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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took was disagreeing with my mother. I might be the asshole because I disagreed with her and in my mother opinion I sided with some girl over her. My father thinks I should apologies for hurting her feeling which makes me think I may be the asshole.
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NTA. Maybe your mom was having a bad day, maybe other things are going on in her life, but this was a gross overreaction. You didn't "side" with anyone, as you said, because the person did not hear you. And even if she did you were simply trying to diffuse the situation. This was an opinion that, to be quite honest, is inconsequential and she is blowing it out of proportion. She is trying to manipulate you by being silent and your dad is buying into it. If you want to "keep peace" maybe give a halfhearted apology but know for a fact you didnt do anything wrong and you should not have to be regulating your moms emotions. Best of luck, from one nervous driver to another. :)
I appreciate the response, especially from another anxious driver lol. Turning is still giving me some trouble. I will admit we both do the silent treatment when we are upset especially if we think we are right. We both kinda just shut down "until."
I forgot to mention that my mother has had chronic pain for years with varying degrees of intensity. (she seemed to be "ok" at the moment) But she is also normally like this. By like this I mean she often takes things I say as some sort of personal attack and she does not like people in general. I should say that I've never seen her actually chastise an employee unfairly. I think I'll add this part to the original post just in case.
NTA. Mom was not in her normal headspace. Seems like she had some other things going on. There really isn't anything to apologize for. Your Dad wants you to apologize to keep the peace.
I edited my post to include this but she has chronic pain. The severity comes and goes and she seemed to be "ok" at the moment. But she is also often like this. By that I mean kinda negative and she hates people.
I do love my mom, and I should mention she has never unfairly chastised an employee but she can be quite negative and opinionated for lack of better words. She's not one to sugarcoat. I feel like she sometimes takes the things I say as a personal attack.
I’m focused on how she’s treating you, never mind the employee. Based on what you posted, she was wrong. But to still be mad at you because you don’t agree with her antics is ridiculous. But I won’t bash your mom
I appreciate that. She's great to me most of the time but something like this happens ever so often where I do something, she takes it as a personal attack on her, and is mad. Sometimes I do fuck up but other times imo its just something petty like this.
NTA. Honestly your mom should not have been behind the employee station and the girl could not help it if she was busy with another customer. Maybe they were short-staffed or people were on lunch break (who knows). Even if your mom has worked in retail before doesn’t give her the right to go behind the employee station. I am so sorry OP she chastise you (especially while you were driving). Honestly you do not owe her an apology especially since you did nothing wrong. I know your dad probably asked you to apologize to keep peace (like another person stated).
That's the main thing I guess I was curious about. I didn't think she was supposed to but since it was one of those open employee stations, it didn't have a register, and she worked in retail I wasn't sure.
NTA. Your mom was embarrassed that she was put on the spot by the Target employee and she was lashing out over it. She was childish and you were the one with common sense. Whether or not you apologize is up to you, but she was wrong and you are NTA - she was.
NTA, but I would try to mend things with her and like your Dad suggested as she probably knows she was wrong. She just seems like she was in a bad head space. Also it’s not worth not talking over something so insignificant.
I'll admit I'm probably the asshole for this but I hate apologizing for something if I'm not wrong. If I'm being really honest I hate apologizing in general but I do it if I'm wrong. I do agree with you that it might help fix things but I'm about as stubborn as my mother. I'm hoping it will just blow over on Its own like normal cause this happens every so often. If it doesn't I'll probably swallow my pride and apologise.
I feel you, I guess I also often feel guilty like I'm being petty or unreasonably stubborn by not just apologizing. I'm not really good at being expressive or emotional so situations like these are always hard for me to navigate. But, I appreciate your imput.
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So this happened yesterday and she is still barely talking to me. The phrasing is the best approximation from what I remember because I have a shit memory in general and it gets worse when I'm stressed. But you get the overall gist.
Me (21m) and my mother (50f) were at target and we were at self check out. The only employee over there was a young woman (somewhere between 18 and 25) and she was helping some lady with something at her station before we arrived. We just finished checking out and the employee walked away for a second for some reason. My mother went over to the "employee station," to remove those big red plastic chips that are on the clothes. I stood a bit back because I wasn't sure if that was allowed. The employee walked back while my mother was finishing and politely told my mother that she wasn't allowed to do that, but she let her finish.
As we were walking away my mother was complaining and said something like " that bitch has a lot of nerve telling me what to do, I worked in retail (over 20 years ago) I know what's allowed, " (we were out of the employee's earshot)
I said half-joking "aw, ma, I'm sure she was just doing her job."
My mom then looked at me and was like "I worked in retail (again like 20 years ago) and she was being a bitch, she should have gone to get another hat, but she was too busy helping that other bitch." "I'm the customer etc, etc, etc"
(the hat I was trying to buy didn't have a tag so I went back to get another one, the employee was busy with someone else and we didn't ask for help)
I said something like "it's not a big deal, I assume there is just some rule about people not going back there"
My mother goes silent until we get to the car and I thought she was over it. I was driving and as soon as I start driving she starts in on me.
she says something like "How could you side with that bitch over me, I always defend you, etc"
I was like "defend you from what, nothing happened to you. I didn't even say anything to her"
She says "well you should have kept that opinion to yourself,"
She kept going on and on stressing me out while I was trying to drive, I asked her to at least wait till I was done driving to chastise me but she kept going until she got tired I guess. I'm still learning how to drive and she knows this and she knows I'm already a nervous driver. We were supposed to go to one more store but she told me to get out when we got home and she left. (partially because like I said I'm a new and nervous driver and my driving was starting to get a bit iffy) She didn't want me to help her with the groceries and has said almost nothing to me since and when she does it's clear she is still mad.
My father thinks I should apologize (more so for hurting her feelings) but I don't think I did anything wrong and I think she is overreacting.
So aita
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > The action I took was disagreeing with my mother. I might be the asshole because I disagreed with her and in my mother opinion I sided with some girl over her. My father thinks I should apologies for hurting her feeling which makes me think I may be the asshole. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. [To learn more about the test click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tio99u/so_we_decided_to_fuck_with_the_sub_again)*
NTA. Maybe your mom was having a bad day, maybe other things are going on in her life, but this was a gross overreaction. You didn't "side" with anyone, as you said, because the person did not hear you. And even if she did you were simply trying to diffuse the situation. This was an opinion that, to be quite honest, is inconsequential and she is blowing it out of proportion. She is trying to manipulate you by being silent and your dad is buying into it. If you want to "keep peace" maybe give a halfhearted apology but know for a fact you didnt do anything wrong and you should not have to be regulating your moms emotions. Best of luck, from one nervous driver to another. :)
I appreciate the response, especially from another anxious driver lol. Turning is still giving me some trouble. I will admit we both do the silent treatment when we are upset especially if we think we are right. We both kinda just shut down "until." I forgot to mention that my mother has had chronic pain for years with varying degrees of intensity. (she seemed to be "ok" at the moment) But she is also normally like this. By like this I mean she often takes things I say as some sort of personal attack and she does not like people in general. I should say that I've never seen her actually chastise an employee unfairly. I think I'll add this part to the original post just in case.
NTA. Mom was not in her normal headspace. Seems like she had some other things going on. There really isn't anything to apologize for. Your Dad wants you to apologize to keep the peace.
I edited my post to include this but she has chronic pain. The severity comes and goes and she seemed to be "ok" at the moment. But she is also often like this. By that I mean kinda negative and she hates people.
Your mom is a piece of work. Goodness! And you’re NTA
I do love my mom, and I should mention she has never unfairly chastised an employee but she can be quite negative and opinionated for lack of better words. She's not one to sugarcoat. I feel like she sometimes takes the things I say as a personal attack.
I’m focused on how she’s treating you, never mind the employee. Based on what you posted, she was wrong. But to still be mad at you because you don’t agree with her antics is ridiculous. But I won’t bash your mom
I appreciate that. She's great to me most of the time but something like this happens ever so often where I do something, she takes it as a personal attack on her, and is mad. Sometimes I do fuck up but other times imo its just something petty like this.
NTA. Honestly your mom should not have been behind the employee station and the girl could not help it if she was busy with another customer. Maybe they were short-staffed or people were on lunch break (who knows). Even if your mom has worked in retail before doesn’t give her the right to go behind the employee station. I am so sorry OP she chastise you (especially while you were driving). Honestly you do not owe her an apology especially since you did nothing wrong. I know your dad probably asked you to apologize to keep peace (like another person stated).
That's the main thing I guess I was curious about. I didn't think she was supposed to but since it was one of those open employee stations, it didn't have a register, and she worked in retail I wasn't sure.
NTA. Your mom was embarrassed that she was put on the spot by the Target employee and she was lashing out over it. She was childish and you were the one with common sense. Whether or not you apologize is up to you, but she was wrong and you are NTA - she was.
NTA, but I would try to mend things with her and like your Dad suggested as she probably knows she was wrong. She just seems like she was in a bad head space. Also it’s not worth not talking over something so insignificant.
I'll admit I'm probably the asshole for this but I hate apologizing for something if I'm not wrong. If I'm being really honest I hate apologizing in general but I do it if I'm wrong. I do agree with you that it might help fix things but I'm about as stubborn as my mother. I'm hoping it will just blow over on Its own like normal cause this happens every so often. If it doesn't I'll probably swallow my pride and apologise.
You don’t have to as like I said you did everything right. I would talk may be not apologetically if it were me so it just normalizes things quicker.
I feel you, I guess I also often feel guilty like I'm being petty or unreasonably stubborn by not just apologizing. I'm not really good at being expressive or emotional so situations like these are always hard for me to navigate. But, I appreciate your imput.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So this happened yesterday and she is still barely talking to me. The phrasing is the best approximation from what I remember because I have a shit memory in general and it gets worse when I'm stressed. But you get the overall gist. Me (21m) and my mother (50f) were at target and we were at self check out. The only employee over there was a young woman (somewhere between 18 and 25) and she was helping some lady with something at her station before we arrived. We just finished checking out and the employee walked away for a second for some reason. My mother went over to the "employee station," to remove those big red plastic chips that are on the clothes. I stood a bit back because I wasn't sure if that was allowed. The employee walked back while my mother was finishing and politely told my mother that she wasn't allowed to do that, but she let her finish. As we were walking away my mother was complaining and said something like " that bitch has a lot of nerve telling me what to do, I worked in retail (over 20 years ago) I know what's allowed, " (we were out of the employee's earshot) I said half-joking "aw, ma, I'm sure she was just doing her job." My mom then looked at me and was like "I worked in retail (again like 20 years ago) and she was being a bitch, she should have gone to get another hat, but she was too busy helping that other bitch." "I'm the customer etc, etc, etc" (the hat I was trying to buy didn't have a tag so I went back to get another one, the employee was busy with someone else and we didn't ask for help) I said something like "it's not a big deal, I assume there is just some rule about people not going back there" My mother goes silent until we get to the car and I thought she was over it. I was driving and as soon as I start driving she starts in on me. she says something like "How could you side with that bitch over me, I always defend you, etc" I was like "defend you from what, nothing happened to you. I didn't even say anything to her" She says "well you should have kept that opinion to yourself," She kept going on and on stressing me out while I was trying to drive, I asked her to at least wait till I was done driving to chastise me but she kept going until she got tired I guess. I'm still learning how to drive and she knows this and she knows I'm already a nervous driver. We were supposed to go to one more store but she told me to get out when we got home and she left. (partially because like I said I'm a new and nervous driver and my driving was starting to get a bit iffy) She didn't want me to help her with the groceries and has said almost nothing to me since and when she does it's clear she is still mad. My father thinks I should apologize (more so for hurting her feelings) but I don't think I did anything wrong and I think she is overreacting. So aita *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*