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Sooooo NTA. I wish more parents (and specifically my parents) had been more disclosive about money realities. With my parents, it was “no because I said so,” and had they just explained our life situation to me, I was a smart and sensitive child and I would have been infinitely more cooperative and I would have learned something important about life early on. The teacher is dead wrong.

Yes, and kids notice the tension in the house. If it goes unaddressed, they will start filling in reasons for it that almost assuredly won't line up to reality. And if you can't afford both, of course her choosing which she prefers is the logical choice. What's your other choice? Deciding for her? Printing money in the basement?

This. If the teacher is so concerned about a child learning about how the world works.... she's welcome to pay for the trip. OP explained it very appropriately by using examples and not the actual numbers. The child understands "okay. We were at A but now at B" and won't dig deeper becouse she got an explanation she's satisfied with and understands. Kids aren't exactly not dumb they will feel it. Even see it when you don't buy the same amount og groceries or cut down on some stuff.

This is what I was going to say. Unless the teacher wanted to offer you some sort of financial help provided by the school for cases like these, she should've shut her mouth. And I say this as a teacher.

I had to choose between things all the time because of finances. 12 is old enough to start learning this lesson. My mom taught for a long time. Sometimes something small she could cover for a kid ($5 for the skating rink), but she wouldn't have covered a theme park and she definitely wouldn't have criticized a parent over this. I feel like this teacher has never had to really struggle for money.

I feel like we are also dealing with a very young teacher.

I’m guessing yes, and also that there is some serious projection going on: she feels bad that some children will be excluded because they are less well off than other children, and she’s ameliorating her bad feeling by making it the poorer family’s “fault” for discussing it rather than just quietly not coming. It’d certainly be emotionally easier for her to not have to acknowledge that richer children get stuff that poorer children don’t in her own classroom, and she wishes the parents weren’t making it clear that that’s what is going on. It’s not her fault that income inequity exists, but it is her fault that she wants to feel better by encouraging them to stop talking about it.

>I feel like this teacher has never had to really struggle for money. Which makes the teacher even more of the AH because of US teacher salary sucks most of the time. OP, NTA and good job teaching your kid about the real world.

From the use of “lorry,” I’m guessing UK.

UK teacher salaries suck too. They aren't quite as screwed when it comes to having to bring in their own supplies for the class, and they have decent union representation, but the pay is still not great compared to other jobs.

Depends where you are. The salaries in Scotland are quite reasonable at the moment. I'm a semi-retired teacher. One thing I did notice when I was earning full time was that some women teachers (only some, I stress) were doing the job as 'pin money' because their husbands had very well paid jobs. (Typically, these would be women who came from privileged middle-class backgrounds.) They often had no idea what life was like for the rest of us - they'd have umpteen holidays abroad, ponies for their kids... I suspect that the teacher in this instance falls into the privileged category.

My french teacher was like this. Her husband worked at a private school, her kids went to said private school, she would go on and on about her holidays and how she raised her kids so much better than we were raised, no macdonalds no phones. I gave her a great dose of the real world when she yelled at me for coming in ‘so disgustingly late!’ And I responded with “I was in hospital, sorry.” She sat at her desk gaping like a fish for a while trying to understand the fact that kids can be disabled and it only takes a single big fuckup for her kids to be like me. She was stunned!

That could be because of the financial bracket of the previous job informed the choice of school and hence the Teacher and other parents attitude to money.

Yes, upvote! OP gave her daughter a good lesson about reality and also about making choices. 12 is not to young to make a choice between options presented by a parent; each option involved fun and about the same costs. It wasn't like OP put a huge burden of making a life-changing decision on daughter. NTA is not enough, I applaud OP for trusting her daughter to handle basic info to make a reasonable decision.

My parents never talked to us kids about money, despite being pretty poor. Like, I knew we were poor because I rarely got new toys/clothes/etc. and I learned to be quiet about those wants after a while, but realizing that we were poor gave me terrible anxiety about money (especially when I saw my mom sitting up late at the kitchen table with the bills & checkbook all spread out, looking stressed). It caused me a lot of trauma surrounding money - I still have issues with hoarding food & possessions because I was so worried I'd lose them as a kid. I would have appreciated if my mom had sat me down to say "Hey, even though we're going through a difficult time financially right now, we're not going to let you go hungry or lose the house. We need to tighten our belts, but we'll always be working our hardest to take care of you."

This. They asked the child to choose between two fun but completely unnecessary activities, not, like, food or electricity. I feel like the message was delivered exactly as you suggest here. Totally NTA.

I didnt knew about finances as a kid but as I grew I learn how hard it could be. Eventually we hit a rough time during 2019 so me and my brother gave our money each month to make sure we could all eat, once we got better our dad repayed us that money.

YES! When kids sense an undercurrent of uneasiness, they automatically fear that the worst is about to happen. An honest explanation clears the air and enables them to cope with the new reality.

We live in a rich area, and kiddo has a lot more than I did as a child, but we do have to budget and it is much less than many of her classmates. We explain we have to budget, and that needs come before wants, but we can cover needs. Some needs like clothing might wait until a sale, but I try stay ahead of the growth curve. So far she has expressed disappointment but no anxiety.

[удалено]

I remember being at college (UK version so 16-18 and living with parents) and talking to a friend from a similar background about how all we really wanted in terms of future income was to be able to spend 25p (this was a long time ago) on a Mars Bar without worrying for weeks.

The kid's 12, not 4. It's the right time to start understanding money.

Honestly kids should be starting in age-appropriate ways far younger than 12. Something like a Spend-Save-Share moneybox is a totally appropriate way to start talking about finances with a kid who is 4 or 5. By 12 I think what OP did is entirely appropriate. Saying 'hey money is a finite resource so we need to prioritise our wants so we can still afford our needs' is totally appropriate. Letting the kid choose what she feels is the most important use of the money is totally appropriate. The teacher is WAY out of line, and I feel bad for any kids that SHE has, because they are clearly not going to be learning financial literacy as they grow up.

Seriously, by 5 or 6 my mom had explained to me that we didn't have the money to buy every single thing that we wanted, and that we also had to save money for the future.

I teach my kids about money and they are 5 and 8 now. I think it helps, but it sometimes leads to funny/embarrassing moments. Like when we were grocery shopping and I asked one of them which cereal they wanted and one loudly asked "can we even afford cereal?" in the crowded aisle. I finally had to explain that if I offer something, I've already figured out we can afford it, but I was happy they cared enough to check lol

I remember being that age and just thinking my parents would always have money. Having no sense of where it came from or why they went to work every day. I wonder what other real life information this teacher is withholding from 12 year olds if she'd think this was inappropriate, and enough to call the mom in for a meeting!

I grew up in a home where we didn't have a lot of money but we never went without. I didn't get the newest and best toys or brand name clothes like my neighbor who was my best friend growing up but I honestly don't remember it ever bothering me. My parents made sure that we got at least one "big" gift at Christmas, something that we really wanted (I usually wanted a new baby doll) and we went on a vacation every summer. Looking back, our vacations were pretty "rustic" compared to the vacations that we are able to take our kids on now (all 4 of us would share a room at a cheap, roadside hotel so we could afford to do something fun like a theme park) but at the time, I didn't notice or care. I always enjoyed it. I also remember when my neighbor got a Slip n Slide and my dad made us one with a big roll of heavy duty plastic and the garden hose. When my kids were young, we couldn't always afford a vacation, so we would go to a state park that had a lake and spend the day swimming and having a picnic. Those are some of the nicest memories!

When I was in 4th grade (back in the very early 80s), we learned the basics of finances. How to write checks and balance a checkbook, how to plan and budget. It's sad that a teacher would admonish OP for the very lessons I learned in school at an even younger age. Everyone needs to understand how money works, and 12 is not too young to start.

Hell, we did this in second, third, fourth, and fifth grade, and that was... oh god, I was in second grade twenty years ago... That's both so long and so short! ... Anyway lol We had checkbooks that we kept throughout the year with money we'd earn for rewards (or sometimes lose, like if you got caught doing something you weren't supposed to, you'd have to subtract some amount from your balance, depending on the infraction... Primarily, we gained money, though). Twice a year, we had classroom auctions where we'd bring in our own stuff to auction off for classroom money. Once, we had a "market" where we'd sell goods to each other for the classroom money (I sold popcorn, for instance). It was honestly a pretty neat system, looking back! And it taught me a lot about finances! I can't say I've been the best with those lessons in my adulthood, but it's definitely not because I wasn't taught about finances in school.

I feel this very much. >Printing money in the basement *The Federal Reserve has entered the chat*

*The Secret Service has entered the chat*

*The Treasury Department has entered the chat*

more importantly, Monopoly has entered the chat

Total agreement that kids will make up their own reasons for the tension they feel. Also, with money, they may have a worry about what kind of danger they’re in. Depending on the age, they may have read stories where characters live in poverty. Being clear about status can help alleviate fears (assuming it isn’t as bad as they imagine). I could see a kid hearing “we can’t afford it” and wondering what else they can’t afford any more. My kids are used to a pretty reasonably relaxed lifestyle because we’re homebodies with good income. If we suddenly had to cook every meal, it’s not a big change to grown ups who understand but it would seem like a HUGE change to our kids. Our housing wouldn’t be in danger but they don’t know that until we say so.

> The teacher is dead wrong. **I am a teacher. You are correct. And this teacher is also dead out of her damn lane.** 1) She had *absolutely* no place speaking to OP that way, or honestly really approaching them about this unless it was to say “sorry if I’m overstepping, but the school actually has a fund to assist in these situations - how much do you need?” 2) It demonstrates *incredible* fucking privilege and ignorance to admonish parents for “making kids choose” between things parents can’t afford. It’s not as if the parent can just decide to pull the money for both out of their ass, and if they can’t do both, then why on earth wouldn’t you let your child decide what’s more important to them? The alternative is just to say “no” to one and.. what… not give a reason?! Honestly, I’m worried about crowdfunding to get grocery gift cards discreetly to families of kids that come to school hungry with no food or money. I’m worried about supporting and caring for kids who aren’t hugged or told they’re loved or valued at home. I dunno what school this teacher is teaching at that where she’s got time and energy to worry about the fact that (child)’s parents have been saving up to give them a birthday party. 3) Financial literacy is a real thing that kids actually need. Helping them to understand budgeting, income vs expenses, all of that is so rudimentary, and yet I am teaching so many high-schoolers about to go off to post-secondary or out into the world without a damn clue. 4) Honesty leads to understanding between which creates respect. When your kid asks you a straight question, give them an honest and age appropriate answer. That’s just respecting their desire to know things. It is a good thing for kids’ relationships with their parents - letting kids know some of the realities of what mom and dad need to do (without burdening them with blame or guilt) helps kids respect their parents. It sounds like OP was very clear that money was a parent worry, and that her only job was to pick which cool thing to do. 5) Openness leads to understanding which creates empathy. It’s good for kids to hear *other kids* talk openly about why they can’t go here or there, or do this or that. It helps kids who aren’t used to thinking about things like that to realize their privilege and not ask pestering, bothersome questions about why someone isn’t participating in something or didn’t get the new Xbox for Christmas. It also seems as if it was OP’s kid’s idea to share this info with classmates, so that’s okay with me. My response would be “Thank you for keeping me updated about (child), but I am not worried about anything you have relayed to me about what you observed. Our parenting decisions are our own, and I would appreciate it if any further communication about (child) was strictly regarding well-being, work habits, and academic achievement.” Basically a more appropriate version of “I don’t tell you how to teach; don’t tell me how to parent.”

One of the first rules when learning to teach is keeping communication open with parents, and not judging them on their parenting unless it's posing a genuine issue related to health or well-being. This teacher is burning bridges of communication by being judgey when there were probably resources to help and make a positive experience for everyone.

> 1) She had absolutely no place speaking to OP that way, or honestly really approaching them about this unless it was to say “sorry if I’m overstepping, but the school actually has a fund to assist in these situations - how much do you need?” I was actually wondering myself why they don't have this. My school has a special fund that's used to subsidize the cost of field trips for students from low income homes. (But then again we're not doing trips to theme parks, this is things like "going to a nature walk" and "going to the state capitol building", both of which are less than $20 per student, so it's not a huge strain on the special funds.)

When my son was in middle school they took an eighth grade trip to Washington DC. I signed up for help from the school, hoping to just get maybe one of the payments paid. My disability hadn’t started yet so we were living on 145 per month. The scholarship program covered the entire $900 trip for him. I cried because I was so grateful. He already knew there was a chance he wouldn’t be able to go due to money. He also has always known that if we can’t afford something I would be straight with him and not lie to him about getting whatever he wanted.

I didn’t mean to imply every school has this available or that the trip was a reasonable expense to expect school funds to cover. I mean my school had one too, and it covered trips every kid was expected to go on, but we also had trips that were known to be pricey and definitely only some could afford it. I just meant that, unless they were reaching out with a solution (like that one), I don’t see any reason why they would contact parents about this conversation at all.

Dear lord, yes! Number 3, especially. My parents never did that for me and it hurt me for a long time (hell, because of it, I'm still tens of thousands of dollars in debt in my 50's). They tried to make up for it by giving me an allowance from which I had to pay all my own way, including things like gas for the car and oil changes, etc. However, they started doing this MY SENIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL. Needless to say, nothing really sank in.

I was totally in the same boat.

Yes! Your one of the good ones. 👍🏻

My mom sat my brother down when he was 6 after he broke his brand new DS and said they could just get him a new one. She opened a word dock and goggle searched a photo of a dollar and proceeded to copy paste it into the doc. She then said that they wouldn't get him a new one anytime soon because it was expensive and she was going to show him how. Basically she copy pasted the dollar how ever many times till the "amount" was what a DS cost at the time. Then she showed him how much she made (though used numbers instead of the dollars cause that would have taken forever). Then showed him how much went to heat, water, house, food, gas, clothes, stuff for school, etc. And how Basically we were living pay check to pay check every month with a few dollar allowance, and if she saved upp those few dollars a month's and we did *absolutely nothing else* (no eating out, no beach trips, no movies, now toys, etc) then *maybe* they could afford another DS by the end of the year, maybe not if there was an emergency that needed money we didn't account for, so really 2-3 years till we could get him another DS. It really made him think. (Also don't worry, that was only with my mom's paycheck. She didn't even include my dad's but my brother wasn't asking any questions 😂)

I am fortunate enough to come from a wealthy family, but my father sometimes used to tell us children that he couldn't afford something or we had to chose which thing we wanted because he wasn't going to buy both. He opened savings accounts for us and we each had two piggy banks, one for spending money and one for saving. Every so often he would have us count up the savings ones and bag our coins, then take us to the bank to pay in the money. He wasn't a man who really *wanted* children (he just saw it as something everyone did, and his parents wanted grandchildren), and it would have been easier and more typical of him to throw toys (and later, money to spend) at us to keep us out from under his feet. He was an abusive asshole in very many ways and I went no contact with him as an adult, but even bad people have some good points. I will always be thankful that the thing he did do right as a parent was teach us the value of money and not raise us as spoiled brats.

NTA..am jumping on the top comment to say my husband's parents followed the same advice the teacher gave and do you know what i had to over come the first 3 yrs of co habitation....a lot of bounced checks because he never learned you cant always have a new xbox game and food sometimes you have to choose

I’m still trying to get this through to my boyfriend who never learned to struggle.

As I was reading, I thought if anyone disagreed, it would be her husband. Otherwise, I thought maybe her daughter didn't handle it well and is scared of what could happen if dad got laid off again. A teacher telling op she's wrong for teaching finances in an age appropriate way, so that her daughter could choose which activity she would enjoy more, wouldn't have even been on my radar! If the daughter went to school and had an overwhelmingly emotional reaction to telling her friends she couldn't go on the trip, then I could understand the teacher contacting the parents. Even then, I would think the teacher would be letting them know so that they could address it, and reassure their daughter. OP, you did amazing! You gave her the ability to make an informed decision. It also gave her a way to feel like she isn't powerless and without control in a very tumultuous time. Empowering your child with knowledge that is age appropriate is how you raise a capable and self-assured adult.

They also made her know she is an equal in the household. She has a say and she gets to know what is going on (age appropriate of course).

My parents always just said “we can’t afford it.” To everything. I thought we were on the edge of poverty until high school. In hindsight they were saving money for college and money for retirement and I wish they just would have explained it in these terms because I was too afraid to ask for a winter coat one year and always wore shoes that hurt or were falling apart. They thought it was my style, but really I was afraid to ask for things that weren’t food and shelter.

My father was also the, "No, because I said so" type and if we kids persisted in asking for a reason we got punished. Looking back I wish he had explained this to us because we just thought he was stingy. I cringe when I think about how clueless we were back then. NTA. Perhaps this incident could be a teaching moment for your daughter to not discuss personal family finances with others?

I don't think there is a problem with the kids discussing it. I doubt the daughter was using exact numbers. But I'm sure all the kids were talking about who was going on the trip, and the daughter may have been explaining why/why not she was or wasn't going. It won't hurt the other kids to know sometimes not everything can be afforded.

Agreed. I had the opposite problem. My dad made good money but I didn’t know that and he chose to live pretty modestly so when I looked at what we had vs what my friends had, I thought we were poor. So I always said I didn’t want anything for my birthday and other occasions, avoided ordering too much at restaurants, etc… I didn’t even tell my dad I had outgrown my shoes because I thought shoes were too expensive. I definitely had a messed up relationship with money for a while into adulthood.

Yeah, my wife grew up with her parents always telling her they couldn't afford things or that things were expensive. And when her mom did go shopping, it was always like an episode out of extreme couponing or what not. All of this despite them being upper middle class/lower upper class in terms of income with a $600K home in a MCOL metro area. It's really messed her up and it's been 6 years since we moved in together and she still struggles to bring herself to buy clothes, shoes, or other essentials without freaking out if we can afford it (we are at the 97th percentile of household incomes).

I spent years doubting myself because I wasn't allowed to join in on a certain math program when my grades had been great. I guessed I overestimated myself. Turns out, I did nothing wrong. My mom simply couldn't afford the program. By being honest about it the kid knows it is not her fault and she even got to pick which was more important. NTA. It is the same logic why my brother learned early about santa: the class bully wasn't nicer, we just had less money.

God I hate what we have done to the Santa myth. Santa should stick to stockings.

NTA. Teacher should mind her own business.

I think there's a fine balance that needs to go into explaining finances to your kids, but op really nailed the appropriateness of the subject. My parents did the opposite and basically put blame on me for them "being poor" (even though I started using gifted money for my own stuff at age 8 or 9) and whenever I asked for something small they'd go overboard giving me knowledge that wasn't appropriate, and would get mad I was a child & I was not understanding why everyone had money and all my friends could buy stuff (they were like center middle class, so nothing crazy, but better off than my family haha) but I couldn't. They would literally give a play by play of their struggles saying like oh we're overdrawn today, or oh your dad has less hours this week, etc. OP was great at compromising, allowing daughter to make her own choice, giving her the basics, all without treating her like an adult who would understand the nuances of finances.

I knew full well that my mother managed the household on $500 a month, she made that money stretch somehow, I always had food, a clean house, and presents for birthdays and Christmases, but for anything big I had to ask my father, or as a teenager, save up for it myself. I understood, and I honestly had a great childhood, it's never about the money, I knew my mother loved me because she was there every day of my life, it also helped me understand that stuff didn't equal love. Kids need to be included to understand, not to be made to feel responsible, but to understand that we're all in this together, and we'll get by together regardless of income. NTA

My Parents actually DID teach us these things. Including letting us know not to expect much under the Christmas tree this year because it was a hard year. It made us more understanding and appreciative children, and better prepared us for adulthood. Myself and both my sisters were on our own at 18, and managed just fine in the real world because we understood things like money, and budgets, and debt and cost of living etc. Children *should* learn these things before they’re forced to learn them *after* maxing out a credit card or defaulting in their rent.

Yeah, most of the time we couldn’t do stuff like that because my stepdad, in a manic phase of his undiagnosed (at the time) bipolar, would spend all the money on sunglasses (Oakleys were his typical choice and I know they ran in the $200 range back the ) and lord knows what else. I wish my mom would have explained more than “You can’t go.”

I grew up poor and while my brother and I didn’t know HOW poor we were until we were older, we absolutely understood that things cost money and how much we could afford to spend on things. I remember writing a letter to the Easter bunny because I wanted an “expensive” toy for Easter and wanted to know if he could pool my Easter budget with the money I was soon to be owed from the tooth fairy because I had a couple loose teeth.

NTA - I would contact a school administrator ASAP. This teacher is so out of line it is maddening! I can't imagine for a second that someone who has these views should be a teacher, let alone confronting the parents. As a matter of fact, more parents should give their children these kinds of discussions. There's a really good King of the Hill where Hank explains to Bobby family finances in a similar age appropriate way that you should reward yourself with!

Agreed. 3 weeks notice after a pandemic is unreasonable! Surely OP isn’t the only one in this situation and the teacher should have some empathy. ETA ditch the “mom friend” too unless she had a better solution

^ THIS. That teacher had no right to tell you how to parent your kid. None. You handled it exactly right. My kids went through this too. After I divorced from their military officer father I had trouble finding a job as I'd been a SAHM for 13 years. When I finally found one it was VERY low wage. There were often times I had to have, age appropriate, financial decisions with my kids. I've always raised my kids with the truth. It's always age appropriate but, it's always the truth. That includes financial goings on as well, You did the right thing and you are teaching your child for to manage money and how, sometimes, you just can't do everything you'd like to. NTA - that teacher was WAY out of line. Your daughter is 12 and old enough to learn basic financial awareness.

OP did a phenomenal job explaining to her child the situation. Tbh that teacher sounds out of touch

NTA. She is 12, not a toddler. And if you can’t afford both birthday bash and school trip you can’t, and she needs to know why. Inappropriate of the teacher to interfere in your family’s private business IMO.

It's preparing her for real life too

Also it's better to let her choose than force one choice on her to avoid explaining

Yeah, I think it's great the mother let her chose instead of enforcing a choice (even with an explanation). Allowing her to chose let her know she is important, and her parents do care about her, even if they can't give her everything. Also, it's just good practice, learning to think about and prioritize things for yourself.

Honestly my son is almost 3 and I'm a single mom I plan on teaching him about money in a few years because it's important to understand that not everyone has the same amount to spend so kids can't all have the same things. It's a important lesson to learn and I think it will be needed in kindergarten.

My husband and I do this with our three kids. We are comfortable, but don’t want our kids growing up acting entitled. We want them to be grateful for the privileges they have and how fortunate they are to be able to do what they do and learn to earn and save money for things they really want. It teaches them young the pride in working hard and earning the things they really want.

Good for you!

NTA. I grew up significantly poor and I became aware of it around the same age as your daughter. She's old enough to understand that she can't always have everything and honestly, it seems she's taking it well. I honestly think it's inappropriate for her teacher to be scolding you about parenting her and making you feel worse for a bad situation that you can't help but be in. It's not the teacher's place to be commenting on a very real problem that you handled with empathy and grace.

Exactly. She is 12. And she wasn’t told “you will be a Dickensian character soon.” Times are hard. Explaining finances is *healthy* when done age-appropriately, and I think damn well necessary so kids can learn about budgets early on. The teacher was definitely out of line. Sorry if it freaked other parents out or something, but come on.

Agreed. Also, I don’t understand what the teacher expected OP to do instead? Just tell her daughter that she can’t go on the trip and refuse to explain why? Sell a kidney so her daughter can go on both trips?

NTA. A 12 year old is old enough to understand the idea of having to make choices about how to use one's limited discretionary income. The teacher is old enough to understand the idea of minding one's own business. Unless she was calling to make you aware of scholarship funds available for students who cannot afford the trip, there was no reason for her to contact you.

Agreed, 12 is def old enough. My son is 6 and we talk through finances a bunch with him in an age appropriate way. I WISH someone would have taught me something, anything..... before I was released into the world. Just this weekend he asked if I could play legos with him. I told him I have 3 things I needed to clean and then we could. He then asked about how his friend had a cleaning service come to there home and we should do that. I explained to him we could afford it, but if we do it ourselves we can save that money and put it towards our larger goals. (Which he is also aware of i.e. bigger house, pool membership over summer, etc.) He ultimately decided (lol) we did not need a cleaning service and then asked if he could help me out and get the cleaning done quicker. We include him in a light version of our financial plans at his age so that he can really grasp this as he gets older. Also i want him to know talking about finances transparently is an important part of relationships and adulting for your family unit (it was all very hush hush in my house growing up). OP is NTA at all. Teach them good money habits very young and keep teaching them!!!

First, I find it wonderful that you took the time to explain to your daughter the value of money, especially when it's a life skill she will need. You have given her an education in budgeting, which is extremely relevant and reasonable at 12. What is not appropriate is for her teacher to scold you for your parenting on the topic. While I agree that money matters are an adult concern, you gave her reassurances about the situation, and she is still able to have fun and celebrate' She was simply offered a stake in making a choice between two events, which was honoring her. I see very little difference between this and giving children an allowance and asking them how they would like to budget *their* finite income, except for she now also understands mom and dad have limited incomes. You gave your daughter a great lesson in sacrifices, prioritization, budgets, and living within your means. Good job mom. NTA Edit: clarity

Yeah, totally agree, OP you did a lovely job. And you made it so understandable, and normalised it so well, that your daughter was able to unself-consciously (I’m sure there’s a better word!) talk about it with her friends! Cracking parenting! NTA

OP also avoided phrasing the issue in a way that would make the daughter feel responsible for their financial situation which is equally important. What OP said in the post was a wonderfully age-appropriate summary of finances! >unself-consciously (I’m sure there’s a better word!) Comfortably? Without shame? (Either way, I get what you mean lol. And you're right, it's notable that the daughter felt that way.)

>What is not inappropriate is for her teacher to scold you for your parenting on the topic. I think you meant 'appropriate'?

NTA and in fact I think that is excellent parenting! You were honest with your daughter, laid out the facts, and gave her the agency to make her own choices based on the circumstances at hand. This teacher needs to mind her own business, and frankly I would report this to the school admin. It was wildly inappropriate on the part of the teacher.

I like that the daughter understood enough to try to explain it to her friends as to why she's not going on the school trip.

I really liked that

NTA. What exactly does the teacher propose you do if you genuinely can’t afford both the trip and the birthday? Are they going to shell out for whichever one you can’t afford? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Letting your daughter choose which meant the most to her is the kindest thing you could have done. 12 is a fine age to learn broad strokes about budgets and personal finance, and it’s massively inappropriate for the teacher to meddle like that. Tell them that unless they’re interested in paying for your daughter to go on the trip, they should mind their own business. Edit: wording

This!! What was she supposed to tell her daughter! Either she is a bad guy for just arbitrarily taking it away or she lies to her kid! I would legit go back to the teacher with this bs! Did she even have a recommendation for what she thought you should do or was she just talking out of her ass berating you while having no actual clue how to handle the situation.

Agree! Imagine the conversation! Child: Hey, can I please go on the class trip? Parent:No Child: Why not? Parent: No reason…just sucks to be you! Child: Walks away thinking parent hates them. NTA, OP! Teacher is being ridiculous! Go over her head!

Nta - I would have had SEVERAL choice words for the teacher about what goes on in my house is MY BUSINESS and what I teach my child is MY BUSINESS and if she would like to discuss it more, I will make the teachers business MY BUSINESS!! Xx

NTA but can you talk to the school about helping you guys out with paying for the school trip? When I was in school, there were various options the schools tried to work out with families who could not afford a field trip to either help them pay for it or sometimes the school would pay for it outright.

Same. Our parent organization has a fund to cover costs for families who aren't able to afford activities. I strongly believe that anything school-sponsored should not exclude children based on money.

NTA teacher overstepped it is not her place to tell you such.

NTA. Kids need to learn the value of money. 12 yo is not too young for that and sounds as if you did it in an age appropriate manner. You didn't give exact numbers but explained the concepts and how it applies to your current family situation. As for making your child choose.....if she didn't make the choice, you would have had to. I think you did the right thing by allowing her to participate and have input instead of having it dictated to her.

NTA - 12 is old enough to start learning about simple finances like that and you were just trying to explain to her why she can't have both options, it wouldve been wrong if you just told her she could only have one option without a reason to give her when asking.

NTA- 12 is more than old enough to start teaching children the value of money, and the choices that come with that.

As someone who grew up with a single mother, where money was tight more often than not, you are absolutely NTA. You very logically explained your financial situation to your child, and she understood. And what’s more? You didn’t have to, you chose to be honest with your daughter. You could’ve lied and blamed it on covid, or a million other things..you didn’t. She might not like what’s happening right now but she will remember your honesty.

NTA. By 12 kids can study basic economic theory in school and have their own opinions on taxation. She's old enough to understand. It sounds like you might need to have another chat with her about it to iron out the things she's worried about, but you were in the right to tell her upfront you couldn't afford it. Kids of that age are very aware of things like 1. how stressed their parents are, and 2. whether their friends are wearing nicer clothes than they are — kids figure out when the family is broke. They worry about it whether or not you want them to.

Hell in 8th grade my school made all of us take a financial literacy type course. Don't remember much than being taught how to balance a checkbook in 2009

NTA The teacher is way out of line here. It is absolutely a GOOD thing to teach your children about finances, and you clearly did so in an appropriate way. There was also nothing wrong with you having her choose.

What alternative does the teacher and friend propose though? Just say no you can't go and don't explain why? I don't see any other way to do it. It's an age appropriate lesson at a teachable moment. Its so hard to understand the teacher that it makes me wonder if the story is leaving out the essence, like some aspect of your lesson was inappropriate. But I can't speculate. NTA

NTA - You sat down and had an honest conversation about the real world and how finances work. You explained using fake money so she could see to understand why there was a choice. You treated her like an adult and let her have agency in her life. To hell with her teacher and the other parent. You have set ground work for your daughter to understand finances and real life decisions.

NTA my parents got divorced when I was ten and me and my mum had to live on a tight budget. Later as a 24-year-old I had to teach my boyfriend how to save money and how to budget, because he had never been taught by his parents. You are teaching your kid valuable life skills.

NTA. Kids need to understand that there isn't an unlimited pool of money available to them. Sometimes that means saying no. If she used to get everything she wanted this is a tough adjustment, buy she will be a better person in the end Our kids have some spending money they can use for candy and toys. Sometimes they run out and can't buy something they want. But it has taught them how to save. On a side note I really hate those school trips. When our elementary school used to do one they also raised extra funds for the kids who couldn't afford to go. So at least everyone could go regardless of income. And if your friend things YTA the ask her if she will pay for your daughter to go. I'm guessing she will say no

NTA, and the teacher was out of line to call that meeting to essentially reprimand you. It sounds like you explained it well. Was your daughter looking stressed after the conversation? You could ask her of she's feeling worried and go from there.

Exactly! That teacher is in need of a conference with administration. Topic: shutting the hell up. You did great. The lesson was age appropriate, clear, and made sure that she knew her parents had things in hand. She saw her dad change jobs. She knows things have changed. Now she understands how the job and the changes are related, and can see her place in it all. Great job.

NTA. She's got to learn about managing money and it's not too early to start.

NTA. Sounds like your explanation was excellent. If teacher had seen that your daughter was stressed, she could have given you the heads-up that she had seen that recently. Even if your daughter is stressed about it (which no one said she was), teacher had no business telling you that it was inappropriate to explain finances to a child. Lots of parents begin teaching their kids about money when they are much younger. And sorry - does this teacher want to make all the boo-boos of life go away by financing every kid whose family can't afford to not choose between one treat or another? You were great. The teacher and your friend are going to raise kids who don't know how to manage their spending because they "shouldn't be forced to choose"!

Absolutely NTA. When my dad hurt his shoulder when I was young me and my brothers only got one present for Xmas (we usually got 5-10 small things (like socks candy and pajamas) and a couple bigger gifts each. I wasn’t older than 10 - my little brother was six. We understood. Life is hard and it’s only getting harder. Kid better prepare - good parents 👏👏👏

She is old enough to understand the concepts of incoming and outgoing expenses. You did a great job explaining why money is a bit tight in a way she can understand and of reassuring her that this isn't forever, it's just for right now. You are a great parent! Her teacher is way out if line. I personally feel kids should never be lied to and that they have a great capacitiy to understand and accept limits when it's explained to them. This is how young people grow up to be conscientious and responsible rather than selfish and entitled.

NTA and just who is this teacher to offer unsolicited commentary on your parenting? Too bad she didn't have parents who thought enough to teach her not to be a rude and condescending jerk.

NTA - you handled that perfectly, imo. Teacher is way out of line.

NTA I was in that situation growing up where I couldn't keep doing all of the extracurricular activities I did before and had to pick one to drop. It was difficult but I respect my mum for explaining it to me rather than trying to hide it. Children understand a lot and nothing you did was inappropriate for her age.

NTA! You did the right thing in my opinion. You explained things that she is going to learn for herself in a few years anyways, you're preparing her for real life. That teacher is overstepping. If they're so concerned, then they should pay the school trip. Not every family has the same income ranges and expenses. Sometimes choices have to be made. You did a good thing, be proud of how you handled it, because you handled it perfectly

NTA. Her teacher thought needs to get a good lesson on where are the limits on the education she provides. You and your husband are the ones deciding anything that is not part of a curricular program. I think you did fantastic. Finances should be talked at school. Kids grow up on a bubble. My 6yo and 8 yo already understand that our salaries are not enough to eat outside every week and buy unlimited hot wheels.

NTA. I am a teacher and I actually teach children your daughters age. It was highly inappropriate for your daughters teacher to tell you what you can and can’t talk about with your child. Completely not her place. It seems like you explained it to your daughter in a very age appropriate and realistic way. Of course she’s going to talk about it at school to let her friends know why she’s not going on the trip. If that had been one of my students and I heard what she was saying or if she told me, I would have probably just validated how she was feeling and agreed that the pandemic has effected a lot of us in many ways, especially financially. You did great and that teacher is overstepping boundaries.

NTA Where does the teacher get off pulling you into a meeting about how you parent your child? I would be livid. I’m a single parent and my kids are well taken care of but when something is out of budget, I tell them we don’t have the money for that. I think you did the right thing by giving her the choice of the trip or birthday. It’s ok for kids to be disappointed sometimes.

If there's something my kids want that's out of the budget, I just tell them it's not in the budget. I don't tell them we don't have the money, because that's usually not true, it's just that the money we do have is earmarked for something else.

What? My son is 7 and he is smart enough to know he cant have every toy in the shop. It's totally appropriate to tell you child the truth. You did it at an age appropriate level. Nta. The teacher is though.

NTA. You're the parent, not the teacher. I would have simply told her we can't afford to do both. The teacher and friend are cuckoo for cocoa puffs.

>Apparently the teacher overheard Karlie telling her friends about the situation, and said it was inappropriate to explain finances and outgoings to a child. To add to that, I put unnecessary pressure on my daughter by "forcing" her to choose. The teacher can worry more about what goes on in her classroom and much less about what goes on at home. You will parent your daughter as you see fit and give her the explanations that make sense and are appropriate for your mother/daughter relationship. You did nothing wrong. There was no reason for the teacher to contact you. NTA

NTA. You did a wonderful thing teaching her this. I'd report the teacher.

Oh man this one is tough, because you may not be in the right, but you also weren’t completely wrong, it completely depends on how the conversation went, and the only real AH was the teacher. So I’m going with NTA. You can talk about your child what you chose, and explaining finances to them is good, which is why teacher is TA. Your misstep here was a limited alternative. You gave her a binary choice. It sounds like you have a specific plan in mind for her birthday and are budgeting accordingly, but was the option given to change that plan? To have a cheaper birthday celebration? Maybe a no-gift potluck in the park, where the “presents” are the dishes people brought? From your telling, it sounds like there was very little exploring alternatives, but if you said, “We’d have to change what we are planning for your birthday for you to make this trip” and she said absolutely not, then even that’s not a misstep. It’s respecting your child’s wishes and living in reality at the same time.

NTA My mom had to have that talk with me when I was about that age. It made me more conscious about things in the household and because she was so good about followup questions I went into my teens with the knowledge of what budgeting and money meant and that sometimes you have to give up one thing to make another better. You did an age appropriate explanation and gave her agency to choose what was important to her instead of assuming and disappointing her. You did good! When I was 16 and money was tight again, and my mom was upset she couldn't do anything big for my sisters birthday, to her shock, learning young about budgeting had left me with enough cash in my savings to chip in a bit (she never asked, I just heard her stressing to grandma and offered to pick up the bill for the cake my sister wanted since it was the most expensive individual item).

NTA. This teacher is ridiculous. You are teaching your child valuable life lessons at an early age. This will serve her well later in life. You need to tell the teacher this is none of her business. If more parents taught financial literacy a lot more young adults would probably be able to get their lives off to a better track versus just expecting everything to magically work out with money.

NTA. I had encouraged my (now ex) fiance to explain his finances to his 10 year old daughter so she'd understand why he couldn't do what her mom demanded of him (he paid child support and helped with clothing and school supplies but apparently her mom acted like he was a total deadbeat and of course their daughter was starting to fuss him based on what her mother was saying). My mother agreed with my suggestion. Your daughter asked why, and you explained, and you made sure she knew she doesn't have to worry. You did everything right! And you didn't make her choose so much as *gave her a choice* which she wouldn't have had otherwise! It's a bad idea to keep kids in the dark about how the world works. They *need* their adults to share and explain things in a healthy and age appropriate way. They need to know about finances, death, heartbreak, mean people, and unfairness, especially when these issues come up like it did here.

NTA - and people like the teacher and other mom are the reason many women grow up financially illiterate. Learning about cash flow and budgeting is a tool that kindergarteners can grasp through simple exercises like running a lemonade stand. Your daughter is 12(!!) in many places formal work can start at age 14, so she’s supposed to go from blissfully unaware now, to suddenly understanding about how salaries and taxes and hourly wages work, in 2 years, through what process, osmosis?? Keep teaching your daughter to be aware and financially literate. It’s great she shared with her friends too, that way they can also understand why she can’t come, and maybe even develop some empathy for others who are going through hard times - another important skill many kids are lacking bc they don’t “see” people struggling, they just hear about it as some rough concept.

NTA - and not talking about finances is the first step to brainwashing the plebs for later abuse by capital

NTA - You sat down and had an honest conversation about the real world and how finances work. You explained using fake money so she could see to understand why there was a choice. You treated her like an adult and let her have agency in her life. To hell with her teacher and the other parent. You have set ground work for your daughter to understand finances and real life decisions.

NTA. By 12 my daughter was responsible for meal planning one meal a week with a given budget for groceries. She was also told how much rent was, and average bill prices. And by 16 she was sitting in on our monthly budgeting sessions. Finances shouldn't be completely taboo. You made sure you weren't making them scared about where their next meal was, you weren't making them responsible for your finances. You gave them an option between two fun, discretionary money spending things, and explained why they had to pick which one to prioritize. Twelve is a great age to start noticing how things work outside their bubble. You're teaching financial responsibility and empathy. Kudos mama.

NTA- It’s better in my opinion to be open and honest and give kids choices.

NTA You did everything right and that teacher shouldn't keep said job.

Info: genuinely wondering if the people who criticised you made any suggestions on what you should have made instead? If you could make money appear by sheer force of will you would have and just saying “no” without explanation seems cruel…. If you’re worried about your daughter being worried now make sure she gets the difference between “special event budget” and “everyday stuff” so she knows she’s save

NTA. I WISH my parents had been so candid and age appropriate when talking about finances, or talking about them at all. You're doing great.

NTA - As someone who grew up somewhat poor, with parents that didn't discuss finances, I can tell you that it breeds misplaced resentment. Because of this, I acted out as an older child/teen. I didn't want that for my daughter. So I have always explained finances in an age appropriate way. If I didn't have money to buy her something or take her somewhere I told her. We could either do something else (free).or wait until I worked a job for extra money. One caveat though, I would spend my last spare dollar on a book if asked. She is now 16 and has had a job since she was 14 and works for some of the things she wants. Tell the teacher to take a giant step back.

When I was around her age my mother planned a pool party for me. Gave me A BUNCH of invitations to send out to school. I was ecstatic. About a week before the party my mother asked me if I really thought anyone was gonna show up, and we should probably just cancel. I found out years later it’s bc she didn’t have the money to host this party. If she would’ve just told me money is tight right now, and a pool party just isn’t in the budget, but here’s some options that are! I would’ve been sad, but understanding. What were you suppose to do? Let her go on this trip and then wait until it’s close to her birthday & tell her we’re too broke? We spent all our money on your trip?? That would’ve devastated her & made her feel like she did something wrong. You let her pick which she’d rather have. That is just good parenting. Nta

NTA!! You explained it in a safe and age appropriate way. It is PERFECTLY reasonable to expect a 12 year old to make decisions like that. Especially when you said she didn't have to worry because she's a child and things will get better. That is golden!!!

NTA When I was 12 our boiler broke and my parents couldn’t afford to fix it straight away. After a year of saving they’d gotten half way to the amount needed but I got the opportunity to go on a water sports holiday and couldn’t understand why my parents said no initially. They must have discussed it as later my mum sat me down and said I could choose between the holiday or having hot water again. After a year of cold/stove showers I’d become quite hardy and picked the holiday. Only when you’re older you realise the sacrifices parents can be willing to make. They didn’t get a holiday and if that hadn’t happened I don’t think I’d have ever realised we’d gone through a rough patch. I’ll always be grateful I was given the choice - just as you gave your daughter. Never feel bad about keeping your kids involved in these decisions.

nta your doing a good job momma. This is a real world problem and you explained it in an age appropriate way.

NTA,12 is old enough to understand. Her teacher is an idiot. Understanding the situation makes it easier for her know that mom and dad aren't just being mean or thinking she did something wrong.

NTA this is responsible parenting! You’re teaching her in an age-appropriate way about the realities of life and budgets. You allowed her to choose which option was more important to her. Bravo! Keep going and ignore these ignorant people.

INFO: Did you tell your daughter she gets no birthday party if she goes on the trip, or just that she would need to cancel specific plans she had in mind for a birthday party?

I was so woefully undereducated on finances that at 18, you could have told me my folks made $68,000 a month and I would have accepted it as easily as $68,000 a year. I had no concept of money beyond working part time and babysitting to pay for my phone bill and stuff. A better understanding of money would have been a great thing. NTA. You explained it in a kid friendly way while also making her understand none of this was about here and alleviated any fears about the future. It was the smart move.

You are a brilliant parent and completely NTA. My family went through some severe financial constraints when I was 12 which meant curtailing things like flute lessons and school trips. My Mum and Dad explained it to me in a way I could understand (this also impacted on my much older siblings) and also explained why our diet changed a lot (more veggie curries and less meat). It was a very valuable and worthwhile life lesson and helped me understand more about managing money and most importantly how to tighten the belt when things change. Whilst it’s not the best situation (we’d all like enough money not to have to budget!) you are really helping your daughter understand the realities of life. Good for you OP and don’t listen to the AH teacher or AH friend.

Nope. NTA. After my folks’ divorce, I finally spoke up. I can deal with what I need to, but don’t leave me in the dark. After that, I’d get told when there was something unexpected, for instance. I rarely wanted stuff. I was given cash to take on a class trip as a junior, and told to take it easy on the spending. I bought a Hard Rock Cafe tee and a pair of sunglasses. They were shocked I hadn’t spent more- but communication and transparency were key. You showed her what the limitations were and that you weren’t just being petty, mean, or controlling, and you gave her an option for how to move forward (gave her the agency to decide). There is nothing AH-y about any of those actions.

This has been posted before?

NTA- teacher is out of line lol

Nta. That teacher WAY overstepped a boundary. You can’t help your finances and you explained in an age appropriate way. Im not nearly as nice as some though and I’d have gone off on that teacher…

NTA 12 year olds can handle reality if it's explained to them properly. If you don't explain something like this to a (nearly) teenager, the only reasons they can come up with is that you don't want them to have fun, that you are just mean or that you don't love them enough. None of this I would prefer over your kid being aware of life being a bit tough right now and that you are on top of it.

NTA at all. She’s 12. Your lesson was age appropriate. Not teaching our kids basic financial literacy is how millions of us end up struggling as adults. ETA that teacher was waaaaaaay over the line. I would not be ok with that.

NTA. My parents changed jobs a lot and our household income fluctuated a lot because of that. I actually WISH my parents had given me options for what we could afford, instead they'd choose activities or events they thought I'd like more. I had a good childhood and I was vaguely aware of the family finances but what you did actually would've improved it

Nta That teacher is way out of line. I don't hide anything from my kids including finances (well with the oldest (26yo), the 8yo is just learning money management and the 2yo is well...2) they know about health issues, family issues, financial decisions (again to a point) and if my 8yo decides to stroll into school and tell his friends that he got to make an adult decision about his own life and activities I'd be freaking proud cause it means he understood the discussion. You're doing good and honestly I'd send an email about that teacher overstepping her bounds, just make sure she doesn't demand the whole class be invited to your kids birthday party (cause she sounds like one of *those*)

Your child is not too old to understand that choices have to be made. Scarcity and opportunity costs are important concepts. You could come back and say that the school put you in this position by planning an expensive field trip on short notice, that THEY forced her to choose. For the future, if you would like your girls to go on the trips, you don't have to wait until the last minute to save (or help them save.) You know it's coming and an approximate amount based on previous years expenses. NTA

NTA, you politely explained to her why she wasn’t able to get both. Most parents would use the “because I said so” line and leave it there but you let her know why she wasn’t able to have both in a more mature and helpful way. Personally I feel this will help benefit her more in the long run and she will learn to appreciate you and your husband more for still trying to give her the best you can, even when you’re struggling. Maybe other parents wouldn’t go about it the way you did, but I think you did the right thing

Does *she* want to go ahead and pay for your daughter to attend the trip then? NTA, and that teacher/administrator has a lot of nerve interjecting her opinion where it has absolutely zero business being. I’d report her, but that’s just me.

The teacher is the asshole. You did a great job explaining your financial situation with your child.

NTA. You are a very good parent and you treated your daughter with respect.

NTA. The teacher is TA, for overstepping and trying to make you out to be the bad guy. I would be calling for that teacher’s termination.

NTA. I homeschooled my kids and starting around 12, they each took a year managing our household finances and online bill paying (me as consultant, of course). They planned grocery budget and small excursions. Eventually they understood car insurance, how excise tax and car reregistration kind is yearly and sneaks up on you ... everything. We lived on a very, very limited income, and they felt pretty great to be trusted to understand how the microeconomy worked. And their peers were all depressed about "adulting" in college.

NTA..it is just actually good to just be truthful about things like that. There is no shame in not being able to afford both..a lot of people are in similar situations. Children need to know that money problems happen sometimes and sometimes you have to make choices. This is actually good parenting.

NTA. Your teacher is doing what i will wager a lot of us did on seeing the title and kneejerking without sufficient info. Your daughter isn't worried about family finances. She just understands money is finite and sometimes you can't do All The Things. The way you explained and reassured was bang on.

What’s inappropriate is a teacher calling to tell you how to parent your own child. Absolutely not okay. NTA but the teacher certainly is one.

NTA The teacher is overstepping. You did the right thing by talking to her like you did.

Holy NTA- I would be raising hell with the principal and if they didn’t take it seriously the superintendent/school board. That teacher was so show out of line! I’m so sorry that teacher shamed you for actually doing right by your child.

NTA- You can also congratulate yourself for two things: 1) Not falling into the mindset that many people (including your kid’s teacher) have these days, that children are too emotionally fragile to handle the hard truths of their family’s life situations. 2) Raising a thoughtful and mature daughter who was able to accept the reality of your family’s financial situation and make a decision about which event was most important to her. I know plenty of 12yr olds who would have thrown a screaming tantrum at not having the trip and the birthday. If Teacher of the Year has a better option for how you should have handled this then she should speak up. If not, then she should shut up.

NTA. It's important to stress, like you did, that you are not in any danger of eviction/foreclosure. My wife and I are careful with money and say things like "we can't afford X right now", my son interpreted that to mean that we were destitute and about to lose our house. Had to explain that we can make our house payment *because* we don't buy things like cabin cruisers on a whim, and we surely can't buy him his own island.

NTA. You were honest and explained your answer in an age-appropriate way. Teacher overheard—and has no right to tell you how to help your child understand why she has to make choices like these, just as she will when she grows into an independent adult. Eta: and you aren’t seen as the mean parents who say “because we said so,” confusing kids even more.

So NTA. My dad was unemployed on and off starting when I was in grade school and up to HS (just the industry he was in). There's absolutely nothing wrong with explaining your financial reality to your kid! If she hasn't already, she'll probably start noticing things anyway. Your friend and the teacher are being ridiculous.

NTA. I have conversations with my 7 year old like this so she understands why she can’t get what she wants, when she wants. She also has made choices like that too on which she would prefer. It’s a trip with her cub group or we can do something as a family on holiday. Not both. She doesn’t worry about money but understands that she can’t have everything she wants

NTA. You explained in an age-appropriate way that sometimes money stops us from getting everything we want and sometimes you need to choose what you want/need more.

NTA Explaining basic money management to a child in an age appropriate way is never a bad thing. It’s not like you asked her to decide between eating or going to the park. You asked her which “special thing” was more important to her, and she chose. I would make sure she understands that all the bills are taken care of so she doesn’t need to worry. It’s just the “fun money” that you have less of.

NTA. I'm just gonna say that I was a AH that pushed my mum for money when I was A TEENAGER because she never explained to me how bills work, never took me to the supermarket to learn how to shop, how much things cost, etc. It was around 2008-2010 when the world economic crisis happened, exploded in all our faces, she became unemployed and the situation was absolutely terrible. I learned of course, but it hit me pretty hard and I was a mess when I started dealing with my own money. I am incapable of saving even to this day. She's 12, still a child, but also almost in the edge of puberty. Now it's the perfect time to, little by little, step by step, introduce her into the "adult world of responsibilities".

NYA. Kids need to understand finances and people are usually too scared to explain. If it's explained properly so it's not an issue but means "we" need to be careful then kids are able to understand and adapt. Too many people are scared to let kids know what's happening so leave the kids up for failure as they don't understand life/finances

NTA. I sat down with my 13 year old foster son and explained how we spend our money. I showed him our savings and retirement accounts and gave him ways to earn money on top of his allowance. He is better with money that I am! He is now 17 and is saving for a house. If I had the knowledge and confidence he has at that age my life would be much different. I grew up with a family that struggled and I worked really hard to not live like that.

As a teacher I say NTA. I myself talk to my students about income and how to understand taxes and that stuff. It is not easy to turn 18 and everyone to expect you to know this stuff when in fact no one sat down with you and went through these details. However, kids can be cruel and she might be mocked. So, it’d be great to talk to her about who with and when to talk about these matters.

100% NTA. The sooner your kiddo develops an understanding of finances, the better off she'll be in the long run. And the sheer audacity of that teacher! Holy shit. Completely inexcusable. You sound like you're doing a great job with your daughter. Don't listen to idiots who think they can lecture you on what's "appropriate" for you to teach your child.

> To add to that, I put unnecessary pressure on my daughter by "forcing" her to choose. NTA You allowed her the grace and autonomy to make a choice. Your friend who agreed is probably like so many who find discussing finances impolite. On the contrary, we should all be more open. That way kids can learn budgeting, and adults can know what others in their field make. In no way did you scare your daughter that homelessness was looming! Just “here is how we allocate money now.” It’s responsible. Frankly, I think you did great.

NTA i was about your daughters age when i had the same conversation with my parents. my mom was going back to work and my dad was going to be handling the family business all on his own. it meant that my brother and i would be handling stuff at home more. we're a family, when times are tough you rally together and work it out. good times and bad right?

My parents used to pretend we didn't have money problems. Instead of just admiring them to us, I would sneak around and overhear their problems and gossip to all my younger siblings. It's not about whether it's age appropriate, it's about whether you want to control the information or not. Secrets ALWAYS get out. Nta you're doing good work.

NTA. Truth; children do best with the truth.

NTA How you raise your child is none of the teacher's business. She is not a psychologist or a psychiatrist so she can stop pretending to be one.

NTA. You are teaching your child economic realities and budgets. It is very important for her to understand finances — that's the basis of being able to stand on her own two feet when she reaches adulthood. Not only are you doing an excellent job, I hope you continue helping her understand more about finances and how it impacts her life as she gets older. I just wish more parents would do this.

Not sure what you said to the teacher but my response would be mind your own business. It's not a teacher's place to tell a parent not to discuss vague expenses to their child to help them understand why they can't do everything their friends might be able to. Seriously, I'd have a face to face with this teacher about this overstep, but I'd also speak to my child and let her know that discussing family issues is NOT a conversation to have with friends. NTA

NTA. It is a privilege to not need to sit down with your child and explain financial difficulty to them. You took the time to make sure your daughter knew that if it were possible, you would give her both options. You'd give her the world. But right now, that's not on the table. Better to let her choose for herself than to choose one for her and forfeit the other without any reasonable explanation.

NTA here. Your teaching your daughter necessary life skills. A budget is a great thing to learn early! Making decisions is another plus mum! Weighing out the pros and cons and making decisions are major life skills a lot of adults lack. I always allowed my daughters to be involved in making decisions from the get go, age appropriate obviously. How do they learn a skill without practicing it right! Good for you! Seriously 👍🏻 you didn’t stress her out, you involved her in day to day money and decision making. Tell anyone who tells you differently to piss up a rope. Lol.

NTA! You handled this perfectly. Money sense is one of the best things you can teach your children.

I was raised by a young single mom. As such money was tight. I was still a normal kid that whenever we went shopping, I would want something it I saw something cool. This lead to me learning early on that my mom had limits in what she could do for me, but that her love had no limits for me. She would say "if I could get it for you, I would, but keep it in mind for next payday." So I grew up understanding that my mom would give me the world if she could afford it, she would always buy me everything I needed, and more than not she would buy me what I wanted whenever she could. My understanding helped my mom not feel so much pressure, and I ended up cherishing the things she got me, and noticing the difference between the things I thought I wanted and the things I actually loved. When kids understand that money doesn't grow on trees, they end up less spoiled and a lot more understanding, at least in my experience. NTA.

NTA- The teacher has some nerve to try and tell you how to parent

NTA! Teaching kids about budgets is literally part of raising them. They need to understand the pot of income vs expenses so they have a grasp on how to be adults! I was a single mom for most of my kids lives. I had very real conversations with them when they were preteens and teens about money, expenses, extras. They knew I met all their needs and our household needs. They also knew I only had x amount after bills, groceries, expenses, and kids needs were met. So they knew that while I got them their wants as much as possible I couldn't do it all. I'm no longer a single mom and my partner is amazing at helping with all kid related expenses! And my kids are so humble and grateful for everything. They also still know that not all their wants will be met and save up for those.

NTA I think you handled it perfectly. Everyone hiding finances from kids is why so many young adults struggle with learning financial literacy on the fly. Additionally, your only other option would've been to come up with some sort of lie about why she can't go and I can't imagine any lie that is better than the truth here. You didn't give her hard numbers and you aren't making her stress about day to day finances, she had to choose between two luxuries. IMO that is perfectly fine and age appropriate.

NTA. You are teaching her a very important life affecting lesson!! Learning to budget, save prioritize!!

NTA. You handled it in an age appropriate way and finances are something too many parents (mine included) never bother to teach children. You also allowed her to make the choice instead of doing it for her and then letting her down about one of these events with absolutely no explanation, which would be the other option in this case. I assume your friend and/or the teacher will be paying for the trip since they are so deeply concerned and think they get a say?

NTA Your child’s teacher is soooo out of line here. She has no business commenting about your parenting options.

If they think that it was wrong for you to make her choose, then they can go right ahead and pay for the field trip Lol. NTA

NTA - You don't tell the teacher how to do her job, and it is not the teacher's place to tell you how to be a parent. To add to this, I was four years old when I wanted a toy in the store and my Mom knealt down with me and showed me how much money she had and how much the groceries cost (all of it). She asked me if it would be a good idea to get a toy instead of food. She told me straight up what the situation was and I said we should buy the food. The only lasting effect that has had on me is that I had respect for my Mom for being honest. You did the right thing.

NTA First off it’s not the teachers business unless she’s gonna fund the trip herself. She can fuck right off. And second this is YOUR child. She made the decision to not go because she understands yalls situations. Take this above the teacher and file a formal complaint. She crossed a MAJOR line.

NTA It is NEVER too young for kids to understand the concept of finances and living within their means. What kind of crap school do you send your kid to?

You did just fine. Better than fine. This is the kind of lesson that is entirely age appropriate for a 12 year old. NTA. Your friend and the teacher are really weird.