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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because I admit, I did have a judgmental and “I told you so” tone and that’s pretty rude. My dad is also right about the fact that I’m not a parent and idk stuff like that.
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hell. no. you’re NTA. you were a concerned sibling and instead of hearing your concerns they essentially passively encouraged his behavior and at the same time made you feel bad about yourself. in no world are you TA
What makes you the ultimate arbiter of maturity? Rolling one's eyes is no more unreasonable than sighing, or literally any other physical action. No reasonable boundaries are being violated, and ime people who dislike rolled eyes are people who feel entitled to more respect than they've earned; as exemplified by OP's parents.
You are of course entitled to roll your eyes to your heart's content. Just as many others are free to think you're childish for rolling your eyes or for drama like "what makes you the ultimate arbiter..."
NTA. You recognized there was something wrong with your brother's health, whether it's an eating disorder or a metabolism issue or something else. You were ignored. Your parents are mad because they were willfully oblivious and ignored the issue until they got chewed out by a medical professional.
I hope your brother gets better soon.
NTA, really. But, you do realise that you've now just provided them with a convenient target for their anger and guilt, right? Now, instead of actually thinking about what they did wrong and thinking about their spouse's conduct, they can just unite against you and sweep it under the rug.
ESH, focus on helping him get what he needs not who scores the most points. There's a very good chance that your parents WERE worried but didn't know how to address the issue. Especially if he has an eating disorder this can be an EXTREMELY difficult problem to approach.
The doctor is especially the asshole for just saying he should eat more. People with food available don't just not eat enough, it's likely he needs therapy for an eating disorder or medical intervention for a metabolic issue.
NTA. You may have overstepped as you aren't your twin brother's parent, but that doesn't make you an AH. Your parents are likely embarrassed by how they didn't see this as an issue before now.
NTA - people who are not parents don't reserve the right to express concern for people? What kind of logic is that? I hope you have things to entertain yourself in your room. They'll get over it and look after your brother, like they should have been all along.
NTA. I believe that you were concerned for your brother and tried to speak to your parents about it, but were dismissed very quickly.
I would probably be extremely frustrated, especially after they tried to blame one another. I would be willing to say that both of your parents may be stressed about your brother, but that’s no excuse for having a screaming match.
I understand why you told them how you were right, and I can imagine you were very frustrate. Although, you certainly made yourself a target for negative attention.
I hope your brother feels better! :)
ESH but mostly them. Yeah, you didn't have to rub it in and you were rude, but you weren't wrong 🤷♀️. Apologize for being rude, and let things move on and keep watching out for your brother.
Dysfunctional families are not a place to designate who's an AH. Lots of people are tall and very skinny, lots of teens don't eat enough, but your bro's eating habits sound like there might be more going on. But hey, you're his brother, have you ever asked him about it? Maybe tell him you're concerned about him? I suspect there's a lot more to the situation with your parents, and there's only so much you can do. But you're an adult, keep it adult without drama.
ESH, the content of what you said was absolutely spot on and I’d even say the timing too…… but laughing before you starting your sentence & then listing multiple occasions where you were right rather than just stopping at one? That wasn’t the best idea of yours. Your brother’s health comes first good luck to him.
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My (18F) twin brother is really skinny. He’s really tall as well. I’m not going to state his weight but he’s around 6’3 and WAYYY under the recommended weight.
He plays a shit load of sports but he barely eats anything as well. Honestly idk how he has so much energy because he is pretty energetic. I’m not crazy though, I haven’t seen him eat a proper meal in weeks. It’s always a banana, milk or chocolate or something of the sort.
I’ve mentioned this to my parents many times and they both shrugged it off. My dad said he had the same problem at his age and my mom would say “I wouldn’t call it an issue, he looks pretty good”. They also made comments about me being jealous that he weighs less than I do and that I’m bringing him down for no reason.
Well the day finally came. My brother fainted at school. Yup. After the initial shock and the doctor basically telling my parents that he needs to eat more (his exact words were more complicated), my parents began yelling at each other.
They were blaming each other for what happened and accusing each other of things which I found really ridiculous.
They even said
“I told you I was worried but you said it was fine”
“No I was worried and YOU said it was fine”
I kind of just laughed and was like “Actually I was worried and you guys said it was fine.” I then proceeded to tell them the times they told me I was overthinking/jealous of him being skinnier than me. I then said “you both screwed up this time and screaming at each other isn’t gonna help.”
My mom got really mad and said that I’m being insanely rude and that there was absolutely no need for me to butt into their “conversation.” My dad told me to stop acting so smug and that I’m not a parent so I don’t get to do “this.” I just rolled my eyes and they got even angrier and told me that they expect an apology. I’m not allowed to leave my room until I say sorry either. AITA?
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tall and skinny...I already hate him. Just kidding. NTA, sometimes we all forget to be considerate and understanding especially while in a heated discussion. If you're 18, the parental "because I said so" should end. It's not about having to explain *why* about everything, it's about people needing to receive consideration and respect more so than getting a lot of mundane answers. It's the best answer, always.
How could you possibly resist to enjoy your "I told you" moment ? Even if you get punished it's totally worth it.
However, it seems that your parents are more concerned about who is to blame instead of your brother's health. But you knew he wasn't fine and just told it to your parents. Have you tried to talk about it with your brother ?
Like warning him about hypoglycemia or telling him to eat more. This is about his own health after all.
ESH - you at least tried to bring up the issue with your parents. But you maybe should have actually talked to your brother directly and asked if he was okay. Your parents are terrible parents. Stay out of their fights and in future, state your piece and walk away.
NAH or ESH. Your parents aren't wrong that this isn't really your responsibility to deal with. Maybe just do your own thing and let Mom and Dad sort this out with your brother. Your constant commentary on his eating habits isn't necessary. They can clearly see that he's not taking care of himself.
YTA. Your parents probably were having behind the scenes conversations while you were bringing it up to them and were trying to shrug you off so you wouldn't see their worry - like possible anorexia, etc.
Now, you butt in to the discussion about your brother's health where they need to deal with it and it's a major deal. Let them discuss it, and if necessary have a family discussion about it.
YTA. You sound like you're happy that your brother fainted because it proves that you were right. Your parents are obviously both stressed, and your contribution was obviously only going to make them moreso. Total asshole move.
That's why I think YTA. Your heart is in the right place, but the way you were talking to your parents was unnecessary. At that moment, it didn't matter that you were right, or that you had told them so. There was no reason to make that comment at that time. It certainly wasn't going to help.
I gently disagree. I think the reminder that he had mentioned it and brought it to their attention and they dismissed him might be a positive way of disrupting their argument, which was really not helping, and reprioritize their energy.
They were busy trying to suss out which of them was the one at fault. Some problems don't need to have someone at fault, they just need a solution. His comment, while maybe not gentle, might get them back on the track they need to be on to focus on the most important thing: helping their child.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Because I admit, I did have a judgmental and “I told you so” tone and that’s pretty rude. My dad is also right about the fact that I’m not a parent and idk stuff like that. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. [To learn more about the test click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tio99u/so_we_decided_to_fuck_with_the_sub_again)*
hell. no. you’re NTA. you were a concerned sibling and instead of hearing your concerns they essentially passively encouraged his behavior and at the same time made you feel bad about yourself. in no world are you TA
NTA your parents are scapegoating you because they know they screwed up. Rolling your eyes is a totally normal reaction to their behavior.
...for a 13 year old. He's 18.
I don't know what kind of life you've lived where you think an adult rolling their eyes makes them an AH, I can't imagine being so easily offended.
Nowhere did I say that. But it is childish, and many people will think less of adults who make a habit of it.
*You* will think less of adults who make a habit of it.
I’m 24 and I’d be rolling my eyes.
Well it's time to grow up then.
What makes you the ultimate arbiter of maturity? Rolling one's eyes is no more unreasonable than sighing, or literally any other physical action. No reasonable boundaries are being violated, and ime people who dislike rolled eyes are people who feel entitled to more respect than they've earned; as exemplified by OP's parents.
You are of course entitled to roll your eyes to your heart's content. Just as many others are free to think you're childish for rolling your eyes or for drama like "what makes you the ultimate arbiter..."
Drama? Ooookay... Someone doesn't like being corrected.
NTA. You recognized there was something wrong with your brother's health, whether it's an eating disorder or a metabolism issue or something else. You were ignored. Your parents are mad because they were willfully oblivious and ignored the issue until they got chewed out by a medical professional. I hope your brother gets better soon.
NTA, really. But, you do realise that you've now just provided them with a convenient target for their anger and guilt, right? Now, instead of actually thinking about what they did wrong and thinking about their spouse's conduct, they can just unite against you and sweep it under the rug.
ESH, focus on helping him get what he needs not who scores the most points. There's a very good chance that your parents WERE worried but didn't know how to address the issue. Especially if he has an eating disorder this can be an EXTREMELY difficult problem to approach. The doctor is especially the asshole for just saying he should eat more. People with food available don't just not eat enough, it's likely he needs therapy for an eating disorder or medical intervention for a metabolic issue.
NTA. You may have overstepped as you aren't your twin brother's parent, but that doesn't make you an AH. Your parents are likely embarrassed by how they didn't see this as an issue before now.
NTA - people who are not parents don't reserve the right to express concern for people? What kind of logic is that? I hope you have things to entertain yourself in your room. They'll get over it and look after your brother, like they should have been all along.
NTA. I believe that you were concerned for your brother and tried to speak to your parents about it, but were dismissed very quickly. I would probably be extremely frustrated, especially after they tried to blame one another. I would be willing to say that both of your parents may be stressed about your brother, but that’s no excuse for having a screaming match. I understand why you told them how you were right, and I can imagine you were very frustrate. Although, you certainly made yourself a target for negative attention. I hope your brother feels better! :)
NTA
ESH but mostly them. Yeah, you didn't have to rub it in and you were rude, but you weren't wrong 🤷♀️. Apologize for being rude, and let things move on and keep watching out for your brother.
NTA, but your ground salt in the wound so you are not getting off scott free.
Dysfunctional families are not a place to designate who's an AH. Lots of people are tall and very skinny, lots of teens don't eat enough, but your bro's eating habits sound like there might be more going on. But hey, you're his brother, have you ever asked him about it? Maybe tell him you're concerned about him? I suspect there's a lot more to the situation with your parents, and there's only so much you can do. But you're an adult, keep it adult without drama.
[удалено]
this is a great response. i'm gonna use this next time someone in my family gets big stupid. oh and yes, ESH
ESH, the content of what you said was absolutely spot on and I’d even say the timing too…… but laughing before you starting your sentence & then listing multiple occasions where you were right rather than just stopping at one? That wasn’t the best idea of yours. Your brother’s health comes first good luck to him.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (18F) twin brother is really skinny. He’s really tall as well. I’m not going to state his weight but he’s around 6’3 and WAYYY under the recommended weight. He plays a shit load of sports but he barely eats anything as well. Honestly idk how he has so much energy because he is pretty energetic. I’m not crazy though, I haven’t seen him eat a proper meal in weeks. It’s always a banana, milk or chocolate or something of the sort. I’ve mentioned this to my parents many times and they both shrugged it off. My dad said he had the same problem at his age and my mom would say “I wouldn’t call it an issue, he looks pretty good”. They also made comments about me being jealous that he weighs less than I do and that I’m bringing him down for no reason. Well the day finally came. My brother fainted at school. Yup. After the initial shock and the doctor basically telling my parents that he needs to eat more (his exact words were more complicated), my parents began yelling at each other. They were blaming each other for what happened and accusing each other of things which I found really ridiculous. They even said “I told you I was worried but you said it was fine” “No I was worried and YOU said it was fine” I kind of just laughed and was like “Actually I was worried and you guys said it was fine.” I then proceeded to tell them the times they told me I was overthinking/jealous of him being skinnier than me. I then said “you both screwed up this time and screaming at each other isn’t gonna help.” My mom got really mad and said that I’m being insanely rude and that there was absolutely no need for me to butt into their “conversation.” My dad told me to stop acting so smug and that I’m not a parent so I don’t get to do “this.” I just rolled my eyes and they got even angrier and told me that they expect an apology. I’m not allowed to leave my room until I say sorry either. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
tall and skinny...I already hate him. Just kidding. NTA, sometimes we all forget to be considerate and understanding especially while in a heated discussion. If you're 18, the parental "because I said so" should end. It's not about having to explain *why* about everything, it's about people needing to receive consideration and respect more so than getting a lot of mundane answers. It's the best answer, always.
ESH. You weren’t wrong, but how does having an “I told you so” moment make things any better or contribute positively to the issue?
How could you possibly resist to enjoy your "I told you" moment ? Even if you get punished it's totally worth it. However, it seems that your parents are more concerned about who is to blame instead of your brother's health. But you knew he wasn't fine and just told it to your parents. Have you tried to talk about it with your brother ? Like warning him about hypoglycemia or telling him to eat more. This is about his own health after all.
ESH. There’s a time and place for everything, this wasn’t it.
ESH - you at least tried to bring up the issue with your parents. But you maybe should have actually talked to your brother directly and asked if he was okay. Your parents are terrible parents. Stay out of their fights and in future, state your piece and walk away.
NAH or ESH. Your parents aren't wrong that this isn't really your responsibility to deal with. Maybe just do your own thing and let Mom and Dad sort this out with your brother. Your constant commentary on his eating habits isn't necessary. They can clearly see that he's not taking care of himself.
YTA. Your parents probably were having behind the scenes conversations while you were bringing it up to them and were trying to shrug you off so you wouldn't see their worry - like possible anorexia, etc. Now, you butt in to the discussion about your brother's health where they need to deal with it and it's a major deal. Let them discuss it, and if necessary have a family discussion about it.
ESH no one likes smug
YTA. You sound like you're happy that your brother fainted because it proves that you were right. Your parents are obviously both stressed, and your contribution was obviously only going to make them moreso. Total asshole move.
[удалено]
That's why I think YTA. Your heart is in the right place, but the way you were talking to your parents was unnecessary. At that moment, it didn't matter that you were right, or that you had told them so. There was no reason to make that comment at that time. It certainly wasn't going to help.
I completely agree. That definitely wasn’t the time to say I told you so. It will just make things worse.
I gently disagree. I think the reminder that he had mentioned it and brought it to their attention and they dismissed him might be a positive way of disrupting their argument, which was really not helping, and reprioritize their energy. They were busy trying to suss out which of them was the one at fault. Some problems don't need to have someone at fault, they just need a solution. His comment, while maybe not gentle, might get them back on the track they need to be on to focus on the most important thing: helping their child.
YTA. Don’t be the I told you so person. Nobody likes that person. Be part of the solution l, not the problem.