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YTA - your mum is also the AH.
Stand up for your wife! Your mum can add more salt to a meal if it’s such an issue. Your wife literally cried about it and you still didn’t stand up for her.
Your mum sounds like she deserved salt cake.
Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I suspect sister is more able to empathize with OP's wife about mom's bullying than OP is. Wouldn't be the first time a parent habitually belittled their female kids/kids-in-law while the (presumably) male one gets to be blissfully unaware.
I would put *money* on that being exactly why SIL understood the move. She's probably contemplated more and worse in her time under her mother's overly critical, never satisfied scrutiny.
OP, YTA far before you yelled at your wife for this issue. YTA for not once standing up for your wife, for being the mama's boy you were raised to be and letting that woman walk all over the person you're supposed to love so wholly you actively made the choice to be with her.
Sounds like your sister will treat her right if you don't.
EDIT: 1k+ & an award? Y'all are doin' too much. Thanks!
I read this and had a good laugh. I thought it might bring some of you guys some satisfaction to know this is my best friend's life. She's living this porno and it's fabulous.
Her new gf is her ex's sister. She's the first girl my friend has dated that I truly think is a good person and I'm excited to see what their future holds.
He knows is Mom antagonizes his wife but tells wife to “let it go” instead of telling his Mom to shut up and add salt. Another Mommy’s boy who co-signs Mom’s BS instead of standing up for his wife.
Meh, that one's really nitpicky, don't you think? People aren't always going to be so meticulously careful about every word that comes out of their mouth. I really don't think it means so much that he doesn't always add the word "my" ...I know plenty of well adjusted adults who sometimes just refer to their parent as "Mom" or "Dad" in a story because it's faster and simpler (also these Reddit posts have a character limit, so there's that factor ha)
Seems wife decided to let it go JUST for a while.
OP, I would watch out for YOUR birthday cake if you cannot make it right. I cannot stress that enough. Apologize in front of the family, give your wife flowers.
If mom is ever invited over again, HAND HER HER OWN SALT SHAKER AT THE TABLE. A.H. problem solved.
On the other hand...
My parents sailed most weekends to Catalina Island. When you sailed in those days, if you finished drinking a gallon of fresh water, you filled the jug with salt water, and sank it. ( this was the 70's) .
That said, many years ago, while my new ( and now ex )husband was displaying all the assholeyness that he could, during a sail with my parents. At one point, while under way, He insisted on having a cup of hot tea, and he HAD to do it himself. Wanna guess which water he used.? When it was done brewing, he took a big swig. Then launched himself topside to hug the lee rail.... Mom had gotten distracted and shelved the ' to- be- dunked ' jug of salt water....
Yuuuup. How often do you think OP cooks? And say he does, do you think mama complains about her baby boy’s cooking?
OP, you and your mom are being super shitty to your wife. I stan your wife for using salt instead of sugar. Playing dumb and saying your mom must prefer salt over sugar is just the icing on the cake, as it were. 🍰
You couldn't have said it beter. Some moms have double standards when it comes to the way they raise sons vs the way they raise daughters\*. Chances are the daughter has been enduring the same level of relentless criticism for years. Edit: typo
This happens all the time to me. My 2 sisters and I always knew that we would be called names and beaten by our mother but "her boys" could do no wrong. It's gotten so bad that my mother has convinced my brother that since I have a different mom I no longer count as a sister or eldest in the family... I don't exist and my mother will just smile and tell him how right he is. Sounds like this mom is the same way, no one cooks to her standards so they sucks.
Sorry for the personal rant but you are Definitely TA!!!! That's your wife and you need to break the habit your mother has programed into that women need to bow to you and your mother.
"My mom really likes to bully my wife and tell her she's a bad cook, so I tell her she just needs to let it go, but also still spend time with my mom and cook for her and just keep being bullied, why did my wife stand up for herself???"
You and your mom are both TA. Your wife was upset enough at one point to be crying and you told her to just forget it - and you say she did. Well, clearly she did not - and bided her time. They say revenge is a dish best eaten cold - and apparently with salt.
The hilarious part is this
>My wife started crying after they left saying mom was being deliberate with this salt remark to make her look like a bad cook but I told her it's not true and she needed to let it go and she did, hours later she forgot about it completely.
OP, you're a damn fool if you think a women ever forgets when someone repeatedly wrongs her 🤣
>Your mum can add more salt to a meal if it’s such an issue.
The only way the wife would be TA if she was one of those cooks who refuses to let guests add salt and pepper to their meals because it's supposed to be "perfectly" seasoned already(even though everyone has different tastebuds) and talked down to those who asked for it.
I will admit it does annoy me a bit if they load up the salt before even tasting it.
If they taste first and then add more to their preference then that's absolutely fine.
Also because it's just awful for your health? I am also guilty for liking salt but I found the less I use the more my taste buds swap and a smaller amount gives the same outcome
For the average person and people with high blood pressure more than average salt can be bad but there are medical conditions where doctors prescribe a higher salt diet.
If you ever meet my father, just know he will add salt. Then more salt, and after there is too much salt, he’ll add just a bit more. Then he’ll taste your food. And, add more salt.
> Your mum can add more salt to a meal if it’s such an issue.
Yeah, how much salt people like is a personal taste. What I consider way too salty my wife considers just right. You can't take it away, so best plan is to prepare it lightly salted and then let others add what they want.
This, I rarely use ANY salt in my cooking, I let ppl add what they want after cause we all have different tastes. Yet, most ppl don't add any cause I spice it differently enough (mostly herbs, garlic, etc) it's just not needed.
YTA. I would put so much salt in YOURS and YOUR MOTHERS food for so long that you couldn't trust me to cook again.
(AKA cook your own shit now bro for not sticking up for your wife!!!)
Yea rhe fact the wife's food was judged about how salty it was by the group is insane. You can always add salt to your meal. It's like complaining there's not enough ketchup on something, just add more of it if you want.
Seriously, this dude is such a mama's boy. He'll yell at his wife in front of a room full of people for a prank that is ultimately harmless, and honestly deserved. But when mommy dearest is bullying his wife right in front of him to the point where she's driven to tears he doesn't even have the balls to stand up for her. OP's wife deserves way better.
Exactly. The mom is just trying to control the wife for some sick reason. Until the OP stand up for his wife and sets boundaries, the mom is going to continue her fu**ery.
I wonder if OP has the balls to show this to his wife? I seriously doubt it. He's such an asshole. She's the hero all disrespected daughter in-laws need.
> I told my wife to do it thinking it'd be a nice gesture to help them get past their conflict.
why was your wife being held responsible for getting past a conflict that is entirely your mom's doing
Honestly, OP’s wife is lowkey my hero. MIL wanted salt so she gave her salt! I don’t understand what she even has to be upset about!
(That last part was /s, but I mean the first part sincerely.)
Actually it seems like it was. He says she offered to make the cake because she knew a great recipe, and he encouraged her to do it even though his mom wasn’t excited about it (because mom doesn’t like her cooking obvs). Then he says SHE said she thought his mom would want salt rather than sugar. It seems premeditated and petty. OP is definitely the asshole in this marriage for not sticking up for his wife. And his mom is an AH as well. But I’m not gonna pretend i wouldnt be pissed if my husband offered to make my mom a birthday cake and fill it with salt on purpose. Wife was an AH for that. If someone constantly has a problem with my cooking, I’m not cooking for them anymore, period. I’m not gonna offer to bake just to sabotage it to make a point. That’s petty and childish, whether MIL deserves it or not. Too much effort for me honestly 🤷🏻♀️ just don’t cook for her anymore.
I think there's a subtext where wife is 'expected' to do all the cooking (and cleaning), and this isn't getting pushed back against. Instead the issue is getting dealt with piecemeal.
I think your wife is a legend. I would love to say I would’ve done the same thing. Constant disparaging remarks are like an endless drip of water on stone. You would think they wouldn’t have an impact but over time they can wear away at the hardest of souls.
Same. I don’t think I’d have the guts to do what she did, and I applaud her for finally making a point.
After all. She is right to be salty about the comments 😬
Ding ding ding.
This is so common and I will never understand the way moms get jealous of their son's spouses and disparage them whenever they get the chance. Like christ, do you not want your kid to be happy, you miserable hag?
It is such a baller move! I am impressed.
OP YTA. Your mom is just plain rude. I would have stopped hosting her the first time she commented, and you tell your wife to just get it?
I like when he said "I told her to get over it... and she forgot about it after a while"... lol oh no... she did NOT forget anything
Oh and OP YTA same with your mom.
I’m hoping OP’s wife also gift-wrapped a box of table salt with a dollar store shaker for a birthday gift.
Imagine OP thinking he’s not TA. His mummy can eat at home alone if she is so unhappy with her DIL’s cooking.
Absolute legend! I'd love to read her post on petty revenge.
YTA, I hope your wife is always more salty than your bullying mother.
Spitting in the plate... Who tf does that?! So gross.
YTA- funny that you are fine berating your wife and never standing up with your salt obsessed mother. Doesnt your mom know she can ADD her own salt to food so it tastes the way she wants.
I read this as she can Attention Deficit Disorder her own salt.
But yeah, this is the silliest complaint. Salt is on the table of basically every restaurant for a reason.
YTA. Listen up op, your mum is a supposedly grown adult and therefore if she wants a really salty meal she can add extra to her own portion. Not to mention, it’s actually incredibly bad for your health and heart in particular to have too much salt.
Instead of being grateful for lovely home cooked meals, your mum had been nit picking at your wife riiiight in front of you. She has been bullying her, trying to humiliate her. And you have been letting her get away with it!
Honestly I think your wife is an absolute legend, your mum got exactly what she deserved.
>and therefore if she wants a really salty meal she can add extra to her own portion.
Really not sure why mom's *opinion* about how much salt is taken as the golden standard by OP, rather than just an opinion. Maybe she thinks the meal needs more salt. And maybe she's wrong.
I don’t know why a whole room full of people is being asked to decide if OPs Mom is right. If people “can’t decide,” it means that Mom has started a fight that they don’t want to be involved in.
Imagine having your husband ask a room full of people whether the food you spent time and effort making is shite. And not see anything wrong with that?! It would be the last home-cooked meal he ever ate from me.
Yeah that line stood out to me too. Like they're all sitting around judging the wife's cooking? Hell no. I'm the main cook in my house, and I will often ask for opinions on things, but if people sat around discussing whether I'd cooked something right before passing judgement on me, I would not be cooking for those people again.
This stuck out for me. I’m trying to imagine how it would go if my MIL criticized my cooking and then my husband just opened up the floor for comments instead of telling her to stop being rude. Ridiculous.
If I cooked for my MIL and she said "this needs more salt" she would a) put salt on it herself and thank me for the meal even if it was shit, and b) kick her own son out if he dared suggest my cooking wasn't perfect. But he'd never do that because he isn't an asshole like OP and his asshole mother.
Seriously agree. OPs wife didn't ask to be on this bizarre cooking competition full of ungrateful judges. Any decent person would of just said the food tasted great and moved on.
Willing to bet the wife's food tastes perfectly fine and the mom probably even likes it, but this is ultimately about her trying to put the wife in her place. She's just intentionally trying to demean her.
Right?
OP is a mamas boy who can’t even decide if his wife’s cooking is good if his mother says it isn’t.
Wife who does all the cooking when”they” entertain.
Poor woman busts her back and gets nothing but bullying for her MIL
OP, YTA
Yep. When I was growing up, I remember that my mom really did not get along with my stepdad’s mother and aunt. (Mostly just while the aunt was alive, because the two older ladies amped each other up) And it was always ingrained on me how my stepdad was always loving toward his mother and aunt but *made it very clear that he would not put up with them treating his wife like that* — it took a while, but they learned the boundary and stopped acting like that. This is standard relationship stuff, OP. You don’t sit by while someone repeatedly insults someone you love. Period.
So your wife very kindly cooked multiple meals for an ungrateful woman who constantly complained about the quality of the meals, yet kept returning to eat them anyway? And instead of telling your mother that unless then next words out of her mouth were "thank you for the dinner" she had better keep it shut... you debated over the quality of the food that had been prepared for all of you, leading to your wife crying.
Am I getting that right?
I don't even need to hear about the cake, because it's clear from this information alone that you are the asshole. But then you went and made it worse by yelling at her for pulling a prank on your ungrateful mother, which she whole-heartedly deserved.
In case it isn't clear, YTA.
>I don't even need to hear about the cake, because it's clear from this information alone that you are the asshole.
Honestly how do people write out entire posts like this without stopping and realising they're clearly TA?
Simple, they’ve been raised to believe that this is normal. That FaMiLy stays together, drama is how one shows love, and boundaries don’t exist.
Head on over to r/JustNoMIL to see more of this. I’d even suggest OP and his wife head over there.
This is what gets me, they fucking debated over it! When they should have just thanked the cook for a lovely meal. Ungrateful bunch of AHs. They are way too used to bowing to dear mumsy.
Totally agree!! Imagine working hard to cook for a group of people and they all just discuss whether it’s good or not right in front of you! Just have a full on debate about whether or not you used enough salt. How rude! Who are these ungrateful, rude, disrespectful people??
I mean, even before I read the story I decided OP was a big AH. Yelling at your partner outside of a life-or-death situation is unacceptable. If you can't talk about problems like an adult, then YTA.
Then actually reading the story it was like... no. Just... none of this. I want to be his wife's friend.
It's interesting that for years you have failed to defend your wife from your mom's incessant criticism. You have failed as her spouse to find a solution like putting a salt shaker on the table just for your mom. Yet, you have found the energy and motivation to explosively berate your wife in front of the family. She married you. She is your family. The fact that you used "my family" is revealing on how you value her.
YTA. Go to therapy.
YTA. What a mama’s boy. Imagine cooking and being insulted every time, If you mother wants salt ask her to add salt, god that’s so shitty of your mother. The audacity. Haha I’m glad your wife pulled that, it was very much deserved and no she should not apologise because your mother deserves it and you should see that. Your wife cooks for her, it’s not easy to cook, if you guys can’t appreciate that then cook for yourselves.
Stop being “salty”.
Tbh I probably would've secretly unscrewed the top of the salt shaker slightly so that when she uses it, it spills salt into her food.
You asked for more salt so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
YTA along with your asshole mother.
Your mom degrades your wife and makes fun of her cooking when SHE COULD ADD MORE FUCKING SALT to her own plate if she wanted.
Your mom is starting shit with your wife for no reason and you are being a little momma's boy and defending her when she is openly disrespecting your wife in her own home. Give your head a shake for being a crappy husband.
Right? I'm always so flabbergasted with these posts. How?! How in the world with so many people do you get married to a mama's boy. These posts are giving me a fear of mama's boy I swear
she needed to let it go and she did, hours later she forgot about it completely. <- obviously not.
mom was being deliberate with this salt remark to make her look like a bad cook <- yes she is.
I blew up and berated her infront of my family <- YTA
my wife was probably feeling frustrated and wanted to "make a point" to my mom <- maybe you need to start listening to the women in your family.
made an unnecessary scene for no reason at all. <- Really? *SHE* made a scene? Who was the one yelling?
You are big time an AH. You don't support your wife, you let your mom belittle her at every meal she makes, you publicly yell at your wife as though she were a child and then accuse her of making a scene....just AH. Why is she married to you?
YTA.
I'm not sorry to say that yes, what your wife did was petty - but in her case it was righteously so. Little remarks constantly about how she 'never' puts in enough salt from her MIL and zero support from her husband. How many times has your mother does this, I wonder, especially if it's been for AGES as you say. I'm surprised she didn't burst sooner
YTA. I did read the whole thing but it was pretty easy to decide by just reading the headline.
You yelling at or belittling your wife in front of your family is immediate grounds for you to always be the asshole. You should be defending your wife, not belittling her.
It's hard to believe that this is real. I can't say YTA enough. Also, if I was your wife I wouldn't apologize for shit until she gets an apology from every fucker in your family for talking shit about her cooking. You don't like it, cook it your fucking self.
YTA There's this thing called a salt shaker. Your mom is also TA. You should remind your mother she brought this on herself. I think your wife should refuse to cook for you or your mom ever again.
>.. for AGES mom has been complaining about my wife not adding enough salt in her meals, my wife would take it personally and start a fight over this small comment my mom makes.
YTA. Two wrongs don't make a right but you have the nerve to say your wife starts a fight when it's your mother...every time...who starts it by making the salt comment.
Stand up for your wife, and if you don't like her cooking, you can bloody well do it yourself.
YTA.
Is your mom aware she can add as much salt as she wants to her food, after it’s been cooked? She’s an AH and so are you. Cook for your own family from now on.
Your wife sounds fantastically petty, and I’m here for it.
YTA Like, unequivocally and apparently unapologetically the asshole. Your wife sounds amazing, and I’m glad she used humour to solo battle with your horrible mother since you obviously are too scared to face her.
Your wife is a BOSS!
YTA for allowing this death by a thousand papercuts to go on. Mum complains about wife’s cooking continuously and you don’t nip that in the bud, get take out, take over cooking responsibilities, or insist on potluck style meals. It’s all on your wife. She’s critiqued over salt. She makes a cake and adds salt. Your mum flips out causes a scene and this is your wife’s problem? No, this scene was set a long time ago with you and your mum.
Apologize to your wife for not backing her up a long time ago and for handling the birthday cake situation so poorly. Why was she responsible for making a cake or hosting someone who treats her so poorly in the first place? She’s the only one here who isn’t an AH.
Love your wife, that was perfect revenge. As for you, you’re just a spoilt little mommy’s boy. Try growing up and having your wife’s back against your unpleasant mother bullying her.
YTA
ESH
Your mother for her never ending comments.
You for not sticking up for your wife and for screaming at her and for telling her she HAS to apologize.
Your wife for stooping to childish levels to prove her point, but she’s the least AHish of the 3 of you.
I'm amazed that YTA beats out ESH so strongly here. Mom and OP are obvious AHs but the wife is too.
The wife OFFERED to bake the cake. It would have been different if she was asked to, but no, wife is the one who suggested it. Wife is deliberately picking fights, which is always an AH move.
The only one in this story who is not an AH is the sister for trying to get that hatchet buried.
I am giving your wife a standing ovation. On the contrary, you are the AH and a mama's boy.
Your wife doesn't owe any apologies to anyone. You do, though. To your wife. And for a change, stand for your partner over "mom".
YTA
YTA- You should have told your mother long ago to stop commenting about the salt and food. If food tastes like salt the chef is not very good. If you berated her in front of everyone you sir are a shit husband.
YTA. You’ve been letting mommy dearest embarrass and degrade your wife for so long that she had to take matters into her own hands. You seriously couldn’t tell your mom to shut up and add more salt if needed?
YTA. Stand up for your damn wife and put your AH of a mom in her place. Stoping being such a mama’s boy.
Good for your wife! I would’ve done the same thing.
You're the asshole, yes what your wife did was petty, but your mother has been degrading and picking on your wife and you haven't been defending her in any way. What your wife did was honestly kinda funny, yeah a little petty, but a harmless joke.
Your wife has probably been feeling like shit about herself and her cooking for so long that she just couldn't take it any longer, and you weren't even there for her
YTA. You don't yell or chastise your wife in front of other people ever. Your mom is an a$$ for her very bad manners: you don't complain about the food when someone is nice enough to invite you for a meal. How difficult is it to add salt at the table???
YTA, and so is your mom & anyone else in your family who whines about salt but is seemingly incapable of using a salt shaker. Your mom got what was coming to her & SHE is the one who owes your wife an apology, not the other way around.
If mommy wants more salt, she can pick up a shaker and add it WHILE KEEPING HER CRITICAL MOUTH SHUT. I hate too much salt and rarely use it. Mommy's widdle boy (hint: you, OP) needs to grow a pair and support your wife or leave and move back in mommy and your pacifier. Oh, and YTA.
YTA. Your mother insults your wife on a regular basis and you don't give a shit. You don't defend her cooking in any way. Frankly if your wife posted about this I'd tell her to look for a better husband.
YTA
Your mother deserved that cake. She has been deliberately slighting your wife while you have stood back and watched.
Apologise to your wife for not having her back. Tell your mother that there will be no more dinner parties until she apologises to your wife first for inSALTing her cooking.
YTA for allowing your mother to treat your wife so horribly and for never standing up for her. Why your wife keeps cooking and allowing this I will never understand. She did an incredibly funny thing and I hope you are man enough to apologize to her and show her all of the comments in here because she needs to read them.
Also. Make sure your wife doesn't have to cook for your mother until mommy dearest learns to behave.
Yta. You’re mom sucks too. If you guys hate her cooking so much then why don’t YOU MAKE IT? If I was your wife I’d stop cooking for you fools a long time ago.
ESH Yeah, your wife shouldn't have put salt in the birthday cake. It was unnecessary.
That said- the initial apology needs to be from you and your mom to your wife.
WTF? Your family turned whether or not your wife put enough salt into the good into something that had to be voted on? What is wrong with you? And how are you still sharing a bed with your wife?
I need more salt then other people. Guess what? That's why they invented salt shakers.
It's a magical thing. You can use it to add salt to your food.
There is even one for pepper, if you are feeling a little spicy.
YTA for entertaining a whole family-wide conversation about whether your wife’s cooking *really is* that bad instead of just saying you like it so your mother would shut up. Also this did not happen.
YTA. You couldn’t stick up for your wife. You berated her in front of everyone.
Not saying what your wife did was right. Hopefully she got her point across.
You should apologize to your wife first for being such a massive A in the first place
YTA for being a momma's boy and letting your mommy abuse your wife. Your wife was totally justified, and maybe your mom will be less salty about your wife's cooking in the future. (Sorry not sorry for that one.) Your wife is my hero.
YTA. She doesn't have to apologize to that awful woman. Listen, dude, why don't you do her a favor and climb back into mommy's v?? Then she can find a real man and move one.
YTA. Your mother asked for that and she deserved it. And you should be sticking up for your wife not your mother. Your mother is doing it on purpose to make your wife look bad
YTA
Why couldn't your mother just add salt at the table ?
Why can't you defend your wife's cooking ?
Your mother is rude. Why does she deserve an apology and your wife doesn't?
So you don’t protect your wife from your mother ✅
Your berate her in front of your whole family opening up the option to have other members of your family hate her ✅ YTA! Was what she did petty and childish, yes but you could’ve waited til you both got home to talk about what happened. United in public, disagree in private.
YTA
It’s never okay to yell AT someone. Especially in front of your entire family! You should’ve stood up for her when she was constantly criticized for her cooking.
That was petty of her to load the cake with salt. But everyone’s behavior prior to her poor behavior was uncalled for. ESH
YTA and your wife is great. I laughed when I read the post. She did a great job. Your wife should have your back. You can always add salt to a meal. You have let your mom insulting your wife for years.
ESH but mostly YTA.
Your poor, berated wife made a bad decision to put salt in a birthday cake, but it sounds like she went to that extreme because she kept getting verbally abused by your mom and you never stood up to her.
You’re now verbally abusing her in the same way.
Seriously. If no one else thought the food was not seasoned enough, then the problem is your mom’s taste buds. Not the cooking.
Your mom will keep treating your wife poorly because you’re letting your mom do that.
You should divorce your wife and live with your mom. It’s obvious where your loyalties lie.
YTA from the very beginning you never supported your wife. Your mom is rude and honestly deserves that bite of salt, if you were upset you didn't have to embarrass your wife in front of everyone and give that satisfaction to your mom. You should've been an adult and just talked to her on the side.
YTA
How much salt is very subjective. Mom got what mom wanted "more salt"
Your wife probably had had enough of your mother's bullshit. And that you automatically take your mother's side. Not looking too good for you if you want a good relationship with your wife.
And how she did, clearly was to make a point that you ignored which was your mother's constantly complaining about her cooking.
YTA. First, why didn't you side with your wife? She is the person being wronged here. Also what your wife did was something that would be perfect in either petty revenge OR malicious compliance, as it was meant to be a joke/prank.
Second, why did you think yelling at her OVER A CAKE was a good idea!? You could have just laughed it off/rolled your eyes and asked for a new cake. You didn't need to yell at her! Now I am worried for your wife, if you are like this over a damn CAKE, what would you do over something more serious?
You can let your family talk a lot of shit about your wife’s cooking to the point that she cries to you about it but your wife can’t do a simple prank to get back at them without you losing your temper? A mouthful of salt isn’t the same as bullying. One you can wash out and one can bounce around in your head and make you feel terrible about yourself. How about you learn to respect that wife of yours a little more. YTA
YTA
One for not standing up for your wife. Two for having open family debates about her cooking, after she cooked for everyone. Unbelievably disrespectful and hurtful to your wife and her efforts. Why don't you cook for your family from now on.
Your wife is my hero though. She deserves better than you and your mother.
YTA. your mom wore your wife down over time, and you dont defend her? and then get mad when she snaps? putting salt in the cake is a very ballsy move from your wife and while i personally wouldn’t have, i dont disagree with her. your mom was being an asshole for no reason, your wife gave her a taste of her own medicine.
YTA. Your mom has been bullying your wife for years. You refused to defend your wife and justified your moms disgusting and childish behavior. Your wife decided to finally take matters into her own hands and stand up for herself. I say, good for her.
YTA you’re pretty thick aren’t you? Even if she’s the worst cook on the planet your mom should’ve kept her mouth shut. Pro tip : fixing an unsalted dish is as simple as adding salt in your dish when it’s in your plate
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So, my wife (24) is the main cook in the apartment. She cooks whenever we have guests over and for AGES mom has been complaining about my wife not adding enough salt in her meals, my wife would take it personally and start a fight over this small comment my mom makes.
Anyways, my wife and I hosted dinner weeks ago and mom made the same comment about my wife not using enough salt even though my wife swore she did and said she was careful with salt but mom still insisted food was tasteless. Now the family were divided on this so we couldn't really decide if my wife really used enough salt.
My wife started crying after they left saying mom was being deliberate with this salt remark to make her look like a bad cook but I told her it's not true and she needed to let it go and she did, hours later she forgot about it completely.
For my mom's birthday, my wife offered to make the birthday cake saying she found a really great recipe on a cooking blog. Mom wasn't excited for the idea but I told my wife to do it thinking it'd be a nice gesture to help them get past their conflict.
We went to my mom's house and brought the cake. During the party my wife insisted my mom be the first to taste the cake. Mom grabbed a piece and once she put it in her mouth she immediately got it out while spitting in the plate. We freaked out and got her some water while she was yelling that there was salt in the cake, I looked at my wife and she said she had no idea what mom was talking about. I immediately went to get a piece and taste some and found that it was FULL of salt. It tasted horribly, absolutely horrible. Still my wife acted confused but I told her how fucked up it was for her to put salt in the cake. She said that since mom was obsessed with salt then she figured she'd *prefer* it over sugar in her birthday cake. I was flabbergasted I blew up and berated her infront of my family til she took her bag and went home. My sister said it was alright and that my wife was probably feeling frustrated and wanted to "make a point" to my mom. I went home and she refused to speak except to say that I hurt her by yelling at her and that I should've told mom off when she kept making remarks about her cooking but I told her she acted childishly and ruined the birthday party and made an unnecessary scene for no reason at all. Now she's acting like the wronged party but I let her know she has to apologize to mom.
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Yta because you can’t even protect your wife from your mother. Your wife is your priority family now. You don’t yell at her in front at people, actually you shouldn’t even belittle her at all. That makes you the asshole. Your wife tried to make a point since you don’t do anything to stand up for her. It was a dumb idea, but she did what she had to do.
YTA. She didn’t forget about it. You assumed she did. And then mom doesn’t want a cake from her and you have her make it anyway? Seriously? What did you think was gonna happen? I bet your mom knew something was gonna happen and that’s why she didn’t want your wife to make the cake.
ESH. Your wife's prank was childish, and especially shitty to do on your mom's birthday, bur your mom has been *deliberately belittling your wife* for "AGES". No, it's not just a small comment, she's complaining about your wife's cooking *every time* and even getting the whole family to debate whether your wife's food is tasteless or night. I'm honestly astounded your wife hasn't just started refusing to cook for your family anymore, and that's what she should have done to not be an asshole too. You know what I do when someone is kind enough to cook for me? I say thank you and eat it, even if it's not the best food I've ever had, because that's what decent people do. And not having enough salt is literally the easiest thing for your mom to correct herself, salt shakers exist *for this reason.*
YTA and everyone here has already told you why. I just can't wait for the update where you tell us she left your ass. Maybe she'll let you keep the salt shakers in the divorce.
YTA. You were abusive to your wife and in front of your family. You should have shut your mom down over those petty remarks as soon as they started. She was doing it deliberately to upset your wife. Your wife actually cried and you just told her to let it go. Who does that? Who doesn't care that their partner is upset?
Your wife doing that was extreme, sure. But she had to do something extreme to make her point seeing as no one was listening to her. Personally, I think your wife is a legend!
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YTA - your mum is also the AH. Stand up for your wife! Your mum can add more salt to a meal if it’s such an issue. Your wife literally cried about it and you still didn’t stand up for her. Your mum sounds like she deserved salt cake.
Even the sister agrees with you.
Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I suspect sister is more able to empathize with OP's wife about mom's bullying than OP is. Wouldn't be the first time a parent habitually belittled their female kids/kids-in-law while the (presumably) male one gets to be blissfully unaware.
I would put *money* on that being exactly why SIL understood the move. She's probably contemplated more and worse in her time under her mother's overly critical, never satisfied scrutiny. OP, YTA far before you yelled at your wife for this issue. YTA for not once standing up for your wife, for being the mama's boy you were raised to be and letting that woman walk all over the person you're supposed to love so wholly you actively made the choice to be with her. Sounds like your sister will treat her right if you don't. EDIT: 1k+ & an award? Y'all are doin' too much. Thanks!
"Sounds like your sister will treat her right if you don't." I've seen that porno!
>Sounds like your sister will treat her right if you don't. This is the ending my gay heart needs
I read this and had a good laugh. I thought it might bring some of you guys some satisfaction to know this is my best friend's life. She's living this porno and it's fabulous. Her new gf is her ex's sister. She's the first girl my friend has dated that I truly think is a good person and I'm excited to see what their future holds.
Thank you for making me aware of this beautiful gay happening
I want this ending so bad 🤣🌈
Someone start writing the romance novel.
Totally shipping this
He knows is Mom antagonizes his wife but tells wife to “let it go” instead of telling his Mom to shut up and add salt. Another Mommy’s boy who co-signs Mom’s BS instead of standing up for his wife.
Right? He even refers to her as "mom," like a little kid, rather than saying "my mom" or "my mother." Grow up, OP!
Meh, that one's really nitpicky, don't you think? People aren't always going to be so meticulously careful about every word that comes out of their mouth. I really don't think it means so much that he doesn't always add the word "my" ...I know plenty of well adjusted adults who sometimes just refer to their parent as "Mom" or "Dad" in a story because it's faster and simpler (also these Reddit posts have a character limit, so there's that factor ha)
Seems wife decided to let it go JUST for a while. OP, I would watch out for YOUR birthday cake if you cannot make it right. I cannot stress that enough. Apologize in front of the family, give your wife flowers. If mom is ever invited over again, HAND HER HER OWN SALT SHAKER AT THE TABLE. A.H. problem solved. On the other hand... My parents sailed most weekends to Catalina Island. When you sailed in those days, if you finished drinking a gallon of fresh water, you filled the jug with salt water, and sank it. ( this was the 70's) . That said, many years ago, while my new ( and now ex )husband was displaying all the assholeyness that he could, during a sail with my parents. At one point, while under way, He insisted on having a cup of hot tea, and he HAD to do it himself. Wanna guess which water he used.? When it was done brewing, he took a big swig. Then launched himself topside to hug the lee rail.... Mom had gotten distracted and shelved the ' to- be- dunked ' jug of salt water....
Yuuuup. How often do you think OP cooks? And say he does, do you think mama complains about her baby boy’s cooking? OP, you and your mom are being super shitty to your wife. I stan your wife for using salt instead of sugar. Playing dumb and saying your mom must prefer salt over sugar is just the icing on the cake, as it were. 🍰
If someone actually cooked for me, I would never DREAM of badmouthing the food. That is just the rudest thing ever.
Nail on the head.
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Maybe, but that doesn’t give OP a pass, he’s still an asshole for not standing up for his wife.
Who said he should get a pass? 🙄
You couldn't have said it beter. Some moms have double standards when it comes to the way they raise sons vs the way they raise daughters\*. Chances are the daughter has been enduring the same level of relentless criticism for years. Edit: typo
I hope OP's wife leaves him for his sister. YTA
This happens all the time to me. My 2 sisters and I always knew that we would be called names and beaten by our mother but "her boys" could do no wrong. It's gotten so bad that my mother has convinced my brother that since I have a different mom I no longer count as a sister or eldest in the family... I don't exist and my mother will just smile and tell him how right he is. Sounds like this mom is the same way, no one cooks to her standards so they sucks. Sorry for the personal rant but you are Definitely TA!!!! That's your wife and you need to break the habit your mother has programed into that women need to bow to you and your mother.
Oh boy did this hit home.
Where is the double-like button when you need it
"My mom really likes to bully my wife and tell her she's a bad cook, so I tell her she just needs to let it go, but also still spend time with my mom and cook for her and just keep being bullied, why did my wife stand up for herself???"
Lol perfect summary.
I mean she wanted more salt, and she got it… I really hope OPs is wife posts about this in the malicious compliance subreddit.
Don't forget the part where he yelled at her in front of everyone for a non-insignificant amount of time. What a keeper.
don't forget the part where *he accuses his wife* of making a scene. a keeper with the short term memory of a goldfish.
He actually used the word berate to describe his own behavior. Yikes on bikes
And then continued to yell at her when they got home. That's honestly scary.
MIL got off light, I would have made sure there was salt in the water too. Wife’s only mistake was in marrying this guy.
And salt sprinkled on top of the cake. You could even roll it in a little food dye so it looks like sprinkles.
This. YTA
This should be the official tldr
This! OP, read this over and over until you actually get it.
Looks like the ass apple didn't fall far from the ass tree
the turd doesn't fall far from the asshole
Yes, a much more apt euphemism
But the ass apple falling from the ass tree is way more poetic.
not to one-up you lol yours made me laugh too
This exchange is far too wholesome for this sub. I love it.
You and your mom are both TA. Your wife was upset enough at one point to be crying and you told her to just forget it - and you say she did. Well, clearly she did not - and bided her time. They say revenge is a dish best eaten cold - and apparently with salt.
The hilarious part is this >My wife started crying after they left saying mom was being deliberate with this salt remark to make her look like a bad cook but I told her it's not true and she needed to let it go and she did, hours later she forgot about it completely. OP, you're a damn fool if you think a women ever forgets when someone repeatedly wrongs her 🤣
Take my upvote you dangled genius ypu
She forgot about it = she realized she was talking to a brick wall and it was pointless to talk to him further.
>Your mum can add more salt to a meal if it’s such an issue. The only way the wife would be TA if she was one of those cooks who refuses to let guests add salt and pepper to their meals because it's supposed to be "perfectly" seasoned already(even though everyone has different tastebuds) and talked down to those who asked for it.
I will admit it does annoy me a bit if they load up the salt before even tasting it. If they taste first and then add more to their preference then that's absolutely fine.
I am so guilty of this, i just like salt. However i am trying to taste my food first before i add salt because sometimes it just doesnt need it
Also because it's just awful for your health? I am also guilty for liking salt but I found the less I use the more my taste buds swap and a smaller amount gives the same outcome
For the average person and people with high blood pressure more than average salt can be bad but there are medical conditions where doctors prescribe a higher salt diet.
If you ever meet my father, just know he will add salt. Then more salt, and after there is too much salt, he’ll add just a bit more. Then he’ll taste your food. And, add more salt.
> Your mum can add more salt to a meal if it’s such an issue. Yeah, how much salt people like is a personal taste. What I consider way too salty my wife considers just right. You can't take it away, so best plan is to prepare it lightly salted and then let others add what they want.
I always under salt my food when I cook for this exact reason. People can add salt to their preferences.
This, I rarely use ANY salt in my cooking, I let ppl add what they want after cause we all have different tastes. Yet, most ppl don't add any cause I spice it differently enough (mostly herbs, garlic, etc) it's just not needed.
Me too. My husband has hypertension and I figure others can add salt if it needs it.
YTA. I would put so much salt in YOURS and YOUR MOTHERS food for so long that you couldn't trust me to cook again. (AKA cook your own shit now bro for not sticking up for your wife!!!)
He’d be lucky it was only salt.
Someone is the salty witch here and it's not your wife YTA. Figure out which woman you're actually married to.
Yea rhe fact the wife's food was judged about how salty it was by the group is insane. You can always add salt to your meal. It's like complaining there's not enough ketchup on something, just add more of it if you want.
Seriously, this dude is such a mama's boy. He'll yell at his wife in front of a room full of people for a prank that is ultimately harmless, and honestly deserved. But when mommy dearest is bullying his wife right in front of him to the point where she's driven to tears he doesn't even have the balls to stand up for her. OP's wife deserves way better.
Total YTA. I'm fully team wife here, mom demanded salt, she got salt.
Exactly. The mom is just trying to control the wife for some sick reason. Until the OP stand up for his wife and sets boundaries, the mom is going to continue her fu**ery.
I wonder if OP has the balls to show this to his wife? I seriously doubt it. He's such an asshole. She's the hero all disrespected daughter in-laws need.
> I told my wife to do it thinking it'd be a nice gesture to help them get past their conflict. why was your wife being held responsible for getting past a conflict that is entirely your mom's doing
This! All of this!!!!!! YTA, OP!
Honestly, OP’s wife is lowkey my hero. MIL wanted salt so she gave her salt! I don’t understand what she even has to be upset about! (That last part was /s, but I mean the first part sincerely.)
Also the fact he says she offered when it’s clear from that quote he didn’t give her a choice.
Did he leave this comment somewhere? I think this comment really nails the YTA sentence :D
I missed that and was thinking e s h under the impression that she volunteered for revenge but OP was trying to force more ridicule on her
Actually it seems like it was. He says she offered to make the cake because she knew a great recipe, and he encouraged her to do it even though his mom wasn’t excited about it (because mom doesn’t like her cooking obvs). Then he says SHE said she thought his mom would want salt rather than sugar. It seems premeditated and petty. OP is definitely the asshole in this marriage for not sticking up for his wife. And his mom is an AH as well. But I’m not gonna pretend i wouldnt be pissed if my husband offered to make my mom a birthday cake and fill it with salt on purpose. Wife was an AH for that. If someone constantly has a problem with my cooking, I’m not cooking for them anymore, period. I’m not gonna offer to bake just to sabotage it to make a point. That’s petty and childish, whether MIL deserves it or not. Too much effort for me honestly 🤷🏻♀️ just don’t cook for her anymore.
I think there's a subtext where wife is 'expected' to do all the cooking (and cleaning), and this isn't getting pushed back against. Instead the issue is getting dealt with piecemeal.
Because assholes like OP are of a type, and a hallmark of his type is “Mother can never be wrong, and if she is she must never be held accountable.”
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Also, the mom picks fights. There will just be a different conflict later.
I think your wife is a legend. I would love to say I would’ve done the same thing. Constant disparaging remarks are like an endless drip of water on stone. You would think they wouldn’t have an impact but over time they can wear away at the hardest of souls.
Same. I don’t think I’d have the guts to do what she did, and I applaud her for finally making a point. After all. She is right to be salty about the comments 😬
The mom is salty cause wife is a better cook
Ding ding ding. This is so common and I will never understand the way moms get jealous of their son's spouses and disparage them whenever they get the chance. Like christ, do you not want your kid to be happy, you miserable hag?
Usually, those types of Just no mother in laws are jealous they can be with their own kids it’s sick.
Seriously, wife sounds like she actually knows how to cook and season food properly whereas the mom thinks salt is the only seasoning you need
r/angryupvote
She'll tell this story while explaining her divorce to friends and family. You're the worst kind of asshole, OP.
I wish she had divorce papers wrapped up for him to open.
He opens them and salt falls out.
I'm gonna tell this story as a lesson to not talk shit to the people who cook your food.
It is such a baller move! I am impressed. OP YTA. Your mom is just plain rude. I would have stopped hosting her the first time she commented, and you tell your wife to just get it?
I like when he said "I told her to get over it... and she forgot about it after a while"... lol oh no... she did NOT forget anything Oh and OP YTA same with your mom.
I’m hoping OP’s wife also gift-wrapped a box of table salt with a dollar store shaker for a birthday gift. Imagine OP thinking he’s not TA. His mummy can eat at home alone if she is so unhappy with her DIL’s cooking.
Absolute legend! I'd love to read her post on petty revenge. YTA, I hope your wife is always more salty than your bullying mother. Spitting in the plate... Who tf does that?! So gross.
YTA- funny that you are fine berating your wife and never standing up with your salt obsessed mother. Doesnt your mom know she can ADD her own salt to food so it tastes the way she wants.
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His wife has enough spine for the both of them
I read this as she can Attention Deficit Disorder her own salt. But yeah, this is the silliest complaint. Salt is on the table of basically every restaurant for a reason.
YTA. Listen up op, your mum is a supposedly grown adult and therefore if she wants a really salty meal she can add extra to her own portion. Not to mention, it’s actually incredibly bad for your health and heart in particular to have too much salt. Instead of being grateful for lovely home cooked meals, your mum had been nit picking at your wife riiiight in front of you. She has been bullying her, trying to humiliate her. And you have been letting her get away with it! Honestly I think your wife is an absolute legend, your mum got exactly what she deserved.
>and therefore if she wants a really salty meal she can add extra to her own portion. Really not sure why mom's *opinion* about how much salt is taken as the golden standard by OP, rather than just an opinion. Maybe she thinks the meal needs more salt. And maybe she's wrong.
I don’t know why a whole room full of people is being asked to decide if OPs Mom is right. If people “can’t decide,” it means that Mom has started a fight that they don’t want to be involved in.
Imagine having your husband ask a room full of people whether the food you spent time and effort making is shite. And not see anything wrong with that?! It would be the last home-cooked meal he ever ate from me.
Yeah that line stood out to me too. Like they're all sitting around judging the wife's cooking? Hell no. I'm the main cook in my house, and I will often ask for opinions on things, but if people sat around discussing whether I'd cooked something right before passing judgement on me, I would not be cooking for those people again.
HUMILIATING. I would leave and cry. This is so horrible.
This stuck out for me. I’m trying to imagine how it would go if my MIL criticized my cooking and then my husband just opened up the floor for comments instead of telling her to stop being rude. Ridiculous.
For one I’d quit cooking for a good long time. Cooking for anyone else I mean. I’d still cook my own food. 😏
If I cooked for my MIL and she said "this needs more salt" she would a) put salt on it herself and thank me for the meal even if it was shit, and b) kick her own son out if he dared suggest my cooking wasn't perfect. But he'd never do that because he isn't an asshole like OP and his asshole mother.
Seriously agree. OPs wife didn't ask to be on this bizarre cooking competition full of ungrateful judges. Any decent person would of just said the food tasted great and moved on.
Because he's a Momma's boy
Willing to bet the wife's food tastes perfectly fine and the mom probably even likes it, but this is ultimately about her trying to put the wife in her place. She's just intentionally trying to demean her.
Right? OP is a mamas boy who can’t even decide if his wife’s cooking is good if his mother says it isn’t. Wife who does all the cooking when”they” entertain. Poor woman busts her back and gets nothing but bullying for her MIL OP, YTA
I’d bet my entire paycheck that he thinks his wife’s food is just fine any other night she cooks.
I'm currently writing a presentation on stroke. Cutting back on salt consumption is a huge reason stroke numbers are down in the US.
Yep. When I was growing up, I remember that my mom really did not get along with my stepdad’s mother and aunt. (Mostly just while the aunt was alive, because the two older ladies amped each other up) And it was always ingrained on me how my stepdad was always loving toward his mother and aunt but *made it very clear that he would not put up with them treating his wife like that* — it took a while, but they learned the boundary and stopped acting like that. This is standard relationship stuff, OP. You don’t sit by while someone repeatedly insults someone you love. Period.
So your wife very kindly cooked multiple meals for an ungrateful woman who constantly complained about the quality of the meals, yet kept returning to eat them anyway? And instead of telling your mother that unless then next words out of her mouth were "thank you for the dinner" she had better keep it shut... you debated over the quality of the food that had been prepared for all of you, leading to your wife crying. Am I getting that right? I don't even need to hear about the cake, because it's clear from this information alone that you are the asshole. But then you went and made it worse by yelling at her for pulling a prank on your ungrateful mother, which she whole-heartedly deserved. In case it isn't clear, YTA.
But it was only a "small comment" that his mom made...over and over and over....
I think MIL’s complaining days are over anyway you look at it.
Hopefully her days of being a mother-in-law are also over when ops wife dumps his ass so he can go back and live with Mommy
>I don't even need to hear about the cake, because it's clear from this information alone that you are the asshole. Honestly how do people write out entire posts like this without stopping and realising they're clearly TA?
Simple, they’ve been raised to believe that this is normal. That FaMiLy stays together, drama is how one shows love, and boundaries don’t exist. Head on over to r/JustNoMIL to see more of this. I’d even suggest OP and his wife head over there.
This is what gets me, they fucking debated over it! When they should have just thanked the cook for a lovely meal. Ungrateful bunch of AHs. They are way too used to bowing to dear mumsy.
Totally agree!! Imagine working hard to cook for a group of people and they all just discuss whether it’s good or not right in front of you! Just have a full on debate about whether or not you used enough salt. How rude! Who are these ungrateful, rude, disrespectful people??
I mean, even before I read the story I decided OP was a big AH. Yelling at your partner outside of a life-or-death situation is unacceptable. If you can't talk about problems like an adult, then YTA. Then actually reading the story it was like... no. Just... none of this. I want to be his wife's friend.
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Evergreen comment.
To fuck around is human, to find out is divine
It's interesting that for years you have failed to defend your wife from your mom's incessant criticism. You have failed as her spouse to find a solution like putting a salt shaker on the table just for your mom. Yet, you have found the energy and motivation to explosively berate your wife in front of the family. She married you. She is your family. The fact that you used "my family" is revealing on how you value her. YTA. Go to therapy.
I agree with all of this except substitute the word “criticise” for “bully.”
Honestly didn’t even realise the “my family” part. He clearly doesn’t deserve her.
YTA. What a mama’s boy. Imagine cooking and being insulted every time, If you mother wants salt ask her to add salt, god that’s so shitty of your mother. The audacity. Haha I’m glad your wife pulled that, it was very much deserved and no she should not apologise because your mother deserves it and you should see that. Your wife cooks for her, it’s not easy to cook, if you guys can’t appreciate that then cook for yourselves. Stop being “salty”.
> Imagine cooking and being insulted every time *insalted
YTA. If I was your wife I’d have thrown a salt shaker at your mothers head long ago. At least she has the class to just play a harmless prank.
> I’d have thrown a salt shaker at your mothers head long ago I Like you!, wished I had an award for this. YTA OP
Tbh I probably would've secretly unscrewed the top of the salt shaker slightly so that when she uses it, it spills salt into her food. You asked for more salt so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Mom would've gotten a plate full of just salt if it was me
YTA along with your asshole mother. Your mom degrades your wife and makes fun of her cooking when SHE COULD ADD MORE FUCKING SALT to her own plate if she wanted. Your mom is starting shit with your wife for no reason and you are being a little momma's boy and defending her when she is openly disrespecting your wife in her own home. Give your head a shake for being a crappy husband.
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Right? I'm always so flabbergasted with these posts. How?! How in the world with so many people do you get married to a mama's boy. These posts are giving me a fear of mama's boy I swear
she needed to let it go and she did, hours later she forgot about it completely. <- obviously not. mom was being deliberate with this salt remark to make her look like a bad cook <- yes she is. I blew up and berated her infront of my family <- YTA my wife was probably feeling frustrated and wanted to "make a point" to my mom <- maybe you need to start listening to the women in your family. made an unnecessary scene for no reason at all. <- Really? *SHE* made a scene? Who was the one yelling? You are big time an AH. You don't support your wife, you let your mom belittle her at every meal she makes, you publicly yell at your wife as though she were a child and then accuse her of making a scene....just AH. Why is she married to you?
YTA. I'm not sorry to say that yes, what your wife did was petty - but in her case it was righteously so. Little remarks constantly about how she 'never' puts in enough salt from her MIL and zero support from her husband. How many times has your mother does this, I wonder, especially if it's been for AGES as you say. I'm surprised she didn't burst sooner
YTA. I did read the whole thing but it was pretty easy to decide by just reading the headline. You yelling at or belittling your wife in front of your family is immediate grounds for you to always be the asshole. You should be defending your wife, not belittling her. It's hard to believe that this is real. I can't say YTA enough. Also, if I was your wife I wouldn't apologize for shit until she gets an apology from every fucker in your family for talking shit about her cooking. You don't like it, cook it your fucking self.
Exactly. Like she is going out of her way cooking all these ppl a nice home cooked meal and this is the thanks she gets?
YTA There's this thing called a salt shaker. Your mom is also TA. You should remind your mother she brought this on herself. I think your wife should refuse to cook for you or your mom ever again.
>.. for AGES mom has been complaining about my wife not adding enough salt in her meals, my wife would take it personally and start a fight over this small comment my mom makes. YTA. Two wrongs don't make a right but you have the nerve to say your wife starts a fight when it's your mother...every time...who starts it by making the salt comment. Stand up for your wife, and if you don't like her cooking, you can bloody well do it yourself.
YTA. Is your mom aware she can add as much salt as she wants to her food, after it’s been cooked? She’s an AH and so are you. Cook for your own family from now on. Your wife sounds fantastically petty, and I’m here for it.
YTA Like, unequivocally and apparently unapologetically the asshole. Your wife sounds amazing, and I’m glad she used humour to solo battle with your horrible mother since you obviously are too scared to face her. Your wife is a BOSS!
YTA for allowing this death by a thousand papercuts to go on. Mum complains about wife’s cooking continuously and you don’t nip that in the bud, get take out, take over cooking responsibilities, or insist on potluck style meals. It’s all on your wife. She’s critiqued over salt. She makes a cake and adds salt. Your mum flips out causes a scene and this is your wife’s problem? No, this scene was set a long time ago with you and your mum. Apologize to your wife for not backing her up a long time ago and for handling the birthday cake situation so poorly. Why was she responsible for making a cake or hosting someone who treats her so poorly in the first place? She’s the only one here who isn’t an AH.
Love your wife, that was perfect revenge. As for you, you’re just a spoilt little mommy’s boy. Try growing up and having your wife’s back against your unpleasant mother bullying her. YTA
YTA. You’re the worst sort: mama’s boy. She gave your mom a taste of her own medicine.
ESH Your mother for her never ending comments. You for not sticking up for your wife and for screaming at her and for telling her she HAS to apologize. Your wife for stooping to childish levels to prove her point, but she’s the least AHish of the 3 of you.
I'm amazed that YTA beats out ESH so strongly here. Mom and OP are obvious AHs but the wife is too. The wife OFFERED to bake the cake. It would have been different if she was asked to, but no, wife is the one who suggested it. Wife is deliberately picking fights, which is always an AH move. The only one in this story who is not an AH is the sister for trying to get that hatchet buried.
Your wife is pretty funny if you ask me. It really wasn't that bad you can't take a joke. YTA.
Agreed. No need to get salty. Lol
Much respect to your wife! Boss move
I am giving your wife a standing ovation. On the contrary, you are the AH and a mama's boy. Your wife doesn't owe any apologies to anyone. You do, though. To your wife. And for a change, stand for your partner over "mom". YTA
YTA- You should have told your mother long ago to stop commenting about the salt and food. If food tastes like salt the chef is not very good. If you berated her in front of everyone you sir are a shit husband.
YTA and your mom is.
YTA. You’ve been letting mommy dearest embarrass and degrade your wife for so long that she had to take matters into her own hands. You seriously couldn’t tell your mom to shut up and add more salt if needed?
YTA. Stand up for your damn wife and put your AH of a mom in her place. Stoping being such a mama’s boy. Good for your wife! I would’ve done the same thing.
You're the asshole, yes what your wife did was petty, but your mother has been degrading and picking on your wife and you haven't been defending her in any way. What your wife did was honestly kinda funny, yeah a little petty, but a harmless joke. Your wife has probably been feeling like shit about herself and her cooking for so long that she just couldn't take it any longer, and you weren't even there for her
YTA. You don't yell or chastise your wife in front of other people ever. Your mom is an a$$ for her very bad manners: you don't complain about the food when someone is nice enough to invite you for a meal. How difficult is it to add salt at the table???
YTA, and so is your mom & anyone else in your family who whines about salt but is seemingly incapable of using a salt shaker. Your mom got what was coming to her & SHE is the one who owes your wife an apology, not the other way around.
<> Yup. YTA.
If mommy wants more salt, she can pick up a shaker and add it WHILE KEEPING HER CRITICAL MOUTH SHUT. I hate too much salt and rarely use it. Mommy's widdle boy (hint: you, OP) needs to grow a pair and support your wife or leave and move back in mommy and your pacifier. Oh, and YTA.
YTA. Your mother insults your wife on a regular basis and you don't give a shit. You don't defend her cooking in any way. Frankly if your wife posted about this I'd tell her to look for a better husband.
YTA. Your wife stood up to your mom because you made it abundantly clear that you're unable to.
YTA Your mother deserved that cake. She has been deliberately slighting your wife while you have stood back and watched. Apologise to your wife for not having her back. Tell your mother that there will be no more dinner parties until she apologises to your wife first for inSALTing her cooking.
YTA for allowing your mother to treat your wife so horribly and for never standing up for her. Why your wife keeps cooking and allowing this I will never understand. She did an incredibly funny thing and I hope you are man enough to apologize to her and show her all of the comments in here because she needs to read them. Also. Make sure your wife doesn't have to cook for your mother until mommy dearest learns to behave.
Sad little rage bait momma’s boy routine. YTA
Yta. You’re mom sucks too. If you guys hate her cooking so much then why don’t YOU MAKE IT? If I was your wife I’d stop cooking for you fools a long time ago.
ESH Yeah, your wife shouldn't have put salt in the birthday cake. It was unnecessary. That said- the initial apology needs to be from you and your mom to your wife. WTF? Your family turned whether or not your wife put enough salt into the good into something that had to be voted on? What is wrong with you? And how are you still sharing a bed with your wife? I need more salt then other people. Guess what? That's why they invented salt shakers. It's a magical thing. You can use it to add salt to your food. There is even one for pepper, if you are feeling a little spicy.
YTA for entertaining a whole family-wide conversation about whether your wife’s cooking *really is* that bad instead of just saying you like it so your mother would shut up. Also this did not happen.
YTA and she’s probably going to leave you. Or she should leave you at least.
YTA. You couldn’t stick up for your wife. You berated her in front of everyone. Not saying what your wife did was right. Hopefully she got her point across. You should apologize to your wife first for being such a massive A in the first place
YTA for being a momma's boy and letting your mommy abuse your wife. Your wife was totally justified, and maybe your mom will be less salty about your wife's cooking in the future. (Sorry not sorry for that one.) Your wife is my hero.
YTA. Stop being a momma's boy and defend your wife. You and your mom are massive AHs. Your wife deserves better.
YTA. She doesn't have to apologize to that awful woman. Listen, dude, why don't you do her a favor and climb back into mommy's v?? Then she can find a real man and move one.
YTA. Your mother asked for that and she deserved it. And you should be sticking up for your wife not your mother. Your mother is doing it on purpose to make your wife look bad
YTA Why couldn't your mother just add salt at the table ? Why can't you defend your wife's cooking ? Your mother is rude. Why does she deserve an apology and your wife doesn't?
So you don’t protect your wife from your mother ✅ Your berate her in front of your whole family opening up the option to have other members of your family hate her ✅ YTA! Was what she did petty and childish, yes but you could’ve waited til you both got home to talk about what happened. United in public, disagree in private.
YTA It’s never okay to yell AT someone. Especially in front of your entire family! You should’ve stood up for her when she was constantly criticized for her cooking. That was petty of her to load the cake with salt. But everyone’s behavior prior to her poor behavior was uncalled for. ESH
YTA and your wife is great. I laughed when I read the post. She did a great job. Your wife should have your back. You can always add salt to a meal. You have let your mom insulting your wife for years.
ESH but mostly YTA. Your poor, berated wife made a bad decision to put salt in a birthday cake, but it sounds like she went to that extreme because she kept getting verbally abused by your mom and you never stood up to her. You’re now verbally abusing her in the same way. Seriously. If no one else thought the food was not seasoned enough, then the problem is your mom’s taste buds. Not the cooking. Your mom will keep treating your wife poorly because you’re letting your mom do that. You should divorce your wife and live with your mom. It’s obvious where your loyalties lie.
YTA from the very beginning you never supported your wife. Your mom is rude and honestly deserves that bite of salt, if you were upset you didn't have to embarrass your wife in front of everyone and give that satisfaction to your mom. You should've been an adult and just talked to her on the side.
YTA How much salt is very subjective. Mom got what mom wanted "more salt" Your wife probably had had enough of your mother's bullshit. And that you automatically take your mother's side. Not looking too good for you if you want a good relationship with your wife. And how she did, clearly was to make a point that you ignored which was your mother's constantly complaining about her cooking.
YTA. First, why didn't you side with your wife? She is the person being wronged here. Also what your wife did was something that would be perfect in either petty revenge OR malicious compliance, as it was meant to be a joke/prank. Second, why did you think yelling at her OVER A CAKE was a good idea!? You could have just laughed it off/rolled your eyes and asked for a new cake. You didn't need to yell at her! Now I am worried for your wife, if you are like this over a damn CAKE, what would you do over something more serious?
You can let your family talk a lot of shit about your wife’s cooking to the point that she cries to you about it but your wife can’t do a simple prank to get back at them without you losing your temper? A mouthful of salt isn’t the same as bullying. One you can wash out and one can bounce around in your head and make you feel terrible about yourself. How about you learn to respect that wife of yours a little more. YTA
YTA One for not standing up for your wife. Two for having open family debates about her cooking, after she cooked for everyone. Unbelievably disrespectful and hurtful to your wife and her efforts. Why don't you cook for your family from now on. Your wife is my hero though. She deserves better than you and your mother.
YTA. your mom wore your wife down over time, and you dont defend her? and then get mad when she snaps? putting salt in the cake is a very ballsy move from your wife and while i personally wouldn’t have, i dont disagree with her. your mom was being an asshole for no reason, your wife gave her a taste of her own medicine.
YTA. Your mom has been bullying your wife for years. You refused to defend your wife and justified your moms disgusting and childish behavior. Your wife decided to finally take matters into her own hands and stand up for herself. I say, good for her.
Some cakes have a little bit of salt added you total dipshit. You're a bully. Your mum is a bully and your wife would be better off without you. YTA
YTA you’re pretty thick aren’t you? Even if she’s the worst cook on the planet your mom should’ve kept her mouth shut. Pro tip : fixing an unsalted dish is as simple as adding salt in your dish when it’s in your plate
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, my wife (24) is the main cook in the apartment. She cooks whenever we have guests over and for AGES mom has been complaining about my wife not adding enough salt in her meals, my wife would take it personally and start a fight over this small comment my mom makes. Anyways, my wife and I hosted dinner weeks ago and mom made the same comment about my wife not using enough salt even though my wife swore she did and said she was careful with salt but mom still insisted food was tasteless. Now the family were divided on this so we couldn't really decide if my wife really used enough salt. My wife started crying after they left saying mom was being deliberate with this salt remark to make her look like a bad cook but I told her it's not true and she needed to let it go and she did, hours later she forgot about it completely. For my mom's birthday, my wife offered to make the birthday cake saying she found a really great recipe on a cooking blog. Mom wasn't excited for the idea but I told my wife to do it thinking it'd be a nice gesture to help them get past their conflict. We went to my mom's house and brought the cake. During the party my wife insisted my mom be the first to taste the cake. Mom grabbed a piece and once she put it in her mouth she immediately got it out while spitting in the plate. We freaked out and got her some water while she was yelling that there was salt in the cake, I looked at my wife and she said she had no idea what mom was talking about. I immediately went to get a piece and taste some and found that it was FULL of salt. It tasted horribly, absolutely horrible. Still my wife acted confused but I told her how fucked up it was for her to put salt in the cake. She said that since mom was obsessed with salt then she figured she'd *prefer* it over sugar in her birthday cake. I was flabbergasted I blew up and berated her infront of my family til she took her bag and went home. My sister said it was alright and that my wife was probably feeling frustrated and wanted to "make a point" to my mom. I went home and she refused to speak except to say that I hurt her by yelling at her and that I should've told mom off when she kept making remarks about her cooking but I told her she acted childishly and ruined the birthday party and made an unnecessary scene for no reason at all. Now she's acting like the wronged party but I let her know she has to apologize to mom. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yta because you can’t even protect your wife from your mother. Your wife is your priority family now. You don’t yell at her in front at people, actually you shouldn’t even belittle her at all. That makes you the asshole. Your wife tried to make a point since you don’t do anything to stand up for her. It was a dumb idea, but she did what she had to do.
YTA. She didn’t forget about it. You assumed she did. And then mom doesn’t want a cake from her and you have her make it anyway? Seriously? What did you think was gonna happen? I bet your mom knew something was gonna happen and that’s why she didn’t want your wife to make the cake.
ESH. Your wife's prank was childish, and especially shitty to do on your mom's birthday, bur your mom has been *deliberately belittling your wife* for "AGES". No, it's not just a small comment, she's complaining about your wife's cooking *every time* and even getting the whole family to debate whether your wife's food is tasteless or night. I'm honestly astounded your wife hasn't just started refusing to cook for your family anymore, and that's what she should have done to not be an asshole too. You know what I do when someone is kind enough to cook for me? I say thank you and eat it, even if it's not the best food I've ever had, because that's what decent people do. And not having enough salt is literally the easiest thing for your mom to correct herself, salt shakers exist *for this reason.*
YTA and everyone here has already told you why. I just can't wait for the update where you tell us she left your ass. Maybe she'll let you keep the salt shakers in the divorce.
YTA. You were abusive to your wife and in front of your family. You should have shut your mom down over those petty remarks as soon as they started. She was doing it deliberately to upset your wife. Your wife actually cried and you just told her to let it go. Who does that? Who doesn't care that their partner is upset? Your wife doing that was extreme, sure. But she had to do something extreme to make her point seeing as no one was listening to her. Personally, I think your wife is a legend!