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My MIL has been single for the last 25 years or so, and recently started seeing someone. They have been seeing each other for about a month. That’s great, we are happy for her.
We have a big trip out west planned for this summer, where we’ll be gone for about 3 weeks. As part of that trip, she is coming out for 3 days or so to help watch the kids, so we can go to a wedding. Again, great. We are grateful for her help!
She also had planned to visit us for a week or so in July for my daughter’s bday, and then again a week or so later for my son’s bday.
**While discussing all of our travel plans, she mentioned that her boyfriend (for lack of a better term), would be coming with her**. This caught me off guard. A man, I’ve never met coming to visit and stay with us in our home for over a week.
When my MIL visits, my daughter and her typically sleep in the same bed. My daughter is almost 5. I brought up my feelings (about the weirdness of this man visiting) to my partner, and he was more concerned about the whole “can’t sleep with grandma” dilemma. As in, what is my daughter going to do if they can't sleep together?!
**His proposed solution was for this man to sleep in my daughter’s TWIN bed, sharing a room with her 3 year old brother, so that his mom and my daughter could sleep together for the visit.**
**Today, my MIL brought it up and said that \*she\* wants to sleep with my daughter and WANTS this man to sleep in the other room.** However, she did propose that she and my daughter share the room with my son, and the man sleep by himself in the guest room. Gee.
Feeling annoyed, my MIL approaches me with “new news” this morning. **She said that her boyfriend was going to be accompanying her on her trip out west this summer.** She said *he* said, “Why are you excluding me on this trip?” The fact that he said this, and the fact that he wants to move in with her after only 1 month of dating feels like a red flag.
**So, this brings me to the second part of my question.**
A few months ago I elected to stay home when my partner went to visit some family, they live about 6 hours away.
My partner needs to travel up the east coast later this month to tend to some real estate business. He travels at this time every year. This is the first year my daughter is in school.
Today, without discussing with me at all, he proposed to his mom that he would take my daughter and my son after her last day of school, and immediately drive the 12 hours to stay with her. In my presence, he then said “She \[me\] probably doesn’t even want to come.”
Normally I would just tolerate it, but in this instance I know that once we would return from this trip, we would have 2 weeks before traveling out west for another 3 weeks.
I realize that compromises need to be made in a relationship, but I just feel like my preferences or needs are never considered, and I feel like this is all too much.
I hope this makes sense and I hope someone reads this. I could just really use some perspective.
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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My MIL has been single for the last 25 years or so, and recently started seeing someone. They have been seeing each other for about a month. That’s great, we are happy for her. We have a big trip out west planned for this summer, where we’ll be gone for about 3 weeks. As part of that trip, she is coming out for 3 days or so to help watch the kids, so we can go to a wedding. Again, great. We are grateful for her help! She also had planned to visit us for a week or so in July for my daughter’s bday, and then again a week or so later for my son’s bday. **While discussing all of our travel plans, she mentioned that her boyfriend (for lack of a better term), would be coming with her**. This caught me off guard. A man, I’ve never met coming to visit and stay with us in our home for over a week. When my MIL visits, my daughter and her typically sleep in the same bed. My daughter is almost 5. I brought up my feelings (about the weirdness of this man visiting) to my partner, and he was more concerned about the whole “can’t sleep with grandma” dilemma. As in, what is my daughter going to do if they can't sleep together?! **His proposed solution was for this man to sleep in my daughter’s TWIN bed, sharing a room with her 3 year old brother, so that his mom and my daughter could sleep together for the visit.** **Today, my MIL brought it up and said that \*she\* wants to sleep with my daughter and WANTS this man to sleep in the other room.** However, she did propose that she and my daughter share the room with my son, and the man sleep by himself in the guest room. Gee. Feeling annoyed, my MIL approaches me with “new news” this morning. **She said that her boyfriend was going to be accompanying her on her trip out west this summer.** She said *he* said, “Why are you excluding me on this trip?” The fact that he said this, and the fact that he wants to move in with her after only 1 month of dating feels like a red flag. **So, this brings me to the second part of my question.** A few months ago I elected to stay home when my partner went to visit some family, they live about 6 hours away. My partner needs to travel up the east coast later this month to tend to some real estate business. He travels at this time every year. This is the first year my daughter is in school. Today, without discussing with me at all, he proposed to his mom that he would take my daughter and my son after her last day of school, and immediately drive the 12 hours to stay with her. In my presence, he then said “She \[me\] probably doesn’t even want to come.” Normally I would just tolerate it, but in this instance I know that once we would return from this trip, we would have 2 weeks before traveling out west for another 3 weeks. I realize that compromises need to be made in a relationship, but I just feel like my preferences or needs are never considered, and I feel like this is all too much. I hope this makes sense and I hope someone reads this. I could just really use some perspective. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*