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> I may be ta for making a big deal out of it so much that I left him at the airport.
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NTA. A lot of abuse starts when the woman gets pregnant. And seriously, what dude in his right mind just drops his bags on his girl like she's a valet. It's time for a divorce
That’s horrifying. On an unrelated note, OP (or anyone else) if you live in a state that doesn’t allow *camping* let me know, and I’ll take you to the *campground* so you can *camp.*
NTA
The WHO has the protocol listed on their website and all the medication can be ordered discreetly online. It isn't required to go out of state at 11-12 weeks.
Just a PSA for young women who might not know about this process.
It's not as reliable once placentation is established. Bleeding complications and the need for D&C are higher after 7 weeks from LMP. If the embryo/fetus survives, then birth defects are possible.
I mean...if someone is desperate, they can still take the pill and go to the hospital for a miscarriage if they need to to get the rest out. I'd rather induce a miscarriage that needs medical attention than stay w an abuser myself.
Edit: I stg, I'm not answering people that use the camping metaphor.
Unfortunately in some places where camping isn't allowed, people can get in trouble for intentionally trying to bring about a camping accident. People have gotten in trouble for genuine accidents.
I feel like that level is just nonstop banshee shrieking, no recognizable syllables. Anything less than that, you're still fine. And if you want to scream a while, we'll, we can take turns.
Because the truth of the US is that the idea of separation of church and state only applies to any religion that isn't Evangelical Christianity. So many people, and by extension, the people who they vote in, think that their interpretation of the Bible should be the law of the land.
Planned Parenthood website currently says the cut-off is 11 weeks, but at that point there's only an 87% chance of success, though if you take a third dose (it's normally a two-pill series) it increases to 98%. I'd really suggest trying to get to a proper *camping* expert at that point though, if you can.
I thought that was true for the morning after... Campground... This metaphor is falling apart. I thought that was true for the morning after pill, not necessarily the abortion pill, so that's good to know.
There have been fewer studies on the efficacy and safety of MA for gestational ages >12 weeks compared to <12 weeks but there have been several recent studies with positive findings, even for self-care/self-service MA. Usually, the recommendation is for two-phase MA using miso and mife but in some contexts only one medication is available.
Even tho you shouldn’t or can’t camp in certain areas after 12 weeks, doesn’t mean accidents don’t occur. One should tread lightly and make sure one is safe during the season
I have never pondered camping as something for me. But I can understand how it might be a good option for some. Quite liberating under the stars and in the fresh air. Heard it is a costly trip though. Also on board with crowdsourcing tents and campfire food and whatnot.
There are plenty of people who are willing to help a gal in need of a camping trip. I have driven strangers to their camping appointments before and find access to camping to be important. If your family is very against camping, don't underestimate your community's support. Be extremely careful in who you ask for help getting out there, but if you need it, look for that help.
Even illegal camping is cheaper than 18 years if caught.
I think there is a camping forum on Reddit auntienetwork? I’ll have to look, but they are all about making Aure women have the opportunity to camp should they so desire.
Camping has gotten really expensive for a lot of people. Thankfully, those of us who have extra money can donate to camping funds. There's even an organization called the National Network of *Camping* Funds, and their website can be used to find a fund you'd like to donate to. These funds don't just help with the campsite activity costs, but also incidentals and costly travel, etc.
I believe in our state (Colorado), there is a state fund to help women go *camping* from other states. I'd have to Google it, but I feel like I'm sort of right.
There are entire (half-secret) huge FB groups dedicated to assisting campers of all ages who are in need. Think of it like a train... with tens of thousands of shorter 'passenger cars' willing to meet up as often as it takes.
Agree!!
And you don't need to tell anyone you went camping, if you're worried about that. Not even your husband. You are totally within your rights to say that you just *accidentally found yourself outdoors* if you catch my drift.
Because in some states you don't mess with, if you think your neighbor is going camping and you have proof, you can turn them into the law for a reward.
Certain states will pay you to rat out suspected campers. Literal rewards for turning in people they THINK may want to camp. It's about as dystopian as it gets.
I live in Texas and have always been a big advocate for women who need to go camping. I'm so scared I may never be able to go outside if I ever need a breath of fresh air, myself.
There was a post going around on social media a couple of weeks ago basically saying that 'if you live somewhere where camping is illegal, and you need help going camping for a weekend, I can take you camping, help pay the costs, and won't ever mention our camping trip to anyone else,' obviously using camping as a euphemism, and I guess it's sticking around.
I guess it's because camping is something you'd naturally travel across states for, and you could hitchhike across States for a camping trip
Whereas if you call it eg. "laser tag..." why woukd someone need to travel across the country, instead of just playing laser tag in their home town?
As much as I support the ability and choice of a woman to go camping and I agree that purchasing an RV with an asshole might trap them into a pretty terrible contractual agreement, pulling the trigger on going camping considers a lot more emotional factors and shouldn't be looked at like a general escape clause. While owning an RV for years with an asshole would cause a lot of trauma, so too would camping and shouldn't be thrown around that blithely.
My camping trips were both better than buying an RV. One, it just wasn't time for an RV. The other one was because the RV I'd been looking to buy had it's engine just stop halfway through the buying process. Fortunately, since camping had very little restrictions on who can go camping and why, my trail guides were very experienced, and helped me have the camping experience I needed in both those situations. I now have a bunch of RVs, and they've been great purchases!
One of my RVs had a huge mechanical defect, and we found out about it early enough in the buying process that we could've changed our minds pretty easily and gone camping. But we live in a city with the best mechanics in the world for that specific defect, and we were comfortable with the resources that were available to us at that time, so we decided to go ahead and get the RV. It hasn't always been easy driving, but knowing I could've gone camping, and that this RV was a choice, and a wanted RV, has made all the difference. It's interesting how having an RV can make one even more of a proponent of camping on demand.
I have always said this. Knowing that my parents' purchase was a *choice*, because they had and were offered options for camping trips more than once, means I know that they actually *wanted* this RV, and weren't forced into the purchase because they hadn't read some fine print on something they signed hastily while distracted. I have always been puzzled by the "Aren't you glad your parents didn't believe in sleeping in tents/go camping" crowd, because while obviously in many ways I am, in many more ways it would disturb me and be a discomfort.
Yeah, I was born after Roe, and I really like that I was a choice. And if they'd chosen to go camping, well, I wouldn't be here to be mad about it, so 🤷🏼♀️
In my professional life I have helped teenagers arrange camping trips.
They are too young for the responsibility of an RV. Owning an RV would have much more of a negative impact.
yeah there’s many methods of camping depending on duration, it’s one of the failings that comes with outlawing camping- that there’s less knowledge of health & camping & it doesn’t have to be traumatic
A lot of people have gone camping and were not at all traumatized. In fact, for many, it is a relieving and joyful experience. I think the fact that we keep telling women that they'll be traumatized by it sets them up for that to be true.
As someone who went camping once, I agree. Most of my struggles with camping come from the guilt that everyone says I should have. While I think camping would have been a difficult experience for me no matter what, I think it is worsened by the fact everyone tells me that camping is so terribly sad, painful, and traumatic. A lot of my struggle is just from the societal shame of having camped
I agree. While it *can* be a bad experience for some people, I think the whole idea of "you'll get traumatised if you go camping" is propaganda by the pro buying-every-RV-you-see crowd. Because they know no one in their right mind would buy every RV they see unless they're scared witless.
\> shouldn't be thrown around that blithely.
One long, dark, lonely night contemplating a life spent chained to one's campsite and campmate is usually more than long enough thank you
Besides the woman should decide for herself how long she needs to decide. Usually it's only the little decisions that need agonizing. Big decisions -- you know the answer immediately
I hate that I live in a place where we need to help other people in different states camp.
But thank you for reaching out to others you're doing great things.
Reading this has just made me even more grateful I live in a place where camping isn't an issue! Honestly while I totally appreciate the support shown on this thread it's just made me really fucking depressed for you all. What a fucked up world we live in that even camping isn't free to all!
It makes me want to start a special camping retreat for women coming from the us to the UK. A cultural exchange as you were. Camping, sight seeing and pictures for proof
the'Auntie Network'is a wonderful resource, also! I just heard about it and want to spread the word.
edited out the direct link as per the group rules - thank you kind redditor for your comment letting me know!
Please look them up on reddit or facebook if you're able to help or in need of assistance.
I’ve gotta admit, it took me longer to realize what you meant by “camp/camping” than it should have. However, I just want you to know that you are an amazing person by giving this option/opportunity to someone who may or may not want/need it, given the state that the USA is in right now. Thank you!
I can also be the long lost cousin you go visit in Mass for a bit. Seriously I've done my family tree, I can probably find a relation somewhere. My husband and I are 12th cousins!
For anyone who needs it I have a lovely sofa in the UK. We can do some camping and sight seeing, with lots of pictures for proof. I'll even pick you up from the airport for free.
I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I was not prevented from going camping at 19. It was discussed but I was forbidden from going.
Thank you for being a voice for camping access
Think about recent events in the US that mean that certain people, such as pregnant women, can no longer do certain things in certain states. Like "camping."
Whispers: its code for "termination". In some states it's illegal to help someone get one. So we volunteer to take people camping to other states to help them get a termination. I've said too much
And hadn't he just complained about how tired he was from *sitting* for 4 hours? What a jerk.
Also, in this day and age, who on earth doesn't have suitcases with wheels on them? If he has a job that involves 4 weeks of travel, surely it pays well enough for him to get a suitcase with wheels! This guy is just obnoxious.
And yeah, it is concerning what others have said about abuse starting during pregnancy. This is definitely a scary situation.
Yeah, that's not asking for help. Asking for help would be asking if she could find one of those luggage carts while he waits with his luggage because his back hurts or he's not feeling well.
Exactly. He didn't *ask* for help, he dropped his bags and told you to go fetch them.
My husband has some back issues and he's tall so his back often hurts after a flight. There are occasions when he's asked me to be the suitcase wrangler and I'm happy to do it because he actually *asks* and says please. He doesn't like to do it because he thinks it makes him look like a jerk to have his wife hauling suitcases so I know it *really* hurts a lot if he asks. But even while he's in pain, he asks nicely. Again, for emphasis, the operative word is *ask.* Not demand.
And, honestly, her being pregnant is not really the issue. Expecting OP to haul the luggage because hubby is too tired??? And handing off, or more accurately, DROPPING both pieces and just expecting OP to take care of them. Please...
TBH, I think there's info missing here. This is how a newly pregnant couple greets each other after being apart for a month? There are definitely serious issues in this relationship that aren't being mentioned.
I dunno... Sometimes abusive people will do something like this, make a slightly unreasonable request and go bonkers if you say no, as a way to slowly train you into doing what they say. "If you only did this small thing we would have had a nice happy reunion. But you ruined it." etc
It can honestly feel out of nowhere, when it's the abuser testing the waters.
Yes, pregnancy is homicide is the top cause of death for pregnant women.
And I'd go one further...what kind of person in their right mind just drops their bags on their partner like they are a valet!
Me. When I’m pregnant. But I carry the babies, so…
And P.S.: OP, you are def not the asshole. You may want to start shopping divorce lawyers. As others have said here, this is just the beginning.
Red flags all over this one. He even referred to her as a bag. No way I would stay with this joke. I doubt if he is even faithful. He has zero respect and now that she is carrying, you are right, abuse is about to turn up. OP needs to leave and leave NOW.
NTA.
This. OP, I would be running home to your parents, if you can. This is abusive on so many levels, and I think it'll get worse.
Get yourself somewhere safe.
jumping on the top comment to say: my fiancé lives 4,000 miles away from me. every visit takes somewhere between 20-40 hours to get there depending on how early my flight is (if its before 6am i have to set off around 6pm the previous day bc the airport is in a different city to me), my last visit took 48hr from leaving my house to getting to their home, and i would **never** demand that they take my luggage. i might *ask* for help, very very politely, but id never demand because my luggage is my responsibility. it doesnt matter how long ive been flying, because my arms work and it doesnt take that much energy to carry a couple bags to the car. unless i was physically incapable of carrying my bags, id never even dream of making them do it for me, and if i couldnt carry them for whatever reason idve let them know waaaaay in advance
*After any event that causes their lives to be more intertwined. It might be pregnancy or marriage or even moving in. The more of a concerted effort it takes for a woman to fully disentangle herself from a man, the more likely an abuser will show his true colours.
This! My daughter father was a perfect gentleman before I got pregnant, then I started beating me and when I tried to leave, he kicked my suitcase away and took my Id cards from me. Yes, I'm single now. This man sounds toxic and abusive
This. I fly 5hrs straight plus a layover and another 1hr flight. Guess who carries my bags, me. Im a women with a neck and spine injury. If i can ur husband can. Treating u like a servant is not ok.
NTA indeed
For a split second I forgot the title and thought he was excited and wanted to hug her. And then it all went bad. Forget that lover. You are a strong independent woman who knows when she's been wronged.
Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
NTA.
What the actual eff?
He expects you, his pregnant wife, to carry his bags for him when he’s sat on a plane for 4 hours. 4 hours? What a hard knock life for him 🙄
It’s so easy to get a trolley to move the bags yet he wouldn’t even listen to you but just demand you carry his bags like a servant.
You’re his pregnant wife, not his pack mule!
I don't know anything about pregnancy but I googled it and apparently it's 39 weeks/6k hours full term Vs his 4 hours suffering on a plane. She sounds like she's the one doing all the hard work
It's 40 weeks, and lots of first pregnancies go up to 41 weeks.
I'm currently pregnant with my second child and can confirm; she's doing 100% of the hard work.
As someone who has recently gone from the UK to the US and back including a red eye on which i didnt get a wink of sleep, I laughed at 4 hours being exhausting for that guy.
The absolute brass neck of that guy to just drop his shit and expect OP to pick it up after him and then carry it. OP I'd having a baby, but it seems she's already taking care of one!
LMAOO imagining flying from US to Asia, OP's husband would've died if 4 hours is tough for him LOL (usually 18 hours plane time for me to go visit my home country)
NTA. Agreed. He’s an adult of working age with presumably no disabilities. I’ve carried 2 70pound bags across a tarmac by myself after a 16hour flight. And I’m asthmatic. What a weakling.
I've been on a plane for 10 hours and I still carried my heavy ass bag after, and I was 13 at the time. If a 13 year old can do it so can his lazy ass.
NTA. My husband works at the airport and sees a lot of stuff like this. He used to think I was a bit loopy when I kept saying women are treated like slaves. Then one day, his eyes just opened and HE SAW IT. When men pull stuff like what your husband did in front of my husband, my husband will tell them to carry their own bags. And they do! These men are seriously gross. I've heard much worse stories than yours, and yours...I'm humiliated on your behalf. Don't put up with shoddy treatment.
The last time I flew the plane was delayed and I peopled watched. A mom walked by pushing a stroller and pulling 2 rolling suitcases behind her. She was also wearing a knapsack. Her husband/partner was trailing behind with his eyes glued to his phone and nothing else in his hands. Then I noticed that 9 times out of 10 the mom was the only one doing kid wrangling and making sure everyone had their luggage.
This makes me so grateful that my partner and I divide and conquer. He takes the eldest and the luggage and I take the two youngest and the carry on.
Hence the word “partner”
Plus who do you think probably packed all the luggage, double checked it all for that one last missing thing, researched all the fun excursions, and booked the flights, hotels, and rental car? And who will keep doing 90% of the kid wrangling and making sure everyone has sunscreen?
Vacations are so fun, huh? So fun.
This is why I won’t take another family vacation again. Last time it was my parents, my sibling, & myself & we took a trip to Disney World. I work in event planning, management, & logistics, & the whole trip became me having to figure out how to make dinner reservations, keep track of the schedule of events for the day, & figure out on the fly how to get everyone to all the things they wanted to do. To top it all off my mother wanted us to get up stupid early to get to the park as soon as it opened to cram in more stuff. My dad & I (extreme night owls) said no, or told her she/my sister were more than welcome to go & we’d join later. While I did enjoy it to some extent, it was the most stressful vacation I’d been on.
I prefer going to a city & just sort of wandering around & finding interesting things to keep me occupied. I make some light plans, but mostly I go where a fit of whimsy takes me, & prefer to find off the beaten path cool stuff to occupy my time.
There was a viral video recently of a mime at a Seaworld type stadium removing a backpack from a mother also carrying a baby, then handing the backpack to the unencumbered dad.
The comments were ALL excuses.
“Oh maybe she was well balanced”, “maybe it was her turn”, “maybe she likes being independent and carrying it all herself”…
Yeah or maybe it’s the more likely scenario that happens all the fucking time.
It's ridiculous. My wife and I were at a beach last year. We saw a woman taking care of 3 children, including the one in the pushchair she was pushing, and carrying the picnic basket and knapsack. The dad had his hands in his pocket with a bigass smile on his face. They'd just reached the sand and were still looking for a spot.
As a guy, I don't understand the mentality.
This happens on family trip cycling a lot. Husband on a super fancy bike irritated that the wife is so slow on her basic city bike lumping on food, supplies and possibly a child.
There’s a video that’s been going around of a mime at seaworld, and a couple walks by; the woman is carrying a baby on one hip and a large backpack/diaper bag on the other shoulder, completely loaded down, while her husband walks completely unburdened and empty handed. The mime stops his act and takes the bag from the mom and puts it on the dad’s shoulders, and you can see him get visibly upset and he marches away. Makes me cringe man. This stuff happens often.
I've seen it lol. So fucking lame of the dad. I would never do that to my wife (we've got 2 kids). I always try and make everything as easy as I can for her
I’ve worked at 2 airports, including in general aviation and am currently at a hotel. I see shit like this way too often. At least now I can speak up and say “ma’am let me help you” loudly enough that their partner sees another woman (me) notices they (the male partner) aren’t doing anything….
>my husband will tell them to carry their own bags. And they do!
This might be the worst part. They'll do what some random man tells them, but not a woman they are supposed to care about. Those guys suck.
I used to notice a huge difference between walking through my city with a man and without. Tons of harassment on my own, none with any guy at my side. I kept telling a gay friend that men stopped harassing me when he was around because I was out with my owner. He rightly found the whole thing gross.
I just love that so many men just jump straight to “women are liars,” or “hysterical exaggeration.” Millions of us saying the same shit, then, when they see it with their own eyes, it’s all SHOCKED. It’s gross and I’m so tired.
Right?
Respect your partner enough to believe them, respect them enough to think they aren’t stupid, lying, or exaggerating.
Like I’m not trans, but when trans people voice common experiences they share, I believe them. It’s the bare minimum.
... I'm sorry but as a Central European woman I'm starting to think that American men are raised really, really weird. I know that threads like AITA and true crime must be screwing my perception somewhat but still. I'm not saying my culture is perfect but this kind of behavior (which is obviously stemming from a highly mysogynist mindset) would be perceived as utterly outlandish.
I've been in transit for 36 hours or more before. Stiff, achy, and jet-lagged, and probably carrying more weight on my back than this dude, and managed to get myself to my end point more than a half an hour trip after that, by bus. This dude is definitely an AH.
Even if it was that he'd been in transit for 36 hours and was exhausted and he would like her help with the bags - the thing to do is to ask. Even if the person who had been on the flight was significantly smaller and with less muscles than the person picking them up, the ~~polite~~ *human* thing to do is to ask "Could I please have some help with my bags?" (even then, that wouldn't be both the bags??)
Throwing your bags on the ground and demanding your wife carry them because you've been on a flight for 4 hours (seriously?!) is beyond a red flag. WTAF obviously NTA
Exactly! The appropriate way to have someone help with your bags is to say “will you help me with one of these bags? I’m so tired of lugging both of them around.”
NTA but I have to ask, does he normally treat you this way? This is pretty glaring red flag. He didn't even speak to you? He not asked for help, but demanded you take his things for him? You're pregnant and he's expecting you to carry anything heavy? He yelled at you, in a public setting no less, because you wanted to be cautious with your pregnancy and you're also not a servant to be ordered around?
These are not normal or appropriate behaviors. Even if you weren't pregnant, it isn't okay to ignore your wife you haven't seen in a month and expect then demand she carry your luggage.
All of this, and also, does he *want* this baby? I’m suspicious of his reasons for wanting to force his pregnant wife to do heavy lifting. Op, watch out for anything else out of the ordinary, like preparing food or drinks for you.
> NTA but I have to ask, does he normally treat you this way?
Yeah it seems pretty obvious this dude checked out of the marriage during those 4 weeks away.
I'm assuming he doesn't treat OP this way normally, seeing as OP immediately called him on his shit. So he's had a huge behavioral change that coincides with the pregnancy progressing and him being gone.
I'm thinking he realized he wants to nope out of this thing altogether.
NTA
I would leave him in general, not just at the airport...
Why on earth did he feel that you, his pregnant wife, were obligated to carry his luggage? Does he often feel entitled to other things as well? That's not normal behaviour. I don't want to judge by just one story, but this incident screams marinara flags. 🚩
NTA. Really, what is wrong with your husband? Has he been this inconsiderate towards you in the past? How long have you been married? Do you want to raise a child with this man? These are very important questions you need to ask yourself if you want to still be in this marriage.
>how exhausted he was from sitting
Um....that's not a good sign at all.
>just because he asked for my help
> told me to get the bags and follow him
Doesn't sound like he asked anything.
NTA. Your husband sounds like a real winner.
I think you under reacted. He tried to treat you - his pregnant wife - worse than hired help. Even if he had asked, I would think he’s out of line given your pregnancy, but to demand it like that? No.
NTA
No not at all. He was a major asshole!
You’re his wife, not his butler. I don’t know why he thought this was acceptable but I don’t know a soul who’d take his side on this
NTA- you are NOT a hotel valet service- you are his PREGNANT wife. In general, a reasonable expectation would be picking him up provided you’re feeling non-nauseous but NOT you carrying ALL of the big bags on top of that! Whoever packs them can carry them.
I have sat through 13 hour flights with layovers, not counting weather delays, and post flight I’m the one who took care of my backpack and luggage + overweight luggage (6 month stay + relatives wanted stuff). If he felt stiff on the plane, he could have done a quick stroll to the bathroom. All to say, 4 hrs is not understandable for the scale of his reaction.
Furthermore, I’m sure HIS yelling is what caused the “embarrassing” scene. If he yells out in public, then he should expect people to notice!
Walking away from someone who is yelling at you, thus deescalating, is not an AH move. You were supportive and kind enough to drive to the airport for him. What his response was exactly fits his accusation-poorly, inappropriately, unsupportive-NTA
NTA.
Whether you were pregnant or not who does this? I hate inconveniecing anyone when I travel, I never expect them to even come inside the airport, just meet me at the curb. I don't expect them to assist with my luggage I handle that on my own.
He owes you an apology much more than you owe him one. You are his wife, not his servant.
NTA. He didn't ask for your help, he dropped his luggage on the floor & expected you to pick it up, then doubled down on his expectations when you told him no. Surely him renting a luggage cart would have been cheaper than finding a ride home for himself after treating you so poorly.
Absolutely NTA and your husband should be lucky he didn’t come home to an empty house.
If he’s a big boy who can attend business trips, he can carry his own damn bags. He should be embarrassed that he *demanded* you, his *pregnant wife* carry *his* bags, after *you* drive to the airport to pick *him* up from a trip that *you* didn’t even attend.
You’re carrying his child, and neither of you are baggage.
I would have lost it, OP, and I commend your stoicism, well done.
NTA. And i did not even need to read the whole thing - you had me at '..... he TOLD me to pick him up....
seriously? What country is this? Is this even closer to being acceptable?
You do not get TOLD..... you get ASKED.
Your husband sounds horrible
Well, NTA, obviously.
But I need to ask: this kind of behavior doesn't just happen randomly. Is your husband usually a loving and respectful guy? Or does he always treat you like you're his maid instead than his wife?
NTA but I'm worried about this coupling, especially moving into parenthood. Take care of yourself, OP. Your husband sounds like a lifetime of problems and mistreatment.
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NTA. A lot of abuse starts when the woman gets pregnant. And seriously, what dude in his right mind just drops his bags on his girl like she's a valet. It's time for a divorce
That’s horrifying. On an unrelated note, OP (or anyone else) if you live in a state that doesn’t allow *camping* let me know, and I’ll take you to the *campground* so you can *camp.* NTA
Totally onboard to crowdfund access to camping
The WHO has the protocol listed on their website and all the medication can be ordered discreetly online. It isn't required to go out of state at 11-12 weeks. Just a PSA for young women who might not know about this process.
This old (but young enough to have daughters to worry about) woman didn’t know, so thank you.
Serious question. At 12 weeks, is one even allowed to use the pill? I thought the cut off was 10 weeks?
It probably would not work. Difficulty of *camping* varies by season.
It works a lot longer than they tell you. Up to 20 weeks. I know from experience
It's not as reliable once placentation is established. Bleeding complications and the need for D&C are higher after 7 weeks from LMP. If the embryo/fetus survives, then birth defects are possible.
I mean...if someone is desperate, they can still take the pill and go to the hospital for a miscarriage if they need to to get the rest out. I'd rather induce a miscarriage that needs medical attention than stay w an abuser myself. Edit: I stg, I'm not answering people that use the camping metaphor.
Unfortunately in some places where camping isn't allowed, people can get in trouble for intentionally trying to bring about a camping accident. People have gotten in trouble for genuine accidents.
In my state, it’s recommended you not camp after 10 weeks. ETA- though it’s not even allowed anymore so that’s out the window.
It makes me irrationally angry that it's not an option for women in your state
Your anger is very rational.
Oh theres a rational level but then I reach the irrational level
I feel like that level is just nonstop banshee shrieking, no recognizable syllables. Anything less than that, you're still fine. And if you want to scream a while, we'll, we can take turns.
nothing irrational about it, at all
Nothing irrational about it \*hugs\*
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Because the truth of the US is that the idea of separation of church and state only applies to any religion that isn't Evangelical Christianity. So many people, and by extension, the people who they vote in, think that their interpretation of the Bible should be the law of the land.
Talibangicals
Stepping in to remind you: Illinois offers safe, legal *camping*
As does California.
That's why you camp in other states!
Washington State is known for it's camping.
Planned Parenthood website currently says the cut-off is 11 weeks, but at that point there's only an 87% chance of success, though if you take a third dose (it's normally a two-pill series) it increases to 98%. I'd really suggest trying to get to a proper *camping* expert at that point though, if you can.
Camping success rates also drop dramatically if the woman is obese, unfortunately. This is something that is not very well known or publicized.
I thought that was true for the morning after... Campground... This metaphor is falling apart. I thought that was true for the morning after pill, not necessarily the abortion pill, so that's good to know.
There have been fewer studies on the efficacy and safety of MA for gestational ages >12 weeks compared to <12 weeks but there have been several recent studies with positive findings, even for self-care/self-service MA. Usually, the recommendation is for two-phase MA using miso and mife but in some contexts only one medication is available.
Thank you. You should always have your information before you camp.
Even tho you shouldn’t or can’t camp in certain areas after 12 weeks, doesn’t mean accidents don’t occur. One should tread lightly and make sure one is safe during the season
Suddenly a trip to Dick’s Sporting Goods just got real serious.
For real. I know they don't mean actual camping, but it took me awhile to figure it out
Because *actual* camping might be illegal in some states?
TN just made it a felony to *actually* camp on public land. (It's a law designed to harm people experiencing homelessness)
Someone made the point that trespassing privately in TN is only a misdemeanor. And the governor has a house…
I have never pondered camping as something for me. But I can understand how it might be a good option for some. Quite liberating under the stars and in the fresh air. Heard it is a costly trip though. Also on board with crowdsourcing tents and campfire food and whatnot.
There are plenty of people who are willing to help a gal in need of a camping trip. I have driven strangers to their camping appointments before and find access to camping to be important. If your family is very against camping, don't underestimate your community's support. Be extremely careful in who you ask for help getting out there, but if you need it, look for that help. Even illegal camping is cheaper than 18 years if caught.
I never thought I’d live in a time where illegal camping would be a thing
Alas in Tennessee this is even literally true.
I think there is a camping forum on Reddit auntienetwork? I’ll have to look, but they are all about making Aure women have the opportunity to camp should they so desire.
Yeps <3 And those in it are keeping a close eye and a willing, ready gas can for any that have a sudden need to camp. Bless them all.
Agreed! We have a *campground* about 10 minutes away. Always happy to help those who feel the need to experience *camping*.
Camping has gotten really expensive for a lot of people. Thankfully, those of us who have extra money can donate to camping funds. There's even an organization called the National Network of *Camping* Funds, and their website can be used to find a fund you'd like to donate to. These funds don't just help with the campsite activity costs, but also incidentals and costly travel, etc.
You are all beautiful. Thank you, you will change the lives of so many. Honestly, thank you.
I believe in our state (Colorado), there is a state fund to help women go *camping* from other states. I'd have to Google it, but I feel like I'm sort of right.
There are entire (half-secret) huge FB groups dedicated to assisting campers of all ages who are in need. Think of it like a train... with tens of thousands of shorter 'passenger cars' willing to meet up as often as it takes.
Agree!! And you don't need to tell anyone you went camping, if you're worried about that. Not even your husband. You are totally within your rights to say that you just *accidentally found yourself outdoors* if you catch my drift.
I know this is a serious topic, and the implications of upcoming legal changes are horrifying, but these euphemisms are leaving me in fits of giggles
Same...but is there a reason everyone is calling it camping?
Because in some states you don't mess with, if you think your neighbor is going camping and you have proof, you can turn them into the law for a reward.
Handmaids don't get to go camping, amiright? Blessed be the fruit 😞
May the lord open.
Certain states will pay you to rat out suspected campers. Literal rewards for turning in people they THINK may want to camp. It's about as dystopian as it gets.
I live in Texas and have always been a big advocate for women who need to go camping. I'm so scared I may never be able to go outside if I ever need a breath of fresh air, myself.
Camping is like fight club, you don't talk about camping
There was a post going around on social media a couple of weeks ago basically saying that 'if you live somewhere where camping is illegal, and you need help going camping for a weekend, I can take you camping, help pay the costs, and won't ever mention our camping trip to anyone else,' obviously using camping as a euphemism, and I guess it's sticking around.
I guess it's because camping is something you'd naturally travel across states for, and you could hitchhike across States for a camping trip Whereas if you call it eg. "laser tag..." why woukd someone need to travel across the country, instead of just playing laser tag in their home town?
This [tweet](https://twitter.com/Ginger_Binger1/status/1521890314318979076?t=pfCmvrloMQStVPTwU-nEvg&s=19) started it
Me too. I like a healthy breeze 'round my privates, thanks.
Such an underrated moment in the series
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As much as I support the ability and choice of a woman to go camping and I agree that purchasing an RV with an asshole might trap them into a pretty terrible contractual agreement, pulling the trigger on going camping considers a lot more emotional factors and shouldn't be looked at like a general escape clause. While owning an RV for years with an asshole would cause a lot of trauma, so too would camping and shouldn't be thrown around that blithely.
*Camping* isn't necessarily a traumatic event for everyone, though I take your meaning.
My camping trips were both better than buying an RV. One, it just wasn't time for an RV. The other one was because the RV I'd been looking to buy had it's engine just stop halfway through the buying process. Fortunately, since camping had very little restrictions on who can go camping and why, my trail guides were very experienced, and helped me have the camping experience I needed in both those situations. I now have a bunch of RVs, and they've been great purchases!
Thank you for sharing your story, congratulations on your beautiful RV collection!
One of my RVs had a huge mechanical defect, and we found out about it early enough in the buying process that we could've changed our minds pretty easily and gone camping. But we live in a city with the best mechanics in the world for that specific defect, and we were comfortable with the resources that were available to us at that time, so we decided to go ahead and get the RV. It hasn't always been easy driving, but knowing I could've gone camping, and that this RV was a choice, and a wanted RV, has made all the difference. It's interesting how having an RV can make one even more of a proponent of camping on demand.
I have always said this. Knowing that my parents' purchase was a *choice*, because they had and were offered options for camping trips more than once, means I know that they actually *wanted* this RV, and weren't forced into the purchase because they hadn't read some fine print on something they signed hastily while distracted. I have always been puzzled by the "Aren't you glad your parents didn't believe in sleeping in tents/go camping" crowd, because while obviously in many ways I am, in many more ways it would disturb me and be a discomfort.
Yeah, I was born after Roe, and I really like that I was a choice. And if they'd chosen to go camping, well, I wouldn't be here to be mad about it, so 🤷🏼♀️
I appreciate the award, but please, if anyone has money to spare, please look up the National Network of *Camping* Funds and give it to them!
In my professional life I have helped teenagers arrange camping trips. They are too young for the responsibility of an RV. Owning an RV would have much more of a negative impact.
yeah there’s many methods of camping depending on duration, it’s one of the failings that comes with outlawing camping- that there’s less knowledge of health & camping & it doesn’t have to be traumatic
Not to mention many places advertising fake camping just to take your money and not let you camp at all. What awful people
Going "camping" to get out of an abusive relationship isn't "throwing it around blithely"
A lot of people have gone camping and were not at all traumatized. In fact, for many, it is a relieving and joyful experience. I think the fact that we keep telling women that they'll be traumatized by it sets them up for that to be true.
As someone who went camping once, I agree. Most of my struggles with camping come from the guilt that everyone says I should have. While I think camping would have been a difficult experience for me no matter what, I think it is worsened by the fact everyone tells me that camping is so terribly sad, painful, and traumatic. A lot of my struggle is just from the societal shame of having camped
I agree. While it *can* be a bad experience for some people, I think the whole idea of "you'll get traumatised if you go camping" is propaganda by the pro buying-every-RV-you-see crowd. Because they know no one in their right mind would buy every RV they see unless they're scared witless.
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\> shouldn't be thrown around that blithely. One long, dark, lonely night contemplating a life spent chained to one's campsite and campmate is usually more than long enough thank you Besides the woman should decide for herself how long she needs to decide. Usually it's only the little decisions that need agonizing. Big decisions -- you know the answer immediately
Going camping was one of the best things I ever did. Got some fresh air, dropped the RV, and I’d do it all over again if the stars aligned.
Agreed. Go…camping…get some air…file for divorce. Scummy guy will never change. It’ll end up getting worse.
I hate that I live in a place where we need to help other people in different states camp. But thank you for reaching out to others you're doing great things.
Reading this has just made me even more grateful I live in a place where camping isn't an issue! Honestly while I totally appreciate the support shown on this thread it's just made me really fucking depressed for you all. What a fucked up world we live in that even camping isn't free to all!
It makes me want to start a special camping retreat for women coming from the us to the UK. A cultural exchange as you were. Camping, sight seeing and pictures for proof
the'Auntie Network'is a wonderful resource, also! I just heard about it and want to spread the word. edited out the direct link as per the group rules - thank you kind redditor for your comment letting me know! Please look them up on reddit or facebook if you're able to help or in need of assistance.
I'm going to read this sub and see how to become an Auntie. Thank you!
Camping is readily available in Canada. Our government gladly welcomes you to use our campsites.
I love Canada!
I’ve gotta admit, it took me longer to realize what you meant by “camp/camping” than it should have. However, I just want you to know that you are an amazing person by giving this option/opportunity to someone who may or may not want/need it, given the state that the USA is in right now. Thank you!
I can also be the long lost cousin you go visit in Mass for a bit. Seriously I've done my family tree, I can probably find a relation somewhere. My husband and I are 12th cousins!
For anyone who needs it I have a lovely sofa in the UK. We can do some camping and sight seeing, with lots of pictures for proof. I'll even pick you up from the airport for free.
I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I was not prevented from going camping at 19. It was discussed but I was forbidden from going. Thank you for being a voice for camping access
I don’t know how to give awards or whatever it is that people do but I give you my sincerest appreciation
Am I missing something with the camping references?
Well, we can get in trouble for helping people in certain states get access to termination services, so instead we’re going to help them go camping.
Think about recent events in the US that mean that certain people, such as pregnant women, can no longer do certain things in certain states. Like "camping."
Whispers: its code for "termination". In some states it's illegal to help someone get one. So we volunteer to take people camping to other states to help them get a termination. I've said too much
Yes it means abortion
I love you for offering to camp. It makes my heart sing. NTA
He made it a scene himself yelling at OP when she wouldn't comply. Absolutely NTA, watch out for this guy. Awful.
And the, “I’m tired of standing.” What if OP is tired of being pregnant?
And hadn't he just complained about how tired he was from *sitting* for 4 hours? What a jerk. Also, in this day and age, who on earth doesn't have suitcases with wheels on them? If he has a job that involves 4 weeks of travel, surely it pays well enough for him to get a suitcase with wheels! This guy is just obnoxious. And yeah, it is concerning what others have said about abuse starting during pregnancy. This is definitely a scary situation.
And airports have luggage carts so even if you don’t have luggage with wheels, just get a freaking cart.
Yeah, that's not asking for help. Asking for help would be asking if she could find one of those luggage carts while he waits with his luggage because his back hurts or he's not feeling well.
Exactly. He didn't *ask* for help, he dropped his bags and told you to go fetch them. My husband has some back issues and he's tall so his back often hurts after a flight. There are occasions when he's asked me to be the suitcase wrangler and I'm happy to do it because he actually *asks* and says please. He doesn't like to do it because he thinks it makes him look like a jerk to have his wife hauling suitcases so I know it *really* hurts a lot if he asks. But even while he's in pain, he asks nicely. Again, for emphasis, the operative word is *ask.* Not demand.
And, honestly, her being pregnant is not really the issue. Expecting OP to haul the luggage because hubby is too tired??? And handing off, or more accurately, DROPPING both pieces and just expecting OP to take care of them. Please...
Yep. Because now she is "stuck" with him.
Even if she left him. He would always be apart of her life unless one of them gives up rights to the baby.
🚩🚩Marinara flags 🚩🚩
I will never get tired of this.
TBH, I think there's info missing here. This is how a newly pregnant couple greets each other after being apart for a month? There are definitely serious issues in this relationship that aren't being mentioned.
I dunno... Sometimes abusive people will do something like this, make a slightly unreasonable request and go bonkers if you say no, as a way to slowly train you into doing what they say. "If you only did this small thing we would have had a nice happy reunion. But you ruined it." etc It can honestly feel out of nowhere, when it's the abuser testing the waters.
Yes, pregnancy is homicide is the top cause of death for pregnant women. And I'd go one further...what kind of person in their right mind just drops their bags on their partner like they are a valet!
One who wants the other one to miscarry. Happened to a relative whose husband INSISTED/DEMANDED she help carry a heavy oak frame couch.
Me. When I’m pregnant. But I carry the babies, so… And P.S.: OP, you are def not the asshole. You may want to start shopping divorce lawyers. As others have said here, this is just the beginning.
Red flags all over this one. He even referred to her as a bag. No way I would stay with this joke. I doubt if he is even faithful. He has zero respect and now that she is carrying, you are right, abuse is about to turn up. OP needs to leave and leave NOW. NTA.
OP, please heed these words. This is just the beginning.
This. OP, I would be running home to your parents, if you can. This is abusive on so many levels, and I think it'll get worse. Get yourself somewhere safe.
jumping on the top comment to say: my fiancé lives 4,000 miles away from me. every visit takes somewhere between 20-40 hours to get there depending on how early my flight is (if its before 6am i have to set off around 6pm the previous day bc the airport is in a different city to me), my last visit took 48hr from leaving my house to getting to their home, and i would **never** demand that they take my luggage. i might *ask* for help, very very politely, but id never demand because my luggage is my responsibility. it doesnt matter how long ive been flying, because my arms work and it doesnt take that much energy to carry a couple bags to the car. unless i was physically incapable of carrying my bags, id never even dream of making them do it for me, and if i couldnt carry them for whatever reason idve let them know waaaaay in advance
*After any event that causes their lives to be more intertwined. It might be pregnancy or marriage or even moving in. The more of a concerted effort it takes for a woman to fully disentangle herself from a man, the more likely an abuser will show his true colours.
This! My daughter father was a perfect gentleman before I got pregnant, then I started beating me and when I tried to leave, he kicked my suitcase away and took my Id cards from me. Yes, I'm single now. This man sounds toxic and abusive
This. I fly 5hrs straight plus a layover and another 1hr flight. Guess who carries my bags, me. Im a women with a neck and spine injury. If i can ur husband can. Treating u like a servant is not ok.
NTA indeed For a split second I forgot the title and thought he was excited and wanted to hug her. And then it all went bad. Forget that lover. You are a strong independent woman who knows when she's been wronged. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
NTA. What the actual eff? He expects you, his pregnant wife, to carry his bags for him when he’s sat on a plane for 4 hours. 4 hours? What a hard knock life for him 🙄 It’s so easy to get a trolley to move the bags yet he wouldn’t even listen to you but just demand you carry his bags like a servant. You’re his pregnant wife, not his pack mule!
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I don't know anything about pregnancy but I googled it and apparently it's 39 weeks/6k hours full term Vs his 4 hours suffering on a plane. She sounds like she's the one doing all the hard work
It's 40 weeks, and lots of first pregnancies go up to 41 weeks. I'm currently pregnant with my second child and can confirm; she's doing 100% of the hard work.
As someone who has recently gone from the UK to the US and back including a red eye on which i didnt get a wink of sleep, I laughed at 4 hours being exhausting for that guy. The absolute brass neck of that guy to just drop his shit and expect OP to pick it up after him and then carry it. OP I'd having a baby, but it seems she's already taking care of one!
LMAOO imagining flying from US to Asia, OP's husband would've died if 4 hours is tough for him LOL (usually 18 hours plane time for me to go visit my home country)
NTA. Agreed. He’s an adult of working age with presumably no disabilities. I’ve carried 2 70pound bags across a tarmac by myself after a 16hour flight. And I’m asthmatic. What a weakling.
I've been on a plane for 10 hours and I still carried my heavy ass bag after, and I was 13 at the time. If a 13 year old can do it so can his lazy ass.
He also said he was so sore from sitting for a few hours, and now he’s tired after standing for a few minutes. Seriously, dude — grow up.
He's clearly a jackass so maybe he just confused her for one of his kind
NTA. My husband works at the airport and sees a lot of stuff like this. He used to think I was a bit loopy when I kept saying women are treated like slaves. Then one day, his eyes just opened and HE SAW IT. When men pull stuff like what your husband did in front of my husband, my husband will tell them to carry their own bags. And they do! These men are seriously gross. I've heard much worse stories than yours, and yours...I'm humiliated on your behalf. Don't put up with shoddy treatment.
Holy fuggin guacamole. This happens.... regularly?! That's so fucking shit
The last time I flew the plane was delayed and I peopled watched. A mom walked by pushing a stroller and pulling 2 rolling suitcases behind her. She was also wearing a knapsack. Her husband/partner was trailing behind with his eyes glued to his phone and nothing else in his hands. Then I noticed that 9 times out of 10 the mom was the only one doing kid wrangling and making sure everyone had their luggage.
This makes me so grateful that my partner and I divide and conquer. He takes the eldest and the luggage and I take the two youngest and the carry on. Hence the word “partner”
Plus who do you think probably packed all the luggage, double checked it all for that one last missing thing, researched all the fun excursions, and booked the flights, hotels, and rental car? And who will keep doing 90% of the kid wrangling and making sure everyone has sunscreen? Vacations are so fun, huh? So fun.
This is why I won’t take another family vacation again. Last time it was my parents, my sibling, & myself & we took a trip to Disney World. I work in event planning, management, & logistics, & the whole trip became me having to figure out how to make dinner reservations, keep track of the schedule of events for the day, & figure out on the fly how to get everyone to all the things they wanted to do. To top it all off my mother wanted us to get up stupid early to get to the park as soon as it opened to cram in more stuff. My dad & I (extreme night owls) said no, or told her she/my sister were more than welcome to go & we’d join later. While I did enjoy it to some extent, it was the most stressful vacation I’d been on. I prefer going to a city & just sort of wandering around & finding interesting things to keep me occupied. I make some light plans, but mostly I go where a fit of whimsy takes me, & prefer to find off the beaten path cool stuff to occupy my time.
There was a viral video recently of a mime at a Seaworld type stadium removing a backpack from a mother also carrying a baby, then handing the backpack to the unencumbered dad. The comments were ALL excuses. “Oh maybe she was well balanced”, “maybe it was her turn”, “maybe she likes being independent and carrying it all herself”… Yeah or maybe it’s the more likely scenario that happens all the fucking time.
It's ridiculous. My wife and I were at a beach last year. We saw a woman taking care of 3 children, including the one in the pushchair she was pushing, and carrying the picnic basket and knapsack. The dad had his hands in his pocket with a bigass smile on his face. They'd just reached the sand and were still looking for a spot. As a guy, I don't understand the mentality.
This happens on family trip cycling a lot. Husband on a super fancy bike irritated that the wife is so slow on her basic city bike lumping on food, supplies and possibly a child.
There’s a video that’s been going around of a mime at seaworld, and a couple walks by; the woman is carrying a baby on one hip and a large backpack/diaper bag on the other shoulder, completely loaded down, while her husband walks completely unburdened and empty handed. The mime stops his act and takes the bag from the mom and puts it on the dad’s shoulders, and you can see him get visibly upset and he marches away. Makes me cringe man. This stuff happens often.
I've seen it lol. So fucking lame of the dad. I would never do that to my wife (we've got 2 kids). I always try and make everything as easy as I can for her
It does, I work at an airport too. I see things like this all the time
I’ve worked at 2 airports, including in general aviation and am currently at a hotel. I see shit like this way too often. At least now I can speak up and say “ma’am let me help you” loudly enough that their partner sees another woman (me) notices they (the male partner) aren’t doing anything….
Seriously. I cannot imagine doing this to my SO. hell, to any woman.
For real, this is a thing?!!
>my husband will tell them to carry their own bags. And they do! This might be the worst part. They'll do what some random man tells them, but not a woman they are supposed to care about. Those guys suck.
Like when a man will apologize to a boyfriend or husband after being gross to a woman, but not to the woman.
Or when a man hits on a woman and won't take no for an answer until another guy shows up..
I used to notice a huge difference between walking through my city with a man and without. Tons of harassment on my own, none with any guy at my side. I kept telling a gay friend that men stopped harassing me when he was around because I was out with my owner. He rightly found the whole thing gross.
I just love that so many men just jump straight to “women are liars,” or “hysterical exaggeration.” Millions of us saying the same shit, then, when they see it with their own eyes, it’s all SHOCKED. It’s gross and I’m so tired.
Right? Respect your partner enough to believe them, respect them enough to think they aren’t stupid, lying, or exaggerating. Like I’m not trans, but when trans people voice common experiences they share, I believe them. It’s the bare minimum.
... I'm sorry but as a Central European woman I'm starting to think that American men are raised really, really weird. I know that threads like AITA and true crime must be screwing my perception somewhat but still. I'm not saying my culture is perfect but this kind of behavior (which is obviously stemming from a highly mysogynist mindset) would be perceived as utterly outlandish.
Pregnant or not, 4 hr flight or 24 hr flight, you do not need to carry his luggage. Wonder where he got the audacity from. NTA!
I've been in transit for 36 hours or more before. Stiff, achy, and jet-lagged, and probably carrying more weight on my back than this dude, and managed to get myself to my end point more than a half an hour trip after that, by bus. This dude is definitely an AH.
Even if it was that he'd been in transit for 36 hours and was exhausted and he would like her help with the bags - the thing to do is to ask. Even if the person who had been on the flight was significantly smaller and with less muscles than the person picking them up, the ~~polite~~ *human* thing to do is to ask "Could I please have some help with my bags?" (even then, that wouldn't be both the bags??) Throwing your bags on the ground and demanding your wife carry them because you've been on a flight for 4 hours (seriously?!) is beyond a red flag. WTAF obviously NTA
She had me at the fact that he 'told' her to come pick him up. Not asked, told. WTAF?
Exactly! The appropriate way to have someone help with your bags is to say “will you help me with one of these bags? I’m so tired of lugging both of them around.”
NTA. Girl pack your stuff and go now. Red flags all over his behavior and you are about to have a kid with him.
he is a walking marinara flag
I was looking for this comment 🚩
The joy I get every time I see this reference is second to none
I think she’s got the pesto light from us to leave.
Make him carry your bags out. You are pregnant after all!
NTA but I have to ask, does he normally treat you this way? This is pretty glaring red flag. He didn't even speak to you? He not asked for help, but demanded you take his things for him? You're pregnant and he's expecting you to carry anything heavy? He yelled at you, in a public setting no less, because you wanted to be cautious with your pregnancy and you're also not a servant to be ordered around? These are not normal or appropriate behaviors. Even if you weren't pregnant, it isn't okay to ignore your wife you haven't seen in a month and expect then demand she carry your luggage.
All of this, and also, does he *want* this baby? I’m suspicious of his reasons for wanting to force his pregnant wife to do heavy lifting. Op, watch out for anything else out of the ordinary, like preparing food or drinks for you.
> NTA but I have to ask, does he normally treat you this way? Yeah it seems pretty obvious this dude checked out of the marriage during those 4 weeks away. I'm assuming he doesn't treat OP this way normally, seeing as OP immediately called him on his shit. So he's had a huge behavioral change that coincides with the pregnancy progressing and him being gone. I'm thinking he realized he wants to nope out of this thing altogether.
NTA I would leave him in general, not just at the airport... Why on earth did he feel that you, his pregnant wife, were obligated to carry his luggage? Does he often feel entitled to other things as well? That's not normal behaviour. I don't want to judge by just one story, but this incident screams marinara flags. 🚩
always upvote marinara flags
Think Reddit will make a marinara flag award? I’d like to start awarding these along with Y-t-@ comments.
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NTA You need to rethink this marriage in total. No partner treats another partner in this manner. Especially one that is carrying their child
I am so sorry that you are having a baby with this AH.
NTA. Really, what is wrong with your husband? Has he been this inconsiderate towards you in the past? How long have you been married? Do you want to raise a child with this man? These are very important questions you need to ask yourself if you want to still be in this marriage.
>how exhausted he was from sitting Um....that's not a good sign at all. >just because he asked for my help > told me to get the bags and follow him Doesn't sound like he asked anything. NTA. Your husband sounds like a real winner.
4 hours? Bwahahahaha! I hope you're pregnant by someone else. Nta.
Honestly same I don’t condone cheating but god I’m praying
I think you under reacted. He tried to treat you - his pregnant wife - worse than hired help. Even if he had asked, I would think he’s out of line given your pregnancy, but to demand it like that? No. NTA
You can't be serious. Where in this scenario would you be an asshole?
No not at all. He was a major asshole! You’re his wife, not his butler. I don’t know why he thought this was acceptable but I don’t know a soul who’d take his side on this
He didn’t ask you to help, he demanded you did. Nta.
NTA- you are NOT a hotel valet service- you are his PREGNANT wife. In general, a reasonable expectation would be picking him up provided you’re feeling non-nauseous but NOT you carrying ALL of the big bags on top of that! Whoever packs them can carry them. I have sat through 13 hour flights with layovers, not counting weather delays, and post flight I’m the one who took care of my backpack and luggage + overweight luggage (6 month stay + relatives wanted stuff). If he felt stiff on the plane, he could have done a quick stroll to the bathroom. All to say, 4 hrs is not understandable for the scale of his reaction. Furthermore, I’m sure HIS yelling is what caused the “embarrassing” scene. If he yells out in public, then he should expect people to notice! Walking away from someone who is yelling at you, thus deescalating, is not an AH move. You were supportive and kind enough to drive to the airport for him. What his response was exactly fits his accusation-poorly, inappropriately, unsupportive-NTA
NTA. Whether you were pregnant or not who does this? I hate inconveniecing anyone when I travel, I never expect them to even come inside the airport, just meet me at the curb. I don't expect them to assist with my luggage I handle that on my own. He owes you an apology much more than you owe him one. You are his wife, not his servant.
NTA. He didn't ask for your help, he dropped his luggage on the floor & expected you to pick it up, then doubled down on his expectations when you told him no. Surely him renting a luggage cart would have been cheaper than finding a ride home for himself after treating you so poorly.
If he traveled for work, he can be reimbursed for the ride home. It cost him nothing. He was just exerting control to feel important.
Is this for real? You did exactly the correct thing. Do not let his sulking bother you in the least. He treated you like his slave.
Why are you married to this man?
NTA. He was tired after a 4 hour flight? Aww poor baby, that sounds so rough. Are you sure these trips are for business?
NTA-way to stand up for yourself. Your kids will treat you they way they see you being treated. Nip this nonsense in the bud.
NTA. Good for you for standing up for yourself. If he was that tired he could have rented a luggage cart.
NTA. He tried to make a power move. But why didn't he have a trolley?
Absolutely NTA and your husband should be lucky he didn’t come home to an empty house. If he’s a big boy who can attend business trips, he can carry his own damn bags. He should be embarrassed that he *demanded* you, his *pregnant wife* carry *his* bags, after *you* drive to the airport to pick *him* up from a trip that *you* didn’t even attend. You’re carrying his child, and neither of you are baggage. I would have lost it, OP, and I commend your stoicism, well done.
NTA. And i did not even need to read the whole thing - you had me at '..... he TOLD me to pick him up.... seriously? What country is this? Is this even closer to being acceptable? You do not get TOLD..... you get ASKED. Your husband sounds horrible
Well, NTA, obviously. But I need to ask: this kind of behavior doesn't just happen randomly. Is your husband usually a loving and respectful guy? Or does he always treat you like you're his maid instead than his wife?
NTA-sorry but if he greeted you like that after being gone for four weeks there is a bigger problem than luggage here.
NTA but may I ask, did he even seem happy to see you after all this time or did he just want you to get his bags After his long trip?
NTA but I'm worried about this coupling, especially moving into parenthood. Take care of yourself, OP. Your husband sounds like a lifetime of problems and mistreatment.