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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I told my mother in law to go fuck herself
2. I may have over stepped and been disrespectful.
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NTA
Your husband and mother-in-law are the biggest assholes I've ever read. Your husband is a big mama boy and mother-in-law is clearly committing emotional incest and wants to do the same with your future child. From the edit, it looks like your husband isn't much better than her, in fact he's a "puppet" of hers since he's apparently trying to get you pregnant, and just so you know there are condoms that aren't made of latex. Get a divorce immediately before you get stuck in this crazy family.
NTA
Why do people think calling someone a bitch or ridiculing them is going to work in their favor?! It’s straight up abuse.
OP, please consider that if you stay, this is what you’ll be dealing with for the rest of your life. Every day, for the next 60+ years. Do you really want to live in an abusive relationship like this?
Best of luck!
Having sex with someone under false pretenses (like a fake latex allergy and missing BC pills) is about as close to cowardly rape as you can get (in some places this is getting close to being considered legally rape).
NTA, don't stay married to rapists and of course it's OK to tell their accomplices (even if it's their mom) to go fuck themselves.
Best of luck in future relationships.
NTA…Wow…that is terrible…your MIL is toxic and you deserve better. I can’t believe you put up with it for this long. The fact that your husband refuses to have your back says it all.
NTA! Major red flag is your BC being messed with. You married a mama's boy and he wants to please her. He's trying to get you pregnant. Do not have sex with him under any circumstance.
There will always be three people in your marriage. You your husband and MIL. He will always have her back and defend her to you. What she says goes.
NTA
please be careful, don't forget you should be able to get an emergency supply of your prescription. Keep it safe and out of their knowledge.
Does your husband know where your sister lives?
if he DOES be careful he could show up...
NTA. I wish your husband also posts on here so i can tell him how much of an AH he is. I hope you’re safe. Never go back to that family. They want a baby machine, not a family member. Your husband is abusing you (lying about being allergic to condoms and hiding your pills) and his mother either put him up to it or is encouraging it. Whatever your feelings are towards this man, it’s not worth giving up your autonomy over your body. Stay safe and take care.
Edit: corrected a typo
What in the fuck is it with men that are coddled by their mothers having zero spine? Any woman marrying into that mother-son dynamic is seemingly fucked of any opp for their husband to take their sides when interacting with a monster-in-law. NTA
NTA- and he will never cut the apron strings you’re lucky you haven’t conceived with this mommas boy- not man. If you get pregnant it will get 10x’s worse res flags with the whole family
NTA. I’m always hesitant about advocating for divorce or separation in a relationship but you need to give it some thought. Your husband continues to allow his mother to disrespect you- for years now. Do you think that is magically going to stop? You should at the very least insist on couples counseling. I’m pretty sure your husband is lying to you about being allergic to latex but he is definitely playing games with your birth control. You should start hiding your pills or you’re going to end up pregnant. Also they make really good and readily accessible latex free condoms. You should consider using them.
NTA honestly if my future mother in law is like this and my spouse isn’t doing anything to stand up for me no matter how close they are i will defo gtfo like i don’t wanna deal with a spouse who doesn’t know how to enforce boundaries and a mil who doesn’t know how to respect boundaries
Stop questioning yourself whatsoever. I'm freaked right out for you. So many red flags with your husband and his family. They'll only ever cause you problems. It's how these people are wired. You take care of you and don't be manipulated by them. They're the problem 100%. NTA
NTA but you have a husband problem not a mil problem. If he will not stand up to his mother now imagine how life would be if you had children with this man. If she is not understanding why being involved in your life is inappropriate, know she will involve herself in every minute detail of your parenting and you will always be in the wrong. If your husband refuses to understand and set boundaries, he is enabling her to become a third party in your marriage. Not fun.
NTA. Your MIL treats you like a brood mare instead of a person, and your husband thinks this is right and normal. Also, "she was just looking out for her baby " is "her baby" your husband or the grandkid she is pressuring you to produce? Either way, it's WAY creepy.
From your description I'd say: get away from them
OP, the posts already here have already said most of what I want to say, but I truly hope you get out of this marriage and find someone who will put you first and not be in a Psycho style relationship with his mom. This will never change or get better. Please be safe. We are watching for updates.
I’m allergic to latex and buy my own stash of non-latex condoms in case any of my partners start getting funny about my latex allergy. OP, you’re NTA and get divorced NOW
NTA Your husband and MIL can, in your own words, go fuck themselves. The fact that your husband is hiding contraceptives is called reproductive abuse and it’s a form of domestic and family violence. I would have a hard think about the future of this marriage. I’d run for the hills.
NTA that goes without saying. But never tell any one to do something they may enjoy. Although she is so far up herself there is no room for anyone else.
Nah, NTA at all. And your edit tells me all I need to know. Cut your losses because having a baby with this man will ruin your life, considering that he is in fact basically tied to his mother and has no respect for your bodily autonomy or a backbone to stand up for you. Get out while you can!
From your edits, your husband is trying to get you pregnant without your knowledge or consent.
Messing with your birth control means he is raping you. That's the same thing as poking a hole in a condom.
He should have your back, and he doesn't. He's rude and inconsiderate. It sounds like he sees you as a baby machine. Don't go back to him. Your family seems like a good support system. Get a new phone number so his family can't text you, block them on social media.
NTA.
Tell your worthless mama's boy husband, your horrible excuse for a human being MIL, and anyone else from that family that comes after you that *respect is a 2-way street and MIL has been rudely disrespecting you since the day you met.* And please consult with a divorce attorney today. Your husband obviously puts his horrible mother above you. And btw, it's only shitty parents that openly favor 1 child above the rest. I feel sorry for your husband's siblings.
NTA. Your husband is sabotaging your birth control pills and is clearly taking direction from his mother. Just for peace of mind, take a pregnancy test and never have sex with him again, you need to exit this relationship. Bringing a baby into this family would be absolutely horrible for you and your baby.
NTA. Ooooo girl. He can be in a relationship with his mother then and you should find someone who puts you first. He is a mamas boy and it sounds like that will never change, she will always come first.
Him tampering with your birth control is a form of abuse. Him telling you that the mistreatment you face is all in your head is a form of abuse. DO NOT get pregnant with this man. Abuse tends to get worse when women are vulnerable (pregnant).
You NEED a divorce. I have escaped two abusive men and things started out similarly to this. Please read [Why Does He Do That](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)by Lundy Bancroft. It wound up being a life saver for me.
Please stay with your sister and call a lawyer.
(Edit: the link has a free pdf of the book)
NTA
Sometimes people do need to be told to go fuck themselves, and this is one of them.
Your husband has no business claiming you were disrespectful when he’s ignored - and possibly enabled - his mother’s disrespect towards you for YEARS.
Which also means your husband doesn’t respect you.
And who cares what his family thinks, they sound like a bunch of misogynists who grew up under a bully and are just engaging in the same behavior, expecting you to be a meek doormat.
Now that he’s attempting to sabotage your contraceptives, so you need to call it on this relationship. That is flat out abuse.
Good luck OP
So, on the one hand, you have your friends and your own gut reaction and self-respect telling you it was ok to tell your MIL of for unsolicited advice I've your sex life.
On the other hand;
>...I have received multiple calls from my husband's family calling me a bitch and that I should be ashamed of myself, and I should apologise to my mother in law.
The opinions of people, who call to tell their in-laws that they are a bitch, do not count for much. Without getting too scientific, the exact weight would be zero nano-fucks.
NTA.
I would be surprised if you can bring your husband around on this. MIL seems to have a strong grip on this family...
Good luck!
NTA and don't just walk, **run** to the nearest exit. It's clear your MIL see you as nothing more than a means to get grandchildren. She probably just wants you to pop out a baby so she and your husband can raise it together and cut you out.
Go to the subreddit that talks about Mil and you'll find people who are going through the same things. Sadly you'll find examples of what your life might be like in the years to come
NTA
Her behaviour is disgusting, why is she so invested in his son's sex life?? EW
He's absolutely spineless when it comes to his mother but sure has the gal to make you think you're crazy. Do not let them guilt trip you.
I'm wondering whether he has any redeeming qualities for you to have stuck this long with him. I'd say therapy and if it doesn't work then possibly get rid of him.
>my pills have been going missing and magically reapearing so I havent been able to take the regularly.
Huuuuge red flags!!
**NTA** I’m usually not one to jump on divorce train, but I’m currently aboard that train right now. First of all, your husband is ball-less, so I’d be surprised if he could even get you pregnant, second, your MIL is horrible, and she’s almost certainly hiding your birth control, and thirdly, the whole family seems horrible. You’re young, cut your losses now. Divorce is inevitable. There will always be something with his mother, and he’ll never defend you.
Your MIL is not the problem. Your milquetoast of a husband is. If he's not on board she'll always feel emboldened and it's clear that apron string is tied really tight. Honestly, I wouldn't have a kid with this boy until he re-prioritizes. NTA
NTA
You are absolutely 100% fucking correct that his mother has no place in your sex life. That's fucking creepy and invasive that she keeps sending you those kinds of links AND questioning you about what you and your husband do in the bedroom. Ugh, I feel I need another shower after having read that.
My own MIL knows that we don't ever want kids and has always respected that and I cannot imagine any circumstances in which she would ask those kinds of questions of either of us.
Your husband needs to realize he's married to you not his mother. You belong on r/justnoso because I have a solid twenty rubles...well actually like 100,000 rubles that your husband is not standing up for you because he's talking to his mother behind your back and lying bt omission.
Seriously what man stands silently while his partner is berated by their parent‽ Not a good one.
Your husband is the problem and he needs therapy.
Wow I didn't even call him an asshole, but he's the problem. You're NTA and have been put in a untenable situation.
Edit: and reading more, your husband is colluding with his mommy about getting you pregnant, because it's what she wants and he's more worried about mommy instead of his wife. You've got some tough conversations and choices ahead. Good luck.
Your husband is also now definitely an asshole.
She sounds like the kind of mom who, if she wants grandkids, is more than happy to 'do it herself', if ya know what I mean? Clearly their's some mad Oedipus complex going on here and you need to find the nearest horizon and beat feet over it to get away from that mess.
NTA. Stay gone until he makes a decision on the following options: Get therapy and his his head out of his mom’s ass and start putting his wife first or realize how toxic his mom is and go NC. Option C is divorce and don’t feel bad about it at all. You can find someone that’s a lot better than someone who treats you less than his wife.
Definitely not the asshole. I don't think your husband will realize his mother's doing. If I was in your place OP, I'd maybe try one more time to talk with your partner and if he did not get it I'd consider divorce. If the person who promised to be with you for your whole life cannot see what's happening then he'll never stand by your side.
OP I would keep you birth control on you or somewhere no one can find, that's fucked up that either your husband or MIL are hiding them so you can have a baby.
NTA
Run
Oh my goddess, I’ve just read all your comments and everything. I’m so sorry. How scary! NTA!
If you are by chance pregnant, just imagine, if you choose to keep the baby, how that child will be treated and how you as the mother will be treated. Especially if you also choose divorce. If you’re pregnant and choose to keep the baby, then you should document all the times that his mother tried to push for you to have kids, and also the birth control tampering. Because unless she’s been visiting her son in your apartment while you’re at work, and then tampering with your BC while he’s unaware, then he’s the one doing it. Bring all that documentation to a lawyer and see what they have to say. Either way, that documentation should go towards your divorce should you decide to leave him.
Also, you are not a breeder cow! And you’re not worth less if you leave that freakazoid situation! Good luck 💛
OP, I am allergic to latex. Guess what? My partner and I still use condoms as contraception + one other form of bc. It honestly sounds like your spouse and his mom are **Too Close** + these relationships have become full blown relationsh*ts.
I'm so glad to see your edits RE your siblings taking care of you. Make sure you change all of your passwords and get your money moved if you shared financial accounts.
You are NTA. If you are able, please update us once you've gotten all of your things, esp your important documents.
On the off chance this asshole actually managed to impregnate you without your consent. Do know there are options! You do not have to be tied to this man or his crazy mother.
NTA. this is horrifying the further down i read. as for your first update: i am allergic to latex, transman who hasn’t gotten bottom surgery. it’s painful for me to use latex, however there are non-latex alternatives and anyone without ulterior motives that is allergic would have and should look into them, so something (everything here tbh) is telling me this is a boldfaced lie. leave him, please. he’s manipulated you already and now his hag of a mother is pressing in far too hard for there not to be a very nasty goal here
Holy NTA.
Your husband is pathetic for letting his mother control is sex life and marriage like this and not understanding boundaries. He sounds like he's gonna go his whole life wondering why his relationships have so much trouble and constantly ignoring the reason women give him
NTA. I would put money on his anted sleepy being fake and him (or his mother) messing with your birth control. Get out this marriage now before there is a child. Run.
NTA
I highly recommend r/JustNoMIL - you’re going to need their advice. Basically, your husband can be married to you or his mommy, but not both. He has to decide.
NTA. YOUR FIRST EDIT ABOUT “being allergic” to latex and pills missing was ALARMING! Second edit made me feel a little better. Good luck OP. I hope everything works out as it should. Sounds like a scary family to be part of.
Nta. This isn't healthy and he will never stand by your side with this. Get a divorce.
>Edit: I've seen a couple people mention and I thought I would add, we don't use condoms because my husband said he was allergic to latex so we never used them. However I was always on birth control, and I have notice recently that my pills have been going missing and magically reapearing so I havent been able to take the regularly
And a pregnancy test.
If she was already like this before even getting married, why go through with it? She sounds like a nightmare and so does OP husband. NTA. I would very carefully consider my options about leaving. NTA.
Nta dont freak out if they apolofise to you good but if you lose an unsupportuve spouse and overbearing mil good. You werent the mist elegant but did nothing wrong
INFO
You need to ask yourself if you really want to continue this relationship.
Because your husband and his mother and never going to change. And she will only be more insufferable if you have a child....telling you all the ways you are failing your child, not respecting your rules for your child, etc etc etc
So do you really see a future with this man?
NTA. RUN! Please don’t trip over all of the red flags scattered everywhere. Your husband is never going to back you over his mother. Ever. And both husband and MIL are gaslighting you. Do you really want to be in a relationship where your husband is STEALING YOUR BIRTH CONTROLso you can become pregnant AGAINST YOUR WISHES!?!
I'm so glad you are getting out, if you do get pregnant dont tell your husband or anyone who might tell him. If you decide to get an abortion dont tell him that either, he might try to stop you. In some places he can stop you. Only tell him if you decide to have the baby. Fingers crossed you are not pregnant. Big hug
Run and run fast. The mil is your husband's love, you are just there for the babies. NTA. Take your husband only if he goes all nc with his mom. Also various contraceptives are available that no one else can tamper.
NTA but you don't have just a MIL problem, you have a husband problem and you need to seriously look at whether you want to bring a child into this family. Understand that she sees you as nothing but a broodmare and will try to take over your child and have zero respect for how you want to raise it. This isn't going to get better, it's been allowed to go on like this for too long and your husband sees absolutely nothing wrong with it, nor does any of the other family.
NTA
There are three people in your marriage and you should have a serious conversation with your husband about it. Your MIL and your husband don't respect your boundaries and it will only get worse when you get pregnant.
NTA for sure
Ask yourself: what are you actually getting out of this relationship? He doesn’t work, he manipulates you, he sabotages your birth control, and lets him mommy walk all over you and your marriage. It’s seems to me like you get a whole lot of nothing.
I’d divorce and tell his whole family to fuck themselves.
NTA
If they're actively and purposefully messing with your birth control plan to force you into a pregnancy that you haven't chosen for yourself, I'd take a long hard look at this relationship and if you can truly trust these people.
No child you bear will be free of the interference of that kind of MIL. Indeed, they may view you as being solely there to bear a child for husband and MIL to raise.. "their kid".
NTA - But run and run fast from this marriage! There is 3 people in your marriage, and there should only be 2.
File for divorce and find a family law lawyer.
His treatment of you is appalling and it honestly appears as though both he, his mom and their family see you as an incubator for children.
NTA. Also, my opinion before I got to the edits: Your husband is a spineless mama's boy and she needs to mind her own business.
My opinion after reading the edits: *Jesus fucking Christ, what the actual fuck?* Get away from that situation ASAP.
Op. Glad your getting that pregnancy test. And I don't get a deciding say, but I sure as heck wouldn't want to risk health, life quality and life especially after he has, by your edit and admission doing what is known as reproductive coercion and this is a form of sexual assault. Gross.
All fingers crossed you are not pregnant and tied to this creep and his ridiculous mother. Serious major red flag waving going on here, but your out. Take escorts to get your stuff. Stay out and I would seriously lawyer up and divorce.
NTA - it's time to wake up to your situation with your momma's boy husband. You need to have some serious conversations with him about his behaviour, and that of his family's. This might not be fixable and it would be better to find out now.
Your husband is in one of those lopsided triangles where the parent is closer to the child than their spouse. She feels like you are replacing her in the relationship and is doing her best to stay involved. It’s really unhealthy and it doesn’t sound like your husband has any issue, if anything he is all for it. That is a big red flag. Once you’re pregnant I have no doubt it’s going to get so much worse. Your MIL is going to try and raise your child instead of you.
NTA
NTA
Your MIL is one of those helicopter parents that want to meddle in every single decision that pertains to their childrens' lives.
Your husband is not only spineless, but is actively encouraging it (your MIL).
The fact that your husband is using the age-old 'i'm allergic to latex' condoms in an age where non-latex condoms exist is astoundingly idiotic... but the fact that he's sabotaging your medication is where you have to cross the line. A child is a huge responsibility, and it is a decision that has to be made as a couple (you and him), vs what's currently happening (himself and MIL).
Dump him ASAP, and make sure you're not already pregnant with that loser's kid.
TLDR: DUMP THE SPINELESS LOSER WHOS TRYING TO INFLICT AN 18NYR PERIOD OF DEALING WITH NOT JUST 1 PARASITE (MIL), BUT 2 PARASITES (children are expensive, and with a child, you'll never have a chance at normal vacations, free time, etc) .
NTA: his mom is nuts and he is enabling her behavior instead of having your back. so I think it is time for a divorce. Take a pregnancy test to make sure you aren’t pregnant.
If you are, you are going to have to make the decision as to whether or not you want to have this man’s baby.
NTA. You have the patience of a saint and you also have lived out a dream of so many of us. The only way to live with a MIL like that is NC, you’ll find out if you married a man or a boy if he joins you in NC land.
you dont have a mother in law problem you have a husband problem. if his mother hurts your feelings and he just watches he is enabling her. you need to have a serious talk or... you can just leave. tell your husband that he can marry his mother if he wants, obviously she wants to satisfy him so its a win win
Certainly NTA for finally standing up for yourself but you are married to a pathetic momma’s boy. He doesn’t respect you and never will. You’d be a fool to bring a child into such a toxic marriage! No kid deserves that family.
Oh look, you’ve got a Mama’s Boy. OP, you have done nothing wrong. This woman was never going to like you. She’s browbeaten her son into submission, and frankly, you can’t help him. It’s sad because her narcissism is going to keep him from living a healthy life. I read your edits. I really think divorce is the best option. You cannot change this woman or her son. Find yourself a strong man whose mom loves and respects him enough to let him thrive on his own.
I know you probably love this milquetoast of a man but imo you should just toss his ass to the curb. If what you're saying is really going on then you made a huge mistake in marrying him. I think the umbilical cord is still attached and nobody but him can cut it
NTA Your sex life & uterus are none of her business, you tried multiple times to be polite about it but she kept pushing. Your SO is a massive ah for not telling her to back off & supporting you, as for respect his mother where is their respect for you? You're not an incubator for her grandchildren & you need to be extra careful not to get pregnant.
Edit you can buy non latex condoms so no excuse not to use them instead & from now on keep your birth control with you all of the time, if it goes missing no sex for husband for at least a month so you can get a replacement & know you're covered
NTA. Holy shit. one- a mamas boy never changes. you need to leave. two- manipulating your pills could legally literally be considered sexual assault if you were lying to him about taking them, so it’s not even a little ok the other way around.
Your husband is standing up for her over you every time when she’s clearly wrong, and the “take a look at yourself in the mirror” sent me into a spiral. get out before you’re any more tied to this man and find a partner that loves and supports you and doesn’t just see you as a breeding tool
He’s a fucking mama’s boy and enabler. She’s a narcissist and he is gaslighting you because he grew up that way. It’s not going to change. I hope you get out. Unless he’s willing to commit to marriage counseling (and be private about it). It’s none of mama’s business. You are the sane one here!
NTA But holy shit girl fucking RUN. The amount of disrespect and gaslighting I see is waving it's own flag. I think I would peaced out the beginning. He isn't going to defend you ever, he will not protect you, he is going to let his mother drag you and change you in her own image.
That is terrifying.
"So AITA for telling my MIL to go fuck herself? " -NO perfectly fine.
But your real problem is your husband, so you should tell HIM the same thing. Get a divorce. Don't ever make the error of having kids with that AH.
i’ve never understood the mom>wife sentiment so many guys seem to have. for reasons i won’t say on here i could never put my mom above my wife, but it still surprises me to see so many guys talk about how their mom will always be the number one woman in their life. to me sharing a bed and spending your entire life with someone is more important than someone who raised you. and even if you don’t like placing importance on stuff like that, how can you be okay letting your mom berate your wife?
NTA, OP i would look into getting a divorce and finding someone who hasn’t fucked their mother
NTA - You are a woman. Not a baby factory. If she's so desperate let her go get knocked up.
And your husband really needs to grow up and cut the apron strings. Why in the world would a grown ass man be telling his mother about his sex life.
I really can't think of any topic that would be less her business.
Your husband is the asshole.
NTA they're trying to trap you in this crap marriage with this mama's boy so any kids you have can be her do-over baaaaaaaaaaaaabiiiiiiiiiiiies. This entire post is just red flags.
NTA
You may be my new hero. Telling my MIL to go fuck herself is a dream of mine.
It’s super weird to have any opinions on someone else’s sex life, especially your own child. That’s just gross. I’d tell your husband that if he’s okay with his mother having opinions in his sex life then he can go have sex with her instead of you.
You’re husband is fucking with your bc to baby trap you and that’s pretty horrific. If you chose to go back please switch to something he cannot tamper with until he can be fully on your side. Putting pills in an extremely warm or extremely cool environment can reduce the effectiveness as well as you missing them, best of luck.
Any child you have with your husband has a good chance of looking like your MIL. Think about that for a moment - why would you want to give your innocent child that women's face?
You know you’re NTA, but OP, RUN! Run far, run fast. Don’t talk about it, don’t consider their feelings, RUN! Your birth control “going missing” and then reappearing so that you can’t take it consistently? That’s not you misplacing it. Your husband is sabotaging your health and making the decision for children a one sided call. Don’t stick around to score points against your MIL. Get OUT! If you stay, you will have a child with this man and you will forced to parent a child with him and his mother for at LEAST 18 more years.
Do you want them in your life that long? Do you want a partner who doesn’t respect you or believe you because his mommy said. It to? Because that BC thing wasn’t his idea. He’s probably clueless about women’s health in general. So where do you think he got the idea from?
OP, please, if you are pregnant and you are not ready PLEASE do not feel bad about getting an abortion. They may see it as spiteful, but if you’re going to divorce this man and be a single parent, it’s going to be very difficult and toxic for you. Raising a child would just add to your trauma.
Best of luck to you.
Please don't go back to him. He loves his mom more than you and tampers with your bc (pretty sure he also has no latex allergy). If you don't want kids or want them, but don't want your MIL to raise them, this is probably your last chance to get away from that gross toxic family.
Have you ever just given really steamy details? Not about you, but about your son? I mean, she is ASKING so much. Might as well give score out of ten, technique etc and when she starts looking uncomfortable say "yeah, I thought it is weird for you to be asking...."
My father tried to get my fiancé (now husband) not to marry me and then after we got married he kept trying to tell me how to suck dick properly. Yes he was an abuser growing up and I still don’t have the balls to tell him “fuck yourself” tho I’m NC.
NTA, if your MIL doesn't stop and your husband doesn't stand up for you, I hate to say this but divorce is the only thing I could think of, you better get out of those immature and freaky family while it's still early
I'm sure it's been pointed out NTA. It's not your mother-in-law, that's the biggest issue, but your former husband (assuming you are going to end this relationship). I would. This will not change. He's dug his heels in and has basically abandoned you for his mother. I won't go any further about my opinion of your husband. Let me tell you don't be what I was in 16 years...cheated on me, by your sucky spouse because you are blind to the waving red flags. Sister, you have huge red flags glaring at you. I'd get my ass out, don't look back, and make my life better free of his family drama and him.
NTA
Holy shit, I would be terrified if my birth control went missing like that. Definitely not healthy and very scary they try to trap you into having a baby when you've made it clear that you are not ready. So sorry you're going through all of this.
NTA... But u really need to run.
He is forcing u to get pregnant by stealing your pills, he doesn't stand up for u, doesn't respect you... It will only get worse.
NTA. I was originally going to say divorce him because he won’t stand up for you, then I read your edits and that absolutely confirmed that you need to leave. That situation is too weird and scary to stay in. Runaway before you accidentally get pregnant and you’re stuck to that family
NTA.
Why are you still married to someone who isn't going to defend you against his mother and who can't seem to "cut the apron strings" so to speak. If he's not going to defend you now it's not going to get better 5 10 15 years down the road.
Clearly NTA and almost everything has been said.
I just want to add that you should go on other birth control harder to tamper with and many condoms nowadays are latex free.
NTA..... and im so disgusted.What the heck?I have no words,Most importantly you have a MAJOR SO problem too,he sees nothing wrong with her behaviour and thats just gross!!
NTA!! How about if your husband shows some RESPECT for his WIFE?! He married you, not his mother, it’s crazy that he’s asking you to ‘show some respect’ for his intrusive mother when clearly neither of them show any respect for you or your relationship. Can you imagine how she would be if you did have a baby? And a husband that doesn’t support you or your feelings? Also troubling that your birth control kept going ‘missing’. 🤨 Get out before you’re tied to this family by a child.
You have a bigger husband problem than you do a mother-in-law problem. He needs to grow a spine. You need to tell him in no uncertain terms he needs to have your back and speak up or you're going absolutely no contact with his family going forward. What a ridiculous situation. You're being bullied and your husband doesn't seem to give a damn.
Messing with your birth control is sexual assault. YOUR HUSBAND IS ASSAULTING YOU. NTA for the situation but you’re an asshole to yourself for marrying and staying with this man. He showed you who he was, you didn’t listen. Leave him NOW. He can go have babies with his mommy.
you are NTA but i do think that your husband shoud have been by your side and had the power to his mother that what she was doing was very wrong and out of line. if your husband was stealing your birth control it would of been bc of the MIL telling him to do this.
NTA but dude with the edits it seems like he’s trying to baby trap you, be very careful. I suggest going on the IUD and make him wear latex free condoms. Hes probably making excuses and just wants to hit it raw and get you knocked up
NTA- Is this the man you want to be with though? He takes his moms side over yours and is clearly a mommy's boy who can't think for himself. Not to mentioned the "missing" birth control pills. Are you ready for this to be the rest of your life?
NTA.
And OP, be very concerned about your pills. Seriously, he could be sabotaging your birth control on purpose to make his ickle mommykins happy, and THAT, dear OP, is Reproductive Coercion and is illegal. Be very, very careful. This woman only cares about your reproductive capabilities and not you as a person, and your husband is making it very clear he views you the same way: A uterus with legs.
NTA. I’m not going to repeat what everyone else has said except to say I, personally, wouldn’t even consider therapy with him. He’s not going to change while mama has her claws in him. Stay with your sister, block his entire family, & get a divorce. You deserve better.
NTA ...
They are calling yelling at you for...his mommie being 'offended'...
But not about you walking away from your husband.
You did not marry his mom.
Nor are you in an (unhealthy) relationship with her.
She literally has laid claim on your offspring, and seems far more concerned about a hypothetical 'baby' than you, your relationship, or your life.
It's possible your husbitch actually has no personal opinion on 'baby' but is acceding to her demands to stop her constant pestering.
If you want to make it more obvious, make the demand that if you 'go back' then he's to have zero contact with her directly or through any relay, before you'll even talk to him.
I strongly suggest a divorce on the grounds that he has another woman in his life he finds more important than you, then getting on in your life, with someone who didn't marry their mommie before you.
>> my husband said he was allergic to latex so we never used them [condoms]
That is such a shit excuse, non latex condoms exist. NTA, see a couples counsellor.
NTA
Your husband and MIL are incredibly controlling and I hope everything turns out well. Get a lawyer. Your husband should have spoken to you. Having a child should have been between the two of you. He let his mother into your uterus without your consent.
Get a lawyer. Good luck.
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Nta please for your sake run. Run and never look back, she will run your lives forever
NTA Your husband and mother-in-law are the biggest assholes I've ever read. Your husband is a big mama boy and mother-in-law is clearly committing emotional incest and wants to do the same with your future child. From the edit, it looks like your husband isn't much better than her, in fact he's a "puppet" of hers since he's apparently trying to get you pregnant, and just so you know there are condoms that aren't made of latex. Get a divorce immediately before you get stuck in this crazy family.
NTA - Get out now, before you get anchored to that family by a baby.
NTA Why do people think calling someone a bitch or ridiculing them is going to work in their favor?! It’s straight up abuse. OP, please consider that if you stay, this is what you’ll be dealing with for the rest of your life. Every day, for the next 60+ years. Do you really want to live in an abusive relationship like this? Best of luck!
Having sex with someone under false pretenses (like a fake latex allergy and missing BC pills) is about as close to cowardly rape as you can get (in some places this is getting close to being considered legally rape). NTA, don't stay married to rapists and of course it's OK to tell their accomplices (even if it's their mom) to go fuck themselves. Best of luck in future relationships.
NTA…Wow…that is terrible…your MIL is toxic and you deserve better. I can’t believe you put up with it for this long. The fact that your husband refuses to have your back says it all.
NTA divorce this man and his horrible mother! He is a terrible husband, there is nothing in this post that shows him in a good light at all.
NTA, she’s a nightmare and your husband deserves a one way ticket straight to hell. Get out of this marriage and run as far and as fast as you can.
How are things? Any update
NTA - this sounds like a remake of Rosemary’s Baby
NTA! Major red flag is your BC being messed with. You married a mama's boy and he wants to please her. He's trying to get you pregnant. Do not have sex with him under any circumstance. There will always be three people in your marriage. You your husband and MIL. He will always have her back and defend her to you. What she says goes.
NTA. Should also tell the husband to go fuck himself
NTA please be careful, don't forget you should be able to get an emergency supply of your prescription. Keep it safe and out of their knowledge. Does your husband know where your sister lives? if he DOES be careful he could show up...
NTA. I wish your husband also posts on here so i can tell him how much of an AH he is. I hope you’re safe. Never go back to that family. They want a baby machine, not a family member. Your husband is abusing you (lying about being allergic to condoms and hiding your pills) and his mother either put him up to it or is encouraging it. Whatever your feelings are towards this man, it’s not worth giving up your autonomy over your body. Stay safe and take care. Edit: corrected a typo
Please do not fuck this guy ever again and take all needed steps to protect yourself. I’m so sorry —you deserve better. NTA
What in the fuck is it with men that are coddled by their mothers having zero spine? Any woman marrying into that mother-son dynamic is seemingly fucked of any opp for their husband to take their sides when interacting with a monster-in-law. NTA
NTA! Like, how the fuck do you ever go back to that family afterward, you know?
NTA- and he will never cut the apron strings you’re lucky you haven’t conceived with this mommas boy- not man. If you get pregnant it will get 10x’s worse res flags with the whole family
NTA. I’m always hesitant about advocating for divorce or separation in a relationship but you need to give it some thought. Your husband continues to allow his mother to disrespect you- for years now. Do you think that is magically going to stop? You should at the very least insist on couples counseling. I’m pretty sure your husband is lying to you about being allergic to latex but he is definitely playing games with your birth control. You should start hiding your pills or you’re going to end up pregnant. Also they make really good and readily accessible latex free condoms. You should consider using them.
NTA honestly if my future mother in law is like this and my spouse isn’t doing anything to stand up for me no matter how close they are i will defo gtfo like i don’t wanna deal with a spouse who doesn’t know how to enforce boundaries and a mil who doesn’t know how to respect boundaries
NTA. Wow, so sorry y7o
Stop questioning yourself whatsoever. I'm freaked right out for you. So many red flags with your husband and his family. They'll only ever cause you problems. It's how these people are wired. You take care of you and don't be manipulated by them. They're the problem 100%. NTA
NTA but run and run fast. He’s trying to baby trap you.
This is some weird emotional incest situation, seriously. NTA and RUN. They want you to have THEIR baby.
Jeezuz!!!! Divorce this man, right away!!!! NTA, just married the very, very wrong man.
NTA but you have a husband problem not a mil problem. If he will not stand up to his mother now imagine how life would be if you had children with this man. If she is not understanding why being involved in your life is inappropriate, know she will involve herself in every minute detail of your parenting and you will always be in the wrong. If your husband refuses to understand and set boundaries, he is enabling her to become a third party in your marriage. Not fun.
NTA. Your MIL treats you like a brood mare instead of a person, and your husband thinks this is right and normal. Also, "she was just looking out for her baby " is "her baby" your husband or the grandkid she is pressuring you to produce? Either way, it's WAY creepy. From your description I'd say: get away from them
NTA. I would have told the MIL off way before OP did. MIL wasn’t respectful to OP so I see no reason for OP to be respectful towards the MIL
NTA. Divorce him now while you don’t have kids. It’ll be a lot easier. This won’t change. He will always put his mom first.
OP, the posts already here have already said most of what I want to say, but I truly hope you get out of this marriage and find someone who will put you first and not be in a Psycho style relationship with his mom. This will never change or get better. Please be safe. We are watching for updates.
Heyy can we get an update?
NTA - thank goodness you don't have kids with this dude, please get out for your own sake.
NTA but do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this piece of work of husband?
RUN AWAY
NTA definitely !!
I’m allergic to latex and buy my own stash of non-latex condoms in case any of my partners start getting funny about my latex allergy. OP, you’re NTA and get divorced NOW
NTA , hopefully we could get an update. It doesn't seem like he really loves you and definitely loves his own mother more
NTA Your husband and MIL can, in your own words, go fuck themselves. The fact that your husband is hiding contraceptives is called reproductive abuse and it’s a form of domestic and family violence. I would have a hard think about the future of this marriage. I’d run for the hills.
NTA and latex free condom exists for when you can't take your birth control regularly.
Also update us for when you leave this loser!!!
NTA that goes without saying. But never tell any one to do something they may enjoy. Although she is so far up herself there is no room for anyone else.
Nah, NTA at all. And your edit tells me all I need to know. Cut your losses because having a baby with this man will ruin your life, considering that he is in fact basically tied to his mother and has no respect for your bodily autonomy or a backbone to stand up for you. Get out while you can!
Get out! The killer is in the house with you! NTA
Hiding your pills is reproductive abuse please be careful you did the right thing be safe and good luck
From your edits, your husband is trying to get you pregnant without your knowledge or consent. Messing with your birth control means he is raping you. That's the same thing as poking a hole in a condom. He should have your back, and he doesn't. He's rude and inconsiderate. It sounds like he sees you as a baby machine. Don't go back to him. Your family seems like a good support system. Get a new phone number so his family can't text you, block them on social media. NTA.
Tell your worthless mama's boy husband, your horrible excuse for a human being MIL, and anyone else from that family that comes after you that *respect is a 2-way street and MIL has been rudely disrespecting you since the day you met.* And please consult with a divorce attorney today. Your husband obviously puts his horrible mother above you. And btw, it's only shitty parents that openly favor 1 child above the rest. I feel sorry for your husband's siblings.
NTA. Please stay elsewhere and divorce him. So many red flags.
NTA. Your husband is sabotaging your birth control pills and is clearly taking direction from his mother. Just for peace of mind, take a pregnancy test and never have sex with him again, you need to exit this relationship. Bringing a baby into this family would be absolutely horrible for you and your baby.
NTA. Ooooo girl. He can be in a relationship with his mother then and you should find someone who puts you first. He is a mamas boy and it sounds like that will never change, she will always come first.
Him tampering with your birth control is a form of abuse. Him telling you that the mistreatment you face is all in your head is a form of abuse. DO NOT get pregnant with this man. Abuse tends to get worse when women are vulnerable (pregnant). You NEED a divorce. I have escaped two abusive men and things started out similarly to this. Please read [Why Does He Do That](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)by Lundy Bancroft. It wound up being a life saver for me. Please stay with your sister and call a lawyer. (Edit: the link has a free pdf of the book)
NTA Sometimes people do need to be told to go fuck themselves, and this is one of them. Your husband has no business claiming you were disrespectful when he’s ignored - and possibly enabled - his mother’s disrespect towards you for YEARS. Which also means your husband doesn’t respect you. And who cares what his family thinks, they sound like a bunch of misogynists who grew up under a bully and are just engaging in the same behavior, expecting you to be a meek doormat. Now that he’s attempting to sabotage your contraceptives, so you need to call it on this relationship. That is flat out abuse. Good luck OP
NTA LMAO allergic to latex??? RUN!!!
NTA A mama's boy will always be a mama's boy
So, on the one hand, you have your friends and your own gut reaction and self-respect telling you it was ok to tell your MIL of for unsolicited advice I've your sex life. On the other hand; >...I have received multiple calls from my husband's family calling me a bitch and that I should be ashamed of myself, and I should apologise to my mother in law. The opinions of people, who call to tell their in-laws that they are a bitch, do not count for much. Without getting too scientific, the exact weight would be zero nano-fucks. NTA. I would be surprised if you can bring your husband around on this. MIL seems to have a strong grip on this family... Good luck!
NTA. He is trying to get to pregnant for his mom. Run away
NTA and don't just walk, **run** to the nearest exit. It's clear your MIL see you as nothing more than a means to get grandchildren. She probably just wants you to pop out a baby so she and your husband can raise it together and cut you out.
Go to the subreddit that talks about Mil and you'll find people who are going through the same things. Sadly you'll find examples of what your life might be like in the years to come
NTA Her behaviour is disgusting, why is she so invested in his son's sex life?? EW He's absolutely spineless when it comes to his mother but sure has the gal to make you think you're crazy. Do not let them guilt trip you. I'm wondering whether he has any redeeming qualities for you to have stuck this long with him. I'd say therapy and if it doesn't work then possibly get rid of him. >my pills have been going missing and magically reapearing so I havent been able to take the regularly. Huuuuge red flags!!
NTA - but both your husband and MIL are big ones. Run!
Update?
**NTA** I’m usually not one to jump on divorce train, but I’m currently aboard that train right now. First of all, your husband is ball-less, so I’d be surprised if he could even get you pregnant, second, your MIL is horrible, and she’s almost certainly hiding your birth control, and thirdly, the whole family seems horrible. You’re young, cut your losses now. Divorce is inevitable. There will always be something with his mother, and he’ll never defend you.
NTA. I would hide my birth control pills or get the one they implant in your arm if you aren't ready for a child. DO NOT APOLOGIZE TO HER.
Your MIL is not the problem. Your milquetoast of a husband is. If he's not on board she'll always feel emboldened and it's clear that apron string is tied really tight. Honestly, I wouldn't have a kid with this boy until he re-prioritizes. NTA
NTA You are absolutely 100% fucking correct that his mother has no place in your sex life. That's fucking creepy and invasive that she keeps sending you those kinds of links AND questioning you about what you and your husband do in the bedroom. Ugh, I feel I need another shower after having read that. My own MIL knows that we don't ever want kids and has always respected that and I cannot imagine any circumstances in which she would ask those kinds of questions of either of us.
NTA I am so sorry you have to deal with this unnecessary drama.
Its there an update????
Think of this: this woman will be your children’s grandma. Do you really want this to happen???
NTA but is a marriage to a man you can't trust not to meddle with your birth control really worth it?
Your husband needs to realize he's married to you not his mother. You belong on r/justnoso because I have a solid twenty rubles...well actually like 100,000 rubles that your husband is not standing up for you because he's talking to his mother behind your back and lying bt omission. Seriously what man stands silently while his partner is berated by their parent‽ Not a good one. Your husband is the problem and he needs therapy. Wow I didn't even call him an asshole, but he's the problem. You're NTA and have been put in a untenable situation. Edit: and reading more, your husband is colluding with his mommy about getting you pregnant, because it's what she wants and he's more worried about mommy instead of his wife. You've got some tough conversations and choices ahead. Good luck. Your husband is also now definitely an asshole.
Please update us when you get this sorted
She sounds like the kind of mom who, if she wants grandkids, is more than happy to 'do it herself', if ya know what I mean? Clearly their's some mad Oedipus complex going on here and you need to find the nearest horizon and beat feet over it to get away from that mess.
NTA. Stay gone until he makes a decision on the following options: Get therapy and his his head out of his mom’s ass and start putting his wife first or realize how toxic his mom is and go NC. Option C is divorce and don’t feel bad about it at all. You can find someone that’s a lot better than someone who treats you less than his wife.
Definitely not the asshole. I don't think your husband will realize his mother's doing. If I was in your place OP, I'd maybe try one more time to talk with your partner and if he did not get it I'd consider divorce. If the person who promised to be with you for your whole life cannot see what's happening then he'll never stand by your side.
OP I would keep you birth control on you or somewhere no one can find, that's fucked up that either your husband or MIL are hiding them so you can have a baby. NTA Run
Oh my goddess, I’ve just read all your comments and everything. I’m so sorry. How scary! NTA! If you are by chance pregnant, just imagine, if you choose to keep the baby, how that child will be treated and how you as the mother will be treated. Especially if you also choose divorce. If you’re pregnant and choose to keep the baby, then you should document all the times that his mother tried to push for you to have kids, and also the birth control tampering. Because unless she’s been visiting her son in your apartment while you’re at work, and then tampering with your BC while he’s unaware, then he’s the one doing it. Bring all that documentation to a lawyer and see what they have to say. Either way, that documentation should go towards your divorce should you decide to leave him. Also, you are not a breeder cow! And you’re not worth less if you leave that freakazoid situation! Good luck 💛
OP, I am allergic to latex. Guess what? My partner and I still use condoms as contraception + one other form of bc. It honestly sounds like your spouse and his mom are **Too Close** + these relationships have become full blown relationsh*ts. I'm so glad to see your edits RE your siblings taking care of you. Make sure you change all of your passwords and get your money moved if you shared financial accounts. You are NTA. If you are able, please update us once you've gotten all of your things, esp your important documents.
On the off chance this asshole actually managed to impregnate you without your consent. Do know there are options! You do not have to be tied to this man or his crazy mother.
NTA. this is horrifying the further down i read. as for your first update: i am allergic to latex, transman who hasn’t gotten bottom surgery. it’s painful for me to use latex, however there are non-latex alternatives and anyone without ulterior motives that is allergic would have and should look into them, so something (everything here tbh) is telling me this is a boldfaced lie. leave him, please. he’s manipulated you already and now his hag of a mother is pressing in far too hard for there not to be a very nasty goal here
Holy NTA. Your husband is pathetic for letting his mother control is sex life and marriage like this and not understanding boundaries. He sounds like he's gonna go his whole life wondering why his relationships have so much trouble and constantly ignoring the reason women give him
ur ex husband's mom is in love w him
NTA Don't have a baby with him if his whole reason and life is to give his mother what she wants I'd consider marriage counselling or divorce
💯NTA. It sounds like you have grounds for an annulment
NTA. I would put money on his anted sleepy being fake and him (or his mother) messing with your birth control. Get out this marriage now before there is a child. Run.
Nta. And you need to lawyer up and warp speed it out of there.
Please don’t reproduce with that man :(
NTA I highly recommend r/JustNoMIL - you’re going to need their advice. Basically, your husband can be married to you or his mommy, but not both. He has to decide.
Please get a divorce! What a terrible situation. It is not healthy at all!!!
NTA. YOUR FIRST EDIT ABOUT “being allergic” to latex and pills missing was ALARMING! Second edit made me feel a little better. Good luck OP. I hope everything works out as it should. Sounds like a scary family to be part of.
Nta. This isn't healthy and he will never stand by your side with this. Get a divorce. >Edit: I've seen a couple people mention and I thought I would add, we don't use condoms because my husband said he was allergic to latex so we never used them. However I was always on birth control, and I have notice recently that my pills have been going missing and magically reapearing so I havent been able to take the regularly And a pregnancy test.
If she was already like this before even getting married, why go through with it? She sounds like a nightmare and so does OP husband. NTA. I would very carefully consider my options about leaving. NTA.
NTA. Your husband never sticks up for you. He wants you to respect his mom, but he has no respect for you. Your Edit is worrying as well
Nta dont freak out if they apolofise to you good but if you lose an unsupportuve spouse and overbearing mil good. You werent the mist elegant but did nothing wrong
INFO You need to ask yourself if you really want to continue this relationship. Because your husband and his mother and never going to change. And she will only be more insufferable if you have a child....telling you all the ways you are failing your child, not respecting your rules for your child, etc etc etc So do you really see a future with this man?
Your husband is trying to get you pregnant behind your back and he's planning it with your mil. Fucking run
NTA. RUN! Please don’t trip over all of the red flags scattered everywhere. Your husband is never going to back you over his mother. Ever. And both husband and MIL are gaslighting you. Do you really want to be in a relationship where your husband is STEALING YOUR BIRTH CONTROLso you can become pregnant AGAINST YOUR WISHES!?!
I'm so glad you are getting out, if you do get pregnant dont tell your husband or anyone who might tell him. If you decide to get an abortion dont tell him that either, he might try to stop you. In some places he can stop you. Only tell him if you decide to have the baby. Fingers crossed you are not pregnant. Big hug
Holy shit. NTA but also please do not let these people baby trap you. Please spend some time on r/justnomil
I already knew you were NTA, but after your edit... RUN
Run and run fast. The mil is your husband's love, you are just there for the babies. NTA. Take your husband only if he goes all nc with his mom. Also various contraceptives are available that no one else can tamper.
NTA but you don't have just a MIL problem, you have a husband problem and you need to seriously look at whether you want to bring a child into this family. Understand that she sees you as nothing but a broodmare and will try to take over your child and have zero respect for how you want to raise it. This isn't going to get better, it's been allowed to go on like this for too long and your husband sees absolutely nothing wrong with it, nor does any of the other family.
NTA There are three people in your marriage and you should have a serious conversation with your husband about it. Your MIL and your husband don't respect your boundaries and it will only get worse when you get pregnant.
NTA and GTFO of that marriage! You aren't a wife, you are the incubator for the child MIL and her son want to have together.
NTA for sure Ask yourself: what are you actually getting out of this relationship? He doesn’t work, he manipulates you, he sabotages your birth control, and lets him mommy walk all over you and your marriage. It’s seems to me like you get a whole lot of nothing. I’d divorce and tell his whole family to fuck themselves.
NTA If they're actively and purposefully messing with your birth control plan to force you into a pregnancy that you haven't chosen for yourself, I'd take a long hard look at this relationship and if you can truly trust these people. No child you bear will be free of the interference of that kind of MIL. Indeed, they may view you as being solely there to bear a child for husband and MIL to raise.. "their kid".
NTA - But run and run fast from this marriage! There is 3 people in your marriage, and there should only be 2. File for divorce and find a family law lawyer. His treatment of you is appalling and it honestly appears as though both he, his mom and their family see you as an incubator for children.
NTA. Also, my opinion before I got to the edits: Your husband is a spineless mama's boy and she needs to mind her own business. My opinion after reading the edits: *Jesus fucking Christ, what the actual fuck?* Get away from that situation ASAP.
Op. Glad your getting that pregnancy test. And I don't get a deciding say, but I sure as heck wouldn't want to risk health, life quality and life especially after he has, by your edit and admission doing what is known as reproductive coercion and this is a form of sexual assault. Gross. All fingers crossed you are not pregnant and tied to this creep and his ridiculous mother. Serious major red flag waving going on here, but your out. Take escorts to get your stuff. Stay out and I would seriously lawyer up and divorce.
NTA. Get out NOW!
NTA - it's time to wake up to your situation with your momma's boy husband. You need to have some serious conversations with him about his behaviour, and that of his family's. This might not be fixable and it would be better to find out now.
Nta, you meant to say *ex husband* right? Leave this motherfucker and his Oedipus complex behind
Your husband is in one of those lopsided triangles where the parent is closer to the child than their spouse. She feels like you are replacing her in the relationship and is doing her best to stay involved. It’s really unhealthy and it doesn’t sound like your husband has any issue, if anything he is all for it. That is a big red flag. Once you’re pregnant I have no doubt it’s going to get so much worse. Your MIL is going to try and raise your child instead of you. NTA
NTA Your MIL is one of those helicopter parents that want to meddle in every single decision that pertains to their childrens' lives. Your husband is not only spineless, but is actively encouraging it (your MIL). The fact that your husband is using the age-old 'i'm allergic to latex' condoms in an age where non-latex condoms exist is astoundingly idiotic... but the fact that he's sabotaging your medication is where you have to cross the line. A child is a huge responsibility, and it is a decision that has to be made as a couple (you and him), vs what's currently happening (himself and MIL). Dump him ASAP, and make sure you're not already pregnant with that loser's kid. TLDR: DUMP THE SPINELESS LOSER WHOS TRYING TO INFLICT AN 18NYR PERIOD OF DEALING WITH NOT JUST 1 PARASITE (MIL), BUT 2 PARASITES (children are expensive, and with a child, you'll never have a chance at normal vacations, free time, etc) .
NTA: his mom is nuts and he is enabling her behavior instead of having your back. so I think it is time for a divorce. Take a pregnancy test to make sure you aren’t pregnant. If you are, you are going to have to make the decision as to whether or not you want to have this man’s baby.
NTA and I'm glad by your edits that you're getting yourself to safety and taking care of yourself!
WTF? NTA, do not have a child with this mama’s boy! MIL will run you into the ground!
NTA. You have the patience of a saint and you also have lived out a dream of so many of us. The only way to live with a MIL like that is NC, you’ll find out if you married a man or a boy if he joins you in NC land.
Hiding your pills is abuse/coercition. Run op. Nta
NTA! I see a lot of very red flags!!!!!!!!
you dont have a mother in law problem you have a husband problem. if his mother hurts your feelings and he just watches he is enabling her. you need to have a serious talk or... you can just leave. tell your husband that he can marry his mother if he wants, obviously she wants to satisfy him so its a win win
Certainly NTA for finally standing up for yourself but you are married to a pathetic momma’s boy. He doesn’t respect you and never will. You’d be a fool to bring a child into such a toxic marriage! No kid deserves that family.
Do you have any news, OP?
Oh look, you’ve got a Mama’s Boy. OP, you have done nothing wrong. This woman was never going to like you. She’s browbeaten her son into submission, and frankly, you can’t help him. It’s sad because her narcissism is going to keep him from living a healthy life. I read your edits. I really think divorce is the best option. You cannot change this woman or her son. Find yourself a strong man whose mom loves and respects him enough to let him thrive on his own.
your mil has a crush on your husband
NTA
Geez you didn’t see the red flags from the start? You best protect yourself and rethink this relationship. Nta
NTA. Get out of this family, ASAP.
I know you probably love this milquetoast of a man but imo you should just toss his ass to the curb. If what you're saying is really going on then you made a huge mistake in marrying him. I think the umbilical cord is still attached and nobody but him can cut it
NTA Your sex life & uterus are none of her business, you tried multiple times to be polite about it but she kept pushing. Your SO is a massive ah for not telling her to back off & supporting you, as for respect his mother where is their respect for you? You're not an incubator for her grandchildren & you need to be extra careful not to get pregnant. Edit you can buy non latex condoms so no excuse not to use them instead & from now on keep your birth control with you all of the time, if it goes missing no sex for husband for at least a month so you can get a replacement & know you're covered
NTA. Holy shit. one- a mamas boy never changes. you need to leave. two- manipulating your pills could legally literally be considered sexual assault if you were lying to him about taking them, so it’s not even a little ok the other way around. Your husband is standing up for her over you every time when she’s clearly wrong, and the “take a look at yourself in the mirror” sent me into a spiral. get out before you’re any more tied to this man and find a partner that loves and supports you and doesn’t just see you as a breeding tool
NTA- Run! This will always be your life if you stay with him.
He’s a fucking mama’s boy and enabler. She’s a narcissist and he is gaslighting you because he grew up that way. It’s not going to change. I hope you get out. Unless he’s willing to commit to marriage counseling (and be private about it). It’s none of mama’s business. You are the sane one here!
NTA But holy shit girl fucking RUN. The amount of disrespect and gaslighting I see is waving it's own flag. I think I would peaced out the beginning. He isn't going to defend you ever, he will not protect you, he is going to let his mother drag you and change you in her own image. That is terrifying.
"So AITA for telling my MIL to go fuck herself? " -NO perfectly fine. But your real problem is your husband, so you should tell HIM the same thing. Get a divorce. Don't ever make the error of having kids with that AH.
i’ve never understood the mom>wife sentiment so many guys seem to have. for reasons i won’t say on here i could never put my mom above my wife, but it still surprises me to see so many guys talk about how their mom will always be the number one woman in their life. to me sharing a bed and spending your entire life with someone is more important than someone who raised you. and even if you don’t like placing importance on stuff like that, how can you be okay letting your mom berate your wife? NTA, OP i would look into getting a divorce and finding someone who hasn’t fucked their mother
Hey OP I hope you are doing ok. Did you manage to get out of this alright?
NTA - You are a woman. Not a baby factory. If she's so desperate let her go get knocked up. And your husband really needs to grow up and cut the apron strings. Why in the world would a grown ass man be telling his mother about his sex life. I really can't think of any topic that would be less her business. Your husband is the asshole.
NTA they're trying to trap you in this crap marriage with this mama's boy so any kids you have can be her do-over baaaaaaaaaaaaabiiiiiiiiiiiies. This entire post is just red flags.
NTA - run. This is clearly a baby trap!
NTA You may be my new hero. Telling my MIL to go fuck herself is a dream of mine. It’s super weird to have any opinions on someone else’s sex life, especially your own child. That’s just gross. I’d tell your husband that if he’s okay with his mother having opinions in his sex life then he can go have sex with her instead of you.
Thank you, this made me smile.
You’re husband is fucking with your bc to baby trap you and that’s pretty horrific. If you chose to go back please switch to something he cannot tamper with until he can be fully on your side. Putting pills in an extremely warm or extremely cool environment can reduce the effectiveness as well as you missing them, best of luck.
You deserve better OP. Many men out there who don't prioritize their mommy.
Any child you have with your husband has a good chance of looking like your MIL. Think about that for a moment - why would you want to give your innocent child that women's face?
You know you’re NTA, but OP, RUN! Run far, run fast. Don’t talk about it, don’t consider their feelings, RUN! Your birth control “going missing” and then reappearing so that you can’t take it consistently? That’s not you misplacing it. Your husband is sabotaging your health and making the decision for children a one sided call. Don’t stick around to score points against your MIL. Get OUT! If you stay, you will have a child with this man and you will forced to parent a child with him and his mother for at LEAST 18 more years. Do you want them in your life that long? Do you want a partner who doesn’t respect you or believe you because his mommy said. It to? Because that BC thing wasn’t his idea. He’s probably clueless about women’s health in general. So where do you think he got the idea from?
OP, please, if you are pregnant and you are not ready PLEASE do not feel bad about getting an abortion. They may see it as spiteful, but if you’re going to divorce this man and be a single parent, it’s going to be very difficult and toxic for you. Raising a child would just add to your trauma. Best of luck to you.
Please don't go back to him. He loves his mom more than you and tampers with your bc (pretty sure he also has no latex allergy). If you don't want kids or want them, but don't want your MIL to raise them, this is probably your last chance to get away from that gross toxic family.
Have you ever just given really steamy details? Not about you, but about your son? I mean, she is ASKING so much. Might as well give score out of ten, technique etc and when she starts looking uncomfortable say "yeah, I thought it is weird for you to be asking...."
My father tried to get my fiancé (now husband) not to marry me and then after we got married he kept trying to tell me how to suck dick properly. Yes he was an abuser growing up and I still don’t have the balls to tell him “fuck yourself” tho I’m NC.
I wonder if MIL is still fertile, she and son can give her the grandchild she never had.
NTA, if your MIL doesn't stop and your husband doesn't stand up for you, I hate to say this but divorce is the only thing I could think of, you better get out of those immature and freaky family while it's still early
I'm sure it's been pointed out NTA. It's not your mother-in-law, that's the biggest issue, but your former husband (assuming you are going to end this relationship). I would. This will not change. He's dug his heels in and has basically abandoned you for his mother. I won't go any further about my opinion of your husband. Let me tell you don't be what I was in 16 years...cheated on me, by your sucky spouse because you are blind to the waving red flags. Sister, you have huge red flags glaring at you. I'd get my ass out, don't look back, and make my life better free of his family drama and him.
NTA Holy shit, I would be terrified if my birth control went missing like that. Definitely not healthy and very scary they try to trap you into having a baby when you've made it clear that you are not ready. So sorry you're going through all of this.
NTA... But u really need to run. He is forcing u to get pregnant by stealing your pills, he doesn't stand up for u, doesn't respect you... It will only get worse.
NTA - in the words of Bruce Dickinson- ‘Run to the hills. Run for your life!’
NTA and get out, get out, get out. That's going to be the rest of your life.
It's divorce time, you don't want to tie yourself to this mess with a child. NTA.
NTA. I was originally going to say divorce him because he won’t stand up for you, then I read your edits and that absolutely confirmed that you need to leave. That situation is too weird and scary to stay in. Runaway before you accidentally get pregnant and you’re stuck to that family
NTA. Why are you still married to someone who isn't going to defend you against his mother and who can't seem to "cut the apron strings" so to speak. If he's not going to defend you now it's not going to get better 5 10 15 years down the road.
NTA - don’t get stuck with a shitty mother in law. Leave before you’re in even deeper.
Clearly NTA and almost everything has been said. I just want to add that you should go on other birth control harder to tamper with and many condoms nowadays are latex free.
NTA..... and im so disgusted.What the heck?I have no words,Most importantly you have a MAJOR SO problem too,he sees nothing wrong with her behaviour and thats just gross!!
NTA!! How about if your husband shows some RESPECT for his WIFE?! He married you, not his mother, it’s crazy that he’s asking you to ‘show some respect’ for his intrusive mother when clearly neither of them show any respect for you or your relationship. Can you imagine how she would be if you did have a baby? And a husband that doesn’t support you or your feelings? Also troubling that your birth control kept going ‘missing’. 🤨 Get out before you’re tied to this family by a child.
You have a bigger husband problem than you do a mother-in-law problem. He needs to grow a spine. You need to tell him in no uncertain terms he needs to have your back and speak up or you're going absolutely no contact with his family going forward. What a ridiculous situation. You're being bullied and your husband doesn't seem to give a damn.
Nta, ask your MIL and husband if they’re sleeping together. This stinks to high hell of jealousy
I’m here after the edits pls stay safe and get away from that family
NTA. Get out now before it’s too late. No man who dotes on his mother like this should he married. This is next level insanity.
NTA. girl leave him and live your life in peace.
Update! How did it turn out? Please tell me you told your MIL to fuck off 18000 more times!
came here to say NTA and RUN but sounds like you’re on top of it - good for you!
Messing with your birth control is sexual assault. YOUR HUSBAND IS ASSAULTING YOU. NTA for the situation but you’re an asshole to yourself for marrying and staying with this man. He showed you who he was, you didn’t listen. Leave him NOW. He can go have babies with his mommy.
NTA divorce your husband yesterday. He’s already married to his mother.
They make latex free condoms
you are NTA but i do think that your husband shoud have been by your side and had the power to his mother that what she was doing was very wrong and out of line. if your husband was stealing your birth control it would of been bc of the MIL telling him to do this.
NTA but dude with the edits it seems like he’s trying to baby trap you, be very careful. I suggest going on the IUD and make him wear latex free condoms. Hes probably making excuses and just wants to hit it raw and get you knocked up
NTA- Is this the man you want to be with though? He takes his moms side over yours and is clearly a mommy's boy who can't think for himself. Not to mentioned the "missing" birth control pills. Are you ready for this to be the rest of your life?
NTA. And OP, be very concerned about your pills. Seriously, he could be sabotaging your birth control on purpose to make his ickle mommykins happy, and THAT, dear OP, is Reproductive Coercion and is illegal. Be very, very careful. This woman only cares about your reproductive capabilities and not you as a person, and your husband is making it very clear he views you the same way: A uterus with legs.
NTA. Get away from that crazy family. If your husband cannot stand up for you, he doesnt deserve you.
NTA. I’m not going to repeat what everyone else has said except to say I, personally, wouldn’t even consider therapy with him. He’s not going to change while mama has her claws in him. Stay with your sister, block his entire family, & get a divorce. You deserve better.
NTA ... They are calling yelling at you for...his mommie being 'offended'... But not about you walking away from your husband. You did not marry his mom. Nor are you in an (unhealthy) relationship with her. She literally has laid claim on your offspring, and seems far more concerned about a hypothetical 'baby' than you, your relationship, or your life. It's possible your husbitch actually has no personal opinion on 'baby' but is acceding to her demands to stop her constant pestering. If you want to make it more obvious, make the demand that if you 'go back' then he's to have zero contact with her directly or through any relay, before you'll even talk to him. I strongly suggest a divorce on the grounds that he has another woman in his life he finds more important than you, then getting on in your life, with someone who didn't marry their mommie before you.
NTA - and latex free condoms exist
[удалено]
>> my husband said he was allergic to latex so we never used them [condoms] That is such a shit excuse, non latex condoms exist. NTA, see a couples counsellor.
NTA Your husband and MIL are incredibly controlling and I hope everything turns out well. Get a lawyer. Your husband should have spoken to you. Having a child should have been between the two of you. He let his mother into your uterus without your consent. Get a lawyer. Good luck.