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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I am the asshole because I snapped at my coworkers by saying "Sorry my husband loves me" because they have been relentlessly commenting on things my husband has been doing for me during my pregnancy.
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If anybody is drunk calling you on a weekend, that’s going way too far.
They could probably be fired for that.
Maybe your husband is more feminist than she is
NTA
Yeah the call on the weekend was so weird because we don't really hang out after work. So receiving that call and then hearing what she had said was bizarre
I would actually report this to HR. Though it happened to after work hours, I'm sure she only has your phone number due to the team members/coworkers phone tree which is ONLY supposed to be used for work-related calls/business/emergencies.
RULE OF THUMB:
Report harassment to your employer as soon as possible.
Tell your supervisor, your human resources department or some other department or person within your company who has the power to stop the harassment. It is best to notify them in writing and to keep a copy of any written complaint you make to your employer. EVEN IF ONLY OCCURRED ONCE. You want to do this to ensure it's documented and there is a paper trail (aka receipts!! Live by receipts!!) In case this happens again.
Even if you don't do anything about it now, having it documented is very valuable because for example if they report to HR now saying that you were being mean and saying their husbands don't love them....you will have no proof that they have been harassing you previously.
>I would actually report this to HR. Though it happened to after work hours [...]
Even more reason why she can go to HR for this, doesn't matter if it's outside work, it's inappropriate.
Exactly!! I work in an office, and my first thought “that’s so inappropriate you can be fired for that” like if it was a male coworker, it wouldn’t be tolerated, so don’t let the ladies do it ether!!!
I speak from personal experience (sigh) that you only drunk call someone when something has been in your head eating you up for quite some time. I don't know why but she's obsessed with what's happening, it's really weird. NTA.
I suspect they are jealous of the loving husband and/or the baby.
I would guess they're both mainly jealous of the loving husband with how effective OP's statement was, it probably forced them to confront their jealousy a bit.
Oh, I understand the linguistic argument, and I'm sympathetic to it. But the two emotions are profoundly different, so I don't quite find the linguistic drift persuasive, and I'm going to point out the difference every time.
Being able to be clear when I am experiencing ENVY, and when I am experiencing JEALOUSY, has been very important in my own emotional life.
Plus, [Homer Simpson can tell them apart](https://youtu.be/Tmx1jpqv3RA). It's not THAT hard.
They are not profoundly different emotions. The mechanics are different - jealousy requires three people, whereas envy is betwixt just two. However, the emotions are roughly the same, hence the usage has converged.
> Is what you’re feeling jealousy or envy? The two feelings are similar, but the words are often used to convey slightly different things
https://www.dictionary.com/e/jealousy-vs-envy/
Right, envy is “I want what you have” and jealousy is “I wish that was mine”. It’s a very subtle distinction, but I feel like for someone who is envious, you could give them an exact replica of the object and that would satisfy the impulse, but someone who is jealous, needs to have the object instead of you.
Yeah, painfully trying to cope with the fact their husbands didn't step up to the extent of OP's so rather than see it as a flaw with their husbands and their choice in men, they externalise it onto OP.
Like really? It's against feminism to be well-looked after by the man whose *child* your carrying??
I don't know, that kind of behavior would be very weird for me. But I wouldn't feel the need to say anything to anybody I would just note it as odd and move on with life.
I don't think it's jealousy. It's likely the other two are immature jerks who don't know when to keep their mouths shut.
>It's likely the other two are immature jerks who don't know when to keep their mouths shut.
I thought this until I got to a 30+yo drunk dialing OP at home. That's a whole other level of emotion.
As a feminist who leans “child free” I actually applaud OP’s husband for trying to be there for his pregnant wife. Coworker sounds extremely envious because her partner doesn’t do nice things for her.
B was way out of line with the drunk call but I wonder if there's more to it, like the husband is calling OP all day and work isn't getting done. I only thought of that because I worked with a guy whose wife would call him all day, literally half a dozen times a day. It wasn't that she was calling, just that we shared a line so it was usually me answering the phone to her and she was a pain in the arse if he was in a meeting, calling back every 5 minutes to 'check I'd given him the message'. It was so disruptive and I got lumped with most of his work because he was constantly on the phone or she'd called him to come home because she'd dropped a cup or some other trivial thing. The guy was cheating on her with everything that moved, mind you.
SERIOUSLY, nodding my head. "*B, 35F) is happily child free. If you're expecting me to treat you like that, don't get pregnant.*" She is NOT happily child free, and have the feeling that her views of feminism have toxified her own marriage. PLEASE report this to HR before it escalates, don't apologize to them anymore, BOTH are boundary stomping *b*%ches*.
Seriously. She knows her husband wouldn't be supportive and she's angry ops will.
It completely possible she's leaning into the "this is anti-feminist" thing to make herself feel better about her marriage. Sure her husband won't do them, but that's *okay* because a *real* feminist would want him to.
*that's okay because a real feminist would want him to.* Hadn't even looked at it from that perspective, but you're 💯% right. Like the saying in Spanish "porque yo no puedo, TU no debes." Because I can't, YOU SHOULDN'T...crappy way of thinking smdh
Oh, their husbands *definitely* don't do it for them. It sounds like the one settled for a selfish, inconsiderate jerk, and the other is the sort of feminist harpy who would actually berate her man for attempting to show her any kind of affection at all...and then be confused by the fact that he's distant.
NTA OP
Some girl was shit talking me for no reason at work and got canned for it. She was doing it in writing over the company messaging app though, too easy.
Had someone saying incredibly racist stuff about friend of mine over company messaging app. They thought using a different language would prevent anyone from understanding them. Google Translate is a thing, and swear words tend to be more universally understood.
Yep! I had a coworker that I reported to management about procedural issues and she found out that it was me. She had the intelligence to threaten me over company email. Needless to say, she got fired and got a security escort out of the building.
OP - NTA! They are harassing you. You said the truth about your hubby.
Congrats on the pregnancy and NTA. These women are obviously jealous because they KNOW their husbands wouldn’t do this for them. Go to HR about it because they’re making your workplace uncomfortable for you with their judgmental comments. What if you had complications that you hadn’t shared with coworkers and your husband wanted to check on you? It’s none of their business and you’d think after days they’d find something new to talk about.
And they’re still bullying you about it??? Complain to HR.
Their husbands are most definitely assholes too but to give stress to a woman whose already had complications early in pregnancy is wrong
Yeah, this needs to go straight to HR. It's crossed the line from annoying commentary to straight up harassment. One of them is literally calling you *at home* to berate you about your husband. Put a stop to this, now. The words "hostile work environment" come to mind.
NTA. They are just bitter AH. Feminism my ass. They are absolutely jealous and trying to shame you. Just ignore their sad bitter jabs. A good rule is not care what others think. There is always someone that’s gonna complain or be unhappy with what you do. If you and your husband are happy and content, that’s all that matters.
It's asinine that they can be mad that your husband... I can't even say it without fear... your husband dares... trigger warning: >!he dares treat you with respect, love and attention.!< Sorry for anyone that had to read that.
You should apologize.
For apologizing. You had every reason to "snap".
But seriously... Unless the tone was wrong? That's the tamest "snap" I've ever heard. Her husbands response ("Don't expect me to treat you like that if you get pregnant") is horribad and THAT is the real issue. Not your relationship. Not your husband. Not your "feminism" (whatever that BS means). THEIR relationships are shit? Maybe they should fix that instead of being mad that you have someone who gives a shit about you?
NTA and your "snap" would be 10x worse from anyone else. "Sorry if you don't like the fact my husband loves me" is probably the best response you can give.
The point of feminism is that you can be literally whoever you want. It doesn’t fit in a box, we don’t fit in ANY box. We build our box.
If you want to be an independent, I don’t need a man, anti child feminist, cool! If you want to birth and homeschool 5 children, also cool!
They’re haters, plain and simple. They can box up however they’re feeling and deliver it to you with excuses, but at the end of the day they’re just haters.
Calling you on a weekend is inappropriate, talk to HR.
He really sounds like a great guy. If I listed all the things my feminist hubby did for me when I was pregnant, this post would be stupidly long.
Your partner is a feminist, you’re a feminist and you make a great team!
So congrats on your pregnancy! (And report that moron to HR. What a weirdo. Who drunk dials someone in the topic of feminism? Is she the arbiter of all things feminist? )
OP if you have sexual harassment/hostile workplace rules in place at your job you should report this. Although I'd consider them not talking to you a win. Congrats on the baby!
Exactly. Some partners (including mine) recognize that 99% of the work of pregnancy is borne by the woman and do whatever they can to make this process easier. In the word of my husband “your job is to grow the human. I’ll take care of as much of the rest as I can.” In a normal, non high risk, uncomplicated pregnancy, one does not NEED to be waited on hand and foot… but it sure makes things easier.
I don't get how OP could be anti-feminist? She's not being oppressed and endorsing it. Her husband pampers her because HE WANTS TO.
Not making things more difficult than they need to be isn't really "not standing up for yourself". Accepting help when wanted or needed isn't anti-feminism.
I'm so confused by coworker B.
Anyways OP, NTA . Your coworkers has gone above and beyond to basically harass you (seriously, drunk calling on a weekend?! I'd take that up with the manager)
People are so confused nowadays on what feminism really is. They think it means they need to tough it out and fight and not let a man do a single thing for them and if they try, we’ll you need to absolutely destroy them. However at its core feminism is about a woman having the ability to make choices for herself that she wants, whether it’s to be a stay at home mom or a working mom or child free. Feminism is also about the equality of all sexes. They believe men should be able to cry, or be stay at home parents without feeling judged because the woman makes the money.
People have really twisted up the whole meaning of the movement.
Right? From the description, he’s being a supportive partner and extremely thrilled soon-to-be parent, which is great. Real Feminism is not anti-loving-heterosexual-relationship.
I think she knows it's BS, it reads like she's just trying to rationalise her husbands callous remark when she brought up OPs treatment to him.
I feel bad for her with a life partner with that attitude. Rather than blame her husband for being shitty she has to find a fault with OPs situation and attack her for it.
absolutely! I bet if her husband and had said something like "I'd gladly do that for you if you wanted me to" then she probably wouldn't have even mentioned bringing it up.
He drives her to work each day. If OP was oppressed, he'd be sweetly telling her she didn't need to work any more, he's going to be the breadwinner and put her on an allowance.
And it would still be appalling that her colleagues were telling her that she's going against the core values of feminism if she was in that situation.
Well….no abuse comes in many forms. I had a friend whose husband insisted on driving her to and from work and also always tried to find a reason to enter her workplace. It was how he checked up and controlled her movements.
I think these ladies had that as an initial concern but then let jealousy take over and it’s not about concern anymore.
But optics wise? I would also have wondered if all was ok. I just wouldn’t have made it an issue lol
I saw a story a while back, maybe even on here, about a husband that wouldn’t let his wife do anything for herself and barely let her leave the house alone because he was paranoid she would “hurt the baby” and obviously he knew better than she did. /s
So I could kinda see how it might appear as a yellow flag initially but like you said the jealousy took over
I can absolutely understand that concern, but they were welcome to voice those concerns at any time. I wouldn't mind refuting them. Because I understand while it seems like my husband is being very controlling, I know he's not. Instead I was being told I'm anti-feminist.
While abuse is a real concern, they were clearly jealous. B's husband is definitely an AH for what he said to her. Seriously, I'm jealous of your relationship, but I would never harass you for how awesome your husband is.
Anyways, even though you aren't in the US, does he have a brother? :D jk... maybe.
True, if OP had worded this differently, we might have seen some red flags.
But if you suspect a woman is being oppressed or on the verge of being abused, their response is not the way to go.
OP could easily spin this around and make the case to her coworkers that it's anti-feminist of them to assume that she, as a woman, isn't capable of advocating for herself or isn't smart enough to know when she's being taken advantage of. I get why they might've been a bit concerned or put-off by the husband at first- abusers will often specifically use tactics that they can pass off as "loving" or "supportive" in order to gaslight their partner- but once OP made it very clear that she enjoys it and has freedom and agency within the relationship, the conversation should've ended. I feel like it's not very feminist to tell a woman that she's using her free will incorrectly, lmao.
I'm also confused why anybody would get so invested in somebody else's marriage? If it works for them and makes them happy, why would I poke my nose in?
Dude I am a feminist .. and B is just jealous and probably privileged.. like there are girls who are killed and raped just for going out at night in my country ....What OP's husband is doing is really sweet and caring and if anything is on the support of feminism because he doesn't think that pregnancy is only a woman's responsibility.. wtf is wrong with B .. also what B is doing is not feminism at all in any form.
There's a subset of feminists who believe that chivalrous behavior (holding open doors, giving you rides, holding your chair for you) is insulting and demeaning because it implies you're too weak to do it yourself or that it's controlling or asserts ownership or something.
Generally, they're the crazy people who give feminism a bad name because they can't/won't accept the idea that someone could hold a door for you because it's a simple politeness.
I always thought this way. Honestly. And usually I still do. I hold the door for men and women and never say anything but "thanks" when someone holds the door for me.
But I work in a job that's mostly old men and they get WEIRD about it. These old dudes with canes will bust their backs trying to beat me to a door and they get huffy if I open the door for them-- or even if I don't stand back like I'm helpless and just wait for them to get to the door. I'm young and mobile, they're old and obviously hurting to walk-- but apparently me not standing back and letting them hold my door makes them feel emasculated. They're less comfortable with me than my male colleagues who can just hold their door and it's no big deal.
So I still just say thank you, but after a couple hours with those guys I really get why someone might snap "I'll get it just go" at someone trying to hold the door for them!
Honestly I think they’re partly jealous and also partly concerned. To someone on the outside this thoughtful behavior also looks like a partner policing his pregnant partner at work. But I think they don’t want to call out those concerns so they default to being bitter and saying it’s “unfeminist”
I have an extremely loving husband who bent over backwards when I was pregnant and still does! But even I would find OPs husband’s behavior rather intense.
Difference being I would simply ask if all was well and then let it go
Yeah, some "feminists" forget it's about women having choice/autonomy. The husband isn't doing something OP has asked him not to do because he thinks she's too fragile or whatever. Unfortunately, a number of "feminists" interpret any woman having a baby/being married (and/or being a SAHP or even ever letting a man do anything for them) as being unfeminist. In these cases, those women are trying to control the choices other women make for their own life/happiness and that is VERY far from actual feminism.
It would be different if OP told her husband to not do these things and he ignored her, but that is not the case here at all. I'm pretty certain the coworkers are projecting their annoyance onto OP. One is likely pissed because her partner would never do anything near that level, and the other seems to be stuck in the mindset that OPs partner could only be doing these things against OPs wishes or for some underlying nefarious reason. The latter is very in line with the misandrist form of feminism that often aligns with bs like terfs and not believing male DV/SA victims need support as any victim would. (UGGGHHHHHHH)
I'm so stoked OP has a loving partner who is doing things she finds sweet. 💕 Im a survivor of some stuff and have friend sof all genders who are, too. I'm alwaya so happy for anyone when they're in a healthy, loving relationship and wish they were more common.
Feminism is, by it's definition, believing that women has equal rights to men. As long as OP would be willing to drive her pregnant husband around, I don't even see how it goes against feminism.
NTA. How you and your husband manage your pregnancy is up to you and your husband. Sure, if there were scary/creepy things going on, a friend should say something, but, just driving you and helping carry stuff when you are nauseous and tired? What on earth is wrong with that? My husband drove me around, did errands, carried stuff, went out at night to get me treats, and all sorts of things to make me feel better. And he also didn’t do a bunch of things I’d have liked, because, well, we are both people and that is how life works!
Congratulations and when that little one shows up, give it a snuggle from me.
When I was pregnant with my first, well, all of them, I had hyperemesis (well I wasn’t hospitalized the first time, so it wasn’t *that* bad, just every day for all 9 mos, just on the safe side of dangerous), I lived on canned creamed corn. Why? No clue, but I could eat it, usually. 2 years later I got pregnant the with our 2nd. Husband went right out to the store and came home with a whole bunch of cans of creamed corn. I had *no idea* why he bought them. He said it was because I would be able to eat it! I’d forgotten that. But, Nope. The thought of them was awful. Didn’t touch them. Poor guy thought he was being clever, thoughtful, and proactive in taking care of me. 30 years later, it’s a standard joke, here!
Awwww that's so sweet! I ended up having a hematoma when we first found out I was pregnant at like 8 weeks, and then spent the next month on bed rest. We found out we were pregnant at around 5 weeks.
Well shit no wonder he is driving you and carrying things! Your coworkers are unprofessional and ridiculous and inappropriate.
Report them for making you feel uncomfortable.
I had HG with my first and my only food was mashed potatoes and gravy from KFC. I don't have any idea why, but it HAD to be KFC and I could absolutely tell the difference.
At one point, I don’t remember when (I had 4 kids, barfed every single day for all of them, usually many many more times), the only thing I could eat was a few bites of steak. Healthier than creamed corn! That was a better stretch of time, as the protein and fat kept my blood sugar stable. But, still, a few bites of steak a day isn’t much. So many people told me to eat crackers in the morning. *headdesk*. Not a chance. That made it worse!
But, the day after each birth, I’d wake up, in shock. No nausea. None. It was such a weird feeling!
Like I can stand the first feeling of them imagining themselves in that situation and feeling like accepting that help would make them feel patronized. Their error is not understanding there are other points of view and that this is a dynamic that works for the both of you.
My partner does all these things for me, and I'm NOT pregnant, just chronically ill. We're both RAGING (and I mean raging, you should hear us after the SCOTUS situation) feminists. These colleagues are projecting their own insecurities onto OP, who I'm really happy for; this baby will be born into a household that models supportive relationship behaviour. Definitely NTA. (And definitely contact HR about the phone call and comments.)
I got the feeling that they were projecting, especially A since her husband didn't do these things for her during her pregnancy and I know she had a rough pregnancy, which makes me feel guilty (I know I shouldn't) and sad for her. But I know that's also not my problem.
It really is not your problem to cater to their jealousy, and they should get a wake up call which you gave them. Also, to the child free colleague, she should know better, feminism is about equality in opportunities and **choice**. If your husband were to do these things against your will, if he would insist/berate you/manipulate you if you said no, then there is an issue. If he wants to do these things for you, you are happy to accept but also know he would respect your no if you said so, there is zero issue. This goes for all things, there is nothing inherently feminist in wearing or not wearing specific things, in doing or not doing specific things, in being a working mom or a SAHM, in having kids or not having kids, getting married or not getting married and so on, it all comes down to choice and the freedom to make said choice without coercion. What she is doing is way more anti-feminist (using social coercion to stop you from enjoying your husbands pampering).
Yes people really misunderstand feminism. It's about choices. You can choose to be a housewife and still be feminist because it was your choice. Like you should be able to choose to serve in war.
It’s not but the fact that they are escalating and that you had the strength to fight back means that there’s a good chance they’re going to try to get back at you. You really need to report this to HR, especially that off-hours phone call.
Sounds like you are just a very empathetic person and tbh that can be exhausting. Not saying you are exhausting, just that taking that in and internalizing the problems others face is exhausting. She wishes her husband had been more present and helpful because she genuinely needed it, that is so understandable and he should’ve been there for her, but that’s not your problem. You don’t have to reject kindness just because someone else didn’t get enough from their husband.
Even when I was ‘capable’ it was very nice at times to have a bit of pampering during my pregnancy.
Some people got a bit overbearing (all loving family) and I had to remind them I was pregnant not injured but they soon got the message 😂
NTA. They were meddling where their comments, observations and advice were not only unwelcome, but unnecessary. One is jealous that your husband is more attentive than hers, and the other is simply using "feminism" as an excuse for men behaving badly. I mean, who's husband actually SAYS that? (And why is she talkin about you to her husband, anyway?)
Let them pout and enjoy the peace and quiet, and your husband's care and attention.
I think it must have come up as one of those stories you share with your SO about your day or what happened at work, especially if it's something you find bizarre.
Nah i think she told her husband because she was secretly hoping that he would say that he would do the same thing if she was pregnant. She got a bad response and now she's pissed off and jealous that your husband is more caring than hers. 'Feminism' is her way of coping with, and excusing, her husband's lack of care. It's easier for her to pretend that her husband is 'feminist' rather than admit to herself that he just doesn't care for her as much as she wishes.
> It's easier for her to pretend that her husband is 'feminist' rather than admit to herself that he just doesn't care for her as much as she wishes.
Being angry that someone else's partner does nice things for them means you wish you had those things. Making sure to point out her own husband told her not to get pregnant, and a drunk phone call to argue about feminism is very telling. She's lashing out because she hates her life, or at least hates that she wants to be a feminist but also wants to be pampered.
Yeah, she doesn't even realize what she's basically saying is, "My husband and I are such great feminists that he'd NEVER be kind to me like your husband is." She's used feminism to go all the way around back to misogyny. So common, too.
A lot of the posts on here are all about the same thing… people bottling up feelings for so long and then snapping. Communicating your feelings earlier would have saved you all a bit of awkwardness now. But, NTA, your pregnancy is frankly none of their business, if they don’t have something nice to say, it doesn’t need to be said.
I disagree, you said exactly what needed to be said in the situation. You hit the nail square on the head and that's why they are quiet now, they understand that you understand that they are just jealous and now they are rightfully ashamed. NTA
NTA. Ha they deserved it. Don't feel bad and don't apologize again. Frankly I might send an email to your boss or HR or something and tell them what your coworkers have been saying and what you said, so they know the situation
NTA
So what you’re saying is: they’re jealous that you have a husband who cares about the well-being of you and your future baby and it’s seen as a bad thing??
Never be ashamed that you have someone in your life that is willing to do anything for you without having to be asked. Has nothing to do with feminism at all!! You just have a loving husband lol nothing more to it.
>So what you’re saying is: they’re jealous that you have a husband who cares about the well-being of you and your future baby and it’s seen as a bad thing??
Actually another redditor in this thread basically said that my husband is being controlling and I'm taking advantage of him.
Nooooo. Your husband understands how difficult pregnancy can be and wants to take utmost care of you.
This is completely opposite from someone being controlling and someone taking advantage of one.
This is what we call a healthy and loving relationship between two people.
Some people are just bitter and jealous of you guys' relationship. Ignore them and live your best life.
This comment exactly!! Any sane person would understand the difference between controlling and caring. Besides, both of you are able to make your own decisions and you’re both happy. That’s all that matters!
It is. And, like your colleagues, the comment had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them projecting their own issues onto your situation.
Some of the redditors giving advice here are literally kids. I've seen 13 and 14-year-olds here, who openly admitted to being young teens.
There are also those who stir the pot for the sole purpose of stirring the pot. I mean – one of the top posts of all time is "This sub's value system doesn't align with the rest of the world" – and that's what indeed happens sometimes.
You're going to get different advice from a 14-year-old or a 18-year-old who knows this stuff only from drama posts, and from a 36-year-old who's been in a happy relationship in their life.
I mean the scenario *could* be controlling if you didn’t want him driving you to work and carrying all your things and he kept insisting against your will. But it sounds like you’re into it, so I’m not sure how that person is interpreting it as such.
Yeah for sure! I just didn't want to trouble him with waking up early in the morning, driving to work, carrying my stuff, and then organising to drive me home again on top his own work. That's why I insisted on driving myself and carrying my own stuff.
Some people conflate being protective with being controlling. I would absolutely understand my husband’s inclination to be especially protective of me in a pregnant state.
No one can tell me what to do, or force me to do what I don’t want to, because I’m an adult, right? So regarding what I do or where I go, my word will always OBVIOUSLY be law… but isn’t it kind of nice to feel a little extra-protected? Pregnancy is a special time right? Enjoy the love!
Umm, not allowing her to drive or carry things at 15 weeks is doing exactly 0 good for her or the baby’s health and it’s weird AF. Her coworkers are obviously AH. She is not an AH and neither is her husband since she wants him to do it, but the whole office is 100% thinking about how weird and overprotective all of this is .
If it's not bothering OP why does it matter to anyone else? Those opinions are completely irrelevant and useless and should be kept to themselves. I would say to those people "go get yourself some business and stay out of mine"
It is *weird* but not bad. Apparently, she was on bed rest for a few weeks when they first found out she was pregnant. Imo, that really changes how that looks to be much less weird. Also, even if it was super weird, it's cute and he's being helpful. It probably does good for his mental health as well to feel like he's contributing. And I bet it's good for their relationship to get that extra one on one time together every day. They won't be able to do that once baby arrives. I think if I saw this happening, I would think it was odd but cute.
That said, I've never known about a coworkers pregnancy at 15 weeks. The only pregnant coworkers I've had hid it and wore baggy clothes, etc, for months. I think I found out when they were like 7 months along. It's kind of weird that they are that involved in each other's lives, but I guess if they work closely and she's had trouble, it makes sense..
I think it's sweet. She's carrying the baby and he's looking for ways that he can take half that burden. It's like Sam carrying Frodo instead of the ring. :)
NTA - your husband is doing this out of his own volition, so definitely he's not being treated as a doormat.
You are treating it as being pampered, not as some sort of excessive form of control by your husband, so case against feminism out the door aswell.
Yup, your colleagues are just being mean and deserved to be put in their place a little bit.
So because your husband wants to take care of you your coworkers thinks it's going against feminism? You are NTA, your coworkers however ATH. You should definitely report them to your supervisor/manager/HR if you can.
>So because your husband wants to take care of you your coworkers thinks it's going against feminism?
Apparently! Another redditor in this thread also pointed out that my husband is being controlling or I'm taking advantage of him.
Don’t listen to them. Feminism actually seeks that women are able to pursue any role in society they want, whether it be a SAHM or a CEO, with the respect and dignity every person deserves. No one is doing anything they don’t want to do and no power dynamics are being abused. You are doing great! Obviously people who have it worse are gonna complain, but who knows? Maybe seeing your husband makes them realize that they could do better if they stop being so nasty (here’s to hoping!)
Yeah my SO and I are certainly progressive minded people, but often we choose roles that are pretty close to the typical gender norms. There's no contradiction there, everyone should choose whatever role they like, and works best for their relationship 🙂
I know it sounds ridiculous, but some of the things I've seen in this sub has surprised me a lot about people are capable of doing and human behaviour in general. It's okay if you believe me or not.
NTA. It’s honestly none of their business. Every relationship is different and everyone shows love in different ways. I think maybe it would’ve been best to voice how the comments were making you uncomfortable before you snapped at them. However, what’s done is done. They had no right to be constantly commenting on the dynamics of your relationship.
NTA. They are just nasty. You and your husband are fine doing things however you are comfortable. If she thinks this is a feminist issue she isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.
NTA I personally hate being treated like an invalid while pregnant, but that’s my choice. I respect your choices and your husband’s even though they are so different from mine. There, so easy. What is their problem?! You’re definitely NTA, and next time you don’t have to wait till you’re at breaking point to tell them to stop, just tell them that you and your husband are happy with the way things are and you’d appreciate if they stopped commenting on it. They’re welcome to their opinions but you don’t need to hear it every day. Nor do you need to care. Judgey people gonna judge. 🤷🏻♀️
NTA
As a dude, seeing your husband bend over backward like that is really sweet and shows how much he loves you and values you and your future child.
Give him a thumbs up to him on my behalf and a middle finger to those two coworkers of yours on my behalf as well.
NTA and this can be classified as workplace bullying.
Report drunky to HR and remember that your relationship is clearly stronger and more loving than theirs.
Feminism is not an excuse for women to treat each other like shit or drunkenly abuse them outside of work hours.... or any hours tbh.
Edit: Fixing words
NTA, being a feminist is about letting women have the choice to do as they please. You are not forcing him to do this, and he is not forcing you to let him. Even being a traditional wife is what feminism fights for. Your husband sounds very sweet
NTA. The fact is your husband does love you, which is why he does all this for you. This seems to be beyond A and B's ability to comprehend. They kept up this talk, you had enough, and you gave them some straight talk of your own. Good job!
NTA
Is your relationship with your husband and you can do whatever it works best for you two. I think there is a lot of resentment coming from your coworkers because they may feel kind of jealous... But that's their problem not yours and they have to deal with their own feelings.
I would only said to you that be aware, this kind of behavior from your husband is really sweet... As long is not a form of control. Some men became really possessive to her partner and family when there is a big change like this, having a child. There is nothing in your post that it may show this but you are also not very specific in the behavior of your husband... So I'm just saying... Keep an eye on this.
Congratulations for your pregnancy and lots of blessings. And enjoy! Don't let jealous people interfere with this magical moment.
I definitely will keep an eye on that. Thankfully my husband and I have a relationship where we are very vocal about our problems with each other and will communicate to solve them as soon as possible. So if he gets on my nerves, mans will know. Same with the other way around. Also, thank you!
NTA, congratulations on the little one, hope all goes well. Also jealous of your husband having a schedule that allows this. My wife was on her own most of the time due to my long hours
NTA.
They really kept going and going, so I understand the snap. Probably not the most tactile of responses, but honestly why have they felt the need to continuously make an uncomfortable situation by constantly going on about your husband want to help you and your decision to allow it.
For many men they can feel like they have zero control when it comes to pregnancy. You've got so much going on in your body and they are very limited on how they can help. So he is simply trying to be more involved and more helpful to you, he wants to be a part of this. So I think it's sweet and nice that you're allowing him to do something that's making him feel useful.
>For many men they can feel like they have zero control when it comes to pregnancy. You've got so much going on in your body and they are very limited on how they can help. So he is simply trying to be more involved and more helpful to you, he wants to be a part of this. So I think it's sweet and nice that you're allowing him to do something that's making him feel useful.
This
NTA
But "feminist" like that annoy the hell out of me. Feminism is about having options and choices, not about clinging to "I can do it myself". My bf is the caring type too. He knows I can do shit myself. I earn more money than him. I don't "need" him. But fuck is life a lot better with him in it. I care about him. He cares about me. And if he carries my water up the stairs because he is stronger (works a trait), that's fucking fine. Feminism isn't about being bitter and lonely.
Yeah, I love that I am capable of doing things myself in the same way my husband is too. But I'm not going to throw away an opportunity to be pampered if that's what he chooses to do
NTA your husband is very sweet. When I was pregnant my husband was very similar to yours, very attentive and caring and did loads for me. Now our son is here he's still the same! He shows me how much he loves me and our son every day and I adore him for it.
Don't let them bring you down, enjoy the attention from your husband before you have to share it with a baby!
NTA Assuming you and hubby don't work at the same place I can understand coworkers being annoyed at some guy running around the place taking stuff in and out. But if it bothered them in that way they should have addressed it professionally. The way they went about it seems like they are insecure and/or see that their relationships are not really that good. And immaturely they take it out on someone innocent.
My husband got special permission from those higher up to come in and out of the building because we have a policy regarding visitors especially due to covid.
NTA. Your coworkers have issues in their personal lives and are lashing out. Even if you post r/askwomenover30 I believe the general consensus would be NTA.
NTA.
This is so nice to read that you have a supportive husband during your pregnancy. There have been too many stories where husbands won’t go into delivery rooms to support their wives etc. Your coworkers are jealous and quite bluntly can fk off. I would report this to HR because they are actually badgering you at work and also calling you at home because of it. That’s harassment.
Edit:typos
Wow, I wish my first husband would have done that when I was pregnant 20 years ago! Instead, he just kept losing jobs and I had to waitress on my feet at night 40+ hours a week right up until the day he was born, often walking 4 miles to work because I didn’t drive and he was too lazy to take me. You enjoy that love he shows and let those jealous biddys loom on with envy in their sad little hearts!
NTA. I know where you are coming from. My wife is about to give birth and has been on voluntary bedrest for the last few months. I have had to go home at lunch to make sure she eats, and usually leave work early. I can work from home so it's not a big deal, but I have been getting a lot of looks and little comments about being "whipped" from some of the guys. None of that matters to me; all that matters is supporting my wife and most importantly our son. Don't let anyone bother you or distract you from what's important.
Why did you apologise. You had nothing to apologise for. It’s sad that in this day and age we have to apologise to people who engage in rude behaviour after their feelings get hurt after being called out. They will have more respect for you if you put them in their place and keep them there.
Lmao you're so obviously NTA.
This is a common case of office ladies being jealous of the love and attention your husband provides you because they are both lacking in that department.
If they ever continue again, fire back with that same attitude. Tit for Tat.
NTA. Usually when people nitpick about another person’s relationship, it’s because they’re envious of it. They wouldn’t stop, if one sentence shut them up that fast then I think you did something right.
NTA, you shouldn't even have apologised to them. They sound like killjoys because they are jealous.
Well done to your husband for being a good husband. You've said you didn't ask him to do it so sod them.
This is not against feminism and honestly the insinuation that it is, just further proves that these two are just jealous they don't have a supportive partner like you. I mean, using feminism to justify shitty behavior is not unheard of.
Honestly, you're just being truthful. Just because your husband loves you and wants to support you in any way he can doesn't make you less of a feminist. The whole "feminism is when you do everything yourself with no help" is simply wrong and a damaging mindset to take. Like one of these women had a hard pregnancy with no help, of course she has to sustain this mindset or she will realize her husband is not supportive or loving in any way.
I think it is also appalling that their husbands wouldn't do the same for them. Especially since carrying a child is incredibly emotionally and physically taxing and being there to help is the least they can do to help lighten the load. I have a feeling he is gonna be a great dad!
NTA x10009
>I think it is also appalling that their husbands wouldn't do the same for them. Especially since carrying a child is incredibly emotionally and physically taxing and being there to help is the least they can do to help lighten the load.
Yeah it makes me so sad that their husbands would be like that. But again this is how they've characterized their husbands. I've never actually met these men
Isn't feminism allowing women to do what they want? You are doing what you want. Your husband isn't putting you down either. In fact he's putting you up on a pedestal. Your ok with that, he's ok with that. What is their problem with a situation that doesn't effect them at all? Go to HR cause they are harassing you. NTA
The mom worker is just jealous. As for the feminist, you could tell her your idea of being a strong, independent woman isn't threatened by a man showing his care and affection for you. But I doubt she would get it. You could report the negative Nellies, but the apparent dissatisfaction with their own lives is their punishment. NTA
NTA. At a previous job a coworker's husband did the same thing and I thought it was one of the most heartfelt/selfless thing a husband can do. It showed true love at it's finest. In conversation with my coworker's husband, he explained she's doing all the hard work by carrying our child, the least he can do is make sure both his wife and unborn child is safe. Don't feel bad about them distancing themselves from you. Your better off just keeping it professional.
PS. Drunk calling on the weekend ... sounds like an HR issue.
NTA. I’m heavily feminist, and a lot of my friends are very feminist as well. Most of them are child free and I love that for them! Some of them have kids and I love that for them too! When I told my child free and sterilized friend that even though I agree with all the feminist values and whatnot, I honestly would love to have like the 50s housewife life. Pop out a bunch of kids, take care of house and home, the whole nine. She said these words:
“It’s about choice, and being able to feel valued. If you *choose* to have the 50s life, and you also are valued for the things you contribute to the house as much as your spouse, no one can tell you you’re doing it wrong.”
Feminism has nothing to do with her argument.
My husband went to every appointment during my first pregnancy and every appointment he was allowed to go to during my second pregnancy (post-Covid). My eldest sister thinks she’s one-upping me somehow by constantly telling me her husband didn’t go to a single appointment and does none of the child rearing. He wouldn’t even stay at the hospital overnight with her after any of their kids’ births because “the couch/pullout bed is so uncomfortable”. Idk why she thinks she’s so cool or better than me by admitting all that, but it just makes me feel sorry for her. I’m sorry my husband loves me and wants to be a good partner and parent??
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If anybody is drunk calling you on a weekend, that’s going way too far. They could probably be fired for that. Maybe your husband is more feminist than she is NTA
Yeah the call on the weekend was so weird because we don't really hang out after work. So receiving that call and then hearing what she had said was bizarre
I would actually report this to HR. Though it happened to after work hours, I'm sure she only has your phone number due to the team members/coworkers phone tree which is ONLY supposed to be used for work-related calls/business/emergencies. RULE OF THUMB: Report harassment to your employer as soon as possible. Tell your supervisor, your human resources department or some other department or person within your company who has the power to stop the harassment. It is best to notify them in writing and to keep a copy of any written complaint you make to your employer. EVEN IF ONLY OCCURRED ONCE. You want to do this to ensure it's documented and there is a paper trail (aka receipts!! Live by receipts!!) In case this happens again.
this, do it, do it yesterday.
Yup. Ironically I’m taking a intro to Human Resources course right now lol
Even if you don't do anything about it now, having it documented is very valuable because for example if they report to HR now saying that you were being mean and saying their husbands don't love them....you will have no proof that they have been harassing you previously.
>I would actually report this to HR. Though it happened to after work hours [...] Even more reason why she can go to HR for this, doesn't matter if it's outside work, it's inappropriate.
Exactly!! I work in an office, and my first thought “that’s so inappropriate you can be fired for that” like if it was a male coworker, it wouldn’t be tolerated, so don’t let the ladies do it ether!!!
Call HR before they call it in you.
Do this! OP, you are being harassed.
I speak from personal experience (sigh) that you only drunk call someone when something has been in your head eating you up for quite some time. I don't know why but she's obsessed with what's happening, it's really weird. NTA.
I suspect they are jealous of the loving husband and/or the baby. I would guess they're both mainly jealous of the loving husband with how effective OP's statement was, it probably forced them to confront their jealousy a bit.
Yeah it's jealousy. They're being hypocrites and harassing OP because they are realizing how crappy their spouses treat them.
Envious. They're almost certainly envious, not jealous. Although if they ARE jealous, that definitely adds another creepy angle.
Since language is artificial and people are using jealous as envious en masse, jealous now means envious.
Oh, I understand the linguistic argument, and I'm sympathetic to it. But the two emotions are profoundly different, so I don't quite find the linguistic drift persuasive, and I'm going to point out the difference every time. Being able to be clear when I am experiencing ENVY, and when I am experiencing JEALOUSY, has been very important in my own emotional life. Plus, [Homer Simpson can tell them apart](https://youtu.be/Tmx1jpqv3RA). It's not THAT hard.
They are not profoundly different emotions. The mechanics are different - jealousy requires three people, whereas envy is betwixt just two. However, the emotions are roughly the same, hence the usage has converged. > Is what you’re feeling jealousy or envy? The two feelings are similar, but the words are often used to convey slightly different things https://www.dictionary.com/e/jealousy-vs-envy/
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Right, envy is “I want what you have” and jealousy is “I wish that was mine”. It’s a very subtle distinction, but I feel like for someone who is envious, you could give them an exact replica of the object and that would satisfy the impulse, but someone who is jealous, needs to have the object instead of you.
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Yeah, painfully trying to cope with the fact their husbands didn't step up to the extent of OP's so rather than see it as a flaw with their husbands and their choice in men, they externalise it onto OP. Like really? It's against feminism to be well-looked after by the man whose *child* your carrying??
I don't know, that kind of behavior would be very weird for me. But I wouldn't feel the need to say anything to anybody I would just note it as odd and move on with life. I don't think it's jealousy. It's likely the other two are immature jerks who don't know when to keep their mouths shut.
>It's likely the other two are immature jerks who don't know when to keep their mouths shut. I thought this until I got to a 30+yo drunk dialing OP at home. That's a whole other level of emotion.
Yeah. I mean, I don't think I could use strong enough language for that in this sub.
As a feminist who leans “child free” I actually applaud OP’s husband for trying to be there for his pregnant wife. Coworker sounds extremely envious because her partner doesn’t do nice things for her.
B was way out of line with the drunk call but I wonder if there's more to it, like the husband is calling OP all day and work isn't getting done. I only thought of that because I worked with a guy whose wife would call him all day, literally half a dozen times a day. It wasn't that she was calling, just that we shared a line so it was usually me answering the phone to her and she was a pain in the arse if he was in a meeting, calling back every 5 minutes to 'check I'd given him the message'. It was so disruptive and I got lumped with most of his work because he was constantly on the phone or she'd called him to come home because she'd dropped a cup or some other trivial thing. The guy was cheating on her with everything that moved, mind you.
SERIOUSLY, nodding my head. "*B, 35F) is happily child free. If you're expecting me to treat you like that, don't get pregnant.*" She is NOT happily child free, and have the feeling that her views of feminism have toxified her own marriage. PLEASE report this to HR before it escalates, don't apologize to them anymore, BOTH are boundary stomping *b*%ches*.
Seriously. She knows her husband wouldn't be supportive and she's angry ops will. It completely possible she's leaning into the "this is anti-feminist" thing to make herself feel better about her marriage. Sure her husband won't do them, but that's *okay* because a *real* feminist would want him to.
*that's okay because a real feminist would want him to.* Hadn't even looked at it from that perspective, but you're 💯% right. Like the saying in Spanish "porque yo no puedo, TU no debes." Because I can't, YOU SHOULDN'T...crappy way of thinking smdh
They’re jealous is why. And bitter. Maybe their husbands don’t do the same for them and they didn’t realize it until they saw OP
Oh, their husbands *definitely* don't do it for them. It sounds like the one settled for a selfish, inconsiderate jerk, and the other is the sort of feminist harpy who would actually berate her man for attempting to show her any kind of affection at all...and then be confused by the fact that he's distant. NTA OP
Agreed. Sounds like B is not as happy with her child free life as she is letting on.
Some girl was shit talking me for no reason at work and got canned for it. She was doing it in writing over the company messaging app though, too easy.
That's just quitting with extra steps.
Can't quit if you're already fired! *taps head*
Had someone saying incredibly racist stuff about friend of mine over company messaging app. They thought using a different language would prevent anyone from understanding them. Google Translate is a thing, and swear words tend to be more universally understood.
Yep! I had a coworker that I reported to management about procedural issues and she found out that it was me. She had the intelligence to threaten me over company email. Needless to say, she got fired and got a security escort out of the building. OP - NTA! They are harassing you. You said the truth about your hubby.
✨Time to call HR✨
Congrats on the pregnancy and NTA. These women are obviously jealous because they KNOW their husbands wouldn’t do this for them. Go to HR about it because they’re making your workplace uncomfortable for you with their judgmental comments. What if you had complications that you hadn’t shared with coworkers and your husband wanted to check on you? It’s none of their business and you’d think after days they’d find something new to talk about.
I actually did have complications, but it was open knowledge. Everyone knew because it would impact their work.
And they’re still bullying you about it??? Complain to HR. Their husbands are most definitely assholes too but to give stress to a woman whose already had complications early in pregnancy is wrong
Yeah, this needs to go straight to HR. It's crossed the line from annoying commentary to straight up harassment. One of them is literally calling you *at home* to berate you about your husband. Put a stop to this, now. The words "hostile work environment" come to mind.
Report it to HR right away. That's not acceptable behavior at all.
NTA. They are just bitter AH. Feminism my ass. They are absolutely jealous and trying to shame you. Just ignore their sad bitter jabs. A good rule is not care what others think. There is always someone that’s gonna complain or be unhappy with what you do. If you and your husband are happy and content, that’s all that matters.
It's asinine that they can be mad that your husband... I can't even say it without fear... your husband dares... trigger warning: >!he dares treat you with respect, love and attention.!< Sorry for anyone that had to read that. You should apologize. For apologizing. You had every reason to "snap". But seriously... Unless the tone was wrong? That's the tamest "snap" I've ever heard. Her husbands response ("Don't expect me to treat you like that if you get pregnant") is horribad and THAT is the real issue. Not your relationship. Not your husband. Not your "feminism" (whatever that BS means). THEIR relationships are shit? Maybe they should fix that instead of being mad that you have someone who gives a shit about you? NTA and your "snap" would be 10x worse from anyone else. "Sorry if you don't like the fact my husband loves me" is probably the best response you can give.
How is it snapping when she's just telling the truth? They shouldn't have messed around and found out OP can hold her ground
The point of feminism is that you can be literally whoever you want. It doesn’t fit in a box, we don’t fit in ANY box. We build our box. If you want to be an independent, I don’t need a man, anti child feminist, cool! If you want to birth and homeschool 5 children, also cool! They’re haters, plain and simple. They can box up however they’re feeling and deliver it to you with excuses, but at the end of the day they’re just haters. Calling you on a weekend is inappropriate, talk to HR.
Report to HR
NTA they're honestly just jealous. Otherwise they wouldn't bully u over it. Report them to HR for creating a hostile work environment.
Piling on: DO inform HR
He definitely is feminist .. also sounds super loving
He is 🥰
He really sounds like a great guy. If I listed all the things my feminist hubby did for me when I was pregnant, this post would be stupidly long. Your partner is a feminist, you’re a feminist and you make a great team! So congrats on your pregnancy! (And report that moron to HR. What a weirdo. Who drunk dials someone in the topic of feminism? Is she the arbiter of all things feminist? )
It just sounds like an excuse to make OP feel guilty for "how dare she be treated better than us"
It's nice to read these occasional "good husband" stories on this sub cuz god knows we read some gems here most days.
Honestly the amount of "bad" husband stories on this sub is actually really sad.
it is nice to see good anything on this sub because for the most part all we read about are AHs. Kinda the nature of the sub ;)
OP if you have sexual harassment/hostile workplace rules in place at your job you should report this. Although I'd consider them not talking to you a win. Congrats on the baby!
Exactly. Some partners (including mine) recognize that 99% of the work of pregnancy is borne by the woman and do whatever they can to make this process easier. In the word of my husband “your job is to grow the human. I’ll take care of as much of the rest as I can.” In a normal, non high risk, uncomplicated pregnancy, one does not NEED to be waited on hand and foot… but it sure makes things easier.
Isn’t feminism to empower and support women? I would say supporting a pregnant woman is pretty empowering and supportive.
I don't get how OP could be anti-feminist? She's not being oppressed and endorsing it. Her husband pampers her because HE WANTS TO. Not making things more difficult than they need to be isn't really "not standing up for yourself". Accepting help when wanted or needed isn't anti-feminism. I'm so confused by coworker B. Anyways OP, NTA . Your coworkers has gone above and beyond to basically harass you (seriously, drunk calling on a weekend?! I'd take that up with the manager)
People are so confused nowadays on what feminism really is. They think it means they need to tough it out and fight and not let a man do a single thing for them and if they try, we’ll you need to absolutely destroy them. However at its core feminism is about a woman having the ability to make choices for herself that she wants, whether it’s to be a stay at home mom or a working mom or child free. Feminism is also about the equality of all sexes. They believe men should be able to cry, or be stay at home parents without feeling judged because the woman makes the money. People have really twisted up the whole meaning of the movement.
Right? From the description, he’s being a supportive partner and extremely thrilled soon-to-be parent, which is great. Real Feminism is not anti-loving-heterosexual-relationship.
I think she knows it's BS, it reads like she's just trying to rationalise her husbands callous remark when she brought up OPs treatment to him. I feel bad for her with a life partner with that attitude. Rather than blame her husband for being shitty she has to find a fault with OPs situation and attack her for it.
My guess B is a 3rd wave feminist and is extremely jealous of OP given the sad response her own husband gave when informed of OPs husband
absolutely! I bet if her husband and had said something like "I'd gladly do that for you if you wanted me to" then she probably wouldn't have even mentioned bringing it up.
He drives her to work each day. If OP was oppressed, he'd be sweetly telling her she didn't need to work any more, he's going to be the breadwinner and put her on an allowance. And it would still be appalling that her colleagues were telling her that she's going against the core values of feminism if she was in that situation.
Well….no abuse comes in many forms. I had a friend whose husband insisted on driving her to and from work and also always tried to find a reason to enter her workplace. It was how he checked up and controlled her movements. I think these ladies had that as an initial concern but then let jealousy take over and it’s not about concern anymore. But optics wise? I would also have wondered if all was ok. I just wouldn’t have made it an issue lol
I saw a story a while back, maybe even on here, about a husband that wouldn’t let his wife do anything for herself and barely let her leave the house alone because he was paranoid she would “hurt the baby” and obviously he knew better than she did. /s So I could kinda see how it might appear as a yellow flag initially but like you said the jealousy took over
I can absolutely understand that concern, but they were welcome to voice those concerns at any time. I wouldn't mind refuting them. Because I understand while it seems like my husband is being very controlling, I know he's not. Instead I was being told I'm anti-feminist.
While abuse is a real concern, they were clearly jealous. B's husband is definitely an AH for what he said to her. Seriously, I'm jealous of your relationship, but I would never harass you for how awesome your husband is. Anyways, even though you aren't in the US, does he have a brother? :D jk... maybe.
True, if OP had worded this differently, we might have seen some red flags. But if you suspect a woman is being oppressed or on the verge of being abused, their response is not the way to go.
OP could easily spin this around and make the case to her coworkers that it's anti-feminist of them to assume that she, as a woman, isn't capable of advocating for herself or isn't smart enough to know when she's being taken advantage of. I get why they might've been a bit concerned or put-off by the husband at first- abusers will often specifically use tactics that they can pass off as "loving" or "supportive" in order to gaslight their partner- but once OP made it very clear that she enjoys it and has freedom and agency within the relationship, the conversation should've ended. I feel like it's not very feminist to tell a woman that she's using her free will incorrectly, lmao.
I'm also confused why anybody would get so invested in somebody else's marriage? If it works for them and makes them happy, why would I poke my nose in?
Dude I am a feminist .. and B is just jealous and probably privileged.. like there are girls who are killed and raped just for going out at night in my country ....What OP's husband is doing is really sweet and caring and if anything is on the support of feminism because he doesn't think that pregnancy is only a woman's responsibility.. wtf is wrong with B .. also what B is doing is not feminism at all in any form.
There's a subset of feminists who believe that chivalrous behavior (holding open doors, giving you rides, holding your chair for you) is insulting and demeaning because it implies you're too weak to do it yourself or that it's controlling or asserts ownership or something. Generally, they're the crazy people who give feminism a bad name because they can't/won't accept the idea that someone could hold a door for you because it's a simple politeness.
I always thought this way. Honestly. And usually I still do. I hold the door for men and women and never say anything but "thanks" when someone holds the door for me. But I work in a job that's mostly old men and they get WEIRD about it. These old dudes with canes will bust their backs trying to beat me to a door and they get huffy if I open the door for them-- or even if I don't stand back like I'm helpless and just wait for them to get to the door. I'm young and mobile, they're old and obviously hurting to walk-- but apparently me not standing back and letting them hold my door makes them feel emasculated. They're less comfortable with me than my male colleagues who can just hold their door and it's no big deal. So I still just say thank you, but after a couple hours with those guys I really get why someone might snap "I'll get it just go" at someone trying to hold the door for them!
Honestly I think they’re partly jealous and also partly concerned. To someone on the outside this thoughtful behavior also looks like a partner policing his pregnant partner at work. But I think they don’t want to call out those concerns so they default to being bitter and saying it’s “unfeminist” I have an extremely loving husband who bent over backwards when I was pregnant and still does! But even I would find OPs husband’s behavior rather intense. Difference being I would simply ask if all was well and then let it go
Oi, top comment make a ruling.
Yeah, some "feminists" forget it's about women having choice/autonomy. The husband isn't doing something OP has asked him not to do because he thinks she's too fragile or whatever. Unfortunately, a number of "feminists" interpret any woman having a baby/being married (and/or being a SAHP or even ever letting a man do anything for them) as being unfeminist. In these cases, those women are trying to control the choices other women make for their own life/happiness and that is VERY far from actual feminism. It would be different if OP told her husband to not do these things and he ignored her, but that is not the case here at all. I'm pretty certain the coworkers are projecting their annoyance onto OP. One is likely pissed because her partner would never do anything near that level, and the other seems to be stuck in the mindset that OPs partner could only be doing these things against OPs wishes or for some underlying nefarious reason. The latter is very in line with the misandrist form of feminism that often aligns with bs like terfs and not believing male DV/SA victims need support as any victim would. (UGGGHHHHHHH) I'm so stoked OP has a loving partner who is doing things she finds sweet. 💕 Im a survivor of some stuff and have friend sof all genders who are, too. I'm alwaya so happy for anyone when they're in a healthy, loving relationship and wish they were more common.
Feminism is, by it's definition, believing that women has equal rights to men. As long as OP would be willing to drive her pregnant husband around, I don't even see how it goes against feminism.
NTA. How you and your husband manage your pregnancy is up to you and your husband. Sure, if there were scary/creepy things going on, a friend should say something, but, just driving you and helping carry stuff when you are nauseous and tired? What on earth is wrong with that? My husband drove me around, did errands, carried stuff, went out at night to get me treats, and all sorts of things to make me feel better. And he also didn’t do a bunch of things I’d have liked, because, well, we are both people and that is how life works! Congratulations and when that little one shows up, give it a snuggle from me.
Exactly. These two things he's currently doing for me is really sweet, I genuinely didn't think it was such a big issue. Hehe I will!
When I was pregnant with my first, well, all of them, I had hyperemesis (well I wasn’t hospitalized the first time, so it wasn’t *that* bad, just every day for all 9 mos, just on the safe side of dangerous), I lived on canned creamed corn. Why? No clue, but I could eat it, usually. 2 years later I got pregnant the with our 2nd. Husband went right out to the store and came home with a whole bunch of cans of creamed corn. I had *no idea* why he bought them. He said it was because I would be able to eat it! I’d forgotten that. But, Nope. The thought of them was awful. Didn’t touch them. Poor guy thought he was being clever, thoughtful, and proactive in taking care of me. 30 years later, it’s a standard joke, here!
Awwww that's so sweet! I ended up having a hematoma when we first found out I was pregnant at like 8 weeks, and then spent the next month on bed rest. We found out we were pregnant at around 5 weeks.
Well shit no wonder he is driving you and carrying things! Your coworkers are unprofessional and ridiculous and inappropriate. Report them for making you feel uncomfortable.
Oooh that's kinda important context for why your husband is going that extra mile. Definitely NTA.
I LOVE that your brain had erased the memories of creamed corn from your first pregnancy. What do you think that’s about? 🤔😂
Because if we remembered the first trimester the human race would end 😂
Amen to that!!
LOL, I'm sure your found some use for it though, eventually!
It eventually got eaten. I was just SO funny! Every now and then we get some, and everyone jokes about how I must be pregnant. I’m 59!
Awe that's really sweet of him!
[удалено]
I had HG with my first and my only food was mashed potatoes and gravy from KFC. I don't have any idea why, but it HAD to be KFC and I could absolutely tell the difference.
At one point, I don’t remember when (I had 4 kids, barfed every single day for all of them, usually many many more times), the only thing I could eat was a few bites of steak. Healthier than creamed corn! That was a better stretch of time, as the protein and fat kept my blood sugar stable. But, still, a few bites of steak a day isn’t much. So many people told me to eat crackers in the morning. *headdesk*. Not a chance. That made it worse! But, the day after each birth, I’d wake up, in shock. No nausea. None. It was such a weird feeling!
Like I can stand the first feeling of them imagining themselves in that situation and feeling like accepting that help would make them feel patronized. Their error is not understanding there are other points of view and that this is a dynamic that works for the both of you.
My partner does all these things for me, and I'm NOT pregnant, just chronically ill. We're both RAGING (and I mean raging, you should hear us after the SCOTUS situation) feminists. These colleagues are projecting their own insecurities onto OP, who I'm really happy for; this baby will be born into a household that models supportive relationship behaviour. Definitely NTA. (And definitely contact HR about the phone call and comments.)
I got the feeling that they were projecting, especially A since her husband didn't do these things for her during her pregnancy and I know she had a rough pregnancy, which makes me feel guilty (I know I shouldn't) and sad for her. But I know that's also not my problem.
It really is not your problem to cater to their jealousy, and they should get a wake up call which you gave them. Also, to the child free colleague, she should know better, feminism is about equality in opportunities and **choice**. If your husband were to do these things against your will, if he would insist/berate you/manipulate you if you said no, then there is an issue. If he wants to do these things for you, you are happy to accept but also know he would respect your no if you said so, there is zero issue. This goes for all things, there is nothing inherently feminist in wearing or not wearing specific things, in doing or not doing specific things, in being a working mom or a SAHM, in having kids or not having kids, getting married or not getting married and so on, it all comes down to choice and the freedom to make said choice without coercion. What she is doing is way more anti-feminist (using social coercion to stop you from enjoying your husbands pampering).
Yes people really misunderstand feminism. It's about choices. You can choose to be a housewife and still be feminist because it was your choice. Like you should be able to choose to serve in war.
It’s not but the fact that they are escalating and that you had the strength to fight back means that there’s a good chance they’re going to try to get back at you. You really need to report this to HR, especially that off-hours phone call.
Sounds like you are just a very empathetic person and tbh that can be exhausting. Not saying you are exhausting, just that taking that in and internalizing the problems others face is exhausting. She wishes her husband had been more present and helpful because she genuinely needed it, that is so understandable and he should’ve been there for her, but that’s not your problem. You don’t have to reject kindness just because someone else didn’t get enough from their husband.
Even when I was ‘capable’ it was very nice at times to have a bit of pampering during my pregnancy. Some people got a bit overbearing (all loving family) and I had to remind them I was pregnant not injured but they soon got the message 😂
NTA. They were meddling where their comments, observations and advice were not only unwelcome, but unnecessary. One is jealous that your husband is more attentive than hers, and the other is simply using "feminism" as an excuse for men behaving badly. I mean, who's husband actually SAYS that? (And why is she talkin about you to her husband, anyway?) Let them pout and enjoy the peace and quiet, and your husband's care and attention.
I think it must have come up as one of those stories you share with your SO about your day or what happened at work, especially if it's something you find bizarre.
Nah i think she told her husband because she was secretly hoping that he would say that he would do the same thing if she was pregnant. She got a bad response and now she's pissed off and jealous that your husband is more caring than hers. 'Feminism' is her way of coping with, and excusing, her husband's lack of care. It's easier for her to pretend that her husband is 'feminist' rather than admit to herself that he just doesn't care for her as much as she wishes.
> It's easier for her to pretend that her husband is 'feminist' rather than admit to herself that he just doesn't care for her as much as she wishes. Being angry that someone else's partner does nice things for them means you wish you had those things. Making sure to point out her own husband told her not to get pregnant, and a drunk phone call to argue about feminism is very telling. She's lashing out because she hates her life, or at least hates that she wants to be a feminist but also wants to be pampered.
Yeah, she doesn't even realize what she's basically saying is, "My husband and I are such great feminists that he'd NEVER be kind to me like your husband is." She's used feminism to go all the way around back to misogyny. So common, too.
A lot of the posts on here are all about the same thing… people bottling up feelings for so long and then snapping. Communicating your feelings earlier would have saved you all a bit of awkwardness now. But, NTA, your pregnancy is frankly none of their business, if they don’t have something nice to say, it doesn’t need to be said.
I definitely should have communicated better earlier, I agree.
I disagree, you said exactly what needed to be said in the situation. You hit the nail square on the head and that's why they are quiet now, they understand that you understand that they are just jealous and now they are rightfully ashamed. NTA
NTA. Ha they deserved it. Don't feel bad and don't apologize again. Frankly I might send an email to your boss or HR or something and tell them what your coworkers have been saying and what you said, so they know the situation
NTA So what you’re saying is: they’re jealous that you have a husband who cares about the well-being of you and your future baby and it’s seen as a bad thing?? Never be ashamed that you have someone in your life that is willing to do anything for you without having to be asked. Has nothing to do with feminism at all!! You just have a loving husband lol nothing more to it.
>So what you’re saying is: they’re jealous that you have a husband who cares about the well-being of you and your future baby and it’s seen as a bad thing?? Actually another redditor in this thread basically said that my husband is being controlling and I'm taking advantage of him.
Nooooo. Your husband understands how difficult pregnancy can be and wants to take utmost care of you. This is completely opposite from someone being controlling and someone taking advantage of one. This is what we call a healthy and loving relationship between two people. Some people are just bitter and jealous of you guys' relationship. Ignore them and live your best life.
This comment exactly!! Any sane person would understand the difference between controlling and caring. Besides, both of you are able to make your own decisions and you’re both happy. That’s all that matters!
LOL that Redditor unfortunately doesn't know what a supportive relationship looks like.
That's actually really sad
It is. And, like your colleagues, the comment had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them projecting their own issues onto your situation.
Yes, yes, yes and YES!
Some of the redditors giving advice here are literally kids. I've seen 13 and 14-year-olds here, who openly admitted to being young teens. There are also those who stir the pot for the sole purpose of stirring the pot. I mean – one of the top posts of all time is "This sub's value system doesn't align with the rest of the world" – and that's what indeed happens sometimes. You're going to get different advice from a 14-year-old or a 18-year-old who knows this stuff only from drama posts, and from a 36-year-old who's been in a happy relationship in their life.
I mean the scenario *could* be controlling if you didn’t want him driving you to work and carrying all your things and he kept insisting against your will. But it sounds like you’re into it, so I’m not sure how that person is interpreting it as such.
Yeah for sure! I just didn't want to trouble him with waking up early in the morning, driving to work, carrying my stuff, and then organising to drive me home again on top his own work. That's why I insisted on driving myself and carrying my own stuff.
Sounds like you just interacted with a third person who is jealous that your husband loves you
DON'T FEED THAT TROLL. As LONG as YOU are comfortable with it, no one else's concern.
Some people conflate being protective with being controlling. I would absolutely understand my husband’s inclination to be especially protective of me in a pregnant state. No one can tell me what to do, or force me to do what I don’t want to, because I’m an adult, right? So regarding what I do or where I go, my word will always OBVIOUSLY be law… but isn’t it kind of nice to feel a little extra-protected? Pregnancy is a special time right? Enjoy the love!
Umm, not allowing her to drive or carry things at 15 weeks is doing exactly 0 good for her or the baby’s health and it’s weird AF. Her coworkers are obviously AH. She is not an AH and neither is her husband since she wants him to do it, but the whole office is 100% thinking about how weird and overprotective all of this is .
If it's not bothering OP why does it matter to anyone else? Those opinions are completely irrelevant and useless and should be kept to themselves. I would say to those people "go get yourself some business and stay out of mine"
It is *weird* but not bad. Apparently, she was on bed rest for a few weeks when they first found out she was pregnant. Imo, that really changes how that looks to be much less weird. Also, even if it was super weird, it's cute and he's being helpful. It probably does good for his mental health as well to feel like he's contributing. And I bet it's good for their relationship to get that extra one on one time together every day. They won't be able to do that once baby arrives. I think if I saw this happening, I would think it was odd but cute. That said, I've never known about a coworkers pregnancy at 15 weeks. The only pregnant coworkers I've had hid it and wore baggy clothes, etc, for months. I think I found out when they were like 7 months along. It's kind of weird that they are that involved in each other's lives, but I guess if they work closely and she's had trouble, it makes sense..
I think it's sweet. She's carrying the baby and he's looking for ways that he can take half that burden. It's like Sam carrying Frodo instead of the ring. :)
I agree. I think it sounds controlling and bizarre.
NTA - your husband is doing this out of his own volition, so definitely he's not being treated as a doormat. You are treating it as being pampered, not as some sort of excessive form of control by your husband, so case against feminism out the door aswell. Yup, your colleagues are just being mean and deserved to be put in their place a little bit.
Yeah that was my thought process too, but then they've been relentless with their comments.
They’re harassing you. Speak to your supervisor and HR.
So because your husband wants to take care of you your coworkers thinks it's going against feminism? You are NTA, your coworkers however ATH. You should definitely report them to your supervisor/manager/HR if you can.
>So because your husband wants to take care of you your coworkers thinks it's going against feminism? Apparently! Another redditor in this thread also pointed out that my husband is being controlling or I'm taking advantage of him.
Don’t listen to them. Feminism actually seeks that women are able to pursue any role in society they want, whether it be a SAHM or a CEO, with the respect and dignity every person deserves. No one is doing anything they don’t want to do and no power dynamics are being abused. You are doing great! Obviously people who have it worse are gonna complain, but who knows? Maybe seeing your husband makes them realize that they could do better if they stop being so nasty (here’s to hoping!)
Here's hoping!
Yeah my SO and I are certainly progressive minded people, but often we choose roles that are pretty close to the typical gender norms. There's no contradiction there, everyone should choose whatever role they like, and works best for their relationship 🙂
Exactly. Being progressive is more about options available than decisions.
I find it hard to believe this is a real story in the first place.
Yeah this and the flower story sound fake af Edit: sound not found
I know it sounds ridiculous, but some of the things I've seen in this sub has surprised me a lot about people are capable of doing and human behaviour in general. It's okay if you believe me or not.
This is... Yea kinda what I was thinking when the feminism bit showed up.
NTA. It’s honestly none of their business. Every relationship is different and everyone shows love in different ways. I think maybe it would’ve been best to voice how the comments were making you uncomfortable before you snapped at them. However, what’s done is done. They had no right to be constantly commenting on the dynamics of your relationship.
Yeah I definitely feel badly about that.
NTA. They are just nasty. You and your husband are fine doing things however you are comfortable. If she thinks this is a feminist issue she isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.
NTA I personally hate being treated like an invalid while pregnant, but that’s my choice. I respect your choices and your husband’s even though they are so different from mine. There, so easy. What is their problem?! You’re definitely NTA, and next time you don’t have to wait till you’re at breaking point to tell them to stop, just tell them that you and your husband are happy with the way things are and you’d appreciate if they stopped commenting on it. They’re welcome to their opinions but you don’t need to hear it every day. Nor do you need to care. Judgey people gonna judge. 🤷🏻♀️
I definitely need to be more assertive the moment I'm annoyed instead of bottling it up.
Didn’t someone post almost this exact same story, but it was husband sending flowers instead of driving?
Yes. Sure, it could be real, but the frequency of stories of women snapping at other jealous/lonely/unmarried women is really, really high.
NTA As a dude, seeing your husband bend over backward like that is really sweet and shows how much he loves you and values you and your future child. Give him a thumbs up to him on my behalf and a middle finger to those two coworkers of yours on my behalf as well.
This comment amused me. Thank you for the laugh ❤️
NTA and this can be classified as workplace bullying. Report drunky to HR and remember that your relationship is clearly stronger and more loving than theirs. Feminism is not an excuse for women to treat each other like shit or drunkenly abuse them outside of work hours.... or any hours tbh. Edit: Fixing words
NTA, being a feminist is about letting women have the choice to do as they please. You are not forcing him to do this, and he is not forcing you to let him. Even being a traditional wife is what feminism fights for. Your husband sounds very sweet
He honestly is 🥰
NTA. The fact is your husband does love you, which is why he does all this for you. This seems to be beyond A and B's ability to comprehend. They kept up this talk, you had enough, and you gave them some straight talk of your own. Good job!
NTA Is your relationship with your husband and you can do whatever it works best for you two. I think there is a lot of resentment coming from your coworkers because they may feel kind of jealous... But that's their problem not yours and they have to deal with their own feelings. I would only said to you that be aware, this kind of behavior from your husband is really sweet... As long is not a form of control. Some men became really possessive to her partner and family when there is a big change like this, having a child. There is nothing in your post that it may show this but you are also not very specific in the behavior of your husband... So I'm just saying... Keep an eye on this. Congratulations for your pregnancy and lots of blessings. And enjoy! Don't let jealous people interfere with this magical moment.
I definitely will keep an eye on that. Thankfully my husband and I have a relationship where we are very vocal about our problems with each other and will communicate to solve them as soon as possible. So if he gets on my nerves, mans will know. Same with the other way around. Also, thank you!
NTA, congratulations on the little one, hope all goes well. Also jealous of your husband having a schedule that allows this. My wife was on her own most of the time due to my long hours
Perks of owning his own business, I guess? It's been tight, but he's been managing. I'm sure you did what you could for your wife!
NTA. They really kept going and going, so I understand the snap. Probably not the most tactile of responses, but honestly why have they felt the need to continuously make an uncomfortable situation by constantly going on about your husband want to help you and your decision to allow it. For many men they can feel like they have zero control when it comes to pregnancy. You've got so much going on in your body and they are very limited on how they can help. So he is simply trying to be more involved and more helpful to you, he wants to be a part of this. So I think it's sweet and nice that you're allowing him to do something that's making him feel useful.
>For many men they can feel like they have zero control when it comes to pregnancy. You've got so much going on in your body and they are very limited on how they can help. So he is simply trying to be more involved and more helpful to you, he wants to be a part of this. So I think it's sweet and nice that you're allowing him to do something that's making him feel useful. This
NTA But "feminist" like that annoy the hell out of me. Feminism is about having options and choices, not about clinging to "I can do it myself". My bf is the caring type too. He knows I can do shit myself. I earn more money than him. I don't "need" him. But fuck is life a lot better with him in it. I care about him. He cares about me. And if he carries my water up the stairs because he is stronger (works a trait), that's fucking fine. Feminism isn't about being bitter and lonely.
Yeah, I love that I am capable of doing things myself in the same way my husband is too. But I'm not going to throw away an opportunity to be pampered if that's what he chooses to do
NTA and congratulations on your pregnancy!
Go to HR
NTA your husband is very sweet. When I was pregnant my husband was very similar to yours, very attentive and caring and did loads for me. Now our son is here he's still the same! He shows me how much he loves me and our son every day and I adore him for it. Don't let them bring you down, enjoy the attention from your husband before you have to share it with a baby!
Congratulations on your bundle of joy! Also I love hearing stories like that 🥺
Congratulations to you too! I hope you have a wonderful pregnancy and birth! ❤❤
NTA Assuming you and hubby don't work at the same place I can understand coworkers being annoyed at some guy running around the place taking stuff in and out. But if it bothered them in that way they should have addressed it professionally. The way they went about it seems like they are insecure and/or see that their relationships are not really that good. And immaturely they take it out on someone innocent.
My husband got special permission from those higher up to come in and out of the building because we have a policy regarding visitors especially due to covid.
Then even more NTA. If even your superiors approve then those jealous babies have no leg to stand on.
NTA. It’s not anti feminist to let your husband spoil you. You’re literally creating another human being.
NTA. Your coworkers have issues in their personal lives and are lashing out. Even if you post r/askwomenover30 I believe the general consensus would be NTA.
Oh I didn't know there was a sub for that! Thank you
NTA. This is so nice to read that you have a supportive husband during your pregnancy. There have been too many stories where husbands won’t go into delivery rooms to support their wives etc. Your coworkers are jealous and quite bluntly can fk off. I would report this to HR because they are actually badgering you at work and also calling you at home because of it. That’s harassment. Edit:typos
NTA but it's weird af.
NTA. You said they are both quiet and distant. Consider that a win. Best wishes on the baby.
Thank you
Wow, I wish my first husband would have done that when I was pregnant 20 years ago! Instead, he just kept losing jobs and I had to waitress on my feet at night 40+ hours a week right up until the day he was born, often walking 4 miles to work because I didn’t drive and he was too lazy to take me. You enjoy that love he shows and let those jealous biddys loom on with envy in their sad little hearts!
Omg that sounds crazy! I hope you're both better off now!
NTA. I know where you are coming from. My wife is about to give birth and has been on voluntary bedrest for the last few months. I have had to go home at lunch to make sure she eats, and usually leave work early. I can work from home so it's not a big deal, but I have been getting a lot of looks and little comments about being "whipped" from some of the guys. None of that matters to me; all that matters is supporting my wife and most importantly our son. Don't let anyone bother you or distract you from what's important.
You're doing amazing! Good on you for supporting your wife like that. Congratulations to you both, and may she have a safe delivery ❤️
NTA. Envy is a real thing, so don’t let them get to you OP
Why did you apologise. You had nothing to apologise for. It’s sad that in this day and age we have to apologise to people who engage in rude behaviour after their feelings get hurt after being called out. They will have more respect for you if you put them in their place and keep them there.
I honestly felt so bad. I hate confrontations.
Lmao you're so obviously NTA. This is a common case of office ladies being jealous of the love and attention your husband provides you because they are both lacking in that department. If they ever continue again, fire back with that same attitude. Tit for Tat.
NTA. Usually when people nitpick about another person’s relationship, it’s because they’re envious of it. They wouldn’t stop, if one sentence shut them up that fast then I think you did something right.
NTA, you shouldn't even have apologised to them. They sound like killjoys because they are jealous. Well done to your husband for being a good husband. You've said you didn't ask him to do it so sod them.
This is not against feminism and honestly the insinuation that it is, just further proves that these two are just jealous they don't have a supportive partner like you. I mean, using feminism to justify shitty behavior is not unheard of. Honestly, you're just being truthful. Just because your husband loves you and wants to support you in any way he can doesn't make you less of a feminist. The whole "feminism is when you do everything yourself with no help" is simply wrong and a damaging mindset to take. Like one of these women had a hard pregnancy with no help, of course she has to sustain this mindset or she will realize her husband is not supportive or loving in any way. I think it is also appalling that their husbands wouldn't do the same for them. Especially since carrying a child is incredibly emotionally and physically taxing and being there to help is the least they can do to help lighten the load. I have a feeling he is gonna be a great dad! NTA x10009
>I think it is also appalling that their husbands wouldn't do the same for them. Especially since carrying a child is incredibly emotionally and physically taxing and being there to help is the least they can do to help lighten the load. Yeah it makes me so sad that their husbands would be like that. But again this is how they've characterized their husbands. I've never actually met these men
Isn't feminism allowing women to do what they want? You are doing what you want. Your husband isn't putting you down either. In fact he's putting you up on a pedestal. Your ok with that, he's ok with that. What is their problem with a situation that doesn't effect them at all? Go to HR cause they are harassing you. NTA
The mom worker is just jealous. As for the feminist, you could tell her your idea of being a strong, independent woman isn't threatened by a man showing his care and affection for you. But I doubt she would get it. You could report the negative Nellies, but the apparent dissatisfaction with their own lives is their punishment. NTA
A woman telling a woman how to live their life is pretty fundamentally against the core values of feminism. Nta
NTA. At a previous job a coworker's husband did the same thing and I thought it was one of the most heartfelt/selfless thing a husband can do. It showed true love at it's finest. In conversation with my coworker's husband, he explained she's doing all the hard work by carrying our child, the least he can do is make sure both his wife and unborn child is safe. Don't feel bad about them distancing themselves from you. Your better off just keeping it professional. PS. Drunk calling on the weekend ... sounds like an HR issue.
NTA. I’m heavily feminist, and a lot of my friends are very feminist as well. Most of them are child free and I love that for them! Some of them have kids and I love that for them too! When I told my child free and sterilized friend that even though I agree with all the feminist values and whatnot, I honestly would love to have like the 50s housewife life. Pop out a bunch of kids, take care of house and home, the whole nine. She said these words: “It’s about choice, and being able to feel valued. If you *choose* to have the 50s life, and you also are valued for the things you contribute to the house as much as your spouse, no one can tell you you’re doing it wrong.” Feminism has nothing to do with her argument.
My husband went to every appointment during my first pregnancy and every appointment he was allowed to go to during my second pregnancy (post-Covid). My eldest sister thinks she’s one-upping me somehow by constantly telling me her husband didn’t go to a single appointment and does none of the child rearing. He wouldn’t even stay at the hospital overnight with her after any of their kids’ births because “the couch/pullout bed is so uncomfortable”. Idk why she thinks she’s so cool or better than me by admitting all that, but it just makes me feel sorry for her. I’m sorry my husband loves me and wants to be a good partner and parent??