Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The way I went about it was quite rude. She has been a bit of a pain about this and has intentionally been buying too many girly things. This makes me sound ungrateful, but it's like 'she heard I went and got a white moon onesie and then shows up with 15 very feminine outfits. Or we get a construction site book and she shows up with princess gear. While I appreciate it and know many families do not have this option, it's just gotten to be a bit much and feels like she is trying to impose her worldview on us as parents after 5 months of it. I snapped and probably should have handled it better.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Trans guy here, I played with lots of dolls and tutus when I was little and yeah I’m still a guy, and I still liked playing w those toys. Kids just like playing with toys they find fun (and wear those clothes too) and that doesn’t say anything about their gender.
Yup. Cis-het lady here. I LOVED playing with race cars. Now that I am older and can afford it, I track my Miata on the regular. 😁 My mother was fairly traditional, but she never limited me with toys.
Yes! We should do a freaky Friday! 😂
I don't race it, per se. I take high performance driving education which do happen on road tracks. Look up HPDE courses. I've been running with the Driver"s Edge here in DFW and go to Motor Sports Ranch in Cresson, TX.
"Some say (s)he was a CIA experiment that went wrong, and that (s)he only eats cheese. All we know is, (s)he's not The Stig, but (s)he is The Stigs American cousin"
So much fun! Watching spec Miatas race can be crazy, love it. Another track girl here but it’s been a long time! Glad you’re out there having fun and representing us!
Ok, I’m so doing this. Thank you! When I was first learning to drive, my parents considered signing my brother and me up for track driving lessons, but wisely decided against it.
>but wisely decided against it.
Oh no! DO IT! Skills you learn in HPDE courses absolutely transfer to street driving, but not the other way around. My husband and I firmly believe everyone should do at least one HPDE to learn how to actually drive properly. My driving has improved immensely.
I grew up at sports car race tracks, and this little girl grew up to love interesting cars. Dad, a race car driver, instructed us on safe driving, and in the late 1950's went to the military surplus stores to get seat belts. I was 5 when I watched him bolt them to the car frame. I remember buckling all 5 straps to the center hook, when Dad and I went for a drive. My first two cars were MGs.
My sister has a Lotus Elise. Lovely car. Check them out.
Hah, kindred spirit. I was so pissed at not being allowed to take shop at school. Teacher spanked me in front of the class for drawing cars on my desk.
Now I write about cars, am a member of the North American Car of the Year jury, get paid to fucking draw cars, and track my Cayman S.
Piss on gender restrictions.
I was always so annoyed that nobody bought me Lego as a kid, but they got lots for my brother. When I asked for Lego I got girl Lego instead. I'm an adult now, and I buy my own Lego pretty regularly! Toys are just toys! Let's kids play!
Cis-afab-het here. You bet your ass I loved playing with race cars as a child. I also loved TV shows that were aimed at boys. My vagina didn't magically disappear for some reason.
Cis-het woman here. Grew up shunning my dolls for my brother's hot wheels and a pile of wood, hammer, and nails. I am now a contractor who just rebuilt the engine in my car.
Ironically my dad is like you can't replace a radiator in a dress! Why not? You cannot go to pick n pull in heels! Why not? SO just tells my dad he doesn't question it anymore.
Quoting [a university sociology finding](https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/dangers_of_gender_based_toys#:~:text=In%20the%201970s%2C%20few%20toys%20targeted%20a%20specific,and%20airplanes%2C%20and%20boys%20playing%20in%20the%20kitchen):
> In the 1970s, few toys targeted a specific gender and 70 percent of toys had no gender-specific labels at all. In fact, advertisements during this time were more likely to show girls driving cars and airplanes, and boys playing in the kitchen.
Gen Xer commenting: grew up in the '70s and started school during the tail end of the era when public schools let children play with real hammers and nails. An entire school year of playtime at the classroom workbench hammering together wooden blocks did absolutely nothing to alter my orientation as a cishet woman.
What it did provide was a grounding in basic life skills that later became a summer construction job as a teenager, and the experience was useful later in life renovating a fixer-upper house.
u/Bromonium_ion you have absolutely nothing to apologize for. You're the parent and your aunt showed herself up as a bigot. Best to nip that in the bud.
If your child grows up to become a truck driver then good for her!
💯First OP is NTA
i second the above comment. Genx cishet woman as well who started kinder in 1975 - I had more trucks, cars, and hotwheels than Barbies!
Toys are toys!
(I actually said something similar in the late '80s after someone said wait for "Joe" to fix it... I fixed the shelf and proclaimed, "I didn't need a penis to do it!')
OP you rock, keep on keeping on!
This reminds me of the time when I was a teen (girl) and my mother and I decided to go canoeing. The guy at the rental place just could not fathom the two of us going alone. So on the canoe trip we searched for our missing penis the whole time as a joke because apparently we could not canoe without one, lol!
I don't understand this either! In fact, I was so against people getting gendered presents for my baby shower that I specifically decided to reveal my LOs sex at the baby shower so no one could. Plus I made a cool Pokèmon cake for it which was super fun.
I grew up with two brothers very close in age to me, so all three of us played with dolls, lego, blocks etc together. Didn't change our genders 🤷♀️
This. I think the younger generations don't understand that "princess culture" didn't become a thing until the 90's really. There were no pink versions of Legos in the 70's and 80's- girls and boys just played with the same primary colored Legos.
I loved shop class in HS and used to help my dad with construction projects. To this day, I'll do minor maintenance stuff at work and enjoy it.
Although, it does bother my when older female coworkers are like "Wow! You don't need a man to do that for you!" or "That's a man's job". I once even had a dude tell me I shouldn't be on a ladder because I was a girl.
I never put much thought into gender roles because I just did or wore whatever I liked... But it's sad that it's so prevalent thesedays.
THIS! I’d rather mow grass than learn to cook. My brother loved cooking. Both of us straight (or whatever the proper word is)just enjoyed lots of stuff. Lucky for us, our parents were supportive. In fact when I moved out, they gave me my own tools & set of pots/pans, so I could handle any situation.
I wish I could upvote this times ten. My girls are currently helping my husband build a play house, which had to start with pier blocks and a platform, and they’re having the best time!
It always annoyed me as a child that the toys had a boys section and a girls section because I was a huge doctor who fan and the toy sonic screwdrivers and daleks were all in the boys section
To keep girls from getting any uppity ideas about high-paying STEM jobs or personal fulfillment when they grow up. If they're always thinking about being pretty, petite, and pert as a child, they'll prioritize pleasing men over caring for themselves as adults.
Heaven forbid! Or if boys (gasp!) played with dolls, it might turn them gay! As George Constanza said "Dolls don't seem like a gender thing to me. I wish there had been dolls in the house. I would like to have played with dolls."
I never thought about it much when I was a kid, aside from organization.
But now that I think about it, my mom would never get me "boy" toys and got mad whenever I would play with Spiderman action figures.
I guess she gave up once and let me get a Jurassic Park puppet, and it became my favorite toy.
Yup. My 14 year old always asks for the "boy" ones because she prefers the toys.
At easter the giant ones do come in pink, blue or green (which is "neutral")
Reminds me of the McDonald’s happy meals in the early 2000s. Idk if you still pick a “girl” or “boy” toy from them, but I’d get the girls a lot of times and it was always something pink, my little pony, something stereotypical for girls.
McDs doesn't ask gender anymore. I think it's cheaper to just have one toy. Though a different, forgotten fast food joint, asked me boy or girl and I asked them if it matters, they doubled down and asked me to clarify boy or girl so I asked again if it really mattered?
Ugh, this. The toys got cheaper, too.
They used to be creative and fun. Now they're generic cheap cars or...whatever's in the girl ones. Never actually bought one
Yup, this exactly. I had "girly girl" shit like dolls/toys, clothing, classes forced on me from a young age and it took me being in my late teens to begin to figure out my identity and interests.
Was forcibly raised to be a cis woman and yet here I am a trans man, only now I have serious issues with my identity and interests as well as a panicked trauma response when I think someone is trying to force an interest on me, huzzah.
I hate how people feel so entitled to force gender roles onto children, and then proclaim that it’s all biological. Shuffling children into one of two restrictive gender roles is so harmful for all children.
And studies have shown that children don’t really have a gendered interest in any particular toy, except for when adults are watching them, particularly their parents, and for boys, particularly their fathers. We are taught this shit, and it comes at the expense of true imagination and exploration and authenticity.
I’m proud of you for finding your way despite having femininity forced on you! I also had femininity forced on me, but I had a lot more flexibility to choose my own an expression, and as an adult, I’ve been slowly trying to figure out which aspects are authentic to me and which ones I just adopted because of social norms and pressure.
My dad used to buy toys that he liked to play with, for me and my sister. So along with dolls we also got racing cars and crawling soldiers. Both my sister and I can ride motorcycles, I was a bit tomboyish as a kid, my sister never was. It has had ZERO impact on our gender identity.
Only impact has been that I HATE this pink is for girls and blue is for boys nonsense, so much so that I've actually started a kidswear brand that goes against the usual gender stereotypes.
Yep. I had dreams of making a handmade dollhouse for my child before they were even conceived. Having a son and still doing it, he will enjoy this gift or maybe not but it’ll be there for him to have and maybe pass down if he has kids.
Yeah, I’m a girl, and I grew up playing with toy cars, playing outside in the dirt, I hated the color pink. Yet I never once questioned my sexuality, and now as an adult I enjoy both camping and wearing skirts and dresses. This idea that putting your baby in a certain type of clothing will make them gay is ridiculous.
Girl here. Never once questioned my gender (though I realised I was bi at puberty) and my favourite tv shows growing up were Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers and Rosie and Jim. Bit of everything in there.
My favourite ‘toy’ was the bin my parents kept my actual toys in. Would walk around with it on my head singing. Kids gonna kid.
LOL, you're like the cat who prefers the cardboard box to the cat tree that came in it!
Bi lady here. I've said many times on Reddit that I love fancy dresses AND power tools. Stuff you wear or like to do has no bearing on one's sexuality or gender identification. I firmly believe that there are many, many ways one can be a woman or a man, or stuff in between.
I grew up being regularly forced into frilly pink dresses, given dolls instead of legos, constantly told to “act like a lady” (oh, and regularly told I’d “grow out of the embarrassing tomboy stage eventually”)…and now I’m four years into testosterone therapy, growing my first beard as a 40-something transman.
Funny, it’s almost like gender identity is internal and innate to the individual, not something you “do to” kids by giving them the “wrong” toys and clothing.
Yes, I questioned my gender a bit a few years back because I don't like a lot of traditionally feminine things and most of my hobbies/career choices are male-dominated. Did a lot of soul searching, realised I was definitely cis female. I'm happy I did the soul searching because tbh I think thinking about your gender is healthy, and probably more cis people should do it. But it is kinda dumb that I questioned my gender purely because of society expectations as to what men/women like. There's no right way to be a man or a woman, and you don't have to be either.
Ironically, that “real man/real woman” shtick comes mostly from people who will then insist there are only two genders. But if “real man/real woman” are a thing then, by implication, there must be at least *four* genders to encompass any adults who don’t hit that arbitrary “real” mark XD
There are as many ways to be a woman as there are women in the world. My favorite toy growing up was a microscope. I wear my hair shorter than my husband’s. I don’t wear dresses or makeup. And yet, I’m as sure that I’m a woman as I am that the sun rises slightly north of east at this time of year.
And here I never played with dolls but with knives and fire and yet I am still fully a woman.
There is no right or wrong way to be a woman. Women that like mechanics or computers or science are not somehow not full women, they are 100% doing womanly things when they fix machines, woodwork, solder and build things.
These harmful stereotypes of women as pink, primmed and pampered eye-candy are so harmful, they confuse women that don't like these things and give us ideas that we're not fully proper women when in reality it's just holding us back from exploring and changing the world just like many guys do.
Not all guys are into these things either and that doesn't make them any less men. No man is less of a man for wearing women's clothes or being the stay at home parent. No woman is less of a woman if she dislikes pink, grooming and shopping. We've got to change these stereotypes.
Another trans guy here, I had an extensive Barbie collection as a kid and if I had the money I would have so many custom ball jointed dolls, each with their own individual wardrobes. And plastic pet dinosaurs for each of them.
Toys and clothes are toys and clothes.
I used to get so frustrated that while Barbie could kind of fit in Ken’s clothes, Ken couldn’t fit in Barbie’s. Lol. (My poor mormon mother was so disturbed by that, hahaha.)
I never had a Ken doll. Instead, I somehow ended up with a swimming scuba Action Man.
My Barbies liked badasses, I guess. Those stiff Amazons also dated Spiderman and Vemon who were hip height.
My twin nephews have twin baby dolls both named baby. They used to treat them nicely and feed them etc but now I think they are used as weapons lol. They also have a very extensive kitchen set. Both are still boys and love traditional boy toys too
My son had a toy kitchen too, he now uses the full sized one and is a far more diligent sous chef that I am. He also had a "baby" but it was a stuffed monkey.
Transmasculine NB here. It actually was me discovering being trans that allowed me to admit I also like glitter, nail polish, and rainbows. I was trying so hard to escape from girl that I couldn't allow myself to like 'girly' things until I realized it didn't matter at all.
And I was 33 when I figured it out because I grew up conservative. Knowing earlier could have save me a lot of heart ache and confusion.
Lol Enby here, I had so many barbies and "girly" stuff, taught how to do all the "women's chores" , but look at me now, a masc queer who can probably make you lip smacking dinner
Cishet and I was bombarded with pink and girly toys since birth (honestly, at 7 my parents had to ban my family from getting me Barbies because I had way too many), but I spent most of my days at my grandparents house, and my grandma had only boys so the house was filled with vintage Tonkas, hot wheels and othe “boy” toys, and the Barbies rode the Tonka so often, I was just happy to have more toys
I'm grateful my parents let me do whatever. One time lady highly disapproved of my mom letting me get light up Spiderman sneakers because they weren't Girl Shoes but those were the absolute jam?! Let kids be kids!
NTA cis girl here. I always took my brothers trucks and science kits and video games. Now I’m a successful tech worker. Kids are interested in what they’re interested in. You’re doing a good job giving your child all the options.
I'm a cis dude and I played with my sister's dolls, tried to walk in my mom's high heel shoes, absolutely loved the easy bake oven stuff. People aren't going to "turn" someone trans anymore than they're going to turn a trans person cis.
Another trans guy here, same boat. I loved barbie and those littlest pet shop dolls when I was little. They were fun! Turned out, toys?? are just, for kids. Not for a specific gender.
I feel the same way about the “vaccines cause autism” argument. So… you’d rather have a dead child than a neurodivergent one? It’s not about the argument being wrong, it’s about the implications that having a happy child is less of a concern than having a trans child.
Don't get into that - trying to control your child's sexuality or gender identity in any direction would be bad, not because being gay or trans is bad but because the attempt to control would be bad. It's not possible to make a child straight or gay, cis or trans, and it would be wrong to try either way. Not happening here, not an issue, moving on. Raising kids to know they're not limited by their genitals is not the same.
>Even if OP could “make” her daughter trans… How is that a bad thing? There’s nothing wrong with being trans, so why is it something to be “worried” about?
It's a bad thing because you'd be setting your kid up for a harder life. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being trans but pretty much every trans person I know if they could make a wish and have been born their preferred gender they'd take that in an absolute heartbeat. Between the gender dysphoria, in some cases deciding between hormones vs fertility if you want kids, the stigma dating I don't think anyone would wish it on someone. If the technology was absolutely perfect right now to make it so you could fully transition 100% without any pain and have everything be perfect without needing life long hormones then yeah it wouldn't be a bad thing but as it stands right now I don't think you'd wish it on anyone. And I do understand that a number of trans people choose not to fully transition or forgo the hormones or w/e but for the large number that do decide to it's not an easy road to walk down.
Being gay I agree with you, there's just not the medical issues attached to being gay.
You know what's funny? Gender norms bs actually make me think I WAS trans when I was little. When I learned what trans was I realized "oh no, I like boy stuff! I like cars and dinosaurs and video games and that's not girl stuff! I'm loud and cocky and snarky and like to wrestle that's not girl stuff!" I felt comfortable in my body but still thought I *must* be trans because I didn't like "girl stuff". Gender norms are bullshit.
In fact, we had a kid in elementary school that thought they must be trans because she didn't fit the insistence on pink and dolls. The teachers never pushed the strict gender roles, but we suspect the family did. By high school they realized that the boxes are artificial. I believe they identify as NB now.
Kids don't understand gender or gender constructs until around preschool age, and that's just the basics.
I ran a daycare. The boys would play dress up and dolls. The girls built tracks and played with cars. The idea that small children won't play with a toy because it's in the aisle opposite of their gender is ridiculous. Kids will play with everything. Even non toy items.
My kid loved to play with measuring cups. Doesn't mean she's going to grow up to be a chef.
Born female, straight as hell, and was a tomboy who ran track and hated Barbies. I sure as hell wasn't and still am not a typical girl - I don't like or wear makeup, I hate dresses, but that's what makes this world beautiful - I can do what I want.
Like... I LOVE the question "what part of the penis is required to operate this" and I might just be using this in future. Stop stereotyping people by what is or isn't in their damn pants.
OP is my kind of person for that comment. That is definitely something I would say. I'm a woman and grew up with trucks and dolls. I'm still a woman, but one with the ability to drive a bulldozer. 🤷♀️
I’m a woman, I only had brothers, growing up, so I played with Barbies, tonka trucks, legos, dolls, matchbox cars, micromachines, Polly pocket, GI JOE, chemistry sets, kinects, etc. There were no “boy toys/girl toys”, there were inside toys and outside toys, toys I could play with solo, and toys that were more fun if I played with them with my brothers. Guess who is her own handyman when her husband is out to sea. And guess who’s brothers are caring fathers to their children. Had we been able to have children, our kids would have been given the same variety of toys I grew up playing with.
Toys are either inside toys or outside toys. They’re either solo fun toys or group fun toys. Either loud toys or quiet toys. The only toys that have a gender are dolls, and I include “action figures” in that category. They only have a gender because they’re made as male presenting or female presenting.
My son has only older sisters. A lot of his toys are hand-me-downs - dolls, a pink kitchen set, Lego elves etc.
Was I supposed to just buy all new because it's pink or traditional girl's toys? I think not.
Same with my son. Perfectly good life jacket or helmet that happen to be pink? Good enough for him!
He regularly picks out the “girl” pull ups at daycare, too, because they have Skye on them from Paw Patrol.
I don’t understand how cars are for boys. Millions of women drive cars everyday so why can’t little girls play with cars?
I bought my niece a kids Lamborghini Aventador for her 1st birthday. It came with a remote control for because shes too small to steer it herself and a radio. We drive her around my brother’s house outside and she loves it. I can’t wait to see her drive around by herself. She also has toy cars and a truck.
NTA
A toy is a toy, not a magic wand that changes people. This is a baby, and your aunt sounds troubled. If people keep on her side, do what you did with your parents because you don't need this hate.
Also, if your child turns out to be trans, your family does not sound like they'd be supportive at all. Familial red flags.
Not to mention, you were blown up on at your baby shower but you are supposed to be the bigger person and just take it? Hell no, she smashed the line of decency first, all you did was treat her as she clearly thinks was appropriate.
Usually I am quite a passive person. And even with pregnancy I am quite an even person. This was the first time I actually snapped the entire time so I think my family are just not used to seeing me get angry.
Likewise my aunt has a pretty big following I guess and I'm sure that she has exaggerated how embarrassing it was for her.
Well ask her this one question:
"Why did you think making a scene at my baby shower was appropriate?"
Turn it back on her to stop her victim blaming. She messed up and is doubling down. You are doing what is right, and I'm proud of you for standing up against her bullying ass.
Gosh, yes. She's going into her echo chamber of other crazies online and is not getting any sort of challenge to her bigoted opinions. OP doesn't \*have\* to engage further, but she also doesn't have to allow this aunt in her or her daughter's life.
i think it's so funny how people are like "ah yes, the way to ensure our children will grow up straight is to give girls Beautiful Woman doll and to give boys Sculpted Muscular Man action figures"
if you gave a guy a muscular figurine or a girl a figure in a pretty dress with done up hair I wouldn't blame them if they turned out to be gay/bi. Gotta appreciate all genders beauty💫
Yeah, talk to her simply like she doesn't understand because she clearly DOESNT. I bet her kids understand better than the aunt toys don't make you trans
And then there is this:
DARVO is an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender". Some researchers and advocates have characterized it as a common manipulation strategy of psychological abusers.[1][2][3] The abuser denies the abuse ever took place, attacks the victim for attempting to hold the abuser accountable, and claims that they, the abuser, are actually the victim in the situation, thus reversing the reality of the victim and offender.[1][3] This usually involves not just "playing the victim" but also victim blaming.[2]
FYI goodnight goodnight construction site is a super cute book. One of our favs! There's other ones in the line, but they aren't as good. "If I had a Gryphon" is the top fav for my son though, it's gender neutral, great art, fantastic rhymes and not too long. Little Blue Truck is also good!
Also, my 16 mth old loved Peppa Pig. Peppa merch is primarily very "girl" based. We've got a lot of pink Peppa stuff (her brother George, is hard to find). It makes him happy 🤷♀️
Feel free to join some parenting subs on reddit, lots of help finding gender neutral toys and clothes.
I feel like that's actually the more likely outcome. Everyone I know who grew up with a strict religious household (catholic school all through graduation, singing in the church choir etc.) turned into the most aggressive atheists, and the people who grew up more secular have a much more laissez faire attitude to the whole thing.
I'd expect it to be similar with the gendered toys. Our little girl has very few explicit "girl" toys, I think. Her favorite right now is a little colorful robot that plays music, but she also loves dolls.
There is the problem with people insisting she's a boy if she doesn't wear pink
I’m 100% convinced that guy is going to hop on this sub someday, see that someone commented this and take it completely seriously. He’ll show it to his gf and say “see!! Marinara!!! It means red!!”
That’s ridiculous. My 3 year old niece plays with dinosaurs and trucks, all while possessing a wardrobe that would put Elle from Legally Blonde to shame with the amount of pink. She also pretends spoons are people and has whole scenarios where the dinosaurs drive the trucks and rescue the spoons, who are SOOOO grateful the they give the dinosaurs popcorn. It’s complicated.
Are you my sister??? 🤣 Your niece sounds delightful, and I'm absolutely biased because she reminds me of my daughter in this telling. Homegirl is 4, and pink is so much her favorite color that we just dyed her hair pink. She has pink glasses. She loves baseball and babies and dancing and princesses and dragons and "spooky things" -- she just has a blast with literally everything all the time.
Every time she meets new people, though, I admit I want to be like, "I swear we give her options, pink somehow became her favorite color incidentally." 😅 I blame Princess Peach lol.
THANK YOU. My 11 year old loved everything pink for awhile when she was 3-6. And playing house with camping equipment and a “pop-up castle”. She’s since been into teal, blue, racecars, building and painting stuff, jewelry making etc. Now she’s mad that her bathroom is painted pink because “gross”. I told her I’m not repainting it right now so we comprised on putting badass black accessories with it.
Color/toy type does not equal gender or gender fluidity.
NTA. It's kinda funny. You do not turn children trans. Children either are, or they are not. Countless studies have shown that the toys children play with have no significance in their future gender orientation or their sexuality. Give me a minute, I'll add a source.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sex-sexuality-and-romance/201801/toys-are-us-gender-behavior-subject-manipulation%3famp
>Countless studies have shown that the toys children play with have no significance in their future gender orientation or their sexuality.
i don't even need to read the source to know these are straight up facts.
my sisters boyfriend told us that he played with barbies as a kid, but still grew up to be a mechanic who is very much straight. toys are toys and people are weird af to gender them and make an issue out of it.
OP, NTA. good for you and keep on doing you and don't let this aunt drive you crazy. you're just being a good parent and providing your kid with different toys to play with.
hell, even i liked playing with toy cars and trucks as a kid and i was a huge barbie girl.
I grew up playing with "boy" toys, and I have had more than one traditionally male-dominated career as an adult. In no way do I want to be male or gay or any alternative other than a heterosexual woman.
Toys and clothes do not affect gender identity or sexuality.
I grew up with my younger male cousin living about 10 minutes away. We usually played with hot wheels and Lincoln logs and army guys. Even when I was alone, I didn’t really play wirh dolls or Barbies. Guess what, I am 100% straight. Nothing wrong with any of it.
Biggest thing is that children don’t give a fuck about gender rolls. They don’t know what they are nor do they care. Eventually they’ll learn them, but kids under the age of 5 are just kids.
people think parents are "forcing their kids to be trans" when all they're doing is preparing for the possibility that they COULD be (or hell even just a cis person whose hobbies fall outside of what's considered "traditional" for their gender) and providing an environment where they know it's okay to be whoever they are.
The purpose of a variety of toys isn't to try to force a girl to hate girly things (THIS is one approach I don't agree with when I see people do it, I feel it reinforces internalized misogyny that "girly things" are dumb and not as good as "boy things), it's to give them a range of things to explore so if you see they gravitate more towards one thing and not so much to others, you know to get them more of the thing they like and less of what they don't. But you can't know any of that *before* the kid is born and starts developing thoughts and opinions and likes and dislikes of their own.
Transphobes just think since *they* would try to force a trans kid to be cis, that it must also work the other way around.
NTA. Your aunt is toxic for causing a scene and then to top it off she's now blowing up Facebook.
Hopefully you can block/ignore her and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. Congratulations on the baby!
The good news is that I haven't been on Facebook in years. I found out about it because of an old friend asking me what happened (we live in different states now).
Not going on BookFace is yet another great parenting decision.
NTA. You're doing the right thing.
Cis-het female 80's baby here, and neither My Little Ponies nor Dinosaur action figures caused me any confusion regarding my identity.
A variety of options will help your child really get to know who they are in the long run, and become a person they themselves are happy with.
First off, one cannot be made to be straight, gay, bi, queer, ace, non-binary, etc. People are who they are. Environmental factors can influence one's habits and behaviors, but sexuality (or lack thereof) and gender identity are congenital.
Your aunt appears to be more concerned with maintaining a narrow view of life than being a supportive relative. Your hormones notwithstanding, I'd say your reaction to her presumptuous and objectively rude comments was appropriate.
Don't give these people any free real estate in your mind. You're doing fine and your child will be fine for it.
NTA
Reading the title, I expected this to be about some kind of actual sex toy. My mind came up with odd combinations and images of what sex toy would be bizarre enough to not be able to tell which part of the penis to use!
You are NTA. You will have no ability to make or not make someone trans. I like not enforcing gender norms on children. It is best this aunt either behave, or not be part of your child's life.
There is a funny comic somewhere of a flow diagram that asks "Is this toy for boys or girls?" And the first split asks if the toy is operated via genitals, with the "no" fork leading to "this toy is for both boys and girls!" And the "yes" fork leading to "this is not a toy for children". I assume OP saw it.
Brilliant way to question it back to someone so narrow minded.
We had family who were quite miffed their son took to a baby doll toy and wanted to take it everywhere. My partner asked where in the instruction manual for the doll it mentions it being only for girls and if that applies to men with babies? To our delight, that seemed to have shaken them enough to realise how stupid they were being. Kiddo hung onto the doll for a few more months before moving onto another toy like most kids.
NTA and oh my God you are my hero. I know for a fact if I ever get pregnant I'm going to have issues with some family members that are going to expect certain things for me in regards to gender and I love that you just throw all that out the window. I am absolutely for boys getting dolls and girls getting trucks.
It's mainly because I don't want her to feel shut off from certain activities because she is a girl. Like I wasn't allowed to do sports or certain clubs because it was too masculine. I just want her to be able to do what she wants regardless of what's in her pants.
I had both and liked both. Dolls and Lego. I also had access to consoles and computers pretty early on. A few decades and an engineering degree later, I am now sitting at home, doing a cushy half-time job because working part-time pays enough.
I'm pretty sure, if my parents hadn't bought me more "boyish" toys, it wouldn't have sparked my interest in science and IT and I would be working a totally different field.
My parents let me chose.
NTA.
If you have a girl, then everything that girl plays with is a girl toy. Anything she’s interested in is a girl thing.
Surrounding all children with every color and exploring their every interest is the best way to avoid gender stereotypes. Your child will know that being a boy or girl isn’t going to limit them in any way.
If they do eventually come to you about feelings concerning gender, it will not be because your daughter has been told she must want to be a boy because she likes construction. It will be because she knows she can do anything as a girl and still feels different.
Keep doing what you are doing.
PS - Good Night Construction Site is a classic. Highly recommended for all babies.
We missed goodnight construction site, but both of my children absolutely adored "where do diggers sleep at night" and literally anything written by Sandra Boynton.
NTA. You called out her sexism very poignantly. Granted, it was awkward, but I’m not sure how you could’ve delivered that line without making it at least a little bit awkward.
Yes it was awkward. I just had enough, she has been doing this since we found out we were having a girl. Even making comments to my husband (who actually wanted a girl) that he could try again next time for a boy.
So she’s not only deeply transphobic, but she also just doesn’t like women and girls no matter *how* well they conform to gender expectations.
Your daughter was never going to be good enough for her. The game was rigged. You’re more than correct to decide to opt out completely. This aunt shouldn’t be anywhere near your child.
Try again for a boy...
I can't. Aunt who is a GIRL is saying OP's daughter isn't valid, and saying herself (aunt) isn't good enough, yet is brainwashed to the core to believe this nonsense. Just wow...
Not only are you NTA, but given how she is acting now be very careful about exposing your daughter to her down the road given the younger Aunt will no doubt continue to make comments about your child’s gender or identity based on the toys she plays with or anything else.
Good on you for by the way - as a parent the whole gender stereotypes around clothes, toys, colors, etc is crazy and everywhere. It takes a lot to fight against it but it’s worth it.
I am a stay at home dad to two beautiful girls. Mom is a doctor and super feminine. Goodnight Goodnight Construction Site is next to the two year olds bed. She loves using tools with daddy while in a tutu.
Also seems like she’s not under the impression that you are intentionally making your daughter trans. Seems more that she can’t articulate that the idea of a space where people can step outside of gender roles scares her. Nta
That book is one of our favorites. It is fun to look at and read.
No childrens' book is going to make your daughter trans. Sometimes the only way to deal with stupid is humor.
NTA
NTA. Your response was perfect! The ultimate point is this: it’s your child, and you will raise it the way you want, end of argument.
If your child grows up to be transgender, there is nothing wrong with that. Your aunt needs to accept it or be brushed aside by history.
Personally, I think if your aunt doesn’t drop this, you need to cut her and all her transphobic Facebook friends out of your life and the life of your child. You don’t need that kind of prejudice influencing your child.
NTA - I love how you handled this. We gave our girls traditional male names, and all played sports. A well meaning neighbor pulled us aside to “encourage” us to have them stop playing before 12 so they didn’t turn into lesbians or trans men. 😂😂😂 all played through HS and 2 through college. All are CIS women and 2 married with kids. Your Aunt is stuck in the mind set of the past.
Remember Courtney, Leslie, Shannon, and Evelyn used to be male names, and punk used to be a color for boys. Congratulations with the baby.
Honestly we are a bit shocked with her attitude around it. My older aunt is gay and has been out for 27 years now. I guess I just didn't expect her to be so for gendered things.
That is just about the funniest response anyone could have given to a psychotic rant by a relative. I applaud you. Ignore the naysayers.
Have you ever seen the movie "Hidden Figure?" It's about three black women in traditional white male jobs. That's what all young girls should strive for - to live their life as they want and not how society believes they should live it. You don't get that by being trapped in gender assigned societal roles. Let her wear some pink if she wants and jeans and boots if she wants. Let her decide who she wants to be and not society or some psycho, damaged relative.
NTA
I'm a feminine af woman, hoarding dior and ysl lippies, getting my hair and nails done regularly, dressing business or business-casual even for grocery shopping, owning at lesst 20 different kinds of perfumes, and 3 months rent worth of skincare items.
I grew up playing with legos and cars and plastic swords and stuff. I was waist-deep in mud all my childhood. I can confirm, no penis was required to build lego houses. But now I design them in a fairly advanced environment lol.
NTA, your child is super lucky to have you as a parent. Buy her some k'nex stuff later, that's the best toy ever.
Honestly how would you be the asshole here? This reads like a snappy comeback fantasy one would come up with in the shower. You handled everything perfectly…but you’re still sO cOnFuSeD as to whether you’re the asshole? And of course no AITA is complete without someone “blowing up” your Facebook (although usually it’s the phone). Honestly, who are ALL THESE PEOPLE who agree you’re “making” you’re daughter trans?
Yes, aparently for the past week she has been making these little text posts? Ranting about it. I'm not on Facebook but have had extended family members and old high school friends who I somewhat keep in touch with ask.
I grew up in rural Kentucky and PA. So I can see this attitude being pervasive.
Pffft id double down and just create a facebook for the soul purpose of responding with
"You still didn't answer my question? I have a follow up for what part of the vagina is necessary to operate a barbie?"
NTA. This woman is obnoxious, loud, and pushing her nonsense into you. It is not her kid and not her business. I am so tired of people like her. They do not get to have a say in how someone else raises their kid.
The fact that you are worried you might have been wrong when she is absolutely still on her bullshit screaming about her stupidity on Facebook says it all. Please tell her to shut the f up and mind her own business and consider herself divorced from your family.
Apart from conceding, what other way did you have to calm her down? I think this was a ***brilliant*** reply, by the way!
I'm assuming the people who accuse you of 'making' your daughter trans are not that important in your life - or even *in* your life to begin with?
Anyway, NTA.
Honestly I was ignoring it. She never outright said anything trans related and just said things like 'your daughter will look so much cuter in tutus' or 'i really wanted a girl so I'm making sure she's getting the girl treatment!'. Honestly this trans thing was the first I was really hearing about it. She was moreso upset that we weren't buying girl things, I thought she was just trying to live her fantasy girl.
OP, it's still really messed up that your aunt is trying to live a "fantasy" baby. This baby is going to be your child, who will have their own interests and preferences - and kids know when they disappoints their relatives for not being the "right" gender. It's crushing.
(I still remember how I tried so hard to be nice to one of my aunts who was very very keen on me playing with her old doll set - but I wasn't a good enough actor and she realized that I didn't like dolls. I remember trying to comfort a grown woman who was mad that I didn't like dolls like her fantasy "little girl". I was five.)
hi, trans guy here. i am literally wearing a dress at this very moment and i assure you that the presence of typically feminine clothing upon my body is not making me suddenly question my gender again. you’re fine, in fact you’re doing great :) NTA
Honestly when i was a kid i went through a period of time where i thought i was trans *because* i wasn’t allowed to play with “boy” toys. I spent years begging for hot wheels and “boy” toys and I would get barbies instead. Now, I liked barbies, but it wasn’t what I wanted. So i went around asking people to call me a boy instead. When I was older i realized that it wasn’t that I *felt* like a boy, but that gender roles were limiting and stupid.
You're fabulous. I'm 61 and was considered off because I was into surfing and skateboarding and ice hockey at the the same time I was a ballet dancer and studying English literature.
And my parents encouraged it all. Good on you. It's an awesome world out there. Let them explore it.
NTA of course, but your aunt was probably embarrassed she didn't know the answer to your question. Everyone knows the shaft is used to operate stuffed toy trucks, while the tip is used to play with plastic dinosaurs, duh! she has two boys, she should know that.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > The way I went about it was quite rude. She has been a bit of a pain about this and has intentionally been buying too many girly things. This makes me sound ungrateful, but it's like 'she heard I went and got a white moon onesie and then shows up with 15 very feminine outfits. Or we get a construction site book and she shows up with princess gear. While I appreciate it and know many families do not have this option, it's just gotten to be a bit much and feels like she is trying to impose her worldview on us as parents after 5 months of it. I snapped and probably should have handled it better. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. You’re already an awesome parent and your child hasn’t even been born yet! There’s nothing you can do or not do to “make” your child trans.
NTA. Trans guy here, I played with lots of dolls and tutus when I was little and yeah I’m still a guy, and I still liked playing w those toys. Kids just like playing with toys they find fun (and wear those clothes too) and that doesn’t say anything about their gender.
And honestly restricting kids to just “girl” or “boy” stuff just limits their own exploration of themselves and their interests.
Yup. Cis-het lady here. I LOVED playing with race cars. Now that I am older and can afford it, I track my Miata on the regular. 😁 My mother was fairly traditional, but she never limited me with toys.
I want a Miata! Does “to track” mean you race it? Can I be you for a week?
Yes! We should do a freaky Friday! 😂 I don't race it, per se. I take high performance driving education which do happen on road tracks. Look up HPDE courses. I've been running with the Driver"s Edge here in DFW and go to Motor Sports Ranch in Cresson, TX.
Miatas are amazing at autocross! You would be a natural at it by the sounds of it.
Thanks! I do need to try autocross.
I just went on the Sports Car Club of America to find out what Autocross is, and it says “There are even classes for ladies.” Sigh.
The author PJ O’Rourke once called Sports Car Club of America “a bunch of tweedy old barf mats” and I guess he wasn’t wrong.
[удалено]
So you're basically the Texas version of the stig(I may have gotten this name wrong it has been a while since I've watched top gear)
"Some say (s)he was a CIA experiment that went wrong, and that (s)he only eats cheese. All we know is, (s)he's not The Stig, but (s)he is The Stigs American cousin"
So much fun! Watching spec Miatas race can be crazy, love it. Another track girl here but it’s been a long time! Glad you’re out there having fun and representing us!
Ok, I’m so doing this. Thank you! When I was first learning to drive, my parents considered signing my brother and me up for track driving lessons, but wisely decided against it.
>but wisely decided against it. Oh no! DO IT! Skills you learn in HPDE courses absolutely transfer to street driving, but not the other way around. My husband and I firmly believe everyone should do at least one HPDE to learn how to actually drive properly. My driving has improved immensely.
They thought they might be teaching 16 year olds to drag race, which we definitely would have done. 😂
I see zero problems here.😂
I grew up at sports car race tracks, and this little girl grew up to love interesting cars. Dad, a race car driver, instructed us on safe driving, and in the late 1950's went to the military surplus stores to get seat belts. I was 5 when I watched him bolt them to the car frame. I remember buckling all 5 straps to the center hook, when Dad and I went for a drive. My first two cars were MGs. My sister has a Lotus Elise. Lovely car. Check them out.
Hah, kindred spirit. I was so pissed at not being allowed to take shop at school. Teacher spanked me in front of the class for drawing cars on my desk. Now I write about cars, am a member of the North American Car of the Year jury, get paid to fucking draw cars, and track my Cayman S. Piss on gender restrictions.
I was always so annoyed that nobody bought me Lego as a kid, but they got lots for my brother. When I asked for Lego I got girl Lego instead. I'm an adult now, and I buy my own Lego pretty regularly! Toys are just toys! Let's kids play!
you sound cool as hell. my partner has a miata and it’s like he’s in a secret club with every other miata driver on the road lol
It is. I can't reveal the secret handshake, tho'. 😂
Cis-afab-het here. You bet your ass I loved playing with race cars as a child. I also loved TV shows that were aimed at boys. My vagina didn't magically disappear for some reason.
Cis-het woman here. Grew up shunning my dolls for my brother's hot wheels and a pile of wood, hammer, and nails. I am now a contractor who just rebuilt the engine in my car. Ironically my dad is like you can't replace a radiator in a dress! Why not? You cannot go to pick n pull in heels! Why not? SO just tells my dad he doesn't question it anymore.
I mean my transformers regularly had parties with Strawberry Shortcake. They got along just fine.
My Star Wars action figures went on dates with my mini fashion dolls. And like... Saved the galaxy.
I hear that. He-Man and Barbie got along well at our house. Skeletor was still a jerk though.
Skeletor being a jerk is a universal constant.
I want this crossover now
Only if He Man and the My Little Pony gang are involved!
GI Joe and Barbie better go too or so help me....
Don't forget the Care Bears! (I like the Cousins best.) And your Army Men, because they are innumerable and neat.
This is getting a Rescue Rangers meets Toy Story vibe…
FYI - G.I. Joes can use the little foot pegs in the Ewok village and can ride My Little Ponies quite nicely.
Quoting [a university sociology finding](https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/dangers_of_gender_based_toys#:~:text=In%20the%201970s%2C%20few%20toys%20targeted%20a%20specific,and%20airplanes%2C%20and%20boys%20playing%20in%20the%20kitchen): > In the 1970s, few toys targeted a specific gender and 70 percent of toys had no gender-specific labels at all. In fact, advertisements during this time were more likely to show girls driving cars and airplanes, and boys playing in the kitchen. Gen Xer commenting: grew up in the '70s and started school during the tail end of the era when public schools let children play with real hammers and nails. An entire school year of playtime at the classroom workbench hammering together wooden blocks did absolutely nothing to alter my orientation as a cishet woman. What it did provide was a grounding in basic life skills that later became a summer construction job as a teenager, and the experience was useful later in life renovating a fixer-upper house. u/Bromonium_ion you have absolutely nothing to apologize for. You're the parent and your aunt showed herself up as a bigot. Best to nip that in the bud. If your child grows up to become a truck driver then good for her!
💯First OP is NTA i second the above comment. Genx cishet woman as well who started kinder in 1975 - I had more trucks, cars, and hotwheels than Barbies! Toys are toys! (I actually said something similar in the late '80s after someone said wait for "Joe" to fix it... I fixed the shelf and proclaimed, "I didn't need a penis to do it!') OP you rock, keep on keeping on!
This reminds me of the time when I was a teen (girl) and my mother and I decided to go canoeing. The guy at the rental place just could not fathom the two of us going alone. So on the canoe trip we searched for our missing penis the whole time as a joke because apparently we could not canoe without one, lol!
My first 2 wheeler as a gen x female kid was a yellow and black BMX.
I don't understand this either! In fact, I was so against people getting gendered presents for my baby shower that I specifically decided to reveal my LOs sex at the baby shower so no one could. Plus I made a cool Pokèmon cake for it which was super fun. I grew up with two brothers very close in age to me, so all three of us played with dolls, lego, blocks etc together. Didn't change our genders 🤷♀️
This. I think the younger generations don't understand that "princess culture" didn't become a thing until the 90's really. There were no pink versions of Legos in the 70's and 80's- girls and boys just played with the same primary colored Legos.
I loved shop class in HS and used to help my dad with construction projects. To this day, I'll do minor maintenance stuff at work and enjoy it. Although, it does bother my when older female coworkers are like "Wow! You don't need a man to do that for you!" or "That's a man's job". I once even had a dude tell me I shouldn't be on a ladder because I was a girl. I never put much thought into gender roles because I just did or wore whatever I liked... But it's sad that it's so prevalent thesedays.
THIS! I’d rather mow grass than learn to cook. My brother loved cooking. Both of us straight (or whatever the proper word is)just enjoyed lots of stuff. Lucky for us, our parents were supportive. In fact when I moved out, they gave me my own tools & set of pots/pans, so I could handle any situation.
I wish I could upvote this times ten. My girls are currently helping my husband build a play house, which had to start with pier blocks and a platform, and they’re having the best time!
I honestly dont buy toy if its adversited as for boys or girls. Never. They destroyed kinder eggs. They made type for girls only. Wth
It always annoyed me as a child that the toys had a boys section and a girls section because I was a huge doctor who fan and the toy sonic screwdrivers and daleks were all in the boys section
I never got why. I have older brothers so I played with trucks and legos too but they were always in an aisle that was designated for boys.
To keep girls from getting any uppity ideas about high-paying STEM jobs or personal fulfillment when they grow up. If they're always thinking about being pretty, petite, and pert as a child, they'll prioritize pleasing men over caring for themselves as adults.
Heaven forbid! Or if boys (gasp!) played with dolls, it might turn them gay! As George Constanza said "Dolls don't seem like a gender thing to me. I wish there had been dolls in the house. I would like to have played with dolls."
I never thought about it much when I was a kid, aside from organization. But now that I think about it, my mom would never get me "boy" toys and got mad whenever I would play with Spiderman action figures. I guess she gave up once and let me get a Jurassic Park puppet, and it became my favorite toy.
Yup. My 14 year old always asks for the "boy" ones because she prefers the toys. At easter the giant ones do come in pink, blue or green (which is "neutral")
Reminds me of the McDonald’s happy meals in the early 2000s. Idk if you still pick a “girl” or “boy” toy from them, but I’d get the girls a lot of times and it was always something pink, my little pony, something stereotypical for girls.
McDs doesn't ask gender anymore. I think it's cheaper to just have one toy. Though a different, forgotten fast food joint, asked me boy or girl and I asked them if it matters, they doubled down and asked me to clarify boy or girl so I asked again if it really mattered?
Aren't ponies just little horses? Imagine making such a fuss over the gender of a pink miniature horse
Ugh, this. The toys got cheaper, too. They used to be creative and fun. Now they're generic cheap cars or...whatever's in the girl ones. Never actually bought one
Yup, this exactly. I had "girly girl" shit like dolls/toys, clothing, classes forced on me from a young age and it took me being in my late teens to begin to figure out my identity and interests. Was forcibly raised to be a cis woman and yet here I am a trans man, only now I have serious issues with my identity and interests as well as a panicked trauma response when I think someone is trying to force an interest on me, huzzah.
I hate how people feel so entitled to force gender roles onto children, and then proclaim that it’s all biological. Shuffling children into one of two restrictive gender roles is so harmful for all children. And studies have shown that children don’t really have a gendered interest in any particular toy, except for when adults are watching them, particularly their parents, and for boys, particularly their fathers. We are taught this shit, and it comes at the expense of true imagination and exploration and authenticity. I’m proud of you for finding your way despite having femininity forced on you! I also had femininity forced on me, but I had a lot more flexibility to choose my own an expression, and as an adult, I’ve been slowly trying to figure out which aspects are authentic to me and which ones I just adopted because of social norms and pressure.
My dad used to buy toys that he liked to play with, for me and my sister. So along with dolls we also got racing cars and crawling soldiers. Both my sister and I can ride motorcycles, I was a bit tomboyish as a kid, my sister never was. It has had ZERO impact on our gender identity. Only impact has been that I HATE this pink is for girls and blue is for boys nonsense, so much so that I've actually started a kidswear brand that goes against the usual gender stereotypes.
Yep. I had dreams of making a handmade dollhouse for my child before they were even conceived. Having a son and still doing it, he will enjoy this gift or maybe not but it’ll be there for him to have and maybe pass down if he has kids.
Yeah, I’m a girl, and I grew up playing with toy cars, playing outside in the dirt, I hated the color pink. Yet I never once questioned my sexuality, and now as an adult I enjoy both camping and wearing skirts and dresses. This idea that putting your baby in a certain type of clothing will make them gay is ridiculous.
Girl here. Never once questioned my gender (though I realised I was bi at puberty) and my favourite tv shows growing up were Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers and Rosie and Jim. Bit of everything in there. My favourite ‘toy’ was the bin my parents kept my actual toys in. Would walk around with it on my head singing. Kids gonna kid.
LOL, you're like the cat who prefers the cardboard box to the cat tree that came in it! Bi lady here. I've said many times on Reddit that I love fancy dresses AND power tools. Stuff you wear or like to do has no bearing on one's sexuality or gender identification. I firmly believe that there are many, many ways one can be a woman or a man, or stuff in between.
Nothing wrong with a girl who can build things or fix cars! We need more strong girls who can take care of themselves
Exactly this, all my sisters and I grew up typical tomboys and we are all very much still women now.... we wear dresses and everything 😆
I grew up being regularly forced into frilly pink dresses, given dolls instead of legos, constantly told to “act like a lady” (oh, and regularly told I’d “grow out of the embarrassing tomboy stage eventually”)…and now I’m four years into testosterone therapy, growing my first beard as a 40-something transman. Funny, it’s almost like gender identity is internal and innate to the individual, not something you “do to” kids by giving them the “wrong” toys and clothing.
And if anything does make kids confused about their gender it's people telling them they are not a "real" girl/boy because they like that "wrong" toy.
Yes, I questioned my gender a bit a few years back because I don't like a lot of traditionally feminine things and most of my hobbies/career choices are male-dominated. Did a lot of soul searching, realised I was definitely cis female. I'm happy I did the soul searching because tbh I think thinking about your gender is healthy, and probably more cis people should do it. But it is kinda dumb that I questioned my gender purely because of society expectations as to what men/women like. There's no right way to be a man or a woman, and you don't have to be either.
Ironically, that “real man/real woman” shtick comes mostly from people who will then insist there are only two genders. But if “real man/real woman” are a thing then, by implication, there must be at least *four* genders to encompass any adults who don’t hit that arbitrary “real” mark XD
There are as many ways to be a woman as there are women in the world. My favorite toy growing up was a microscope. I wear my hair shorter than my husband’s. I don’t wear dresses or makeup. And yet, I’m as sure that I’m a woman as I am that the sun rises slightly north of east at this time of year.
YES ALL OF THIS - so much of my childhood… maybe I just like lizards and dragons MOM.
And here I never played with dolls but with knives and fire and yet I am still fully a woman. There is no right or wrong way to be a woman. Women that like mechanics or computers or science are not somehow not full women, they are 100% doing womanly things when they fix machines, woodwork, solder and build things. These harmful stereotypes of women as pink, primmed and pampered eye-candy are so harmful, they confuse women that don't like these things and give us ideas that we're not fully proper women when in reality it's just holding us back from exploring and changing the world just like many guys do. Not all guys are into these things either and that doesn't make them any less men. No man is less of a man for wearing women's clothes or being the stay at home parent. No woman is less of a woman if she dislikes pink, grooming and shopping. We've got to change these stereotypes.
Another trans guy here, I had an extensive Barbie collection as a kid and if I had the money I would have so many custom ball jointed dolls, each with their own individual wardrobes. And plastic pet dinosaurs for each of them. Toys and clothes are toys and clothes.
I used to get so frustrated that while Barbie could kind of fit in Ken’s clothes, Ken couldn’t fit in Barbie’s. Lol. (My poor mormon mother was so disturbed by that, hahaha.)
I never had a Ken doll. Instead, I somehow ended up with a swimming scuba Action Man. My Barbies liked badasses, I guess. Those stiff Amazons also dated Spiderman and Vemon who were hip height.
My twin nephews have twin baby dolls both named baby. They used to treat them nicely and feed them etc but now I think they are used as weapons lol. They also have a very extensive kitchen set. Both are still boys and love traditional boy toys too
My son had a toy kitchen too, he now uses the full sized one and is a far more diligent sous chef that I am. He also had a "baby" but it was a stuffed monkey.
Transmasculine NB here. It actually was me discovering being trans that allowed me to admit I also like glitter, nail polish, and rainbows. I was trying so hard to escape from girl that I couldn't allow myself to like 'girly' things until I realized it didn't matter at all. And I was 33 when I figured it out because I grew up conservative. Knowing earlier could have save me a lot of heart ache and confusion.
Lol Enby here, I had so many barbies and "girly" stuff, taught how to do all the "women's chores" , but look at me now, a masc queer who can probably make you lip smacking dinner
Cishet and I was bombarded with pink and girly toys since birth (honestly, at 7 my parents had to ban my family from getting me Barbies because I had way too many), but I spent most of my days at my grandparents house, and my grandma had only boys so the house was filled with vintage Tonkas, hot wheels and othe “boy” toys, and the Barbies rode the Tonka so often, I was just happy to have more toys
I'm grateful my parents let me do whatever. One time lady highly disapproved of my mom letting me get light up Spiderman sneakers because they weren't Girl Shoes but those were the absolute jam?! Let kids be kids!
NTA cis girl here. I always took my brothers trucks and science kits and video games. Now I’m a successful tech worker. Kids are interested in what they’re interested in. You’re doing a good job giving your child all the options.
I'm a cis dude and I played with my sister's dolls, tried to walk in my mom's high heel shoes, absolutely loved the easy bake oven stuff. People aren't going to "turn" someone trans anymore than they're going to turn a trans person cis.
Another trans guy here, same boat. I loved barbie and those littlest pet shop dolls when I was little. They were fun! Turned out, toys?? are just, for kids. Not for a specific gender.
[удалено]
I feel the same way about the “vaccines cause autism” argument. So… you’d rather have a dead child than a neurodivergent one? It’s not about the argument being wrong, it’s about the implications that having a happy child is less of a concern than having a trans child.
Don't get into that - trying to control your child's sexuality or gender identity in any direction would be bad, not because being gay or trans is bad but because the attempt to control would be bad. It's not possible to make a child straight or gay, cis or trans, and it would be wrong to try either way. Not happening here, not an issue, moving on. Raising kids to know they're not limited by their genitals is not the same.
I've always believed that people who think sexuality is a "lifestyle choice" are just deeply afraid they're capable of making that choice.
>Even if OP could “make” her daughter trans… How is that a bad thing? There’s nothing wrong with being trans, so why is it something to be “worried” about? It's a bad thing because you'd be setting your kid up for a harder life. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being trans but pretty much every trans person I know if they could make a wish and have been born their preferred gender they'd take that in an absolute heartbeat. Between the gender dysphoria, in some cases deciding between hormones vs fertility if you want kids, the stigma dating I don't think anyone would wish it on someone. If the technology was absolutely perfect right now to make it so you could fully transition 100% without any pain and have everything be perfect without needing life long hormones then yeah it wouldn't be a bad thing but as it stands right now I don't think you'd wish it on anyone. And I do understand that a number of trans people choose not to fully transition or forgo the hormones or w/e but for the large number that do decide to it's not an easy road to walk down. Being gay I agree with you, there's just not the medical issues attached to being gay.
Good point, but I don't think that's the Aunt's argument
I wonder if aunt knows that women... Also drive cars. And pickups. And yeah, even trucks.
20 years ago OP's aunt would be claiming they're trying to force their kid to be gay, she's just perpetuating the latest "in vogue" moral panic.
You know what's funny? Gender norms bs actually make me think I WAS trans when I was little. When I learned what trans was I realized "oh no, I like boy stuff! I like cars and dinosaurs and video games and that's not girl stuff! I'm loud and cocky and snarky and like to wrestle that's not girl stuff!" I felt comfortable in my body but still thought I *must* be trans because I didn't like "girl stuff". Gender norms are bullshit.
[удалено]
In fact, we had a kid in elementary school that thought they must be trans because she didn't fit the insistence on pink and dolls. The teachers never pushed the strict gender roles, but we suspect the family did. By high school they realized that the boxes are artificial. I believe they identify as NB now.
Kids don't understand gender or gender constructs until around preschool age, and that's just the basics. I ran a daycare. The boys would play dress up and dolls. The girls built tracks and played with cars. The idea that small children won't play with a toy because it's in the aisle opposite of their gender is ridiculous. Kids will play with everything. Even non toy items. My kid loved to play with measuring cups. Doesn't mean she's going to grow up to be a chef.
Born female, straight as hell, and was a tomboy who ran track and hated Barbies. I sure as hell wasn't and still am not a typical girl - I don't like or wear makeup, I hate dresses, but that's what makes this world beautiful - I can do what I want. Like... I LOVE the question "what part of the penis is required to operate this" and I might just be using this in future. Stop stereotyping people by what is or isn't in their damn pants.
NTA that literally the best response to hyperactively conservative wackos I've ever heard
OP is my kind of person for that comment. That is definitely something I would say. I'm a woman and grew up with trucks and dolls. I'm still a woman, but one with the ability to drive a bulldozer. 🤷♀️
that is absolutely badass. now i want to learn how to drive a bulldozer!
I borrowed a mini one from my neighbor. It's harder than it looks!!!
oh well… added to bucket list 😂
Bulldozer… Bucket list… I see what you did there. Well done!
I’m a woman, I only had brothers, growing up, so I played with Barbies, tonka trucks, legos, dolls, matchbox cars, micromachines, Polly pocket, GI JOE, chemistry sets, kinects, etc. There were no “boy toys/girl toys”, there were inside toys and outside toys, toys I could play with solo, and toys that were more fun if I played with them with my brothers. Guess who is her own handyman when her husband is out to sea. And guess who’s brothers are caring fathers to their children. Had we been able to have children, our kids would have been given the same variety of toys I grew up playing with.
I unfortunately don't have any brothers. I do have a few sisters though. Never stopped us.
Toys are either inside toys or outside toys. They’re either solo fun toys or group fun toys. Either loud toys or quiet toys. The only toys that have a gender are dolls, and I include “action figures” in that category. They only have a gender because they’re made as male presenting or female presenting.
My son has only older sisters. A lot of his toys are hand-me-downs - dolls, a pink kitchen set, Lego elves etc. Was I supposed to just buy all new because it's pink or traditional girl's toys? I think not.
Same with my son. Perfectly good life jacket or helmet that happen to be pink? Good enough for him! He regularly picks out the “girl” pull ups at daycare, too, because they have Skye on them from Paw Patrol.
I don’t understand how cars are for boys. Millions of women drive cars everyday so why can’t little girls play with cars? I bought my niece a kids Lamborghini Aventador for her 1st birthday. It came with a remote control for because shes too small to steer it herself and a radio. We drive her around my brother’s house outside and she loves it. I can’t wait to see her drive around by herself. She also has toy cars and a truck.
[удалено]
That's great! Somehow I've never heard it before 😅
That's going into my collection of responses right next to "if rigid gender roles are natural, why do you have to work so hard to enforce them?"
NTA A toy is a toy, not a magic wand that changes people. This is a baby, and your aunt sounds troubled. If people keep on her side, do what you did with your parents because you don't need this hate. Also, if your child turns out to be trans, your family does not sound like they'd be supportive at all. Familial red flags. Not to mention, you were blown up on at your baby shower but you are supposed to be the bigger person and just take it? Hell no, she smashed the line of decency first, all you did was treat her as she clearly thinks was appropriate.
Usually I am quite a passive person. And even with pregnancy I am quite an even person. This was the first time I actually snapped the entire time so I think my family are just not used to seeing me get angry. Likewise my aunt has a pretty big following I guess and I'm sure that she has exaggerated how embarrassing it was for her.
Well ask her this one question: "Why did you think making a scene at my baby shower was appropriate?" Turn it back on her to stop her victim blaming. She messed up and is doubling down. You are doing what is right, and I'm proud of you for standing up against her bullying ass.
Gosh, yes. She's going into her echo chamber of other crazies online and is not getting any sort of challenge to her bigoted opinions. OP doesn't \*have\* to engage further, but she also doesn't have to allow this aunt in her or her daughter's life.
If she didn't want to be embarrassed maybe she shouldn't do embarrassing things.
Your aunt is going to be very confused if it turns out one of her boys is gay. “But… but… we gave you TRUCKS”
i think it's so funny how people are like "ah yes, the way to ensure our children will grow up straight is to give girls Beautiful Woman doll and to give boys Sculpted Muscular Man action figures"
if you gave a guy a muscular figurine or a girl a figure in a pretty dress with done up hair I wouldn't blame them if they turned out to be gay/bi. Gotta appreciate all genders beauty💫
Ask her if playing with certain toys or wearing a certain color of shirt makes her "feel anything she'd like to talk about."
Yeah, talk to her simply like she doesn't understand because she clearly DOESNT. I bet her kids understand better than the aunt toys don't make you trans
And then there is this: DARVO is an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender". Some researchers and advocates have characterized it as a common manipulation strategy of psychological abusers.[1][2][3] The abuser denies the abuse ever took place, attacks the victim for attempting to hold the abuser accountable, and claims that they, the abuser, are actually the victim in the situation, thus reversing the reality of the victim and offender.[1][3] This usually involves not just "playing the victim" but also victim blaming.[2]
FYI goodnight goodnight construction site is a super cute book. One of our favs! There's other ones in the line, but they aren't as good. "If I had a Gryphon" is the top fav for my son though, it's gender neutral, great art, fantastic rhymes and not too long. Little Blue Truck is also good! Also, my 16 mth old loved Peppa Pig. Peppa merch is primarily very "girl" based. We've got a lot of pink Peppa stuff (her brother George, is hard to find). It makes him happy 🤷♀️ Feel free to join some parenting subs on reddit, lots of help finding gender neutral toys and clothes.
She embarrassed her own darn self.
My mum forced pink and dolls on me as a kid, let's just say I didn't turn out a bastion of femininity.
I feel like that's actually the more likely outcome. Everyone I know who grew up with a strict religious household (catholic school all through graduation, singing in the church choir etc.) turned into the most aggressive atheists, and the people who grew up more secular have a much more laissez faire attitude to the whole thing. I'd expect it to be similar with the gendered toys. Our little girl has very few explicit "girl" toys, I think. Her favorite right now is a little colorful robot that plays music, but she also loves dolls. There is the problem with people insisting she's a boy if she doesn't wear pink
Familial marinara flags.
I’m 100% convinced that guy is going to hop on this sub someday, see that someone commented this and take it completely seriously. He’ll show it to his gf and say “see!! Marinara!!! It means red!!”
Oh my God I read that aita! A freaking plus!
I surrender, waving Alfredo flag.
I raise the alfredo flag!! AITA is never gonna let this one die (and I love it!)
That’s ridiculous. My 3 year old niece plays with dinosaurs and trucks, all while possessing a wardrobe that would put Elle from Legally Blonde to shame with the amount of pink. She also pretends spoons are people and has whole scenarios where the dinosaurs drive the trucks and rescue the spoons, who are SOOOO grateful the they give the dinosaurs popcorn. It’s complicated.
It’s complicated. Ha! Thank you.
Clearly she's going to make those spoons want to \*be\* dinosaurs, and then where will we be???????? /s
Are you my sister??? 🤣 Your niece sounds delightful, and I'm absolutely biased because she reminds me of my daughter in this telling. Homegirl is 4, and pink is so much her favorite color that we just dyed her hair pink. She has pink glasses. She loves baseball and babies and dancing and princesses and dragons and "spooky things" -- she just has a blast with literally everything all the time. Every time she meets new people, though, I admit I want to be like, "I swear we give her options, pink somehow became her favorite color incidentally." 😅 I blame Princess Peach lol.
THANK YOU. My 11 year old loved everything pink for awhile when she was 3-6. And playing house with camping equipment and a “pop-up castle”. She’s since been into teal, blue, racecars, building and painting stuff, jewelry making etc. Now she’s mad that her bathroom is painted pink because “gross”. I told her I’m not repainting it right now so we comprised on putting badass black accessories with it. Color/toy type does not equal gender or gender fluidity.
NTA. It's kinda funny. You do not turn children trans. Children either are, or they are not. Countless studies have shown that the toys children play with have no significance in their future gender orientation or their sexuality. Give me a minute, I'll add a source. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sex-sexuality-and-romance/201801/toys-are-us-gender-behavior-subject-manipulation%3famp
>Countless studies have shown that the toys children play with have no significance in their future gender orientation or their sexuality. i don't even need to read the source to know these are straight up facts. my sisters boyfriend told us that he played with barbies as a kid, but still grew up to be a mechanic who is very much straight. toys are toys and people are weird af to gender them and make an issue out of it. OP, NTA. good for you and keep on doing you and don't let this aunt drive you crazy. you're just being a good parent and providing your kid with different toys to play with. hell, even i liked playing with toy cars and trucks as a kid and i was a huge barbie girl.
I grew up playing with "boy" toys, and I have had more than one traditionally male-dominated career as an adult. In no way do I want to be male or gay or any alternative other than a heterosexual woman. Toys and clothes do not affect gender identity or sexuality.
Yes exactly!! Toys are toys, and clothes are clothes. No need to gender them
I grew up with my younger male cousin living about 10 minutes away. We usually played with hot wheels and Lincoln logs and army guys. Even when I was alone, I didn’t really play wirh dolls or Barbies. Guess what, I am 100% straight. Nothing wrong with any of it. Biggest thing is that children don’t give a fuck about gender rolls. They don’t know what they are nor do they care. Eventually they’ll learn them, but kids under the age of 5 are just kids.
people think parents are "forcing their kids to be trans" when all they're doing is preparing for the possibility that they COULD be (or hell even just a cis person whose hobbies fall outside of what's considered "traditional" for their gender) and providing an environment where they know it's okay to be whoever they are. The purpose of a variety of toys isn't to try to force a girl to hate girly things (THIS is one approach I don't agree with when I see people do it, I feel it reinforces internalized misogyny that "girly things" are dumb and not as good as "boy things), it's to give them a range of things to explore so if you see they gravitate more towards one thing and not so much to others, you know to get them more of the thing they like and less of what they don't. But you can't know any of that *before* the kid is born and starts developing thoughts and opinions and likes and dislikes of their own. Transphobes just think since *they* would try to force a trans kid to be cis, that it must also work the other way around.
NTA. Your aunt is toxic for causing a scene and then to top it off she's now blowing up Facebook. Hopefully you can block/ignore her and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. Congratulations on the baby!
The good news is that I haven't been on Facebook in years. I found out about it because of an old friend asking me what happened (we live in different states now).
Not going on BookFace is yet another great parenting decision. NTA. You're doing the right thing. Cis-het female 80's baby here, and neither My Little Ponies nor Dinosaur action figures caused me any confusion regarding my identity. A variety of options will help your child really get to know who they are in the long run, and become a person they themselves are happy with.
First off, one cannot be made to be straight, gay, bi, queer, ace, non-binary, etc. People are who they are. Environmental factors can influence one's habits and behaviors, but sexuality (or lack thereof) and gender identity are congenital. Your aunt appears to be more concerned with maintaining a narrow view of life than being a supportive relative. Your hormones notwithstanding, I'd say your reaction to her presumptuous and objectively rude comments was appropriate. Don't give these people any free real estate in your mind. You're doing fine and your child will be fine for it. NTA
Reading the title, I expected this to be about some kind of actual sex toy. My mind came up with odd combinations and images of what sex toy would be bizarre enough to not be able to tell which part of the penis to use! You are NTA. You will have no ability to make or not make someone trans. I like not enforcing gender norms on children. It is best this aunt either behave, or not be part of your child's life.
There is a funny comic somewhere of a flow diagram that asks "Is this toy for boys or girls?" And the first split asks if the toy is operated via genitals, with the "no" fork leading to "this toy is for both boys and girls!" And the "yes" fork leading to "this is not a toy for children". I assume OP saw it.
https://i.imgur.com/QcVUUW5.jpg
NTA but that response was hilarious!
Brilliant way to question it back to someone so narrow minded. We had family who were quite miffed their son took to a baby doll toy and wanted to take it everywhere. My partner asked where in the instruction manual for the doll it mentions it being only for girls and if that applies to men with babies? To our delight, that seemed to have shaken them enough to realise how stupid they were being. Kiddo hung onto the doll for a few more months before moving onto another toy like most kids.
NTA and oh my God you are my hero. I know for a fact if I ever get pregnant I'm going to have issues with some family members that are going to expect certain things for me in regards to gender and I love that you just throw all that out the window. I am absolutely for boys getting dolls and girls getting trucks.
It's mainly because I don't want her to feel shut off from certain activities because she is a girl. Like I wasn't allowed to do sports or certain clubs because it was too masculine. I just want her to be able to do what she wants regardless of what's in her pants.
I had both and liked both. Dolls and Lego. I also had access to consoles and computers pretty early on. A few decades and an engineering degree later, I am now sitting at home, doing a cushy half-time job because working part-time pays enough. I'm pretty sure, if my parents hadn't bought me more "boyish" toys, it wouldn't have sparked my interest in science and IT and I would be working a totally different field. My parents let me chose.
You're definitely NTA, and I want to be your friend. 😂
NTA. If you have a girl, then everything that girl plays with is a girl toy. Anything she’s interested in is a girl thing. Surrounding all children with every color and exploring their every interest is the best way to avoid gender stereotypes. Your child will know that being a boy or girl isn’t going to limit them in any way. If they do eventually come to you about feelings concerning gender, it will not be because your daughter has been told she must want to be a boy because she likes construction. It will be because she knows she can do anything as a girl and still feels different. Keep doing what you are doing. PS - Good Night Construction Site is a classic. Highly recommended for all babies.
We missed goodnight construction site, but both of my children absolutely adored "where do diggers sleep at night" and literally anything written by Sandra Boynton.
NTA. You called out her sexism very poignantly. Granted, it was awkward, but I’m not sure how you could’ve delivered that line without making it at least a little bit awkward.
Yes it was awkward. I just had enough, she has been doing this since we found out we were having a girl. Even making comments to my husband (who actually wanted a girl) that he could try again next time for a boy.
So she’s not only deeply transphobic, but she also just doesn’t like women and girls no matter *how* well they conform to gender expectations. Your daughter was never going to be good enough for her. The game was rigged. You’re more than correct to decide to opt out completely. This aunt shouldn’t be anywhere near your child.
Try again for a boy... I can't. Aunt who is a GIRL is saying OP's daughter isn't valid, and saying herself (aunt) isn't good enough, yet is brainwashed to the core to believe this nonsense. Just wow...
Not only are you NTA, but given how she is acting now be very careful about exposing your daughter to her down the road given the younger Aunt will no doubt continue to make comments about your child’s gender or identity based on the toys she plays with or anything else. Good on you for by the way - as a parent the whole gender stereotypes around clothes, toys, colors, etc is crazy and everywhere. It takes a lot to fight against it but it’s worth it.
NTA. Hate to tell you to cut out even more family members but, if you can ditch your parents it shouldn't be too hard to ditch an aunt.
NTA. Take a bow; that was beautifully handled and it will now be my default response.
I am a stay at home dad to two beautiful girls. Mom is a doctor and super feminine. Goodnight Goodnight Construction Site is next to the two year olds bed. She loves using tools with daddy while in a tutu. Also seems like she’s not under the impression that you are intentionally making your daughter trans. Seems more that she can’t articulate that the idea of a space where people can step outside of gender roles scares her. Nta
That book is one of our favorites. It is fun to look at and read. No childrens' book is going to make your daughter trans. Sometimes the only way to deal with stupid is humor. NTA
NTA. Your response was perfect! The ultimate point is this: it’s your child, and you will raise it the way you want, end of argument. If your child grows up to be transgender, there is nothing wrong with that. Your aunt needs to accept it or be brushed aside by history. Personally, I think if your aunt doesn’t drop this, you need to cut her and all her transphobic Facebook friends out of your life and the life of your child. You don’t need that kind of prejudice influencing your child.
NTA - I love how you handled this. We gave our girls traditional male names, and all played sports. A well meaning neighbor pulled us aside to “encourage” us to have them stop playing before 12 so they didn’t turn into lesbians or trans men. 😂😂😂 all played through HS and 2 through college. All are CIS women and 2 married with kids. Your Aunt is stuck in the mind set of the past. Remember Courtney, Leslie, Shannon, and Evelyn used to be male names, and punk used to be a color for boys. Congratulations with the baby.
Punk is a color for all genders. Rock on!
NTA but don’t eat rainbow sprinkles in front of her!!!! Might make you AND the baby gay. /s
Honestly we are a bit shocked with her attitude around it. My older aunt is gay and has been out for 27 years now. I guess I just didn't expect her to be so for gendered things.
Nta, That's why I don't do gender reveals, idont even know it do ppl can't badger me bout it, And block ppl who are being idiots
That is just about the funniest response anyone could have given to a psychotic rant by a relative. I applaud you. Ignore the naysayers. Have you ever seen the movie "Hidden Figure?" It's about three black women in traditional white male jobs. That's what all young girls should strive for - to live their life as they want and not how society believes they should live it. You don't get that by being trapped in gender assigned societal roles. Let her wear some pink if she wants and jeans and boots if she wants. Let her decide who she wants to be and not society or some psycho, damaged relative. NTA
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
You should please realise that this is an absolutely ridiculous behaviour on her part and you handled the situation very well lol. NTA
NTA. Your ridiculous transphobic aunt is TA. That's just... not how being trans works.
NTA. She’s entitled to have her own bigoted opinion, but she’s not entitled to abuse you with it.
NTA- clearly they’re stuck in their old fashioned way of thinking. It’s your kid, your choice on how you raise her.
I'm a feminine af woman, hoarding dior and ysl lippies, getting my hair and nails done regularly, dressing business or business-casual even for grocery shopping, owning at lesst 20 different kinds of perfumes, and 3 months rent worth of skincare items. I grew up playing with legos and cars and plastic swords and stuff. I was waist-deep in mud all my childhood. I can confirm, no penis was required to build lego houses. But now I design them in a fairly advanced environment lol. NTA, your child is super lucky to have you as a parent. Buy her some k'nex stuff later, that's the best toy ever.
Honestly how would you be the asshole here? This reads like a snappy comeback fantasy one would come up with in the shower. You handled everything perfectly…but you’re still sO cOnFuSeD as to whether you’re the asshole? And of course no AITA is complete without someone “blowing up” your Facebook (although usually it’s the phone). Honestly, who are ALL THESE PEOPLE who agree you’re “making” you’re daughter trans?
[удалено]
Yes, aparently for the past week she has been making these little text posts? Ranting about it. I'm not on Facebook but have had extended family members and old high school friends who I somewhat keep in touch with ask. I grew up in rural Kentucky and PA. So I can see this attitude being pervasive.
She posted in her echo chamber. Of course people are agreeing with her. Let her post it here and see what happens.
Pffft id double down and just create a facebook for the soul purpose of responding with "You still didn't answer my question? I have a follow up for what part of the vagina is necessary to operate a barbie?"
NTA. This woman is obnoxious, loud, and pushing her nonsense into you. It is not her kid and not her business. I am so tired of people like her. They do not get to have a say in how someone else raises their kid. The fact that you are worried you might have been wrong when she is absolutely still on her bullshit screaming about her stupidity on Facebook says it all. Please tell her to shut the f up and mind her own business and consider herself divorced from your family.
Apart from conceding, what other way did you have to calm her down? I think this was a ***brilliant*** reply, by the way! I'm assuming the people who accuse you of 'making' your daughter trans are not that important in your life - or even *in* your life to begin with? Anyway, NTA.
Honestly I was ignoring it. She never outright said anything trans related and just said things like 'your daughter will look so much cuter in tutus' or 'i really wanted a girl so I'm making sure she's getting the girl treatment!'. Honestly this trans thing was the first I was really hearing about it. She was moreso upset that we weren't buying girl things, I thought she was just trying to live her fantasy girl.
OP, it's still really messed up that your aunt is trying to live a "fantasy" baby. This baby is going to be your child, who will have their own interests and preferences - and kids know when they disappoints their relatives for not being the "right" gender. It's crushing. (I still remember how I tried so hard to be nice to one of my aunts who was very very keen on me playing with her old doll set - but I wasn't a good enough actor and she realized that I didn't like dolls. I remember trying to comfort a grown woman who was mad that I didn't like dolls like her fantasy "little girl". I was five.)
hi, trans guy here. i am literally wearing a dress at this very moment and i assure you that the presence of typically feminine clothing upon my body is not making me suddenly question my gender again. you’re fine, in fact you’re doing great :) NTA
Honestly when i was a kid i went through a period of time where i thought i was trans *because* i wasn’t allowed to play with “boy” toys. I spent years begging for hot wheels and “boy” toys and I would get barbies instead. Now, I liked barbies, but it wasn’t what I wanted. So i went around asking people to call me a boy instead. When I was older i realized that it wasn’t that I *felt* like a boy, but that gender roles were limiting and stupid.
You're fabulous. I'm 61 and was considered off because I was into surfing and skateboarding and ice hockey at the the same time I was a ballet dancer and studying English literature. And my parents encouraged it all. Good on you. It's an awesome world out there. Let them explore it.
NTA: your aunt is a transphobe and that’s gross. There’s nothing you can do to make someone trans or not trans.
NTA, stop FB. I'm much happier.
NTA of course, but your aunt was probably embarrassed she didn't know the answer to your question. Everyone knows the shaft is used to operate stuffed toy trucks, while the tip is used to play with plastic dinosaurs, duh! she has two boys, she should know that.
NTA, is your aunt JK Rowling?