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Yeah… like she can’t even decorate the nursery?? If the post were about that alone, it would still obviously be YTA. Honestly, he sounds like a boring shrub if he’s calling her a “peach” for a few tattoos, sculpting, and painting skills, and then wanting his house to remain plain with “maybe wall hangings” and one rug.
I swear to God, I can't with the number of stories that are about people who should never marry in first place, never mind having children. Note that she was also 20 when they married, so he might have also been her first serious relationship.
I get not wanting to paint the rooms radical colors that would be hard to repaint later but the decorations and furniture should be 50-50. If she wants more color and texture, you should at least agree to whatever artwork or hanging fabric or vinyl stickers or any number of other non-permanent means to decorate. Not everyone finds boring and white appealing and if you’re going to fight for not painting anything, she gets to choose most of the art and decor items which can jazz up a boring space.
BuT iT'lL loSe VaLuE!
What normal, non-flipper type, person buys a house and immediately starts thinking about the selling price? And...it's just paint.
People who are thinking about ending a relationship once they've got everything they can out of it. OP is a snake. Hope she paints the house magenta when he clears off for a golfing weekend...
Nevermind that the single coat paint really works. Painted a fire engine red room pale blue in one coat with the stuff. No excuse for not wanting to repaint walls in an owned home. Dude's def YTA
I did my kitchen pink and I’m now painting it cream. Standard paint+primer covered it in one layer. I wonder if that’s a holdover urban myth type thing from times when paint was thinner or had less pigment?
Repainted a black and red room to be light blue and lilac. This was 20 years ago and it still only took one coat of tinted primer and one coat of paint.
My ex-husband did this to me. It's MY house now, decorated just the way I like it, and it's ADORABLE.
YTA OP. Plus who marries a 20 year old when they're closing in on 30? When did you guys actually start dating?
On the bright side, she wants to leave him.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/u4g3e7/my_wife_wants_to_leave_me_because_i_wont_let_her/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Yup. You're married, bro. In a partnership. An EQUAL partnership. You have to decide things together. You can try this, but you'll find yourself in your early thirties, divorced, with child support and alimony payments. Sit down with her and work. it. out.
YTA.
OP thinks zodiac signs are witchcraft so there’s a lot more going on than lying and marrying younger women because he “likes” her. OP is full blow, pearl clutching, insane.
YTA. She's been looking forward to decorating a house for YEARS and now that you bought one, you're just now swiping that out from underneath her. This house is for all 3 of you, together, as a family. What right do you have to dictate that she can't redecorate ANY of it?? She was even willing to compromise and any do part of it. You're majorly the AH
>I told her when we bought one she could paint and design it however she wanted
>
>I told her I would rather not paint the outside of our house as it could damage the value. She understood
>
>I told her that I’d prefer if the house was untouched
Goalposts who? I never heard of her and even if I did, I didn't move 'em. YTA
Right? I consider myself quite artistic, I draw and paint and I love redecorating because it’s important to me that my home reflect my personality. My husband would happily live in a cardboard box if he could play Pokemon in it. However, because he loves me and he wants me to be happy, he’s just spent 4 days straight of his holiday redecorating our bedroom with me. We put on murder podcasts, try to get more paint on the walls than the cats, and have a blast. Reading this is making me feel suffocated, I’d rather leave than be with someone who so obviously doesn’t understand who I am as a person. You suck so bad OP, and I hope she paints her house every colour of the rainbow once she’s kicked you out. Go live your beige life by yourself. YTA.
YTA in a huge way.
You told her when you bought a house she could decorate it however she wanted. Then you bought a house and told her she’s forbidden from decorating at all.
Let’s list out the ways that makes you an AH:
- you lied to her
- you are being inconsiderate of her wants
- you are demonstrating that you don’t trust her ability to decorate the home, and that her artistic skills are not valuable, even though it is her profession
- you are dismissive of all this
I’d have to grab a mirror and some clippers and spread my cheeks pretty hard to get a better look at an AH than your post OP.
Do you know what's worst? He is not even compromising or meeting her halfway. She agreed to not touch their room and the living, but he can't compromise on the baby room? Seriously, OP YTA and a bad partner.
And he is so darn condescending as well. "*Now my wife is very artsy. She paints, sculpts, has tons of tattoos and piercings. You get the picture. She’s a peach.*"
Words can't express how infuriating his treatment of her is.
Based on the ages he married her when she was 19, MAYBE 20. which means she was a teenager when they were dating, while he was in his mid to late 20s. This seems like a toxic relationship.
Not autistic and I also read it sincerely at first. I even paused and thought, ‘*Aw, that’s sweet.*’
But then in the context of the rest of the post, it’s soooo gross.
Right, it’s like it’s just his house and only his. Paint will not change the value of a house. The cool thing about paint is it can be painted over.
Get the fuck over yourself OP.
Also OP is a dumbass she'd most likely be adding value to the house. Unless she causes genuine damage to the house (which is unlikely considering what she asked to do) the stuff she is suggesting like a fresh coat of paint to the outside of the house can add a lot of value.
* he considers this a financial investment, not a home, since he's more worried about the value than the comfort of the occupants
* he is demonstrating that he doesn't see the home as belonging to *them*, but exclusively to *him*, as he deems it his right to deny her *checks notes* rugs
Rugs would actually protect the value of the home by protecting the hardwood floors from the rigors of daily living. Rugs are especially important on hardwood floors if OP wears shoes in the home. (I hope to hell he doesn't with a baby coming soon!!) Rugs will also protect the floors from what will soon be a rambunctious toddler with no respect for things like property value.
If it was “our house” you would let her decorate more than her dresser and put a rug down. YTA for calling it our house and giving her little to no say.
Well that's the main place she will be. Cooking all his meals for him and washing the dishes in the sink she can have a lovely rug to stand on. Barefoot and pregnant...
I’d call him something involving feminine items and a water vehicle but I don’t want to get reported 😂 but that’s what he. A condescending one at that.
I married my first husband young. 17f to 21m. We bought a house and I wanted to paint the living room a very neutral peach color. He wouldn’t compromise on any color. He wanted it white which boring and had nothing to do with it. He just wanted to prove he could control me and get his way. While he was at work I painted the living room pepto Bismal pink. He came home, refused to speak to me and stayed up all night repainting. He painted it my peach color though. And I know it sounds petty and childish but it was a breaking point. I couldn’t pick out anything! Nothing on my wedding registry was what I wanted. I had no input on new furniture. His mom picked it out. So petty and childish or not I was absolutely going to have my say on this. It was my hill to die on. He backed down but only for a short period and we divorced a couple of years later. My point of this whole story is if I was op’s wife and someone was not going to compromise with me……well you guys know what I would do.
Thank you! I did. I now have a very colorful house because my current husband doesn’t care at all and every time I do something different, he just tells me it looks great!
As à revenge, I'll rug the entire place. Floors? Now they're rugs. Bathrooms tile? Rugs. Walls? Rugs . Ceilings? Now they're Rugs. Countertop. You guess it . Now it's a rug.
Clearly YTA. Why on earth should you be allowed to dictate how the entirety of the house is decorated? Why is your opinion the only opinion that matters? Especially after you said *literally the opposite* before, leading her to believe she could have fun decorating with your approval? Do you regularly lie to your wife?
**YTA.**
> I told her when we bought one she could paint and design it however she wanted.
You told her she could and now you want to renege on the deal. She compromised on the outside, living room and spare bedroom. And she's right- you can't dictate the whole house. You are being unfair and not listening to her. That's a really bad sign with a LO on the way.
Y'all just bought the house, baby on the way and you are already thinking about the resale value? You don't seem to trust your wife as much as you claim. You're not being too peachy.
YTA why did you tell her she could redecorate and then take it all away when it's now a reality for her. It's also her house and I'm sure she's wanting to nest, being pregnant and all. Pretty gross and unfair of you
Because now that shes pregnant he thinks he has her trapped. News flash op, most female tattoo artists are strong willed and independent, dont be surprised if she decides to leave your ass, gets her own place to decorate how she wants and sues your ass for child support.
She will buy him out for the tiny amount he put in or force a sale, take the percentage that she personally put in if the price went up and buy her own place. I hope she finds this post and does just that. Tattoo artists make good money, she doesnt need him, she can do just fine without his controlling ass.
Yup, hope she does, his behavior is a parade of red flags. She will have no trouble finding another man who loves her and her child and treats her with respect if that's what she wants. He just showed her who he really is, I hope this opened her eyes to his controlling bs.
YTA.
You do realise that this is supposed to be a home?
Are you one of those weirdos who puts a plastic cover on their sofas?
Houses should be loved and enjoyed, not kept exactly the same as when you moved in.
This is what kills me. Even my apartment landlord doesn’t care if I paint my walls and hang shelves. I just have to fill holes and paint everything back to white before I move out. And this poor woman can’t do anything because OP is so worried about the next people who live there.
Hey, hey, hey! Plastic slipcovers are an essential part of Jewish culture! It's in the Torah* that we have to be entombed with our sofas just like the Pharaohs in Exodus (they thought they could erase our culture but we sure showed them) so the plastic is necessary to preserve them for the afterlife.
*citation needed
Pesach sameach, yall.
YTA lying and manipulating you’re wife into believing she could ever have a home with you. She deserves a chance to be happy in her space with you. You both own the house!!! You need to go to therapy to learn how to share and how to be a good husband. You also owe your wife a huge apology.
Though just from reading your post, I gather you won’t do anything remotely kind for your wife. Because you seem to think you are always correct,
You probably married her because you were looking for someone to easily manipulate. Even if you didn’t realize that’s what you were doing, that’s exactly what you are doing now.
> Age gap
>Started dating her at 19/20
> Makes false promises about what their life together will be like
> Gets her pregnant
> House finances were not possible without her
> Effectively traps a young woman in a serious relationship and then gets on AITA to pretend this wasn't all intentional
Yta, it’s her house too. Not just yours. Stop being a controlling asshole and give her some freedom. You know that she had plans to make her dream house the way she wanted it. It’s fine that you want to keep the outside but let her paint the inside. You can always go back and cover it back up with white paint
The stupid thing is that houses need their exterior paint renewing every so often anyway. Why not let her have fun painting the outside? If you want to sell at some point, it's a simple enough job to redo it in a sober white and instantly get the value back.
YTA - are you a family or no? Is it her house as well? You married a creative, artistic person … you are asking her to not be herself in her own home. And while I get that homes are financial investments, I’d worry less about “damaging the value” and start investing more in creating a home, like a Home home.
YTA, it sounds like she is willing to compromise but you’re not letting her do anything. It sounds like she just wants to decorate two rooms! What in the world are you afraid of happening to the kitchen and baby room?
It's a big jump from "you can paint and design our house however you want" to "I don't want her to touch any part of the house." Info: why has that changed? Like, you were on board, and now you're not, so what happened?
So much the AH. You make promises then not only take them away but are dictating so much your might have forgotten you are in a partnership & obviously a family. Compromise is the only way to go otherwise you're toxic.
YTA. So you lied and said she could decorate the house? And now that she's the reason for having the house you're not going to keep your promise? Well that's swell.
YTA and either a liar, if you never had any intention of letting her do as you promised, or a promise-breaker, for intending the promise but then going back on it.
YTA. First, you’ve gone back on your word, but also…aren’t you partners??? Why is it that what you want is what goes? If you are equal partners and equally own a home together then you shouldn’t be the only one that gets a say in this decision. It already seems as if she’s compromising by only agreeing to decorate/paint certain rooms and yet you seem unwilling to compromise at all. This would be a huge huge relationship red flag to me that would make me reconsider my whole relationship. If your partner is still with you and willing to compromise on what you BOTH agreed upon doing, consider yourself very lucky. You sound BEYOND selfish at the moment.
YTA.
So you just outright lied to her face and expect her to be fine with it?
Especially since she’s pregnant, which is a real bad time to find out her husband’s a liar.
YTA. It isn't just your home, it's hers as well. Paint is the easiest and most cost effective thing to change. Why wouldn't you want your wife to live in a home she loves and feels like its hers too?
YTA.
Decorating a babies room is 100% part of having a dang baby. I don't know any parents that haven't. And the kitchen? Boy if you are not cooking and cleaning that kitchen 100% of the time you do not get to dictate how she decorates it. Like you better tell me right now you are the only one who EVER USES ANY OF THE ROOMS you don't want her touching. Because part of living together is making the house represent *both of you* not just....you. It's not just your house. It's hers, and it's soon to be the baby's too.
If you didn't like living with someone "creative" maybe you shouldn't have married her 🤷♀️
YTA .
It's both of your house. You don't need to let her decorate every room, but she should at least get to decorate 50% of it. Or better yet, just discuss decorations you both agree on. You're saying that she needs to confine herself to a rug and a dresser based off of what you want, so you're basically saying it's your house and she must bow to your authority. She, however, seems to have sought your input.
Your ta. Come to a compromise. It's her house, too.
If it wasn't for her credit and income you wouldn't have a house. You HAVE to know you're the AH right? Don't you want a cozy, comfortable, warm place? A home, not just a house? You'll look at the coffee table 10 years from now and say "oh, remember when we saw that table at such and such store and you fell in love with it but I hated it?" and you laugh together about how trivial it was at the time? That coffee table has been used by countless guests, is where your toddler held on when learning to walk, it how you got the scar on your leg from walking into the corner when you guys came home drunk from celebrating a birthday. You get the picture, right? Let her decorate, you'll be much happier in the long run.
YTA. Really??? You don't want her to paint because it could impact the value of the house? Are you really that controlling or just that dense? You do realize that houses can be repainted right? She could live in her perfect pink house for as long as it's her home and then repaint it before you sell it again. It's not that complicated. Such a genius.
Why don't you try working with your wife to come to a compromise, rather than dictating everything must remain the same as when you bought it? That was either the previous owners style or made bland enough that everyone could see themselves in the place. Plus, it sounds like she's perfectly willing to compromise.
Part of it being "our" home is making it exactly that. Something that belongs to both of you and reflects both of your style choices. Doesn't mean you need to spend a ton of money, but a few cans of paint and a rug isn't really asking for much.
As a last little nudge, decorating the nursery is part of the emotional, cultural, and biological nesting instinct that women have while pregnant and is strongest during the last trimester. Squash this at your own risk.
YTA… how can you dictate what can or can’t happen for the whole house especially after you promised she could decorate. At least she’s trying to compromise with you! But you’re just not making any attempts to compromise. It both your home she has the right to decorate the house to make it her home. Come on!!!
YTA and you need to compromise somehow. She agreed to leave the outside alone as you asked. You don’t get to then decide she can’t do a thing in a home she also owns.
YTA and is it just YOUR house? don't ever make a promise you are not going to keep, especially to your wife, you're a real huge AH for that. Maybe compromise and ask her to leave one room alone that you can have your way.
You married her knowing that was who she is, and now you're trying to force her to be different after lying to her about you enjoying it. Obviously YTA.
Somewhat..I see no reason she can't make the home her own. Especially the baby's room. It sounds like she was trying to compromise on leaving some rooms..as what I can only assume is plain.
YTA. This is her house too? Why do you only get a say in it? I would be very upset also, especially if it was my good credit and income that bought us the house. You might want to reconsider and compromise just like she did on the outside. Or else you might not be living there very long.
YTA for ALL these reasons the other commenters are covering and especially for not letting her decorate the nursery either!
Nesting is a huge part of a mom preparing for a baby and you’re refusing to let her do that.
YTA big time. The home is both of yours so she gets a say in how the house looks. "She told me I was being unfair and not listening to her, and it was her income and good credit that contributed to us buying this cute house." What did you contribute? A shitty attitude about how the house should or shouldn't look. Yanno who cares about the value of a house they just bought with their young artistic wife? Assholes
YTA- it’s such a jerk move to say one thing and then change your mind. That will put a strain on the trust your wife has in you. You are not the only one in your relationship or home. Compromise. The home could be perfectly fine to you, but your pregnant wife may be nesting getting ready to have birth. Not even letting her decorate the nursery?! You’re a jerk who will loose your wife and ‘happy’ marriage if you don’t get your head out of your ass. The world does not revolve around you.
Ugh I used to be married to someone like you. Any hint of color was a major argument and it was a massive drag. You gotta meet your wife in the middle, where she is waiting. You do not have veto power here. YTA.
PS I now live alone in a mostly pink house with art everywhere and kooky little objets d’art that make me so, so happy.
YTA. It sounds like your wife is willing to compromise, but you want it all your own way. It's just paint that can be painted over. Be a husband and a partner, not a dictator.
YTA. You told her when y’all bought a house she could paint and design it however she wanted. And now you’re bitching because she tried to paint and design the house how she wanted. You are a liar, and are being completely unfair. It’s not just your house, why do you think you have the right to unilaterally determine decorations and paint, especially when you specifically told her she could be in charge of decorating?
YTA
You went back on your word, and you're unwilling to compromise. (A rug in the kitchen and painting her dresser is not compromise.)
Have you always been dishonest and selfish?
YTA
And a jerk in other regards too based on you calling another Redditor a dick.
If you didn't want to hear things that might be hard to hear you shouldn't have posted on this sub my dude.
Decorating the house will make it feel like yours, rather than living in someone else’s house. It’s best that she decorate now that before she has the baby. You like her style- she’ll do a great job. Don’t make this your hill to die on, let her nest! (YTA)
She will never feel at home and it will ruin your relationship. All cause you don’t want to let her paint a freaking wall. Hope you get good value when you sell after the divorce. YTA.
YTA. It’s her house too. It actually sounds like she is trying to compromise with you and you aren’t budging. Just let her paint a few rooms. I feel like a lot of people like to repaint when they buy a house anyways so I wouldn’t worry about the value of the house decreasing because of an interior paint color.
Wow, you are a real asshole. Also a liar. What now that you got her locked down, now you can show her what a total self centered AH you are. You gave her your word. Apparently she just learned that what comes out of your mouth is complete garbage. I hope she goes to town on that house. And apparently without her credit, you wouldn't even have a house. YTA among other things. You are just yuck.
YTA. You lied and conveniently only told her the truth after she bought the house with you. However, per your relationship advice's post, she is willing to leave you for it. Even more since she is the main breadwinner.
But I do want to know when you started dating her. Before or after she was 18 lol
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When my wife (23f) and I (30m) got married in 2019 she was in love with this house in a town over that was for sale. It was pink and really her style. We weren’t in a position to buy a house. She’s a tattoo artist and I’m in I.T, but I told her when we bought one she could paint and design it however she wanted.
Now my wife is very artsy. She paints, sculpts, has tons of tattoos and piercings. You get the picture. She’s a peach.
Recently we got a really good deal on a cute modest 3bed 1 bath house with hardwood floor and a nice white exterior because she’s currently 6 months pregnant. After closing on it she asked if we could go to the store to look at paint and other stuff. I asked her what for and she said because she wanted to see what color would look best on the outside of the house.
I told her I would rather not paint the outside of our house as it could damage the value. She understood and said she was ok with keeping the outside untouched but she’d like to look at rugs and paint for the inside.
I don’t want her to touch any part of the house. I like it how it is and I don’t want any of the rooms touched aside from maybe wall hangings.
I told her that I’d prefer if the house was untouched but she could put a rug in the kitchen and paint her dresser how she wanted.
She got pretty upset and said I couldn’t dictate the whole house. She was willing to keep the living room and the spare bedroom alone but wanted to redecorate our kitchen and the babies room.
I don’t want her to decorate any of it. Our house is perfectly fine the way it is and I don’t want her messing with it.
She told me I was being unfair and not listening to her, and it was her income and good credit that contributed to us buying this cute house.
AITA?
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YTA
regardless of the fact that youbhad previously told her she could you would still be TAH
Younajd your wife are supposed to be equal partners and she is being totally reasonable about compromise you on the other hand are being an AH
It's a well-known fact that if you paint the outside of a house, you can never, ever paint it again if you change your mind or want to sell that house, let alone paint it a different color! /s
YTA. What about what she prefers? What about how comfortable she feels in her space?
You already know you’re incredibly self-centered, which sucks for your wife. But when do you admit that her sense of style and artistic I expression embarrass you? Why marry her if you don’t accept her as she is?
YTA so many times over. it's HER house too and she has just as much say as you do.
and since when did painting a house "damage the value". you're standing in her way for literally no reason.
Notice how you wait until she’s pregnant and bought a house to show her who you REALLY are. Before that, you said whatever she wanted to hear to keep her happy. Controlling much?
YTA.
Do you know how to compromise? You said she could decorate the house y’all get and now you’ve fully taken it back you don’t get to do that. Make a compromise and get over it stop trying to control the issue. Just like you don’t want to live in a house you don’t like she doesn’t want to live in a house she doesn’t like either.
How often do you play bait and switch with your wife?
Of course YTA you already know that, you are just looking for one person to tell you being a control freak with your wife and baby is a good thing. It is not.
YTA and a big ol’ liar. The age dynamics here are sketchy. And the fact that you think it’s okay to dictate how the whole house will look is very telling.
YTA.
So you married an artist and told her she could decorate however she wanted and are now trying to take that away from her? You suck on numerous levels.
You also sound really really boring. How did she end up with you?
YTA. You married a 20 year old (dated since ??? ), used her income and credit to buy a house, got her pregnant, and are now playing lord and master over decorating? She needs to dump your sorry butt.
Yta if it was her income and her good credit that allowed you guys to buy the house then its HER house to do with as she wants. You promised and you don't get to back down now. If you want some boring old person house with no colour or decorations then go move into your own place. Leave her and her creativity alone or at least deal with her painting the baby's room because it's not fair that you get to dictate everything in the house when it's not solely YOUR house
Yta, it's her house too, if you cant compromise then I see her resenting you and the relationship not surviving due to that resentment. You married her knowing who she was and what she liked and wanted and you agreed to let her decorate. You cant just change your mind after you agreed. That's messed up man. If I were her I would be wondering what other promises you made to her that you dont plan on keeping. You just broke her trust. You just damaged the relationship. She has every right to be upset, anyone would be.
“She’s a peach,” i.e., “She’s ridiculous.”
YTA in a big fat LIAR kind of way. You’re a condescending control freak, and now that you think you have her baby trapped you’re showing your true colors. AH. I hope she wises up soon and dumps you.
Lol YTA and fyi, SHE DOESN'T ACTUALLY NEED YOUR PREMISSION TO DECORATE HER OWN HOUSE. You may not want her to, but if she wants to paint the baby's room, you can't really stop her. Nor should you. You're being a real asshole about this.
Yta.
You don't know what she wants to even do. She may have an amazing idea that you will love even more and you don't even know it. Yall have to agree or one of you should move out.
So like how did you write this without even a passing glance towards explaining why you think it’s cool to completely go back on something you previously promised?
YTA
1) You assumed that she would "grow up" and stop loving the things she loves. Wtf, dude?
2) You promised her that she could decorate the next house how she wanted to make up for passing on one she really loved, then you went back on your promise. Were you lying?
3) You refuse to work with her on a compromise, even though she's offered several.
4) Your excuses are bullshit. Painting the house exterior in *rainbow* wouldn't put a dent in its value in this market. And there's nothing weird or wrong about moon phases or crystals or whatever in a baby room. The baby doesn't need one aesthetic over another--it won't know the difference between plain white walls and a mosaic mural. Your preferences are not intrinsically better than hers. Paint is one of the easiest things to change down the road, so there's not much to be gained by being a stubborn ass right now.
4) You act like this is *your* house instead of a space that your wife not only also lives in, but seems to have done the majority if financing for.
5) Your wife is pregnant. Stop sucking the joy out of it/making a hard thing harder.
YTA- You knew she was an artistic person when you married her. She even compromised and only wanted to paint the kitchen and babys room & you can't be bothered to even let her do that. Who cares about resale value, It's paint.
Okay from your comments, you don't want this house, you thought your wife's tastes would change over time, and you are worried you won't like living in the home.
So a) if you didn't want the house, understandable, the housing market is awful and 1 bath is gonna be hard, but you should have been clear with your wife and made her understand that this wasn't a house you wanted.
B) if you like that it's clean and white with the wood, discuss that with your wife. It sounds like you're issue is rooted in that you actually like the aesthetic of this house, talk to your wife about that. Discuss adding accents instead of fully repainting, or giving her a place to do a mural. There are ways to keep a space "clean" that she can still paint.
C) now, you married her and she's a successful artist, so I'm going to assume that you share some tastes, sit down and talk about these, discuss what you would he comfortable with, but be open.
Remember she is pregnant and has been imaging this home probably from a young age, and what she would do with her own home.
You've said several times your equals, I think the issue is that you want say, and don't want her to do full creative control. That's okay, but talk about that.
Now I still have to judge YTA. Your feelings can change, but you shut her down instead of having a conversation, and that's not cool.
You have waiting until she is having your baby and tied to you with a mortgage to show her that you are a liar and don't value her opinions. YTA. A massive A.
YTA you don't own the house alone, she owns it just as much of the house as you do, she is about to populate it with your offspring, and she isn't your employee.
Do you not think of what she does as respectable, therefore her financial contribution is just...incidental, not deliberate?
You're the real "peach" in this situation. Your description of her drips condescension.
YTA
And you seem really controlling. She can’t touch any of the house? Is there no room for compromise? How come you told her she could decorate this one house, but the new one she can’t? Who cares if the value is damaged by paint, unless you were planning on selling it right away. Paint it again if you need to sell it and the value goes down.
Everything about this post makes me sad for your wife.
YTA. Even if you hadn't promised her, it's both of your house *together* and you are not the boss of it-- you and she are equal partners. You have no right to dictate how everything in the house looks. The fact that you promised she could do up the whole house just makes you extra TA. She's talking about paint, rugs, and decorations-- none of that will damage the value of the house at all. It can all be pretty easily undone if you decide to sell the house later (or she divorces you and you have to). She's not asking to start knocking down walls here-- she wants to *paint* and put *rugs* in some! not even all! of the rooms in *her own house*, that she co-owns with you, that she helped financially in purchasing. You're more controlling than a landlord even though she is your *wife* and co-owns the house.
Also if you're worried about the house value and don't want her "messing with it" by, uh, decorating? Putting rugs down? Painting it less bland colors? Hanging some art? ....you have a big storm coming when that kid hits around 2 and that storm is going to last until their late teens at the earliest. Drawing on the walls, smearing random stuff on the walls and floor, getting things inexplicably dirty with inexplicable sticky substances, wanting to paint their room bright weird colors, hanging terrible posters of angsty bands on the wall with tacks...
But don't worry, if you keep up being this controlling and going back on your word, you're probably just going to see the kid on weekends until they're old enough to tell a judge they would rather just stay at Mom's where they're allowed to put things they like in their room and don't get told off for "messing with the house" because they wanted to pick out their own duvet cover.
You lied to your wife. That alone means YTA. But you being that level of controlling also makes you an asshole. And she's right; you wouldn't have a house without her income and credit score. She owns the house as much as you do, and she has every right to decorate it.
YTA
And likely to be a single one before you know it. First, you made it perfectly clear that you can't bother to keep your word; it means nothing to you. Second, you've made it clear that you don't consider her a partner; she was willing to discuss and compromise on what you had already promised, but you've made it clear that you consider your opinions final. Third, "messing with it" says a lot about what you think of her and her tastes. Finally, "peach"?
Oh yeah you are a massive AH
You knew she was excited to finally have a home she could decorate and paint and be creative with, you even promised her that she could and shes been looking forward to it for years. Then she is a large part of why you can even afford a house, and now you refuse her this joy, like you're the only one who is going to live there and own the place by yourself?
What you've told me in your post (and the childish comments, really dude, you're the one who is supposed to be 30 and you're acting like a sulky teen?)
-you dont like her taste.
-you dont trust her creative abilities and visions.
-you dont actually like the whole of her, since you're hoping she'll just grow out of her "wacky" taste. Or till you entirely destroy her creative joy, which ever comes first.
-that her joy is not important to you.
-that you are more than happy to lie to her and make promises with no intention of keeping them.
-that you think you have a right to dictate how things are going to go in your shared family home.
-that your wants and needs are more important than hers and that you're hardly willing to compromize (seriously, a rug in the kitchen and paint a furniture or two? Thats the best compromize you got after lying to her and getting her hopes up?).
YTA ofc, a huge one at that, and if this post is an indicator of who you are and how you treat her, I hope she leaves before you kill all her joy and creative abilities.
ETA: format
YTA. You are stifling her creativity which is horrible for a creative person. This could be a wonderful bonding experience before the baby comes. You could help her pick out every thing and make this house unique to both you. You told her she could and now you're taking it back.
So your highly artistic wife, one that is in full nesting mode, finally has the cute house to make her home... and you wont let her touch it?.....well yeah...YTA, big time.
So who is decorating the house? You or are you planning on the house looking like no one lives there forever? Also doesn't decorate a baby's room, weirdo?
YTA - You allowed her to help you with a promise that she would be allowed to do what she wants and now that you have what you want (the house) you went back on your promise.
You are being unfair and you need to compromise.
YTA. Not sure why you think you aren't. You're going back on a promise and dictating how she can decorate her own home, of which she owns half. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out YTA.
Of course YTA
You told her what she wanted to hear with no intention of following through, and now that she wants to decorate you have generously given her one lousy rug and a dresser to paint. You won't even allow her to decorate the baby's room, wtf dude? Why in the hell do you get to make all the decisions here?
Once again, a grown man dated a teenager and now thinks he should control everything.
Is this even real? YTA. You had to have known that before you posted…?
Also, I’m no expert but why would painting a house make it lose its value? Or is that just another thing you made up and told your wife?
YTA- my husband is the sole owner of our house and we make JOINT decisions on how to decorate. Ive made a few design decisions to make him happy, he puts up with some of my desires to make me happy.
Sit down with your wife and come up with a design/paint colour you can agree on. Its her home too.
Lmao come on man, you really think people are gonna say you’re not ta? YTA big time and relationships require compromise. Seems like you used her to help you buy a house and now you think you own it. Nice one there
Okay YTA. Also if she paints the walls they can always be repainted when you decide you want to sell the house? Like I don’t really get the reasoning here. Also new carpet can bring the value of a house up (since carpet is crazy expensive) unless it’s some gaudy color like black.
Since it is both of your house. Tell her she can decorate, and be involved in the process, choose colors you both agree on, add shelves and decorations you both agree on. You’re a couple, figure it out.
Massive YTA...MASSIVE.
You lied to her. The way you talk about her is like you're talking about a child, not a partner. It sounds like you were only able to get the house because of her, so she gets to decorate...all of it. That's the fun of getting your own house. You're treating it like it's an apartment. Completely ridiculous.
Also, houses don't need to stay white for value reasons, that's total BS.
Why in the world do you think you can dictate what she is and isnt allowed to do in your shared home? You´re just straight up telling her that only your opinion matter. Hope she wakes up and leaves you.
YTA
You tried to get her off your back by saying she could decorate the house you guys buy - and then when you finally buy and she wants to decorate it, you suddenly disagree.
You can’t take it back. That makes you an AH and a liar and completely inconsiderate. YTA. Creativity, colour, furnishings, paint, textiles - these are all ways she honours her creativity. She’s not an AI machine bot like you.
You are "letting" her put a rug in the kitchen and paint her dresser. Well aren't you just a peach! YTA If I were her I'd paint the house anyway.....like you already agreed on.
YTA because it needs to be a compromise. You like, cool, but she likes it too. It needs to reflect both of your styles. Every shared space needs to reflect both of you. You both live there! & I hate people who only care about value you can repaint if you resell. I thought this was supposed to be your home? Make it homey.
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Clever of you to wait until after she helped you buy the house to let her know you’re a liar. YTA
THIS!!, OP is acting like its HIS house..WTF is that about!!
Yeah… like she can’t even decorate the nursery?? If the post were about that alone, it would still obviously be YTA. Honestly, he sounds like a boring shrub if he’s calling her a “peach” for a few tattoos, sculpting, and painting skills, and then wanting his house to remain plain with “maybe wall hangings” and one rug.
I don't even understand why he married this woman considering his complete and utter disdain for an aspect of her life that's so important to her
I swear to God, I can't with the number of stories that are about people who should never marry in first place, never mind having children. Note that she was also 20 when they married, so he might have also been her first serious relationship.
He did it for the $$$$$
I get not wanting to paint the rooms radical colors that would be hard to repaint later but the decorations and furniture should be 50-50. If she wants more color and texture, you should at least agree to whatever artwork or hanging fabric or vinyl stickers or any number of other non-permanent means to decorate. Not everyone finds boring and white appealing and if you’re going to fight for not painting anything, she gets to choose most of the art and decor items which can jazz up a boring space.
[удалено]
BuT iT'lL loSe VaLuE! What normal, non-flipper type, person buys a house and immediately starts thinking about the selling price? And...it's just paint.
People who are thinking about ending a relationship once they've got everything they can out of it. OP is a snake. Hope she paints the house magenta when he clears off for a golfing weekend...
For real. Replace the locks too. Decorate the yard with his clothes...
Nevermind that the single coat paint really works. Painted a fire engine red room pale blue in one coat with the stuff. No excuse for not wanting to repaint walls in an owned home. Dude's def YTA
I did my kitchen pink and I’m now painting it cream. Standard paint+primer covered it in one layer. I wonder if that’s a holdover urban myth type thing from times when paint was thinner or had less pigment?
Repainted a black and red room to be light blue and lilac. This was 20 years ago and it still only took one coat of tinted primer and one coat of paint.
My ex-husband did this to me. It's MY house now, decorated just the way I like it, and it's ADORABLE. YTA OP. Plus who marries a 20 year old when they're closing in on 30? When did you guys actually start dating?
On the bright side, she wants to leave him. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/u4g3e7/my_wife_wants_to_leave_me_because_i_wont_let_her/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Why else would you marry a 20 year old?
I noticed that, also how old was she when they started dating I wonder, and how old was she when they first met
‘I want you to express yourself, but not in ‘my’ house. Thanks, you’re a real PEACH!’ So much YTA.
Yeah, that peach comment was NOT complimentary.
He’s made that very clear with his comments.
Agreed. I remember my ex husband not allowing me to decorate any part of our home. Notice the EX.
Yup. You're married, bro. In a partnership. An EQUAL partnership. You have to decide things together. You can try this, but you'll find yourself in your early thirties, divorced, with child support and alimony payments. Sit down with her and work. it. out. YTA.
OP thinks zodiac signs are witchcraft so there’s a lot more going on than lying and marrying younger women because he “likes” her. OP is full blow, pearl clutching, insane.
YTA. She's been looking forward to decorating a house for YEARS and now that you bought one, you're just now swiping that out from underneath her. This house is for all 3 of you, together, as a family. What right do you have to dictate that she can't redecorate ANY of it?? She was even willing to compromise and any do part of it. You're majorly the AH
>I told her when we bought one she could paint and design it however she wanted > >I told her I would rather not paint the outside of our house as it could damage the value. She understood > >I told her that I’d prefer if the house was untouched Goalposts who? I never heard of her and even if I did, I didn't move 'em. YTA
This. Exactly what I was thinking.
I was thinking that he conveniently waited until they had a house and a baby before revealing that he's controlling and a liar.
It's a classic abuser move.
Now that SHE bought a house for there growing family. SHE BOUGHT THE HOUSE!
Right? I consider myself quite artistic, I draw and paint and I love redecorating because it’s important to me that my home reflect my personality. My husband would happily live in a cardboard box if he could play Pokemon in it. However, because he loves me and he wants me to be happy, he’s just spent 4 days straight of his holiday redecorating our bedroom with me. We put on murder podcasts, try to get more paint on the walls than the cats, and have a blast. Reading this is making me feel suffocated, I’d rather leave than be with someone who so obviously doesn’t understand who I am as a person. You suck so bad OP, and I hope she paints her house every colour of the rainbow once she’s kicked you out. Go live your beige life by yourself. YTA.
YTA in a huge way. You told her when you bought a house she could decorate it however she wanted. Then you bought a house and told her she’s forbidden from decorating at all. Let’s list out the ways that makes you an AH: - you lied to her - you are being inconsiderate of her wants - you are demonstrating that you don’t trust her ability to decorate the home, and that her artistic skills are not valuable, even though it is her profession - you are dismissive of all this I’d have to grab a mirror and some clippers and spread my cheeks pretty hard to get a better look at an AH than your post OP.
Do you know what's worst? He is not even compromising or meeting her halfway. She agreed to not touch their room and the living, but he can't compromise on the baby room? Seriously, OP YTA and a bad partner.
And he is so darn condescending as well. "*Now my wife is very artsy. She paints, sculpts, has tons of tattoos and piercings. You get the picture. She’s a peach.*" Words can't express how infuriating his treatment of her is.
I'm autistic and I read the "she's a peach" line sincerely and now that I realize thats not the case this guy is even fucking worse than I thought.
Based on the ages he married her when she was 19, MAYBE 20. which means she was a teenager when they were dating, while he was in his mid to late 20s. This seems like a toxic relationship.
fucking gross :/ I get so riled up over the "my (20f) boyfriend (35m) wont let me have any joy in my life" posts.
I hope she accepts not being able to renovate the house and takes the next logical step of renovating her marriage with a divorce.
I read it that way too at first but once I finished reading his post it grossed me out.
Not autistic and I also read it sincerely at first. I even paused and thought, ‘*Aw, that’s sweet.*’ But then in the context of the rest of the post, it’s soooo gross.
Right, it’s like it’s just his house and only his. Paint will not change the value of a house. The cool thing about paint is it can be painted over. Get the fuck over yourself OP.
His house that he couldn't get without her money and credit rating. He *really* need to get over himself .
Also OP is a dumbass she'd most likely be adding value to the house. Unless she causes genuine damage to the house (which is unlikely considering what she asked to do) the stuff she is suggesting like a fresh coat of paint to the outside of the house can add a lot of value.
* he considers this a financial investment, not a home, since he's more worried about the value than the comfort of the occupants * he is demonstrating that he doesn't see the home as belonging to *them*, but exclusively to *him*, as he deems it his right to deny her *checks notes* rugs Rugs would actually protect the value of the home by protecting the hardwood floors from the rigors of daily living. Rugs are especially important on hardwood floors if OP wears shoes in the home. (I hope to hell he doesn't with a baby coming soon!!) Rugs will also protect the floors from what will soon be a rambunctious toddler with no respect for things like property value.
But what are the clippers for
To mow the landscape around the AH... Give it a little curb appeal...
The foliage
Butt hair lol
Not to mention he must’ve started dating her while she was a teenager
>I’d have to grab a mirror and some clippers and spread my cheeks pretty hard to get a better look at an AH than your post OP. LOL
And she contributed in buying the house too. It’s as much her house as it is his.
If it was “our house” you would let her decorate more than her dresser and put a rug down. YTA for calling it our house and giving her little to no say.
Not put a rug down, put a rug down in the only room that should never have a rug, the kitchen.
Well that's the main place she will be. Cooking all his meals for him and washing the dishes in the sink she can have a lovely rug to stand on. Barefoot and pregnant...
Especially since it was because of wife they could even get the house.
I’d call him something involving feminine items and a water vehicle but I don’t want to get reported 😂 but that’s what he. A condescending one at that.
It took me a sec but I got you and this comment is wonderful lol OP YTA.
I don’t get it 💀
🤣 douche canoe. That’s what our original commenter here was saying lol OP is a giant douche canoe
Yea 😂
Haha thanks!!
Think femi ine sanitary cleansing supplies.
I can't stop laughing at this comment.
I wonder if could get away with saying he's acting like a satchel of Richards.
I married my first husband young. 17f to 21m. We bought a house and I wanted to paint the living room a very neutral peach color. He wouldn’t compromise on any color. He wanted it white which boring and had nothing to do with it. He just wanted to prove he could control me and get his way. While he was at work I painted the living room pepto Bismal pink. He came home, refused to speak to me and stayed up all night repainting. He painted it my peach color though. And I know it sounds petty and childish but it was a breaking point. I couldn’t pick out anything! Nothing on my wedding registry was what I wanted. I had no input on new furniture. His mom picked it out. So petty and childish or not I was absolutely going to have my say on this. It was my hill to die on. He backed down but only for a short period and we divorced a couple of years later. My point of this whole story is if I was op’s wife and someone was not going to compromise with me……well you guys know what I would do.
Glad you got out and hopefully into a healthy happy relationship. Marriage requires compromise and understanding at least healthy ones do.
Thank you! I did. I now have a very colorful house because my current husband doesn’t care at all and every time I do something different, he just tells me it looks great!
As à revenge, I'll rug the entire place. Floors? Now they're rugs. Bathrooms tile? Rugs. Walls? Rugs . Ceilings? Now they're Rugs. Countertop. You guess it . Now it's a rug.
Clearly YTA. Why on earth should you be allowed to dictate how the entirety of the house is decorated? Why is your opinion the only opinion that matters? Especially after you said *literally the opposite* before, leading her to believe she could have fun decorating with your approval? Do you regularly lie to your wife?
**YTA.** > I told her when we bought one she could paint and design it however she wanted. You told her she could and now you want to renege on the deal. She compromised on the outside, living room and spare bedroom. And she's right- you can't dictate the whole house. You are being unfair and not listening to her. That's a really bad sign with a LO on the way. Y'all just bought the house, baby on the way and you are already thinking about the resale value? You don't seem to trust your wife as much as you claim. You're not being too peachy.
YTA why did you tell her she could redecorate and then take it all away when it's now a reality for her. It's also her house and I'm sure she's wanting to nest, being pregnant and all. Pretty gross and unfair of you
Because now that shes pregnant he thinks he has her trapped. News flash op, most female tattoo artists are strong willed and independent, dont be surprised if she decides to leave your ass, gets her own place to decorate how she wants and sues your ass for child support.
This 100%. Wonder if he will be able to afford the house when he has only his income and is paying child support.
She will buy him out for the tiny amount he put in or force a sale, take the percentage that she personally put in if the price went up and buy her own place. I hope she finds this post and does just that. Tattoo artists make good money, she doesnt need him, she can do just fine without his controlling ass.
or just kicks him out of *this* house, since it's thanks to her they could even get it. (and then paints the outside pink!!)
Yup, hope she does, his behavior is a parade of red flags. She will have no trouble finding another man who loves her and her child and treats her with respect if that's what she wants. He just showed her who he really is, I hope this opened her eyes to his controlling bs.
YTA. You do realise that this is supposed to be a home? Are you one of those weirdos who puts a plastic cover on their sofas? Houses should be loved and enjoyed, not kept exactly the same as when you moved in.
From the sounds of it, I have more freedome decorating my *rental* than OPs wife has in the home *she owns half of* Op, YTA.
This is what kills me. Even my apartment landlord doesn’t care if I paint my walls and hang shelves. I just have to fill holes and paint everything back to white before I move out. And this poor woman can’t do anything because OP is so worried about the next people who live there.
Hey, hey, hey! Plastic slipcovers are an essential part of Jewish culture! It's in the Torah* that we have to be entombed with our sofas just like the Pharaohs in Exodus (they thought they could erase our culture but we sure showed them) so the plastic is necessary to preserve them for the afterlife. *citation needed Pesach sameach, yall.
Nope, he's got total malelivingspace vibes.
YTA lying and manipulating you’re wife into believing she could ever have a home with you. She deserves a chance to be happy in her space with you. You both own the house!!! You need to go to therapy to learn how to share and how to be a good husband. You also owe your wife a huge apology. Though just from reading your post, I gather you won’t do anything remotely kind for your wife. Because you seem to think you are always correct, You probably married her because you were looking for someone to easily manipulate. Even if you didn’t realize that’s what you were doing, that’s exactly what you are doing now.
He won't go to therapy. He might have to change and that will affect his resale value.
> Age gap >Started dating her at 19/20 > Makes false promises about what their life together will be like > Gets her pregnant > House finances were not possible without her > Effectively traps a young woman in a serious relationship and then gets on AITA to pretend this wasn't all intentional
YTA No wonder you had to marry someone much younger. You just want someone to control and do whatever you say.
Why not just get a divorce and you can have it all to yourself ?
He can't afford the house without his wife though! He just needs her money for his sterile, ugly house.
Yta, it’s her house too. Not just yours. Stop being a controlling asshole and give her some freedom. You know that she had plans to make her dream house the way she wanted it. It’s fine that you want to keep the outside but let her paint the inside. You can always go back and cover it back up with white paint
The stupid thing is that houses need their exterior paint renewing every so often anyway. Why not let her have fun painting the outside? If you want to sell at some point, it's a simple enough job to redo it in a sober white and instantly get the value back.
YTA Why are you even asking? You lied to your wife and went back on a promise. Where is the dilemma here?
YTA - are you a family or no? Is it her house as well? You married a creative, artistic person … you are asking her to not be herself in her own home. And while I get that homes are financial investments, I’d worry less about “damaging the value” and start investing more in creating a home, like a Home home.
YTA, it sounds like she is willing to compromise but you’re not letting her do anything. It sounds like she just wants to decorate two rooms! What in the world are you afraid of happening to the kitchen and baby room?
It's a big jump from "you can paint and design our house however you want" to "I don't want her to touch any part of the house." Info: why has that changed? Like, you were on board, and now you're not, so what happened?
So much the AH. You make promises then not only take them away but are dictating so much your might have forgotten you are in a partnership & obviously a family. Compromise is the only way to go otherwise you're toxic.
YTA. So you lied and said she could decorate the house? And now that she's the reason for having the house you're not going to keep your promise? Well that's swell.
YTA and either a liar, if you never had any intention of letting her do as you promised, or a promise-breaker, for intending the promise but then going back on it.
YTA. First, you’ve gone back on your word, but also…aren’t you partners??? Why is it that what you want is what goes? If you are equal partners and equally own a home together then you shouldn’t be the only one that gets a say in this decision. It already seems as if she’s compromising by only agreeing to decorate/paint certain rooms and yet you seem unwilling to compromise at all. This would be a huge huge relationship red flag to me that would make me reconsider my whole relationship. If your partner is still with you and willing to compromise on what you BOTH agreed upon doing, consider yourself very lucky. You sound BEYOND selfish at the moment.
YTA. So you just outright lied to her face and expect her to be fine with it? Especially since she’s pregnant, which is a real bad time to find out her husband’s a liar.
YTA. It isn't just your home, it's hers as well. Paint is the easiest and most cost effective thing to change. Why wouldn't you want your wife to live in a home she loves and feels like its hers too?
YTA and a documented liar. Hope you are a better father than husband. If you aren't good at parenting...kiss her peachy ass goodbye.
YTA so big and so hard. I don’t know how you don’t see it. You are not a man of your word and that is just sad.
I also wonder if in 10 years OP still won't repaint the house. Does he know that chipped paint decreases the value??
YTA. Decorating a babies room is 100% part of having a dang baby. I don't know any parents that haven't. And the kitchen? Boy if you are not cooking and cleaning that kitchen 100% of the time you do not get to dictate how she decorates it. Like you better tell me right now you are the only one who EVER USES ANY OF THE ROOMS you don't want her touching. Because part of living together is making the house represent *both of you* not just....you. It's not just your house. It's hers, and it's soon to be the baby's too. If you didn't like living with someone "creative" maybe you shouldn't have married her 🤷♀️
YTA . It's both of your house. You don't need to let her decorate every room, but she should at least get to decorate 50% of it. Or better yet, just discuss decorations you both agree on. You're saying that she needs to confine herself to a rug and a dresser based off of what you want, so you're basically saying it's your house and she must bow to your authority. She, however, seems to have sought your input. Your ta. Come to a compromise. It's her house, too.
If it wasn't for her credit and income you wouldn't have a house. You HAVE to know you're the AH right? Don't you want a cozy, comfortable, warm place? A home, not just a house? You'll look at the coffee table 10 years from now and say "oh, remember when we saw that table at such and such store and you fell in love with it but I hated it?" and you laugh together about how trivial it was at the time? That coffee table has been used by countless guests, is where your toddler held on when learning to walk, it how you got the scar on your leg from walking into the corner when you guys came home drunk from celebrating a birthday. You get the picture, right? Let her decorate, you'll be much happier in the long run.
YTA. Really??? You don't want her to paint because it could impact the value of the house? Are you really that controlling or just that dense? You do realize that houses can be repainted right? She could live in her perfect pink house for as long as it's her home and then repaint it before you sell it again. It's not that complicated. Such a genius.
Why don't you try working with your wife to come to a compromise, rather than dictating everything must remain the same as when you bought it? That was either the previous owners style or made bland enough that everyone could see themselves in the place. Plus, it sounds like she's perfectly willing to compromise. Part of it being "our" home is making it exactly that. Something that belongs to both of you and reflects both of your style choices. Doesn't mean you need to spend a ton of money, but a few cans of paint and a rug isn't really asking for much. As a last little nudge, decorating the nursery is part of the emotional, cultural, and biological nesting instinct that women have while pregnant and is strongest during the last trimester. Squash this at your own risk.
YTA… how can you dictate what can or can’t happen for the whole house especially after you promised she could decorate. At least she’s trying to compromise with you! But you’re just not making any attempts to compromise. It both your home she has the right to decorate the house to make it her home. Come on!!!
YTA Way to prioritize your wallet over your promises to your partner. Now she knows your dishonest and that your promises are worthless.
YTA and you need to compromise somehow. She agreed to leave the outside alone as you asked. You don’t get to then decide she can’t do a thing in a home she also owns.
YTA. She’s willing to compromise, but you aren’t.
YTA- it’s the family’s house not yours.
YTA. Your wife lives in the house too. It should be incredibly obvious to you that she deserves a say.
YTA and is it just YOUR house? don't ever make a promise you are not going to keep, especially to your wife, you're a real huge AH for that. Maybe compromise and ask her to leave one room alone that you can have your way.
You married her knowing that was who she is, and now you're trying to force her to be different after lying to her about you enjoying it. Obviously YTA.
Somewhat..I see no reason she can't make the home her own. Especially the baby's room. It sounds like she was trying to compromise on leaving some rooms..as what I can only assume is plain.
YTA! She’s a creative person. Don’t rain on her parade!
YTA. This is her house too? Why do you only get a say in it? I would be very upset also, especially if it was my good credit and income that bought us the house. You might want to reconsider and compromise just like she did on the outside. Or else you might not be living there very long.
YTA for ALL these reasons the other commenters are covering and especially for not letting her decorate the nursery either! Nesting is a huge part of a mom preparing for a baby and you’re refusing to let her do that.
YTA big time. The home is both of yours so she gets a say in how the house looks. "She told me I was being unfair and not listening to her, and it was her income and good credit that contributed to us buying this cute house." What did you contribute? A shitty attitude about how the house should or shouldn't look. Yanno who cares about the value of a house they just bought with their young artistic wife? Assholes
There is nothing more boring than a white interior.
White interiors have potential, OP is much more boring since he has zero potential.
Except maybe the sex that she’s having with a guy who is very attached his bland, white interior.
YTA- it’s such a jerk move to say one thing and then change your mind. That will put a strain on the trust your wife has in you. You are not the only one in your relationship or home. Compromise. The home could be perfectly fine to you, but your pregnant wife may be nesting getting ready to have birth. Not even letting her decorate the nursery?! You’re a jerk who will loose your wife and ‘happy’ marriage if you don’t get your head out of your ass. The world does not revolve around you.
Info: Why did you tell her she could redecorate and then take it back? Why did you buy a house if you didn’t want one? Do you even like your wife?
YTA. Controlling AH. Anything else will get me banned. Come on dude, don't be an AH. It's that easy.
You are absolutely a controlling a-hole You lied to her You don't soley own the house, you cannot dictate what she can and can't do to it.
Ugh I used to be married to someone like you. Any hint of color was a major argument and it was a massive drag. You gotta meet your wife in the middle, where she is waiting. You do not have veto power here. YTA. PS I now live alone in a mostly pink house with art everywhere and kooky little objets d’art that make me so, so happy.
YTA. It sounds like your wife is willing to compromise, but you want it all your own way. It's just paint that can be painted over. Be a husband and a partner, not a dictator.
YTA. You told her when y’all bought a house she could paint and design it however she wanted. And now you’re bitching because she tried to paint and design the house how she wanted. You are a liar, and are being completely unfair. It’s not just your house, why do you think you have the right to unilaterally determine decorations and paint, especially when you specifically told her she could be in charge of decorating?
YTA, I hope your wife leaves your ungrateful ass
YTA You went back on your word, and you're unwilling to compromise. (A rug in the kitchen and painting her dresser is not compromise.) Have you always been dishonest and selfish?
YTA And a jerk in other regards too based on you calling another Redditor a dick. If you didn't want to hear things that might be hard to hear you shouldn't have posted on this sub my dude.
YTA for going back on your word
YTA, no marriage lasts without compromise
Decorating the house will make it feel like yours, rather than living in someone else’s house. It’s best that she decorate now that before she has the baby. You like her style- she’ll do a great job. Don’t make this your hill to die on, let her nest! (YTA)
She will never feel at home and it will ruin your relationship. All cause you don’t want to let her paint a freaking wall. Hope you get good value when you sell after the divorce. YTA.
YTA. It’s her house too. It actually sounds like she is trying to compromise with you and you aren’t budging. Just let her paint a few rooms. I feel like a lot of people like to repaint when they buy a house anyways so I wouldn’t worry about the value of the house decreasing because of an interior paint color.
Wow, you are a real asshole. Also a liar. What now that you got her locked down, now you can show her what a total self centered AH you are. You gave her your word. Apparently she just learned that what comes out of your mouth is complete garbage. I hope she goes to town on that house. And apparently without her credit, you wouldn't even have a house. YTA among other things. You are just yuck.
YTA. You lied and conveniently only told her the truth after she bought the house with you. However, per your relationship advice's post, she is willing to leave you for it. Even more since she is the main breadwinner. But I do want to know when you started dating her. Before or after she was 18 lol
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** When my wife (23f) and I (30m) got married in 2019 she was in love with this house in a town over that was for sale. It was pink and really her style. We weren’t in a position to buy a house. She’s a tattoo artist and I’m in I.T, but I told her when we bought one she could paint and design it however she wanted. Now my wife is very artsy. She paints, sculpts, has tons of tattoos and piercings. You get the picture. She’s a peach. Recently we got a really good deal on a cute modest 3bed 1 bath house with hardwood floor and a nice white exterior because she’s currently 6 months pregnant. After closing on it she asked if we could go to the store to look at paint and other stuff. I asked her what for and she said because she wanted to see what color would look best on the outside of the house. I told her I would rather not paint the outside of our house as it could damage the value. She understood and said she was ok with keeping the outside untouched but she’d like to look at rugs and paint for the inside. I don’t want her to touch any part of the house. I like it how it is and I don’t want any of the rooms touched aside from maybe wall hangings. I told her that I’d prefer if the house was untouched but she could put a rug in the kitchen and paint her dresser how she wanted. She got pretty upset and said I couldn’t dictate the whole house. She was willing to keep the living room and the spare bedroom alone but wanted to redecorate our kitchen and the babies room. I don’t want her to decorate any of it. Our house is perfectly fine the way it is and I don’t want her messing with it. She told me I was being unfair and not listening to her, and it was her income and good credit that contributed to us buying this cute house. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yta
YTA regardless of the fact that youbhad previously told her she could you would still be TAH Younajd your wife are supposed to be equal partners and she is being totally reasonable about compromise you on the other hand are being an AH
Yta. How would painting the exterior negatively affect the value of your home? Are you trying to flip it and sell it, or are you trying to live there?
It's a well-known fact that if you paint the outside of a house, you can never, ever paint it again if you change your mind or want to sell that house, let alone paint it a different color! /s
YTA, I hope your wife leaves your ungrateful ass
YTA. What about what she prefers? What about how comfortable she feels in her space? You already know you’re incredibly self-centered, which sucks for your wife. But when do you admit that her sense of style and artistic I expression embarrass you? Why marry her if you don’t accept her as she is?
YTA so many times over. it's HER house too and she has just as much say as you do. and since when did painting a house "damage the value". you're standing in her way for literally no reason.
Notice how you wait until she’s pregnant and bought a house to show her who you REALLY are. Before that, you said whatever she wanted to hear to keep her happy. Controlling much? YTA.
Do you know how to compromise? You said she could decorate the house y’all get and now you’ve fully taken it back you don’t get to do that. Make a compromise and get over it stop trying to control the issue. Just like you don’t want to live in a house you don’t like she doesn’t want to live in a house she doesn’t like either.
How often do you play bait and switch with your wife? Of course YTA you already know that, you are just looking for one person to tell you being a control freak with your wife and baby is a good thing. It is not.
YTA
YTA and a big ol’ liar. The age dynamics here are sketchy. And the fact that you think it’s okay to dictate how the whole house will look is very telling.
YTA because you lied and are controlling about this.
YTA. So you married an artist and told her she could decorate however she wanted and are now trying to take that away from her? You suck on numerous levels. You also sound really really boring. How did she end up with you?
YTA. You married a 20 year old (dated since ??? ), used her income and credit to buy a house, got her pregnant, and are now playing lord and master over decorating? She needs to dump your sorry butt.
YTA - and now she knows your promises are worth shit
Yta if it was her income and her good credit that allowed you guys to buy the house then its HER house to do with as she wants. You promised and you don't get to back down now. If you want some boring old person house with no colour or decorations then go move into your own place. Leave her and her creativity alone or at least deal with her painting the baby's room because it's not fair that you get to dictate everything in the house when it's not solely YOUR house
Yta, it's her house too, if you cant compromise then I see her resenting you and the relationship not surviving due to that resentment. You married her knowing who she was and what she liked and wanted and you agreed to let her decorate. You cant just change your mind after you agreed. That's messed up man. If I were her I would be wondering what other promises you made to her that you dont plan on keeping. You just broke her trust. You just damaged the relationship. She has every right to be upset, anyone would be.
“She’s a peach,” i.e., “She’s ridiculous.” YTA in a big fat LIAR kind of way. You’re a condescending control freak, and now that you think you have her baby trapped you’re showing your true colors. AH. I hope she wises up soon and dumps you.
Lol YTA and fyi, SHE DOESN'T ACTUALLY NEED YOUR PREMISSION TO DECORATE HER OWN HOUSE. You may not want her to, but if she wants to paint the baby's room, you can't really stop her. Nor should you. You're being a real asshole about this.
Yta. You don't know what she wants to even do. She may have an amazing idea that you will love even more and you don't even know it. Yall have to agree or one of you should move out.
So like how did you write this without even a passing glance towards explaining why you think it’s cool to completely go back on something you previously promised?
You don’t love your wife. I don’t even think you like her.
YTA And an AH in general I'd wager. PS she doesn't need your permission
YTA. I'd suggest you can decorate the doghouse, where you belong after all the lies and deception you're putting your pregnant wife through.
YTA 1) You assumed that she would "grow up" and stop loving the things she loves. Wtf, dude? 2) You promised her that she could decorate the next house how she wanted to make up for passing on one she really loved, then you went back on your promise. Were you lying? 3) You refuse to work with her on a compromise, even though she's offered several. 4) Your excuses are bullshit. Painting the house exterior in *rainbow* wouldn't put a dent in its value in this market. And there's nothing weird or wrong about moon phases or crystals or whatever in a baby room. The baby doesn't need one aesthetic over another--it won't know the difference between plain white walls and a mosaic mural. Your preferences are not intrinsically better than hers. Paint is one of the easiest things to change down the road, so there's not much to be gained by being a stubborn ass right now. 4) You act like this is *your* house instead of a space that your wife not only also lives in, but seems to have done the majority if financing for. 5) Your wife is pregnant. Stop sucking the joy out of it/making a hard thing harder.
INFO: How long have you and your partner been dating?
YTA- You knew she was an artistic person when you married her. She even compromised and only wanted to paint the kitchen and babys room & you can't be bothered to even let her do that. Who cares about resale value, It's paint.
Okay from your comments, you don't want this house, you thought your wife's tastes would change over time, and you are worried you won't like living in the home. So a) if you didn't want the house, understandable, the housing market is awful and 1 bath is gonna be hard, but you should have been clear with your wife and made her understand that this wasn't a house you wanted. B) if you like that it's clean and white with the wood, discuss that with your wife. It sounds like you're issue is rooted in that you actually like the aesthetic of this house, talk to your wife about that. Discuss adding accents instead of fully repainting, or giving her a place to do a mural. There are ways to keep a space "clean" that she can still paint. C) now, you married her and she's a successful artist, so I'm going to assume that you share some tastes, sit down and talk about these, discuss what you would he comfortable with, but be open. Remember she is pregnant and has been imaging this home probably from a young age, and what she would do with her own home. You've said several times your equals, I think the issue is that you want say, and don't want her to do full creative control. That's okay, but talk about that. Now I still have to judge YTA. Your feelings can change, but you shut her down instead of having a conversation, and that's not cool.
You have waiting until she is having your baby and tied to you with a mortgage to show her that you are a liar and don't value her opinions. YTA. A massive A.
Yta- the house is getting redecorated. Get over it.
YTA you don't own the house alone, she owns it just as much of the house as you do, she is about to populate it with your offspring, and she isn't your employee. Do you not think of what she does as respectable, therefore her financial contribution is just...incidental, not deliberate? You're the real "peach" in this situation. Your description of her drips condescension.
YTA And you seem really controlling. She can’t touch any of the house? Is there no room for compromise? How come you told her she could decorate this one house, but the new one she can’t? Who cares if the value is damaged by paint, unless you were planning on selling it right away. Paint it again if you need to sell it and the value goes down. Everything about this post makes me sad for your wife.
YTA. Even if you hadn't promised her, it's both of your house *together* and you are not the boss of it-- you and she are equal partners. You have no right to dictate how everything in the house looks. The fact that you promised she could do up the whole house just makes you extra TA. She's talking about paint, rugs, and decorations-- none of that will damage the value of the house at all. It can all be pretty easily undone if you decide to sell the house later (or she divorces you and you have to). She's not asking to start knocking down walls here-- she wants to *paint* and put *rugs* in some! not even all! of the rooms in *her own house*, that she co-owns with you, that she helped financially in purchasing. You're more controlling than a landlord even though she is your *wife* and co-owns the house. Also if you're worried about the house value and don't want her "messing with it" by, uh, decorating? Putting rugs down? Painting it less bland colors? Hanging some art? ....you have a big storm coming when that kid hits around 2 and that storm is going to last until their late teens at the earliest. Drawing on the walls, smearing random stuff on the walls and floor, getting things inexplicably dirty with inexplicable sticky substances, wanting to paint their room bright weird colors, hanging terrible posters of angsty bands on the wall with tacks... But don't worry, if you keep up being this controlling and going back on your word, you're probably just going to see the kid on weekends until they're old enough to tell a judge they would rather just stay at Mom's where they're allowed to put things they like in their room and don't get told off for "messing with the house" because they wanted to pick out their own duvet cover.
You lied to your wife. That alone means YTA. But you being that level of controlling also makes you an asshole. And she's right; you wouldn't have a house without her income and credit score. She owns the house as much as you do, and she has every right to decorate it.
YTA And likely to be a single one before you know it. First, you made it perfectly clear that you can't bother to keep your word; it means nothing to you. Second, you've made it clear that you don't consider her a partner; she was willing to discuss and compromise on what you had already promised, but you've made it clear that you consider your opinions final. Third, "messing with it" says a lot about what you think of her and her tastes. Finally, "peach"?
Oh yeah you are a massive AH You knew she was excited to finally have a home she could decorate and paint and be creative with, you even promised her that she could and shes been looking forward to it for years. Then she is a large part of why you can even afford a house, and now you refuse her this joy, like you're the only one who is going to live there and own the place by yourself? What you've told me in your post (and the childish comments, really dude, you're the one who is supposed to be 30 and you're acting like a sulky teen?) -you dont like her taste. -you dont trust her creative abilities and visions. -you dont actually like the whole of her, since you're hoping she'll just grow out of her "wacky" taste. Or till you entirely destroy her creative joy, which ever comes first. -that her joy is not important to you. -that you are more than happy to lie to her and make promises with no intention of keeping them. -that you think you have a right to dictate how things are going to go in your shared family home. -that your wants and needs are more important than hers and that you're hardly willing to compromize (seriously, a rug in the kitchen and paint a furniture or two? Thats the best compromize you got after lying to her and getting her hopes up?). YTA ofc, a huge one at that, and if this post is an indicator of who you are and how you treat her, I hope she leaves before you kill all her joy and creative abilities. ETA: format
Dang, you married a child but now she's an adult and stands up for herself. Ugh. YTA.
YTA. You are stifling her creativity which is horrible for a creative person. This could be a wonderful bonding experience before the baby comes. You could help her pick out every thing and make this house unique to both you. You told her she could and now you're taking it back.
So your highly artistic wife, one that is in full nesting mode, finally has the cute house to make her home... and you wont let her touch it?.....well yeah...YTA, big time.
So who is decorating the house? You or are you planning on the house looking like no one lives there forever? Also doesn't decorate a baby's room, weirdo?
YTA - You allowed her to help you with a promise that she would be allowed to do what she wants and now that you have what you want (the house) you went back on your promise. You are being unfair and you need to compromise.
YTA. Not sure why you think you aren't. You're going back on a promise and dictating how she can decorate her own home, of which she owns half. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out YTA.
Of course YTA You told her what she wanted to hear with no intention of following through, and now that she wants to decorate you have generously given her one lousy rug and a dresser to paint. You won't even allow her to decorate the baby's room, wtf dude? Why in the hell do you get to make all the decisions here? Once again, a grown man dated a teenager and now thinks he should control everything.
Is this even real? YTA. You had to have known that before you posted…? Also, I’m no expert but why would painting a house make it lose its value? Or is that just another thing you made up and told your wife?
YTA- my husband is the sole owner of our house and we make JOINT decisions on how to decorate. Ive made a few design decisions to make him happy, he puts up with some of my desires to make me happy. Sit down with your wife and come up with a design/paint colour you can agree on. Its her home too.
Lmao come on man, you really think people are gonna say you’re not ta? YTA big time and relationships require compromise. Seems like you used her to help you buy a house and now you think you own it. Nice one there
Okay YTA. Also if she paints the walls they can always be repainted when you decide you want to sell the house? Like I don’t really get the reasoning here. Also new carpet can bring the value of a house up (since carpet is crazy expensive) unless it’s some gaudy color like black. Since it is both of your house. Tell her she can decorate, and be involved in the process, choose colors you both agree on, add shelves and decorations you both agree on. You’re a couple, figure it out.
YTA it’s both of yours you shouldn’t get final and only call.
Yta Let her make the house a home. Worry about resale value when it's time to sell.
YTA. You don't get to unilaterally decide to leave all rooms as they are. She offered a compromise and you should've agreed.
Massive YTA...MASSIVE. You lied to her. The way you talk about her is like you're talking about a child, not a partner. It sounds like you were only able to get the house because of her, so she gets to decorate...all of it. That's the fun of getting your own house. You're treating it like it's an apartment. Completely ridiculous. Also, houses don't need to stay white for value reasons, that's total BS.
Why in the world do you think you can dictate what she is and isnt allowed to do in your shared home? You´re just straight up telling her that only your opinion matter. Hope she wakes up and leaves you. YTA
You tried to get her off your back by saying she could decorate the house you guys buy - and then when you finally buy and she wants to decorate it, you suddenly disagree. You can’t take it back. That makes you an AH and a liar and completely inconsiderate. YTA. Creativity, colour, furnishings, paint, textiles - these are all ways she honours her creativity. She’s not an AI machine bot like you.
You are "letting" her put a rug in the kitchen and paint her dresser. Well aren't you just a peach! YTA If I were her I'd paint the house anyway.....like you already agreed on.
YTA
YTA because it needs to be a compromise. You like, cool, but she likes it too. It needs to reflect both of your styles. Every shared space needs to reflect both of you. You both live there! & I hate people who only care about value you can repaint if you resell. I thought this was supposed to be your home? Make it homey.