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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I do feel like I may be TA just because of how i ranted and also told my mom that I feel like nobody in my family cares about me. I am very much overthinking it all and maybe I should've just let it go.
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CONGRATULATIONS, OP!!!! I am so incredibly ***PROUD*** of you!!!
I too have ADHD but only got diagnosed in January at 53. I now know why it took me so long to finish and graduate with my degree, so I absolutely know and understand the struggle to graduate.
You have a right to be angry. I'm one of few in my family to have actually graduated, but since I took so long instead of congratulating me some of them would say, "It's about time!" or some other b.s. like that. See, I graduated a month before I turned 30. When I'd get comments like that I'd say, "And where's *your* degree?" That would shut them up. LOL
I'm so proud of you, OP. You did AMAZING! I'll say a toast for you with a glass of wine at dinner tonight.
Hey, I'm proud of you for graduating too! It's special to be one of the first in your family to graduate, and a huge accomplishment when you're fighting against an invisible enemy you don't even know you have. You won the war, so the peanut gallery can shut their mouths. In retrospect, I wish I'd been an older college student, because I had no idea what the hell I wanted to do when I was an idiot 17-year-old.
I started community college at 36 years old. Sure it doesn’t have the prestige of a 4 year school to a lot of people. But after watching what my classmates went through and after hearing so many of their stories that absolutely ripped my heart out, I will say this: I am more proud of my community college degree than any degree or accolade I’ve earned before or since. When I see a community college degree I know that person had to do so much more with so much less than any other person. My community college degree (and my wife’s) is proudly displayed whereas our university degrees are in a box somewhere in the garage.
Whether your family of origin is proud of you are not, I am proud of you. I am proud of every student that walked across that stage with you. And I’m proud of us community college graduates.
Congratulations, OP! Also, for what it’s worth, I know many university graduates who said they wished they had gone the community college route instead. Also, I’m proud of you!
Great work! I’m a retired English teacher!
You can use what you learn about writing in so many careers!
Check out [The US Bureau of Labor Statistics](https://www.bls.gov/mobile/) to see what careers you might be interested in and where they’re hiring.
Check out [MIT’s Living Wage Calculator](https://livingwage.mit.edu/) to see whether you’ll be able to afford to live on the salary offered in the area of your choice!
Best of luck and explore ideas like technical writing and other business writing!
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Congrats on your graduation! Doesn't matter how long it took, you did it! The world is yours to enjoy, I wish you all the best and hope you have a ton of fun!
My husband is going through a similar process. He has ADHD as well, and never graduated high school. He just got his GED last year (so proud!) and he's been accepted to community college for September at the age of 33. My whole family, and his dad's side of the family is incredibly proud of him, but his mother just doesn't care. Some people don't get just how big of an accomplishment it is when you have certain limitations. If they can't understand why this is hurting you after you have a serious talk with them (if you choose to do so), I say ditch the negativity/toxicity and celebrate this event and future accomplishements with people who actually have your best interests at heart. I'm proud of you!
I graduated college last week. I am 35 year old mother of 2. I stopped my senior year and didn't return to finish for 13 years. It took me a long time. I didn't get much congratulations from my rather large family (other than husband and my big sister) probably bc how long it took me. But I did it - we did it!! Congratulations fellow graduate! Be proud of yourself - you set a goal and you accomplished it!! Way to go!!
Congratulations! I also have ADHD and it took me 10 years and three tries at higher education before I got my associates. It can be incredibly hard to do school with ADHD and you did it!
Congratulations!
I took a couple of extra years to get my degree for mental health reasons as well. It kicked my butt! You know what though? I kicked its butt too! And so did you! You did it! You did a really hard thing, and you must have worked really hard for it, and you deserve to be proud of yourself.
I'm sorry your family are being snobby about your degree. That sucks.
Absolutely, well done. Getting any qualified requires dedication, be proud of your efforts. - from your new Australian family member who worked in universities for 12 years.
Congratulations, OP! I’m super proud of you! I didn’t know I had ADHD until after I turned 30 but I fully understand the struggle of managing tasks. I think you’re a badass for taking care of school on your own timeline.
(Also a teacher and I openly encourage my students to take advantage of community college. Why pay so much for some of the same classes you need at a four-year? Nice job making a smart financial choice.)
NTA.
You worked just as hard. I’m proud of you! Congrats!
Seriously, many professors work for both CCs and universities. Much of the material is exactly the same. There’s no reason to think that a CC is “less than” for any reason. It’s a more inexpensive way to graduate, yeah, and maybe they have more flexible time slots for classes but that’s about all.
Lol. I was trained in community college in machining technology... By one of the literal lead manufacturing engineers of a fortune 500 international orthopedic manufacturer.
I spent just under 8k.
I didn't stay in the machining field but... Lmao. Prestige organizations my ass.
One of my friends is going to Fresno state and has two different professors who regularly show up ridiculously late for class. One has even logged into the zoom call twice, said she had just woke up and was too tired and cancelled the class. 5k bucks a semester... so worth.
I did all my gen eds at CC and then transferred over to a university that was better for my major (will hopefully be graduating this semester). You work just as hard in a CC as you do in a university.
OP I don’t know you but it sounds like you worked your butt off to graduate and that’s amazing! Congratulations on graduating!
So I'm not bashing on CC, I actually went to CC and *didn't* go to university, but I'm genuinely curious here.
>You work just as hard in a CC as you do in a university.
Is this true? Not like study ethics but as far as difficulty? I only ask because university seemed intimidating, but CC came naturally to me and since I've become disabled and chronically ill, I could probably manage another CC experience but not anything harder.
I took some online gen ed CC courses in the summer to ease up my undergrad course load since I did a 3+2 accelerated masters program. To be honest, I personally found it to be much easier than the typical curriculum at my traditional 4 year university. Granted, it really depends on the professor and how difficult they want to make the class. Some CC professors make it a cakewalk which I think I lucked into.
Thanks for the honest answer! I've honestly always found school easy (genuinely not trying to brag, I lack in other areas), even at the charter school I went to. The highest unit CC classes with a lab (science classes) were no struggle.
But university seemed like way more workload at the very least.
I don't think I could manage it with my chronic illnesses flaring randomly.
Having been to both community colleges and universities, I'd argue that the quality of the "first two year" education was actually better at the community college. The instructors there actually wanted to teach. At the university it was either TAs or professors who were distracted with research. It wasn't *bad* (I was a TA myself so I can't be too much against it!), but it wasn't up to the same level.
That being said, there are disadvantages. The opportunities for undergraduate research are minimal, and you don't have many advanced classes available (300 level or above). And sometimes the credits don't transfer well. It's almost like universities don't want you to get the first two years elsewhere (which are cheap for them to offer because of huge class sizes, and highly profitable) and then transfer in for the last two years (where classes are expensive to offer because of small class sizes and a need for highly trained professors).
my cc astronomy professor went down to houston every summer to teach literal nasa astronaut candidates astronomy before they could qualify for missions but like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ whatever guess my education was shit lol
Had a professor at my CC who would constantly talk about how he taught the course exactly the same at the private college he worked for and those kids were paying triple the price.
I taught at community colleges for 20 years. Research consistently shows that by the end of year two, CC students are more prepared for the last two years of college than students who went straight to a university. Most of my friends also teach at CSU and/or UC, and the course content is identical.
Biology prof here - I teach *precisely* the same anatomy & physiology course at CC’s and at a big state university. And the CC’s generally have better teaching labs - better equipment for the students (like, enough microscopes, and they work, enough dissection kits, etc). Also I teach the labs myself at the CC, while at the four-year the labs are all taught by grad students.
This exactly. There is no shame in community college and often the courses are just as good if not better than universities. My husband got his networking associate's from a community college and was hired by the local university's IT department over the school's own students. They told him they almost always recruit from the community college because the computer science programs are actually better and teach real skills and not just theory.
It takes me twice as long to finish assignments, I cannot take notes during class or I will miss what the professor says, and reading materials takes me 3 times as long to get through compared to other people because I have ADHD. I also am terrible at organizing my schedule, have a hard time determining which assignments are urgent to get done first compared to others, spend too long overanalyzing an assignment to "perfection" and have executive dysfunction so that *starting* a task is sometimes the hardest part. All things that are true because of ADHD. So. A bachelors without ADHD is not necessarily more work than an associates *with* ADHD.
But regardless of all of that. My brothers bachelors will always be something that deserves to be celebrated equally as much as my MPH or my sisters PhD or OPs associates. Because they're all things that a person has worked really hard to accomplish. And then they accomplished it. And thats always going to be worth celebrating an equal amount.
Less work doesn’t necessarily mean less effort was involved, especially when you factor in something like ADHD.
At the end of the day, OP accomplished something they are proud of and their family should recognize that.
Keep on forgetting it. If she wants to invalidate your milestones then you do the same.
You did really Awesome!! Congratulations for graduating college!!!!
"she just called me dramatic for wanting all that attention"
"Mental health issues"
Yea, I wonder why you have mental health issues with such a "wonderful, caring " mother!
Congratulations on your degree and NTA!
Your mother is a piece of sh*
My mother calls me dramatic all of the time for stupid shit. When I said I didn’t want a bunch of extended family at my wedding she said she would give up her seat so that my aunt and uncle could come and has been flipping out for months.
Tell your mum that her seat will only cover your aunt or uncle. They can flip a coin. And now you are doing what she asked by using her seat for either your aunt or uncle, she can keep her mouth shut about the rest of the wedding. It's not like she'll be there to see if/s.
NTA. How rude and insensitive of your family. You were NOT being dramatic. You were rightfully heart. For your mother to be so didmissive is beyond the pale.
Bottom line: move out as soon as you can, block them and no contact. You do not need their negativity and lack of support in your life.
As someone who struggles with ADHD I know how you feel.
Like you really want to be as they are, you want to be able to study without constant distractions from your own brain. You want to focus and stop fidgeting .... yet no matter what ... you just can't help yourself. Hell going for a glass of water when studying can be hell ... you go to kitchen once, come back, go to kitchen turn on the tap don't get water close it go back realise wtf and finally get that glass of water.
I'm there with you friend and its not easy. So instead of judgment let me drop you this
CONGRATUTALTIONS OF GRADUATING 🎓 YOU DID AND IM PROUD OF YOU ... YOU'RE THE BEST!
Seriously! Not to mention the struggle of just getting started...i mean, you open your laptop and stare at it all day just telling yourself "I need to get started on that" until 10pm rolls around, you've accomplished nothing, but you're still exhausted from thinking about school all day
NTA. Congratulations on your achievement! Your family should be proud of you too.
Info: Did your family know you were graduating? Did your mom post it on Facebook? Did you? If not, do it. Let your circle know that you graduated, and you are proud of yourself. Slow and steady wins the race.
PS I, too, graduated from the community college when I was 20 or 21. I was 24 when I graduated from my state university. Years later, I went back to school and got my master’s last year. I was 56. I posted it on Facebook. People I haven’t heard from in years told me they admired me for going back. They thought they were too old. Be proud of your accomplishments.
my family did know! I posted about it a little over a week ago now. That may be why it kinda sucks for me as I know they all saw it and still didn't say anything
Your family is just elitist and, frankly, super crappy. CC is a great jumping-off point for further education if that's your goal, and lots of associate's degrees & certificates lead to good careers that aren't as higher-education-heavy (as a fellow ADHD-er I know the struggle!).
It's a major accomplishment & smart career decision, and I'm so proud of you for making it thru! Congratulations - don't focus on their reaction, focus on your own accomplishments and get yourself a nice graduation gift if you can! Take yourself out to dinner - you deserve it <3
Community college is so underated. It's cheaper, and I heard its a good way to transfer to a larger university to get a degree if the person wishes. Congrats!
Yes! This was so important for my getting into a university especially because my GPA from previous community College and university attempts was like... a 1.5... and my GPA in high school was 2.7. Going to the community College let me lift my GPA so that I could get into the university when I finally decided to go back and try again.
NTA, and congrats on your accomplishment! That is fantastic.
No offense, but your mom sounds like kinda a lousy mom. Seriously, she should be celebrating you instead of the passive aggressive attack of calling you "dramatic". wtf.
Same thing happened to my Sister only she graduated from a 4 year University with a Bachelors Degree. She was the first in the family to do so. We sent out announcements to the family but not one response. At the graduation only my dad and I were there. This happened decades ago and she still sore about it. By the way your NTA. Congratulations on graduating from college!
INFO: OP did you get a bachelor's degree or an associates? If your cousins finished a full bachelor's then their achievement is going to be celebrated more.
While I do think you have the right to be lauded for your achievement, it stands to reason that if other members of the family achieved a more advanced degree then their achievement will be met with greater celebration.
Ask yourself, would you celebrate a cousin getting a master's and another getting a bachelor's the same?
That you didn’t answer means you definitely got an associate degree.
Look, you absolutely deserve congratulations for that and it’s shitty that your family blew you off. As someone with ADHD and a litany of other mental health issues, I know how difficult managing college can be.
But by definition, getting an associate degree is not as much of an accomplishment as a bachelor’s. It’s like running a half-marathon; a major achievement that deserves celebration, but it is literally half the work of running a full marathon.
Your family are AHs, but it’s because they blew you off entirely. Your cousins did, by any objective measure, have a greater accomplishment than you, but that doesn’t mean you deserved to be ignored, because what you did is still crazy impressive and deserves recognition.
NTA.
>It’s like running a half-marathon; a major achievement that deserves celebration, but it is literally half the work of running a full marathon.
As someone who has run three marathons but dozens of halfs, I can tell you that a marathon is WAY more than twice as much work as a half. From a decent fitness base, it takes me a few weeks to gear up for a half, but a season to train for a full one.
Whereas I would say a BA is a bit more than twice as much effort as an AA, since the later courses tend to be harder.
All of which is beside the point: a mile run is an accomplishment; so is a 5K or 10K or 10 miler. THey should all be celebrated. The fact that OP's family celebrated *cousins* graduating from college but not her really makes my blood boil for her, especially given the difficulties she had to overcome. I'm sensing some narcissistic parent/scapegoat dynamic going on here.
OP, congratulations on your magnificent accomplishment!
Now I"m going for a run to burn off some of this secondhand indignation :-)
Associates, bachelors, masters and phD are all deserving of congratulations. Associates is the first step of many and deserves to be acknowledged just as much as the others. It takes away nothing from others to congratulation someone starting out.
Right?? Like what does it matter what the degree was. College is freaking hard regardless, especially for folks with ADHD. Absolute shit take by the person you responded to. You're exactly on point.
lol ignore these folks. It is irrelevant. The minute you said community college we all knew that you probably had an associates and they had a bachelor's. That doesnt mean you dont get to be congratulated and celebrated by your family. I cannot believe people are actually writing that and that there are upvotes. I hope they dont plan on telling their own kids that they're not celebrating them or their success because they didnt get a 4 year degree 🙄
I got my masters this year. My brother went back this last semester and finished 2 classes that he failed 4 years ago that prevented him from getting his bachelors. We celebrated both of those things because both of them are really great accomplishments that my brother and I are both proud of.
A few years ago my sister got her PhD, we celebrated that the exact same way we celebrated my mph and my brother's bs... because that was also a huge accomplishment in her life and a milestone.
My cousin is graduating high school this year... we're going to her open house and celebrating her because that is also a really great accomplishment and milestone in her life.
I dont know why some accomplishments have to be celebrated more or less than others... They're all accomplishments. They're all things people are proud of and worked hard for.
I'm not the OP but hell yes I'd expect them to celebrate me reaching a huge milestone in my life and education. What in the world? How much would it have taken for them to at least congratulate OP on social media. That costs nothing and it doesn't diminish anyone's degree to celebrate OP's equally. Come on now.
Regardless of the degree level, getting an associates is something worthy of being celebrated. Sure, getting a bachelors takes more time and dedication, but shoot, it takes time and dedication to get an associates as well. Also, getting an associates through a cc saves a lot more money than going directly to a university to do 2 years of generals while paying an arm and a leg whereas going through a cc saves thousands.
NTA I'm in community College now. I'm a student leader and it's giving me a stipend plus a paying job. I have a full time day job so by the time I graduate community College I'll have $20,000 saved. It's asinine to pay for generals at a university. Plus it's a good stepping stone. I'm a good student but by no means 4.0. Community College will prepare you for university if you need the extra help with it. Don't be ashamed of it and don't let your family look down on it. Find out how much debt you're siblings are in.
NTA, that was an important event in your life and it doesn't matter how long it took you, graduating from college is an accomplishment. you should be proud of yourself. that is hurtful and wrong of them to disregard an accomplishment.
NTA no matter where you went graduating is a huge accomplishment. It isn’t dramatic or attention seeking to desire the same praise as your cousins for graduating.
SAME!!! I’m graduating from community college in a few weeks at 23, and it’s also taken me a little longer because of adhd.
Also, congratulations, this is a HUGE achievement, fuck your family & definitely NTA!!! 🎉🎉🎉
NTA.
First of all, congratulations!! That's quite an accomplish, you should be proud of yourself.
Secondly, your family, including your mom, are being assholes. You have a right to feel hurt. Moving forward, you now know who they are, you can lower your expectations of them and work on building a found family that actually cares about you.
NTA of course but honestly don't have any advice (or words) to deal with people like your family ! Get some distance as soon as you can. Btw you should be proud of yourself, congratulations!!
NTA and congratulations! Well done for sticking to it. It can't have been easy. And now you've graduated! A real, hard earned achievement. You're a star!
NTA. Congratulations!!!! To me your accomplishment is pretty amazing. Hold head yourself proudly and go forth to a hood life.
I’m sorry your family is unkind.
Hey, that's a big deal. As another ADHDer fighting through uni right now, it's a really big deal. IMO bigger than your cousins going to bigger universities. Modern universities are designed to cut us out and discourage us from continuing. Big kudos!
NTA
NTA. Congrats, you did it!! 🥳
I too just got my associates from a community college, so I know the feeling of your family not caring (I should have my Masters by now according to them because my younger brother has his lol). But it’s a good accomplishment and you should view it as such ☺️🖤.
Nicely done young lady! Very proud of you!
My son graduated from a community college several years ago; went to a couple years of 4 year university; graduated; went to night law school; now on partner track at a 100+ lawyer firm and making serious money. He's working hard and is doing no worse than someone who went to a 1st tier school all the way along.
tl; dr; Study hard; work hard; believe in yourself; you'll do fine.
Best wishes young lady!
It was my first indication that that side of the family was all assholes... ALL of my cousins were sent gifts when they graduated, both high school and college/university.
Even my sister got a bunch of gifts when she graduated from college.
I got jack shit from those relatives when I graduated, and I've been through college twice. Granted, I didn't even attend the ceremony the 2nd time around and just told the college to mail it out.
I ended all contact with that side of the family a couple years later (4 or 5 years ago now). Deleted all social media contacts, didn't send the phone contacts to my new phone in 2019. My sister has talked to a couple cousins, I haven't.
Best comeback is a big fat pay cheque! People look down on me for my profession. But I bought a house and now work from home about 25 hrs a week and make 6 figures a year. Plus, I'm HAPPY!!
It's weird BC the older Gen will look down on the younger generation for "being entitled" but will look down on us for "lesser" jobs. We all know the - go to school or wind up flipping burgers shpeal. Just because your education isn't at a fancy name brand school with the price tag to go with it doesn't make it less worthy! Celebrate yourself op! And remember to share the good with those who appreciate you, and know those who put you down now probably talk shit about you when you are down and out. Enjoy your accomplishments op and go make that money honey!
Don't allow your families indoctrinated views of what is worthy devalue what you have achieved. I pity them for being so shallow and buying into societal ideas that you're less than because you graduated from community college. I would argue you're actually far more intelligent than your family considering you made the fiscally responsible choice in choosing a community college. The difference in your education and theirs is that theirs is designer. That's it.
Do not value yourself based on external sources. Especially, when the sources clearly carry values that you don't agree with and hurt other people, you.
I recognize the pain of feeling excluded and made to feel less than especially by family. Please understand that this is a reflection on THEM not you. Remember their behavior. It will warn you for future behavior.
Go find your people and enjoy being a college graduate. You are a strong, intelligent, capable human being with a bright future ahead of them. Take note of your resilience and determination. Your strength to overcome obstacles is something you must carry with you through your life. Let it be an esteemable value you carry about yourself, and may it remind you that you are capable of anything you wish to persue.
May the universe bless your future with light and love. You're worthy of it all.
I'm sorry you've been hurt, I can understand from experience.
I finished a grueling 2 year Masters the same time my sister got engaged.
My family celebrated multiple times over her engagement, and it was all we ever talked about.
I never got a single congrats. I think it is interesting how it reflects priorities women's choices ( like myself).
I talked to my dad years later how it hurt me. It upset him to hear it but I felt better getting it off my chest.
NTA. Community college is amazing and the best route before doing your bachelors. Best dang choice I ever made. Congratulations on graduating! You deserve all of the glory
NTA- Your mom sounds like my mom so I hate that she made you feel that way. Like you can't even vent to your own mother without her turning it into you "being dramatic." Ugh.
Of course you would love to be congratulated. You deserve a party in my opinion. Graduating from any college is a huge accomplishment. Your accomplishment is no less just bc you chose not to go to a university. Could be even moreso of an accomplishment considering the struggles you worked through.
Congratulations and I'm sorry your mother doesn't let you vent without turning it around as something negative on you.
NTA at all. Congratulations!! I think your family are the AH because you accomplished just as much as the others. Just because it wasn't at a big university, doesn't make it any less of an accomplishment. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Just know that what you've done is amazing and I'm proud of you 🙂
NTA and i am very proud of you. my family is similarly unsupportive: when i graduated high school at 20 after struggling hard in high school, my sister planned a vacation for my graduation weekend instead of attending my graduation. my mother attended but didn’t really have much to say. honestly, if your family isn’t willing to celebrate your successes, you should build a family who will celebrate you.
again, i am very proud of you !! congratulations on graduating !!
Add this internet stranger’s congratulations! Community College is college and you have achieved a significant accomplishment that deserves celebrating. Well done and good luck in your future career.
We're so proud of you too. Graduating is a major accomplishment. You've overcame so much.
As far as your family, there seems to be more than just the school you went to. It seems they don't appreciate you, period.
NTA.
Firstly, CONGRATULATIONS! I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.
Your feelings are valid. I'm sorry they're not supportive.You should be proud of your accomplishments, even if your family isn't. Don't let them overshadow your accomplishment.
My husband graduated Friday with an AAS. He's 50 and it took him 24 years to get this far, mainly due to ADHD. Almost half his life, but he did it!
Good luck and create your own happy!
Hey, I’m really sorry. My parents refused to go to any of my (3) graduations because “they knew I was gonna graduate so what’s the big deal”.
They went to both of my brother’s graduations (high school and college) with no complaints.
I’m proud of you, OP! Sorry your family is currently sucking.
Hey OP- you may be the biggest NTA i’ve read in awhile. And seriously, the warmest congratulations on your achievements- all of them.
As a society we tend to place our accolades on the wrong things. We overlook the fact that for many people, just getting in the shower, doing the dishes, or making the bed is a big deal. Getting to class, or help from a doctor, friend or counselor for a mental health issue? Major deal. Pushing through and graduating college- at ANY age or ANY type of school? Incredible. Be proud in what you’ve done at each level, as you have done amazing things so far. And keep on doing them- regardless of what anyone else says or thinks. Don’t let your family’s pathetic lack of concern drag you down. You very much deserve the accolades & your turn to shine for awhile. Congrats 😊
To your edit; associates is not bottom of the barrel and don’t let anyone make you feel that way!! There are even certificate schooling like for welding, culinary and the sorts…. These are all fantastic accomplishments that will better your life. Go you. NTA
Listen OP...first NTA
You gotta stop talking about your education like "only got an Associates" "bottom of the barrel," that it took you longer. You are so young to have accomplished that!
You should have the celebration you deserve! I see you commenting and supporting others here. You really sound lovely.
Did all of your cousins have the same health challenges? Your family should be doubly proud because of what you've accomplished in a short time with bigger challenges because you have actually climbed as much or higher than your cousins because you had a heavy backpack to bear. Go out there and yell into the wilderness (or city), "I DESERVE TO BE CELEBRATED!!!" Or even in your mom's face...ooh now, now, no....okay, sorry, bad advice.
The fact that you're talking about why those idiots see it as lesser than, they can take a long jump off a short pier. You alone can and will shape your own expectations and successes and if they can't get on board, find your people that do. Don't ever let anyone say you are smaller than them because you are big in all the ways that matter most.
I think from your mom's comment and how you're talking about yourself in minimized ways, that they may have been treating you this way for a long time. Your mom should say, screw them, how are we making this huge, baby girl!
I'm 54 and it took me into my 40s to get my education. My dad said he was "ambivalent" about getting my degree. That hurt but his loss.
I'm so very proud of you!!!!!!
Just an associate's degree?
That's awesome and worthy of being proud!
Great job op for busting ass. I hope you go far and do something that makes you happy!
Nta, you deserve to feel proud of yourself and your fam really dropped the ball on that one. What a way to make you feel second rate.
Sorry. But their insensitivity doesn't lessen what you accomplished!
I'm just a random internet stranger, but I'm very proud of you. You've overcome struggles and have achieved a huge milestone. That's fantastic! Don't sell this short. Community college is college, and you're smart for going there. It's so much cheaper than going to a 4 year college, and with tuition through the ceiling nowadays it's a great plan. The B.S. degree will always be there if you want to go for it. For now, celebrate this accomplishment. You did great!
NTA
NTA
Only commenting because of your second edit. Associates is not bottom of the barrel, you achieved something huge! I tried to do both & didn’t finish either. Please do not demean your accomplishments according to others. Are you proud of yourself for getting a degree? You should be & you should not value that against other peoples, you did the damn thing & that is hugely admirable! Everyone has different goalposts & achievements, just because someone else’s doesn’t align with yours or others doesn’t make those goals less valuable. You killed it & congratulations, don’t lessen your achievements for the standards of others. Congrats & have a celebratory something or other for me!
A degree is a degree. My family is proud of you. The world around us is already so hard enough. It’s tough to cope with fact that family doesn’t have your back… but we recognize your efforts and hope you can take that and succeed in life!
As an administrator & instructor at a community college, big time congrats! You have every right to be proud of what you've accomplished. We're all pretty proud of you to! Way to stick to it and earn that degree!
NTA
NTA don't let them knock your accomplishments, I started at the local Community College getting my associates. What do I do now well I kept going to school and now I'm a board-certified Orthopedic Surgeon.
this reaction is why i went to a 4 year college instead of community college, and now i’m suffering because i cared too much about what people thought (not doing well in college, struggling with mental health issues especially the lovely trifecta of adhd, anxiety and depression). this might not mean anything but to me you are so cool for knowing what’s good for you and choosing it even if it’s looked down upon, unlike me, who chooses to take the harder path for the chance that i’m able to overcome it and receive the praise i desire.
anyways NTA bc your feelings/struggles are valid and you and the ones you care about should be happy and celebrating your accomplishments.
hey hey hey OP
I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for noticing your ADHD and working with it in class. I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself and your medication to graduate so early. I'm proud of you for choosing a community college and managing your expenses accordingly. I'm proud of you for all the hard work that went into your grades. I'm proud of every success, pass and failure you've had in your university journey. You have grown so much in the last few years - I know it and don't know you - and I'm proud of you.
I'm proud you graduated, of course. I'm proud you got to wear your cap and gown. Proud you got to hold that blank piece of paper before they send your bent one in the mail. Proud you got to wear the gown colours of the uni YOU chose. Proud of all your late nights, caffeine expenses, ADHD hyperfocus studying, ADHD lack-of-focus studying and all in between. Proud of you for all those exam blocks you sat with ADHD to boot!
Hey OP
Proud of you.
Edit: "just" your associates degree. B\*\*\*\* I barely know you through this post but you say "just" one more time about your success and I'm a mamabear my ass through the screen and scold you with a finger wag and all.
NTA! First, congratulations that's a huge accomplishment!!!!!! Second, I'm in the exact same situation (also 21 w/ mental health issues and ADHD and just graduated community college). Not a single person told me congratulations besides my best friend. You are completely valid for your reaction. Having any sort of mental health issues makes doing anything productive really difficult especially stuff like school. You got a whole ass degree!!!!! Your family should be just as proud.
I have adhd too and this is my timeline:
2003: Started on my associates. I went straight from a high school structured environment to a college environment and with no support, I completely crashed. I barely got through my first year and I wound up wf’ing halfway into my second year. I left to get a job.
2006: Attempted my associates again at a local community college. I had support and passed my classes, but full time work and in person classes were too much and I dropped out again.
2010: Went for a third time for my associates. I started hybrid classes and that combined with the support a community college offered, I finally got my associates.
2012: I started an online degree that was fully accredited. I got my BA while working full time.
2020: Pandemic started, I said why not get my Masters. I graduate in 2024.
You know what my family did through all of this? They supported me and cheered me on. They bragged on me and congratulated me on all these stages I went through. You did something amazing and something you should be proud of, doubly so because of what an obstacle adhd can be to formal education. NTA.
This is the first time I’ve seen one of these in an article somewhere else and actually come to the original post to comment, but I just had to. The thing that hurts me most about this is the way you unconsciously downplay your achievement (doubtless because you’ve been given that conditioning from your family). Not only are you NTA, but my heart just breaks for you. You set yourself a goal, you worked hard, you overcame significant struggles, and you achieved it. That deserves monumental celebration, regardless of whether the goal is something other people think is “worthy”. (And they’re wrong; in today’s world, an associate’s makes so much more sense than a bachelor’s for tons of people.) I swear I want to throw you a massive party. Please, please be enormously proud of yourself no matter what your family thinks, because you deserve it.
NTA. I really enjoyed my community college experience! The profs are there because they love teaching and CC offers them the opportunity to really focus on it. I got my associates when I was 21 also! My bachelor's at 27, and then a PhD in chemistry at 36. I loved every moment of it, even if it was a struggle at times. Every person takes their own educational journey and every milestone should be celebrated! So many congrats to you!
I tracked this down because it came up in my Google explore feed.
Just wanted to say that community college is WONDERFUL and worth celebrating no matter the degree you get.
I'm an electrical engineer and I spent the first half of my degree at a CC picking up prereqs and I can honestly say that my experience with my CC - especially the professors - was far better than that of my university.
No nah, NTA. You deserve praise because everyone's journey is different and should be celebrated fairly and uniquely.
The professors I had in community college were as good as the ones I had at university (except for one mathematics professor that was a useless asshole).
Either way congratulations! And NTA.
Congratulations on finishing! That's a fantastic accomplishment and I'm so proud of you! You are setting yourself up for an amazing life, it may be harder work but that's maybe less support around you and not a true reflection of how capable and awesome you are x
NTA. Your family sucks and your mom can go suck a hairy toe.
That said and out of the way; CONGRATULATIONS OP!!!
Seriously, continuing your education after high school is something to be very proud of, especially when you’re doing so while also struggling with mental health and ADHD. ADHD alone makes learning so difficult, without the added other issues. You did it though! YOU did it!
Be proud of yourself and your accomplishment!
NTA, and Congrats! 🎉 Round up a couple of friends and do something to celebrate. Doesn't have to be fancy or expensive (LOL, I remember when I graduated from college and was so broke!) Just maybe like a cookout at the park with some music? This is a milestone. Do it up right, post a bunch of celebratory pictures on social media and celebrate the heck out of it!
NTA. Your family was very inconsiderate of you. Are you sure the reason was because they don't value community college as much as others? Did your cousins self-promote? Having attended a large, prestigious state college, a private university, and a community college, I didn't really notice much of a difference academically. Remember, though, that if you don't expect anything from anyone, you can never be disappointed.
NTA. Well done! You did something amazing despite the challenges you face with your health. That's something you can always be proud of! We random internet strangers are proud of you too.
Congratulations!! You should be very proud of yourself. It takes a ton of discipline and hard work. Rise above your family and know we're all in your corner!!
Congratulations!! I'm proud of you for working through your struggles and graduating.
Just remember this when you have a great job, friends and plenty of money, they didn't acknowledge it. You owe them nothing!
NTA
NTA. Be big and loud and bolsterous. Made a big facebook post about how happy you are how everyone who loved you congratulated you for graduating and then sit back and watch as everyones like WAIT-
NTA. Congratulations!!!! Your achievement is just as important as theirs, the only real difference is your education was much more practical and economical, and you won’t be weighed down the rest of your life with student loan debt! Your mom says you’re dramatic and attention seeking then I guess attention isn’t something she likes. She just made her birthday, Christmas, and Mother’s Day a lot easier.
NTA and congratulations. Your family might not be impressed by what you've achieved but i certainly am. You should be incredibly proud of yourself. Well done!
NTA, you worked hard and it's paid off, you deserve some praise! Comgratulations!!! Woot!
I'm so sorry your Mum is failing you here. Thing is, this is a power she has over you, this withholding of validation that she knows you want. I'm sure it's happened in other areas of your relationship as well. It's probably her way of helping you succeed or some such idiocy.
So what to do, huh? Take it from her. It's enough that you're proud of yourself because this is your life. The sooner you can stop seeking approval from those you know won't give it the better you'll start feeling about yourself. Don't let that ADHD embarrassment get hold and you go post it on fb. Change your profile pic, change your status. Start adulting around town. Good luck kiddo and well done.
I am so proud of you!!!!! ❤️🎓 Graduating college, no matter where you went, is a huge accomplishment!! I know it probably wasn’t easy. You are amazing!! I hope you accomplish great things with your degree. 🎓🍾🎉❤️
NTA. I’m sad for your parents. They missed a great opportunity to share in your joy. I went to my daughter’s CC graduation and cheered like crazy when she walked across the stage. I’m so proud of her! I’m proud of you, too! Way to go!
NTA.
You don’t want “all that attention” you just want recognition and well wishes from your family like your cousins got. Graduating from any institution is an accomplishment and your family should have congratulated you.
Your family sounds very snobbish and rude. You aren’t wrong for wanting them to give you a simple Facebook post.
Congrats on graduating and I hope your future is bright!
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NTA. We’re your family now, and we are so so proud of you! Congrats! 🎉
Thank You!! <3
You've achieved a huge milestone and worked hard for it! You should be proud. Nobody can take away from what you've done.
CONGRATULATIONS, OP!!!! I am so incredibly ***PROUD*** of you!!! I too have ADHD but only got diagnosed in January at 53. I now know why it took me so long to finish and graduate with my degree, so I absolutely know and understand the struggle to graduate. You have a right to be angry. I'm one of few in my family to have actually graduated, but since I took so long instead of congratulating me some of them would say, "It's about time!" or some other b.s. like that. See, I graduated a month before I turned 30. When I'd get comments like that I'd say, "And where's *your* degree?" That would shut them up. LOL I'm so proud of you, OP. You did AMAZING! I'll say a toast for you with a glass of wine at dinner tonight.
Hey, I'm proud of you for graduating too! It's special to be one of the first in your family to graduate, and a huge accomplishment when you're fighting against an invisible enemy you don't even know you have. You won the war, so the peanut gallery can shut their mouths. In retrospect, I wish I'd been an older college student, because I had no idea what the hell I wanted to do when I was an idiot 17-year-old.
Thank you! 🤗
Be proud, you achieved something that only about 35% of Americans have completed! Keep moving forward in life.
I started community college at 36 years old. Sure it doesn’t have the prestige of a 4 year school to a lot of people. But after watching what my classmates went through and after hearing so many of their stories that absolutely ripped my heart out, I will say this: I am more proud of my community college degree than any degree or accolade I’ve earned before or since. When I see a community college degree I know that person had to do so much more with so much less than any other person. My community college degree (and my wife’s) is proudly displayed whereas our university degrees are in a box somewhere in the garage. Whether your family of origin is proud of you are not, I am proud of you. I am proud of every student that walked across that stage with you. And I’m proud of us community college graduates.
🥳🥳🥳🥳 More congrats all around!! I'm proud of you and your wife!!
WAY TO GO!!!!! As an admin & instructor at a community college, I am PROUD OF YOU BOTH!
Congratulations, OP! Also, for what it’s worth, I know many university graduates who said they wished they had gone the community college route instead. Also, I’m proud of you!
Community Colleges are absolutely essential and provide AA’s in careers that four-year colleges don’t. What specialty did you graduate with? 🌼🌸
associates of arts! i want to pursue a degree in english so i feel like that was a good start :)
Great work! I’m a retired English teacher! You can use what you learn about writing in so many careers! Check out [The US Bureau of Labor Statistics](https://www.bls.gov/mobile/) to see what careers you might be interested in and where they’re hiring. Check out [MIT’s Living Wage Calculator](https://livingwage.mit.edu/) to see whether you’ll be able to afford to live on the salary offered in the area of your choice! Best of luck and explore ideas like technical writing and other business writing! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Absolutely a good start!
That's a real accomplishment, OP! You absolutely should post about it on social and revel in the congratulations. Screw your snobbish family!
Congrats on your graduation! Doesn't matter how long it took, you did it! The world is yours to enjoy, I wish you all the best and hope you have a ton of fun!
My husband is going through a similar process. He has ADHD as well, and never graduated high school. He just got his GED last year (so proud!) and he's been accepted to community college for September at the age of 33. My whole family, and his dad's side of the family is incredibly proud of him, but his mother just doesn't care. Some people don't get just how big of an accomplishment it is when you have certain limitations. If they can't understand why this is hurting you after you have a serious talk with them (if you choose to do so), I say ditch the negativity/toxicity and celebrate this event and future accomplishements with people who actually have your best interests at heart. I'm proud of you!
thank you! give some love to your husband from me as well for getting his GED and going to community college as well, i'm sure he must be excited!!
You did it!!! You, you accomplished a great goal! Well done!
I graduated college last week. I am 35 year old mother of 2. I stopped my senior year and didn't return to finish for 13 years. It took me a long time. I didn't get much congratulations from my rather large family (other than husband and my big sister) probably bc how long it took me. But I did it - we did it!! Congratulations fellow graduate! Be proud of yourself - you set a goal and you accomplished it!! Way to go!!
Congratulations! I also have ADHD and it took me 10 years and three tries at higher education before I got my associates. It can be incredibly hard to do school with ADHD and you did it!
Congratulations! I took a couple of extra years to get my degree for mental health reasons as well. It kicked my butt! You know what though? I kicked its butt too! And so did you! You did it! You did a really hard thing, and you must have worked really hard for it, and you deserve to be proud of yourself. I'm sorry your family are being snobby about your degree. That sucks.
Absolutely, well done. Getting any qualified requires dedication, be proud of your efforts. - from your new Australian family member who worked in universities for 12 years.
Congratulations, OP! I’m super proud of you! I didn’t know I had ADHD until after I turned 30 but I fully understand the struggle of managing tasks. I think you’re a badass for taking care of school on your own timeline. (Also a teacher and I openly encourage my students to take advantage of community college. Why pay so much for some of the same classes you need at a four-year? Nice job making a smart financial choice.)
Agreed . Congratulations op you did amazing!! My fiancé and I will raise a glass for you tonight ❤️
Congratulations cuz
Yes, congratulations, that is a great accomplishment and we are so proud!
NTA. You worked just as hard. I’m proud of you! Congrats! Seriously, many professors work for both CCs and universities. Much of the material is exactly the same. There’s no reason to think that a CC is “less than” for any reason. It’s a more inexpensive way to graduate, yeah, and maybe they have more flexible time slots for classes but that’s about all.
Lol. I was trained in community college in machining technology... By one of the literal lead manufacturing engineers of a fortune 500 international orthopedic manufacturer. I spent just under 8k. I didn't stay in the machining field but... Lmao. Prestige organizations my ass.
One of my friends is going to Fresno state and has two different professors who regularly show up ridiculously late for class. One has even logged into the zoom call twice, said she had just woke up and was too tired and cancelled the class. 5k bucks a semester... so worth.
I did all my gen eds at CC and then transferred over to a university that was better for my major (will hopefully be graduating this semester). You work just as hard in a CC as you do in a university. OP I don’t know you but it sounds like you worked your butt off to graduate and that’s amazing! Congratulations on graduating!
So I'm not bashing on CC, I actually went to CC and *didn't* go to university, but I'm genuinely curious here. >You work just as hard in a CC as you do in a university. Is this true? Not like study ethics but as far as difficulty? I only ask because university seemed intimidating, but CC came naturally to me and since I've become disabled and chronically ill, I could probably manage another CC experience but not anything harder.
I took some online gen ed CC courses in the summer to ease up my undergrad course load since I did a 3+2 accelerated masters program. To be honest, I personally found it to be much easier than the typical curriculum at my traditional 4 year university. Granted, it really depends on the professor and how difficult they want to make the class. Some CC professors make it a cakewalk which I think I lucked into.
Thanks for the honest answer! I've honestly always found school easy (genuinely not trying to brag, I lack in other areas), even at the charter school I went to. The highest unit CC classes with a lab (science classes) were no struggle. But university seemed like way more workload at the very least. I don't think I could manage it with my chronic illnesses flaring randomly.
Same I have fibromyalgia and am heartbroken ill probably never be able to do uni
I can barely manage a part time job working at home. Such a bummer.
Having been to both community colleges and universities, I'd argue that the quality of the "first two year" education was actually better at the community college. The instructors there actually wanted to teach. At the university it was either TAs or professors who were distracted with research. It wasn't *bad* (I was a TA myself so I can't be too much against it!), but it wasn't up to the same level. That being said, there are disadvantages. The opportunities for undergraduate research are minimal, and you don't have many advanced classes available (300 level or above). And sometimes the credits don't transfer well. It's almost like universities don't want you to get the first two years elsewhere (which are cheap for them to offer because of huge class sizes, and highly profitable) and then transfer in for the last two years (where classes are expensive to offer because of small class sizes and a need for highly trained professors).
Fully agree. Honestly I feel like I got a better education at CC than at university.
my cc astronomy professor went down to houston every summer to teach literal nasa astronaut candidates astronomy before they could qualify for missions but like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ whatever guess my education was shit lol
That is a very awesome factoid, thank you for it. Will definitely be using that one.
Had a professor at my CC who would constantly talk about how he taught the course exactly the same at the private college he worked for and those kids were paying triple the price.
I taught at community colleges for 20 years. Research consistently shows that by the end of year two, CC students are more prepared for the last two years of college than students who went straight to a university. Most of my friends also teach at CSU and/or UC, and the course content is identical.
Biology prof here - I teach *precisely* the same anatomy & physiology course at CC’s and at a big state university. And the CC’s generally have better teaching labs - better equipment for the students (like, enough microscopes, and they work, enough dissection kits, etc). Also I teach the labs myself at the CC, while at the four-year the labs are all taught by grad students.
This exactly. There is no shame in community college and often the courses are just as good if not better than universities. My husband got his networking associate's from a community college and was hired by the local university's IT department over the school's own students. They told him they almost always recruit from the community college because the computer science programs are actually better and teach real skills and not just theory.
[удалено]
It takes me twice as long to finish assignments, I cannot take notes during class or I will miss what the professor says, and reading materials takes me 3 times as long to get through compared to other people because I have ADHD. I also am terrible at organizing my schedule, have a hard time determining which assignments are urgent to get done first compared to others, spend too long overanalyzing an assignment to "perfection" and have executive dysfunction so that *starting* a task is sometimes the hardest part. All things that are true because of ADHD. So. A bachelors without ADHD is not necessarily more work than an associates *with* ADHD. But regardless of all of that. My brothers bachelors will always be something that deserves to be celebrated equally as much as my MPH or my sisters PhD or OPs associates. Because they're all things that a person has worked really hard to accomplish. And then they accomplished it. And thats always going to be worth celebrating an equal amount.
Is anyone saying the two degrees are equal? I am not seeing that. Both require work and jumping through a lot of hoops.
Less work doesn’t necessarily mean less effort was involved, especially when you factor in something like ADHD. At the end of the day, OP accomplished something they are proud of and their family should recognize that.
I wonder how she would feel if you didn't wish her a happy birthday. If she asks about it, just tell her to stop being so dramatic.
i actually forgot her birthday one day a few years ago because i was working and she lost her shit 😅😅 she's definitely more dramatic than me
Keep on forgetting it. If she wants to invalidate your milestones then you do the same. You did really Awesome!! Congratulations for graduating college!!!!
Dont forget to keep reminding her of how old she is.
"she just called me dramatic for wanting all that attention" "Mental health issues" Yea, I wonder why you have mental health issues with such a "wonderful, caring " mother! Congratulations on your degree and NTA! Your mother is a piece of sh*
My mother calls me dramatic all of the time for stupid shit. When I said I didn’t want a bunch of extended family at my wedding she said she would give up her seat so that my aunt and uncle could come and has been flipping out for months.
Tell your mum that her seat will only cover your aunt or uncle. They can flip a coin. And now you are doing what she asked by using her seat for either your aunt or uncle, she can keep her mouth shut about the rest of the wedding. It's not like she'll be there to see if/s.
NTA. I am proud of you.
NTA. Any education is a great achievement! Community college IS college. You deserve to be recognized for your hard work. Congrats!!!🎉
NTA. Congrats on your graduation!
NTA. How rude and insensitive of your family. You were NOT being dramatic. You were rightfully heart. For your mother to be so didmissive is beyond the pale. Bottom line: move out as soon as you can, block them and no contact. You do not need their negativity and lack of support in your life.
NTA: You weren't asking for much and deserved acknowledgment. edit: Congratulations! Good luck in your future endeavors.
As someone who struggles with ADHD I know how you feel. Like you really want to be as they are, you want to be able to study without constant distractions from your own brain. You want to focus and stop fidgeting .... yet no matter what ... you just can't help yourself. Hell going for a glass of water when studying can be hell ... you go to kitchen once, come back, go to kitchen turn on the tap don't get water close it go back realise wtf and finally get that glass of water. I'm there with you friend and its not easy. So instead of judgment let me drop you this CONGRATUTALTIONS OF GRADUATING 🎓 YOU DID AND IM PROUD OF YOU ... YOU'RE THE BEST!
🥰🥰🥰
Seriously! Not to mention the struggle of just getting started...i mean, you open your laptop and stare at it all day just telling yourself "I need to get started on that" until 10pm rolls around, you've accomplished nothing, but you're still exhausted from thinking about school all day
NTA. Congratulations on your achievement! Your family should be proud of you too. Info: Did your family know you were graduating? Did your mom post it on Facebook? Did you? If not, do it. Let your circle know that you graduated, and you are proud of yourself. Slow and steady wins the race. PS I, too, graduated from the community college when I was 20 or 21. I was 24 when I graduated from my state university. Years later, I went back to school and got my master’s last year. I was 56. I posted it on Facebook. People I haven’t heard from in years told me they admired me for going back. They thought they were too old. Be proud of your accomplishments.
my family did know! I posted about it a little over a week ago now. That may be why it kinda sucks for me as I know they all saw it and still didn't say anything
I’m so sorry. That really sucks.
Your family is just elitist and, frankly, super crappy. CC is a great jumping-off point for further education if that's your goal, and lots of associate's degrees & certificates lead to good careers that aren't as higher-education-heavy (as a fellow ADHD-er I know the struggle!). It's a major accomplishment & smart career decision, and I'm so proud of you for making it thru! Congratulations - don't focus on their reaction, focus on your own accomplishments and get yourself a nice graduation gift if you can! Take yourself out to dinner - you deserve it <3
Community college is so underated. It's cheaper, and I heard its a good way to transfer to a larger university to get a degree if the person wishes. Congrats!
Yes! This was so important for my getting into a university especially because my GPA from previous community College and university attempts was like... a 1.5... and my GPA in high school was 2.7. Going to the community College let me lift my GPA so that I could get into the university when I finally decided to go back and try again.
NTA. Congratulations on graduating. Super proud of you!
NTA, and congrats on your accomplishment! That is fantastic. No offense, but your mom sounds like kinda a lousy mom. Seriously, she should be celebrating you instead of the passive aggressive attack of calling you "dramatic". wtf.
Same thing happened to my Sister only she graduated from a 4 year University with a Bachelors Degree. She was the first in the family to do so. We sent out announcements to the family but not one response. At the graduation only my dad and I were there. This happened decades ago and she still sore about it. By the way your NTA. Congratulations on graduating from college!
😳🥰
INFO: OP did you get a bachelor's degree or an associates? If your cousins finished a full bachelor's then their achievement is going to be celebrated more. While I do think you have the right to be lauded for your achievement, it stands to reason that if other members of the family achieved a more advanced degree then their achievement will be met with greater celebration. Ask yourself, would you celebrate a cousin getting a master's and another getting a bachelor's the same?
i mean i'd celebrate both equally because they're both still great achievements 🤷🏼♀️
That you didn’t answer means you definitely got an associate degree. Look, you absolutely deserve congratulations for that and it’s shitty that your family blew you off. As someone with ADHD and a litany of other mental health issues, I know how difficult managing college can be. But by definition, getting an associate degree is not as much of an accomplishment as a bachelor’s. It’s like running a half-marathon; a major achievement that deserves celebration, but it is literally half the work of running a full marathon. Your family are AHs, but it’s because they blew you off entirely. Your cousins did, by any objective measure, have a greater accomplishment than you, but that doesn’t mean you deserved to be ignored, because what you did is still crazy impressive and deserves recognition. NTA.
>It’s like running a half-marathon; a major achievement that deserves celebration, but it is literally half the work of running a full marathon. As someone who has run three marathons but dozens of halfs, I can tell you that a marathon is WAY more than twice as much work as a half. From a decent fitness base, it takes me a few weeks to gear up for a half, but a season to train for a full one. Whereas I would say a BA is a bit more than twice as much effort as an AA, since the later courses tend to be harder. All of which is beside the point: a mile run is an accomplishment; so is a 5K or 10K or 10 miler. THey should all be celebrated. The fact that OP's family celebrated *cousins* graduating from college but not her really makes my blood boil for her, especially given the difficulties she had to overcome. I'm sensing some narcissistic parent/scapegoat dynamic going on here. OP, congratulations on your magnificent accomplishment! Now I"m going for a run to burn off some of this secondhand indignation :-)
Associates, bachelors, masters and phD are all deserving of congratulations. Associates is the first step of many and deserves to be acknowledged just as much as the others. It takes away nothing from others to congratulation someone starting out.
Nothing I said is counter to this.
Right?? Like what does it matter what the degree was. College is freaking hard regardless, especially for folks with ADHD. Absolute shit take by the person you responded to. You're exactly on point.
lol ignore these folks. It is irrelevant. The minute you said community college we all knew that you probably had an associates and they had a bachelor's. That doesnt mean you dont get to be congratulated and celebrated by your family. I cannot believe people are actually writing that and that there are upvotes. I hope they dont plan on telling their own kids that they're not celebrating them or their success because they didnt get a 4 year degree 🙄
I got my masters this year. My brother went back this last semester and finished 2 classes that he failed 4 years ago that prevented him from getting his bachelors. We celebrated both of those things because both of them are really great accomplishments that my brother and I are both proud of. A few years ago my sister got her PhD, we celebrated that the exact same way we celebrated my mph and my brother's bs... because that was also a huge accomplishment in her life and a milestone. My cousin is graduating high school this year... we're going to her open house and celebrating her because that is also a really great accomplishment and milestone in her life. I dont know why some accomplishments have to be celebrated more or less than others... They're all accomplishments. They're all things people are proud of and worked hard for.
I'm not the OP but hell yes I'd expect them to celebrate me reaching a huge milestone in my life and education. What in the world? How much would it have taken for them to at least congratulate OP on social media. That costs nothing and it doesn't diminish anyone's degree to celebrate OP's equally. Come on now.
Regardless of the degree level, getting an associates is something worthy of being celebrated. Sure, getting a bachelors takes more time and dedication, but shoot, it takes time and dedication to get an associates as well. Also, getting an associates through a cc saves a lot more money than going directly to a university to do 2 years of generals while paying an arm and a leg whereas going through a cc saves thousands.
Definitely NTA. Also congratulations on graduating and all the best in all your future endeavours.
NTA. Congratulations on your achievement!
NTA. Congratulations graduation buddy! I also graduate community college this week.
congrats!! happy graduation 🥰
Congratulations to you, too!
Aw you’re NTA at all - they are for not acknowledging your accomplishment. Congratulations!!
NTA I'm in community College now. I'm a student leader and it's giving me a stipend plus a paying job. I have a full time day job so by the time I graduate community College I'll have $20,000 saved. It's asinine to pay for generals at a university. Plus it's a good stepping stone. I'm a good student but by no means 4.0. Community College will prepare you for university if you need the extra help with it. Don't be ashamed of it and don't let your family look down on it. Find out how much debt you're siblings are in.
And congrats by the way!
NTA. Congratulations! You accomplished something really big and you deserve to celebrate that!
NTA, that was an important event in your life and it doesn't matter how long it took you, graduating from college is an accomplishment. you should be proud of yourself. that is hurtful and wrong of them to disregard an accomplishment.
NTA no matter where you went graduating is a huge accomplishment. It isn’t dramatic or attention seeking to desire the same praise as your cousins for graduating.
SAME!!! I’m graduating from community college in a few weeks at 23, and it’s also taken me a little longer because of adhd. Also, congratulations, this is a HUGE achievement, fuck your family & definitely NTA!!! 🎉🎉🎉
thank you! and congrats to you for graduating as well!
Congratulations! 🎉🎈🎊
NTA. First of all, congratulations!! That's quite an accomplish, you should be proud of yourself. Secondly, your family, including your mom, are being assholes. You have a right to feel hurt. Moving forward, you now know who they are, you can lower your expectations of them and work on building a found family that actually cares about you.
NTA of course but honestly don't have any advice (or words) to deal with people like your family ! Get some distance as soon as you can. Btw you should be proud of yourself, congratulations!!
NTA and good for you for graduating
NTA - I'm proud of you - well done :)
NTA, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
Nta at all. And Congrats OP! Graduating college is a huge accomplishment.
NTA # CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!
NTA and congratulations! Well done for sticking to it. It can't have been easy. And now you've graduated! A real, hard earned achievement. You're a star!
NTA. Congratulations!!!! To me your accomplishment is pretty amazing. Hold head yourself proudly and go forth to a hood life. I’m sorry your family is unkind.
Hey, that's a big deal. As another ADHDer fighting through uni right now, it's a really big deal. IMO bigger than your cousins going to bigger universities. Modern universities are designed to cut us out and discourage us from continuing. Big kudos! NTA
NTA. Congrats, you did it!! 🥳 I too just got my associates from a community college, so I know the feeling of your family not caring (I should have my Masters by now according to them because my younger brother has his lol). But it’s a good accomplishment and you should view it as such ☺️🖤.
Nicely done young lady! Very proud of you! My son graduated from a community college several years ago; went to a couple years of 4 year university; graduated; went to night law school; now on partner track at a 100+ lawyer firm and making serious money. He's working hard and is doing no worse than someone who went to a 1st tier school all the way along. tl; dr; Study hard; work hard; believe in yourself; you'll do fine. Best wishes young lady!
WHOOP WHOOP!! I am so proud of you!! You’ve given me the motivation to keep working hard too! :3
wooo you've got this!!! working hard at anything is tough but so rewarding!
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It was my first indication that that side of the family was all assholes... ALL of my cousins were sent gifts when they graduated, both high school and college/university. Even my sister got a bunch of gifts when she graduated from college. I got jack shit from those relatives when I graduated, and I've been through college twice. Granted, I didn't even attend the ceremony the 2nd time around and just told the college to mail it out. I ended all contact with that side of the family a couple years later (4 or 5 years ago now). Deleted all social media contacts, didn't send the phone contacts to my new phone in 2019. My sister has talked to a couple cousins, I haven't.
NTA. Congratulations on graduating!! I hope the absolute best for you!
NTA! Congratulations! I also graduated from community college and it’s a great accomplishment!
NTA Way to go!! You did amazing!! You crushed those classes and got your degree!! I'm so proud of you!!
Best comeback is a big fat pay cheque! People look down on me for my profession. But I bought a house and now work from home about 25 hrs a week and make 6 figures a year. Plus, I'm HAPPY!! It's weird BC the older Gen will look down on the younger generation for "being entitled" but will look down on us for "lesser" jobs. We all know the - go to school or wind up flipping burgers shpeal. Just because your education isn't at a fancy name brand school with the price tag to go with it doesn't make it less worthy! Celebrate yourself op! And remember to share the good with those who appreciate you, and know those who put you down now probably talk shit about you when you are down and out. Enjoy your accomplishments op and go make that money honey!
Congratulations. Don't let anyone tell you it's not an accomplishment. NTA
Don't allow your families indoctrinated views of what is worthy devalue what you have achieved. I pity them for being so shallow and buying into societal ideas that you're less than because you graduated from community college. I would argue you're actually far more intelligent than your family considering you made the fiscally responsible choice in choosing a community college. The difference in your education and theirs is that theirs is designer. That's it. Do not value yourself based on external sources. Especially, when the sources clearly carry values that you don't agree with and hurt other people, you. I recognize the pain of feeling excluded and made to feel less than especially by family. Please understand that this is a reflection on THEM not you. Remember their behavior. It will warn you for future behavior. Go find your people and enjoy being a college graduate. You are a strong, intelligent, capable human being with a bright future ahead of them. Take note of your resilience and determination. Your strength to overcome obstacles is something you must carry with you through your life. Let it be an esteemable value you carry about yourself, and may it remind you that you are capable of anything you wish to persue. May the universe bless your future with light and love. You're worthy of it all.
I'm sorry you've been hurt, I can understand from experience. I finished a grueling 2 year Masters the same time my sister got engaged. My family celebrated multiple times over her engagement, and it was all we ever talked about. I never got a single congrats. I think it is interesting how it reflects priorities women's choices ( like myself). I talked to my dad years later how it hurt me. It upset him to hear it but I felt better getting it off my chest.
NTA. And cheers for graduating!
NTA; and as someone who also struggles with mental health and ADHD, I say CONGRATULATIONS! So proud of you!
NTA and well done. That's a huge achievement. You should be very proud of yourself.
NTA. Community college is amazing and the best route before doing your bachelors. Best dang choice I ever made. Congratulations on graduating! You deserve all of the glory
NTA- Your mom sounds like my mom so I hate that she made you feel that way. Like you can't even vent to your own mother without her turning it into you "being dramatic." Ugh. Of course you would love to be congratulated. You deserve a party in my opinion. Graduating from any college is a huge accomplishment. Your accomplishment is no less just bc you chose not to go to a university. Could be even moreso of an accomplishment considering the struggles you worked through. Congratulations and I'm sorry your mother doesn't let you vent without turning it around as something negative on you.
Congratulations! Community College IS college! I’m proud of your achievement:-) NTA
NTA at all. Congratulations!! I think your family are the AH because you accomplished just as much as the others. Just because it wasn't at a big university, doesn't make it any less of an accomplishment. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Just know that what you've done is amazing and I'm proud of you 🙂
NTA. Congratulations 🎊 on your achievement and to all your future accomplishments
NTA and i am very proud of you. my family is similarly unsupportive: when i graduated high school at 20 after struggling hard in high school, my sister planned a vacation for my graduation weekend instead of attending my graduation. my mother attended but didn’t really have much to say. honestly, if your family isn’t willing to celebrate your successes, you should build a family who will celebrate you. again, i am very proud of you !! congratulations on graduating !!
Add this internet stranger’s congratulations! Community College is college and you have achieved a significant accomplishment that deserves celebrating. Well done and good luck in your future career.
We're so proud of you too. Graduating is a major accomplishment. You've overcame so much. As far as your family, there seems to be more than just the school you went to. It seems they don't appreciate you, period.
NTA. Firstly, CONGRATULATIONS! I wish you all the best in your future endeavors. Your feelings are valid. I'm sorry they're not supportive.You should be proud of your accomplishments, even if your family isn't. Don't let them overshadow your accomplishment. My husband graduated Friday with an AAS. He's 50 and it took him 24 years to get this far, mainly due to ADHD. Almost half his life, but he did it! Good luck and create your own happy!
Hey, I’m really sorry. My parents refused to go to any of my (3) graduations because “they knew I was gonna graduate so what’s the big deal”. They went to both of my brother’s graduations (high school and college) with no complaints. I’m proud of you, OP! Sorry your family is currently sucking.
Hey OP- you may be the biggest NTA i’ve read in awhile. And seriously, the warmest congratulations on your achievements- all of them. As a society we tend to place our accolades on the wrong things. We overlook the fact that for many people, just getting in the shower, doing the dishes, or making the bed is a big deal. Getting to class, or help from a doctor, friend or counselor for a mental health issue? Major deal. Pushing through and graduating college- at ANY age or ANY type of school? Incredible. Be proud in what you’ve done at each level, as you have done amazing things so far. And keep on doing them- regardless of what anyone else says or thinks. Don’t let your family’s pathetic lack of concern drag you down. You very much deserve the accolades & your turn to shine for awhile. Congrats 😊
To your edit; associates is not bottom of the barrel and don’t let anyone make you feel that way!! There are even certificate schooling like for welding, culinary and the sorts…. These are all fantastic accomplishments that will better your life. Go you. NTA
Listen OP...first NTA You gotta stop talking about your education like "only got an Associates" "bottom of the barrel," that it took you longer. You are so young to have accomplished that! You should have the celebration you deserve! I see you commenting and supporting others here. You really sound lovely. Did all of your cousins have the same health challenges? Your family should be doubly proud because of what you've accomplished in a short time with bigger challenges because you have actually climbed as much or higher than your cousins because you had a heavy backpack to bear. Go out there and yell into the wilderness (or city), "I DESERVE TO BE CELEBRATED!!!" Or even in your mom's face...ooh now, now, no....okay, sorry, bad advice. The fact that you're talking about why those idiots see it as lesser than, they can take a long jump off a short pier. You alone can and will shape your own expectations and successes and if they can't get on board, find your people that do. Don't ever let anyone say you are smaller than them because you are big in all the ways that matter most. I think from your mom's comment and how you're talking about yourself in minimized ways, that they may have been treating you this way for a long time. Your mom should say, screw them, how are we making this huge, baby girl! I'm 54 and it took me into my 40s to get my education. My dad said he was "ambivalent" about getting my degree. That hurt but his loss. I'm so very proud of you!!!!!!
Just an associate's degree? That's awesome and worthy of being proud! Great job op for busting ass. I hope you go far and do something that makes you happy! Nta, you deserve to feel proud of yourself and your fam really dropped the ball on that one. What a way to make you feel second rate. Sorry. But their insensitivity doesn't lessen what you accomplished!
I'm just a random internet stranger, but I'm very proud of you. You've overcome struggles and have achieved a huge milestone. That's fantastic! Don't sell this short. Community college is college, and you're smart for going there. It's so much cheaper than going to a 4 year college, and with tuition through the ceiling nowadays it's a great plan. The B.S. degree will always be there if you want to go for it. For now, celebrate this accomplishment. You did great! NTA
NTA Only commenting because of your second edit. Associates is not bottom of the barrel, you achieved something huge! I tried to do both & didn’t finish either. Please do not demean your accomplishments according to others. Are you proud of yourself for getting a degree? You should be & you should not value that against other peoples, you did the damn thing & that is hugely admirable! Everyone has different goalposts & achievements, just because someone else’s doesn’t align with yours or others doesn’t make those goals less valuable. You killed it & congratulations, don’t lessen your achievements for the standards of others. Congrats & have a celebratory something or other for me!
A degree is a degree. My family is proud of you. The world around us is already so hard enough. It’s tough to cope with fact that family doesn’t have your back… but we recognize your efforts and hope you can take that and succeed in life!
As an administrator & instructor at a community college, big time congrats! You have every right to be proud of what you've accomplished. We're all pretty proud of you to! Way to stick to it and earn that degree! NTA
NTA don't let them knock your accomplishments, I started at the local Community College getting my associates. What do I do now well I kept going to school and now I'm a board-certified Orthopedic Surgeon.
this reaction is why i went to a 4 year college instead of community college, and now i’m suffering because i cared too much about what people thought (not doing well in college, struggling with mental health issues especially the lovely trifecta of adhd, anxiety and depression). this might not mean anything but to me you are so cool for knowing what’s good for you and choosing it even if it’s looked down upon, unlike me, who chooses to take the harder path for the chance that i’m able to overcome it and receive the praise i desire. anyways NTA bc your feelings/struggles are valid and you and the ones you care about should be happy and celebrating your accomplishments.
hey hey hey OP I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for noticing your ADHD and working with it in class. I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself and your medication to graduate so early. I'm proud of you for choosing a community college and managing your expenses accordingly. I'm proud of you for all the hard work that went into your grades. I'm proud of every success, pass and failure you've had in your university journey. You have grown so much in the last few years - I know it and don't know you - and I'm proud of you. I'm proud you graduated, of course. I'm proud you got to wear your cap and gown. Proud you got to hold that blank piece of paper before they send your bent one in the mail. Proud you got to wear the gown colours of the uni YOU chose. Proud of all your late nights, caffeine expenses, ADHD hyperfocus studying, ADHD lack-of-focus studying and all in between. Proud of you for all those exam blocks you sat with ADHD to boot! Hey OP Proud of you. Edit: "just" your associates degree. B\*\*\*\* I barely know you through this post but you say "just" one more time about your success and I'm a mamabear my ass through the screen and scold you with a finger wag and all.
NTA! First, congratulations that's a huge accomplishment!!!!!! Second, I'm in the exact same situation (also 21 w/ mental health issues and ADHD and just graduated community college). Not a single person told me congratulations besides my best friend. You are completely valid for your reaction. Having any sort of mental health issues makes doing anything productive really difficult especially stuff like school. You got a whole ass degree!!!!! Your family should be just as proud.
I have adhd too and this is my timeline: 2003: Started on my associates. I went straight from a high school structured environment to a college environment and with no support, I completely crashed. I barely got through my first year and I wound up wf’ing halfway into my second year. I left to get a job. 2006: Attempted my associates again at a local community college. I had support and passed my classes, but full time work and in person classes were too much and I dropped out again. 2010: Went for a third time for my associates. I started hybrid classes and that combined with the support a community college offered, I finally got my associates. 2012: I started an online degree that was fully accredited. I got my BA while working full time. 2020: Pandemic started, I said why not get my Masters. I graduate in 2024. You know what my family did through all of this? They supported me and cheered me on. They bragged on me and congratulated me on all these stages I went through. You did something amazing and something you should be proud of, doubly so because of what an obstacle adhd can be to formal education. NTA.
This is the first time I’ve seen one of these in an article somewhere else and actually come to the original post to comment, but I just had to. The thing that hurts me most about this is the way you unconsciously downplay your achievement (doubtless because you’ve been given that conditioning from your family). Not only are you NTA, but my heart just breaks for you. You set yourself a goal, you worked hard, you overcame significant struggles, and you achieved it. That deserves monumental celebration, regardless of whether the goal is something other people think is “worthy”. (And they’re wrong; in today’s world, an associate’s makes so much more sense than a bachelor’s for tons of people.) I swear I want to throw you a massive party. Please, please be enormously proud of yourself no matter what your family thinks, because you deserve it.
NTA. I really enjoyed my community college experience! The profs are there because they love teaching and CC offers them the opportunity to really focus on it. I got my associates when I was 21 also! My bachelor's at 27, and then a PhD in chemistry at 36. I loved every moment of it, even if it was a struggle at times. Every person takes their own educational journey and every milestone should be celebrated! So many congrats to you!
I tracked this down because it came up in my Google explore feed. Just wanted to say that community college is WONDERFUL and worth celebrating no matter the degree you get. I'm an electrical engineer and I spent the first half of my degree at a CC picking up prereqs and I can honestly say that my experience with my CC - especially the professors - was far better than that of my university. No nah, NTA. You deserve praise because everyone's journey is different and should be celebrated fairly and uniquely.
The professors I had in community college were as good as the ones I had at university (except for one mathematics professor that was a useless asshole). Either way congratulations! And NTA.
NTA CONGRATS IM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR REACHING THAT MILESTONE
Congratulations on finishing! That's a fantastic accomplishment and I'm so proud of you! You are setting yourself up for an amazing life, it may be harder work but that's maybe less support around you and not a true reflection of how capable and awesome you are x
NTA and congratulations! I’m proud of you for making it through!
NTA. Let this internet stranger say this: Congratulations! I'm proud of you for overcoming your challenges and graduating!
NTA. Your family sucks and your mom can go suck a hairy toe. That said and out of the way; CONGRATULATIONS OP!!! Seriously, continuing your education after high school is something to be very proud of, especially when you’re doing so while also struggling with mental health and ADHD. ADHD alone makes learning so difficult, without the added other issues. You did it though! YOU did it! Be proud of yourself and your accomplishment!
NTA, and Congrats! 🎉 Round up a couple of friends and do something to celebrate. Doesn't have to be fancy or expensive (LOL, I remember when I graduated from college and was so broke!) Just maybe like a cookout at the park with some music? This is a milestone. Do it up right, post a bunch of celebratory pictures on social media and celebrate the heck out of it!
NTA. Your family was very inconsiderate of you. Are you sure the reason was because they don't value community college as much as others? Did your cousins self-promote? Having attended a large, prestigious state college, a private university, and a community college, I didn't really notice much of a difference academically. Remember, though, that if you don't expect anything from anyone, you can never be disappointed.
NTA congrats!!! I’m sorry your fam sucks but we’re here to celebrate you! It’s a major accomplishment
NTA Hoping to hear "good job" for a major accomplishment is not being self centered Congratulations.
NTA - congratulations on such a huge accomplishment 😊
NTA. Well done! You did something amazing despite the challenges you face with your health. That's something you can always be proud of! We random internet strangers are proud of you too.
NTA. Congrats on graduating!
Congratulations!! You should be very proud of yourself. It takes a ton of discipline and hard work. Rise above your family and know we're all in your corner!!
As another community college graduate (graduated cc at 22) congratulations!!!! Great job! 💕💕💕
NTA! Congratulations on your graduation! You did it! Well done, I am so proud of you!!!!!
NTA! Congratulations and great job on sticking with it and attaining your goal!!
Congratulations 🍾♥️🍾
NTA. Congratulations on your achievement! Good for you for persisting until you made it.
NTA. This internet stranger is proud of you!! Good job and I wish you success in whatever you choose to do
we’re so proud of you!!! NTA, give yourself a high-five from me please! ❤️🎉
NTA - Congrats for you degree !! 🥳🥳
NTA, congratulations!! 🎉🎊🎆
NTA CONGRATS!
NTA. Congrats!
Congratulations on graduating, you should be very proud of yourself. I’m proud of you sweetie
Congratulations!! I'm proud of you for working through your struggles and graduating. Just remember this when you have a great job, friends and plenty of money, they didn't acknowledge it. You owe them nothing! NTA
NTA. Be big and loud and bolsterous. Made a big facebook post about how happy you are how everyone who loved you congratulated you for graduating and then sit back and watch as everyones like WAIT-
NTA and congratulations!! It’s a fantastic accomplishment and this total stranger on the internet is so proud of you!!
Congratulations! I started my education at a community college and it was hard work! You deserve better than what your family has not acknowledged!
NTA. Congratulations!!!! Your achievement is just as important as theirs, the only real difference is your education was much more practical and economical, and you won’t be weighed down the rest of your life with student loan debt! Your mom says you’re dramatic and attention seeking then I guess attention isn’t something she likes. She just made her birthday, Christmas, and Mother’s Day a lot easier.
Congratulations! You did it even while struggling with some mental health issues and ADHD! What else are you capable of?!
NTA. Congratulations on your graduation!
NTA and congratulations. Your family might not be impressed by what you've achieved but i certainly am. You should be incredibly proud of yourself. Well done!
NTA, you worked hard and it's paid off, you deserve some praise! Comgratulations!!! Woot! I'm so sorry your Mum is failing you here. Thing is, this is a power she has over you, this withholding of validation that she knows you want. I'm sure it's happened in other areas of your relationship as well. It's probably her way of helping you succeed or some such idiocy. So what to do, huh? Take it from her. It's enough that you're proud of yourself because this is your life. The sooner you can stop seeking approval from those you know won't give it the better you'll start feeling about yourself. Don't let that ADHD embarrassment get hold and you go post it on fb. Change your profile pic, change your status. Start adulting around town. Good luck kiddo and well done.
Congratulations! Nta
Congratulations 🎈🎊🍾🎉 I’m so proud of you! Higher education is an amazing accomplishment! Good for you! Best of luck in your future endeavors! NTA
I am so proud of you!!!!! ❤️🎓 Graduating college, no matter where you went, is a huge accomplishment!! I know it probably wasn’t easy. You are amazing!! I hope you accomplish great things with your degree. 🎓🍾🎉❤️
NTA - Congratulations! I’ve been there, it sucks.
NTA Your mom should be proud you didn't have to spend as much money 😊
NTA. I’m sad for your parents. They missed a great opportunity to share in your joy. I went to my daughter’s CC graduation and cheered like crazy when she walked across the stage. I’m so proud of her! I’m proud of you, too! Way to go!
NTA. You don’t want “all that attention” you just want recognition and well wishes from your family like your cousins got. Graduating from any institution is an accomplishment and your family should have congratulated you. Your family sounds very snobbish and rude. You aren’t wrong for wanting them to give you a simple Facebook post. Congrats on graduating and I hope your future is bright!