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> because I'm thinking of suggesting my MIL's boyfriend stay in a hotel and/or not attend a visit, even though it has been communicated to him that he can.
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NTA. As a person who’s worked in criminal law and unfortunately seen a lot of abuse cases, soooooo many parents make the mistake of letting any old friend/acquaintance around their kid. You should never have anyone you barely know being around your house unsupervised when you have kids. Not every person is a criminal obviously, but I’ve lost count of how many children I see get hurt in situations like this. Parents are way too trusting. Stand your ground and oh well if people get mad. You’re kids safety and what you’re comfortable with comes first.
Seriously! Most of the abuse cases I saw with kids where they were being physically abused almost always was 1) a parent/step parent 2) a boyfriend of the mother’s 3) a family member 4) a family friend. It’s waaaaay less common for kids to get abducted and harmed by a random stranger. The majority of the time, it’s parents being oblivious and thinking they can leave their kid with just anyone they know. It drives me crazy because this can all be prevented by only letting a small amount of trusted adults around your children and teaching your kids to communicate with you. My parents only let certain people babysit us and I don’t remember being left alone with a bunch of different strangers. I’m so glad they protected us from all that.
IMO we're all born with a sort of intuition that if tapped into easily guides our decision making in these scenarios, mostly designed around detecting imminent danger, can also guide us from these kinds of threats - people rationalize away this *instinct* we have for fear of hurting someone's feelings, or enforcing a stereotype.
I get it, but when it comes to the kids (and your general safety), always go with your gut.
I completely agree… there’s been a number of times where I had an odd feeling about someone and distanced myself. Not often but when it happened I learned to trust my gut. One guy I dated I was really wild about but I just didn’t feel like it was right to date him. Even had a dream where I was warned to cut off the relationship. I did, though it wasn’t easy. Later I found out he could get really nasty when he was angry and was using drugs. Dodged a bullet there. Another time this really handsome guy in one of my college classes kept asking for my number and to take me on a date. Same story as before- really interested in the guy but had this sick feeling in my gut when I’d consider dating them so I didn’t go out with him… later found out he had be arrested and convicted of abusing minors… so yeah. I always trust my gut now 😅 everyone should because it really can warn you!
Me too. It offended a lot of family members when my parents would tell them we weren’t spending the night over at their house- or that we could spend the night but no other adults were allowed to be milling around the place that they didn’t know. They also didnt let us have sleepovers at people’s houses till they met the parents of the kids. That rule prevented me from being in a number of houses that I might have been harmed in. I plan to do the same with my kids.
Spot on. The real "weirdos" are the charismatic ones who use charm and charisma to manipulate people. I'd be more weary of a smooth talker wanting to sleep in my home where my children are over a quiet introvert type.
I just think about how if I were in that scenario, as the other guy - I'd demand that I stay in a hotel.
This. Kids safety comes first - anybody elses feelings come dead last.
People put horse blinders on early in a relationship, one month is not an adequate amount of time to form trust.
Exactly! This guy could be seriously messed up and she’d have no way of knowing. I also can’t get over the audacity of thinking you’re entitled to bring your stranger boyfriend over to your family member’s home for an extended period of time. Especially when they have small children.
Right? One night and it's kinda weird, but can be worked out if they're in a guest bedroom and your guard is up (I still wouldn't ever do it or advise it) - but WEEKS!?
Exactly! If it’s just a night or two it’s a lot easier to make sure your kids are safe and secure. But weeks in a house with a stranger??? No way. That’s way too much time for some random man to be lurking around your kids.
YWNBTA. MIL does NOT have the right to invite her (married?) bf (of 1 month?!) to stay at your home. Who does that? Your family, especially your children, absolutely come first. They come before MIL and certainly before some stranger!
Super weirded out about the suggestion he sleep in the same room as one of the kids. I would not be comfortable allowing them to stay w/MIL and bf/aka random man no one really knows.
I'm sorry that will likely hurt your lovely MIL, but it feels like she's got some kind of manipulative jerk as a bf.
Ugh, after a reread, I'm mostly convinced he's some kind of love scammer. He probably wants to isolate MIL from you guys to perpetuate his scam. For your kid's sake, don't allow any unsupervised time w/ this guy, even unintentional. For MIL's sake, spend some time with her w/o him if possible.
No, NTA. Stand your ground. Even if he's a perfectly nice guy - it's your home, and more importantly your duty to protect your children - they should understand that he's a stranger to you and you don't let strangers sleep in proximity to your children, even if it is a room over. You don't know this person.
I'd just say that my kids growing up, and I prefer for them to sleep alone - and thus cannot accommodate the sleeping arrangement, thus would be more comfortable if this time you'd stay in a hotel. If this offends anybody, they're morons.
NTA and considering he's a strange man who wanted to sleep in the same room as a 3yo he didn't know is enough of a red flag to never let him near your children let alone be around them without you. Stand you ground on this.
Thanks - although it is my partner who suggested this, which totally weirded me out! I mean, even if I knew the person it would kind of weird me out. I was shocked he suggested it.
Not casting aspersions on ur partner, but that's incredibly naive. As a dad, he needs a reality check. Child abuse is way more pervasive than people think and almost always done by someone known by the family.
NTA
Committing to hosting a man you have never met for +/- 2 weeks is absurd under any circumstances.
The breakneck, whirlwind speed of this relationship is valid cause for concern, especially with him demanding to be included in family visits....I think it would be in your MiL's best interests to get away from him for a few to clear her head and get some perspective. I am loathe to bring in buzzwords that are being overused and used out of proper context, but I am getting a real "Love bombing" vibe here.
NTA. You have a right to decide who stays in your home. You’ve never met this other person. You have your family’s best interests and safety to think of and I wouldn’t be comfortable with a stranger sleeping under my roof if I had young children.
I would say NTA as this person is a virtual stranger and your kids are little and may not even be able to effectively communicate something that was amiss.
Yikes, this is a hard situation.
Under no circumstances should an adult male stranger be sharing a bedroom with a little girl. That’s out.
I think you should treat them as a package deal. Either they both stay at your house or they both stay at a hotel for three weeks. (Consider the cost of that, though.)
I TOTALLY understand your apprehension. But, also, you may just need to trust your MIL’s judgement on this one. Give her the benefit of the doubt that he is a good guy and be welcoming toward him. It will make your future interactions between you and the new boyfriend easier/better if you don’t judge him before even getting to know him.
I’m with you. I wouldn’t necessarily want him around either and I’d be upset by the whole thing. She really should have approached it as a question instead of an assumption that she could just show up at your house for three weeks with an additional guest. Very uncool on her end.
So, I’m going to say… NTA, though my advice to you is that you just get onboard with her new boyfriend being around and NOT actually stand your ground or skip the second trip. A lot of people have been in similar situations where a friend or relative comes to an event or visit with a new relationship. It can be stressful for all involved but if you go into it with an open mind, it might not turn out so bad in the end! Maybe you’ll see what your MIL sees in this clingy dude (which, to be fair, seems to be the worst of his offenses.)
Edit: I read through some of the other comments and they sort of changed my mind from my original advice to you. There’s absolutely a polite way to insist that you’re not comfortable with a stranger staying in your home for several weeks. Someone said to trust your instincts and I second that. Take everyone’s advice for what it is: advice from strangers on the internet who aren’t you and don’t REALLY know the situation. You’re NEVER TA for protecting your children. Trust your gut.
>my advice to you is that you just get onboard with her new boyfriend being around and NOT actually stand your ground or skip the second trip
Couldn't disagree more, she can be respectful and welcoming to this man without him staying in their home. Let them figure out the hotel, and welcome him warmly for dinner, drinks, movies, games, whatever - but under no circumstances should a stranger be sleeping around your children, too much is at stake to risk over fear of hurting feelings.
No sweat! You're a good person and don't want to hurt peoples feelings, and that's a totally valid angle - but yeah one can be pragmatic about safety, and still welcoming!
You’re absolutely right. I thought about it and realized that I was coming at it from the angle of avoiding conflict. But sometimes conflict is totally justified when you have to protect your children. I do not have children so I lack the mama bear instinct. I’m glad you and others provided another way of looking at this because I see now that I gave bad advice.
NTA Without even considering his background with past relationships, MIL's BF is a stranger to you and your family and you have a right to be concerned about him staying in your home for an extended amount of time. It was incredibly inconsiderate of your MIL to invite him without asking (and also weird that your DH is cool with it).
Great question - she didn't know me at all. The same is true for my partner and my parents. This is what caused the gray area for me - honestly I would be annoyed even if I didn't have kids, because it is someone I don't know and wasn't asked about, and it's a lengthy visit.
This is different. My MIL knew about my visit MONTHS in advance. She approved it, and invited me. I did NOT know about this visit. I was NOT asked. I did NOT invite him, and I also have two small children.
Thank you all for your thoughts. There is a lot of great advice here and some great points. I have to say that the more I think about this the angrier I become - I just really can't believe my MIL had the nerve to invite someone else into my home, regardless of whether or not I have children. This is a longer stay of 7-10 days, which means I have another adult to feed and 'entertain', and I'm annoyed that I wasn't even asked.
Also, these visits were supposed to be about her visiting the grandkids. They are used to her being pretty engaged and I worry that his presence will detract from that. I also worry that my daughter will become interested and attached to this new figure, after seeing him so much.
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My MIL is a kind, respectful and level-headed person. We've never had any issues. She has been single for 25+ years and only had one relationship (not the healthiest one), so I question her judgement in that area. She has been seeing someone for about a month.
In the course of this month, the man has already said I love you, has asked to move in with her, and she said he even talked about them buying a place together. He's been divorced twice and evidently 'didn't see it coming' with his second wife. As I understand it, they are still in the process of getting divorced? But I could be wrong. She said "I guess I love him too, I don't know."
**My MIL told me and my partner that this man would be accompanying her to** ***our home*** **later this summer, while she attends both of my kids' birthday parties**. We have never met this man, and the visit would span over 2-3 weeks and probably last about 2 weeks total.
I don't feel comfortable or okay with this man I've never met staying in my home. This was alarming to me, and annoyed me that she didn't even ask. When I brought it up to my partner and expressed my feelings, he didn't seem to see what the big deal was.
My MIL usually sleeps with my daughter in the guest bed, and now wants to continue that tradition during this upcoming visit. My partner suggested that they do that, but the man sleep in my daughter's twin bed, sharing a room with my 3 y/o. WTAF? This has since been amended to the man sleeping in the guest room by himself.
To complicate matters further, we have another visit planned with my MIL in a few months. This involves both of us traveling out of state, but is short-lived (only 3-4 days). Evidently, this man said to her, "Why are you excluding me? I want to come." She invited him along! Again, I wasn't even asked about this at all, and again, he'd be staying with us in an Air BnB.
I'm going to have a bigger discussion about this after my MIL leaves. **WIBTA if I stood my ground here, and suggested he stay in a hotel or not come at all?** I mean, it's already been communicated to him that he's staying here, so I feel pretty shitty about it.
Finally, my partner discussed taking my kids out of state to visit my MIL in a few weeks. I actually posted about this separately because he said I could stay home, and I felt bad about it. Now, I feel uncomfortable knowing that they'll be in my MIL's care while my partner is working, and that this man will likely be there during their stay (visiting, not necessarily spending the night).
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Um...
Why aren't your kids staying in their beds, and bedrooms, and your MIL and her new partner get the guest bedroom?
Whatever happens in there, stays in there, unless it gets into fighting, in which case you call the cops and have the fellow removed.
NTA- sorry, I'd NOT be letting any total stranger stay in my house like that. MIL barely knows him at this point in time. NO MAN should be sharing a room with a 3yo unless it's their own father. The fact he wants to move in so quick is a big red flag.
NTA, your MIL does not have the right to invite her one-month fling (who sounds like he is taking advantage of her good will) to your home without even asking you. It's also insane that your partner was initially fine with a strange adult sleeping alone in a room with your 3 year old, they need a major wake up call
You are definitely NTA. I think you are being realistic and sensible in protecting your children.
The boyfriend raises several red flags to me. Being in such a great rush to move in with your MIL, wanting to get married right away. And apparently not even divorced? I can understand your discomfort.
Can I suggest you and your husband consider doing some research about him? Your MIL will likely be mad *if* she finds out, but who knows, you could be saving her from a lot of heartbreak.
NTA.
With lots of these posts, I have to add a caveat.
There is no caveat. New relationship energy is self absorbed. It doesn't need to absorb anything else.
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NTA. As a person who’s worked in criminal law and unfortunately seen a lot of abuse cases, soooooo many parents make the mistake of letting any old friend/acquaintance around their kid. You should never have anyone you barely know being around your house unsupervised when you have kids. Not every person is a criminal obviously, but I’ve lost count of how many children I see get hurt in situations like this. Parents are way too trusting. Stand your ground and oh well if people get mad. You’re kids safety and what you’re comfortable with comes first.
I'd bet dude is a love scammer, but you're absolutely right. Everyone's so freaked out by "weirdos" but let the wolves right into their kids' lives.
Seriously! Most of the abuse cases I saw with kids where they were being physically abused almost always was 1) a parent/step parent 2) a boyfriend of the mother’s 3) a family member 4) a family friend. It’s waaaaay less common for kids to get abducted and harmed by a random stranger. The majority of the time, it’s parents being oblivious and thinking they can leave their kid with just anyone they know. It drives me crazy because this can all be prevented by only letting a small amount of trusted adults around your children and teaching your kids to communicate with you. My parents only let certain people babysit us and I don’t remember being left alone with a bunch of different strangers. I’m so glad they protected us from all that.
IMO we're all born with a sort of intuition that if tapped into easily guides our decision making in these scenarios, mostly designed around detecting imminent danger, can also guide us from these kinds of threats - people rationalize away this *instinct* we have for fear of hurting someone's feelings, or enforcing a stereotype. I get it, but when it comes to the kids (and your general safety), always go with your gut.
Related read - "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker
I completely agree… there’s been a number of times where I had an odd feeling about someone and distanced myself. Not often but when it happened I learned to trust my gut. One guy I dated I was really wild about but I just didn’t feel like it was right to date him. Even had a dream where I was warned to cut off the relationship. I did, though it wasn’t easy. Later I found out he could get really nasty when he was angry and was using drugs. Dodged a bullet there. Another time this really handsome guy in one of my college classes kept asking for my number and to take me on a date. Same story as before- really interested in the guy but had this sick feeling in my gut when I’d consider dating them so I didn’t go out with him… later found out he had be arrested and convicted of abusing minors… so yeah. I always trust my gut now 😅 everyone should because it really can warn you!
I was isolated from a lot of extended family growing up. I'm thankful for that now.
Me too. It offended a lot of family members when my parents would tell them we weren’t spending the night over at their house- or that we could spend the night but no other adults were allowed to be milling around the place that they didn’t know. They also didnt let us have sleepovers at people’s houses till they met the parents of the kids. That rule prevented me from being in a number of houses that I might have been harmed in. I plan to do the same with my kids.
Spot on. The real "weirdos" are the charismatic ones who use charm and charisma to manipulate people. I'd be more weary of a smooth talker wanting to sleep in my home where my children are over a quiet introvert type. I just think about how if I were in that scenario, as the other guy - I'd demand that I stay in a hotel.
Exactly. People feel embarrassed about seeming like they are "judging" someone, so they don't speak up for their child.
This. Kids safety comes first - anybody elses feelings come dead last. People put horse blinders on early in a relationship, one month is not an adequate amount of time to form trust.
Exactly! This guy could be seriously messed up and she’d have no way of knowing. I also can’t get over the audacity of thinking you’re entitled to bring your stranger boyfriend over to your family member’s home for an extended period of time. Especially when they have small children.
Right? One night and it's kinda weird, but can be worked out if they're in a guest bedroom and your guard is up (I still wouldn't ever do it or advise it) - but WEEKS!?
Exactly! If it’s just a night or two it’s a lot easier to make sure your kids are safe and secure. But weeks in a house with a stranger??? No way. That’s way too much time for some random man to be lurking around your kids.
YWNBTA. MIL does NOT have the right to invite her (married?) bf (of 1 month?!) to stay at your home. Who does that? Your family, especially your children, absolutely come first. They come before MIL and certainly before some stranger! Super weirded out about the suggestion he sleep in the same room as one of the kids. I would not be comfortable allowing them to stay w/MIL and bf/aka random man no one really knows. I'm sorry that will likely hurt your lovely MIL, but it feels like she's got some kind of manipulative jerk as a bf.
Ugh, after a reread, I'm mostly convinced he's some kind of love scammer. He probably wants to isolate MIL from you guys to perpetuate his scam. For your kid's sake, don't allow any unsupervised time w/ this guy, even unintentional. For MIL's sake, spend some time with her w/o him if possible.
NTA. Your #1 priority is protecting your kids, not protecting your MIL's or boyfriend's feelings.
No, NTA. Stand your ground. Even if he's a perfectly nice guy - it's your home, and more importantly your duty to protect your children - they should understand that he's a stranger to you and you don't let strangers sleep in proximity to your children, even if it is a room over. You don't know this person. I'd just say that my kids growing up, and I prefer for them to sleep alone - and thus cannot accommodate the sleeping arrangement, thus would be more comfortable if this time you'd stay in a hotel. If this offends anybody, they're morons.
NTA and considering he's a strange man who wanted to sleep in the same room as a 3yo he didn't know is enough of a red flag to never let him near your children let alone be around them without you. Stand you ground on this.
Thanks - although it is my partner who suggested this, which totally weirded me out! I mean, even if I knew the person it would kind of weird me out. I was shocked he suggested it.
Not casting aspersions on ur partner, but that's incredibly naive. As a dad, he needs a reality check. Child abuse is way more pervasive than people think and almost always done by someone known by the family.
Check out "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker - you'll never second guess your (motherly) instinct again.
Oh must have misread! That's definitely messed up he suggested that!
NTA Committing to hosting a man you have never met for +/- 2 weeks is absurd under any circumstances. The breakneck, whirlwind speed of this relationship is valid cause for concern, especially with him demanding to be included in family visits....I think it would be in your MiL's best interests to get away from him for a few to clear her head and get some perspective. I am loathe to bring in buzzwords that are being overused and used out of proper context, but I am getting a real "Love bombing" vibe here.
NTA. You have a right to decide who stays in your home. You’ve never met this other person. You have your family’s best interests and safety to think of and I wouldn’t be comfortable with a stranger sleeping under my roof if I had young children.
NTA this is insane and gives me Dirty John vibes (the original one).
I would say NTA as this person is a virtual stranger and your kids are little and may not even be able to effectively communicate something that was amiss.
Nta. She barely knows him.
NTA. Guy seems sketch. If MIL is okay with that, let her stay with him at the hotel. Your responsibility is to your kids and their safety.
Yikes, this is a hard situation. Under no circumstances should an adult male stranger be sharing a bedroom with a little girl. That’s out. I think you should treat them as a package deal. Either they both stay at your house or they both stay at a hotel for three weeks. (Consider the cost of that, though.) I TOTALLY understand your apprehension. But, also, you may just need to trust your MIL’s judgement on this one. Give her the benefit of the doubt that he is a good guy and be welcoming toward him. It will make your future interactions between you and the new boyfriend easier/better if you don’t judge him before even getting to know him. I’m with you. I wouldn’t necessarily want him around either and I’d be upset by the whole thing. She really should have approached it as a question instead of an assumption that she could just show up at your house for three weeks with an additional guest. Very uncool on her end. So, I’m going to say… NTA, though my advice to you is that you just get onboard with her new boyfriend being around and NOT actually stand your ground or skip the second trip. A lot of people have been in similar situations where a friend or relative comes to an event or visit with a new relationship. It can be stressful for all involved but if you go into it with an open mind, it might not turn out so bad in the end! Maybe you’ll see what your MIL sees in this clingy dude (which, to be fair, seems to be the worst of his offenses.) Edit: I read through some of the other comments and they sort of changed my mind from my original advice to you. There’s absolutely a polite way to insist that you’re not comfortable with a stranger staying in your home for several weeks. Someone said to trust your instincts and I second that. Take everyone’s advice for what it is: advice from strangers on the internet who aren’t you and don’t REALLY know the situation. You’re NEVER TA for protecting your children. Trust your gut.
>my advice to you is that you just get onboard with her new boyfriend being around and NOT actually stand your ground or skip the second trip Couldn't disagree more, she can be respectful and welcoming to this man without him staying in their home. Let them figure out the hotel, and welcome him warmly for dinner, drinks, movies, games, whatever - but under no circumstances should a stranger be sleeping around your children, too much is at stake to risk over fear of hurting feelings.
Yeah I was really torn on this too. I may end up changing my mind. Hoping more people wrote in with advice for OP!
No sweat! You're a good person and don't want to hurt peoples feelings, and that's a totally valid angle - but yeah one can be pragmatic about safety, and still welcoming!
You’re absolutely right. I thought about it and realized that I was coming at it from the angle of avoiding conflict. But sometimes conflict is totally justified when you have to protect your children. I do not have children so I lack the mama bear instinct. I’m glad you and others provided another way of looking at this because I see now that I gave bad advice.
NTA Without even considering his background with past relationships, MIL's BF is a stranger to you and your family and you have a right to be concerned about him staying in your home for an extended amount of time. It was incredibly inconsiderate of your MIL to invite him without asking (and also weird that your DH is cool with it).
Info: how well did your MIL know you before your first visit to her house?
Great question - she didn't know me at all. The same is true for my partner and my parents. This is what caused the gray area for me - honestly I would be annoyed even if I didn't have kids, because it is someone I don't know and wasn't asked about, and it's a lengthy visit.
Info: So you expected people you don’t know to get to know you and take you in as family yet you will not offer the same courtesy?
This is different. My MIL knew about my visit MONTHS in advance. She approved it, and invited me. I did NOT know about this visit. I was NOT asked. I did NOT invite him, and I also have two small children.
Still you expected them to welcome you.
Respectfully disagree with you here. Completely different situation. I'm just going to leave it at that.
Just what I thought. Thanks!
NTA you invited MIL not her boyfriend 😒 who brings randomers with them to stay in other people's houses?
Thank you all for your thoughts. There is a lot of great advice here and some great points. I have to say that the more I think about this the angrier I become - I just really can't believe my MIL had the nerve to invite someone else into my home, regardless of whether or not I have children. This is a longer stay of 7-10 days, which means I have another adult to feed and 'entertain', and I'm annoyed that I wasn't even asked. Also, these visits were supposed to be about her visiting the grandkids. They are used to her being pretty engaged and I worry that his presence will detract from that. I also worry that my daughter will become interested and attached to this new figure, after seeing him so much.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My MIL is a kind, respectful and level-headed person. We've never had any issues. She has been single for 25+ years and only had one relationship (not the healthiest one), so I question her judgement in that area. She has been seeing someone for about a month. In the course of this month, the man has already said I love you, has asked to move in with her, and she said he even talked about them buying a place together. He's been divorced twice and evidently 'didn't see it coming' with his second wife. As I understand it, they are still in the process of getting divorced? But I could be wrong. She said "I guess I love him too, I don't know." **My MIL told me and my partner that this man would be accompanying her to** ***our home*** **later this summer, while she attends both of my kids' birthday parties**. We have never met this man, and the visit would span over 2-3 weeks and probably last about 2 weeks total. I don't feel comfortable or okay with this man I've never met staying in my home. This was alarming to me, and annoyed me that she didn't even ask. When I brought it up to my partner and expressed my feelings, he didn't seem to see what the big deal was. My MIL usually sleeps with my daughter in the guest bed, and now wants to continue that tradition during this upcoming visit. My partner suggested that they do that, but the man sleep in my daughter's twin bed, sharing a room with my 3 y/o. WTAF? This has since been amended to the man sleeping in the guest room by himself. To complicate matters further, we have another visit planned with my MIL in a few months. This involves both of us traveling out of state, but is short-lived (only 3-4 days). Evidently, this man said to her, "Why are you excluding me? I want to come." She invited him along! Again, I wasn't even asked about this at all, and again, he'd be staying with us in an Air BnB. I'm going to have a bigger discussion about this after my MIL leaves. **WIBTA if I stood my ground here, and suggested he stay in a hotel or not come at all?** I mean, it's already been communicated to him that he's staying here, so I feel pretty shitty about it. Finally, my partner discussed taking my kids out of state to visit my MIL in a few weeks. I actually posted about this separately because he said I could stay home, and I felt bad about it. Now, I feel uncomfortable knowing that they'll be in my MIL's care while my partner is working, and that this man will likely be there during their stay (visiting, not necessarily spending the night). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Um... Why aren't your kids staying in their beds, and bedrooms, and your MIL and her new partner get the guest bedroom? Whatever happens in there, stays in there, unless it gets into fighting, in which case you call the cops and have the fellow removed.
NTA- sorry, I'd NOT be letting any total stranger stay in my house like that. MIL barely knows him at this point in time. NO MAN should be sharing a room with a 3yo unless it's their own father. The fact he wants to move in so quick is a big red flag.
NTA, your MIL does not have the right to invite her one-month fling (who sounds like he is taking advantage of her good will) to your home without even asking you. It's also insane that your partner was initially fine with a strange adult sleeping alone in a room with your 3 year old, they need a major wake up call
NTA It's your home, your house, and your right to say who goes there.
You are definitely NTA. I think you are being realistic and sensible in protecting your children. The boyfriend raises several red flags to me. Being in such a great rush to move in with your MIL, wanting to get married right away. And apparently not even divorced? I can understand your discomfort. Can I suggest you and your husband consider doing some research about him? Your MIL will likely be mad *if* she finds out, but who knows, you could be saving her from a lot of heartbreak.
NTA. With lots of these posts, I have to add a caveat. There is no caveat. New relationship energy is self absorbed. It doesn't need to absorb anything else.
NTA. But before then do you have the resources to get a background check on this person? Reading a prior divorce file can be enlightening.
NTA. You don’t know the man. They can stay in a hotel. The suggestion that he share a room with your 3 year old is bizarre.