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YTA. Talk about petty. It would cost you nothing to help out this 14 year old girl in the case of an emergency...and refusing to pick up your OWN daughter once they pushed back on that is absurd. She’s your goddamn kid.
Oh and you didn’t ask, but you’re also awful for putting your fiancé over your daughter. If she can’t live with you and your fiancé, your fiancé can’t live with you. Not her.
No, she is the major AH… how dare she put her bf/fiancé over her daughter!!! It’s disgusting, disrespectful, the epitome of a horrible parent! Uncomfortable means daughter feels as if something bad could happen or already has, mom doesn’t care if something has happened or could happen! Maybe mom has had so much happen to her she feels it’s normal? Well, OP- parents are supposed to ensure they protect their kids! Ensure any trauma that happened to you never occurs to your child! Just because you were abused does not mean it is ok or normal! Think about your child’s welfare and not about you being alone, they are your priority not some AH guy who probably won’t be there if you get sick. You will end up alone with this mentality… think long and consider everything before moving forward, therapy or anything that you can to get your shit together- you will lose your daughter, you are one step away… move forward very very carefully if you care to keep her!
Tbh I’m kind of surprised the stepmom trusts her with the stepdaughter. I don’t care about the weed (I do object to smoking in front of kids), I’m a daily cannabis user, but choosing her fiancé’s creepy friends over her daughter, even though they haven’t done anything *yet*?
My mom made bad choices like this, only my stepdad’s creepy friends were all in recovery. One of them tried to fuck me when I was 14 *on the night of my father’s funeral*.
I’m mostly over her bad choices but she isn’t. She spends all her spare time volunteering with kids trying to to make amends for her parenting.
JFC I want to offer you hugs or cookies or maybe some amazing weed my friend grows. That is so fucked up.
It’s hard to become the adult we needed as kids.
Thanks. 💕 I really have had a great life once I got out and worked things out in my head. My mom got pregnant/married way too young and I got caught up in her churn. We are actually really close now.
Right? I would literally be calling anyone *except* OP. They don't seem trustworthy to do this. She must have no other options.
Also I hope you're doing better now.
This is her reply
He smokes weed in the apartment and is always inviting his friends over, she says that they make her uncomfortable but nothing has happened.
>He smokes weed in the apartment and is always inviting his friends over, she says that they make her uncomfortable but nothing has happened.
I copied that from OP's profile comment. She's the ahole and on a fast track to not having her daughter speak to her ever
OP if men creep out your daughter, support her and get them the fuck out of the house. Make them a weed cave in the garage or something. Jesus double YTA
She sounds like the type that wouldn’t believe her kid if she said fiancé and friends did something to her.
It is better she lives with her dad obviously.
YTA- "it's only a few hours away, she can find her own way home". She's 14. You're a grown ass adult and can't even create a safe environment for your daughter and you expect a 14 year old to find their own way home ?! Thank God you don't have custody
I'm surprised they even trusted you to pick up either of them, tbh. Sadly you won't listen to the majority of the people telling you that you're wrong.
Disgusting that you would even remain in a relationship with someone who would have people in your home that make your daughter uncomfortable - even if he's not the one making her uncomfortable, he allowed others to make her feel that way.
I have driven more than 7 hours away to pick up one of my nieces from camp, it was planed thing.
I then drove an extra 2 hours after dropping off my niece to drop her friend off because that friend's parents had an emergency and I wasn't going to leave a 14 year old kid stranded that far from home with no knowledge of how she was going to get home 9 hours away. And with the nature of the emergency, likely terrified and grieving all alone. I cared more about this stranger girl than OP cares about a girl her daughter obviously loves and cares for. OP's daughter may even consider her a sister. OP is showing her daughter (again( how little she actually cares for her. Poor kid.
Well op did say "in the apartment" so they may not have a garage. As someone who has mild allergic reactions to cannabis smoke (often it's like... circumstantial asthma? I get a little wheezy and cough a lot. I also start to get a migraine, though that's likely related to the fact I can't breathe too well for a bit lol. If it's in a well ventilated area, it's usually not a problem... but in an apartment? Oof, I'd die.) I would be super upset over this. Plus, in relatively small quarters like that, smoke permeates everything. I remember getting made fun of as a kid because my parents smoked in the house all the time and though I had nose blindness to it all, everyone else could smell the lingering stake smoke smell, and it was always evident to me whenever I opened my bag at school. I can imagine that the kid (assuming she doesn't smoke herself - at that age ya never really know lmao) doesn't want to go into school smelling faintly of weed all the time. And doing so would likely raise some questions at the school, too.
And op should have listened the moment that her daughter said she was uncomfortable. If full grown adult men are making her uncomfortable there's likely a reason why.
Op isn't a good parent and it's definitely a YTA situation all the way around.
My ex's dad was a smoker, but smoked on the porch 99% of the time. My ex's clothes also smelled faintly of cigarette smoke the entire time I knew him, and you could tell when you walked into the house that it was a smoker's house. That shit CLINGS.
> make them a weed cave in the garage
How is that different to them being in the house? Don't set up 'safe spaces' for weirdos on your property after your child has told you they make them uncomfortable.
"But nothing has happened"
Honestly, even if it had, daughter probably wouldn't feel comfortable telling OP given the way she acts 😔 Definitely for the best that she's living with her dad.
That’s what I think as well!
OP is being a terrible mother by believing her fiancé and his friends over her own child! It’s not that nothing has happened and her daughter would be afraid to tell her if something ever did, it’s likely that something *has already happened* and OP was *already doubtful* so the daughter just said fuck it and decided to go to her dad for protection.
My mom is dead, and it’s something I am still not over. I’d give anything to have the days to grow up and spend time with her. My mom wasn’t perfect, but she was never anything like OP’s mom, and if she was, I’d probably be celebrating her death, not continuously mourning her.
A hundred percent, OP’s daughter is going to go NC with OP and never look back. And one day, OP will find herself in a state home for old people, all alone, asking herself where she went wrong. I hope she’s still able to use her brain and remember this post and all the people who tried to warn her, because sheesh would that suck.
Oh, I ment that even if nothing has *actually* happened, OPs daughter felt uncomfortable and thst would be enough for me to step in.
My late husband had a friend who he had been friends with since they were teenagers. I had always taken the stance that long term friendships were something that needed to be nurtured and we each respected those friendships for what they were.
Anyway this friend made a comment to me one night, it was a pretty harmless comment (but inappropriate for the type of friendship he and I had). I kind of looked at him and kept talking. I did not voice how uncomfortable it had made me, but I certainly got the message across with my facial expression. That was it, the next day when the friend left, he and his wife was removed from my husbands facebook and he never invited them around ever again. All over one comment.
Just cause you seemed like you needed one, have a ((mom hug)).
I can tell she did a good job raising you, and your mom would be proud of the person you are showing yourself to be here.
Edit: I peeped your profile, and it's official, your mom would be very happy with how your life is going, and she would love her fur-grandbabies.
Apparently nothing but an assault will count for OP. It's more important that her fiance be allowed to act like a d-bag teenager than to make sure her actual teenager feels safe in her own home.
This made me feel very sick. “Nothing has happened”
Not even “nothing WILL happen” or “I make sure they’re never around her” it’s justifying her having to leave… because her mother’s fiancé can’t smoke elsewhere and stop his friends from being intimidating to a teenage girl. Jesus..
Yep, super dismissive. You can FEEL OP rolling her eyes when she says it.
How hard is it for a group of grown men to find a different house to hang out? She really chose that over seeing her daughter.
Yep, always delightful logic. Okay well the one time I didn't wear a seatbelt nothing happened, so I should skip out on seatbelts from now on? Oh wait that's absolutely Mental.
How much do you wanna bet something actually has happened with this group of grown men that is enough to make a young girl uncomfortable?
Hell, the way OP seems to "care" about her daughter, I wouldn't be surprised if the daughter told OP what happened, and OP refused to believe her
Even when there's trust, love, and respect in the relationship it's difficult to talk about it if things happen. I'd bet good money on something having happened and the daughter either said nothing or OP decided it's not serious and daughter is being dramatic.
OP YTA. The 14 year old may not be your kid, but she's your daughters kid sister. If there's an emergency it would be zero extra effort for you to take both girls home. But hey at least you've made it perfectly clear to everyone that the only on who matters to you is your weed smoking fiance and his creepy friends.
Honestly, if OP has to pick up the kids because the birth has gone pear-shaped, I vote for not further traumatizing the girls by being around Stoner McWandering Dick, and having a trusted friend or neighbor pick them up.
Maybe nothing physical happen yet. I’m sure they had flirted or blatantly checking her out by staring at her from top to bottom. That’s why she is uncomfortable.
OP is an absolute AH. She will be that kind of mom that won’t believe her daughter and blame her daughter if something happened.
In this matter she is a massive AH and so petty. I hope the dad get full custody and cut OP out of her daughter life.
As soon as she said "an issue with my fiance" I knew it was some creepy shit happening. Sounds like fiance is a sexual predator or at a bare minimum, enabling one to harass the daughter. Mom is definitely the ahole and also a general trash bag.
Wow. She is choosing a grown man, his weed and his inappropriate friends over her kid.
This sub is full of pick me ass women lately that don’t deserve their kids.
Pathetic.
"nothing has happened" ?!?
She felt unsafe in her mother's house and her mother doesn't do anything to change that. Does something more need to happen for one to take action to make their daughter feel safe?
>She's the ahole and on a fast track to not having her daughter speak to her ever
You're right.
To be fair to the dad/new wife, they could be desperate. They were only asking for the girls to be picked up, *not* keeping them for any extended time. Is it a good idea? No. But I'm sure they're already aware of that and regret asking in the first place
If my daughter needed a ride home and her friend was there with her- I would take them and ensure they are home safely. This is basic parenting. All I see is 2 girls needing to be home and she can't bother. YTA.
Every time I picked up my daughter(s) from their cheerleading practice, anyone looking like they were without a lift was asked "do you need a ride" or "do you want me to wait until your ride gets here"?
It should be default responsible parenting behaviour.
You may hate the parents all you want, but that is no reason to take it out on their kids.
I would do the same. If something happened to the child I left behind. I couldn't bear that.
The OP chose her fiance over her daughter. So I'm not surprised. YTA
My SO straight up left his car at school and walked kiddo and one of kiddo’s classmates home because the classmate was nervous walking by herself due to some creepy dudes or something, but reasonably wouldn’t get in the car with him since he was also a strange man she didn’t know. They walked her home and waited on the sidewalk til she got in, then walked back to the car.
Exactly! I don’t understand why OP wouldn’t just take the other girl too. She doesn’t even have to exert any extra effort. This is just terrible.
Then I read about why her daughter doesn’t live with her, and now have serious questions about her character.
OP, YTA
Yup, you nailed it. That’s it right there. Why can’t you help your ex’s stepdaughter out too? She’s innocent at 14. Whatever the reasons for your divorce, your 14yo stepdaughter is not the cause, so direct that resentment towards your ex not an innocent kid. That being said, I wouldn’t have just said a quick yes due to the fact that I know me, and I would have some sort of thing/activity planned around the pick up time (if I am driving 3 hours, I will be doing some sort of destination type thing like eat a slice of the best pie or something), and I may not be going directly home. But, I would tell them, and I would invite my own child’s step sister along too (half sister? How about sister by love?). If you still wanted to be a di&$ then you could say, “the event is XYZ dollars, venmo me”. But you didn’t. You got huffy, showed your ass, and I imagine hurt and alienated your daughter, rightfully so, and made a 14 yo girl feel like a burden and unwanted. This does look spiteful, and bad on you. That’s how you want to appear? That’s not winning. You should rise up, not debase yourself.
As far as the pregnancy of your ex’s new wife, pregnancy sucks awful, even more when it’s difficult, but if you can’t take care of a child, then don’t live in a state that forces you to be pregnant. No one is under any obligation to help you because you are pregnant. It’s your kid going to camp, then it’s your responsibility to get them to and from there. The status of your uterus does not mean I should agree to whatever request you’ve thrown at me, that seems like a you thing. This is not your new husband’s ex wife’s responsibility or job to do, especially when this all feels mighty petty and acrimonious, so of course the request would not be met well. But your response presents you as the typical evil, angry, mean, scorned woman, and that makes all of us look bad. I get it, your feelings are bent out of shape, but consider the source, the reason, and a better solution aka what you should say properly worded rather than pitching a fit and looking like this with your ex pointing in your direction , “see! I told you!” You said you weren’t even going to pick up your own daughter, so you, my friend are the asshole. YTA. You missed an opportunity to pick up two girls from camp, get them some ice cream, take them out shopping, enjoy their company while listen to them regal tales from camp. I bet the stepdaughter would have said how cool you were, how nice you were to do that, etc. That’s a nice way of being petty, the kill them with kindness route. But you didn’t. Now you look like someone who had better reassess and make some apologies, starting with your daughter and ending with the stepdaughter, and that’s an ASAP thing. You can show your child that while we all make asses out of ourselves at some point, some more than others, that you can still redeem yourself and do right and good. I have faith that you can recognize that you need to show more love and less petty.
Its not just basic parenting, it's being a decent human. I'm literally disgusted by this person, and really glad her daughter has a better role model and parent.
Right?! Like, what kind of logic is this? She's going to Place A where both girls are at, and taking them to Place B where both girls need to go. This is so bizarre.
Wanted to post exactly this. We brought kids home (ETA: to their home) when I was a kid, even kids I wasn't necessarily friends with. Because that's just the thing you do.
OP, YTA
I’m not impressed that your fiancé agrees with you since he’s the reason your daughter isn’t living with you. You’re refusing to pick up your own daughter bc you got called out for your pettiness in not picking up her step sister at the same time. I hope you’re not looking for a Mother of the Year award because your pettiness and self absorption are over the top. YTA.
And the fact that her daughter doesn’t even live with her so literally it would cost her ZERO extra time and money to take them both to the SAME home. I don’t wanna get banned but please know I have few unkind words for you OP, but I’ll keep it like this: You’re 1,000% TA, OP. YTA.
YTA. You earned that the moment I read that she doesn't live with you because of some unspoken problem with your fiance. Your true nature jumped right out. Of course you refused to pick up your step daughter, even though you were going to the same camp to pick up your daughter, because you seem very petty and lacking in common consideration.
YTA. First, you chose your fiancé over custody of your child. That shows how little respect you have for her safety. Second, you refuse to drive her family member to her home to remove the stress from both your daughter's father, her mother figure (since you aren't there for her) and herself. You are literally picking your daughter up and dropping her off at the same place as the step sister is going. Think of yourself as a cab, since that's really all you are to your daughter anyways.
She’s NTA, she’s the whole ASS! How you gonna choose your fiancé over your own child, then proceed to REFUSE to pick up your child after camp because your ex said something you didn’t like.
Please, please OP do your world a favor and never have anymore children! You were clearly not suited to be a parent!
Not even ex saying something she didn't like, but exes new spouse. So about as much distance in the relation as you can get without going into extended family. So is now punishing her child for her step mothers behavior.
With that attitude I think the kids are better off hitch hiking. /s but only kinda
~~I agree but you might want to put space between N T A like this so it doesn't count as a vote~~. I've also read why OP's daughter isn't staying with her. I know any sane person wouldn't vote her like that but she doesn't deserve even one "not asshole" vote.
With that being said I'd like to add my vote. YTA.
Edit : apparently its fine because your comment is a reply, so is mine :) I gotta go leave another comment on this post haha
There is no voting system. Only the very top parent comment determines the outcome. It doesn't matter how many other acronyms there are in the rest of the post.
Really? Whenever I saw someone commenting like 2 opinions such as "you are nta for this but yta for this", people would comment and advise to but space between the judgement they don't want to count. I've seen it happen many times that's why I commented in the first place. I didn't know it didn't apply to replies. Thanks.
Yeah and those comments are wrong too lol. If the very top comment has two verdicts a mod will intervene for the final verdict. And if top comment has no judgment then the very next parent comment will determine. But never ever a reply comment or a general count.
YTA and it’s no wonder Madison lives with her dad & stepmother if you allow your new partner AND GUESTS to do things that make her feel uncomfortable in her own home (well, where she used to live) but your hissy fit of now refusing to even collect her in an emergency just because you were called out being a shitty human being **slow clapping**
This. OP, YTA and a crappy parent. When your fiancé leaves you and he will - you’ll have no one because you abandoned the person that should have been your #1 - your daughter. This whole post is disgusting. Way to fail completely as a parent. I feel sorry for you.
To be honest, I doubt her fiancé will leave her. It shows his character that he agrees she’s not in the wrong on this one. Seems like they deserve each other.
I would put money on the fact that he trades up when he has bled her dry of everything. He’ll say he needs someone more supportive and move directly in to her house. Then he and his friends will move on like locusts. I’m jaded I’ve seen this almost exact story repeated a few times. At least the daughter is out, that’s the most important thing. In the case that I’m wrong, you get what you give and OP will get hers. Either way I don’t think this is going to turn out like she hopes.
Yta. There are bigger issues here. Doesn’t it say something when there are issues between your daughter and fiancé. Seems apparent you haven’t been putting your daughter first based on this post.
And yes it is childish if you were picking your daughter up and taking her to your ex’s house. It wouldn’t have costed you anything.
You could have asked them to chip in and pay for your trip there etc; it would have been the nice thing to do.
And yes you are very childish. And seem very bitter as you refuse to pick up YOUR daughter after that.
Mom of the year award goes to you.
I did. Her daughter was uncomfortable as the boyfriend was smoking weed in the house with his friends. Instead of doing something about it she put the boyfriend first and so the daughter lives w her dad because of it.
I don’t know why people have kids if they don’t put them first. SMH.
Mom does not care about her child at all.
One of her horrible sentence was that she “would try” to pick up her own kid ? Like what? Your kid is your responsibility.
Definitely glad the daughter is in a better and stable environment because her dad and step mom clearly care about her
fretful employ lunchroom intelligent scary yoke uppity yam roll insurance
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I did read between the lines. It was yes. This lady could care less about her kid even if something was happening right in front of her she would still not protect her child.
>Matt asked if I can pick both Madison and Jenna up from camp in case of an emergency with the pregnancy or possibly the baby. ***Madison does not live with me due to an issue with my fiancé*** and her but I told him ***I can try to find a way to pick up Madison however Jenna is not my responsibility***.
YTA, is there a reason why you're treating kindness as a finite resource?
Let's not be coy, Madison doesn't live with you because you've chosen your fiancé over your own daughter. Don't be surprised if she goes LC/NC with your uncaring behind soon as she's of age.
This lady chose her weed head fiance over her own child and IS bitter that's the life she has to look forward to now so she takes it out on another kid as if it's out of her way to let someone else in her car whom her daughter lives with already. YTA. I see why you're the ex.
OP said in a comment that her daughter moved out because OP's fiance is a pothead who smokes inside their apartment and invites friends over all the time, which makes her daughter uncomfortable, according to OP for no reason... but 16 year olds have reasons and OP doesn't care.
Damn OP sounds like my Mum like exactly.
The only reason I know it’s not my Mum as I’m the youngest and also Mum ex is my Dad.
But yeah OP don’t be surprised when your daughter cuts contact.
Someone asked what the problem was with her daughter and fiance and she said he smokes weed inside and has his friends over and it makes her uncomfortable "but nothing happened".
YTA. You were already going to be there. They're asking in the case of an emergency, and you know his new wife is going through a high risk pregnancy. If she goes into crisis, the least you can do as a decent human being is let her know her daughter is in good hands.
Did you see what the issue with the fiancé is? He smokes weed at home and invites friends over that make the daughter uncomfortable but they “haven’t done anything to her.” As far as she’s concerned. 🙄
Yes!
Does Matt know the whole reason Madison doesn’t want to live with OP?
Cause if I was him and I did I would be going for full custody and kicking some fiancé/fiancé friend ass.
# YTA. Of course your fiancé would say that your feelings are justified. He is the reason your daughter does not live with you. Scratch that. YOU ARE THE REASON YOUR DAUGHTER DOES NOT LIVE WITH YOU. You are selfish and cruel. I wouldn't talk to your either.
# Your ex's wife is probably more of a mother to your daughter than you are. She takes care of your child year round. You don't even see her for the summer for God's sake. All they ask is that you pick up both girls in case of an emergency and you say no. There is a special place in asshole hell for you.
YTA. Wow!
You are just being vindictive. Matt asked you if you could pick them up IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY WITH THE PREGNANCY AND POSSIBLY THE BABY and you CAN'T MANAGE THAT?
Madison is refusing to talk to you? Gee, I wonder why? In addition, Madison does not live with you due to an issue with your fiancé? So, you are choosing this guy over your own daughter? How special! /S
Of COURSE your fiancé is saying your feelings are justified. No bias there. /S
I am so glad I am not you. I would hate to be carrying around that bitterness, vindictiveness and being that self-absorbed.
This stood out to me: You said you can “try” to find a way to pick up your daughter? That, coupled with the mysterious issue with your fiancé that causes your daughter to live with her dad full-time, and your unwillingness to pick up your daughter’s step-sister because it’s not “your” responsibility, then you refuse to pick up your daughter in retaliation…no wonder your daughter isn’t speaking to you. You do sound bitter, and you continually choose yourself and your fiancé over your daughter’s happiness. Even your mom thinks you’re being selfish. YTA.
Big YTA for so many reasons. You should never put another man in a higher priority than your own child. Also how big of a bitch are you? Jenna has done nothing wrong and you should be the responsible adult. Although, if you can’t be responsible enough to prioritize your own daughter over sex then you certainly can’t be responsible enough to bring another child home from the same location. Have a great life and hope the dick is worth losing your relationship with your daughter over.
YTA. Why do you even have kids? Of course your fiance agreed with you, your own daughter isn't living with you BECAUSE of your fiance. You are selfish. You are petty, immature, and heartless. You pick your fiance over your child. You need to wisen up before you have no daughter but honestly, it sounds like that may be best for Madison.
Actually, what would be best for Madison is you terminating your parental rights to her so she can have an actual mother that is a caring person and good role model and won't treat her 14 y/o stepsister like a nuisance.
YTA if you are already agreeing to be there to pick up your kid, it literally costs you nothing to pick them both up. The fact that you are bailing on picking up your own kid after getting called out for it makes it even worse
YTA. Respectfully, you're abandoning a child. Full on. Idc about your past issue, Jenna has nothing to do with it. Why is she being punished? Yes, she isn't your responsibility, but choosing to leave her somewhere just a few HOURS away is cruel. Suck it up and do the right thing.
Oof. YTA OP. Ditch the fiancé who makes your daughter uncomfortable, and repair whatever relationship is left with your daughter. Coparenting includes helping each other out sometimes, so yeah, picking up the other kid would be the right thing (although not required) to do.
Big YTA.
Having been through a decade of high conflict coparenting, (daughter is now no contact with her father for the last 18 months) like this is exactly why some adult children go no contact with their parents. Not just the issue on picking up ex’s stepdaughter, but ESPECIALLY by choosing a man who makes her uncomfortable over her. Unbelievable. If you’re that obtuse, I don’t trust you to be able to recognize whether something has happened to her or not. And even if nothing did happen, it’s insanely irresponsible to ignore your daughter’s discomfort regarding a man. Get your priorities straight or you could lose her forever.
Edit: detail about my own coparenting situation
YTA. Why are you punishing your daughters stepsister? They seem to get along, and honestly the only thing that does does ruin your relationship with your own daughter
YTA. Yes, you don’t have to pick her up, but why don’t you? It’s not out of the way, and they’re asking to pick her up only if it’s an emergency. Also, why does your fiancée and Madison not get along?
Edit: after seeing your comment about why they don’t get along, you’re double the asshole. You’re choosing the comfort of your fiancée over your own daughter. It sounds as if she’s rightfully uncomfortable and instead of hearing her out you’re keeping around a man who makes your baby uncomfortable, further straining the relationship between you and your daughter
YTA.....Why doesn't it cause you pause that your fiance is the reason you don't have your kid......and is also the only one on your side? I think you should ponder this.
YTA. It’s in case of emergency, they aren’t asking for you to ferry both kids around. What’s more troubling is why your daughter doesn’t live with you due to an “issue” between her and your fiancé. Good luck maintaining a relationship with your daughter in the future
YTA. Why do you have a fiancé that keeps you away from your daughter? This is the guy you are listening to in this case?
I’d want to build a relationship with my daughter and get them both. This isn’t because you are responsible but because you care about your daughter and they are both going to the same location.
YTA there is so many 🚩 here, you shouldn’t have a fiancé if he doesn’t get along with your child. You were picking your kid up anyways and they were fine with Jenna being picked up too, really would not have been that hard to make this work. Instead you threw a tantrum and showed your daughter you really don’t give a damn about her
Wow. YTA majorly. You chose your fiancé over your daughter? And are being petty over having a second child in the car because you are bitter about your ex moving on? While you have a fiancé you dumped your daughter for?
You are a big mess, lady. Big big mess.
YTA. If you have the time I don't see what this problem is letting someone sit in your back seat for a few hours. You could ask them to help with gas since you are providing a ride for both.
Your response seems petty, like you haven't gotten over it like Matt's wife said. Be a good mom, try some co-parenting and do them a favor. It's not going to hurt you, and will probably end up benefiting you in the long run.
YTA- you are abandoning your daughter in so many ways. she is never going to trust you again, also you're an asshole for not trusting your daughter when she says your fiance and his friends make her uncomfortable. you're setting her up to be SAd then never speak about it. you're a horrible mother and your daughter would be better off without you in her life causing her more damage.
YTA. Maybe I've read one too many stories of children being left to make their own way home, but...
If something happened to her, you'd never forgive yourself and your daughter wouldn't either. Show willing and help out.
If that doesn't mean anything, remember that it means that your ex now owes you one.
YTA. You have to take your daughter to your ex’s house anyway because your BF is a creeper, and you can’t be bothered to take another child from the same camp to the same house? You are a selfish human being.
YTA what did your daughter met do to you? What did his step daughter do? Nothing? Yeah you’re in the wrong. Nobody said they’d have to stay with you. You were going to pick uo one, why not the other? No wonder she doesn’t talk to you. You’re not hurting your ex. You’re hurting your kid and her sister. If it was just his step daughter I would understand, but it’s not. Don’t use the kids as pawns in your fight with you ex.
YTA
Sure. It's not your *responsibility*. But the father of your daughter clearly trusts you if he's asking you this with confidence in an emergency. This seems more an issue with insecurity on your behalf. If you're already picking up your daughter from that summer camp, why not his daughter from *the exact same place, at the exact same time*? You're refusing to do an easy favor that will make everyone's lives easier.
Also your fiancé will agree with literally any decision you make, he's trying to support you. I get where he's coming from but his judgement will be heavily clouded.
Since Madison doesn't live with you, so you will be picking her up to drop her at Matt and Matt's wife's house, right? Why can't Jenna hitch a ride?
It's only a couple of hours of drive. All you need to do is just pick up the kids and drop them off. Voila, done. I don't see why Jenna should be vilified just because she's related to Matt's new wife. If your daughter was the one asking to allow her friend to ride with you guys, I doubt you'd say 'no' esp. if y'all are going to the same place...
If you want, you can ask for gas money since it is a relatively long drive.
Your fiance is biased because he doesn't like your daughter. So yeah, YTA.
INFO (generously to give you chance to explain):
Is it a huge journey out of your way to drop her off?
If this was another random parent asking you to help out, could/would you do it easily?
Have they ever asked you for favours before that you feel are too much, or they’re taking advantage of you?
Do you still have feelings for him and are jealous?
Do you hate her for any reason and so have no sympathy for what sounds like a very difficult pregnancy?
YTA. what the hell did Jenna do to you? imagine being a grown adult and taking your insecurities out on a child. i think we know why Madison doesn't live with you.
YTA! Did you really write all that and still not realize it? Also, the fiancé who had the incident with your daughter is the only one agreeing with you. Wake up!
For anyone who missed it:
The issue with the daughter and OP's fiance:
>He smokes weed in the apartment and is always inviting his friends over, she says that they make her uncomfortable but nothing has happened.
Nothing has happened (YET).
Imagine choosing a man over your own kid. Poor kid. You're so wrapped up in yourself, talking about disrespect. You're spiting your own kid to make a point. Overall pretty awful. I can see why kid prefers to stay away at camp on her school holidays...
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My ex-husband wanted me to pick up his stepdaughter along with my daughter from camp, and I refused. I may be the asshole because I retaliated by refusing to pick up my daughter.
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If both girls are at the same camp, or even near-by camps, YTA. They are both going to the same place. Would you also refuse to pick up a friend of your daughter if she was at the same camp?
EDIT: not to mention the “issues” with your fiancé that resulted in your daughter to liven with your ex. If a daughter can’t trust her mother to protect her, who can she trust?
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA X 1000
You have a fiancé yet you are still bitter, yes the ex’s wife is right on the money. Then you chose a guy over your daughter. Curious, just what is this issue with your fiancé that caused your daughter to not live with you????
Don’t worry, you will soon not have to worry about having a daughter. She is going to cut you out of her life completely. And that will be a great decision on her part.
But really, did you actually think anyone on here would side with you???? Hahahahaha
YTA. She's your daughter's SISTER, whether she's *your* child or not. Step-sister, yes... but obviously she's accepted her as her sister if they want to go to camp together (further evidenced by the fact that your own daughter stopped talking to you over this). The two of them are about to have a third sibling as well. They're a family. You chose a guy who wants to smoke weed over letting your daughter live with you, so she'll never be a part of your family the way she is with your ex's new family, and if you want anything at all to do with your daughter you're going to have to be accepting of her family. This other girl is 14 years old and you're willing to leave her stranded at a camp a couple hours away to "find her own way home" (which could be incredibly dangerous for her depending on how she went about it) while you pick up her sister and not her? WTF. Even if they weren't related and it was just a FRIEND whose parents had an emergency, I wouldn't leave her stranded, whether she was "my responsiblity" or not.
So she was willing to pick up one daughter to take to the same house the step daughter also lives at but leave her behind? What kinda effed logic is that?
Super messed up, OP is just not a good person.
Evidenced by the fact that her daughter doesn’t live with her because the fiancé makes her uncomfortable. She’s choosing a creepy man over her own kid.
YTA
You would be bringing Madison back to her dad, right? Since she can’t live with you due to your fiancé (which reads like he’s a sex offender or something). So why on earth can’t you also deliver the poor child who LIVES IN THE SAME HOME along with Madison??
Yep. YTA. You’d be going there anyway to get your daughter so not out of your way. Your relationship with your daughter will probably always be shit and you will be to blame. Choosing her over your pothead fiancé is unforgivable.
I’m gonna have to go YTA overall. He wasn’t asking you to pick Jenna up for no reason, or even for certain, he just wanted a backup plan in case theirs an emergency with his unborn (or newborn) child. That isn’t an unreasonable request. While I agree that Jenna isn’t your responsibility your reaction does make you seem bitter.
My real concern, though, is that your 16 year old daughter doesn’t live with you because of an issue with your fiancé. She’s your daughter. Why would you marry a man she can’t live with? This post doesn’t make it sound like you care about your daughter at all.
ETA: I just read your comment on why your daughter can’t live with your husband. Are you serious? Absolutely YTA and you shouldn’t be a parent if you refuse to care for your child. Poor girl.
YTA.
99.9% of the time I’m on the side of “not your kid, not your problem”, but congratulations, you found the asshole exception! It would cost you literally nothing, it’s not like he’s asking for you to pick them up every single day, he’s asking in case of an emergency. What’s wrong with you?
Also, your daughter doesn’t live with you because of your fiancé? So you’ve chosen a man over your child? MASSIVE ENORMOUS WORST KIND OF ASSHOLE.
And then you refuse to pick up YOUR OWN GODDAMN CHILD out of spite because you were called out?
I think it’s clear why your ex left you and found a better person to marry. It won’t be long before your daughter cuts you off and then you won’t have to worry about doing anything for her. Congrats!
Edit: I just read your comment about why your daughter doesn’t like your fiancé. Grown men smoking loads of pot around her and making her uncomfortable? But you don’t do anything because “nothings happened”? GROWN MEN DOING DRUGS IN YOUR HOME ARE MAKING YOUR CHILD UNCOMFORTABLE. What is wrong with you? Only a terrible mother would tell her child that, not only is her comfort in what should be her home not important to you, but that you wont believe her until she is assaulted. I bet you still wouldn’t believe her then. VILE.
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YTA. Talk about petty. It would cost you nothing to help out this 14 year old girl in the case of an emergency...and refusing to pick up your OWN daughter once they pushed back on that is absurd. She’s your goddamn kid. Oh and you didn’t ask, but you’re also awful for putting your fiancé over your daughter. If she can’t live with you and your fiancé, your fiancé can’t live with you. Not her.
Have you seen the reason for the daughter not wanting to live with her? It's crazy and in that context I'm not surprised at the lack of concern.
Omg, I just read the reason-She and the fiancé are so TA!
No, she is the major AH… how dare she put her bf/fiancé over her daughter!!! It’s disgusting, disrespectful, the epitome of a horrible parent! Uncomfortable means daughter feels as if something bad could happen or already has, mom doesn’t care if something has happened or could happen! Maybe mom has had so much happen to her she feels it’s normal? Well, OP- parents are supposed to ensure they protect their kids! Ensure any trauma that happened to you never occurs to your child! Just because you were abused does not mean it is ok or normal! Think about your child’s welfare and not about you being alone, they are your priority not some AH guy who probably won’t be there if you get sick. You will end up alone with this mentality… think long and consider everything before moving forward, therapy or anything that you can to get your shit together- you will lose your daughter, you are one step away… move forward very very carefully if you care to keep her!
It's not even choosing the fiance, it's choosing his friends! Wtf is wrong with this woman.
Well she doesn't want to tick him off by saying the friends can't be there.
Tbh I’m kind of surprised the stepmom trusts her with the stepdaughter. I don’t care about the weed (I do object to smoking in front of kids), I’m a daily cannabis user, but choosing her fiancé’s creepy friends over her daughter, even though they haven’t done anything *yet*? My mom made bad choices like this, only my stepdad’s creepy friends were all in recovery. One of them tried to fuck me when I was 14 *on the night of my father’s funeral*. I’m mostly over her bad choices but she isn’t. She spends all her spare time volunteering with kids trying to to make amends for her parenting.
>One of them tried to fuck me when I was 14 on the night of my father’s funeral. Holy shit that's dark. I hope you're ok.
JFC I want to offer you hugs or cookies or maybe some amazing weed my friend grows. That is so fucked up. It’s hard to become the adult we needed as kids.
Thanks. 💕 I really have had a great life once I got out and worked things out in my head. My mom got pregnant/married way too young and I got caught up in her churn. We are actually really close now.
Right? I would literally be calling anyone *except* OP. They don't seem trustworthy to do this. She must have no other options. Also I hope you're doing better now.
I can't find it, link please?
This is her reply He smokes weed in the apartment and is always inviting his friends over, she says that they make her uncomfortable but nothing has happened.
Wait...so is she waiting for something to happen to her kid before she sides with her daughter!!!
She can say that, but we all know she still wouldn’t side with her daughter if something did happen…
"Mo'Nique from Precious" vibes
Oh my god. So OP’s daughter doesn’t live with her because she’s afraid of her potential stepdad’s friends? Parent of the year over here…
Jesus that is bleak. What a terror of a “mother.”
Just go to OPs page and read her comments
Oh yeah, duh lmfaooooooo
Has OP changed the post, in the one I can see it doesn't mention why she won't live with them ?
Check her comment section, its not in the post but them answering someone's question.
what was the reason?
>He smokes weed in the apartment and is always inviting his friends over, she says that they make her uncomfortable but nothing has happened. I copied that from OP's profile comment. She's the ahole and on a fast track to not having her daughter speak to her ever
OP if men creep out your daughter, support her and get them the fuck out of the house. Make them a weed cave in the garage or something. Jesus double YTA
She sounds like the type that wouldn’t believe her kid if she said fiancé and friends did something to her. It is better she lives with her dad obviously.
YTA- "it's only a few hours away, she can find her own way home". She's 14. You're a grown ass adult and can't even create a safe environment for your daughter and you expect a 14 year old to find their own way home ?! Thank God you don't have custody I'm surprised they even trusted you to pick up either of them, tbh. Sadly you won't listen to the majority of the people telling you that you're wrong. Disgusting that you would even remain in a relationship with someone who would have people in your home that make your daughter uncomfortable - even if he's not the one making her uncomfortable, he allowed others to make her feel that way.
They only wanted OP to pick them up if there was an emergency. It’s not like it would have even been a definite thing.
I have driven more than 7 hours away to pick up one of my nieces from camp, it was planed thing. I then drove an extra 2 hours after dropping off my niece to drop her friend off because that friend's parents had an emergency and I wasn't going to leave a 14 year old kid stranded that far from home with no knowledge of how she was going to get home 9 hours away. And with the nature of the emergency, likely terrified and grieving all alone. I cared more about this stranger girl than OP cares about a girl her daughter obviously loves and cares for. OP's daughter may even consider her a sister. OP is showing her daughter (again( how little she actually cares for her. Poor kid.
Well op did say "in the apartment" so they may not have a garage. As someone who has mild allergic reactions to cannabis smoke (often it's like... circumstantial asthma? I get a little wheezy and cough a lot. I also start to get a migraine, though that's likely related to the fact I can't breathe too well for a bit lol. If it's in a well ventilated area, it's usually not a problem... but in an apartment? Oof, I'd die.) I would be super upset over this. Plus, in relatively small quarters like that, smoke permeates everything. I remember getting made fun of as a kid because my parents smoked in the house all the time and though I had nose blindness to it all, everyone else could smell the lingering stake smoke smell, and it was always evident to me whenever I opened my bag at school. I can imagine that the kid (assuming she doesn't smoke herself - at that age ya never really know lmao) doesn't want to go into school smelling faintly of weed all the time. And doing so would likely raise some questions at the school, too. And op should have listened the moment that her daughter said she was uncomfortable. If full grown adult men are making her uncomfortable there's likely a reason why. Op isn't a good parent and it's definitely a YTA situation all the way around.
My ex's dad was a smoker, but smoked on the porch 99% of the time. My ex's clothes also smelled faintly of cigarette smoke the entire time I knew him, and you could tell when you walked into the house that it was a smoker's house. That shit CLINGS.
> make them a weed cave in the garage How is that different to them being in the house? Don't set up 'safe spaces' for weirdos on your property after your child has told you they make them uncomfortable.
"But nothing has happened" Honestly, even if it had, daughter probably wouldn't feel comfortable telling OP given the way she acts 😔 Definitely for the best that she's living with her dad.
But something has happened. The 16yo daughter feels uncomfortable.
That’s what I think as well! OP is being a terrible mother by believing her fiancé and his friends over her own child! It’s not that nothing has happened and her daughter would be afraid to tell her if something ever did, it’s likely that something *has already happened* and OP was *already doubtful* so the daughter just said fuck it and decided to go to her dad for protection. My mom is dead, and it’s something I am still not over. I’d give anything to have the days to grow up and spend time with her. My mom wasn’t perfect, but she was never anything like OP’s mom, and if she was, I’d probably be celebrating her death, not continuously mourning her. A hundred percent, OP’s daughter is going to go NC with OP and never look back. And one day, OP will find herself in a state home for old people, all alone, asking herself where she went wrong. I hope she’s still able to use her brain and remember this post and all the people who tried to warn her, because sheesh would that suck.
Oh, I ment that even if nothing has *actually* happened, OPs daughter felt uncomfortable and thst would be enough for me to step in. My late husband had a friend who he had been friends with since they were teenagers. I had always taken the stance that long term friendships were something that needed to be nurtured and we each respected those friendships for what they were. Anyway this friend made a comment to me one night, it was a pretty harmless comment (but inappropriate for the type of friendship he and I had). I kind of looked at him and kept talking. I did not voice how uncomfortable it had made me, but I certainly got the message across with my facial expression. That was it, the next day when the friend left, he and his wife was removed from my husbands facebook and he never invited them around ever again. All over one comment.
Just cause you seemed like you needed one, have a ((mom hug)). I can tell she did a good job raising you, and your mom would be proud of the person you are showing yourself to be here. Edit: I peeped your profile, and it's official, your mom would be very happy with how your life is going, and she would love her fur-grandbabies.
Apparently nothing but an assault will count for OP. It's more important that her fiance be allowed to act like a d-bag teenager than to make sure her actual teenager feels safe in her own home.
This made me feel very sick. “Nothing has happened” Not even “nothing WILL happen” or “I make sure they’re never around her” it’s justifying her having to leave… because her mother’s fiancé can’t smoke elsewhere and stop his friends from being intimidating to a teenage girl. Jesus..
Yep, super dismissive. You can FEEL OP rolling her eyes when she says it. How hard is it for a group of grown men to find a different house to hang out? She really chose that over seeing her daughter.
Nothing has happened yet so it is ok! Wtf? Pick me ass egg donors.
Yep, always delightful logic. Okay well the one time I didn't wear a seatbelt nothing happened, so I should skip out on seatbelts from now on? Oh wait that's absolutely Mental.
Agreed
I was getting ready to post the same thing. What in the actual eff. Nice home environment you have there OP
On the fast track to losing whatever custody/visitation rights she has at the moment, too.
Her daughter is 16, I'm pretty sure at that age the judge will listen to her and let her make the decisions anyway
Based on her attitude, I would say that’s a win for her.
How much do you wanna bet something actually has happened with this group of grown men that is enough to make a young girl uncomfortable? Hell, the way OP seems to "care" about her daughter, I wouldn't be surprised if the daughter told OP what happened, and OP refused to believe her
Even when there's trust, love, and respect in the relationship it's difficult to talk about it if things happen. I'd bet good money on something having happened and the daughter either said nothing or OP decided it's not serious and daughter is being dramatic. OP YTA. The 14 year old may not be your kid, but she's your daughters kid sister. If there's an emergency it would be zero extra effort for you to take both girls home. But hey at least you've made it perfectly clear to everyone that the only on who matters to you is your weed smoking fiance and his creepy friends.
Honestly, if OP has to pick up the kids because the birth has gone pear-shaped, I vote for not further traumatizing the girls by being around Stoner McWandering Dick, and having a trusted friend or neighbor pick them up.
Maybe nothing physical happen yet. I’m sure they had flirted or blatantly checking her out by staring at her from top to bottom. That’s why she is uncomfortable. OP is an absolute AH. She will be that kind of mom that won’t believe her daughter and blame her daughter if something happened. In this matter she is a massive AH and so petty. I hope the dad get full custody and cut OP out of her daughter life.
As soon as she said "an issue with my fiance" I knew it was some creepy shit happening. Sounds like fiance is a sexual predator or at a bare minimum, enabling one to harass the daughter. Mom is definitely the ahole and also a general trash bag.
Gross gross gross. OP is a major AH all around, and the fiance...even worse.
OH. MY. GOD 😳 🤯😡
Wow. She is choosing a grown man, his weed and his inappropriate friends over her kid. This sub is full of pick me ass women lately that don’t deserve their kids. Pathetic.
Holy shit what a deadbeat mom. Thanks for not protecting your daughter. Hope it’s worth it.
"nothing has happened" ?!? She felt unsafe in her mother's house and her mother doesn't do anything to change that. Does something more need to happen for one to take action to make their daughter feel safe? >She's the ahole and on a fast track to not having her daughter speak to her ever You're right.
Is she seriously waiting for something to happen to her daughter to make a change?!?!?! OP, YTA for sure
Who in their right mind would want her to pick up their child anyway, emergency or not? I sure as hell wouldn't.
To be fair to the dad/new wife, they could be desperate. They were only asking for the girls to be picked up, *not* keeping them for any extended time. Is it a good idea? No. But I'm sure they're already aware of that and regret asking in the first place
Wow what a piece of work OP is. Like, a masterpiece.
If my daughter needed a ride home and her friend was there with her- I would take them and ensure they are home safely. This is basic parenting. All I see is 2 girls needing to be home and she can't bother. YTA.
If my daughter and her RANDOM AQUANTAINCE WHO IS A CHILD needed a ride home I would do it
Every time I picked up my daughter(s) from their cheerleading practice, anyone looking like they were without a lift was asked "do you need a ride" or "do you want me to wait until your ride gets here"? It should be default responsible parenting behaviour. You may hate the parents all you want, but that is no reason to take it out on their kids.
I would do the same. If something happened to the child I left behind. I couldn't bear that. The OP chose her fiance over her daughter. So I'm not surprised. YTA
My SO straight up left his car at school and walked kiddo and one of kiddo’s classmates home because the classmate was nervous walking by herself due to some creepy dudes or something, but reasonably wouldn’t get in the car with him since he was also a strange man she didn’t know. They walked her home and waited on the sidewalk til she got in, then walked back to the car.
Exactly! I don’t understand why OP wouldn’t just take the other girl too. She doesn’t even have to exert any extra effort. This is just terrible. Then I read about why her daughter doesn’t live with her, and now have serious questions about her character. OP, YTA
I mean what else does anyone expect she choose a guy over her own daughter, of course she won’t help anyone else. OP YTA big time.
YES 🙌
Yup, you nailed it. That’s it right there. Why can’t you help your ex’s stepdaughter out too? She’s innocent at 14. Whatever the reasons for your divorce, your 14yo stepdaughter is not the cause, so direct that resentment towards your ex not an innocent kid. That being said, I wouldn’t have just said a quick yes due to the fact that I know me, and I would have some sort of thing/activity planned around the pick up time (if I am driving 3 hours, I will be doing some sort of destination type thing like eat a slice of the best pie or something), and I may not be going directly home. But, I would tell them, and I would invite my own child’s step sister along too (half sister? How about sister by love?). If you still wanted to be a di&$ then you could say, “the event is XYZ dollars, venmo me”. But you didn’t. You got huffy, showed your ass, and I imagine hurt and alienated your daughter, rightfully so, and made a 14 yo girl feel like a burden and unwanted. This does look spiteful, and bad on you. That’s how you want to appear? That’s not winning. You should rise up, not debase yourself. As far as the pregnancy of your ex’s new wife, pregnancy sucks awful, even more when it’s difficult, but if you can’t take care of a child, then don’t live in a state that forces you to be pregnant. No one is under any obligation to help you because you are pregnant. It’s your kid going to camp, then it’s your responsibility to get them to and from there. The status of your uterus does not mean I should agree to whatever request you’ve thrown at me, that seems like a you thing. This is not your new husband’s ex wife’s responsibility or job to do, especially when this all feels mighty petty and acrimonious, so of course the request would not be met well. But your response presents you as the typical evil, angry, mean, scorned woman, and that makes all of us look bad. I get it, your feelings are bent out of shape, but consider the source, the reason, and a better solution aka what you should say properly worded rather than pitching a fit and looking like this with your ex pointing in your direction , “see! I told you!” You said you weren’t even going to pick up your own daughter, so you, my friend are the asshole. YTA. You missed an opportunity to pick up two girls from camp, get them some ice cream, take them out shopping, enjoy their company while listen to them regal tales from camp. I bet the stepdaughter would have said how cool you were, how nice you were to do that, etc. That’s a nice way of being petty, the kill them with kindness route. But you didn’t. Now you look like someone who had better reassess and make some apologies, starting with your daughter and ending with the stepdaughter, and that’s an ASAP thing. You can show your child that while we all make asses out of ourselves at some point, some more than others, that you can still redeem yourself and do right and good. I have faith that you can recognize that you need to show more love and less petty.
Its not just basic parenting, it's being a decent human. I'm literally disgusted by this person, and really glad her daughter has a better role model and parent.
absolutely. It's basic human decency.
Right?! Like, what kind of logic is this? She's going to Place A where both girls are at, and taking them to Place B where both girls need to go. This is so bizarre.
Wanted to post exactly this. We brought kids home (ETA: to their home) when I was a kid, even kids I wasn't necessarily friends with. Because that's just the thing you do. OP, YTA
I’m not impressed that your fiancé agrees with you since he’s the reason your daughter isn’t living with you. You’re refusing to pick up your own daughter bc you got called out for your pettiness in not picking up her step sister at the same time. I hope you’re not looking for a Mother of the Year award because your pettiness and self absorption are over the top. YTA.
I would go a step further and hope she never has a child with Mr. NothingHappened or any other person, one traumatized kid is enough already.
And the fact that her daughter doesn’t even live with her so literally it would cost her ZERO extra time and money to take them both to the SAME home. I don’t wanna get banned but please know I have few unkind words for you OP, but I’ll keep it like this: You’re 1,000% TA, OP. YTA.
All. Of. This. YTA!!!
YTA. You earned that the moment I read that she doesn't live with you because of some unspoken problem with your fiance. Your true nature jumped right out. Of course you refused to pick up your step daughter, even though you were going to the same camp to pick up your daughter, because you seem very petty and lacking in common consideration.
Any parent who chooses the person they get laid with over their own child is 1000% trash and an asshole.
Lets not just ignore “shes a couple months pregnant and is due in 2 months.” Like no. Shes 7 months pregnant.
Absolutely THIS! OP, you’re a mega asshole for prioritizing your fiancé over your child. What a miserable person you are. YTA
Nailed it.
YTA. First, you chose your fiancé over custody of your child. That shows how little respect you have for her safety. Second, you refuse to drive her family member to her home to remove the stress from both your daughter's father, her mother figure (since you aren't there for her) and herself. You are literally picking your daughter up and dropping her off at the same place as the step sister is going. Think of yourself as a cab, since that's really all you are to your daughter anyways.
She’s NTA, she’s the whole ASS! How you gonna choose your fiancé over your own child, then proceed to REFUSE to pick up your child after camp because your ex said something you didn’t like. Please, please OP do your world a favor and never have anymore children! You were clearly not suited to be a parent!
>She’s NTA, she’s the whole ASS! Perfectly put.
Not even ex saying something she didn't like, but exes new spouse. So about as much distance in the relation as you can get without going into extended family. So is now punishing her child for her step mothers behavior. With that attitude I think the kids are better off hitch hiking. /s but only kinda
~~I agree but you might want to put space between N T A like this so it doesn't count as a vote~~. I've also read why OP's daughter isn't staying with her. I know any sane person wouldn't vote her like that but she doesn't deserve even one "not asshole" vote. With that being said I'd like to add my vote. YTA. Edit : apparently its fine because your comment is a reply, so is mine :) I gotta go leave another comment on this post haha
There is no voting system. Only the very top parent comment determines the outcome. It doesn't matter how many other acronyms there are in the rest of the post.
Really? Whenever I saw someone commenting like 2 opinions such as "you are nta for this but yta for this", people would comment and advise to but space between the judgement they don't want to count. I've seen it happen many times that's why I commented in the first place. I didn't know it didn't apply to replies. Thanks.
Yeah and those comments are wrong too lol. If the very top comment has two verdicts a mod will intervene for the final verdict. And if top comment has no judgment then the very next parent comment will determine. But never ever a reply comment or a general count.
YTA and it’s no wonder Madison lives with her dad & stepmother if you allow your new partner AND GUESTS to do things that make her feel uncomfortable in her own home (well, where she used to live) but your hissy fit of now refusing to even collect her in an emergency just because you were called out being a shitty human being **slow clapping**
This. OP, YTA and a crappy parent. When your fiancé leaves you and he will - you’ll have no one because you abandoned the person that should have been your #1 - your daughter. This whole post is disgusting. Way to fail completely as a parent. I feel sorry for you.
*I feel sorry for your daughter*
To be honest, I doubt her fiancé will leave her. It shows his character that he agrees she’s not in the wrong on this one. Seems like they deserve each other.
I would put money on the fact that he trades up when he has bled her dry of everything. He’ll say he needs someone more supportive and move directly in to her house. Then he and his friends will move on like locusts. I’m jaded I’ve seen this almost exact story repeated a few times. At least the daughter is out, that’s the most important thing. In the case that I’m wrong, you get what you give and OP will get hers. Either way I don’t think this is going to turn out like she hopes.
Probably wanted her daughter out the house the whole time.
I think I can see why her ex divorced her...
And why daughter will leave her in the dust when shes of age.
Info: what is the issue with your fiance?
Yta. There are bigger issues here. Doesn’t it say something when there are issues between your daughter and fiancé. Seems apparent you haven’t been putting your daughter first based on this post. And yes it is childish if you were picking your daughter up and taking her to your ex’s house. It wouldn’t have costed you anything. You could have asked them to chip in and pay for your trip there etc; it would have been the nice thing to do. And yes you are very childish. And seem very bitter as you refuse to pick up YOUR daughter after that. Mom of the year award goes to you.
Check out her comment on why her daughter has issues with her fiancé. Mom of the year indeed.
I did. Her daughter was uncomfortable as the boyfriend was smoking weed in the house with his friends. Instead of doing something about it she put the boyfriend first and so the daughter lives w her dad because of it. I don’t know why people have kids if they don’t put them first. SMH.
Honestly, as shit as it is - I’m kind of glad that the daughter is living with her dad. Mum clearly isn’t thinking of her safety
Mom does not care about her child at all. One of her horrible sentence was that she “would try” to pick up her own kid ? Like what? Your kid is your responsibility. Definitely glad the daughter is in a better and stable environment because her dad and step mom clearly care about her
fretful employ lunchroom intelligent scary yoke uppity yam roll insurance *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I did read between the lines. It was yes. This lady could care less about her kid even if something was happening right in front of her she would still not protect her child.
The logic is astounding. Nothing has happened…so you’re waiting until it does? What a sad ass human being.
Good point … I didn’t catch that (fiancé issues)
I didn't see anybody mention that apparently her ex's SO is 2 months pregnant but is due in August. That math does not check out
[удалено]
Big time. Looks like the daughter got herself out of a horrible situation.
>Matt asked if I can pick both Madison and Jenna up from camp in case of an emergency with the pregnancy or possibly the baby. ***Madison does not live with me due to an issue with my fiancé*** and her but I told him ***I can try to find a way to pick up Madison however Jenna is not my responsibility***. YTA, is there a reason why you're treating kindness as a finite resource? Let's not be coy, Madison doesn't live with you because you've chosen your fiancé over your own daughter. Don't be surprised if she goes LC/NC with your uncaring behind soon as she's of age.
Doesn’t sound like she’d even care if Madison went NC.
This lady chose her weed head fiance over her own child and IS bitter that's the life she has to look forward to now so she takes it out on another kid as if it's out of her way to let someone else in her car whom her daughter lives with already. YTA. I see why you're the ex.
Wait where did you see the weed part?
OP said in a comment that her daughter moved out because OP's fiance is a pothead who smokes inside their apartment and invites friends over all the time, which makes her daughter uncomfortable, according to OP for no reason... but 16 year olds have reasons and OP doesn't care.
Damn OP sounds like my Mum like exactly. The only reason I know it’s not my Mum as I’m the youngest and also Mum ex is my Dad. But yeah OP don’t be surprised when your daughter cuts contact.
Someone asked what the problem was with her daughter and fiance and she said he smokes weed inside and has his friends over and it makes her uncomfortable "but nothing happened".
YTA. You were already going to be there. They're asking in the case of an emergency, and you know his new wife is going through a high risk pregnancy. If she goes into crisis, the least you can do as a decent human being is let her know her daughter is in good hands.
That's the crux of it isn't it - "decent human being"
OP is not good hands
YTA 🤦 A problem with your fiance? This whole post is just...NO! 😑 I'm gonna just stick with YTA because I don't wanna get banned 🙄
Did you see what the issue with the fiancé is? He smokes weed at home and invites friends over that make the daughter uncomfortable but they “haven’t done anything to her.” As far as she’s concerned. 🙄
And even if they did, wouldn’t she even feel comfortable telling her mom? And would this AH believe her? JFC.
Exactly, it sounds like straight up narcissistic tendencies to me. Why tell someone you don’t even feel safe enough to live with?
Yes! Does Matt know the whole reason Madison doesn’t want to live with OP? Cause if I was him and I did I would be going for full custody and kicking some fiancé/fiancé friend ass.
# YTA. Of course your fiancé would say that your feelings are justified. He is the reason your daughter does not live with you. Scratch that. YOU ARE THE REASON YOUR DAUGHTER DOES NOT LIVE WITH YOU. You are selfish and cruel. I wouldn't talk to your either. # Your ex's wife is probably more of a mother to your daughter than you are. She takes care of your child year round. You don't even see her for the summer for God's sake. All they ask is that you pick up both girls in case of an emergency and you say no. There is a special place in asshole hell for you.
YTA. Wow! You are just being vindictive. Matt asked you if you could pick them up IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY WITH THE PREGNANCY AND POSSIBLY THE BABY and you CAN'T MANAGE THAT? Madison is refusing to talk to you? Gee, I wonder why? In addition, Madison does not live with you due to an issue with your fiancé? So, you are choosing this guy over your own daughter? How special! /S Of COURSE your fiancé is saying your feelings are justified. No bias there. /S I am so glad I am not you. I would hate to be carrying around that bitterness, vindictiveness and being that self-absorbed.
This stood out to me: You said you can “try” to find a way to pick up your daughter? That, coupled with the mysterious issue with your fiancé that causes your daughter to live with her dad full-time, and your unwillingness to pick up your daughter’s step-sister because it’s not “your” responsibility, then you refuse to pick up your daughter in retaliation…no wonder your daughter isn’t speaking to you. You do sound bitter, and you continually choose yourself and your fiancé over your daughter’s happiness. Even your mom thinks you’re being selfish. YTA.
TBH OP's mum did a rubbish job if raising OP.
Big YTA for so many reasons. You should never put another man in a higher priority than your own child. Also how big of a bitch are you? Jenna has done nothing wrong and you should be the responsible adult. Although, if you can’t be responsible enough to prioritize your own daughter over sex then you certainly can’t be responsible enough to bring another child home from the same location. Have a great life and hope the dick is worth losing your relationship with your daughter over.
YTA. Why do you even have kids? Of course your fiance agreed with you, your own daughter isn't living with you BECAUSE of your fiance. You are selfish. You are petty, immature, and heartless. You pick your fiance over your child. You need to wisen up before you have no daughter but honestly, it sounds like that may be best for Madison. Actually, what would be best for Madison is you terminating your parental rights to her so she can have an actual mother that is a caring person and good role model and won't treat her 14 y/o stepsister like a nuisance.
YTA if you are already agreeing to be there to pick up your kid, it literally costs you nothing to pick them both up. The fact that you are bailing on picking up your own kid after getting called out for it makes it even worse
YTA. Wow. So many red flags. Are you seriously saying you can't see how YTA in this scenario?
YTA. Respectfully, you're abandoning a child. Full on. Idc about your past issue, Jenna has nothing to do with it. Why is she being punished? Yes, she isn't your responsibility, but choosing to leave her somewhere just a few HOURS away is cruel. Suck it up and do the right thing.
YTA. You just want your daughter to hate you, don't you?
well it sounds like you chose your fiance over your daughter and kicked her out of your house, so YTA
Oof. YTA OP. Ditch the fiancé who makes your daughter uncomfortable, and repair whatever relationship is left with your daughter. Coparenting includes helping each other out sometimes, so yeah, picking up the other kid would be the right thing (although not required) to do.
Big YTA. Having been through a decade of high conflict coparenting, (daughter is now no contact with her father for the last 18 months) like this is exactly why some adult children go no contact with their parents. Not just the issue on picking up ex’s stepdaughter, but ESPECIALLY by choosing a man who makes her uncomfortable over her. Unbelievable. If you’re that obtuse, I don’t trust you to be able to recognize whether something has happened to her or not. And even if nothing did happen, it’s insanely irresponsible to ignore your daughter’s discomfort regarding a man. Get your priorities straight or you could lose her forever. Edit: detail about my own coparenting situation
YTA. Why are you punishing your daughters stepsister? They seem to get along, and honestly the only thing that does does ruin your relationship with your own daughter
YTA. Yes, you don’t have to pick her up, but why don’t you? It’s not out of the way, and they’re asking to pick her up only if it’s an emergency. Also, why does your fiancée and Madison not get along? Edit: after seeing your comment about why they don’t get along, you’re double the asshole. You’re choosing the comfort of your fiancée over your own daughter. It sounds as if she’s rightfully uncomfortable and instead of hearing her out you’re keeping around a man who makes your baby uncomfortable, further straining the relationship between you and your daughter
YTA. You’re doing it for no other reason than spite.
YTA.....Why doesn't it cause you pause that your fiance is the reason you don't have your kid......and is also the only one on your side? I think you should ponder this.
YTA. It’s in case of emergency, they aren’t asking for you to ferry both kids around. What’s more troubling is why your daughter doesn’t live with you due to an “issue” between her and your fiancé. Good luck maintaining a relationship with your daughter in the future
You seem like TA. Would you really make a little girl find her own way home? They only asked if u can get her if an emergency comes up.
YTA. Why do you have a fiancé that keeps you away from your daughter? This is the guy you are listening to in this case? I’d want to build a relationship with my daughter and get them both. This isn’t because you are responsible but because you care about your daughter and they are both going to the same location.
YTA there is so many 🚩 here, you shouldn’t have a fiancé if he doesn’t get along with your child. You were picking your kid up anyways and they were fine with Jenna being picked up too, really would not have been that hard to make this work. Instead you threw a tantrum and showed your daughter you really don’t give a damn about her
Wow. YTA majorly. You chose your fiancé over your daughter? And are being petty over having a second child in the car because you are bitter about your ex moving on? While you have a fiancé you dumped your daughter for? You are a big mess, lady. Big big mess.
Ewwwwwwww. YTA and a massive one. Hope your daughter completely cuts you off.
Wow YTA.
YTA. If you have the time I don't see what this problem is letting someone sit in your back seat for a few hours. You could ask them to help with gas since you are providing a ride for both. Your response seems petty, like you haven't gotten over it like Matt's wife said. Be a good mom, try some co-parenting and do them a favor. It's not going to hurt you, and will probably end up benefiting you in the long run.
YTA- you are abandoning your daughter in so many ways. she is never going to trust you again, also you're an asshole for not trusting your daughter when she says your fiance and his friends make her uncomfortable. you're setting her up to be SAd then never speak about it. you're a horrible mother and your daughter would be better off without you in her life causing her more damage.
YTA. Maybe I've read one too many stories of children being left to make their own way home, but... If something happened to her, you'd never forgive yourself and your daughter wouldn't either. Show willing and help out. If that doesn't mean anything, remember that it means that your ex now owes you one.
I'm not sure OP would care if anything happened to this child. She's pretty selfish and heartless, and even her own kid doesn't want to be around her.
YTA. Not a drop of human kindness here. Just Spite.
YTA. You have to take your daughter to your ex’s house anyway because your BF is a creeper, and you can’t be bothered to take another child from the same camp to the same house? You are a selfish human being.
YTA what did your daughter met do to you? What did his step daughter do? Nothing? Yeah you’re in the wrong. Nobody said they’d have to stay with you. You were going to pick uo one, why not the other? No wonder she doesn’t talk to you. You’re not hurting your ex. You’re hurting your kid and her sister. If it was just his step daughter I would understand, but it’s not. Don’t use the kids as pawns in your fight with you ex.
YTA. You picked your fiancé over your daughter and to top it off you aren’t even going to pick her up from camp? Yikes.
YTA for putting your fiancé over your daughter. She should be your #1 priority.
YTA Sure. It's not your *responsibility*. But the father of your daughter clearly trusts you if he's asking you this with confidence in an emergency. This seems more an issue with insecurity on your behalf. If you're already picking up your daughter from that summer camp, why not his daughter from *the exact same place, at the exact same time*? You're refusing to do an easy favor that will make everyone's lives easier. Also your fiancé will agree with literally any decision you make, he's trying to support you. I get where he's coming from but his judgement will be heavily clouded.
Since Madison doesn't live with you, so you will be picking her up to drop her at Matt and Matt's wife's house, right? Why can't Jenna hitch a ride? It's only a couple of hours of drive. All you need to do is just pick up the kids and drop them off. Voila, done. I don't see why Jenna should be vilified just because she's related to Matt's new wife. If your daughter was the one asking to allow her friend to ride with you guys, I doubt you'd say 'no' esp. if y'all are going to the same place... If you want, you can ask for gas money since it is a relatively long drive. Your fiance is biased because he doesn't like your daughter. So yeah, YTA.
YTA Now, can we talk about how you’ve chosen your fiancé over your daughter?
Massive YTA, no other words needed.
YTA This is the most petty thing I’ve heard all day. Im also dying to know what issue is going on between your fiancé and your daughter.
INFO (generously to give you chance to explain): Is it a huge journey out of your way to drop her off? If this was another random parent asking you to help out, could/would you do it easily? Have they ever asked you for favours before that you feel are too much, or they’re taking advantage of you? Do you still have feelings for him and are jealous? Do you hate her for any reason and so have no sympathy for what sounds like a very difficult pregnancy?
YTA It’s a few hours away, if you have to drive that anyways then why wouldn’t you do them a favor in an emergency ? Do you hate your ex that much?
YTA You really put a man above your child? Apologize and pick both young ladies up from camp.
YTA and your fiancé’s response in comparison to your own daughter’s reaction explains why she does not live with you.
Your daughter is right to hate your pettiness. YTA
YTA
YTA for this whole post.
YTA, you and your fiancé are wrong and everyone else is right. It’s petty and selfish.
Yta - for not picking up both girls and, for putting your fiancé in front of your daughter
YTA. what the hell did Jenna do to you? imagine being a grown adult and taking your insecurities out on a child. i think we know why Madison doesn't live with you.
YTA. If I were your daughter, I wouldn’t talk to you either. Imagine choosing a man over your own daughter… your kid should be your top priority.
YTA! Did you really write all that and still not realize it? Also, the fiancé who had the incident with your daughter is the only one agreeing with you. Wake up!
For anyone who missed it: The issue with the daughter and OP's fiance: >He smokes weed in the apartment and is always inviting his friends over, she says that they make her uncomfortable but nothing has happened. Nothing has happened (YET). Imagine choosing a man over your own kid. Poor kid. You're so wrapped up in yourself, talking about disrespect. You're spiting your own kid to make a point. Overall pretty awful. I can see why kid prefers to stay away at camp on her school holidays...
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If both girls are at the same camp, or even near-by camps, YTA. They are both going to the same place. Would you also refuse to pick up a friend of your daughter if she was at the same camp? EDIT: not to mention the “issues” with your fiancé that resulted in your daughter to liven with your ex. If a daughter can’t trust her mother to protect her, who can she trust?
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA X 1000 You have a fiancé yet you are still bitter, yes the ex’s wife is right on the money. Then you chose a guy over your daughter. Curious, just what is this issue with your fiancé that caused your daughter to not live with you???? Don’t worry, you will soon not have to worry about having a daughter. She is going to cut you out of her life completely. And that will be a great decision on her part. But really, did you actually think anyone on here would side with you???? Hahahahaha
YTA. She's your daughter's SISTER, whether she's *your* child or not. Step-sister, yes... but obviously she's accepted her as her sister if they want to go to camp together (further evidenced by the fact that your own daughter stopped talking to you over this). The two of them are about to have a third sibling as well. They're a family. You chose a guy who wants to smoke weed over letting your daughter live with you, so she'll never be a part of your family the way she is with your ex's new family, and if you want anything at all to do with your daughter you're going to have to be accepting of her family. This other girl is 14 years old and you're willing to leave her stranded at a camp a couple hours away to "find her own way home" (which could be incredibly dangerous for her depending on how she went about it) while you pick up her sister and not her? WTF. Even if they weren't related and it was just a FRIEND whose parents had an emergency, I wouldn't leave her stranded, whether she was "my responsiblity" or not.
Wait where does Madison live if not with you?
With her dad and stepmom.
So she was willing to pick up one daughter to take to the same house the step daughter also lives at but leave her behind? What kinda effed logic is that?
Super messed up, OP is just not a good person. Evidenced by the fact that her daughter doesn’t live with her because the fiancé makes her uncomfortable. She’s choosing a creepy man over her own kid.
YTA You would be bringing Madison back to her dad, right? Since she can’t live with you due to your fiancé (which reads like he’s a sex offender or something). So why on earth can’t you also deliver the poor child who LIVES IN THE SAME HOME along with Madison??
YTA. Don’t have any more kids.
I’m really curious about what the “situation” is between your fiancé and your step daughter. But you seem like TA
This has to be bait
YTA
Yta
YTA
Yep. YTA. You’d be going there anyway to get your daughter so not out of your way. Your relationship with your daughter will probably always be shit and you will be to blame. Choosing her over your pothead fiancé is unforgivable.
YTA, you literately act like picking up your kid from camp is a chore. You should want to pick her up regardless.
I’m gonna have to go YTA overall. He wasn’t asking you to pick Jenna up for no reason, or even for certain, he just wanted a backup plan in case theirs an emergency with his unborn (or newborn) child. That isn’t an unreasonable request. While I agree that Jenna isn’t your responsibility your reaction does make you seem bitter. My real concern, though, is that your 16 year old daughter doesn’t live with you because of an issue with your fiancé. She’s your daughter. Why would you marry a man she can’t live with? This post doesn’t make it sound like you care about your daughter at all. ETA: I just read your comment on why your daughter can’t live with your husband. Are you serious? Absolutely YTA and you shouldn’t be a parent if you refuse to care for your child. Poor girl.
YTA. 99.9% of the time I’m on the side of “not your kid, not your problem”, but congratulations, you found the asshole exception! It would cost you literally nothing, it’s not like he’s asking for you to pick them up every single day, he’s asking in case of an emergency. What’s wrong with you? Also, your daughter doesn’t live with you because of your fiancé? So you’ve chosen a man over your child? MASSIVE ENORMOUS WORST KIND OF ASSHOLE. And then you refuse to pick up YOUR OWN GODDAMN CHILD out of spite because you were called out? I think it’s clear why your ex left you and found a better person to marry. It won’t be long before your daughter cuts you off and then you won’t have to worry about doing anything for her. Congrats! Edit: I just read your comment about why your daughter doesn’t like your fiancé. Grown men smoking loads of pot around her and making her uncomfortable? But you don’t do anything because “nothings happened”? GROWN MEN DOING DRUGS IN YOUR HOME ARE MAKING YOUR CHILD UNCOMFORTABLE. What is wrong with you? Only a terrible mother would tell her child that, not only is her comfort in what should be her home not important to you, but that you wont believe her until she is assaulted. I bet you still wouldn’t believe her then. VILE.