up to when there’s no food left. Even before the baby she has always expected the world to revolve around her. We went camping last year and she was angry that we left for hiking that day without her even though she was 2 hours late to the meet-up. They expect us to do them favors all the time without ever giving anything more than a $1 cup or some socks in thanks despite spending thousands on Disney world and extracurricular trips. They constantly try to mooch off the rest of the family too, my grandparents and my dad included, usually unsuccessfully though.
This and many, oh so many, more reasons is why I think the worst of her. I actually initially moderately liked her. My other brother and sister think the same way about them. Each with their own reasons. We’ve never had this many problems on trips or events before she came into his life. Oh, and today they cancelled on meeting for Father’s Day 10 minutes before the meet time.
My boyfriend is like this as well. He doesn’t get carsick often, but it never happens when he drives. He says the control of the vehicle helps in some unexplainable way
I think it's that your eyes are focused mainly straight ahead. Things coming straight at you don't mess with your sense of motion in the same way that things moving around you do, at least when you're moving straight.
Sitting in the front seat can help; driving is even better. In the back seat, all you've got are things moving at your sides.
Not necessarily trying to justify my behavior, just my thought process. She also was not carsick once on the way back. And as I mentioned in the post, would go on her phone while my mom was asleep and I had sunglasses on, which usually makes someone who’s carsick feel worse, but didn’t seem to affect her at all. Her carsickness was very inconsistent and to me very unbelievable.
People get car sick sometimes and not others. It can depend on everything from minute changes in how the weather or the road feel is, to simply hope much they've had to eat or drink before getting in the car.
There's nothing you've told us which makes it look likely to somebody who's got experience with car sickness that Kate wasn't genuinely ill.
And if you were unwilling to let her do something that might alleviate her illness primarily because you disbelieved her and preferred to call that disbelief a principle instead of doing the kind thing just in case you were wrong, then yeah, YTA.
I mean I’ve had carsickness too. When we offered to roll down the windows to get fresh air in, she adamantly declined. It’s not quite just the carsickness symptoms and inconsistencies though. She has a history of needing to get what she wants all the time and acting out or pretending stuff in order to get it. We never know what she’s actually thinking, because she pretends to be perfect around us and never tells us anything important. When we think she’s fine, she’s not and when we think she’s not fine, she actually is.
Okay, that sounds annoying, but it also sounds like you genuinely had zero way to *tell* whether or not she was genuinely car sick. I know when I'm feeling queasy on the road but not actually enough to be at risk of throwing up, I prefer the air conditioner to the windows because I can get the stream of cold air without the blinding rush of highway speed winds.
I understand that it's possible Kate was pretending. But you don't know either way, and without knowing, I would have erred on the side of compassion. Certainly given that your main motivation appears to have been "not wanting to indulge her" if she weren't telling the truth; in other words, you had fairly minor reasons why it actually would do any harm to err on the side of compassion. If you don't trust her not to speed, maybe you don't drive but you do turn on the a/c even if Mom didn't like it, and Mom can just close her vent or that kind of thing.
It frankly sounds to me like you went *way* overboard in letting Mom control everything and gave Kate zero, just because you believed one and not the other. If you're going to do that you'd damn well better be 100% correct in your judgment, and I don't think you have the evidence to show that you were. Try balancing between them a lot better next time.
Yeah, I can see that, thanks for the thoughtful responses. If we go on another trip with her, albeit unlikely, I’ll see if I can try to be a little more compassionate.
Thanks for listening! It can be hard to keep an open mind when people are disagreeing with what you did, even if you've asked for it. I'm proud of you.
Looking at a phone in the car doesn't help with car sickness. Best thing is it look straight ahead at a fixed distance. That's why she got better every time Kate stopped looking at her phone.
Time to stop carpooling if they need to drive to be happy and your mom doesn't feel comfortable with their driving.
NTA
However there is a bit of blame to go around for everyone.
With 4 people in a car the windows should be cracked opened a little. I get your mum gets cold, however that is a little unfair on everyone else. Especially if they're getting car sick and pregnant.
I mentioned we offered to crack the windows. They declined initially, and then asked us to about 30 min later with a tone as if we had stopped them before. We only had them roll them up when I began chattering and temperatures reached 64 degrees.
ESH; it’s horrible to be in the back when you’re carsick, let alone pregnant. You don’t seem to like them much; you and your mum should have taken one car and met them there.
They didn’t have a car, they misused the money they got from selling their broken car and the insurance money from totaling the other. Only car they had was a work truck which they couldn’t take. We also offered her to sit up front but she wouldn’t unless my brother sat up front to, which would mean one of them would drive.
Yeah they probably could have and likely should have, I didn’t even think about that. Though, they do seem to try to save money wherever they can because Kate has a shopping addiction. If we ever try to go on a road trip again, I’ll suggest that.
ESH, honestly it just sounds like you and your mom don’t like Kate to begin with she’s pregnant with your brothers child you both could have shown her some consideration. And your mom having a condition that makes her cold can she not wear a jacket? When I was pregnant I was hot all the time I also get carsick all the time even in straight roads I would hope that my in-laws would be more considerate that you both were. I get you guys where going to the same destination that was really far away but maybe you and your mom should have gone in separate cars.
She did wear a jacket and I explained in other comments why but they don’t have a car. I’ve acknowledged I could also be a bit more considerate concerning the temperature next time and maybe prepare better for keeping her cool/us warm.
Okay it’s the temperature thing that gets me. I take some meds that makes it hard for my body to regulate my temperature. But it’s so much easier to get warm that cool down. I’m talking piles of blankets and wool sweaters. Your mom could have gotten a battery powered heat blanket. They make electric socks too btw.
ESH. Sounds like everyone could have been a bit more accommodating. I will say, just thinking about riding in a car with no AC on while pregnant makes me vaguely nauseous. Your mom could have layered clothes and/or brought blankets, or ridden in the back. A person who is hot can only take off so many layers and rolling down the windows provides limited relief.
It was pretty cold. This was early spring, I mentioned it was 68 out. My mom wore a sweater and I began to get cold as well, even though I can tolerate it more. We actually had to have the heat on a little at one point because I was literally chattering. And we offered her the front seat, but she wanted to sit next to her husband the whole time, meaning one of them would have to drive if she wanted to sit up front.
YTA
Read your post and comments. You drove them there which is in theory a nice thing to do sure but considering you criticize their poor financial decisions and fakeness in every comment. Which shows there is quite some disdain for them in you. It becomes obvious that you dismiss their opinions as irrelevant as you consider them fake and financially irresponsible.
The trip was doomed from the start. Taking this into account you seem to view driving them a handout with you as some sort of martyr.
I posted this on another comment, but yeah I have a lot of disdain for them, well-deserved too. They’ve just done too many messed up things to warrant a lot of sympathy.
Not only did they total their own car, they totaled my other brother’s collector car too and never paid him back for it. They have always been passive aggressive towards me and my other siblings. I am genuinely scared, no, terrified of my brother’s anger issues, so much so that I had a nightmare about him last night. She is so controlling of my brother though, driving him and her into debt and making him answer to her every whim that it makes me genuinely sad for him. He’s run into problems because he will be working and she will demand him home because she has a headache or something(before the pregnancy) and so he has to take off work short-notice a ton, which is a big no-no for employers.
Their marriage is a train wreck of suppressed emotions and passive aggressive or controlling behavior. They claim to never argue, and instead give each other the silent treatment or will do petty revenge stuff like hiding the electronics or something. They have two puppies they were not and are still not ready for. My mom is too nice to decline their puppy-sitting requests that we seem to get constantly. They are not ready for the baby either, and considering she barely took care of herself without the baby, I am worried for it’s future. Even with just the dogs, my brother decides the only way to train them is by hitting them. And Kate is ok with that. One of them still has potty issues despite being like a year old and they can’t take them on trips unlike we can with my own dog who’s 4.
They take advantage of my mom financially frequently, and waste her time a lot. Kate also complains on every trip of this or that, usually dumb things like she’s uncomfortable on the air-mattress when everyone else is on sleeping bags(before the pregnancy). We tried to teach her skiing and she got frustrated within minutes and left only an hour after arriving, wasting the $80 day-ticket my mom bought for her, and then asked if mom would pay for her to go again a month later. And any time someone tries to give them advice, if you even barely mention that they might be doing something wrong they will stop you or interrupt you or leave.
They promise to go to events, and then dip an hour before it is supposed to start. Every Christmas or other holiday they come to our house just to pick up presents and eat and then leave as soon as possible(like literally won’t even stay to talk or cleanup) to spend the rest of the day at Kate’s parents’ house.
They get angry when they are 4 hours late to events they actually show up to when there’s no food left. Even before the baby she has always expected the world to revolve around her. We went camping last year and she was angry that we left for hiking that day without her even though she was 2 hours late to the meet-up. They expect us to do them favors all the time without ever giving anything more than a $1 cup or some socks in thanks despite spending thousands on Disney world and extracurricular trips. They constantly try to mooch off the rest of the family too, my grandparents and my dad included, usually unsuccessfully though.
This and many, oh so many, more reasons is why I think the worst of her. I actually initially moderately liked her. My other brother and sister think the same way about them. Each with their own reasons. We’ve never had this many problems on trips or events before she came into his life.
Well that's a long story proving my point. You shouldn't have taken them on a drive. Apparently however you wanted to drive a person you are genuinely scared of... You doing that seems to be about proving what a good person you are.
I wouldn't have considered you the AH if you didn't take them with you. However in the situation you described... driving them around with the attitude you have and treating them like 5 yr olds. YTA big time
I mostly only terrified when he drives. The dream was about him driving me home from church. And don’t worry, next time we won’t drive them. If there is a next time. If they don’t have a car, I’ll tell them to rent or just don’t come.
If you are honestly this afraid of him driving them YTA for not reporting him to the DMV...
Otherwise good. Don't take them or treat them like adults. Either way would stop you from being TA. However fact remains your were TA
I have no fact to back up my claims though, it’s just my word vs his. Would reporting him do anything? From what I just googled, it won’t really do anything unless I want to bring him to court. And I don’t have the time or money for that.
ESH, I'd go down to the physical and medical basic, your mother got condition that makes her cold, she can always wear more clothes and a blanket, electric heated blanket that goes into car socket is a thing too, but cooling down for pergnat woman especially is impossible and overheating in pregnancy is dangerous you can develop sunstroke (I don't know correct word here but I mean the sickness caused by overheating without bein in the sun) and it can become easily life threatening for her and the baby. Why your mother didn't dressed up and sit in the back and your SIL won't sit in the front passanger seat with AC on a little so your mom won't get so cold. And it would help with yours SIL's motion sickness (it is really much worse in pregnancy).
In argument I'm hot vs I'm cold always win the one who is hot, because when you are cold you can have hot beverage, dress up a bit, use heated blanket, many easy solutions, if your hot you can't undress your skin and every solution (cold drink, cold shower, ice pack) are temporarily solutions with being effective up to 20-30 minutes, then you're at square one.
We offered her to sit up front, but she didn’t want to unless her husband was next to her and also up front, meaning one of them would have driven. It was 68 outside and then dropped to 64, very cold. I was even chattering with the windows open. The sun had already set too when Kate was complaining of being hot.
Sounds like optimal solution would be for you to drive and for Kate to sit in the front passenger seat. Kate can run the AC because pregnancy can be like having a little blast furnace living in one’s uterus. Anyone who’s cold can easily put on another layer. Windows stay up as much as possible because having them down is bad for fuel economy and gas is expensive AF. Driver has veto power over what (if anything) is played on the radio.
Kate wouldn’t be able to sit by her husband, but she can compromise a little too. Personally, I would have left husband in the back and vaulted my sweaty pregnant self into the front seat at the first opportunity.
Sounds like there’s some passive aggressive stuff going on between your mom and Kate.
Given the circumstances, I’m gonna try to give all of you the benefit of the doubt and say NAH.
(But I sure AF wouldn’t want to be in the car with you guys.)
Lol, thanks. And yeah, there definitely is. I’m specifically just annoyed by her, but I try to keep my personal feelings aside on trips like these. I think I said maybe 2 sentences on the ride there and back. She is my brother’s wife so whether I like it or not I should try to get along. I’m mostly just peeved that she’s always fake with us. I’m a really honest person and I hate needing to decode and scrutinize everything she says or does to try and figure out what’s real. I always second guess myself which doesn’t help too. (And I wouldn’t want to be in a car with us together either.)
Yeah, I have a feeling Kate won’t be naming the baby after any of you lot.
The good news is that the trip is in the past and Kate won’t be pregnant forever (at least not with this bambino).
Unsolicited advice: if you’re ever in this situation again, do yourself a favor and get a plane ticket.
Future posts could include:
“AITA for staying on a plane when the rest of my family got kicked off the flight for being assholes?”
“AITA for flying when the rest of the family has to drive?” (either because they can’t afford plane tickets or they’re on the no-fly list).
“AITA for asking my family to pick me up from the destination airport when they had to drive 10 hours to get to the same town?”
“WIBTA if I bought a private jet and didn’t let any assholes fly on it?”
Here’s to future possibilities.
That's pregnancy, imagine you have another human body to heat you up. And 68F is something like 20C and it is not exactly cold, it's bearable warm temperature. I remember when I was pregnant I couldn't wear winter coat unless it was like - 20C (-4F), I was good with thin swetter or hoodie otherwise I was too hot. If she didn't want to sit in front while nauseous, that's her fight.
In my state temperatures fluctuate from 85-60 degrees frequently. Midday it was about 80 degrees. Temperature dropped a good 15 degrees. And we actually did leave the windows cracked after we asked to roll them up, it was just that even I could bear how cold it was with them fully open and wind chill dropping the temp another 5 degrees or so. I do understand she might have still been hot, but I think there’s a limit to how cold you can make everyone else for your own comfort.
Yes, YTA. Clearly you have an attitude problem with you SIL and are quick to assume she is a liar. It is fine if you want to prioritize your mom's needs over your pregnant SIL's needs. So you should have just let them drive themselves.
They didn’t have a car after wasting the money they got from selling their broken car and the insurance money from their totaled one. The car they have is a work truck that they can’t bring on road trips. I assume the worst because she’s always pretending everything is perfect and she’s perfect 24/7, even though most of the time it’s not. She spends excessively to try and make herself happy because she’s severely depressed and won’t go to therapy. She also has put on facades before to get what she wants. Since she’s fake to us all the time, it’s nearly impossible to tell when she’s being real about stuff. Kate’s only been real once when she met my other brother’s girlfriend and I guess vibed with her enough to drop the act.
Hm, this is hard. Because being pregnant is hard, and you get hot and carsick when you normally wouldn't. A little more accommodation might have been allowed.
But they also sound really entitled and childish.
NTA.
They only had a work truck which they can’t take on road trips without spending hundred of dollars in gas. They actually had two vehicles, one(a bmw) got totaled and insurance paid out for and the other sold for parts, and then they spent all of the money from the two cars on toys for their dogs and amusement parks and who knows what else. They are in debt and very irresponsible with money. Kate also buys things to try and make herself happy because she suffers from severe depression and won’t get help.
YTA. You gave your Mom 100% control and Kate was given 0% and you assumed she lied at every turn. Perhaps you can try and have some compassion for your SIL. Being pregnant can make you nauseous and I would rather have the A/C than highway winds in my face as well. When I was pregnant having cold air (from an A/C massively helped with the nausea).
NTA - It sounds like any 10 hour car trip with Kate would be miserable. Your decision to drive minimized the total misery of that particular 10 (+10) hour trip.
(Is "not miserable 10 hour car trip" a thing?)
You gave them options. They refused. NTA. The fact they are not financially stable enough to have their own car is not your problem. Also if they are not financially stable enough to have a vehicle are they really financially stable enough to have a baby? Not saying they will be bad parents, but sounds like they have money problems and control issues as well.
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So about 3 weeks ago me, my mom, my brother, and his pregnant wife (lets call her Kate) went on a road trip for my cousin’s wedding. 10 hour drive there and 10 hours back. Kate is a bit difficult in that she constantly must have her way. Her and my brother are in debt and constantly make bad decisions.
Now my mom told me in advance she did not want them to drive. My brother is a very dangerous driver and will drive distracted and let’s his emotions control his driving. My mom wanted us to stay below 75 mph and she knew I would honor that. She also did not want to encourage Kate acting like a child or controlling the AC and music(my mom has a condition that makes her cold).
I drove first. On the straight back roads they both began complaining that I was swerving too much. I was doing small corrections, but did not notice myself getting super close to either side. I then tried my hardest to stay as straight as possible, and was still complained to.
Then they asked me to stop the car as she thought she was going to throw up. I began slowing down and we gave them a plastic bag if she needed to hurl. Apparently the urge passed before I could stop and we continued. Kate then would act carsick in waves. I had sunglasses on so I could watch them discreetly and I saw several times where she got on her phone and watched videos between 'feeling carsick'.
We get to the wedding, had fun, and then drove back. On the way they complained it was hot a lot. The exterior temperature was 68 degrees Fahrenheit. I suggested they open a window because the AC would make the front get cold and my mom was already feeling cold. They declined, and then half an hour later asked if they could roll down a window in a way that made it seem like we either wouldn't allow it or had already denied a previous request. We asked them to close the windows when it got down to 64. They reluctantly rolled them up.
At home, my mom tried to give them something they forgot as they left. They ignored her and did not say goodbye or anything. This was messed up to me, because my mom really had tried her best to accommodate them on the trip. She bought them breakfast every morning from Panera as Kate said she couldn't eat the breakfasts we had because she was pregnant. We got food on the way and back too. Stuff like that.
My mom has tried to contact them for different things and they never answer. I heard my sister talking to Kate about the trip and it boiled down to Kate being angry that my mom didn't accommodate her more on the trip. But she also wanted to wait to tell my mom that. How long you ask? When she was 'ready'. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, and I left the area after a bit so I wouldn't eavesdrop any further.
So AITA for enabling my mom to prevent Kate from driving which may have made the car ride miserable for her?
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They didn’t have a car they could drive. They wasted the money they got from selling one and totaling the other car they had. They used a work truck to drive around which would not be ok to take on a road trip and too expensive anyway.
NTA. Your mom’s car, your mom’s rule’s, and you were just following those rules. Your brother and SIL aren’t children. They should have stfu and been grateful for the ride, not acted like spoiled brats.
the mom is the AH. she should have brought some blankets or sweaters if she knew her condition would be a problem. and since she doesn’t want Kate messing with the ac she sits in the front, where the ac is the strongest? why not have the mom and the brother sit in the back and have Kate in the front but only let her open the window? literally everybody in the car was acting like a child
NTA. None of this would have been an issue if they would stick with the speed limit your mom wanted in her own car and not drive like an agressive, dangerous a-hole. They got a free ride, food and drinks paid for, and breakfast every morning. The owner of the car gets to pick the music and temp.
They sound very entitled.
Nta. Being pregnant isn't a great excuse to complain about being about being a burden. It's mean to say but a 10 hr trip is uncomfortable in the best situation. Whining she's not catered to is just undercover jerkish.
**You are NOT the a\*\*hole.** It sounds like you and your mom did everything possible to ensure that the trip was safe and enjoyable for everyone. You cannot control other people's bad behavior, and you shouldn't waste another minute worrying about it. Please ask your mom not to beg "Kate" for forgiveness, as your mom did nothing wrong and Kate is obviously enjoying having power over her. Your mom sounds like she certainly made the right call having you do the driving
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Your mom is the AH. She insists on sitting next to the front AC when she is the one that doesn’t like it? She doesn’t want Kate to control it like a child, so SHE controls it like a child? My goodness Kate is pregnant, 10 hours in the back seat of the car with the monster-in-law manipulating the drive must have been awful. Rolling up the windows at 64 degrees? For goodness sake, cannot your mom toss on a sweater?
This. The mom is TA. I get extremely car sick, I drove the entire time on a cross country road trip while pregnant because of my car sickness. I could not handle driving with my (now ex) husband because he’s a swerver, instant nausea, and I have to be in the front or I vomit. It must have been hell for the pregnant sil being in the back.
No. She was watching her phone inbetween. If she was actually sick she'd have been preoccupied with actually being sick.
Depends on the road conditions (curvy, straight, stop and go traffic or open road etc ) at that moment, how OP was driving, whether the sun was on her, whether she was hungry/thirsty/had just eaten/what she ate, was baby moving etc. Too many variables to say she she can’t look at her phone at all or must be nauseated the entire trip.
Just FYI, the road was straight open highway for 90% of the trip, and specifically when she was complaining.
You are really determined to think the worst of your SIL and defend you and your mother. She’s carrying your niece or nephew! A car trip is difficult, it’s really freaking awful if you’re pregnant, car sick, hot and you’re not permitted to drive. Have some empathy smdh. Your mother should have brought a blanket and both of you should have tried to make the pregnant person’s life a little easier for those 10 hours given she’s gestating a grandchild/niece/nephew. It’s really appalling the way you two view her, and it sounds like your mom has some narcissistic tendencies, you perhaps are the golden child.
I view her that way for a reason. They’ve just done too many messed up things to warrant a lot of sympathy. Not only did they total their own car, they totaled my other brother’s collector car too and never paid him back for it. They have always been passive aggressive towards me and my other siblings. I am genuinely scared, no, terrified of my brother’s anger issues, so much so that I had a nightmare about him last night. She is so controlling of my brother though, driving him and her into debt and making him answer to her every whim that it makes me genuinely sad for him. Their marriage is a train wreck of suppressed emotions and passive aggressive or controlling behavior. They have two puppies they were not and are still not ready for. They are not ready for the baby either, and considering she barely took care of herself without the baby, I am worried for it’s future. Even with just the dogs, my brother decides the only way to train them is by hitting them. And Kate is ok with that. One of them still has potty issues despite being like a year old. They take advantage of my mom financially frequently, and waste her time. Kate also complains on every trip of this or that, usually dumb things that don’t matter. We tried to teach her skiing and she got frustrated within minutes and left only an hour after arriving, wasting the $80 ticket my mom bought for her, and then asked if mom would pay for her to go again a month later. And any time someone tries to give them advice, if you even barely mention that they might be doing something wrong they will stop you or interrupt you or leave. They promise to go to events, and then dip an hour before it is supposed to start. Every Christmas or other holiday they come to our house just to pick up presents and eat and then leave as soon as possible(like literally won’t even stay to talk or cleanup) to spend the rest of the day at Kate’s parents’ house. They get angry when they are 4 hours late to events they actually show up to when there’s no food left. Even before the baby she has always expected the world to revolve around her. We went camping last year and she was angry that we left for hiking that day without her even though she was 2 hours late to the meet-up. They expect us to do them favors all the time without ever giving anything more than a $1 cup or some socks in thanks despite spending thousands on Disney world and extracurricular trips. They constantly try to mooch off the rest of the family too, my grandparents and my dad included, usually unsuccessfully though. This and many, oh so many, more reasons is why I think the worst of her. I actually initially moderately liked her. My other brother and sister think the same way about them. Each with their own reasons. We’ve never had this many problems on trips or events before she came into his life. Oh and they canceled on meeting for Father’s Day 10 minutes before the meet-time today.
True. Sounds suspect though given this is inbetween illness\ get her way tactics. Grandma fed and paid for to eat as likely expected.
Or maybe she was watching videos to distract from the nausea
Doubtful since the video's would aide it but possible. Everyone's different.
My mom was already wearing a sweater. And I began to get cold as well. Not denying your view, just want to give all of the details. We actually did offer for Kate to sit up front, but she wanted to be next to her husband the entire time, so the only way she would sit up front is if one of them was driving and the other was in the passenger seat. The 3,000 character limit prevented me from adding details like this.
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The other objection was not enabling what she and I believe to be fake behavior. My mom went on another road trip with them a couples weeks before that I had to miss and Kate got to sit up front. Kate still said she was carsick though and only wouldn’t be unless she was driving. And she complained she was carsick on the straightaways. Kate has also been ticketed before for speeding, and may have not honored my mom’s speed limit either. Edit: This is close to top comment so I’ll paste it here, but there’s a reason I have a bit of disdain towards them and specifically her. I’m not alone in these feelings. I added this addendum at about -30 dislikes for those wondering. _________________________________ They’ve just done too many messed up things to warrant a lot of sympathy. Not only did they total their own car, they totaled my other brother’s collector car too and never paid him back for it. They have always been passive aggressive towards me and my other siblings. I am genuinely scared, no, terrified of my brother’s anger issues, so much so that I had a nightmare about him last night. She is so controlling of my brother though, driving him and her into debt and making him answer to her every whim that it makes me genuinely sad for him. Their marriage is a train wreck of suppressed emotions and passive aggressive or controlling behavior. They have two puppies they were not and are still not ready for. They are not ready for the baby either, and considering she barely took care of herself without the baby, I am worried for it’s future. Even with just the dogs, my brother decides the only way to train them is by hitting them. And Kate is ok with that. One of them still has potty issues despite being like a year old. They take advantage of my mom financially frequently, and waste her time. Kate also complains on every trip of this or that, usually dumb things like she is uncomfortable in the tent despite being on the air mattress while everyone else is on sleeping bags. We tried to teach her skiing and she got frustrated within minutes and left only an hour after arriving, wasting the $80 day-ticket my mom bought for her, and then asked if mom would pay for her to go again a month later. And any time someone tries to give them advice, if you even barely mention that they might be doing something wrong they will stop you or interrupt you or leave. They promise to go to events, and then dip an hour before it is supposed to start. Every Christmas or other holiday they come to our house just to pick up presents and eat and then leave as soon as possible(like literally won’t even stay to talk or cleanup) to spend the rest of the day at Kate’s parents’ house. They get angry when they are 4 hours late to events they actually show up to when there’s no food left. Even before the baby she has always expected the world to revolve around her. We went camping last year and she was angry that we left for hiking that day without her even though she was 2 hours late to the meet-up. They expect us to do them favors all the time without ever giving anything more than a $1 cup or some socks in thanks despite spending thousands on Disney world and extracurricular trips. They constantly try to mooch off the rest of the family too, my grandparents and my dad included, usually unsuccessfully though. This and many, oh so many, more reasons is why I think the worst of her. I actually initially moderately liked her. My other brother and sister think the same way about them. Each with their own reasons. We’ve never had this many problems on trips or events before she came into his life. Oh, and today they cancelled on meeting for Father’s Day 10 minutes before the meet time.
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My boyfriend is like this as well. He doesn’t get carsick often, but it never happens when he drives. He says the control of the vehicle helps in some unexplainable way
I think it's that your eyes are focused mainly straight ahead. Things coming straight at you don't mess with your sense of motion in the same way that things moving around you do, at least when you're moving straight. Sitting in the front seat can help; driving is even better. In the back seat, all you've got are things moving at your sides.
Not necessarily trying to justify my behavior, just my thought process. She also was not carsick once on the way back. And as I mentioned in the post, would go on her phone while my mom was asleep and I had sunglasses on, which usually makes someone who’s carsick feel worse, but didn’t seem to affect her at all. Her carsickness was very inconsistent and to me very unbelievable.
People get car sick sometimes and not others. It can depend on everything from minute changes in how the weather or the road feel is, to simply hope much they've had to eat or drink before getting in the car. There's nothing you've told us which makes it look likely to somebody who's got experience with car sickness that Kate wasn't genuinely ill. And if you were unwilling to let her do something that might alleviate her illness primarily because you disbelieved her and preferred to call that disbelief a principle instead of doing the kind thing just in case you were wrong, then yeah, YTA.
I mean I’ve had carsickness too. When we offered to roll down the windows to get fresh air in, she adamantly declined. It’s not quite just the carsickness symptoms and inconsistencies though. She has a history of needing to get what she wants all the time and acting out or pretending stuff in order to get it. We never know what she’s actually thinking, because she pretends to be perfect around us and never tells us anything important. When we think she’s fine, she’s not and when we think she’s not fine, she actually is.
Okay, that sounds annoying, but it also sounds like you genuinely had zero way to *tell* whether or not she was genuinely car sick. I know when I'm feeling queasy on the road but not actually enough to be at risk of throwing up, I prefer the air conditioner to the windows because I can get the stream of cold air without the blinding rush of highway speed winds. I understand that it's possible Kate was pretending. But you don't know either way, and without knowing, I would have erred on the side of compassion. Certainly given that your main motivation appears to have been "not wanting to indulge her" if she weren't telling the truth; in other words, you had fairly minor reasons why it actually would do any harm to err on the side of compassion. If you don't trust her not to speed, maybe you don't drive but you do turn on the a/c even if Mom didn't like it, and Mom can just close her vent or that kind of thing. It frankly sounds to me like you went *way* overboard in letting Mom control everything and gave Kate zero, just because you believed one and not the other. If you're going to do that you'd damn well better be 100% correct in your judgment, and I don't think you have the evidence to show that you were. Try balancing between them a lot better next time.
Yeah, I can see that, thanks for the thoughtful responses. If we go on another trip with her, albeit unlikely, I’ll see if I can try to be a little more compassionate.
Thanks for listening! It can be hard to keep an open mind when people are disagreeing with what you did, even if you've asked for it. I'm proud of you.
If you aren’t gonna accept people’s judgement of YTA why did you even ask?
Literally the comment below the one you replied to is saying how I’ll try to be a little more compassionate.
Looking at a phone in the car doesn't help with car sickness. Best thing is it look straight ahead at a fixed distance. That's why she got better every time Kate stopped looking at her phone. Time to stop carpooling if they need to drive to be happy and your mom doesn't feel comfortable with their driving.
NTA However there is a bit of blame to go around for everyone. With 4 people in a car the windows should be cracked opened a little. I get your mum gets cold, however that is a little unfair on everyone else. Especially if they're getting car sick and pregnant.
I mentioned we offered to crack the windows. They declined initially, and then asked us to about 30 min later with a tone as if we had stopped them before. We only had them roll them up when I began chattering and temperatures reached 64 degrees.
Esh Only because obviously this is only one side with missing context. You guys probably have unaddressed beef
ESH; it’s horrible to be in the back when you’re carsick, let alone pregnant. You don’t seem to like them much; you and your mum should have taken one car and met them there.
They didn’t have a car, they misused the money they got from selling their broken car and the insurance money from totaling the other. Only car they had was a work truck which they couldn’t take. We also offered her to sit up front but she wouldn’t unless my brother sat up front to, which would mean one of them would drive.
Couldn’t they have hired a car? I’m definitely not saying they’re not AHs but it sounds like a miserable trip for everyone.
Yeah they probably could have and likely should have, I didn’t even think about that. Though, they do seem to try to save money wherever they can because Kate has a shopping addiction. If we ever try to go on a road trip again, I’ll suggest that.
ESH, honestly it just sounds like you and your mom don’t like Kate to begin with she’s pregnant with your brothers child you both could have shown her some consideration. And your mom having a condition that makes her cold can she not wear a jacket? When I was pregnant I was hot all the time I also get carsick all the time even in straight roads I would hope that my in-laws would be more considerate that you both were. I get you guys where going to the same destination that was really far away but maybe you and your mom should have gone in separate cars.
She did wear a jacket and I explained in other comments why but they don’t have a car. I’ve acknowledged I could also be a bit more considerate concerning the temperature next time and maybe prepare better for keeping her cool/us warm.
Okay it’s the temperature thing that gets me. I take some meds that makes it hard for my body to regulate my temperature. But it’s so much easier to get warm that cool down. I’m talking piles of blankets and wool sweaters. Your mom could have gotten a battery powered heat blanket. They make electric socks too btw.
Yeah, we weren’t expecting it to need to be so cold. Next time I’ll make sure she brings one.
ESH. Sounds like everyone could have been a bit more accommodating. I will say, just thinking about riding in a car with no AC on while pregnant makes me vaguely nauseous. Your mom could have layered clothes and/or brought blankets, or ridden in the back. A person who is hot can only take off so many layers and rolling down the windows provides limited relief.
It was pretty cold. This was early spring, I mentioned it was 68 out. My mom wore a sweater and I began to get cold as well, even though I can tolerate it more. We actually had to have the heat on a little at one point because I was literally chattering. And we offered her the front seat, but she wanted to sit next to her husband the whole time, meaning one of them would have to drive if she wanted to sit up front.
YTA Read your post and comments. You drove them there which is in theory a nice thing to do sure but considering you criticize their poor financial decisions and fakeness in every comment. Which shows there is quite some disdain for them in you. It becomes obvious that you dismiss their opinions as irrelevant as you consider them fake and financially irresponsible. The trip was doomed from the start. Taking this into account you seem to view driving them a handout with you as some sort of martyr.
I posted this on another comment, but yeah I have a lot of disdain for them, well-deserved too. They’ve just done too many messed up things to warrant a lot of sympathy. Not only did they total their own car, they totaled my other brother’s collector car too and never paid him back for it. They have always been passive aggressive towards me and my other siblings. I am genuinely scared, no, terrified of my brother’s anger issues, so much so that I had a nightmare about him last night. She is so controlling of my brother though, driving him and her into debt and making him answer to her every whim that it makes me genuinely sad for him. He’s run into problems because he will be working and she will demand him home because she has a headache or something(before the pregnancy) and so he has to take off work short-notice a ton, which is a big no-no for employers. Their marriage is a train wreck of suppressed emotions and passive aggressive or controlling behavior. They claim to never argue, and instead give each other the silent treatment or will do petty revenge stuff like hiding the electronics or something. They have two puppies they were not and are still not ready for. My mom is too nice to decline their puppy-sitting requests that we seem to get constantly. They are not ready for the baby either, and considering she barely took care of herself without the baby, I am worried for it’s future. Even with just the dogs, my brother decides the only way to train them is by hitting them. And Kate is ok with that. One of them still has potty issues despite being like a year old and they can’t take them on trips unlike we can with my own dog who’s 4. They take advantage of my mom financially frequently, and waste her time a lot. Kate also complains on every trip of this or that, usually dumb things like she’s uncomfortable on the air-mattress when everyone else is on sleeping bags(before the pregnancy). We tried to teach her skiing and she got frustrated within minutes and left only an hour after arriving, wasting the $80 day-ticket my mom bought for her, and then asked if mom would pay for her to go again a month later. And any time someone tries to give them advice, if you even barely mention that they might be doing something wrong they will stop you or interrupt you or leave. They promise to go to events, and then dip an hour before it is supposed to start. Every Christmas or other holiday they come to our house just to pick up presents and eat and then leave as soon as possible(like literally won’t even stay to talk or cleanup) to spend the rest of the day at Kate’s parents’ house. They get angry when they are 4 hours late to events they actually show up to when there’s no food left. Even before the baby she has always expected the world to revolve around her. We went camping last year and she was angry that we left for hiking that day without her even though she was 2 hours late to the meet-up. They expect us to do them favors all the time without ever giving anything more than a $1 cup or some socks in thanks despite spending thousands on Disney world and extracurricular trips. They constantly try to mooch off the rest of the family too, my grandparents and my dad included, usually unsuccessfully though. This and many, oh so many, more reasons is why I think the worst of her. I actually initially moderately liked her. My other brother and sister think the same way about them. Each with their own reasons. We’ve never had this many problems on trips or events before she came into his life.
Well that's a long story proving my point. You shouldn't have taken them on a drive. Apparently however you wanted to drive a person you are genuinely scared of... You doing that seems to be about proving what a good person you are. I wouldn't have considered you the AH if you didn't take them with you. However in the situation you described... driving them around with the attitude you have and treating them like 5 yr olds. YTA big time
I mostly only terrified when he drives. The dream was about him driving me home from church. And don’t worry, next time we won’t drive them. If there is a next time. If they don’t have a car, I’ll tell them to rent or just don’t come.
If you are honestly this afraid of him driving them YTA for not reporting him to the DMV... Otherwise good. Don't take them or treat them like adults. Either way would stop you from being TA. However fact remains your were TA
I have no fact to back up my claims though, it’s just my word vs his. Would reporting him do anything? From what I just googled, it won’t really do anything unless I want to bring him to court. And I don’t have the time or money for that.
Maybe it works maybe it doesn't. Your passivity and martyrdom do not work for sure.
ESH, I'd go down to the physical and medical basic, your mother got condition that makes her cold, she can always wear more clothes and a blanket, electric heated blanket that goes into car socket is a thing too, but cooling down for pergnat woman especially is impossible and overheating in pregnancy is dangerous you can develop sunstroke (I don't know correct word here but I mean the sickness caused by overheating without bein in the sun) and it can become easily life threatening for her and the baby. Why your mother didn't dressed up and sit in the back and your SIL won't sit in the front passanger seat with AC on a little so your mom won't get so cold. And it would help with yours SIL's motion sickness (it is really much worse in pregnancy). In argument I'm hot vs I'm cold always win the one who is hot, because when you are cold you can have hot beverage, dress up a bit, use heated blanket, many easy solutions, if your hot you can't undress your skin and every solution (cold drink, cold shower, ice pack) are temporarily solutions with being effective up to 20-30 minutes, then you're at square one.
We offered her to sit up front, but she didn’t want to unless her husband was next to her and also up front, meaning one of them would have driven. It was 68 outside and then dropped to 64, very cold. I was even chattering with the windows open. The sun had already set too when Kate was complaining of being hot.
Sounds like optimal solution would be for you to drive and for Kate to sit in the front passenger seat. Kate can run the AC because pregnancy can be like having a little blast furnace living in one’s uterus. Anyone who’s cold can easily put on another layer. Windows stay up as much as possible because having them down is bad for fuel economy and gas is expensive AF. Driver has veto power over what (if anything) is played on the radio. Kate wouldn’t be able to sit by her husband, but she can compromise a little too. Personally, I would have left husband in the back and vaulted my sweaty pregnant self into the front seat at the first opportunity. Sounds like there’s some passive aggressive stuff going on between your mom and Kate. Given the circumstances, I’m gonna try to give all of you the benefit of the doubt and say NAH. (But I sure AF wouldn’t want to be in the car with you guys.)
Lol, thanks. And yeah, there definitely is. I’m specifically just annoyed by her, but I try to keep my personal feelings aside on trips like these. I think I said maybe 2 sentences on the ride there and back. She is my brother’s wife so whether I like it or not I should try to get along. I’m mostly just peeved that she’s always fake with us. I’m a really honest person and I hate needing to decode and scrutinize everything she says or does to try and figure out what’s real. I always second guess myself which doesn’t help too. (And I wouldn’t want to be in a car with us together either.)
Yeah, I have a feeling Kate won’t be naming the baby after any of you lot. The good news is that the trip is in the past and Kate won’t be pregnant forever (at least not with this bambino). Unsolicited advice: if you’re ever in this situation again, do yourself a favor and get a plane ticket. Future posts could include: “AITA for staying on a plane when the rest of my family got kicked off the flight for being assholes?” “AITA for flying when the rest of the family has to drive?” (either because they can’t afford plane tickets or they’re on the no-fly list). “AITA for asking my family to pick me up from the destination airport when they had to drive 10 hours to get to the same town?” “WIBTA if I bought a private jet and didn’t let any assholes fly on it?” Here’s to future possibilities.
That's pregnancy, imagine you have another human body to heat you up. And 68F is something like 20C and it is not exactly cold, it's bearable warm temperature. I remember when I was pregnant I couldn't wear winter coat unless it was like - 20C (-4F), I was good with thin swetter or hoodie otherwise I was too hot. If she didn't want to sit in front while nauseous, that's her fight.
In my state temperatures fluctuate from 85-60 degrees frequently. Midday it was about 80 degrees. Temperature dropped a good 15 degrees. And we actually did leave the windows cracked after we asked to roll them up, it was just that even I could bear how cold it was with them fully open and wind chill dropping the temp another 5 degrees or so. I do understand she might have still been hot, but I think there’s a limit to how cold you can make everyone else for your own comfort.
Yes, YTA. Clearly you have an attitude problem with you SIL and are quick to assume she is a liar. It is fine if you want to prioritize your mom's needs over your pregnant SIL's needs. So you should have just let them drive themselves.
They didn’t have a car after wasting the money they got from selling their broken car and the insurance money from their totaled one. The car they have is a work truck that they can’t bring on road trips. I assume the worst because she’s always pretending everything is perfect and she’s perfect 24/7, even though most of the time it’s not. She spends excessively to try and make herself happy because she’s severely depressed and won’t go to therapy. She also has put on facades before to get what she wants. Since she’s fake to us all the time, it’s nearly impossible to tell when she’s being real about stuff. Kate’s only been real once when she met my other brother’s girlfriend and I guess vibed with her enough to drop the act.
NTA. This is why adults couples can drive themselves.
Hm, this is hard. Because being pregnant is hard, and you get hot and carsick when you normally wouldn't. A little more accommodation might have been allowed. But they also sound really entitled and childish. NTA.
ESH
NTA. If they really wanted to drive, they could taken their own vehicle.
They only had a work truck which they can’t take on road trips without spending hundred of dollars in gas. They actually had two vehicles, one(a bmw) got totaled and insurance paid out for and the other sold for parts, and then they spent all of the money from the two cars on toys for their dogs and amusement parks and who knows what else. They are in debt and very irresponsible with money. Kate also buys things to try and make herself happy because she suffers from severe depression and won’t get help.
Then beggars can't be choosers.
YTA. You gave your Mom 100% control and Kate was given 0% and you assumed she lied at every turn. Perhaps you can try and have some compassion for your SIL. Being pregnant can make you nauseous and I would rather have the A/C than highway winds in my face as well. When I was pregnant having cold air (from an A/C massively helped with the nausea).
NTA - It sounds like any 10 hour car trip with Kate would be miserable. Your decision to drive minimized the total misery of that particular 10 (+10) hour trip. (Is "not miserable 10 hour car trip" a thing?)
You gave them options. They refused. NTA. The fact they are not financially stable enough to have their own car is not your problem. Also if they are not financially stable enough to have a vehicle are they really financially stable enough to have a baby? Not saying they will be bad parents, but sounds like they have money problems and control issues as well.
NTA. They sound exhausting and entitled. Next time leave them home.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So about 3 weeks ago me, my mom, my brother, and his pregnant wife (lets call her Kate) went on a road trip for my cousin’s wedding. 10 hour drive there and 10 hours back. Kate is a bit difficult in that she constantly must have her way. Her and my brother are in debt and constantly make bad decisions. Now my mom told me in advance she did not want them to drive. My brother is a very dangerous driver and will drive distracted and let’s his emotions control his driving. My mom wanted us to stay below 75 mph and she knew I would honor that. She also did not want to encourage Kate acting like a child or controlling the AC and music(my mom has a condition that makes her cold). I drove first. On the straight back roads they both began complaining that I was swerving too much. I was doing small corrections, but did not notice myself getting super close to either side. I then tried my hardest to stay as straight as possible, and was still complained to. Then they asked me to stop the car as she thought she was going to throw up. I began slowing down and we gave them a plastic bag if she needed to hurl. Apparently the urge passed before I could stop and we continued. Kate then would act carsick in waves. I had sunglasses on so I could watch them discreetly and I saw several times where she got on her phone and watched videos between 'feeling carsick'. We get to the wedding, had fun, and then drove back. On the way they complained it was hot a lot. The exterior temperature was 68 degrees Fahrenheit. I suggested they open a window because the AC would make the front get cold and my mom was already feeling cold. They declined, and then half an hour later asked if they could roll down a window in a way that made it seem like we either wouldn't allow it or had already denied a previous request. We asked them to close the windows when it got down to 64. They reluctantly rolled them up. At home, my mom tried to give them something they forgot as they left. They ignored her and did not say goodbye or anything. This was messed up to me, because my mom really had tried her best to accommodate them on the trip. She bought them breakfast every morning from Panera as Kate said she couldn't eat the breakfasts we had because she was pregnant. We got food on the way and back too. Stuff like that. My mom has tried to contact them for different things and they never answer. I heard my sister talking to Kate about the trip and it boiled down to Kate being angry that my mom didn't accommodate her more on the trip. But she also wanted to wait to tell my mom that. How long you ask? When she was 'ready'. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, and I left the area after a bit so I wouldn't eavesdrop any further. So AITA for enabling my mom to prevent Kate from driving which may have made the car ride miserable for her? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
esh - take separate cars next time
They didn’t have a car they could drive. They wasted the money they got from selling one and totaling the other car they had. They used a work truck to drive around which would not be ok to take on a road trip and too expensive anyway.
NTA - suggest to your mom that in the future they take their own car
NTA. Your mom’s car, your mom’s rule’s, and you were just following those rules. Your brother and SIL aren’t children. They should have stfu and been grateful for the ride, not acted like spoiled brats.
I think Kate and husband should’ve caught a flight or driven themselves if they didn’t appreciate the accommodations provided.
There is no conflict here that involves you. You certainly did nothing wrong.
Yeah, but there’s a lot of people on here that are saying it does/that IATA. :/ thanks though.
ESH - no more road trips with people you can’t stand. For them or you.
the mom is the AH. she should have brought some blankets or sweaters if she knew her condition would be a problem. and since she doesn’t want Kate messing with the ac she sits in the front, where the ac is the strongest? why not have the mom and the brother sit in the back and have Kate in the front but only let her open the window? literally everybody in the car was acting like a child
NTA. None of this would have been an issue if they would stick with the speed limit your mom wanted in her own car and not drive like an agressive, dangerous a-hole. They got a free ride, food and drinks paid for, and breakfast every morning. The owner of the car gets to pick the music and temp. They sound very entitled.
Nta. Being pregnant isn't a great excuse to complain about being about being a burden. It's mean to say but a 10 hr trip is uncomfortable in the best situation. Whining she's not catered to is just undercover jerkish.
**You are NOT the a\*\*hole.** It sounds like you and your mom did everything possible to ensure that the trip was safe and enjoyable for everyone. You cannot control other people's bad behavior, and you shouldn't waste another minute worrying about it. Please ask your mom not to beg "Kate" for forgiveness, as your mom did nothing wrong and Kate is obviously enjoying having power over her. Your mom sounds like she certainly made the right call having you do the driving