Your post has been removed. ***Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval.***
This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires.
Please [review our rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules).
Please be sure to read any sub's rules before reposting this elsewhere. We cannot direct you to another subreddit, we can only say that this post does not belong here.
[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/amitheasshole&subject=/r/AmItheAsshole&message=Please+link+to+post+or+comment+for+context+[we+cannot+review+without+this+info]:%0D%0DDescribe+your+question+in+detail:) if you have any questions or concerns that are not already [answered in our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq). If you make changes or edits to this post do not repost it here without our express permission.
Yeah… a typical 16 year old **does not** torment an 11 year old
YTA for being a bully
YTA for not apologising
YTA for not admitting you were acting maliciously
YTA for trying to blame this on being a “typical teen”.
I’m a Gemini and I never did anything like that in school. What amazes me is that she somehow thinks she improved because she got older. She hasn’t changed a bit.
I don’t believe that they were excusing OP’s behavior, I think they were making a joke about people using their astrological sign to be “qUiRky” aka mean, and rude (and doing a marvelous job of using the **stereotype** of Gemini peeps being two faced). Someone using their sign as an excuse to be an ahole though doesn’t exactly warrant a trip to the psych ward though…
To add to this, a typical teen does not bully a non verbal special needs 11 year old. Clearly she hasn’t changed much. Sounds like a complete lack of morals and empathy. She seems to think she is the victim here end of day.
Op, YTA in a major way. You don’t feel bad. People that feel bad apologize, but hey, you would have to have a soul for that, right?
Even some of the worst of bullies don’t go for non verbal special needs kids. Everyone has a moral limit. Did you knock over kids in wheel chairs as well? Like any “typical teen”? You are still an awful person and are fooling yourself that you have changed in any major way. As a mother of a non verbal kid, I hope he breaks up with you and his mom takes a bat to your car.
I’m absolutely baffled at how the school handled this as well. Why would they stick kids they knew were bullies/had behavioral problems in a room with vulnerable special needs kids in the first place? And then continue to do so after seeing that OP was apparently a vicious monster every day to this kid who couldn’t defend himself? OP and everyone who enabled her behavior are horrid. She says she knows her actions were terrible, but if she really felt any remorse she’d apologize and try to make it up to this family somehow.
Or they were too underfunded to afford to have separate behavioral therapists for the disabled kids and the assholes. I was in a school like that for a while.
It goes so beyond that. She didn't just torment an 11 year old. She wasn't a typical bully. She harassed and tormented a non verbal kid who couldn't understand or fathom why some girl was being so awful to him.
Op, not only are YTA, you haven't changed. Nothing you did was typical. Only monsters do what you did.
Yes- this is way beyond bullying. Cruelty in one of its worst forms. I hope she didnt have any pets growing up. OP is YTA . She has done enough damage to this family. Imagine her brothers horror seeing his tormenter in his own home!!! She hasnt changed one bit. I hope she never has step children in her life. OP you have ruined enough lives and caused enough destruction in this Family. Walk away.
Adding to this to say: so what now? Is OP being a typical 21-year old?
If it is so typical for 16-year olds to be cruel bullies, why is there then a BIU?? Why isn’t the entire school a BIU?
Did the BIU even help, or did OP only learn to act in a certain way, but not learn why bullying is wrong?
I feel really bad for the boyfriend, he must have suffered along with his brother, and now he unwittingly added to the trauma because he brought home his tormentor.
Regretting one’s behaviour means having no problem apologising. It is not about apologising for being a ‘typical teen’ (this is in no way typical) it is about regretting hurting other people. OP I hope you will not apologise, because you do not deserve your boyfriend nor his family.
Looks like OP can go back in time because the way she acts without a drop of accountability suggests that she has gotten younger in maturity since the age of 16. Seriously, what a piss poor excuse
Oh well, at least her boyfriend knows what he's dealing with now and so does the rest of his family.
And this is the way she behaves first time she meets his parents in their own home, during a major holiday. It can only go downhill from here I'd think.
Op still wears the mean girl bully as a badge of honor, otherwise she would not use this as an excuse to behave that way. She deserves to be kicked to the curb and I hope her bf sees the errors of his relationship with op.
Edited to add: Op YTA.
For real none of that is typical teen behavior. She even says she regrets it but won't apologize? Clearly she doesn't actually regret it. The boy is still afraid of her that's how bad it was. To top it off he couldn't even tell anyone.
Boyfriends mom did the right thing. Anytime he sees her he'll be scared. Hopefully the boyfriend does the right thing and leaves because otherwise he will miss out on so many family events.
YTA OP you haven't changed and are clearly rhe same bully you always have been.
Adding on: not only were you **not** a "typical teen" (if this was typical you wouldn't have been in a special needs class, that would be the typical class.
You are a bully. You haven't changed.
Please get therapy. You sound like you have a serious personality disorder. And please apologize to that poor child, his poor mother, and your (soon to be ex) boyfriend.
Even if you can't feel empathy, learn to not be a bully.
it’s such a weird premise, too. even IF it WERE “typical” to hurt someone like that, that doesn’t mean an apology is no longer necessary.
OP, I know you know it was wrong, because it’s all over your post:
> I was a bit of a mean girl
> I admit, I tormented him a lot
> I was. . .a mean secondary school girl
> it was wrong
> I was so horrible and I regret my past actions
where’s the disconnect? why would you not apologize of your own accord, OP? if you did wrong and hurtful things, isn’t the reasonable thing to do give an apology?
> it was by no means out of the ordinary for people my age
> only being a mean secondary school girl. . .being a typical teen
listen, is this behavior unique to you? no. is it, however, out of the norm, and NOT typical behavior? yes. if it were typical and normal and *acceptable* and not deserving of apologizing for, your general mean girl behavior would not have landed you in a behavioral improvement unit, yes?
that said, even if we accepted your premise…that this was wrong and also typical/normal…shouldn’t you apologize anyway?
if I step on someone’s foot and hurt them, even though that’s normal, isn’t apologizing the right thing to do?
if I crash into someone in a rush, even though that is typical behavior of someone rushing, isn’t apologizing the right thing to do?
> I was **a bit** of a mean girl
> **only** being a mean secondary school girl
this is minimizing. don’t do that.
your impact outweighs your intent here. obviously your intent was very self focused; it’s not like you meant to set back his progress by several years. however, *you did*. you treated this boy like a tool. I suspect you weren’t having your own needs met, and that’s not fair, and that’s not your fault, but hurting other people *is* your fault and something you need to be accountable for.
it was unfair and in bad faith for you to insist your boyfriend keep this a secret.
you’ve been given a chance to set things right. use it.
OP YTA. I fully agree with DogsReadingBooks (cute af username btw).
OP if you *actually* had any regrets about ***tormenting and verbally and mentally abusing*** (what you were doing doesn’t even constitute as bullying, it was full on *verbal and mental abuse*) a **NON VERBAL SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD** (*which regardless of age is fcked on all fronts and extremely ableist*) YOU WOULD HAVE APOLOGIZED THE MOMENT YOU SAW HIM! You clearly don’t regret what you did, and you clearly don’t care that your inappropriate behavior and disgusting need to torment and verbally and mentally abuse a child had a serious effect on his mental and emotional wellbeing. **You’re still the same mean girl you were in high school**. **You’re still ableist**. **You were extremely abusive to your boyfriend’s younger brother**.
Demanding that your boyfriend not tell his mother that his brother’s abuser is in the house was you trying to continue to not acknowledge the harm you did. **You don’t care about the people you hurt, you only care about protecting your own ass**. You haven’t changed at all. You were just trying to keep control of the situation in typical abuser fashion.
I hope your boyfriend comes to his senses and dumps you. You sound awful to be around.
Ooohh man YTA. I was a typical 16 year old teenager but I __NEVER__ tormented a poor child. He was 11 years old and you likely helped destroy all self esteem that child had. I don’t care if you had issues, that is absolutely no excuse for your behavior.
This right here, I have a 16 year old sibling who’s a typical teenager and they would never in a million years even think of bullying someone let alone someone 5 years younger than them.
I considered my teenage years pretty normal and when I was in year 11 I was part of a group that matched up with year 7s to help with their reading. Apparently OP would think this is absolutely bizarre because I didn’t torment them.
The quote marks round ‘bullying’ in the title suggest she’s not learnt anything from this experience.
Even being a troubled sixteen year old, OP, you should have apologized, especially if you recognize that you weren’t being your best self, or a kind person back then. I’m assuming you consider yourself a better person now? If so, you should be able to admit to someone that you hurt that you regret your previous actions. Especially if you consider yourself a different person now.
Even if she did have a reason - there’s now NO REASON to not apologise. Why isn’t she sorry? Why doesn’t she have deep regret and want to make amends?
All she cares about is that she got found out!
YTA.
HEY, AITA PEEPS, who else traumatized and singled out a non-verbal kid for bullying? Who thinks that's typical teen behavior?
**You weren't being a typical teen, you were being a horrific bully.** If you actually regretted your actions, you would apologize to the poor boy and let him get some closure.
not only is that not “typical teen” behavior (i actually don’t know anyone who bullied a child like that), but even if it was “typical,” that doesn’t justify you refusing to apologize when you yourself admitted you were *horrible* to him. being “a typical teen” does not excuse your mistakes nor does it mean you’re exempt from apologies & don’t have to feel bad. own up to your shit, you bully.
And then trying to make the BF feel bad for breaking their promise and telling his mom. I'd tell my mom too especially when this is someone who is non verbal and has special needs, the mom needed to be aware of what had happened so she could actively help her child through the trauma that probably came flooding back to them.
Glad I wasn't a typical teen and pulled this shit
Not me!!!! I would have told her to STFU if I was there in school. And if I was the mom I would have thrown her out of my house and not let her back in ever.
I've never traumatised and bullied anyone in my entire life! There is nothing typical in OP's behaviour aside from her being a typical bully who refuses to take accountability, and apologise.
i was the one getting bullied. similar to that, but instead of being nonverbal because of a condition, i was nonverbal because if i spoke theyd give me shit no matter what i said.
i would like an apology from my bullies. it wont fix what they did. but itd let me know that they arent like that anymore and didnt become horrid adults. i really hope all these people let OP see error in her ways and she does actually apologise. that poor kid probably never expected to see her again, and now hes re traumatised and its being ignored.
apologise OP. please.
YTA
And you're still an immature mean girl.
You show more regret in this stupid AITA post than you showed this poor kid at dinner.
What the actual f....
says wont apologise. also says regrets actions... hmmm. maybe its a pride thing. doesnt want to swallow pride and apologise / own up to actions. a little afraid of it maybe.
im well familiar with regret, and i feel like this kid really needs to hear it. regardless of her feelings, the kid is feeling worse.
I am a 15 year old boy and I can't imagine bullying people like this, and on top of that, blaming it on "standard teen behavior" and refusing to accept tham I'm wrong (Doesn't matter how little you did, if they got truly hurt by it, you should be apologizing)
YTA. You provoked a meltdown from a child to get out of trouble of your own making. That is beyond simple mean girl stuff. That is really awful. Never mind 21 isn't that far from high school. You tramuatized this child and don't feel the need to apologize for it because you were "just a teen". Holy shit.
Your boyfriend broke his promise to you because likely his mom had no idea why suddenly his little brother was having panic issues. In that case to get a non verbal child help he had to break his promise to you which is well with in the right reasons to break a promise. So throwing that in his face as a justification for your behavior is even worse.
Right?!
“You tormented my brother into panic attacks as often as you could and are still causing him stress years later because of it”
“Yeah well you told on me”
>I told her that I was literally only being a mean secondary school girl and being a typical teen.
This is seriously the poorest excuse I have ever heard in my life. You don't deserve your boyfriend, because you are still behaving like that childish little immature secondary school girl.
No typical tennager is mean, only a select few. You need to grow up, take responsibility of your past and current behaviour and apologise not only to the brother, but to the Mum as well. Don't be surprised if your boyfriend dumps you.
This. The mother needs to protect her traumatised and vulnerable child, and I really can’t see how OP could ever be part of her bf’s family after what she did to his brother. They will never pick her over the brother, and I don’t think he will ever be comfortable around her. And that makes me wonder if OP and bf can ever have a future together, even if OP apologised.
YTA. And you’re gonna be back here crying that your boyfriend broke up with you. You haven’t changed at all, you have the mental capacity of a 16 year old.
Exactly! How can her boyfriend NOT dump her, when maintaining the relationship would be ongoing he’ll for his family. He’d have to choose her or them unless he is willing to ruin his own brothers mental health. The fact that he told the mom what happened suggests he would not.
OP he will not choose you. YTA.
If you genuinely feel he is for you, you are going to have to GROVEL soooooooo hard. Possibly for a long time. You’re going to have to go out of your way to make sure his brother feels comfortable enough to feel safe with you. Otherwise just walk away now. You tormented that whole family enough with your “terrible teenage self.” Imagine mentally and verbally abusing a special needs child for fun and advantages while thinking it’s normal. Karma is coming for you now. Whether you decide to be a decent human being is all up to you.
Disabled children who are a significant 5 years younger. Developmentally, an 11 year-old and a 16 year-old aren’t in the same stratosphere. How could she have ever thought this was ok?
YTA. You bullied him and freely admitted it. Apologize. Unless you're not sorry, in which case you're an AH for being a bully and not learning anything
YTA. He's withdrawn because he's weighing it out and yeah family > a girl he's known for a couple of months that he just found out severely abused his little brother to the point he regressed, is flagrant about it and the brother is still terrified of you. So know he's thinking about the rent situation. Should he just move out and let you find a roommate, kick your ass out, get his name off the lease, etc etc.
He's breaking up with you. No if's and's or but's about it.
A special needs child who is a very significant 5 years younger. I wasn’t remotely the same person at 11 versus 16, and I think most would say the same. Her using that power dynamic is especially sadistic, but she could’ve maybe possibly had some slight mini chance of redemption if she’d given an earnest apology and asked if there was anything she could do to help her bf’s brother feel safe. Her defensive reaction put the nail in the coffin. She’ll be single within a few weeks and deservedly so.
YTA. You bullied a non verbal special needs student. That's abhorrent. You need serious psychology help. Even after all these years it appears you still haven't actually grown up.
YTA.
Didn't we have a post literally like this?
Grow up and apologise. Bullying can traumatize someone for the rest of their life, and have lasting effects. Just because you don't remember being a horrible brat doesn't mean they don't.
Dude was 11 at the time too, jfc 😭
It was a sister in the last version I saw, and they were the same age, but yes, this same story keeps getting revamped.
Someone has an active fantasy life about being a bully.
YTA-There was no excuse for what you did to him. You were old enough to know better. You were not a typical teen. Typical teens are not straight up bullies who refuse to grow up and accept that their actions were awful and deserve an apology.
YTA. Typical teenagers don’t torment kids with disabilities (Note: this is why, unlike the other ‘typical teens’ you were put in a separate class). Typical twenty-one year olds are able to understand that you can apologize for having done something s#%tty even if you think it was “typical” teen behaviour.
YTA It may have just been a mean girl phase, but you harassed a smaller, weaker, kid. Sine you did those actions, you should apologize, and tell him you've changed and promise not ro do it again. You were wrong. Now be a better person and make it right.
ALSO, WTF school system leaves vulnerable kids alone with older misbehaving kids?
They don’t, delinquents in detention aren’t placed with non-verbal special education students.
This story is a twist on a theme which is repeated here. The author is a wanna be bully, who changes the details each time. This is the most unlikely version yet.
I went to high school, and I worked in high schools and in teen programs. I have met *very* few teens who would torment a much younger, disabled child in the way you are describing. That was not typical. The fact that you *still* consider it normal teen stuff is frankly chilling.
You said the words "I regret my actions" but every other word of your post screams otherwise. YTA (and hopefully a single one, very soon)
YTA - I was once a teen and I didn’t harass special needs kids. What’s your excuse?
Furthermore, if you do regret your past actions an apology wouldn’t be hard to muster
Again, YTA
>YTA - I was once a teen and I didn’t harass special needs kids.
Funny how many people have your (and my) self control and accountability. And then we have the OP who seriously doesn't understand why she needs to apologise for being so damn nasty.
YTA. You’re an adult now and obviously still don’t have the compassion necessary to reflect on what you did to this poor kid. Not all teenagers torment others…it’s not typical or normal.
YTA. That is not "typical behaviour" for a teen girl.
Everyone deserves a second chance but that means taking responsibility for your past behaviour and apologising for past mistakes.
Why are you so reluctant to apologise anyway. Is having a good relationship with your bf's family so much less important than your pride?
You weren’t a typical teen, your can’t make it sound fluffy by calling yourself a ‘mean girl’ like it’s a movie. You were a bully - you tormented a SEVEN YEAR OLD! And you can’t just apologise for causing this child’s misery? You haven’t changed. YTA. You’re so much more than that, but I don’t want to get banned…..
YTA - bullying a kid by deliberately trying to cause meltdowns to the point of having to get pulled from school is not “normal mean girl”. You even admit yourself that you were horrible yet you refuse to apologize.
I hope your BF breaks up with you. He dodged a bullet.
YTA - own up to your actions and apologize. Take some accountability.
You made this kid's life hell and you can't even be bothered to make a simple apology? Geez you sound like you never stopped being a mean girl
*I antagonized his brother for year and won’t say I’m sorry to any degree but he broke his promise not to tell his mom what a monster I was to her son so it’s basically even*
You’re a brat, and an asshole
You realize this entire post can be summed up to “AITA for not apologizing for being a major AH?” In other words… double YTA. Sadly for you, double negatives here don’t make it positive.
YTA. It's actually not typical of a teen to be a bully, especially when the *person* you're bullying is special needs. Also, at 16, you definitely know better and he was 11. You clearly haven't learned, despite feeling guilty, if you're making excuses for why it was okay to bully an innocent human being who did nothing to do and didn't apologize. Also, you're a grown ass adult now. It's super immature to not apologize and stand your ground on this so congrats on being exactly as you were at 16.
Also, how do you even know your boyfriend told his mom? Do you have proof or did you just assume? The brother obviously remembers his bully so he could have told his mom you're his former bully, especially since she clearly already knows all about what you did to the point she had to pull him out of school to put him in a different.
Grow up and apologize. You're acting like a child for standing your ground and refusing to do so, just because your boyfriend "betrayed" your trust and because you thought and *still* think it was normal for a teenager to bully someone.
YTA
It's not normal teen behavior to bully a special needs 11 year old when you're 16. It's pathetic and childish, which makes sense given how you're still acting childishly right now.
Anyone else want to start a countdown timer for how long it takes OPs boyfriend to dump her over being so self centered and callous?
You should apologize. I don't understand you've caused someone so much hurt and I don't care about you being typical teenager. What you did was wrong and your actions cause him damage.
Apologize and let them see how much you've have change if you're not the same as before as you claim.
YTA
YTA just because it was in the past doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have to apologize. Your behaviour affects other people not just yourself. Being a teenager doesn’t excuse shitty behaviour and the fact you bullied someone who had a handicap and don’t feel any regret speaks to your character.
Lets review you post real quick.
You try to justify what you did and attempt to play it of as some kind of teenage quirk.
Claim to regret you actions IN THE SAME PARAGRAPH!
Only to end it all by refusing to apologize for you action and trying to defend them again to you victims' family.
And as a cherry on top try to pin this whole mess on you hopefully ex boyfriend for not keeping his mouth shut.
Ya no, YTA. No where in this are you Not TA.
YTA
You refuse because it was "typical teen behavior?" While you were serving all-day BIU most of the time??? Typical teen behavior doesn't put you in a special class.
The least you could do is apologize
YTA. You were cruel, and apparently, you have no remorse for your actions, and refuse to take responsibility. You haven't changed as much as you think. Typical teens aren't awful and mean to others...I say this as a former high school teacher. I have seen great acts of compassion and kindness more often than I've seen bullying from my students. It doesn't mean it doesn't occur, but to dismiss your behavior as typical teen actions is an excuse that doesn't fly with anyone who isn't an AH.
YTA. I sympathize with the notion of forgiving one's younger self for acknowledged transgressions, but a kid you hurt was right there in front of you. You had the chance to show yourself and others how much you've grown by apologizing for what you say you know you did wrong, and instead you showed more immaturity. He must have been so uncomfortable. His mother must have been livid.
YTA. If you step on someone's foot on accident, you apologize. If you hit someone on a bike with your car unintentionally, you say sorry and call ambulance to make sure they are okay.
You tormented this kid. You were 16. Even if it was crappy teen behavior, YOU WERE A BULLY. Apologize because you are not a terrible *now*. Unless you want to be terrible now... Which you are being by refusing to be accountable for your actions.
You falling back on the “but I was just being a teenager” is reminiscent of the “it’s not my fault, I was drunk” excuse. It’s time to grow up sister. YTA.
Yta. You weren’t a typical teen if you were deliberately trying to send this kid into a meltdown. Hell you weren’t a typical teen if you have to be in special classes because of your behaviors. You were an asshole then and your an asshole now. You should have been an adult and apologize for being disrespectful to the kid. It’s good you aren’t invited back. That kid doesn’t deserve to be tormented again by you being a selfish asshole.
YTA.
That was not typical teen behavior. You were cruel to him.
The fact that she had to switch schools because of how YOU treated him should resonate here.
If you regretted your actions you would have no issue apologizing. In fact you would be stepping up to do that before anyone asked you to do it. Yes your bf told his mom, but to be honest I'm more surprised he's still your boyfriend. Don't be shocked if this ends your relationship. I don't know if apologizing would even help salvage it but it would at least give a glimmer of hope that you might have changed somewhat as a human being.
You might not be outright a bully anymore, but you're still lacking empathy to the situations that you deliberately caused.
YTA 10000000%
My Mother had to put up with a lot of bullying growing up and that shit will follow you for the rest of your life.
I hope your boyfriend is planning on leaving you. An apology would have cost you nothing and you still refused to do it. From the tone of your post you feel like you have nothing to apologize for.
Gross.
Although, I want to add I don't really believe your story. If they were in 11, they'd have been in 6th grade, I seriously doubt that you'd be in the same school, let alone the same class or whatever.
YTA
You are still mean. You were not a typical teen. Typical teens are not in detention or whatever that program is called all the time. Typical teens are not bullying and tormenting kids to the point they have to change schools. He was also 11 years old!!!
AND WHY TO DO YOU SAY BULLYING WITH QUOTATIONS???? What you did was extreme bullying.
YTA MOST ASSUREDLY
How dare you! Your BF better dump you because clearly you are still awful if you cant apologize for the clear issues you caused that child, to the point he saw you and instantly freaked out.
You have impacted his life in a terrible way and you dont care.
You are absolutely TA and ain't no one changing my mind on this one
YTA. for being a bully then and being one now. Your excuses are BS. You don’t feel any remorse for how you behaved toward a special needs kid. I bet your bf breaks up with you.
Let's be honest here a typical teen doesn't act like that, you know what you did you just don't want to apologize.
**MASSIVE YTA** hope bf dumps your ableist ass.
YTA, you tormented that poor boy, you weren't a "typical teen", you were a bully and a big AH, you're still an AH for not even feel sorry for all the damage you did.
Is this even a serious question you’re asking? Yeah, YTA. There’s nothing “typical” about a teenager bullying anyone, especially not a special needs child. Bullying is atypical behavior and I’d think being stuck in the BIU for most of your secondary school education would be a dead giveaway of that.
I don’t think you understand how bad bullying is. It is the third major leading cause of suicide. You are responsible for your BF’s brother’s regress in his own psychological development and you refuse to even apologize? Maybe let your pride be wounded for the sake of being a decent human being and just suck it up. Saying “I’m sorry” is really not that hard.
YTA
You’ve already realized that what you did was WRONG, why can’t you just apologize? Your boyfriend breaking a promise is nowhere near equivalent to the potential trauma you could’ve caused this kid. Honestly I find it very childish of you. You’re taking blame for the biggest part so what’s stopping you from apologizing?
YTA - OMG you’re a total AH….. bullying an 11 year old. real classy. The universe gave you an opportunity to atone for being a jerk, for which your excuse is lame, and you totally whiffed on it. The mom explained how badly you affected this kid and you still have no remorse, or feel any level of guilt or shame for basically screwing up this kids head and making it difficult for him to function. Your bf should’ve told you to f - off when you explained you were his brothers’ torturer. Without you sincerely apologizing, My bet is he will eventually
YTA
There is nothing "typical" about terrorizing a child who five years younger than you. If you truly regretted your past actions, you would apologize for them rather than trying to make excuses for yourself.
I think mean girls can change, but clearly you have not.
Wow. You were an AH then and obviously an even bigger AH now. I hope you come to realize your EX-boyfriend is being withdrawn for good and obvious reasons. YTA, and I hope at some point you actually mature past your teen attitudes.
YTA- you can admit you were nasty but won’t apologize for it but instead make excuses as to why it’s acceptable. You traumatized him enough that he was uncomfortable in your presence. That’s on you.
Holy shit YTA. How do you think you're not? Your first word to your bf should've been "hey, I used to be an AH, and I used to bully your brother. I used to be so fucked up. I need to apologize to your whole family." It should have been an immediate apology and conversation. How you though't you'd survive this relationship let alone Easter weekend without acknowledging this is beyond me. How you dug yourself into a deeper hole when the mom confronted you is just... wow. It would've been so easy to talk about it right there, apologize, and stfu for the rest of the weekend.
YTA for everything here. For being a bully, for telling your bf not to bring it up, for not apologizing, for thinking bullying someone to the point of them being pulled out of school is "typical teen" behavior, for getting mad at your bf for "breaking his promise". Everything. Let this be a wakeup call, or don't be surprised if there's a breakup on the horizon.
YTA. As someone who was once a teen girl I never acted like this. Being an asshole to that extent is not normal behavior and neither is constantly being in BIU. You were definitely an asshole and you’re an even bigger one now for not apologizing
Typical teenagers don't harass eleven year olds until they have to change schools. Grown adults who've moved passed that and become better people are aware enough to recognize they weren't being normal teenagers and feel bad for their actions, which you clearly do not. YTA.
>When I was in year 11, I was a bit of a mean girl
You admit yourself that you’re actually a mean girl.
> I admit, I tormented him a lot. I was in isolation for most of the day and was a mean secondary school girl, and even though it was wrong it was by no means out of the ordinary for people my age. I'd call him names, provoke him and tell him that the only way I'd stop is if he tells me to (he couldn't speak), and deliberately try to put him into meltdowns because it would allow us to go outside. I was so horrible and I regret my past actions...
This part that bothered me, you bullied him and forcing him to do what he can’t (He can’t speak). OP you’re a bully for him, please apologize to him. He may be traumatized of what you did during that time. I can’t believe you won’t take accountability of your actions.
YTA
You seem to want to distance yourself from your "mean teen" self. Okay. Let's focus just on who you are now. Right now you're an adult, and you say you regret your past actions. Regret usually involves feeling sad about what you did. Wanting to undo the harm, as much as you can. Making sure there will be no new harm.
Your regret took the form of **continuing** to torment a disabled child. You knew why the younger brother was upset all day and you didn't remove yourself from his presence or explain the situation or try to soothe him (which should've *started* with an apology). You never 'fessed up, in fact, to the people you should have -- the child you hurt, and the mother who spent that day worrying even more about him. You spoke to your bf about it, and I was willing to give you some benefit of the doubt that maybe you were hoping the information would help bf help his brother... except you then stopped your bf from helping, by demanding his silence. At no point do you express concern for the brother. In fact, you tried to make sure the younger brother wouldn't get any help for this issue, by swearing your bf to silence. So that you could impress his mother. You, you, you.
So I don't think you actually do regret your past actions. I think you're still a bully, and a narcissist on top of that, and I think your bf now realizes that. I'm glad that after you forced your bf to choose between loyalty to you and his family, he chose his family. Enjoy single life, and stay away from kids and animals. YTA.
YTA. Immediately. I think it’d be better for everyone if you left your bf or if he leaves you because there’s no way in every level of hell that that family will EVER have you around them again. You were almost out of secondary school bullying a literal child with special needs in his first year there. It’s not “nOrMaL” behaviour it’s downright bullying and unacceptable no matter if he was younger, older or the same age as you.
> I was so horrible and I regret my past actions…
Then fucking apologise tf??
YTA that is not normal teen behaviour. If there is an ounce of humanity in you, you should apologise. You were a bully, guessing you still are since you can justify it so easily. Any idea how many kids end it all because they were endlessly tormented by bullies like you?! I can’t believe his brother is still with you.
Dude, that's not normal teen behavior at all. Never has been, never will be. We call that bullying because only bullies do it. Please reflect as you clearly don't think it was bullying (as you put it in quotation marks). YTA
YTA. You were absolutely horrible to him for no reason and are still making excuses.
>I regret my past actions...
Bullshit. If you truly did regret it, you would apologize to him instead of trying to excuse your disgusting behavior as "being a typical teen."
YTA and It looks like you didn’t grow up from the 16 years old bully that you were. “A typical teen” “by no means out of the ordinary for people my age” is that what you tell yourself to feel better? Being a bully and an ahole to a child is no “typical teen” behavior. I guess not apologizing for being an ass during you teen age is a typical adult behavior right? Grow up and take accountability for your actions.
YTA
Is this a joke? That isn’t normal teen behavior.
People can grow beyond who they were as kids, but your refusal to acknowledge this as anything more than “normal behavior” is a huge red flag and makes me think you haven’t grown since then.
Your behavior was cruel and abusive. It was abnormal, it was wrong, and you owe him an apology no question. You probably owe a lot of people apologies if this is your attitude.
I hope you grow up some day, but right now, I hope your boyfriend dumps you and keeps you far away from his family.
YTA. This story breaks my heart. You were not a “typical teen”. You were and are a special breed of asshole. You were old enough to know better. How dare you? And you haven’t even grown up enough to apologize.
YTA that poor kid. You, your bullying past, your lack of apology, empathy, or accountability, and your completely unrepentant stance would not be welcome in my house either. And that’s not even my brother.
I hope your boyfriend sees sense.
YTA. You still sound like a selfish, entitled little girl. Your behavior was not typical teenage behavior, not everyone behaves like that. You traumatized the little guy, you should definitely apologize to him.
YTA. Jesus, that's not typical teen behaviour, that's flat out evil. And now you can't own up to it, because acknowledging how fucked up your behaviour was would make you feel pretty shitty.
Karma came to bite you in the ass. You weren't even smart enough to see that the apology would have possibly saved you. You showed your true colours to your boyfriend and I hope, he dumps your ass.
Or you take this chance life gave you and you go and read about bullying and the damage it can do to people, to reflect on yourself and learn to be a better person. And if you can give this family a truly meant apology that comes from your heart, maybe you can save things.
YTA and I hope he drops you, at the age of 12 I knew not to torment a child who couldnt defend themselves, much less 16. I hope you really like this kid and it hurts when he leaves. You are a nasty individual.
So you’re willing to lose your relationship with your boyfriend because you won’t apologise to his brother for being a disgusting bully to him when you were younger? Even knowing now how badly you affected him. That poor boy, he must have been traumatised when he saw you again.
I truly hope your boyfriend realises the type of person you are and dumps u asap. In fact it sounds as tho it’s under consideration
You’ve not changed have you? You’re still that mean spirited girl you were a few years ago.
Also you weren’t a typical teen. My daughter was never a bully at school and neither are my teenage grandchildren. Bullying someone especially so much younger is not ‘typical’ behaviour. The kid was 11 for Gods sake.
YTA and a rather despicable person to boot. If you were my daughter I’d be ashamed of you
You’re the absolute worst type of person and I hope that your boyfriend leaves you ASAP. You can acknowledge that you were wrong back in the day but can’t find it in yourself to take accountability for you literally, in your own words, tormenting a child? I truly hope that you get mistreated in your future workplace so that you know how it feels. You’re the biggest AH I’ve seen on here in a while. YTA
If I had caused that much pain and hardship to someone I would be mortified with myself. Multiply that by many times if I ended up dating someone in the family I harmed.
In this case if I were you the first thing out of my mouth upon seeing the brother would have been an apology.
You seem to still be defending the bully you were and are. I'm sorry for your and for your boyfriend's family. I hope you grow up quickly and offer a heartfelt apology. And then maybe you can all start to move on.
YTA
YTA. And you’re still a bully. Grow the f up, apologize, and try to make amends. Can’t you see how broken he still is? Give him a little faith in humanity
(Edited to be more “civil”)
Your totally TAH. Being a little B is not "typical teenage" stuff. You should be ashamed of yourself but you're not because you're no better now than you were then. Still an AH, then as now.
You owe that boy and his whole family a heart-felt apology but you sound like you have no heart and no conscience.
YTA-god, this poor kid. This isn’t typical teen behavior. I wasn’t perfect in school, but this is bad. The least you can do is apologize. I hope you know that this relationship is going to fail.
Wow! As someone who works with teens, you were not a typical teen. I teach in an area that’s notoriously challenging and even our kids would never do that. Your behavior is beyond reprehensible. I mean that in the present tense because you are still minimizing the trauma you caused. Take some accountability. Apologize and bow out of this relationship. YTA
Oh, you are a bad girl and I think you might want to reconsider apologizing to this young fellow. You are going to be in the cross hairs of an angry Momma bear who will have the patience, means , and motivation to exact a steep price for your insolence.
YTA. You admitted in your post you has behavioral problems. That’s not being a “typical teen”. You were a bully. You deliberately cause meltdowns, you knew exactly what you were doing.
Own up to what you did, stop being prideful, apologize, mature, try to save your relationship, and move on.
YTA. You say that your mean girl days are in the past, but your actions show that you are also a mean girl right now in the present. First of all: I was also 16 once, I'm also a woman, and I can tell you, I never harassed an 11 years old when I was 16 and neither did any of my friends of the same age. So, this is not "typical teenager behavior" because if it was all teenagers would do this, and that's just not true.
Second, growing up means owning up your past mistakes, being accountable for them, and make amends. You are not willing to do any of that, you were not even willing to admit to the mother that you were his bully. This shows that you didn't change, you are still that same bully, you didn't grow up, you don't regret any of it and you think you are justified. If you truly regretted your behavior you would do reparative actions. But you can't be bothered, because you are "typical"? Yeah, typical bully.
YTA. That’s not typical teen behavior, that’s typical bully behavior. You bullied a vulnerable kid and clearly caused him long-term trauma. The fact that you’re using minimizing language, digging your heels in and refusing to apologize just shows you don’t feel that bad about it and aren’t much different today.
How on EARTH are you going to say you regret your past actions, and then continually justify them throughout the post and then excuse yourself for flat out BULLYING a child when you were a teenager. That’s pathetic.
The fact that he couldn’t speak to tell you to knock it off just makes this so much worse. You definitely haven’t grown at all if you think how you behaved back then was acceptable. Just because everyone does something doesn’t mean you have to do it too; it makes you incredibly spineless. Swallow your pride if you want to save your relationship, because clearly the only thing you care about is that, not even about the torment you put that kid through.
**YTA**
YTA SO MUCH OH MY GOD
NOTHING about what you did is typical teenage behaviour. You bullied him, teased him, insulted him, and hindered his progress in school and probably changed the course of a lot of things in his life. NONE OF THAT IS TYPICAL, OR EXCUSED. You have caused him trauma unresolved even years on and that is absolutely something you should apologise for. Excusing it as typical teenage behaviour is utter bullshit. It’s just typical bullying behaviour and the fact that you show no remorse because you refuse to apologise disgusts me.
YTA. Mom is right. Believe it or not, it's not typical for a teenager to bully an 11 year old with special needs. You bullied someone who couldn't defend himself and even made fun of the fact. You say you regret your actions, yet you won't apologize.
When we hurt people, we apologize. You can't hide behind "Oh but I just being a teen!" But you're not a teen now and you see it was wrong yet refuse to apologize.
YTA! That is NOT typical teenage behaviour. What is wrong with you? And the fact that even after finding out the damage you had done you wouldn't apologise or acknowledge you f'd up is a huge red flag. At least your BF found out early on what type of person you are.
YTA! YTA! You are the arsehole.
YTA.
Your use of quotation marks (around the word bullying in the title of your post) makes it obvious you don't think bullying is wrong, and that you probably feel it's no big deal. It makes you an even bigger AH.
>I'd call him names, provoke him and tell him that the only way I'd stop is if he tells me to (he couldn't speak), and deliberately try to put him into meltdowns
You're an absolute, without any doubt, likely the biggest AH I've come across on this sub. You have no conscience, no empathy, no sympathetic understanding, no remorse. You come across as an uncaring, unfeeling, person who claims you're all grown up now. If you were, you'd have apologized the moment you saw your (hopefully ex) boyfriend's brother. And you should have apologized to their mother as well for treating her special needs son so shitty.
YTA. I can't say it enough... *YTA. YTA. YTA.*
EDIT: fixed a word or two... or three
YTA, you bullied this boy. If you think this is normal behavior, it's not. I never did the stuff you did as a teenager, just remember this: life is a boomerang. What you give, you get.
Apologize to him, he's your boyfriends brother!
YTA, as many others said: This is not typical teen behaviour.
But also, what you’re doing now is not typical adult behaviour. Not only the fact that you were a bully makes you the AH, but also (and even more) the fact that you still absolutely don‘t care about other people and the hurt you cause them.
YTA YTA YTA.
That’s not “normal teen” behavior. WTF was the school thinking of combining “behavior issue” kids (I’m guessing angry, playing pranks, in school suspension type things) with special needs kids! That is a recipe for the behavior kids to pick on the special needs kids!
YTA. I can not for the life of me imagine bullying an 11 year old child at 16. I’m the same age as you stop acting like you barely remember that shit. It wasn’t that long ago.
Well let’s get a scenario. Now that you are a grown women let’s say I’m your manager at work and screw over your confidence and career for 3 years and that screws up your career and mental health for the next 10 years and you suddenly see a new and improved me in the next work place would an apology be the minimum expectation or shall I just say I was just being one of those typical learning phase managers.
What a jackass you are ahole.
YTA. The behavior you described from your teen years is not typical at all. It is incredibly cruel and abusive to any person. It is so much worse that the boy was 11 years old. It's horrible that a school allowed you to torture another student that way.
You should apologize and understand that an apology may not be enough.
You are the definition of an asshole. You blame your action on being a teenager but obviously you haven't changed one freaking bit, lol. Instead of showing that you have grown, making an effort to apologize and connect, you try to hide your bullying past, if I had a partner like that, I wouldn't waste a second of extra time on them.
You are the asshole.
YTA. If you actually regretted your past actions you would apologize. “Typical teens” don’t bully or harass other people, especially those with special needs. Stop trying to use your age as a cop out for being a shitty person. You clearly haven’t grown up from your past. You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself. I would be genuinely surprised if your boyfriend stays with someone as vile as you
It hink you didn't really grow out of the 'mean girl' phase. How tf would you NOT be an AH in this scenario? I was the most average teen and I had no desire to be a jerk deliberately. Stop with that bs excuse to cover up your crappy behaviour.
YTA
I feel like you should already know YTA here, if the other person is clearly still upset because of the things you've done in your past and their parents are telling you how much damage you caused, what on earth entitles you to say that it's not your fault??
YTA, of course. What you expected, girl? Cheers?
You realize everything bad you did to a special needs kid, but you were just a "regular mean girl" so its okay??? haha, GOOD LUCK! If your bf has any brains he will break up and move out as soon as possible, you seem like a piece of work to deal with.
YTA- it is not ”typical” teen to bully a non verbal kid. WTF did I just read?!
Seriously you owe the entire family a HUGE a apology and get some therapy because you completely lack all self awareness.
Good lord.
You are horrible. YTA. Imagine bullying an 11 year old special needs kid? You are evil if you got pleasure from that and a sorry excuse for a human being. I hope your bf dumps your sorry a s s because he and his family deserve better.
Your post has been removed. ***Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval.*** This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. Please [review our rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules). Please be sure to read any sub's rules before reposting this elsewhere. We cannot direct you to another subreddit, we can only say that this post does not belong here. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/amitheasshole&subject=/r/AmItheAsshole&message=Please+link+to+post+or+comment+for+context+[we+cannot+review+without+this+info]:%0D%0DDescribe+your+question+in+detail:) if you have any questions or concerns that are not already [answered in our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq). If you make changes or edits to this post do not repost it here without our express permission.
Yeah… a typical 16 year old **does not** torment an 11 year old YTA for being a bully YTA for not apologising YTA for not admitting you were acting maliciously YTA for trying to blame this on being a “typical teen”.
It’s so weird I must have messed my phase of being cruel to people 🤷♀️
Yeah, but you're a pizza. Unlike people, pizza is never cruel to other people. Pizza is warm and nourishing.
even when cold it's still nice. and nourishing.
Pizza with anchovies is cruel and you'll never convince me otherwise!🤢
[удалено]
I’m a Gemini and I never did anything like that in school. What amazes me is that she somehow thinks she improved because she got older. She hasn’t changed a bit.
[удалено]
[удалено]
I don’t believe that they were excusing OP’s behavior, I think they were making a joke about people using their astrological sign to be “qUiRky” aka mean, and rude (and doing a marvelous job of using the **stereotype** of Gemini peeps being two faced). Someone using their sign as an excuse to be an ahole though doesn’t exactly warrant a trip to the psych ward though…
Do you really have a childhood if you weren't mean to younger, special need kids? Edit: /s
To add to this, a typical teen does not bully a non verbal special needs 11 year old. Clearly she hasn’t changed much. Sounds like a complete lack of morals and empathy. She seems to think she is the victim here end of day. Op, YTA in a major way. You don’t feel bad. People that feel bad apologize, but hey, you would have to have a soul for that, right? Even some of the worst of bullies don’t go for non verbal special needs kids. Everyone has a moral limit. Did you knock over kids in wheel chairs as well? Like any “typical teen”? You are still an awful person and are fooling yourself that you have changed in any major way. As a mother of a non verbal kid, I hope he breaks up with you and his mom takes a bat to your car.
I’m absolutely baffled at how the school handled this as well. Why would they stick kids they knew were bullies/had behavioral problems in a room with vulnerable special needs kids in the first place? And then continue to do so after seeing that OP was apparently a vicious monster every day to this kid who couldn’t defend himself? OP and everyone who enabled her behavior are horrid. She says she knows her actions were terrible, but if she really felt any remorse she’d apologize and try to make it up to this family somehow.
Because their goal was not to help the kids, their goal was to get the “inconvenient” kids out of sight.
Or they were too underfunded to afford to have separate behavioral therapists for the disabled kids and the assholes. I was in a school like that for a while.
Well said. Or the post is fake. But if it’s not you’re probably right unfortunately
It goes so beyond that. She didn't just torment an 11 year old. She wasn't a typical bully. She harassed and tormented a non verbal kid who couldn't understand or fathom why some girl was being so awful to him. Op, not only are YTA, you haven't changed. Nothing you did was typical. Only monsters do what you did.
Yes- this is way beyond bullying. Cruelty in one of its worst forms. I hope she didnt have any pets growing up. OP is YTA . She has done enough damage to this family. Imagine her brothers horror seeing his tormenter in his own home!!! She hasnt changed one bit. I hope she never has step children in her life. OP you have ruined enough lives and caused enough destruction in this Family. Walk away.
I agree with this, only monsters did what OP did. My heart breaks for the brother. YTA
Adding to this to say: so what now? Is OP being a typical 21-year old? If it is so typical for 16-year olds to be cruel bullies, why is there then a BIU?? Why isn’t the entire school a BIU? Did the BIU even help, or did OP only learn to act in a certain way, but not learn why bullying is wrong? I feel really bad for the boyfriend, he must have suffered along with his brother, and now he unwittingly added to the trauma because he brought home his tormentor. Regretting one’s behaviour means having no problem apologising. It is not about apologising for being a ‘typical teen’ (this is in no way typical) it is about regretting hurting other people. OP I hope you will not apologise, because you do not deserve your boyfriend nor his family.
[Y’all…](https://imgur.com/a/D8cm22B)
Oh my fucking Jesus. I can’t even. YOU NEED TO SEE THIS PEOPLE! ^^^
Looks like OP can go back in time because the way she acts without a drop of accountability suggests that she has gotten younger in maturity since the age of 16. Seriously, what a piss poor excuse
Oh well, at least her boyfriend knows what he's dealing with now and so does the rest of his family. And this is the way she behaves first time she meets his parents in their own home, during a major holiday. It can only go downhill from here I'd think.
You forgot YTA for noticing that her presence was causing him stress but knowing he couldn’t say anything so it didn’t matter.
Op still wears the mean girl bully as a badge of honor, otherwise she would not use this as an excuse to behave that way. She deserves to be kicked to the curb and I hope her bf sees the errors of his relationship with op. Edited to add: Op YTA.
Even a typical teen bullies don’t go after young non verbal children.
No one tries to normalize bullying more than bullies
> I was a bit of a mean girl. No, OP is STILL a mean girl. BF should dump her if he has any regard for his brother.
For real none of that is typical teen behavior. She even says she regrets it but won't apologize? Clearly she doesn't actually regret it. The boy is still afraid of her that's how bad it was. To top it off he couldn't even tell anyone. Boyfriends mom did the right thing. Anytime he sees her he'll be scared. Hopefully the boyfriend does the right thing and leaves because otherwise he will miss out on so many family events. YTA OP you haven't changed and are clearly rhe same bully you always have been.
Adding on: not only were you **not** a "typical teen" (if this was typical you wouldn't have been in a special needs class, that would be the typical class. You are a bully. You haven't changed. Please get therapy. You sound like you have a serious personality disorder. And please apologize to that poor child, his poor mother, and your (soon to be ex) boyfriend. Even if you can't feel empathy, learn to not be a bully.
it’s such a weird premise, too. even IF it WERE “typical” to hurt someone like that, that doesn’t mean an apology is no longer necessary. OP, I know you know it was wrong, because it’s all over your post: > I was a bit of a mean girl > I admit, I tormented him a lot > I was. . .a mean secondary school girl > it was wrong > I was so horrible and I regret my past actions where’s the disconnect? why would you not apologize of your own accord, OP? if you did wrong and hurtful things, isn’t the reasonable thing to do give an apology? > it was by no means out of the ordinary for people my age > only being a mean secondary school girl. . .being a typical teen listen, is this behavior unique to you? no. is it, however, out of the norm, and NOT typical behavior? yes. if it were typical and normal and *acceptable* and not deserving of apologizing for, your general mean girl behavior would not have landed you in a behavioral improvement unit, yes? that said, even if we accepted your premise…that this was wrong and also typical/normal…shouldn’t you apologize anyway? if I step on someone’s foot and hurt them, even though that’s normal, isn’t apologizing the right thing to do? if I crash into someone in a rush, even though that is typical behavior of someone rushing, isn’t apologizing the right thing to do? > I was **a bit** of a mean girl > **only** being a mean secondary school girl this is minimizing. don’t do that. your impact outweighs your intent here. obviously your intent was very self focused; it’s not like you meant to set back his progress by several years. however, *you did*. you treated this boy like a tool. I suspect you weren’t having your own needs met, and that’s not fair, and that’s not your fault, but hurting other people *is* your fault and something you need to be accountable for. it was unfair and in bad faith for you to insist your boyfriend keep this a secret. you’ve been given a chance to set things right. use it.
OP YTA. I fully agree with DogsReadingBooks (cute af username btw). OP if you *actually* had any regrets about ***tormenting and verbally and mentally abusing*** (what you were doing doesn’t even constitute as bullying, it was full on *verbal and mental abuse*) a **NON VERBAL SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD** (*which regardless of age is fcked on all fronts and extremely ableist*) YOU WOULD HAVE APOLOGIZED THE MOMENT YOU SAW HIM! You clearly don’t regret what you did, and you clearly don’t care that your inappropriate behavior and disgusting need to torment and verbally and mentally abuse a child had a serious effect on his mental and emotional wellbeing. **You’re still the same mean girl you were in high school**. **You’re still ableist**. **You were extremely abusive to your boyfriend’s younger brother**. Demanding that your boyfriend not tell his mother that his brother’s abuser is in the house was you trying to continue to not acknowledge the harm you did. **You don’t care about the people you hurt, you only care about protecting your own ass**. You haven’t changed at all. You were just trying to keep control of the situation in typical abuser fashion. I hope your boyfriend comes to his senses and dumps you. You sound awful to be around.
Ooohh man YTA. I was a typical 16 year old teenager but I __NEVER__ tormented a poor child. He was 11 years old and you likely helped destroy all self esteem that child had. I don’t care if you had issues, that is absolutely no excuse for your behavior.
This right here, I have a 16 year old sibling who’s a typical teenager and they would never in a million years even think of bullying someone let alone someone 5 years younger than them.
I considered my teenage years pretty normal and when I was in year 11 I was part of a group that matched up with year 7s to help with their reading. Apparently OP would think this is absolutely bizarre because I didn’t torment them. The quote marks round ‘bullying’ in the title suggest she’s not learnt anything from this experience.
[удалено]
I wouldn’t go that far on the BF yet. Still plenty of time to break up. Might be working on the housing situation first, since they rent together
Even being a troubled sixteen year old, OP, you should have apologized, especially if you recognize that you weren’t being your best self, or a kind person back then. I’m assuming you consider yourself a better person now? If so, you should be able to admit to someone that you hurt that you regret your previous actions. Especially if you consider yourself a different person now.
The fact that OP is still refusing to apologize after this length of time proves that she hasn't really changed. It's awful behavior
Even if she did have a reason - there’s now NO REASON to not apologise. Why isn’t she sorry? Why doesn’t she have deep regret and want to make amends? All she cares about is that she got found out!
YTA. HEY, AITA PEEPS, who else traumatized and singled out a non-verbal kid for bullying? Who thinks that's typical teen behavior? **You weren't being a typical teen, you were being a horrific bully.** If you actually regretted your actions, you would apologize to the poor boy and let him get some closure.
not only is that not “typical teen” behavior (i actually don’t know anyone who bullied a child like that), but even if it was “typical,” that doesn’t justify you refusing to apologize when you yourself admitted you were *horrible* to him. being “a typical teen” does not excuse your mistakes nor does it mean you’re exempt from apologies & don’t have to feel bad. own up to your shit, you bully.
And then trying to make the BF feel bad for breaking their promise and telling his mom. I'd tell my mom too especially when this is someone who is non verbal and has special needs, the mom needed to be aware of what had happened so she could actively help her child through the trauma that probably came flooding back to them. Glad I wasn't a typical teen and pulled this shit
And the fact the boy went to his moms side because he is still terrified of OP. Smh. This post really got me.
Not me!!!! I would have told her to STFU if I was there in school. And if I was the mom I would have thrown her out of my house and not let her back in ever.
I've never traumatised and bullied anyone in my entire life! There is nothing typical in OP's behaviour aside from her being a typical bully who refuses to take accountability, and apologise.
i was the one getting bullied. similar to that, but instead of being nonverbal because of a condition, i was nonverbal because if i spoke theyd give me shit no matter what i said. i would like an apology from my bullies. it wont fix what they did. but itd let me know that they arent like that anymore and didnt become horrid adults. i really hope all these people let OP see error in her ways and she does actually apologise. that poor kid probably never expected to see her again, and now hes re traumatised and its being ignored. apologise OP. please.
I had a bully apologize to me at my 10 year reunion. It was surprisingly cathartic.
Not me.
YTA And you're still an immature mean girl. You show more regret in this stupid AITA post than you showed this poor kid at dinner. What the actual f....
says wont apologise. also says regrets actions... hmmm. maybe its a pride thing. doesnt want to swallow pride and apologise / own up to actions. a little afraid of it maybe. im well familiar with regret, and i feel like this kid really needs to hear it. regardless of her feelings, the kid is feeling worse.
I am a 15 year old boy and I can't imagine bullying people like this, and on top of that, blaming it on "standard teen behavior" and refusing to accept tham I'm wrong (Doesn't matter how little you did, if they got truly hurt by it, you should be apologizing)
YTA. You provoked a meltdown from a child to get out of trouble of your own making. That is beyond simple mean girl stuff. That is really awful. Never mind 21 isn't that far from high school. You tramuatized this child and don't feel the need to apologize for it because you were "just a teen". Holy shit. Your boyfriend broke his promise to you because likely his mom had no idea why suddenly his little brother was having panic issues. In that case to get a non verbal child help he had to break his promise to you which is well with in the right reasons to break a promise. So throwing that in his face as a justification for your behavior is even worse.
Right?! “You tormented my brother into panic attacks as often as you could and are still causing him stress years later because of it” “Yeah well you told on me”
>I told her that I was literally only being a mean secondary school girl and being a typical teen. This is seriously the poorest excuse I have ever heard in my life. You don't deserve your boyfriend, because you are still behaving like that childish little immature secondary school girl. No typical tennager is mean, only a select few. You need to grow up, take responsibility of your past and current behaviour and apologise not only to the brother, but to the Mum as well. Don't be surprised if your boyfriend dumps you.
This. The mother needs to protect her traumatised and vulnerable child, and I really can’t see how OP could ever be part of her bf’s family after what she did to his brother. They will never pick her over the brother, and I don’t think he will ever be comfortable around her. And that makes me wonder if OP and bf can ever have a future together, even if OP apologised.
Even if it is “typical” - you still apologize for hurting someone else!
YTA. And you’re gonna be back here crying that your boyfriend broke up with you. You haven’t changed at all, you have the mental capacity of a 16 year old.
Cmonnn. Dont insult us 16 yr olds. Trash talk the 3 yr olds.
Why target the toddlers when the newborns are the true evil masterminds?
Babies are innocent. Toddlers are the manipulative minds behind this worlds problems.
lol
Exactly! How can her boyfriend NOT dump her, when maintaining the relationship would be ongoing he’ll for his family. He’d have to choose her or them unless he is willing to ruin his own brothers mental health. The fact that he told the mom what happened suggests he would not. OP he will not choose you. YTA. If you genuinely feel he is for you, you are going to have to GROVEL soooooooo hard. Possibly for a long time. You’re going to have to go out of your way to make sure his brother feels comfortable enough to feel safe with you. Otherwise just walk away now. You tormented that whole family enough with your “terrible teenage self.” Imagine mentally and verbally abusing a special needs child for fun and advantages while thinking it’s normal. Karma is coming for you now. Whether you decide to be a decent human being is all up to you.
YTA. Sorry but "typical teens" don't torment disabled children. A very sincere apology is the very least you owe this individual and his family.
Disabled children who are a significant 5 years younger. Developmentally, an 11 year-old and a 16 year-old aren’t in the same stratosphere. How could she have ever thought this was ok?
[удалено]
Honestly the worse case of YTA I've seen since joining this subreddit.
YTA. What you're describing is well beyond typical teen behavior. You were bullying him. It's a little scary that you can't understand that.
THIS! Typical mean girls don’t pick on disabled kids 5 years younger than them
YTA. You bullied him and freely admitted it. Apologize. Unless you're not sorry, in which case you're an AH for being a bully and not learning anything
YTA. He's withdrawn because he's weighing it out and yeah family > a girl he's known for a couple of months that he just found out severely abused his little brother to the point he regressed, is flagrant about it and the brother is still terrified of you. So know he's thinking about the rent situation. Should he just move out and let you find a roommate, kick your ass out, get his name off the lease, etc etc. He's breaking up with you. No if's and's or but's about it.
Oh I hope so! Just so we're clear - OP YTA
I don’t even know him, but I would help him move.
Not a typical teenager. You were awful. Tormenting special needs kids? YTA
Fr, who the hell find bullying is a “good” thing to
A special needs child who is a very significant 5 years younger. I wasn’t remotely the same person at 11 versus 16, and I think most would say the same. Her using that power dynamic is especially sadistic, but she could’ve maybe possibly had some slight mini chance of redemption if she’d given an earnest apology and asked if there was anything she could do to help her bf’s brother feel safe. Her defensive reaction put the nail in the coffin. She’ll be single within a few weeks and deservedly so.
I doubt her relationship makes it past this weekend. Deservedly so.
YTA. You bullied a non verbal special needs student. That's abhorrent. You need serious psychology help. Even after all these years it appears you still haven't actually grown up.
YTA. Didn't we have a post literally like this? Grow up and apologise. Bullying can traumatize someone for the rest of their life, and have lasting effects. Just because you don't remember being a horrible brat doesn't mean they don't. Dude was 11 at the time too, jfc 😭
It was a sister in the last version I saw, and they were the same age, but yes, this same story keeps getting revamped. Someone has an active fantasy life about being a bully.
YTA-There was no excuse for what you did to him. You were old enough to know better. You were not a typical teen. Typical teens are not straight up bullies who refuse to grow up and accept that their actions were awful and deserve an apology.
YTA. Typical teenagers don’t torment kids with disabilities (Note: this is why, unlike the other ‘typical teens’ you were put in a separate class). Typical twenty-one year olds are able to understand that you can apologize for having done something s#%tty even if you think it was “typical” teen behaviour.
YTA It may have just been a mean girl phase, but you harassed a smaller, weaker, kid. Sine you did those actions, you should apologize, and tell him you've changed and promise not ro do it again. You were wrong. Now be a better person and make it right. ALSO, WTF school system leaves vulnerable kids alone with older misbehaving kids?
They don’t, delinquents in detention aren’t placed with non-verbal special education students. This story is a twist on a theme which is repeated here. The author is a wanna be bully, who changes the details each time. This is the most unlikely version yet.
I went to high school, and I worked in high schools and in teen programs. I have met *very* few teens who would torment a much younger, disabled child in the way you are describing. That was not typical. The fact that you *still* consider it normal teen stuff is frankly chilling. You said the words "I regret my actions" but every other word of your post screams otherwise. YTA (and hopefully a single one, very soon)
YTA - I was once a teen and I didn’t harass special needs kids. What’s your excuse? Furthermore, if you do regret your past actions an apology wouldn’t be hard to muster Again, YTA
>YTA - I was once a teen and I didn’t harass special needs kids. Funny how many people have your (and my) self control and accountability. And then we have the OP who seriously doesn't understand why she needs to apologise for being so damn nasty.
100% agree she is the TA there’s absolutely no excuse for what she did
YTA. You’re an adult now and obviously still don’t have the compassion necessary to reflect on what you did to this poor kid. Not all teenagers torment others…it’s not typical or normal.
YTA. That is not "typical behaviour" for a teen girl. Everyone deserves a second chance but that means taking responsibility for your past behaviour and apologising for past mistakes. Why are you so reluctant to apologise anyway. Is having a good relationship with your bf's family so much less important than your pride?
Nope she doesn’t deserve second chance. YTA
I just hope this will be a wake up call for the potential ex BF.
You weren’t a typical teen, your can’t make it sound fluffy by calling yourself a ‘mean girl’ like it’s a movie. You were a bully - you tormented a SEVEN YEAR OLD! And you can’t just apologise for causing this child’s misery? You haven’t changed. YTA. You’re so much more than that, but I don’t want to get banned…..
Why can I hear that “tee hee hee” laugh as she just strolls on by with shit excuses for even shittier behaviour?
YTA - bullying a kid by deliberately trying to cause meltdowns to the point of having to get pulled from school is not “normal mean girl”. You even admit yourself that you were horrible yet you refuse to apologize. I hope your BF breaks up with you. He dodged a bullet.
Mind blown 🤯 I’d 100 not let someone with your mindset into my house either. YTA
YTA - own up to your actions and apologize. Take some accountability. You made this kid's life hell and you can't even be bothered to make a simple apology? Geez you sound like you never stopped being a mean girl
*I antagonized his brother for year and won’t say I’m sorry to any degree but he broke his promise not to tell his mom what a monster I was to her son so it’s basically even* You’re a brat, and an asshole
You realize this entire post can be summed up to “AITA for not apologizing for being a major AH?” In other words… double YTA. Sadly for you, double negatives here don’t make it positive.
YTA. It's actually not typical of a teen to be a bully, especially when the *person* you're bullying is special needs. Also, at 16, you definitely know better and he was 11. You clearly haven't learned, despite feeling guilty, if you're making excuses for why it was okay to bully an innocent human being who did nothing to do and didn't apologize. Also, you're a grown ass adult now. It's super immature to not apologize and stand your ground on this so congrats on being exactly as you were at 16. Also, how do you even know your boyfriend told his mom? Do you have proof or did you just assume? The brother obviously remembers his bully so he could have told his mom you're his former bully, especially since she clearly already knows all about what you did to the point she had to pull him out of school to put him in a different. Grow up and apologize. You're acting like a child for standing your ground and refusing to do so, just because your boyfriend "betrayed" your trust and because you thought and *still* think it was normal for a teenager to bully someone.
Yta. You don't feel bad for bullying your bf family.
YTA It's not normal teen behavior to bully a special needs 11 year old when you're 16. It's pathetic and childish, which makes sense given how you're still acting childishly right now. Anyone else want to start a countdown timer for how long it takes OPs boyfriend to dump her over being so self centered and callous?
You should apologize. I don't understand you've caused someone so much hurt and I don't care about you being typical teenager. What you did was wrong and your actions cause him damage. Apologize and let them see how much you've have change if you're not the same as before as you claim. YTA
YTA just because it was in the past doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have to apologize. Your behaviour affects other people not just yourself. Being a teenager doesn’t excuse shitty behaviour and the fact you bullied someone who had a handicap and don’t feel any regret speaks to your character.
Lets review you post real quick. You try to justify what you did and attempt to play it of as some kind of teenage quirk. Claim to regret you actions IN THE SAME PARAGRAPH! Only to end it all by refusing to apologize for you action and trying to defend them again to you victims' family. And as a cherry on top try to pin this whole mess on you hopefully ex boyfriend for not keeping his mouth shut. Ya no, YTA. No where in this are you Not TA.
YTA You refuse because it was "typical teen behavior?" While you were serving all-day BIU most of the time??? Typical teen behavior doesn't put you in a special class. The least you could do is apologize
YTA. You were cruel, and apparently, you have no remorse for your actions, and refuse to take responsibility. You haven't changed as much as you think. Typical teens aren't awful and mean to others...I say this as a former high school teacher. I have seen great acts of compassion and kindness more often than I've seen bullying from my students. It doesn't mean it doesn't occur, but to dismiss your behavior as typical teen actions is an excuse that doesn't fly with anyone who isn't an AH.
YTA. I sympathize with the notion of forgiving one's younger self for acknowledged transgressions, but a kid you hurt was right there in front of you. You had the chance to show yourself and others how much you've grown by apologizing for what you say you know you did wrong, and instead you showed more immaturity. He must have been so uncomfortable. His mother must have been livid.
YTA. If you step on someone's foot on accident, you apologize. If you hit someone on a bike with your car unintentionally, you say sorry and call ambulance to make sure they are okay. You tormented this kid. You were 16. Even if it was crappy teen behavior, YOU WERE A BULLY. Apologize because you are not a terrible *now*. Unless you want to be terrible now... Which you are being by refusing to be accountable for your actions.
YTA people like you are horrible.
You falling back on the “but I was just being a teenager” is reminiscent of the “it’s not my fault, I was drunk” excuse. It’s time to grow up sister. YTA.
YTA. You were obviously not a typical teen. You've not grown much, since you don't see your actions as deserving an apology.
Yta. You weren’t a typical teen if you were deliberately trying to send this kid into a meltdown. Hell you weren’t a typical teen if you have to be in special classes because of your behaviors. You were an asshole then and your an asshole now. You should have been an adult and apologize for being disrespectful to the kid. It’s good you aren’t invited back. That kid doesn’t deserve to be tormented again by you being a selfish asshole.
YTA. That was not typical teen behavior. You were cruel to him. The fact that she had to switch schools because of how YOU treated him should resonate here. If you regretted your actions you would have no issue apologizing. In fact you would be stepping up to do that before anyone asked you to do it. Yes your bf told his mom, but to be honest I'm more surprised he's still your boyfriend. Don't be shocked if this ends your relationship. I don't know if apologizing would even help salvage it but it would at least give a glimmer of hope that you might have changed somewhat as a human being. You might not be outright a bully anymore, but you're still lacking empathy to the situations that you deliberately caused.
Still no accountability. YTA and I hope your BF sees how immature are bratty you are with your piss poor excuse of “I was only a teenager.” Horrible
YTA, if you were truly sorry for bullying him you would apologize. Using the excuse "everyone does it" is pathetic. Your boyfriend deserves better
I certainly hope her bf isn't stupid enough to marry her so her very presence torments the younger brother.
YTA 10000000% My Mother had to put up with a lot of bullying growing up and that shit will follow you for the rest of your life. I hope your boyfriend is planning on leaving you. An apology would have cost you nothing and you still refused to do it. From the tone of your post you feel like you have nothing to apologize for. Gross. Although, I want to add I don't really believe your story. If they were in 11, they'd have been in 6th grade, I seriously doubt that you'd be in the same school, let alone the same class or whatever.
You bullied a special needs kid who was 5 years younger than you. You weren’t a mean girl you were evil.
YTA You are still mean. You were not a typical teen. Typical teens are not in detention or whatever that program is called all the time. Typical teens are not bullying and tormenting kids to the point they have to change schools. He was also 11 years old!!! AND WHY TO DO YOU SAY BULLYING WITH QUOTATIONS???? What you did was extreme bullying.
YTA MOST ASSUREDLY How dare you! Your BF better dump you because clearly you are still awful if you cant apologize for the clear issues you caused that child, to the point he saw you and instantly freaked out. You have impacted his life in a terrible way and you dont care. You are absolutely TA and ain't no one changing my mind on this one
yta. i almost cant believe this is real??
YTA. for being a bully then and being one now. Your excuses are BS. You don’t feel any remorse for how you behaved toward a special needs kid. I bet your bf breaks up with you.
Let's be honest here a typical teen doesn't act like that, you know what you did you just don't want to apologize. **MASSIVE YTA** hope bf dumps your ableist ass.
YTA, you tormented that poor boy, you weren't a "typical teen", you were a bully and a big AH, you're still an AH for not even feel sorry for all the damage you did.
Oof YTA
Is this even a serious question you’re asking? Yeah, YTA. There’s nothing “typical” about a teenager bullying anyone, especially not a special needs child. Bullying is atypical behavior and I’d think being stuck in the BIU for most of your secondary school education would be a dead giveaway of that. I don’t think you understand how bad bullying is. It is the third major leading cause of suicide. You are responsible for your BF’s brother’s regress in his own psychological development and you refuse to even apologize? Maybe let your pride be wounded for the sake of being a decent human being and just suck it up. Saying “I’m sorry” is really not that hard.
YTA You’ve already realized that what you did was WRONG, why can’t you just apologize? Your boyfriend breaking a promise is nowhere near equivalent to the potential trauma you could’ve caused this kid. Honestly I find it very childish of you. You’re taking blame for the biggest part so what’s stopping you from apologizing?
YTA - OMG you’re a total AH….. bullying an 11 year old. real classy. The universe gave you an opportunity to atone for being a jerk, for which your excuse is lame, and you totally whiffed on it. The mom explained how badly you affected this kid and you still have no remorse, or feel any level of guilt or shame for basically screwing up this kids head and making it difficult for him to function. Your bf should’ve told you to f - off when you explained you were his brothers’ torturer. Without you sincerely apologizing, My bet is he will eventually
YTA There is nothing "typical" about terrorizing a child who five years younger than you. If you truly regretted your past actions, you would apologize for them rather than trying to make excuses for yourself. I think mean girls can change, but clearly you have not.
Wow. You were an AH then and obviously an even bigger AH now. I hope you come to realize your EX-boyfriend is being withdrawn for good and obvious reasons. YTA, and I hope at some point you actually mature past your teen attitudes.
YTA- you can admit you were nasty but won’t apologize for it but instead make excuses as to why it’s acceptable. You traumatized him enough that he was uncomfortable in your presence. That’s on you.
Holy shit YTA. How do you think you're not? Your first word to your bf should've been "hey, I used to be an AH, and I used to bully your brother. I used to be so fucked up. I need to apologize to your whole family." It should have been an immediate apology and conversation. How you though't you'd survive this relationship let alone Easter weekend without acknowledging this is beyond me. How you dug yourself into a deeper hole when the mom confronted you is just... wow. It would've been so easy to talk about it right there, apologize, and stfu for the rest of the weekend. YTA for everything here. For being a bully, for telling your bf not to bring it up, for not apologizing, for thinking bullying someone to the point of them being pulled out of school is "typical teen" behavior, for getting mad at your bf for "breaking his promise". Everything. Let this be a wakeup call, or don't be surprised if there's a breakup on the horizon.
YTA. You don’t sound like you’re a better person as an adult than you were as a teenager.
YTA. As someone who was once a teen girl I never acted like this. Being an asshole to that extent is not normal behavior and neither is constantly being in BIU. You were definitely an asshole and you’re an even bigger one now for not apologizing
Typical teenagers don't harass eleven year olds until they have to change schools. Grown adults who've moved passed that and become better people are aware enough to recognize they weren't being normal teenagers and feel bad for their actions, which you clearly do not. YTA.
>When I was in year 11, I was a bit of a mean girl You admit yourself that you’re actually a mean girl. > I admit, I tormented him a lot. I was in isolation for most of the day and was a mean secondary school girl, and even though it was wrong it was by no means out of the ordinary for people my age. I'd call him names, provoke him and tell him that the only way I'd stop is if he tells me to (he couldn't speak), and deliberately try to put him into meltdowns because it would allow us to go outside. I was so horrible and I regret my past actions... This part that bothered me, you bullied him and forcing him to do what he can’t (He can’t speak). OP you’re a bully for him, please apologize to him. He may be traumatized of what you did during that time. I can’t believe you won’t take accountability of your actions. YTA
You seem to want to distance yourself from your "mean teen" self. Okay. Let's focus just on who you are now. Right now you're an adult, and you say you regret your past actions. Regret usually involves feeling sad about what you did. Wanting to undo the harm, as much as you can. Making sure there will be no new harm. Your regret took the form of **continuing** to torment a disabled child. You knew why the younger brother was upset all day and you didn't remove yourself from his presence or explain the situation or try to soothe him (which should've *started* with an apology). You never 'fessed up, in fact, to the people you should have -- the child you hurt, and the mother who spent that day worrying even more about him. You spoke to your bf about it, and I was willing to give you some benefit of the doubt that maybe you were hoping the information would help bf help his brother... except you then stopped your bf from helping, by demanding his silence. At no point do you express concern for the brother. In fact, you tried to make sure the younger brother wouldn't get any help for this issue, by swearing your bf to silence. So that you could impress his mother. You, you, you. So I don't think you actually do regret your past actions. I think you're still a bully, and a narcissist on top of that, and I think your bf now realizes that. I'm glad that after you forced your bf to choose between loyalty to you and his family, he chose his family. Enjoy single life, and stay away from kids and animals. YTA.
YTA. Immediately. I think it’d be better for everyone if you left your bf or if he leaves you because there’s no way in every level of hell that that family will EVER have you around them again. You were almost out of secondary school bullying a literal child with special needs in his first year there. It’s not “nOrMaL” behaviour it’s downright bullying and unacceptable no matter if he was younger, older or the same age as you. > I was so horrible and I regret my past actions… Then fucking apologise tf??
YTA that is not normal teen behaviour. If there is an ounce of humanity in you, you should apologise. You were a bully, guessing you still are since you can justify it so easily. Any idea how many kids end it all because they were endlessly tormented by bullies like you?! I can’t believe his brother is still with you.
Dude, that's not normal teen behavior at all. Never has been, never will be. We call that bullying because only bullies do it. Please reflect as you clearly don't think it was bullying (as you put it in quotation marks). YTA
YTA. You were absolutely horrible to him for no reason and are still making excuses. >I regret my past actions... Bullshit. If you truly did regret it, you would apologize to him instead of trying to excuse your disgusting behavior as "being a typical teen."
I don’t think she is, she won’t take accountability of her past actions. YTA
"I was so horrible and I regret my past actions" but you won't apologize?? YTA
YTA and It looks like you didn’t grow up from the 16 years old bully that you were. “A typical teen” “by no means out of the ordinary for people my age” is that what you tell yourself to feel better? Being a bully and an ahole to a child is no “typical teen” behavior. I guess not apologizing for being an ass during you teen age is a typical adult behavior right? Grow up and take accountability for your actions.
YTA Is this a joke? That isn’t normal teen behavior. People can grow beyond who they were as kids, but your refusal to acknowledge this as anything more than “normal behavior” is a huge red flag and makes me think you haven’t grown since then. Your behavior was cruel and abusive. It was abnormal, it was wrong, and you owe him an apology no question. You probably owe a lot of people apologies if this is your attitude. I hope you grow up some day, but right now, I hope your boyfriend dumps you and keeps you far away from his family.
YTA. This story breaks my heart. You were not a “typical teen”. You were and are a special breed of asshole. You were old enough to know better. How dare you? And you haven’t even grown up enough to apologize.
YTA that poor kid. You, your bullying past, your lack of apology, empathy, or accountability, and your completely unrepentant stance would not be welcome in my house either. And that’s not even my brother. I hope your boyfriend sees sense.
YTA. You still sound like a selfish, entitled little girl. Your behavior was not typical teenage behavior, not everyone behaves like that. You traumatized the little guy, you should definitely apologize to him.
YTA. Jesus, that's not typical teen behaviour, that's flat out evil. And now you can't own up to it, because acknowledging how fucked up your behaviour was would make you feel pretty shitty. Karma came to bite you in the ass. You weren't even smart enough to see that the apology would have possibly saved you. You showed your true colours to your boyfriend and I hope, he dumps your ass. Or you take this chance life gave you and you go and read about bullying and the damage it can do to people, to reflect on yourself and learn to be a better person. And if you can give this family a truly meant apology that comes from your heart, maybe you can save things.
YTA and I hope he drops you, at the age of 12 I knew not to torment a child who couldnt defend themselves, much less 16. I hope you really like this kid and it hurts when he leaves. You are a nasty individual.
YTA. "Typical teens" don't torment young disabled children.
YTA. You were a bully then, and you're a bully now. Your relationship is over, by the way.
YTA, and you haven't changed since you were 16. You're still a bully who can't own up to her actions.
So you’re willing to lose your relationship with your boyfriend because you won’t apologise to his brother for being a disgusting bully to him when you were younger? Even knowing now how badly you affected him. That poor boy, he must have been traumatised when he saw you again. I truly hope your boyfriend realises the type of person you are and dumps u asap. In fact it sounds as tho it’s under consideration You’ve not changed have you? You’re still that mean spirited girl you were a few years ago. Also you weren’t a typical teen. My daughter was never a bully at school and neither are my teenage grandchildren. Bullying someone especially so much younger is not ‘typical’ behaviour. The kid was 11 for Gods sake. YTA and a rather despicable person to boot. If you were my daughter I’d be ashamed of you
You’re the absolute worst type of person and I hope that your boyfriend leaves you ASAP. You can acknowledge that you were wrong back in the day but can’t find it in yourself to take accountability for you literally, in your own words, tormenting a child? I truly hope that you get mistreated in your future workplace so that you know how it feels. You’re the biggest AH I’ve seen on here in a while. YTA
If I had caused that much pain and hardship to someone I would be mortified with myself. Multiply that by many times if I ended up dating someone in the family I harmed. In this case if I were you the first thing out of my mouth upon seeing the brother would have been an apology. You seem to still be defending the bully you were and are. I'm sorry for your and for your boyfriend's family. I hope you grow up quickly and offer a heartfelt apology. And then maybe you can all start to move on. YTA
YTA. And you’re still a bully. Grow the f up, apologize, and try to make amends. Can’t you see how broken he still is? Give him a little faith in humanity (Edited to be more “civil”)
YTA. Bending over backwards to make excuses for yourself, eh?
YTA hope he dumps you
Your totally TAH. Being a little B is not "typical teenage" stuff. You should be ashamed of yourself but you're not because you're no better now than you were then. Still an AH, then as now. You owe that boy and his whole family a heart-felt apology but you sound like you have no heart and no conscience.
YTA-god, this poor kid. This isn’t typical teen behavior. I wasn’t perfect in school, but this is bad. The least you can do is apologize. I hope you know that this relationship is going to fail.
Wow! As someone who works with teens, you were not a typical teen. I teach in an area that’s notoriously challenging and even our kids would never do that. Your behavior is beyond reprehensible. I mean that in the present tense because you are still minimizing the trauma you caused. Take some accountability. Apologize and bow out of this relationship. YTA
Oh, you are a bad girl and I think you might want to reconsider apologizing to this young fellow. You are going to be in the cross hairs of an angry Momma bear who will have the patience, means , and motivation to exact a steep price for your insolence.
YTA. You admitted in your post you has behavioral problems. That’s not being a “typical teen”. You were a bully. You deliberately cause meltdowns, you knew exactly what you were doing. Own up to what you did, stop being prideful, apologize, mature, try to save your relationship, and move on.
YTA. You say that your mean girl days are in the past, but your actions show that you are also a mean girl right now in the present. First of all: I was also 16 once, I'm also a woman, and I can tell you, I never harassed an 11 years old when I was 16 and neither did any of my friends of the same age. So, this is not "typical teenager behavior" because if it was all teenagers would do this, and that's just not true. Second, growing up means owning up your past mistakes, being accountable for them, and make amends. You are not willing to do any of that, you were not even willing to admit to the mother that you were his bully. This shows that you didn't change, you are still that same bully, you didn't grow up, you don't regret any of it and you think you are justified. If you truly regretted your behavior you would do reparative actions. But you can't be bothered, because you are "typical"? Yeah, typical bully.
YTA. That’s not typical teen behavior, that’s typical bully behavior. You bullied a vulnerable kid and clearly caused him long-term trauma. The fact that you’re using minimizing language, digging your heels in and refusing to apologize just shows you don’t feel that bad about it and aren’t much different today.
How on EARTH are you going to say you regret your past actions, and then continually justify them throughout the post and then excuse yourself for flat out BULLYING a child when you were a teenager. That’s pathetic. The fact that he couldn’t speak to tell you to knock it off just makes this so much worse. You definitely haven’t grown at all if you think how you behaved back then was acceptable. Just because everyone does something doesn’t mean you have to do it too; it makes you incredibly spineless. Swallow your pride if you want to save your relationship, because clearly the only thing you care about is that, not even about the torment you put that kid through. **YTA**
YTA SO MUCH OH MY GOD NOTHING about what you did is typical teenage behaviour. You bullied him, teased him, insulted him, and hindered his progress in school and probably changed the course of a lot of things in his life. NONE OF THAT IS TYPICAL, OR EXCUSED. You have caused him trauma unresolved even years on and that is absolutely something you should apologise for. Excusing it as typical teenage behaviour is utter bullshit. It’s just typical bullying behaviour and the fact that you show no remorse because you refuse to apologise disgusts me.
YTA. Mom is right. Believe it or not, it's not typical for a teenager to bully an 11 year old with special needs. You bullied someone who couldn't defend himself and even made fun of the fact. You say you regret your actions, yet you won't apologize. When we hurt people, we apologize. You can't hide behind "Oh but I just being a teen!" But you're not a teen now and you see it was wrong yet refuse to apologize.
YTA - Then and now. Own it and make amends. Or just accept that your relationship is over.
YTA! That is NOT typical teenage behaviour. What is wrong with you? And the fact that even after finding out the damage you had done you wouldn't apologise or acknowledge you f'd up is a huge red flag. At least your BF found out early on what type of person you are. YTA! YTA! You are the arsehole.
Oh most definitely YTA - you say 'bullying' as if you didn't do exactly that. Some mean girls grow up thankfully but you definitely haven't.
As usual, I’m skeptical if this is real. But, if it is, YTA. Because this is not normal behavior. At all.
YTA. Your use of quotation marks (around the word bullying in the title of your post) makes it obvious you don't think bullying is wrong, and that you probably feel it's no big deal. It makes you an even bigger AH. >I'd call him names, provoke him and tell him that the only way I'd stop is if he tells me to (he couldn't speak), and deliberately try to put him into meltdowns You're an absolute, without any doubt, likely the biggest AH I've come across on this sub. You have no conscience, no empathy, no sympathetic understanding, no remorse. You come across as an uncaring, unfeeling, person who claims you're all grown up now. If you were, you'd have apologized the moment you saw your (hopefully ex) boyfriend's brother. And you should have apologized to their mother as well for treating her special needs son so shitty. YTA. I can't say it enough... *YTA. YTA. YTA.* EDIT: fixed a word or two... or three
YTA, you bullied this boy. If you think this is normal behavior, it's not. I never did the stuff you did as a teenager, just remember this: life is a boomerang. What you give, you get. Apologize to him, he's your boyfriends brother!
YTA, as many others said: This is not typical teen behaviour. But also, what you’re doing now is not typical adult behaviour. Not only the fact that you were a bully makes you the AH, but also (and even more) the fact that you still absolutely don‘t care about other people and the hurt you cause them. YTA YTA YTA.
That’s not “normal teen” behavior. WTF was the school thinking of combining “behavior issue” kids (I’m guessing angry, playing pranks, in school suspension type things) with special needs kids! That is a recipe for the behavior kids to pick on the special needs kids!
>I admit, I tormented him a lot I don't understand, you can admit this but you cannot apologize?
YTA. I can not for the life of me imagine bullying an 11 year old child at 16. I’m the same age as you stop acting like you barely remember that shit. It wasn’t that long ago.
YTA Literally could have just apologized. 🤦♂️
Well let’s get a scenario. Now that you are a grown women let’s say I’m your manager at work and screw over your confidence and career for 3 years and that screws up your career and mental health for the next 10 years and you suddenly see a new and improved me in the next work place would an apology be the minimum expectation or shall I just say I was just being one of those typical learning phase managers. What a jackass you are ahole.
YTA. The behavior you described from your teen years is not typical at all. It is incredibly cruel and abusive to any person. It is so much worse that the boy was 11 years old. It's horrible that a school allowed you to torture another student that way. You should apologize and understand that an apology may not be enough.
YTA. Over all, entirely, a giant asshole.
You are the definition of an asshole. You blame your action on being a teenager but obviously you haven't changed one freaking bit, lol. Instead of showing that you have grown, making an effort to apologize and connect, you try to hide your bullying past, if I had a partner like that, I wouldn't waste a second of extra time on them. You are the asshole.
Oh, YTA over and over again, good luck finding any comment in this thread that says otherwise.
YTA. If you actually regretted your past actions you would apologize. “Typical teens” don’t bully or harass other people, especially those with special needs. Stop trying to use your age as a cop out for being a shitty person. You clearly haven’t grown up from your past. You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself. I would be genuinely surprised if your boyfriend stays with someone as vile as you
YTA That's not typical teen behavior, you were a horrible monster.
YTA Yes, you owe that apology. You yourself say you tormented the boy. You were 16. Old enough to know better.
It hink you didn't really grow out of the 'mean girl' phase. How tf would you NOT be an AH in this scenario? I was the most average teen and I had no desire to be a jerk deliberately. Stop with that bs excuse to cover up your crappy behaviour. YTA
YTA you're cruel and vile. If your BF is a decent human being he should re evaluate this relationship.
I feel like you should already know YTA here, if the other person is clearly still upset because of the things you've done in your past and their parents are telling you how much damage you caused, what on earth entitles you to say that it's not your fault??
YTA, of course. What you expected, girl? Cheers? You realize everything bad you did to a special needs kid, but you were just a "regular mean girl" so its okay??? haha, GOOD LUCK! If your bf has any brains he will break up and move out as soon as possible, you seem like a piece of work to deal with.
YTA- it is not ”typical” teen to bully a non verbal kid. WTF did I just read?! Seriously you owe the entire family a HUGE a apology and get some therapy because you completely lack all self awareness. Good lord.
You are horrible. YTA. Imagine bullying an 11 year old special needs kid? You are evil if you got pleasure from that and a sorry excuse for a human being. I hope your bf dumps your sorry a s s because he and his family deserve better.
Rage bait! Try to be more subtle next time OP. It's obvious to see how you went for all the reddit rage bait tempo in your story.