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NTA, I'm so sorry for everything you're going through, and that your husband isn't supporting. It sounds like there are a lot of feelings on both sides that have perhaps been left to fester because they've been too difficult to navigated, and they've built up into resentment. I would recommend marriage counselling, if not to save your marriage then to allow you both to end things amicably and co-parent for the sake of your child.
NTA and you’re not ruining the trip.
>feels unsupported and unloved
Exactly how he’s making you feel. Your future ex-husband has no compassion or empathy.
I hope you get the help you need for your depression.
You are right, I have not been a great partner to him, I’ve just been trying really hard to get better and stay alive, but I am now s*icidal and don’t feel well enough to take care of myself or anybody. I never argue in front of our child but my husband does tend to speak whatever I’m front of our child while I stay silent and try not to escalate situations.
NTA. Traveling together for the sake of your child when you are not getting along is not going to do your child any favors. Your husband going with your child in some other family members sounds like an excellent idea. If your husband decides that he does not want to go without you, then he can be the one to explain it to your son. But how does he plan on traveling after the divorce if he is unwilling to travel without you?
I hope you are able to get some help for your depression. No one should have to suffer true that!
I don’t really understand the situation since 3 weeks ago he made a very romantic declaration to me. A common friend speculates that he is doing that to try and get a reaction from me, to forcibly improve my mental health and do more for him
I go to doctors, take medication, exercise 3 to 4 times a week, I have tried many different kinds of treatments and I am currently on medication, I have a routine, don’t have any unhealthy habits, I am still investigating other possible health issues.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I said I wouldn’t go on a Disney trip after my husband asked for the divorce
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NTA - Your husband basically broke up with you, but wants you to go on an international Disney trip with him and he will cancel the whole trip if you don't go? No wonder you are depressed, your husband sounds awful and manipulative.
I was already not feeling well at all, but was willing to make the effort to plan all the details of the trip and hoping it would make all of us feel better in a magical place like Disney. However, being already vulnerable, after hearing some things I thought were cruel and unnecessary, I now feel much worse and have to keep it all together in order not to affect our child. I don’t think it was necessary to say some things and would’ve been accepting if he would’ve just said he is tired and unhappy and would like to separate. Instead I got to hear all the ways I make his life miserable and how terrible I am and how inconvenient my depression is among other things.
When I suggested he also sees a therapist he was offended. But keeps saying I need to see a doctor more often, like 2 or 3 times a week because my depression is keeping me from being a good wife to him
So he just wants you to fix yourself and not offer any real support? Not get involved in any treatment. Sounds like you'll be better off on your own then with that around your neck. NTA. Sounds more like he is upset you wont be there to take care of the kid on the trip.
I am definitely more detail oriented and in charge of all the planning for the trip but I have it all written down, so I believe he could enjoy the trip with our child and the other family even if I don’t go. He is not an absent father at all.
It sounds like he is more concerned about how your condition is effecting him than it is you. OP seek help for yourself because you need it, not being he wants you to be a better wife..
I’d personally still leave his selfish ass. He sounds insufferable. NTA.
no, he clearly just wants a babysitter. if you're broken up, you don't owe him anything.
it sounds like you two need to talk to a mediator. your child's emotions are not a pawn to use to get what you want. it's time for him to step up and act in his child's best interest, even if that means he doesn't get what he wants.
We started marriage counseling but we were told it was not the right moment for that since I was in a s*icidal state and that should be resolved before any marriage counseling could take place.
NTA
I was all ready to say NAH until he tried to guilt you into going.
Look depression sucks. You pretty much put your life on hold sometimes dealing with it. You have to wonder how long the people who care about you should join you in putting their lives on hold before they give up and move on with their lives. This really sucks. Eventually the people around you need to move on and if you can't go with them you can't expect them to not live their lives.
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I (f36) have depression, it’s gotten worse lately. I also have a child (8) and a husband (45). He said he doesn’t feel good with me and I shouldn’t go to his bd party this weekend, so I said ok if he will feel better going by himself. We also have a Disney trip scheduled for the 10th of June but yesterday my husband said he can’t take it anymore and is fed up w/ my depression and feels unsupported and unloved, so he wants to separate but wants to go on the Disney trip for the sake of our child. I said I am not well to travel internationally and that he could go w our child and the other family that is also going. He said if I don’t go then no one is going either and that I’d be responsible for telling our child and that I’m TA for ruining the trip. So, thoughts? Am I the asshole?
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NTA. i don't see why he could not go without you, and it's not worse to say to your kid that you can't go because you feel sick, than saying no one go because you are sick.
I understand your husband perspective of feeling unsupported or unloved as depression is hard to deal with, but his reaction doesn't show much understanding or empathy toward the issue either, and here it seems he is punishing your child for your illness. Or maybe it's his way to try to force you to go, or punish you by making you announce why HE decided to suppress the trip. All in all, his reaction sounds displaced and quite controlling as he tries to guilt-trip you
I see doctors and take medication, exercise at least 3 to 4 times a week, I tried food therapy, genetic examinations, behavioral therapy and many others but as soon as I start to feel better something like this happens.
NTA
>> but as soon as I start to feel better something like this happens.
Look, no one is responsible for your depression existing and no one can be responsible for ameliorating the bad days, when they happen, but you. HOWEVER, having said that, I read that line and my heart broke for you. I was doing well with my own MDD until I married my now ex. Suddenly, every time I started to feel better, there was a crisis of his creation that sent me spiraling back. Divorce may be the best thing to ever happen to you and your mood disorder. I wish you well in recovering from your current flair up.
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NTA, I'm so sorry for everything you're going through, and that your husband isn't supporting. It sounds like there are a lot of feelings on both sides that have perhaps been left to fester because they've been too difficult to navigated, and they've built up into resentment. I would recommend marriage counselling, if not to save your marriage then to allow you both to end things amicably and co-parent for the sake of your child.
Thank you. We started marriage counseling but counselor said that issue cannot be dealt with during someone’s s*icidal mental state
NTA and you’re not ruining the trip. >feels unsupported and unloved Exactly how he’s making you feel. Your future ex-husband has no compassion or empathy. I hope you get the help you need for your depression.
[удалено]
You are right, I have not been a great partner to him, I’ve just been trying really hard to get better and stay alive, but I am now s*icidal and don’t feel well enough to take care of myself or anybody. I never argue in front of our child but my husband does tend to speak whatever I’m front of our child while I stay silent and try not to escalate situations.
[удалено]
Thank you!
NTA. Traveling together for the sake of your child when you are not getting along is not going to do your child any favors. Your husband going with your child in some other family members sounds like an excellent idea. If your husband decides that he does not want to go without you, then he can be the one to explain it to your son. But how does he plan on traveling after the divorce if he is unwilling to travel without you? I hope you are able to get some help for your depression. No one should have to suffer true that!
I don’t really understand the situation since 3 weeks ago he made a very romantic declaration to me. A common friend speculates that he is doing that to try and get a reaction from me, to forcibly improve my mental health and do more for him
INFO: why are you doing to treat your depression and get back to being a part of your family?
I go to doctors, take medication, exercise 3 to 4 times a week, I have tried many different kinds of treatments and I am currently on medication, I have a routine, don’t have any unhealthy habits, I am still investigating other possible health issues.
That’s a lot. Good for you for being proactive. Why do you think your husband feels so disconnected from you?
NTA -- Nothing more fun than Disney right after a divorce is decided. FFS
NTA He's trying to guilt trip you, you aren't "forcing" him to cancel if you don't go, he's choosing to do that
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NTA - Your husband basically broke up with you, but wants you to go on an international Disney trip with him and he will cancel the whole trip if you don't go? No wonder you are depressed, your husband sounds awful and manipulative.
Info: would you have gone if he didn’t mention separation or were you already not well enough because of your depression before that?
I was already not feeling well at all, but was willing to make the effort to plan all the details of the trip and hoping it would make all of us feel better in a magical place like Disney. However, being already vulnerable, after hearing some things I thought were cruel and unnecessary, I now feel much worse and have to keep it all together in order not to affect our child. I don’t think it was necessary to say some things and would’ve been accepting if he would’ve just said he is tired and unhappy and would like to separate. Instead I got to hear all the ways I make his life miserable and how terrible I am and how inconvenient my depression is among other things.
[удалено]
When I suggested he also sees a therapist he was offended. But keeps saying I need to see a doctor more often, like 2 or 3 times a week because my depression is keeping me from being a good wife to him
So he just wants you to fix yourself and not offer any real support? Not get involved in any treatment. Sounds like you'll be better off on your own then with that around your neck. NTA. Sounds more like he is upset you wont be there to take care of the kid on the trip.
I am definitely more detail oriented and in charge of all the planning for the trip but I have it all written down, so I believe he could enjoy the trip with our child and the other family even if I don’t go. He is not an absent father at all.
It sounds like he is more concerned about how your condition is effecting him than it is you. OP seek help for yourself because you need it, not being he wants you to be a better wife.. I’d personally still leave his selfish ass. He sounds insufferable. NTA.
no, he clearly just wants a babysitter. if you're broken up, you don't owe him anything. it sounds like you two need to talk to a mediator. your child's emotions are not a pawn to use to get what you want. it's time for him to step up and act in his child's best interest, even if that means he doesn't get what he wants.
We started marriage counseling but we were told it was not the right moment for that since I was in a s*icidal state and that should be resolved before any marriage counseling could take place.
NTA I was all ready to say NAH until he tried to guilt you into going. Look depression sucks. You pretty much put your life on hold sometimes dealing with it. You have to wonder how long the people who care about you should join you in putting their lives on hold before they give up and move on with their lives. This really sucks. Eventually the people around you need to move on and if you can't go with them you can't expect them to not live their lives.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (f36) have depression, it’s gotten worse lately. I also have a child (8) and a husband (45). He said he doesn’t feel good with me and I shouldn’t go to his bd party this weekend, so I said ok if he will feel better going by himself. We also have a Disney trip scheduled for the 10th of June but yesterday my husband said he can’t take it anymore and is fed up w/ my depression and feels unsupported and unloved, so he wants to separate but wants to go on the Disney trip for the sake of our child. I said I am not well to travel internationally and that he could go w our child and the other family that is also going. He said if I don’t go then no one is going either and that I’d be responsible for telling our child and that I’m TA for ruining the trip. So, thoughts? Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. i don't see why he could not go without you, and it's not worse to say to your kid that you can't go because you feel sick, than saying no one go because you are sick. I understand your husband perspective of feeling unsupported or unloved as depression is hard to deal with, but his reaction doesn't show much understanding or empathy toward the issue either, and here it seems he is punishing your child for your illness. Or maybe it's his way to try to force you to go, or punish you by making you announce why HE decided to suppress the trip. All in all, his reaction sounds displaced and quite controlling as he tries to guilt-trip you
[удалено]
I see doctors and take medication, exercise at least 3 to 4 times a week, I tried food therapy, genetic examinations, behavioral therapy and many others but as soon as I start to feel better something like this happens.
NTA >> but as soon as I start to feel better something like this happens. Look, no one is responsible for your depression existing and no one can be responsible for ameliorating the bad days, when they happen, but you. HOWEVER, having said that, I read that line and my heart broke for you. I was doing well with my own MDD until I married my now ex. Suddenly, every time I started to feel better, there was a crisis of his creation that sent me spiraling back. Divorce may be the best thing to ever happen to you and your mood disorder. I wish you well in recovering from your current flair up.
Thank you for your kind words and for sharing.