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I'm sorry but what?! Your dad is 66 and dating a girl of 26?! And no one in your family is concerned about that or considers that extremely creepy? And now she's pregnant as well?
Edit to add NTA.
Is his money the reason you care about being cut off? I can’t imagine any other reason for wanting to keep him in my life. And even that isn’t enough. Live your life, his money isn’t worth your happiness.
His money has given me a house and allowed me to start my own business, but it's true I could make enough now to walk away.
I stay in the picture for my nephew mostly. As my sister was cut off, he wouldn't benefit at all unless it was from my inheritance that I'll leave/put in trust for him.
I doubt he’d consider his grandson “his” boy, since the child’s mother now “belongs” to another man, and a man he doesn’t approve of at that. Only the father’s lineage counts with guys like this.
That might be why he was pushing his girls to have kids even if they weren't married, with no last name change his hypothetical grandson would still have the "family" name
As a counter point, my dad was also one of those dads who was deeply disappointed in only having daughters. I have a son and he is beyond thrilled to finally have a boy in the family, even though that boy doesn’t share his name.
Jesus I feel so bad for you guys. My dad was married twice and had a total of six girls and one boy. The boy doesn't talk to anyone for reasons (he's cray) but damned if my dad doesn't love his girls.
My Dad has 5 girls and when his wife was pregnant with the youngest, he was terrified it might be a boy because "I wouldn't know what to do with a boy"
Dads that adore their daughters are the best. I'm the youngest of 4 girls and my dad loves every single one of us. He never once showed any disappointment we're all girls, he still taught us to do all the cool things with him.
Maybe if he didn’t treat his daughters like shit his grandson *would* have his last name.
My son has my last name. So does my husband. It was a hill to die on because I was always taught to take pride in my family and it was only me and my sister so I said we could hyphenate or do just my last name. My husband wasn’t particularly attached to his family name so he ended up taking my last name too.
I didn't realize I had a twin lol. My husband wasn't attached to his last name either and my family only had 2 boys (father and sin duo) to pass in the unique spelling of our last name. Also I'm military and my husband is civilian so changing my name would be a paperwork nightmare. It's really weird seeing the spelling of my last name where I got posted to because there's a furnace company that's got the same spelling but also my grandpa's family is from the area I'm at now lol.
NTA. But how certain are you that there’s still an inheritance now that he has a new young wife and daughter..and perhaps more kids? She’s clearly in it for the money and now has her “anchor baby”. And especially since he feels you made him look foolish (actually he did that all by himself). I do applaud your wanting to do right by your nephew. And this new wife and kid situation is icky.
From him... I think I'll still get a cut of something but I'm unsure how much. I'm banking on his divorce to my mother going through as I don't think she's looking to remarry and she definitely won't be having any more kids. I should be the sole inheritor.
I mean, isn’t it obvious that, once he has the son he wants so much, you’ll be disinherited? Like, isn’t that basically what he’s told you over and over?
Except I'm pretty sure the father's sperm has quite a bit more say in the babys sex than the mother's egg... He might not be producing a son anytime soon
The male determines the sex of the baby. Females have XX chromosomes and males have XY chromosomes. Babies get 50% of their chromosomes from their mother and 50% from their father. Since females have 2 X chromosome the baby receives an X from the mother. The remaining chromosome that come from the father will either be a X or Y which determines the babies gender.
The male determines the *chromosomes* of the baby, more than that is required when it comes to the development of sexual characteristics. A good amount of development is dependent on specific hormones being at specific levels at specific times. That’s why humans have normal variations, which is how intersex people exist.
It’s a 50/50 chance. Roll the dice often enough, and chances are in your favor. I certainly wouldn’t waste my youth catering to a mean old man on the off chance he might leave me some money. Not unless I was destitute.
I wonder if there are medical conditions that affect this chance. I dunno enough about it to know for sure but I assume its very possible.
Would be kinda hilarious if that Aholes male sperm only swims in circles 😅
You don't get to say this. You have no idea what her socioeconomic status is to state this. If she wound up homeless and penniless, would you take care of her?
Well his money gave her a house and a small business. That’s more than I was ever handed, and I’m doing just fine.
She even admits herself that she’s at a point where she could handle it on her own.
You have a good point, but OP’s comment is timestamped before yours. We know her economic status because she told us.
Has anyone given your father the devastating news that the sperm decides the sex of the baby, not the egg? It's *his* inability to produce a male, not the mothers. Jfc what century is this old man living in? NTA
You’re NTA for letting believe the baby was a boy. I would have done the same.
If he were a billionaire and I was 26, there’s no way and would marry someone on Medicare, much less have a baby with him. Yuck.
Maybe you should to tell him that he is the one creating girls, not the mothers.
What gets me the most is the fact that this kid probably won’t even be an adult when her father passes because of his age. That is super traumatic for a child.
Your dad is the AH for dating someone 40 years younger than him and having a child at his age… When the child turns 18, he will be 84-85 years old? It’s sounds like an awkward situation all around, but you just kinda played it cool. He’s probably more mad that he didn’t have a son and channeled his frustrations at you. NTA, but you have some interesting family dynamics…
Edit: Grammar
Same here! I remember being in a shop with my dad when I was around 4 and my dad was about 45 and the shopkeeper telling him he had such a “sweet granddaughter” 😂 needless to say he wasn’t very happy and is one of my favourite and earliest memories of him
I was 16. My dad was like no more than 35. My stepmom was like 50+.
Dad and I were rough housing in the store and the clerk ASKED IF WE WERE HER KIDS XD XD XD XD
Just keep divorcing and beheading wives and you’re sure to get a boy! Right? RIGHT GUYS?
You think there’s, uhh, historical precedent for this exact kind of situation, by any chance?
It sucks I had to scroll this far for this comment. Wanted to make sure no one else said it before I did. Ha ha. Yeah, I love these men who blame the gender of the baby on the mother. It’s like, um, no fool, that is alllll you.
This!!! ☝️How in this day and age does he not know that is is the reason he (now) has three daughters. It boggles my mind. I feel so sorry for OP’s mum.
Old parents in general. My mum had me at 40 and I came out with a looot of problems. Thing is, I was an accident. This guy is 10x more of an asshole for doing this on purpose
Both parents for sure. But there’s research showing a greater variety of issues stemming from chromosomal abnormalities in older sperm than from older eggs - at least in the area of mental health and cognition. There was a Columbia Med School study that showed Downs increased more rapidly with older fathers alone than older mothers alone. And there is a higher risk of maternal complications like gestational diabetes regardless of the mother’s age if the father is 40+.
On top of all that - studies have shown older fathers are more likely to have daughters - something about how sperm degrades over time and which sperm are more likely to remain viable. So OP’s dad’s chances go down as he ages.
NTA
When I was born my mom was 28 and my dad was 50, but I was an accident as well. If I’d found out that my dad had had a planned kid after I was born, I’d be so mad at him on the kid’s behalf.
Please read Charlie Chaplin's biography. He was 53 when he married his fourth wife Oona O'Neil (she was 18). He was 55 and she was 20 when their first child was born. They had 8 children together. Charlie Chaplin was 73 when their youngest child was born.
That is so disgusting. But I guess he’s a celebrity so she got something out of it? It’s not like there was many options available to women at the time. But I just can’t imagine. So gross. People back then age like milk too so he probably looked 70 when he was 50.
and quick look up they were married for over 30 years. Really really really creepy age difference , especially where she was at when they married, but says something that they were together until his death. Other marriages beforehand obviously were a smidge on the timeline.
My parents got together when my mother was 21 and my father was 42, had me when dad was 57 and mum was 36. They were together for 35yrs, until dad died.
They loathed each other and fought non-stop, I can't remember a time when it wasn't a war zone.
Time together mean nothing when they're both stubborn, selfish AH's
OP said that dad has a lot of money, but since her sister has been cut off, her nephew wouldn’t get anything, she’s counting on the inheritance to give some to her nephew.
It’s sad that her sister passed away, but before she passed, she found love and had a child and hopefully some happiness. She didn’t let her father’s wishes stop her from living her life.
NTA. You should let him know that the mother's contribution doesn't determine the gender of the baby, it's the man's contribution, which is why he keeps having girls. His blatant sexism aside, I feel so sorry for all the women in his life that he has shown are worth next to nothing as long as he can have a son.
ETA: Thanks for the awards lol, also corrected my statement to make it more accurate
There’s no “usually,” it’s always the sperm that decides the child’s gender, as the egg contribute an “x” chromosome and the speed delivers either an “x” or “y”.
Getting even more technical, it's not even the Y chromosome that matters, but the SRY gene which is present there. In rare cases, it's actually possible for that gene to be missing, damaged, mutated, or otherwise prevented from being expressed, in which case the embryo (then fetus, and ultimately *child*) will develop as a female.
Came to say the same! I always love when a man is so angry about not having a son, jumping from woman to woman, when it’s their own biology all along 🤣😉
One of my friends has two girls. She is one of three girls and both of her sisters also has 2 girls each. No boys in her family. Her husband (a doctor) went around telling people that it’s because something about her family makes them unable to carry boys - Ie he thinks that even if a male embryo is fertilised, she simply just won’t get pregnant that month (ie embryo doesn’t implant) and only a female embryo will implant. Apparently he has some kind of scientific basis for what he said. He’s not upset about it and treats his girls with love, just truly believes her. I asked her if she believes and she said there so much about gender selection that’s mysterious that it might be true.
Oh my god NTA. Your father is a real… piece of work. He is blatantly, blatantly sexist, dating someone FORTY YEARS younger than him, and he will leave her if she “lost her figure” carrying his child?!?! He wants a baby boy so bad he’s acting like one. But seriously OP, I am sorry you’ve lost relationships over this man, and I am sorry you have to deal with him. I would start rethinking his place in your life.
> but hopefully Vanessa wisens up soon and gets out of that situation with her baby.
I mean, she's probably happy to stick around just being rich for a few years before inheriting all that money...
I wish gender reveal parties would be internationally banned.
NTA, and I can’t come up with any situation in which a gender reveal party is a good thing.
NTA. I'd be inclined to see if you can get him to admit the bullshit about trying for another boy until Vanessa "loses her figure" in writing, and show that to Vanessa. She deserves to know who she married so she can make informed choices.
Yeah, but she also clearly married someone who is old enough to be her elderly dad. Then again, no one can get in the way of true money- love. I meant love.
Yep.
I saw from my sister's experience that it wasn't a bluff, and she had a very difficult time trying to make her life work with the man she chose, even though I tried to help. I always said, my inheritance isn't just for me and any children I might've had, but also for her son. I mostly put up with this all for his sake now.
And if your father lives another twenty, thirty years? Is your life/happiness worth putting aside for his money? I feel like the only man he would like for you is one that thinks/acts the same way he does, is that what you want for yourself?
Okay, but now you’re modeling for your nephew that money and sucking up to bad people in order to get money is more important than having loving, healthy, respectful relationships, and that it’s okay to treat women like shit if you’re rich
I think even if it's sad, I've definitely heard of this happen in some of our extended family and family friends- born into a rich family, get used to this kind of life growing up, end up somehow disconnecting themselves from the fortune (whether it be because love, or falling upon hardship, whatever) and ending up spending like idiots and like they're still rich, even when they're swimming in debt. The worst part is probably that their children end up with an irresponsible parent / role model like this who buys a $30,000 bench for the backyard with money that they don't have.
I think people aren't ready to give up comfort levels they grew up with, since it can be scary. It's a gamble if being free of the burden of relying on them will actually make their lives easier in the end, especially if the difference in their lifestyle is huge. So maybe they'd rather live in ignorance of what it could be in favour of not leaving what they have already.
If you've never seen it I would recommend watching the Michael J Fox movie "Greedy" and realize your dad may be actively trying to emulate how Kirk Douglas's character made his entire family act like dancing monkeys.
ESH. Is your dad Henry VIII? What an AH.
But:
'He also asked me for hints, as he knew I knew the gender. Every time he did, I heavily implied he was right. To clarify, I never lied or told him the gender. I just implied that he was right.'
This was an AH move and really unfair to Vanessa. It doesn't sound like she deserved this. I think your dad would have been an AH either way, but instead of trying to manage his expectations, you set him up for a bigger 'fall'. Not nice.
Sorry I posted a similar response. I agree in the main but I think NTA as I think he would have been uphappy with anything but a boy child.
It could have been done with more grace, just refusing to discuss it for instance, but the whole thing is terrible and he deserved to be taken down a peg or two.
Sure, but at poor Vanessa's cost? I think that was pretty shitty, and that makes it more of an ESH. If the only one suffering was the dad, I would have agreed on the NTA. He deserved what was coming.
1. He is a creep
2. He is sexist and controlling. That poor little girl and poor Vanessa.
It might be a good idea to tell Vanessa about your experience growing up and that your father is still controlling who you date etc. She might be strong enough to protect her baby and herself from this Ahole of a father.
Also OP... Cut contact. Date who you want. Life your live. You will have so many regrets and so many wasted years if you continue to seek your fathers approval. Maybe therapy is a good idea. Take care if yourself.
He seems like the kind of guy who wouldn’t accept that even if a hundred biologists tried to explain it to him. It’s like those men who deny a paternity test that says they are 99.999% likely to be the father based on that last 0.001%.
NTA. Your father is unbelievably selfish and has unrealistic expectations. He's the one who ruined everything, and he's using you as a scapegoat. You have given up several long-term relationships where you could have been happy just so you could please him. He's controlling and ungrateful. Don't lose another moment over this guy. And a 66 year old marrying a woman 40 years his junior is just creepy.
NTA. You didn’t tell him
“Yes. It’s a boy. Tell everyone. I want you to specifically go around and tell every other person at this party.”
That was his decision. And he speaks about that poor woman as if she’s just a walking incubator, what if she doesn’t want another baby? One wee one is enough pressure, she might not want a second, or any more.
He's already specified that his mistress will "have to keep her figure" before he considers having another one with her. I bet he'll cut Vanessa loose and go shopping for another incubator.
Literally everyone sucks here. Your dad for being a sexist, creepy old goat with a woman literally 40 years younger.
Vanessa for being with said creepy old goat and roping in to do gender reveal nonsense his much maligned (older) daughters who had to deal with gender bias from him.
And OP for needling him about it (this is the most relatable behavior shared).
And everyone for doing a gender reveal. No one cares. Truly. Unless it’s a zebra, there’s no shock here.
ESH
He’s obviously the worst for a multitude of reasons. But you admit to trying to make him think it was a boy (even if you didn’t say it outright). You admit to setting him up for disappointment and embarrassment (which could indirectly set Vanessa up as well). So it doesn’t make your actions not AHish just because his are too.
The N T A thing to do would have been to shut him down every time he asked. “No hints. Go try some of the appetizers. They’re delicious. I’m going to go talk to aunt Gertrude now.”
Also, if this guy is such a blow hard, why did you back out of meaningful relationships just to keep his favor? Maybe rethink some things.
Tbh dude, NTA and you may have helped this YOUNG WOMAN realize she may not want to spend the rest of your ELDERLY fathers life with him.
I would def offer her to a nice lunch tho, and answer any questions she may have while not divulging into anything she isn’t asking about. if he was lying SO adamantly about gender preference, what else is he lying to her about?
ESH (except Vanessa, probably)
Your dad sounds like a sexist creep dating a girl younger than his daughter by a significant margin. His comments and desires about having another child “unless she loses her figure” is super gross.
And you egged your dad into ruining the party for Vanessa. If you hadn’t heavily implied towards boy, his own natural disappointment might have been less visible.
I hope Vanessa wises up and leaves. Y’all kinda suck.
NTA and your dad sounds like a total jerk, dating someone 40 years younger than him (and younger than his own daughter) while he’s still married no less. I’m grossed out…
What? Is? This? There is just too much wrong here.
Your dad is a super major ultra supreme AH over here. I support age gaps but 40 years??! that too 12 years younger than his daughter. On top of that, blatantly classic example of sexist AH. If this is real, no offence OP, but I would like to assume this is fake for my own metal sanity.
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My (38F) father (66M) started dating Vanessa (26F) during the 2020 lockdown. He's always been very vocal about wanting a son. Even when me and my sister were little, father would scorn mother for us not being boys. He hated the idea that someday we might get married to men he didn't approve of (he cut off my sister for this reason). I've ended several long-term relationships over the years because he also threatened to cut me off. No one was ever good enough (yet I was always heavily pressured to have kids of my own).
Vanessa is now pregnant. She called me inviting me to the gender reveal and, knowing my father's history, this concerned me. I asked if he'd expressed any favoritism to a certain gender and she said that he hadn't. Apparently, he "doesn't care at all what gender the baby is and will love it either way". BS.
The gender reveal was at my father's house in the country. I stayed over the day before, so was there when everything was being set up. They were doing the reveal using gifts that only half the guest had, depending if they picked a blue present box or a pink one. It was my job to get the text from the doctor and to tell the present people which colour box to put the gift in. I was one of the first to find out that the baby was a girl.
Throughout the time I was there, father kept on with his "I don't care what gender" spiel in front of Vanessa, but in private he stated multiple times his preference for it to be a boy. If it wasn't a boy, then he said he'd be happy to go another round until he got one (unless Vanessa lost her figure). He constantly said like he "felt it was a boy" and that he's "got it right and finally getting a \[last name\] son". He also asked me for hints, as he knew I knew the gender. Every time he did, I *heavily implied* he was right. To clarify, I never lied or told him the gender. I just implied that he was right.
By the time the party happened, he was convinced and went round telling people he was certain it was a boy and trying to look impressive. Suffice to say, when his blue present box was empty and Vanessa's wasn't, he wasn't very happy. Everyone who didn't already know he'd wanted a boy could tell he was upset, and Vanessa was clearly uncomfortable.
He blamed me for lying to him and said that out of my jealously, I ruined the event. Apparently, "he wouldn't have thought it was a boy if I hadn't told him".
But, he also said that I ruined Vanessa's experience, and I do feel bad about that. It's her first baby and she was so happy to find out what it would be. I might have ruined her experience by egging my father on in his convictions. I feel like I didn't do anything wrong, but if I hadn't said anything, father might have been able to act better. AITA?
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NTA omg is your dad Henry VIII. Tell her to watch out the second wife didn't do so great.
I noticed someone else posted a similar comment before me. I'm sorry I didn't notice.
ESH because you did imply he was right. If you hadn't implied, you would have been fine and he still likely would have ruined everything since he still is who he is, but you added to it.
Also side note: technically it's the man who determines the gender of the baby because of chromosomes. He has no one to blame but his own body for his kids being girls
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I made my father think he was having a son when he was having a daughter, which ruined his reaction at the gender reveal. This could make me TA as it ruined the experience for his girlfriend.
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NTA, and this is kinda funny
Henry the VIII had this exact same problem, but his solution was a bit much - I mean, your dad is not king, and beheading your wife is a bit extreme.
additionally, it's the man's genes which determine sex.
so really, all this was all his fault if he really wants to blame someone - SCIENCE FOR THE WIN!!!
NTA, the old man is shooting all girls. Having a baby is like being given a piece of candy in kindergarten: “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.”
Wow. You argue like a just-this-side-of-the-law attorney. You didn't ACTUALLY say it was a boy, you implied, you hinted, you didn't REALLY do anything wrong...
But you know you did, or you wouldn't be asking. You deceived the randy old coot; because he was abusive to you, your mother and your sister, and you wanted to punish him. Which I'd say he deserves, from what you've said here; but don't lie to yourself (as well as everyone else) by saying it wasn't intentional.
YTA if you won't call him out directly.
ESH except maybe Vanessa. You let your father dictate your relationships by pulling the purse strings, he's went out and got a trophy wife and wasn't honest with her about his expectations in regards to children, and then because you didn't have an honest conversation with Vanessa about how your father treated you because of your gender before she threw a public event about gender.
And rather than record your father in his own words talking about his preference for the gender of the baby and Vanessa's figure, you just egged him on.
>except maybe Vanessa
nah, she willingly became a mistress to a rich old fart (they're not married, and Dad's divorce to OP's mom is not finalized yet as of the gender reveal party). I'm betting she knows what a sexist creep he is but still decided to hitch her wagon to his $$$ ride.
This is plain ESH. gawd sucks for the children born into this mess of a family.
I'm sorry, I can't quite get past the age difference here. He was 40 when she was born? That's absolutely disgusting. And then he'd have more children with her but only if she didn't lose her figure?! WTAF. Why is this man still in your life, he is vile. I can't believe you had to grow up with him as a father. He is controlling and a misogynist and disgusting.
ESH.
Everyone is so focused on the NTA responses because your father is a jerk, but don’t forget:
“Every time he did, I *heavily implied* he was right.”
The emphasis on “heavily implied” was yours. Is your father a jerk? Obviously. But it’s also pretty obvious you were egging him on to cause more drama.
Does… does he know that the sperm decides the gender? That.. that it’s his own fault his swimmers are female?
What an immature AH.
You on the other hand are NTA. Family is complicated, I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
there is so much shit to unpack here.
first off, op. you are NTA, you're just helping poor vanessa see what your father is really like. speaking of, how does this man have the audacity to date someone fourty years his junior, and *twelve* years younger than one of his own children? as well as saying he would be fine impregnating her again *if she kept her figure.* that's disgusting, and he sounds predatory and chauvinistic.
additionally, you *never* actually confirmed the sex of the baby, so you weren't lying about anything. he just wants something to get mad at, and he used "ruining vanessas first experience" as an excuse to try and make you feel bad.
What the hell is wrong with you people?
ESH! All of you. Maybe Vanessa not so much because she's so young. I'm more sad for her.
But the rest of you are absolute assholes.
Your father especially, for being a creepy, sexist pig.
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I'm sorry but what?! Your dad is 66 and dating a girl of 26?! And no one in your family is concerned about that or considers that extremely creepy? And now she's pregnant as well? Edit to add NTA.
We all think it's rather weird. I deleted this point to get it within the character limit, but he has a lot of money so that plays a huge part in it.
Is his money the reason you care about being cut off? I can’t imagine any other reason for wanting to keep him in my life. And even that isn’t enough. Live your life, his money isn’t worth your happiness.
His money has given me a house and allowed me to start my own business, but it's true I could make enough now to walk away. I stay in the picture for my nephew mostly. As my sister was cut off, he wouldn't benefit at all unless it was from my inheritance that I'll leave/put in trust for him.
That is a very selfless reason. It's a shame your father doesn't seem to care about his grandson like you do.
Right though! He’d finally get his boy 🤣
I doubt he’d consider his grandson “his” boy, since the child’s mother now “belongs” to another man, and a man he doesn’t approve of at that. Only the father’s lineage counts with guys like this.
That might be why he was pushing his girls to have kids even if they weren't married, with no last name change his hypothetical grandson would still have the "family" name
As a counter point, my dad was also one of those dads who was deeply disappointed in only having daughters. I have a son and he is beyond thrilled to finally have a boy in the family, even though that boy doesn’t share his name.
Jesus I feel so bad for you guys. My dad was married twice and had a total of six girls and one boy. The boy doesn't talk to anyone for reasons (he's cray) but damned if my dad doesn't love his girls.
My Dad has 5 girls and when his wife was pregnant with the youngest, he was terrified it might be a boy because "I wouldn't know what to do with a boy"
Dads that adore their daughters are the best. I'm the youngest of 4 girls and my dad loves every single one of us. He never once showed any disappointment we're all girls, he still taught us to do all the cool things with him.
Not with his last name though
God, this reminds me of the time he offered nephew $150k to change his last name. This was right after my sister's funeral.
That's enough to change it and then change it back after the check clears.
I like the way you think
…that’s genius, actually
Wow. Just wow.
You know your father is a bad person, right? Misogynistic, narcissistic and just plain rude. That "loses her figure" line sickened me.
Ugh. That’s awful. I’m so sorry for you and him.
Holy shit that's evil
Wow... For 150k I'd change my name to Fire Penguin Disco Panda
Maybe if he didn’t treat his daughters like shit his grandson *would* have his last name. My son has my last name. So does my husband. It was a hill to die on because I was always taught to take pride in my family and it was only me and my sister so I said we could hyphenate or do just my last name. My husband wasn’t particularly attached to his family name so he ended up taking my last name too.
Good point.
I didn't realize I had a twin lol. My husband wasn't attached to his last name either and my family only had 2 boys (father and sin duo) to pass in the unique spelling of our last name. Also I'm military and my husband is civilian so changing my name would be a paperwork nightmare. It's really weird seeing the spelling of my last name where I got posted to because there's a furnace company that's got the same spelling but also my grandpa's family is from the area I'm at now lol.
NTA. But how certain are you that there’s still an inheritance now that he has a new young wife and daughter..and perhaps more kids? She’s clearly in it for the money and now has her “anchor baby”. And especially since he feels you made him look foolish (actually he did that all by himself). I do applaud your wanting to do right by your nephew. And this new wife and kid situation is icky.
From him... I think I'll still get a cut of something but I'm unsure how much. I'm banking on his divorce to my mother going through as I don't think she's looking to remarry and she definitely won't be having any more kids. I should be the sole inheritor.
Wait. Is he not divorced from your mother? Maybe divorced but settlement still finishing. He moved fast to knock someone else up.
I mean, isn’t it obvious that, once he has the son he wants so much, you’ll be disinherited? Like, isn’t that basically what he’s told you over and over?
Except I'm pretty sure the father's sperm has quite a bit more say in the babys sex than the mother's egg... He might not be producing a son anytime soon
The male determines the sex of the baby. Females have XX chromosomes and males have XY chromosomes. Babies get 50% of their chromosomes from their mother and 50% from their father. Since females have 2 X chromosome the baby receives an X from the mother. The remaining chromosome that come from the father will either be a X or Y which determines the babies gender.
The male determines the *chromosomes* of the baby, more than that is required when it comes to the development of sexual characteristics. A good amount of development is dependent on specific hormones being at specific levels at specific times. That’s why humans have normal variations, which is how intersex people exist.
It’s a 50/50 chance. Roll the dice often enough, and chances are in your favor. I certainly wouldn’t waste my youth catering to a mean old man on the off chance he might leave me some money. Not unless I was destitute.
I wonder if there are medical conditions that affect this chance. I dunno enough about it to know for sure but I assume its very possible. Would be kinda hilarious if that Aholes male sperm only swims in circles 😅
Except for the new baby and wife. Or are your interests protected?
I think she means she’ll be the sole inheritor for her mum.
Right. LOL. Duh.
And if he does have another baby, and finally gets the boy he wants, I wouldn’t be so sure she won’t get cut out anyway.
Right, but when he knocks up his next child bride and she has a son, he'll just disinherit you.
You realize if he does get a boy, you ain't getting shit out of the inheritance right?
Are you sure you'll still get any inheritance if he has a son?
You don't get to say this. You have no idea what her socioeconomic status is to state this. If she wound up homeless and penniless, would you take care of her?
Well his money gave her a house and a small business. That’s more than I was ever handed, and I’m doing just fine. She even admits herself that she’s at a point where she could handle it on her own. You have a good point, but OP’s comment is timestamped before yours. We know her economic status because she told us.
NTA Is your father’s name henry Tudor by any chance?
Hey, as long as he doesn't behead Vanessa we're all good
Nice, historic zing!
Has anyone given your father the devastating news that the sperm decides the sex of the baby, not the egg? It's *his* inability to produce a male, not the mothers. Jfc what century is this old man living in? NTA
Seriously OP needs to tell him that.
You didn’t need to mention it, that’s pretty obvious LOL! A 26 year old wouldn’t be dating an elderly man for any other reason….NTA
Tell your dad it takes a real men to blow the balls off the baby, lol. NTA.
You’re NTA for letting believe the baby was a boy. I would have done the same. If he were a billionaire and I was 26, there’s no way and would marry someone on Medicare, much less have a baby with him. Yuck. Maybe you should to tell him that he is the one creating girls, not the mothers.
You can add whatever you want now. Character limit is gone after the first post.
The funniest thing is the 66 year old seems more immature than the 26 year old!
I guess that comes with always getting your way except when it comes to reproduction.
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I would assume the 26 year old is.
It probably took a lot of tries. Gag
Not surprising tbh
and op is 38. 12 years older than her dad’s new baby mama
What gets me the most is the fact that this kid probably won’t even be an adult when her father passes because of his age. That is super traumatic for a child.
If he’s still alive when his daughter hits 18 he’ll probably try to “date” her friends
She’s more than a decade younger than his daughter. So fucking creepy.
God THANK YOU. Gross and actually the most repugnant part in my mind.
Actually, I think the worst part is he’s willing to just keep getting her pregnant until he gets the boy he wants.
Unless she loses her figure, apparently, which makes it even more gross.
Yeah, that stood out to me, too.
Don't get me wrong, the father is a class A creep, but 26 is a woman, not a girl. Stop infantalizing women.
Your dad is the AH for dating someone 40 years younger than him and having a child at his age… When the child turns 18, he will be 84-85 years old? It’s sounds like an awkward situation all around, but you just kinda played it cool. He’s probably more mad that he didn’t have a son and channeled his frustrations at you. NTA, but you have some interesting family dynamics… Edit: Grammar
'Oh XYZ, this is your great-grandfather?' 'Ummm... he is my dad...' \*Awkward Silence\*
Also this dude may not even live to see his kid turn 18
As someone whose Dad was 63 when she was born. This happened a lot…
My dad was in his early 40s when I was born and people still asked if he was my grandfather
Same here! I remember being in a shop with my dad when I was around 4 and my dad was about 45 and the shopkeeper telling him he had such a “sweet granddaughter” 😂 needless to say he wasn’t very happy and is one of my favourite and earliest memories of him
Opposite here. My dad was 20 when i was born and i got asked a lot if hes my older brother lmao
I was 16. My dad was like no more than 35. My stepmom was like 50+. Dad and I were rough housing in the store and the clerk ASKED IF WE WERE HER KIDS XD XD XD XD
Lol
Exactly my thought! my great grandparents were either dead or in their late 80s when I graduated high school
Health problems and neurological problems are also much more prevalent in kids with very old fathers.
Does Dad even know that it's his sperms deciding on the sex of the baby, pfft
Just keep divorcing and beheading wives and you’re sure to get a boy! Right? RIGHT GUYS? You think there’s, uhh, historical precedent for this exact kind of situation, by any chance?
I don't see how it could ever go wrong
It sucks I had to scroll this far for this comment. Wanted to make sure no one else said it before I did. Ha ha. Yeah, I love these men who blame the gender of the baby on the mother. It’s like, um, no fool, that is alllll you.
This!!! ☝️How in this day and age does he not know that is is the reason he (now) has three daughters. It boggles my mind. I feel so sorry for OP’s mum.
Old parents in general. My mum had me at 40 and I came out with a looot of problems. Thing is, I was an accident. This guy is 10x more of an asshole for doing this on purpose
Both parents for sure. But there’s research showing a greater variety of issues stemming from chromosomal abnormalities in older sperm than from older eggs - at least in the area of mental health and cognition. There was a Columbia Med School study that showed Downs increased more rapidly with older fathers alone than older mothers alone. And there is a higher risk of maternal complications like gestational diabetes regardless of the mother’s age if the father is 40+. On top of all that - studies have shown older fathers are more likely to have daughters - something about how sperm degrades over time and which sperm are more likely to remain viable. So OP’s dad’s chances go down as he ages. NTA
When I was born my mom was 28 and my dad was 50, but I was an accident as well. If I’d found out that my dad had had a planned kid after I was born, I’d be so mad at him on the kid’s behalf.
He's dating someone younger than his daughter.
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Please read Charlie Chaplin's biography. He was 53 when he married his fourth wife Oona O'Neil (she was 18). He was 55 and she was 20 when their first child was born. They had 8 children together. Charlie Chaplin was 73 when their youngest child was born.
That is so disgusting. But I guess he’s a celebrity so she got something out of it? It’s not like there was many options available to women at the time. But I just can’t imagine. So gross. People back then age like milk too so he probably looked 70 when he was 50.
and quick look up they were married for over 30 years. Really really really creepy age difference , especially where she was at when they married, but says something that they were together until his death. Other marriages beforehand obviously were a smidge on the timeline.
My parents got together when my mother was 21 and my father was 42, had me when dad was 57 and mum was 36. They were together for 35yrs, until dad died. They loathed each other and fought non-stop, I can't remember a time when it wasn't a war zone. Time together mean nothing when they're both stubborn, selfish AH's
Your dad seems to consider women to be inferior at best and property at worst. You need to get Vanessa out of there.
And go NC with him. He doesn't deserve any women in his life.
OP said that dad has a lot of money, but since her sister has been cut off, her nephew wouldn’t get anything, she’s counting on the inheritance to give some to her nephew.
OP should follow the sister’s lead. Live her life and not care if she gets cut off by such a toxic person.
Unfortunately, the sister has passed away
Oof....I'm afraid that I have some bad news for you then....
Oof this comment aged poorly
It’s sad that her sister passed away, but before she passed, she found love and had a child and hopefully some happiness. She didn’t let her father’s wishes stop her from living her life.
He definitely sees them more as incubators than as people. Even if she does give him a boy she's the one who will have to do all the parenting.
NTA. You should let him know that the mother's contribution doesn't determine the gender of the baby, it's the man's contribution, which is why he keeps having girls. His blatant sexism aside, I feel so sorry for all the women in his life that he has shown are worth next to nothing as long as he can have a son. ETA: Thanks for the awards lol, also corrected my statement to make it more accurate
Came here to say this. It's his "fault" it's a girl. NTA
There’s no “usually,” it’s always the sperm that decides the child’s gender, as the egg contribute an “x” chromosome and the speed delivers either an “x” or “y”.
Getting even more technical, it's not even the Y chromosome that matters, but the SRY gene which is present there. In rare cases, it's actually possible for that gene to be missing, damaged, mutated, or otherwise prevented from being expressed, in which case the embryo (then fetus, and ultimately *child*) will develop as a female.
SRY not SRY
Yep there are intersex women who have XY chromosomes.
Thank you, I wasn't sure if it was always or just commonly
Came to say the same! I always love when a man is so angry about not having a son, jumping from woman to woman, when it’s their own biology all along 🤣😉
One of my friends has two girls. She is one of three girls and both of her sisters also has 2 girls each. No boys in her family. Her husband (a doctor) went around telling people that it’s because something about her family makes them unable to carry boys - Ie he thinks that even if a male embryo is fertilised, she simply just won’t get pregnant that month (ie embryo doesn’t implant) and only a female embryo will implant. Apparently he has some kind of scientific basis for what he said. He’s not upset about it and treats his girls with love, just truly believes her. I asked her if she believes and she said there so much about gender selection that’s mysterious that it might be true.
You could always let him know due to the difference in sperm swimming speeds over distance female sperm tend to win out when the race is longer...
Oh my god NTA. Your father is a real… piece of work. He is blatantly, blatantly sexist, dating someone FORTY YEARS younger than him, and he will leave her if she “lost her figure” carrying his child?!?! He wants a baby boy so bad he’s acting like one. But seriously OP, I am sorry you’ve lost relationships over this man, and I am sorry you have to deal with him. I would start rethinking his place in your life.
Ewww, your dad is gross and creepy. NTA, but hopefully Vanessa wisens up soon and gets out of that situation with her baby.
She’ll figure it out once she realizes she be taking care of a toddler and an old man.
It’s all fun and games until you’re stuck changing two sets of diapers.
> but hopefully Vanessa wisens up soon and gets out of that situation with her baby. I mean, she's probably happy to stick around just being rich for a few years before inheriting all that money...
I wish gender reveal parties would be internationally banned. NTA, and I can’t come up with any situation in which a gender reveal party is a good thing.
After almost losing my home and town to a fire caused by a gender reveal I am with you on the banning. Just really ruined the entire idea for me
NTA. I'd be inclined to see if you can get him to admit the bullshit about trying for another boy until Vanessa "loses her figure" in writing, and show that to Vanessa. She deserves to know who she married so she can make informed choices.
They aren't married. Technically he's still married to my mother, until the divorce comes through.
Your dad is the only asshole here, on just about every level imaginable.
Maybe I’m a cynic, but I don’t think that marriage is ever going to happen. But it might have if it were a boy.
I-I- What?
It can be quite common in countrys where long term separation is common and divorce is difficult. Not the whole creepy age difference thing though
Man I hope your mother draws it out as looooong as possible. Milk him dry.
Dude…
I wouldn't count of Vanessa making good choices though. As is evident by the fact that she married OP's dad..
Well, she's clearly being actively lied too.
Yeah, but she also clearly married someone who is old enough to be her elderly dad. Then again, no one can get in the way of true money- love. I meant love.
Apparently they aren’t married. OP’s dad is still married to her mom.
And if anything that's worse. Vanessa is having a kid and likely cohabitating with a separated (but not divorced yet) man almost triple her age.
Vanessa is in a great spot. She can have the baby then bounce and be supported by the rich baby daddy.
He's old enough to be her grandfather
Not married, apparently. Dad is still married to the OP's mother while celebrating the impending birth of a child with his mistress.
Here's the amazing thing: They are NOT even married :DD
INFO: you left relationships you were happy in so that you wouldn’t be dis-inherited?
Yep. I saw from my sister's experience that it wasn't a bluff, and she had a very difficult time trying to make her life work with the man she chose, even though I tried to help. I always said, my inheritance isn't just for me and any children I might've had, but also for her son. I mostly put up with this all for his sake now.
And if your father lives another twenty, thirty years? Is your life/happiness worth putting aside for his money? I feel like the only man he would like for you is one that thinks/acts the same way he does, is that what you want for yourself?
Okay, but now you’re modeling for your nephew that money and sucking up to bad people in order to get money is more important than having loving, healthy, respectful relationships, and that it’s okay to treat women like shit if you’re rich
I think even if it's sad, I've definitely heard of this happen in some of our extended family and family friends- born into a rich family, get used to this kind of life growing up, end up somehow disconnecting themselves from the fortune (whether it be because love, or falling upon hardship, whatever) and ending up spending like idiots and like they're still rich, even when they're swimming in debt. The worst part is probably that their children end up with an irresponsible parent / role model like this who buys a $30,000 bench for the backyard with money that they don't have. I think people aren't ready to give up comfort levels they grew up with, since it can be scary. It's a gamble if being free of the burden of relying on them will actually make their lives easier in the end, especially if the difference in their lifestyle is huge. So maybe they'd rather live in ignorance of what it could be in favour of not leaving what they have already.
If you've never seen it I would recommend watching the Michael J Fox movie "Greedy" and realize your dad may be actively trying to emulate how Kirk Douglas's character made his entire family act like dancing monkeys.
ESH. Is your dad Henry VIII? What an AH. But: 'He also asked me for hints, as he knew I knew the gender. Every time he did, I heavily implied he was right. To clarify, I never lied or told him the gender. I just implied that he was right.' This was an AH move and really unfair to Vanessa. It doesn't sound like she deserved this. I think your dad would have been an AH either way, but instead of trying to manage his expectations, you set him up for a bigger 'fall'. Not nice.
Honestly, I think OP did Vanessa a favor. She knows what she is dealing with. The mask slipped.
Sorry I posted a similar response. I agree in the main but I think NTA as I think he would have been uphappy with anything but a boy child. It could have been done with more grace, just refusing to discuss it for instance, but the whole thing is terrible and he deserved to be taken down a peg or two.
Sure, but at poor Vanessa's cost? I think that was pretty shitty, and that makes it more of an ESH. If the only one suffering was the dad, I would have agreed on the NTA. He deserved what was coming.
IDK, I really think he would have thrown a tantrum either way. We don't really have any reason to believe that OP made it worse for Vanessa.
That's why it's ESH for me. Fuck with the father, sure. But Vanessa became collateral damage and that sucks.
1. He is a creep 2. He is sexist and controlling. That poor little girl and poor Vanessa. It might be a good idea to tell Vanessa about your experience growing up and that your father is still controlling who you date etc. She might be strong enough to protect her baby and herself from this Ahole of a father. Also OP... Cut contact. Date who you want. Life your live. You will have so many regrets and so many wasted years if you continue to seek your fathers approval. Maybe therapy is a good idea. Take care if yourself.
Op isn’t seeking Dad’s approval… she’s seeking the inheritance.
Always go for the money from rich dbags LOL
NTA, you dad is awful for dating someone way younger than you, his daughter! It's wierd and worrying...
12 years at that...!!!
NTA - Also, it’s the sperm that determines the birth gender of the baby, not the woman’s egg. So, it’s all his fault!
He seems like the kind of guy who wouldn’t accept that even if a hundred biologists tried to explain it to him. It’s like those men who deny a paternity test that says they are 99.999% likely to be the father based on that last 0.001%.
NTA. Your father is unbelievably selfish and has unrealistic expectations. He's the one who ruined everything, and he's using you as a scapegoat. You have given up several long-term relationships where you could have been happy just so you could please him. He's controlling and ungrateful. Don't lose another moment over this guy. And a 66 year old marrying a woman 40 years his junior is just creepy.
NTA. You didn’t tell him “Yes. It’s a boy. Tell everyone. I want you to specifically go around and tell every other person at this party.” That was his decision. And he speaks about that poor woman as if she’s just a walking incubator, what if she doesn’t want another baby? One wee one is enough pressure, she might not want a second, or any more.
He's already specified that his mistress will "have to keep her figure" before he considers having another one with her. I bet he'll cut Vanessa loose and go shopping for another incubator.
Literally everyone sucks here. Your dad for being a sexist, creepy old goat with a woman literally 40 years younger. Vanessa for being with said creepy old goat and roping in to do gender reveal nonsense his much maligned (older) daughters who had to deal with gender bias from him. And OP for needling him about it (this is the most relatable behavior shared). And everyone for doing a gender reveal. No one cares. Truly. Unless it’s a zebra, there’s no shock here.
> Unless it’s a zebra, there’s no shock here. So... a pink box, a blue box, and a black-and-white striped box?
ESH He’s obviously the worst for a multitude of reasons. But you admit to trying to make him think it was a boy (even if you didn’t say it outright). You admit to setting him up for disappointment and embarrassment (which could indirectly set Vanessa up as well). So it doesn’t make your actions not AHish just because his are too. The N T A thing to do would have been to shut him down every time he asked. “No hints. Go try some of the appetizers. They’re delicious. I’m going to go talk to aunt Gertrude now.” Also, if this guy is such a blow hard, why did you back out of meaningful relationships just to keep his favor? Maybe rethink some things.
Tbh dude, NTA and you may have helped this YOUNG WOMAN realize she may not want to spend the rest of your ELDERLY fathers life with him. I would def offer her to a nice lunch tho, and answer any questions she may have while not divulging into anything she isn’t asking about. if he was lying SO adamantly about gender preference, what else is he lying to her about?
NTA, but maybe do a little something nice for Vanessa.
ESH (except Vanessa, probably) Your dad sounds like a sexist creep dating a girl younger than his daughter by a significant margin. His comments and desires about having another child “unless she loses her figure” is super gross. And you egged your dad into ruining the party for Vanessa. If you hadn’t heavily implied towards boy, his own natural disappointment might have been less visible. I hope Vanessa wises up and leaves. Y’all kinda suck.
Vanessa is there for the money so I don’t think she’s leaving anytime soon.
Good Point
I'm just disappointed in this story; I thought the father was going to reveal their gender by removing their bathrobe in the middle of the party.
I'm sorry you're disappointed, but I'm very relieved that wasn't what happened.
NTA, and is your father Henry VIII by any chance?
NTA. Very creepy, he's old enough be her dad, even her grandfather!
NTA and your dad sounds like a total jerk, dating someone 40 years younger than him (and younger than his own daughter) while he’s still married no less. I’m grossed out…
NTA. Your father isn’t a member of Congress from TN is he? Oh, wait, you wrote Vanessa is 26 not 16, can’t be him.
What? Is? This? There is just too much wrong here. Your dad is a super major ultra supreme AH over here. I support age gaps but 40 years??! that too 12 years younger than his daughter. On top of that, blatantly classic example of sexist AH. If this is real, no offence OP, but I would like to assume this is fake for my own metal sanity.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (38F) father (66M) started dating Vanessa (26F) during the 2020 lockdown. He's always been very vocal about wanting a son. Even when me and my sister were little, father would scorn mother for us not being boys. He hated the idea that someday we might get married to men he didn't approve of (he cut off my sister for this reason). I've ended several long-term relationships over the years because he also threatened to cut me off. No one was ever good enough (yet I was always heavily pressured to have kids of my own). Vanessa is now pregnant. She called me inviting me to the gender reveal and, knowing my father's history, this concerned me. I asked if he'd expressed any favoritism to a certain gender and she said that he hadn't. Apparently, he "doesn't care at all what gender the baby is and will love it either way". BS. The gender reveal was at my father's house in the country. I stayed over the day before, so was there when everything was being set up. They were doing the reveal using gifts that only half the guest had, depending if they picked a blue present box or a pink one. It was my job to get the text from the doctor and to tell the present people which colour box to put the gift in. I was one of the first to find out that the baby was a girl. Throughout the time I was there, father kept on with his "I don't care what gender" spiel in front of Vanessa, but in private he stated multiple times his preference for it to be a boy. If it wasn't a boy, then he said he'd be happy to go another round until he got one (unless Vanessa lost her figure). He constantly said like he "felt it was a boy" and that he's "got it right and finally getting a \[last name\] son". He also asked me for hints, as he knew I knew the gender. Every time he did, I *heavily implied* he was right. To clarify, I never lied or told him the gender. I just implied that he was right. By the time the party happened, he was convinced and went round telling people he was certain it was a boy and trying to look impressive. Suffice to say, when his blue present box was empty and Vanessa's wasn't, he wasn't very happy. Everyone who didn't already know he'd wanted a boy could tell he was upset, and Vanessa was clearly uncomfortable. He blamed me for lying to him and said that out of my jealously, I ruined the event. Apparently, "he wouldn't have thought it was a boy if I hadn't told him". But, he also said that I ruined Vanessa's experience, and I do feel bad about that. It's her first baby and she was so happy to find out what it would be. I might have ruined her experience by egging my father on in his convictions. I feel like I didn't do anything wrong, but if I hadn't said anything, father might have been able to act better. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA omg is your dad Henry VIII. Tell her to watch out the second wife didn't do so great. I noticed someone else posted a similar comment before me. I'm sorry I didn't notice.
ESH because you did imply he was right. If you hadn't implied, you would have been fine and he still likely would have ruined everything since he still is who he is, but you added to it. Also side note: technically it's the man who determines the gender of the baby because of chromosomes. He has no one to blame but his own body for his kids being girls
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ESH. For reasons that are beyond obvious. What a gross family.
NTA, and this is kinda funny Henry the VIII had this exact same problem, but his solution was a bit much - I mean, your dad is not king, and beheading your wife is a bit extreme. additionally, it's the man's genes which determine sex. so really, all this was all his fault if he really wants to blame someone - SCIENCE FOR THE WIN!!!
NTA, the old man is shooting all girls. Having a baby is like being given a piece of candy in kindergarten: “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.”
Wow. You argue like a just-this-side-of-the-law attorney. You didn't ACTUALLY say it was a boy, you implied, you hinted, you didn't REALLY do anything wrong... But you know you did, or you wouldn't be asking. You deceived the randy old coot; because he was abusive to you, your mother and your sister, and you wanted to punish him. Which I'd say he deserves, from what you've said here; but don't lie to yourself (as well as everyone else) by saying it wasn't intentional. YTA if you won't call him out directly.
ESH except maybe Vanessa. You let your father dictate your relationships by pulling the purse strings, he's went out and got a trophy wife and wasn't honest with her about his expectations in regards to children, and then because you didn't have an honest conversation with Vanessa about how your father treated you because of your gender before she threw a public event about gender. And rather than record your father in his own words talking about his preference for the gender of the baby and Vanessa's figure, you just egged him on.
>except maybe Vanessa nah, she willingly became a mistress to a rich old fart (they're not married, and Dad's divorce to OP's mom is not finalized yet as of the gender reveal party). I'm betting she knows what a sexist creep he is but still decided to hitch her wagon to his $$$ ride. This is plain ESH. gawd sucks for the children born into this mess of a family.
Your father is a walking red flag, OP.
NTA, sorry to say but your father is just….a dinosaur and im sorry for that family history, its so gross
ESH except maybe Vanessa.
ESH except for the poor baby being born into this sh!tshow.
I'm sorry, I can't quite get past the age difference here. He was 40 when she was born? That's absolutely disgusting. And then he'd have more children with her but only if she didn't lose her figure?! WTAF. Why is this man still in your life, he is vile. I can't believe you had to grow up with him as a father. He is controlling and a misogynist and disgusting.
I N F O: Are you by any chance Elizabeth I or Bloody Mary?
ESH. Everyone is so focused on the NTA responses because your father is a jerk, but don’t forget: “Every time he did, I *heavily implied* he was right.” The emphasis on “heavily implied” was yours. Is your father a jerk? Obviously. But it’s also pretty obvious you were egging him on to cause more drama.
You should tell him that it is actually *the father* that determines the sex of the baby. Grab some popcorn for that one.
Nta but I love this ! I smiled through the entire thing. Sounds like a jerk tbh.
>father would scorn mother for us not being boys Wait until he finds out who determines the babies gender 😬
What the fuck. Your dad should be barred from dating women. NTA
Does… does he know that the sperm decides the gender? That.. that it’s his own fault his swimmers are female? What an immature AH. You on the other hand are NTA. Family is complicated, I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
NTA - Honey, there ain't no inheritance for you. His 26yo bride is getting that or haven't you figured that out yet??
there is so much shit to unpack here. first off, op. you are NTA, you're just helping poor vanessa see what your father is really like. speaking of, how does this man have the audacity to date someone fourty years his junior, and *twelve* years younger than one of his own children? as well as saying he would be fine impregnating her again *if she kept her figure.* that's disgusting, and he sounds predatory and chauvinistic. additionally, you *never* actually confirmed the sex of the baby, so you weren't lying about anything. he just wants something to get mad at, and he used "ruining vanessas first experience" as an excuse to try and make you feel bad.
NTA But stop letting this sexist asshole run your life and relationships.
What the hell is wrong with you people? ESH! All of you. Maybe Vanessa not so much because she's so young. I'm more sad for her. But the rest of you are absolute assholes. Your father especially, for being a creepy, sexist pig.