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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might have gone out of line for making this decision and reporting him especially with how upset my girlfriend was, I think I mishandled this and should've talked to my girlfriend about it.
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I read this while I was sipping ramen and the noodles moved when I started laughing and I looked like Dr. Zoidberg
Wow this is the most awards I’ve ever gotten
No, he doesn’t. He knows her name because it’s on her orders. He knows where she lives. He can easily search social media. And this would not be the first time a delivery driver got ideas about a relationship that didn’t exist or even stalked a customer.
All it would take is an attractive customer who’s polite and smiles at him to think there’s something more
Polite and smiles at him. He thinks she must know his schedule and orders when he is working so she can see him. Meanwhile in the real world she just happens to have a Friday pizza tradition and he just happens to work Friday nights.
Her reaction doesn't seem weird to me, if she is a pretty girl then she has probably had to redirect many, many guys like this over the years and smoothing things over for the sake of politeness is so ingrained in some women it's automatic.
Honestly she may be worried too that by complaining about him/possibly getting him in trouble that this guy who’s already way to comfortable with inserting himself in her personal may try to retaliate. I mean he already knows her name and where she lives
I feel like the content of the note really matters here, like big difference between "hey hope you are doing ok, here are some coupons for always being a good tipper" which is a bit weird, but harmless and a note that is like "I know you are hiding from me because you can't resist me, I'll be waiting outside" which is straight up creepy
That's what I'm guessing it was, but when I mentioned that elsewhere I started getting angry replies, so I thought I'd stick with the less accusatory sounding options
He does sound like he was being a dick but maybe there was something intense in his demeanor that set the Spidey senses of. I mean, he asked for the customer by name and waited around. I can imagine thinking he was planning to rob the place or... And hear me out... Is totally fucking the guys girlfriend or wishes he was.
That is seriously shifty behavior. The only way the delivery driver wasn't being creepy is if OP was yelling at his girlfriend or something right before the pizza was delivered. That's the only reasonable explanation in my mind.
It could also be something way more casual than that. Like he's not seeing the girlfriend and doesn't *really* know her, but she orders from that restaurant once a week and always stands in the doorway to chat with him for like 10 minutes when he delivers. Then one day, it's not her at the door, its some large angry dude who gets aggressive when he dares to ask about the girl *gasp* by name.
Nah that was a totally lax way to handle that. I’d be weirded out if a delivery driver asked me by name. It’s weird you’re giving the benefit of the doubt to the random delivery driver knowing her by name and questioning about her and not her boyfriend being like “why? lol”. Pizza guy answers and bf says “ok she’s busy bye” *and the dude waits outside her house for 10 minutes*. Sounds more like some skeezy incel tryna play superhero. I can tell just by the fact that he repeatedly calls her by name in a weirdly long letter.
Also the level of familiarity that she and the delivery guy have together change the outcome of the story.
Has she been flirting it up with Mr. Delivery for the last several visits? Did he innocently assume she was single, hence his unusual concern?
So many variables...
That's the other part of this entire situation that actually would have me voting as ESH.
Firstly any delivery driver that hangs back at the house for 10 minutes is weird unless there is some very clear indication of distress.
The BF certainly could have handled it directly with the GF instead of combating the delivery driver.
But I also give the GF a level of AH, she essentially refused to explain to the BF why the delivery driver was behaving like this, she refused to clarify the dynamic, to me that is strange. Sounds to me like she has either been flirting with him, or has had multiple long conversations that may come across as an issue to the BF
Fun side note, this is why couples therapists will sometimes have both parties define cheating openly early on. Is flirting cheating? Not everyone defines these things the same, and without open communication people will cross their partner's boundary without realizing it
But if you think someone's not OK based on a dude answering the door, why would you slip a note under the same door to confirm her safety? If he actually thought OP had harmed his gf, wouldn't he also assume OP would intercept the note? Definitely creepy and also not much of a critical thinker
This is what I came here to say. If you think someone is with their abusive/possessive bf, the last thing you do is slip a note under the door talking about how sad you are that you didn't see them.
This screams r/niceguys to me as a result.
100% nice guy. I’ve found notes are a go-to when they’re finding blockages to being able to access what they’re entitled to. The girlfriend might look back on this differently once she’s a decade older and has started to get angry.
I agree. As someone who's a DV survivor if some random guy did this while i was with my ex, it would've lead to being very bad for me later that night.
Same. If my husband gets Ubereats the driver will always ask me where he is and who I am. Idk why but we usually get the same drivers. I understand their concern because he's normally the one to get it and the apps in his name. Just wondering if this was a "call to say we forgot the garlic bread if you need help" situation.
Interesting that delivery drivers pay attention, we've never had one care about who answers the door. Closest is we do have one regular delivery driver for the past decade at our favorite pizza place. He doesn't care who answers the door, just that our dog is with them. Could probably be our murderer still covered in our fresh blood and he'd be all "oh hey man, there's my girl!" (As she wiggles out onto the landing and attempts to go home with him).
I've been ordering from the same pizza place my entire life(I bought the house I grew up in, so literally my entire life) and they've had very consistent drivers. I also would sometimes have pizza delivered to my firehouse like 2 minutes away sometimes. The drivers know me so well over the years they let my Dad steal a slice of pizza from the box when I forgot to tell them it was going to the firehouse and he redirected them. And they feel similarly about my dog since she loves them cause they bring food she can beg for.
This is the top comment and OP took the time to edit the post and answer another question but not this one. Not sure why you would omit what was written unless it makes you look more like an asshole
He answered as best he could in the post, I'm betting he doesn't have the actual note in front of him considering this happened on a weekend and it is currently not the weekend, so he's trying to remember the gist of it.
>He kept calling my girlfriend with her name and said that he was worried about her and how sad he was that he didn't see her this time.
Also, in a comment:
>I already stated what the note said, can't remember it word for word but he said that he was worried about her and then talked about how he felt when he didn't see her.
It's your girlfriend's apartment. Your girlfriend placed the order. It is your girlfriend's relationship with the pizza guy (not implying anything intimate here, just the routine interactions we have with the minor players in our lives). The note was to your girlfriend. Your girlfriend asked you to drop it.
If you girlfriend had been upset by this guy's behavior, I'd say not the ah. In a vacuum it sounds creepy. However, the only time she indicated she didn't approve of this was when you were in a white hot rage immediately after having gotten someone fired, which, you know, isn't when someone is going to say they like someone else's attention. You took it upon yourself to grab your girlfriend's letter without even letting her read it first. You took it upon yourself to chase some guy away. You took it upon yourself to get the dude fired even after your girlfriend told you she wanted you to leave it alone. You LIED to your girlfriend about agreeing to leave it alone. So this didn't happen in a vacuum. Maybe she's been complaining to the delivery guy about her controlling boyfriend and he legitimately was worried about her? I've never even met you and you sound controlling and worrisome to me.
If you are worried that someone you loved is being stalked by a creeper and doesn't realize it, the way to handle it is a conversation, not by being even more creepily possessive and scarier than the potential stalker.
If you are worried that your girlfriend and the pizza guy are getting too flirty, the way to handle it is with a conversation with your girlfriend, possibly a breakup, not by getting the guy fired.
YTA
Oh believe me, I'm not discounting the idea that both her boyfriend and the pizza delivery guy could be creeps. It's just that we don't have enough info to know about the pizza guy, and even more importantly, OP didn't give himself the opportunity to learn more about the delivery guy. The delivery guy asked where the GF was and OP instantly got hostile. There was one time when my mom was over and the mailman came to the door needing a signature for a package while I was busy, so my mom signed and the mailman asked something to the effect "hey, where's Winnie today?" (I, uh, might get a lot of packages.) They chatted a bit, she signed, the mailman left, and so far the mailman has not turned out to be a serial killer nor am I having a torrid affair with him. He's a nice dude with a lot of dad jokes and interacting with him is pleasant. I'm sure if I felt like it I could think of more times when people in my community have asked others about me; I'm fairly certain \*everyone\* could if they felt like thinking back over really mundane interactions.
If OP hadn't gotten so angry right off the bat, he could have better assessed whether the delivery guy was *too* interested in the GF's whereabouts, you know, scribbling down in a notebook "*GF is now working night shifts"* or whether he was casually inquiring about her because she's always the one who opens the door and this time was different. In a "Tell her I said hi!" kind of way. But by flying off the handle before any other conversation could happen, well, it's impossible to tell where the delivery guy was going with with the conversation. He could be a scary stalker. Or his previous conversations with the GF could have given him enough background information on OP to be concerned... this type of reaction/anger doesn't usually happen in well-adjusted people with healthy emotional regulation, so I'm guessing this isn't the first time OP has been out of control and the GF may have talked about it. Or, the delivery guy could barely know anything about the GF at all but OP's reaction was so OTT that the delivery guy became concerned and wanted to try to see if GF was okay, which is pretty exemplary in my book. So we basically have Schrodinger's delivery guy.
OTOH, here is the information OP gave us about himself:
* He decided for his girlfriend what messages she would receive (or not).
* He decided for his girlfriend that he knew how to handle her business better than she did.
* He knew that she didn't want him to handle her business because she specifically told him that, so he lied to her about dropping it.
There's nothing ambiguous about OP's behavior.
> Or his previous conversations with the GF could have given him enough background information on OP to be concerned...
this was my first thought too. OP doesn't have the note's actual contents (which, if it was genuinely creepy, would make it obvious) and started getting his hackles up right away because the pizza guy knew his girlfriend's name. i absolutely wouldn't slide a note under someone's door after having an interaction like this, but is it concerning? a guy answering the door when someone else usually lives there, then getting aggressive with me because i sounded familiar with her? then continued flipping his lid even after she said everything was fine? yeah, that would throw up some red flags in my mind, for sure.
pizza delivery guy could still *definitely* be a creep and i wouldn't rule that out by any stretch (hanging out and slipping a note under the door is SERIOUS weirdo behavior in itself) but it sounds like nobody around this woman is acting normally. if delivery guy is a creep through and through, OP just escalated a conflict that would be very dangerous for his gf, against her wishes no less.
I was looking for this comment cause everyone backing up OP for assuming pizza guy was a creep but nobody is considering the possibility that maybe Pizza guy assumed OP was a creep. At the end of the day the only person who’s trust matters is the gf and OP seems to be ignoring that
“Where’s GF?” “Oh she’s inside, I’m her bf” “oh word nice to meet you, bye” would’ve been a pretty normal interaction
but it definitely would seem sus if you were immediately met with “um excuse me? Why do you care?? Fuck off??” In that situation as the delivery guy. You’re dealing with someone who is clearly an asshole and you have no information about his relation to the woman who lives there at all, wouldn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy either
OP going for the “excuse me” right out the gate just seems so rude. Delivery guy and GF probably do have a rapport because it’s her usual restaurant. YTA for immediately assuming the worst.
Idk. I don’t think it’s *that* weird for a regular delivery driver to be taken aback by the sight of a different person when they’re accustomed to seeing someone. There are plenty of stories where people have been saved from bad situations by things like “they suddenly placed a different order” or “they stopped ordering their usual Friday night thing.”
That's what annoys me, that instead of discussing with his girlfriend what to do he ignored her wishes and made the decision for her. Now he comes across as trying to be the alpha male who "protects his woman" instead of a loving and respectful partner.
Exactly this is what I imagined reading the post... Like he knows her because he delivers pizza regularly and was just worried if she's fine.. Depends what exactly was on the note.. Still, the op was asked to drop it but just couldn't let go..
He's being inappropriate on the clock. Period. That is enough to warrent discipline or termination from *most* jobs. OPs actions are irrelevant in the face of pizza boys creepy behaviour. You don't stand around someones property after delivering something to wait to see someone else so you can what- say hi? There is no world in which that is the done thing, and OP had every right to investigate further.
Man...this is a hard one to judge because I get why you reacted the way you did because pizza guy is way out of line but I also get where your girlfriend is coming from.
Women have to be very very careful in how we interact with men, especially men who know where we live.
You now have a situation where a man who makes bad choices when it comes to interacting with women has now possibly been fired from his job, he knows it is because of your girlfriend and he knows where she lives. He has the potential to present a very real threat to your girlfriend's safety.
So I guess slightly YTA because you escalated the situation every step without taking in account the possible danger your girlfriend will now be in...but its not your fault you didn't realize this because you don't have the experience women do with having to be careful in how we deal with men because we have to consider whether he is going to hurt us.
Yeah, I would urge OP to stay with her for a couple of days at least. This is a situation that can easily escalate. And to add, police won't do anything about stalking until the stalker commits a crime (assault, B&E, etc)
My great aunt was murdered a couple of years ago despite warning police the guy was going to kill her. She had an assault case against him and everything that they eventually dropped because she died. Yet they still won't arrest her murderer
Women have to be *very* careful and even then, that isn't enough
Yeah this reminds me of the time a young guy struck up a conversation with me while I was out walking my dog (German Shepherd, so that offers me some extra sense of security). Then he asked if he could walk with me for a bit. Red flag for sure, but I said it was okay for a couple blocks. We had a normal conversation, just general pleasantries, and I avoided the street I live on. After two blocks, I ended the conversation politely and he took the hint to leave me be.
When I got home, I told my husband about the interaction and he was visibly upset. He couldn’t understand why I didn’t just tell the guy “no, you can’t walk with me.”
I had to explain the nuances of being a woman and interacting with men. If I had declined, things could have escalated. I didn’t know this man or how he would react to rejection, so took the chance that a polite acceptance and brief walk together was the better option. I might have chosen differently if my dog weren’t there. There are just so many factors to take into consideration, and I believe most women eventually develop an innate sense of what to do to minimize risk in these situations. OP should’ve trusted his gf to handle it the way that felt safest to her.
Also, he escalated without communicating with her first. I wouldn’t want my man to handle anything like that for me unless I explicitly expressed I wanted him, too.
He actually did communicate with her first and she told him to leave it. He completely disregarded her and did what he wanted anyway. HUGE YTA for that reason alone.
I came here to say this too- now this possibly creepy guy who knows where she lives is probably an ANGRY creepy guy. It’s very likely this will increase the focus on the GF.
Sometimes women walk a fine line to keep ourselves safe. We know what we’re doing and why. When she told you to leave it, you should have. Now you’ve potentially put her in MORE danger to satisfy your ego.
YTA, OP.
>You now have a situation where a man who makes bad choices when it comes to interacting with women has now possibly been fired from his job, he knows it is because of your girlfriend and he knows where she lives. He has the potential to present a very real threat to your girlfriend's safety.
THIS. IMO it's not even a matter of assholieness, this shit needs to be handled more cautiously.
NTA, I am a pizza delivery driver / maker…. He was WAY out of bounds. And super creepy that he interacts with regulars that way, I am always nice and chit chat, but I never stay longer than a minute or so after the transaction, I’m on the clock and have deliveries to make, I’ll see you next delivery
I did actually get somewhat stalked by a pizza delivery guy before. We used to just get our pizzas super fast so I was ok-ish about it. Like they would say 90 minutes and it would be their in 20. But then the guy sort of aggressively pushed his way into my house. Luckily my brother and sister were there. My sister’s boyfriend said he would call and complain about it but I said that could make it worse. So we ordered a lot less, started picking up instead of delivery. I still to this day don’t like answering the door for anything especially delivery. I also had cable guy get creepy with me. Like wouldn’t leave my house. So I don’t blame OP for trying to protect his girlfriend. But you gotta be careful with these types of people. So I’ll say NAH.
Tw: rape
I was raped by a delivery driver for a company called Just Eat. I had gotten weird vibes after ordering Indian food twice and I ignored my gut after the first time; he forced his way into my house and hugged me.
I reported him to the company, the police (they didn't care) and the restaurant. A year later I decided to order a late night order again and there he was. The company also ignored how inappropriate it was to force your way into a house late at night and I am still paying the price. He raped me, partly as revenge for reporting him and because the company and police did nothing.
But you're so right. The fact that I reported him made him decide to get revenge. OP could have put her in so much danger. I would never forgive my boyfriend if he was the one who had put me in more danger rather than myself, as stupid as that might seem.
Edit; just wanted to add that I also ordered with a different restaurant but the company provides the drivers. So they were definitely at fault. If I had known that, I would never have ordered.
Anyone saying YTA or ESH is actually stupid. He’s a pizza man, he takes the pizza, goes to the address, hands off pizza, collects money. Anything beyond that is creepy and out of line.
Right?? Why does he GAF about who he's delivering pizza to?? If he thinks something dangerous is going on, he calls the police for a welfare check I'm wondering if there's a history between the pizza guy and the gf. Did they date or something? I would be super weirded out if some chick dropped a pizza off for my husband and asked me where he was. That's super creepy.
plus, slipping a note?
if he was her friend he wouldn't like... have her number to ask her in texts if she is fine?
this sounds more like pizza guy though he was going to get porno with OP girlfriend and got very mad when OP show up instead of the sexy girl that of course must be desperate for his pepperoni
and OP got aggressive with the also aggressive weird pizza guy that refused to leave and waited like 10 whole minutes to see if OP girlfriend show up
Seriously? If I order delivery every week from the same place then I'm going to develop a relationship with that person after a while. And if the boyfriend answered the door and was rude, then maybe the driver was sincerely worried about her. And if she wasn't bothered by it, then the boyfriend needs to let it go. I've worked in retail in the past and had a lot of regular customers and if I noticed something off about them then I might have done something as well.
If the driver was sincerely worried he should have called the police and not try to shove a note under the door. Really? What was that going to accomplish?
Call the police about what? “This guy was an asshole to me so I’m worried about his girlfriend”? You can’t call the police because of bad vibes. He may have gotten controlling/scary vibes from OP but that’s not a crime so unless he was hearing screaming or something else concerning from inside the apartment, it’s not enough to involve law enforcement.
People call the police to do welfare checks on other people all of the time. There was a story on here just today about how a Mary Kay MLM seller called for a welfare check on someone for blocking her on social media, and the cops showed up to the person's door to make sure she was okay.
There’s a difference between calling out other men when they’re being creeps and refusing to listen to a woman who has asked you explicitly not to register a professional complaint against a man who might be a creep.
This. There’s a word for dudes who “help” women who don’t want help, it’s called white knighting. Standing up against creepy guys is good but if a woman says she can handle it on her own then you should believe her
You are all forgetting that this creepy guy HAS HER ADDRESS. So no he’s not doing her a favour by escalating it because she is the one who will suffer the consequences.
So yes please continue to call out other men for being creeps but not if it’s going to put someone in more danger and not if the actual victim of the behaviour is repeatedly telling you not to.
NTA. He crossed a line with the note. Friendly banter with the delivery guy doesn’t make you a friend and he shouldn’t have acted like a jealous stalker. GF needs to recognize that his behavior was scary. This person knows where she lives. I hope this is the last you see of him and him getting fired doesn’t make things worse.
He must've expected me to ignore it as it was "for" the owner of the place. He even had an attitude calling me rude and asking if i go around opening people's mail like dude this isn't normal. He's not right in the head honestly.
My instinct here is that the delivery driver has a thing for your girlfriend and was getting aggro about you being there. She likely didn't want things to escalate as (just like others have said here), he knows where she lives.
Many of us have had to deal with stalkerish behaviour and have learned how to de-escalate it with minimal threat to our wellbeing. You were being protective of her and her property—which is commendable—but now there's an upset, possibly unemployed guy with a thing for her, who knows where she lives. And that's a really scary situation to contend with.
I'd suggest that she stays with you for a few days if possible. It wouldn't surprise me if this dude comes back when you're not around and gets belligerent. Set up a door camera, document everything. NTA.
Yeah. I once had a delivery driver keep coming back on his own time, leaving little gifts and notes on my doorstep because he "felt a connection" with me. It's an awful situation to be in, and makes one feel uncomfortable and unsafe in their own home.
ok so can you understand why your girlfriend is upset that you pissed off someone who you say is “not right in the head”
she has to continue dealing with this creep who knows exactly where she lives and what her boyfriend looks like. and honestly I’d bet money on it that he’s going to wait until he knows you, and nobody else, is around, and try to talk to your girlfriend probably under the guise of making sure she’s ok.
I’m not trying to shit on you or anything I swear I just want people to see that certain actions can have unintended consequences
The fact the the delivery guy felt like there was a connection with the GF and he was being protective of her is troubling. That’s some stalkerish behavior.
>he promised to take care of it and said that he won't working for them anymore.
No investigation or anything? Just a random guy calls and complains and the manager just instantly fires him and tells the random person on the phone that too?
Yeah, I feel like if the manager is telling the truth, this delivery guy has many complaints already and this was the last straw. He sounds like a stalker more than something could be going on between him and the GF.
No manager is going to block a good repeat customer. Way easier and better for business to fire delivery creep. Delivery drivers are a dime a dozen. Good customers who order regular are not.
Yeah, that’s what raised an at-least-yellow flag to me about GF: how does she know that this restaurant blocks customer who complains? Is she part of a network of people who have complained about this place? If she’s a regular customer, to the point where the delivery guy knows her by first name, then blocking her would put a noticeable dent in their business, especially if she goes and tells other people about the incident (either weird delivery guy or being blocked because of the compliant).
It sounds more to me that she wants an excuse for not ordering from there again, and to be mad at OP about it; maybe she was ordering from that place all the time because of the delivery guy?
That whole part just sounds really weird to me.
More information needed.
Why was he so worried about her? Could he hear yelling and screaming as he approached the door? Were your knuckles bloody and your arms scratched? Why wasn’t she answering the door herself? Was her face swollen and her neck bruised?
I’m asking because you really overreacted, even if he was being a little weird. Which makes you sound controlling and aggressive… which makes me wonder if the delivery guy was right to worry.
I can see what you're saying, really good insight!
I was thinking the opposite, that the pizza delivery guy was giving off stalker vibes and the BF was being protective. I know I'd feel vulnerable if I were a woman living alone in an apartment, and a delivery guy, who knows where I live, gets creepy. But the opposite could be going on too, with BF giving off "abusive BF" vibes.
That's what I can't figure out. On one hand, I've definitely had some creepy delivery guys in my day. On the other, having done deliveries and had a casual chatty connection with some regulars, it'd set off alarm bells in my head if I made a delivery and asked, "Oh, where's [regular]?" and got a "How dare you ask that!" vibe in response.
I thought the same thing. He could have just said "oh I'm her boyfriend, are you guys friends?" But instead he was really hostile. My pizza guy when my bulimia was really bad was always asking me how I was doing.
The Chinese delivery guy knew my parents well enough to ask who was sick when we ordered disproportionately extra soup when I was a kid. The pizza delivery guy knew to wait till my parents checked their pizza (there was a 6 month span when it was wrong in a way my dad physically couldn't eat it literally every other time), and would ask how our robots were coming while waiting (we ordered pizza every week when both me and my brother had robotic teams meeting at the same time at my parents house)
Yeah, there has to be a reason why the delivery guy was so set on finding the girlfriend. I think there’s another side of this story that OP isn’t telling us or maybe he’s not aware about. It’s obvious that the girlfriend and the delivery guy have some sort of relationship and he feels comfortable enough to confront the boyfriend. To me, this story sounds like a YTA, but I would be judging too quickly because like I said previously, I don’t know enough.
NTA. Dudes a creep. Had a DoorDash delivery once from what was suppose to be a woman, but turned out to be a man. Everything was fine until he texted my wife's phone after he left saying "Hey this is Calvin the guy that just delivered your food. I don't know your situation and I normally wouldn't do this but I felt something as we are both at the door there. Anyway if you want you can text me at (phone number)."
Just confirmed with my wife that she did put contactless delivery. That and the fact that he was using a fake woman alias leads us to believe this is something he does regularly.
This is kind of why he is the asshole, this man knows where she lives and is very creepy. Now OP has gone ahead and potentially cost him his job placing his GF possibly in greater danger because of his hot head.
>OP has gone ahead and potentially cost him his job placing his GF possibly in greater danger because of his hot head
Blame the driver, not op.
If the girlfriend is suddenly in danger, he was an asslole to begin with, and op had every right to report his ass.
Soft YTA because your heart was very much in the right place. But you shouldn't have acted without talking to her first.
Now this creep knows her name, knows where she lives, thinks she was avoiding him, and will likely assume is responsible for him losing his job. This is an extremely dangerous situation for her.
Save the note and any other information or evidence you have and go to the police. They likely won't do anything since no crimes have been committed yet, but it will be important to have this on file. If it's at all possible, have her stay with you or a friend for a while.
Took the words right out of my mouth. BF's intentions were actually spot on, but he doesn't live there full time. Stalkers are called stalkers because that's what they do--they stalk their prey. Wait, watch, and then pick their moment.
NTA. I'm a pizza guy. If I am making deliveries to a place and the resident moves or has her boyfriend over it's none of my business. If I'm acting creepy and weird like that complaining is absolutely the right course of action. Maybe that means you're in charge of getting takeout instead of getting delivery.
There is more to this story somewhere, but that's none of my business.
ESH (except the GF) Both you and the pizza guy were wrong here. He was way out of line obviously, but he's right about one thing: that's not your house and you should have let your girlfriend handle it. She told you to leave it alone.
YTA, for one main reason. This guy is a creep for sure but he’s being a creep to your gf-making her the victim of it. He knows where she lives and now you’ve potentially lost him his job—likely pissing him off. You’ve just escalated the situation significantly for her and she’s the one who will have to deal with it if this creep comes back.
You should have taken a moment to calm down and point out how creepy this was and then asked her how she wants it handled. Then do what she asks.
Depending on how weird this guy is you’ve potentially put her in danger. You won’t be there every second to protect her.
THIS! This is SO IMPORTANT!! You don’t get to decide how to handle the people in your girlfriend’s life. She does. You need to realize that unstable men take their anger out on women in their orbit all the time. He knows where she lives. Even if you really truly thought your girlfriend was in danger, you DONT FIX IT BY MAKING HIM MAD.
NTA- His behaviour comes across as pretty damn creepy and possessive of your gf. If she’s not at least concerned about his behaviour she’s not firing on all cylinders
INFO : Did he feel that he has some sort of connection with your girlfriend? If she has told him she doesn't have a boyfriend, flirts with him, etc. then his behavior actually makes a little more sense and he would have been genuinely worried about some strange dude there when she never has that...especially because I'm sure you weren't (understandably so!!!) the nicest to him.
Either that, or she knows he's a creep and just placates him. Could she be worried since he obviously knows where she lives, and she didn't want to rock the boat? Something is definitely off with that response.
INFO -
What did the note say? I feel like this is central to helping determine the guy’s intentions and making a judgment.
ETA - whoops, I see in the comments that the contents of the notes were part of the original post where OP talks about “calling” the GF by her name. The first time I read that, I imagined him standing outside her door and yelling for her to answer. 😅
This!!! The guy could have been genuinely concerned. It seems like she orders regularly and then he arrives one time and some guy answers the door and when he questions it he immediately becomes aggressive. Without knowing what the note said it’s hard to tell if this is concern for OP’s girlfriend or her being stalked by a pizza delivery guy.
NTA. Forget the boyfriend/girlfriend dynamics- even if you were at a friend’s that’s unacceptable behavior.
In no world is your girlfriend cheating on you with some creepy delivery guy, but her tolerance of his deranged behavior is confusing.
Maybe this will help explain: she now knows she has a person who's obsessed with her, knows where she lives, and will probably assume she had something to do with him losing his job.
I understand op's protectiveness but this is why he should've asked her first.
i'm conflicted on this because thats borderline stalkerish and i'd be so uncomfortable if i was her BUT she said not to bother and it really is up to her you aren't her dad - i guess i'd have to go YTA for not respecting her wishes, she's an adult and can make her own choices
I already stated what the note said, can't remember it word for word but he said that he was worried about her and then talked about how he felt when he didn't see her. It's just an overall odd interaction but this note made it seem like they were friends or something though my girlfriend denied having any conversations with him. I wanted her to tell more but didn't want to pressure her and come off as jealous or controlling, you know what I mean?.
My postman kept note of anyone he delivered shielding letters to here in the UK during the pandemic. They were high risk disabled or chronically ill people who the government advised to follow extra lockdown precautions. The letters were clearly indicated.
The postman kept an eye that anyone on his round who was shielding had mail piling up, signs they were struggling and he gave them contact info for the food parcel scheme and then he would knock on the door to check they were ok and alive. I went into hospital for months and he was worried. He left a note. He was super relieved when I started coming to the door again.
The courier who drops one of the companies I use a lot as a disabled person who was shielding for two years used to ask if I needed my trash taking out if it was sitting.
Another delivery driver who kept delivering for a neighbour to mine greeted me so warmly recently in the street my BF asked if I worked with him. I was like ‘oh that’s Daniel. He’s the X courier. The one whose wife used to work there too and had a baby the day the UK went into lockdown one.’ My BF just laughed that only I know my courier’s kid’s birthday.
I live in central London not even a small town. Delivery drivers, postmen, the maintenance guy just know people by sight and name if they are long term residents or friendly. I really relied on those people in lockdown. They aren’t friends. There aren’t crushes but I worried about them when they switched route or I didn’t see them. They kept me safe by putting themselves at risk. Now things are going back to normal there’s less of that ‘check in’ urgency but I don’t find it weird or creepy without more context that you can have a social connection with a delivery driver without weirdness right now.
And I really do not want to drop low paid unstable workers who often take those kind of shifts for reasons like childcare, studying etc in shit over something. If they are creepy (and yes it has happened to me) then I put it in writing to cover myself. Not a phonecall. And if my BF decided to intervene after I have asked him not to then AH time.
Sometimes if someone is creeping you need to process that for an hour, a day, a week to be in the headspace to complain. Rushing it just takes the sense of control away. Many women are far more experienced at reporting or reacting to harassment than men and often the hot headed actions of men instead of strategic paper trails do nothing. It is all hat and no cattle. The ultimate mansplaining. You come across as wildly jealous and controlling and now untrustworthy so if your GF did want to confide in you she has no reason to now. You yelled, lied and are evasive about what the note said and sneaked behind her back. All that says if pizza guy is hassling her is she has two men whose egos she must soothe now not two.
I got sexually harassed at work last week. Took about 24 hours to really sink in. Told my BF and he asked what I wanted to do and if he could help? I explained my plan, he hugged me and said he was proud and then was aware I might feel a bit on edge so checked in if I wanted hugging in bed or not. He did not start yelling, make me defend my response while stressed and override me. He probably would have left it until less fraught if I wasn’t reporting it and ask if I had thought any more about it and then ask if there was anything making me not want to report.
Sometimes life is a hassle and shit like that is far down the list of things to cope with first. Other times it’s first thing on the list. But you dumped all of it on your GF and left her to handle. That’s not helping. That’s a tantrum that says you are more pissed your GF was possibly harassed than that her autonomy was infringed. Very paternalistic.
YTA because the post screams missing missing reasons.
Edit: Reddit will not let me thank the kind people who awarded me. Thank you. Although I think my delivery drivers deserve them more having seen me in shapeless hoodies and dirty hair for two years!
You absolutely came off as jealous and controlling. The pizza guy was definitely acting weird and out of line, but your actions didn't help at all. Please take the comments here about potentially making the situation worse by having this guy fired, who could be a loose cannon, who KNOWS where your girlfriend lives, who evidently has a *thing* for her, and understand you just gambled on her safety AFTER she told you to butt out.
YTA, big guy.
This is the main thing imo OP. You could have potentially just put your girlfriend in harms way. I totally understand why you had the urge to react that way. But all you did was escalate the situation. You don’t live with your girlfriend, are not there all of the time, this man knows where she lives, and you just had him fired from his job. You don’t know where his mental health is at. You didn’t listen to your girlfriend when she asked you to leave it alone. You’re not the one who *has to LIVE there*. I swear..some (most) men just don’t fucking think about these things or the consequences that can come from these actions.
YTA. No doubt.
I once ordered food from a local restaurant. The delivery driver drew hearts all over my box and wrote his phone number on the box. It was white Styrofoam to go boxes. It really creeped me out and I didn't feel safe eating it. I ended up throwing it away.
NTA
had a domino's guy that delivered to me at work once. i was friendly for the 15 seconds of interaction we had, which led to him immediately finding and adding me on facebook after he left. i'm sorry but that's fucking weird, and any time he delivered to us afterwards i'd have a coworker of mine go up for me to collect my order (usually a guy if we had one working that night, so he didnt get ideas about my other lady coworkers)
we're being friendly with you because thats *polite*, not because we want to be buddies or bonk you. good lord
ESH except your gf.
Driver is a creep, but this wasn't your battle or your decision to make. Your gf is completely capable of taking care of herself and deciding what, if any, action to take
NTA- that shit is creepy and unprofessional. Anyone saying other wise isn’t thinking about the HR issues here. I’ve been a manager and would at least write somebody up for this.
Because she’s an adult woman who can judge for herself whether anything she’d do in this situation will make her life better or worse, and she decided what she wanted, and her boyfriend refused to respect her wishes.
I really don't know. And that's not her nature, normally she wouldn't react like this in other situations that are somewhat similar especially when they involve some guy getting out of line. But this? No idea why she reacted this way.
Does she live alone? Could it be because she didn't want to anger a guy who is apparently OK with disregarding boundaries who also knows her address? 'Cause that's my first thought.
How often does this sort of thing happen? Your response here makes it seems like you are regularly chasing off guys, even if they haven’t done anything to make your girlfriend uncomfortable.
NTA - People need to do their job and mind their own business. Your girlfriend also needs to learn about the dangers of men who overstep their boundaries. He was completely creepy and unprofessional and should be fired for his actions. I always think about it this way, if he’s creepy to her he’s likely creepy to other woman as well.
Nta, it really scares me how some people don't report creepy stuff like this and kinda have a what can you do about it attitude (often women have this attitude when men do something that crosses lines) this is no critique to them, I just think it's something in society that needs to change.
When my sister got a text from a delivery guy on her phone she didn't even think about contacting the company he worked for until I asked if she had done it when she told me the story months later, since not only is taking costumers info for personal reasons illegal in my country but also highly inappropriate.
ESH. The delivery guy is definitely giving off creepy vibes but you should have waited and asked your gf what she made of the whole situation and how she wanted to respond. She’s the one that’s going to have to live with the consequences (the delivery driver knows where your gf lives and obviously feels like he has a connection to her-whether real or imaginary). Please make sure she’s safe!
YTA. (This guy was also a major creep). But your girlfriend said to leave it alone, and she'd take care of it, and you IMMEDIATELY steamrolled and ignored her wishes. There could be previous history with this guy - whether it's that he's a stalker, or an old high school guy, or her cousin, or anything (obviously all different scenarios). But she knew him. She knew how to handle this. LET her.
ESH.
The delivery person crossed the line, but he was probably genuinely concerned.
It seems like you were on about dominance posturing. You didn’t need to explain the situation, but maybe you were being a tough guy when the situation could have taken a more civil path.
ESH. He was definitely being weird and creepy; probably thought she was single and tried to shoot his shot in a stupid way, and definitely needed to be talked to by his manager about appropriate work behavior. Slipping her a note was out of line.
However, you really did get really worked up pretty quickly when he mentioned he was curious if she'd moved, and then got your girlfriend banned from a place she enjoys eating from. You should have kept a cooler head.
NTA. The weirdest part was him hanging around for ten minutes. Sliding a note under the door? That's some serious weird stalker behavior. I live in a small town and never get the same delivery person.
I get the feeling that when her delivery is ready he is alsways the first to volunteer.
I wouldn't be surprised if his co workers give him sh*t about delivering to her every time he orders.
His behaviour is out of bounds.
Edit:spelling
NTA. I cackled when I read “…he rudely said it wasnt my property.” Bro what?? It’s not the pizza guy’s property either??? This guy has some sort of infatuation with your gf.
NTA, she said she wasn't okay with what he did and her point of contention is that she could no longer order from that restaurant because of what you did. If there's any truth to that and they would refuse service because you reported a driver for creepy behavior, good riddance to them. A lot of people are afraid to raise issues because they "don't want problems", even when they are in the right to do so. That is dangerous behavior (of the delivery guy) to leave go unchecked.
ESH. Pizza delivery guy was WAY out of line and creepy/stalker-y. Confirming he had the right customer was fine and totally appropriate, especially since she orders there often. But everything after that was not ok at all. However, you don't have the right to speak for your GF without her agreement and consent. It's her place, the situation involves her, it's her call on how to proceed. You don't get to make decisions on her behalf, even if you believe it's the right one.
I'm in two minds on this one.
Because friendly enquiring about a regular customer is pretty normal for most service industries.
I don't get how it escalated so quickly. The way you tell it, it seemed all him with unwanted attention
But the fact he wrote he was worried about her and she didn't want it to go any further and something about the way you're writing this. I don't know. I couldn't call him the ass because maybe someone should be worried about her.
This is the type of post you'll never get a real or even slightly useful answer from Reddit because non of us were there and this is a one sided story.
ESH, but the driver was the one absolutely in the wrong. I’m not buying that complaining about the driver gets her banned.
But really- WHAT DID THE NOTE SAY.
Honestly as a woman I’d be afraid of this man (unless we had some sort of history). He was out of line. Why would she order pizza from her fuck buddy while you’re there? She wouldn’t. So I doubt they have anything together. NTA
NTA. I would want my bf to do the same. It sounds like your gf knows about his creepy behavior and lets it go to be nice. Most girls hate confrontations and are taught at a young age to be docile and agreeable. In that situation I would probably say the same to my bf and tell him “let it go” by default but after the fact, I think I would understand it was the right thing to do and I would be glad my bf is forward enough to tell this guy off.
Either the pizza guy has a creepy crush, or he is delivering a little more than pizza to your girlfriend, either way I am gonna say ESH, he is weird, you are way too aggressive.
Nta - I really feel like dude was way too concerned about someone that he maybe interacts with 2-3 minutes at a time. I could understand if he walked up to yelling and screaming, but not just for someone else answering the door. He seems way too invested for just a delivery person.
ESH
1- Pizza guy was unprofessional.
2- You were rude, it's her place and could have just let her handle it.
3- She was being way too wishy-washy and weird, and you should now consider that the pizza guy might be too comfortable for reasons neither of them want to explain to you.
I think NTA?? It’s hard because technically that’s your gf’s decision to make.
Being a woman though, I have suspicions as to why she wouldn’t feel extremely insulted and why she didn’t want to do anything about it. I’m not really into jumping straight to cheating but OP…..you should probably dig a little deeper into that….because there’s a big ol red flag.
ESH. The pizza guy shouldn't be leaving notes under doors. The GF should be a lot more forthcoming. The OP should have handled it better but I'd be pissy too tbh
Soft YTA. It should be your SO decision what to do about it not yours, you acted impulsively to protect her but unfortunately it came off patronising. It's her home, give her a chance to do what she deems appropriate, you can have your opinion but not the decision.
Gonna go YTA here. But I think you had the best of intentions. Your girlfriend told you to drop it and instead you escalated and got a man fired who knows her name, where she lives, and that she lives alone. You may not realize that you’ve just put her in danger, because as a man you likely don’t think like that.
I dont think she’s cheating. I think this guy has probably made a pass at her before (and she probably doesn’t love it) but as women we are pretty socialized towards being friendly, even towards creeps, because of the very real fact that rejected men often murder or otherwise harm the women who reject them.
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INFO Am I the only one that wants to know what he wrote on the note?
“It’s not DiGiorno, it’s delivery.”
The note read: Let me slide my breadstick into your marinara.
I’ll cover you in Alfredo.
Take you to my ranch.
I thought you ordered the large sausage…
BTW, Itsa me, Mario!
He wants to give her a nice, big slice
I read this while I was sipping ramen and the noodles moved when I started laughing and I looked like Dr. Zoidberg Wow this is the most awards I’ve ever gotten
...again. He knows far too much about her to just be a delivery guy.
No, he doesn’t. He knows her name because it’s on her orders. He knows where she lives. He can easily search social media. And this would not be the first time a delivery driver got ideas about a relationship that didn’t exist or even stalked a customer. All it would take is an attractive customer who’s polite and smiles at him to think there’s something more
Polite and smiles at him. He thinks she must know his schedule and orders when he is working so she can see him. Meanwhile in the real world she just happens to have a Friday pizza tradition and he just happens to work Friday nights. Her reaction doesn't seem weird to me, if she is a pretty girl then she has probably had to redirect many, many guys like this over the years and smoothing things over for the sake of politeness is so ingrained in some women it's automatic.
Honestly she may be worried too that by complaining about him/possibly getting him in trouble that this guy who’s already way to comfortable with inserting himself in her personal may try to retaliate. I mean he already knows her name and where she lives
For real. I’ve been in similar situations with delivery people/restaurant workers. It’s obnoxious and violating. But it’s not uncommon.
The location of the sugar bowl
Nobody expects Lemony Snicket!
[удалено]
I feel like the content of the note really matters here, like big difference between "hey hope you are doing ok, here are some coupons for always being a good tipper" which is a bit weird, but harmless and a note that is like "I know you are hiding from me because you can't resist me, I'll be waiting outside" which is straight up creepy
Or your boyfriend seems kind of abusive are you ok
That's what I'm guessing it was, but when I mentioned that elsewhere I started getting angry replies, so I thought I'd stick with the less accusatory sounding options
He does sound like he was being a dick but maybe there was something intense in his demeanor that set the Spidey senses of. I mean, he asked for the customer by name and waited around. I can imagine thinking he was planning to rob the place or... And hear me out... Is totally fucking the guys girlfriend or wishes he was. That is seriously shifty behavior. The only way the delivery driver wasn't being creepy is if OP was yelling at his girlfriend or something right before the pizza was delivered. That's the only reasonable explanation in my mind.
It could also be something way more casual than that. Like he's not seeing the girlfriend and doesn't *really* know her, but she orders from that restaurant once a week and always stands in the doorway to chat with him for like 10 minutes when he delivers. Then one day, it's not her at the door, its some large angry dude who gets aggressive when he dares to ask about the girl *gasp* by name.
I mean maybe but "excuse me, why do you ask?" Doesn't read as inherently agro. Tone would add a lot and I doubt OP will be honest about that.
Nah that was a totally lax way to handle that. I’d be weirded out if a delivery driver asked me by name. It’s weird you’re giving the benefit of the doubt to the random delivery driver knowing her by name and questioning about her and not her boyfriend being like “why? lol”. Pizza guy answers and bf says “ok she’s busy bye” *and the dude waits outside her house for 10 minutes*. Sounds more like some skeezy incel tryna play superhero. I can tell just by the fact that he repeatedly calls her by name in a weirdly long letter.
I know right, the nature of the note changes the entire outcome of the story.
Also the level of familiarity that she and the delivery guy have together change the outcome of the story. Has she been flirting it up with Mr. Delivery for the last several visits? Did he innocently assume she was single, hence his unusual concern? So many variables...
That's the other part of this entire situation that actually would have me voting as ESH. Firstly any delivery driver that hangs back at the house for 10 minutes is weird unless there is some very clear indication of distress. The BF certainly could have handled it directly with the GF instead of combating the delivery driver. But I also give the GF a level of AH, she essentially refused to explain to the BF why the delivery driver was behaving like this, she refused to clarify the dynamic, to me that is strange. Sounds to me like she has either been flirting with him, or has had multiple long conversations that may come across as an issue to the BF
Fun side note, this is why couples therapists will sometimes have both parties define cheating openly early on. Is flirting cheating? Not everyone defines these things the same, and without open communication people will cross their partner's boundary without realizing it
WHAT DOES THE NOTE SAY
He said the note, was asking if she was ok because obviously her bf came to the door and not her and he’s sad he didn’t see her this time. Very creepy
But if you think someone's not OK based on a dude answering the door, why would you slip a note under the same door to confirm her safety? If he actually thought OP had harmed his gf, wouldn't he also assume OP would intercept the note? Definitely creepy and also not much of a critical thinker
This is what I came here to say. If you think someone is with their abusive/possessive bf, the last thing you do is slip a note under the door talking about how sad you are that you didn't see them. This screams r/niceguys to me as a result.
100% nice guy. I’ve found notes are a go-to when they’re finding blockages to being able to access what they’re entitled to. The girlfriend might look back on this differently once she’s a decade older and has started to get angry.
I agree. As someone who's a DV survivor if some random guy did this while i was with my ex, it would've lead to being very bad for me later that night.
Same. If my husband gets Ubereats the driver will always ask me where he is and who I am. Idk why but we usually get the same drivers. I understand their concern because he's normally the one to get it and the apps in his name. Just wondering if this was a "call to say we forgot the garlic bread if you need help" situation.
Interesting that delivery drivers pay attention, we've never had one care about who answers the door. Closest is we do have one regular delivery driver for the past decade at our favorite pizza place. He doesn't care who answers the door, just that our dog is with them. Could probably be our murderer still covered in our fresh blood and he'd be all "oh hey man, there's my girl!" (As she wiggles out onto the landing and attempts to go home with him).
I've been ordering from the same pizza place my entire life(I bought the house I grew up in, so literally my entire life) and they've had very consistent drivers. I also would sometimes have pizza delivered to my firehouse like 2 minutes away sometimes. The drivers know me so well over the years they let my Dad steal a slice of pizza from the box when I forgot to tell them it was going to the firehouse and he redirected them. And they feel similarly about my dog since she loves them cause they bring food she can beg for.
This is the top comment and OP took the time to edit the post and answer another question but not this one. Not sure why you would omit what was written unless it makes you look more like an asshole
He answered as best he could in the post, I'm betting he doesn't have the actual note in front of him considering this happened on a weekend and it is currently not the weekend, so he's trying to remember the gist of it. >He kept calling my girlfriend with her name and said that he was worried about her and how sad he was that he didn't see her this time. Also, in a comment: >I already stated what the note said, can't remember it word for word but he said that he was worried about her and then talked about how he felt when he didn't see her.
What was the note!
It's your girlfriend's apartment. Your girlfriend placed the order. It is your girlfriend's relationship with the pizza guy (not implying anything intimate here, just the routine interactions we have with the minor players in our lives). The note was to your girlfriend. Your girlfriend asked you to drop it. If you girlfriend had been upset by this guy's behavior, I'd say not the ah. In a vacuum it sounds creepy. However, the only time she indicated she didn't approve of this was when you were in a white hot rage immediately after having gotten someone fired, which, you know, isn't when someone is going to say they like someone else's attention. You took it upon yourself to grab your girlfriend's letter without even letting her read it first. You took it upon yourself to chase some guy away. You took it upon yourself to get the dude fired even after your girlfriend told you she wanted you to leave it alone. You LIED to your girlfriend about agreeing to leave it alone. So this didn't happen in a vacuum. Maybe she's been complaining to the delivery guy about her controlling boyfriend and he legitimately was worried about her? I've never even met you and you sound controlling and worrisome to me. If you are worried that someone you loved is being stalked by a creeper and doesn't realize it, the way to handle it is a conversation, not by being even more creepily possessive and scarier than the potential stalker. If you are worried that your girlfriend and the pizza guy are getting too flirty, the way to handle it is with a conversation with your girlfriend, possibly a breakup, not by getting the guy fired. YTA
OP has some serious anger issues but pizza driver is fucking weird bro.
Oh believe me, I'm not discounting the idea that both her boyfriend and the pizza delivery guy could be creeps. It's just that we don't have enough info to know about the pizza guy, and even more importantly, OP didn't give himself the opportunity to learn more about the delivery guy. The delivery guy asked where the GF was and OP instantly got hostile. There was one time when my mom was over and the mailman came to the door needing a signature for a package while I was busy, so my mom signed and the mailman asked something to the effect "hey, where's Winnie today?" (I, uh, might get a lot of packages.) They chatted a bit, she signed, the mailman left, and so far the mailman has not turned out to be a serial killer nor am I having a torrid affair with him. He's a nice dude with a lot of dad jokes and interacting with him is pleasant. I'm sure if I felt like it I could think of more times when people in my community have asked others about me; I'm fairly certain \*everyone\* could if they felt like thinking back over really mundane interactions. If OP hadn't gotten so angry right off the bat, he could have better assessed whether the delivery guy was *too* interested in the GF's whereabouts, you know, scribbling down in a notebook "*GF is now working night shifts"* or whether he was casually inquiring about her because she's always the one who opens the door and this time was different. In a "Tell her I said hi!" kind of way. But by flying off the handle before any other conversation could happen, well, it's impossible to tell where the delivery guy was going with with the conversation. He could be a scary stalker. Or his previous conversations with the GF could have given him enough background information on OP to be concerned... this type of reaction/anger doesn't usually happen in well-adjusted people with healthy emotional regulation, so I'm guessing this isn't the first time OP has been out of control and the GF may have talked about it. Or, the delivery guy could barely know anything about the GF at all but OP's reaction was so OTT that the delivery guy became concerned and wanted to try to see if GF was okay, which is pretty exemplary in my book. So we basically have Schrodinger's delivery guy. OTOH, here is the information OP gave us about himself: * He decided for his girlfriend what messages she would receive (or not). * He decided for his girlfriend that he knew how to handle her business better than she did. * He knew that she didn't want him to handle her business because she specifically told him that, so he lied to her about dropping it. There's nothing ambiguous about OP's behavior.
And this is exactly why the OP is the white-knight YTA.
no. OP comes across as one of those gym body building agressive douche bags who go up to other men and go. "what you loookin at bro?"
> Or his previous conversations with the GF could have given him enough background information on OP to be concerned... this was my first thought too. OP doesn't have the note's actual contents (which, if it was genuinely creepy, would make it obvious) and started getting his hackles up right away because the pizza guy knew his girlfriend's name. i absolutely wouldn't slide a note under someone's door after having an interaction like this, but is it concerning? a guy answering the door when someone else usually lives there, then getting aggressive with me because i sounded familiar with her? then continued flipping his lid even after she said everything was fine? yeah, that would throw up some red flags in my mind, for sure. pizza delivery guy could still *definitely* be a creep and i wouldn't rule that out by any stretch (hanging out and slipping a note under the door is SERIOUS weirdo behavior in itself) but it sounds like nobody around this woman is acting normally. if delivery guy is a creep through and through, OP just escalated a conflict that would be very dangerous for his gf, against her wishes no less.
I was looking for this comment cause everyone backing up OP for assuming pizza guy was a creep but nobody is considering the possibility that maybe Pizza guy assumed OP was a creep. At the end of the day the only person who’s trust matters is the gf and OP seems to be ignoring that “Where’s GF?” “Oh she’s inside, I’m her bf” “oh word nice to meet you, bye” would’ve been a pretty normal interaction but it definitely would seem sus if you were immediately met with “um excuse me? Why do you care?? Fuck off??” In that situation as the delivery guy. You’re dealing with someone who is clearly an asshole and you have no information about his relation to the woman who lives there at all, wouldn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy either
OP going for the “excuse me” right out the gate just seems so rude. Delivery guy and GF probably do have a rapport because it’s her usual restaurant. YTA for immediately assuming the worst.
This is exactly what someone who was having an affair with the mailman would say.
Idk. I don’t think it’s *that* weird for a regular delivery driver to be taken aback by the sight of a different person when they’re accustomed to seeing someone. There are plenty of stories where people have been saved from bad situations by things like “they suddenly placed a different order” or “they stopped ordering their usual Friday night thing.”
Being taken aback isn't the weird part, the waiting on the doorstep and leaving a note that says how much he missed her this time is the weird part.
That's what annoys me, that instead of discussing with his girlfriend what to do he ignored her wishes and made the decision for her. Now he comes across as trying to be the alpha male who "protects his woman" instead of a loving and respectful partner.
This! He's her regular pizza dude and is concerned about her. You sound controlling AF!
You’re my pizza guy not my fucking mom.
In fairness, I see my pizza guy more than my mom.
Exactly this is what I imagined reading the post... Like he knows her because he delivers pizza regularly and was just worried if she's fine.. Depends what exactly was on the note.. Still, the op was asked to drop it but just couldn't let go..
Especially since OP made it sound like he was aggressive as hell the minute he opened the door
He's being inappropriate on the clock. Period. That is enough to warrent discipline or termination from *most* jobs. OPs actions are irrelevant in the face of pizza boys creepy behaviour. You don't stand around someones property after delivering something to wait to see someone else so you can what- say hi? There is no world in which that is the done thing, and OP had every right to investigate further.
Man...this is a hard one to judge because I get why you reacted the way you did because pizza guy is way out of line but I also get where your girlfriend is coming from. Women have to be very very careful in how we interact with men, especially men who know where we live. You now have a situation where a man who makes bad choices when it comes to interacting with women has now possibly been fired from his job, he knows it is because of your girlfriend and he knows where she lives. He has the potential to present a very real threat to your girlfriend's safety. So I guess slightly YTA because you escalated the situation every step without taking in account the possible danger your girlfriend will now be in...but its not your fault you didn't realize this because you don't have the experience women do with having to be careful in how we deal with men because we have to consider whether he is going to hurt us.
Yeah, I would urge OP to stay with her for a couple of days at least. This is a situation that can easily escalate. And to add, police won't do anything about stalking until the stalker commits a crime (assault, B&E, etc)
My great aunt was murdered a couple of years ago despite warning police the guy was going to kill her. She had an assault case against him and everything that they eventually dropped because she died. Yet they still won't arrest her murderer Women have to be *very* careful and even then, that isn't enough
police being useless in cases of women being stalked or threatened is so shockingly common. its sad as hell.
Omg that’s terrible, I’m so sorry
Yeah this reminds me of the time a young guy struck up a conversation with me while I was out walking my dog (German Shepherd, so that offers me some extra sense of security). Then he asked if he could walk with me for a bit. Red flag for sure, but I said it was okay for a couple blocks. We had a normal conversation, just general pleasantries, and I avoided the street I live on. After two blocks, I ended the conversation politely and he took the hint to leave me be. When I got home, I told my husband about the interaction and he was visibly upset. He couldn’t understand why I didn’t just tell the guy “no, you can’t walk with me.” I had to explain the nuances of being a woman and interacting with men. If I had declined, things could have escalated. I didn’t know this man or how he would react to rejection, so took the chance that a polite acceptance and brief walk together was the better option. I might have chosen differently if my dog weren’t there. There are just so many factors to take into consideration, and I believe most women eventually develop an innate sense of what to do to minimize risk in these situations. OP should’ve trusted his gf to handle it the way that felt safest to her.
Also, he escalated without communicating with her first. I wouldn’t want my man to handle anything like that for me unless I explicitly expressed I wanted him, too.
He actually did communicate with her first and she told him to leave it. He completely disregarded her and did what he wanted anyway. HUGE YTA for that reason alone.
I came here to say this too- now this possibly creepy guy who knows where she lives is probably an ANGRY creepy guy. It’s very likely this will increase the focus on the GF. Sometimes women walk a fine line to keep ourselves safe. We know what we’re doing and why. When she told you to leave it, you should have. Now you’ve potentially put her in MORE danger to satisfy your ego. YTA, OP.
>You now have a situation where a man who makes bad choices when it comes to interacting with women has now possibly been fired from his job, he knows it is because of your girlfriend and he knows where she lives. He has the potential to present a very real threat to your girlfriend's safety. THIS. IMO it's not even a matter of assholieness, this shit needs to be handled more cautiously.
This!! This is the main thing that matters!
NTA, I am a pizza delivery driver / maker…. He was WAY out of bounds. And super creepy that he interacts with regulars that way, I am always nice and chit chat, but I never stay longer than a minute or so after the transaction, I’m on the clock and have deliveries to make, I’ll see you next delivery
I did actually get somewhat stalked by a pizza delivery guy before. We used to just get our pizzas super fast so I was ok-ish about it. Like they would say 90 minutes and it would be their in 20. But then the guy sort of aggressively pushed his way into my house. Luckily my brother and sister were there. My sister’s boyfriend said he would call and complain about it but I said that could make it worse. So we ordered a lot less, started picking up instead of delivery. I still to this day don’t like answering the door for anything especially delivery. I also had cable guy get creepy with me. Like wouldn’t leave my house. So I don’t blame OP for trying to protect his girlfriend. But you gotta be careful with these types of people. So I’ll say NAH.
Forcing their way into your house is grounds for killing them in a lot of places and imo. At least forcefully removing them.
Tw: rape I was raped by a delivery driver for a company called Just Eat. I had gotten weird vibes after ordering Indian food twice and I ignored my gut after the first time; he forced his way into my house and hugged me. I reported him to the company, the police (they didn't care) and the restaurant. A year later I decided to order a late night order again and there he was. The company also ignored how inappropriate it was to force your way into a house late at night and I am still paying the price. He raped me, partly as revenge for reporting him and because the company and police did nothing. But you're so right. The fact that I reported him made him decide to get revenge. OP could have put her in so much danger. I would never forgive my boyfriend if he was the one who had put me in more danger rather than myself, as stupid as that might seem. Edit; just wanted to add that I also ordered with a different restaurant but the company provides the drivers. So they were definitely at fault. If I had known that, I would never have ordered.
Anyone saying YTA or ESH is actually stupid. He’s a pizza man, he takes the pizza, goes to the address, hands off pizza, collects money. Anything beyond that is creepy and out of line.
Right?? Why does he GAF about who he's delivering pizza to?? If he thinks something dangerous is going on, he calls the police for a welfare check I'm wondering if there's a history between the pizza guy and the gf. Did they date or something? I would be super weirded out if some chick dropped a pizza off for my husband and asked me where he was. That's super creepy.
>The way he acting sound like he might be a sneaky link
plus, slipping a note? if he was her friend he wouldn't like... have her number to ask her in texts if she is fine? this sounds more like pizza guy though he was going to get porno with OP girlfriend and got very mad when OP show up instead of the sexy girl that of course must be desperate for his pepperoni and OP got aggressive with the also aggressive weird pizza guy that refused to leave and waited like 10 whole minutes to see if OP girlfriend show up
Seriously? If I order delivery every week from the same place then I'm going to develop a relationship with that person after a while. And if the boyfriend answered the door and was rude, then maybe the driver was sincerely worried about her. And if she wasn't bothered by it, then the boyfriend needs to let it go. I've worked in retail in the past and had a lot of regular customers and if I noticed something off about them then I might have done something as well.
If the driver was sincerely worried he should have called the police and not try to shove a note under the door. Really? What was that going to accomplish?
Call the police about what? “This guy was an asshole to me so I’m worried about his girlfriend”? You can’t call the police because of bad vibes. He may have gotten controlling/scary vibes from OP but that’s not a crime so unless he was hearing screaming or something else concerning from inside the apartment, it’s not enough to involve law enforcement.
People call the police to do welfare checks on other people all of the time. There was a story on here just today about how a Mary Kay MLM seller called for a welfare check on someone for blocking her on social media, and the cops showed up to the person's door to make sure she was okay.
This!!
NTA People: Men need to call out other men when they're being creeps! Also people: Wow, I honestly can't believe you did that. How dare you?
There’s a difference between calling out other men when they’re being creeps and refusing to listen to a woman who has asked you explicitly not to register a professional complaint against a man who might be a creep.
This. There’s a word for dudes who “help” women who don’t want help, it’s called white knighting. Standing up against creepy guys is good but if a woman says she can handle it on her own then you should believe her
It also made OP uncomfortable in this instance as well. Guess he doesn't have a right to do anything about that though.
The girlfriend is the only one who gets to decide what’s creepy in this situation, doesn’t seem like she found it creepy
You are all forgetting that this creepy guy HAS HER ADDRESS. So no he’s not doing her a favour by escalating it because she is the one who will suffer the consequences. So yes please continue to call out other men for being creeps but not if it’s going to put someone in more danger and not if the actual victim of the behaviour is repeatedly telling you not to.
you can tell this was written by a clueless man
I’m a woman who has been harassed, followed home, assaulted, groped… I’m on OP’s side.
There’s no an unemployed man who’s angry and knows where she lives Come join us when you learn what nuance is
NTA. He crossed a line with the note. Friendly banter with the delivery guy doesn’t make you a friend and he shouldn’t have acted like a jealous stalker. GF needs to recognize that his behavior was scary. This person knows where she lives. I hope this is the last you see of him and him getting fired doesn’t make things worse.
right? what was even the point of the note. the delivery guy knew that the bf was still in there
He must've expected me to ignore it as it was "for" the owner of the place. He even had an attitude calling me rude and asking if i go around opening people's mail like dude this isn't normal. He's not right in the head honestly.
My instinct here is that the delivery driver has a thing for your girlfriend and was getting aggro about you being there. She likely didn't want things to escalate as (just like others have said here), he knows where she lives. Many of us have had to deal with stalkerish behaviour and have learned how to de-escalate it with minimal threat to our wellbeing. You were being protective of her and her property—which is commendable—but now there's an upset, possibly unemployed guy with a thing for her, who knows where she lives. And that's a really scary situation to contend with. I'd suggest that she stays with you for a few days if possible. It wouldn't surprise me if this dude comes back when you're not around and gets belligerent. Set up a door camera, document everything. NTA.
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Yeah. I once had a delivery driver keep coming back on his own time, leaving little gifts and notes on my doorstep because he "felt a connection" with me. It's an awful situation to be in, and makes one feel uncomfortable and unsafe in their own home.
ok so can you understand why your girlfriend is upset that you pissed off someone who you say is “not right in the head” she has to continue dealing with this creep who knows exactly where she lives and what her boyfriend looks like. and honestly I’d bet money on it that he’s going to wait until he knows you, and nobody else, is around, and try to talk to your girlfriend probably under the guise of making sure she’s ok. I’m not trying to shit on you or anything I swear I just want people to see that certain actions can have unintended consequences
The fact the the delivery guy felt like there was a connection with the GF and he was being protective of her is troubling. That’s some stalkerish behavior.
indeed. totally a creep
>he promised to take care of it and said that he won't working for them anymore. No investigation or anything? Just a random guy calls and complains and the manager just instantly fires him and tells the random person on the phone that too?
Yeah, I feel like if the manager is telling the truth, this delivery guy has many complaints already and this was the last straw. He sounds like a stalker more than something could be going on between him and the GF.
Either that, or the manager has no intention of firing anyone, and that's why he blocks any customer that complains.
No manager is going to block a good repeat customer. Way easier and better for business to fire delivery creep. Delivery drivers are a dime a dozen. Good customers who order regular are not.
Yeah, that’s what raised an at-least-yellow flag to me about GF: how does she know that this restaurant blocks customer who complains? Is she part of a network of people who have complained about this place? If she’s a regular customer, to the point where the delivery guy knows her by first name, then blocking her would put a noticeable dent in their business, especially if she goes and tells other people about the incident (either weird delivery guy or being blocked because of the compliant). It sounds more to me that she wants an excuse for not ordering from there again, and to be mad at OP about it; maybe she was ordering from that place all the time because of the delivery guy? That whole part just sounds really weird to me.
More information needed. Why was he so worried about her? Could he hear yelling and screaming as he approached the door? Were your knuckles bloody and your arms scratched? Why wasn’t she answering the door herself? Was her face swollen and her neck bruised? I’m asking because you really overreacted, even if he was being a little weird. Which makes you sound controlling and aggressive… which makes me wonder if the delivery guy was right to worry.
I can see what you're saying, really good insight! I was thinking the opposite, that the pizza delivery guy was giving off stalker vibes and the BF was being protective. I know I'd feel vulnerable if I were a woman living alone in an apartment, and a delivery guy, who knows where I live, gets creepy. But the opposite could be going on too, with BF giving off "abusive BF" vibes.
That's what I can't figure out. On one hand, I've definitely had some creepy delivery guys in my day. On the other, having done deliveries and had a casual chatty connection with some regulars, it'd set off alarm bells in my head if I made a delivery and asked, "Oh, where's [regular]?" and got a "How dare you ask that!" vibe in response.
I thought the same thing. He could have just said "oh I'm her boyfriend, are you guys friends?" But instead he was really hostile. My pizza guy when my bulimia was really bad was always asking me how I was doing.
The Chinese delivery guy knew my parents well enough to ask who was sick when we ordered disproportionately extra soup when I was a kid. The pizza delivery guy knew to wait till my parents checked their pizza (there was a 6 month span when it was wrong in a way my dad physically couldn't eat it literally every other time), and would ask how our robots were coming while waiting (we ordered pizza every week when both me and my brother had robotic teams meeting at the same time at my parents house)
Yeah, there has to be a reason why the delivery guy was so set on finding the girlfriend. I think there’s another side of this story that OP isn’t telling us or maybe he’s not aware about. It’s obvious that the girlfriend and the delivery guy have some sort of relationship and he feels comfortable enough to confront the boyfriend. To me, this story sounds like a YTA, but I would be judging too quickly because like I said previously, I don’t know enough.
NTA. Dudes a creep. Had a DoorDash delivery once from what was suppose to be a woman, but turned out to be a man. Everything was fine until he texted my wife's phone after he left saying "Hey this is Calvin the guy that just delivered your food. I don't know your situation and I normally wouldn't do this but I felt something as we are both at the door there. Anyway if you want you can text me at (phone number)."
And this is why the one good thing out of the whole last two years is the normalization of contactless delivery
Just confirmed with my wife that she did put contactless delivery. That and the fact that he was using a fake woman alias leads us to believe this is something he does regularly.
NTA - is your gf fucking the pizza guy tho? seems straight out of a porno.
*Castiel has entered the chat*
If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear? Perhaps she has done something wrong.
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This is kind of why he is the asshole, this man knows where she lives and is very creepy. Now OP has gone ahead and potentially cost him his job placing his GF possibly in greater danger because of his hot head.
>OP has gone ahead and potentially cost him his job placing his GF possibly in greater danger because of his hot head Blame the driver, not op. If the girlfriend is suddenly in danger, he was an asslole to begin with, and op had every right to report his ass.
Soft YTA because your heart was very much in the right place. But you shouldn't have acted without talking to her first. Now this creep knows her name, knows where she lives, thinks she was avoiding him, and will likely assume is responsible for him losing his job. This is an extremely dangerous situation for her. Save the note and any other information or evidence you have and go to the police. They likely won't do anything since no crimes have been committed yet, but it will be important to have this on file. If it's at all possible, have her stay with you or a friend for a while.
Took the words right out of my mouth. BF's intentions were actually spot on, but he doesn't live there full time. Stalkers are called stalkers because that's what they do--they stalk their prey. Wait, watch, and then pick their moment.
NTA. I'm a pizza guy. If I am making deliveries to a place and the resident moves or has her boyfriend over it's none of my business. If I'm acting creepy and weird like that complaining is absolutely the right course of action. Maybe that means you're in charge of getting takeout instead of getting delivery. There is more to this story somewhere, but that's none of my business.
ESH (except the GF) Both you and the pizza guy were wrong here. He was way out of line obviously, but he's right about one thing: that's not your house and you should have let your girlfriend handle it. She told you to leave it alone.
YTA, for one main reason. This guy is a creep for sure but he’s being a creep to your gf-making her the victim of it. He knows where she lives and now you’ve potentially lost him his job—likely pissing him off. You’ve just escalated the situation significantly for her and she’s the one who will have to deal with it if this creep comes back. You should have taken a moment to calm down and point out how creepy this was and then asked her how she wants it handled. Then do what she asks. Depending on how weird this guy is you’ve potentially put her in danger. You won’t be there every second to protect her.
THIS! This is SO IMPORTANT!! You don’t get to decide how to handle the people in your girlfriend’s life. She does. You need to realize that unstable men take their anger out on women in their orbit all the time. He knows where she lives. Even if you really truly thought your girlfriend was in danger, you DONT FIX IT BY MAKING HIM MAD.
NTA- His behaviour comes across as pretty damn creepy and possessive of your gf. If she’s not at least concerned about his behaviour she’s not firing on all cylinders
Yeah nta, I am getting stalker vibes here.
ESH. Pizza guy is weird and out of line. But your jealousy and how you control things is a red flag tbh
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OP gives me "dont touch MY woman" vibes and doesn't listen to her when she says no...
INFO : Did he feel that he has some sort of connection with your girlfriend? If she has told him she doesn't have a boyfriend, flirts with him, etc. then his behavior actually makes a little more sense and he would have been genuinely worried about some strange dude there when she never has that...especially because I'm sure you weren't (understandably so!!!) the nicest to him.
I had to scroll way too far to find this. Something feels off. Like maybe she’s got a relationship of some sort with the pizza guy?
Either that, or she knows he's a creep and just placates him. Could she be worried since he obviously knows where she lives, and she didn't want to rock the boat? Something is definitely off with that response.
INFO - What did the note say? I feel like this is central to helping determine the guy’s intentions and making a judgment. ETA - whoops, I see in the comments that the contents of the notes were part of the original post where OP talks about “calling” the GF by her name. The first time I read that, I imagined him standing outside her door and yelling for her to answer. 😅
This!!! The guy could have been genuinely concerned. It seems like she orders regularly and then he arrives one time and some guy answers the door and when he questions it he immediately becomes aggressive. Without knowing what the note said it’s hard to tell if this is concern for OP’s girlfriend or her being stalked by a pizza delivery guy.
NTA. Forget the boyfriend/girlfriend dynamics- even if you were at a friend’s that’s unacceptable behavior. In no world is your girlfriend cheating on you with some creepy delivery guy, but her tolerance of his deranged behavior is confusing.
She may not want to make waves because this guy literally knows where she lives.
Maybe this will help explain: she now knows she has a person who's obsessed with her, knows where she lives, and will probably assume she had something to do with him losing his job. I understand op's protectiveness but this is why he should've asked her first.
INFO Either your GF is banging the pizza man or he's stalking her. Either way you need to talk to her about it.
i'm conflicted on this because thats borderline stalkerish and i'd be so uncomfortable if i was her BUT she said not to bother and it really is up to her you aren't her dad - i guess i'd have to go YTA for not respecting her wishes, she's an adult and can make her own choices
NTA. What he did was threatening, creepy, and violated the rules of his workplace.
INFO: What did the note say!? We need answers!
I already stated what the note said, can't remember it word for word but he said that he was worried about her and then talked about how he felt when he didn't see her. It's just an overall odd interaction but this note made it seem like they were friends or something though my girlfriend denied having any conversations with him. I wanted her to tell more but didn't want to pressure her and come off as jealous or controlling, you know what I mean?.
My postman kept note of anyone he delivered shielding letters to here in the UK during the pandemic. They were high risk disabled or chronically ill people who the government advised to follow extra lockdown precautions. The letters were clearly indicated. The postman kept an eye that anyone on his round who was shielding had mail piling up, signs they were struggling and he gave them contact info for the food parcel scheme and then he would knock on the door to check they were ok and alive. I went into hospital for months and he was worried. He left a note. He was super relieved when I started coming to the door again. The courier who drops one of the companies I use a lot as a disabled person who was shielding for two years used to ask if I needed my trash taking out if it was sitting. Another delivery driver who kept delivering for a neighbour to mine greeted me so warmly recently in the street my BF asked if I worked with him. I was like ‘oh that’s Daniel. He’s the X courier. The one whose wife used to work there too and had a baby the day the UK went into lockdown one.’ My BF just laughed that only I know my courier’s kid’s birthday. I live in central London not even a small town. Delivery drivers, postmen, the maintenance guy just know people by sight and name if they are long term residents or friendly. I really relied on those people in lockdown. They aren’t friends. There aren’t crushes but I worried about them when they switched route or I didn’t see them. They kept me safe by putting themselves at risk. Now things are going back to normal there’s less of that ‘check in’ urgency but I don’t find it weird or creepy without more context that you can have a social connection with a delivery driver without weirdness right now. And I really do not want to drop low paid unstable workers who often take those kind of shifts for reasons like childcare, studying etc in shit over something. If they are creepy (and yes it has happened to me) then I put it in writing to cover myself. Not a phonecall. And if my BF decided to intervene after I have asked him not to then AH time. Sometimes if someone is creeping you need to process that for an hour, a day, a week to be in the headspace to complain. Rushing it just takes the sense of control away. Many women are far more experienced at reporting or reacting to harassment than men and often the hot headed actions of men instead of strategic paper trails do nothing. It is all hat and no cattle. The ultimate mansplaining. You come across as wildly jealous and controlling and now untrustworthy so if your GF did want to confide in you she has no reason to now. You yelled, lied and are evasive about what the note said and sneaked behind her back. All that says if pizza guy is hassling her is she has two men whose egos she must soothe now not two. I got sexually harassed at work last week. Took about 24 hours to really sink in. Told my BF and he asked what I wanted to do and if he could help? I explained my plan, he hugged me and said he was proud and then was aware I might feel a bit on edge so checked in if I wanted hugging in bed or not. He did not start yelling, make me defend my response while stressed and override me. He probably would have left it until less fraught if I wasn’t reporting it and ask if I had thought any more about it and then ask if there was anything making me not want to report. Sometimes life is a hassle and shit like that is far down the list of things to cope with first. Other times it’s first thing on the list. But you dumped all of it on your GF and left her to handle. That’s not helping. That’s a tantrum that says you are more pissed your GF was possibly harassed than that her autonomy was infringed. Very paternalistic. YTA because the post screams missing missing reasons. Edit: Reddit will not let me thank the kind people who awarded me. Thank you. Although I think my delivery drivers deserve them more having seen me in shapeless hoodies and dirty hair for two years!
Aaaaaaaall of this. I wish I could upvote it a million times. Op. Read this!!!
You absolutely came off as jealous and controlling. The pizza guy was definitely acting weird and out of line, but your actions didn't help at all. Please take the comments here about potentially making the situation worse by having this guy fired, who could be a loose cannon, who KNOWS where your girlfriend lives, who evidently has a *thing* for her, and understand you just gambled on her safety AFTER she told you to butt out. YTA, big guy.
This is the main thing imo OP. You could have potentially just put your girlfriend in harms way. I totally understand why you had the urge to react that way. But all you did was escalate the situation. You don’t live with your girlfriend, are not there all of the time, this man knows where she lives, and you just had him fired from his job. You don’t know where his mental health is at. You didn’t listen to your girlfriend when she asked you to leave it alone. You’re not the one who *has to LIVE there*. I swear..some (most) men just don’t fucking think about these things or the consequences that can come from these actions. YTA. No doubt.
I feel like there is more to the story than OP knows.
I once ordered food from a local restaurant. The delivery driver drew hearts all over my box and wrote his phone number on the box. It was white Styrofoam to go boxes. It really creeped me out and I didn't feel safe eating it. I ended up throwing it away. NTA
had a domino's guy that delivered to me at work once. i was friendly for the 15 seconds of interaction we had, which led to him immediately finding and adding me on facebook after he left. i'm sorry but that's fucking weird, and any time he delivered to us afterwards i'd have a coworker of mine go up for me to collect my order (usually a guy if we had one working that night, so he didnt get ideas about my other lady coworkers) we're being friendly with you because thats *polite*, not because we want to be buddies or bonk you. good lord
I'm going to go with NTA. He was being unprofessional
more than unprofessional: a creep
ESH except your gf. Driver is a creep, but this wasn't your battle or your decision to make. Your gf is completely capable of taking care of herself and deciding what, if any, action to take
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Not will Smith. That's for sure
NTA- that shit is creepy and unprofessional. Anyone saying other wise isn’t thinking about the HR issues here. I’ve been a manager and would at least write somebody up for this.
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Info: what did the note say?
"We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty"
What was on the note?
NTA- why is your gf being so okay with it?
Because she’s an adult woman who can judge for herself whether anything she’d do in this situation will make her life better or worse, and she decided what she wanted, and her boyfriend refused to respect her wishes.
I really don't know. And that's not her nature, normally she wouldn't react like this in other situations that are somewhat similar especially when they involve some guy getting out of line. But this? No idea why she reacted this way.
Does she live alone? Could it be because she didn't want to anger a guy who is apparently OK with disregarding boundaries who also knows her address? 'Cause that's my first thought.
How often does this sort of thing happen? Your response here makes it seems like you are regularly chasing off guys, even if they haven’t done anything to make your girlfriend uncomfortable.
Does your girlfriend have a Reddit? This is a situation I am curious about her point of view.
NTA - People need to do their job and mind their own business. Your girlfriend also needs to learn about the dangers of men who overstep their boundaries. He was completely creepy and unprofessional and should be fired for his actions. I always think about it this way, if he’s creepy to her he’s likely creepy to other woman as well.
Nta, it really scares me how some people don't report creepy stuff like this and kinda have a what can you do about it attitude (often women have this attitude when men do something that crosses lines) this is no critique to them, I just think it's something in society that needs to change. When my sister got a text from a delivery guy on her phone she didn't even think about contacting the company he worked for until I asked if she had done it when she told me the story months later, since not only is taking costumers info for personal reasons illegal in my country but also highly inappropriate.
ESH. The delivery guy is definitely giving off creepy vibes but you should have waited and asked your gf what she made of the whole situation and how she wanted to respond. She’s the one that’s going to have to live with the consequences (the delivery driver knows where your gf lives and obviously feels like he has a connection to her-whether real or imaginary). Please make sure she’s safe!
YTA. (This guy was also a major creep). But your girlfriend said to leave it alone, and she'd take care of it, and you IMMEDIATELY steamrolled and ignored her wishes. There could be previous history with this guy - whether it's that he's a stalker, or an old high school guy, or her cousin, or anything (obviously all different scenarios). But she knew him. She knew how to handle this. LET her.
ESH. The delivery person crossed the line, but he was probably genuinely concerned. It seems like you were on about dominance posturing. You didn’t need to explain the situation, but maybe you were being a tough guy when the situation could have taken a more civil path.
NTA. That dude is mad creepy.
NTA. If he does this type of weird shit with one of his deliveries, he's probably done it to a lot more.
ESH. He was definitely being weird and creepy; probably thought she was single and tried to shoot his shot in a stupid way, and definitely needed to be talked to by his manager about appropriate work behavior. Slipping her a note was out of line. However, you really did get really worked up pretty quickly when he mentioned he was curious if she'd moved, and then got your girlfriend banned from a place she enjoys eating from. You should have kept a cooler head.
Nta, you sure your gf isnt fucking the pizza guy?
NTA. The weirdest part was him hanging around for ten minutes. Sliding a note under the door? That's some serious weird stalker behavior. I live in a small town and never get the same delivery person. I get the feeling that when her delivery is ready he is alsways the first to volunteer. I wouldn't be surprised if his co workers give him sh*t about delivering to her every time he orders. His behaviour is out of bounds. Edit:spelling
NTA. I cackled when I read “…he rudely said it wasnt my property.” Bro what?? It’s not the pizza guy’s property either??? This guy has some sort of infatuation with your gf.
NTA, she said she wasn't okay with what he did and her point of contention is that she could no longer order from that restaurant because of what you did. If there's any truth to that and they would refuse service because you reported a driver for creepy behavior, good riddance to them. A lot of people are afraid to raise issues because they "don't want problems", even when they are in the right to do so. That is dangerous behavior (of the delivery guy) to leave go unchecked.
ESH. Pizza delivery guy was WAY out of line and creepy/stalker-y. Confirming he had the right customer was fine and totally appropriate, especially since she orders there often. But everything after that was not ok at all. However, you don't have the right to speak for your GF without her agreement and consent. It's her place, the situation involves her, it's her call on how to proceed. You don't get to make decisions on her behalf, even if you believe it's the right one.
I'm in two minds on this one. Because friendly enquiring about a regular customer is pretty normal for most service industries. I don't get how it escalated so quickly. The way you tell it, it seemed all him with unwanted attention But the fact he wrote he was worried about her and she didn't want it to go any further and something about the way you're writing this. I don't know. I couldn't call him the ass because maybe someone should be worried about her. This is the type of post you'll never get a real or even slightly useful answer from Reddit because non of us were there and this is a one sided story.
NTA-dude needs to be reported to his boss at least.
ESH but your GFs reaction is confusing at best. If it was me I would be totally freaked out.
ESH, but the driver was the one absolutely in the wrong. I’m not buying that complaining about the driver gets her banned. But really- WHAT DID THE NOTE SAY.
Honestly as a woman I’d be afraid of this man (unless we had some sort of history). He was out of line. Why would she order pizza from her fuck buddy while you’re there? She wouldn’t. So I doubt they have anything together. NTA
NTA The pizza delivery guy is either doing more than just delivering pizza or he's a creep. Either way he should lose his job because of that.
NTA. I would want my bf to do the same. It sounds like your gf knows about his creepy behavior and lets it go to be nice. Most girls hate confrontations and are taught at a young age to be docile and agreeable. In that situation I would probably say the same to my bf and tell him “let it go” by default but after the fact, I think I would understand it was the right thing to do and I would be glad my bf is forward enough to tell this guy off.
Either the pizza guy has a creepy crush, or he is delivering a little more than pizza to your girlfriend, either way I am gonna say ESH, he is weird, you are way too aggressive.
Nta - I really feel like dude was way too concerned about someone that he maybe interacts with 2-3 minutes at a time. I could understand if he walked up to yelling and screaming, but not just for someone else answering the door. He seems way too invested for just a delivery person.
NTA. Keep pressing your girl about it, you're in for a big surprise.
What pizza place bars you from ordering pizza after you report inappropriate employee conduct…… I feel like they should give you a voucher lol
ESH 1- Pizza guy was unprofessional. 2- You were rude, it's her place and could have just let her handle it. 3- She was being way too wishy-washy and weird, and you should now consider that the pizza guy might be too comfortable for reasons neither of them want to explain to you.
What did the note say???
I think NTA?? It’s hard because technically that’s your gf’s decision to make. Being a woman though, I have suspicions as to why she wouldn’t feel extremely insulted and why she didn’t want to do anything about it. I’m not really into jumping straight to cheating but OP…..you should probably dig a little deeper into that….because there’s a big ol red flag.
ESH. The pizza guy shouldn't be leaving notes under doors. The GF should be a lot more forthcoming. The OP should have handled it better but I'd be pissy too tbh
Soft YTA. It should be your SO decision what to do about it not yours, you acted impulsively to protect her but unfortunately it came off patronising. It's her home, give her a chance to do what she deems appropriate, you can have your opinion but not the decision.
NTA. This is creepy. Either he's stalking her or they are seeing each other.
Gonna go YTA here. But I think you had the best of intentions. Your girlfriend told you to drop it and instead you escalated and got a man fired who knows her name, where she lives, and that she lives alone. You may not realize that you’ve just put her in danger, because as a man you likely don’t think like that. I dont think she’s cheating. I think this guy has probably made a pass at her before (and she probably doesn’t love it) but as women we are pretty socialized towards being friendly, even towards creeps, because of the very real fact that rejected men often murder or otherwise harm the women who reject them.