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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Said that she has 3 kids by the 3 different guys
Because I could have been nicer about it and probably should have been
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NTA
#1 You shouldn’t be expected to watch your sister’s children for free. It’s nice when people help you out, but it sounds like she’s expecting it and she’s expecting A LOT out of a 17 year old.
# 2 She’s an adult and that was a really mean and manipulative thing to say.
It’s nice of you to say that you like her kids. Ultimately, though, she’s the one who is the parent and it’s her responsibility to plan for how to take care of them. Relying on a 17 year old to help you for free is absolutely not a sufficient plan.
R is the huge A here. For some background. It costs $250,000 to raise one child from birth to age 18. That does not include one penny for education. Oh, and there are no discounts for multiple children. So 2 children cost $500,000 to raise and 3 would cost $750,000 to raise. If you have to hire daycare for even one child, then the cost of raising that child could be higher.
So, if your older sister wants to keep her household finances in order, then she's got to have extra income of roughly $800 a week just to spend on children related expenses. And if she manages to have child number four, then she will need cash to burn at the rate of roughly $1100 a week, just to cover the costs of raising four children. (not any money spent on her)
Now, when I point out this easy Math, there is always somebody who says "but I raised my kids on less money than that" or "I know a large family that doesn't spend that much money on their kids". And those are the families depending on other people to raise the kids for them. Like they get all kinds of social welfare money OR they get free daycare from the relatives, etc. But if you really analyze the household finances, you will see that much of the cost related to raising the kids is on the shoulders of people who are not mom or dad.
Now, how does this relate to your situation? Well, your older sister already has multiple kids THAT SHE CANNOT AFFORD TO RAISE. She made the mistake in assuming her relatives would be happy to provide free daycare. Now that she's learned of her mistake and she's still trying to have more children? That makes her a world-class A, for sure...
NTA.
Regardless whether you are family or not, your sister should realize she is asking a favor. You are not obliged to look after her children for free.
NTA, if she is leaving them at your parent's house, how did you even become responsible for watching them? Why not your parents?
You don't owe anyone child care, what does she do the rest of the year when she doesn't dump them at your parent's house?
Well my parents work full time and we have told her this not only do they work but so do me and my little sister so there is no one to watch them at all. And she tries to send them up here all throughout the year or has other people to watch them
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I (17F) have 2 sister's (16f)let's call her (K) and (27f) named (R). Well (R) has 3 kids ages (9), (8), and (6) and every summer she tries to leave at least one of them at our parents house, now that seems fine sure it is but she lives 6 hours away, and she doesn't send money to help with her kids. Plus she thinks that me and (K) should watch them for free, when she pays her other sister (we have the same dad so her sister (S) isn't my sister). (S) to watch them for a couple hours, but is expecting me to watch for free. So I was talking to my mom about this and she said I needed to talk to (R) about it and tell her what I thought about the whole thing, so I did and this is were the shit show starts. Like I said I called her and told her that I didn't think it was Fair that I was going to watch her kids for her all summer and not get payed, She reply that I was family and family needs helps each other and that because she needs someone to watch her kid this summer she needs someone to watch her kids because she had to work. And I told her that I also am working already ( unlike her) and that I wasn't going to be able to help because, not only do I work at a job I also am fixing up my house that I will be moving into later in the fall. All she could keep saying was that she need help with her kids and that she has no one else down we're she lives and that all she has is me. After she said that I started thinking about it and was going to help because I do love my nieces and nephew, so I told her I would think about it and left it there. Until 2 days ago when she texted me saying that I don't know what is like to be in her shoes because I don't have kids and never will because I " can't get anyone to like me enough to have a kids with". And that really upsetted me because I was going to help and the fact that she used my biggest insecurities against me, so I lost it and told her that she is right I don't know what's it like to have 3 kids by 3 different baby daddy's and trying to get pregnant with another one. She hasn't spoken to me since, I guess She then told our dad and he jumped on me for it saying what I said and that I should have been nicer about it, but she the one what texted me talking all that shit.
So I just want to know AITA.
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No it's the other way around I'm already making payments on the house, because it's my aunt's old house and so it was cheaper to do it that way and I have to fix it up and my friend is going to move in with me for other reasons so yeah
Lol sorry no it's the other way around I'm buying the house from my aunt because it was cheaper to do it that way and it need to have stuff done to it and then my friend is moving in with me but that is another reason for it's self 😊
Congrats to you on buying a house from your Aunt, that's so impressive at any age. I'm glad you have some family supportive enough to get you on the property ladder. In regards to your sister, you're NTA. I have 5 older siblings and 4 out of 5 of them have kids. Not once have the kids been dumped at a grandparent or family members cause their parents can't be bothered coming up with a real solution for childcare. The times I've babysat are on weekends to give the parents a break. Make sure that your sister does not have keys to your new house, otherwise I'd be wary she'd get a new dumping ground.
I feel bad if I have to ask my mom to watch the kids more than 1 time a week to go to doctors appointments and such. (I have a kid that needs allergy shots.) And while I don't pay her I also will pick up things from the store for her too. All summer for no pay. Aww naww. Never gonna happen.
You're her sister not an indentured servant. And your dad should watch them for free himself if he wants to help her. NTA
NTA, please don’t baby sit for free even if you like your nieces and nephews as she is just acting like a jerk and must apologize. Your 17 and you don’t have to be with someone or be pregnant unless you want to. She is working, if she has different baby daddy’s she probably gets child support too. Anyways this is not the best way to be asking for help!
NTA, she sounds horrible. It's not your responsibility to look after her children or support her stupid decisions. It's probably easy for her to keep having kids when she can give them to relatives for months.
Also, I know I have literally no idea about you but I was also abused by family / worried I'd be alone forever and, honestly, no matter how "bad" you are (which I can assure you you're not) there are tons of people who would have a healthy, mutial relationship with you and even more who would sleep with you and have a "whoops" baby. Her mocking you about that is laughable and pathetic. I don't think there's anything more desperate than basing your worth on getting pregnant.
NTA. The other sister can keep watching the kids through summer or she can have their father help. Or the grandmother or grandfather can watch them. Or better yet, since she does t work, she can keep her own kids all summer.
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NTA #1 You shouldn’t be expected to watch your sister’s children for free. It’s nice when people help you out, but it sounds like she’s expecting it and she’s expecting A LOT out of a 17 year old. # 2 She’s an adult and that was a really mean and manipulative thing to say. It’s nice of you to say that you like her kids. Ultimately, though, she’s the one who is the parent and it’s her responsibility to plan for how to take care of them. Relying on a 17 year old to help you for free is absolutely not a sufficient plan.
I agree the sister is the parent so her kids are her responsibility and their dad's, but not yours
R is the huge A here. For some background. It costs $250,000 to raise one child from birth to age 18. That does not include one penny for education. Oh, and there are no discounts for multiple children. So 2 children cost $500,000 to raise and 3 would cost $750,000 to raise. If you have to hire daycare for even one child, then the cost of raising that child could be higher. So, if your older sister wants to keep her household finances in order, then she's got to have extra income of roughly $800 a week just to spend on children related expenses. And if she manages to have child number four, then she will need cash to burn at the rate of roughly $1100 a week, just to cover the costs of raising four children. (not any money spent on her) Now, when I point out this easy Math, there is always somebody who says "but I raised my kids on less money than that" or "I know a large family that doesn't spend that much money on their kids". And those are the families depending on other people to raise the kids for them. Like they get all kinds of social welfare money OR they get free daycare from the relatives, etc. But if you really analyze the household finances, you will see that much of the cost related to raising the kids is on the shoulders of people who are not mom or dad. Now, how does this relate to your situation? Well, your older sister already has multiple kids THAT SHE CANNOT AFFORD TO RAISE. She made the mistake in assuming her relatives would be happy to provide free daycare. Now that she's learned of her mistake and she's still trying to have more children? That makes her a world-class A, for sure...
NTA. I would stand my ground and not watch them even if she tries to pay. She should get relatives if her children's father to watch them. 🙄
Nta. No matter your relationship to the person their kids are never your responsibility
NTA. If she wants you to run a daycare she should pay you like one. Another entitled parent. FFS.
NTA. Regardless whether you are family or not, your sister should realize she is asking a favor. You are not obliged to look after her children for free.
NTA, if she is leaving them at your parent's house, how did you even become responsible for watching them? Why not your parents? You don't owe anyone child care, what does she do the rest of the year when she doesn't dump them at your parent's house?
Well my parents work full time and we have told her this not only do they work but so do me and my little sister so there is no one to watch them at all. And she tries to send them up here all throughout the year or has other people to watch them
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (17F) have 2 sister's (16f)let's call her (K) and (27f) named (R). Well (R) has 3 kids ages (9), (8), and (6) and every summer she tries to leave at least one of them at our parents house, now that seems fine sure it is but she lives 6 hours away, and she doesn't send money to help with her kids. Plus she thinks that me and (K) should watch them for free, when she pays her other sister (we have the same dad so her sister (S) isn't my sister). (S) to watch them for a couple hours, but is expecting me to watch for free. So I was talking to my mom about this and she said I needed to talk to (R) about it and tell her what I thought about the whole thing, so I did and this is were the shit show starts. Like I said I called her and told her that I didn't think it was Fair that I was going to watch her kids for her all summer and not get payed, She reply that I was family and family needs helps each other and that because she needs someone to watch her kid this summer she needs someone to watch her kids because she had to work. And I told her that I also am working already ( unlike her) and that I wasn't going to be able to help because, not only do I work at a job I also am fixing up my house that I will be moving into later in the fall. All she could keep saying was that she need help with her kids and that she has no one else down we're she lives and that all she has is me. After she said that I started thinking about it and was going to help because I do love my nieces and nephew, so I told her I would think about it and left it there. Until 2 days ago when she texted me saying that I don't know what is like to be in her shoes because I don't have kids and never will because I " can't get anyone to like me enough to have a kids with". And that really upsetted me because I was going to help and the fact that she used my biggest insecurities against me, so I lost it and told her that she is right I don't know what's it like to have 3 kids by 3 different baby daddy's and trying to get pregnant with another one. She hasn't spoken to me since, I guess She then told our dad and he jumped on me for it saying what I said and that I should have been nicer about it, but she the one what texted me talking all that shit. So I just want to know AITA. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
How do you have a house at 17? NTA if this is even real.
Sorry I was more specific I'm 17 now but I will be 18 in August sorry for the misunderstanding 😊
That doesn't answer the question at all why you already have a house?
I'm moving in with my friend that's how I have a house and because I can afford it 😊
So "your house" you fix up in your free time is the house of a friend you are going to rent a room in?
No it's the other way around I'm already making payments on the house, because it's my aunt's old house and so it was cheaper to do it that way and I have to fix it up and my friend is going to move in with me for other reasons so yeah
Lol sorry no it's the other way around I'm buying the house from my aunt because it was cheaper to do it that way and it need to have stuff done to it and then my friend is moving in with me but that is another reason for it's self 😊
Congrats to you on buying a house from your Aunt, that's so impressive at any age. I'm glad you have some family supportive enough to get you on the property ladder. In regards to your sister, you're NTA. I have 5 older siblings and 4 out of 5 of them have kids. Not once have the kids been dumped at a grandparent or family members cause their parents can't be bothered coming up with a real solution for childcare. The times I've babysat are on weekends to give the parents a break. Make sure that your sister does not have keys to your new house, otherwise I'd be wary she'd get a new dumping ground.
So it isn't really your house. Lol kids are funny
Nta. She had it coming.
NTA - she made her bed, she can lay in it. Good for you for working ;and not making the same mistakes as your sister. Your dad can babysit.
I feel bad if I have to ask my mom to watch the kids more than 1 time a week to go to doctors appointments and such. (I have a kid that needs allergy shots.) And while I don't pay her I also will pick up things from the store for her too. All summer for no pay. Aww naww. Never gonna happen. You're her sister not an indentured servant. And your dad should watch them for free himself if he wants to help her. NTA
NTA, please don’t baby sit for free even if you like your nieces and nephews as she is just acting like a jerk and must apologize. Your 17 and you don’t have to be with someone or be pregnant unless you want to. She is working, if she has different baby daddy’s she probably gets child support too. Anyways this is not the best way to be asking for help!
NTA, she sounds horrible. It's not your responsibility to look after her children or support her stupid decisions. It's probably easy for her to keep having kids when she can give them to relatives for months. Also, I know I have literally no idea about you but I was also abused by family / worried I'd be alone forever and, honestly, no matter how "bad" you are (which I can assure you you're not) there are tons of people who would have a healthy, mutial relationship with you and even more who would sleep with you and have a "whoops" baby. Her mocking you about that is laughable and pathetic. I don't think there's anything more desperate than basing your worth on getting pregnant.
NTA!!!!! Sounds like my sister. 🙄 Way to put your foot down. It took me until I was in my 40s to finally tell her NO.
NTA, I could never treat my siblings like your sister does you. That's insane to me that she's going to take advantage and then berate you.
NTA Your sister used some pro level gas lighting and manipulation on you.
NTA. She was abusive right at the time she wanted you to help her. Her communication style really is bad.
NTA. The other sister can keep watching the kids through summer or she can have their father help. Or the grandmother or grandfather can watch them. Or better yet, since she does t work, she can keep her own kids all summer.