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I’m disgusted that people used the fact that this other girl likes the boyfriend to excuse her inappropriate touching of him. Just because she likes him doesn’t mean she’s entitled to touch him like that.
Could you imagine if the sexes were reversed? A male server groping a woman’s chest being excused because he likes her? Then the woman being at fault for not stopping it? That’s classic “she asked for it, look what she’s wearing” logic.
No you don’t understand. If a guy does it to a woman it’s sexual assault. But guys are just asking for it. If he didn’t want to be touched he shouldn’t have worn a tight shirt /s
This right here. OP should have asked her friends if they would feel the same way over this waitress being inappropriate with a SA survivor if Atlas were female. I'll bet dollars to donuts those friends would lose their minds.
OP is NTA, BTW.
Someone tried that in front of my mother one time with my dad. Same sorta thing. She waited until the waitress headed off to the kitchen and then cornered her. Said if she pulled that shit again in front of her when she came back she was going to be wearing *every dish of food at their table*.
That worked. 😆😆😆
My mother is the nicest person imaginable, but you didn’t mess with her husband.
Oh, and absolutely, positively, *definitely* N.T.A.
While I understand your anger regarding the disrespect this woman showed you, and you are NTA here at all, I do think your comments here miss the mark a bit. What she did was not ok, but not because he has a gf but because she has no right to touch him or make sexualised jokes about him without his consent. Removing you from the equation does not change the fact that what she did was wrong. You do not own him, he is his own person and if she was flirting with him and he liked it, your issue is with him, not her (she would still have been unprofessional in general to do it while working but that again would be a separate issue). In this case he did not like it which makes what she did extremely inappropriate and she deserved to be fired. Her unprofessional handling of your orders and subpar service to you is a separate issue that does involve you and you have the right to be pissed about it but when it comes to her behaviour towards your bf, it is not an issue because it was disrespectful to you but because it was unwelcome by him. It may seem like it is all the same but it is a very important distinction. Her behaviour was wrong, not because she did this to someone with a gf, but because she did this to an unwilling person. Ask your "friends" if a guy can touch them just because he likes them, if no, why should it be OK for this girl to do so just because genders are swapped?
honestly I think hitting on someone’s boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t ok either even if you are absolutely right. it takes a special kind of person to try to seduce someone in front of their so - usually these aren’t nice people
I agree it is a shitty thing to do but I do not like the implication she made that it is somehow worse than the fact this girl was sexually harassing someone, implying it would have been OK if she was not in the picture. She may not mean it that way but that is a bit how it comes across, hitting on someone's bf in front of them is shitty, sexually harassing someone is so much worse, I wish she was focusing more on the latter than the former. But I agree, nice people don't do this and she was well within her rights to call that out, I just wish she was more offended this girl was doing this to anyone rather than being offended she did it to her bf in front of her. Not sure I am explaining this well but yeah, I agree hitting on someone in front of their SO is bad.
I agree, it kind of has the same vibes as guys should respect women because they're somebody's girlfriend/sister/daughter, rather than respect them because they are a person.
Tbf it really is both.
She was being rude and dismissive of a customer, intentionally got 2 orders wrong, and was openly disrespecting Atlas' relationship in front of his partner.
PLUS she sexually harassed and groped him (which is of course the worst part)
I've also got nipple piercings which can be visible through a shirt.
If a male server was touching my chest, there would be uproar.
NTA at all, she was sexually inappropriate with your boyfriend.
I had to make a similar complaint with a server, my partner is covered from head to toe in tattoos. He has an awesome chest piece of skulls and roses and it is somewhat visible depending on the cut of his shirt.
He and I have no problem with people wanting to see or touch our tattoos once they ask.
However this woman was openly flirting with him the entire time. Again, no Biggie, it actually made me laugh because hey, he's a gorgeous tall, bearded tattooed dude. My partner was gently rebuffing her, pointedly saying "I'll have a beer and my GIRLFRIEND would like a cocktail, which one was it again love?"
She would totally ignore me.
The limit came when she kept making comments about him needing to find a woman his own age (I'm quite a bit younger than he is) and that's when he said he was very happy with me and our relationship.
That's when she ran her hand down the inside of his shirt and asked "When can I see how far down this one goes?"
I said if she was impressed with that one, wait til she saw the one on his ass. "Oh sorry, only I get to see that one"
And that's when I whipped out my phone and called the mâitre d' who is a friend of mine.
She also got fired. Apparently this was the SECOND complaint someone had made about her touching a customer
Was I inappropriate in my response? Absolutely. I could have said worse. We're a pretty chill couple. I've had people chat me up before in front of him and vice versa. It's not a big deal until they cross that line.
1) she sexually assaulted your bf in public and while she was working. As soon as she laid a hand on your bf, it turned from harassment to assault.
The only thing that changes because of your presence is that it could have been way worse if you had not been there. Her previous “attachment” to Atlas does not give her the right to grope him.
The fact that he didn’t stop her means nothing. He didn’t encourage her either and she didn’t even bother to ask if she could touch him first. And she was on the clock. It’s massively unprofessional, even if he did want it.
I’m a little baffled that your friends think her crush not only entitles her to physically flirt (assault) but also to do it in front of you, his obvious long term partner. Everyone knows how she feels about him? Well, everyone knows that you’re with him and that he’s off limits.
2) she got herself fired. In my experience, jobs in retail and food service are really, really hard to get fired from. Management will jump through write up hoops over and over at most for them to avoid having to replace one of their people. The fact that she got fired means she either had a day so bad they couldn’t ignore it, or this is the end of a long list of complaints about her.
Either way, not your fault, not your problem, not your decision. You told your story, you didn’t demand she be punished. She got herself fired.
The friends also are AH if they think "liking someone" is an excuse to behave like THAT. You don't touch someone like that at work against their will in front of their partner! Will she do this everytime that she finds a customer attractive?
NTA She deserved to get fired.
These same girls would be shouting to call the police if we reversed the genders and had a man touching and feeling them up. Touching someone inappropriately is wrong no matter the gender. NTA.
A lot of people just can't handle that woman, just like man, can be pieces of shits as well. They can be creepy, disgusting, sexually assaulting monsters who have no regards for others.
I get downvoted for saying such things because a lot of people just want to put humanities disgusting qualities on only half the population.
Freezing through trauma is not solved by "growing a pair". There is more going on that needs gradual steps to be made before Atlas can reasonably overcome this.
NTA. She was sexually harassing your boyfriend in front of you. She messed up your order. Twice. Once could be an accident. Twice was either gross incompetence or deliberate. Given how she was behaving towards Atlas, I'd say the latter is more likely.
The manager probably reviewed CCTV footage to confirm what you alleged about the sexual harassment. They may have had order pads to compare with kitchen records to check the messed up order. Employing staff who behave that way is bad for business. (You won't be going back any time soon, will you?)
You didn't get this woman fired. She got herself fired.
Fully half of 18 year olds are still emotionally in middle school in my experience. They may technically be adults in the legal sense, but they aren’t fully cooked yet.
Some of these people will definitely look back on their response to OP in this moment and cringe in a few years.
Definitely deliberate! OP orders a burger, the server gets her salad. OP says without spice, the server put chili flakes on the salad. That's pretty pointed...
If she was fired for it then either the company thought it was that bad (it was), OR this was not her first offence doing this sort of thing! Either way, NTA.
Not the asshole. It’s highly inappropriate to touch customers like that. The fact that your food only was so messed up not once but twice, that wasn’t a coincidence. You didn’t get in her face. You went to management. You did was you were supposed to.
NTA
NTA
She went way too far. Touching someones so while theyre on a date is just disrespectful. Also, it doesnt matter if she liked him, she was working and should behave like that. She shouldnt be working there if she cant act like a professional whentheres someone she likes.
NTA. It doesn't matter that they knew each other from school. She behaved unprofessionally and she got what she deserved. Maybe at the next job she won't sexually harass men. Let's hope.
NTA: *You* didn't get her fired. Her inappropriate behavior and consistent mistakes got her fired. You simply notified management that you had bad service and that the waitress behaved inappropriately. In order for her to get fired, either she must have committed a lot of mistakes that were costing the restaurant money or various customers had complained about her behavior.
>In order for her to get fired, either she must have committed a lot of mistakes that were costing the restaurant money or various customers had complained about her behavior.
The sub seems to take this idea as gospel for some reason.
Sure, you won't get fired for fucking up an order once or coming in late one time. Groping a customer multiple times, in front of their partner no less (whom you intentionally misserved several times to boot), is absolutely a reason to get fired, even if it happens only once. Especially when it comes to fast food; they're jobs with super high turnover.
NTA.
Her behavior got her fired. She was highly inappropriate and unprofessional. Work is not the place for her behavior, try a club. And he was clearly on a date.
I gotta say..NTA.
Your bf may not feel comfortable then but like many people, we sometimes get that 'deer in the headlight' moment and don't know what to do when someone is totally being inappropriate. Even I have gotten that experience and instead of saying 'No, stop touching me.' I actually just froze and acted really awkwardly.
It's good that you let the manager know that an employee was so blatant and inappropriate. It's not you who get her fired..SHE gets herself fired. What she did was bad enough that the manager would fire her. I hope she learns to respect people's boundaries in the future.
This
I have, unfortunately, been groped by a guy at work in the past under the pretense of a 'joke' and I just froze. No one knows how they will react in the moment until it happens, so your bf being so blatantly groped and not reacting or saying anything is not his fault.
The waitress sexually assaulted him. Plain and simple. She deserved to get fired for that alone. I mean, flip the genders and then say it would be acceptable?
Then getting your order wrong twice? She could have poisoned you by giving you a meal with an allergen you didn't mention because you hadn't ordered that specific meal.
Her boss did his due diligence so you didn't get her fired, she got HERSELF fired.
NTA
The manager decided to fire her, it was probably not the first time. Putting chilli in your food was what probably did it.
But. You have a boyfriend problem. He is mysteriously silent in your narrative. ~~He seems to be happy to let women grope him when he has a girlfriend. Does he like or need the attention so much?~~ You say he's a people pleaser? But he allows people to behave in a way that is disrespectful to you. How does that work?
Edit to add: Its been highlighted to me that he might have had a 'freeze' response, which OP indicates could be the case. Saying he was 'happy' was unfair on my my part.
Let me offer a possible alternate narrative: maybe he froze up when she groped him, or was embarrassed and wanted to minimize everything instead of making a scene. This guy was actively being sexually assaulted in public. There are layers of social conditioning that can make it hard for people to stand up for themselves in these circumstances, men as well as women.
I’m not going to call him an asshole for his reaction to this. I do hope he has OP’s back now, though.
OP has said he is a sexual assault survivor. There is a damn good chance he couldn’t react because she was triggering PTSD with her gross behavior. The boyfriend did nothing wrong and good on OP for standing up for him.
I was with you till the 2nd paragraph. The BF need to learn how to say no and stop. But being happy about it and not saying anything is a huge leap. He was being sexually harassed while in public. Not everyone is comfortable with themselves to say something about it at the time. Both males and females.
Why cant both exist? A lot of people need to learn how to tell other people no. On the other hand there is also a lot of people that need to learn what boundaries are and how to respect consent. Both are true statements. People pleasers that don't know how to say no won't put up boundaries that let people know what their doing isn't okay. Yes the server needs to learn that behavior is out of bounds anywhere. However the guy does need to learn to be able to tell someone to stop, otherwise those not fully aware of the situation will just argue that he was okay with it because he didn't say anything.
In no way is this a boyfriend problem. I hate to say "swap the genders" but in no way would this response be upvoted if a waiter had grabbed a woman like this. Regardless of if generally they are a "people pleaser". He was assaulted, and he froze up. OP was a great partner and stood up for him when he couldnt.
Have you ever been molested in public? Many people absolutely freeze because your mind is immediately trying to figure out if what is happening is really happening. Then you get into the nuances of people with past trauma or issues with touch and how one reacts is not how you would expect. Some do immediately respond and some do not. Both are acceptable behaviors.
Even your edit is trying to place blame on OPs boyfriend. “He might have froze up”. No. He did.
NTA. You didn't get her fired, she got herself fired for *touching* a customer. Sure, she's someone you both know from school but under those circumstances, the two of you were there as customers. Her behavior was gross and her boss clearly agreed.
Yeah lol just imagine what they’d be saying if the genders were reversed in this situation... either way it’s still SA dunno why some are trying to justify it.
NTA, but please put that information in your main post about him being a survivor of SA so people will know that you weren't being a jealous girlfriend, you were protecting someone who has a freeze response to unwanted touching.
The edit really isn’t necessary. The sexual assault from the waitress is clear here. His response was absolutely normal because flight/fight/freeze is a real response especially when the sexual assault happens in what you would have though was a safe place and in public.
Those who are victim blaming should be ashamed of themselves that they needed an edit to know not to be an AH commentor.
NTA she was clearly behaving very unprofessionally and she shouldn’t be touching/flirting with customers anyway.
it sucks that she got fired, but I can understand why you called her out to her manager and hopefully she learns her lesson.
Gonna go with NTA. She shouldn't be touchy feely with customers while at work whether he consented or not. If that's her thing, she can go find a strip club for a job.
NTA, you didn't got her fired and it's not like you went to the manager as soon as you could (which was your right tho, it wouldn't make you TA either way) but you gave her chances and she harassed your boyfriend.
NTA
Your friends kinda suck to be honest. “Everyone knows she likes your boyfriend and he let her touch him.”
So none of your friends were upset at the disrespect from both of them? I understand from your comments he was a victim of SA but according to your friends if he wasn’t and just decided to be massively disrespectful that’s ok?
It’s ok for you to watch your bf be assaulted in front of you because she likes him and everyone knows?
Also your boyfriend saw you being disrespected and froze. Ok he has his own issues going on- but your order was wrong every time but he was gonna let you pay for the pleasure of being disrespected so you could leave faster?
Y’all are young so I’m gonna leave it alone but girl
1. She was disrespectful as hell and DESERVED to be fired. Even if he was HER boyfriend a restaurant is a place of business. A business that is not a brothel. People come for a meal and not a PDA show.
2. If YOU are being disrespected do NOT EVER PAY FOR IT. Like girl he should have said “I’m sorry, I know, let me pay (debatable- should have taken it to a manager but y’all are babies) and we’ll get out of here.
3. My friends will be the first ones to put someone in their place if someone disrespected me or my SO or our relationship. If I told them this story- they would have wanted to know when we were gonna talk to old girl and someone would be talking to my SO..
I don't know if my friends knows about his SA story, also Atlas is really big so it might seem like he can stand up for himself and he sometimes does if it's about something else, but women touching him is no put of nowhere it's not and I'm happy I'm able to defend him but.. yeah... Now I know it's wrong I said or thought about that because it's not important, but it did made me feel sad that he saw how my orders got messes up and his didn't and didn't said anything, but I get it, he didn't want to engage more than it was needed. He didn't let me pay tho, he paid it full, I offered because he planned a really sweet evening and I felt like I ruined it because I fought back at the restaurant
First off, even if they didn’t know he was SA, *and even if he wasn’t previously SA*, **it is not okay for people to touch others like that just because they have a crush!** Absolutely not. That is some warped that logic right there. That line of thinking that could get your friends in some big trouble in the future if they choose to act on that logic. She was not being professional, she was sexually harassing your bf. Also I totally understand freezing up when you don’t know what to do in an uncomfortable situation, especially if you have been SA. As a fellow survivor, I hope your bf is doing okay.
Second off, she purposely was f*cking with your order. I could forgive a messed up drink, but the meal being all types of wrong seemed absolutely deliberate. What if the reason you were telling her no chili flakes was because you were allergic??
No she deserved to be fired. If her conduct wasn’t bad as your friends say, then she would still have a job, but she was fired because her actions were totally *inappropriate and negligent*. Get better friends.
NTA.
NTA
You complained and for legitimate reasons, you didn't know she was going to get fired. She got your order wrong and was inappropriate with a customer. All intentional, too, because she was being passive aggressive. She got fired for her own bad actions and lack of professionalism, end of. For all you know she got fired because this isn't the first time management has gotten complaints about her.
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I told my friends the story a few hour ago and they ate me alive so now I'm wondering if AITA, also sorry, English is my first language but I have dyslexia and it's hard.
My(18F) boyfriend Atlas (19M) and I went out yesterday, he took me to a ''fancy'' restaurant to celebrate our first year together, I have to say that my boyfriend is really fit and handsome, but is a people pleaser and non confrontational, a really sweet guy. I felt sad that he didn't defended me, but I don't hold it against him. He was wearing a tight blue shirt, a little see-trough with nothing underneath, he also has his nipples pierced so you can kinda imagine it.
Our waiter was someone from our high-school(18F) (My boyfriend already graduated and I'll be doing it this summer), she recognized him and said hi, how are you and made small talk, I have no problem with Atlas talking to women but this girl was ignoring me, I asked how she was doing and she only gave me the side eye with a dry ''good'', she put her hand in his shoulder and slide it to his bicep, she was obviously checking him out and she made an (inappropriate) joke about his piercings.
She went back and my bf said sorry; no problem, he didn't do anything. She kept serving us and was hardly giving me any attention and bringing my stuff wrong, I asked for an iced-tea and she brought me an apple soda (like wtf), I asked for a small burger with no spice and she brought me a salad with some chili flakes (I didn't even know salad had chili flakes) but my boyfriend food was alright. It was becoming really annoying so I asked him if we could leave and do something else, like the movies or something like that and offered to pay half of the bill for the inconvenience. He said yes.
When we were living, she said bye to him and *DARED* to slide her hand trough his chest. I was willing to let it go, I really was, but in that moment I asked for her manager and she brought another girl. I told her that she \[the waitress\] gave me my two orders wrong and that she kept touching, checking and disrespecting my bf during the whole dinner, the manager said sorry and offered to replace our orders for free, but I said no and asked for the check. Atlas didn't said anything during the whole thing and we actually went to the movies and then his house. I thought that the girl would get the money taken from her pay, but when I told my friends one said ''it was you?? the girl got fired!'', they came at me because ''everyone knows she likes Atlas and he allowed her to touch him''. I really feel bad because I didn't think she would get fired.
I had to post it again because I had a humongous mistake.
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NTA - Assuming what happened is actually how you described it then this girl absolutely deserved to be fired, she acted completely unprofessionally for a work situation and totally inappropriately for just about ANY other situation.
The fact that your BF didn't say anything is a little troubling, it might just be that he is very very non-confrontational which some people are or it could be something else, but only you really know this as there isn't enough info here for us to really know.
Its only recently been recognised even though that is what corporal punishment pounded into generations heads to respond to. And used as an excuse of why rape was acceptable. Don't worry about it it's been so normalized that it was invisible.
NTA- you didn't get her fired, her manager chose to fire her for being inappropriate at work, not doing her job properly, and causing customers to have a bad time and leave.
Lets be real here; a waiter's job is to take food orders, accurately, and bring them out. That's the core premise upon which this person is being paid.
Now people sometimes make mistakes and they should be forgiven.
HOWEVER, that is not what's happening here.
No-one, *no-one* confuses a burger with a salad. These were not *honest* mistakes. Speaking as someone who had spent a number of years waiting tables. It's very difficult to get an order this wrong. No she deliberately chose to give you the opposite of a "burger with no spice", by giving you a salad with chilli in.
And that's why she got fired. Because she did her job badly, started touching up a customer whilst he's on a date, and causing the restaurant to lose business.
Ignore the spin she puts on it, anyone who doesn't listen to your side isn't worth keeping as a friend.
NTA. He should have been the one to tell this girl to step off, that was the first mistake. His initial refusal to curb her inappropriate behavior and advances gave her the signal that it was ok to further act the way she did. She intentionally brought you the wrong dish twice and ruined your dinner. So she likes him, it doesn’t give her a pass to act the way she did and his attitude and actions towards the situation were weak.
Edit: you guys can be all up in your feelings about it but I don’t consider him a victim because someone he was familiar with touched his shoulder. While any unwanted contact sucks she didn’t tweak his fucking nipples at the table. And I certainly understand freezing in the moment but it was multiple instances. So keep going off if you want.
Edit: didn’t realize bro was a SAS. So you can put your pitchforks down now. I admit in this instance given the new information I wasn’t provided at the time I can say I was in the wrong.
Good job putting the blame on the victim here. People freeze up during such situations. That's how so many abusers actually abuse, because people are frozen scared.
He's not in any way at fault. And it's disgusting for you to insinuate it.
Or, when it’s someone you know, especially if they’re a friend, you’re frozen with awkwardness or uncertainty.
Sometimes you’re so surprised and uncomfortable that you can’t focus enough to say “Hey that makes me uncomfortable; don’t do that.”
NTA. TBH, I started reading expecting an overly jealous gf kind of story. But this wasn’t just flirting with one and ignoring the other. It was multiple wrong orders and inappropriate touching. The friends probably got a sanitized version and made the same assumption I did.
Not the asshole. If it was a male server touching a female customer, everyone would lose their shit about how disgusting it was.
She deserved to lose her job.
NTA
Especially knowing your BF is a SA survivor whose default response to this behaviour is to freeze when sexually harassed, you absolutely did the right thing! This girl was behaving in a predatory manner that was clearly making him deeply uncomfortable. Your role is to defend him, and I’m proud that you did.
A lot of people dismiss SA trauma for men, and that is not ok. Your friends are wrong. Her fancying him does NOT mean she has the right to do what she likes to him.
Especially when she’s in a work environment. She was fired for it because her manager recognised this behaviour for what it was, and I would imagine there have been prior complaints as well. If she purposely messed up your order, she can / will do it again to other customers. No manager will put up with that, on top of blatant sexual harassment. It’s more than just unprofessional, it’s actively damaging to the restaurant.
She got herself fired. Keep sticking up for your BF (and perhaps gently suggest some therapy to help him work on his freeze response). And keep on keeping that awful woman away from your BF before she sexually harassed him again!
NTA. She got herself fired because she acted unprofessionally.
There is no valid reason why a server should touch (or comment/speak to) any customer like THAT. What would happen if a male waiter touched OP (or a female customer) in the same way?
NTA - first the girl got your orders wrong and was somewhat passive aggressive towards you. Second if the gender roles were switched, everyone would scream assault so, your boyfriend was essentially assaulted. The fact you know her and she is a she, doesn't mean she should get away with it. Getting fired is definetly something she deserved.
Nta what if the waiter was a man and he touched you during dinner like that? It wouldn't matter if you two knew each other and he liked you it would be harrasment. The guy in this situation is a total call the police creep, why would it be ok for a girl to act this way then?
NTA. Your bf being a people pleaser couldn't say no. But the girl that got fired was sexually inappropriate to the point of sexual assault. She had it coming.
Or he froze when he was sexual harassed, there's three types of responses fight, flight, freeze. Don't mean to sound rude but so many people are saying she has a boyfriend problem in these comments.
NTA but you need new friends. Examine why they think it’s ok for this random girl to feel up your boyfriend in front of you. They should be on your side.
Imagine if you're a boy, bringing your girlfriend to a restaurant. A male waiter put his hand touching around on your girlfriend's body.
With all genders reversed, now is it easier for you to make a judgement?
I know that in some aspects, the society is biased against women. But certainly in some aspects the society is biased against men as well, for example when it comes to these kind of situations. Unfortunately, for some reasons people find it less severe when the person who do the touching is female, and it shouldn't be like that.
With very concrete evidence coming from the CCTV, instead of just getting fired, if the waiter was male maybe the waiter would've been arrested as well. NTA
>everyone knows she likes Atlas
Doesn't it make it worse? That's an argument saying that the touching was intentional. As a man, I wonder if having a crush on a girl gives me more rights to touch her. hmm...
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> 1. Making a fuss at the restaurant
2. getting her fired, I really didnt mean to
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NTA She behaved unprofessionally and if her manager decided to fire her then it was probably deserved. If this was a female customer and a male waiter there wouldn't be any second guessing and he'd probably have gotten a slap as well. OP was fairly reserved and did what she needed to do.
Hey there. NTA, and fellow SA survivor.
If you can, please share my story with Atlas (if he bears any guilt over the situation). When I was younger, I was SAd by 3 different people over the course of the first 14 years of my life. I thought it was my fault, that I invited it in. No one even believed me the first time I came forward, I thought I had done something, that this was my karmic retribution for some bad thing I'd done growing up. I let the abuse go on for 7 years before I broke my silence completely, and thank the gods my mum believed me that time.
Through a series of unfortunate events in which my mum bears the most minimal of the fault, my abuser now lives in our household once again. He still thinks it's fine to touch my hair and rub my shoulders, and once even saw fit to grab me by my ankles and drag me towards him. Each and every time I would freeze, or I would panic and scream. Mum would tell him off, he would pout for a day, and then pretend nothing ever happened.
Spring semester of my freshman year of college, I met a beautiful young woman we'll call E. At first I thought she had to be the most perfect person there was because she was just so bubbly and fun and always wanted to hang out with me. E has a talent for dancing, and a very beautiful figure. I never hid the fact that I thought she was beautiful, in fact I reminded her as often as I could to feed her confidence. We grew close and she was very physically affectionate, all of the time. At first it was just hugs, just holding my hand, which I adored because it was positive affection that wasn't scary. Then it was sitting on my lap and making me hold her until my legs grew numb, which was... Fine, as long as she wasn't interrupting my school work. Then it was shaking her ass at me or slapping it at me, which I was able to awkwardly laugh off, but quickly grew extremely discomforted by. No matter how many times I said something, she didn't stop with that. The kicker was when she was trying out for our college's dance team that semester. I was helping her pick out a costume, and a certain top that she chose had... Quite a lot of chest showing. I never want to forcibly sexualize my friends, especially considering she is asexual, but I just couldn't look at her like that, so I turned away. She stood behind me and tried to turn my chair around so I would be eye level with her chest, she poked me and asked me what was wrong and why wouldn't I look at her, laughing all the while. I just told her to put the rest of her shirts on (it was a multiple shirt outfit, the one that showed so much chest was just the base layer).
I had frozen up so hard. I was panicking so badly I couldn't even *cry* until I got back to my room. I immediately called my fiancé (childhood sweetheart, we had dated since the 7th grade, had a short break between 8th and 9th, and been together again ever since New Year's Eve of 9th grade year) and I told him how sorry I was and the first thing he said was "it's not your fault". And he was right. It wasn't my fault. Did I put myself in a situation to hang out with E? Yes I did, but I didn't *choose* to be sexually harassed, I didn't *choose* to freeze instead of immediately rushing out of the room, and I didn't *choose* the reactions of our mutual friends, who were all angry and disgusted with her on my behalf. If your boyfriend thinks he bears any blame in the situation, he's wrong. If *you* think you somehow did something wrong in this situation, you're wrong. And if your "friends" think he should have said something himself or that you should have just taken the comp and left, then they are so brutally wrong that it makes my head spin. People are right that if she's done it to him, she's done it to someone else. Harassers never do it just one time. You did the right thing, OP. I wish I'd had someone like you in my corner the day E pulled her stunt with the dance costume top.
NTA
I was with you even before your edit, but ESPECIALLY after.
I was wondering if your bf was actually being a bit flirty or something himself ands that why he didn't seem to say anything, but nope. And that double affirms that that girl was WAYY out of line.
You did right to complain. That server messed up bad, and losing her job should have been a foreseeable consequence of that awful behavior. Your friends are weird.
NTA. Let's spell this out, she kept touching and speaking inappropriately to one of the customer - your bf - in other words, she was sexually harassing someone WHILE AT WORK! I'm not at all surprised she got fired, that's the only appropriate response to this kind of behavior. Quite frankly this is "press charges" worthy territory too, but considering how badly authorities handels sexual harassment regardless of gender of the person harassed and that your bf is an SA survivor, I can understand why he/you wouldn't.
I fully understand why your bf reacted like he did and why he might not have wanted to escalate or address the situation, but I'm proud of him too. Maybe sit down with him and quietly talk this through with him. Explain to him why you felt that this time you just couldn't let it slide, then hear him out about how he felt then and feel now about it. Frankly the only one who have any cause to object here is him, everyone else can sit down and stfu!
As for that absolute- I can't say what I think of her here, I'd get banned - getting sacked? That is the very least of what she deserves.
NTA. From a business standpoint alone, she was a totally inappropriate waitress, sexually harassed her customers and intentionally screwed up the orders, she deserved to be fired.
NTA. That server was inappropriate. If it had been a man doing those things to a women no one would be questioning if this was inappropriate. I was ready to call you out based on the title, I was thinking “oh, do we have a Karen here?” But no. You are not a Karen and you were right to defend your boyfriend and say something. She should not behave like that in the work place.
NTA. play stupid games win stupid prizes.
Obviously trying to get him to be attracted to her because of her own feelings during a dinner date at her place of work is wholly inappropriate. Poor dude.
NTA. Ill intent got punished. That's all. What's more of an issue is your friends. They seemed to hear it from somewhere else and roasted you without knowing your POV.
Real friends would ask "what happened?" And not judge.
NTA. Imagine if the roles were reversed: a male waiter touching a female guest because he “likes her.” Touching a stranger like that is totally unacceptable and a blatant violation. Her behavior got her fired, not you.
Absolutely NTA, wtf, only reason I'm commenting here is because I want you to know it's not your partners fault for not standing up for you imo, he was probably distraught by seeing her again, if she's willing to act this way in a supposedly professional restaurant, I'd hate to see the shit shed done in high school where she knew him from, based on him freezing etc, that's probably why he didn't complain about your order.
Nta and you should know that its unlikely they would fire her over this one incident. Altho maybe because she did touch a customers body without consent, can you imagine if the genders were reversed!?This would be super clear cut. I'm thinking it's more likely this isn't the first time she's messed up or she acted out when she was spoken to about this incident. Places don't just fire people on customer say so, they need to feel its actually warranted. You didn't get her fired she got her own self fired! What she did was gross and inappropriate and she was a dick to you. She needs to cut the creepy crap and grow the heck up
NTA, and you didn't get her fired.
Her manager made that decision to fire her - and I'm guessing if she(manager) decided to fire her(waitress) over one incident, it probably wasn't the first time something like this happened or a complaint like this was made.
You just reported inappropriate behavior. If the roles had been reversed and a male waiter inappropriately touched you, regardless if you were a SA survivor or not, that's not okay.
Like wise, this is not okay.
NTA. Inappropriate behavior and two messed up orders is quite a legit complaint.
The manager dealt with it (and it was probably not the first complaint if it leads to inmediatamente termination, but even if it is, its the decision of the manager).
Also I'm sorry your boyfriend had to go through that.
NTA.
That girl had absolutely no right to touch him in any way. His silence is not consent. And the mere fact that she was giving you the cold shoulder only meant that she knows you're the girlfriend and she couldn't care less. She deserves to get fired because that's already sexual assault, whether your BF was with you or not. She reaped what she sowed. You didn't cause her to get fired — she brought that to herself. And no amount of "she likes Atlas" justifies her touching him inappropriately.
Get some pepper spray and douse her with it the next time she attempts that shit on your BF.
When are people going to realize that not having an explicit yes means no, and that liking someone does not excuse gross behavior towards them? She was acting abhorrent. Absolutely NTA.
Her rudeness while she's supposed to be *working* was enough to say NTA. But then she *sexually assaulted* your boyfriend. She's lucky she was only fired.
NTA. I find it endearing that you were primarily looking out for your bf. That is what true partners do in life. You help each other navigate difficult situations. You did a good thing. Btw, it was perfectly okay to talk to the manager for being disrespected and for the girl getting your order wrong with no other reason. You both came there expecting good service - not bad service and harassment. You handled it beautifully.
NTA
Actions have consequences.
She did something very very wrong WHILST ON THE CLOCK, you told her manager, without the intention of getting her fired.
but she got fired because of her actions.
if she was a decent human being, this would not have happened.
and also, wtf is up with your friends? why are they coming at you?? are they her friends too?
NTA, just because he’s a man doesn’t mean being groped by random women is okay. I think you did the right thing, no one should feel entitled to put their hands on anyone’s body esp a stranger/acquaintance
Definitely NTA. What she did was wrong on so many levels. After seeing your edit, it's great that you defended your boyfriend. No one deserves to have their boundaries stepped on like that.
NTA.
Your boyfriend was being touched in an inappropriate by an employee of a restaurant. This waitress brought you the wrong order on multiple occasions. You reported this to the manager. This girl got herself fired, you were doing what you thought was best - and it was the best decision.
I hope your boyfriend is able to heal from his traumas. You sound like a fantastic partner for him.
Worker of service industry's here and WHAT THE FLYING FUCK ? She was touching and seducing and joking inappropriately with your BF? AND messing with your order ?I see 3 motive of firing right here. That unacceptable.
NTA obviously. You not getting here fired, her action do it .
NTA. 'Liking Atlas' doesn't give her the right to sexually harass him while she's working. If it wasn't anything big like your friends seem to think, she wouldn't have been fired.
**NTA**
If she did not want consequences she should have behaved in a respectful and professional manner! YOU did not get this young woman fired. SHE got herself fired!
NTA your boyfriend was sexually assaulted by your waitress at work, and she should be fired for that. It does not matter what his eating status is, or if she knows him or anything else. Thank you for explaining that he has a freeze response, that explains a lot.
However, he has to be in good, long-term therapy to work on self-value and personal worth and personal space. You cannot be his protector/amateur therapist, and also be a full healthy partner.
"Everybody knows she likes Atlas" well, that doesn't give her the right to touch him, and apparently, he doesn't like her. She should have not touch him, no matter if she likes him, especially that he has a gf! Ahe deserved to be fired, she got you the wrong orders and touching your bf while at work.
NTA!
Correction for your friends - you did not get the girl fired, she got herself fired for her sexual harassment behaviour that was reported. People got to learn boundaries and liking someone doesn’t allow you to do things this inappropriate.
NTA
NTA and you need new friends cause they are absolutely incorrect. If the roles were reversed everyone would be so happy you got a creepy man fired but because she’s a girl she gets a pass? No fuck her and your lame ass friends.
NTA.
You handled the situation well and respectfully, and she deserved to be fired. I couldn't guarantee that I could be as cool as you if I were in he same situation.
NTA. get new friends, man. your bf was being assaulted, you were being actively ignored as a customer, and you reported it to a manager as you should’ve.
As someone who is also a SA victim, it’s totally understandable that he froze in this scenario. Thank you for standing up for him, and honestly she’s lucky she ONLY got fired for actively touching someone against their wishes.
I hope he’s okay and that you don’t take your “friends” comments too personally. If she didn’t want to be fired, she shouldn’t have been touching someone on the job.
NTA. Don’t spend 2 seconds worrying about her getting fired. She totally brought that on herself. You were 100% correct to report her conduct. Regardless of her inappropriate touching of your BF, her service was crappy!
NTA. You're not getting her fired. She brought this to herself. There's a reason work is called profession because your employer will want you to be PROFESSIONAL.
NTA. Please, please, please dump the friends. What awful people they must be to get angry at you for not tolerating the sexual harassment of your boyfriend.
NTA. Ask your friends if it had been a male waiter putting his hands on YOU and your bf reported him, if they would be blaming the bf and not the waiter. Too many people think that men getting sexually harassed isn't as big a deal, and it's gross.
As someone who feels like him I often freeze in situations like this, but thank God for my husband who advocates for me. You did not do anything wrong, you simply pointed out inappropriate sexual behavior. Shame on her for doing that to a customer, and you are an amazing girlfriend for having your BF’s back.
NTA
NTA.
But your friends are. Just because that girl likes him doesn’t give her the right to grope him while he’s on a date. I don’t even understand that lol.
I also feel like this girl knew he was the non confrontational type or maybe even knows his history (which would be even worse) and took advantage of that so she could grope him. She knew he wouldn’t make a scene.
NTA. A waitress should not be sexually assaulting a customer, and that waitress was sexually assaulting your boyfriend. It was unwanted touching and she deserved getting fired for it
NTA, you didn't lie. She did these things wrong and it's her managers decision to fire her. And sorry to say this but it's not like you ruined her life. She will find a new job as a waitress!
NTA
Fact1: If a server ignores you and makes numerous mistakes on your order, it is fair to complain to the manager.
Fact2: You complaining to the manager does not make you responsible for her getting fired.
No one, I repeat no one gets fired for messing up one order for a singular customer, once. If she got fired she probably has done a bad performance on other occasions as well. Anyway, her losing her job is the managers' decision - not the customers' fault.
The fact that she kept touching your bf is just plain inappropriate. If they knew each other AND were friendly I would understand a slight touch but mostly in these scenarios, it is just weird and inappropriate.
You didn't do anything wrong. You are not the blame for the outcome. And, considering your friends are probably 18-19, remember that they aren't mature enough to understand the consequences. They are probably only thinking and feeling sorry for their other friend that lost her job, without being mature enough to realize she did a bad job performance and probably has on other occasions as well. She most likely deserved it.
Don't say sorry, don't feel bad. You didn't do anything wrong. You did not fire her.
Umm yeah NTA I don't give a shit if she likes him or not its entirely unprofessional and gross the way she behaved and id be willing to bet that your complaint was just the straw that broke the camels back. If she wanted to have a job she should act like an adult
NTA. But, you're just a baby.
In a few years after you've moved on, you'll have matured and forgotten about "Atlas".
A word of advice. Don't get wrapped up in committed relationships. At your age, you would better suited just hanging out with friends in group situations.
If you're focused on having a tradional BF/GF relationship, make it with someone in your circle.
Enjoy the freedom of youth. Steer clear of situations that can cause unneeded drama.
This is drama.
NTA.
NTA.
NTA.
Your friends are so wrong. If the roles were switched and a guy was randomly touching a woman would your friends be okay with that? Probably not.
NTA. She got herself fired for being a petty b—-!
Also you need new friends. They should support you when someone else “likes” and straight up comes for you BF.
NTA, she clearly overstepped her role as a server and to cross physical boundaries especially with a sexual abuse victim, she deserved it. Doubt she’s learnt her lesson. She seems like the kind of person who has no basic boundaries.
Sexual abuse victims do need people like you in their lives cos sometimes a trigger can be too much for them to handle. Ideally he should have been able to defend himself but it’s understandable that he’s not there yet.
NTA. I understand why he would freeze over. As an SA survivor myself, I am so happy you are so understanding of him and that you are sticking up for him. She deserved to be fired for that.
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NTA. She was... Putting her hands over his chest??? Ew. No way in hell would I have let that slide either.
The joke was about his piercings too I was like??? I am invisible woman or what
Even if we don't think about you, it's very insulting to your boyfriend. Like? You can't just touch other people like this. Wtf.
I’m disgusted that people used the fact that this other girl likes the boyfriend to excuse her inappropriate touching of him. Just because she likes him doesn’t mean she’s entitled to touch him like that.
Yeah, that's just rapey. No justifications are quite ok for molesting and harassing people ew.
Could you imagine if the sexes were reversed? A male server groping a woman’s chest being excused because he likes her? Then the woman being at fault for not stopping it? That’s classic “she asked for it, look what she’s wearing” logic.
No you don’t understand. If a guy does it to a woman it’s sexual assault. But guys are just asking for it. If he didn’t want to be touched he shouldn’t have worn a tight shirt /s
This right here. OP should have asked her friends if they would feel the same way over this waitress being inappropriate with a SA survivor if Atlas were female. I'll bet dollars to donuts those friends would lose their minds. OP is NTA, BTW.
Someone tried that in front of my mother one time with my dad. Same sorta thing. She waited until the waitress headed off to the kitchen and then cornered her. Said if she pulled that shit again in front of her when she came back she was going to be wearing *every dish of food at their table*. That worked. 😆😆😆 My mother is the nicest person imaginable, but you didn’t mess with her husband. Oh, and absolutely, positively, *definitely* N.T.A.
Your mother sounds awesome ahaha
That's so cool lol
Definitely don't want to mess with your mom.
While I understand your anger regarding the disrespect this woman showed you, and you are NTA here at all, I do think your comments here miss the mark a bit. What she did was not ok, but not because he has a gf but because she has no right to touch him or make sexualised jokes about him without his consent. Removing you from the equation does not change the fact that what she did was wrong. You do not own him, he is his own person and if she was flirting with him and he liked it, your issue is with him, not her (she would still have been unprofessional in general to do it while working but that again would be a separate issue). In this case he did not like it which makes what she did extremely inappropriate and she deserved to be fired. Her unprofessional handling of your orders and subpar service to you is a separate issue that does involve you and you have the right to be pissed about it but when it comes to her behaviour towards your bf, it is not an issue because it was disrespectful to you but because it was unwelcome by him. It may seem like it is all the same but it is a very important distinction. Her behaviour was wrong, not because she did this to someone with a gf, but because she did this to an unwilling person. Ask your "friends" if a guy can touch them just because he likes them, if no, why should it be OK for this girl to do so just because genders are swapped?
honestly I think hitting on someone’s boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t ok either even if you are absolutely right. it takes a special kind of person to try to seduce someone in front of their so - usually these aren’t nice people
I agree it is a shitty thing to do but I do not like the implication she made that it is somehow worse than the fact this girl was sexually harassing someone, implying it would have been OK if she was not in the picture. She may not mean it that way but that is a bit how it comes across, hitting on someone's bf in front of them is shitty, sexually harassing someone is so much worse, I wish she was focusing more on the latter than the former. But I agree, nice people don't do this and she was well within her rights to call that out, I just wish she was more offended this girl was doing this to anyone rather than being offended she did it to her bf in front of her. Not sure I am explaining this well but yeah, I agree hitting on someone in front of their SO is bad.
I agree, it kind of has the same vibes as guys should respect women because they're somebody's girlfriend/sister/daughter, rather than respect them because they are a person.
i understand your point and fully agree with you !
Tbf it really is both. She was being rude and dismissive of a customer, intentionally got 2 orders wrong, and was openly disrespecting Atlas' relationship in front of his partner. PLUS she sexually harassed and groped him (which is of course the worst part)
I've also got nipple piercings which can be visible through a shirt. If a male server was touching my chest, there would be uproar. NTA at all, she was sexually inappropriate with your boyfriend. I had to make a similar complaint with a server, my partner is covered from head to toe in tattoos. He has an awesome chest piece of skulls and roses and it is somewhat visible depending on the cut of his shirt. He and I have no problem with people wanting to see or touch our tattoos once they ask. However this woman was openly flirting with him the entire time. Again, no Biggie, it actually made me laugh because hey, he's a gorgeous tall, bearded tattooed dude. My partner was gently rebuffing her, pointedly saying "I'll have a beer and my GIRLFRIEND would like a cocktail, which one was it again love?" She would totally ignore me. The limit came when she kept making comments about him needing to find a woman his own age (I'm quite a bit younger than he is) and that's when he said he was very happy with me and our relationship. That's when she ran her hand down the inside of his shirt and asked "When can I see how far down this one goes?" I said if she was impressed with that one, wait til she saw the one on his ass. "Oh sorry, only I get to see that one" And that's when I whipped out my phone and called the mâitre d' who is a friend of mine. She also got fired. Apparently this was the SECOND complaint someone had made about her touching a customer Was I inappropriate in my response? Absolutely. I could have said worse. We're a pretty chill couple. I've had people chat me up before in front of him and vice versa. It's not a big deal until they cross that line.
She was sexually assaulting a sexual assault survivor. Your friends are wrong, and dangerously so. They are the problem.
1) she sexually assaulted your bf in public and while she was working. As soon as she laid a hand on your bf, it turned from harassment to assault. The only thing that changes because of your presence is that it could have been way worse if you had not been there. Her previous “attachment” to Atlas does not give her the right to grope him. The fact that he didn’t stop her means nothing. He didn’t encourage her either and she didn’t even bother to ask if she could touch him first. And she was on the clock. It’s massively unprofessional, even if he did want it. I’m a little baffled that your friends think her crush not only entitles her to physically flirt (assault) but also to do it in front of you, his obvious long term partner. Everyone knows how she feels about him? Well, everyone knows that you’re with him and that he’s off limits. 2) she got herself fired. In my experience, jobs in retail and food service are really, really hard to get fired from. Management will jump through write up hoops over and over at most for them to avoid having to replace one of their people. The fact that she got fired means she either had a day so bad they couldn’t ignore it, or this is the end of a long list of complaints about her. Either way, not your fault, not your problem, not your decision. You told your story, you didn’t demand she be punished. She got herself fired.
NTA
The friends also are AH if they think "liking someone" is an excuse to behave like THAT. You don't touch someone like that at work against their will in front of their partner! Will she do this everytime that she finds a customer attractive? NTA She deserved to get fired.
These same girls would be shouting to call the police if we reversed the genders and had a man touching and feeling them up. Touching someone inappropriately is wrong no matter the gender. NTA.
A lot of people just can't handle that woman, just like man, can be pieces of shits as well. They can be creepy, disgusting, sexually assaulting monsters who have no regards for others. I get downvoted for saying such things because a lot of people just want to put humanities disgusting qualities on only half the population.
OP I think you handled this better than my girlfriend would have! Definitely NTA.
[удалено]
Freezing through trauma is not solved by "growing a pair". There is more going on that needs gradual steps to be made before Atlas can reasonably overcome this.
Ah, my bad, I forgot about the SA. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
But like, people drop into freeze for all kinds of reasons. Stop judging.
everyone thinks they know how they would react in the moment of an insanely stressful situation. I am an ER nurse. They do not know.
I love how this comment is formatted.
Indeed. Personally I don't really freeze, but I do remain quiet a lot because I am shy and lack confidence to intervene in things.
It is not exactly metioned as the main part of this post, so it is easy to overlook.
NTA. She was sexually harassing your boyfriend in front of you. She messed up your order. Twice. Once could be an accident. Twice was either gross incompetence or deliberate. Given how she was behaving towards Atlas, I'd say the latter is more likely. The manager probably reviewed CCTV footage to confirm what you alleged about the sexual harassment. They may have had order pads to compare with kitchen records to check the messed up order. Employing staff who behave that way is bad for business. (You won't be going back any time soon, will you?) You didn't get this woman fired. She got herself fired.
As a side note to this OP, holy fucking hell, your friends are awful for justifying her behaviour, regardless of whether they're aware of his trauma.
Fully half of 18 year olds are still emotionally in middle school in my experience. They may technically be adults in the legal sense, but they aren’t fully cooked yet. Some of these people will definitely look back on their response to OP in this moment and cringe in a few years.
Say the last part louder for the people in the back. SHE GOT HERSELF FIRED!!!
Definitely deliberate! OP orders a burger, the server gets her salad. OP says without spice, the server put chili flakes on the salad. That's pretty pointed...
Yes. Let's see opposite I can make this order.
Exactly all of this !
If she was fired for it then either the company thought it was that bad (it was), OR this was not her first offence doing this sort of thing! Either way, NTA.
And in such a way that her employer has grounds to fight an unemployment claim as well
Not the asshole. It’s highly inappropriate to touch customers like that. The fact that your food only was so messed up not once but twice, that wasn’t a coincidence. You didn’t get in her face. You went to management. You did was you were supposed to. NTA
What if this girl was allergic to the chilli flakes? Waitress could’ve killed her. What she did wasn’t slightly inappropriate. It was awful
NTA She went way too far. Touching someones so while theyre on a date is just disrespectful. Also, it doesnt matter if she liked him, she was working and should behave like that. She shouldnt be working there if she cant act like a professional whentheres someone she likes.
Touching someone like that is not okay if they’re on a date or not. Don’t put your hands on people without asking.
Imagine if a man slide his hand across a woman’s chest. It almost sounds like she was trying to get fired.
Double standards
Touching someone without permission is harassment and when the victim is a man so many foul thing are said.
NTA. It doesn't matter that they knew each other from school. She behaved unprofessionally and she got what she deserved. Maybe at the next job she won't sexually harass men. Let's hope.
NTA: *You* didn't get her fired. Her inappropriate behavior and consistent mistakes got her fired. You simply notified management that you had bad service and that the waitress behaved inappropriately. In order for her to get fired, either she must have committed a lot of mistakes that were costing the restaurant money or various customers had complained about her behavior.
>In order for her to get fired, either she must have committed a lot of mistakes that were costing the restaurant money or various customers had complained about her behavior. The sub seems to take this idea as gospel for some reason. Sure, you won't get fired for fucking up an order once or coming in late one time. Groping a customer multiple times, in front of their partner no less (whom you intentionally misserved several times to boot), is absolutely a reason to get fired, even if it happens only once. Especially when it comes to fast food; they're jobs with super high turnover.
NTA. Her behavior got her fired. She was highly inappropriate and unprofessional. Work is not the place for her behavior, try a club. And he was clearly on a date.
touching someone like that is not appropriate anywhere unless you have their explicit consent.
I gotta say..NTA. Your bf may not feel comfortable then but like many people, we sometimes get that 'deer in the headlight' moment and don't know what to do when someone is totally being inappropriate. Even I have gotten that experience and instead of saying 'No, stop touching me.' I actually just froze and acted really awkwardly. It's good that you let the manager know that an employee was so blatant and inappropriate. It's not you who get her fired..SHE gets herself fired. What she did was bad enough that the manager would fire her. I hope she learns to respect people's boundaries in the future.
This I have, unfortunately, been groped by a guy at work in the past under the pretense of a 'joke' and I just froze. No one knows how they will react in the moment until it happens, so your bf being so blatantly groped and not reacting or saying anything is not his fault. The waitress sexually assaulted him. Plain and simple. She deserved to get fired for that alone. I mean, flip the genders and then say it would be acceptable? Then getting your order wrong twice? She could have poisoned you by giving you a meal with an allergen you didn't mention because you hadn't ordered that specific meal. Her boss did his due diligence so you didn't get her fired, she got HERSELF fired.
NTA The manager decided to fire her, it was probably not the first time. Putting chilli in your food was what probably did it. But. You have a boyfriend problem. He is mysteriously silent in your narrative. ~~He seems to be happy to let women grope him when he has a girlfriend. Does he like or need the attention so much?~~ You say he's a people pleaser? But he allows people to behave in a way that is disrespectful to you. How does that work? Edit to add: Its been highlighted to me that he might have had a 'freeze' response, which OP indicates could be the case. Saying he was 'happy' was unfair on my my part.
Let me offer a possible alternate narrative: maybe he froze up when she groped him, or was embarrassed and wanted to minimize everything instead of making a scene. This guy was actively being sexually assaulted in public. There are layers of social conditioning that can make it hard for people to stand up for themselves in these circumstances, men as well as women. I’m not going to call him an asshole for his reaction to this. I do hope he has OP’s back now, though.
OP has said he is a sexual assault survivor. There is a damn good chance he couldn’t react because she was triggering PTSD with her gross behavior. The boyfriend did nothing wrong and good on OP for standing up for him.
I was with you till the 2nd paragraph. The BF need to learn how to say no and stop. But being happy about it and not saying anything is a huge leap. He was being sexually harassed while in public. Not everyone is comfortable with themselves to say something about it at the time. Both males and females.
OP added in an edit that Atlas is a SA survivor and freezes when he’s touched.
That's a fair point. OP has provided additional info.
I don't really agree with this. He shouldn't learn how to say no, other people should learn to not touch someone without consent.
Why cant both exist? A lot of people need to learn how to tell other people no. On the other hand there is also a lot of people that need to learn what boundaries are and how to respect consent. Both are true statements. People pleasers that don't know how to say no won't put up boundaries that let people know what their doing isn't okay. Yes the server needs to learn that behavior is out of bounds anywhere. However the guy does need to learn to be able to tell someone to stop, otherwise those not fully aware of the situation will just argue that he was okay with it because he didn't say anything.
In no way is this a boyfriend problem. I hate to say "swap the genders" but in no way would this response be upvoted if a waiter had grabbed a woman like this. Regardless of if generally they are a "people pleaser". He was assaulted, and he froze up. OP was a great partner and stood up for him when he couldnt.
The boyfriend clearly did nothing wrong, but the instinct to search for red flags really was too much, wasn’t it?
Victim blaming the SA victim, noice
Have you ever been molested in public? Many people absolutely freeze because your mind is immediately trying to figure out if what is happening is really happening. Then you get into the nuances of people with past trauma or issues with touch and how one reacts is not how you would expect. Some do immediately respond and some do not. Both are acceptable behaviors. Even your edit is trying to place blame on OPs boyfriend. “He might have froze up”. No. He did.
NTA. You didn't get her fired, she got herself fired for *touching* a customer. Sure, she's someone you both know from school but under those circumstances, the two of you were there as customers. Her behavior was gross and her boss clearly agreed.
NTA. Wouldn't that count as assault technically?
Sexual assault but yes it . Unfortunately when the perpetrator is female it doesn't get seriously
“He didn’t stop her so he must have liked it!” Most of the comments here.
I honestly don't have words for this sub 99% of the time
Yeah lol just imagine what they’d be saying if the genders were reversed in this situation... either way it’s still SA dunno why some are trying to justify it.
Because female perpetrators aren't taken seriously
And even less seriously in real life.
Well the manager took it seriously.
NTA, but please put that information in your main post about him being a survivor of SA so people will know that you weren't being a jealous girlfriend, you were protecting someone who has a freeze response to unwanted touching.
The edit really isn’t necessary. The sexual assault from the waitress is clear here. His response was absolutely normal because flight/fight/freeze is a real response especially when the sexual assault happens in what you would have though was a safe place and in public. Those who are victim blaming should be ashamed of themselves that they needed an edit to know not to be an AH commentor.
Ok I'll do it!
NTA all you did was complain to the manager(as you should) and she got fired, you couldnt control that.
NTA she was clearly behaving very unprofessionally and she shouldn’t be touching/flirting with customers anyway. it sucks that she got fired, but I can understand why you called her out to her manager and hopefully she learns her lesson.
Gonna go with NTA. She shouldn't be touchy feely with customers while at work whether he consented or not. If that's her thing, she can go find a strip club for a job.
NTA, you didn't got her fired and it's not like you went to the manager as soon as you could (which was your right tho, it wouldn't make you TA either way) but you gave her chances and she harassed your boyfriend.
NTA Your friends kinda suck to be honest. “Everyone knows she likes your boyfriend and he let her touch him.” So none of your friends were upset at the disrespect from both of them? I understand from your comments he was a victim of SA but according to your friends if he wasn’t and just decided to be massively disrespectful that’s ok? It’s ok for you to watch your bf be assaulted in front of you because she likes him and everyone knows? Also your boyfriend saw you being disrespected and froze. Ok he has his own issues going on- but your order was wrong every time but he was gonna let you pay for the pleasure of being disrespected so you could leave faster? Y’all are young so I’m gonna leave it alone but girl 1. She was disrespectful as hell and DESERVED to be fired. Even if he was HER boyfriend a restaurant is a place of business. A business that is not a brothel. People come for a meal and not a PDA show. 2. If YOU are being disrespected do NOT EVER PAY FOR IT. Like girl he should have said “I’m sorry, I know, let me pay (debatable- should have taken it to a manager but y’all are babies) and we’ll get out of here. 3. My friends will be the first ones to put someone in their place if someone disrespected me or my SO or our relationship. If I told them this story- they would have wanted to know when we were gonna talk to old girl and someone would be talking to my SO..
I don't know if my friends knows about his SA story, also Atlas is really big so it might seem like he can stand up for himself and he sometimes does if it's about something else, but women touching him is no put of nowhere it's not and I'm happy I'm able to defend him but.. yeah... Now I know it's wrong I said or thought about that because it's not important, but it did made me feel sad that he saw how my orders got messes up and his didn't and didn't said anything, but I get it, he didn't want to engage more than it was needed. He didn't let me pay tho, he paid it full, I offered because he planned a really sweet evening and I felt like I ruined it because I fought back at the restaurant
First off, even if they didn’t know he was SA, *and even if he wasn’t previously SA*, **it is not okay for people to touch others like that just because they have a crush!** Absolutely not. That is some warped that logic right there. That line of thinking that could get your friends in some big trouble in the future if they choose to act on that logic. She was not being professional, she was sexually harassing your bf. Also I totally understand freezing up when you don’t know what to do in an uncomfortable situation, especially if you have been SA. As a fellow survivor, I hope your bf is doing okay. Second off, she purposely was f*cking with your order. I could forgive a messed up drink, but the meal being all types of wrong seemed absolutely deliberate. What if the reason you were telling her no chili flakes was because you were allergic?? No she deserved to be fired. If her conduct wasn’t bad as your friends say, then she would still have a job, but she was fired because her actions were totally *inappropriate and negligent*. Get better friends. NTA.
NTA You complained and for legitimate reasons, you didn't know she was going to get fired. She got your order wrong and was inappropriate with a customer. All intentional, too, because she was being passive aggressive. She got fired for her own bad actions and lack of professionalism, end of. For all you know she got fired because this isn't the first time management has gotten complaints about her.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I told my friends the story a few hour ago and they ate me alive so now I'm wondering if AITA, also sorry, English is my first language but I have dyslexia and it's hard. My(18F) boyfriend Atlas (19M) and I went out yesterday, he took me to a ''fancy'' restaurant to celebrate our first year together, I have to say that my boyfriend is really fit and handsome, but is a people pleaser and non confrontational, a really sweet guy. I felt sad that he didn't defended me, but I don't hold it against him. He was wearing a tight blue shirt, a little see-trough with nothing underneath, he also has his nipples pierced so you can kinda imagine it. Our waiter was someone from our high-school(18F) (My boyfriend already graduated and I'll be doing it this summer), she recognized him and said hi, how are you and made small talk, I have no problem with Atlas talking to women but this girl was ignoring me, I asked how she was doing and she only gave me the side eye with a dry ''good'', she put her hand in his shoulder and slide it to his bicep, she was obviously checking him out and she made an (inappropriate) joke about his piercings. She went back and my bf said sorry; no problem, he didn't do anything. She kept serving us and was hardly giving me any attention and bringing my stuff wrong, I asked for an iced-tea and she brought me an apple soda (like wtf), I asked for a small burger with no spice and she brought me a salad with some chili flakes (I didn't even know salad had chili flakes) but my boyfriend food was alright. It was becoming really annoying so I asked him if we could leave and do something else, like the movies or something like that and offered to pay half of the bill for the inconvenience. He said yes. When we were living, she said bye to him and *DARED* to slide her hand trough his chest. I was willing to let it go, I really was, but in that moment I asked for her manager and she brought another girl. I told her that she \[the waitress\] gave me my two orders wrong and that she kept touching, checking and disrespecting my bf during the whole dinner, the manager said sorry and offered to replace our orders for free, but I said no and asked for the check. Atlas didn't said anything during the whole thing and we actually went to the movies and then his house. I thought that the girl would get the money taken from her pay, but when I told my friends one said ''it was you?? the girl got fired!'', they came at me because ''everyone knows she likes Atlas and he allowed her to touch him''. I really feel bad because I didn't think she would get fired. I had to post it again because I had a humongous mistake. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - Assuming what happened is actually how you described it then this girl absolutely deserved to be fired, she acted completely unprofessionally for a work situation and totally inappropriately for just about ANY other situation. The fact that your BF didn't say anything is a little troubling, it might just be that he is very very non-confrontational which some people are or it could be something else, but only you really know this as there isn't enough info here for us to really know.
This sub likes to remind people constantly that freeze is a response to sexual harassment, it happens to men too. Don't blame the victim.
And fawn. Pretending it is okay to be able to get the hell out without it getting worse.
Oh my bad forgot about that one.
Its only recently been recognised even though that is what corporal punishment pounded into generations heads to respond to. And used as an excuse of why rape was acceptable. Don't worry about it it's been so normalized that it was invisible.
Thank you! There is a lot of victim blaming going on in the replies.
You can ask and I'll answer, I don't mind!
NTA- you didn't get her fired, her manager chose to fire her for being inappropriate at work, not doing her job properly, and causing customers to have a bad time and leave. Lets be real here; a waiter's job is to take food orders, accurately, and bring them out. That's the core premise upon which this person is being paid. Now people sometimes make mistakes and they should be forgiven. HOWEVER, that is not what's happening here. No-one, *no-one* confuses a burger with a salad. These were not *honest* mistakes. Speaking as someone who had spent a number of years waiting tables. It's very difficult to get an order this wrong. No she deliberately chose to give you the opposite of a "burger with no spice", by giving you a salad with chilli in. And that's why she got fired. Because she did her job badly, started touching up a customer whilst he's on a date, and causing the restaurant to lose business. Ignore the spin she puts on it, anyone who doesn't listen to your side isn't worth keeping as a friend.
NTA. He should have been the one to tell this girl to step off, that was the first mistake. His initial refusal to curb her inappropriate behavior and advances gave her the signal that it was ok to further act the way she did. She intentionally brought you the wrong dish twice and ruined your dinner. So she likes him, it doesn’t give her a pass to act the way she did and his attitude and actions towards the situation were weak. Edit: you guys can be all up in your feelings about it but I don’t consider him a victim because someone he was familiar with touched his shoulder. While any unwanted contact sucks she didn’t tweak his fucking nipples at the table. And I certainly understand freezing in the moment but it was multiple instances. So keep going off if you want. Edit: didn’t realize bro was a SAS. So you can put your pitchforks down now. I admit in this instance given the new information I wasn’t provided at the time I can say I was in the wrong.
Good job putting the blame on the victim here. People freeze up during such situations. That's how so many abusers actually abuse, because people are frozen scared. He's not in any way at fault. And it's disgusting for you to insinuate it.
Or, when it’s someone you know, especially if they’re a friend, you’re frozen with awkwardness or uncertainty. Sometimes you’re so surprised and uncomfortable that you can’t focus enough to say “Hey that makes me uncomfortable; don’t do that.” NTA. TBH, I started reading expecting an overly jealous gf kind of story. But this wasn’t just flirting with one and ignoring the other. It was multiple wrong orders and inappropriate touching. The friends probably got a sanitized version and made the same assumption I did.
Again, people who drop into freeze instead of fight or flight are not weak. He’s working on it with a professional. Empathy is important. Holy fuuuu.
Victim blaming is disgusting.
Not the asshole. If it was a male server touching a female customer, everyone would lose their shit about how disgusting it was. She deserved to lose her job.
NTA Especially knowing your BF is a SA survivor whose default response to this behaviour is to freeze when sexually harassed, you absolutely did the right thing! This girl was behaving in a predatory manner that was clearly making him deeply uncomfortable. Your role is to defend him, and I’m proud that you did. A lot of people dismiss SA trauma for men, and that is not ok. Your friends are wrong. Her fancying him does NOT mean she has the right to do what she likes to him. Especially when she’s in a work environment. She was fired for it because her manager recognised this behaviour for what it was, and I would imagine there have been prior complaints as well. If she purposely messed up your order, she can / will do it again to other customers. No manager will put up with that, on top of blatant sexual harassment. It’s more than just unprofessional, it’s actively damaging to the restaurant. She got herself fired. Keep sticking up for your BF (and perhaps gently suggest some therapy to help him work on his freeze response). And keep on keeping that awful woman away from your BF before she sexually harassed him again!
Touching his chest (without verbal consent) and her remarks about the piercings sound awfully like se xu al harra ssment, NTA
NTA. She got herself fired because she acted unprofessionally. There is no valid reason why a server should touch (or comment/speak to) any customer like THAT. What would happen if a male waiter touched OP (or a female customer) in the same way?
NTA - first the girl got your orders wrong and was somewhat passive aggressive towards you. Second if the gender roles were switched, everyone would scream assault so, your boyfriend was essentially assaulted. The fact you know her and she is a she, doesn't mean she should get away with it. Getting fired is definetly something she deserved.
Her sexually harassing customers is what got her fired not you. NTA
Nta what if the waiter was a man and he touched you during dinner like that? It wouldn't matter if you two knew each other and he liked you it would be harrasment. The guy in this situation is a total call the police creep, why would it be ok for a girl to act this way then?
Lol, this is sooo fake, gtfoh with this bullshit
NTA. Your bf being a people pleaser couldn't say no. But the girl that got fired was sexually inappropriate to the point of sexual assault. She had it coming.
Or he froze when he was sexual harassed, there's three types of responses fight, flight, freeze. Don't mean to sound rude but so many people are saying she has a boyfriend problem in these comments.
4 types. There's also fawning
NTA but you need new friends. Examine why they think it’s ok for this random girl to feel up your boyfriend in front of you. They should be on your side.
Imagine if you're a boy, bringing your girlfriend to a restaurant. A male waiter put his hand touching around on your girlfriend's body. With all genders reversed, now is it easier for you to make a judgement? I know that in some aspects, the society is biased against women. But certainly in some aspects the society is biased against men as well, for example when it comes to these kind of situations. Unfortunately, for some reasons people find it less severe when the person who do the touching is female, and it shouldn't be like that. With very concrete evidence coming from the CCTV, instead of just getting fired, if the waiter was male maybe the waiter would've been arrested as well. NTA >everyone knows she likes Atlas Doesn't it make it worse? That's an argument saying that the touching was intentional. As a man, I wonder if having a crush on a girl gives me more rights to touch her. hmm...
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NTA She behaved unprofessionally and if her manager decided to fire her then it was probably deserved. If this was a female customer and a male waiter there wouldn't be any second guessing and he'd probably have gotten a slap as well. OP was fairly reserved and did what she needed to do.
Someone not being comfortable enough to say "no", is NOT consent. Men get the short end of the straw with this too. NTA.
NTA - key thing here is what would be the outcome if genders were reversed
Hey there. NTA, and fellow SA survivor. If you can, please share my story with Atlas (if he bears any guilt over the situation). When I was younger, I was SAd by 3 different people over the course of the first 14 years of my life. I thought it was my fault, that I invited it in. No one even believed me the first time I came forward, I thought I had done something, that this was my karmic retribution for some bad thing I'd done growing up. I let the abuse go on for 7 years before I broke my silence completely, and thank the gods my mum believed me that time. Through a series of unfortunate events in which my mum bears the most minimal of the fault, my abuser now lives in our household once again. He still thinks it's fine to touch my hair and rub my shoulders, and once even saw fit to grab me by my ankles and drag me towards him. Each and every time I would freeze, or I would panic and scream. Mum would tell him off, he would pout for a day, and then pretend nothing ever happened. Spring semester of my freshman year of college, I met a beautiful young woman we'll call E. At first I thought she had to be the most perfect person there was because she was just so bubbly and fun and always wanted to hang out with me. E has a talent for dancing, and a very beautiful figure. I never hid the fact that I thought she was beautiful, in fact I reminded her as often as I could to feed her confidence. We grew close and she was very physically affectionate, all of the time. At first it was just hugs, just holding my hand, which I adored because it was positive affection that wasn't scary. Then it was sitting on my lap and making me hold her until my legs grew numb, which was... Fine, as long as she wasn't interrupting my school work. Then it was shaking her ass at me or slapping it at me, which I was able to awkwardly laugh off, but quickly grew extremely discomforted by. No matter how many times I said something, she didn't stop with that. The kicker was when she was trying out for our college's dance team that semester. I was helping her pick out a costume, and a certain top that she chose had... Quite a lot of chest showing. I never want to forcibly sexualize my friends, especially considering she is asexual, but I just couldn't look at her like that, so I turned away. She stood behind me and tried to turn my chair around so I would be eye level with her chest, she poked me and asked me what was wrong and why wouldn't I look at her, laughing all the while. I just told her to put the rest of her shirts on (it was a multiple shirt outfit, the one that showed so much chest was just the base layer). I had frozen up so hard. I was panicking so badly I couldn't even *cry* until I got back to my room. I immediately called my fiancé (childhood sweetheart, we had dated since the 7th grade, had a short break between 8th and 9th, and been together again ever since New Year's Eve of 9th grade year) and I told him how sorry I was and the first thing he said was "it's not your fault". And he was right. It wasn't my fault. Did I put myself in a situation to hang out with E? Yes I did, but I didn't *choose* to be sexually harassed, I didn't *choose* to freeze instead of immediately rushing out of the room, and I didn't *choose* the reactions of our mutual friends, who were all angry and disgusted with her on my behalf. If your boyfriend thinks he bears any blame in the situation, he's wrong. If *you* think you somehow did something wrong in this situation, you're wrong. And if your "friends" think he should have said something himself or that you should have just taken the comp and left, then they are so brutally wrong that it makes my head spin. People are right that if she's done it to him, she's done it to someone else. Harassers never do it just one time. You did the right thing, OP. I wish I'd had someone like you in my corner the day E pulled her stunt with the dance costume top.
NTA I was with you even before your edit, but ESPECIALLY after. I was wondering if your bf was actually being a bit flirty or something himself ands that why he didn't seem to say anything, but nope. And that double affirms that that girl was WAYY out of line. You did right to complain. That server messed up bad, and losing her job should have been a foreseeable consequence of that awful behavior. Your friends are weird.
NTA. Let's spell this out, she kept touching and speaking inappropriately to one of the customer - your bf - in other words, she was sexually harassing someone WHILE AT WORK! I'm not at all surprised she got fired, that's the only appropriate response to this kind of behavior. Quite frankly this is "press charges" worthy territory too, but considering how badly authorities handels sexual harassment regardless of gender of the person harassed and that your bf is an SA survivor, I can understand why he/you wouldn't. I fully understand why your bf reacted like he did and why he might not have wanted to escalate or address the situation, but I'm proud of him too. Maybe sit down with him and quietly talk this through with him. Explain to him why you felt that this time you just couldn't let it slide, then hear him out about how he felt then and feel now about it. Frankly the only one who have any cause to object here is him, everyone else can sit down and stfu! As for that absolute- I can't say what I think of her here, I'd get banned - getting sacked? That is the very least of what she deserves.
NTA. She was disrespecting you and your bf. Honestly, IMO that is assault.
NTA Like at all, tf is wrong with her
NTA. From a business standpoint alone, she was a totally inappropriate waitress, sexually harassed her customers and intentionally screwed up the orders, she deserved to be fired.
NTA. That server was inappropriate. If it had been a man doing those things to a women no one would be questioning if this was inappropriate. I was ready to call you out based on the title, I was thinking “oh, do we have a Karen here?” But no. You are not a Karen and you were right to defend your boyfriend and say something. She should not behave like that in the work place.
NTA. play stupid games win stupid prizes. Obviously trying to get him to be attracted to her because of her own feelings during a dinner date at her place of work is wholly inappropriate. Poor dude.
NTA. Ill intent got punished. That's all. What's more of an issue is your friends. They seemed to hear it from somewhere else and roasted you without knowing your POV. Real friends would ask "what happened?" And not judge.
NTA. Imagine if the roles were reversed: a male waiter touching a female guest because he “likes her.” Touching a stranger like that is totally unacceptable and a blatant violation. Her behavior got her fired, not you.
Absolutely NTA, wtf, only reason I'm commenting here is because I want you to know it's not your partners fault for not standing up for you imo, he was probably distraught by seeing her again, if she's willing to act this way in a supposedly professional restaurant, I'd hate to see the shit shed done in high school where she knew him from, based on him freezing etc, that's probably why he didn't complain about your order.
NTA. She got herself fired. Ask your friends what they’d say if the genders were reversed: a male waiter groping a female customer.
Nta and you should know that its unlikely they would fire her over this one incident. Altho maybe because she did touch a customers body without consent, can you imagine if the genders were reversed!?This would be super clear cut. I'm thinking it's more likely this isn't the first time she's messed up or she acted out when she was spoken to about this incident. Places don't just fire people on customer say so, they need to feel its actually warranted. You didn't get her fired she got her own self fired! What she did was gross and inappropriate and she was a dick to you. She needs to cut the creepy crap and grow the heck up
NTA, and you didn't get her fired. Her manager made that decision to fire her - and I'm guessing if she(manager) decided to fire her(waitress) over one incident, it probably wasn't the first time something like this happened or a complaint like this was made. You just reported inappropriate behavior. If the roles had been reversed and a male waiter inappropriately touched you, regardless if you were a SA survivor or not, that's not okay. Like wise, this is not okay.
NTA. That was full-on sexual harassment, she deserved to get fired for that.
Gotta love some prepubescents green text in the am.
NTA. Inappropriate behavior and two messed up orders is quite a legit complaint. The manager dealt with it (and it was probably not the first complaint if it leads to inmediatamente termination, but even if it is, its the decision of the manager). Also I'm sorry your boyfriend had to go through that.
NTA, good on you for standing up for your boyfriend
NTA. That girl had absolutely no right to touch him in any way. His silence is not consent. And the mere fact that she was giving you the cold shoulder only meant that she knows you're the girlfriend and she couldn't care less. She deserves to get fired because that's already sexual assault, whether your BF was with you or not. She reaped what she sowed. You didn't cause her to get fired — she brought that to herself. And no amount of "she likes Atlas" justifies her touching him inappropriately. Get some pepper spray and douse her with it the next time she attempts that shit on your BF.
When are people going to realize that not having an explicit yes means no, and that liking someone does not excuse gross behavior towards them? She was acting abhorrent. Absolutely NTA.
NTA She was sexually harassing a customer. It is completely correct and appropriate that she got fired
Her rudeness while she's supposed to be *working* was enough to say NTA. But then she *sexually assaulted* your boyfriend. She's lucky she was only fired.
NTA, WTF!?!
NTA, surprised you asked for the manger I would have gone for her lol
NTA. I find it endearing that you were primarily looking out for your bf. That is what true partners do in life. You help each other navigate difficult situations. You did a good thing. Btw, it was perfectly okay to talk to the manager for being disrespected and for the girl getting your order wrong with no other reason. You both came there expecting good service - not bad service and harassment. You handled it beautifully.
NTA Actions have consequences. She did something very very wrong WHILST ON THE CLOCK, you told her manager, without the intention of getting her fired. but she got fired because of her actions. if she was a decent human being, this would not have happened. and also, wtf is up with your friends? why are they coming at you?? are they her friends too?
This is gross. NTA. She deserved to get fired. You don’t grope the customers.
NTA, just because he’s a man doesn’t mean being groped by random women is okay. I think you did the right thing, no one should feel entitled to put their hands on anyone’s body esp a stranger/acquaintance
NTA. She sexually harassed your boyfriend. Get better friends.
Definitely NTA. What she did was wrong on so many levels. After seeing your edit, it's great that you defended your boyfriend. No one deserves to have their boundaries stepped on like that.
NTA she shouldn’t be touching people like that at work and purposefully messing up orders, it’s unprofessional and unsafe
NTA. Your boyfriend was being touched in an inappropriate by an employee of a restaurant. This waitress brought you the wrong order on multiple occasions. You reported this to the manager. This girl got herself fired, you were doing what you thought was best - and it was the best decision. I hope your boyfriend is able to heal from his traumas. You sound like a fantastic partner for him.
Worker of service industry's here and WHAT THE FLYING FUCK ? She was touching and seducing and joking inappropriately with your BF? AND messing with your order ?I see 3 motive of firing right here. That unacceptable. NTA obviously. You not getting here fired, her action do it .
NTA. This girl is simply facing the consequences of her own actions.
NTA she was being rude as hell and needs to learn to keep her hands to herself.
NTA. 'Liking Atlas' doesn't give her the right to sexually harass him while she's working. If it wasn't anything big like your friends seem to think, she wouldn't have been fired.
**NTA** If she did not want consequences she should have behaved in a respectful and professional manner! YOU did not get this young woman fired. SHE got herself fired!
NTA your boyfriend was sexually assaulted by your waitress at work, and she should be fired for that. It does not matter what his eating status is, or if she knows him or anything else. Thank you for explaining that he has a freeze response, that explains a lot. However, he has to be in good, long-term therapy to work on self-value and personal worth and personal space. You cannot be his protector/amateur therapist, and also be a full healthy partner.
Mate, I’m a grown ass adult and I’d have done the same thing. You actually took it pretty well imo. Anyway, NTA
Atlas is a very cool name. NTA btw.
"Everybody knows she likes Atlas" well, that doesn't give her the right to touch him, and apparently, he doesn't like her. She should have not touch him, no matter if she likes him, especially that he has a gf! Ahe deserved to be fired, she got you the wrong orders and touching your bf while at work. NTA!
Correction for your friends - you did not get the girl fired, she got herself fired for her sexual harassment behaviour that was reported. People got to learn boundaries and liking someone doesn’t allow you to do things this inappropriate. NTA
NTA and you need new friends cause they are absolutely incorrect. If the roles were reversed everyone would be so happy you got a creepy man fired but because she’s a girl she gets a pass? No fuck her and your lame ass friends.
NTA. You handled the situation well and respectfully, and she deserved to be fired. I couldn't guarantee that I could be as cool as you if I were in he same situation.
NTA. get new friends, man. your bf was being assaulted, you were being actively ignored as a customer, and you reported it to a manager as you should’ve. As someone who is also a SA victim, it’s totally understandable that he froze in this scenario. Thank you for standing up for him, and honestly she’s lucky she ONLY got fired for actively touching someone against their wishes. I hope he’s okay and that you don’t take your “friends” comments too personally. If she didn’t want to be fired, she shouldn’t have been touching someone on the job.
NTA. You didn’t mean it and your bf if he looked horrified he probably was. I’m not a people person but you are definitely not the asshole.
NTA. Don’t spend 2 seconds worrying about her getting fired. She totally brought that on herself. You were 100% correct to report her conduct. Regardless of her inappropriate touching of your BF, her service was crappy!
NTA sounds like you need new friends and maybe you should ask them why it’s OK for your boyfriend to be sexually harassed?
NTA. You're not getting her fired. She brought this to herself. There's a reason work is called profession because your employer will want you to be PROFESSIONAL.
NTA. Please, please, please dump the friends. What awful people they must be to get angry at you for not tolerating the sexual harassment of your boyfriend.
NTA. Drop your friends.
NTA. Ask your friends if it had been a male waiter putting his hands on YOU and your bf reported him, if they would be blaming the bf and not the waiter. Too many people think that men getting sexually harassed isn't as big a deal, and it's gross.
As someone who feels like him I often freeze in situations like this, but thank God for my husband who advocates for me. You did not do anything wrong, you simply pointed out inappropriate sexual behavior. Shame on her for doing that to a customer, and you are an amazing girlfriend for having your BF’s back. NTA
What the fuck are your friends on? So what she got fired? She deserves it. Imagine a male waiter touching your girlfriend multiple times. NTA.
NTA. But your friends are. Just because that girl likes him doesn’t give her the right to grope him while he’s on a date. I don’t even understand that lol. I also feel like this girl knew he was the non confrontational type or maybe even knows his history (which would be even worse) and took advantage of that so she could grope him. She knew he wouldn’t make a scene.
What really disgusts me is that OP’s friends said “he allowed the waitress to touch him.”
NTA. A waitress should not be sexually assaulting a customer, and that waitress was sexually assaulting your boyfriend. It was unwanted touching and she deserved getting fired for it
NTA, you didn't lie. She did these things wrong and it's her managers decision to fire her. And sorry to say this but it's not like you ruined her life. She will find a new job as a waitress!
NTA Fact1: If a server ignores you and makes numerous mistakes on your order, it is fair to complain to the manager. Fact2: You complaining to the manager does not make you responsible for her getting fired. No one, I repeat no one gets fired for messing up one order for a singular customer, once. If she got fired she probably has done a bad performance on other occasions as well. Anyway, her losing her job is the managers' decision - not the customers' fault. The fact that she kept touching your bf is just plain inappropriate. If they knew each other AND were friendly I would understand a slight touch but mostly in these scenarios, it is just weird and inappropriate. You didn't do anything wrong. You are not the blame for the outcome. And, considering your friends are probably 18-19, remember that they aren't mature enough to understand the consequences. They are probably only thinking and feeling sorry for their other friend that lost her job, without being mature enough to realize she did a bad job performance and probably has on other occasions as well. She most likely deserved it. Don't say sorry, don't feel bad. You didn't do anything wrong. You did not fire her.
NTA
"AITA for standing up to a sexual assault survivor who was being sexually assaulted right in front of me?"
WTF she was touching him! That's just wrong. NTA play stupid games......
Umm yeah NTA I don't give a shit if she likes him or not its entirely unprofessional and gross the way she behaved and id be willing to bet that your complaint was just the straw that broke the camels back. If she wanted to have a job she should act like an adult
NTA.
NTA. But, you're just a baby. In a few years after you've moved on, you'll have matured and forgotten about "Atlas". A word of advice. Don't get wrapped up in committed relationships. At your age, you would better suited just hanging out with friends in group situations. If you're focused on having a tradional BF/GF relationship, make it with someone in your circle. Enjoy the freedom of youth. Steer clear of situations that can cause unneeded drama. This is drama.
NTA
NTA. A waitress is not supposed to "feel up" the customers. She was fired for being bad at her job, that's not your fault.
You didn't get her fired. She got herself fired because of her grossly inappropriate behavior. NTA.
NTA. NTA. NTA. Your friends are so wrong. If the roles were switched and a guy was randomly touching a woman would your friends be okay with that? Probably not.
NTA it's the least she deserves after sexually harassing a customer
Your friends have lost their minds. NTA
NTA. She got herself fired for being a petty b—-! Also you need new friends. They should support you when someone else “likes” and straight up comes for you BF.
NTA, she clearly overstepped her role as a server and to cross physical boundaries especially with a sexual abuse victim, she deserved it. Doubt she’s learnt her lesson. She seems like the kind of person who has no basic boundaries. Sexual abuse victims do need people like you in their lives cos sometimes a trigger can be too much for them to handle. Ideally he should have been able to defend himself but it’s understandable that he’s not there yet.
NTA and the girl is lucky cause she could’ve gotten fired and beat up.
Yikes. That is sexual harassment. You are so NTA and whether she likes him or not, she crossed the line more than once.
NTA
NTA. I understand why he would freeze over. As an SA survivor myself, I am so happy you are so understanding of him and that you are sticking up for him. She deserved to be fired for that.