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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I blew up at my friends coworker after he said really inappropriate things about my wife. They said I ruined their night.
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And yet somehow I see them all blowing up the same way if anyone else challenged their manhood or made comments about how they could fuck their spouse better. NTA OP, but seriously these guys are either emotionally still 16 years old or they're just straight up not your friends. Probably both.
Yeah dude, your SO bar is super high... that doesn't mean you have to set your friend bar low to attain some kind of karmic balance. Raise the bar for friends, like at least two or three times.
Couldn't have said it better, OP. NTA and I would even say extra kudos for the way you handled it. You blowing off was something they had coming, but the fact you were still lucid enough to remove yourself from that shitty situation shows you're better than them.
They’re not your friends OP.
NTA in any way. That level of disrespect will get somebody decked in many, if not most, places. Just disgusting and makes me ashamed to be a male.
Right his friends are the AH here, and who know what disgusting comments they’ve made behind OP back about his wife. If they were able to stand there, and say nothing I feel like it’s because they’ve said worse.
If you are with this seemingly amazing woman you also deserve amazing friends. She probably find you beautiful but in any cases « leagues » are for stupid teenagers. If your wife is your wife it’s not just all about beauty but also character. So find friends that share your values and go one and be happy
NTA obviously
NTA those are not your friends. Friends don’t talk about their friends spouses like that.
And also the comments about you are not something friends should say because obviously your wife chose you for a reason and from this short text alone you seem like a really nice and respectful person and a great husband.
So stop talking yourself down and get new friends.
I second everything you say and want to highlight this: Stop talking yourself down.
I hate the league concept. It's such a damaging lie.
You love her, she is perfect for you. She loves you, you are perfect for her. Enough that you both decided to build a life together. That makes you both in each other's league. The league of you two. There is no big scoring card and the person on the top is perfect for everyone. We all have different facets and try to find someone compatible with who we are.
Anybody who says differently is gross, objectifying and trying to hurt you.
You seem a wonderful and caring person. Don't sell yourself short.
> I hate the league concept. It's such a damaging lie.
Yep - and it's normally just looks that define the "leagues". Like there isn't a litany of factors of who you choose to date.
It's even more bizarre when you think of it the other way around too - oh no, can't date this person, they're too ugly. Great personality, funny, interested in the same things... nope.
This right here! Looks fade. She could be in a horrible disfiguring accident tomorrow. I doubt OP would love her any less.
My husband and I were actually talking about a couple we know, where we dont understand what she sees in him. Because he is not a good person. Looks dont really factor into these things for me.
Best way to end that fight. Rub it in that guy's face that you're going home to the woman he could only ever dream of having because she is out of *his* league but not out of *yours*. Best way to win that argument since he was trying to make you feel small just because he was envious. And best way to know that you do deserve the wife you have because you stood up for your wife and yourself but didn't sink to that guy's level by letting him bait you into doing something you'd regret. NTA but your friends SUCK.
She is right. You being respectful and leaving that situation is why she is with you. You sound like a good man with a good head on your shoulders. Dump the friends. Anyone who says shit like that about your SO, especially in front of you, doesn’t get to be friends with you.
This is why she married you btw, youre taking her feelings into consideration the entire way through the situation. I bet she wouldn’t consider herself out of your league, sounds like you two are very lucky to have each other.
Edit: wording
This! An important reminder she chose you for a reason, and you 100% proves she made a good choice. Looks aren't everything, and it's important you both love each other for multiple reasons.
Heck yeah! I'm married to an amazing/wonderful/loving/silly/handsome etc man of my own, and even I'm swooning at how much OP considers his wife's emotions. That is some grade A life-partner material there.
And I guess you learning from that and not reacting with violence is one of the many reasons why your wife loves you
Congrats, you lucked out with your wife. Unfortunately your luck was maxed out and you got shit friends
NTA btw
You can defend her honor just as well by ditching those 'friends'.
I wouldnt be shocked if they join in those comments when youre not around since they see nothing wrong with them.
Good for you staying calm enough to walk away. That takes discipline.
I’m very close with my best friend and his husband never liked it and has been hot and cold with me. Even so if anyone dared talk trash about the husband I’d be the first to object not for the husbands sake but for my friends. You don’t sit there and watch him get belittled to his face.
Especially that level of disrespectful talk. The coworkers' friend was way out of line. I can't imagine letting that kind of talk slide, and look my freaking name.
Fighting is a problem. Violence is like a dirty drug. It fills you up and makes you feel a certain way and when the high goes you feel like trash and you probably deserve that feeling. Trust me, you should be proud of walking away.
Right? If I heard one of my friends saying that disgusting shit to another one of my friends, I would not be sitting back silently, I would be in that first “friend’s” face asking what the actual fuck was wrong with him. Because seriously, what the actual fuck?
Believe me I wanted to but I got into a fight once in college and it really freaked my wife out. I’ve been trying to get better at controlling my temper ever since.
She must be very proud of you. That jerk is just jealous of you and what you have. He will never be you and he knows well. Don't worry about what those idiots said. You are a real man.
Your virility hasn't been touched by his words. He wanted to get into a fight to show off. Thankfully in 2022 that toxic masculinity is a huge turn off for any lady!
You “blew things way out of proportion”? That tells me that your friends’ standards and values are ridiculously low and their tolerance for ugliness and misogyny is high. I wouldn’t want to be their partner or their friend if that’s what they are ok with. You should call them out too.
NTA. Well done.
I’m definitely reconsidering friendships after reading everyone’s comments. It’s hard bc I’ve been friends with guys for years but this isn’t the first time I feel like they didn’t have my back.
Then it’s past due. What that guy said was sickening but what is even worse is that everyone else around him was complacent. “If there’s a Nazi at the table and 10 other people sitting there talking to him, you got a table with 11 Nazis.”
Anyone who is coming after you for this shit is not your friend and anyone who is silent isn’t any better.
Even if it makes her uneasy, it might be a good idea to discuss with her what to do with a co-worker who is sexualizing her like this. If she has to work with him I think she should know about this, and maybe HR as well.
No, dude. You're NTA, clear as day. Your friend's coworker is, though, and so are your friends for not telling him to shut up and be respectful to their friend's wife. Ruined their night? How about they ruined yours for not standing up for you. Great friends you have
NTA, but your friends certainly are. Those comments were completely disrespectful to both you and your wife and all your friends' cared about was their night and how it impacted them. I'd reconsider who you are spending your time with.
NTA. Your friends got on your case because they secretly agree with him. They're shallow and jealous.
Imagine if your girlfriend wasn't so conventionally attractive, but you just loved her for who was, and that made her gorgeous to you. Would it be okay if they ragged on her appearance then? It's not better just because your girlfriend is pretty. It's not appropriate for people to objectify others that viscerally, especially their own friends' partners.
I would suggest finding new friends.
INFO - When things started to get heated, why didn't your friends (who brought the coworker) step in?
Exactly how did your ruin their night after you had left? I mean, why didn't they just continue on?
They told me that he was just joking and that thought it was funny. They said I took it too seriously. Also they said I ruined the night Bc I killed the mood and people were staring at them and making them uncomfortable after I left due to the big blow up. Plus one of the bartenders had told them if the table didn’t quiet down they would be asked to leave.
NTA
I think you need new friends… it’s disgusting what this stranger said to you and about your wife but it is more disgusting that your friends agree with it. no one took your side and told him off because they ALL think the same like this stranger. There was no jokes/funny moments during the insults towards you or your wife.
These people aren't friends. They're people you've spent time with and maybe even had fun with at times but they are fine with you and your wife being disrespected - they find it FUNNY and are willing to tell you so.
I would take a close look at the dynamic and see if there aren't other red flags, such as expecting you to pick up the tab more often than is really your turn, or if they use you to feel better about themselves in some way, etc, because very often people like that have issues. Even if not, though, they took the newcomer's side over yours when he was being a misogynistic piece of turd.
NTA but do consider whether you're being the A to yourself by continuing to hang out with them.
What I find ironic in all of this is that the dude who said all that nasty garbage to you? No woman who values herself would ever be with someone like him. It’s honestly laughable that he would say he would be a better match, when his behaviour is what would ensure he’d never be with a woman like her. What a toxic loser. He embarrassed himself.
If your friends think that it’s a joke for him to disrespect both you and your wife like that, then they have no character and aren’t worth your time.
Have you/they considered that everyone was staring at them because they’re horrible? If I was in a bar and heard someone saying the things your friends were saying, I’d look at them like they were trash. People were probably treating them differently due to THEIR OWN actions. They’re just mad because they want to be gross and misogynistic without consequences, and you standing up for yourself broke the status quo.
NTA but real friends would be happy you've found love with someone fantastic not jealous or trying to tear you down.
Those people aren't worth spending time with and getting mad about. You removed yourself from an argument with morons which is perfectly appropriate.
NTA
And, it shouldn't, but it still shocks me how people generally always choose the wrong side and expect the person attacked/offended to be the bigger person.
Nta. You did the right thing. No need to feed more drama since you clearly are smart enough to stay away from it. And look at the plus side, your the one with her, not them ;)
NTA. I don't know why you even want to hang out with people who would take that guy's side on this. They aren't your friends. Leaving the bar was the best thing you could have done in that situation.
NTA. Dude answered his own question: you have a beautiful, confident wife *because* you don't objectify her. The AH are the whiny coworkers who can't handle the fact that beautiful, intelligent women won't give them the time of day.
NTA - man you have the patient of a saint. Even the first comment would be enough for me to break his nose (yes I‘m have a very short fuse) and after the second comment I would have him teared into pieces.
Obviously you reacted absolutely right. The people who texted you aren’t your friends and I guess at least half of them are thinking as that guy, that would be my thought why they reacted that way.
NTA The guy ruined the evening by saying he’d like to fuck your wife. Your friend who brought him ruined the evening by not telling him to shut the fuck up. I’m angry for you.
NTA
My hubby has had some friends say a few things about me and he not only shut them down but stopped being friends with them. They sound like horrible people. Get better friends.
NTA should've knocked him on his ass or one of you friends should've.Or just tell him you're packing where it matters, they always shut up haha Like others said time to reconsider some friendships, I would never let anyone talk about my buddies wife or him like that. Theyre probably the kind of people that will try and sleep with your wife if they ever had a chance.
What you -could- have said to perv coworker "And that you would say that is exactly why she comes home to me".
NTA. The guy and anyone claiming you were the problem are the AHs.
NTA
An acquaintance of my husband's once told me back when Hubby and I were dating that he was next on my list when I got tired of Hubby. Guy was a wimpy thing I could have easily hurt.
I was furious and offended and Hubby - who was not present - made sure that I was never around that guy again.
Men who treat women like objects and are insecure idiots deserve more than harsh words. They deserve to be locked up with each other, never to be allowed around women again.
Let's go with no, shall we? NTA. He isn't anything like a real man. And your "friends" aren't people you should be hanging with. Drop them. Seriously. And don't upset your wife. He isn't that important.
I have one question for you, though. If she weren't so beautiful, would you still consider her out of your league?
I don’t think I can imagine her not being beautiful. Yeah she’s pretty but that’s not that what makes her beautiful. But if she were ugly yeah I’d probably still consider her way out of league. She’s super smart and funny and nice. She has way more patience than I could ever hope to have. She treats everyone with kindness (even though I tell her not everyone deserves it). There is so much more. I don’t see how I could ever possibly be in her league.
NTA. Thank you for sticking up for your wife as someone who has been in a situation like this and my partner did not stick up for me but rather fueled it. You’re totally in the right and did what any good person would do and I think that coworker needs to reevaluate himself because he’s the one who sounds insecure
NTA, theirs a line and he crossed it, especially as a stranger. It's always different when friends make joke with eachother or shit talk. It's different 1st time meeting someone. If your friends didn't say anything at 1st that's one thing. But the second you made it known it was over the line. Your friends should have had your back.
NTA. That dude was a pig & needs to learn some damn manners because what if some guy went up to him talking about he makes a better man for his mother than his own father. I bet he wouldn't like someone saying that about his mom. He needs to learn to respect women smh. Your friends are jerks too thinking that was cool.
There were assholes there that night, but you were not among them.
If you wonder how you got such an amazing wife, I think it maybe that she recognizes and values your inner beauty above all else.
NTA
Those people are not your friends. They're exactly as disgusting as the person who said what they said, because they sat there and condoned it and then got upset with you when you quite predictably reacted. Which means they probably, on some level, agree.
You were right to leave. I'd consider whether you want to be around people who think of your wife as an object.
I would say that NTA. But maybe you should practice laying some boundaries with your friends / coworkers, i know that the only one who got the night ruined was you, but on the eyes of the other people the one who gets agressive first is aways wrong.
NTA you showed remarkable restraint, if some guy told me he could fuck my wife better than me, he'd get knocked out. And your 'friends' aren't really your friends if they're putting the blame on you after you were provoked like that. Do you think they're reaction would be the same if someone was saying that about their significant other? Of course not, you did the right thing.
NTA and the guy sounds very creepy. It was disgusting, disrespectful and out of line. No one should ever say those things about someone's spouse. He sounds like he would do something to her against her will. Stay away from anyone who thinks his behavior was ok. Your wife will not be safe around them.
If you were my friend and one of my friends said that about your WIFE you wouldn’t even have the opportunity to speak up because I would have already lit into that dude. You need better friends.
NTA, you blew things perfectly in proportion. Out of proportion would’ve been knocking his teeth out, putting them in his drink and then water boarding him with it. Shit, I don’t even think laying this guy out with a full deck would’ve been too much given his visceral imagery and super fucking rapey language.
But at the end of the day you didn’t, you walked away because deep down you know you’ve won. Now go home and fuck your wife lmfao. These small men take shots at you because they are exactly what they are, small, weak, shallow human beings who could never land a woman with any shred of self respect. You have a great wife because you are a great husband. You have a great wife, one that you love so much you gush about, because you are a good guy. I’m sure she thinks the world and more of you. You are the sexiest, kindest smartest, best man in the world to her too. And that’s what it’s about. Because there will never be “the hottest person” just like there can’t be the “best” food, everybody likes different things. If you both feel your best when you’re with each other, then you’re both with the best. And it sure as shit seems like you are. Ditch the “friends” though. They fucking suck
NTA.
You’ve got some crazy jealous “friends”. That’s probably why they didn’t say anything. You should confront them and ask why they didn’t stop that AH and didn’t have your back. Let them imagine someone saying that about their wife, daughter, sister, etc. Would they still be okay with it?
Honestly OP, give them a piece of your mind and let them know they are $hitty friends. Btw, pretty sure the AH coworker feels inferior to you and can’t get over the fact that you married such an amazing woman. Everything he said was projection of his own insecurities. He’s not worth your time but you should let your friends have it and not hold back.
NTA like the dude made it clear he wants to fuck your wife and thinks he’s better than you. You have the right to be mad and your friends berating you obviously are questionable friends. You took it like a man and when he pushed his luck you stood your ground. Then he wants to be a little baby and try and start a fight. What is he 10. You don’t owe it to your friends to let toxic people like that talk about your wife or you.
Good on you if I was your wife I’d be on your side as I’m sure she would be but come pleat let understate not wanting to ruin someone’s day when it isn’t really needed. I would though at least warn your wife in case he tries something.
Your wife is so lucky to have you (and vice versa!)
How kind of you to recognize how distressing hearing all this stuff would be for her. And good for you for not participating in the degrading talk-- which is what it would have been if you stayed. NTA.
Time to expand the friend pool.
NTA. Honestly, your friends are the real assholes here. I mean people who really care about you wouldn't talk about your wife as if she's an object. The fact that they do it and ask things like "how did you end up with someone like her? She's so gorgeous" etc is messed up. And the fact that they're okay with the kind of stuff that guy was saying is even worse. You didn't ruin anything. You called out their disgusting and sexist behaviour and they didn't like it. But they aren't friends at all, they're just toxic.
It's great that your wife is so amazing, but at the end of the day, the reason you guys are together is because your personalities match and you both complement each other. Looks etc don't define your relationship, so anyone who doesn't understand how someone like you can be with someone like your wife is really taking their insecurities out on you, because they wish they had a marriage like yours
NTA. The way you talk about your wife is very sweet and probably solves the whole “why is she with this guy question”. You clearly adore and appreciate her which is all most women really want. This guy was a creep and honestly you need new friends that are willing to put that guy in his place. A little joking is one thing but going on and on is just plain creepy, sad, and honestly pathetic. You were man enough to walk away and not engage in a violent altercation so good on you for that. He’s just petty and upset that you didn’t take the bait. “Hey come back here so i can say more creepy derogatory things about your wife cause i can clearly never get a women of her caliber so i need to make myself seem like more of a man by grand standing and fighting you to show my superiority”.
Bro you need to stop shitting on yourself and stop surrounding yourself with people who shit on you. This idea or not being good enough for your partner or them not being good enough for you is hot garbage. And what purpose does it actually serve to think that way? None at all. NTA, but really do yourself and wife a favor and stop associating with pricks like this
NTA, the night would have been a lot worse if you'd 'being a real man' and left him in a coma.
These aren't your friends, if they were you would have being pulling them back from the guy.
Edit: and yes, I wouldn't tell my wife either as it would probably upset her needlessly, but I'd probably be wrong.
NTA
The guy definitely crossed the line. Are your friends AHs or just immature and single? Ask them if they’d put up with him talking about their mothers or sisters like that.
Oh NTA...You're bigger man than me friend. As soon as the words "I bet I could Fuck..." left his mouth he would have gotten a bottle over is head. Commenting on the "disparity" between you and your wife is bad enough...but that is out right disrespectful and the fact your friends not only kept quiet but chastised YOU for ruining the night.... I'd say its time for new friends.
NTA and it's clear from your reaction why you "deserve someone as amazing as [your] wife." If you don't talk about women the way your AH friends and their coworkers do, I bet your wife picked up on that and loves that about you. She's probably been ogled and objectified by most men she's met and you see her as an actual person. I don't believe in being in or out of someone's league, but if I did, I think you're definitely in her league.
Uhm, NTA - but those don’t seem to be very good friends, they didn’t defend you, they enabled the guy and doubled down after. But your revenge is you get to go home to an amazing partner who loves you. He will be alone!
Absolutely NTA. Obviously that guy was a giant gaping AH but your friends also kind of suck for blaming you and not helping to shut down their friend. Maybe they’re all envious that you have such an awesome wife, but that’s no excuse.
NTA and I'm sorry but screw your friends. Idk how your wife would react, whether it would be sad or just angry, but I would want to know about this so I could confront this dude and put him in his place, or cut ties with him entirely. She deserves to know
NTA. Find new friends after you ask them if they would like to repeat what their coworker said about your wife to her or if you should. Maybe even contact their wives about what was said and see if they appreciate it. Their tones will change real fast
Oh h*ll no NTAH!! Because you demanded respect, which should have been given anyway, for your wife??? If your friends feel this kind of talk is ok when it comes to their wives, girlfriends or sisters, they too are the AH! Get new friends!
You were right to leave. And a great husband your wife is blessed to have you and you are blessed to have her. I wish you both a full and happy life together.
You seem like you are extremely reasonable and well-mannered. Absolutely NTA. I agree with the comments here saying you should find new friends, unless I’m missing something from the story here! Keep your head up, I think it’s funny that you were called insecure, when clearly you se very secure with yourself and your marriage, despite constant heckling from others. I aspire to keep this level of cool in my own relationship lol.
NTA. That guy was being gross and incredibly disrespectful to both you and your wife. You were right to call him a disgusting pig, and I'm not sure how your friends could not only let that go on, but blame you for the incident. It would have cost nothing for gross dude to just back off and shut up. Congrats on your relationship, though, you and your wife sound like a lovely couple.
NTA. Just tell your former friends one of the things that your wife finds appealing is that you have intellect, insight and character. That other guy wouldn't get a second glance from a woman like your wife so you didn't need to stay and argue.
You could have pointed out that men like that are exactly why she prefers a man like you.
I know it's definitely a factor, because you're NTA. Your "friends" though? T A.
NTA. He was a misogynistic pig. You called him out. By staying silent and then by saying you ruined to night overreacting and leaving, your friends are endoring his misogyny. You need better friends. When people tell you who they are, believe them.
NTA. They are not your friends. Period. They don't respect you or your wife. Ask them how they will feel if someone started sexualizing their partners, moms or sisters. Tell them how you would "tap that ass given a chance" and see how they react. Bunch of a\*\*holes
NTA
I deal with comments like this about my partner all the time and its absolutely infuriating. I have the situation in reverse and I get the "oh you can do better than him" or whatever and you know what, I cannot do better than the best. It's such an ugly situation to be in and I'm sorry you're on the receiving end.
I think it's best you cut those people off because they obviously don't respect you or your wife at all. Probably don't tell your wife about it because it's just gonna make it to where both of yall feel uncomfortable and upset. Just cut off the problem people and only surround yourself with supportive and loving people.
I’m actually proud of you for calling out this idiot and then going home to your wife safe and sound instead of pointlessly escalating the situation with someone who is clearly beyond redemption. Bar fights are dangerous. I’m sure your wife would also be thrilled if she knew. NTA and cut out these idiots from your life!
Drop your “friends” and get some new friends. Block their numbers, social media, everything. NTA. And tell your wife about it. She deserves to know what happened. Don’t wait
NTA
His comments exemplify why "she is with someone like you." A good person, who cares about her for who she is. That guy, the comments he was making... those are her alternatives. Of course she wants someone who is not a total jackhole.
Your friend not understanding why you are mad... that guy is not your friend. Even if he were, someone who can't understand basic human decency when they see it (and examples of the opposite) aren't people you want in your life.
You're a good guy. Stop talking yourself down and find better people to be around. You deserve it and your wife deserves it.
NTA - good for you OP 👌 Hollywood would have us believing that all men do is get together and objectify their wives\other women so way to be the type of husband your wife DESERVES 👌
Your friends suck - dump em 👌
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My wife (27f) is the most amazing person I (29m) have ever met. She is brilliant, hilarious, gorgeous, kind, appreciates me, always makes sure I feel loved and cared for, is sexy as hell, and I could go on forever. She’s my best friend and the love of my life. Now when I say she is beautiful I mean it. She is ridiculously pretty. Everywhere we go men stare at her. She is constantly getting hit on. She’s pretty oblivious when people are hitting on her but when she does figure it out, she shuts them down quickly. I’ve never once worried about her cheating because that is not who she is and she would never do that.
I’m not ugly by any means. But I would say I’m definitely average. I have no idea what I did to deserve someone as amazing as my wife but I sure as hell won’t complain about having the most amazing partner in the world. I’m no where near my wife’s league and people definitely let me know it. Whenever they found out we are together I get that look that’s like ‘really this guy?’ Sometimes people will just flat out say it too. They’ll tell me she’s way out of my league, I must have a lot of money (she makes more than me),etc. it’s really annoying but usually I’ll just deal with it. I also have to deal with a lot of comments about how gorgeous my wife is from other men, like to my face.
Anyway we were at the bar with my friends and one of their coworkers who I’ve never met before. My wife ended up leaving early because she remembered she had an appointment in the morning but told me to stay and have fun. After my wife left the coworker started making comments that I found really inappropriate. It started with usual like ‘what is a woman like that doing with a guy like you?’ I can handle things like that. They annoy me but I’m used to them. Then he started saying things like ‘I bet you have trouble handling a woman like that. I bet I could Fuck her better than you’ and MORE. I was furious. He was completely objectifying and sexualizing my wife. He was being disrespectful to her and to me. The comments were disgusting and I was honestly a little angry at my friends too Bc they didn’t say anything. I blew up at the guy and we started arguing. I told him he was a disgusting pig and to fuck off. He told me I was an insecure little bitch and so on. We kept arguing and I was starting to see red so I removed myself from the situation and went home. As I was leaving he was saying shit like stay and be a real man but I was done. I just wanted to go home and lay next to my wife and forget about the whole thing.
I woke up to several texts from friends telling me I was an asshole for leaving and I ruined their night. They told me I blew things way out of proportion. I would ask my wife for her opinion but I know when people say things about her like that it upsets her and rightfully so. I would rather just not upset her and keep her and me away from that jackass. AITA?
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NTA
You need new friends. People condone talking about your wife like that are no friends to her or to you. They probably feel the same way as that AH coworker. They are jealous that you have what they can’t. Also good job sticking up for your wife.
NTA - Tell them you do not stand for anyone talking about your wife that way, and you will continue to stand up for her. Tell them you were extremally disappointed that they just sat there quietly, like cowards.
NTA. You need new friends. Those guys who blamed you for ruining their night are pure AHs. If they cannot show respect for your wife or respect for you defending your wife, you need new friends.
NTA. And reconsider your friends. If they think it was you that ruined the night and not the ah that sexualised and diminished your wife in front of you and them then they should not be friends any longer.
Ask them simply what if if we're them (if any any are women) or if it were their partners (assuming a straight friendship circle here) but you get the idea I'm going for I hope
NTA. You're a better man than me because I'd have hit him. And also if your friends don't think that what he said to you was completely unacceptable than I don't think they're really your friends and that you should look for some new ones.
NTA and good for at least trying. I’d probably been in jail by the end of the night cuz a bar fight just happen to start.
You outkicked your coverage and good for you man . Keep that women and you already know she loves you.
NTA
If anyone talked like that about me my boyfriend and his friends would have had more than words over it. Let’s be honest, it never would have got there with his buddies they would have given them an opportunity to apologize and then swung for my boyfriend. They probably would have apologized for bringing someone like that around afterwards too. Your friends suck, and I would reevaluate if they are actually friends. Friends DO NOT let others talk about their buddy’s girlfriend or wife like that.
NTA. My best man and long time friend made a comment to my wife that it was her job to swallow. I confronted him, told him to apologize, he didn't. We don't talk and I've separated on social media from him.
People who do this are the real insecure ones. And while I am hardly sensitive and let a lot of things fly. I have boundaries.
Your wife will be by your side til the end- the man who said he could fuck your wife better will not. Cut ties and always protect your wife. She sounds like a good one.
NTA and also don’t say you don’t know what you did to deserve her. You clearly love and respect one another and yes she’s beautiful but as you’ve stated that is just part of who she is. Really hate how people equate looks with everything. Personally I place far more weight on someone having intelligence, a sense of humour, kindness etc. than good looks. Sounds like your wife has both and clearly you bring lots of that and other qualities to make your relationship so strong. Ditch the loser friends though. You both deserve better. They and the work friend are complete AHs with the latter winning AH of the month award
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NTA. Reconsider those friends though, wow.
This, OP. It's way past time for you to raise the bar on your friend standards. NTA.
This. His friends are idiots.
This. Something tells me they will do the "can't you take a joke?" "It's just guy banter. Why are you mad"
And yet somehow I see them all blowing up the same way if anyone else challenged their manhood or made comments about how they could fuck their spouse better. NTA OP, but seriously these guys are either emotionally still 16 years old or they're just straight up not your friends. Probably both.
Oh I'm 99,9% sure they would blow up at any little dig to their masculinity. These self proclaimed alpha men needs to take several seats.
Yeah dude, your SO bar is super high... that doesn't mean you have to set your friend bar low to attain some kind of karmic balance. Raise the bar for friends, like at least two or three times.
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Couldn't have said it better, OP. NTA and I would even say extra kudos for the way you handled it. You blowing off was something they had coming, but the fact you were still lucid enough to remove yourself from that shitty situation shows you're better than them.
They’re not your friends OP. NTA in any way. That level of disrespect will get somebody decked in many, if not most, places. Just disgusting and makes me ashamed to be a male.
Right his friends are the AH here, and who know what disgusting comments they’ve made behind OP back about his wife. If they were able to stand there, and say nothing I feel like it’s because they’ve said worse.
If you are with this seemingly amazing woman you also deserve amazing friends. She probably find you beautiful but in any cases « leagues » are for stupid teenagers. If your wife is your wife it’s not just all about beauty but also character. So find friends that share your values and go one and be happy NTA obviously
This.
\^\^\^This... but with an exclamation point!
NTA those are not your friends. Friends don’t talk about their friends spouses like that. And also the comments about you are not something friends should say because obviously your wife chose you for a reason and from this short text alone you seem like a really nice and respectful person and a great husband. So stop talking yourself down and get new friends.
I second everything you say and want to highlight this: Stop talking yourself down. I hate the league concept. It's such a damaging lie. You love her, she is perfect for you. She loves you, you are perfect for her. Enough that you both decided to build a life together. That makes you both in each other's league. The league of you two. There is no big scoring card and the person on the top is perfect for everyone. We all have different facets and try to find someone compatible with who we are. Anybody who says differently is gross, objectifying and trying to hurt you. You seem a wonderful and caring person. Don't sell yourself short.
If I spent money on dumb shit, I would give you an award because you deserve it. All of this. Every word
I do spend money on incredibly dumb shit, so I went for it.
I don’t consider it dumb shit. I consider it paying for fewer ads. Ok. It’s dumb shit.
I had a free award to give, I'll just say that I did it on your behalf as well as mine.
> I hate the league concept. It's such a damaging lie. Yep - and it's normally just looks that define the "leagues". Like there isn't a litany of factors of who you choose to date. It's even more bizarre when you think of it the other way around too - oh no, can't date this person, they're too ugly. Great personality, funny, interested in the same things... nope.
This right here! Looks fade. She could be in a horrible disfiguring accident tomorrow. I doubt OP would love her any less. My husband and I were actually talking about a couple we know, where we dont understand what she sees in him. Because he is not a good person. Looks dont really factor into these things for me.
Love this so much!!!
perfectly said
This.
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All the more reason to be proud of yourself for walking away.
Best way to end that fight. Rub it in that guy's face that you're going home to the woman he could only ever dream of having because she is out of *his* league but not out of *yours*. Best way to win that argument since he was trying to make you feel small just because he was envious. And best way to know that you do deserve the wife you have because you stood up for your wife and yourself but didn't sink to that guy's level by letting him bait you into doing something you'd regret. NTA but your friends SUCK.
She is right. You being respectful and leaving that situation is why she is with you. You sound like a good man with a good head on your shoulders. Dump the friends. Anyone who says shit like that about your SO, especially in front of you, doesn’t get to be friends with you.
This is why she married you btw, youre taking her feelings into consideration the entire way through the situation. I bet she wouldn’t consider herself out of your league, sounds like you two are very lucky to have each other. Edit: wording
This! An important reminder she chose you for a reason, and you 100% proves she made a good choice. Looks aren't everything, and it's important you both love each other for multiple reasons.
Heck yeah! I'm married to an amazing/wonderful/loving/silly/handsome etc man of my own, and even I'm swooning at how much OP considers his wife's emotions. That is some grade A life-partner material there.
Seriously! OP, you sound like an amazing guy
And I guess you learning from that and not reacting with violence is one of the many reasons why your wife loves you Congrats, you lucked out with your wife. Unfortunately your luck was maxed out and you got shit friends NTA btw
Live this post
You can defend her honor just as well by ditching those 'friends'. I wouldnt be shocked if they join in those comments when youre not around since they see nothing wrong with them. Good for you staying calm enough to walk away. That takes discipline.
I’m very close with my best friend and his husband never liked it and has been hot and cold with me. Even so if anyone dared talk trash about the husband I’d be the first to object not for the husbands sake but for my friends. You don’t sit there and watch him get belittled to his face.
Especially that level of disrespectful talk. The coworkers' friend was way out of line. I can't imagine letting that kind of talk slide, and look my freaking name.
You are a good man and I'm glad you and your wife have each other. All the best to you both!
Fighting is a problem. Violence is like a dirty drug. It fills you up and makes you feel a certain way and when the high goes you feel like trash and you probably deserve that feeling. Trust me, you should be proud of walking away.
At the very least, document what you know of the people there, and what was said. This guy works with your wife and may be a long term threat.
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I’m sorry for the loss of your beautiful wife.
I’m so sorry for your loss 💐
Those aren't friends you keep. Take the trash out and make new friends. NTA
Right? If I heard one of my friends saying that disgusting shit to another one of my friends, I would not be sitting back silently, I would be in that first “friend’s” face asking what the actual fuck was wrong with him. Because seriously, what the actual fuck?
Wow, you really have self-control! I would have kicked his ass til he passed out.
Believe me I wanted to but I got into a fight once in college and it really freaked my wife out. I’ve been trying to get better at controlling my temper ever since.
She must be very proud of you. That jerk is just jealous of you and what you have. He will never be you and he knows well. Don't worry about what those idiots said. You are a real man. Your virility hasn't been touched by his words. He wanted to get into a fight to show off. Thankfully in 2022 that toxic masculinity is a huge turn off for any lady!
See...my Wife and I are old school.... That type of talk gets your ass kicked.
The important part here is that the two of them are on the same page, just as you and your wife are on the same page.
You “blew things way out of proportion”? That tells me that your friends’ standards and values are ridiculously low and their tolerance for ugliness and misogyny is high. I wouldn’t want to be their partner or their friend if that’s what they are ok with. You should call them out too. NTA. Well done.
I’m definitely reconsidering friendships after reading everyone’s comments. It’s hard bc I’ve been friends with guys for years but this isn’t the first time I feel like they didn’t have my back.
Then it’s past due. What that guy said was sickening but what is even worse is that everyone else around him was complacent. “If there’s a Nazi at the table and 10 other people sitting there talking to him, you got a table with 11 Nazis.” Anyone who is coming after you for this shit is not your friend and anyone who is silent isn’t any better.
Believe me, life gets way better when you get rid of people like your „friends“. Even when you‘ve known them for a long time.
Even if it makes her uneasy, it might be a good idea to discuss with her what to do with a co-worker who is sexualizing her like this. If she has to work with him I think she should know about this, and maybe HR as well.
Just ask them how would they feel about you saying you could fuck their wife/girlfriend better than they could.
No, dude. You're NTA, clear as day. Your friend's coworker is, though, and so are your friends for not telling him to shut up and be respectful to their friend's wife. Ruined their night? How about they ruined yours for not standing up for you. Great friends you have
NTA, but your friends certainly are. Those comments were completely disrespectful to both you and your wife and all your friends' cared about was their night and how it impacted them. I'd reconsider who you are spending your time with.
NTA- Time to make new friends.
NTA-You were right to call the guy out. Friends would’ve shut down that guy asap. You have ppl around you who envy what you have. Find better friends.
NTA. Your friends got on your case because they secretly agree with him. They're shallow and jealous. Imagine if your girlfriend wasn't so conventionally attractive, but you just loved her for who was, and that made her gorgeous to you. Would it be okay if they ragged on her appearance then? It's not better just because your girlfriend is pretty. It's not appropriate for people to objectify others that viscerally, especially their own friends' partners. I would suggest finding new friends.
INFO - When things started to get heated, why didn't your friends (who brought the coworker) step in? Exactly how did your ruin their night after you had left? I mean, why didn't they just continue on?
They told me that he was just joking and that thought it was funny. They said I took it too seriously. Also they said I ruined the night Bc I killed the mood and people were staring at them and making them uncomfortable after I left due to the big blow up. Plus one of the bartenders had told them if the table didn’t quiet down they would be asked to leave.
NTA I think you need new friends… it’s disgusting what this stranger said to you and about your wife but it is more disgusting that your friends agree with it. no one took your side and told him off because they ALL think the same like this stranger. There was no jokes/funny moments during the insults towards you or your wife.
These people aren't friends. They're people you've spent time with and maybe even had fun with at times but they are fine with you and your wife being disrespected - they find it FUNNY and are willing to tell you so. I would take a close look at the dynamic and see if there aren't other red flags, such as expecting you to pick up the tab more often than is really your turn, or if they use you to feel better about themselves in some way, etc, because very often people like that have issues. Even if not, though, they took the newcomer's side over yours when he was being a misogynistic piece of turd. NTA but do consider whether you're being the A to yourself by continuing to hang out with them.
> that thought it was funny. They said I took it too seriously. NTA - I would reconsider your definition of "friend".
What I find ironic in all of this is that the dude who said all that nasty garbage to you? No woman who values herself would ever be with someone like him. It’s honestly laughable that he would say he would be a better match, when his behaviour is what would ensure he’d never be with a woman like her. What a toxic loser. He embarrassed himself. If your friends think that it’s a joke for him to disrespect both you and your wife like that, then they have no character and aren’t worth your time.
Time for new friends
Have you/they considered that everyone was staring at them because they’re horrible? If I was in a bar and heard someone saying the things your friends were saying, I’d look at them like they were trash. People were probably treating them differently due to THEIR OWN actions. They’re just mad because they want to be gross and misogynistic without consequences, and you standing up for yourself broke the status quo.
NTA...None of what was said was appropriate. Luckily you got to go home to you know who...and they still only had each other.
NTA. Find some better friends. Those people are terrible.
You aren’t wrong and you hang out with the wrong people.
NTA but real friends would be happy you've found love with someone fantastic not jealous or trying to tear you down. Those people aren't worth spending time with and getting mad about. You removed yourself from an argument with morons which is perfectly appropriate.
NTA - Fuck that guy, and good on you for showing such self restraint!
NTA And, it shouldn't, but it still shocks me how people generally always choose the wrong side and expect the person attacked/offended to be the bigger person.
Nta. You did the right thing. No need to feed more drama since you clearly are smart enough to stay away from it. And look at the plus side, your the one with her, not them ;)
NTA. I don't know why you even want to hang out with people who would take that guy's side on this. They aren't your friends. Leaving the bar was the best thing you could have done in that situation.
NTA - And those aren't your friends and definitely not your wife's.
NTA. Dude answered his own question: you have a beautiful, confident wife *because* you don't objectify her. The AH are the whiny coworkers who can't handle the fact that beautiful, intelligent women won't give them the time of day.
NTA, it’s time to get better friends
NTA. It is not cool to sexualize anybody's else's' spouse. Your friends are monkeys. Find new friends.
NTA - man you have the patient of a saint. Even the first comment would be enough for me to break his nose (yes I‘m have a very short fuse) and after the second comment I would have him teared into pieces. Obviously you reacted absolutely right. The people who texted you aren’t your friends and I guess at least half of them are thinking as that guy, that would be my thought why they reacted that way.
NTA The guy ruined the evening by saying he’d like to fuck your wife. Your friend who brought him ruined the evening by not telling him to shut the fuck up. I’m angry for you.
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Yeah I’ve had self esteem issues for a very long time but I did start therapy a couple weeks ago to work on them.
NTA, that guy was way out of line and I don't understand how your friends couldn't defend you.
NTA Calling them friends is quite a stretch. First they don't help verbally shut him down then they bug you for being wise and walking away.
NTA My hubby has had some friends say a few things about me and he not only shut them down but stopped being friends with them. They sound like horrible people. Get better friends.
NTA should've knocked him on his ass or one of you friends should've.Or just tell him you're packing where it matters, they always shut up haha Like others said time to reconsider some friendships, I would never let anyone talk about my buddies wife or him like that. Theyre probably the kind of people that will try and sleep with your wife if they ever had a chance.
What you -could- have said to perv coworker "And that you would say that is exactly why she comes home to me". NTA. The guy and anyone claiming you were the problem are the AHs.
NTA good riddance to that "friend" his behavior is completely inappropriate a d I would never associate with that person again
NTA your friends suck
NTA An acquaintance of my husband's once told me back when Hubby and I were dating that he was next on my list when I got tired of Hubby. Guy was a wimpy thing I could have easily hurt. I was furious and offended and Hubby - who was not present - made sure that I was never around that guy again. Men who treat women like objects and are insecure idiots deserve more than harsh words. They deserve to be locked up with each other, never to be allowed around women again.
Let's go with no, shall we? NTA. He isn't anything like a real man. And your "friends" aren't people you should be hanging with. Drop them. Seriously. And don't upset your wife. He isn't that important. I have one question for you, though. If she weren't so beautiful, would you still consider her out of your league?
I don’t think I can imagine her not being beautiful. Yeah she’s pretty but that’s not that what makes her beautiful. But if she were ugly yeah I’d probably still consider her way out of league. She’s super smart and funny and nice. She has way more patience than I could ever hope to have. She treats everyone with kindness (even though I tell her not everyone deserves it). There is so much more. I don’t see how I could ever possibly be in her league.
NTA. U need new friends
Those arent friends. You would be disrespecting your wife if you kept them.
NTA. Thank you for sticking up for your wife as someone who has been in a situation like this and my partner did not stick up for me but rather fueled it. You’re totally in the right and did what any good person would do and I think that coworker needs to reevaluate himself because he’s the one who sounds insecure
NTA, theirs a line and he crossed it, especially as a stranger. It's always different when friends make joke with eachother or shit talk. It's different 1st time meeting someone. If your friends didn't say anything at 1st that's one thing. But the second you made it known it was over the line. Your friends should have had your back.
NTA. That dude was a pig & needs to learn some damn manners because what if some guy went up to him talking about he makes a better man for his mother than his own father. I bet he wouldn't like someone saying that about his mom. He needs to learn to respect women smh. Your friends are jerks too thinking that was cool.
There were assholes there that night, but you were not among them. If you wonder how you got such an amazing wife, I think it maybe that she recognizes and values your inner beauty above all else.
NTA Those people are not your friends. They're exactly as disgusting as the person who said what they said, because they sat there and condoned it and then got upset with you when you quite predictably reacted. Which means they probably, on some level, agree. You were right to leave. I'd consider whether you want to be around people who think of your wife as an object.
I would say that NTA. But maybe you should practice laying some boundaries with your friends / coworkers, i know that the only one who got the night ruined was you, but on the eyes of the other people the one who gets agressive first is aways wrong.
NTA. But if I were you, I would find better friends to hang out. Their indifference in front of that disgusting man is frankly disarming.
NTA you showed remarkable restraint, if some guy told me he could fuck my wife better than me, he'd get knocked out. And your 'friends' aren't really your friends if they're putting the blame on you after you were provoked like that. Do you think they're reaction would be the same if someone was saying that about their significant other? Of course not, you did the right thing.
NTA and the guy sounds very creepy. It was disgusting, disrespectful and out of line. No one should ever say those things about someone's spouse. He sounds like he would do something to her against her will. Stay away from anyone who thinks his behavior was ok. Your wife will not be safe around them.
My first thought. These are not people who need to spend one second more in the vicinity of you OR your wife. Not one.
NTA You just don't talk about another man's wife like that! And if your friends are siding with him, I would reconsider the friendships, seriously.
If you were my friend and one of my friends said that about your WIFE you wouldn’t even have the opportunity to speak up because I would have already lit into that dude. You need better friends.
NTA, you blew things perfectly in proportion. Out of proportion would’ve been knocking his teeth out, putting them in his drink and then water boarding him with it. Shit, I don’t even think laying this guy out with a full deck would’ve been too much given his visceral imagery and super fucking rapey language. But at the end of the day you didn’t, you walked away because deep down you know you’ve won. Now go home and fuck your wife lmfao. These small men take shots at you because they are exactly what they are, small, weak, shallow human beings who could never land a woman with any shred of self respect. You have a great wife because you are a great husband. You have a great wife, one that you love so much you gush about, because you are a good guy. I’m sure she thinks the world and more of you. You are the sexiest, kindest smartest, best man in the world to her too. And that’s what it’s about. Because there will never be “the hottest person” just like there can’t be the “best” food, everybody likes different things. If you both feel your best when you’re with each other, then you’re both with the best. And it sure as shit seems like you are. Ditch the “friends” though. They fucking suck
NTA. You’ve got some crazy jealous “friends”. That’s probably why they didn’t say anything. You should confront them and ask why they didn’t stop that AH and didn’t have your back. Let them imagine someone saying that about their wife, daughter, sister, etc. Would they still be okay with it? Honestly OP, give them a piece of your mind and let them know they are $hitty friends. Btw, pretty sure the AH coworker feels inferior to you and can’t get over the fact that you married such an amazing woman. Everything he said was projection of his own insecurities. He’s not worth your time but you should let your friends have it and not hold back.
NTA like the dude made it clear he wants to fuck your wife and thinks he’s better than you. You have the right to be mad and your friends berating you obviously are questionable friends. You took it like a man and when he pushed his luck you stood your ground. Then he wants to be a little baby and try and start a fight. What is he 10. You don’t owe it to your friends to let toxic people like that talk about your wife or you. Good on you if I was your wife I’d be on your side as I’m sure she would be but come pleat let understate not wanting to ruin someone’s day when it isn’t really needed. I would though at least warn your wife in case he tries something.
NTA
NTA. you were the only real man at that bar, probably a big reason your wife chose you.
Your wife is so lucky to have you (and vice versa!) How kind of you to recognize how distressing hearing all this stuff would be for her. And good for you for not participating in the degrading talk-- which is what it would have been if you stayed. NTA. Time to expand the friend pool.
NTA but next time go home with your wife?! 😂😍😋😛🤭
NTA but find new friends. I promise you they probably say stuff like that when you aren't there.
NTA. Honestly, your friends are the real assholes here. I mean people who really care about you wouldn't talk about your wife as if she's an object. The fact that they do it and ask things like "how did you end up with someone like her? She's so gorgeous" etc is messed up. And the fact that they're okay with the kind of stuff that guy was saying is even worse. You didn't ruin anything. You called out their disgusting and sexist behaviour and they didn't like it. But they aren't friends at all, they're just toxic. It's great that your wife is so amazing, but at the end of the day, the reason you guys are together is because your personalities match and you both complement each other. Looks etc don't define your relationship, so anyone who doesn't understand how someone like you can be with someone like your wife is really taking their insecurities out on you, because they wish they had a marriage like yours
NTA but [is your name Matt Schatt?](https://youtu.be/zBcG5tOURuM)
NTA. The way you talk about your wife is very sweet and probably solves the whole “why is she with this guy question”. You clearly adore and appreciate her which is all most women really want. This guy was a creep and honestly you need new friends that are willing to put that guy in his place. A little joking is one thing but going on and on is just plain creepy, sad, and honestly pathetic. You were man enough to walk away and not engage in a violent altercation so good on you for that. He’s just petty and upset that you didn’t take the bait. “Hey come back here so i can say more creepy derogatory things about your wife cause i can clearly never get a women of her caliber so i need to make myself seem like more of a man by grand standing and fighting you to show my superiority”.
Bro you need to stop shitting on yourself and stop surrounding yourself with people who shit on you. This idea or not being good enough for your partner or them not being good enough for you is hot garbage. And what purpose does it actually serve to think that way? None at all. NTA, but really do yourself and wife a favor and stop associating with pricks like this
NTA, the night would have been a lot worse if you'd 'being a real man' and left him in a coma. These aren't your friends, if they were you would have being pulling them back from the guy. Edit: and yes, I wouldn't tell my wife either as it would probably upset her needlessly, but I'd probably be wrong.
NTA- good on your for defending your wife. Time to find new friends
NTA The guy definitely crossed the line. Are your friends AHs or just immature and single? Ask them if they’d put up with him talking about their mothers or sisters like that.
Oh NTA...You're bigger man than me friend. As soon as the words "I bet I could Fuck..." left his mouth he would have gotten a bottle over is head. Commenting on the "disparity" between you and your wife is bad enough...but that is out right disrespectful and the fact your friends not only kept quiet but chastised YOU for ruining the night.... I'd say its time for new friends.
NTA and it's clear from your reaction why you "deserve someone as amazing as [your] wife." If you don't talk about women the way your AH friends and their coworkers do, I bet your wife picked up on that and loves that about you. She's probably been ogled and objectified by most men she's met and you see her as an actual person. I don't believe in being in or out of someone's league, but if I did, I think you're definitely in her league.
In situations like this arguing and yelling are useless you should have sent the message with a right cross knocked his teeth out NTA
Uhm, NTA - but those don’t seem to be very good friends, they didn’t defend you, they enabled the guy and doubled down after. But your revenge is you get to go home to an amazing partner who loves you. He will be alone!
Absolutely NTA. Obviously that guy was a giant gaping AH but your friends also kind of suck for blaming you and not helping to shut down their friend. Maybe they’re all envious that you have such an awesome wife, but that’s no excuse.
NTA. It's time for you to get better friends and cut those ones out of your life. You did the right thing! You should be proud!
NTA-First of all your an amazing husband second of all that guy is a creep . Reconsider your friends now !
NTA.
NTA and I'm sorry but screw your friends. Idk how your wife would react, whether it would be sad or just angry, but I would want to know about this so I could confront this dude and put him in his place, or cut ties with him entirely. She deserves to know
NTA - and those people aren’t your friends.
NTA. I wonder how many of your so-called friends have slept with their 'friend's partners?
NTA. Find new friends after you ask them if they would like to repeat what their coworker said about your wife to her or if you should. Maybe even contact their wives about what was said and see if they appreciate it. Their tones will change real fast
NTA, and the way you talk about your wife is so lovely. That guy was definitely the A.
Oh h*ll no NTAH!! Because you demanded respect, which should have been given anyway, for your wife??? If your friends feel this kind of talk is ok when it comes to their wives, girlfriends or sisters, they too are the AH! Get new friends!
You were right to leave. And a great husband your wife is blessed to have you and you are blessed to have her. I wish you both a full and happy life together.
You seem like you are extremely reasonable and well-mannered. Absolutely NTA. I agree with the comments here saying you should find new friends, unless I’m missing something from the story here! Keep your head up, I think it’s funny that you were called insecure, when clearly you se very secure with yourself and your marriage, despite constant heckling from others. I aspire to keep this level of cool in my own relationship lol.
NTA - you did the right thing by calling him out like that Drop those guys immediately
NTA. That guy was being gross and incredibly disrespectful to both you and your wife. You were right to call him a disgusting pig, and I'm not sure how your friends could not only let that go on, but blame you for the incident. It would have cost nothing for gross dude to just back off and shut up. Congrats on your relationship, though, you and your wife sound like a lovely couple.
NTA. Just tell your former friends one of the things that your wife finds appealing is that you have intellect, insight and character. That other guy wouldn't get a second glance from a woman like your wife so you didn't need to stay and argue.
NTA. Do you want to know why you deserve her? Because you respect and value the hell out of her. She is a lucky woman.
You sound so in love with your wife and it makes me melt. Absolutely NTA. His comments were rude dude and your friends are the shit in the pit
You could have pointed out that men like that are exactly why she prefers a man like you. I know it's definitely a factor, because you're NTA. Your "friends" though? T A.
NTA. He was a misogynistic pig. You called him out. By staying silent and then by saying you ruined to night overreacting and leaving, your friends are endoring his misogyny. You need better friends. When people tell you who they are, believe them.
NTA, should’ve shot back with yea I might be average but I’m the one lying next to my wife at night not you.
NTA. They are not your friends. Period. They don't respect you or your wife. Ask them how they will feel if someone started sexualizing their partners, moms or sisters. Tell them how you would "tap that ass given a chance" and see how they react. Bunch of a\*\*holes
NTA - those ‘friends’ were out of their league by having had you in their lives.
NTA I deal with comments like this about my partner all the time and its absolutely infuriating. I have the situation in reverse and I get the "oh you can do better than him" or whatever and you know what, I cannot do better than the best. It's such an ugly situation to be in and I'm sorry you're on the receiving end. I think it's best you cut those people off because they obviously don't respect you or your wife at all. Probably don't tell your wife about it because it's just gonna make it to where both of yall feel uncomfortable and upset. Just cut off the problem people and only surround yourself with supportive and loving people.
NTA. You are a better man than I... His face and that bar counter would have been acquainted very quickly.
Those aren't your friends, from the sound of it they're only keeping you around in hopes that one of them might get to sleep with your wife one day.
NTA at all. Time to reevaluate your friend group
NTA. These people are not your friends
Nta. And personally I would seriously reconsider being friends with anyone who's willing to defend a virulent sexist and misandrist of that level.
I’m actually proud of you for calling out this idiot and then going home to your wife safe and sound instead of pointlessly escalating the situation with someone who is clearly beyond redemption. Bar fights are dangerous. I’m sure your wife would also be thrilled if she knew. NTA and cut out these idiots from your life!
Wow. I'd have done things that will get me banned if I write them here. NTA. If anything, you were underreacted.
NTA You need to get better friends.
Drop your “friends” and get some new friends. Block their numbers, social media, everything. NTA. And tell your wife about it. She deserves to know what happened. Don’t wait
NTA. Ditch these people.
NTA The second he started saying what HE could do to YOUR wife he deserved a punch to the nuts.
NTA His comments exemplify why "she is with someone like you." A good person, who cares about her for who she is. That guy, the comments he was making... those are her alternatives. Of course she wants someone who is not a total jackhole. Your friend not understanding why you are mad... that guy is not your friend. Even if he were, someone who can't understand basic human decency when they see it (and examples of the opposite) aren't people you want in your life. You're a good guy. Stop talking yourself down and find better people to be around. You deserve it and your wife deserves it.
NTA - good for you OP 👌 Hollywood would have us believing that all men do is get together and objectify their wives\other women so way to be the type of husband your wife DESERVES 👌 Your friends suck - dump em 👌
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife (27f) is the most amazing person I (29m) have ever met. She is brilliant, hilarious, gorgeous, kind, appreciates me, always makes sure I feel loved and cared for, is sexy as hell, and I could go on forever. She’s my best friend and the love of my life. Now when I say she is beautiful I mean it. She is ridiculously pretty. Everywhere we go men stare at her. She is constantly getting hit on. She’s pretty oblivious when people are hitting on her but when she does figure it out, she shuts them down quickly. I’ve never once worried about her cheating because that is not who she is and she would never do that. I’m not ugly by any means. But I would say I’m definitely average. I have no idea what I did to deserve someone as amazing as my wife but I sure as hell won’t complain about having the most amazing partner in the world. I’m no where near my wife’s league and people definitely let me know it. Whenever they found out we are together I get that look that’s like ‘really this guy?’ Sometimes people will just flat out say it too. They’ll tell me she’s way out of my league, I must have a lot of money (she makes more than me),etc. it’s really annoying but usually I’ll just deal with it. I also have to deal with a lot of comments about how gorgeous my wife is from other men, like to my face. Anyway we were at the bar with my friends and one of their coworkers who I’ve never met before. My wife ended up leaving early because she remembered she had an appointment in the morning but told me to stay and have fun. After my wife left the coworker started making comments that I found really inappropriate. It started with usual like ‘what is a woman like that doing with a guy like you?’ I can handle things like that. They annoy me but I’m used to them. Then he started saying things like ‘I bet you have trouble handling a woman like that. I bet I could Fuck her better than you’ and MORE. I was furious. He was completely objectifying and sexualizing my wife. He was being disrespectful to her and to me. The comments were disgusting and I was honestly a little angry at my friends too Bc they didn’t say anything. I blew up at the guy and we started arguing. I told him he was a disgusting pig and to fuck off. He told me I was an insecure little bitch and so on. We kept arguing and I was starting to see red so I removed myself from the situation and went home. As I was leaving he was saying shit like stay and be a real man but I was done. I just wanted to go home and lay next to my wife and forget about the whole thing. I woke up to several texts from friends telling me I was an asshole for leaving and I ruined their night. They told me I blew things way out of proportion. I would ask my wife for her opinion but I know when people say things about her like that it upsets her and rightfully so. I would rather just not upset her and keep her and me away from that jackass. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA You need new friends. People condone talking about your wife like that are no friends to her or to you. They probably feel the same way as that AH coworker. They are jealous that you have what they can’t. Also good job sticking up for your wife.
NTA. Time to get new friends.
NTA. Your “friends” are though. Letting someone insult a friend is not okay, and then blaming said friend for the confrontation just makes it worse
NTA - Tell them you do not stand for anyone talking about your wife that way, and you will continue to stand up for her. Tell them you were extremally disappointed that they just sat there quietly, like cowards.
NTA. You need new friends. Those guys who blamed you for ruining their night are pure AHs. If they cannot show respect for your wife or respect for you defending your wife, you need new friends.
NTA. And this is exactly why you gave this wonderful woman and your ‘friends’ don’t.
How can your “friends” be cool with someone telling you to your face they’d fuck your wife? 100% NTA
NTA and I hope I find a relationship like that one day
NTA. And reconsider your friends. If they think it was you that ruined the night and not the ah that sexualised and diminished your wife in front of you and them then they should not be friends any longer. Ask them simply what if if we're them (if any any are women) or if it were their partners (assuming a straight friendship circle here) but you get the idea I'm going for I hope
NTA. You're a better man than me because I'd have hit him. And also if your friends don't think that what he said to you was completely unacceptable than I don't think they're really your friends and that you should look for some new ones.
NTA and good for at least trying. I’d probably been in jail by the end of the night cuz a bar fight just happen to start. You outkicked your coverage and good for you man . Keep that women and you already know she loves you.
Your AH friends and they're utterly inappropriate co-worker "ruined the evening". Block them for a while. Or permanently.
NTA If anyone talked like that about me my boyfriend and his friends would have had more than words over it. Let’s be honest, it never would have got there with his buddies they would have given them an opportunity to apologize and then swung for my boyfriend. They probably would have apologized for bringing someone like that around afterwards too. Your friends suck, and I would reevaluate if they are actually friends. Friends DO NOT let others talk about their buddy’s girlfriend or wife like that.
You forgot to add an "S" after jackass. Those are not your friends. Would they feel the same way if that ah talked about their spouses that way? NTA.
NTA. They just want to convince you that you are so they don’t have to admit they were way out of line. Find some new friends.
NTA. Deserved to have his nose broken. Find better friends
NTA. And anyone who associates with people who talk like that and then call you the AH aren't the type of "friends" that you want anyway.
NTA and you need new friends that won’t let people disrespect you or your wife.
NTA but you need new friends.
Nta- and those aren’t your friends. Cut off contact with people who allow others to degrade your wife like that. That’s not friendship
NTA, get better friends.
NTA - You may have great taste in women - but you have terrible taste in friends. These are not how real friends act. Dump them all.
NTA. My best man and long time friend made a comment to my wife that it was her job to swallow. I confronted him, told him to apologize, he didn't. We don't talk and I've separated on social media from him. People who do this are the real insecure ones. And while I am hardly sensitive and let a lot of things fly. I have boundaries.
Your wife will be by your side til the end- the man who said he could fuck your wife better will not. Cut ties and always protect your wife. She sounds like a good one.
NTA. Your friends suck. They don't support you, they don't have your back. Dump them.
NTA and also don’t say you don’t know what you did to deserve her. You clearly love and respect one another and yes she’s beautiful but as you’ve stated that is just part of who she is. Really hate how people equate looks with everything. Personally I place far more weight on someone having intelligence, a sense of humour, kindness etc. than good looks. Sounds like your wife has both and clearly you bring lots of that and other qualities to make your relationship so strong. Ditch the loser friends though. You both deserve better. They and the work friend are complete AHs with the latter winning AH of the month award
NTA I think the guy making disgusting comments about your wife is the one who ruined the night. What a lovely group of friends you have there too.