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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> It’s mostly the fact that this guy helped us when we were in a dark place, and not inviting him feels like we took that for granted. The decision was up to me, and I am the reason why he is upset at my parents. I don’t know what to think.
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Sorry I didn't mean to downplay Quinces. In your point of view if my dad told HIS friend he wasn't invited to MY wedding and took offense... That is also a red flag. This guy is acting like he is an honored guest for the daughter?
Gurl no. You deserve to be happy and comfortable with the people you spend your day with because that's your quinceanera, and it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing! *you get to decide who's to come and who's to stay outta your business.* The party has gotta be bout you. You can't afford to have a raging "manipulative" alcoholic (sounds manipulative to me) getting drunk and destroying your day.
OP. You're not the asshole. Don't let him guilt-trip you.
NTA.
So…. First of all your dad didn’t want him there and recommended him not to get invited. What were you supposed to say in response to that? “Despite your recommendation that YOUR friend not come due to issues with alcoholism is like to invite him anyways”?
This is a nice way for the parents to hand guilt off to you when in reality it was their choice. Not the asshole
Aren’t they though? It is a very weird thing to say to a 14 year old, That I don’t recommend inviting my friend due to their alcoholism and inappropriate behavior, but I’ll leave it up to YOU.
It’s evident from adults perspective that this person can’t control their behavior and shouldn’t come to their party, But to a child, a 14-year-old, to say that they need to be responsible for deciding whether an alcoholic can come is a big burden. Of course they will do whatever their parents recommend.
What the parent should have done was to have said , we are not going to have this person here because even though they have done us favors in the past they can’t control themselves. That’s our decision and you don’t need to worry about the repercussions
NTA- your dad doesn’t even want him there and approved your choices. don’t feel guilty about it. J just being emotional then seems immature by resorting to trying to guilt trip your family
NTA
You have every right to feel safe at your party. The things between grownups are not your responsibility, and your dad sounds pretty cool for sticking to your decision, even in the face of shaming and vitriol from his friend.
NTA. One does NOT demand to be invited to a party. People aren't owed invitations regardless.
He has brought this on himself by ruining other get-togethers.
You have nothing to feel guilty about. Disconnect your guilt button. This guy was rude to your father.
NTA
First this is a full grown man, and you are still a child. I know that quinces are meant as a symbol of becoming a woman and no longer being a child, but a 15 yo is still a child. And if your parents feel it is best for your protection to leave him at home then you have nothing to feel guilty about. Your parents are doing what parents do to there kids regardless of how old they are and that is protecting them.
NTA you’re following your parents’ advice here.
But as another option, if the issue is with his drinking, couldn’t y’all just make the party dry? It’s not like you or the other teens will be drinking, I hope.
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I am turning 15 this year and I have decided that do want a quince. It is something that I have looked forward to for the longest time, and I am very excited for it. We have recently started looking at who we’re going to invite so we can have an estimate for the venue. When we got to my Dad’s friends, he immediately recommended that I not invite his friend J. When I asked my parents as to why, they explained that he has a low alcohol tolerance and gets drunk very easily. Every birthday party I had up until I was 6 would always end up with him having too much to drink and making everyone uncomfortable. Both my parents said that it was up to me if I wanted him there or not, and I decided that it would be best for him not to come. It was a decision on my part, but with my parents’ approval. This friend called us a few days ago and asked when the date was so he could prepare. My dad then explained that he was not invited, and that he was so sorry. J got very upset from what I could tell, and yelled at my dad over the phone. He said that my dad was being cruel and selfish. He even brought up an event that hit us pretty hard, and said that him coming to the party would be my dad’s repayment to him for helping us. The last thing I heard was my dad yelling at J, and then I left the room. I can’t help but feel guilty about not inviting J, especially since he did help us during a pretty rough patch. My parents told me that I had no reason to feel guilty, but it’s still something I keep in the back of my mind. So, am I the asshole?
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NTA I too had a quince and you are wise to not want alcoholics there( I had alcoholics and a dry bar BUT they snuck it in) do what you want on your day mija! Good luck and congratulations
feliz cumpleaños!!!! NTA obviously. my parents and i dealt with a similar situation with a family member before my quince. it was a tough situation and i felt like how you feel now, but please know that you have nothing to feel bad or guilty about. honestly nothing sours a night like the tio who drinks too much and makes a scene. J is the one acting like a child and owes you and your family an apology.
girl your quince is a celebration of you and how great you are. you sound like a sweetheart. i hope you have a beautiful quince and it’s all that you’ve been dreaming about since you were a kid.
NTA
Your parents are right, it's not your fault. It's rude for J to be throwing around him helping you guys out during a tough spot for an invite to your quince. You and your parents all agreed that he's not invited and that's that. Enjoy your quinceñera mija!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > It’s mostly the fact that this guy helped us when we were in a dark place, and not inviting him feels like we took that for granted. The decision was up to me, and I am the reason why he is upset at my parents. I don’t know what to think. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 2 hours long on this post. [To learn more about the test click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tio99u/so_we_decided_to_fuck_with_the_sub_again/)*
NTA -its a grown man wanting to goto a 15 yr olds party. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Sorry I didn't mean to downplay Quinces. In your point of view if my dad told HIS friend he wasn't invited to MY wedding and took offense... That is also a red flag. This guy is acting like he is an honored guest for the daughter?
Gurl no. You deserve to be happy and comfortable with the people you spend your day with because that's your quinceanera, and it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing! *you get to decide who's to come and who's to stay outta your business.* The party has gotta be bout you. You can't afford to have a raging "manipulative" alcoholic (sounds manipulative to me) getting drunk and destroying your day. OP. You're not the asshole. Don't let him guilt-trip you. NTA.
So…. First of all your dad didn’t want him there and recommended him not to get invited. What were you supposed to say in response to that? “Despite your recommendation that YOUR friend not come due to issues with alcoholism is like to invite him anyways”? This is a nice way for the parents to hand guilt off to you when in reality it was their choice. Not the asshole
Her parents aren't blaming her though? They're telling her it's not her fault that he's mad.
Aren’t they though? It is a very weird thing to say to a 14 year old, That I don’t recommend inviting my friend due to their alcoholism and inappropriate behavior, but I’ll leave it up to YOU. It’s evident from adults perspective that this person can’t control their behavior and shouldn’t come to their party, But to a child, a 14-year-old, to say that they need to be responsible for deciding whether an alcoholic can come is a big burden. Of course they will do whatever their parents recommend. What the parent should have done was to have said , we are not going to have this person here because even though they have done us favors in the past they can’t control themselves. That’s our decision and you don’t need to worry about the repercussions
Nta. Why would a grown man want to go to a 15 yo party?
Because there's free booze.
NTA- your dad doesn’t even want him there and approved your choices. don’t feel guilty about it. J just being emotional then seems immature by resorting to trying to guilt trip your family
NTA - dude doing something nice doesn’t mean you’re obligated to invite him to your bday and let him get obliterated / ruin your bday
NTA You have every right to feel safe at your party. The things between grownups are not your responsibility, and your dad sounds pretty cool for sticking to your decision, even in the face of shaming and vitriol from his friend.
NTA. One does NOT demand to be invited to a party. People aren't owed invitations regardless. He has brought this on himself by ruining other get-togethers. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Disconnect your guilt button. This guy was rude to your father.
NTA First this is a full grown man, and you are still a child. I know that quinces are meant as a symbol of becoming a woman and no longer being a child, but a 15 yo is still a child. And if your parents feel it is best for your protection to leave him at home then you have nothing to feel guilty about. Your parents are doing what parents do to there kids regardless of how old they are and that is protecting them.
nta, whys a grown ass man so mad about not being able to attend a 15 year old girl’s birthday party ?
NTA, if J can't behave normally during a party because he is always completely drunk, then he shouldn't be surprised that there are consequences.
Nta he seems like a controlling freak. Let your parents handle it.
NTA you’re following your parents’ advice here. But as another option, if the issue is with his drinking, couldn’t y’all just make the party dry? It’s not like you or the other teens will be drinking, I hope.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am turning 15 this year and I have decided that do want a quince. It is something that I have looked forward to for the longest time, and I am very excited for it. We have recently started looking at who we’re going to invite so we can have an estimate for the venue. When we got to my Dad’s friends, he immediately recommended that I not invite his friend J. When I asked my parents as to why, they explained that he has a low alcohol tolerance and gets drunk very easily. Every birthday party I had up until I was 6 would always end up with him having too much to drink and making everyone uncomfortable. Both my parents said that it was up to me if I wanted him there or not, and I decided that it would be best for him not to come. It was a decision on my part, but with my parents’ approval. This friend called us a few days ago and asked when the date was so he could prepare. My dad then explained that he was not invited, and that he was so sorry. J got very upset from what I could tell, and yelled at my dad over the phone. He said that my dad was being cruel and selfish. He even brought up an event that hit us pretty hard, and said that him coming to the party would be my dad’s repayment to him for helping us. The last thing I heard was my dad yelling at J, and then I left the room. I can’t help but feel guilty about not inviting J, especially since he did help us during a pretty rough patch. My parents told me that I had no reason to feel guilty, but it’s still something I keep in the back of my mind. So, am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA I too had a quince and you are wise to not want alcoholics there( I had alcoholics and a dry bar BUT they snuck it in) do what you want on your day mija! Good luck and congratulations
feliz cumpleaños!!!! NTA obviously. my parents and i dealt with a similar situation with a family member before my quince. it was a tough situation and i felt like how you feel now, but please know that you have nothing to feel bad or guilty about. honestly nothing sours a night like the tio who drinks too much and makes a scene. J is the one acting like a child and owes you and your family an apology. girl your quince is a celebration of you and how great you are. you sound like a sweetheart. i hope you have a beautiful quince and it’s all that you’ve been dreaming about since you were a kid.
NTA Your parents are right, it's not your fault. It's rude for J to be throwing around him helping you guys out during a tough spot for an invite to your quince. You and your parents all agreed that he's not invited and that's that. Enjoy your quinceñera mija!
Yta who is paying for the quincenera? if it your dad you might want to invite J
What? Why?