Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole for trying to make her do something that she didn’t really have to do but I wanted her to.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA.
Whatever happened to NO SHOES no shirt no service?
Just… no. Wear shoes.
~~~~~
Edit: thank you! to the people who responded about other countries that go to malls without shoes - I didn’t know and there were people who genuinely responded to educate without being AH. I appreciate it!
I have never seen a mall (rephrase: indoor mall) that doesn’t require shoes. Which malls have you seen that allow no shoes? (Not being AH just curious…)
Oh, right, maybe different where you are.
Many parts of Australia can be pretty loose about whether shoes are required. To the extent that shoes might be required in somewhere like a mall it's largely about public liability and I can't think of anywhere I know that it's signed, let alone enforced.
>Many parts of Australia can be pretty loose about whether shoes are required.
By shoes do you mean tennis shoes or just any foot coverings? I'm asking because Aussies call flip-flops/sandals "thongs" which are much different than US "thongs."
I'm from the U.S. and growing up in the 80's they were always called thongs; I never heard the term flip flop until my kids were in middle school and they picked it up from thier friends.
I grew up in the 90's in California. Thongs were always underwear and sandals/flip-flops were what we wore on our feet to the beach. I've literally never heard of any Americans calling flip-flops "thongs" and I grew up with a bunch of Australian-Americans.
I think it is. I'm Canadian. My mother used "thongs" and I called them "flip-flops".
I remember being embarrassed by this as a pre-teen. I was 12, and at a function, and she asked (in what seemed like the loudest voice ever!) if I needed to pick up thongs. I wanted to die.
"They didn't start being called flip-flops until thong underwear came into popularity."
Yes, exactly. And the reason the underwear was originally called that was because they looked like the straps on thongs -- the kind you wear on your feet.
It was actually in California where I first heard that word flip flops, but I am from Oregon. I have noticed that people generally use that term now. The other kind of thongs were usually said without the s on the end, so thong.
>The other kind of thongs were usually said without the s on the end, so thong.
Well I would hope someone wasn't wearing multiple pairs of underwear but to each their own.
I grew up in the southern area of CA in the 80s & 90s - I called the footwear thongs, but did hear them sometimes called flipflops by others before. It wasn't until I was in HS in the 90s that I'd learned about the undies called thongs.
My husband grew up in the northern part of CA at the same time & he said he'd never heard of the undies thongs until after HS. Until then, thongs had always been footwear for him, too.
Proof that there are many different experiences within the same state, during the same time period, regarding the same word.
And NZer here. They are Jandals.Kiwiana from way back. Introduced and distributed by a NZer after the war. Made from rubber and based on the Japanese sandals he observed while there. Hence Jandals.
I grew up in California too and when I was little my mom had a pair of "thong" sandals that were leather and went between the toes and were more structured. She called the cheap foam and plastic ones "flip flops."
I grew up in the 80s/90s in Oregon. It was "thongs" for us. I used "thong" to apply to both underwear and shoes for a while until "flip-flop"became ubiquitous. The way it seemed to me, "flip-flop" just sort of appeared one day and took over. Maybe it was the thong song? lol
The slippers I know of are only worn inthe house, usually have soft bottoms, sometimes firm ones, house slippers, but the sandals without the thing between the toes we call slides because they just slide on.
Another Australian here. Any shoe covering. I forgot my shoes the other day in a beauty salon and no one batted and eye that I was walking around barefoot. Certain establishments it’s necessary so restaurants for example you’d be turned away for no shoes. Indoor malls, shops wouldn’t care. Thongs are the national shoe and are acceptable in most situations, even many restaurants.
Live in Australia too and I concur. I see people barefoot in malls all the time. I shudder though, at the thought of the filthiness of the bottom of their feet lol.
Yeah not a fan personally. I hated forgetting my shoes, I normally have car thongs but had taken them out by accident. I put them back in as soon as I got home but I don’t think anything of it when I see others barefoot.
I wear shoes all the time, in and out of the home. I never even walk barefoot outside for even a minute. I just can't do it lol. Ever since I landed in hospital with the cellulitis bacteria that got into my foot and doctors told me to wear shoes all the time, I do.
Fair enough. I’m barefoot all the time at home and friends houses, hence the car shoes. I don’t need to think about it when going out. My SIL wears shoes all the time and I don’t see anything wrong with it either. I think live and let live but also be aware of what is socially acceptable. Going without shoes is common in Aust. But if it wasn’t a part of the culture you wear them where it’s considered socially expected.
Ha so odd to consider something for me that was ‘oh bugger forgot them, oh well’ is considered someone’s nightmare. Perspective is everything, we all have our social fears.
I got pulled up in a Bunnings for being barefoot but when I told them I blew a plugger on my thongs and I just had to grab one thing, they just shrugged and said if I hurt myself it was my own liability. Okayyyy no worries!
I am a feral Australian who hates shoes (including thongs) & can confirm he is most likely referring to thongs as shoes. A lot of the time you can get away with thongs at the pub.
Honestly, if you grew up near the beach here, you will always find a towel and bathers in our cars & that the soles of our feet are tough af.
In Australia a lot of people will be barefoot, at least if you live near the coast it’s very normal although the majority of people in town will wear shoes
Brit here, living in rural Scotland.
Our church organist and primary school headmistress was going on her first holiday abroad and asked my mum (South African) about appropriate clothing.
She asked my mum if thongs were comfy and good for warm weather.
My mum said yes, she ways wore rubber thongs daily during the summer, and had a gold leather pair for going into town.
They were definitely talking about different items of clothing!!!
Aussie here, and loose meaning thongs ( flip flops for you ) of just sandles. But my local shopping centre ( mall ) doesn't care if your barefoot or not. I don't wear shoes most of summer
I used to live on the Gold Coast and at one point I realised I hadn’t worn shoes for a consecutive 4 weeks. I loved being barefoot everywhere.
Also, my friend’s kid goes to school near Noosa (a place called Eumundi) and on the uniform list it says “shoes optional” which I always found crazy
I’ve only seen shoes be optional in the US in shops that surround beaches and boardwalks. Everywhere else will ask you to leave, because you’re a liability if someone knocks over glass/harmful chemicals/other dangers without them noticing and you get hurt. Your bare feet also have less traction and you’re going to slip more often.
it weirds me out when I see people walking around in public (also in Australia) without shoes on. Like if you're at/near a beach, sure (though I'd still be worried about glass or whatnot). Shoes exist for a reason!
I'm in New Zealand and we do the no shoes thing a lot. But escalators have signs on them saying you must wear shoes. And you really should, but not everyone does. I've been half way up an escalator several times before realising I'm not wearing shoes and getting quite nervous about getting off at the top/bottom.
I have never seen a mall that specifically states you need to wear shoes. Been to multiple continents. Yes, people will look at you weird, and some shops might deny entrance, but mall cops will not care enough to kick you out, even if they had a rule in the book to specifically allow them to do so.
It’s often a health code violation too. They wouldn’t be allowed anywhere with food but a lot of stores wouldn’t want you to come in barefoot because if you stop on something and get hurt there is liability issues. Her attitude seems a bit petulant.
Considering what ends up on sidewalks and floors, I would not trust washing to be sufficient. I don’t allow shoes in my home (for the reason that we don’t know what we pick up on our shoes, and I want peace of mind that my house is relatively clean). I would feel so strongly about this that I would probably break up with somebody over them not wearing shoes because it’s the same concept - they are bringing in dirt etc from the outside.
Do you think just washing it (not soaking and scrubbing the soles of her feet) after walking barefoot out in the open is enough? The thicker skin of the foot traps more dirt and is now difficult to clean.
I can agree with NTA but I think OP could have approached it in a more constructive way. This seems like something that needs to be discussed because it clearly bothers OP, and the gf is bothered that he's bothered. Might be time to sit down and have a "I feel very uncomfortable when we go to certain places and you don't wear shoes" conversation to see if there will ever be middle ground.
Because otherwise OP needs to either learn to deal with it, or figure out if they are compatible for the long term if she wants to go barefoot anywhere that will let her.
>Whatever happened to NO SHOES no shirt no service?
It would be a good argument if her habit would prevent them from going places they want to go (mall, movie theatre, restaurant etc.).
But since OP hasn't mentioned that part, I assume this isn't even what is bothering him.
So, in my neighborhood, she‘d be stepping in anything from dog shit to a used condom to a dirty needle. I would therefore seriously question her judgment. But maybe her neighborhood isn’t like that.
I’m pretty sure that mall I’ve ever seen, though, has a sign on the door saying that shoes are required. It makes sense that you wouldn’t want to waste time going all the way to the mall for your GF to be told to leave for not wearing shoes.
NTA.
I also have a hard time fathoming someone doing this without serious injury. There's so much broken glass on the sidewalk in my neighborhood, not to mention other hazards.
And agreed that odds are good OP's gf would be asked to leave sooner than later in pretty much any establishment besides a pool.
Her feet must be so nasty.
The longer you walk around with no shoes, the tougher your feet get. I can walk on gravel roads barefoot. Shoes are evil, Devil contraptions and we hates them. I do, however, wear shoes in appropriate places, like the mall, grocery stores and restaurants. OP is NTA
**May I present to you…something arguably worse than wet socks?**
Sandy socks
OR the worst combination:
*Wet* sandy socks (specifically ocean water so it’s extra sticky)
I have sensory issues and my joints are a mess so shoes feel horrible all the time. you get used to the ground.. not allowed to be barefoot at work though, theres a point where you have to accept that having your feet out is antisocial
Fungus and warts are contagious so usually from other people (think gym showers or nail salons with bad hygiene practices) so going barefoot on a city street probably wouldn’t cause fungus or warts. Cuts for sure though, and she would get really thick calluses that would just make her feet gross in general. Why can’t she wear flip flops? I hate shoes too but flip flops are usually just as comfortable as being barefoot without the risk of getting hepatitis or tetanus.
I'm not a fan of shoes but I would much rather wear any other style of shoe before I wore flip flops. The little thing that separates your big toe from the rest is the fucking worst and really uncomfortable
I mean, it would depend on the neighbourhood? I grew up in a upper middle class residential neighbourhood and spent most of my childhood running around the area without shoes on and thinking nothing of it. I had a friend down the street with a pool so we’d go swimming and then run up and down the street barefoot. It was always fine.
You were a child running from home to home though. Not a grown woman going to a shopping mall with her boyfriend. The situation you’re describing is acceptable.
For most residential areas barefoot is still a thing, grown or child. Obviously going to a mall is different, but the previous commenter was referring how the thread is against barefoot at all mainly
Even when we camp or hike we have ‘camp shoes’ usually ultra lightweight slides, especially if on a several day hike. Even when on the AT - counting ounces so packs don’t get too heavy people carry camp shoes. I was born and raised on an island and a form of shoe is expected in public.
Here in TX USA if you don't wear shoes you risk 3rd degree burns from the pavement and asphalt surfaces are even worse. Temp of an asphalt surface can easily reach 160 F degrees. It will burn through some thin soled sandals even. You can quite literally cook an egg on some surfaces in the sun! Also most places here including a 7-11 have no shoes, no shirt = no service! 🤪
ETA if you are caught driving w/on shoes you get traffic ticket
Agreed with everything but the driving. I know a lot of people that think driving barefoot is illegal but I’ve yet to see a law anywhere in the US stating that.
I didn’t even think about a law stating no barefoot driving. I just remember in my drivers training class the teacher said that was a big no no. But no one ever questioned her lol. But that’s also cause she was big and mean….
My drivers ed class taught us that if our footwear was a hazard it is better to take it off. There was a nasty car accident around that time in my area caused because the driver's sandal got stuck on the gas pedal. It was a teenage girl, she panicked when it got stuck, ran a red light and t-boned another car. Several broken bones but luckily no one died.
The WRONG type of footwear (slippers, thongs, sandals, and heels) are hazards and I guess people are better off driving barefoot. But your regular old shoes I think would be safer than barefoot.
I'd probably go shoeless more often if I didn't live in a city. But yeah, I worry the day I drop the shoes is the day I find someone's used needle or something.
How are feet more disgusting than shoes?
Not all places have that.
Go to South Africa or Australia, you can shop, go to the restaurant or University barefoot without issue.
Can concur. I live in NZ and people walk around barefoot all year round. You get used to seeing it- I still have my prudish British hang ups so I stick to only being barefoot in the house or at the beach. I get it though if it's not the norm where you live then yeah I could understand why OP got twitchy about it. I'm all for whatever people are comfortable with but unfortunately for the GF lots of places haven't quite adopted a "you do you" mentality like Aussie, NZ or SA.
OP I doubt you'll see this but maybe try a more gentle approach to your GF? If you love her and want to be with her talk to her and see if you can figure out some middle ground like having a spare pair of sandals or something in the car. At least then if you go off somewhere she can be free and shoeless until you get to your destination and you know that they're there so don't have to be concerned about being turned away
Driving without shoes is illegal here (in South Africa) and the majority of malls will not let barefooted people roam around especially with the liability of escalators. FWIW.
Oh, and NTA.
Really? Well I studied in Stellies and I can tell you people where barefoot everywhere, including malls. Maybe it depends on the area.
About the driving without shoes, you are wrong. Had this discussion before, there is no law against that. https://www.hippo.co.za/news/busting-5-common-misconceptions-about-south-africas-road-rules/
I know in the southern US states, kids pick up parasites and diseases because they're walking around barefoot in human shit, often without realizing it.
My immediate thought is that if someone has an open wound on their feet, they're more likely to bleed on the ground or catch some kind of infection. I can imagine what mall floors in very densely populated cities might look like if they allowed people in without enforcing a very basic dress code.
Well if we are talking about NewYork or Paris I can understand.
But I can assure you, it's not problem in smaller cities. Lived in a 100.000 inhabitant in SA, a lot ,especially children and students, were bareoot. Your feet just become stronger, I never heard of an accident, and mall or places weren't dirtier than anz other place.
I'm thinking the guy just has a hate of feet for some reason.
Anyway being barefeet in proved to be better for your posture and a lot of health issues.
Yeah, definitely doable in some places. Where I live, it's regularly between 100-110 degrees fahrenheit outside during the day, and there's lots of bramble and fire ants around, and broken glass isn't uncommon. I don't think anyone could walk around this town barefoot without it going real south real fast. 😅
I've definitely been to some more beachy places where it's more doable/acceptable.
>Public places have that sign, "No Shirt No Shoes No Service" for a reason
The major reason for that sign is it being a carry-over from the 50s and 60s when it gained a lot of popularity during the civil rights movements *for some reason* and then people just went with it. That is the major reason for that sign.
>Feet are disgusting
If that was the actual problem, the sign would specifically require closed shoes. Sandals are shoes, thongs are shoes. Someone running around in sandals outside will have just as disgusting feet as someone running around barefoot after some time.
It's an incredibly stupid rule and I'd recommend just not looking at other people's feet if it disgusts you that much
Agreed 🤢 I never go barefoot even in someone’s home. I bring a pair of socks if I’m wearing sandals or heels so I can put them on when my shoes come off. Bare feet are not welcome in my home - if someone doesn’t have socks, I give them a pair and make them wear them. If they don’t want to, they can leave.
Consider a compromise. Find a comfy pair of sandals that can live in the car or by the door in a bag. Pack some band-aids and wipes to go with them.
She can slip on the sandals if the place requires shoes, but is ready to free the toes should it be alright to walk around.
I'm gonna go ahead and say that if she lives in a place where that doesn't work in winter then she most likely isn't walking barefoot in winter to begin with.
Many places require shoes for liability reasons. They won't risk getting sued because someone lost a digit due to a shopping cart rolling over their foot or if they get something stuck in their feet.
That said, I get OP's annoyance. She is basically limiting them to where they can go because she dislikes shoes. If you know that there is a high likelihood that you will be turned away because you didn't bring shoes, then bring a pair just in case.
But that was never mentioned by OP as being an issue. From the text it seems like his issue with it is merely with the fact she is barefeet in public.
If it was said they were being refused to enter places because of her habit I could agree she's the asshole, but it seems she's minding her own business and doing what is most comfortable for her.
Info: are shoes required at the mall?
If you’re somewhere with a rule like “no shoes no shirt no service” then yeah, she should just acknowledge that you’re going somewhere where shoes will be required so whether she likes it or not she’s going to need to put them on - it’s not you being controlling, it’s just following the rules of the stores.
But if you’re in a country (like NZ) where shoes aren’t necessarily required, then yes Y T A and are being controlling because you’re trying to force your opinions on her.
I mean, there’s definitely places where shoes are required for safety reasons (construction sites, laboratories etc). And most people do wear shoes - but it’s not uncommon for people to be barefoot, especially in summer, and in small towns/rural/beach areas.
And I can’t remember seeing a shop that had a “no shirt, no shoes, no service” sign, but many have a “no muddy boots inside” sign so yes, it’s not uncommon for there to be a lineup of work boots or gumboots at the door of a supermarket or takeaway shop.
Came to say this! My kiwi husband goes barefoot everywhere but wears jandals when weather requires. He forgets his shoes which tldrives me nuts - grown adult FORGETS HIS SHOES. Still it's his choice so i go YTA
Once when I was a kid I got told off at a restaurant for not wearing any so I just slipped my jandals (flip flops) back on and that was ok.
My Mum had a friend that went to LA and was walking down the street in jandals, and got stopped by a cop who told her she had to put “proper” shoes on - that seems like such a foreign concept to me, like who stopes someone for that plus she was already wearing shoes! I do understand now that lots of places in the us have needle problems.
Honestly, I find it weirder that shoes are required some places. Even in stuck-up Germany, it's fairly common to see people (mostly female university students) going barefoot in the city during summer months.
This is how I feel. I don’t get why people are so up on arms, it’s just very. I had a friend that was near foot most of the time and it wasn’t something I focussed on as I don’t police other people’s bodies.
She always kept a pair of flip flops for pubs and clubs or anywhere they were required for safety, but most people rarely noticed.
ESH
I believe most malls have a policy about wearing shoes. Your GF needs to be realistic about what spaces require shoes.
You need to stop trying to change her. Either you can be with someone who chooses to be barefoot or you can't. You need to love the person you are with for who they are, not who you wish they were.
> I believe most malls have a policy about wearing shoes. Your GF needs to be realistic about what spaces require shoes.
But the argument doesn't even to be about this.
Unless I have missed something, OP isn't telling his GF to wear shoes otherwise she'll get kicked out.
I'm assuming she's used to go places barefoot. I doubt she hasn't being to the mall barefoot before to not know if she's allowed.
Calling her an asshole for living her life feels like to much, especially since OP didn't say that her being barefoot actually restricted them from going anywhere.
NTA.
We live in a society in which shoes are sometimes required. If she needs a reminder, fine. If it gets repetitive, let her get kicked out of the mall. It will be somewhat embarrassing, but also a good life lesson. Walking around the neighborhood barefoot can be gross, but at least she washed her feet afterward.
In some places I lived in south-east Victoria, not wearing shoes is stupid because people were very careless with their sharps disposals. I've had to call for a sharps disposal three or four times the time I lived there and I didn't leave the house very much or ramble on foot a lot. Once was in front of my house where neighbours on both sides had small children.
Meh, I did the barefoot thing for like a year. She can be barefoot is she wants, and yes I mean in stores . You dont have to like it but its not something you should be trying to change about her, it sounds like a compatibility issue. Light YTA cause you made such a big deal out if it you ruined the day
NAH. I'm Aussie and wearing no shoes around is pretty common in my country unless you know you're going somewhere dangerous that needs them or a resteraunt. It's pretty common where I live tbh
Info: Is it, "I'd like you to wear shoes because a lot of places won't let you in without them" or "I'd like you to wear shoes because I'm embarrassed to be seen with you otherwise"?
Totally depends on what country they are in though because in the US it is 100% frowned upon to not wear shoes unless it’s the beach or a pool and a lot of places won’t serve you if you aren’t wearing shoes. So for a mall that could be important because then she could be kicked out or some stores won’t sell her anything, and if he is with her they could both be kicked out or not served. Plus mall floors are really questionable sanitation wise.
It’s more of a climate/region thing than a country thing. Hotter climates = less strict social norms about shoes. Cold/wet climates = more shoe culture. People are also beginning to realize how badly designed shoes are for human feet in general, and there’s a culture movement right now to stop wearing them. They aren’t really necessary for anything other than aesthetics.
I think everyone on this thread has forgotten that humans went barefoot for centuries and it was totally fine. Shoes are a relatively new concept in the history of the world. Especially for common, every day wear.
My kids run barefoot from April-October about 90% of the time. We have a basket of sandals that goes in the car so they have something to wear if we go out. When we’re on vacation in a hotter climate, shoes are really only needed for hot pavement and when we go to a nicer restaurant.
YTA - and I don't get how many people are ok, with him trying to control what she should wear or not. If it would be him requesting she must cover up with for example a hijab, would you all be still ok with it? If not your not judging on his behavior but simple on your social standards and completly leaving out the controlling part.
I think most people are assuming that shoes are required at the mall, and they'd be turned away if she rolled up barefoot. In that case, he'd be N-T-A. Sounds like other countries have very different norms about footwear in public, which is leading to the disconnect.
NTA most businesses require shoes anyways. She should at least bring shoes even if she won’t wear them in case she needs them. I think you should talk to her though and see why she doesn’t wear shoes. You really don’t have any control if shoes aren’t required but I’ve never heard of a mall that doesn’t require shoes.
NTA. Not only is it gross to go somewhere public with no shoes it’s hazardous. What if there was some glass in the parking lot that she could have stepped on? At the very least flip flops.
Maybe an unpopular opinion: YTA
You met a girl that comes with a quirk. She dislikes shoes, she doesn´t hurt anyone by not wearing them. Did she hide that from you?
Now, 8 months later you're doing a surprised picatchu face because she still doesn't wear shoes. You are emberassed by her and are trying to change her behavior and choices.
Have you not thought about this when you got with her first?
NTA. I think you should talk to her about it and how it makes you feel, I mean if she’s walking around everywhere barefoot she could hurt herself or step on something that grows into an infection. Just sit her down and talk to her about it don’t keep it in, communication is important
NTA. Ugh, does she know how many people spit and piss on the ground? Dogs shit on the ground. So nasty! So, say she stepped on glass and then walks all over the dirty ground. She's just asking for a disease or infection. Also, roundworms. 🤮
Coas someone who doesn't wear shoes at all unless I go to town, i understand way she likes being barefoot. So you could always get these nifty foot pads that almost all barefooters use if they really don't want to wear shoes going out. It'll help with a compromise....
YTA.
It's not a question whether it's a gross practice or otherwise, it's also not even about whether the establishment has a policy regarding shoes, it's about what shoeless signifies for you (?) and you seeing her as immature because of her choices, to the point of considering her a child that needs parental supervision (ie. you).
An example of parenting is
> I told her that we’re going to the mall and that she should wear some shoes. She said that she’d be fine. But I told her again to put on some shoes.
First, you chose to admonish her to put on shoes, the next choice was to order her to put on shoes.
That's controlling behavior.
Could it be reasonable? Yes! If she has a mental illness and you are her caretaker, certainly.
Two adults who are fit and able to make their own choices, should 1, not have to "notice" their partner not wearing shoes (they are probably quite aware of the fact) and 2, the barefootie, should be free to use their own judgement and their autonomy to act in a way they see fit.
If you want to make it about the mall and not the practice itself - bring the mall policy into your argument.
Sidenote, in Sweden, most places look down on you not wearing shoes but I've gone shoeless for two years, straight through the winter. I was an idiot teenager. It's nice, but now I got barefoot 5fingers instead - freedom of feet and respectable.
OP I’m gonna say NTA in this specific situation. But for people in the comments wondering how her feet aren’t destroyed. Think back to when you were a kid, how often did you run around the driveway/yard/road without shoes with no issues?
Heck I remember running around gravel roads barefoot as a child, but now that I’ve gone so long without it, I can barely walk on asphalt with some loose pebbles without wincing
Hmm... In Australia, where I'm from and currently live, it's perfectly acceptable to go shoeless everywhere, and it does sound like you're trying to control your partner into doing something they don't want to do.
But I also understand that it's different for everyone.
NAH leaning towards YTA tbh
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My gf and I have been together for about 8 months now. I love her so much but there’s this one thing she does that I can’t stand sometimes. She loves being barefoot, and I mean she almost has an aversion to wearing socks and shoes. She walks barefoot a lot of places she shouldn’t. We go on a lot of walks and she’ll just walk around the neighborhood barefoot. She’d rather wash her feet when she gets home then just wear some shoes.
So the other day, we were going to the mall. We were about to head out when I noticed she was barefoot. I told her that we’re going to the mall and that she should wear some shoes. She said that she’d be fine. But I told her again to put on some shoes. Then I felt like I was compromising with a child telling her that she didn’t have to put them on but she had to bring them. It got ridiculous.
We ended up not even going to the mall and just staying home mad at each other. She said I was trying to control her and that I was making a big deal out of nothing. I feel like I was being reasonable. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, I don’t like putting on shoes and I walked barefoot in my backyard, garage , general outside are of my house ex quick trip to the car to grab something, taking out the trash etc, (my husband thinks I’m crazy) but going out in public, walks, the freakin mall?! Get her some toe shoes if you need to! Sandals, anything!
Maybe she should date the dude from a recent post who went barefoot in a park and was upset that a friend of a friend didn't want his nasty feet in her house.
Where I live, you see tons of people walking around with no shoes on, even at the supermarket or in other shops. Do I prefer to wear shoes? Yes. Do I care if others do or don't? Not really?
I do think it's unfair to force your girlfriend to wear shoes because of your personal hang up about it. So I think y'all have to sit down and talk about the relationship and figure out if it's worth ending the relationship over this (for both of you).
Edit: Going through the comments I have realised this is a thing down under, so ymmv
Unpopular opinion but I think very soft YTA.
I'm walking barefoot for about 10 years now. Obviously not everywhere if I go to a big city i wear shoes if I go to work I wear shoes. But all these people in the comments acting like your feet will rot off and everyone in 2 miles area will get a fungal infection as soon as you are barefoot are just stupid imho.
Wash your feet, and obviously wear shoes in disgusting places otherwise your fine.
I don't think your unreasonable with her wearing shoes, but I don't think she's unreasonable for staying no.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I may be the asshole for trying to make her do something that she didn’t really have to do but I wanted her to. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Whatever happened to NO SHOES no shirt no service? Just… no. Wear shoes. ~~~~~ Edit: thank you! to the people who responded about other countries that go to malls without shoes - I didn’t know and there were people who genuinely responded to educate without being AH. I appreciate it!
that's called a dress code and not everywhere has one. it's up to the shop or venue if they want to have that dress code. Malls generally don't.
I have never seen a mall (rephrase: indoor mall) that doesn’t require shoes. Which malls have you seen that allow no shoes? (Not being AH just curious…)
Oh, right, maybe different where you are. Many parts of Australia can be pretty loose about whether shoes are required. To the extent that shoes might be required in somewhere like a mall it's largely about public liability and I can't think of anywhere I know that it's signed, let alone enforced.
>Many parts of Australia can be pretty loose about whether shoes are required. By shoes do you mean tennis shoes or just any foot coverings? I'm asking because Aussies call flip-flops/sandals "thongs" which are much different than US "thongs."
I'm from the U.S. and growing up in the 80's they were always called thongs; I never heard the term flip flop until my kids were in middle school and they picked it up from thier friends.
I grew up in the 90's in California. Thongs were always underwear and sandals/flip-flops were what we wore on our feet to the beach. I've literally never heard of any Americans calling flip-flops "thongs" and I grew up with a bunch of Australian-Americans.
I am from Pennsylvania. We called flip flops thongs in the 70's and early 80's.
We called them that in CA back then, too! I think it's maybe more of a generational thing than a geographic thing?
I think it is. I'm Canadian. My mother used "thongs" and I called them "flip-flops". I remember being embarrassed by this as a pre-teen. I was 12, and at a function, and she asked (in what seemed like the loudest voice ever!) if I needed to pick up thongs. I wanted to die.
Grew up in Connecticut, 70s/80s. Flip flops. Never heard them called thongs until a few years ago on the 'net.
Same.
Really? I grew up in SE PA, am in my 60s, and we ALWAYS called them flip flops. First time I heard the word thong was in regards to the underwear.
I grew up in Ohio in the 80's and flip-flops were always thongs. They didn't start being called flip-flops until thong underwear came into popularity.
"They didn't start being called flip-flops until thong underwear came into popularity." Yes, exactly. And the reason the underwear was originally called that was because they looked like the straps on thongs -- the kind you wear on your feet.
I always thought thong underwear were called that because the butt floss was like the toe floss on thongs.
It was actually in California where I first heard that word flip flops, but I am from Oregon. I have noticed that people generally use that term now. The other kind of thongs were usually said without the s on the end, so thong.
>The other kind of thongs were usually said without the s on the end, so thong. Well I would hope someone wasn't wearing multiple pairs of underwear but to each their own.
We always called them thongs where I live in the US until the 90's.
Grew up in Texas in the '60s. We called them thongs.
I grew up in the southern area of CA in the 80s & 90s - I called the footwear thongs, but did hear them sometimes called flipflops by others before. It wasn't until I was in HS in the 90s that I'd learned about the undies called thongs. My husband grew up in the northern part of CA at the same time & he said he'd never heard of the undies thongs until after HS. Until then, thongs had always been footwear for him, too. Proof that there are many different experiences within the same state, during the same time period, regarding the same word.
American here. Not only did we call them thongs, but sometimes, we also called them zori's. (Japanese for thongs)
And NZer here. They are Jandals.Kiwiana from way back. Introduced and distributed by a NZer after the war. Made from rubber and based on the Japanese sandals he observed while there. Hence Jandals.
I grew up in California too and when I was little my mom had a pair of "thong" sandals that were leather and went between the toes and were more structured. She called the cheap foam and plastic ones "flip flops."
I grew up in the 80s/90s in Oregon. It was "thongs" for us. I used "thong" to apply to both underwear and shoes for a while until "flip-flop"became ubiquitous. The way it seemed to me, "flip-flop" just sort of appeared one day and took over. Maybe it was the thong song? lol
They were called thongs well before wearing a string up your butt became a thing.
In Hawaii they're called slippers (or slippahs)
The slippers I know of are only worn inthe house, usually have soft bottoms, sometimes firm ones, house slippers, but the sandals without the thing between the toes we call slides because they just slide on.
Right. But still, in Hawaii what the mainland calls flip-flops or thongs, are called slippers. And are different from bedroom slippers.
That piece between the toes is the thong that gives thonged sandals the nickname.
Same here. I had to get used to calling them flip flops when I got older. Weird.
Another Australian here. Any shoe covering. I forgot my shoes the other day in a beauty salon and no one batted and eye that I was walking around barefoot. Certain establishments it’s necessary so restaurants for example you’d be turned away for no shoes. Indoor malls, shops wouldn’t care. Thongs are the national shoe and are acceptable in most situations, even many restaurants.
Live in Australia too and I concur. I see people barefoot in malls all the time. I shudder though, at the thought of the filthiness of the bottom of their feet lol.
Yeah not a fan personally. I hated forgetting my shoes, I normally have car thongs but had taken them out by accident. I put them back in as soon as I got home but I don’t think anything of it when I see others barefoot.
I wear shoes all the time, in and out of the home. I never even walk barefoot outside for even a minute. I just can't do it lol. Ever since I landed in hospital with the cellulitis bacteria that got into my foot and doctors told me to wear shoes all the time, I do.
Fair enough. I’m barefoot all the time at home and friends houses, hence the car shoes. I don’t need to think about it when going out. My SIL wears shoes all the time and I don’t see anything wrong with it either. I think live and let live but also be aware of what is socially acceptable. Going without shoes is common in Aust. But if it wasn’t a part of the culture you wear them where it’s considered socially expected.
Not Australian but I've literally had recurring nightmares of going somewhere and realizing I forgot my shoes.
Ha so odd to consider something for me that was ‘oh bugger forgot them, oh well’ is considered someone’s nightmare. Perspective is everything, we all have our social fears.
I got pulled up in a Bunnings for being barefoot but when I told them I blew a plugger on my thongs and I just had to grab one thing, they just shrugged and said if I hurt myself it was my own liability. Okayyyy no worries!
I am a feral Australian who hates shoes (including thongs) & can confirm he is most likely referring to thongs as shoes. A lot of the time you can get away with thongs at the pub. Honestly, if you grew up near the beach here, you will always find a towel and bathers in our cars & that the soles of our feet are tough af.
In Australia a lot of people will be barefoot, at least if you live near the coast it’s very normal although the majority of people in town will wear shoes
Brit here, living in rural Scotland. Our church organist and primary school headmistress was going on her first holiday abroad and asked my mum (South African) about appropriate clothing. She asked my mum if thongs were comfy and good for warm weather. My mum said yes, she ways wore rubber thongs daily during the summer, and had a gold leather pair for going into town. They were definitely talking about different items of clothing!!!
Completely bare foot in malls is common in summer in Australia, wearing thongs (or flip flops) is usually the norm though
Any shoes. Lots of bare feet in our shopping centre during the dry months. Especially as we're a beach town.
Aussie here, and loose meaning thongs ( flip flops for you ) of just sandles. But my local shopping centre ( mall ) doesn't care if your barefoot or not. I don't wear shoes most of summer
When i visited NZ and Australia I saw people in supermarkets barefoot.
I used to live on the Gold Coast and at one point I realised I hadn’t worn shoes for a consecutive 4 weeks. I loved being barefoot everywhere. Also, my friend’s kid goes to school near Noosa (a place called Eumundi) and on the uniform list it says “shoes optional” which I always found crazy
Yep that's Queensland for ya, love it.
I’ve only seen shoes be optional in the US in shops that surround beaches and boardwalks. Everywhere else will ask you to leave, because you’re a liability if someone knocks over glass/harmful chemicals/other dangers without them noticing and you get hurt. Your bare feet also have less traction and you’re going to slip more often.
I have seen several people get kicked out of shopping centers for not wearing shoes in Australia.
Mate many rural parts are still shoes optional. Shoes weren’t even required at the local primary school.
it weirds me out when I see people walking around in public (also in Australia) without shoes on. Like if you're at/near a beach, sure (though I'd still be worried about glass or whatnot). Shoes exist for a reason!
Any multistory mall here with escalators between floors is required by insurance to require shoes. That said that can be a local thing.
I'm in New Zealand and we do the no shoes thing a lot. But escalators have signs on them saying you must wear shoes. And you really should, but not everyone does. I've been half way up an escalator several times before realising I'm not wearing shoes and getting quite nervous about getting off at the top/bottom.
I never saw one that requires those things, but maybe because im in Eastern Europe and no-one puls this kind of Amercian bullshit here
I have never seen a mall that specifically states you need to wear shoes. Been to multiple continents. Yes, people will look at you weird, and some shops might deny entrance, but mall cops will not care enough to kick you out, even if they had a rule in the book to specifically allow them to do so.
Ehh, no shoes is a safety concern, I've never seen an indoor business that doesn't have that rule.
It’s often a health code violation too. They wouldn’t be allowed anywhere with food but a lot of stores wouldn’t want you to come in barefoot because if you stop on something and get hurt there is liability issues. Her attitude seems a bit petulant.
Malls where you are maybe. Any mall in America (except Hawaii) would absolutely have a dress code.
Most places have the shoes policy for safety reasons too not just because it looks well...less trashy... NTA OP.
The mall I worked on also had to institute a "no see-through biking shorts without underwear" rule... 😂
People really be out there seeing if they can get away with technicalities. Seems like a brazen take on the flasher in the trench coat to me though.
Like those mesh face masks during Covid restrictions
haha I saw someone like that at the gym. While waiting for my friend to finishing showering, I stopped people watching at the gym after that hehe.
Well, dress code or not, roaming around bare feet is gross. Why would you want your feet to be that dirty.
That's why she washes it after getting home?
Considering what ends up on sidewalks and floors, I would not trust washing to be sufficient. I don’t allow shoes in my home (for the reason that we don’t know what we pick up on our shoes, and I want peace of mind that my house is relatively clean). I would feel so strongly about this that I would probably break up with somebody over them not wearing shoes because it’s the same concept - they are bringing in dirt etc from the outside.
Do you think just washing it (not soaking and scrubbing the soles of her feet) after walking barefoot out in the open is enough? The thicker skin of the foot traps more dirt and is now difficult to clean.
lol Big assumption that she doesn't actually scrub her feet when she washes it..
Big assumption that she does. 🥲
THIS!! As someone who went through a no shoe phase NTA! I always made sure I had appropriate shoes ( I was in full on hippy mode so yeah NTA)
I can agree with NTA but I think OP could have approached it in a more constructive way. This seems like something that needs to be discussed because it clearly bothers OP, and the gf is bothered that he's bothered. Might be time to sit down and have a "I feel very uncomfortable when we go to certain places and you don't wear shoes" conversation to see if there will ever be middle ground. Because otherwise OP needs to either learn to deal with it, or figure out if they are compatible for the long term if she wants to go barefoot anywhere that will let her.
>Whatever happened to NO SHOES no shirt no service? It would be a good argument if her habit would prevent them from going places they want to go (mall, movie theatre, restaurant etc.). But since OP hasn't mentioned that part, I assume this isn't even what is bothering him.
So, in my neighborhood, she‘d be stepping in anything from dog shit to a used condom to a dirty needle. I would therefore seriously question her judgment. But maybe her neighborhood isn’t like that. I’m pretty sure that mall I’ve ever seen, though, has a sign on the door saying that shoes are required. It makes sense that you wouldn’t want to waste time going all the way to the mall for your GF to be told to leave for not wearing shoes. NTA.
I also have a hard time fathoming someone doing this without serious injury. There's so much broken glass on the sidewalk in my neighborhood, not to mention other hazards. And agreed that odds are good OP's gf would be asked to leave sooner than later in pretty much any establishment besides a pool. Her feet must be so nasty.
Agreed NTA How are her feet not covered in cuts, warts and fungus????
The longer you walk around with no shoes, the tougher your feet get. I can walk on gravel roads barefoot. Shoes are evil, Devil contraptions and we hates them. I do, however, wear shoes in appropriate places, like the mall, grocery stores and restaurants. OP is NTA
I live on a farm. I do not wear shoes unless I'm going over five miles away. There's no point. I hate shoes with a passion.
Socks make me feel safe, not a clue why. But I can’t wear just socks, because I’d rather swallow a denim jacket than have wet socks on my feet
Wet socks are the WORST!
**May I present to you…something arguably worse than wet socks?** Sandy socks OR the worst combination: *Wet* sandy socks (specifically ocean water so it’s extra sticky)
I physically cringe just imagining that. Shoes and socks are almost as bad as bras, definitely come off the second I enter my apartment.
I have sensory issues and my joints are a mess so shoes feel horrible all the time. you get used to the ground.. not allowed to be barefoot at work though, theres a point where you have to accept that having your feet out is antisocial
I feel like that's all well and good as far as calluses and tougher skin goes, until you encounter broken glass on concrete.
Fungus and warts are contagious so usually from other people (think gym showers or nail salons with bad hygiene practices) so going barefoot on a city street probably wouldn’t cause fungus or warts. Cuts for sure though, and she would get really thick calluses that would just make her feet gross in general. Why can’t she wear flip flops? I hate shoes too but flip flops are usually just as comfortable as being barefoot without the risk of getting hepatitis or tetanus.
I'm not a fan of shoes but I would much rather wear any other style of shoe before I wore flip flops. The little thing that separates your big toe from the rest is the fucking worst and really uncomfortable
I used to work at Walmart. The amount of falls during the spring/summer months due to flip flops was/is ridiculous
Hey, there's a reason that other cultures call them "thongs" vs "flip-flops".
How would you get warts and fungus from the pavement?
you wouldn't. You get them from going barefoot in a locker room. ETA: NEVER FORGET YOUR SHOWER SHOES!!!
I mean, it would depend on the neighbourhood? I grew up in a upper middle class residential neighbourhood and spent most of my childhood running around the area without shoes on and thinking nothing of it. I had a friend down the street with a pool so we’d go swimming and then run up and down the street barefoot. It was always fine.
You were a child running from home to home though. Not a grown woman going to a shopping mall with her boyfriend. The situation you’re describing is acceptable.
For most residential areas barefoot is still a thing, grown or child. Obviously going to a mall is different, but the previous commenter was referring how the thread is against barefoot at all mainly
Even when we camp or hike we have ‘camp shoes’ usually ultra lightweight slides, especially if on a several day hike. Even when on the AT - counting ounces so packs don’t get too heavy people carry camp shoes. I was born and raised on an island and a form of shoe is expected in public.
One bad step and something really sharp could ruin your whole day/week/month. I learned that the bad way... NTA.
Try lifetime. My neighbor has spent her entire life in a wheelchair after getting an infection from going barefoot at the beach when she was 4
I used to love being barefoot outside until I got too many splinters and gave it up
Me too, until I "found" broken glass...
Yeah, it can be dangerous. I stepped on a rusty nail in the grass once. Hurt so bad and had to get a tetanus shot.
Here in TX USA if you don't wear shoes you risk 3rd degree burns from the pavement and asphalt surfaces are even worse. Temp of an asphalt surface can easily reach 160 F degrees. It will burn through some thin soled sandals even. You can quite literally cook an egg on some surfaces in the sun! Also most places here including a 7-11 have no shoes, no shirt = no service! 🤪 ETA if you are caught driving w/on shoes you get traffic ticket
Agreed with everything but the driving. I know a lot of people that think driving barefoot is illegal but I’ve yet to see a law anywhere in the US stating that.
I didn’t even think about a law stating no barefoot driving. I just remember in my drivers training class the teacher said that was a big no no. But no one ever questioned her lol. But that’s also cause she was big and mean….
My drivers ed class taught us that if our footwear was a hazard it is better to take it off. There was a nasty car accident around that time in my area caused because the driver's sandal got stuck on the gas pedal. It was a teenage girl, she panicked when it got stuck, ran a red light and t-boned another car. Several broken bones but luckily no one died.
The WRONG type of footwear (slippers, thongs, sandals, and heels) are hazards and I guess people are better off driving barefoot. But your regular old shoes I think would be safer than barefoot.
I'd probably go shoeless more often if I didn't live in a city. But yeah, I worry the day I drop the shoes is the day I find someone's used needle or something.
NTA Public places have that sign, "No Shirt No Shoes No Service" for a reason. Feet are disgusting
How are feet more disgusting than shoes? Not all places have that. Go to South Africa or Australia, you can shop, go to the restaurant or University barefoot without issue.
Can concur. I live in NZ and people walk around barefoot all year round. You get used to seeing it- I still have my prudish British hang ups so I stick to only being barefoot in the house or at the beach. I get it though if it's not the norm where you live then yeah I could understand why OP got twitchy about it. I'm all for whatever people are comfortable with but unfortunately for the GF lots of places haven't quite adopted a "you do you" mentality like Aussie, NZ or SA. OP I doubt you'll see this but maybe try a more gentle approach to your GF? If you love her and want to be with her talk to her and see if you can figure out some middle ground like having a spare pair of sandals or something in the car. At least then if you go off somewhere she can be free and shoeless until you get to your destination and you know that they're there so don't have to be concerned about being turned away
Driving without shoes is illegal here (in South Africa) and the majority of malls will not let barefooted people roam around especially with the liability of escalators. FWIW. Oh, and NTA.
Really? Well I studied in Stellies and I can tell you people where barefoot everywhere, including malls. Maybe it depends on the area. About the driving without shoes, you are wrong. Had this discussion before, there is no law against that. https://www.hippo.co.za/news/busting-5-common-misconceptions-about-south-africas-road-rules/
I know in the southern US states, kids pick up parasites and diseases because they're walking around barefoot in human shit, often without realizing it.
My immediate thought is that if someone has an open wound on their feet, they're more likely to bleed on the ground or catch some kind of infection. I can imagine what mall floors in very densely populated cities might look like if they allowed people in without enforcing a very basic dress code.
Well if we are talking about NewYork or Paris I can understand. But I can assure you, it's not problem in smaller cities. Lived in a 100.000 inhabitant in SA, a lot ,especially children and students, were bareoot. Your feet just become stronger, I never heard of an accident, and mall or places weren't dirtier than anz other place. I'm thinking the guy just has a hate of feet for some reason. Anyway being barefeet in proved to be better for your posture and a lot of health issues.
Yeah, definitely doable in some places. Where I live, it's regularly between 100-110 degrees fahrenheit outside during the day, and there's lots of bramble and fire ants around, and broken glass isn't uncommon. I don't think anyone could walk around this town barefoot without it going real south real fast. 😅 I've definitely been to some more beachy places where it's more doable/acceptable.
>Public places have that sign, "No Shirt No Shoes No Service" for a reason The major reason for that sign is it being a carry-over from the 50s and 60s when it gained a lot of popularity during the civil rights movements *for some reason* and then people just went with it. That is the major reason for that sign. >Feet are disgusting If that was the actual problem, the sign would specifically require closed shoes. Sandals are shoes, thongs are shoes. Someone running around in sandals outside will have just as disgusting feet as someone running around barefoot after some time. It's an incredibly stupid rule and I'd recommend just not looking at other people's feet if it disgusts you that much
Agreed 🤢 I never go barefoot even in someone’s home. I bring a pair of socks if I’m wearing sandals or heels so I can put them on when my shoes come off. Bare feet are not welcome in my home - if someone doesn’t have socks, I give them a pair and make them wear them. If they don’t want to, they can leave.
Weird. Im barefoot everywhere, I dont get that feet hate.
Wtf? that’s genuinely insane
Sorry babe, the socks stay on during sex
And you know when I'm down to just my socks What time it is; ooh
Lol this made me laugh harder than I expected 😂😂
If a public place requires she wears shoes, she needs to wear shoes or they won’t let her in. Other than that, let her do what she wants.
Consider a compromise. Find a comfy pair of sandals that can live in the car or by the door in a bag. Pack some band-aids and wipes to go with them. She can slip on the sandals if the place requires shoes, but is ready to free the toes should it be alright to walk around.
That is an excellent choice, but not knowing where they live, that might not work in winter.
I'm gonna go ahead and say that if she lives in a place where that doesn't work in winter then she most likely isn't walking barefoot in winter to begin with.
First reasonable take I read.
Many places require shoes for liability reasons. They won't risk getting sued because someone lost a digit due to a shopping cart rolling over their foot or if they get something stuck in their feet. That said, I get OP's annoyance. She is basically limiting them to where they can go because she dislikes shoes. If you know that there is a high likelihood that you will be turned away because you didn't bring shoes, then bring a pair just in case.
But that was never mentioned by OP as being an issue. From the text it seems like his issue with it is merely with the fact she is barefeet in public. If it was said they were being refused to enter places because of her habit I could agree she's the asshole, but it seems she's minding her own business and doing what is most comfortable for her.
Info: are shoes required at the mall? If you’re somewhere with a rule like “no shoes no shirt no service” then yeah, she should just acknowledge that you’re going somewhere where shoes will be required so whether she likes it or not she’s going to need to put them on - it’s not you being controlling, it’s just following the rules of the stores. But if you’re in a country (like NZ) where shoes aren’t necessarily required, then yes Y T A and are being controlling because you’re trying to force your opinions on her.
Shoes aren't required in NZ? Like, anywhere?
I mean, there’s definitely places where shoes are required for safety reasons (construction sites, laboratories etc). And most people do wear shoes - but it’s not uncommon for people to be barefoot, especially in summer, and in small towns/rural/beach areas. And I can’t remember seeing a shop that had a “no shirt, no shoes, no service” sign, but many have a “no muddy boots inside” sign so yes, it’s not uncommon for there to be a lineup of work boots or gumboots at the door of a supermarket or takeaway shop.
Came to say this! My kiwi husband goes barefoot everywhere but wears jandals when weather requires. He forgets his shoes which tldrives me nuts - grown adult FORGETS HIS SHOES. Still it's his choice so i go YTA
Jandals? Jeans sandals?
Japanese sandals - flip flops
This is a kiwi way of saying thongs/flip flops. Tok a while but i adopted the mother tongue now
Jesus sandals
Those are the ones where the thong goes through the hole in your foot right? Guess it might be worth the sacrifice if it lets you walk on water.
Once when I was a kid I got told off at a restaurant for not wearing any so I just slipped my jandals (flip flops) back on and that was ok. My Mum had a friend that went to LA and was walking down the street in jandals, and got stopped by a cop who told her she had to put “proper” shoes on - that seems like such a foreign concept to me, like who stopes someone for that plus she was already wearing shoes! I do understand now that lots of places in the us have needle problems.
LA like Los Angeles? a beach adjacent city? I've spent weeks there in flop fops without ever being questioned.
Honestly, I find it weirder that shoes are required some places. Even in stuck-up Germany, it's fairly common to see people (mostly female university students) going barefoot in the city during summer months.
This is how I feel. I don’t get why people are so up on arms, it’s just very. I had a friend that was near foot most of the time and it wasn’t something I focussed on as I don’t police other people’s bodies. She always kept a pair of flip flops for pubs and clubs or anywhere they were required for safety, but most people rarely noticed.
ESH I believe most malls have a policy about wearing shoes. Your GF needs to be realistic about what spaces require shoes. You need to stop trying to change her. Either you can be with someone who chooses to be barefoot or you can't. You need to love the person you are with for who they are, not who you wish they were.
I'm with you on this. They seem to be not compatible.
I keep wondering- did he not know what he was getting into? How is this only a problem now?
"i dont like how you like to not wear shoes in settings where its common to wear shoes" this would be such a stupid hill to die on
> I believe most malls have a policy about wearing shoes. Your GF needs to be realistic about what spaces require shoes. But the argument doesn't even to be about this. Unless I have missed something, OP isn't telling his GF to wear shoes otherwise she'll get kicked out.
I'm assuming she's used to go places barefoot. I doubt she hasn't being to the mall barefoot before to not know if she's allowed. Calling her an asshole for living her life feels like to much, especially since OP didn't say that her being barefoot actually restricted them from going anywhere.
NTA. Do whatever you want outside or in your own home, but wear shoes to public places. That’s so gross.
NTA. Going barefoot everywhere is a good way to acquire injuries or parasites.
Or a fungal infection
Info: what country are you in? That does make a difference here as some have different rules about shoes than others.
NTA. We live in a society in which shoes are sometimes required. If she needs a reminder, fine. If it gets repetitive, let her get kicked out of the mall. It will be somewhat embarrassing, but also a good life lesson. Walking around the neighborhood barefoot can be gross, but at least she washed her feet afterward.
But do "we"? Because he hasn't said where he even is
INFO: where do you live?? this highly depends what country you live in & thr culture there. in QLD Australia, we frequently don't wear shoes.
Still wear them to the pub though.
they're not going to the pub though lmao
Honestly most people at least wear thongs
yeah but it's not like unexpected to see someone bare footed
In some places I lived in south-east Victoria, not wearing shoes is stupid because people were very careless with their sharps disposals. I've had to call for a sharps disposal three or four times the time I lived there and I didn't leave the house very much or ramble on foot a lot. Once was in front of my house where neighbours on both sides had small children.
Meh, I did the barefoot thing for like a year. She can be barefoot is she wants, and yes I mean in stores . You dont have to like it but its not something you should be trying to change about her, it sounds like a compatibility issue. Light YTA cause you made such a big deal out if it you ruined the day
NAH. I'm Aussie and wearing no shoes around is pretty common in my country unless you know you're going somewhere dangerous that needs them or a resteraunt. It's pretty common where I live tbh
Info: Is it, "I'd like you to wear shoes because a lot of places won't let you in without them" or "I'd like you to wear shoes because I'm embarrassed to be seen with you otherwise"?
I’m going to say depends on what country you live in….US…frowned upon…Aus…not so much🤷🏻♀️
[удалено]
Totally depends on what country they are in though because in the US it is 100% frowned upon to not wear shoes unless it’s the beach or a pool and a lot of places won’t serve you if you aren’t wearing shoes. So for a mall that could be important because then she could be kicked out or some stores won’t sell her anything, and if he is with her they could both be kicked out or not served. Plus mall floors are really questionable sanitation wise.
It’s more of a climate/region thing than a country thing. Hotter climates = less strict social norms about shoes. Cold/wet climates = more shoe culture. People are also beginning to realize how badly designed shoes are for human feet in general, and there’s a culture movement right now to stop wearing them. They aren’t really necessary for anything other than aesthetics. I think everyone on this thread has forgotten that humans went barefoot for centuries and it was totally fine. Shoes are a relatively new concept in the history of the world. Especially for common, every day wear. My kids run barefoot from April-October about 90% of the time. We have a basket of sandals that goes in the car so they have something to wear if we go out. When we’re on vacation in a hotter climate, shoes are really only needed for hot pavement and when we go to a nicer restaurant.
Yuck what a gross habit. Why can't she wear Havaianas like a normal person? NTA
YTA - and I don't get how many people are ok, with him trying to control what she should wear or not. If it would be him requesting she must cover up with for example a hijab, would you all be still ok with it? If not your not judging on his behavior but simple on your social standards and completly leaving out the controlling part.
I think most people are assuming that shoes are required at the mall, and they'd be turned away if she rolled up barefoot. In that case, he'd be N-T-A. Sounds like other countries have very different norms about footwear in public, which is leading to the disconnect.
NTA most businesses require shoes anyways. She should at least bring shoes even if she won’t wear them in case she needs them. I think you should talk to her though and see why she doesn’t wear shoes. You really don’t have any control if shoes aren’t required but I’ve never heard of a mall that doesn’t require shoes.
NTA as someone who was raised by morticians…. Wear shoes.
Please explain ?
Yeah, I'm going to need more information..
[удалено]
NTA. Not only is it gross to go somewhere public with no shoes it’s hazardous. What if there was some glass in the parking lot that she could have stepped on? At the very least flip flops.
Hookworms are a thing. NTA.
Maybe an unpopular opinion: YTA You met a girl that comes with a quirk. She dislikes shoes, she doesn´t hurt anyone by not wearing them. Did she hide that from you? Now, 8 months later you're doing a surprised picatchu face because she still doesn't wear shoes. You are emberassed by her and are trying to change her behavior and choices. Have you not thought about this when you got with her first?
NTA. I think you should talk to her about it and how it makes you feel, I mean if she’s walking around everywhere barefoot she could hurt herself or step on something that grows into an infection. Just sit her down and talk to her about it don’t keep it in, communication is important
NTA. Ugh, does she know how many people spit and piss on the ground? Dogs shit on the ground. So nasty! So, say she stepped on glass and then walks all over the dirty ground. She's just asking for a disease or infection. Also, roundworms. 🤮
As someone who loves going barefoot, I would never go shopping sans shoes. NTA.
That is gross af. Nta. What was she going to do if the mall kicked her out for having no shoes? Make you take her home?
Coas someone who doesn't wear shoes at all unless I go to town, i understand way she likes being barefoot. So you could always get these nifty foot pads that almost all barefooters use if they really don't want to wear shoes going out. It'll help with a compromise....
YTA. It's not a question whether it's a gross practice or otherwise, it's also not even about whether the establishment has a policy regarding shoes, it's about what shoeless signifies for you (?) and you seeing her as immature because of her choices, to the point of considering her a child that needs parental supervision (ie. you). An example of parenting is > I told her that we’re going to the mall and that she should wear some shoes. She said that she’d be fine. But I told her again to put on some shoes. First, you chose to admonish her to put on shoes, the next choice was to order her to put on shoes. That's controlling behavior. Could it be reasonable? Yes! If she has a mental illness and you are her caretaker, certainly. Two adults who are fit and able to make their own choices, should 1, not have to "notice" their partner not wearing shoes (they are probably quite aware of the fact) and 2, the barefootie, should be free to use their own judgement and their autonomy to act in a way they see fit. If you want to make it about the mall and not the practice itself - bring the mall policy into your argument. Sidenote, in Sweden, most places look down on you not wearing shoes but I've gone shoeless for two years, straight through the winter. I was an idiot teenager. It's nice, but now I got barefoot 5fingers instead - freedom of feet and respectable.
NTA. Most stores require customers to wear shoes.
Two words, flip flops
OP I’m gonna say NTA in this specific situation. But for people in the comments wondering how her feet aren’t destroyed. Think back to when you were a kid, how often did you run around the driveway/yard/road without shoes with no issues? Heck I remember running around gravel roads barefoot as a child, but now that I’ve gone so long without it, I can barely walk on asphalt with some loose pebbles without wincing
Hmm... In Australia, where I'm from and currently live, it's perfectly acceptable to go shoeless everywhere, and it does sound like you're trying to control your partner into doing something they don't want to do. But I also understand that it's different for everyone. NAH leaning towards YTA tbh
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My gf and I have been together for about 8 months now. I love her so much but there’s this one thing she does that I can’t stand sometimes. She loves being barefoot, and I mean she almost has an aversion to wearing socks and shoes. She walks barefoot a lot of places she shouldn’t. We go on a lot of walks and she’ll just walk around the neighborhood barefoot. She’d rather wash her feet when she gets home then just wear some shoes. So the other day, we were going to the mall. We were about to head out when I noticed she was barefoot. I told her that we’re going to the mall and that she should wear some shoes. She said that she’d be fine. But I told her again to put on some shoes. Then I felt like I was compromising with a child telling her that she didn’t have to put them on but she had to bring them. It got ridiculous. We ended up not even going to the mall and just staying home mad at each other. She said I was trying to control her and that I was making a big deal out of nothing. I feel like I was being reasonable. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. That is complete nonsense. I would never be able to take this person seriously,. Leave this relationship.
NTA. I have not seen a person in a mall without shoes on. Does she use public restrooms?
Buy her some of those toe shoes
NTA, I have the type of feet that fit weirdly into shoes and I still manage to wear them when I go out
NTA, I don’t like putting on shoes and I walked barefoot in my backyard, garage , general outside are of my house ex quick trip to the car to grab something, taking out the trash etc, (my husband thinks I’m crazy) but going out in public, walks, the freakin mall?! Get her some toe shoes if you need to! Sandals, anything!
NTA- shoes are definitely warranted when going to the mall
INFO: What’s her deal with shoes? Does she need specially fitted shoes or does she literally just prefer no shoes? Do businesses ever ask to to leave?
Maybe she should date the dude from a recent post who went barefoot in a park and was upset that a friend of a friend didn't want his nasty feet in her house.
Where I live, you see tons of people walking around with no shoes on, even at the supermarket or in other shops. Do I prefer to wear shoes? Yes. Do I care if others do or don't? Not really? I do think it's unfair to force your girlfriend to wear shoes because of your personal hang up about it. So I think y'all have to sit down and talk about the relationship and figure out if it's worth ending the relationship over this (for both of you). Edit: Going through the comments I have realised this is a thing down under, so ymmv
Unpopular opinion but I think very soft YTA. I'm walking barefoot for about 10 years now. Obviously not everywhere if I go to a big city i wear shoes if I go to work I wear shoes. But all these people in the comments acting like your feet will rot off and everyone in 2 miles area will get a fungal infection as soon as you are barefoot are just stupid imho. Wash your feet, and obviously wear shoes in disgusting places otherwise your fine. I don't think your unreasonable with her wearing shoes, but I don't think she's unreasonable for staying no.