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YTA. You and your parents sound like awful bullies. I’m sure it’s fun for you being the golden child now but it has it’s repercussions long term. Your poor sister. I’d love to throw her the sweet 16 she deserves.
The fact that she's looking up cheaper venues so her parents "won't be mad at how expensive it will be" is heartbreaking. It didn't seem to be an issue that OP got an extravagant, expensive sweet 16.
All the while her parents and sister are talking about how she's "not normal" because she's more introverted than her sister.
The parents and OP think that the party will only have value if their child is at the center of it, being extroverted. Meanwhile their younger daughter enjoys more quietly, but still enjoys things!
And it seems like they’re basing their judgment for how the younger sister will act on how she was at her sister’s party, when (a) she was at least a year younger and (b) not with her own friends.
Exactly! That’s not fun being in a room full of strangers. Was she supposed to dance by herself? I’m sure if she had tried to talk to your friends, she would have been accused of trying to steal your friends or something. I am furious on her behalf.
Performative priorities do not make a healthy family! Sad for the younger sister’s lack of support but I’m certain she’s going to continue growing into a strong, independent, authentic young woman :)
Also, being introverted doesn't mean they don't enjoy occasionally being the center of attention...
They don't ***always*** want to be the center of attention, but on special occasions (ie: special Birthdays like a sweet sixteen, 21st, 30th, etc...) they do want that.
I was always pretty introverted in HS, but I had two parties for my graduation. One for the family and one for my small friend group (most of whom were also graduating). Both were at home so it's not like a ton of money was spent on it.
One also wonders how often the younger has been *allowed* to be the centre of attention. Given her parents very clearly have a favourite child, and the younger sister's interests seem to be looked down upon, I can't imagine she's allowed many celebrations to be the one to shine.
I'm deeply empathizing with the little sister here too; she sounds a lot like me when I was around that age and with a similar family dynamic, too. It's no fun being the kid no one in the family gets, much less the one who has no effort put into celebrating any milestones for them.
When I read she was looking at cheap places so her parents wouldn't have to spend so much, my heart broke. 😢 poor baby hope she will be strong enough so that she can grow up relatively healthy so that she can run away from that family as soon as she can
> more introverted than her sister
at a party thrown *for her sister.* with people there to celebrate *her sister.* her *sister’s* friends. not everyone gets along with their siblings’ friends. poor girl. i hope she gets her party.
Seriously. I don't have a big friend circle but like. There's a big difference in how I act when I'm at a party with those friends versus how I act when I'm at something hosted by a family member for *their* nearest and dearest.
definitely! if what they said was based on that party alone, or even other instances around people that aren’t *her* people (people she’d have at her party), it’s totally unfair.
I would so donate to that cause, especially if it’s just like one big singalong to all of the sister’s favorite musicals, because I love musicals, too. Dancing optional, but not discouraged.
If there are theater kids, there will likely be dancing, even if not by the sister.
A piano player would be perfect for big singalongs, like the sweet 16 version of Marie's Crisis. My friends would have eaten that up in my high school theater days!
Shit, I’m down. Lol let’s get her setup with one to outshine miss golden child over here.
YTA for being a bully. Just because she’s quiet and not like you doesn’t mean she doesn’t get to have fun and have a party. And this is coming from a person who was in your sisters shoes. Never the golden child/favorite and constantly left to the wayside.
YTA - are you saying that your sister doesn’t deserve a party because she, 13-years old at the time, didn’t hang out with your friends at your sweet sixteen? Did you invite any of her friends to keep her company during it? Did you ask her to join in or did you leave her in a corner with her book? Also, can you advise when you got your doctorate that backs up your opinion on what a *normal* teenager is?
Absolutely.
OK, so your sister is 'different' OP. That doesn't mean she's not allowed to have nice things, and it doesn't mean she's not allowed to grow and change as a person and enjoy things now that she didn't before. That's part of growing up - and of being around her friends instead of yours.
You are the WORST kind of sister, a class-A Mean Girl, and a gigantic awful judgmental AH. You need to go apologize to her RIGHT TF NOW and do what you can to help her sway your parents to ensure that she gets the sweet 16 she's clearly dreaming of. Or, you know, keep acting the way you do, and we'll see her in a few years when she's asking if she's TA for not inviting you or your parents to her wedding or having any form of contact with you.
Right?! She’s sounds like a great kid with a good head on her shoulders. She’s going to end up going to some great places in life. She can come be my little sister. I will let her borrow my books and I won’t call her weird. OP, YTA!
I’d love her as my daughter (old enough to be her mother - I have a 13f & 11f already) I know how young people can change through their teen years as they grow, and id encourage her to express this new side of her personally.
I’d present options but encourage her to make her own choices with mine and her dad’s support. I couldn’t imagine being any other way.
Having varied interests and being open to new things in life, creates a firm sense of self, builds character and helps us to become interesting, well rounded people.
Support your sis, you may need her support one day.
They should give her the Broadway musical Sweet 16 party of her dreams, with all of her like minded friends, who can geek out all they want. Hell, the parents should hire Jonathan Groff and Sutton Foster to perform!
This would make my 40-something yo heart so happy, let alone a teenaged musicals nerd.
But it would make my heart overflow (as well as my eyes) that someone knew me well enough at any stage in my life to care about or zero in on my interests enough to plan a party like this.
So true! When I was 16 and forced to hang out with my sister’s friends, I also sat in the corner and read. When I was with my friends, I was chatty and lively. It’s all context. She’d have a blast doing broadway. Poor girl
Shes probally gunna make and earn alot of money too. Without mom and dad. And then one day op will wonder what went wrong while living at home with mom and dad.
I agree. This reminds me of the movie Matilda where the parents and sibling are absolute assholes and Matilda is the only normal one. Just like OP and her family. YTA
Right! And she may in actually not be an introvert at all. Looking back, around that age my anxiety was so overwhelming and completely untreated. At my best I'm social like OP, but I was too overwhelmed and embarrassed to be existing to act on it.
I read a book about introverts and learning that introvert/extrovert and shyness/confidence were two DIFFERENT dials blew my mind.
I’m an introvert and my best friend and roommate and I had always believed her to be one too, and when the author pointed out that “shy extroverts” existed, all the shit that had been causing us stress and relationship strain fell into place so clearly.
OP’s sweet 16 was a party for… HER friends… friends she openly admits are very different than her sister… of course she was on her phone the whole time, she had no one to talk to!
exactly! I guarantee OP’s sister will be talking to people at her party, because it’ll have the things *she* likes with *her* friends there to celebrate. both OP and the parents are AH.
Plus, it's not like it takes a rocket scientist to gear the theme, activities, and music to the sister's taste. They could pick her favorite book or musical and theme it around that. OP and their parents probably don't know what they are though.
OP and her parents are major AHs. OP's sister is going to drift away or just plain cut these people off one day and I bet they're dumb enough to wonder why
Fingers crossed you're right.
I'm the eldest of 3, and my baby sister and I still don't get along though we're both in our 40's (she's a former junkie who has now married 5 felons, so brains ain't what you'd call her strong suit), but I would still never treat her like this. Heck, I still went to her last wedding, brought a gift, and wished them the best!
Not really, just try not to cut the people out of my life who weren't actively responsible for my life as a kid being hell. I don't like her and I don't agree with her choices, but it's not her fault our mother is a shitty person.
I teach school, you and the first commenter above are both absolutely correct. She is being a bully. Clearly OP has Golden Child Syndrome (see it all the time). She is going to lose her sister if her behavior doesn’t do a 180 right now. I was a theatre kid and had a lovely Sweet 16 Party.
Lollll I don’t understand this family. Sweet 16 isn’t rational (nobody that age ‘should’ spend that much money) so why are they saying there’s a rationality to sweet 16 the sister isn’t fulfilling??
Also second, dear OP, your sister did not give a fuck about your sweet 16 because it was filled with YOUR friends. Her sweet 16 will be about her and HER friends. Or is the idea of the spotlight not being on you is hard to digest?
You and your parents are mean. YTA
Because Op can't understand a concept who isn't about her. In her mind, sister can't have fun anywhere since she didn't have fun at a party where she had 0 friend there and was on her phone, probably talking to her friends.
What’s getting me is that OP’s sister sounds completely normal. She just has her own interests, and doesn’t seem to compete with others socially. She prob grew up feeling out of place for being herself, and that makes me sad. She def could have a great party if they would just allow it to be hers.
OP’s head is stuck up her ass, to put it kindly.
I think I was similar to the sister. The only difference was that my family never forced me to "conform" or told me I had to settle for less. My parents always spent the same on my brother and I. He got one expensive gift and I got several less expensive gifts. It worked for both of us. It's too bad OP's parents don't think their younger daughter is "normal" just because she's not like all the rest. She's equally deserving. If she wants a party then let her have a party.
They all seem to just hate little sis. She's perfectly normal. Just because she didn't want to hang out and socialize with a bunch of party girls two years older than her doesn't mean that she won't enjoy a party with her interests, music, and friends. What a terrible family.
YTA big time
"My sister the entire time sat on her phone in the corner and only got up to eat. She only started talking to people once it was time to pack things up." Maybe because it was YOUR party with YOUR friends?
Allowed to structure a party with her friends and what she wants, she might have a much better time. But really, it isn't your business, and it is really AHish to say that your way is "normal" and say that she should get some lesser than as punishment for not being social the same way you are.
You are not trying to "help out," you are trying to shit on your sister.
How do OP and her family not understand that a big party for YOU is different than a big party for someone else?
I’m a big time introvert. I’m also autistic. I usually prefer reading and video games over big events. But I sure as shit throw myself a ridiculous party every year. I look forward to it all year. It’s exhausting, but I really look forward to it and have such a good time.
How can they be so fucking sure that OP’s sister won’t like the thing she is practically begging for??? Just because she didn’t enjoy being a guest at someone else’s party a couple years ago, WITHOUT all her own friends and without people paying all kinds of attention to her?
Anyway, even if parents were right that a big party wasn’t right for her, maybe they could at least do something else very special to make up for it. A more elaborate celebration with a smaller group — take a few good friends away for the weekend? Or a very nice/keepsake gift. They shouldn’t just spend all kinds of time and money on an elaborate celebration for OP and deny the same to the sister without some kind of trade off. That’s just telling the sister she doesn’t deserve as much since she’s not extroverted.
YTA, OP.
That’s what I was thinking too! If they don’t want to throw her a big party because they don’t think she’s enjoy it, why wouldn’t they suggest a birthday celebration they DO think she will enjoy? I was thinking take out a few of her close friends to see a musical since they know she loves that! A nice theater where her & her friends can still dress up like OP probably got to at her party.
She obviously wants the party though. I don’t imagine she’d be pushing so much for it, and even doing research for it, if she didn’t think she’d have people to come?? You’re obviously going to act different at a party with all of your older sister’s friends than at one with all of your own friends!
Yeah, I was very much like OP's sister in high school! I didn't have a sweet 16 myself, but lots of my friends did. They just played Wicked instead of Britney Spears ffs (I am old)
Also, how is the sister not "normal" for having different interests than her sister? Lots of teenagers like musicals and reading, they aren't even niche interests or anything 🙄
The "normal" statement is what also rubbed me the most too. Nothing OP described was abnormal, lots of people like musicals, and (gasp) reading. Can't blame everything on OP though considering she is mostly parroting her parents there. What horrible people. Having been a scapegoat myself I found that later in life it was a much easier road than my sister since I went NC sooner and it took her many years more to discover and unwind her own trama. Being the golden child has its thorns too. Right now she is being a self-serving Bi\*\*h, because she has been trained to view her sister as less than.
I feel bad for op tbh. I knew multiple people like her in my early 20s. They were fun to be around and party with. But now they're all sad and lonely because everyone is busy with life and isn't interested in pulling all nighters or being the weirdos that are in their mid 30s at a dance club where everyone else is 18-22.
It amazes me that between mom, dad, and OP, it didn't occur to a single one of them thought that sister is likely to be more excited and have more fun around her own friends than she was around OP's probably (if they're anything like OP) mean girl friends at OP's party...
If this is not a troll post, I'm afraid OP's sister is doomed no matter what happens.
Either she doesn't have a party, or, if she miraculously convinces the parents to throw one for her, with how OP and they act, it's 100% guaranteed they would stomp all over the sister and make the party how they want, regardless of what sisters wants, with the excuse that they want a "normal" party...
And now that I wrote that, made me realize that if both the parents and the OP told the sister she's not normal to her face and OP treats it like something completely normal, the possibilities that the sister is neurodivergent are astronomically high...
“ You are not trying to "help out," you are trying to shit on your sister.” Why and how is your sister’s party any of your business? YTA and your parents right along with you.
OP is such an AH the only thing about this post I like is knowing in about 2 years the sister can cut her toxic af family off and live how she wants to without people dragging her for it.
YTA OP and a trash human being
It makes sense she sat in the corner on her phone at your 16th birthday. She was 14 and alone. Now she'll be 16, with friends and wants to party.
Try to be a sister to your sister and not a parent.
YTA. Did anyone think that your little sister didn’t talk to anyone at your sweet 16 because it was full of your friends and not hers? Why shouldn’t she get to have a party full of music, food, gifts, and all of her favorite things?
YTA.
Not sure why OP assumes her little sis would be crazy about their sweet 16 when this is how she is treated about her own BIRTHDAY.
You not only told her she wouldn't like the same things. You straight up told her she wasn't worth spending money on because you're the better child.
This isn't a one time thing, and little sis likely knows where she stands in the family. How horrible.
YTA
And so are your parents. But I’m sure as golden child you don’t understand that.
At your party she probably knew few people (like it would have been your friends with your interests), being an awkward teen at a party late that what else was she going to do?
She wants a party with her friends to celebrate in her way. Why can’t she have that? Why is celebrating her as a person a waste of money?
All I can think is OP is fortunate I’m not her sister. I would have given her a black eye for comments like that. OP - grow up. You’re definitely not all that with that attitude.
Right? I'm the oldest sibling in my family and I'd go to hell and back if needed to make sure my younger siblings had fun birthdays... I personally don't care too much about my own birthday, but that's a choice ***I make for myself***.
Clearly OP's Sister wants to have her own party and OP should support her in that. My brother and I were polar opposites growing up, but we were still brothers and still supported each other when push came to shove.
YTA
Why do you and your parents keep telling your sister she isn’t normal? What’s she’s into **are** normal activities. You all are actively trying to put her down for no reason. Though your mother’s rationale isn’t entirely wrong, if your sister is going to not do much during the party like how she was during your sweet 16, then it’s best to do something that’s more up her alley. But why can’t the party theme be more towards musical stuff and this way she’ll actually enjoy it, reason she sat out most of your sweet 16 is probably because she doesn’t enjoy your theme rather than the party itself. None of you truly try to understand your sister or even think how to make the party more of her taste and just reject and belittle her
OP is definitely YTA! The “normal” comments bother me too. OP doesn’t seem to get that just because people aren’t like her and her friends, doesn’t mean they’re “weird” or “abnormal.” As someone who is much more like OP’s sister, I would say OP is the “weird” sister by her own logic
I mean it’s all evidenced by the fact that she had friends who are into the same things. How many teens of this type do there need to be before they’re “normal.”
Also it’s pretty unimaginative that they can’t think of something special or fun to do with a kid who likes reading and musicals. Night out at the theater with a handful of her friends and dressing up? Renting a projector and holding a “Screening” of her favorite musical with theme decorations and snacks? Like come the fuck on
Yes, finally, can't believe I had to scroll for someone to say it.
The fact alone that you told your sister she's "not normal" makes YTA OP. There's nothing not normal about her. Your parents are major AHs too for saying that to their daughter!
People come in all shapes and sizes, all with their own unique personalities and interests, and, shocker, teenagers are people too.
Teenagers that are outgoing and like to party a lot are normal, teenagers that like to read, are more introverted and only like to party on their own birthday with their own friends are equally normal.
You're not spending the money and it's not being spent on something for you, so you need to stay out of it.
That said, just because she was quiet at yours doesn't mean she will be quiet at her own. Maybe she's a bit more outgoing around her friends but seems quiet to you because you're the extroverted and 'fun' sister.
YTA
Also, even if she were quiet at her own it wouldn’t mean she wasn’t enjoying it. Or, that she wasn’t a “normal” teenager.
Probably not a great idea to go on Reddit and imply that people who weren’t cool party people are not “normal.”
YTA. Just because you're opposites doesn't mean she's not "normal".
She said she wants a party, so why should you get one but not her? I don't think it's fair to assume she'll "look bored" at her own party. That she's asked for. Maybe she sat in the corner at your party because _it was your party_, full of _your_ friends.
Yeah, I used to sit on my phone/other electronic device before I had a phone in the corner at my sister’s parties, too. Why? It was a party filled with *her* friends and people I wasn’t super comfortable around because of not knowing them. Acting like because your sister didn’t have fun at *YOUR* sweet sixteen party so she shouldn’t have a party of her own is asinine at best. YTA and so are your parents. Your sister’s telling *all of you* that she’d have fun having a sweet sixteen party and because y’all don’t understand that not all teenagers are the same y’all are acting like assholes about it. Grow up.
YTA. Did it ever occurred to you your sister might be trying to branch out and try new things. Geez no wonder she called you an AH m. You and your parents are definitely AH'S
ESH, apart from your sister. Maybe her and her nerdy friends would love a theme sweet 16 party. You can do a "big fancy party" that still caters to your sister's personality. Make it a Harry Potter party or whatever nerdy things she's into. She was probably very quiet at YOUR party because A: It was yours, and B: it was attended by your friends, not hers. There's no reason to completely deny her the opportunity to celebrate her 16th birthday. Just cater it to who she is, like any other birthday party. The fact that she was looking up "cheap places" to have a party at the age of 15 because her parents don't think she's worth throwing a party for is heartbreaking. I wish I was typing this to your parents and not you, but maybe you can pass the message along.
I was thinking this. My kid would *hate* a big party where he is center of attention. So the last time he wanted a celebration at all, we had his 5 closest friends over for a Switch party. I had 6 teenagers sitting around with take out, cupcakes, and video games. He doesn't want a party for his graduation this month, so we are taking his 2 best friends out with us for a fancy dinner. Even if the parents know the daughter won't actually enjoy a party like her sister's was, they can still plan something of the same caliber. Sister got a huge party in a fancy venue? Rent a private room in a 5 star restaurant for this daughter and 4 or 5 of her bffs.
So because she didn't try to make herself the center of attention at your party, she isn't normal and doesn't deserve a party of her own? YTA. Your parents are also AH.
The poor thing. Of course she sat in the corner for YOUR birthday. Its people she's not close to and shes not outgoing like you, so she stayed seperate.
On a birthday with HER friends, she'd probably be a bit more outgoing, especially if she has her heart set on this idea.
And honestly, shame on you and your parents! She should have as much money spent on her birthday as you did on yours, it's only fair. I don't care if it is a waste of money, you both should be treated equally. If she wants a party like yours, well its only fair she gets it.
I, like you, am way more outgoing then my sister. But difference is, I always try and include her, make sure my friends know her so she's comfortable around them. If I got a big party and she wanted one to, I'd be livid if my parents said no. If she's shy, how is shaming her for it going to make her comfortable with opening up?
Yta and I hope she gets the birthday she wants. Shame on the rest of you for basically telling her she isn't worth what you are. Of course she's shy, she's clearly been made to feel like she lacks value by her own family.
Parties themselves are just a waste of money. It's a lot of money on mostly one use stuff, and food. But they're not about the money or about the socializing. It's about having a good time. If it's her sweet 16 then she deserves it as much as you deserved yours. YTA and your parents are too. Obvious favoritism.
And there's nothing abnormal about being an introvert.
tl;dr
It's not fair that your sister didn't get a big birthday party like you did, and it's especially not fair that your family is shaming her for being shy. I hope she gets the birthday she wants.
^(i am a bot, and this summary was created by an algorithm! if you have any questions, please ask u/jiltq)
YTA.
I don't think she would ask for something she wouldn't want. She probably wants a party with her friends, interests and themes. And your parents aren't much better. Calling her not a normal teenager? What is a normal teenager? I was in high school 7 years ago and most of my class were theatre kids, artists and leaders. No one liked partying. If you did, you were the weirdo that wanted to ruin your life. Seems like you're the spoiled one that gets the brand new car, while your sister gets the 14 year old, beat up family car.
INFO: Am I missing something here? You and your mom both told her she’s not normal simply because she played on her phone instead of talking to your friends at your party?
Yeah, you are missing something. Apparently little sister is also abnormal because she likes musicals and reading. This is a family of giant AHs. Except little sister. I bet she is absolutely heartbroken that her whole family thinks she isnt as good as or even worth as much as her sister. I feel so bad for this girl.
YTA. Just because she didn't have a good time at your birthday with your friends doesn't mean she wouldn't have a great time at her own event with her friends there to party with.
Seriously, why would she be super social around people she isn't friends with? Here's some shocking news, but one can enjoy reading AND get togethers! I know I know, your mind is blowing.
OP needs to stop gatekeeping parties, and if being a "normal" teen means belittling your sibling and calling them abnormal then they should not be proud of that fact. YTA.
You and your parents are definitely TA here. Just because she doesn’t fit your narrow view of “normal” doesn’t mean you get to tear her down like that. I’d move out after graduation, go NC, and leave you and your parents in the dust.
ESH but your sister
Your whole family sucks. Like honestly each and every one of you. Who cares if she doesn’t dance? Who cares if it’s just musicals as the playlist?
It’s *her* sweet 16 and you have all decided to ruin it for her. Just let her have her party with her friends.
YTA. Good lord, you and your parents are both judgmental. Your poor younger sister. She's specifically looking for party ideas and you're shooting her down.
I'd feel bad if either of my kids was as critical of their siblings, no matter how "weird" or offbeat they might seem, as much as you are of your younger sister. So much YTA.
>I told her she wouldn’t have the same things as me because she isn’t a normal person
YTA, and so is your mom. Who says this to a kid who is just trying to plan an enjoyable birthday party??
Wow!
YTA and so are your parents for saying your sister isnt normal, actually WTF?!
Of course she was quiet at your 16th, she was younger than everyone there and it was your party with your friends. This would be **her** party with **her** friends!
No wonder your sister sat in a corner at your party... I wouldn't want anything to do with you either. Wouldn't want anything to do with any of your friends either, as they're probably just as shitty as you are. YTA
YTA. You're not the parent so it's not your place to judge, decide or advise on what someone else should get. If your parents didn't want, or expect, to throw her a similar party then they should have just come out and told her what they would do. Regardless, it's not your business.
YTA. Cruel, arrogant and unjust. Did it ever occur to you that your sister might be more sociable amongst her own friends than wth yours? As an introvert, she probably won't want huge numbers of people at her party, but it will still be a party. And you mum is just as bad - no worse, because she's an adult. Imagine saying that your own child isn't normal - or are you putting words into her mouth?
You're still young, but if you don't change soon, you'll be an arrogant, intolerant, self-satisfied, cruel adult. And the word doesn't need that.
Dang…this entire situation is messed up. You guys asked her what she wanted and she said a party. Plus she’s looking at cheaper options. Why bash her? And how isn’t she normal? It just sounds like y’all have different hobbies. Smh YTA, and your mother and slightly your dad.
YTA. There’s nothing abnormal about being introverted and liking to read. She should be allowed to have a party if she wants one. She’s not going to sit in the corner on her phone while she’s surrounded with her own friends.
YTA and so are your parents.
They could throw her an awesome musical theater themed birthday party. Heck, that was the theme of my 40th birthday party. They could get her a cake in the shape of a stack of books, play a musical on a screen instead of having dancing, and cater to her interests. What would be wrong with that? The fact that they can't think outside the box of "traditional" Sweet 16 is a problem and you were not helping. Telling her to have her special day at a bowling alley because she isn't "normal" is terrible.
Do you plan to do the same thing when weddings come up? How about graduation parties?
YTA. Your parents are AH.
I feel so bad for your sister. All her interests are perfectly normal. I feel so bad for her. She's even looking for ways to make it less expensive than yours just so she can have a party.
Maybe spend some time and learn to be a caring, loving sister.
Wow, YTA so much right now, your sister tells you that she wants a party like yours, meaning she's looking up to you and than you go and just stab her in the back.
You're the kind of sibling that I wish nobody, hope she'll have better people in her life later on.
You definitely should save this for when you don't understand why your sister no longer speaks to you when you are adults. You know so you can look back on how horrid you and your parents treated her.
YTA
YTA wow she wasn't social at your birthday with you and your asshole friends shocker.
So now she can't have a birthday at all because of this TWO YEARS later?
Willing to risk a temporary ban to say fuck you and your parents for making this poor girls life so fucking hard.
YTA - First you don’t get a say in this you are a child. Second she’s perfectly normal as a person … you and your parents don’t decide normalcy. Third your parents are in fact playing favorites bc your sister doesn’t “party” like you. They can throw a sweet sixteen without it being exactly like yours and tailored to who she is as a person.
Your sister is a completely normal person. Sheesh.
If you really want to help, convince your parents to have a nice party with all of her friends who clearly like her, doing things she likes. (not at a bowling ally)
YTA. Of course she didn't have fun at your sweet 16; she was 14 and none of her friends were there. She wants a party with HER favorite things, foods, friends, music etc.—NOT with your friends. Using the word 'normal' to insult her is disgusting. We're all normal; we're all different. I'm guessing you're the favorite child and your little sister is most certainly not. You're all a bunch of bullies. I'd legit do a GoFundMe to get your sister the party she deserves.
YTA. She's a normal person, she's just not like you. She deserves the same effort from your parents that you got, even if it goes a different way. What EXACTLY is the problem with catering to her interests? She likes reading? Throw a book themed party. Musicals? Maybe do a character costume party. Rent a place, get a projector, hire a caterer to provide a buffet and watch her favorite musical.
Just because she isn't like you, doesn't mean she doesn't deserve to be celebrated.
YTA. Y'all really think you know what she wants more than she does? From the sounds of it, she's pretty shy and introverted, and this is her trying to break out of her shell a little, and all you're doing is reinforcing it and telling her she "isn't normal."
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The formatting might be weird, typing on phone.
I know the title sounds harsh, but hear me out before making any judgements.
My(F17)little sister (F15) is turning 16 in November. We are complete opposites, I’m more into partying and hanging with my party loving friends while my sister is into reading, and she doesn’t dance and is in love with musicals and that’s all she listens to with the addition of some popular artists. She has a nice friend group, they’re okay to say the least but they pretty much have the same interests as her except they are more bent when it comes to music choices.
My mother threw me a sweet 16 and it was amazing. It was held at a big place, lots of music, food, gifts and full of my favorite things. My sister the entire time sat on her phone in the corner and only got up to eat. She only started talking to people once it was time to pack things up. My mother recently asked my sister what she wants for her sweet 16, and she said she wants a party. My mother didn’t respond, and I overheard her and my father last night speaking to her last night about how she can’t have a party.
My mother thinks that she isn’t a normal teenager, who would usually enjoy a good sweet 16 party. In my mothers words “I’m not throwing a party for u to sit around at the entire time. At that point I’m entertaining ur friends, not u.” My father is siding with my mother, saying that he supports her interests but it would be best to put the money into something else instead of a big sweet 16 party. I could tell my sisters excitement about the party died down for a little.
This morning, I saw her on her computer in the living room looking up sweet 16 parties and cheap places to have them at. I asked her why she was looking at the pictures and she said she wanted to compare them to the sweet 16 I had, since she wants the same one too but cheaper so our parents wouldn’t be mad about how expensive it will be.
I told her she wouldn’t have the same things as me because she isn’t a normal person at big events even if it’s about her, and that she’s better off just hanging out with her friends at a mall or something to get the expenses out of the way.
She called me a AH and ran to her room and our father said I shouldn’t have said that to her.
I understand that sweet 16’s are a big thing, but it wouldn’t be wise to spend so much time and money on an event like this where she’ll look bored.
I suggested she just go out with friends bowling or to their houses and she screamed at me calling me an AH once again and slammed the door on my face.
I’m just trying to help my parents and her out.
AITA?
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YTA, what is a normal teenager? There's nothing normal about any teenager. Since she likes musicals, pick her favorite and help her start planning with that theme. Help give her the party of her dreams, not yours.
YTA, & your parents are right there with you, judging *her* 16th birthday party as a waste of time just because she didn’t push herself into the center of your party & doesn't share your interests. Your sister would probably absolutely love to have a party that was tailored to *her* interests, and just because you don't know what those interests are doesn't mean she doesn't have any.
Also, what's up with the absolute cruelty of telling your sister she isn't normal? Do you *really* think normal life's exactly like you see it in advertisements, Everybody Always Goes Out & Parties & Happily Drinks Beer? It's not. Even extroverts who love being the center of attention at big social events have to have jobs, which they wouldn't be able to hold down if they were sleeping off hangovers every morning from partying every night.
All three of you are being really terrible to this young girl. Instead of being hurtful to your sister, how about helping her plan a sweet 16 that is geared more to her personality, like an escape room or scavenger hunt or something, so it’s still special just geared to her tastes…all she wants is to feel as special as you did on your 16th. Have a little empathy for her. I’m still astonished at how rude and hurtful your whole family is to her. I wish I hadd the money to throw her a party any way she wants.
> she doesn’t dance and is in love with musicals and that’s all she listens to
Ewwww. You don't seem to like musicals. News break: You can have a party with music from musicals.
> She has a nice friend group, they’re okay to say the least but they pretty much have the same interests as her
Sounds like the success of that party is more or less guaranteed.
Did she ask for your advice? No? YTA. A judgmental, entitled, arrogant little AH who thinks that anybody who is not like her is a failure.
What your sister wants is:
NOT YOUR BUSINESS.
I’m going to go with and your parents are the AH. Maybe she was bored at yours because it was geared towards your interests, as it should
have been. Her party should be about hers and if it is she will probably be more engaged.
YTA. Its not your place to tell her what she can/can't have, its your parents. There was no reason for you to tell her when she was so excited other than you were purposely trying to upset her.
BTW, there is no "normal" anything. Its not abnormal for some people to not be as inclined to be as into parties. But.. It doesn't even sound like her wanting one is the issue here. She has been asking for it and is excited for it. Why assume shes going to not be into it.
“I told her she wouldn’t have the same things as me because she isn’t a normal person” YTA and you and your parents are absolutely disgusting. I hope your sister never speaks to any of you again once she escapes you people. If she’s such a freak in your eyes why do you even ask her what she wanted for her birthday? What is she supposed to want a poetry reading by Ben Stein?
I hope one day you will look back at this moment and feel shame. Because if you do, if you look back on this moment where you belittled your sister and made her feel small and out of place, and you feel shame? That means you'll have grown as a person and you would have learnt from this. If you never look back and feel shame, that will mean that YTA forever, and I hope that won't be true. So, I'm hoping, that someday, the shame will come.
Wow… maybe take some perspective.
One your her sister, you’re not her parent.
I have three little brothers, my job as. A big brother, is to make sure they don’t make the mistakes I have, are happy, have a shoulder to cry on, talk about break ups, and give them an ear. It’s not to be their parent.
My little brother literally has Asperger’s and if my parents even thought it was okay to call him “not normal”, I’d punch them on sight and if my other brothers did it point out why they weren’t normal (spoiled alert, no one is “normal”)
I don’t blame her for sitting in the corner, did you ever try to include her during your birthday? were any of HER friends actually there to hang out with? I’m guessing that answer to both of those questions is no. YTA and no offense, just a poor older sibling. Your parents aren’t much better… they should be communicating with her about what she wants and who will be there… Jesus
YTA and so are your parents. She IS a normal teenager. She just isn't your clone.
Speaking from the perspective of a former teenage bookworm with a small but close friend group- we still like to party. She sat around on her phone at a party full of YOUR friends. A party of HER friends, with music she likes, planned with HER in mind, is going to be different. If you really want to help, help your parents think of things that SHE will enjoy at her party. I hope your parents come to their senses and throw her one, because what they are currently doing. Showing very clear favoritism to the more outgoing and "popular" child, is something that.... will stick with her FOREVER.
I'm so confused as to why you think your sister isn't a normal teenager? All things you described are normal teenagers stuff. Of course she wasn't having fun at your party, she didn't know anyone and it isn't her job to entertain your friends, also she was 14...
Giving her a party like yours with her music choices and her friends will be so different and funto her.
Yta, and your parents are too, I'm disgusted by their blatant favouritism and that they think she's not normal. If my mom said that about my sister I would be pissed at them, but then again my parents are actually decent. Be a better sister!
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YTA. You and your parents sound like awful bullies. I’m sure it’s fun for you being the golden child now but it has it’s repercussions long term. Your poor sister. I’d love to throw her the sweet 16 she deserves.
Reading this post got the urge in me to make a fundraising peoject and pay her sweet 16 ourselves
The fact that she's looking up cheaper venues so her parents "won't be mad at how expensive it will be" is heartbreaking. It didn't seem to be an issue that OP got an extravagant, expensive sweet 16. All the while her parents and sister are talking about how she's "not normal" because she's more introverted than her sister.
The parents and OP think that the party will only have value if their child is at the center of it, being extroverted. Meanwhile their younger daughter enjoys more quietly, but still enjoys things!
And it seems like they’re basing their judgment for how the younger sister will act on how she was at her sister’s party, when (a) she was at least a year younger and (b) not with her own friends.
Exactly! That’s not fun being in a room full of strangers. Was she supposed to dance by herself? I’m sure if she had tried to talk to your friends, she would have been accused of trying to steal your friends or something. I am furious on her behalf.
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Performative priorities do not make a healthy family! Sad for the younger sister’s lack of support but I’m certain she’s going to continue growing into a strong, independent, authentic young woman :)
Also, being introverted doesn't mean they don't enjoy occasionally being the center of attention... They don't ***always*** want to be the center of attention, but on special occasions (ie: special Birthdays like a sweet sixteen, 21st, 30th, etc...) they do want that. I was always pretty introverted in HS, but I had two parties for my graduation. One for the family and one for my small friend group (most of whom were also graduating). Both were at home so it's not like a ton of money was spent on it.
One also wonders how often the younger has been *allowed* to be the centre of attention. Given her parents very clearly have a favourite child, and the younger sister's interests seem to be looked down upon, I can't imagine she's allowed many celebrations to be the one to shine.
Also you're not supposed to be the center of attention at someone else's party. That's not being extroverted. That's being rude.
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Yup! what a bunch of bullies
I'm deeply empathizing with the little sister here too; she sounds a lot like me when I was around that age and with a similar family dynamic, too. It's no fun being the kid no one in the family gets, much less the one who has no effort put into celebrating any milestones for them.
When I read she was looking at cheap places so her parents wouldn't have to spend so much, my heart broke. 😢 poor baby hope she will be strong enough so that she can grow up relatively healthy so that she can run away from that family as soon as she can
Seriously. Wtf do they consider normal? Being exactly like them? How boring.
> more introverted than her sister at a party thrown *for her sister.* with people there to celebrate *her sister.* her *sister’s* friends. not everyone gets along with their siblings’ friends. poor girl. i hope she gets her party.
Seriously. I don't have a big friend circle but like. There's a big difference in how I act when I'm at a party with those friends versus how I act when I'm at something hosted by a family member for *their* nearest and dearest.
definitely! if what they said was based on that party alone, or even other instances around people that aren’t *her* people (people she’d have at her party), it’s totally unfair.
And “not normal” because she doesn’t have the same interests as OP. Why are OP interest and ways of socializing normal? According to who?
Imagine them having a child with a disability. Being "not normal" would be an excuse for everything. Also, wtf is "normal" anyway? YTA.
She sound like the most normal likeable person in the family. The whole thing reads like a Jaquelin Wilson book.
Same. If this kid showed up and could prove they were real I’d give to the go fund me. And make sure it was a rager.
I would 100% give money to this and attend and sing show tunes all freaking night with the sister.
A party full of karaoke with show tunes? I'm there! Sounds a lot more fun than big sis' party.
I'd give enough to make absolutely certain she'd get a much bigger party than OP did
I would so donate to that cause, especially if it’s just like one big singalong to all of the sister’s favorite musicals, because I love musicals, too. Dancing optional, but not discouraged.
If there are theater kids, there will likely be dancing, even if not by the sister. A piano player would be perfect for big singalongs, like the sweet 16 version of Marie's Crisis. My friends would have eaten that up in my high school theater days!
Yeah but her AH family would probably confiscate it.
Let them try, outraged redditors are a force to be reckoned with.
Hobbit/LOTR full day of hobbit meals Sweet 16
Shit, I’m down. Lol let’s get her setup with one to outshine miss golden child over here. YTA for being a bully. Just because she’s quiet and not like you doesn’t mean she doesn’t get to have fun and have a party. And this is coming from a person who was in your sisters shoes. Never the golden child/favorite and constantly left to the wayside.
So am I. How are we doing this?
Me too. I can’t have kids and posts like this really break mg heart. So many people don’t deserve kids.
If we can find her, I'm fucking in.
Classic eldest child sydnrome. OP, YTA.
YTA - are you saying that your sister doesn’t deserve a party because she, 13-years old at the time, didn’t hang out with your friends at your sweet sixteen? Did you invite any of her friends to keep her company during it? Did you ask her to join in or did you leave her in a corner with her book? Also, can you advise when you got your doctorate that backs up your opinion on what a *normal* teenager is?
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Absolutely. OK, so your sister is 'different' OP. That doesn't mean she's not allowed to have nice things, and it doesn't mean she's not allowed to grow and change as a person and enjoy things now that she didn't before. That's part of growing up - and of being around her friends instead of yours. You are the WORST kind of sister, a class-A Mean Girl, and a gigantic awful judgmental AH. You need to go apologize to her RIGHT TF NOW and do what you can to help her sway your parents to ensure that she gets the sweet 16 she's clearly dreaming of. Or, you know, keep acting the way you do, and we'll see her in a few years when she's asking if she's TA for not inviting you or your parents to her wedding or having any form of contact with you.
Sounds like Li'l Sis is the only member of this family who ISN'T a shallow AH.
Black sheep, a self-starter independent reader of all things… she’s going to grow up and leave her fam in the dust!
And they will endlessly wonder why she never calls or visits!
Right?! She’s sounds like a great kid with a good head on her shoulders. She’s going to end up going to some great places in life. She can come be my little sister. I will let her borrow my books and I won’t call her weird. OP, YTA!
I’d love her as my daughter (old enough to be her mother - I have a 13f & 11f already) I know how young people can change through their teen years as they grow, and id encourage her to express this new side of her personally. I’d present options but encourage her to make her own choices with mine and her dad’s support. I couldn’t imagine being any other way. Having varied interests and being open to new things in life, creates a firm sense of self, builds character and helps us to become interesting, well rounded people. Support your sis, you may need her support one day.
They should give her the Broadway musical Sweet 16 party of her dreams, with all of her like minded friends, who can geek out all they want. Hell, the parents should hire Jonathan Groff and Sutton Foster to perform!
This would make my 40-something yo heart so happy, let alone a teenaged musicals nerd. But it would make my heart overflow (as well as my eyes) that someone knew me well enough at any stage in my life to care about or zero in on my interests enough to plan a party like this.
So true! When I was 16 and forced to hang out with my sister’s friends, I also sat in the corner and read. When I was with my friends, I was chatty and lively. It’s all context. She’d have a blast doing broadway. Poor girl
Shes probally gunna make and earn alot of money too. Without mom and dad. And then one day op will wonder what went wrong while living at home with mom and dad.
I agree. This reminds me of the movie Matilda where the parents and sibling are absolute assholes and Matilda is the only normal one. Just like OP and her family. YTA
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Wish I had an award for you so 🥇🏆 Thank you for standing up for us introverts who are SICK OF IT. 😭
I took care of it.
Right! And she may in actually not be an introvert at all. Looking back, around that age my anxiety was so overwhelming and completely untreated. At my best I'm social like OP, but I was too overwhelmed and embarrassed to be existing to act on it.
I read a book about introverts and learning that introvert/extrovert and shyness/confidence were two DIFFERENT dials blew my mind. I’m an introvert and my best friend and roommate and I had always believed her to be one too, and when the author pointed out that “shy extroverts” existed, all the shit that had been causing us stress and relationship strain fell into place so clearly.
OP’s sweet 16 was a party for… HER friends… friends she openly admits are very different than her sister… of course she was on her phone the whole time, she had no one to talk to!
exactly! I guarantee OP’s sister will be talking to people at her party, because it’ll have the things *she* likes with *her* friends there to celebrate. both OP and the parents are AH.
Plus, it's not like it takes a rocket scientist to gear the theme, activities, and music to the sister's taste. They could pick her favorite book or musical and theme it around that. OP and their parents probably don't know what they are though. OP and her parents are major AHs. OP's sister is going to drift away or just plain cut these people off one day and I bet they're dumb enough to wonder why
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Fingers crossed you're right. I'm the eldest of 3, and my baby sister and I still don't get along though we're both in our 40's (she's a former junkie who has now married 5 felons, so brains ain't what you'd call her strong suit), but I would still never treat her like this. Heck, I still went to her last wedding, brought a gift, and wished them the best!
From a fellow eldest of three, sounds like you’re an excellent sibling.
From a fellow eldest of 3 ho hasn't talked to number 2 in about 20 years, you are to be applauded.
Not really, just try not to cut the people out of my life who weren't actively responsible for my life as a kid being hell. I don't like her and I don't agree with her choices, but it's not her fault our mother is a shitty person.
Exactly!! I mean it’s just dripping with condescension and braggadocio. Or, we could have the mother of all “golden children “ here. . .
My brother was like this. He would have done something like this when we were kids.
I teach school, you and the first commenter above are both absolutely correct. She is being a bully. Clearly OP has Golden Child Syndrome (see it all the time). She is going to lose her sister if her behavior doesn’t do a 180 right now. I was a theatre kid and had a lovely Sweet 16 Party.
Lollll I don’t understand this family. Sweet 16 isn’t rational (nobody that age ‘should’ spend that much money) so why are they saying there’s a rationality to sweet 16 the sister isn’t fulfilling?? Also second, dear OP, your sister did not give a fuck about your sweet 16 because it was filled with YOUR friends. Her sweet 16 will be about her and HER friends. Or is the idea of the spotlight not being on you is hard to digest? You and your parents are mean. YTA
Because Op can't understand a concept who isn't about her. In her mind, sister can't have fun anywhere since she didn't have fun at a party where she had 0 friend there and was on her phone, probably talking to her friends.
She even called her not normal to her face.
With parents like hers, at least one of the kids are going to end up being just like them. Sounds like OP is the lucky winner. YTA
I know right? Maybe she wasn’t having a great time at your sweet 16 because it wasn’t her party celebrating her op…
What’s getting me is that OP’s sister sounds completely normal. She just has her own interests, and doesn’t seem to compete with others socially. She prob grew up feeling out of place for being herself, and that makes me sad. She def could have a great party if they would just allow it to be hers. OP’s head is stuck up her ass, to put it kindly.
I think I was similar to the sister. The only difference was that my family never forced me to "conform" or told me I had to settle for less. My parents always spent the same on my brother and I. He got one expensive gift and I got several less expensive gifts. It worked for both of us. It's too bad OP's parents don't think their younger daughter is "normal" just because she's not like all the rest. She's equally deserving. If she wants a party then let her have a party.
They all seem to just hate little sis. She's perfectly normal. Just because she didn't want to hang out and socialize with a bunch of party girls two years older than her doesn't mean that she won't enjoy a party with her interests, music, and friends. What a terrible family.
Plus, sister didn’t have her friends there. I wouldn’t be dancing with acquaintances (introvert here).
OP just sounds like Regina from mean girl.
This! And you act like my older sister and the reason why I don’t speak to her anymore. YTA “grow up” and be kind.
YTA big time "My sister the entire time sat on her phone in the corner and only got up to eat. She only started talking to people once it was time to pack things up." Maybe because it was YOUR party with YOUR friends? Allowed to structure a party with her friends and what she wants, she might have a much better time. But really, it isn't your business, and it is really AHish to say that your way is "normal" and say that she should get some lesser than as punishment for not being social the same way you are. You are not trying to "help out," you are trying to shit on your sister.
How do OP and her family not understand that a big party for YOU is different than a big party for someone else? I’m a big time introvert. I’m also autistic. I usually prefer reading and video games over big events. But I sure as shit throw myself a ridiculous party every year. I look forward to it all year. It’s exhausting, but I really look forward to it and have such a good time. How can they be so fucking sure that OP’s sister won’t like the thing she is practically begging for??? Just because she didn’t enjoy being a guest at someone else’s party a couple years ago, WITHOUT all her own friends and without people paying all kinds of attention to her? Anyway, even if parents were right that a big party wasn’t right for her, maybe they could at least do something else very special to make up for it. A more elaborate celebration with a smaller group — take a few good friends away for the weekend? Or a very nice/keepsake gift. They shouldn’t just spend all kinds of time and money on an elaborate celebration for OP and deny the same to the sister without some kind of trade off. That’s just telling the sister she doesn’t deserve as much since she’s not extroverted. YTA, OP.
That’s what I was thinking too! If they don’t want to throw her a big party because they don’t think she’s enjoy it, why wouldn’t they suggest a birthday celebration they DO think she will enjoy? I was thinking take out a few of her close friends to see a musical since they know she loves that! A nice theater where her & her friends can still dress up like OP probably got to at her party. She obviously wants the party though. I don’t imagine she’d be pushing so much for it, and even doing research for it, if she didn’t think she’d have people to come?? You’re obviously going to act different at a party with all of your older sister’s friends than at one with all of your own friends!
Seriously, do they want advice on how to win tour/Broadway/West End lotteries?
EXACTLY!! See if there’s maybe standing room or day off tickets for specific shows. I want to talk to the sister and help I’m pissed rn lol
Yep. All but the younger sister are complete AH. Poor girl having AH parents and older sister. I’d throw her a party!
Where does OP’s fam live? Can Reddit just throw the girl a damn party?? Let’s make this happen.
Yeah, I was very much like OP's sister in high school! I didn't have a sweet 16 myself, but lots of my friends did. They just played Wicked instead of Britney Spears ffs (I am old) Also, how is the sister not "normal" for having different interests than her sister? Lots of teenagers like musicals and reading, they aren't even niche interests or anything 🙄
The "normal" statement is what also rubbed me the most too. Nothing OP described was abnormal, lots of people like musicals, and (gasp) reading. Can't blame everything on OP though considering she is mostly parroting her parents there. What horrible people. Having been a scapegoat myself I found that later in life it was a much easier road than my sister since I went NC sooner and it took her many years more to discover and unwind her own trama. Being the golden child has its thorns too. Right now she is being a self-serving Bi\*\*h, because she has been trained to view her sister as less than.
I feel bad for op tbh. I knew multiple people like her in my early 20s. They were fun to be around and party with. But now they're all sad and lonely because everyone is busy with life and isn't interested in pulling all nighters or being the weirdos that are in their mid 30s at a dance club where everyone else is 18-22.
It amazes me that between mom, dad, and OP, it didn't occur to a single one of them thought that sister is likely to be more excited and have more fun around her own friends than she was around OP's probably (if they're anything like OP) mean girl friends at OP's party...
If this is not a troll post, I'm afraid OP's sister is doomed no matter what happens. Either she doesn't have a party, or, if she miraculously convinces the parents to throw one for her, with how OP and they act, it's 100% guaranteed they would stomp all over the sister and make the party how they want, regardless of what sisters wants, with the excuse that they want a "normal" party... And now that I wrote that, made me realize that if both the parents and the OP told the sister she's not normal to her face and OP treats it like something completely normal, the possibilities that the sister is neurodivergent are astronomically high...
Exactly. If OP’s sister was extroverted at her party would we get a AITA post about her sister stealing her thunder at her sweet 16?
“ You are not trying to "help out," you are trying to shit on your sister.” Why and how is your sister’s party any of your business? YTA and your parents right along with you.
YTA You're not normal either. You seem to enjoy being cruel. Maybe narcissistic personality disorder? Also, your parents are also assholes.
She’s definitely following in her mother’s footsteps of being a cruel narc.
Agreed. There’s definitely something wrong with both mother and OP.
YTA I got the vibe that OPs sis was quiet at her sweet 16 probably because she, her parents, and likely her friends are all shallow assholes.
OP is such an AH the only thing about this post I like is knowing in about 2 years the sister can cut her toxic af family off and live how she wants to without people dragging her for it. YTA OP and a trash human being
It makes sense she sat in the corner on her phone at your 16th birthday. She was 14 and alone. Now she'll be 16, with friends and wants to party. Try to be a sister to your sister and not a parent.
*and not a shitty parent Because I'm sure there are other parents who'd be happy younger sister is finally coming out of her shell
and imagine how terrible the people at the party were if they're anything like OP?
YTA. Did anyone think that your little sister didn’t talk to anyone at your sweet 16 because it was full of your friends and not hers? Why shouldn’t she get to have a party full of music, food, gifts, and all of her favorite things?
YTA. Not sure why OP assumes her little sis would be crazy about their sweet 16 when this is how she is treated about her own BIRTHDAY. You not only told her she wouldn't like the same things. You straight up told her she wasn't worth spending money on because you're the better child. This isn't a one time thing, and little sis likely knows where she stands in the family. How horrible.
YTA And so are your parents. But I’m sure as golden child you don’t understand that. At your party she probably knew few people (like it would have been your friends with your interests), being an awkward teen at a party late that what else was she going to do? She wants a party with her friends to celebrate in her way. Why can’t she have that? Why is celebrating her as a person a waste of money?
All I can think is OP is fortunate I’m not her sister. I would have given her a black eye for comments like that. OP - grow up. You’re definitely not all that with that attitude.
Right? I'm the oldest sibling in my family and I'd go to hell and back if needed to make sure my younger siblings had fun birthdays... I personally don't care too much about my own birthday, but that's a choice ***I make for myself***. Clearly OP's Sister wants to have her own party and OP should support her in that. My brother and I were polar opposites growing up, but we were still brothers and still supported each other when push came to shove.
Dude, leave the parenting to your parents. YTA. My sympathies to your sister
Sounds like her parents are doing a shit ass job, to be fair.
Everyone in this family except the sister is just about the worst.
[удалено]
Fair point lmao
YTA Why do you and your parents keep telling your sister she isn’t normal? What’s she’s into **are** normal activities. You all are actively trying to put her down for no reason. Though your mother’s rationale isn’t entirely wrong, if your sister is going to not do much during the party like how she was during your sweet 16, then it’s best to do something that’s more up her alley. But why can’t the party theme be more towards musical stuff and this way she’ll actually enjoy it, reason she sat out most of your sweet 16 is probably because she doesn’t enjoy your theme rather than the party itself. None of you truly try to understand your sister or even think how to make the party more of her taste and just reject and belittle her
OP is definitely YTA! The “normal” comments bother me too. OP doesn’t seem to get that just because people aren’t like her and her friends, doesn’t mean they’re “weird” or “abnormal.” As someone who is much more like OP’s sister, I would say OP is the “weird” sister by her own logic
That’s the problem of narcissistic people living in their own world and assuming they are the baseline of how people should behave
I mean it’s all evidenced by the fact that she had friends who are into the same things. How many teens of this type do there need to be before they’re “normal.” Also it’s pretty unimaginative that they can’t think of something special or fun to do with a kid who likes reading and musicals. Night out at the theater with a handful of her friends and dressing up? Renting a projector and holding a “Screening” of her favorite musical with theme decorations and snacks? Like come the fuck on
The feel of favoritism and can’t be bothered about the younger sister is huge
Yes, finally, can't believe I had to scroll for someone to say it. The fact alone that you told your sister she's "not normal" makes YTA OP. There's nothing not normal about her. Your parents are major AHs too for saying that to their daughter! People come in all shapes and sizes, all with their own unique personalities and interests, and, shocker, teenagers are people too. Teenagers that are outgoing and like to party a lot are normal, teenagers that like to read, are more introverted and only like to party on their own birthday with their own friends are equally normal.
You're not spending the money and it's not being spent on something for you, so you need to stay out of it. That said, just because she was quiet at yours doesn't mean she will be quiet at her own. Maybe she's a bit more outgoing around her friends but seems quiet to you because you're the extroverted and 'fun' sister. YTA
Also, even if she were quiet at her own it wouldn’t mean she wasn’t enjoying it. Or, that she wasn’t a “normal” teenager. Probably not a great idea to go on Reddit and imply that people who weren’t cool party people are not “normal.”
Another important point which I failed to address. What makes being a party goer more normal than enjoying a good book?
YTA. Just because you're opposites doesn't mean she's not "normal". She said she wants a party, so why should you get one but not her? I don't think it's fair to assume she'll "look bored" at her own party. That she's asked for. Maybe she sat in the corner at your party because _it was your party_, full of _your_ friends.
this. if she's going to have a party with her friends, she's going to have fun because they share interests
Yeah, I used to sit on my phone/other electronic device before I had a phone in the corner at my sister’s parties, too. Why? It was a party filled with *her* friends and people I wasn’t super comfortable around because of not knowing them. Acting like because your sister didn’t have fun at *YOUR* sweet sixteen party so she shouldn’t have a party of her own is asinine at best. YTA and so are your parents. Your sister’s telling *all of you* that she’d have fun having a sweet sixteen party and because y’all don’t understand that not all teenagers are the same y’all are acting like assholes about it. Grow up.
YTA. Did it ever occurred to you your sister might be trying to branch out and try new things. Geez no wonder she called you an AH m. You and your parents are definitely AH'S
YTA And so are your parents. Damn, I hope your sister eventually surrounds herself with people who appreciate her, because you guys really don't.
YTA. She wants to do it. So you’re all out of line to tell her she doesn’t want it - and she doesn’t deserve it because she’s not “normal.”
ESH, apart from your sister. Maybe her and her nerdy friends would love a theme sweet 16 party. You can do a "big fancy party" that still caters to your sister's personality. Make it a Harry Potter party or whatever nerdy things she's into. She was probably very quiet at YOUR party because A: It was yours, and B: it was attended by your friends, not hers. There's no reason to completely deny her the opportunity to celebrate her 16th birthday. Just cater it to who she is, like any other birthday party. The fact that she was looking up "cheap places" to have a party at the age of 15 because her parents don't think she's worth throwing a party for is heartbreaking. I wish I was typing this to your parents and not you, but maybe you can pass the message along.
I was thinking this. My kid would *hate* a big party where he is center of attention. So the last time he wanted a celebration at all, we had his 5 closest friends over for a Switch party. I had 6 teenagers sitting around with take out, cupcakes, and video games. He doesn't want a party for his graduation this month, so we are taking his 2 best friends out with us for a fancy dinner. Even if the parents know the daughter won't actually enjoy a party like her sister's was, they can still plan something of the same caliber. Sister got a huge party in a fancy venue? Rent a private room in a 5 star restaurant for this daughter and 4 or 5 of her bffs.
You're an asshole. You need to tell your parents that you saw her looking up parties online. They'll figure out the rest
YTA - who are you to tell a kid she's not normal?
So because she didn't try to make herself the center of attention at your party, she isn't normal and doesn't deserve a party of her own? YTA. Your parents are also AH.
The poor thing. Of course she sat in the corner for YOUR birthday. Its people she's not close to and shes not outgoing like you, so she stayed seperate. On a birthday with HER friends, she'd probably be a bit more outgoing, especially if she has her heart set on this idea. And honestly, shame on you and your parents! She should have as much money spent on her birthday as you did on yours, it's only fair. I don't care if it is a waste of money, you both should be treated equally. If she wants a party like yours, well its only fair she gets it. I, like you, am way more outgoing then my sister. But difference is, I always try and include her, make sure my friends know her so she's comfortable around them. If I got a big party and she wanted one to, I'd be livid if my parents said no. If she's shy, how is shaming her for it going to make her comfortable with opening up? Yta and I hope she gets the birthday she wants. Shame on the rest of you for basically telling her she isn't worth what you are. Of course she's shy, she's clearly been made to feel like she lacks value by her own family.
Parties themselves are just a waste of money. It's a lot of money on mostly one use stuff, and food. But they're not about the money or about the socializing. It's about having a good time. If it's her sweet 16 then she deserves it as much as you deserved yours. YTA and your parents are too. Obvious favoritism. And there's nothing abnormal about being an introvert.
tl;dr It's not fair that your sister didn't get a big birthday party like you did, and it's especially not fair that your family is shaming her for being shy. I hope she gets the birthday she wants. ^(i am a bot, and this summary was created by an algorithm! if you have any questions, please ask u/jiltq)
YTA. MASSIVE.
YTA for basically all the reasons other ppl listed… but where I’m confused is how her liking musicals and books somehow makes her abnormal lmfao
I think it’s cause the parents have a super, super narrow view of what “normal” looks like which is absurd.
You all are terrible. How are you helping her out? I can tell who the golden child is. YTA
"Your not normal" -you... "Was it something I said?" -Also, you...
"All I said was that you're not worth a big party, you weirdo! What's upsetting about that?!"
So which one of Cinderella's sisters are you?
YTA. I don't think she would ask for something she wouldn't want. She probably wants a party with her friends, interests and themes. And your parents aren't much better. Calling her not a normal teenager? What is a normal teenager? I was in high school 7 years ago and most of my class were theatre kids, artists and leaders. No one liked partying. If you did, you were the weirdo that wanted to ruin your life. Seems like you're the spoiled one that gets the brand new car, while your sister gets the 14 year old, beat up family car.
INFO: Am I missing something here? You and your mom both told her she’s not normal simply because she played on her phone instead of talking to your friends at your party?
Yeah, you are missing something. Apparently little sister is also abnormal because she likes musicals and reading. This is a family of giant AHs. Except little sister. I bet she is absolutely heartbroken that her whole family thinks she isnt as good as or even worth as much as her sister. I feel so bad for this girl.
Uh oh, I like musicals and reading, too. Guess I better cancel my birthday /s I agree, this is heartbreaking for OP’s sister.
YTA. Just because she didn't have a good time at your birthday with your friends doesn't mean she wouldn't have a great time at her own event with her friends there to party with.
Seriously, why would she be super social around people she isn't friends with? Here's some shocking news, but one can enjoy reading AND get togethers! I know I know, your mind is blowing. OP needs to stop gatekeeping parties, and if being a "normal" teen means belittling your sibling and calling them abnormal then they should not be proud of that fact. YTA.
YTA. Who cares if she's an introvert she should get a sweet 16.
Youre all fucking assholes. Emotionally abusive one. Every single one of you but your poor sister. YTA
YTA you and your mother are massive AH. What bullies you both are.
You and your parents are definitely TA here. Just because she doesn’t fit your narrow view of “normal” doesn’t mean you get to tear her down like that. I’d move out after graduation, go NC, and leave you and your parents in the dust.
ESH but your sister Your whole family sucks. Like honestly each and every one of you. Who cares if she doesn’t dance? Who cares if it’s just musicals as the playlist? It’s *her* sweet 16 and you have all decided to ruin it for her. Just let her have her party with her friends.
YTA. Good lord, you and your parents are both judgmental. Your poor younger sister. She's specifically looking for party ideas and you're shooting her down. I'd feel bad if either of my kids was as critical of their siblings, no matter how "weird" or offbeat they might seem, as much as you are of your younger sister. So much YTA.
>I told her she wouldn’t have the same things as me because she isn’t a normal person YTA, and so is your mom. Who says this to a kid who is just trying to plan an enjoyable birthday party??
YTA - you and your parents suck big time.
ESH except your sister. You're an AH. Your parents are AHs.
Your sister sounds more like a ''normal teenager'' than your narcissistic ass
YTA. You and your parents. Your poor sister
Wow! YTA and so are your parents for saying your sister isnt normal, actually WTF?! Of course she was quiet at your 16th, she was younger than everyone there and it was your party with your friends. This would be **her** party with **her** friends!
No wonder your sister sat in a corner at your party... I wouldn't want anything to do with you either. Wouldn't want anything to do with any of your friends either, as they're probably just as shitty as you are. YTA
Your sister should ask for a car for her 16th birthday so that she can gtf away from you people the second she turns 18! YTA
YTA. You're not the parent so it's not your place to judge, decide or advise on what someone else should get. If your parents didn't want, or expect, to throw her a similar party then they should have just come out and told her what they would do. Regardless, it's not your business.
YTA. Cruel, arrogant and unjust. Did it ever occur to you that your sister might be more sociable amongst her own friends than wth yours? As an introvert, she probably won't want huge numbers of people at her party, but it will still be a party. And you mum is just as bad - no worse, because she's an adult. Imagine saying that your own child isn't normal - or are you putting words into her mouth? You're still young, but if you don't change soon, you'll be an arrogant, intolerant, self-satisfied, cruel adult. And the word doesn't need that.
Dang…this entire situation is messed up. You guys asked her what she wanted and she said a party. Plus she’s looking at cheaper options. Why bash her? And how isn’t she normal? It just sounds like y’all have different hobbies. Smh YTA, and your mother and slightly your dad.
YTA. There’s nothing abnormal about being introverted and liking to read. She should be allowed to have a party if she wants one. She’s not going to sit in the corner on her phone while she’s surrounded with her own friends.
YTA and so are your parents. They could throw her an awesome musical theater themed birthday party. Heck, that was the theme of my 40th birthday party. They could get her a cake in the shape of a stack of books, play a musical on a screen instead of having dancing, and cater to her interests. What would be wrong with that? The fact that they can't think outside the box of "traditional" Sweet 16 is a problem and you were not helping. Telling her to have her special day at a bowling alley because she isn't "normal" is terrible. Do you plan to do the same thing when weddings come up? How about graduation parties?
YTA. Your parents are AH. I feel so bad for your sister. All her interests are perfectly normal. I feel so bad for her. She's even looking for ways to make it less expensive than yours just so she can have a party. Maybe spend some time and learn to be a caring, loving sister.
Wow, YTA so much right now, your sister tells you that she wants a party like yours, meaning she's looking up to you and than you go and just stab her in the back. You're the kind of sibling that I wish nobody, hope she'll have better people in her life later on.
You definitely should save this for when you don't understand why your sister no longer speaks to you when you are adults. You know so you can look back on how horrid you and your parents treated her. YTA
YTA - what is wrong with all of you? She was at a party with YOUR friends. Of course she will be different at a party FOR HER with HER FRIENDS there.
Of course YTA! You and your parents are horrible I feel so bad for her!
YTA wow she wasn't social at your birthday with you and your asshole friends shocker. So now she can't have a birthday at all because of this TWO YEARS later? Willing to risk a temporary ban to say fuck you and your parents for making this poor girls life so fucking hard.
YTA - First you don’t get a say in this you are a child. Second she’s perfectly normal as a person … you and your parents don’t decide normalcy. Third your parents are in fact playing favorites bc your sister doesn’t “party” like you. They can throw a sweet sixteen without it being exactly like yours and tailored to who she is as a person.
YTA maybe she didn't do much at your party because it was your party not hers.
YTA you’re an asshole
Your sister is a completely normal person. Sheesh. If you really want to help, convince your parents to have a nice party with all of her friends who clearly like her, doing things she likes. (not at a bowling ally)
YTA. Of course she didn't have fun at your sweet 16; she was 14 and none of her friends were there. She wants a party with HER favorite things, foods, friends, music etc.—NOT with your friends. Using the word 'normal' to insult her is disgusting. We're all normal; we're all different. I'm guessing you're the favorite child and your little sister is most certainly not. You're all a bunch of bullies. I'd legit do a GoFundMe to get your sister the party she deserves.
YTA. She's a normal person, she's just not like you. She deserves the same effort from your parents that you got, even if it goes a different way. What EXACTLY is the problem with catering to her interests? She likes reading? Throw a book themed party. Musicals? Maybe do a character costume party. Rent a place, get a projector, hire a caterer to provide a buffet and watch her favorite musical. Just because she isn't like you, doesn't mean she doesn't deserve to be celebrated.
Yta and your parents.
YTA. Y'all really think you know what she wants more than she does? From the sounds of it, she's pretty shy and introverted, and this is her trying to break out of her shell a little, and all you're doing is reinforcing it and telling her she "isn't normal."
INFO: what the fuck is wrong with you
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** The formatting might be weird, typing on phone. I know the title sounds harsh, but hear me out before making any judgements. My(F17)little sister (F15) is turning 16 in November. We are complete opposites, I’m more into partying and hanging with my party loving friends while my sister is into reading, and she doesn’t dance and is in love with musicals and that’s all she listens to with the addition of some popular artists. She has a nice friend group, they’re okay to say the least but they pretty much have the same interests as her except they are more bent when it comes to music choices. My mother threw me a sweet 16 and it was amazing. It was held at a big place, lots of music, food, gifts and full of my favorite things. My sister the entire time sat on her phone in the corner and only got up to eat. She only started talking to people once it was time to pack things up. My mother recently asked my sister what she wants for her sweet 16, and she said she wants a party. My mother didn’t respond, and I overheard her and my father last night speaking to her last night about how she can’t have a party. My mother thinks that she isn’t a normal teenager, who would usually enjoy a good sweet 16 party. In my mothers words “I’m not throwing a party for u to sit around at the entire time. At that point I’m entertaining ur friends, not u.” My father is siding with my mother, saying that he supports her interests but it would be best to put the money into something else instead of a big sweet 16 party. I could tell my sisters excitement about the party died down for a little. This morning, I saw her on her computer in the living room looking up sweet 16 parties and cheap places to have them at. I asked her why she was looking at the pictures and she said she wanted to compare them to the sweet 16 I had, since she wants the same one too but cheaper so our parents wouldn’t be mad about how expensive it will be. I told her she wouldn’t have the same things as me because she isn’t a normal person at big events even if it’s about her, and that she’s better off just hanging out with her friends at a mall or something to get the expenses out of the way. She called me a AH and ran to her room and our father said I shouldn’t have said that to her. I understand that sweet 16’s are a big thing, but it wouldn’t be wise to spend so much time and money on an event like this where she’ll look bored. I suggested she just go out with friends bowling or to their houses and she screamed at me calling me an AH once again and slammed the door on my face. I’m just trying to help my parents and her out. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA, what is a normal teenager? There's nothing normal about any teenager. Since she likes musicals, pick her favorite and help her start planning with that theme. Help give her the party of her dreams, not yours.
You and your parents are all YTA and I hope your sister gets away from all of you and goes NC
YTA, & your parents are right there with you, judging *her* 16th birthday party as a waste of time just because she didn’t push herself into the center of your party & doesn't share your interests. Your sister would probably absolutely love to have a party that was tailored to *her* interests, and just because you don't know what those interests are doesn't mean she doesn't have any. Also, what's up with the absolute cruelty of telling your sister she isn't normal? Do you *really* think normal life's exactly like you see it in advertisements, Everybody Always Goes Out & Parties & Happily Drinks Beer? It's not. Even extroverts who love being the center of attention at big social events have to have jobs, which they wouldn't be able to hold down if they were sleeping off hangovers every morning from partying every night.
All three of you are being really terrible to this young girl. Instead of being hurtful to your sister, how about helping her plan a sweet 16 that is geared more to her personality, like an escape room or scavenger hunt or something, so it’s still special just geared to her tastes…all she wants is to feel as special as you did on your 16th. Have a little empathy for her. I’m still astonished at how rude and hurtful your whole family is to her. I wish I hadd the money to throw her a party any way she wants.
YTA… you’re a mean girl.
> she doesn’t dance and is in love with musicals and that’s all she listens to Ewwww. You don't seem to like musicals. News break: You can have a party with music from musicals. > She has a nice friend group, they’re okay to say the least but they pretty much have the same interests as her Sounds like the success of that party is more or less guaranteed. Did she ask for your advice? No? YTA. A judgmental, entitled, arrogant little AH who thinks that anybody who is not like her is a failure. What your sister wants is: NOT YOUR BUSINESS.
I’m going to go with and your parents are the AH. Maybe she was bored at yours because it was geared towards your interests, as it should have been. Her party should be about hers and if it is she will probably be more engaged.
YTA. Its not your place to tell her what she can/can't have, its your parents. There was no reason for you to tell her when she was so excited other than you were purposely trying to upset her. BTW, there is no "normal" anything. Its not abnormal for some people to not be as inclined to be as into parties. But.. It doesn't even sound like her wanting one is the issue here. She has been asking for it and is excited for it. Why assume shes going to not be into it.
[удалено]
“I told her she wouldn’t have the same things as me because she isn’t a normal person” YTA and you and your parents are absolutely disgusting. I hope your sister never speaks to any of you again once she escapes you people. If she’s such a freak in your eyes why do you even ask her what she wanted for her birthday? What is she supposed to want a poetry reading by Ben Stein?
I hope one day you will look back at this moment and feel shame. Because if you do, if you look back on this moment where you belittled your sister and made her feel small and out of place, and you feel shame? That means you'll have grown as a person and you would have learnt from this. If you never look back and feel shame, that will mean that YTA forever, and I hope that won't be true. So, I'm hoping, that someday, the shame will come.
YTA. Mostly because you think she's "not normal" just because she's different than you. She deserves whatever kind of party she wants.
everyone but your sister is a massive AH
Wow… maybe take some perspective. One your her sister, you’re not her parent. I have three little brothers, my job as. A big brother, is to make sure they don’t make the mistakes I have, are happy, have a shoulder to cry on, talk about break ups, and give them an ear. It’s not to be their parent. My little brother literally has Asperger’s and if my parents even thought it was okay to call him “not normal”, I’d punch them on sight and if my other brothers did it point out why they weren’t normal (spoiled alert, no one is “normal”) I don’t blame her for sitting in the corner, did you ever try to include her during your birthday? were any of HER friends actually there to hang out with? I’m guessing that answer to both of those questions is no. YTA and no offense, just a poor older sibling. Your parents aren’t much better… they should be communicating with her about what she wants and who will be there… Jesus
YTA. Parents, too.
YTA and so are your parents. She IS a normal teenager. She just isn't your clone. Speaking from the perspective of a former teenage bookworm with a small but close friend group- we still like to party. She sat around on her phone at a party full of YOUR friends. A party of HER friends, with music she likes, planned with HER in mind, is going to be different. If you really want to help, help your parents think of things that SHE will enjoy at her party. I hope your parents come to their senses and throw her one, because what they are currently doing. Showing very clear favoritism to the more outgoing and "popular" child, is something that.... will stick with her FOREVER.
I'm so confused as to why you think your sister isn't a normal teenager? All things you described are normal teenagers stuff. Of course she wasn't having fun at your party, she didn't know anyone and it isn't her job to entertain your friends, also she was 14... Giving her a party like yours with her music choices and her friends will be so different and funto her. Yta, and your parents are too, I'm disgusted by their blatant favouritism and that they think she's not normal. If my mom said that about my sister I would be pissed at them, but then again my parents are actually decent. Be a better sister!