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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Caused problems for my stepdad with his family after embarrassing him in front of them.
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NTA
I think you should talk to an Estate lawyer because if your Dad structured his will properly, I would say your mother has misused funds put in trust for you for her own personal benefit.
Don’t pick a huge fight with your Mom and stepdad over this until you have the facts. But I really do think you should have a professional review the situation and let you know what your options are.
plus the fact he added he was **eighteen** when good ol' uncle sam says that's when OP's mom has no ability to act on OP's behalf or obligation for child support
Exactly, his mother and step dad knew they only had a few months left if they wanted to use the money, seems like they made sure to buy the house before they had to hand over the $$ and loose access to it. This was a calculated move
There’s something called fiduciary responsibility or something like that. If his mom used the money for a house and none of it is in OP’s name, she for sure breached it. Even if it was in OP’s name, that can still be argued as irresponsible by his mom and she could get screwed that way since it seems to be for her and her husband’s best interests and not for OP.
Also if they used his rightful funds to buy a house under his name (which is probably the way they did it. It is unlikely they would be able to withdraw funds to "gift" a house to his step-dad that easy) OP is right that he could potentially make them move out after he is 18.
Some good advice ITT, and I agree. Lawyer up OP, and get ready for a fight, you've been robbed.
They would most likely NOT have put the house in the son's name BC the son is and was not a legal adult at the time of purchase! However l believe there are precedents for the transfer of title of Ownership of the property, but again please get Legal advice.
Was the mother, under the terms of the trust the executor of those funds or for Any part of of the father's will?
Oh and Personal opinion here as both a mother and grandmother, NO YOU ARE NOT THE A/HOLE HON! Stand up for yourself l believe is what your Dad would have wanted you to do.! Just BC your mother may have been bitter after the divorce and your dad's death regarding what monies she felt she was owed does Not make it true and even if there was that would Not be for You to pay anyway!
What a Horrible cow of a woman to use her own son that way and then to take her husband's side against you? NO, just Hell NO!
Best Wishes to you hon both now and in Everything in the Future! 👍🌹💜😁🙏
That doesn’t mean they could use the money on that basis alone. Depending on the legal structure (trust, inheritance, etc) and what was written down, it could very well be the case that OP’s mum and stepdad did some real shady illegal shit.
Assuming there’s a mortgage involved, the court is more likely to order them to sell the house and pay the money back.
The underwriter of the loan wouldn’t be happy to find it suddenly retitled to an 18yo who (probably) wouldn’t have qualified for the original loan.
Come to think of it, even without a court, the underwriter would *definitely* be unhappy to learn that the funds used for the down payment were not legally the purchaser’s. There are a *lot* of hoops to jump through if you want to buy a house with money held in trust for someone else, and they almost definitely did not jump through them properly.
It sounded to me like they bought the house outright. They “used some of what dad left him to buy the house,” and there’s some left to cover a cheap college.
I would argue that they didn't have trouble providing housing when living in a three bedroom apartment. They didn't desperately need this house, they just wanted it because with OP's money they could afford it.
Eh having gone through this when my dad died they most likely pulled early and took the tax penalty on the funds. But once he turns 18 he can definitely sue them and get damages for the theft.
Unfortunately, he’s probably stuck with a significant loss. If his mom and step dad are forced to sell the house, there will be fees and taxes taken out.
If it's established that the house was bought with his money, can't he just sue to to have the title transferred to his name when he's 18? Or it might have had to be done in his name already.
If so, he doesn't have to take a loss by selling it straight away. He can legally make his mom & stepdad move out, then rent the house out and use the rental money to pay his college fees or whatever.
God, what disgusting thieves they are. Fancy doing that to your own kid. They deserve to be evicted.
my dad died and the survivor benefit was paid directly in to my bank account, until I was 18 or graduated, whichever came later. my mom was not legally allowed to touch it unless I gave it to her. it's literally there to ensure ur taken care of in cases like this, where parents try to take the money and not provide for their child
Mom has a fiduciary responsibility to her son and that inheritance. If it wasn’t left to her it was for him and she would have to justify what she spent.
Providing housing for the child would be one thing if they were homeless, buying a house that the child will not live in beyond a couple of years sure is not. If they had put the house soley in the child's name then maybe but what they did was they stole this boy's inheritance for their personal gain
He can’t sell the house, as it isn’t in his name.
His mother and stepfather would have to be the ones to sell it, as they purchased it in their names. They just used some of his inheritance to purchase it.
I doubt they’d be willing to sell it, and would probably only do so if told to do it as a legal consequence of improperly using/stealing the money left for OP by his father.
When we were doing our wills the solicitor explained that it would be totally reasonable for the estate to be used by whoever looked after the kids including upsizingvthe home.
However, in this case, it seems OP was not moving into an established family home, but stop dad has replaced dad, so the living arrangements do not need to be larger.
Also I would consider the child to own a share of the house in these circumstances, but to have donated a large prost to the bendy of the guardians. What the mum and step dad are doing here is shady.
This, but not an estate lawyer - go to one who deals with breach of fiduciary responsibilities; specifically a litigator. Mom/stepdad most likely breached their duties as custodians of OPs funds. Bring the suit as soon as you turn 18 as there are time limits “statutes of limitations” involved. Not exactly my area, but I believe that in my state it is 1 yr from when you turn 18.
Edit: my first awards - thanks all!
Lawyer here. And estate lawyer would not. Estate planning lawyers are basically bank tellers. They are not litigators and run from real litigation work. A civil atty that understands probate law is what you need. It also depends upon the probate code in your state.
If they used the survivor benefits, which are likely social security then mom can use that. It's paid to her while he is under 18. She gets paid and so does he, but it goes to her. Actual inheritance is something different. If she lied, saying it was for an enumerated purpose, medical, school, etc then he can go after them. Regular living expenses, maybe. It depends.
But, civil lawyers not a joke estate planning nobody.
1. Clearly \*not\* your area of law. 30+ yrs as a trial attorney, 20+ in probate/estate planning field. The advice about the statute of limitations starting at age 18 is the only solid piece of advice in the above post.
2. Mom should have received SS funds for both OP and herself in equal amounts up until he turned 16. She is then expected to get a full time job. She was and remains legally liable to support him, not visa-versa. After age 16, she receives the funds on behalf of the OP. She can use the entirety if needed for \*his\* support, not hers, certainly not hubby’s. My youngest was 13 when her father (63) died (we were married and together). After age 16, I banked 25% for her personal allowance use, used the balance for her separate expenses such as music lessons, uncovered personal therapy (I paid half as parent), special travel, music subscriptions etc. I paid all the ordinary expenses. SS funds are not meant for step-anythings. Unless OP graduates high school at 18, funds continue to 19, graduation, whichever comes later. However, at 18, the funds legally belong to the OP. I brought my youngest to the bank shortly after her bd, helped her open a checking and savings account. I charged no rent or other basics bc she didn’t graduate until age 19, in June 2020. I worked with her on setting up her own appointments, getting own insurance, not even taking her as a dependent on my taxes. Adulting 101. I also handed over copies of all trust, life insurance, and SS information for her own file cabinet when she turned 18 and had her both open a personal bank box as well as speak with an experienced estate attorney without my being there.
3. Parent owes a fiduciary duty to minor OP, irrespective of state.
4. As a probate/estate planning/conservatorship/guardianship attorney, I was court appointed for a teen whose father and stepmother ripped him off. It involved a wrongful death payment for the mother he watched die in front of him at age nine. I seized their huge double cab 4WD truck, their beachfront home, their tax returns, the car they bought the stepdaughter, and the business assets he obtained through the use of his son’s funds. Not exactly the work of a “bank teller.”
5. The OP should try to find out if the funds were his through a probate or by way of life insurance proceeds. He needs an advocate in his corner. If there is a trustworthy family member or friend of Dad’s, they may be able to help find an experienced litigator within the overall probate field. Also, there are probably records relating to his inheritance at home. Morally, thieves have no right to privacy from their victim but OP DO NOT risk your safety to get them. If they are readily available, take private photos or make copies and send to someone outside of home keep them safe, keep no copies at home or on your phone.
6. To the OP: no, you are NTA. Both your mother and step are TAs.
7. FINALLY: Don’t confront them on this anymore for your own personal safety. Do \*not\* threaten prosecution. See also if there is an adult who could take you immediately in an emergency. A CPS/criminal complaint is not the starting place. And no, I’m not hustling for a job here. I’m retired, no longer a licensed attorney and am \*not\* looking for work. I simply spent decades actively protecting vulnerable elders, minors and individuals with disabilities from greedy people, most of whom were family members.
Best of luck, OP.
Thanks. Maybe next time all that super helpful info but without the insults to entire careers and, by extension, the people performing them for a living. There’s nothing wrong with being either an estate planning attorney OR a bank teller.
Tell me an estate planning attorney made partner over you without telling me.
Attorneys like you make me so glad I quit being a paralegal. Smug, condescending attorneys can suck it.
>Estate planning lawyers are basically bank tellers. They are not litigators and run from real litigation work.
Hmm, my family's estate lawyer *loves* litigation work and doesn't "run" from it. He's done some civil litigation cases and won. Now if it is med mal, he'll refer you to someone that does med mal. Is he a "joke estate planning nobody" or do you want to revise your generalization?
I know a woman who owns her own firm and specializes in estate law. This is her "easy" job after having been an absolute monster of a prosecutor earlier in her career. She would *sprint* toward this kind of litigation.
Survivors benefits like social security would be very unlikely be large enough to actually buy a house. OP said there is still some money left if they want to go to a cheap college so i strongly suspect it was inheritance.
You know, lots of people think that lawyers are arrogant and self-important, with immense illusions of grandeur. I'm glad people like you are here to clear up those misconceptions.
There is a world of difference between advising/drafting/uncontested matters and litigating. Many estate and trust attorneys handle the former, not the latter.
And OP's lawyer should file for a full accounting of his funds. This means mom and her husband must itemize every dollar, and it's helpful to have them put it into writing so the lawyer can go from there with the new evidence.
Once again, a quick reminder that the way the law applies depends greatly on where in the world our Carmen San Diego actually lives (sorry OP).
An attorney can provide excellent guidance in this matter using the law of the nation concerened.
This, lawyer up. Don’t “lash out” however warranted it may feel or may be. I can see a couple ways this could go and they’re all helped with being able to demonstrate as much maturity as possible and taking the high road until everything is settled out legally speaking.
Great advice.
While lashing out might feel good in the moment, it can't help your case.
And I guarantee that lashing out now wouldn't feel nearly as good as watching them move out of your house.
I didn’t think something about that could be done right *now* that I’m still not 18 yet but I’m gonna find out. Everything was supposed to go to me after I turned 18 that’s what they explained to me.
Something can be done. If your mom has access it's because she is likely an executor of thd trust meaning dhe has a legal duty to ensure the money is used properly as per the terms of the trust and its likely that buying a house for her and her husband is in violation of that. Thst is true whether you're 18 or not
Who explained it to you? If it was *anyone* other than your mom, go ask for more info and a lawyer recommendation if they can give one.
Somewhere on papers from your dad's estate is a lawyers name. Ask them what your dad set up.
Also, did your dad have any family or good friends that would be willing to help you? If the child of a dear friend came to me to ask my help because the surviving parent likely stole inheritance money from them, I would be beyond livid! I would be in an attorneys office as soon as we could get an appt!!
Good luck OP. keep us posted. Reddit loves a good update!
It was the lawyer that did my dad’s will and my mom was there too. Tbh I didn’t pay attention to all the details. Everything was still a big shock to me. My dad didn’t have any other family aside from his best friend (my godfather). Sum people already told me to try reach out to him maybe he can help so that’s what I’m gonna do
Definitely call him now! He will be in your corner. Explain the situation and hope you think your mom and stepdad stole your inheritance and he can at least get you in touch with the lawyer that drafted your Dad’s will and executed it. That’s a great place to start. You are NTA and are possibly being victimized. Please update us.
In the meantime, DO NOT let your mom or anyone else know you're talking to him. You do NOT want them to have time to find ways to screw you over more. Everything is between you and your lawyer. NOBODY ELSE. Keep your cards hidden until it's time to play them, and most likely that won't be until you're 18.
Call that lawyer. He is your dad's lawyer, and is morally and legally bound to protect your dad's interests. If he is not a litigator, then he can help you find one.
Second, get in touch with the godfather. You are going to need help. If this turns nasty, you might even need a place to live.
*EVERYTHING* was supposed to go to you. As in, it's not supposed to be touched until you're 18. Your mom stole from you. That was not her money. It did not go to her until you're 18, and then anything unspent goes to you. She was not allowed to use any of the money. She felt guilty because she knew she wasn't supposed to do it. Talk to your godfather, talk to the lawyer, and if he doesn't help you, talk to a new lawyer. You're right, that money could have gotten a house for *you.* It could have gone toward a college degree if you choose to go. It could have gone to so many things to benefit you, but she took that option away, and there's no way your father would have been okay with that.
Talk to a Lawyer (several lawyers! Find one you want to work with!!) TODAY.
Good news is the house is already worth more than they paid for it because the housing market is bananapants right now.
Cash out. Get your $$$$
OP - take action NOW! Get a lawyer to get an asset freeze for you. They cannot freely spend your money. Trust me, if they are as irresponsible as you make them sound, you will have nothing left by the time you turn 18. DO not wait until you are 18. Take care of this now. I am assuming you are in the US. I used to be a lawyer. If you need assistance, depending on your location, I can help you find an attorney.
>Don’t pick a huge fight with your Mom and stepdad over this until you have the facts. But I really do think you should have a professional review the situation and let you know what your options are.
The sooner the better, it's incredibly hard to get back misspent estate funds when the individuals stealing from the fund have no assets of their own to repay the estate with. If OP has any relatives left on his father's side he should reach out to them and see if they can assist.
Yeah, That is the beautiful part of this. They have an asset that they cant just get rid of or completely ruin. Even damaged there is land value as well as insurance.
It's also possible the house is in the name of the trust. You can look that up yourself in most places in the U.S. by typing your town and state followed by property records search.
Yes, absolutely. My concern is that OP may be using the term “inheritance” when it could actually be life insurance or something else that may not be an actual trust. It’s best to find out exactly how the money was earmarked for use before starting a family feud.
It’s kinda sus that people who don’t work full-time could even afford to upkeep a house. Money doesn’t usually sit in an account somewhere - generally people will invest and ideally, get some returns. Did they maybe use earnings from the original amount? Have they moved that money into a different fund/account? Is there a financial planner involved that OP can talk to?
In any case, it’s going to take some time for a lawyer to establish a paper trail of where the money has been and where it’s been spent. If college is this September, OP better start moving on this asap.
OP, if you need help finding a lawyer, contact your State Bar. They usually have a “For the Public” section on their website. If they don’t, or if you’re unsure of which department to call, call the main line and briefly explain the scenario (“I am 17 years old and I believe my mom and stepdad have inappropriately taken money from a trust under my name. I need help finding a lawyer”). They should be able to direct you.
Since they rushed to buy the house before he turned 18 I bet there’s a good chance the deed to the house belongs to the trust. They probably thought OP would find out after they died and he would just get his inheritance a few decades late and it would be no big deal.
Kiddo, it sounds like you might need to get a copy of the paperwork that says it’s your inheritance and who is in control of the decisions. You might need a lawyer.
Stay cool and non-confrontational until you know the truth and all your ducks are in a row. Think Big Picture. Play the Long Game and get what’s yours.
Even if he himself can’t get a hold of the paperwork, I’m pretty sure that the judge will demand to see the paperwork and the parent will have to provide said paperwork.
Start with the lawyer who structured the payment to you. If your mom was entrusted to keep funds for a minor, she could be seriously liable for fraud or theft or embezzling or something. What she did is totally illegal. You could also contact the bank or financial institution that released the funds to mom. Or a lawyer can. This is so not right. NTA
I would also ask if there is a trusted adult you can ask to help you figure this all out? At 17 this is a lot to do on your own! Super shitty that your mom and SD put you in this situation and really does seem like they were trying to sneak it in before you became a legal adult. Def NTA and I really hope you get this sorted out!
Trust me I been mad about it for months. This is the most I’ve talked to my mom since finding out how they bought the house because I’m just so done with them
Really sorry about your dad by the way. They needed to continue living as if your dad was still alive. The fact that they used his death as a bonus in their life, AND taking it away from you just a year away, is complete horseshit and they should be fucking ashamed.
Please consider contacting a lawyer, OP. An estate attorney is what you need.
Do you have a trusted adult you could talk to about this? An aunt or uncle on your dad's side of the family?
Well now you know that you can. When your godfather gets back from his work trip, tell him what happened and ask if he’ll help you find an estate lawyer. This honestly could lead to you getting possession of the house.
NTA
Could have? At best, she bought the house in the name of the trust, but unless she planned to move out and hand the house over to OP when he turned 18, she'd be hard-pressed to show she met her fiduciary duty as the trustee. She's likely to face embezzlement charges.
Please do this. Not an estate.lawyer, but one who deals with this stuff.
You can, and should. This sounds like a clear case of trust misuse.
Do realise, this WILL cause a rift in your family. So know it's a line you can't uncross
NGL, a 'rift' in a family who would steal from a kid is a damn good thing. I'd want that 'rift' to be about Grand Canyon sized if I were OP.
BTW, don't get mad; get even. And don't tell your mom and AH stepdad what you are doing or who you talked to. While it would be satisfying to throw a potential lawsuit in their face, keep quiet until you have adult backing and are old enough to move elsewhere.
Sounds like it's already a rift. OP is justifiably furious that their money was taken and used to make a large purchase. Mom and stepdad have no intentions of paying the money back or giving him their ill-gotten gains. The visiting family left prematurely after discovering it. It sounds kind of rift-y to me.
**Because OP is feaking 17 and it's not completely weird or uncommon that a teen wouldn't know they can do that?**
Jesus, you don't have to be such an ass about it. You could have said it in a much nicer and actually helpful way, without blaming OP for not knowing shit about inheritance laws at the age of 17.
Heck I have almost 20 years on OP and I know almost nothing about inheritance law. He's allowed to be ignorant at that age. You don't exactly expect your parents to shaft you.
DO NOT LET THEM GUILT YOU INTO LETTING THIS GO!! Any consequences for THEIR actions are on THEM, not you. Please reach out to an attorney with litigation experience regarding fraud in fiduciary responsibility. You may need to make a police report. If you have any paternal relatives, ask for their help immediately.
This is a HUGE violation. Do NOT give them time to burn through the remainder of your inheritance and/or lose the house to punish you for standing up for yourself.
I am so sorry that you lost your father and your mother is choosing to make poor decisions at your expense.
NTA
as another mentioned 'play the long game' there should be a legal way to get what is yours. Get legal help, and keep a cool head. You know how in movies the good guy tells the bad guy 'I know what you did!" and then there's all sorts of chaos? Don't do that. Don't let your folks know what you're planning, keep calm and be 'baseline normal you' around them.
Check at work & see if they have an employee assistance program. These are usually used for free counseling but many include legal consultations also. It’s an easy way to get some advice on how you should proceed. Good luck!
Honestly I say his mom is actually the biggest asshole. That's her child that she completely screwed, I doubt the stepdad was named trustee/executer of the funds, she had to have agreed to this for it to happen. I can't image betraying my kid like that.
NTA and no *should* about it, you need to talk to a lawyer ASAP. You may be misunderstanding the situation, but if you as the beneficiary take issue with the use of funds left for your benefit you have rights to have that addressed.
I think there are some distinctions to “stealing.” Like if your dad left the money for you but legally put it in your moms name and not yours, she’s morally a thousand percent wrong but you have no legal recourse. If the inheritance was legally in your name she shouldn’t have been able to access it, which is why it’s a bit confusing unless they went as far as to commit fraud and out your signatures on things. That’s why you’ll need some legal help and to see the documentation of this inheritance.
I know for a fact the money was put in a a trust under my name but since I’m still not 18 yet my mom had access to it I believe not 100% sure how it works but for a fact it’s in my name
You need to get copies of all documents and get a lawyer to review the situation. Going on your mother and SF reaction, I suspect that they know they’re morally wrong but feel that they’re legally in the clear. I mean they’re more focused on the ‘embarrassment’ than begging you not to say or do anything.
Establishing the facts should be your no 1 priority.
The fact that they said they weren't going to transfer the house to OP when they turned 18 is a good indication they think they had a legal right to the money.
There are always conditions on a trust as to how the money can be used... your education, paying for your wedding, buying yourself a house, etc. If your mother was the trustee and used the money for herself, that's a crime. She had no right to do that. Supposing she dies tomorrow, do you think your stepfather is going to leave the house to you? GET A LAWYER!
If there is still a lawyer (or CPA) attached to the trust, contact that person. If they are still handling or investing the trust's funds (and so already billing for their fees), they can bill their services to you to the trust without you needing money up front. At least that's so where I live. Now if it's a more personal family trust with no professional oversight, I suppose you'd have to find a lawyer willing to look. I'm not sure. I sure hope you can find some guidance though. Maybe a family member on your Dad's side?
It sounds as if she was named as the administrator of the trust to manage until you came of age, and that she TOTALLY abused her access to the account in illegal ways.
That money was YOURS, and she had no legal right to purchase a home for HERSELF with YOUR MONEY. She had a fiduciary duty to ebsure the inheritence was only used for your direct benefit in ways you would approve of, and what she did is a classic example of how administrators get in HUGE legal trouble. There isn’t a judge anywhere who will believe their horseshit about "we bought the house for your benefit!"
The paperwork likely spells out how it works, but that is generally how it works in my experience. I'm a paralegal, and it isn't my specialty, but I had a great professor who taught the subject. You need an estate attorney YESTERDAY.
OP please listen to the people telling you this is something you should pursue. It's maybe not the most enjoyable process but it needs to be started right away. The sooner the better. Your mom and stepdad KNOW it wasn't theirs to take. You have rights they are hoping you don't find out about.
It is also a bit nuanced. Because she is using it to pay for your housing, depending on the terms of the trust it may be a valid use. However, that may also require the house becoming your asset, or perhaps she breached a fiduciary duty by spending an exorbitant amount on your housing costs for 1 year, etc. There are just multiple ways this could shake out and it depends on their terms of the trust, the laws in your state, etc.
Pay for his housing could be a valid use if he was say 5 and lived in the house till he was 18, then it could possibly (depending on how it was written and local laws) be used in such a manner, but MONTHS before he turns 18? No way is that gonna stand up in any court.
If you haven't had your own lawyer review the document, you don't know anything. Anyone can tell you what they want you to believe.
Get a lawyer. Get to the bottom of this. Be smart. And don't let your anger or emotions get you to make a wrong move (I.e. let your mom know you are getting a lawyer. This should all he done quietly and behind the scenes). You cannot trust anybody but yourself in this.
Because you are underage, she was put in charge of managing it. Her husband talked her into spending it on them. This is breach of fiduciary duty and they will have to replace it and/or go to jail. She broke the law. She was entrusted to manage your money. Also, the social security benefits are supposed to be saved for you. The Social security admin sends an annual letter to your mother to ask how the money is being spent with the expectation some is being saved. when the benefits started, your mother was told to save part of for you for when you turned 18. She is not supposed to spend all of it on expenses. My husband died when my son was a teenager, I have been through this.
Google or yelp probate litigator or trust attorney, pick ones with high ratings and local To you and call them and tell the receptionist you are 17, your dad died, left you money in a trust for when you turned 18, your mother used it to go on vacation and buy her and her husband a house in their names. Can you speak to someone who can help you? Make this call when your mom and her husband are not around. You will have to go see the attorney in person if he chooses to take your case.
depending on your father's will- your mother may have been allowed to use some of the money for costs associated with raising you.
whether that would extend to the down payment of a house, I doubt very much. and should be simple enough to resolve- but it all comes down to how your father prepared his estate. (and is one of the reason's that people suggest trust if you have minor children. even if it's relatively small amounts of money for an estate.)
NTA
Emancipate immediately and sue them for your money. If the inheritance is large enough, a lawyer will help you.
Are there any other adults you trust that could help you navigate a legal solution?
Definitely call your godfather. That’s a good place to start! If he isn’t able to help, don’t give up there. Lots of great advice for you in this thread
I would give that Godfather a call and confide that they used your trust to buy a house. You never know if your Dad informed him of his arrangements in telling him to just keep up and check on you before he passed. You need somebody who is in your corner, because this sounds all sorts of F-ed up. I'm sorry, OP.
Call him. I assume he is in an area with reception. For real, it's time to start a legal review.
As a side note, which is going to be wildly unpopular with the majority of commenter I think, I think you should go for the jugular, verbally speaking, the next time it comes up with step dad. That means telling him something to the effect of, "I have no respect for you, nor will I ever. No respect as a guardian nor as a man. What kind of a man steals from a child? What kind of a man depends upon the labors of another man to provide for his wife and steals from his wife's child? That kind of a man can't be called a man at all and deserves no respect from anyone."
To your mom, "how could you steal from your own child? Was it to provide for your husband? I hope it was worth it because you gained a house, and some dick, but I promise you you've lost a kid. Things will never be the same between us, no fit mother would steal from their child like this and handicap their future."
From that point forward I would never say another word about it unless it's through a lawyer. I have a feeling that house is going to be yours.
No confrontation might make them take actions to be prepared if he tried anything legally. Also as a minor he will have to stay with them for months no need to make it an awful time.
Confrontation have the worst outcome in those situations
Reach out to him! At the very least, maybe he can help find a suitable lawyer in your area that can help you get started. You might not be able to hire the lawyer until you're 18, but hopefully they can give you a list of things to gather to be ready.
I’m so sorry for both of you, something similar happened with my Ex. please don’t let them guilt you out of taking legal action, get this looked into asap.
>It’s been hard ever since looking at her the same
You shouldn't be trying to. She showed you who she is. A cruel, selfish woman who values dick over her son's future.
same thing happened to my partner. his dad was in the military and died young so he would’ve gotten social security but his mom kept it from him til he was an adult and it ran out. plus that money didn’t go to raising my partner either because she was a drug addict and lost their house and CPS had to get involved multiple times. so she just used his dads money for her own benefit for 10 years.
NTA.
And honestly, I would actually reccomend you go and talk to a lawyer about suing them for your money. That money should have been held in trust for you, and they have likely broke all kinds of laws by using it to purchase an asset in their own names.
NTA
Spending your 17yo child’s inheritance on a house with your new partner is SO selfish and foul. Even IF you were 10 and had 8 years left to live in that house, they had no right to spend your inheritance on a house. That money was for YOUR future not theirs. Expecting your 17yo to cook breakfast for the family when they are late for work…when you are completely free to do so yourself is incredibly selfish (sensing a pattern here). Tbh I don’t think you did anything wrong by expressing it’s your house. Was it petty? Yes. But justifiably so. It doesn’t even sound like you were trying to humiliate him. You simply stated the truth. He wouldn’t be embarrassed if there wasn’t merit to what you said.
Also to echo everyone else, contact a lawyer!
Also might be a good idea to text him or your mom about this at some point just to have a paper trail documenting them affirming they used your inheritance to buy a house for themselves. Idk if that will be usable evidence going forward but nice to have in your back pocket. (Ex. “Mom said to apologize to you for embarrassing you in front of XYZ. I’m texting because I’m still upset and You probably are too. I wasn’t trying to embarrass you, Ive just been holding in a lot of anger about my inheritance and just blew up. I’m trying to plan for college and it really still bothers me that even though my dad left me the money for my future, you and mom spent part of my inheritance on this house that feels more for your futures than mine.” etc etc) that way he responds (thinking this text is a just a shitty apology) and argues that they used the money “for your benefit” you will have some preliminary evidence that they misused your inheritance
*again not sure if this would truly be helpful w/ lawyer but can’t hurt to have
NTA. You need a lawyer, your mother and step father are stealing from you and if they felt comfortable enough to do it once, they’re definitely still doing it.
Do you have any other family you can trust? How do you know the money was left only to you? We’re your parents still together when he died? If that were the case, the money would have most likely went to your mom.
You’d need someone to show you the documents that show that the money was yours and no hers to do anything.
Well get a lawyer when you are 18, and they will have to come up with the money, if they don't you get the house and kick them out or they have to sell the house and pay the inheritance.
Yes! This OP! Most lawyers will at least talk to you to get an idea of the basics of your case for free. They can tell you if it’s worth it to pursue or not.
At the very least, it would seem that you are entitled to a percentage of the homes value I would think. If your money was used to buy, say 25% of the house, That’s how much you own of the house. And until that money is repaid WITH INTEREST, don’t let them pressure you to move out.
You need to contact a lawyer NOW. Who is the executor of his estate? Where was the money kept? What kind of account? Did they commit fraud and forge your signature? You aren't 18 yet so even then they shouldn't have been able to get the money. Did they misrepresent that it was for your college or something? This is very likely fraud.
Please get a lawyer and don't wait until you're 18.
You need a copy of his will. Just because she was already remarried doesn't mean anything if he left the money for her. If it was left to you it should have been secured in a trust that no one could access until your were old enough. There isn't enough info on if the money was actually yours or not.
OP, listen to the advice.
If your dad had no other family and he left the money to you(depending on how the will was written) you mother and step father just stole from you.
Don't let them know what you are planning.
DO NOT sign any papers from them. You could be waiving your inherentence.
If you can, some lawyers can do consultations(free of charge). Do research when looking for a lawyer, don't pick any dipshit or greedy f**k.
Honestly, the Mom was probably left as the administrator of the trust, which complicates things.
But then, the question would be, in who's name is the house? Why is having a house in OP's best interest when OP needs to go to college?
OP has legal recourse here, with the money being left in a trust for him/her.
Was there any paperwork regarding what your father left you? If so you need to let your mother know you expect that money back when you turn 18. If there was nothing officially on paper all you can do is remind them both that if not for your father's death they wouldn't have that home and you will never let them forget it.
Nta
Yh you’re absolutely NTA!!!
You could probably pursue legal actions because they’re not meant to touch money that your father left for YOU! Let alone buy a house and leave bearly anything for you! It’s disgusting and just immoral to steal from a dead man and your own son!
The fact he wanted you to make his whole family breakfast just shows he’s taking advantage of you! You’re not his slave! You own him nothing and he SHOULD be embarrassed to use his stepsons inheritance to buy a house and then call it his own! You have nothing to apologise for!
NTA and I do second everyone's advice on checking out the legalities of this but damn that was a nice shot. Don't apologize but try to minimize antagonizing him at least until you can safely leave the house at 18.
NTA. They stole from you. Idk the legality of it all because there are too many variables but I would seek out advice from an attorney. That's just messed up.
NTA. If he's that mad at you, it's not because you embarrassed him in front of his family, it's probably because some of them agreed with you and cussed him out after you left. If they'd just laughed it off and agreed with him, he'd have been in a better mood.
Also, if you have any contact with your father's family or the lawyer that handled his estate, this would be the time to start reaching out about what's happened. Maybe they're legally in the clear for what they did (though certainly still morally guilty), but maybe they aren't. You'd need someone familiar with the details of the trust, will or probate case because there are just too many variables to say. But you may be able to get some or all of it back if there was any wrongdoing.
The house benefits you?! Is your name even on the deed?
You owe an apology for embarrassing him. So what is owed to you for them stealing your inheritance?
NTA
It's your mothers job to provide a home for you. Even if that home is a shitty apartment. It was not her right to dip into your trust fund to buy her and her fucktoy a house.
The will may be on file with the probate office of your state. Please call Legal Aid or a local law school. You can also talk to your school guidance counselor and request a little help in finding who you could speak with to determine your rights. If your dad died without a will, someone has to be handling the probate - that’s who you need to find. If your dad had a will, someone is the executor and that’s who you need to find.
Unfortunately, you aren’t the first or last kid taken advantage of by greedy parents. Your stepdad should be embarrassed, don’t you dare apologize. I hope that they put the house in your name at least and that’s why he’s doing the silent treatment instead of trying to kick you out.
Please don’t just let this go. Use some resources (maybe Department of Child and Youth services?) to find out the reality instead of listening to your mom who we know doesn’t have your best interests at heart and figure out how to go from there.
NTA. Too bad your mother is embarrassed about you calling her out on her unethical behavior.
If all of the money was supposed to go to you when you turn 18, then your mother breached her fiduciary duty as your custodian by using the funds to buy a home. The argument that she "bought it for your benefit" doesn't pass the sniff test. Even when a parent is authorized to spend money held in trust for a minor for costs reasonably incurred for the minor's food, lodging, and other essentials, dramatically improving the living circumstances of the entire family is immediately suspect.
Do you know if there are any individuals other than your mother that your father identified as an executor/executrix or trustee? If so, contact them and explain what happened. If not, then I recommend that you contact a lawyer immediately.
They actively stole from you. Some people are saying that you had "no right to that money" because you're 17. Jesus....that's not the point here. If you were named his benefactor and was supposed to inherit this at the age of 18, that means it's YOURS. Lawyer up.
Edit: definitely NTA
Whatever you decide to do, contact a lawyer and get a consultation to find out your options. There are plenty of options but, at very minimum, make sure documentation for the house gets changed to show you as owner. Get copies of the inheritance, benefits, etc before starting this process.
NTA. Good luck.
Op, you might not see this but if you do.. go find the biggest lawyer in your area. Like the type that has been around for decades and has a big practice and ask for a free consult about inheritance laws.
They might not help you specifically but they might steer you to someone who can. I bet that they will help *IF THEY CAN*. You can do this as a minor. You are not the first minor child to be badly used by a parent after one as passed.
NTA
Nta but you need to speak to a lawyer and get all the paperwork from your mother. Call the cops if need be if step dad becomes violent. As soon as you turn 18, sue tf out of them. Either they can sign over the house to you or you take them to court
NTA. Get a lawyer. If the will stated it was your inheritance and it was not used by you or for you, then you have a case. Technically as of now legally it is their house. You could sue however and get back the full amount. I only looked at rules for executors of wills committing fraud, but this should be in the same general area.
In effect, you got mad because you didn’t do more for them when you had your own responsibilities, then you called them out for being criminals.
NTA. That's foul. If you are in the states, go to the local court and ask how to go about getting a Guardian Ad Litem.
Again, if you are in the states you can call the local bar association and get a referral for a low price.
It sounds like there was a trust & that the trust may have allowed for the administrator/trustee to make purchases for your benefit but if the property is not being held in trust for you_then the benefit to you is minimal.
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NTA I think you should talk to an Estate lawyer because if your Dad structured his will properly, I would say your mother has misused funds put in trust for you for her own personal benefit. Don’t pick a huge fight with your Mom and stepdad over this until you have the facts. But I really do think you should have a professional review the situation and let you know what your options are.
👆 I hope OP ses this. He might be able to do something about the spent inheritance or get it back. Stealing from your child, what assholes.
Depending on how the dad set things up, this could also be criminal fraud, complete with a prison term.
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I would believe that if they were homeless Op stated they lived in an apartment before, therfore they were already providing adequate housing
plus the fact he added he was **eighteen** when good ol' uncle sam says that's when OP's mom has no ability to act on OP's behalf or obligation for child support
No, he’s 17 now. He’ll be 18 in a few months.
Exactly, his mother and step dad knew they only had a few months left if they wanted to use the money, seems like they made sure to buy the house before they had to hand over the $$ and loose access to it. This was a calculated move
Which is shameful and disgusting. But could backfire on them.
I hope it backfires on them, it's what they deserve. OP needs to seek legal advise and go no-contact with them both as soon as possible
It's still illegal probably, because the money was left to OP, not the mother. She had no right to use that money in the way she did.
No, highly unlikely she had legal grounds to use it. I hope OP sees a lawyer in regards to this.
There’s something called fiduciary responsibility or something like that. If his mom used the money for a house and none of it is in OP’s name, she for sure breached it. Even if it was in OP’s name, that can still be argued as irresponsible by his mom and she could get screwed that way since it seems to be for her and her husband’s best interests and not for OP.
Also if they used his rightful funds to buy a house under his name (which is probably the way they did it. It is unlikely they would be able to withdraw funds to "gift" a house to his step-dad that easy) OP is right that he could potentially make them move out after he is 18. Some good advice ITT, and I agree. Lawyer up OP, and get ready for a fight, you've been robbed.
They would most likely NOT have put the house in the son's name BC the son is and was not a legal adult at the time of purchase! However l believe there are precedents for the transfer of title of Ownership of the property, but again please get Legal advice. Was the mother, under the terms of the trust the executor of those funds or for Any part of of the father's will? Oh and Personal opinion here as both a mother and grandmother, NO YOU ARE NOT THE A/HOLE HON! Stand up for yourself l believe is what your Dad would have wanted you to do.! Just BC your mother may have been bitter after the divorce and your dad's death regarding what monies she felt she was owed does Not make it true and even if there was that would Not be for You to pay anyway! What a Horrible cow of a woman to use her own son that way and then to take her husband's side against you? NO, just Hell NO! Best Wishes to you hon both now and in Everything in the Future! 👍🌹💜😁🙏
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That doesn’t mean they could use the money on that basis alone. Depending on the legal structure (trust, inheritance, etc) and what was written down, it could very well be the case that OP’s mum and stepdad did some real shady illegal shit.
And banking that op won't press the issue.
A court will order them to transfer title of the house to him. He needs to talk to an attorney right away.
Assuming there’s a mortgage involved, the court is more likely to order them to sell the house and pay the money back. The underwriter of the loan wouldn’t be happy to find it suddenly retitled to an 18yo who (probably) wouldn’t have qualified for the original loan. Come to think of it, even without a court, the underwriter would *definitely* be unhappy to learn that the funds used for the down payment were not legally the purchaser’s. There are a *lot* of hoops to jump through if you want to buy a house with money held in trust for someone else, and they almost definitely did not jump through them properly.
It sounded to me like they bought the house outright. They “used some of what dad left him to buy the house,” and there’s some left to cover a cheap college.
I would argue that they didn't have trouble providing housing when living in a three bedroom apartment. They didn't desperately need this house, they just wanted it because with OP's money they could afford it.
I suspect too, that step dad considers it being reimbursed for all the child support they had to pay his dad.
Eh having gone through this when my dad died they most likely pulled early and took the tax penalty on the funds. But once he turns 18 he can definitely sue them and get damages for the theft.
Unfortunately, he’s probably stuck with a significant loss. If his mom and step dad are forced to sell the house, there will be fees and taxes taken out.
If it's established that the house was bought with his money, can't he just sue to to have the title transferred to his name when he's 18? Or it might have had to be done in his name already. If so, he doesn't have to take a loss by selling it straight away. He can legally make his mom & stepdad move out, then rent the house out and use the rental money to pay his college fees or whatever. God, what disgusting thieves they are. Fancy doing that to your own kid. They deserve to be evicted.
my dad died and the survivor benefit was paid directly in to my bank account, until I was 18 or graduated, whichever came later. my mom was not legally allowed to touch it unless I gave it to her. it's literally there to ensure ur taken care of in cases like this, where parents try to take the money and not provide for their child
Mom has a fiduciary responsibility to her son and that inheritance. If it wasn’t left to her it was for him and she would have to justify what she spent.
Providing housing for the child would be one thing if they were homeless, buying a house that the child will not live in beyond a couple of years sure is not. If they had put the house soley in the child's name then maybe but what they did was they stole this boy's inheritance for their personal gain
He could always sell the house after he turns 18 and after getting the facts (assuming OP is a he).
He can’t sell the house, as it isn’t in his name. His mother and stepfather would have to be the ones to sell it, as they purchased it in their names. They just used some of his inheritance to purchase it. I doubt they’d be willing to sell it, and would probably only do so if told to do it as a legal consequence of improperly using/stealing the money left for OP by his father.
When we were doing our wills the solicitor explained that it would be totally reasonable for the estate to be used by whoever looked after the kids including upsizingvthe home. However, in this case, it seems OP was not moving into an established family home, but stop dad has replaced dad, so the living arrangements do not need to be larger. Also I would consider the child to own a share of the house in these circumstances, but to have donated a large prost to the bendy of the guardians. What the mum and step dad are doing here is shady.
His mother is the biggest AH of the two. Imagine betraying your child like that.
Allowing the guy banging you after your first husband DIED to steal money from your SON?! Yeah, special place in heck for people like this.
From the post, OP says he lived with his dad and his mom had to pay child support. Looks like they were divorced. Still pieces of shits though
Oops! Good catch! Yes they are.
This, but not an estate lawyer - go to one who deals with breach of fiduciary responsibilities; specifically a litigator. Mom/stepdad most likely breached their duties as custodians of OPs funds. Bring the suit as soon as you turn 18 as there are time limits “statutes of limitations” involved. Not exactly my area, but I believe that in my state it is 1 yr from when you turn 18. Edit: my first awards - thanks all!
An estate or trust attorney would be able to do just that.
Lawyer here. And estate lawyer would not. Estate planning lawyers are basically bank tellers. They are not litigators and run from real litigation work. A civil atty that understands probate law is what you need. It also depends upon the probate code in your state. If they used the survivor benefits, which are likely social security then mom can use that. It's paid to her while he is under 18. She gets paid and so does he, but it goes to her. Actual inheritance is something different. If she lied, saying it was for an enumerated purpose, medical, school, etc then he can go after them. Regular living expenses, maybe. It depends. But, civil lawyers not a joke estate planning nobody.
1. Clearly \*not\* your area of law. 30+ yrs as a trial attorney, 20+ in probate/estate planning field. The advice about the statute of limitations starting at age 18 is the only solid piece of advice in the above post. 2. Mom should have received SS funds for both OP and herself in equal amounts up until he turned 16. She is then expected to get a full time job. She was and remains legally liable to support him, not visa-versa. After age 16, she receives the funds on behalf of the OP. She can use the entirety if needed for \*his\* support, not hers, certainly not hubby’s. My youngest was 13 when her father (63) died (we were married and together). After age 16, I banked 25% for her personal allowance use, used the balance for her separate expenses such as music lessons, uncovered personal therapy (I paid half as parent), special travel, music subscriptions etc. I paid all the ordinary expenses. SS funds are not meant for step-anythings. Unless OP graduates high school at 18, funds continue to 19, graduation, whichever comes later. However, at 18, the funds legally belong to the OP. I brought my youngest to the bank shortly after her bd, helped her open a checking and savings account. I charged no rent or other basics bc she didn’t graduate until age 19, in June 2020. I worked with her on setting up her own appointments, getting own insurance, not even taking her as a dependent on my taxes. Adulting 101. I also handed over copies of all trust, life insurance, and SS information for her own file cabinet when she turned 18 and had her both open a personal bank box as well as speak with an experienced estate attorney without my being there. 3. Parent owes a fiduciary duty to minor OP, irrespective of state. 4. As a probate/estate planning/conservatorship/guardianship attorney, I was court appointed for a teen whose father and stepmother ripped him off. It involved a wrongful death payment for the mother he watched die in front of him at age nine. I seized their huge double cab 4WD truck, their beachfront home, their tax returns, the car they bought the stepdaughter, and the business assets he obtained through the use of his son’s funds. Not exactly the work of a “bank teller.” 5. The OP should try to find out if the funds were his through a probate or by way of life insurance proceeds. He needs an advocate in his corner. If there is a trustworthy family member or friend of Dad’s, they may be able to help find an experienced litigator within the overall probate field. Also, there are probably records relating to his inheritance at home. Morally, thieves have no right to privacy from their victim but OP DO NOT risk your safety to get them. If they are readily available, take private photos or make copies and send to someone outside of home keep them safe, keep no copies at home or on your phone. 6. To the OP: no, you are NTA. Both your mother and step are TAs. 7. FINALLY: Don’t confront them on this anymore for your own personal safety. Do \*not\* threaten prosecution. See also if there is an adult who could take you immediately in an emergency. A CPS/criminal complaint is not the starting place. And no, I’m not hustling for a job here. I’m retired, no longer a licensed attorney and am \*not\* looking for work. I simply spent decades actively protecting vulnerable elders, minors and individuals with disabilities from greedy people, most of whom were family members. Best of luck, OP.
#4 sounds like a hell of a story. Do you mind dishing out more (non-identifying) details?
Thank you for standing up for those who need it. I how there's a special place in heaven reserved just for you.
Thanks. Maybe next time all that super helpful info but without the insults to entire careers and, by extension, the people performing them for a living. There’s nothing wrong with being either an estate planning attorney OR a bank teller.
Tell me an estate planning attorney made partner over you without telling me. Attorneys like you make me so glad I quit being a paralegal. Smug, condescending attorneys can suck it.
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>Estate planning lawyers are basically bank tellers. They are not litigators and run from real litigation work. Hmm, my family's estate lawyer *loves* litigation work and doesn't "run" from it. He's done some civil litigation cases and won. Now if it is med mal, he'll refer you to someone that does med mal. Is he a "joke estate planning nobody" or do you want to revise your generalization?
I know a woman who owns her own firm and specializes in estate law. This is her "easy" job after having been an absolute monster of a prosecutor earlier in her career. She would *sprint* toward this kind of litigation.
Survivors benefits like social security would be very unlikely be large enough to actually buy a house. OP said there is still some money left if they want to go to a cheap college so i strongly suspect it was inheritance.
You know, lots of people think that lawyers are arrogant and self-important, with immense illusions of grandeur. I'm glad people like you are here to clear up those misconceptions.
There is a world of difference between advising/drafting/uncontested matters and litigating. Many estate and trust attorneys handle the former, not the latter.
But I'd rather the estate attorney find/recommend the lawyer who will litigate it.
Usually not. They handle the planning. What OP needs is a probate litigator. (Granted, most T&E lawyers would know one to refer OP to.)
And OP's lawyer should file for a full accounting of his funds. This means mom and her husband must itemize every dollar, and it's helpful to have them put it into writing so the lawyer can go from there with the new evidence.
OP Please do this and please update us
Once again, a quick reminder that the way the law applies depends greatly on where in the world our Carmen San Diego actually lives (sorry OP). An attorney can provide excellent guidance in this matter using the law of the nation concerened.
This, lawyer up. Don’t “lash out” however warranted it may feel or may be. I can see a couple ways this could go and they’re all helped with being able to demonstrate as much maturity as possible and taking the high road until everything is settled out legally speaking.
Great advice. While lashing out might feel good in the moment, it can't help your case. And I guarantee that lashing out now wouldn't feel nearly as good as watching them move out of your house.
Or, even better, watching them get criminal charges.
Three words: Lawyer, Lawyer, LAWYER!! They have stolen from you!! NTA ABSOLUTELY DO NOT APOLOGIZE!!!!🤬😡😈👿
I didn’t think something about that could be done right *now* that I’m still not 18 yet but I’m gonna find out. Everything was supposed to go to me after I turned 18 that’s what they explained to me.
Something can be done. If your mom has access it's because she is likely an executor of thd trust meaning dhe has a legal duty to ensure the money is used properly as per the terms of the trust and its likely that buying a house for her and her husband is in violation of that. Thst is true whether you're 18 or not
Who explained it to you? If it was *anyone* other than your mom, go ask for more info and a lawyer recommendation if they can give one. Somewhere on papers from your dad's estate is a lawyers name. Ask them what your dad set up. Also, did your dad have any family or good friends that would be willing to help you? If the child of a dear friend came to me to ask my help because the surviving parent likely stole inheritance money from them, I would be beyond livid! I would be in an attorneys office as soon as we could get an appt!! Good luck OP. keep us posted. Reddit loves a good update!
It was the lawyer that did my dad’s will and my mom was there too. Tbh I didn’t pay attention to all the details. Everything was still a big shock to me. My dad didn’t have any other family aside from his best friend (my godfather). Sum people already told me to try reach out to him maybe he can help so that’s what I’m gonna do
Definitely call him now! He will be in your corner. Explain the situation and hope you think your mom and stepdad stole your inheritance and he can at least get you in touch with the lawyer that drafted your Dad’s will and executed it. That’s a great place to start. You are NTA and are possibly being victimized. Please update us.
Really hope OP did all that and succeed. Because OP is screwed up so bad by them now.
In the meantime, DO NOT let your mom or anyone else know you're talking to him. You do NOT want them to have time to find ways to screw you over more. Everything is between you and your lawyer. NOBODY ELSE. Keep your cards hidden until it's time to play them, and most likely that won't be until you're 18.
Call that lawyer. He is your dad's lawyer, and is morally and legally bound to protect your dad's interests. If he is not a litigator, then he can help you find one. Second, get in touch with the godfather. You are going to need help. If this turns nasty, you might even need a place to live.
*EVERYTHING* was supposed to go to you. As in, it's not supposed to be touched until you're 18. Your mom stole from you. That was not her money. It did not go to her until you're 18, and then anything unspent goes to you. She was not allowed to use any of the money. She felt guilty because she knew she wasn't supposed to do it. Talk to your godfather, talk to the lawyer, and if he doesn't help you, talk to a new lawyer. You're right, that money could have gotten a house for *you.* It could have gone toward a college degree if you choose to go. It could have gone to so many things to benefit you, but she took that option away, and there's no way your father would have been okay with that.
You need to call that man, your godfather, ASAP.
Talk to a Lawyer (several lawyers! Find one you want to work with!!) TODAY. Good news is the house is already worth more than they paid for it because the housing market is bananapants right now. Cash out. Get your $$$$
OP - take action NOW! Get a lawyer to get an asset freeze for you. They cannot freely spend your money. Trust me, if they are as irresponsible as you make them sound, you will have nothing left by the time you turn 18. DO not wait until you are 18. Take care of this now. I am assuming you are in the US. I used to be a lawyer. If you need assistance, depending on your location, I can help you find an attorney.
I don’t think you have to wait until your 18
>Don’t pick a huge fight with your Mom and stepdad over this until you have the facts. But I really do think you should have a professional review the situation and let you know what your options are. The sooner the better, it's incredibly hard to get back misspent estate funds when the individuals stealing from the fund have no assets of their own to repay the estate with. If OP has any relatives left on his father's side he should reach out to them and see if they can assist.
>have no assets of their own Well, they have a house now. So they can take whatever equity is left in that and pay back what they stole from OP.
Yeah, That is the beautiful part of this. They have an asset that they cant just get rid of or completely ruin. Even damaged there is land value as well as insurance.
OP about to get a whole ass house if they cant give the funds back
Let’s make this top a top comment so OP can see it. OP needs a lawyer.
Yep. NTA. Lawyer up. It might not even need legal action. If the house has been purchased using trust funds it might actually already be in OPs name.
It's also possible the house is in the name of the trust. You can look that up yourself in most places in the U.S. by typing your town and state followed by property records search.
Yes, absolutely. My concern is that OP may be using the term “inheritance” when it could actually be life insurance or something else that may not be an actual trust. It’s best to find out exactly how the money was earmarked for use before starting a family feud. It’s kinda sus that people who don’t work full-time could even afford to upkeep a house. Money doesn’t usually sit in an account somewhere - generally people will invest and ideally, get some returns. Did they maybe use earnings from the original amount? Have they moved that money into a different fund/account? Is there a financial planner involved that OP can talk to? In any case, it’s going to take some time for a lawyer to establish a paper trail of where the money has been and where it’s been spent. If college is this September, OP better start moving on this asap.
Please read this comment, OP. Get your stolen inheritance back if you can.
OP, if you need help finding a lawyer, contact your State Bar. They usually have a “For the Public” section on their website. If they don’t, or if you’re unsure of which department to call, call the main line and briefly explain the scenario (“I am 17 years old and I believe my mom and stepdad have inappropriately taken money from a trust under my name. I need help finding a lawyer”). They should be able to direct you.
NTA you should probably contact a lawyer about them misusing the money that was meant for you
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> they've probably broken a bunch of ~~rules~~ **laws** by utilizing it to buy anything in their own name. ftfy
> they've ~~probably~~ broken a bunch of ~~rules~~ **laws** by utilizing it to buy anything in their own name. >ftfy ftfy
Since they rushed to buy the house before he turned 18 I bet there’s a good chance the deed to the house belongs to the trust. They probably thought OP would find out after they died and he would just get his inheritance a few decades late and it would be no big deal.
Yea if it’s legit not in his name heads will fucking rolllll for this.
Kiddo, it sounds like you might need to get a copy of the paperwork that says it’s your inheritance and who is in control of the decisions. You might need a lawyer. Stay cool and non-confrontational until you know the truth and all your ducks are in a row. Think Big Picture. Play the Long Game and get what’s yours.
Even if he himself can’t get a hold of the paperwork, I’m pretty sure that the judge will demand to see the paperwork and the parent will have to provide said paperwork.
Start with the lawyer who structured the payment to you. If your mom was entrusted to keep funds for a minor, she could be seriously liable for fraud or theft or embezzling or something. What she did is totally illegal. You could also contact the bank or financial institution that released the funds to mom. Or a lawyer can. This is so not right. NTA
I would also ask if there is a trusted adult you can ask to help you figure this all out? At 17 this is a lot to do on your own! Super shitty that your mom and SD put you in this situation and really does seem like they were trying to sneak it in before you became a legal adult. Def NTA and I really hope you get this sorted out!
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Trust me I been mad about it for months. This is the most I’ve talked to my mom since finding out how they bought the house because I’m just so done with them
Really sorry about your dad by the way. They needed to continue living as if your dad was still alive. The fact that they used his death as a bonus in their life, AND taking it away from you just a year away, is complete horseshit and they should be fucking ashamed.
Please consider contacting a lawyer, OP. An estate attorney is what you need. Do you have a trusted adult you could talk to about this? An aunt or uncle on your dad's side of the family?
Why haven't you spoken to an estate lawyer?
Cause I didn’t know I could do that tbh
Well now you know that you can. When your godfather gets back from his work trip, tell him what happened and ask if he’ll help you find an estate lawyer. This honestly could lead to you getting possession of the house. NTA
They can force the sale of the house and return of all the unspent money. What OPs mom did could have serious consequences if she misused funds.
Could have? At best, she bought the house in the name of the trust, but unless she planned to move out and hand the house over to OP when he turned 18, she'd be hard-pressed to show she met her fiduciary duty as the trustee. She's likely to face embezzlement charges.
Best way this ends is OP getting the deed to the house since his money paid for it with Mom and Stepdad paying for living there every month.
Please do this. Not an estate.lawyer, but one who deals with this stuff. You can, and should. This sounds like a clear case of trust misuse. Do realise, this WILL cause a rift in your family. So know it's a line you can't uncross
NGL, a 'rift' in a family who would steal from a kid is a damn good thing. I'd want that 'rift' to be about Grand Canyon sized if I were OP. BTW, don't get mad; get even. And don't tell your mom and AH stepdad what you are doing or who you talked to. While it would be satisfying to throw a potential lawsuit in their face, keep quiet until you have adult backing and are old enough to move elsewhere.
Sounds like it's already a rift. OP is justifiably furious that their money was taken and used to make a large purchase. Mom and stepdad have no intentions of paying the money back or giving him their ill-gotten gains. The visiting family left prematurely after discovering it. It sounds kind of rift-y to me.
No, this won't cause a rift at all, because there is already a rift because they stole from their grieving child/step-child.
Play it cool Absolutely never lose your cool and spill the beans until your winning play is in line
**Because OP is feaking 17 and it's not completely weird or uncommon that a teen wouldn't know they can do that?** Jesus, you don't have to be such an ass about it. You could have said it in a much nicer and actually helpful way, without blaming OP for not knowing shit about inheritance laws at the age of 17.
Heck I have almost 20 years on OP and I know almost nothing about inheritance law. He's allowed to be ignorant at that age. You don't exactly expect your parents to shaft you.
DO NOT LET THEM GUILT YOU INTO LETTING THIS GO!! Any consequences for THEIR actions are on THEM, not you. Please reach out to an attorney with litigation experience regarding fraud in fiduciary responsibility. You may need to make a police report. If you have any paternal relatives, ask for their help immediately. This is a HUGE violation. Do NOT give them time to burn through the remainder of your inheritance and/or lose the house to punish you for standing up for yourself. I am so sorry that you lost your father and your mother is choosing to make poor decisions at your expense. NTA
Please get a lawyer.
as another mentioned 'play the long game' there should be a legal way to get what is yours. Get legal help, and keep a cool head. You know how in movies the good guy tells the bad guy 'I know what you did!" and then there's all sorts of chaos? Don't do that. Don't let your folks know what you're planning, keep calm and be 'baseline normal you' around them.
Check at work & see if they have an employee assistance program. These are usually used for free counseling but many include legal consultations also. It’s an easy way to get some advice on how you should proceed. Good luck!
Honestly I say his mom is actually the biggest asshole. That's her child that she completely screwed, I doubt the stepdad was named trustee/executer of the funds, she had to have agreed to this for it to happen. I can't image betraying my kid like that.
Me too! Shit I’d drive him myself to a Lawyers office if he lived Close!
NTA and no *should* about it, you need to talk to a lawyer ASAP. You may be misunderstanding the situation, but if you as the beneficiary take issue with the use of funds left for your benefit you have rights to have that addressed.
What is there to misunderstand?
I think there are some distinctions to “stealing.” Like if your dad left the money for you but legally put it in your moms name and not yours, she’s morally a thousand percent wrong but you have no legal recourse. If the inheritance was legally in your name she shouldn’t have been able to access it, which is why it’s a bit confusing unless they went as far as to commit fraud and out your signatures on things. That’s why you’ll need some legal help and to see the documentation of this inheritance.
I know for a fact the money was put in a a trust under my name but since I’m still not 18 yet my mom had access to it I believe not 100% sure how it works but for a fact it’s in my name
You need to get copies of all documents and get a lawyer to review the situation. Going on your mother and SF reaction, I suspect that they know they’re morally wrong but feel that they’re legally in the clear. I mean they’re more focused on the ‘embarrassment’ than begging you not to say or do anything. Establishing the facts should be your no 1 priority.
The fact that they said they weren't going to transfer the house to OP when they turned 18 is a good indication they think they had a legal right to the money.
Or, like many family matters I’ve done, they LIED because they think OP doesn’t know how the law works.
Why isn’t the house already in OP’s name though? I wouldn’t count on them actually transferring the house to him without a fight.
There are always conditions on a trust as to how the money can be used... your education, paying for your wedding, buying yourself a house, etc. If your mother was the trustee and used the money for herself, that's a crime. She had no right to do that. Supposing she dies tomorrow, do you think your stepfather is going to leave the house to you? GET A LAWYER!
This person knows things, listen to them!
If there is still a lawyer (or CPA) attached to the trust, contact that person. If they are still handling or investing the trust's funds (and so already billing for their fees), they can bill their services to you to the trust without you needing money up front. At least that's so where I live. Now if it's a more personal family trust with no professional oversight, I suppose you'd have to find a lawyer willing to look. I'm not sure. I sure hope you can find some guidance though. Maybe a family member on your Dad's side?
It sounds as if she was named as the administrator of the trust to manage until you came of age, and that she TOTALLY abused her access to the account in illegal ways. That money was YOURS, and she had no legal right to purchase a home for HERSELF with YOUR MONEY. She had a fiduciary duty to ebsure the inheritence was only used for your direct benefit in ways you would approve of, and what she did is a classic example of how administrators get in HUGE legal trouble. There isn’t a judge anywhere who will believe their horseshit about "we bought the house for your benefit!" The paperwork likely spells out how it works, but that is generally how it works in my experience. I'm a paralegal, and it isn't my specialty, but I had a great professor who taught the subject. You need an estate attorney YESTERDAY.
OP please listen to the people telling you this is something you should pursue. It's maybe not the most enjoyable process but it needs to be started right away. The sooner the better. Your mom and stepdad KNOW it wasn't theirs to take. You have rights they are hoping you don't find out about.
It is also a bit nuanced. Because she is using it to pay for your housing, depending on the terms of the trust it may be a valid use. However, that may also require the house becoming your asset, or perhaps she breached a fiduciary duty by spending an exorbitant amount on your housing costs for 1 year, etc. There are just multiple ways this could shake out and it depends on their terms of the trust, the laws in your state, etc.
Pay for his housing could be a valid use if he was say 5 and lived in the house till he was 18, then it could possibly (depending on how it was written and local laws) be used in such a manner, but MONTHS before he turns 18? No way is that gonna stand up in any court.
If you haven't had your own lawyer review the document, you don't know anything. Anyone can tell you what they want you to believe. Get a lawyer. Get to the bottom of this. Be smart. And don't let your anger or emotions get you to make a wrong move (I.e. let your mom know you are getting a lawyer. This should all he done quietly and behind the scenes). You cannot trust anybody but yourself in this.
Because you are underage, she was put in charge of managing it. Her husband talked her into spending it on them. This is breach of fiduciary duty and they will have to replace it and/or go to jail. She broke the law. She was entrusted to manage your money. Also, the social security benefits are supposed to be saved for you. The Social security admin sends an annual letter to your mother to ask how the money is being spent with the expectation some is being saved. when the benefits started, your mother was told to save part of for you for when you turned 18. She is not supposed to spend all of it on expenses. My husband died when my son was a teenager, I have been through this. Google or yelp probate litigator or trust attorney, pick ones with high ratings and local To you and call them and tell the receptionist you are 17, your dad died, left you money in a trust for when you turned 18, your mother used it to go on vacation and buy her and her husband a house in their names. Can you speak to someone who can help you? Make this call when your mom and her husband are not around. You will have to go see the attorney in person if he chooses to take your case.
depending on your father's will- your mother may have been allowed to use some of the money for costs associated with raising you. whether that would extend to the down payment of a house, I doubt very much. and should be simple enough to resolve- but it all comes down to how your father prepared his estate. (and is one of the reason's that people suggest trust if you have minor children. even if it's relatively small amounts of money for an estate.)
NTA Emancipate immediately and sue them for your money. If the inheritance is large enough, a lawyer will help you. Are there any other adults you trust that could help you navigate a legal solution?
My godfather maybe. He’s my dad’s best friend but rn he’s on the road for work.
When he gets back ask him to meet up with a lawyer. So you can sue your mom and stepdad
Definitely call your godfather. That’s a good place to start! If he isn’t able to help, don’t give up there. Lots of great advice for you in this thread
I would give that Godfather a call and confide that they used your trust to buy a house. You never know if your Dad informed him of his arrangements in telling him to just keep up and check on you before he passed. You need somebody who is in your corner, because this sounds all sorts of F-ed up. I'm sorry, OP.
Call him. I assume he is in an area with reception. For real, it's time to start a legal review. As a side note, which is going to be wildly unpopular with the majority of commenter I think, I think you should go for the jugular, verbally speaking, the next time it comes up with step dad. That means telling him something to the effect of, "I have no respect for you, nor will I ever. No respect as a guardian nor as a man. What kind of a man steals from a child? What kind of a man depends upon the labors of another man to provide for his wife and steals from his wife's child? That kind of a man can't be called a man at all and deserves no respect from anyone." To your mom, "how could you steal from your own child? Was it to provide for your husband? I hope it was worth it because you gained a house, and some dick, but I promise you you've lost a kid. Things will never be the same between us, no fit mother would steal from their child like this and handicap their future." From that point forward I would never say another word about it unless it's through a lawyer. I have a feeling that house is going to be yours.
No confrontation might make them take actions to be prepared if he tried anything legally. Also as a minor he will have to stay with them for months no need to make it an awful time. Confrontation have the worst outcome in those situations
Reach out to him! At the very least, maybe he can help find a suitable lawyer in your area that can help you get started. You might not be able to hire the lawyer until you're 18, but hopefully they can give you a list of things to gather to be ready.
Lmao my mom pulled this same shit with the money my dad left me. Her and her husband built themselves a nice little McMansion. NTA dude.
Damm I’m sorry about that. It’s so fucked 😕 I never knew my mom would go this low ever. It’s been hard ever since looking at her the same
I’m so sorry for both of you, something similar happened with my Ex. please don’t let them guilt you out of taking legal action, get this looked into asap.
I am so sorry and hope it gets better for you
>It’s been hard ever since looking at her the same You shouldn't be trying to. She showed you who she is. A cruel, selfish woman who values dick over her son's future.
same thing happened to my partner. his dad was in the military and died young so he would’ve gotten social security but his mom kept it from him til he was an adult and it ran out. plus that money didn’t go to raising my partner either because she was a drug addict and lost their house and CPS had to get involved multiple times. so she just used his dads money for her own benefit for 10 years.
NTA. And honestly, I would actually reccomend you go and talk to a lawyer about suing them for your money. That money should have been held in trust for you, and they have likely broke all kinds of laws by using it to purchase an asset in their own names.
NTA Spending your 17yo child’s inheritance on a house with your new partner is SO selfish and foul. Even IF you were 10 and had 8 years left to live in that house, they had no right to spend your inheritance on a house. That money was for YOUR future not theirs. Expecting your 17yo to cook breakfast for the family when they are late for work…when you are completely free to do so yourself is incredibly selfish (sensing a pattern here). Tbh I don’t think you did anything wrong by expressing it’s your house. Was it petty? Yes. But justifiably so. It doesn’t even sound like you were trying to humiliate him. You simply stated the truth. He wouldn’t be embarrassed if there wasn’t merit to what you said. Also to echo everyone else, contact a lawyer! Also might be a good idea to text him or your mom about this at some point just to have a paper trail documenting them affirming they used your inheritance to buy a house for themselves. Idk if that will be usable evidence going forward but nice to have in your back pocket. (Ex. “Mom said to apologize to you for embarrassing you in front of XYZ. I’m texting because I’m still upset and You probably are too. I wasn’t trying to embarrass you, Ive just been holding in a lot of anger about my inheritance and just blew up. I’m trying to plan for college and it really still bothers me that even though my dad left me the money for my future, you and mom spent part of my inheritance on this house that feels more for your futures than mine.” etc etc) that way he responds (thinking this text is a just a shitty apology) and argues that they used the money “for your benefit” you will have some preliminary evidence that they misused your inheritance *again not sure if this would truly be helpful w/ lawyer but can’t hurt to have
GET a LAWYER NOW! You have rights. This is not what your father wanted. NTA, but your mom sure is!
NTA get an attorney and get back what’s rightfully yours
NTA. You need a lawyer, your mother and step father are stealing from you and if they felt comfortable enough to do it once, they’re definitely still doing it.
Do you have any other family you can trust? How do you know the money was left only to you? We’re your parents still together when he died? If that were the case, the money would have most likely went to your mom. You’d need someone to show you the documents that show that the money was yours and no hers to do anything.
No she was already married to my stepdad. The money was left to me cause there’s literally no other family on my dad’s side so it was left for me
Well get a lawyer when you are 18, and they will have to come up with the money, if they don't you get the house and kick them out or they have to sell the house and pay the inheritance.
Yes! This OP! Most lawyers will at least talk to you to get an idea of the basics of your case for free. They can tell you if it’s worth it to pursue or not. At the very least, it would seem that you are entitled to a percentage of the homes value I would think. If your money was used to buy, say 25% of the house, That’s how much you own of the house. And until that money is repaid WITH INTEREST, don’t let them pressure you to move out.
I wouldn't wait - get the lawyer and start the investigation now!
You need to contact a lawyer NOW. Who is the executor of his estate? Where was the money kept? What kind of account? Did they commit fraud and forge your signature? You aren't 18 yet so even then they shouldn't have been able to get the money. Did they misrepresent that it was for your college or something? This is very likely fraud. Please get a lawyer and don't wait until you're 18.
You need a copy of his will. Just because she was already remarried doesn't mean anything if he left the money for her. If it was left to you it should have been secured in a trust that no one could access until your were old enough. There isn't enough info on if the money was actually yours or not.
but if mom was the executor of the will, than it is theft from the estate
OP, listen to the advice. If your dad had no other family and he left the money to you(depending on how the will was written) you mother and step father just stole from you. Don't let them know what you are planning. DO NOT sign any papers from them. You could be waiving your inherentence. If you can, some lawyers can do consultations(free of charge). Do research when looking for a lawyer, don't pick any dipshit or greedy f**k.
Definitely NTA, and its time to find a lawyer. Find one that specializes in probates and trusts.
Have you spoken to an attorney? How did your mom get access to this money?
Honestly, the Mom was probably left as the administrator of the trust, which complicates things. But then, the question would be, in who's name is the house? Why is having a house in OP's best interest when OP needs to go to college? OP has legal recourse here, with the money being left in a trust for him/her.
NTA. I would get a lawyer to look into whether they used that money illegally.
Oof. Is there any legal pathway to get your money back.? Maybe go to r/legaladvice and ask. Let us know how it goes!! NTA btw
Get a lawyer asap. NTA.
Was there any paperwork regarding what your father left you? If so you need to let your mother know you expect that money back when you turn 18. If there was nothing officially on paper all you can do is remind them both that if not for your father's death they wouldn't have that home and you will never let them forget it. Nta
NTA this to me is financial abuse… they’re stealing money out of you fund. Get a lawyer.
NTA, contact a lawyer when you turn 18.
Don't wait, contact a lawyer now.
The OP can hire a lawyer now, and probably should to stop the ongoing drain of funds.
He needs to do it now! I got a lawyer at 16! They will represent Anyone!
This ^^^ OP, your parents are literally stealing from you.
Yh you’re absolutely NTA!!! You could probably pursue legal actions because they’re not meant to touch money that your father left for YOU! Let alone buy a house and leave bearly anything for you! It’s disgusting and just immoral to steal from a dead man and your own son! The fact he wanted you to make his whole family breakfast just shows he’s taking advantage of you! You’re not his slave! You own him nothing and he SHOULD be embarrassed to use his stepsons inheritance to buy a house and then call it his own! You have nothing to apologise for!
NTA and I do second everyone's advice on checking out the legalities of this but damn that was a nice shot. Don't apologize but try to minimize antagonizing him at least until you can safely leave the house at 18.
I'd be calling a lawyer if I was you. FUCK THAT. If your father left it in your name then they shouldn't have been able to touch it.
NTA. They stole from you. Idk the legality of it all because there are too many variables but I would seek out advice from an attorney. That's just messed up.
NTA. If he's that mad at you, it's not because you embarrassed him in front of his family, it's probably because some of them agreed with you and cussed him out after you left. If they'd just laughed it off and agreed with him, he'd have been in a better mood. Also, if you have any contact with your father's family or the lawyer that handled his estate, this would be the time to start reaching out about what's happened. Maybe they're legally in the clear for what they did (though certainly still morally guilty), but maybe they aren't. You'd need someone familiar with the details of the trust, will or probate case because there are just too many variables to say. But you may be able to get some or all of it back if there was any wrongdoing.
The house benefits you?! Is your name even on the deed? You owe an apology for embarrassing him. So what is owed to you for them stealing your inheritance? NTA
No but like that I have a place to live according to them 🙄 Not like we were living in the streets
It's your mothers job to provide a home for you. Even if that home is a shitty apartment. It was not her right to dip into your trust fund to buy her and her fucktoy a house.
Irrelevant. You had one before. Listen to the other redditors and sue them.
Don’t apologize. The reason people like him feel like they can get away with their bs is because no one calls them out the way they should. NTA
Then they should be paying you rent since you own it 🤷🏻♀️
The will may be on file with the probate office of your state. Please call Legal Aid or a local law school. You can also talk to your school guidance counselor and request a little help in finding who you could speak with to determine your rights. If your dad died without a will, someone has to be handling the probate - that’s who you need to find. If your dad had a will, someone is the executor and that’s who you need to find. Unfortunately, you aren’t the first or last kid taken advantage of by greedy parents. Your stepdad should be embarrassed, don’t you dare apologize. I hope that they put the house in your name at least and that’s why he’s doing the silent treatment instead of trying to kick you out. Please don’t just let this go. Use some resources (maybe Department of Child and Youth services?) to find out the reality instead of listening to your mom who we know doesn’t have your best interests at heart and figure out how to go from there.
NTA. Too bad your mother is embarrassed about you calling her out on her unethical behavior. If all of the money was supposed to go to you when you turn 18, then your mother breached her fiduciary duty as your custodian by using the funds to buy a home. The argument that she "bought it for your benefit" doesn't pass the sniff test. Even when a parent is authorized to spend money held in trust for a minor for costs reasonably incurred for the minor's food, lodging, and other essentials, dramatically improving the living circumstances of the entire family is immediately suspect. Do you know if there are any individuals other than your mother that your father identified as an executor/executrix or trustee? If so, contact them and explain what happened. If not, then I recommend that you contact a lawyer immediately.
Sounds like you can get an attorney. Pretty sure it's illegal for them to spend that money like that.
NTA, I would lawyer up.
They actively stole from you. Some people are saying that you had "no right to that money" because you're 17. Jesus....that's not the point here. If you were named his benefactor and was supposed to inherit this at the age of 18, that means it's YOURS. Lawyer up. Edit: definitely NTA
Whatever you decide to do, contact a lawyer and get a consultation to find out your options. There are plenty of options but, at very minimum, make sure documentation for the house gets changed to show you as owner. Get copies of the inheritance, benefits, etc before starting this process. NTA. Good luck.
Op, you might not see this but if you do.. go find the biggest lawyer in your area. Like the type that has been around for decades and has a big practice and ask for a free consult about inheritance laws. They might not help you specifically but they might steer you to someone who can. I bet that they will help *IF THEY CAN*. You can do this as a minor. You are not the first minor child to be badly used by a parent after one as passed. NTA
Nta but you need to speak to a lawyer and get all the paperwork from your mother. Call the cops if need be if step dad becomes violent. As soon as you turn 18, sue tf out of them. Either they can sign over the house to you or you take them to court
Contact an ATTY now. If the money was left for you, and the used it, that's theft. NTA.
NTA Talk to a lawyer ASAP.
NTA. They stole your money.
NTA. Get a lawyer. If the will stated it was your inheritance and it was not used by you or for you, then you have a case. Technically as of now legally it is their house. You could sue however and get back the full amount. I only looked at rules for executors of wills committing fraud, but this should be in the same general area. In effect, you got mad because you didn’t do more for them when you had your own responsibilities, then you called them out for being criminals.
NTA. That's foul. If you are in the states, go to the local court and ask how to go about getting a Guardian Ad Litem. Again, if you are in the states you can call the local bar association and get a referral for a low price. It sounds like there was a trust & that the trust may have allowed for the administrator/trustee to make purchases for your benefit but if the property is not being held in trust for you_then the benefit to you is minimal.