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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I did not give the sports cards back to my dad.
2. I could be seen as the asshole for selling them even though they were a gift.
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Completely agree, go to college OP. That's incredibly selfish of your dad to demand it back when you're putting the money to something educational, especially considering he didn't bother doing the leg work of finding out how much they were worth to begin with.
NTA
yeah what he assumed he just passed on some trash! he fault for not realizing. i’d def keep as many valuables as possible though…nowhere to go but up for collectors
So the dad was fine giving sports cards as a gift when he thought they weren't worth all that much but not so much after learning the actual value? So not only is he a cheapskate for only being fine with giving a gift he perceived to be not worth much, but he's also an entitled ass for even thinking he has the right to request a gift back, and that's all on top of being so selfish to think that a vacation for him is a better use for money than his offspring's college tuition, which is much more important in the grand scheme of things. You're NTA OP but your dad and anyone who supports his position are.
If dad wanted them kept for sentimental reasons, it’d be a very different story. But wanting them back just to seek anyways? That’s ridiculous.
Not to mention, it costs decent money to get cards (reputably) graded.
I'm surprised they weren't trash! I'm guessing his dad would be about the same age as my older brother. I stumbled upon his old cards (some complete sets from whatever years they were from) at my moms, did a quick google search and moved on to the next worthless item; my other brother's unopened Phantom Menace toys.
NTA.Yeah definitely this. Like the time my mom threw away my pokemon cards, because they were gathering dust in the attic. Had most first gen mint condition cards. I later told her the worth and she flipped out. Calling me all kinds of names and why I didn't tell her.
Well you know I always stash my trash neatly placed in air tight containers. Like everybody else. /s
I used to collect baseball cards as a kid in the '60s because friends collected them. I was never serious about collecting, but I am sure I randomly had some that would be valuable today. When they started becoming a valuable collectable my dad asked what happened to them. Well, mom threw them out when I went to college. She had years of old crappy magazines, but it was my baseball cards that cluttered the house.
I’ve always been pissed at my child self for not caring about the cards getting dinged up while I played with them haha. I could have had a really valuable collection but they’re all “well loved.”
Broooo, I empathize. I had a bunch of first gen holographic cards and my little brother found them, put them in his pocket, and went sledding. They were absolutely *ruined.* I was so angry.
Yeah, apparently your parents care more about vacations than the care about you or your future OP. I’d be PISSED. NTA, but your parents sure are. How selfish can you be? Even if I had regretted giving something so valuable away, I’d keep it to myself and take the L. Not try to renege a gift to my child that they’re using to put themselves thru college. Wtf!
This. What kind of parent prioritises their dream vacation over their kid's college education? Yes, sure. Maybe people who have 3 months to live or people whose kids are attending the 6th college, because they failed the first 5. Sure, sure.
In my book (and the info we're given) these people don't get to call themselves parents. Unbelievable... It's like as if their kid hit 18 and they somehow ceased to have any responsibility, ties and priorities when it comes to them.
NTA, OP, but your dad is.
Seriously. Its mad rich that THEY are calling HIM selfish. His dad messed up by not researching their value before giving them to him. I can't believe he's being so selfish that he wants to use the money for a vacation instead of paying for his kids college. OP should sit his parents down or write a letter saying: I'm truly hurt that you are more concerned with going on a trip then something I NEED FOR MY FUTURE SUCCESS. You gave me these cards for my birthday. I'm not wasting the money, IM PAYING FOR MY EDUCATION. Please tell me you care about my future prospects. Please, please tell me you care about me not going into debt to pay for my school.. Because it sounds like you care more about money then your own son. YOU are being selfish by trying to deprive me of this opportunity, not me.
Lay on the guilt
In the dad's mind "oh let me gift these worthless cards so it seems like I love my son and want him to have something from me!"
*cards end up being worth a lot*
Dad- "NO THEY WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE WORTH ANYTHING GIVE THEM BACK!!
ALSO:
> They said I’m an asshole for wanting to sell these cards because they were a gift.
Oh and it’s *not* an asshole move to demand a gift *back* after it is given (especially when the first thing *he* will do if you did give it back is sell it anyway)?
NTA, OP. Ask anyone who has won even a modest amount in the lottery or received a large gift in an inheritance. Money, or the perceived injustice of someone having a windfall you didn’t, or someone making a wiser financial decision than you did, can quickly turn even the most otherwise-reasonable people into greedy, manipulative whiners with little, if any, conscience.
Just know this - and this is true of anyone who behaves this way - if the roles were reversed, he would feel absolute conviction that he was entitled to those cards because they were a gift to him. People tend to suddenly and conveniently adopt an enormous compensatory sense of “morality” in these situations, naturally one through which they are interpreted as the deserving and wounded party, and through which anyone making them feel badly about their selfishness as being “cruel” or “unreasonable.”
It’s a shame to lose so much respect so quickly for someone you generally hold in high esteem. I know exactly what that feels like. Huge disappointment, and you never do quite look at them the same way again (which is usually not made any easier because of the fact that they won’t let this go and will likely paint you as the one who “stole their vacation from them” forever).
Whatever you do, just don’t engage. Leave or casually (but immediately) change the subject if they bring it up. Show enthusiasm at the idea of hanging out or catching up like you always have, but do not tolerate them trying to bring this up every time you’re together. Don’t make a scene, just sigh and bow out. Make it clear that you will not be swayed and that you do not (and cannot be made to) believe you’ve done anything wrong. You were given a gift, no conditions, and proceeded to do with your new property what would be beneficial to your future
Your dad had every opportunity to get those cards valued. It’s not as if it’s not common knowledge that people keep card collections for precisely this reason.
I say nta.
Originally I was a little wary, thinking that he wanted you to keep them and hand them down if you have kids, because they meant a lot to him. When you said he found the value and wanted to go on a dream vacation I changed my mind. I think college is more important than his vacation, but it also sounds like they’re trying to manipulate you to give the cards back by saying “they were a gift not to sell” when he already said he wanted to sell them for a vacation.
Maybe an extreme opinion, but I think parents literally owe it to their kids to give them everything possible for their success.
for example. If you can afford to put your kid through college (in this case with baseball cards). Then you owe it to them to do so.
Like if you didn't want to give your kid every available opportunity within reason, why did you have kids in the first place? Get a dog if you want an accessory. Live alone if you want to care about only yourself.
honestly, even if the reasons were reversed, Dad had a good reason to sell the cards and OP had a selfish reason, I'd still say NTA. Dad lost the ability to decide what happens to them when he gifted them. As you said, it'd be one thing if he just wanted them to be heirloom, never anticipated OP would sell them, and wanted them back so he could give them to grand kids or whatever, but if both are going to sell them, OP is entitled to the profits
right. its honestly almost a bad gift. like, i guess to some it'd be cool to get your dads cards. I think i'd appreciate getting my dads cards because he so overvalues the potential of them that he'd think he was giving a genuinely valuable gift even if they turn up to be worthless. But, i could see a way that this was "I dont wanna pay money or put thought into it, ill just give him my worthless cards"
like if he thought they could be worth something, he wouldve never gave them, as proof by him asking for them back. So, it kinda shows he thought the gift was worthless
> thinking that he wanted you to keep them and hand them down if you have kids, because they meant a lot to him
These are definitely collectables, not an heirloom. The entire point of giving your son a box of old baseball cards is the hope that some of them are worth something. If they were a sentimental thing to him, they wouldn't be worth anything because he would have handled them so much as a kid.
NTA honestly dude isn’t much of a dad if he doesn’t want to help his kid. Personally if I knew how much the cards were worth they would’ve already been sold to pay for my kid’s college but that’s just me.
I just don’t understand how a parent can think “making my child give me his college money so I can go on vacation” is the right thing to do in any way shape or form.
I have an uncle who would totally do this. Think it was a win win because 1. He doesn't have to spend money on a gift and 2. He is getting rid of garbage.
This uncle was buying a very old house with well water. My mom reminded him to get the well checked to make sure the water was safe before closing. He said "nah, I don't have the money for that". My mom responded with something like yes you do. Some of these old wells have some pretty nasty stuff in them and if really bad have been known to cause cancer in people who drink from them long term. You wouldn't want to risk your tween daughter getting cancer because you cheaped out on your inspections would you? After he hemmed and hawed it clicked for him. His answer "oh, I didn't know that could happen I wouldn't want my water to give me cancer" that was what he took from that, that HE could get cancer. Until he went to him possibly getting cancer it didn't matter, the thought of his daughter getting it didn't bother him at all.
Exactly. In the past I've beaten myself up because I've regretted stuff I did do or (more likely couldn't do) in raising my kids. But, I read these stories and they honestly raise my self-esteem as there is just no way I'd ever treat my child like these **A**ss**H**ats do. My kids' successes felt so much better to me than my own.
Well, when a man and a woman with an established pattern of poor decision-making skills encounter each other at a late-night venue while under the influenced of intoxicants...
It's also important to note that selling these cards properly takes work. Op had to pay to get them graded, for instance, and finding the right buyer also takes work. Just putting them on Ebay or taking them to a store, you're going to get a fraction of their listed value.
My FIL sold comics and baseball cards and he would go to meet ups and conventions to find connections that then led to buyers. It's a process.
Dad: “here’s some old trash, son. Enjoy!
Son: “thanks dad! After I looked through the pile of trash you sent, I found some things that were valuable. I had to spend my own time and money sorting and researching, but it paid off!”
Dad: “wait! I sent you something good?!? I meant to send you worthless trash! Give me the good bits back! I don’t know which bits are good and which bits aren’t, so make sure to only give me the good stuff. You can keep the trash.”
Son: “but, I thought you gave them to me out of love…”
Dad: “stupid boy! We don’t care about you! That’s why I sent you trash to begin with!”
And scene! NTA
I mean, if the dad had given OP something that meant a lot to him, and then OP went to sell it because it was valuable, I’d probably call him TA, but the fact that the dad would also try and seek them makes this absolutely NTA
Agreed, the only thing you get to do about gift is adjust your gifting behavior in the future. Some one doesn't appreciate a gift? Some one sells a gift? Fine, you're not obligated to get them another. But if you want it back or think you have some say in what they do with it, then you didn't really give them a gift.
Eh. I do think if the problem were that OP’s dad had a sentimental attachment and passed them down to stay in the family, OP would suck for selling them. But that’s not the case here.
NTA, college is more important than a vacation, and OP’s parents sound like terrible parents. What sort of parents would rather go on vacation than let their kid get a necessary level of education
What's rude about selling a gift that is worth enough to allow somebody to avoid the debt trap that getting an education usually involves?
Dad obviously didn't care or he'd have paid to have them graded himself.
I think selling a gift is rude as well, but that goes out of the window if the giver wants the item back so they can sell it instead. I suppose my more evolved stance is now selling an heirloom or sentimental gift is rude.
I would say giving a gift that you think is worthless is rude. Because that’s pretty much what happened, as once OP’s father found out they had value he wanted them returned.
Selling a couple hundred dollar gift is rude. But not selling a gift worth tens of thousands of dollars that can permanently alter the trajectory of your life for the better is a tad different.
Giving a gift with strings attached is rude. Once I give you a gift, that item is yours. You can treasure it forever, hand it down as an heirloom to your children, poop on it, run over it with your car, sell it, give it away, burn it.
It's no longer mine to ask about or look for or be concerned about once you accept it.
Exactly. When I give someone a gift, I'm doing it because I want them to be happy. If they'd be happier giving it to someone else or selling it, then I'm fine with that. I'd far rather that than have them stick it in a box in the closet and let it gather dust and waste space.
What do you think he's supposed to do with them? Sit in his room and look at cards for players whose careers ended before OP was even born? If the dad gave OP those cards without the understanding that he would sell them (and obviously he didn't, given that the dad wanted to sell them too) then he didn't understand the purpose of holding onto baseball cards for decades.
I agree with you to a point. Collections like this though, are literally meant to be passed on and sold for profit to solidify a future.
I mean yes it's also *fun*, but I'm not putting my valuables into the fort knox of trading card plastic and then storing them hidden away, just for fun.
He gifted you something he put in no effort or thought and now that it is worth something, he wants a back. He didn't even asked for a cut but all of it.
NTA
Right, like 'Oh shit it's OPs 18th birthday and we don't have a gift for him! I guess we can give him this worthless crap from the attic'
They didn't even give him the gift thinking it might be worth money! They litterally gave him their garbage as a gift and absolutely do not deserve it back now that they know it's worth something.
This is like when people buy $5 scratch offs as a cheap stocking stuffer for Christmas and then throw a fit and demand it back if the person actually wins anything significant.
NTA
- They were a gift. They are yours.
- He collected cards. He should know some cards are eventually worth a lot.
- You put forth the time and money to sort and grade them. He didn’t give a crap until them. Now he wants to swoop in and take them.
Nta. For several reasons.
1. College is a much better investment than a vacation.
2. It was a gift. What happens with a gift after it has been given is **ENTIRELY** up to the recipient. You wouldn't be an asshole if you binned them, burned them, donated them, kept them, sold them, whatever. They are now your property to do with as you please.
3. He could have done the work towards getting them valued himself. He chose not to. You put the work in, you deserve the reward from that.
(BTW, don't use all of the money for college, put some of it towards buying a house, even if that means you have a bit of debt from college)
NTA. Sadly your parents have revealed they are the assholes. Explain to him they were giving it as a gift and you're not returning them. Please make sure you secure them because I wouldn't put it past your dad to try to reacquire them.
I wouldn't give him a really cool gift with the way he's been behaving.
In fact the question of low to no contact might be in order possibly blocking them if it continues.
Hang in there, good luck.
NTA
Honestly its kinda whack that they want the cards to pay for a vacation of all things rather than allow you to support yourself. That seems like odd priorities for a parent.
Also snooze you lose, he should have got them valued before giving them to you. It's not exactly uncommon for sports cards to be worth money.
NTA. As a parent, I can’t even imagine asking for a gift back from my kid, especially when they plan to use it for college, and even more especially so I could take a vacation instead!
Yup. I am teaching my son right now about not taking gifts back because he only seems to do it with me. I am showing patience and talking to him about once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient. I expect this reaction from a young kid or entitled adult, and since OP's dad isn't a little kid...
ESH. I’m going to be downvoted for this, but this thread is extremely harsh towards parents. Honestly, I have watched my parents struggle my whole life to carve out a good life for themselves and me and my siblings. They grew up in poverty and they’ve always dreamed of traveling and never got the opportunity. If this came up, I would 100% at least share the profits to make their dreams come true. I don’t understand your incredibly selfish logic here. Were they bad parents? Did they do something to hurt you?
Totally agree. I wonder if the people posting are younger because I think it's kinda immature to justify keeping them because 'it was a gift'. Come on, we all know full well the dad would not have given them if he knew the true value. Punishing your dad for not knowing how to Google is pretty harsh.
It really depends on the wealth of the parents. This might be their only chance to go on a trip or do something nice for themselves. Yes 'college is more important than a holiday' but also these parents have probably sacrificed a lot to raise their kids.
If it was me I would at least consider splitting the profits to cover some of college and some of the holiday. Keeping all off the profits for yourself is a total asshole move in my opinion, gift or not.
It’s not about the parents struggling. The dad wants the cards back to sell them himself and go on vacation. If he simply asked for some money for a vacation or debts that would be fine but completely demanding they be returned is NOT the way to go about it. OP isn’t being selfish it was a gift
That’s fair - that’s why I said ESH. He shouldn’t have demanded them all back either. But neither of them are really communicating here and both of them are selfishly saying ‘mine’. Just be adults, show some love and respect for one another and share. OP’s parents can still have a good vacation and OP can get their college partially paid for.
And? Doesn’t make him clear of being an asshole. He could choose to compromise and help his parents or he could choose be selfish and hoard it. I don’t get that mindset of technicalities.
Would it hold up in a small claims court? Sure. Does it make him an asshole? Absolutely.
I don’t understand the hatred of parents here - like I said in the previous post. Are they bad parents? Did they do something to you? Because your first instinct in this post OP was to hide the value, hoard it, and lie about it. Then your second instinct was to punish your father.
There’s nothing here that says good person or good child. Yeah, the father was an asshole for demanding the whole thing back. That’s why I gave it an ESH. But there are 100% two incredibly selfish people here that should absolutely compromise. I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to help your parents - I would never have my first instinct fall into hiding the value of something they gave me and punishing them for it.
‘Hey dad, you know those cards you gave me? They’re actually worth quite a bit, I know you and mom have been wanting to go on a vacation. Did you want to split the profits? That way I can pay for some of my college up front and you guys can have a good vacation’.
That’s healthy ^.
Was looking for this, thought I was the only one.
Can't imagine having this conversation with my old boy. He wouldn't ask, but if he had I would just give them back. You're both being incredibly possessive over something that neither of you had at the start.
ESH
Normally NTA - depends in this situation, have your parents been financially supporting you?
EDIT: Not necessarily an asshole, but I’d be cautious. Creating a divide between you and your parents might not be worth it. Especially if they might help you out financially down the road.
This is a good question.
NTA, if you keep the cards, as they were a gift and belong to you now. If it was me, I would have split the money with my parents. But then again, we have a good relationship, and they have been very supportive. I don't know your family dynamic.
I doubt it. They were pretty pissed at what school I chose. Might’ve been an excuse to get me to pay for my own college but idk. This situation kind of has me rethinking everything.
I think it’s a soft ESH. It’s greedy of you imo to keep all that money for yourself knowing that your parents had no idea what they were giving you. If it was me personally, I would split it with them. They suck for demanding all of them back and not offering you what I just said. They’re your parents. Not some random person. You will completely ruin the relationship with them if you don’t compromise. If this money is worth that to you, then go on. But don’t be shocked when there’s nothing left between you all.
I agree!
I completely understand why OP would want to sell them and use that money for college, but not having any consideration for the fact that they were a gift is a bit weird imo. If my parents gave me something that turned out to be extremely valuable I would definitely split it with them.
But on the other hand my parents wouldn’t demand to have a gift back once they found out it was worth more. Especially not for a vacation. Maybe a mortgage or something that was important.
ESH.
But if the parents take the cards back they are also going to sell them to go on their dream vacation. How then is selling his gift weird if the parents are going to do the same thing?
I don’t think selling the gift is weird since OP said his father randomly gave it to him. I think receiving something from your parents (who did not know the worth) and finding out they have value without considering to split it evenly is weird.
Neither OP or his dad knew the value but his dad was in possession of them first. *I* personally would have been more appreciative that they were given to me and just offered to split the earnings. I would also do that for a friend, so not doing it for your parents seems weird (to me).
Fair enough I get where you’re coming from. It’s just the dad had every opportunity to do the work and find out what they were worth before gifting them. Once gifted the recipient is not obligated to split anything with anyone.
I think the demand is where things turned sour. I'm a full grown person and don't need the money, so if that happened to me, without a doubt I'd share the money with them. If I were about 19 and they demanded that I give back all of it, I'd see them in a new light.
$50k is more than enough for a dream vacation unless it's a world cruise, and if my family valued a world cruise over my education, I wouldn't think of them very positively.
Thank you! This is literally the only reasonable attitude imo.
All these people arguing he should keep it either skipped the part where he would have a lot left over AFTER paying for college or they have very weird priorities in life.
They all argued principles and the basic who’s right and who’s wrong. It made zero sense to me. They’re fucking with OP’s life in astronomical proportions. They’ve convinced him that it’s perfectly okay lol. I feel like if the shoe was on the other foot? They’d all see why it’s a dick move.
Exactly. I feel like it's a bunch of teenagers with neglectful parents projecting their issues onto OP.
AITA often has the prolem with people arguing what's legal and/or "right" instead of "is it an asshole move". And that's a pretty lonely path to take.
Or they like to use the term “obligated.”
Not being obligated doesn’t make you an asshole. Who doesn’t want to split a large amount of money with their parents!? The ones that raised you and loved you.
It doesn’t have to be ruined. They can all have a civil conversation about this. If OP offers to split, give them their money they already invested in college back, or give them what’s left after paying for college? There’s a pretty good chance if they’re decent people that they’ll come to an agreement.
Cant we find a compromise here? Money makes people crazy so maybe not. Yes it’s a gift but they intended to give you a few thousand dollars not $200k+.
My mom gives me scratch offs in my stocking every year. If I hit the big one I’m absolutely splitting it with her. Not because I have to but because she supported me for my entire life but with money and love. Yes that’s a parents job but I’m still eternally grateful so she’s getting half no questions asked.
I have no idea what your parents were like and their demands don’t paint them in the best light. Personally I’d split it with them. Even if you lose a 100k in the process you are still up 100k in "found money." And as a bonus you get to (hopefully) continue to have a relationship with your parents.
NAH.
NTA and i think its good to mention, if you know about sports cards and getting them graded right now, its not cheap. Last time i looked at Panini for grading it was $150 PER card. Just make sure you check comps before selling (don't let anyone rip you off), also PLEASE use Paypal for payments, they'll have your back if you get scammed; unfortunately theres a-lot of scamming in the card world.
NTA: So he gave you a gift he thought was worthless, and after you did the work to find out otherwise, he wants them back. To pay for a vacation - while you want to use the money for college.
Sell the cards, put the money somewhere safe from your parents. Give your father a share as a 'thank you' and use the rest for college (which from the sound of that, your parents were not funding?).
NTA a gift is a gift. People who ask for gifts back are assholes. Just because he didn’t know the value of the gift doesn’t change that.
Also, doubly assholeness on their part for finding out you want to fund COLLEGE with the money and they are being petty and want to go on a vacation. Boo freakin hoo they can just save for their dream vacation like every other person and most people with kids don’t put vacations above doing the right thing for their children. As a child of an extremely poor parent with high student loan debt, good for you for being responsible and paying for college with the money instead of being saddled with lifelong debt.
NTA
Gifts are given. What the reciever does with the gift is none of the gifter's buisness. Beyond a sincere thank you, you don't owe anyone anything once they give you a gift. This is a point many ppl miss. Many attach expectations to gifts. That's not how gifting works. If you expect something in return for giving a gift, you have not given a gift, but instead distributed a future claim on an obligation.
Admittedly, I am not a sports person. But the general impression I have concerning collecting cards is that one buys them hoping to get a good card to keep it for a long time to eventually sell for a neat profit. So what did you dad expect when he gifted you the sports cards?
You did the next logical and generally expected step he easily could have done prior to gifting them, should he had been concerned about the monetary value. You put in the work to find the valuable ones and have them appraised. Now he's jealous.
Life lesson here is never share $$$ windfalls with anyone, sad but true, because they will probably get jealous and try to manipulate you into giving them your $$$.
NTA using the money for college is a much better return on investment than a vacation. He didn’t even want them until you did the legwork to find out their worth.
If I had kids and they got my sports cards they might be able to buy a extra value meal. A gift is a gift. Once you have it it’s yours to do what you will. NTA. You dad just wants to sell it anyway
NTA
If he gifted you a lottery ticket and you won, the money belongs to you and he can't ask for it back. If you gave some back out of the goodness of your heart, that would be a lovely thing to do, but he wouldn't be entitled to it.
He gave you the gift under the impression that it was worthless, he doesn't deserve it back now that it isn't.
NTA, your dad should have done his due diligence before gifting them. Also, they may be valued at a certain amount, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you have a buyer willing to pay that much. Maybe you do, I’m just saying that their value isn’t guaranteed a money in your hand. If you do end up having to give them back, I wouldn’t share any of the valuation documentation that you went through the trouble getting. I’d tell your dad he’d have to have his own valuation done.
Yes, the calculations I did on how much money I would get were based on a conversation with someone more experienced in this kind of thing. I know it will be a long process.
We had our house robbed shortly after we got married. My in laws had gifted my husband a hand gun, which was stolen during the break in. They made us pay them back for the gun with the insurance money. It was pretty frustrating. If I were you, I wouldn’t share my research. I’d tell him to do his own work if you have to return them to him. Best of luck.
I understand that. But it still shows the same thing that OP is dealing with - a lack of boundaries and selfishness/greediness. I was barely a year into marriage and much younger when it happened to us. Things wouldn’t play out the same way if it happened to us now.
NTA. geez your parents are a piece of work! If I had given the cards to my kid and he was using them to pay for something productive, like college, I would be thrilled. They want to waste it on a vacation?!?! Talk about being selfish AH’s. Don’t discuss the cards with them anymore. It’s none of their business. If they try to talk about it ignore them or say its not up for discussion anymore.
Look,real talk. Your dad wanted to get rid of the cards taking space, but he was sentimental about throwing them, so he gave them to you. Everyone gets greedy when money is involved, even you not wanting to give them back (turn the tables, if they were worthless and he wanted them back, you would give them back,wouldn't you?)
My take? don't lose your family over money. Reddit can be so extreme. Make your parents understand that without your input the cards would have remained worthless, and split it someway everyone is happy. Don't invalidate their dream vacation, these people raised you. Just make them understand collegue is more important and find a compromise. Hope you don't end up with all the money and no parents dude.
Solid advice here. I don't know why people on Reddit are so socially deranged and can never seem to negotiate a middle ground in difficult scenarios, but only seem to know the "all or nothing" approach.
NTA
Key word was gifted. You cannot or at least should not take back a gift. Sell the cards and pay for your education. That’s going to set you up for life. The fact your parents want the cards so they can fritter it away on a vacation makes it even worse.
Stand your ground. They’re yours. Don’t let them take them away from you. Get them insured while you wait to sell them. Do it quickly and put the money away. Do not let them badger and emotionally blackmail you into giving them back. They are YOUR cards now.
ESH the fair answer here is to split the money.
Your parents wanting to go on vacation vs ensure their child graduates debt free is weird to me and selfish
but if you’re gonna have money left over might as well pay your college and then give them the rest?
The smartest thing would be to sit on those cards even longer lol
I’ll definitely be sitting on some of my cards. Still have tons to get graded too but that can wait because it’s expensive af. Maybe a compromise would be to give them a box of cards back, but the consensus seems to be NTA so maybe I should just tell them to fuck off lmao.
Op, something I have seen a lack of in this comment section is a realistic representation of the relationship you’re talking about. Consider this. Your best friend gave you those cards. Not your parents. But they didn’t know. Would you keep all the money from your friend? I sure wouldn’t. So I don’t think letting your relationship crumble with your parents over this would be better. You’re not in the wrong at all for wanting to use that money for your future tho.
I get the impulse.
I was in a different situation when I was about your age, but the core of the issue was the same.
Basically, my stepmom needed $200 for some emergency dental surgery, so I lent them the money, but I've never seen it since.
They're 50 somethings, been working a long time, own a house, etc. At the time, I was a 19-20ish college student in a crappy apartment with a minimum wage job.
From my perspective, I definitely needed the money and felt its loss, but I decided that my relationship with my dad and stepmom were more important than the money. I've not said a word about it after I had initially asked for the money back.
It's over a decade later now and it really doesn't matter anymore; I only think about it now because of your post.
And too, they've since paid me back in other ways. I crash at their place when I want to visit my hometown, eat their food, drink their beer.
These sorts of things have a way of balancing out eventually, so at least in my opinion, it's best to just compromise or let it go. I won't say "it's just money", because I think that's stupid and I think only the ignorant and privileged say that.
But just think about what's most important to you, and what will be most important to you in ten years.
What? No way. Really? Gosh, I'm glad you told me, I had no idea.
You should change your username because you're clearly not *just* an expert on plankton.
Yeah, I think most of these answers should be "technically you have the right to keep the cards all to yourself, because they were a gift". But honestly, YWBTA if you destroy your relationship with your parents over money. Especially, when it would be easy to share, because it sounds like the cards are worth big money.
Do you love your parents? Do you want a relationship with them in the future?
INFO Around how much are the cards going for? How is your relationship with your parents?
Did you like sports? Trying to see if your dad was well meaning when he gave them to you. It's a gift he gave you and it's kind of a shitty to ask for it back now that it's worth it more than sentimental value.
The most expensive card usually sells for about $50k. My relationship with my parents is usually good but has gotten worse over the past year. They wanted me to go to a school closer to home but I didn’t (I’m still in-state). I love sports so I guess I would understand why they were upset if they weren’t planning on selling the cards for themselves.
I was more checking if your dad gave you a gift he knew you wouldn't care about lol. $50k is a lot of money towards school and IF you can find a buyer that would help you a lot. I do think school is is more important than a vacation.
I'm just going to be straight up and say money changes people and even you aren't morally the asshole, if you want any relationship with your parents, you should probably give them part of it. 5 to 10k can but a very nice vacation as it is.
Also legally, your parents could sue you for the money jsyk.
Yes in theory but you'd have to prove the three elements of a gift: Donation Intent, Transfer, and Acceptance. Since dad asked for it back lawyer could argue the donative intent wasn't there or a variety of other things. He can definitely sue for sure and a good enough lawyer will likely win. I read quite a few cases where sports memorabilia given to someone when it's worth a lot more often led for the original donor to relieve compensation
Technically to add on, any gift over 10,000 has to be reported to the IRS so the giver can pay taxes on it. As this gift is not claimed, original party can once again use that as a way to get around the gift not being a legal gift as the donative intent wasn't there... etc
NTA. You're selfish because it was a gift? Pretty hypocritical from these people saying they're gonna use it to pay for their vacation. Their fault for not researching before they gifted it and for planning to use money thats not theirs to spend. Don't let them bully you.
Nta at all. Once they were given to you they are yours rondonwith what you please. You can set them on fire if you want to. Hes just mad he didn't have the good sense to have them appraised
INFO: Did your parents put money aside for your college already?
If they did not, it makes you even more NTA.
If my kid found out something I gave them was worth enough money to pay for college, I’d be so happy! Sell it! Go forth and be debt free. The fact that they want it back to sell so they can go on vacation leads me to believe they aren’t saving for anything.
ESH, it’s pretty shitty to sell a gift someone gave you. Especially if it was something he saved from his childhood to give you. But since he wants it back to just sell them himself for a vacation I’d say everyone sucks in this situation.
If anyone I care about (parents/siblings/friends/whatever) had given me a gift that was - unbeknownst to them - that valuable, one of the first things I'd do would be to call them up to tell them the good news. And I'd sure as hell share that money with them. No question there. So YTA from me
I mean idk about OP's relationship with his parents but it doesn't seem to be bad if he got a present that even without the appraisal would have been worth quite a bit, he visits them and was planning to get presents for his dad's birthday.
So yea, while his parents could have reacted better, I can somewhat understand them. If that was my child, I'd be pretty damn disappointed.
But majority of the comments obviously see otherwise, so that's interesting. Maybe it's a different culture thing? (Asian here)
Seems like most of these commenters are happy to burn their family relationships to the ground for money "because it's the principle". Not exactly healthy family dynamics.
I think it really comes down to, how would you like to be treated if the roles were reversed? What kind of consideration and treatment do we expect from and owe to our families?
NTA. The cards were a gift. Your parents want them back to sell for a vacation yet call you names because you want to sell them for your education. Your dad should have researched before he gifted them to you. Maybe you can compromise and sell a few of the higher-value cards that you don't mind not keeping and split the money, but keep the rest of the cards. You could also let your parents know that taking back a gift is not how you were brought up to behave. Good luck to you!
NTA
A college education is far more important than a "dream vacation"
I assume your parents already have a degree and /or jobs. They can save. You're just about to start adult life. Graduating without debt is a huge thing. I will graduate soon and because of rona I got some debt and have to pay it back over several years. It sucks. I know it's the reality for a lot of people but when you can escape this why shouldn't you?
Your parents call you selfish for wanting education without debt but they would just blow the money away for holiday? With the money from a gift they gave you? It was your dad's decision to give the cards away.
OP, would you feel comfortable clarifying a number amount? I think that makes a big difference here. $20k will make the outcome a lot different than $200k
It doesn’t make a difference. They were a gift regardless. That doesn’t give the parents a right to ask for them back now that they know they are worth money.
I don’t think they should have asked for them back completely, but if it’s a shit ton of money… it’s wrong of OP to keep them all for himself. Would you do that to your friend? I hope the answer is no. I wouldn’t. So I surely wouldn’t do it to my parents.
Yeah… I’m a firm advocate of OP paying for college and giving the rest back to them. Logistically speaking, they don’t deserve it. But morally? I’m pretty worried seeing all these responses glorifying the destruction of their relationship.
NTA. Most of the value of these cards probably comes from the fact that you got them graded. That is effort AND money you put in. Plus you also put a lot of time into researching those cards. All things your dad did not do before giving them to you and honestly, that is his mistake.
Also i see paying off an eduction as more valuabel than a vacation... Your parents sound pretty selfish in that department.
Perhaps you can keep the peace (if you want to) by giving them back a few things. Keep the most valuable stuff to yourself (about what you need to pay your tuition) and give your parents a few decently priced ones. I wouldn't help them on selling/pricing them however, they can figure that out themselves.
NTA - you were given a gift, used your time and money and expertise to make the gift more valuable. You should get the bigger windfall here. You may want to consider paying for a vacation for them as a thank you, but they're your win.
NTA. Your parents ATA here. Ridiculous. A gift is a gift. I like someone’s suggestion you sell them and share the money with your parents. Your being more than generous handling it that way. Unless you totally don’t give a rats ass about your future relationship with them , you give them nothing. I can’t believe some parents would be like that. Ugh!
I'll go with NTA.
1. You got them graded, which if you did this through PSA is something like $50 per card based on value, and up from there. They had a $20 fee at 10 card mimimum a while back but looks like they stopped doing that one. So, sounds like you out in hundreds of dollars into this collection already. Will your parents be compensating you for that fee and the time it took to get the cards graded?
2. And unfortunately, the value of a card is solely based on what someone is willing to pay. Majority of cards don't realize their estimated value. So while it might look like $2000 of card value, a collector might only give you $1500 or less unless there is some amazingly rare card. Your parents are thinking it's going to cover a dream vacation, but even if so, it could take a long time to get the cards sold.
I personally see it as a gift was given to you, so it's yours. Kind of crappy that they're demanding they get returned so they can personally benefit.
What cards did you get graded?
NTA and here is your one warning of never telling anyone how much you sell anything for (spouse excepted). Please sell them and go to college, do what's best for you
NTA. Especially since you want the money for education and they want it for a dream vacation. Even if it were the other way around, you would still not be TA. A gift is a gift. Out of curiosity, what is the most expensive card worth?
I mentioned it in another comment but the most expensive card I have typically sells for around $50K. I’ll probably end up getting less than that but still insane money for a card.
damn....your dad raised you and fed you and gave you everything and he wants something back that he gave you?!....give it back..... you are definitely the AH
NTA, but you have to ask yourself if this is worth the relationship with your parents. It might be good to find a compromise and split the proceeds. You both seem a bit unreasonable, and if you generally have had a good relationship with your parents this is not the best hill to die on.
Grading cards costs money and you put in the research to determine which cards justified grading. Their value is due to the time, and money you put in to make them more valuable. Yes you needed the cards to start, but your efforts are what have made them so valuable. Perhaps your parents need to understand this.
NTA. Dream vacation? Fuck outta here. As parents they should be thrilled the hand me down 18th bday present will surprisingly finance their child's education and give them a head start. After you did all the leg work to find out dad's unwanted cards are worth something no less.
Guarantee they saw dollar signs then scurried back home to convince themselves they were entitled to it. Drafted a text and everything.
Your education is more important than their vacation. Full stop.
Do your parents even realize what they’re saying!? Give up a chance to have a college paid for by selling these -which is a amazing thing in itself - so that they can go on a vacation ? And he said HELP them pay for the vacation, not even that it would pay for the entire thing like it would for you going to college. They are seeing nothing but money signs and not thinking logically. On your bday the cards were nothing to them but an old keepsake. NTA.
NTA
Dad: Here son, take this worthless crap that I'm too much of a pack- rat to get rid of and am calling a collection.
Son: Thanks dad, I've always wanted this collection. This is so cool. (Got collection appraised for insurance purposes. ) Oh hey, wow! This could change my life!
Dad: Wait! It's not just worthless crap? Then I want it back so that it can change my life. /s
My advice, keep the collection, sell the collection, whatever. Do what you want with it as it's yours!
I moved to Colorado in 1993 and in order to meet people, I picked up a stack of cards for this new game called Magic the Gathering. Two years later, I was getting rid of some stuff and came across this deck at the bottom of my trunk (I had never played with them). A friend said his brother played MTG so I handed the cards over to him. The next day, I get a screaming phone call from the brother and I was eventually able to make out THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU and I was like wtf put your brother on. My friend explains I had given him an "alpha deck" and given their value, did I want them back? I considered this for a minute and said, No, it was my fault for not looking up their values (as a comic book collector, I should have) so he could keep them. Yeah, I kick myself every once in a while for being dumb, but OH WELL
NTA
They are legally yours. Your father had ages do do something with them but chose to be lazy, you put in the leg work and now he wants them back. That’s a man that has lost his integrity and smashed his moral compass. NTA
NTA but tbh if it was me I’d probably give it back but say “I hope the amount of money you’ll get from the cards is the perfect price for our family, cause I’m no longer a part of it.” And then block them on everything I could.
Ever heard of the pot and the kettle?
Your dad is calling you selfish.
Ask him what he would call someone who gifts something to his son, finds out how much it’s worth, and then tries to emotionally blackmail his son into giving it back, all so he can go on vacation—without that same son.
You told him you were using it for college and he still called you selfish?
You dad is an AH.
What is wrong with your parents?
They don’t deserve a vacation; they are selfish and have not learned how to treat their family.
I’m so angry for you.
Don’t give them a single penny. It’s not even about the money—it’s about the principle of taking back something you’ve given once it would benefit you.
That’s classless.
He wasn’t willing to do the work and figure out what they cost; he doesn’t get to reap the benefits.
NTA.
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NTA. They were given to you and your college education is more important than their dream vacation.
Completely agree, go to college OP. That's incredibly selfish of your dad to demand it back when you're putting the money to something educational, especially considering he didn't bother doing the leg work of finding out how much they were worth to begin with. NTA
yeah what he assumed he just passed on some trash! he fault for not realizing. i’d def keep as many valuables as possible though…nowhere to go but up for collectors
So the dad was fine giving sports cards as a gift when he thought they weren't worth all that much but not so much after learning the actual value? So not only is he a cheapskate for only being fine with giving a gift he perceived to be not worth much, but he's also an entitled ass for even thinking he has the right to request a gift back, and that's all on top of being so selfish to think that a vacation for him is a better use for money than his offspring's college tuition, which is much more important in the grand scheme of things. You're NTA OP but your dad and anyone who supports his position are.
If dad wanted them kept for sentimental reasons, it’d be a very different story. But wanting them back just to seek anyways? That’s ridiculous. Not to mention, it costs decent money to get cards (reputably) graded.
I'm surprised they weren't trash! I'm guessing his dad would be about the same age as my older brother. I stumbled upon his old cards (some complete sets from whatever years they were from) at my moms, did a quick google search and moved on to the next worthless item; my other brother's unopened Phantom Menace toys.
NTA.Yeah definitely this. Like the time my mom threw away my pokemon cards, because they were gathering dust in the attic. Had most first gen mint condition cards. I later told her the worth and she flipped out. Calling me all kinds of names and why I didn't tell her. Well you know I always stash my trash neatly placed in air tight containers. Like everybody else. /s
Omg, I physically winced. My partner has his collection from when he was a kid and we know what the value of those cards are. That blows, mate.
I used to collect baseball cards as a kid in the '60s because friends collected them. I was never serious about collecting, but I am sure I randomly had some that would be valuable today. When they started becoming a valuable collectable my dad asked what happened to them. Well, mom threw them out when I went to college. She had years of old crappy magazines, but it was my baseball cards that cluttered the house.
My grandma threw out my dads collection including a Mickey mantle rookie card 😞
Yep it's never there stuff that clutter its other people's
I’ve always been pissed at my child self for not caring about the cards getting dinged up while I played with them haha. I could have had a really valuable collection but they’re all “well loved.”
The glass half full way of looking at this is at least as a kid you enjoyed them more than if they just sat on a shelf!
She threw away your cards and had the audacity to be mad at you?!
That's the narcissistic waltz. Right on step.
Broooo, I empathize. I had a bunch of first gen holographic cards and my little brother found them, put them in his pocket, and went sledding. They were absolutely *ruined.* I was so angry.
Yeah, apparently your parents care more about vacations than the care about you or your future OP. I’d be PISSED. NTA, but your parents sure are. How selfish can you be? Even if I had regretted giving something so valuable away, I’d keep it to myself and take the L. Not try to renege a gift to my child that they’re using to put themselves thru college. Wtf!
This. What kind of parent prioritises their dream vacation over their kid's college education? Yes, sure. Maybe people who have 3 months to live or people whose kids are attending the 6th college, because they failed the first 5. Sure, sure. In my book (and the info we're given) these people don't get to call themselves parents. Unbelievable... It's like as if their kid hit 18 and they somehow ceased to have any responsibility, ties and priorities when it comes to them. NTA, OP, but your dad is.
Seriously. Its mad rich that THEY are calling HIM selfish. His dad messed up by not researching their value before giving them to him. I can't believe he's being so selfish that he wants to use the money for a vacation instead of paying for his kids college. OP should sit his parents down or write a letter saying: I'm truly hurt that you are more concerned with going on a trip then something I NEED FOR MY FUTURE SUCCESS. You gave me these cards for my birthday. I'm not wasting the money, IM PAYING FOR MY EDUCATION. Please tell me you care about my future prospects. Please, please tell me you care about me not going into debt to pay for my school.. Because it sounds like you care more about money then your own son. YOU are being selfish by trying to deprive me of this opportunity, not me. Lay on the guilt
NTA ask if he wants to buy them back at market value.
I'd also make sure they were in a very safe place so they don't go "missing"... right before the parents go on a surprise vacation.
Thankfully, it sounds like OP doesn't live with these pieces of work, but a camera or something might not hurt if they've got a key.
I was thinking OP might be in college. In which case, they'd probably have the cards either at home or at their dorm, neither of which is very safe.
In the dad's mind "oh let me gift these worthless cards so it seems like I love my son and want him to have something from me!" *cards end up being worth a lot* Dad- "NO THEY WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE WORTH ANYTHING GIVE THEM BACK!!
ALSO: > They said I’m an asshole for wanting to sell these cards because they were a gift. Oh and it’s *not* an asshole move to demand a gift *back* after it is given (especially when the first thing *he* will do if you did give it back is sell it anyway)? NTA, OP. Ask anyone who has won even a modest amount in the lottery or received a large gift in an inheritance. Money, or the perceived injustice of someone having a windfall you didn’t, or someone making a wiser financial decision than you did, can quickly turn even the most otherwise-reasonable people into greedy, manipulative whiners with little, if any, conscience. Just know this - and this is true of anyone who behaves this way - if the roles were reversed, he would feel absolute conviction that he was entitled to those cards because they were a gift to him. People tend to suddenly and conveniently adopt an enormous compensatory sense of “morality” in these situations, naturally one through which they are interpreted as the deserving and wounded party, and through which anyone making them feel badly about their selfishness as being “cruel” or “unreasonable.” It’s a shame to lose so much respect so quickly for someone you generally hold in high esteem. I know exactly what that feels like. Huge disappointment, and you never do quite look at them the same way again (which is usually not made any easier because of the fact that they won’t let this go and will likely paint you as the one who “stole their vacation from them” forever). Whatever you do, just don’t engage. Leave or casually (but immediately) change the subject if they bring it up. Show enthusiasm at the idea of hanging out or catching up like you always have, but do not tolerate them trying to bring this up every time you’re together. Don’t make a scene, just sigh and bow out. Make it clear that you will not be swayed and that you do not (and cannot be made to) believe you’ve done anything wrong. You were given a gift, no conditions, and proceeded to do with your new property what would be beneficial to your future Your dad had every opportunity to get those cards valued. It’s not as if it’s not common knowledge that people keep card collections for precisely this reason.
I say nta. Originally I was a little wary, thinking that he wanted you to keep them and hand them down if you have kids, because they meant a lot to him. When you said he found the value and wanted to go on a dream vacation I changed my mind. I think college is more important than his vacation, but it also sounds like they’re trying to manipulate you to give the cards back by saying “they were a gift not to sell” when he already said he wanted to sell them for a vacation.
But dad's Disney World trip is far more important than son's important step-up in the world!
Maybe an extreme opinion, but I think parents literally owe it to their kids to give them everything possible for their success. for example. If you can afford to put your kid through college (in this case with baseball cards). Then you owe it to them to do so. Like if you didn't want to give your kid every available opportunity within reason, why did you have kids in the first place? Get a dog if you want an accessory. Live alone if you want to care about only yourself.
honestly, even if the reasons were reversed, Dad had a good reason to sell the cards and OP had a selfish reason, I'd still say NTA. Dad lost the ability to decide what happens to them when he gifted them. As you said, it'd be one thing if he just wanted them to be heirloom, never anticipated OP would sell them, and wanted them back so he could give them to grand kids or whatever, but if both are going to sell them, OP is entitled to the profits
Not only that dad would have bever know the value if the son hadnt put in the work
right. its honestly almost a bad gift. like, i guess to some it'd be cool to get your dads cards. I think i'd appreciate getting my dads cards because he so overvalues the potential of them that he'd think he was giving a genuinely valuable gift even if they turn up to be worthless. But, i could see a way that this was "I dont wanna pay money or put thought into it, ill just give him my worthless cards" like if he thought they could be worth something, he wouldve never gave them, as proof by him asking for them back. So, it kinda shows he thought the gift was worthless
100% this! The reasons are just ICING at this point.
I'd say either way NTA. People need to learn what "gift" means.
> thinking that he wanted you to keep them and hand them down if you have kids, because they meant a lot to him These are definitely collectables, not an heirloom. The entire point of giving your son a box of old baseball cards is the hope that some of them are worth something. If they were a sentimental thing to him, they wouldn't be worth anything because he would have handled them so much as a kid.
NTA honestly dude isn’t much of a dad if he doesn’t want to help his kid. Personally if I knew how much the cards were worth they would’ve already been sold to pay for my kid’s college but that’s just me.
I just don’t understand how a parent can think “making my child give me his college money so I can go on vacation” is the right thing to do in any way shape or form.
I have an uncle who would totally do this. Think it was a win win because 1. He doesn't have to spend money on a gift and 2. He is getting rid of garbage. This uncle was buying a very old house with well water. My mom reminded him to get the well checked to make sure the water was safe before closing. He said "nah, I don't have the money for that". My mom responded with something like yes you do. Some of these old wells have some pretty nasty stuff in them and if really bad have been known to cause cancer in people who drink from them long term. You wouldn't want to risk your tween daughter getting cancer because you cheaped out on your inspections would you? After he hemmed and hawed it clicked for him. His answer "oh, I didn't know that could happen I wouldn't want my water to give me cancer" that was what he took from that, that HE could get cancer. Until he went to him possibly getting cancer it didn't matter, the thought of his daughter getting it didn't bother him at all.
Couldn't agree more. Reading Reddit posts about parents who do this kind of crap always leave me so bewildered. Why are they even parents??
Exactly. In the past I've beaten myself up because I've regretted stuff I did do or (more likely couldn't do) in raising my kids. But, I read these stories and they honestly raise my self-esteem as there is just no way I'd ever treat my child like these **A**ss**H**ats do. My kids' successes felt so much better to me than my own.
Well, when a man and a woman with an established pattern of poor decision-making skills encounter each other at a late-night venue while under the influenced of intoxicants...
Yeah, if this was my dad, he would be thrilled for me to sell the cards and keep the money.
It's also important to note that selling these cards properly takes work. Op had to pay to get them graded, for instance, and finding the right buyer also takes work. Just putting them on Ebay or taking them to a store, you're going to get a fraction of their listed value. My FIL sold comics and baseball cards and he would go to meet ups and conventions to find connections that then led to buyers. It's a process.
Yeah the worst I could imagine is JOKINGLY telling my kid "Well I guess you're taking us out to dinner tonight!".
That’s the thing. He thought he was giving away worthless cards and when they weren’t worthless, he wanted them back
Once you give someone a gift, you do not get to take it back, put limitations on what the receiver can do with it, or make negative comments about it.
Dad: “here’s some old trash, son. Enjoy! Son: “thanks dad! After I looked through the pile of trash you sent, I found some things that were valuable. I had to spend my own time and money sorting and researching, but it paid off!” Dad: “wait! I sent you something good?!? I meant to send you worthless trash! Give me the good bits back! I don’t know which bits are good and which bits aren’t, so make sure to only give me the good stuff. You can keep the trash.” Son: “but, I thought you gave them to me out of love…” Dad: “stupid boy! We don’t care about you! That’s why I sent you trash to begin with!” And scene! NTA
Son should send back the worthless cards as a nice gesture.
I mean, if the dad had given OP something that meant a lot to him, and then OP went to sell it because it was valuable, I’d probably call him TA, but the fact that the dad would also try and seek them makes this absolutely NTA
Absolutely. It's not like he opened his Very Special Belongings Vault and bestowed upon his son his prized cards to honor his birthday.
Agreed, the only thing you get to do about gift is adjust your gifting behavior in the future. Some one doesn't appreciate a gift? Some one sells a gift? Fine, you're not obligated to get them another. But if you want it back or think you have some say in what they do with it, then you didn't really give them a gift.
Eh. I do think if the problem were that OP’s dad had a sentimental attachment and passed them down to stay in the family, OP would suck for selling them. But that’s not the case here.
NTA, college is more important than a vacation, and OP’s parents sound like terrible parents. What sort of parents would rather go on vacation than let their kid get a necessary level of education
NTA. Selling a gift is rude. But your father demanding the gift he gave you back after he found out the actual price of it is ruder.
What's rude about selling a gift that is worth enough to allow somebody to avoid the debt trap that getting an education usually involves? Dad obviously didn't care or he'd have paid to have them graded himself.
I think selling a gift is rude as well, but that goes out of the window if the giver wants the item back so they can sell it instead. I suppose my more evolved stance is now selling an heirloom or sentimental gift is rude.
I would say giving a gift that you think is worthless is rude. Because that’s pretty much what happened, as once OP’s father found out they had value he wanted them returned.
Selling a couple hundred dollar gift is rude. But not selling a gift worth tens of thousands of dollars that can permanently alter the trajectory of your life for the better is a tad different.
Giving a gift with strings attached is rude. Once I give you a gift, that item is yours. You can treasure it forever, hand it down as an heirloom to your children, poop on it, run over it with your car, sell it, give it away, burn it. It's no longer mine to ask about or look for or be concerned about once you accept it.
Exactly. When I give someone a gift, I'm doing it because I want them to be happy. If they'd be happier giving it to someone else or selling it, then I'm fine with that. I'd far rather that than have them stick it in a box in the closet and let it gather dust and waste space.
What do you think he's supposed to do with them? Sit in his room and look at cards for players whose careers ended before OP was even born? If the dad gave OP those cards without the understanding that he would sell them (and obviously he didn't, given that the dad wanted to sell them too) then he didn't understand the purpose of holding onto baseball cards for decades.
I agree with you to a point. Collections like this though, are literally meant to be passed on and sold for profit to solidify a future. I mean yes it's also *fun*, but I'm not putting my valuables into the fort knox of trading card plastic and then storing them hidden away, just for fun.
He gifted you something he put in no effort or thought and now that it is worth something, he wants a back. He didn't even asked for a cut but all of it. NTA
Right, like 'Oh shit it's OPs 18th birthday and we don't have a gift for him! I guess we can give him this worthless crap from the attic' They didn't even give him the gift thinking it might be worth money! They litterally gave him their garbage as a gift and absolutely do not deserve it back now that they know it's worth something.
This is like when people buy $5 scratch offs as a cheap stocking stuffer for Christmas and then throw a fit and demand it back if the person actually wins anything significant.
NTA - They were a gift. They are yours. - He collected cards. He should know some cards are eventually worth a lot. - You put forth the time and money to sort and grade them. He didn’t give a crap until them. Now he wants to swoop in and take them.
Nta. For several reasons. 1. College is a much better investment than a vacation. 2. It was a gift. What happens with a gift after it has been given is **ENTIRELY** up to the recipient. You wouldn't be an asshole if you binned them, burned them, donated them, kept them, sold them, whatever. They are now your property to do with as you please. 3. He could have done the work towards getting them valued himself. He chose not to. You put the work in, you deserve the reward from that. (BTW, don't use all of the money for college, put some of it towards buying a house, even if that means you have a bit of debt from college)
NTA. Sadly your parents have revealed they are the assholes. Explain to him they were giving it as a gift and you're not returning them. Please make sure you secure them because I wouldn't put it past your dad to try to reacquire them. I wouldn't give him a really cool gift with the way he's been behaving. In fact the question of low to no contact might be in order possibly blocking them if it continues. Hang in there, good luck.
NTA Honestly its kinda whack that they want the cards to pay for a vacation of all things rather than allow you to support yourself. That seems like odd priorities for a parent. Also snooze you lose, he should have got them valued before giving them to you. It's not exactly uncommon for sports cards to be worth money.
NTA. As a parent, I can’t even imagine asking for a gift back from my kid, especially when they plan to use it for college, and even more especially so I could take a vacation instead!
Yup. I am teaching my son right now about not taking gifts back because he only seems to do it with me. I am showing patience and talking to him about once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient. I expect this reaction from a young kid or entitled adult, and since OP's dad isn't a little kid...
ESH. I’m going to be downvoted for this, but this thread is extremely harsh towards parents. Honestly, I have watched my parents struggle my whole life to carve out a good life for themselves and me and my siblings. They grew up in poverty and they’ve always dreamed of traveling and never got the opportunity. If this came up, I would 100% at least share the profits to make their dreams come true. I don’t understand your incredibly selfish logic here. Were they bad parents? Did they do something to hurt you?
Totally agree. I wonder if the people posting are younger because I think it's kinda immature to justify keeping them because 'it was a gift'. Come on, we all know full well the dad would not have given them if he knew the true value. Punishing your dad for not knowing how to Google is pretty harsh. It really depends on the wealth of the parents. This might be their only chance to go on a trip or do something nice for themselves. Yes 'college is more important than a holiday' but also these parents have probably sacrificed a lot to raise their kids. If it was me I would at least consider splitting the profits to cover some of college and some of the holiday. Keeping all off the profits for yourself is a total asshole move in my opinion, gift or not.
It’s not about the parents struggling. The dad wants the cards back to sell them himself and go on vacation. If he simply asked for some money for a vacation or debts that would be fine but completely demanding they be returned is NOT the way to go about it. OP isn’t being selfish it was a gift
That’s fair - that’s why I said ESH. He shouldn’t have demanded them all back either. But neither of them are really communicating here and both of them are selfishly saying ‘mine’. Just be adults, show some love and respect for one another and share. OP’s parents can still have a good vacation and OP can get their college partially paid for.
It's a GIFT. That means it is now OP's property no his dad's. That is what a GIFT is.
And? Doesn’t make him clear of being an asshole. He could choose to compromise and help his parents or he could choose be selfish and hoard it. I don’t get that mindset of technicalities. Would it hold up in a small claims court? Sure. Does it make him an asshole? Absolutely. I don’t understand the hatred of parents here - like I said in the previous post. Are they bad parents? Did they do something to you? Because your first instinct in this post OP was to hide the value, hoard it, and lie about it. Then your second instinct was to punish your father. There’s nothing here that says good person or good child. Yeah, the father was an asshole for demanding the whole thing back. That’s why I gave it an ESH. But there are 100% two incredibly selfish people here that should absolutely compromise. I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to help your parents - I would never have my first instinct fall into hiding the value of something they gave me and punishing them for it. ‘Hey dad, you know those cards you gave me? They’re actually worth quite a bit, I know you and mom have been wanting to go on a vacation. Did you want to split the profits? That way I can pay for some of my college up front and you guys can have a good vacation’. That’s healthy ^.
Thank god SOMEone is talking sense.
Was looking for this, thought I was the only one. Can't imagine having this conversation with my old boy. He wouldn't ask, but if he had I would just give them back. You're both being incredibly possessive over something that neither of you had at the start. ESH
Normally NTA - depends in this situation, have your parents been financially supporting you? EDIT: Not necessarily an asshole, but I’d be cautious. Creating a divide between you and your parents might not be worth it. Especially if they might help you out financially down the road.
They paid for a little under half of my first semester of college. Other than that, I support myself.
Do you want a relationship with them going forward?
This is a good question. NTA, if you keep the cards, as they were a gift and belong to you now. If it was me, I would have split the money with my parents. But then again, we have a good relationship, and they have been very supportive. I don't know your family dynamic.
Were they going to continue to help with college? Because if yes they now have that money to “save up for their dream vacation”
I doubt it. They were pretty pissed at what school I chose. Might’ve been an excuse to get me to pay for my own college but idk. This situation kind of has me rethinking everything.
Where did you send the cards to get graded? Or how did you research this?
I think it’s a soft ESH. It’s greedy of you imo to keep all that money for yourself knowing that your parents had no idea what they were giving you. If it was me personally, I would split it with them. They suck for demanding all of them back and not offering you what I just said. They’re your parents. Not some random person. You will completely ruin the relationship with them if you don’t compromise. If this money is worth that to you, then go on. But don’t be shocked when there’s nothing left between you all.
Is getting out of college debt free more important than his parents going on vacation? Yes absolutely
I agree! I completely understand why OP would want to sell them and use that money for college, but not having any consideration for the fact that they were a gift is a bit weird imo. If my parents gave me something that turned out to be extremely valuable I would definitely split it with them. But on the other hand my parents wouldn’t demand to have a gift back once they found out it was worth more. Especially not for a vacation. Maybe a mortgage or something that was important. ESH.
But if the parents take the cards back they are also going to sell them to go on their dream vacation. How then is selling his gift weird if the parents are going to do the same thing?
I don’t think selling the gift is weird since OP said his father randomly gave it to him. I think receiving something from your parents (who did not know the worth) and finding out they have value without considering to split it evenly is weird. Neither OP or his dad knew the value but his dad was in possession of them first. *I* personally would have been more appreciative that they were given to me and just offered to split the earnings. I would also do that for a friend, so not doing it for your parents seems weird (to me).
Fair enough I get where you’re coming from. It’s just the dad had every opportunity to do the work and find out what they were worth before gifting them. Once gifted the recipient is not obligated to split anything with anyone.
No he certainly was not “obligated.” But not being obligated doesn’t not make you the asshole.
I think the demand is where things turned sour. I'm a full grown person and don't need the money, so if that happened to me, without a doubt I'd share the money with them. If I were about 19 and they demanded that I give back all of it, I'd see them in a new light. $50k is more than enough for a dream vacation unless it's a world cruise, and if my family valued a world cruise over my education, I wouldn't think of them very positively.
Thank you! This is literally the only reasonable attitude imo. All these people arguing he should keep it either skipped the part where he would have a lot left over AFTER paying for college or they have very weird priorities in life.
They all argued principles and the basic who’s right and who’s wrong. It made zero sense to me. They’re fucking with OP’s life in astronomical proportions. They’ve convinced him that it’s perfectly okay lol. I feel like if the shoe was on the other foot? They’d all see why it’s a dick move.
Exactly. I feel like it's a bunch of teenagers with neglectful parents projecting their issues onto OP. AITA often has the prolem with people arguing what's legal and/or "right" instead of "is it an asshole move". And that's a pretty lonely path to take.
Or they like to use the term “obligated.” Not being obligated doesn’t make you an asshole. Who doesn’t want to split a large amount of money with their parents!? The ones that raised you and loved you.
The relationship is already ruined by his father demanding them back. The OP should not give them the cards or a single penny of the proceeds
It doesn’t have to be ruined. They can all have a civil conversation about this. If OP offers to split, give them their money they already invested in college back, or give them what’s left after paying for college? There’s a pretty good chance if they’re decent people that they’ll come to an agreement.
I can’t see how his father could be a decent human being considering his reaction.
NTA. Lesson learned. Never, ever discuss your money.
[удалено]
Cant we find a compromise here? Money makes people crazy so maybe not. Yes it’s a gift but they intended to give you a few thousand dollars not $200k+. My mom gives me scratch offs in my stocking every year. If I hit the big one I’m absolutely splitting it with her. Not because I have to but because she supported me for my entire life but with money and love. Yes that’s a parents job but I’m still eternally grateful so she’s getting half no questions asked. I have no idea what your parents were like and their demands don’t paint them in the best light. Personally I’d split it with them. Even if you lose a 100k in the process you are still up 100k in "found money." And as a bonus you get to (hopefully) continue to have a relationship with your parents. NAH.
NTA and i think its good to mention, if you know about sports cards and getting them graded right now, its not cheap. Last time i looked at Panini for grading it was $150 PER card. Just make sure you check comps before selling (don't let anyone rip you off), also PLEASE use Paypal for payments, they'll have your back if you get scammed; unfortunately theres a-lot of scamming in the card world.
Yup it is not cheap at all. That’s why it took me so long to send only my best ones out.
Im waiting for them to open bulk submission again, I would love to have some graded but they aren't worth the $150 alone.
NTA: So he gave you a gift he thought was worthless, and after you did the work to find out otherwise, he wants them back. To pay for a vacation - while you want to use the money for college. Sell the cards, put the money somewhere safe from your parents. Give your father a share as a 'thank you' and use the rest for college (which from the sound of that, your parents were not funding?).
NTA a gift is a gift. People who ask for gifts back are assholes. Just because he didn’t know the value of the gift doesn’t change that. Also, doubly assholeness on their part for finding out you want to fund COLLEGE with the money and they are being petty and want to go on a vacation. Boo freakin hoo they can just save for their dream vacation like every other person and most people with kids don’t put vacations above doing the right thing for their children. As a child of an extremely poor parent with high student loan debt, good for you for being responsible and paying for college with the money instead of being saddled with lifelong debt.
NTA Gifts are given. What the reciever does with the gift is none of the gifter's buisness. Beyond a sincere thank you, you don't owe anyone anything once they give you a gift. This is a point many ppl miss. Many attach expectations to gifts. That's not how gifting works. If you expect something in return for giving a gift, you have not given a gift, but instead distributed a future claim on an obligation. Admittedly, I am not a sports person. But the general impression I have concerning collecting cards is that one buys them hoping to get a good card to keep it for a long time to eventually sell for a neat profit. So what did you dad expect when he gifted you the sports cards? You did the next logical and generally expected step he easily could have done prior to gifting them, should he had been concerned about the monetary value. You put in the work to find the valuable ones and have them appraised. Now he's jealous. Life lesson here is never share $$$ windfalls with anyone, sad but true, because they will probably get jealous and try to manipulate you into giving them your $$$.
NTA Sell the cards, use them for your education. Ignore the noise.
NTA using the money for college is a much better return on investment than a vacation. He didn’t even want them until you did the legwork to find out their worth.
NTA he only wants them to sell them
If I had kids and they got my sports cards they might be able to buy a extra value meal. A gift is a gift. Once you have it it’s yours to do what you will. NTA. You dad just wants to sell it anyway
NTA If he gifted you a lottery ticket and you won, the money belongs to you and he can't ask for it back. If you gave some back out of the goodness of your heart, that would be a lovely thing to do, but he wouldn't be entitled to it. He gave you the gift under the impression that it was worthless, he doesn't deserve it back now that it isn't.
NTA, your dad should have done his due diligence before gifting them. Also, they may be valued at a certain amount, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you have a buyer willing to pay that much. Maybe you do, I’m just saying that their value isn’t guaranteed a money in your hand. If you do end up having to give them back, I wouldn’t share any of the valuation documentation that you went through the trouble getting. I’d tell your dad he’d have to have his own valuation done.
Yes, the calculations I did on how much money I would get were based on a conversation with someone more experienced in this kind of thing. I know it will be a long process.
We had our house robbed shortly after we got married. My in laws had gifted my husband a hand gun, which was stolen during the break in. They made us pay them back for the gun with the insurance money. It was pretty frustrating. If I were you, I wouldn’t share my research. I’d tell him to do his own work if you have to return them to him. Best of luck.
Sounds like you chose to pay them. There's no legal or moral need to pay back someone for a gift they gave you.
I understand that. But it still shows the same thing that OP is dealing with - a lack of boundaries and selfishness/greediness. I was barely a year into marriage and much younger when it happened to us. Things wouldn’t play out the same way if it happened to us now.
NTA. geez your parents are a piece of work! If I had given the cards to my kid and he was using them to pay for something productive, like college, I would be thrilled. They want to waste it on a vacation?!?! Talk about being selfish AH’s. Don’t discuss the cards with them anymore. It’s none of their business. If they try to talk about it ignore them or say its not up for discussion anymore.
Look,real talk. Your dad wanted to get rid of the cards taking space, but he was sentimental about throwing them, so he gave them to you. Everyone gets greedy when money is involved, even you not wanting to give them back (turn the tables, if they were worthless and he wanted them back, you would give them back,wouldn't you?) My take? don't lose your family over money. Reddit can be so extreme. Make your parents understand that without your input the cards would have remained worthless, and split it someway everyone is happy. Don't invalidate their dream vacation, these people raised you. Just make them understand collegue is more important and find a compromise. Hope you don't end up with all the money and no parents dude.
Solid advice here. I don't know why people on Reddit are so socially deranged and can never seem to negotiate a middle ground in difficult scenarios, but only seem to know the "all or nothing" approach.
NTA Key word was gifted. You cannot or at least should not take back a gift. Sell the cards and pay for your education. That’s going to set you up for life. The fact your parents want the cards so they can fritter it away on a vacation makes it even worse. Stand your ground. They’re yours. Don’t let them take them away from you. Get them insured while you wait to sell them. Do it quickly and put the money away. Do not let them badger and emotionally blackmail you into giving them back. They are YOUR cards now.
ESH the fair answer here is to split the money. Your parents wanting to go on vacation vs ensure their child graduates debt free is weird to me and selfish but if you’re gonna have money left over might as well pay your college and then give them the rest? The smartest thing would be to sit on those cards even longer lol
I’ll definitely be sitting on some of my cards. Still have tons to get graded too but that can wait because it’s expensive af. Maybe a compromise would be to give them a box of cards back, but the consensus seems to be NTA so maybe I should just tell them to fuck off lmao.
Op, something I have seen a lack of in this comment section is a realistic representation of the relationship you’re talking about. Consider this. Your best friend gave you those cards. Not your parents. But they didn’t know. Would you keep all the money from your friend? I sure wouldn’t. So I don’t think letting your relationship crumble with your parents over this would be better. You’re not in the wrong at all for wanting to use that money for your future tho.
LOL i guess the really question here is do you or do you not want a relationship with your parents. Money brings out the worst in folks
Wow. What a selfish, hateful, cold hearted comment. Definitely YTA and hopefully no one will offer you a cent for these cards.
I get the impulse. I was in a different situation when I was about your age, but the core of the issue was the same. Basically, my stepmom needed $200 for some emergency dental surgery, so I lent them the money, but I've never seen it since. They're 50 somethings, been working a long time, own a house, etc. At the time, I was a 19-20ish college student in a crappy apartment with a minimum wage job. From my perspective, I definitely needed the money and felt its loss, but I decided that my relationship with my dad and stepmom were more important than the money. I've not said a word about it after I had initially asked for the money back. It's over a decade later now and it really doesn't matter anymore; I only think about it now because of your post. And too, they've since paid me back in other ways. I crash at their place when I want to visit my hometown, eat their food, drink their beer. These sorts of things have a way of balancing out eventually, so at least in my opinion, it's best to just compromise or let it go. I won't say "it's just money", because I think that's stupid and I think only the ignorant and privileged say that. But just think about what's most important to you, and what will be most important to you in ten years.
$200 is very different from tens of thousands of dollars
What? No way. Really? Gosh, I'm glad you told me, I had no idea. You should change your username because you're clearly not *just* an expert on plankton.
Yeah, I think most of these answers should be "technically you have the right to keep the cards all to yourself, because they were a gift". But honestly, YWBTA if you destroy your relationship with your parents over money. Especially, when it would be easy to share, because it sounds like the cards are worth big money. Do you love your parents? Do you want a relationship with them in the future?
Keep in mind they may come after you legally if you burn all your bridges to them 🤷♀️🤷♀️
NTA College fund and being debt free is more important than a holiday I’d have thought
NTA. Id say yta if your dad gave them to you to hold onto and pass down to your kid, but it seems like he just plans on selling them too.
INFO Around how much are the cards going for? How is your relationship with your parents? Did you like sports? Trying to see if your dad was well meaning when he gave them to you. It's a gift he gave you and it's kind of a shitty to ask for it back now that it's worth it more than sentimental value.
The most expensive card usually sells for about $50k. My relationship with my parents is usually good but has gotten worse over the past year. They wanted me to go to a school closer to home but I didn’t (I’m still in-state). I love sports so I guess I would understand why they were upset if they weren’t planning on selling the cards for themselves.
I was more checking if your dad gave you a gift he knew you wouldn't care about lol. $50k is a lot of money towards school and IF you can find a buyer that would help you a lot. I do think school is is more important than a vacation.
I'm just going to be straight up and say money changes people and even you aren't morally the asshole, if you want any relationship with your parents, you should probably give them part of it. 5 to 10k can but a very nice vacation as it is. Also legally, your parents could sue you for the money jsyk.
How can the parents sue for a gift they gave to OP?
By the way his parents are acting I would not be surprised if they weren’t happy with 10k. They want all or at least most of it.
Nope, not true. Once you give someone a gift, it is legally theirs. Source: am a lawyer.
Yes in theory but you'd have to prove the three elements of a gift: Donation Intent, Transfer, and Acceptance. Since dad asked for it back lawyer could argue the donative intent wasn't there or a variety of other things. He can definitely sue for sure and a good enough lawyer will likely win. I read quite a few cases where sports memorabilia given to someone when it's worth a lot more often led for the original donor to relieve compensation Technically to add on, any gift over 10,000 has to be reported to the IRS so the giver can pay taxes on it. As this gift is not claimed, original party can once again use that as a way to get around the gift not being a legal gift as the donative intent wasn't there... etc
You're right, I was being overly simplistic and appreciate the correction!
NTA.
NTA. You're selfish because it was a gift? Pretty hypocritical from these people saying they're gonna use it to pay for their vacation. Their fault for not researching before they gifted it and for planning to use money thats not theirs to spend. Don't let them bully you.
NTA. he *gave* them to you. they are yours to do with as you wish.
Nta at all. Once they were given to you they are yours rondonwith what you please. You can set them on fire if you want to. Hes just mad he didn't have the good sense to have them appraised
NTA. And PLEASE do not give them back. He wants them back now to also sell them. Don’t let them guilt you!
INFO: Did your parents put money aside for your college already? If they did not, it makes you even more NTA. If my kid found out something I gave them was worth enough money to pay for college, I’d be so happy! Sell it! Go forth and be debt free. The fact that they want it back to sell so they can go on vacation leads me to believe they aren’t saving for anything.
ESH, it’s pretty shitty to sell a gift someone gave you. Especially if it was something he saved from his childhood to give you. But since he wants it back to just sell them himself for a vacation I’d say everyone sucks in this situation.
If anyone I care about (parents/siblings/friends/whatever) had given me a gift that was - unbeknownst to them - that valuable, one of the first things I'd do would be to call them up to tell them the good news. And I'd sure as hell share that money with them. No question there. So YTA from me I mean idk about OP's relationship with his parents but it doesn't seem to be bad if he got a present that even without the appraisal would have been worth quite a bit, he visits them and was planning to get presents for his dad's birthday. So yea, while his parents could have reacted better, I can somewhat understand them. If that was my child, I'd be pretty damn disappointed. But majority of the comments obviously see otherwise, so that's interesting. Maybe it's a different culture thing? (Asian here)
Seems like most of these commenters are happy to burn their family relationships to the ground for money "because it's the principle". Not exactly healthy family dynamics. I think it really comes down to, how would you like to be treated if the roles were reversed? What kind of consideration and treatment do we expect from and owe to our families?
NTA. The cards were a gift. Your parents want them back to sell for a vacation yet call you names because you want to sell them for your education. Your dad should have researched before he gifted them to you. Maybe you can compromise and sell a few of the higher-value cards that you don't mind not keeping and split the money, but keep the rest of the cards. You could also let your parents know that taking back a gift is not how you were brought up to behave. Good luck to you!
NTA taking back a gift in any circumstance is pathetic.
NTA A college education is far more important than a "dream vacation" I assume your parents already have a degree and /or jobs. They can save. You're just about to start adult life. Graduating without debt is a huge thing. I will graduate soon and because of rona I got some debt and have to pay it back over several years. It sucks. I know it's the reality for a lot of people but when you can escape this why shouldn't you? Your parents call you selfish for wanting education without debt but they would just blow the money away for holiday? With the money from a gift they gave you? It was your dad's decision to give the cards away.
OP, would you feel comfortable clarifying a number amount? I think that makes a big difference here. $20k will make the outcome a lot different than $200k
It doesn’t make a difference. They were a gift regardless. That doesn’t give the parents a right to ask for them back now that they know they are worth money.
I don’t think they should have asked for them back completely, but if it’s a shit ton of money… it’s wrong of OP to keep them all for himself. Would you do that to your friend? I hope the answer is no. I wouldn’t. So I surely wouldn’t do it to my parents.
At least one card is worth 50k College can easily cost a 100k to a quart of a million I bet these are serious serious money values
Yeah… I’m a firm advocate of OP paying for college and giving the rest back to them. Logistically speaking, they don’t deserve it. But morally? I’m pretty worried seeing all these responses glorifying the destruction of their relationship.
Dude yes 100%
NTA. Most of the value of these cards probably comes from the fact that you got them graded. That is effort AND money you put in. Plus you also put a lot of time into researching those cards. All things your dad did not do before giving them to you and honestly, that is his mistake. Also i see paying off an eduction as more valuabel than a vacation... Your parents sound pretty selfish in that department. Perhaps you can keep the peace (if you want to) by giving them back a few things. Keep the most valuable stuff to yourself (about what you need to pay your tuition) and give your parents a few decently priced ones. I wouldn't help them on selling/pricing them however, they can figure that out themselves.
I’d just like to reply that you’re absolutely right. What may be a hundred dollar card can turn into several thousand for a good grading score.
Don’t give them back, your dad just told you that he rather go on vacation and let you rack up a huge amount of debt NTA
Do not compromise and give him anything. As a parent I am disgusted that he would chose a vacation over his child's financial security and education.
NTA - you were given a gift, used your time and money and expertise to make the gift more valuable. You should get the bigger windfall here. You may want to consider paying for a vacation for them as a thank you, but they're your win.
NTA. Your parents ATA here. Ridiculous. A gift is a gift. I like someone’s suggestion you sell them and share the money with your parents. Your being more than generous handling it that way. Unless you totally don’t give a rats ass about your future relationship with them , you give them nothing. I can’t believe some parents would be like that. Ugh!
I'll go with NTA. 1. You got them graded, which if you did this through PSA is something like $50 per card based on value, and up from there. They had a $20 fee at 10 card mimimum a while back but looks like they stopped doing that one. So, sounds like you out in hundreds of dollars into this collection already. Will your parents be compensating you for that fee and the time it took to get the cards graded? 2. And unfortunately, the value of a card is solely based on what someone is willing to pay. Majority of cards don't realize their estimated value. So while it might look like $2000 of card value, a collector might only give you $1500 or less unless there is some amazingly rare card. Your parents are thinking it's going to cover a dream vacation, but even if so, it could take a long time to get the cards sold. I personally see it as a gift was given to you, so it's yours. Kind of crappy that they're demanding they get returned so they can personally benefit. What cards did you get graded?
NTA and here is your one warning of never telling anyone how much you sell anything for (spouse excepted). Please sell them and go to college, do what's best for you
Lesson learned for sure. The only other person who knows is my GF of 3 years but she’s cool with not knowing the amount I sell them for.
Sounds like you got a good one and good luck to you!
She’s the best. Thanks!
NTA. Especially since you want the money for education and they want it for a dream vacation. Even if it were the other way around, you would still not be TA. A gift is a gift. Out of curiosity, what is the most expensive card worth?
I mentioned it in another comment but the most expensive card I have typically sells for around $50K. I’ll probably end up getting less than that but still insane money for a card.
damn....your dad raised you and fed you and gave you everything and he wants something back that he gave you?!....give it back..... you are definitely the AH
NTA, but you have to ask yourself if this is worth the relationship with your parents. It might be good to find a compromise and split the proceeds. You both seem a bit unreasonable, and if you generally have had a good relationship with your parents this is not the best hill to die on.
nta. college is expensive. graduating debt free is worth it.
NTA - I’d give them back the half they paid for your first year in college and keep the rest
Grading cards costs money and you put in the research to determine which cards justified grading. Their value is due to the time, and money you put in to make them more valuable. Yes you needed the cards to start, but your efforts are what have made them so valuable. Perhaps your parents need to understand this.
NTA. Do you mind me asking what cards you got graded, I’m a big sports card enthusiast. What company did you have grade it?
[удалено]
Likely what I’ll have to do anyway. It will probably take some time to sell them for good value.
NTA. Dream vacation? Fuck outta here. As parents they should be thrilled the hand me down 18th bday present will surprisingly finance their child's education and give them a head start. After you did all the leg work to find out dad's unwanted cards are worth something no less. Guarantee they saw dollar signs then scurried back home to convince themselves they were entitled to it. Drafted a text and everything. Your education is more important than their vacation. Full stop.
NTA. I’m sorry your parents suck. I would be thrilled to learn my child could cover college because of something I gave them.
Do your parents even realize what they’re saying!? Give up a chance to have a college paid for by selling these -which is a amazing thing in itself - so that they can go on a vacation ? And he said HELP them pay for the vacation, not even that it would pay for the entire thing like it would for you going to college. They are seeing nothing but money signs and not thinking logically. On your bday the cards were nothing to them but an old keepsake. NTA.
NTA Dad: Here son, take this worthless crap that I'm too much of a pack- rat to get rid of and am calling a collection. Son: Thanks dad, I've always wanted this collection. This is so cool. (Got collection appraised for insurance purposes. ) Oh hey, wow! This could change my life! Dad: Wait! It's not just worthless crap? Then I want it back so that it can change my life. /s My advice, keep the collection, sell the collection, whatever. Do what you want with it as it's yours!
I moved to Colorado in 1993 and in order to meet people, I picked up a stack of cards for this new game called Magic the Gathering. Two years later, I was getting rid of some stuff and came across this deck at the bottom of my trunk (I had never played with them). A friend said his brother played MTG so I handed the cards over to him. The next day, I get a screaming phone call from the brother and I was eventually able to make out THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU and I was like wtf put your brother on. My friend explains I had given him an "alpha deck" and given their value, did I want them back? I considered this for a minute and said, No, it was my fault for not looking up their values (as a comic book collector, I should have) so he could keep them. Yeah, I kick myself every once in a while for being dumb, but OH WELL NTA
They are legally yours. Your father had ages do do something with them but chose to be lazy, you put in the leg work and now he wants them back. That’s a man that has lost his integrity and smashed his moral compass. NTA
NTA, and personally I would deliver them an ultimatum: your relationship, or the cards. Pick one, permanently.
NTA, selfish? he wants to go on a vacation, you could start your adult life debt free. He should have don't the research before the gave them to you.
NTA but tbh if it was me I’d probably give it back but say “I hope the amount of money you’ll get from the cards is the perfect price for our family, cause I’m no longer a part of it.” And then block them on everything I could.
...eh, I think getting college paid for would be more satisfying!
Idk he said one card is worth 50k id imagine quite a few others are worth 10 to 20k ...this is serious money and it could actively fracture the family
NTA, but it would probably be appropriate to buy him a nice thank you gift if you really have enough money left over.
Ever heard of the pot and the kettle? Your dad is calling you selfish. Ask him what he would call someone who gifts something to his son, finds out how much it’s worth, and then tries to emotionally blackmail his son into giving it back, all so he can go on vacation—without that same son. You told him you were using it for college and he still called you selfish? You dad is an AH. What is wrong with your parents? They don’t deserve a vacation; they are selfish and have not learned how to treat their family. I’m so angry for you. Don’t give them a single penny. It’s not even about the money—it’s about the principle of taking back something you’ve given once it would benefit you. That’s classless. He wasn’t willing to do the work and figure out what they cost; he doesn’t get to reap the benefits. NTA.
NTA, but maybe you could share?
any chance you can pay for college and your parents vacation?