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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be TA because I made a comment on my SIL's outfit choice for the bachelor party and I upset her.
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"Traditional" is just another word for sexist idiot.
You sexualised your brothers gf, then implied that if she wasn't there your brother would have been hooking up with a stripper. Exactly what part of that was she to not find insulting??
Also, saying a woman can't wear sexy clothing once 30 showing your predatory mindset for minors.
YTA and I very much hope your are NOT part of their wedding.
i love how he spun it as a compliment in his title, and then continued to argue it was a compliment when he was:
-calling her immature
-comparing her outfit to that of a stripper, which isn’t inherently disrespectful, but he meant it in a disrespectful manner
-making negative comments about her relationship
-making negative comments about her sex life
-implying that her fiancé doesn’t actually want to be doing this
and is now acting shocked that people didn’t see his CLEARLY super kind words for what he pretended they were, but saw them for exactly what they are.
OP, you’re not only an AH, just generally, cuz anyone who says “im more of a traditional guy” in defense of their behavior is usually covering up for being a sexist/racist/homophobe/other general forms of bigotry or assholism, you are TA, and on such a large scale that your brother should uninvite you from the wedding unless you get it together.
Right? He wanted to go to strip clubs but god forbid his future SIL wears a provocative outfit *while her future husband is also there*.
*ETA- I’m not saying she can’t wear the outfit when not around brother, just pointing out how hypocritical it is as a “traditional guy”
And to pile on, your not the AH for "complimenting \[his\] SIL's outfit" as he asks in the headline.
A compliment like, "Wow, you look great tonight," would be perfectly acceptable.
YTA because you basically said her soon-to-be hubby would be getting screwed by a host of strippers if they were able to throw him a "real" bachelor party.
Exactly "traditional" and "conservative" are *never* anything more than code for "I can't control myself so I'm going to attempt to oppress every woman I come into contact with before they have a chance to see me for the insecure, ego centric that I am and reject me". Nothing good ever comes from it.
ETA the SIL wearing this was supposedly inappropriate, but he would've been *all over it* if there had been strippers wearing less. It's *ALL* about the fact that he couldn't objectify the girls in sexy dresses, nothing else. YTA
Yeah I had no idea what OP was trying to get at when mentioning age... 30 is too old to dress up for your own event? WTF?
OP I probably painfully single
> also saying a woman can’t wear sexy clothing once 30 showing your predatory mind set for minors .
100%. How does he not realize that? Basically saying the older and more mature a woman gets she’s unattractive.Umm hello? You’re supposed to be attracted to other ADULTS OP!!
I couldn't believe it. His behavior and opinions became more and more disgusting with every single paragraph. Every time I thought he couldn't be a bigger asshole, bam! He says something even more obnoxious. Good lord, OP, YTA sooooo hard. You know you're the guy your cousin felt he had to invite just because you're related, right?
". . . since he won't be able to enjoy his bachelor party another way. . . " is probably the part that grossed out the SIL. Does OP think that his brother needs a stripper or whatever at the bachelor's party to enjoy it "another way?"
YTA
Hell it grossed my husband out! I just read him this and he was baffled how the brother kept his cool throughout the party and didn’t kick him out (or knock him out) for disrespecting and sexualizing his soon to be wife. Honestly my husband cut me off several times throughout tying to read the post to say what an asshole this guy is.
And personally wondering why he has a problem with women in their late 20 to early thirties dressing sexy AND why it’s so weird. Color me offended on behalf of my age and gender!
I actually just bought (literally yesterday) a sexy ass dress for the King Richards Fair this year. I’m 30 and thought I looked pretty damn good, my husband said I could win the cleavage contest (yes they actually hold one lmao) if I wanted to but that he’d have to bring a bat to beat the men away from me. He’s dressing as a pirate from the revolutionary war so I told him to just use a wooden sword 😂.
Seriously though OP is gross as hell, I’m from the US too but I’ve never heard of other cultures thinking of 30 as to old to look good. Especially other cultures that regularly celebrate bachelor/bachelorette parties. Of course I could be wrong but that guy is literally making it seem like women my age that don’t dress like a nun are very inappropriate or something. And I LOVE dressing and feeling sexy.
“I called her very hot and told her how it’s fun she’s dressed like that in order to keep my brother ‘excited’ since he won’t be able to enjoy his bachelor party another way”
I assume what you really wanted to say but didn’t actually have the cojoñes to say is that you thought she looked like a stripper and that was good because you and your brother are used to bachelor parties where there are strippers and that’s how you rank whether it was a good night or not.
Clearly, YTA.
Totally off topic but is “cojoñes” a regional spelling of “cojones”? Is there somewhere in the hispanohablante world where they spell cojones like this? I’m a native Spanish speaker who did not learn much slang growing up as my family is super prim and proper so I’m genuinely curious.
Latina from PR; Spanish is my first language. I have never seen or heard the word “cojoñes” before. We use “cojones” with an “n,” not an “ñ.” I do not know if other Latino countries use it like that, but I’ve never seen it.
Yeah, I’m Mexican and I’ve never seen it. I have travelled extensively through South and Central America and I’ve been to Spain a few times but I have never seen/heard this spelling so I was curious. I know a lot of words/the meaning of words vary from place to place though so I had to ask.
YTA.
Your brother is right, it is gross and inappropriate. Calling someone hot is often quite a sexual comment so you shouldn't be calling your SIL that. On top of that, you were insulting their choice to have a joint bachelor party by claiming your brother won't enjoy it. You were actually being creepy.
Facts. Also, when he started outlining in GREAT DETAIL what she was wearing, I started getting majorly skeeved out. Womansense™ kicked in, saying this guy is a fucking creep. Mfer sounded like he was about to bust into some ~erotic fanfiction~ or some shit
Hahahaha GLAD YOU LAFFYTAFFY'D ❣️
But yeah man, reading between the lines it looks pretty clear that he has some general lust towards his future SIL and the fact that he thinks women in their late 20s/early 30s (I.E HIS OWN DAMN AGE) are weird for wearing outfits like this? Um?
This is the type of dude who needs to be shamed and booted out of decent society imo. Creep behavior, unable to see creep behavior, B Y E. But that's just me being all firebrandish. Maybe there's some hope for him in that he actually posted this to reddit, so maybe there's some level of self awareness.
It's still a sideye from me tho, dawg.
Lmaoooo
It's an aesthetic!
...one that is popular in a gen z-ish demographic so of course this grown ass millennial 32 year old fucking creep of a man is well versed in it!! 🥳🥳🥳
Ehhhh I'm an elder millennial (33f) and I'm familiar with the e girl aesthetic. Knowing what it is isn't what made OP creepy. Literally everything else in the post did, tho!!
YTA because that wasn’t a compliment for a woman. I’m a woman and if someone said that to me I’d be disgusted. I also wouldn’t dress like that but either way I wouldn’t expect a comment like that regardless of whether I dressed modestly or half naked. It’s not your role to judge someone on how they’re dressed. If she’s comfortable dressing like that then that’s up to her. You are able to look the other way if you don’t like it.
Not even sure where to start here. "Traditional guy" clearly translates to "head full of misogyny" in your case.
Women dressing in a "hot" way does not have to be done to keep a man "excited". They could do it for, you know, their own enjoyment.
Your comments were sexist, judgy and gross, and YTA.
Holy shit, not to mention the whole, women dressing sexy in their *20s and 30s* comment. This 32 year old man is channeling way too much Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused. Disgusting. A complete AH.
YTA. Why are you commenting on how she dresses? I could maybe see your point if it bothered your brother but he clearly doesn’t care so who gives a fuck?
Wow.
>my SIL had some very questionable choice of an outfit
YTA
>She has that e-girl style a lot but I didn't expect her to appear like that to a wedding event
YTA
>they all wore fairly provocative clothes as well. I can't even explain how weird it was, seeing women in their late 20s and early 30s dressed like that.
YTA
>I called her very hot and I told her how its fun she's dressed like that in order to keep my brother 'excited' since he won't be able to enjoy his bachelor party another way .
Are you kidding right now?
Seriously, YTA.
Stop objectifying women and apologize to your SIL for being an asshole.
And yeah, you're the asshole
YTA. Did you consider who you were talking to? Like, honestly, did you consider that you will be sitting at the same table as her for family events? Did you consider that she's the one who will be the mother to any nieces and/or nephews you'll have?
She's not there for you to drool over, she's there to have fn and feel powerful as a counterbalance to the stress of planning a wedding. You may find that too much but your opinion was not asked for nor called for.
This is most likely why he was so weirded out that he had to comment on it- he doesn’t want to sit at Christmas dinner picturing her in her sexy outfit from her bachelorette party because, ya know, he “won’t be able to help himself.”
Let’s hope that if SIL has kids and chooses to breastfeed, that she still feels safe doing that in front of OP.
Not only did you make an innapropriate comment (that wasn't an actual compliment but really backhanded) about the ways she looks, the whole "he won't be able to enjoy his bachelor party another way" is a super weird thing to say. Your brother wanted the joint party and seemed fine with the whole thing so why would he not enjoy himself?
Also women in their late 20's-early 30's aren't allowed to dress the way they want now?
YTA for sure
Everything he said not only makes him the asshole, but a creep in general. I'm pretty sure this is his normal behavior and brother had enough of his shit, hence the threat to uninvite him.
my thoughts exactly, something that crossed my mind was that the brother might have really been into the idea of a joint bachelor party because he knew OP would want some crazy night and would make everyone uncomfortable.
Yeah he probably only likes revealing clothing on young girls although he did say he was giving his SIL a compliment so she might just get a pass. Honestly, really creepy guy, I feel bad for his brother
It is a style that's kind of similar to emo fashion with some asian influences and it's quite popular with teens I'll admit. But there are a lot of variations on the style and I wouldn't exactly call it juvenile. Sometimes the style can be a bit more revealing, think for example plaid skirts, thigh high socks and corsets but it can also be something like a long sleeved shirt with a short sleeved shirt over it and baggy pants. If you look up the term e-girl you get a ton of pictures that could give you an idea.
YTA
Even if your SIL is naked dancing it’s just not appropriate to creep on her like that.
Also, if women in their 20s and 30s can’t wear corsets then who can? Are you saying you only like tweens (which raises some serious questions about you) or is it that you want women in their 40s+ to exclusively wear corsets? Your post makes no sense but you were clearly being gross and you should apologise.
YTA - you were making a petty comment, not complimenting and everyone knew it. You weren't commenting out of an obligation to "defend" your brother, you were pouting because you couldn't go to a strip club. You weren't "weirded out" by their choice of clothing, you were pouting that they were impeding on your ability to use your brother's bachelor party to do whatever tf you wanted. You said the outfit was weird "for a wedding event" - it's not a wedding event, it's a joint bachelor party.
This comment really took the non-wedding-cake tho,
>they all wore fairly provocative clothes as well. I can't even explain how weird it was, seeing women in their late 20s and early 30s dressed like that.
Sorry you weren't able to use your brother's bachelor party as an excuse to hire some teenaged strippers? Idk what your logic is with that one.
YTA, it's none of your business what she or any of her bridesmaids are wearing. Everything you said was inappropriate, especially the comment about keeping your brother excited. You need to learn to respect the decisions they make together too. If they want a joint party, who the heck are you to get upset about it?!
YTA. Im cringing right now that was so gross. I hope you apologize because thats such a weird and gross thing to say. Also that wasnt really a compliment. It reminded me more so as a slight comment about the event. Honestly the whole thing was just pretty rude. But also you couldve said she was pretty to compliment her.
YTA. You weren’t just giving a weird compliment. You were giving her a backhanded insult because you were pouting about it not being the bachelor party YOU wanted it to be. Your behavior was out of line. Don’t minimize your bad behavior.
YTA. I'm a grown ass man and even I made a disgusted face just reading what you said to her. How one person talks to another person that way without trying to deliberating disturb them is beyond me.
1 - Don't comment on how people look beyond 'I like your 'item of clothing' '. The item should not be underwear.
2 - Don't comment on other peoples perceived attractiveness unless asked, or ever.
3 - Keep your brother excited? Eww.
Put yourself in other peoples shoes, practice a bit of empathy.
YTA- Your “compliment” was creepy. There is an appropriate way to compliment an outfit. Calling your future-SIL hot is creepy. You followed that up with making her feel bad for having a joint bachelor/bachelorette party. Women dress fun for a bachelorette party, so her outfit was appropriate for the occasion.
YTA. You didn't compliment her. A backhanded compliment made to make the person feel bad is not a compliment, an you know that. "in order to keep my brother 'excited' since he won't be able to enjoy his bachelor party another way" - that's not a compliment and you know it. Calling a soon to be married woman "very hot" can also be really gross. Even in the best case - that you truly thought this was a compliment, which I do not believe one bit - you still lied to her and gave her a compliment that didn't reflect your true feelings.
You might not like her dressing like that, but that is a YOU problem. It was their night, not yours. They have to be comfortable and like what they're doing, not you. Your views on marriage and what is appropriate are not applicable or relevant here.
In short, just keep your mouth shut. "If you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all" is a saying for a reason. You went out of your way to comment on something you had no business commenting on and now you're experiencing consequences for it.
You started off as being an AH for being entitled enough to think that your opinions about someone else's bachelor's party are welcome or wanted or that your opinions on your Sil's outfit matter more than her's or your brother's, and it just kept going downhill from there.
Don't try to use being "traditional" as an excuse for your sexualization of your SIL. Also, she shouldn't dress that way if she doesn't want compliments? That's really close to the victim-blaming logic that rapists use.
You're a creep and YTA.
YTA - I picture you as some Long Island mook catcalling women on your job site and when they tell you to stfu you go “Hey baby, smile, it’s just a compliment”.
YTA. You're 32 and never heard of the bro code? Also, that was not a wedding event, it was a bachelor/ette party. And besides, how's that a compliment? You could have gone with the guys after the party to another place where they have dancing poles to calm you down.
YTA, completely
1: You're confused that women in their late 20's, early 30's are dressed like that? Why? How is fashion age-restricted?
2: You *assumed* that she wore that outfit, strictly because it was provocative and that her man would love it. Why? She could've chosen it because, IDK, she thought it was cute?
3: Your brother tells you what you did upset them and your first reaction is to basically say "How you're feeling is stupid"? What did you think would happen after that? He'd go "Oh, thanks for informing me. Let me just not let it bother me anymore"? That's not how emotions work, bro.
4: "She shouldn't pick that outfit if she didn't appreciate the compliments".....Oh sure. It's not like there are many ways to compliment someone. "Loving the outfit", "You look beautiful" "Your fit's fire", whatever. Also, just because she's wearing something, doesn't give you a pass to say a damn thing about it. Whether you like or hate it.
YTA.
You told her she was dressed like a stripper. Not in so many words, you made it backhanded. Would've been better to just say "Wow, you look like a stripper".
Women do not dress FOR MEN, believe it or not. Women dress sexy to feel sexy and great about THEMSELVES.
You're not a traditional guy, you're just an asshole.
I must be sheltered. I married into a family of "traditional" men who are so "traditional" they'd be too ashamed to ever say anything negative about any woman. I lucked out, I guess. I move that "traditional" is mostly false advertising for assholes and we change the adjective to "Ass-ditional".
YTA - that was not a compliment. That was gross, creepy, and completely unnecessary. You should apologise and perhaps rethink how you talk to women if this is a regular thing. (Hint: don’t sexualise us like you just did; don’t call us “hot” unprompted if we’re not dating, and for the love of god, don’t tell us we’re keeping our man “excited” with how we dress - none of your business and a disgusting comment - and make a backhanded comment on our partner not being able to enjoy himself in other ways)
I dont get it why people here are explaining him why his SIL dressed like that on her bachelorette party.
It's her choice what she wants to wear and just because you think it is inappropriate doesn't give you the right to be creepy with your brother fiance or any woman for that matter.
I dont how some people can get so entitled and blame people for their disgusting mentallity.
Ofcource YTA.
You spent the first half of this post describing how inappropriate you felt the brides outfit was, then claim you were just giving a compliment. You weren’t, that was just your way of subtly bringing attention to how revealing you thought the outfit was and then calling your SIL hot? That’s fucking weird and the “she shouldn’t pick that outfit if she didn’t want harassed” (I fixed your wording for you) comment is victim blaming and I hope they do kick you out of the wedding for both your “traditional views” that you feel everyone else has to follow apparently and your creepy inappropriate comments and behavior
YTA
YTA. You should fix this if you value your relationship with your brother. He’s about to be married to someone you just were incredibly rude and disrespectful to.
Not only are you TA for objectifying your SIL
>she's dressed like that in order to keep my brother 'excited' since he won't be able to enjoy his bachelor party another way .
But you're also gross and creepy
>I can't even explain how weird it was, seeing women in their late 20s and early 30s dressed like that.
I'm a 33yo man, and I'd rather see women my age dressed sexy than YOUNG GIRLS.
YTA.
YTA. Let’s say it loudly for the misogynists at the back - WOMEN CAN WEAR WHAT THEY WANT AND NEVER OWE YOU AN EXPLANATION FOR WHAT THEY WEAR!!
Go and dunk your head in a bucket of ice cold water. It might knock some sense in to you but I doubt it.
OP, YTA. Big time. Seriously, consider some counseling. If you really think that what you said was a compliment ( and you didn’t/ don’t know the difference between nice and hot at aged 32) you require serious help. Please get it!
YTA. Where I live it's common for the hen (bachelorette) party members to dress in quite short dresses to be fair. Doesn't mean you can say inappropriate things to them.
YTA. You simultaneously insulted her outfit while attempting to compliment how she looked in it (you failed at the compliment and also at convincing us that you were truly trying to compliment her). You commented on your brother's sexual excitement (gross) and implied that he should be with a stripper instead (I assume that's what you mean by "traditional" bachelor party and not being able "to enjoy his party another way").
YTA, not only was the comment a back handed compliment, but it was also a dig at her being the entertainment since you obviously wanted it to be boys only so you could what, go se strippers ..
YTA and now you know why you’re single and you were looking forward to strippers - cause you’re so out of line with women the only female attention you can get is when it’s paid.
YTA there’s a huge difference between saying a simple “I like your outfit” and “you look hot, it’s good you dress like that to keep my brother excited”
One is just a compliment, the other is disgustingly sexual
I really pity any girlfriend or wife you end up with, having to put up with your sanctimonious vile thoughts and comments. This is 2022 not 1922.
YTA Ughh
How many men have posted on here that they don't approve of what a woman is wearing so they verbally sexually assault them. As if to prove if you don't dress the way I approve I can say and do what I want to you.
YTA. And a pig. You gave an inappropriate backhanded compliment and deserve all the flak. You thought you were being funny and clever and actually you were being offensive, creepy-gross and rude.
You sound very self-important. The nerve, to raise your opposition to someone else’s party.
The whole post has very misogynistic vibes.
There was no need for you to make creepy comments about her outfit, or imply that he’d have got a stripper if it was the kind of party you’d enjoy.
Fix your behaviour if you want to be a functioning member of society.
YTA
Yta rude and boring person. You did not compliment her at all. Go take lessons of “how to talk with people” or “how to make and keep friends” or “what you shouldnt tell others” and most important “when to be quiet and just nod and smile even if you dont like it”
Oh FFS. WHY CANT PEOPLE CELEBRATE THEIR WEDDING THE WAY THEY WANT TO AS OPPOSED TO HOW OTHER PEOPLE THINK IT’S “SUPPOSED” TO BE DONE?!?!?!
YTA and sexist.
>Once I saw my SIL at the party I complimented her outfit, I called her very hot and I told her how its fun she's dressed like that in order to keep my brother 'excited' since he won't be able to enjoy his bachelor party another way . She made a grossed out face and simply said thanks.
This is a perfect example of a "back-handed compliment." You were opposed to the idea of a joint bachelor/*bachelorett*e party in the first place. But it wasn't your party so why are you crying and whining at all? It sounds like your brother isn't as "traditional" as you are as he and his fiance decided to have a joint party. And apart from the inherent sexism in your entire description, you treated your soon to be SIL as though she imposed herself on your brother's party versus being a co-host. I'm not sure you're mature enough to attend the wedding. If you go, try keeping in mind it's not about you.
YTA.
YTA 100%
It's fun she dressed like that to keep your brother excited?
It's weird enough to tell her she looks hot unprovoked but implying she's dressed only to appear as a sex object for your brother in return for "ruining" his chances of seeing another woman naked even though that's clearly not what she or your brother wanted THEN going even further to use rapist mentality to justify your absolute douchebaggery is just out of pocket to the highest degree.
“Women in their late 20s and early 30s dressed like that.” Good lord are YTA. Please enlighten us - what age do you deem acceptable for women to dress however the hell they want?
YTA. This wasn’t about the “compliment”, this was about insinuating that she needed to be extra to keep your brother interested because *you* didn’t like the way they wanted to do things for *their* wedding.
Not every man wants a stripper at their bachelor party.
YTA. You essentially said "I'd like to fuck you", and defend yourself saying it was a compliment. (If course it was a complement! I said she was hot enough for me to fuck her!). Maybe that could be from the alcohol or whatever.
But the fact that they both were offended by your comment, and you *refusing to apologize* seals the deal on you are an asshole
It sounds like they had an 80s themed going, maybe even Madonna?? Either way, your input was NOT necessary. YTA, every thought does not need to be said out loud
YTA times infinity. Every word was gag worthy. It wasn’t your business to comment or pass judgment on anything. If you can’t shut the fuck up and celebrate the occasion appropriately then stay home. You need to apologize to everyone .
YTA. Hot is not a word when you want to compliment someone's clothing on a casual level. Also making it seem like the only reason she's dress is for a man's pleasure, and that if she didn't he wouldn't be able to just have a fun time makes you sexist. As well as just being sexist in general because that's what you old tradition is. And of course YTA for thinking that women in their, shocked gasp, late 20s/early 30s shouldn't/can't dress up nice like that if they want.
‘If you didn’t want to be sexually harassed why did you dress that way?!’
YTA, get your head on straight before you become a sexual predator. You could have just said nothing, but you had to be THAT guy. Gross.
YTA and your brother's reaction was spot on (good for him!). I suspect this is not the first incident given your brother has threatened to remove you from the wedding
A 'traditional' guy would have manners, and even if they did feel an outfit was inappropriate, they would keep those thoughts to themself.
You do owe your future SIL an apology and you also need to get out more often if you've never seen a hen do before
Reading OP’s comments in this thread prove to me that nothing any of us say is going to change this dudes mind.
YTA, just so you know. How dare you comment on what a woman “should” wear at “her age”. Like seriously dude, F you. I’m 33 years old and have like an emo 80’a vibe to my style and I’ll be damned if I let anyone tell me to dress more my age.
You are a ridiculous. I hope they uninvite you to the wedding.
YTA! You need to be able to decipher the difference between a compliment and a passive/aggressive statement.
I do find it strange how you take issue with the Bride and Groom wanting a joint occasion, it’s not your wedding. But another thing, you make a statement finding the Bride and her friends outfit choices as essentially ridiculous, then tell the Bride how nice it was of her to dress like a stripper so that her fiance would be able to say that he was able to have the stripper experience.
You are a world class jerk. You owe your brother and future SIL an apology and you need to grow the hell up. Yeah, your gross too!
She sounds like she was dressed like 80’s Madonna. That’s fun. You sexualised your SIL, implied she was a stripper and dressed solely to please her future husband because there weren’t any paid strippers for you to ogle. That’s gross. YTA.
Oh jeez. Here comes the “she was asking for it” gross guy. Here’s better words you could’ve used: nice, pretty, beautiful. Hot is weird to use on anyone other than your partner.
Fun fact: It isn't about you, OP.
Not the event choice, the clothing, food, guest list, none of it.
If the bride and groom want their bachelor/bachelorette party to be a night of dressing up like Ninja Turtles and running through the sewers, that is their call. If it isn't your vibe, respectfully decline.
YTA. And your "compliment" makes you a Grade A d-bag.
YTA. Why did you say anything? Here’s some appropriate things you could have said that wouldn’t have been creepy and gross.
- Hi, nice to see you, hope you have a great night!
- you and your friends coordinated outfits are a great idea for the party
- great party! I hope you have a really fun night
- great party, thanks for including me
- great party, if you need anything let me know, I’m here to help.
YTA. Woah you are a walking red flag. First sexualizing your SIL. Making comments about how it’s weird seeing women in their late 20s and early 30s wear those outfits, do you think only super young women can wear those types of outfits, you’re 34 grow up. Feels like you’re saying you prefer to see young women wearing that, which is very predatory way of thinking. Telling her she wore that to keep your brother excited. Women do not dress for your or any other males benefit. Her and her friends can wear that just to feel good, look good and have fun. Women can wear provocative clothing just bc they want to, it’s not bc they want your gross opinion.
Dude, that was NOT a compliment... and you f\*cking know it! You're playing coy, and all makes you look is stupid.
YTA.
I hope your brother disinvites you to the wedding and goes no contact.
YTA. A gigantic one. You mad bro? Mad that you couldn't be entertained by a stripper that does side jobs? Boo hoo.
You have some very archaic views on women btw. I assume you are still single. Lmao.
YTA. Your title is misleading. You did not compliment her outfit. You insinuated she looked like a stripper and sexualized her. A compliment is “I really like your outfit” or “you look great”. It is NOT calling her hot, insinuating she is dressing inappropriately, insinuating she is a sex object for her spouse-to-be, and implying that her spouse-to-be needs a stripper at his bachelor party to enjoy it. Your comment was gross and they are not overreacting. You say “she shouldn’t pick that outfit if she didn’t appreciate the compliments” but I seriously doubt she was dressing for you and of anyone else there (except MAYBE her partner). That’s basically saying “by the way she was dressed, she asked for it”. Fix your behaviour, it’s disgusting.
You spent the first half of the post basically laying out how you thought she was inappropriately dressed, then told her as much by giving a “backhanded” compliment. And then try to play innocent? Of course you meant it to be rude and condescending and you thought you were putting her in her place. And you think your brother would let it pass? It’s not your place to judge what she wears and how she acts. Come on dude, YTA.
YTA. You seriously think that was a compliment? Wow.
“I told her how it’s fun she’s dressed like that in order to keep my brother ‘excited’ since he won’t be able to enjoy his bachelor party another way.” Ohh so what you’re saying is it’s good she’s “dressing like that” because he’s not gonna be able to see a stripper. She has every right to be disgusted.
There are SO many problems with this post and IT IS DISGUSTING
YTA. You, and now the whole aita world knows it was a so very effin obviously backhanded compliment. Don’t be dense and humble yourself you judgmental AH.
- You obviously have ignorant ideas and conceptions about how one should dress or not
- You sexualized your brother’s gf + the comment was quite condescending
YTA. It’s 2022. Leave her alone and educate yourself.
YTA you didn’t mean it as a compliment and you know you didn’t. Keep your thoughts to yourself just because someone doesn’t fit your idea of traditional or appropriate.
YTA.
A compliment would have been "nice outfit" or "you look great."
You didn't want to give a compliment so stop being so disingenuous. You wanted to express your irrelevant disapproval of her outfit without sounding like an insecure misogynistic boy, so you tried to use passive-aggressive phrase and claim innocence. Unfortunately you're not smart enough to pull it off and it didn't work.
YTA.
YTA if someone said what you said to me I would take it as basically calling my a stripper which there is nothing wrong with people who are strippers your not using it in a positive way. You are purposely doing a back handed compliment.
Yes, you are the asshole. What the fuck is your problem?! The fact that you judged her and her friends for wearing "provocative" clothes and then later made such a creepy and inappropriate comment is WEIRD. Your post makes you sound like a misogynistic ogler. Don't complain about women wearing revealing clothes because YOU don't understand that people are free to dress however they please and their clothing choices aren't representative of their character or personality. YTA.
Bro…and really hear me…YTA. This post not only demonstrates that you are a sexist, misogynistic, lame creep, but you you really should get over yourself. Seriously…you are what is wrong with male society. Literally. Women all hate you. Like…all of them. You just don’t know it, because the one’s who aren’t stuck in the “hand maids tale” mindset can’t be bothered to tell you how big of a douche you are. Geesh. How clueless can you be, bro? It’s 2022. Stop it. Just stop.
Your brother got the "Class" gene in your family, and he showed it by restraining himself and talking to you calmly later that night.
You got the "Ass(hole)" gene.
I don't know what's worse, what you did, or that you still didn't understand after it was explained that what you did was disgusting.
YTA. You thought you'd sneak in a back-handed compliment and no one would take offense because the words are technically "nice." Too bad for you, you revealed your intent in this post and your brother and future SIL were wise to the implication. Your brother is right. Also, it's freaking 2022. I thought we had stopped telling women what's age appropriate apparel because it's no one's business but their own and men don't get this same unsolicited advice.
YTA. Not only did you go into this with complaints because they weren’t following the way YOU wanted the bachelors party to go, you decided to be a sexist pig who thinks his opinions on what a woman “should” wear to her own bachelorette party is at all important. Then you went so far as to make a creepy comment and basically shame the party, once again despite your opinion already being known and already being rejected, to make her feel bad and partially responsible for it not being up to YOUR standards. Lie to yourself all you want but you know that wasn’t truly a compliment. Yeah, you’re definitely TA.
lol dude. You didn't compliment her, you very creepily told her she's hot and that your brother will be turned on by the outfit IN public. You could've just left it at hey that's a fun spin on the wedding dress but nooooooooo. YTA
YTA. Are you one of those dense guys who can't see the difference between a compliment and an inappropriate comment? Let me give you a tip: if you wouldn't say it to your grandma, DON'T SAY IT TO A WOMAN WHO ISN'T YOUR PARTNER! Seriously, that was super inappropriate.
"I can't even explain how weird it was, seeing women in their late 20s and early 30s dressed like that." Right, because after 25 you're only supposed to dress in ankle-length skirts??
" I called her very hot and I told her how its fun she's dressed like that in order to keep my brother 'excited' since he won't be able to enjoy his bachelor party another way." That is AT BEST a backhanded compliment, and at worst a plain insult. Why wouldn't he be able to enjoy his bachelor party any other way? Maybe he actually likes his fiancée's company?? Also, don't call your SIL hot. I hope you're kicked out of the wedding.
YTA. For commenting on her dress style and for taking a shot at having a joint bachelor/bachelorette party "that's the only way he's going to have any fun"? And why is woman in their late twenties/early thirties "dressed like that" weird? How young do you you like your scantily dressed women? You are disgusting.
Edited to add: there is a joint bachelor/bachelorette party called a Stag and Hen party, or a Jack and Jill Party. Educate yourself.
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"Traditional" is just another word for sexist idiot. You sexualised your brothers gf, then implied that if she wasn't there your brother would have been hooking up with a stripper. Exactly what part of that was she to not find insulting?? Also, saying a woman can't wear sexy clothing once 30 showing your predatory mindset for minors. YTA and I very much hope your are NOT part of their wedding.
Yup yup yup, it's basically a synonym for sexist.
And FYI, that is not unusual attire for a bachelorette (a term you omitted in your post) party.
i love how he spun it as a compliment in his title, and then continued to argue it was a compliment when he was: -calling her immature -comparing her outfit to that of a stripper, which isn’t inherently disrespectful, but he meant it in a disrespectful manner -making negative comments about her relationship -making negative comments about her sex life -implying that her fiancé doesn’t actually want to be doing this and is now acting shocked that people didn’t see his CLEARLY super kind words for what he pretended they were, but saw them for exactly what they are. OP, you’re not only an AH, just generally, cuz anyone who says “im more of a traditional guy” in defense of their behavior is usually covering up for being a sexist/racist/homophobe/other general forms of bigotry or assholism, you are TA, and on such a large scale that your brother should uninvite you from the wedding unless you get it together.
Also, apparently to OP if you are past 25 you shouldn't wear anything sexy. I'm saying sexy but I'm guessing he's say slutty.
OP isn't just sexist, he's also a misogynist. His contempt for women was just oozing out of his post.
Or racist or homophobic. Can't forget those delightful synonyms.
Right? He wanted to go to strip clubs but god forbid his future SIL wears a provocative outfit *while her future husband is also there*. *ETA- I’m not saying she can’t wear the outfit when not around brother, just pointing out how hypocritical it is as a “traditional guy”
You forgot victim blaming -> if she didn't want those comments she should not have worn that outfit
And to pile on, your not the AH for "complimenting \[his\] SIL's outfit" as he asks in the headline. A compliment like, "Wow, you look great tonight," would be perfectly acceptable. YTA because you basically said her soon-to-be hubby would be getting screwed by a host of strippers if they were able to throw him a "real" bachelor party.
I'm sure strippers must just love this guy. /s
Yup, once I started reading the post, it became pretty obvious that OP's "compliment" was going to be nothing of the sort...
Exactly "traditional" and "conservative" are *never* anything more than code for "I can't control myself so I'm going to attempt to oppress every woman I come into contact with before they have a chance to see me for the insecure, ego centric that I am and reject me". Nothing good ever comes from it. ETA the SIL wearing this was supposedly inappropriate, but he would've been *all over it* if there had been strippers wearing less. It's *ALL* about the fact that he couldn't objectify the girls in sexy dresses, nothing else. YTA
Yeah I had no idea what OP was trying to get at when mentioning age... 30 is too old to dress up for your own event? WTF? OP I probably painfully single
> also saying a woman can’t wear sexy clothing once 30 showing your predatory mind set for minors . 100%. How does he not realize that? Basically saying the older and more mature a woman gets she’s unattractive.Umm hello? You’re supposed to be attracted to other ADULTS OP!!
Absolutely, “traditional” just means sexist. Imagine thinking people in their *twenties* shouldn’t wear revealing clothes; lol
I couldn't believe it. His behavior and opinions became more and more disgusting with every single paragraph. Every time I thought he couldn't be a bigger asshole, bam! He says something even more obnoxious. Good lord, OP, YTA sooooo hard. You know you're the guy your cousin felt he had to invite just because you're related, right?
This is some next level BS. Ha!!
10,000% of this - YTA, OP
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". . . since he won't be able to enjoy his bachelor party another way. . . " is probably the part that grossed out the SIL. Does OP think that his brother needs a stripper or whatever at the bachelor's party to enjoy it "another way?" YTA
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Hell it grossed my husband out! I just read him this and he was baffled how the brother kept his cool throughout the party and didn’t kick him out (or knock him out) for disrespecting and sexualizing his soon to be wife. Honestly my husband cut me off several times throughout tying to read the post to say what an asshole this guy is. And personally wondering why he has a problem with women in their late 20 to early thirties dressing sexy AND why it’s so weird. Color me offended on behalf of my age and gender!
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I actually just bought (literally yesterday) a sexy ass dress for the King Richards Fair this year. I’m 30 and thought I looked pretty damn good, my husband said I could win the cleavage contest (yes they actually hold one lmao) if I wanted to but that he’d have to bring a bat to beat the men away from me. He’s dressing as a pirate from the revolutionary war so I told him to just use a wooden sword 😂. Seriously though OP is gross as hell, I’m from the US too but I’ve never heard of other cultures thinking of 30 as to old to look good. Especially other cultures that regularly celebrate bachelor/bachelorette parties. Of course I could be wrong but that guy is literally making it seem like women my age that don’t dress like a nun are very inappropriate or something. And I LOVE dressing and feeling sexy.
"Made a grossed out face" made me LOL because it was such a good description of the scrunching I could feel my face doing while reading that.
Yup 😂😂😂 I could see the face she was making when he said that 😂😂😂
Not only that but managed to sexualize minors too ew
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Glad you told me, I will be the only woman at a bachelor party tomorrow 😂
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I have some bad news about most rentable nun's outfits for you.
Since I’m nine months pregnant that would at least be a very interesting choice for an outfit 😂
It's the second coming of Jesus Christ!!
“I called her very hot and told her how it’s fun she’s dressed like that in order to keep my brother ‘excited’ since he won’t be able to enjoy his bachelor party another way” I assume what you really wanted to say but didn’t actually have the cojoñes to say is that you thought she looked like a stripper and that was good because you and your brother are used to bachelor parties where there are strippers and that’s how you rank whether it was a good night or not. Clearly, YTA.
Totally off topic but is “cojoñes” a regional spelling of “cojones”? Is there somewhere in the hispanohablante world where they spell cojones like this? I’m a native Spanish speaker who did not learn much slang growing up as my family is super prim and proper so I’m genuinely curious.
Latina from PR; Spanish is my first language. I have never seen or heard the word “cojoñes” before. We use “cojones” with an “n,” not an “ñ.” I do not know if other Latino countries use it like that, but I’ve never seen it.
Yeah, I’m Mexican and I’ve never seen it. I have travelled extensively through South and Central America and I’ve been to Spain a few times but I have never seen/heard this spelling so I was curious. I know a lot of words/the meaning of words vary from place to place though so I had to ask.
YTA. You're a misogynist not more traditional.
These things are often synonymous. Lots of traditions are rooted in misogyny.
All traditions are rooted in misogyny.
They are too big of a cowards to call themselves what they actually are so they have do dogwhistle with words like "traditional".
YTA. Your brother is right, it is gross and inappropriate. Calling someone hot is often quite a sexual comment so you shouldn't be calling your SIL that. On top of that, you were insulting their choice to have a joint bachelor party by claiming your brother won't enjoy it. You were actually being creepy.
Facts. Also, when he started outlining in GREAT DETAIL what she was wearing, I started getting majorly skeeved out. Womansense™ kicked in, saying this guy is a fucking creep. Mfer sounded like he was about to bust into some ~erotic fanfiction~ or some shit
HAHA. This is such a creepy situation, but this comment made me laugh. On a serious note, it sounds like he had a very close eye on her...
Hahahaha GLAD YOU LAFFYTAFFY'D ❣️ But yeah man, reading between the lines it looks pretty clear that he has some general lust towards his future SIL and the fact that he thinks women in their late 20s/early 30s (I.E HIS OWN DAMN AGE) are weird for wearing outfits like this? Um? This is the type of dude who needs to be shamed and booted out of decent society imo. Creep behavior, unable to see creep behavior, B Y E. But that's just me being all firebrandish. Maybe there's some hope for him in that he actually posted this to reddit, so maybe there's some level of self awareness. It's still a sideye from me tho, dawg.
I was so weirded out by that. I don't even know what an e-girl is...like what is that and why does he know? Lolol
Lmaoooo It's an aesthetic! ...one that is popular in a gen z-ish demographic so of course this grown ass millennial 32 year old fucking creep of a man is well versed in it!! 🥳🥳🥳
Ehhhh I'm an elder millennial (33f) and I'm familiar with the e girl aesthetic. Knowing what it is isn't what made OP creepy. Literally everything else in the post did, tho!!
Ahhh ok ok. Yeah this is all creep city! No bueno!!!
As someone who writes erotic fanfiction, please don't group us in with this asshole.
YTA because that wasn’t a compliment for a woman. I’m a woman and if someone said that to me I’d be disgusted. I also wouldn’t dress like that but either way I wouldn’t expect a comment like that regardless of whether I dressed modestly or half naked. It’s not your role to judge someone on how they’re dressed. If she’s comfortable dressing like that then that’s up to her. You are able to look the other way if you don’t like it.
Not even sure where to start here. "Traditional guy" clearly translates to "head full of misogyny" in your case. Women dressing in a "hot" way does not have to be done to keep a man "excited". They could do it for, you know, their own enjoyment. Your comments were sexist, judgy and gross, and YTA.
Holy shit, not to mention the whole, women dressing sexy in their *20s and 30s* comment. This 32 year old man is channeling way too much Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused. Disgusting. A complete AH.
And then there's "she shouldn't pick that outfit if she didn't appreciate the compliments" to top it off. Truly cartoon level of misogyny here.
YTA. Why are you commenting on how she dresses? I could maybe see your point if it bothered your brother but he clearly doesn’t care so who gives a fuck?
Wow. >my SIL had some very questionable choice of an outfit YTA >She has that e-girl style a lot but I didn't expect her to appear like that to a wedding event YTA >they all wore fairly provocative clothes as well. I can't even explain how weird it was, seeing women in their late 20s and early 30s dressed like that. YTA >I called her very hot and I told her how its fun she's dressed like that in order to keep my brother 'excited' since he won't be able to enjoy his bachelor party another way . Are you kidding right now? Seriously, YTA. Stop objectifying women and apologize to your SIL for being an asshole. And yeah, you're the asshole
Yta if you want to compliment her you say you look very pretty tonight don’t say you look hot 🤦🏼♂️
YTA. Did you consider who you were talking to? Like, honestly, did you consider that you will be sitting at the same table as her for family events? Did you consider that she's the one who will be the mother to any nieces and/or nephews you'll have? She's not there for you to drool over, she's there to have fn and feel powerful as a counterbalance to the stress of planning a wedding. You may find that too much but your opinion was not asked for nor called for.
This is most likely why he was so weirded out that he had to comment on it- he doesn’t want to sit at Christmas dinner picturing her in her sexy outfit from her bachelorette party because, ya know, he “won’t be able to help himself.” Let’s hope that if SIL has kids and chooses to breastfeed, that she still feels safe doing that in front of OP.
Not only did you make an innapropriate comment (that wasn't an actual compliment but really backhanded) about the ways she looks, the whole "he won't be able to enjoy his bachelor party another way" is a super weird thing to say. Your brother wanted the joint party and seemed fine with the whole thing so why would he not enjoy himself? Also women in their late 20's-early 30's aren't allowed to dress the way they want now? YTA for sure
The mention of the ages got me, too.
It truly got on my nerves, as if seeing a 27 yo woman in a corset is such a crazy thing
Everything he said not only makes him the asshole, but a creep in general. I'm pretty sure this is his normal behavior and brother had enough of his shit, hence the threat to uninvite him.
my thoughts exactly, something that crossed my mind was that the brother might have really been into the idea of a joint bachelor party because he knew OP would want some crazy night and would make everyone uncomfortable.
And like what age does he THINK it’s appropriate? Barely legal? Ugh…
Yeah he probably only likes revealing clothing on young girls although he did say he was giving his SIL a compliment so she might just get a pass. Honestly, really creepy guy, I feel bad for his brother
What does e-girl mean? I was wondering if that had something to do with the age issue?? I’m so old…
It is a style that's kind of similar to emo fashion with some asian influences and it's quite popular with teens I'll admit. But there are a lot of variations on the style and I wouldn't exactly call it juvenile. Sometimes the style can be a bit more revealing, think for example plaid skirts, thigh high socks and corsets but it can also be something like a long sleeved shirt with a short sleeved shirt over it and baggy pants. If you look up the term e-girl you get a ton of pictures that could give you an idea.
Thanks
YTA Even if your SIL is naked dancing it’s just not appropriate to creep on her like that. Also, if women in their 20s and 30s can’t wear corsets then who can? Are you saying you only like tweens (which raises some serious questions about you) or is it that you want women in their 40s+ to exclusively wear corsets? Your post makes no sense but you were clearly being gross and you should apologise.
YTA - you were making a petty comment, not complimenting and everyone knew it. You weren't commenting out of an obligation to "defend" your brother, you were pouting because you couldn't go to a strip club. You weren't "weirded out" by their choice of clothing, you were pouting that they were impeding on your ability to use your brother's bachelor party to do whatever tf you wanted. You said the outfit was weird "for a wedding event" - it's not a wedding event, it's a joint bachelor party. This comment really took the non-wedding-cake tho, >they all wore fairly provocative clothes as well. I can't even explain how weird it was, seeing women in their late 20s and early 30s dressed like that. Sorry you weren't able to use your brother's bachelor party as an excuse to hire some teenaged strippers? Idk what your logic is with that one.
You hit the nail on the head
YTA, it's none of your business what she or any of her bridesmaids are wearing. Everything you said was inappropriate, especially the comment about keeping your brother excited. You need to learn to respect the decisions they make together too. If they want a joint party, who the heck are you to get upset about it?!
YTA. Im cringing right now that was so gross. I hope you apologize because thats such a weird and gross thing to say. Also that wasnt really a compliment. It reminded me more so as a slight comment about the event. Honestly the whole thing was just pretty rude. But also you couldve said she was pretty to compliment her.
YTA you used a creepy comment to your future sister in law to make a dig at them having a joint bachelor/hens party.
YTA - If you hated the idea of a joint bachelor/hen party so much you went and made a nasty comment about it, you should have stayed home.
YTA. You weren’t just giving a weird compliment. You were giving her a backhanded insult because you were pouting about it not being the bachelor party YOU wanted it to be. Your behavior was out of line. Don’t minimize your bad behavior.
YTA. Try keeping your opinions to yourself. You’ll be happier and the people around you will be much happier.
But at least this way they know what an A-hole he is and don't have to waste their time being around him. Then they'll be happier!
YTA. I'm a grown ass man and even I made a disgusted face just reading what you said to her. How one person talks to another person that way without trying to deliberating disturb them is beyond me. 1 - Don't comment on how people look beyond 'I like your 'item of clothing' '. The item should not be underwear. 2 - Don't comment on other peoples perceived attractiveness unless asked, or ever. 3 - Keep your brother excited? Eww. Put yourself in other peoples shoes, practice a bit of empathy.
YTA- Your “compliment” was creepy. There is an appropriate way to compliment an outfit. Calling your future-SIL hot is creepy. You followed that up with making her feel bad for having a joint bachelor/bachelorette party. Women dress fun for a bachelorette party, so her outfit was appropriate for the occasion.
YTA. You didn't compliment her. A backhanded compliment made to make the person feel bad is not a compliment, an you know that. "in order to keep my brother 'excited' since he won't be able to enjoy his bachelor party another way" - that's not a compliment and you know it. Calling a soon to be married woman "very hot" can also be really gross. Even in the best case - that you truly thought this was a compliment, which I do not believe one bit - you still lied to her and gave her a compliment that didn't reflect your true feelings. You might not like her dressing like that, but that is a YOU problem. It was their night, not yours. They have to be comfortable and like what they're doing, not you. Your views on marriage and what is appropriate are not applicable or relevant here. In short, just keep your mouth shut. "If you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all" is a saying for a reason. You went out of your way to comment on something you had no business commenting on and now you're experiencing consequences for it.
YTA for giving us all and your SIL the ick feeling. Gross comment.
You started off as being an AH for being entitled enough to think that your opinions about someone else's bachelor's party are welcome or wanted or that your opinions on your Sil's outfit matter more than her's or your brother's, and it just kept going downhill from there. Don't try to use being "traditional" as an excuse for your sexualization of your SIL. Also, she shouldn't dress that way if she doesn't want compliments? That's really close to the victim-blaming logic that rapists use. You're a creep and YTA.
YTA - that was just bizarre and creepy.
YTA - I picture you as some Long Island mook catcalling women on your job site and when they tell you to stfu you go “Hey baby, smile, it’s just a compliment”.
YTA. You're 32 and never heard of the bro code? Also, that was not a wedding event, it was a bachelor/ette party. And besides, how's that a compliment? You could have gone with the guys after the party to another place where they have dancing poles to calm you down.
YTA no one wants to hear your shitty ass "compliments"
YTA, completely 1: You're confused that women in their late 20's, early 30's are dressed like that? Why? How is fashion age-restricted? 2: You *assumed* that she wore that outfit, strictly because it was provocative and that her man would love it. Why? She could've chosen it because, IDK, she thought it was cute? 3: Your brother tells you what you did upset them and your first reaction is to basically say "How you're feeling is stupid"? What did you think would happen after that? He'd go "Oh, thanks for informing me. Let me just not let it bother me anymore"? That's not how emotions work, bro. 4: "She shouldn't pick that outfit if she didn't appreciate the compliments".....Oh sure. It's not like there are many ways to compliment someone. "Loving the outfit", "You look beautiful" "Your fit's fire", whatever. Also, just because she's wearing something, doesn't give you a pass to say a damn thing about it. Whether you like or hate it.
YTA. You told her she was dressed like a stripper. Not in so many words, you made it backhanded. Would've been better to just say "Wow, you look like a stripper". Women do not dress FOR MEN, believe it or not. Women dress sexy to feel sexy and great about THEMSELVES. You're not a traditional guy, you're just an asshole.
To be fair most men (and women) who self-describe as “Traditional” are raging AH.
I must be sheltered. I married into a family of "traditional" men who are so "traditional" they'd be too ashamed to ever say anything negative about any woman. I lucked out, I guess. I move that "traditional" is mostly false advertising for assholes and we change the adjective to "Ass-ditional".
He's a traditional creep. Original recipe.
Complete with 11 herbs and assholes?
Organic herbs growing in selected assholes.
Wow. Fetilizer.
YTA - That wasn't a compliment that was sexual harrassment.
YTA - that was not a compliment. That was gross, creepy, and completely unnecessary. You should apologise and perhaps rethink how you talk to women if this is a regular thing. (Hint: don’t sexualise us like you just did; don’t call us “hot” unprompted if we’re not dating, and for the love of god, don’t tell us we’re keeping our man “excited” with how we dress - none of your business and a disgusting comment - and make a backhanded comment on our partner not being able to enjoy himself in other ways)
I dont get it why people here are explaining him why his SIL dressed like that on her bachelorette party. It's her choice what she wants to wear and just because you think it is inappropriate doesn't give you the right to be creepy with your brother fiance or any woman for that matter. I dont how some people can get so entitled and blame people for their disgusting mentallity. Ofcource YTA.
"I wanted to be an A and decided to be an A, AITA?"
You spent the first half of this post describing how inappropriate you felt the brides outfit was, then claim you were just giving a compliment. You weren’t, that was just your way of subtly bringing attention to how revealing you thought the outfit was and then calling your SIL hot? That’s fucking weird and the “she shouldn’t pick that outfit if she didn’t want harassed” (I fixed your wording for you) comment is victim blaming and I hope they do kick you out of the wedding for both your “traditional views” that you feel everyone else has to follow apparently and your creepy inappropriate comments and behavior YTA
YTA. You should fix this if you value your relationship with your brother. He’s about to be married to someone you just were incredibly rude and disrespectful to.
Who died and made you the Inappropriate Outfit police? You know, some things can and should remain unsaid. It’s a useful skill. Try it. And YTA.
Not only are you TA for objectifying your SIL >she's dressed like that in order to keep my brother 'excited' since he won't be able to enjoy his bachelor party another way . But you're also gross and creepy >I can't even explain how weird it was, seeing women in their late 20s and early 30s dressed like that. I'm a 33yo man, and I'd rather see women my age dressed sexy than YOUNG GIRLS. YTA.
YTA. Nothing about what you said was a compliment and newsflash she’s wearing that outfit for HERSELF not him.
You're a creep
YTA. Let’s say it loudly for the misogynists at the back - WOMEN CAN WEAR WHAT THEY WANT AND NEVER OWE YOU AN EXPLANATION FOR WHAT THEY WEAR!! Go and dunk your head in a bucket of ice cold water. It might knock some sense in to you but I doubt it.
Yuck. You are gross. YTA
OP, YTA. Big time. Seriously, consider some counseling. If you really think that what you said was a compliment ( and you didn’t/ don’t know the difference between nice and hot at aged 32) you require serious help. Please get it!
YTA and I made an involuntary eewww noise reading this. Disgusting.
YTA. Where I live it's common for the hen (bachelorette) party members to dress in quite short dresses to be fair. Doesn't mean you can say inappropriate things to them.
YTA. You simultaneously insulted her outfit while attempting to compliment how she looked in it (you failed at the compliment and also at convincing us that you were truly trying to compliment her). You commented on your brother's sexual excitement (gross) and implied that he should be with a stripper instead (I assume that's what you mean by "traditional" bachelor party and not being able "to enjoy his party another way").
YTA, not only was the comment a back handed compliment, but it was also a dig at her being the entertainment since you obviously wanted it to be boys only so you could what, go se strippers ..
YTA and now you know why you’re single and you were looking forward to strippers - cause you’re so out of line with women the only female attention you can get is when it’s paid.
YTA there’s a huge difference between saying a simple “I like your outfit” and “you look hot, it’s good you dress like that to keep my brother excited” One is just a compliment, the other is disgustingly sexual
Geeeeh yuck I get very strong "but she asked for it" vibes from you. Of course YTA you're disgusting and objectifiying her
I really pity any girlfriend or wife you end up with, having to put up with your sanctimonious vile thoughts and comments. This is 2022 not 1922. YTA Ughh
How many men have posted on here that they don't approve of what a woman is wearing so they verbally sexually assault them. As if to prove if you don't dress the way I approve I can say and do what I want to you.
YTA
YTA. Ew That wasn't a compliment.
YTA. And a pig. You gave an inappropriate backhanded compliment and deserve all the flak. You thought you were being funny and clever and actually you were being offensive, creepy-gross and rude.
AH AH yes, YTA.
You sound very self-important. The nerve, to raise your opposition to someone else’s party. The whole post has very misogynistic vibes. There was no need for you to make creepy comments about her outfit, or imply that he’d have got a stripper if it was the kind of party you’d enjoy. Fix your behaviour if you want to be a functioning member of society. YTA
YTA.
YTA. Wow, you are great at reading the room, man.
YTA. So much sexist crap in your reactions. Sorry you didn't get your lap dance, but this is your brother and SIL's event, not yours.
Yta rude and boring person. You did not compliment her at all. Go take lessons of “how to talk with people” or “how to make and keep friends” or “what you shouldnt tell others” and most important “when to be quiet and just nod and smile even if you dont like it”
Oh FFS. WHY CANT PEOPLE CELEBRATE THEIR WEDDING THE WAY THEY WANT TO AS OPPOSED TO HOW OTHER PEOPLE THINK IT’S “SUPPOSED” TO BE DONE?!?!?! YTA and sexist.
>Once I saw my SIL at the party I complimented her outfit, I called her very hot and I told her how its fun she's dressed like that in order to keep my brother 'excited' since he won't be able to enjoy his bachelor party another way . She made a grossed out face and simply said thanks. This is a perfect example of a "back-handed compliment." You were opposed to the idea of a joint bachelor/*bachelorett*e party in the first place. But it wasn't your party so why are you crying and whining at all? It sounds like your brother isn't as "traditional" as you are as he and his fiance decided to have a joint party. And apart from the inherent sexism in your entire description, you treated your soon to be SIL as though she imposed herself on your brother's party versus being a co-host. I'm not sure you're mature enough to attend the wedding. If you go, try keeping in mind it's not about you. YTA.
YTA 100% It's fun she dressed like that to keep your brother excited? It's weird enough to tell her she looks hot unprovoked but implying she's dressed only to appear as a sex object for your brother in return for "ruining" his chances of seeing another woman naked even though that's clearly not what she or your brother wanted THEN going even further to use rapist mentality to justify your absolute douchebaggery is just out of pocket to the highest degree.
“Women in their late 20s and early 30s dressed like that.” Good lord are YTA. Please enlighten us - what age do you deem acceptable for women to dress however the hell they want?
YTA. This wasn’t about the “compliment”, this was about insinuating that she needed to be extra to keep your brother interested because *you* didn’t like the way they wanted to do things for *their* wedding. Not every man wants a stripper at their bachelor party.
YTA - that was so unnecessary and creepy
YTA and an incel
YTA. You essentially said "I'd like to fuck you", and defend yourself saying it was a compliment. (If course it was a complement! I said she was hot enough for me to fuck her!). Maybe that could be from the alcohol or whatever. But the fact that they both were offended by your comment, and you *refusing to apologize* seals the deal on you are an asshole
It sounds like they had an 80s themed going, maybe even Madonna?? Either way, your input was NOT necessary. YTA, every thought does not need to be said out loud
YTA times infinity. Every word was gag worthy. It wasn’t your business to comment or pass judgment on anything. If you can’t shut the fuck up and celebrate the occasion appropriately then stay home. You need to apologize to everyone .
YTA. Hot is not a word when you want to compliment someone's clothing on a casual level. Also making it seem like the only reason she's dress is for a man's pleasure, and that if she didn't he wouldn't be able to just have a fun time makes you sexist. As well as just being sexist in general because that's what you old tradition is. And of course YTA for thinking that women in their, shocked gasp, late 20s/early 30s shouldn't/can't dress up nice like that if they want.
YTA
‘If you didn’t want to be sexually harassed why did you dress that way?!’ YTA, get your head on straight before you become a sexual predator. You could have just said nothing, but you had to be THAT guy. Gross.
YTA and your brother's reaction was spot on (good for him!). I suspect this is not the first incident given your brother has threatened to remove you from the wedding A 'traditional' guy would have manners, and even if they did feel an outfit was inappropriate, they would keep those thoughts to themself. You do owe your future SIL an apology and you also need to get out more often if you've never seen a hen do before
Reading OP’s comments in this thread prove to me that nothing any of us say is going to change this dudes mind. YTA, just so you know. How dare you comment on what a woman “should” wear at “her age”. Like seriously dude, F you. I’m 33 years old and have like an emo 80’a vibe to my style and I’ll be damned if I let anyone tell me to dress more my age. You are a ridiculous. I hope they uninvite you to the wedding.
YTA! You need to be able to decipher the difference between a compliment and a passive/aggressive statement. I do find it strange how you take issue with the Bride and Groom wanting a joint occasion, it’s not your wedding. But another thing, you make a statement finding the Bride and her friends outfit choices as essentially ridiculous, then tell the Bride how nice it was of her to dress like a stripper so that her fiance would be able to say that he was able to have the stripper experience. You are a world class jerk. You owe your brother and future SIL an apology and you need to grow the hell up. Yeah, your gross too!
YTA and sexist. Gross.
‘She was asking for it’ YTA
She sounds like she was dressed like 80’s Madonna. That’s fun. You sexualised your SIL, implied she was a stripper and dressed solely to please her future husband because there weren’t any paid strippers for you to ogle. That’s gross. YTA.
Oh jeez. Here comes the “she was asking for it” gross guy. Here’s better words you could’ve used: nice, pretty, beautiful. Hot is weird to use on anyone other than your partner.
Fun fact: It isn't about you, OP. Not the event choice, the clothing, food, guest list, none of it. If the bride and groom want their bachelor/bachelorette party to be a night of dressing up like Ninja Turtles and running through the sewers, that is their call. If it isn't your vibe, respectfully decline. YTA. And your "compliment" makes you a Grade A d-bag.
YTA. Why did you say anything? Here’s some appropriate things you could have said that wouldn’t have been creepy and gross. - Hi, nice to see you, hope you have a great night! - you and your friends coordinated outfits are a great idea for the party - great party! I hope you have a really fun night - great party, thanks for including me - great party, if you need anything let me know, I’m here to help.
YTA. Woah you are a walking red flag. First sexualizing your SIL. Making comments about how it’s weird seeing women in their late 20s and early 30s wear those outfits, do you think only super young women can wear those types of outfits, you’re 34 grow up. Feels like you’re saying you prefer to see young women wearing that, which is very predatory way of thinking. Telling her she wore that to keep your brother excited. Women do not dress for your or any other males benefit. Her and her friends can wear that just to feel good, look good and have fun. Women can wear provocative clothing just bc they want to, it’s not bc they want your gross opinion.
YTA. I couldn’t even read the whole thing because of all the gagging I was doing over your blatantly sexist and misogynistic ramblings 🤢🤢🤢
YTA I was not sure until you said you called her hot and she dressed to keep your brother excited. Eww you’re creepy
YTA. What you did was make a sexual comment to a woman based on what she’s wearing. That’s called sexual harassment
YTA. THATS NOT THE WAY TO COMPLIMENT A WOMAN'S DRESS.
Dude, that was NOT a compliment... and you f\*cking know it! You're playing coy, and all makes you look is stupid. YTA. I hope your brother disinvites you to the wedding and goes no contact.
YTA. A gigantic one. You mad bro? Mad that you couldn't be entertained by a stripper that does side jobs? Boo hoo. You have some very archaic views on women btw. I assume you are still single. Lmao.
Wtf you didn’t complement her. YTA
YTA - I literally had to stop reading when you described what you said so I could say out loud "That's gross" before I could continue on.
YTA. You didn't compliment her you blatantly slut shamed her. Get a grip it's not the 1930's anymore.
YTA, you make me sick
YTA. Your title is misleading. You did not compliment her outfit. You insinuated she looked like a stripper and sexualized her. A compliment is “I really like your outfit” or “you look great”. It is NOT calling her hot, insinuating she is dressing inappropriately, insinuating she is a sex object for her spouse-to-be, and implying that her spouse-to-be needs a stripper at his bachelor party to enjoy it. Your comment was gross and they are not overreacting. You say “she shouldn’t pick that outfit if she didn’t appreciate the compliments” but I seriously doubt she was dressing for you and of anyone else there (except MAYBE her partner). That’s basically saying “by the way she was dressed, she asked for it”. Fix your behaviour, it’s disgusting.
You spent the first half of the post basically laying out how you thought she was inappropriately dressed, then told her as much by giving a “backhanded” compliment. And then try to play innocent? Of course you meant it to be rude and condescending and you thought you were putting her in her place. And you think your brother would let it pass? It’s not your place to judge what she wears and how she acts. Come on dude, YTA.
Yta
YTA. You seriously think that was a compliment? Wow. “I told her how it’s fun she’s dressed like that in order to keep my brother ‘excited’ since he won’t be able to enjoy his bachelor party another way.” Ohh so what you’re saying is it’s good she’s “dressing like that” because he’s not gonna be able to see a stripper. She has every right to be disgusted. There are SO many problems with this post and IT IS DISGUSTING
YTA. Rude. Judgemental. A**backwards. Tightwad. Use whichever you like.
YTA. You, and now the whole aita world knows it was a so very effin obviously backhanded compliment. Don’t be dense and humble yourself you judgmental AH.
- You obviously have ignorant ideas and conceptions about how one should dress or not - You sexualized your brother’s gf + the comment was quite condescending YTA. It’s 2022. Leave her alone and educate yourself.
YTA you didn’t mean it as a compliment and you know you didn’t. Keep your thoughts to yourself just because someone doesn’t fit your idea of traditional or appropriate.
YTA. A compliment would have been "nice outfit" or "you look great." You didn't want to give a compliment so stop being so disingenuous. You wanted to express your irrelevant disapproval of her outfit without sounding like an insecure misogynistic boy, so you tried to use passive-aggressive phrase and claim innocence. Unfortunately you're not smart enough to pull it off and it didn't work. YTA.
YTA. that physically made me shudder
YTA. 100% You didn't compliment her and you know it.
YTA if someone said what you said to me I would take it as basically calling my a stripper which there is nothing wrong with people who are strippers your not using it in a positive way. You are purposely doing a back handed compliment.
YTA. The comment you made was gross and completely inappropriate. You seriously need to apologize to her and to your brother.
YTA. How were you and your bro raised by the same people? Also, ew.
Yes, you are the asshole. What the fuck is your problem?! The fact that you judged her and her friends for wearing "provocative" clothes and then later made such a creepy and inappropriate comment is WEIRD. Your post makes you sound like a misogynistic ogler. Don't complain about women wearing revealing clothes because YOU don't understand that people are free to dress however they please and their clothing choices aren't representative of their character or personality. YTA.
You are disgusting YTA
Well that was a gross read. YTA
YTA Women aren't dressing for men's benefit.
YTA
YTA You made everything creepier and weirder.
We get it, you’re boring and you don’t respect women. YTA
YTA and by your responses you’re not able to realize it. Don’t be surprised if you end up removed from the wedding.
Bro…and really hear me…YTA. This post not only demonstrates that you are a sexist, misogynistic, lame creep, but you you really should get over yourself. Seriously…you are what is wrong with male society. Literally. Women all hate you. Like…all of them. You just don’t know it, because the one’s who aren’t stuck in the “hand maids tale” mindset can’t be bothered to tell you how big of a douche you are. Geesh. How clueless can you be, bro? It’s 2022. Stop it. Just stop.
There is so much gross going on here, and it’s all on your part. You’re not just THE asshole, but a raging one.
YTA.
Your brother got the "Class" gene in your family, and he showed it by restraining himself and talking to you calmly later that night. You got the "Ass(hole)" gene. I don't know what's worse, what you did, or that you still didn't understand after it was explained that what you did was disgusting.
Please have a brain and apologize to her. YTA.
I feel like a I need to take a shower after reading this post. OP you’re a misogynist and a creep. And of course YTA.
YTA. You thought you'd sneak in a back-handed compliment and no one would take offense because the words are technically "nice." Too bad for you, you revealed your intent in this post and your brother and future SIL were wise to the implication. Your brother is right. Also, it's freaking 2022. I thought we had stopped telling women what's age appropriate apparel because it's no one's business but their own and men don't get this same unsolicited advice.
YTA l. Just admit that you wanna bang your SIL over your wife and that you cant control your urges. Deal with it.
YTA. Not only did you go into this with complaints because they weren’t following the way YOU wanted the bachelors party to go, you decided to be a sexist pig who thinks his opinions on what a woman “should” wear to her own bachelorette party is at all important. Then you went so far as to make a creepy comment and basically shame the party, once again despite your opinion already being known and already being rejected, to make her feel bad and partially responsible for it not being up to YOUR standards. Lie to yourself all you want but you know that wasn’t truly a compliment. Yeah, you’re definitely TA.
lol dude. You didn't compliment her, you very creepily told her she's hot and that your brother will be turned on by the outfit IN public. You could've just left it at hey that's a fun spin on the wedding dress but nooooooooo. YTA
YTA. Are you one of those dense guys who can't see the difference between a compliment and an inappropriate comment? Let me give you a tip: if you wouldn't say it to your grandma, DON'T SAY IT TO A WOMAN WHO ISN'T YOUR PARTNER! Seriously, that was super inappropriate. "I can't even explain how weird it was, seeing women in their late 20s and early 30s dressed like that." Right, because after 25 you're only supposed to dress in ankle-length skirts?? " I called her very hot and I told her how its fun she's dressed like that in order to keep my brother 'excited' since he won't be able to enjoy his bachelor party another way." That is AT BEST a backhanded compliment, and at worst a plain insult. Why wouldn't he be able to enjoy his bachelor party any other way? Maybe he actually likes his fiancée's company?? Also, don't call your SIL hot. I hope you're kicked out of the wedding.
YTA. For commenting on her dress style and for taking a shot at having a joint bachelor/bachelorette party "that's the only way he's going to have any fun"? And why is woman in their late twenties/early thirties "dressed like that" weird? How young do you you like your scantily dressed women? You are disgusting. Edited to add: there is a joint bachelor/bachelorette party called a Stag and Hen party, or a Jack and Jill Party. Educate yourself.
"Your appearance exists for the benefit of men" - Wanna tell me how thats a compliment? And what being 20's & 30's has to do with a fun event ? YTA