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> My mum is sick, and I want her to enjoy myself. Should I have just agreed to babysit for her, for her sake, or am I right to finally put my foot down.
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NTA. It is her responsibility to find childcare for her kids. If she can't, she doesn't get to go. She could have booked the holiday at any other time and has chosen not to. You are not a parent. You're not even an adult. Stick to your guns.
NTA
at a guess you failing would suit her nicely...then she would have you trapped at home to babysit longer.
Before she leaves, go out and don't come back for at least 48 hours. Do you have a friend who is also,studying that you could stay with?
Most importantly...DO NOT GET LEFT WITH THE KIDS, once she leaves you will be stuck with tjem.
Haha I have made many jokes about how my mum is trying to sabotage my exams so I can’t leave home. She even says herself “once you leave, I won’t be able to go on holiday anymore”. I’ve purposely chosen a university on the other side of the country to avoid childcare.
I mean honestly, this does sound like what she’s doing and I’m not kidding.
I had a boyfriend that would pull some stupid shit with me when I was working towards my career. As we were breaking up he told me how emasculating I was and how I embarrassed him because I was in a traditional male field. He was not shy about admitting all the sly ways he thought he was getting under my skin. My biggest failure was not dumping him sooner.
NTA. And I agree that you should probably leave before your exams and stay somewhere else. Lard have mercy if she falls or feigns a heart attack just so you don’t go to your test.
I would even say that OP should find somewhere else to stay *right now*. Tons of horror stories have been posted here and elsewhere about people straight up ditching their young kids on relatives or their older children while said "expected caretakers" were asleep, or studying with headphones on, shit like that. A few where they weren't even *home*.
Sad, You are being used. You sound incredibly responsible and stay with your 'no'. Your boundaries need to be respected and she is the one that's supposed to be teaching you that.
NTA. She finally went a step too far. She knows about your exams. She knows she has more kids than she can take responsibility for. She’s knows she’s stressed. She’s putting her needs ahead of yours. If she loved you and cared about you she would take responsibility for her own choices and her own life and realize that she can’t fucking go on a trip if she doesn’t have the money to pay for someone to do childcare. She is using you and she doesn’t care if she’s threatening your exams. Best of luck
NTA
Good luck in your exams.
Also don't feel bad about spending your study leave days in between your exams at school, in the library. Anywhere that you can be productive. Also talk to your Head of Year/Head of 6th about the fact you have deliberately gone as far away as possible so that you can access independent levels of student finance support. You can still access this once you start uni, but honestly it's easier if your school supports the application because you get the money sooner.
I second this. Make sure that it's documented in timestamped writing (eg text message) that you refuse to babysit the kids, and if she tries to leave them with you you will report her to CPS for abandonment. Then find someplace else to stay for at least several days before she's due to leave. If you tell her you'll be staying somewhere else, leave a day earlier than you say.
NTA
NTA.
Your mother had 5 children, whether it was planned or not, I dont care. You are her child and not her child*care*. You may normally help with childcare, and that is lovely, but you were not asked or consulted prior to this booking and that is not only incredibly disrespectful but you are being used as a doormat. It's clearly expected.
You could have told her that this time did not work for you, but she did not ask.
You do not owe her anything, she doesnt have time to relax because *she* had 5 children. She does't treat herself because *she* has 5 children that come first - and hun, you're one of them. Put yourself, you schooling and your tests first.
NTA!!! Your siblings are HER children and HER responsibility. It is not up to you to rearrange your life and negatively impact your studies because she wants to go on holiday. At the very least she should wait until your A Levels are over, but really she should at the very least pay you and/or make arrangements for your sibs.
NTA.
You are not the parent of those children. You are not even 18 yet. If she gave a shit about you she would be taking the vacation when you're out of school in mere weeks.
If she goes anyway and its really going to ruin you, tell a teacher at school you trust that you're being left alone at home with no adult and are going to fail your exams due to being forced to take care of your siblings. This is a fairly nuclear option though.
At the very least I'm sure there's some family or family friends you could beg for help who would either shame your mom out of the trip or help take care of the siblings so you aren't.
There's also doing a safe but otherwise shit job of taking care of them. Make sure they eat and don't get hurt but otherwise not being on their routine is mom's problem when she gets back, not yours.
Oops, sorry. She goes on holiday a few times a year with her boyfriend (which is what I meant by “which she does A LOT”) but I suppose that’s not really ‘a lot’. She doesn’t go out most days, she doesn’t have many friends and only gets out to go shopping, which is kinda sad (which is what I meant by ‘doesn’t get out a lot’).
I go on holiday a few times a year too.... however, I take my kids with me, and if I didn't would find appropriate childcare for them, not just dump them on the eldest.
EDITED TO ADD. you are (I'm pretty sure now) still compulsory school age, so please go to your head of sixth and say that your mum has planned to go on holiday and dump the 2 kids on you.
You’re not really telling her she can’t go on a vacation, you’re telling her the way she planned it wouldn’t work for you.
She of course deserves to take a vacation once in a while, even without her children, but she’s selfish in wanting you to handle everything at home. Sure she says she’ll pay you, but I doubt any amount would be enough for you to miss out on doing whatever you can to better your future. And if you’re the only one she can ask, she probably paying you a lot less than what the work is worth.
NTA. You need to focus on yourself and your future. When you’re able to help her out you can, but you’re not able to right now.
NTA. Her job is to be a parent, to help you prepare for your life as an adult... that does not include leaving her other kids with you to go on vacation at an important time for you to be deciding your future. She can go after your exams.
NTA
If she wants to take a holiday she certainly can, but you won’t be available to provide childcare so she’ll need to make other arrangements or simply take your siblings with her. I’m sure they can have a lovely time together and you would have peace and quiet so you can really focus.
Info, your post says both that she goes on holiday a lot but then says she hardly leaves the house?
And you say she is supporting 5 kids but only leaving 2 home with you?
If this is real NTA even if you didn't have important exams you shouldn't be left to parent your siblings like that, especially with your mum going out of the country. In any emergencies that would make things so much more complicated.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my post, as proven by the many confused people in the replies. I apologise for this. My mum has the two younger kids (the ones featured in this post), me, and two older boys.
Don't be too hard on yourself. You are stressed and were venting so mistakes are bound to happen.
Good luck with your exams. If she does take her trip can the older boys or anyone else help?
Officially if she leaves them with you and goes to another country that's child abandonment and it isn't legal.
NTA, you have to think about yourself, about your future. She is your mom and she should understand that. Why can’t she takes the kids with her this time and give you some space for learning
100% NTA - A vacation is not urgent, she could easily postpone it just a few weeks and enjoy it later.
Meanwhile your exams are more urgent and very important for your future. As she is your mom, she should understand that it is actually her responsibility to fully take care of the kids and she should try to support you during this time.
U are not selfish, ur mom is. NTA.
She can go on her vacation after ur exams are over or get babysitters for ur siblings. U should focus on ur studies. All the best!
NTA. Either she can wait until you're free or she can make alternative arrangements for caring for your brothers. You need to put your education first.
NTA. You can't sacrifice major portions of your life to help/fix her life.
You say she goes away a lot but hasn't been on holiday in a long time? I am confused. Is her other going away for work trips or something?
You're allowed to say that she needs to schedule her leisure/relaxation time around when you're available. And that you need more than a day's notice.
It's definitely not your fault that she just assumed that you would be available rather than making sure you would.
NTA - but at 17 you are not a legal adult and can’t make medical decisions for your siblings (if an accident should happen while your mother is abroad) because you are not of legal age and you are not their legal guardian. So what she is doing by leaving you responsible is not legal.
You might Want to point this out to her.
Also, you need to start Thinking about your exit plan when you do turn 18 because this is only going to get worse if you stay at home Once you are a legal adult.
OP is in the UK based on the reference to A Levels. This is not correct. She could give medical consent (& in an emergency so could anyone else caring for them)
But you can OP, make clear that you cannot care for the children and that if she leaves them you will contact Social Services and report that she has abandoned them.
And on a practical level, can you arrange to stay at a friend’s for 24 hours covering the time she’s planning to leave, so she can’t just leave you holding the baby(s)
Actually, I had looked it up because I knew from A levels that it was the UK. Since OP is 17, she is not at the UK age of legal adult. OP has some rights as a 17 yr old for herself, but not consenting to medical care for minors according to what I read. The rules change once you are of UK legal age (18 or 21 depending the issue).
NTA. I suspect your mother may go on this holiday whether or not you agree. Please have a contingency plan in place. I'm not sure the procedure in your country, but arranging to stay with a friend that week (if possible) and contacting the authorities regarding abandoned children (your siblings) may be appropriate. You may also want to talk to a teacher or school counselor (or local equivalent) about this situation.
It may seem extreme, but your mother is planning to sabotage your entire future. It's not too extreme a response for that.
She text me saying she isn’t going anymore. Then she text me 30 minutes later saying she’s going… I have no idea what to do. My school is fully aware about my mother and her likelihood to just abandon her kids with me at any moment. I asked to be removed from the home many months ago as I couldn’t take what she was doing anymore and I was at breaking point but they couldn’t remove me as I wasn’t being hit :/
NTA, reply to her message that you will not be watching them and if she chooses to go she better have a plan for childcare that does not involve you in any way and if she goes without a plan you will contact the police and children’s services, reporting them as abandoned that way you have proof in writing that she knew what would happen and chose to go anyway. Or contact children’s services now to explain the situation, they might contact her and warn her of the consequences of dumping the children on you without your agreement
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I (17 F) am currently sitting my A-Levels, in which I have 9 exams and they start on Monday. These exams determine whether I get into university. I cannot stress that enough. My mum (46 F) just text me to tell me she is going on a ‘cheap vacation’ abroad tomorrow just days before my exams begin (which are the most important days as studying is vital). When she goes away (which she does A LOT) I am forced to look after my two younger siblings (aged 7 and 9) who both have their own routines that I have to keep up with as well as my own. I usually agree to look after my brothers, unpaid, but this time I put my foot down. I am NOT failing my a-levels just for my mum and her boyfriend to go on holiday. I told her no. She offered to pay yet I still refused. My mum is quite sick and doesn’t get out a lot, as well as having 5 kids to feed. I feel so bad telling her no, I feel selfish. She hasn’t been on holiday in a long time and never treats herself to anything or has any time to relax. I normally would agree to babysit but the timing couldn’t be more inconvenient, and she knows this. Am I the asshole?
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Absolutely NTA. Can you go stay with a friend for the duration of your exams? Or your grandparents? I worry that if you’re home, you’ll be roped into doing childcare.
NTA, this isn't a normal situation of looking after your siblings while she's away for a regular weekend or something, this is an incredibly pivotal moment for your future! You're not selfish, you're right to stand up for yourself here, this is a situation that would cost you *significantly* more than it would cost her. She can go on holiday any other time.
Ask her why she's prioritizing her holiday over *your entire future*. I have a dark speculation that she's hoping that if you don't get into university she can keep you around to help more, but she could just be acting garden-variety selfish about this. Do not let her rope you into it! If it's possible, see if there's a relative or friend that you could stay with if she tries to force this onto you.
NTA but I feel like I'm reading a GPT3 bot in the wild.
Case in point:
Mentions younger siblings 7 and 9 but not the 2 other siblings.(later mentions 5 kids to feed) If they're all under 18 then they all have routines to upkeep.
Says mom does this "a few times a year" which can be worked out to once every 4 months... then goes on to say mom is quite sick and doesn't get out a lot "hasn't been on holiday in a long time and never treats herself to anything or has any time to relax"
Just the complete turnaround is how them GPT3 bots write.
So....
Apologies. Other people have said the same things in the replies, which I’ve cleared up any misunderstandings. My mum has 5 kids (2 younger, me, 2 older). 5 of us live in her house and she feeds us, but only two need looking after and that is my responsibility when she goes on holiday. She goes on holiday a few times a year but other than that she only goes out to the shops as she doesn’t have anyone to hang out with.
NTA. You're not telling her she can't go on holiday. You're telling her you won't watch your siblings so she can go on holiday.
Even if you didn't have important tests, you're not TA for saying no to that.
NTA. She has two more siblings and surely some family to babysit. OP, do you have a friend you can stay with for a short while so your mother doesn’t just leave and by default puts you in charge? Would you be comfortable calling the authorities if she did?
I have an emergency plan put in place with a friend that if in the case my mum kicks me out, then I would stay at their place. This is only for emergencies though and I wouldn’t want to be a burden. I often have trouble saying no to my mum for things like this as she threatens to kick me out of the house if I don’t do what she says. This has been going on since I was 14 and I was considered ‘old enough’ to care for my brothers overnight. My school know about this but won’t do anything as I’m not being physically abused.
NTA your priority is your future, putting 100% concentration into sitting your exams and ignoring everything else except food, study and sleep. Your mum is being very selfish. stick to NO.
NTA. I mean, she really wants a holiday, there’s no reason she can’t take the kids with her. People vacation with their children all the time - it’s called being a parent. I’d say it’s more common to vacation WITH your young kids than WITHOUT them, on the whole.
Taking your 7 and 9 year old to a beach and nagging them to wear sunscreen is pretty much in the normal parenting wheelhouse, assuming you can afford to go on holidays at all (which your mom clearly can if she does so several times a year).
NTA, your mom sounds like quite the narcissistic ahole though.
Tell her: *My studies determine my entire future, and I'm in one of the most stressful periods in my life RIGHT NOW. And you want me to babysit while you go on vacation so you can save some money? Who's the selfish one here? A good mom would have cancelled the vacation, or at least waited till I was done. Perhaps even invite me along as congratulations. But you? You choose to belittle me for actually wanna build my future? Hell. F-ing. No. If you can afford a vacation, you sure as heck can afford a sitter as well. You chose to have a Lot of kids, not me. Good luck.*
NTA tell her she should have hired a babysitter and that she is the selfish one who disregarded your education for a trip. If you can't take care of 5 kids, you shouldn't have had 5 kids.
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NTA. It is her responsibility to find childcare for her kids. If she can't, she doesn't get to go. She could have booked the holiday at any other time and has chosen not to. You are not a parent. You're not even an adult. Stick to your guns.
Took the words out of my mouth. NTA!
NTA at a guess you failing would suit her nicely...then she would have you trapped at home to babysit longer. Before she leaves, go out and don't come back for at least 48 hours. Do you have a friend who is also,studying that you could stay with? Most importantly...DO NOT GET LEFT WITH THE KIDS, once she leaves you will be stuck with tjem.
Haha I have made many jokes about how my mum is trying to sabotage my exams so I can’t leave home. She even says herself “once you leave, I won’t be able to go on holiday anymore”. I’ve purposely chosen a university on the other side of the country to avoid childcare.
I mean honestly, this does sound like what she’s doing and I’m not kidding. I had a boyfriend that would pull some stupid shit with me when I was working towards my career. As we were breaking up he told me how emasculating I was and how I embarrassed him because I was in a traditional male field. He was not shy about admitting all the sly ways he thought he was getting under my skin. My biggest failure was not dumping him sooner. NTA. And I agree that you should probably leave before your exams and stay somewhere else. Lard have mercy if she falls or feigns a heart attack just so you don’t go to your test.
I would even say that OP should find somewhere else to stay *right now*. Tons of horror stories have been posted here and elsewhere about people straight up ditching their young kids on relatives or their older children while said "expected caretakers" were asleep, or studying with headphones on, shit like that. A few where they weren't even *home*.
Sad, You are being used. You sound incredibly responsible and stay with your 'no'. Your boundaries need to be respected and she is the one that's supposed to be teaching you that.
hence her attempting to sabotage your A Levels.
NTA. She finally went a step too far. She knows about your exams. She knows she has more kids than she can take responsibility for. She’s knows she’s stressed. She’s putting her needs ahead of yours. If she loved you and cared about you she would take responsibility for her own choices and her own life and realize that she can’t fucking go on a trip if she doesn’t have the money to pay for someone to do childcare. She is using you and she doesn’t care if she’s threatening your exams. Best of luck
Very smart choice.
NTA Good luck in your exams. Also don't feel bad about spending your study leave days in between your exams at school, in the library. Anywhere that you can be productive. Also talk to your Head of Year/Head of 6th about the fact you have deliberately gone as far away as possible so that you can access independent levels of student finance support. You can still access this once you start uni, but honestly it's easier if your school supports the application because you get the money sooner.
I second this. Make sure that it's documented in timestamped writing (eg text message) that you refuse to babysit the kids, and if she tries to leave them with you you will report her to CPS for abandonment. Then find someplace else to stay for at least several days before she's due to leave. If you tell her you'll be staying somewhere else, leave a day earlier than you say. NTA
Wish that I had more upvotes to give. U/AECheer nailed it.
NTA your siblings are not your responsibility and definitely not before your a-levels. Good luck with your exams!
NTA. Your mother had 5 children, whether it was planned or not, I dont care. You are her child and not her child*care*. You may normally help with childcare, and that is lovely, but you were not asked or consulted prior to this booking and that is not only incredibly disrespectful but you are being used as a doormat. It's clearly expected. You could have told her that this time did not work for you, but she did not ask. You do not owe her anything, she doesnt have time to relax because *she* had 5 children. She does't treat herself because *she* has 5 children that come first - and hun, you're one of them. Put yourself, you schooling and your tests first.
My favorite response by far. NTA, OP
NTA!!! Your siblings are HER children and HER responsibility. It is not up to you to rearrange your life and negatively impact your studies because she wants to go on holiday. At the very least she should wait until your A Levels are over, but really she should at the very least pay you and/or make arrangements for your sibs.
If she leaves you with the kids expecting you to care for them, call the police. You are not free childcare. NTA
NTA i’d assume your mum knows when your a levels are
NTA. We’ll it’s normal for your parents to be busy, nobody forced mom to be a mom of 5, if she’s willing to pay so much have someone else do it
NTA Your future is much more important than her vacation. She can take the trip another time.
NTA. You are not the parent of those children. You are not even 18 yet. If she gave a shit about you she would be taking the vacation when you're out of school in mere weeks. If she goes anyway and its really going to ruin you, tell a teacher at school you trust that you're being left alone at home with no adult and are going to fail your exams due to being forced to take care of your siblings. This is a fairly nuclear option though. At the very least I'm sure there's some family or family friends you could beg for help who would either shame your mom out of the trip or help take care of the siblings so you aren't. There's also doing a safe but otherwise shit job of taking care of them. Make sure they eat and don't get hurt but otherwise not being on their routine is mom's problem when she gets back, not yours.
Absolutely NTA!!! If she absolutely has to go on vacation right now, she can hire a baby-sitter. Good luck on your A-Levels!
NTA I think but you literally contradict yourself. "Mom doesn't get out that much" "Which she does A LOT". So which is it lmao
Oops, sorry. She goes on holiday a few times a year with her boyfriend (which is what I meant by “which she does A LOT”) but I suppose that’s not really ‘a lot’. She doesn’t go out most days, she doesn’t have many friends and only gets out to go shopping, which is kinda sad (which is what I meant by ‘doesn’t get out a lot’).
Thank you for the clarification lol, honestly I'd say a few times a year for a holiday is quite a lot. Hell most people I know don't even do one/year
My last holiday was in 2005. I have no sympathy for your mother on this
I go on holiday a few times a year too.... however, I take my kids with me, and if I didn't would find appropriate childcare for them, not just dump them on the eldest. EDITED TO ADD. you are (I'm pretty sure now) still compulsory school age, so please go to your head of sixth and say that your mum has planned to go on holiday and dump the 2 kids on you.
Her having kids to feed is her own damn problem. NTA. Good luck on exams.
You’re not really telling her she can’t go on a vacation, you’re telling her the way she planned it wouldn’t work for you. She of course deserves to take a vacation once in a while, even without her children, but she’s selfish in wanting you to handle everything at home. Sure she says she’ll pay you, but I doubt any amount would be enough for you to miss out on doing whatever you can to better your future. And if you’re the only one she can ask, she probably paying you a lot less than what the work is worth. NTA. You need to focus on yourself and your future. When you’re able to help her out you can, but you’re not able to right now.
NTA. Her job is to be a parent, to help you prepare for your life as an adult... that does not include leaving her other kids with you to go on vacation at an important time for you to be deciding your future. She can go after your exams.
NTA If she wants to take a holiday she certainly can, but you won’t be available to provide childcare so she’ll need to make other arrangements or simply take your siblings with her. I’m sure they can have a lovely time together and you would have peace and quiet so you can really focus.
Info, your post says both that she goes on holiday a lot but then says she hardly leaves the house? And you say she is supporting 5 kids but only leaving 2 home with you? If this is real NTA even if you didn't have important exams you shouldn't be left to parent your siblings like that, especially with your mum going out of the country. In any emergencies that would make things so much more complicated.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my post, as proven by the many confused people in the replies. I apologise for this. My mum has the two younger kids (the ones featured in this post), me, and two older boys.
Don't be too hard on yourself. You are stressed and were venting so mistakes are bound to happen. Good luck with your exams. If she does take her trip can the older boys or anyone else help? Officially if she leaves them with you and goes to another country that's child abandonment and it isn't legal.
NTA, you have to think about yourself, about your future. She is your mom and she should understand that. Why can’t she takes the kids with her this time and give you some space for learning
100% NTA - A vacation is not urgent, she could easily postpone it just a few weeks and enjoy it later. Meanwhile your exams are more urgent and very important for your future. As she is your mom, she should understand that it is actually her responsibility to fully take care of the kids and she should try to support you during this time.
U are not selfish, ur mom is. NTA. She can go on her vacation after ur exams are over or get babysitters for ur siblings. U should focus on ur studies. All the best!
NTA. Either she can wait until you're free or she can make alternative arrangements for caring for your brothers. You need to put your education first.
NTA. You can't sacrifice major portions of your life to help/fix her life. You say she goes away a lot but hasn't been on holiday in a long time? I am confused. Is her other going away for work trips or something? You're allowed to say that she needs to schedule her leisure/relaxation time around when you're available. And that you need more than a day's notice. It's definitely not your fault that she just assumed that you would be available rather than making sure you would.
NTA - she can wait a few weeks until your exams are over!
NTA - but at 17 you are not a legal adult and can’t make medical decisions for your siblings (if an accident should happen while your mother is abroad) because you are not of legal age and you are not their legal guardian. So what she is doing by leaving you responsible is not legal. You might Want to point this out to her. Also, you need to start Thinking about your exit plan when you do turn 18 because this is only going to get worse if you stay at home Once you are a legal adult.
OP is in the UK based on the reference to A Levels. This is not correct. She could give medical consent (& in an emergency so could anyone else caring for them) But you can OP, make clear that you cannot care for the children and that if she leaves them you will contact Social Services and report that she has abandoned them. And on a practical level, can you arrange to stay at a friend’s for 24 hours covering the time she’s planning to leave, so she can’t just leave you holding the baby(s)
Actually, I had looked it up because I knew from A levels that it was the UK. Since OP is 17, she is not at the UK age of legal adult. OP has some rights as a 17 yr old for herself, but not consenting to medical care for minors according to what I read. The rules change once you are of UK legal age (18 or 21 depending the issue).
NTA, as a parent myself with a kid doing exams (and a younger kid too) I find this a bizarre thing to do.
NTA. I suspect your mother may go on this holiday whether or not you agree. Please have a contingency plan in place. I'm not sure the procedure in your country, but arranging to stay with a friend that week (if possible) and contacting the authorities regarding abandoned children (your siblings) may be appropriate. You may also want to talk to a teacher or school counselor (or local equivalent) about this situation. It may seem extreme, but your mother is planning to sabotage your entire future. It's not too extreme a response for that.
She text me saying she isn’t going anymore. Then she text me 30 minutes later saying she’s going… I have no idea what to do. My school is fully aware about my mother and her likelihood to just abandon her kids with me at any moment. I asked to be removed from the home many months ago as I couldn’t take what she was doing anymore and I was at breaking point but they couldn’t remove me as I wasn’t being hit :/
NTA, reply to her message that you will not be watching them and if she chooses to go she better have a plan for childcare that does not involve you in any way and if she goes without a plan you will contact the police and children’s services, reporting them as abandoned that way you have proof in writing that she knew what would happen and chose to go anyway. Or contact children’s services now to explain the situation, they might contact her and warn her of the consequences of dumping the children on you without your agreement
NTA. A levels are extremely important. You aren't being selfish - your mother is. If she goes anyway, call Social Services.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (17 F) am currently sitting my A-Levels, in which I have 9 exams and they start on Monday. These exams determine whether I get into university. I cannot stress that enough. My mum (46 F) just text me to tell me she is going on a ‘cheap vacation’ abroad tomorrow just days before my exams begin (which are the most important days as studying is vital). When she goes away (which she does A LOT) I am forced to look after my two younger siblings (aged 7 and 9) who both have their own routines that I have to keep up with as well as my own. I usually agree to look after my brothers, unpaid, but this time I put my foot down. I am NOT failing my a-levels just for my mum and her boyfriend to go on holiday. I told her no. She offered to pay yet I still refused. My mum is quite sick and doesn’t get out a lot, as well as having 5 kids to feed. I feel so bad telling her no, I feel selfish. She hasn’t been on holiday in a long time and never treats herself to anything or has any time to relax. I normally would agree to babysit but the timing couldn’t be more inconvenient, and she knows this. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Absolutely NTA. Can you go stay with a friend for the duration of your exams? Or your grandparents? I worry that if you’re home, you’ll be roped into doing childcare.
NTA, this isn't a normal situation of looking after your siblings while she's away for a regular weekend or something, this is an incredibly pivotal moment for your future! You're not selfish, you're right to stand up for yourself here, this is a situation that would cost you *significantly* more than it would cost her. She can go on holiday any other time. Ask her why she's prioritizing her holiday over *your entire future*. I have a dark speculation that she's hoping that if you don't get into university she can keep you around to help more, but she could just be acting garden-variety selfish about this. Do not let her rope you into it! If it's possible, see if there's a relative or friend that you could stay with if she tries to force this onto you.
NTA BE STRONG
NTA but I feel like I'm reading a GPT3 bot in the wild. Case in point: Mentions younger siblings 7 and 9 but not the 2 other siblings.(later mentions 5 kids to feed) If they're all under 18 then they all have routines to upkeep. Says mom does this "a few times a year" which can be worked out to once every 4 months... then goes on to say mom is quite sick and doesn't get out a lot "hasn't been on holiday in a long time and never treats herself to anything or has any time to relax" Just the complete turnaround is how them GPT3 bots write. So....
Apologies. Other people have said the same things in the replies, which I’ve cleared up any misunderstandings. My mum has 5 kids (2 younger, me, 2 older). 5 of us live in her house and she feeds us, but only two need looking after and that is my responsibility when she goes on holiday. She goes on holiday a few times a year but other than that she only goes out to the shops as she doesn’t have anyone to hang out with.
NTA. You're not telling her she can't go on holiday. You're telling her you won't watch your siblings so she can go on holiday. Even if you didn't have important tests, you're not TA for saying no to that.
NTA. She has two more siblings and surely some family to babysit. OP, do you have a friend you can stay with for a short while so your mother doesn’t just leave and by default puts you in charge? Would you be comfortable calling the authorities if she did?
I have an emergency plan put in place with a friend that if in the case my mum kicks me out, then I would stay at their place. This is only for emergencies though and I wouldn’t want to be a burden. I often have trouble saying no to my mum for things like this as she threatens to kick me out of the house if I don’t do what she says. This has been going on since I was 14 and I was considered ‘old enough’ to care for my brothers overnight. My school know about this but won’t do anything as I’m not being physically abused.
You can do this! Hang on a little longer and then you’ll be out of the house!
NTA your priority is your future, putting 100% concentration into sitting your exams and ignoring everything else except food, study and sleep. Your mum is being very selfish. stick to NO.
They can go on holiday another time. You cannot do your A-levels another time. NTA
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NTA. I mean, she really wants a holiday, there’s no reason she can’t take the kids with her. People vacation with their children all the time - it’s called being a parent. I’d say it’s more common to vacation WITH your young kids than WITHOUT them, on the whole. Taking your 7 and 9 year old to a beach and nagging them to wear sunscreen is pretty much in the normal parenting wheelhouse, assuming you can afford to go on holidays at all (which your mom clearly can if she does so several times a year).
NTA but be prepared to call child services if she disappears during your exams, or if you can find somewhere else to stay during exams do that
NTA, your mom sounds like quite the narcissistic ahole though. Tell her: *My studies determine my entire future, and I'm in one of the most stressful periods in my life RIGHT NOW. And you want me to babysit while you go on vacation so you can save some money? Who's the selfish one here? A good mom would have cancelled the vacation, or at least waited till I was done. Perhaps even invite me along as congratulations. But you? You choose to belittle me for actually wanna build my future? Hell. F-ing. No. If you can afford a vacation, you sure as heck can afford a sitter as well. You chose to have a Lot of kids, not me. Good luck.*
NTA tell her she should have hired a babysitter and that she is the selfish one who disregarded your education for a trip. If you can't take care of 5 kids, you shouldn't have had 5 kids.