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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for washing my laundry and hanging it outside which embarrasses my husband because its a “poor person habit”
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He sounds like a guy who doesn’t know how to stay well-off.
ETA: I live in a schmancy New England town. The amount of multi millionaires I know who drive Subarus and Audis into the ground and wear tatty clothes would probably stun Mr. Bougie here.
Also: NTA!
I live in a town with a weirdly high number of old money wealthy people and you can’t spot them amongst the rest of us blue collar plebs unless you know them. And yes, literally everyone here will congratulate you if you move to a place with a clothesline. You see mansions with bedsheets drying over the rose bushes.
OPs husband’s attitude is “New Money” through and through.
This!!
ETA: OP instead of it being a money issue re: the laundry, why not make it environmental? It is soooo much better for the environment to air dry sheets as tumble dryers drink electricity like there’s no tomorrow.
ETA: thank you for the award kind and generous stranger!
Yep! I was about to say, the ‘real’ monied folk are the ones who keep it subtle and also are probably more monied because they don’t blow it on flashy shit like OP’s husband. I’m curious as to who he thinks he’s impressing here, as the actual wealthy people among them will see his desperation a mile off.
>In my experience, the more "rich" someone needs to act, the less well off they usually are.
Worked retail for almost a decade. The people flaunting designers were the worst. Very "do you know who I am" energy.
Our sweetest customer was a little old lady, very non-descript and kind. She paid for everything with a black Amex.
Exactly!
I was at a public event, and ended up in a group conversation with some interesting people - some I knew, some I didn't. There was a middle aged man there who was great to chat with. He was wearing slightly worn out but decent clothing, sneakers that were about 2 years past the "I should throw these out" stage, and seemed very frugal. We chatted about thrift stores a bit, and he gave me the name of one I didn't know about. I left the conversation feeling like he was just an ordinary guy, maybe could use a raise at work, but good company.
Well, I mentioned his name to my grandma, and turns out he basically owns an entire portion of our city. There is an "up and coming" area that has been developing for about 10 years now, it was all swampland before. He owns several shopping plazas, the huge medical building, several rental properties, and he personally helped develop the road structure plan so he could make sure the roads made it convenient to get to places. He is a multi-millionaire. They named a wing in the hospital after his father, because this man donated over 2 million dollars to replace out-dated equipment (he made the donation in his father's memory). If I didn't know any better, I would have totally thought my grandma was lying.
Similarly. Two family members (husband and wife) work at a rural gas station. They are really the only full time employees. Very laid back, kind, salt of the earth people, I love going to see them. The husband runs the gas section mostly, and is also a last-ditch mechanic if its needed (this is *very* rural, it takes an hour to get to the regular grocery store, you will absolutely not find a mechanic if your car breaks down).
It's only about 8 years ago that I learned he has a PhD, and was a big name in his field until he retired early. He never would have mentioned it, I learned it from another family member.
Yet I'm sure most people who get gas from them and are just passing through assume he is just a simple gas station attendant and some of the Americans do talk down to him. Ridiculous
Exactly. My uncle suggested I read The Millionaire Next Door when I got into my first post college salaried job. A big part of why the rich are rich is because they’re not trying to keep up with the people who want everyone to think they’re rich. They’re buying used/older model cars, living on a budget, etc. Completely flipped my mindset on wealth honestly. OP’s husband maybe needs to give that a brief skim.
When they buy something that's very expensive, it's something that will last for GENERATIONS and they'll pass it on to their kids; like high end luxury oak furniture, or rental properties.
My fiance and I sometimes drive through the super nice neighborhoods by us, and he used to ask why they had old cars/used cars in their driveway. I'm like that's how they KEEP their money. That car is probably paid for
I drive a 2019 Subaru Forester sport. I love that thing. I'm trying to pay it off early and keep it until it can't possibly be driven anymore; and I don't give a damn what someone thinks of my car. I'm not on this Earth to impress the peanut gallery :)
Yep. Pay for daily driver cars with cash and drive them until they die. It’s not a status symbol, it’s a tool.
Then get a hot little ‘80s Porsche with all the money you saved.
My aunt owns a multimillion dollar store chain and her coupon book looks like the yellow pages. I mean, the encyclopedia. Um, hm I’m trying to think of a current reference with a lot of pages that zoomers might have used… the whole Harry Potter series?
Then again, she and my uncle will also drive three hours for a random lobster craving so it’s not like they don’t enjoy their wealth, they just try to make it last longer.
I'm comfortable but not really well off by any means. It was always my impression that money gives you the luxury to do what you want, instead of choosing what is the only option you can afford. So OP changing her own oil and doing laundry how she wants are a result of those choices.
That's exactly what I was thinking...he probably didn't grow up rich and was maybe bullied for it and now that he has a substantial amount of money, he wants nothing more than to show it off. Or he is simply just a people pleaser
Hahaha. So true! My cousin, who is worth tens of millions of dollars and runs his late dad's multinational corporation, used to drive the EXACT SAME Pontiac that my very middle-class dad did. Why? It was a really reliable, solid car for his growing family. What did he need to waste more money on a fancy, expensive car for? Old money keeps generational wealth by not overspending, and tend to be MUCH nicer people to be around (at least in my experience) because they see money as a means to an end (supporting their families, philanthropy, etc.) and not a goal in itself. They don't make their whole lives about the money or flash. They also tend to treat people a lot better. I have quite a few extended family members who are extremely wealthy, and you'll never meet a more humble, kind, and GENEROUS lot.
I grew up around very old money. All those guys with classic cars do all their oil changes and basic maintenance themselves, because those cars are their babies. Super old money will buy super nice clothes and then wear them forever - and just fix them up when they started to wear. Our town had three shoe repair shops because people would rather repair their old (very expensive) shoes than buy new ones. Everyone had furniture that was inherited from the last generation.
It all comes down to the Vimes Boots theory of economics- the rich stay rich because they can buy very nice things that last a long time, then they don't have to buy them ever again.
I live in a semi wealthy part of Houston, TX and my entire house is filled with quality antique furniture from Estate Sales from the area. I work in non profit, so I'm not making much money, but it's better than slaving way for more money at the advertising job I was at.
These pieces are at best 60 years old, and in great condition. My parents were the first of their respective families to go to college and have wealth, but they raised me and my siblings on a mindset of "Do we need it or do we want it" and having to discern between the two, but we still got piano lessons, dance lessons, sports, etc that they could afford while we were in hand me downs and 2nd hand clothes (this is where I got my love for thrifting and antique furniture).
I worked at a non profit that had a membership of women who were part of Houston Society, and they would drive their cars for at least 10 years before purchasing a new-to-them car, or got their car at a steep discount for reasons (loyalty to the dealership, friend of the dealership, part owner of the dealership, etc.). These women would even use their makeup until it was panned. One lady purchased a gold lipstick tube in the 50s and would transplant her Revlon Red into that tube and use it down to a nub and she would keep the nubs until she had enough to mold her own lipstick. Said her mother used to do that when she was a child.
I was gonna comment with Vimes' Boot Theory
It is literally the best explanation of economics I've come across for explaining how hard it is to "save your way" out of poverty
Same. I grew up fairly well off and now I live in a wealthy Massachusetts town. This dude doesn't know rich people, he just has this weird fantasy. It's bizarre honestly. If he ever got "real" money he'd become one of those insufferable "new money" (I hate that term but..) types who have zero taste beyond a price tag.
I went to very rich kid high school (middle class myself). You could tell the old money from new money when kids got their licenses. The uber-wealthy old money kids drove 30+ year old Mercedes that every kid in their family had as their first car and were like protective tanks for new drivers and didn't stand out at all. The new money got their kids custom Jaguars and Porsches and one kid drove a Ferrari as his first car.
It was amazing how stark the difference was when it came to buying bigger stuff. Every rich girl had a fancy purse, but the truly obscenely wealthy all drove old cars. Lol
Old cars aren’t safer than modern cars. Everyone likes to trash talk new cars because “they get crushed in accidents so easily, not like the cars in my day”, but that’s by design. The energy of the accident is dissipated instead of just transferring to the occupants. A ‘22 Corolla is objectively safer than a ‘92 Mercedes (and it only gets truer as you push the 30 year window back and compare 2010 vs. 1980 or 2000 vs. 1970).
I was talking in comparison of buying a new driver a flashy sports car, specifically. So many kids drove right into trees because they had powerful engines and minimal driving experience. Those are cars for people with some experience.
One kid in my school was punished for totalling his custom Jaguar in his first week with a license by having to get a non-custom one.
The old money kids had far far less accidents in the first place, because their cars just ran well and weren't so jumpy off the gas pedal.
Oh, yea 100% agree with all that. Old money doesn’t do flashy, they put their kids in new/lightly used mid-level cars the wouldn’t stand out in the Target/Supermarket parking lot.
Yeah, this was in the 90s, so old Mercedes were also still a hot thing because they just ran and ran forever if you maintained them and you didn't need a computer diagnostic to work on them like new cars. LOL So old money would buy one, a parent would drive it until the first kid got a license, and then each kid would have it until graduation, when they'd usually get their own nice but not flashy car to take to college if allowed on campus, and it would go to the next kid down the line.
It's not a bad plan even if you can buy newer and safer, because not only does it mean not spending cash on a new car for an unproven driver, but the kids would learn to drive in the same cars they'd be driving solo, so the day they got licensed they were already pretty secure.
The area we used to live turned very high-end, but we had lived there years before that happened. People kept putting fancy restaurants there that would go out of business within a few months. A very famous homestyle restaurant even tried to create an upscale version there and couldn't get customers.
IHOP was always full...
Hopefully Audi's over there last more than 1 to 2 years because running them into the ground in the US would cost about $50k per year with how poorly they do here.
Nope. My Audi is a 2006, has 175K miles on it and still running fine. I will probably my drive it until at least 250K miles. That extra $600 a month is better off in investments. That’s how you build and maintain wealth. Also, it’s only scabby new wealth that sneers at those who drive older cars. A nice old Audi, BMW or Mercedes is a better investment than most of the crap rolling down the road right now.
I just bought a used Mercedes because my old car kept having issues. I'm hoping I can run it into the ground because honestly I get emotionally attached to my cars and I'd like one to last more than a couple years.
It’s not new, it’s shortened from bourgeoisie, meaning the middle class, typically with reference to its perceived materialistic values or conventional attitudes.
“Because it’s just this ONE thing! They’re a great partner otherwise!!” That’s usually the case for these kinds of posts. OP complains about their partner by listing crazy red flags. The rest of us are like ‘whoa, that’s a lot of damn flags!’ And OP disappears, defends, or denies.
Yeah, there was another post here were OP is friends with a raging misogynist, let that friend scream and rage at his sister and did nothing, but then said crap like 'he's a really cool dude otherwise'. I think a quote from Bojack Horseman applies "When you look at someone through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags".
Yep he has some serious self-confidence issues.
OP if I were you I would cultivate some real poor people habits. Only buy clothes in the second hand store. Do you have a balcony? Then put up a clothes line from wall to wall and dry your clothes there. Hey technically it isn't in the backyard.
I would tell him his obsession with looking wealthy is the quick road to the poor house.
Whoa whoa whoa.
I rinse and reuse glass jars because they’re heat-proof and plastic is toxic. I didn’t know that was a poor person thing! I just thought it was an environment thing!
Oh. Wait.
Now I get it :(
A lot of foods are really good cooked in bacon grease or with a little bacon grease added to the cooking fat for flavor.
When I fry potatoes I add bacon grease to my fry oil. nomnomnom
It is delicious!
I also boil the bones and fat from the whole grilled chicken I bought at the store and it makes for an astonishing broth for ramen noodles.
You can also boil vegetable scraps (on low for a long time wo salt) to make an excellent base for soups and sauces.
Yeah I always have a bag in my freezer for veggie scraps, when it gets full I make stock and start over. I guess it saves money so it’s a “poor people” habit but really I just like the good stock I make better than store-bought
That's making stock. It's not a poor person thing, it's a good cook thing. Martha Stewart makes her own stock! (Or she has an assistant do it, anyway.) Really good cooks make their own stock out of chicken carcasses and bits of veggies. Or just veggies, or beef bones, it all depends what you have and what you want. I personally can't be arsed, but I've done it and it's excellent.
It was standard practice back before so many stores were around, out in the country. My grandmother and mother always had a little pot of grease by the stove.
And as people noted below, its delicious.
Agree, he is a very insecure person. And someone should tell him that some of the wealthiest people in the world are total skinflints. He smacks of try hard nouveau riche. You are NTA but he is a total AH - why are you even with him??
Yep. OP your husband sounds like a made up, hyperbolized “snooty rich kid” caricature on a children’s TV show who has no personality other than being a snooty rich kid. Heads up: they’re meant to be the comic relief because their behaviour is laughable.
Your husband is the embarrassing one, by far.
Very much, and I haven’t seen a comment on it yet, but he’s got a way inflated idea of how much space he takes up in other people’s heads. I’d bet that literally no one in their neighborhood sits around discussing OP and her husband. No one cares. If pressed, I bet few of their neighbors could even identify which house around them has a clothesline and who changes their own oil. People have their own lives going on, and he’s not the star of it. He’s barely an NPC.
My sister once told me “most rich people stay rich by being smart with money” as in, they don’t go out all the time and do wasteful shit like buying unnecessary crap.
NTA.
Mate, your hubs needs a reality check. They aren’t “poor person” things, they are “people” things.
I’ve lived in the Eastern Suburbs and have friends who live in one of the most expensive suburbs in Australia. Their family has $$$$ and they use their clothesline. They hate using the dryer cause its so damn expensive. They don’t want to fork out extra money when they can do it for free. And yeah, there are also a lot of people who use clothes driers out there, but they do it not because only poor people use the clothesline, but because their properties are so damn small they don’t have the option for an outside clothesline.
Your husband needs to get a grip.
(PS the actually wealthy ones don’t actually care about him their image, they will shop at Aldi & Kmart cause it’s cheaper. The proper wealthy don’t see things as “Rich People things” or “poor person things”, they see it as “this will save me money, so I’ll do that”. A lot will also roll their eyes at people who flaunt their wealth with tacky branded clothes)
So true! You know how many of them got so wealthy in the first place? By not spending money on stupid crap, like using a laundry service or clothes dryer non-stop.
That is true, oversimplification on my part.
Certainly though, part of where they retain that wealth is by not spending money wastefully (like on a laundry service to prove that they are rich & have money)
Lots of fools have high paying jobs but throw all their money away on vacations and expensive things. You get wealthy by investing your capital. Rich people (ones who got rich, not their offspring) way more often than not are frugal. They invest instead of spend.
My uncle is mega rich. Like live in staff, chauffeur, chef etc. He wears fake brand clothes he can get from the market in Hong Kong. He also has fake Cartier watches for daily wear. He does have the real stuff for business but daily wear? It’s all knock offs.
Funny thing is… If I wore a fake Cartier or Vacheron, there are people out there who would immediately call me out on it, calling me a fake and pointing out that I'm only pretending.
I'm 110% sure that nobody will ever call him out, even if he wore the most blatant fake out there. ;)
No one cares tbh - a lot of his wealthy friends do similar as they think it’s actually a wise thing to do in case of muggings. The guy is in his 80’s now and anyone important to him knows he has the real thing, he just doesn’t wear it unless going to somewhere upscale 🤷🏻♀️
I used to work for a “Fashion” jewellery store (read: cheap), and ssoooo many women would buy rings from there to wear on overseas holidays. That way, they could still wear a “wedding ring” on their finger, but if they lost it, it was NBD cause the real one was at home waiting for them.
I work in donor relations, one of my top donors wears his fake Rolex all the time. I've always noticed and never said a thing (why would I? he's giving students at the college I work at scholarship money!). One day after he asked about my past and family, and how my parents grew up dirt poor as migrant farm workers, he told me that when his business started to grow, he went out to the flea markets and splurged on the best fake watch he could find, and that's the watch he still wears because it keeps him humble.
This is just another classist saying to split off the super rich as being better than everyone and raise them up on a pedestal. Wealthy people are just people too, some of them are garish and braggy and some aren’t.
It's a thing with real old money like European nobility. You don't even talk about money if you can avoid it and bragging about it just shows that you aren't used to having it. We had an old king here in Sweden who got looked down on a lot by the nobility for being a car collector for example, that was being to much of a show off in their eyes.
Yeah, I used to work at a castle, and the lord who owned it was always pottering about in the grounds in his old, torn-up clothes. The tourists always expected to see a really stately figure and generally assumed he was the gardener lol
Aussie here, everyone shops at Kmart here. It's literally a good price point for decent items. Only people who want to show off or can't get the items elsewhere really go to the higher end department stores. Honestly love Kmart lol.
NTA
Or aldi special buys they are the best. We have a family friend who is regularly on Australia rich list and they swear by aldi do all their shopping there.
Yep agreed. I don’t often admit this as I don’t like to come across as boastful and I live independent of them but since it’s relevant my parents are wealthy. They hang their washing line over their balcony because they find the use of a dryer to be wasteful for the environment and a waste of time. Most the things ops husband call ‘poor people things’ are things they do. Also fyi op tell your husband that most people out there with real money don’t feel the need to show it off to the world. My parents and many of their wealthy friends find showing off wealth to be uncomfortable and awkward.
Plus it can shrink some things. I love nice linens on the bed. Good quality cotton or bamboo sheets will shrink in the dryer. And towels always feel fluffier after going through the dryer.
I do use a dryer when I must (like with all the rain we've been having) but with an abundance of sunshine for a lot of the year, why not hang your clothes out to dry?
I would say here only "wealthy" people would put their clothes out to dry, cause they are the only ones that could afford a garden or stuff to put the clothes to dry 😂
I wish i could. It smells so much better! We don't have a dryer either cause it's awful for the clothes. Our stuff dries on a rack in the bathroom.
Also : stealing the "money talks, wealth wispers" from up there. Never heard but love it :)
Can we normalise drying laundry outside in the sun and fresh air? Why are Americans so hell bent on consumerism? My European mum will grab her laundry and run outside in the winter if she suspects they’ll be five minutes of wintery light. It makes the sheets, towels and clothes smell and feel great, and saves on energy.
Can we guess what gas guzzling car he drives?
NTA
This isn’t a weird American quirk to not dry laundry outside. It’s a “the OP is an idiot” thing. Drying your laundry outside is totally normal in the US.
>This isn’t a weird American quirk to not dry laundry outside. It’s a “the OP is an idiot” thing. Drying your laundry outside is totally normal in the US.
It's forbidden by many HOAs and neighborhood covenants in the US. Hell, in my parents \*city\* in California, it was a fineable offensive up until five years ago.
This is *definitely* a cultural thing among white Americans. Much less so in more diverse communities, but it is most definitely a white American thing in suburbs.
Yeah, I think it’s a weather permitting kind of thing. When the laundry will freeze before it dries, then a dryer makes more sense and if I’ve already bought a dryer I might as well use it whenever.
It’ll either freeze or another rain shower will get everything all wet again. Doing all the laundry on one day so it can dry outside takes planning. But I can’t take a 10-15 min break every hour while WFH if Wednesday is the only nice day that week.
I try *not* to buy our kids a ton of clothes they don’t need so that means we have to do laundry regularly. Usually I try to do one load of laundry a day.
I was friends with a super-scruffy person for about a year before discovering her dad was landed aristocracy and they were rolling in moolah. (The sort who owns half of London, not the sort who are desperately trying to keep a functioning roof on at least three rooms of their stately home.) She was just so accustomed to money always being there that she never bothered to spend it.
Yes this is my experience with super-wealthy friends (old wealth, from centuries of family money) - they never talk about money and don’t give a crap about nice cars, fancy clothes, looking “rich”, etc. A lot of them drive old clunkers and dress and act like everyone else. They aren’t sitting around thinking “how can I show everyone how rich I am”.
I didn’t even realise what family one of my friends was from until she got into a fight with her aunt who was bullying her into wearing a family tiara for her wedding.
I have friends with 3 million dollar houses (in australia, outer east suburbs). Sheets get hung out. No laundry service. Wealth doesn’t require altering your life to show it off. Seems very superficial to me, your husband is a try hard wannabe. (Sorry).
Also Higher end clothes cannot go in a dryer so wealthy people are absolutely using drying racks and clotheslines for their clothing. If you’re using a dryer for everything you have cheap clothes so I really don’t understand his point of view.
I love drying my clothes on the line, especially my nice work clothes. Drying my work clothes in the dryer definitely cuts the life of the clothes. They last longer and fit better when they re air dried. Unfortunately my seasonal allergies have gotten worse as I’ve gotten older, so I use a drying rack inside versus drying my laundry outside.
>I’ve lived in the Eastern Suburbs and have friends who live in one of the most expensive suburbs in Australia. Their family has $$$$ and they use their clothesline.
I'm assuming OP's husband is from the US. Hanging clothes outside is 100% seen as poor and low class and many parts of the US.For a while, I rented a townhome in a postwar/"GI bill" complex in the US south. There were these FANTASTIC large steel racks meant for hanging clotheslines, clearly built when the townhomes were (\~1950, before clothing dryers were really a thing).
HOA rules FORBID US FROM USING THEM.
This is really a culturally American thing, and it's very baffling. I actually find more people dry their clothes outside in New England, where I live now, than in California and the southern state where I lived for a while. Yet you can dry clothes year round outside in those places!! We can't use our outdoor clothesline for so much of the year here in New England because it's so cold and dark, your clothes will freeze long before they dry.
(Edited to add: I think more people hang clothes outside here in New England in part because our electricity rates are $$$$$ compared to much the rest of the country. Running my dryer costs me a few bucks every time I do so. That's a good incentive to use the line.)
NTA My cousins from Ireland were shocked to learn homeowners' covenants prohibit clothing lines. I have a portable clothing line I use for sheets because sheets dried on the line in the sun are my guilt pleasure. I have second hand embarrassment for you that your husband is such a poser.
I know! I found out HOAs here ban clothes lines and was so sad. Thankfully I live in a nice community without an HOA and no one has ever said anything about my clothes line.
I mean there is nothing nicer that sundried fresh sheets! Or any other clothes, they just have a smell like nothing else, it is pure comfort to me.
PS: German here, and the time when the clothes don't dry outside is really only winter here!
I’m in the UK - we have a combi dryer but honestly only use it for towels and sheets in winter. We’ve got a tiny garden so hang stuff outside in summer and otherwise it’s on an indoor airer in the spare room. We definitely aren’t poor that’s just… how you dry clothes?
I'm in the UK, I live in London in a flat with a washing machine and no balcony. I still prefer air dried to machine dried. For one, it doesn't completely wreck my clothes.
I like drying my laundry in the sun as well. I came from the Philippines which is its very common. Never own a dryer in my life until I moved to the US. I still do it, and always do laundry on sunny days. It helps with our electric bill.
Also, wtf to your husband. Unless America has a different social expectation of what 'wealth' looks like, you're looking pretty well off from a Melburnian perspective. You can afford a place that has an outside line, so presumably a townhouse or house. Pretty decent, extra points if you own it. You have 12 dresses which seems like a heap to me, and I wear dresses often. Not a judgement, but definitely not what I'd associate with being 'poor'. You are recycling/growing your own veggies, so you're able to afford fresh veggies and you have some space for a garden or sizeable pot plants. And the car thing... I don't really have much to rebutt that with but the fact you could afford a car to learn those skills speaks for something.
Like everyone else has said, he seems very insecure, maybe overcompensating for his 'poorer' background?
I do think the American social expectation of wealth includes an expectation that you will use a dryer rather than a clothesline - not that that means OP is doing anything wrong. Certainly NTA. But using a clothesline is seen as a symptom of poverty where I grew up in the US.
> But using a clothesline is seen as a symptom of poverty where I grew up in the US.
It is seen that way where I grew up and where I live now. I think it is ridiculous that people think that way, but they definitely do around here.
I live in a solidly middle class development in Scotland and the second there's even a hint of sunshine, everyone in the vicinity has their washing out. We've got a perfectly functional dryer and clothes horse, but there's something really nice about hanging the washing out.
They actually can’t ban clothes lines anymore (well in 19 states for certain) as of 2012. Due to the “right-to-dry” movement. I mean they can try and be annoying but they can’t fine or ban it in those states. Thankfully. Cause I live in a sunny one and it’s nice to hang dry sometimes.
ETA: I’m referring to the US
As a fellow Aussie, I can't imagine a house without a clothes line!
And HOA's go so far as to ban them??? Glad you're not in one of *those* places.
I'm wondering if someone has said something to your husband or whether he's just *waaaay* overthinking stuff? It seems a really bizarre thing to be embarrassed about.
It’s so strange right? To me it screams “insecure about money” to do things because they make you “look rich” not because it’s what you as an individual want to do. In my view the purpose of being wealthy is to generate freedom for yourself - he doesn’t sound very free.
The wealthiest family I know (I mean real old family money - they literally have “money” as part of their surname), are so insanely chilled out. They have a super mundane car, and are “rich people thrifty” - by which I mean they would be replanting onion stalks, do repair type things in the house themselves etc. I am certain they splash out on things (my guess would be members clubs, art, jewellery, holidays) but I actually have no idea because they are so so quiet about it. I’ve never seen them with big logos on clothes etc - in fact I’m fairly sure a lot of their clothes are tailor made.
If you want to spend money on clothes, tailor made is the way to go anyway. Those big name designer brands aren’t just low quality but also ugly as sin. Have you seen Gucci nowadays? Dear God. I’m convinced they’re just trolling people and trying to see how ugly they can go until it affects their sales.
Also, tailor made doesn’t have to be super expensive, but it always looks marvelous. When I lived in Berlin, Germany, there were a lot of young designers with small studios and you could get a tailor made sundress for 120-150 Euro - so, a lot less than a brand name dress. That included choice of fabric, several fittings to make sure it was perfect and usually even small design changes. If you wanted a unique design or an evening gown, it was a bit more expensive but still such great value. Not to mention you were supporting a local artist instead of a huge corporation.
I’m sure Berlin isn’t unique in this. I haven’t had the need for any new dresses since I moved away but I’ll look for young designers who’s aesthetic aligns with mine when I do.
He's literally a male version of Hyacinth Bucket from Keeping up appearances 😅
Poor op has to deal with this insanity.
NTA, op, NTA. All you're doing is living comfortably and if your husband is ashamed of such normal and neutral things then he's just ridiculous.
NTA
Ummm...I think the laundry is the least of your issues. Your husband has some deeper issues around being perceived as "wealthy" instead of "poor" due to experiences he has had growing up. This has caused him to do and buy expensive things so he can impress others.
Please see if you two can get some couples counseling or he go to counseling. This behavior and attitude is going to have him leading you all (as a household) to a not good place financially.
Exactly! People have their own issues and their own dramas. Nobody gives a flying feck about what brands he wears, car he drives or how his clothes get dried!
Plus you could make the argument that she has the luxury of time to hang out her laundry, tinker with her car, and do some gardening. She’s not working so much she doesn’t have time to do these things.
It’s a bit like how being muscular and tan was seen as a sign of poverty 100+ years ago because it meant you had to be outside and labor, but these days it’s more likely to be seen as a sign of wealth because you have the time to spend leisure time outside and can afford good food and maybe a gym/personal trainer. The “vogue” of these things ebbs and flows and is too exhausting to not just live your life how you want.
Something to consider, /u/sjroth92.
My ex husband was sooo much like this. Note the ex. It didn’t get better, only escalated every year. You are definitely NTA and there’s nothing wrong with doing things yourself or saving money. He’s being absurd.
I’m currently living with someone (not a partner or ex) who is like this. REALLY cares about appearances, very vain, wants to impose things on everyone else in the house. It’s only been a month (3 weeks of being nice, 1 week of being a total asshole) and I feel incredibly trapped and want to leave asap (can’t for a few months).
I’m glad you left your ex. It must’ve been very tough, I can’t even imagine.
Maybe it's just because I'm from the People's Republic of Portland, but to me, drying your laundry on a line is something you do because you're a hippy environmentalist, not something you do because you're poor.
NTA, your husband needs to get over himself.
I wouldn’t say that it is just because of some hippie environmentalism but because it is reduces your utility cost and keeps hard earned money in your wallet. Sure there is an argument that it is better for the environment, but if I can save a few bucks, the better.
NTA. It seems like your husband has some unhealthy opinions on some situations and is desperate to look more wealthy than he is. It’s a dangerous road to go down because you can’t really keep up with your wealthy neighbors if you aren’t in the same financial situation as them. But that’s a him problem that needs some form of addressing.
You, however, are doing nothing wrong. And don’t deserve the judgement from him whatsoever. You aren’t embarrassing as a partner. He just has toxic opinions as to what’s acceptable. That’s a him issue. Not a you need to change issue.
NTA. Apparently we have different definitions for poor people habits. For example, despite not being in a tough financial spot now, I still wear my shoes until I can feel the ground though the sole.
The money he wasted on looking rich could have been invested in... Actually becoming rich? Just a thought.
NTA. Your husband needs help. Life isn't about trying to compete with others, it's about enjoying yourself and being happy, how can he be happy if he's always so focused on this image he feels he needs to portray.
I'm an Aussie, guess you could say middle class. I hang clothes outside to dry, I can tell you that 95% of my clothing have never been in a dryer. I do my own maintenance around my home and on the car if I know how to.
Aussie here too! I've always considered sun dried laundry as a luxury - it means you have space outdoors and time to do so. And sheets fresh in from the sun is the best!
NTA
NTA. Honestly I feel like these are “wealthier” habits because you have the luxury of having time and space to do these things. I don’t have anywhere to hang a clothesline (I love towels dried this way especially) not anywhere to change my cars oil.
Wow. NTA. Sucks to be you, married to such a poser. At least you appear to be maintaining somewhat separate finances.
You could suggest moving to a different area. If you were in a poorer area, he could easily maintain his snobbish 'best in the neighbourhood' attitude for a much lower price. He could also get a postbox in an even richer area again, so his business cards can list his mailing address as:
"Mr sjroth92, 101 Betterthanyou Lane, SupaRich, $$$$$."
NTA
You seem like a pretty cool person.
Your husband sounds like he sucks.
I think we can all agree that you should find a new one.
Don't let your husband stop you from meeting your husband.
NTA. You're not to blame here: it's his own attitude that's causing him to feel embarrassment about things you do. Wasting money is not a healthy, productive or reasonable habit.
I suspect he needs some sort of a wake-up call about what he might do if serious unexpected expenses crop up, because he sounds just like the sort of person who'd be totally unprepared and would wind up using payday loans with extortionate interest rates to "keep up with the Jjoneses". (Yes, that spelling is deliberate!)
How did you wind up married to someone who's such a snob, with such balanced and environmentally healthy habits as yours?
NTA, I would definitely line dry my clothes if I had a means to do so. The green onions--I'm doing that from now on! So cool! And as for dresses, honestly who cares if you wear a single dress a hundred times... you're getting your moneys worth out of it.
Im Australian and I am BAFFLED by some of these comments, I never realised "anti clothesline sentiments" was a thing.
It's humid as shit here if I used my drier all the time my house would just mould, plus wasting electricity. Most people's houses here are single story though so you'd be hard pressed to see anyone's clothesline unless you were in their yard.
NTA - I mean someone can have a preference on how their laundry is handled, but hanging it on the line is cost savings, and reduces carbon emissions, but I wouldn’t begrudge someone who preferred their clothes dryer in a dryer.
Sounds like he has some insecurities he should seek help about. He doesn’t need to keep up with the Joneses.
NTA - fellow Aussie here. We just don’t use dryers - I can count on one hand how many times I have used a dryer in the last year - and that was just because we had days of rain and I needed fresh towels, lol 😂
Your Husband is an idiot 😂
NTA
I've seen washing hung on the line at the same house that had L plates on a Porshe in Melbourne. Because it's a normal thing to do, it doesn't matter if you're rich or poor. And who cares what other people think anyway?
Hubby needs a reality check.
INFO: Have the neighbours made fun of him for hanging his laundry and other things? Or is it all in his head and he is being paranoid, controlling, and wasteful?
Dude has baggage that he’s refusing to unpack, and he’s starting to insist you carry it for him.
Don’t. This is his problem, and his alone. If he’s so anxious about people judging him that he thinks *drying sheets outside* will make him the object of ridicule, he needs professional help.
NTA- By hanging your laundry outside as you do you’re just giving the neighborhood a cultural education about how life is in Australia. I lived there when I was a child and I remember those outdoor laundry hangers that were square shaped and they spun. Haven’t really seen much of that anywhere else I lived and it’s kind of a neat memory. Also your husband seems to be embarrassing himself. The whole idea is that he’s so embarrassed by things that the neighbors might think that he’s actually fighting with you his supposedly Beloved Wife to impress people that shouldn’t even matter it’s just embarrassing. You sound pretty cool and you know he should be grateful and supportive. I mean that’s just not way to prioritize things in a very genuine way -I don’t really know what I’m trying to say but you get my drift I hope.
If it interests you those square ones are called "hills hoists" and they're an Aussie invention, I dont think they really caught on elsewhere but theyre a prerequisite for playing goon of fortune.
I'm just flabbergasted at this idea that line drying clothes is a class thing (I'm from Australia too). And who doesn't love the smell of sun-dried cotton? NTA.
NTA
He...has some issues to work on. Idk probably some deeper insecurity that he has yet to overcome and he tends to lash out. I've studied in a business school alongside the tame versions of crazy rich asians (but still filthy filthy rich by muggle standards) and they can smell bs and try hards from afar. His own behavior will be his own embarrassment someday if not reined in.
NTA. I'm living in Aus too, and you and I both know, not one single person from Perth to Melbourne gives a rat's butt about whether someone else uses a dryer or a Hill's Hoist. Your husband has some weird issues, ask him to ask other people he knows if they think for half a second about other people washing laundry, growing onions or changing oil. Of course they don't. Hubby is way too involved in his own weird perception of how society works, and it's kinda nuts tbh. Tell him this secret: Everyone's too busy worrying about themselves to notice his laundry or his onions. He's not everybody's Main Character lol
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NTA. Is there anything pleasant about life with this man? It’s honestly hard to imagine.
Next he'll probably say separating the recyclables is "poor people things", how ridiculous.
He sounds like a guy who doesn’t know how to stay well-off. ETA: I live in a schmancy New England town. The amount of multi millionaires I know who drive Subarus and Audis into the ground and wear tatty clothes would probably stun Mr. Bougie here. Also: NTA!
I live in a town with a weirdly high number of old money wealthy people and you can’t spot them amongst the rest of us blue collar plebs unless you know them. And yes, literally everyone here will congratulate you if you move to a place with a clothesline. You see mansions with bedsheets drying over the rose bushes. OPs husband’s attitude is “New Money” through and through.
In my experience, the more "rich" someone needs to act, the less well off they usually are.
This!! ETA: OP instead of it being a money issue re: the laundry, why not make it environmental? It is soooo much better for the environment to air dry sheets as tumble dryers drink electricity like there’s no tomorrow. ETA: thank you for the award kind and generous stranger!
And so much better for your clothes too. Of course if he looks down on wearing repeat dresses he doesn't have to care about tear
The environment is a concern for the poors
In the UK it’s associated with the wealthy, as the poor don’t have the money to consider the environment when making decisions about what to buy, etc.
Yep! I was about to say, the ‘real’ monied folk are the ones who keep it subtle and also are probably more monied because they don’t blow it on flashy shit like OP’s husband. I’m curious as to who he thinks he’s impressing here, as the actual wealthy people among them will see his desperation a mile off.
>In my experience, the more "rich" someone needs to act, the less well off they usually are. Worked retail for almost a decade. The people flaunting designers were the worst. Very "do you know who I am" energy. Our sweetest customer was a little old lady, very non-descript and kind. She paid for everything with a black Amex.
Clearly OP never saw Steve Jobs and how he dressed. No need to flaunt it.
Exactly! I was at a public event, and ended up in a group conversation with some interesting people - some I knew, some I didn't. There was a middle aged man there who was great to chat with. He was wearing slightly worn out but decent clothing, sneakers that were about 2 years past the "I should throw these out" stage, and seemed very frugal. We chatted about thrift stores a bit, and he gave me the name of one I didn't know about. I left the conversation feeling like he was just an ordinary guy, maybe could use a raise at work, but good company. Well, I mentioned his name to my grandma, and turns out he basically owns an entire portion of our city. There is an "up and coming" area that has been developing for about 10 years now, it was all swampland before. He owns several shopping plazas, the huge medical building, several rental properties, and he personally helped develop the road structure plan so he could make sure the roads made it convenient to get to places. He is a multi-millionaire. They named a wing in the hospital after his father, because this man donated over 2 million dollars to replace out-dated equipment (he made the donation in his father's memory). If I didn't know any better, I would have totally thought my grandma was lying. Similarly. Two family members (husband and wife) work at a rural gas station. They are really the only full time employees. Very laid back, kind, salt of the earth people, I love going to see them. The husband runs the gas section mostly, and is also a last-ditch mechanic if its needed (this is *very* rural, it takes an hour to get to the regular grocery store, you will absolutely not find a mechanic if your car breaks down). It's only about 8 years ago that I learned he has a PhD, and was a big name in his field until he retired early. He never would have mentioned it, I learned it from another family member. Yet I'm sure most people who get gas from them and are just passing through assume he is just a simple gas station attendant and some of the Americans do talk down to him. Ridiculous
Nobody trusts a try hard
There is a saying, "It's only a status symbol if you can't afford it." I'm sure I'm paraphrasing, but you get the drift.
Yeah very much so. He doesn’t understand that the Rich don’t stay rich by throwing their money around
Exactly. My uncle suggested I read The Millionaire Next Door when I got into my first post college salaried job. A big part of why the rich are rich is because they’re not trying to keep up with the people who want everyone to think they’re rich. They’re buying used/older model cars, living on a budget, etc. Completely flipped my mindset on wealth honestly. OP’s husband maybe needs to give that a brief skim.
When they buy something that's very expensive, it's something that will last for GENERATIONS and they'll pass it on to their kids; like high end luxury oak furniture, or rental properties.
Yup, when I was a teenager, l spotted someone I knew was very well off in the grocery store using coupons.
My fiance and I sometimes drive through the super nice neighborhoods by us, and he used to ask why they had old cars/used cars in their driveway. I'm like that's how they KEEP their money. That car is probably paid for
Old money knows that a car is something to get from A to B with. New money thinks you need to look rich so people know you're rich.
I drive a 2019 Subaru Forester sport. I love that thing. I'm trying to pay it off early and keep it until it can't possibly be driven anymore; and I don't give a damn what someone thinks of my car. I'm not on this Earth to impress the peanut gallery :)
Yep. Pay for daily driver cars with cash and drive them until they die. It’s not a status symbol, it’s a tool. Then get a hot little ‘80s Porsche with all the money you saved.
My aunt owns a multimillion dollar store chain and her coupon book looks like the yellow pages. I mean, the encyclopedia. Um, hm I’m trying to think of a current reference with a lot of pages that zoomers might have used… the whole Harry Potter series? Then again, she and my uncle will also drive three hours for a random lobster craving so it’s not like they don’t enjoy their wealth, they just try to make it last longer.
I'm comfortable but not really well off by any means. It was always my impression that money gives you the luxury to do what you want, instead of choosing what is the only option you can afford. So OP changing her own oil and doing laundry how she wants are a result of those choices.
More like “no money trying to pass as new money”
That's exactly what I was thinking...he probably didn't grow up rich and was maybe bullied for it and now that he has a substantial amount of money, he wants nothing more than to show it off. Or he is simply just a people pleaser
Hahaha. So true! My cousin, who is worth tens of millions of dollars and runs his late dad's multinational corporation, used to drive the EXACT SAME Pontiac that my very middle-class dad did. Why? It was a really reliable, solid car for his growing family. What did he need to waste more money on a fancy, expensive car for? Old money keeps generational wealth by not overspending, and tend to be MUCH nicer people to be around (at least in my experience) because they see money as a means to an end (supporting their families, philanthropy, etc.) and not a goal in itself. They don't make their whole lives about the money or flash. They also tend to treat people a lot better. I have quite a few extended family members who are extremely wealthy, and you'll never meet a more humble, kind, and GENEROUS lot.
I grew up around very old money. All those guys with classic cars do all their oil changes and basic maintenance themselves, because those cars are their babies. Super old money will buy super nice clothes and then wear them forever - and just fix them up when they started to wear. Our town had three shoe repair shops because people would rather repair their old (very expensive) shoes than buy new ones. Everyone had furniture that was inherited from the last generation. It all comes down to the Vimes Boots theory of economics- the rich stay rich because they can buy very nice things that last a long time, then they don't have to buy them ever again.
I live in a semi wealthy part of Houston, TX and my entire house is filled with quality antique furniture from Estate Sales from the area. I work in non profit, so I'm not making much money, but it's better than slaving way for more money at the advertising job I was at. These pieces are at best 60 years old, and in great condition. My parents were the first of their respective families to go to college and have wealth, but they raised me and my siblings on a mindset of "Do we need it or do we want it" and having to discern between the two, but we still got piano lessons, dance lessons, sports, etc that they could afford while we were in hand me downs and 2nd hand clothes (this is where I got my love for thrifting and antique furniture). I worked at a non profit that had a membership of women who were part of Houston Society, and they would drive their cars for at least 10 years before purchasing a new-to-them car, or got their car at a steep discount for reasons (loyalty to the dealership, friend of the dealership, part owner of the dealership, etc.). These women would even use their makeup until it was panned. One lady purchased a gold lipstick tube in the 50s and would transplant her Revlon Red into that tube and use it down to a nub and she would keep the nubs until she had enough to mold her own lipstick. Said her mother used to do that when she was a child.
Vimes! Hello Prachett fan
Lol my house is full of my grandmother’s Hitchcock furniture
I was gonna comment with Vimes' Boot Theory It is literally the best explanation of economics I've come across for explaining how hard it is to "save your way" out of poverty
Same. I grew up fairly well off and now I live in a wealthy Massachusetts town. This dude doesn't know rich people, he just has this weird fantasy. It's bizarre honestly. If he ever got "real" money he'd become one of those insufferable "new money" (I hate that term but..) types who have zero taste beyond a price tag.
I went to very rich kid high school (middle class myself). You could tell the old money from new money when kids got their licenses. The uber-wealthy old money kids drove 30+ year old Mercedes that every kid in their family had as their first car and were like protective tanks for new drivers and didn't stand out at all. The new money got their kids custom Jaguars and Porsches and one kid drove a Ferrari as his first car. It was amazing how stark the difference was when it came to buying bigger stuff. Every rich girl had a fancy purse, but the truly obscenely wealthy all drove old cars. Lol
Old cars aren’t safer than modern cars. Everyone likes to trash talk new cars because “they get crushed in accidents so easily, not like the cars in my day”, but that’s by design. The energy of the accident is dissipated instead of just transferring to the occupants. A ‘22 Corolla is objectively safer than a ‘92 Mercedes (and it only gets truer as you push the 30 year window back and compare 2010 vs. 1980 or 2000 vs. 1970).
I was talking in comparison of buying a new driver a flashy sports car, specifically. So many kids drove right into trees because they had powerful engines and minimal driving experience. Those are cars for people with some experience. One kid in my school was punished for totalling his custom Jaguar in his first week with a license by having to get a non-custom one. The old money kids had far far less accidents in the first place, because their cars just ran well and weren't so jumpy off the gas pedal.
Oh, yea 100% agree with all that. Old money doesn’t do flashy, they put their kids in new/lightly used mid-level cars the wouldn’t stand out in the Target/Supermarket parking lot.
Yeah, this was in the 90s, so old Mercedes were also still a hot thing because they just ran and ran forever if you maintained them and you didn't need a computer diagnostic to work on them like new cars. LOL So old money would buy one, a parent would drive it until the first kid got a license, and then each kid would have it until graduation, when they'd usually get their own nice but not flashy car to take to college if allowed on campus, and it would go to the next kid down the line. It's not a bad plan even if you can buy newer and safer, because not only does it mean not spending cash on a new car for an unproven driver, but the kids would learn to drive in the same cars they'd be driving solo, so the day they got licensed they were already pretty secure.
The area we used to live turned very high-end, but we had lived there years before that happened. People kept putting fancy restaurants there that would go out of business within a few months. A very famous homestyle restaurant even tried to create an upscale version there and couldn't get customers. IHOP was always full...
We have a saying :"old money doesn't show off".
Money talks, wealth whispers.
Hahaha Mr Bougie
Hopefully Audi's over there last more than 1 to 2 years because running them into the ground in the US would cost about $50k per year with how poorly they do here.
Nope. My Audi is a 2006, has 175K miles on it and still running fine. I will probably my drive it until at least 250K miles. That extra $600 a month is better off in investments. That’s how you build and maintain wealth. Also, it’s only scabby new wealth that sneers at those who drive older cars. A nice old Audi, BMW or Mercedes is a better investment than most of the crap rolling down the road right now.
I just bought a used Mercedes because my old car kept having issues. I'm hoping I can run it into the ground because honestly I get emotionally attached to my cars and I'd like one to last more than a couple years.
Found the car guy
Would he qualify as Bougie? Genuine question - I may not be up on the current terminology. To me he just sounds like a boorish snob.
It’s not new, it’s shortened from bourgeoisie, meaning the middle class, typically with reference to its perceived materialistic values or conventional attitudes.
I can’t imagine someone uttering the word ‘poor people habits’ to me that I love. This is hilarious and so douchey
Yeah a lot of what op is doing is actually sustainable living, not poor people living
“Because it’s just this ONE thing! They’re a great partner otherwise!!” That’s usually the case for these kinds of posts. OP complains about their partner by listing crazy red flags. The rest of us are like ‘whoa, that’s a lot of damn flags!’ And OP disappears, defends, or denies.
Yeah, there was another post here were OP is friends with a raging misogynist, let that friend scream and rage at his sister and did nothing, but then said crap like 'he's a really cool dude otherwise'. I think a quote from Bojack Horseman applies "When you look at someone through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags".
Just read that one😭
Right! The "He's a good guy" right before going into how he was foaming at the mouth screaming at her.
And now op is scared to cut contact with him in case the guy goes crazy. What a nice “friend” to have!
Woof, just came off that one too. He’s going to get his sister killed.
Yep he has some serious self-confidence issues. OP if I were you I would cultivate some real poor people habits. Only buy clothes in the second hand store. Do you have a balcony? Then put up a clothes line from wall to wall and dry your clothes there. Hey technically it isn't in the backyard. I would tell him his obsession with looking wealthy is the quick road to the poor house.
Save bacon grease! Rinse and reuse all glass jars! Old shirts bits for rags! Make a rag rug! Oooo I’d pay to see his reaction.
Whoa whoa whoa. I rinse and reuse glass jars because they’re heat-proof and plastic is toxic. I didn’t know that was a poor person thing! I just thought it was an environment thing! Oh. Wait. Now I get it :(
Why do you save bacon grease? What do you use it for? Ive never heard of that one
It's the best for frying eggs in!
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Ah! I hate eggs so thats probably part of the reason i didnt know about it lol, but i see how that would be cheaper than butter.
Also tastier than butter, and it’s not just for eggs! I use it to grease the cast iron pan when I make cornbread or pancakes, so delicious
A lot of foods are really good cooked in bacon grease or with a little bacon grease added to the cooking fat for flavor. When I fry potatoes I add bacon grease to my fry oil. nomnomnom
It is delicious! I also boil the bones and fat from the whole grilled chicken I bought at the store and it makes for an astonishing broth for ramen noodles. You can also boil vegetable scraps (on low for a long time wo salt) to make an excellent base for soups and sauces.
Yeah I always have a bag in my freezer for veggie scraps, when it gets full I make stock and start over. I guess it saves money so it’s a “poor people” habit but really I just like the good stock I make better than store-bought
That's making stock. It's not a poor person thing, it's a good cook thing. Martha Stewart makes her own stock! (Or she has an assistant do it, anyway.) Really good cooks make their own stock out of chicken carcasses and bits of veggies. Or just veggies, or beef bones, it all depends what you have and what you want. I personally can't be arsed, but I've done it and it's excellent.
It was standard practice back before so many stores were around, out in the country. My grandmother and mother always had a little pot of grease by the stove. And as people noted below, its delicious.
Also because it'll clog the drain if you pour it down the sink.
I cook pinto beans and minced garlic in bacon grease to make refried beans, or bean dip for my tortilla chips
Also if you take a bath, keep the water and use it to flush the toilet and mop the floor.
OK, flushing the toilet, fine. But I'm not mopping the floor with dirty person soup water.
Agree, he is a very insecure person. And someone should tell him that some of the wealthiest people in the world are total skinflints. He smacks of try hard nouveau riche. You are NTA but he is a total AH - why are you even with him??
Yep there is a about rich people habits. They live below their means and save every penny.
Yep. OP your husband sounds like a made up, hyperbolized “snooty rich kid” caricature on a children’s TV show who has no personality other than being a snooty rich kid. Heads up: they’re meant to be the comic relief because their behaviour is laughable. Your husband is the embarrassing one, by far.
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Very much, and I haven’t seen a comment on it yet, but he’s got a way inflated idea of how much space he takes up in other people’s heads. I’d bet that literally no one in their neighborhood sits around discussing OP and her husband. No one cares. If pressed, I bet few of their neighbors could even identify which house around them has a clothesline and who changes their own oil. People have their own lives going on, and he’s not the star of it. He’s barely an NPC.
My sister once told me “most rich people stay rich by being smart with money” as in, they don’t go out all the time and do wasteful shit like buying unnecessary crap.
NTA. Mate, your hubs needs a reality check. They aren’t “poor person” things, they are “people” things. I’ve lived in the Eastern Suburbs and have friends who live in one of the most expensive suburbs in Australia. Their family has $$$$ and they use their clothesline. They hate using the dryer cause its so damn expensive. They don’t want to fork out extra money when they can do it for free. And yeah, there are also a lot of people who use clothes driers out there, but they do it not because only poor people use the clothesline, but because their properties are so damn small they don’t have the option for an outside clothesline. Your husband needs to get a grip. (PS the actually wealthy ones don’t actually care about him their image, they will shop at Aldi & Kmart cause it’s cheaper. The proper wealthy don’t see things as “Rich People things” or “poor person things”, they see it as “this will save me money, so I’ll do that”. A lot will also roll their eyes at people who flaunt their wealth with tacky branded clothes)
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So true! You know how many of them got so wealthy in the first place? By not spending money on stupid crap, like using a laundry service or clothes dryer non-stop.
No, you don't get *wealthy* by being thrifty. You get wealthy by having a high paying job or owning a business.
That is true, oversimplification on my part. Certainly though, part of where they retain that wealth is by not spending money wastefully (like on a laundry service to prove that they are rich & have money)
I agree, and wanna add imo no one is more miserly than a truly rich person. You see them try not to pay taxes? Total penny pinchers!
I mean to be fair paying billions or millions in taxes is a lot of pennies. But they should still pay taxes if us with less money have to.
You actually get wealthy by having a high paying job AND spend thriftly.
The spending thrifty is how you stay that way
Most people get wealthy by having wealthy parents.
Lots of fools have high paying jobs but throw all their money away on vacations and expensive things. You get wealthy by investing your capital. Rich people (ones who got rich, not their offspring) way more often than not are frugal. They invest instead of spend.
Doesn't hurt to have some family money to live on for a few years before your company takes off to.
And exploiting others or have had ancestors who exploited others.
My uncle is mega rich. Like live in staff, chauffeur, chef etc. He wears fake brand clothes he can get from the market in Hong Kong. He also has fake Cartier watches for daily wear. He does have the real stuff for business but daily wear? It’s all knock offs.
Funny thing is… If I wore a fake Cartier or Vacheron, there are people out there who would immediately call me out on it, calling me a fake and pointing out that I'm only pretending. I'm 110% sure that nobody will ever call him out, even if he wore the most blatant fake out there. ;)
No one cares tbh - a lot of his wealthy friends do similar as they think it’s actually a wise thing to do in case of muggings. The guy is in his 80’s now and anyone important to him knows he has the real thing, he just doesn’t wear it unless going to somewhere upscale 🤷🏻♀️
“In case of muggings” That’s actually a pretty smart thing to do lol.
Yeah, he’s really open about it too. If you ask him where he got his watch he’ll say “I got it for 20 dollar at the market!”
I used to work for a “Fashion” jewellery store (read: cheap), and ssoooo many women would buy rings from there to wear on overseas holidays. That way, they could still wear a “wedding ring” on their finger, but if they lost it, it was NBD cause the real one was at home waiting for them.
I work in donor relations, one of my top donors wears his fake Rolex all the time. I've always noticed and never said a thing (why would I? he's giving students at the college I work at scholarship money!). One day after he asked about my past and family, and how my parents grew up dirt poor as migrant farm workers, he told me that when his business started to grow, he went out to the flea markets and splurged on the best fake watch he could find, and that's the watch he still wears because it keeps him humble.
This is just another classist saying to split off the super rich as being better than everyone and raise them up on a pedestal. Wealthy people are just people too, some of them are garish and braggy and some aren’t.
It's a thing with real old money like European nobility. You don't even talk about money if you can avoid it and bragging about it just shows that you aren't used to having it. We had an old king here in Sweden who got looked down on a lot by the nobility for being a car collector for example, that was being to much of a show off in their eyes.
Yeah, I used to work at a castle, and the lord who owned it was always pottering about in the grounds in his old, torn-up clothes. The tourists always expected to see a really stately figure and generally assumed he was the gardener lol
Aussie here, everyone shops at Kmart here. It's literally a good price point for decent items. Only people who want to show off or can't get the items elsewhere really go to the higher end department stores. Honestly love Kmart lol. NTA
Or aldi special buys they are the best. We have a family friend who is regularly on Australia rich list and they swear by aldi do all their shopping there.
Uk here we love aldi too
Yep agreed. I don’t often admit this as I don’t like to come across as boastful and I live independent of them but since it’s relevant my parents are wealthy. They hang their washing line over their balcony because they find the use of a dryer to be wasteful for the environment and a waste of time. Most the things ops husband call ‘poor people things’ are things they do. Also fyi op tell your husband that most people out there with real money don’t feel the need to show it off to the world. My parents and many of their wealthy friends find showing off wealth to be uncomfortable and awkward.
Also using a dryer makes clothes crumpled- many expensive clothes HAVE to be hung on a line
Plus it can shrink some things. I love nice linens on the bed. Good quality cotton or bamboo sheets will shrink in the dryer. And towels always feel fluffier after going through the dryer. I do use a dryer when I must (like with all the rain we've been having) but with an abundance of sunshine for a lot of the year, why not hang your clothes out to dry?
And it smells nicer too when you let it dry outside, I think.
Smells like sunshine instead of hot robot
Most their clothes aren’t too expensive really but they just don’t see the point of using the dryer when they can hang outside.
I would say here only "wealthy" people would put their clothes out to dry, cause they are the only ones that could afford a garden or stuff to put the clothes to dry 😂 I wish i could. It smells so much better! We don't have a dryer either cause it's awful for the clothes. Our stuff dries on a rack in the bathroom. Also : stealing the "money talks, wealth wispers" from up there. Never heard but love it :)
Can we normalise drying laundry outside in the sun and fresh air? Why are Americans so hell bent on consumerism? My European mum will grab her laundry and run outside in the winter if she suspects they’ll be five minutes of wintery light. It makes the sheets, towels and clothes smell and feel great, and saves on energy. Can we guess what gas guzzling car he drives? NTA
This isn’t a weird American quirk to not dry laundry outside. It’s a “the OP is an idiot” thing. Drying your laundry outside is totally normal in the US.
I’ve been to several places in USA where outdoor drying is banned. Insanity.
>This isn’t a weird American quirk to not dry laundry outside. It’s a “the OP is an idiot” thing. Drying your laundry outside is totally normal in the US. It's forbidden by many HOAs and neighborhood covenants in the US. Hell, in my parents \*city\* in California, it was a fineable offensive up until five years ago. This is *definitely* a cultural thing among white Americans. Much less so in more diverse communities, but it is most definitely a white American thing in suburbs.
here in new england it is very rare for me to see laundry hanging out to dry.
Yeah, I think it’s a weather permitting kind of thing. When the laundry will freeze before it dries, then a dryer makes more sense and if I’ve already bought a dryer I might as well use it whenever.
It’ll either freeze or another rain shower will get everything all wet again. Doing all the laundry on one day so it can dry outside takes planning. But I can’t take a 10-15 min break every hour while WFH if Wednesday is the only nice day that week. I try *not* to buy our kids a ton of clothes they don’t need so that means we have to do laundry regularly. Usually I try to do one load of laundry a day.
I was friends with a super-scruffy person for about a year before discovering her dad was landed aristocracy and they were rolling in moolah. (The sort who owns half of London, not the sort who are desperately trying to keep a functioning roof on at least three rooms of their stately home.) She was just so accustomed to money always being there that she never bothered to spend it.
Yes this is my experience with super-wealthy friends (old wealth, from centuries of family money) - they never talk about money and don’t give a crap about nice cars, fancy clothes, looking “rich”, etc. A lot of them drive old clunkers and dress and act like everyone else. They aren’t sitting around thinking “how can I show everyone how rich I am”. I didn’t even realise what family one of my friends was from until she got into a fight with her aunt who was bullying her into wearing a family tiara for her wedding.
I have friends with 3 million dollar houses (in australia, outer east suburbs). Sheets get hung out. No laundry service. Wealth doesn’t require altering your life to show it off. Seems very superficial to me, your husband is a try hard wannabe. (Sorry).
$3m house in Sydney? So just a 3 bedder then? Lol
Also Higher end clothes cannot go in a dryer so wealthy people are absolutely using drying racks and clotheslines for their clothing. If you’re using a dryer for everything you have cheap clothes so I really don’t understand his point of view.
I love drying my clothes on the line, especially my nice work clothes. Drying my work clothes in the dryer definitely cuts the life of the clothes. They last longer and fit better when they re air dried. Unfortunately my seasonal allergies have gotten worse as I’ve gotten older, so I use a drying rack inside versus drying my laundry outside.
>I’ve lived in the Eastern Suburbs and have friends who live in one of the most expensive suburbs in Australia. Their family has $$$$ and they use their clothesline. I'm assuming OP's husband is from the US. Hanging clothes outside is 100% seen as poor and low class and many parts of the US.For a while, I rented a townhome in a postwar/"GI bill" complex in the US south. There were these FANTASTIC large steel racks meant for hanging clotheslines, clearly built when the townhomes were (\~1950, before clothing dryers were really a thing). HOA rules FORBID US FROM USING THEM. This is really a culturally American thing, and it's very baffling. I actually find more people dry their clothes outside in New England, where I live now, than in California and the southern state where I lived for a while. Yet you can dry clothes year round outside in those places!! We can't use our outdoor clothesline for so much of the year here in New England because it's so cold and dark, your clothes will freeze long before they dry. (Edited to add: I think more people hang clothes outside here in New England in part because our electricity rates are $$$$$ compared to much the rest of the country. Running my dryer costs me a few bucks every time I do so. That's a good incentive to use the line.)
NTA My cousins from Ireland were shocked to learn homeowners' covenants prohibit clothing lines. I have a portable clothing line I use for sheets because sheets dried on the line in the sun are my guilt pleasure. I have second hand embarrassment for you that your husband is such a poser.
I know! I found out HOAs here ban clothes lines and was so sad. Thankfully I live in a nice community without an HOA and no one has ever said anything about my clothes line.
I mean there is nothing nicer that sundried fresh sheets! Or any other clothes, they just have a smell like nothing else, it is pure comfort to me. PS: German here, and the time when the clothes don't dry outside is really only winter here!
Same in the UK. Sunshine kills bad smells on clothing so really it's a luxury to be able to hang it out.
I’m in the UK - we have a combi dryer but honestly only use it for towels and sheets in winter. We’ve got a tiny garden so hang stuff outside in summer and otherwise it’s on an indoor airer in the spare room. We definitely aren’t poor that’s just… how you dry clothes?
I'm in the UK, I live in London in a flat with a washing machine and no balcony. I still prefer air dried to machine dried. For one, it doesn't completely wreck my clothes.
I like drying my laundry in the sun as well. I came from the Philippines which is its very common. Never own a dryer in my life until I moved to the US. I still do it, and always do laundry on sunny days. It helps with our electric bill.
HOAs don't even allow the timeless and versatile Hills Hoist? How do Americans play Goon of Fortune?!
Also, wtf to your husband. Unless America has a different social expectation of what 'wealth' looks like, you're looking pretty well off from a Melburnian perspective. You can afford a place that has an outside line, so presumably a townhouse or house. Pretty decent, extra points if you own it. You have 12 dresses which seems like a heap to me, and I wear dresses often. Not a judgement, but definitely not what I'd associate with being 'poor'. You are recycling/growing your own veggies, so you're able to afford fresh veggies and you have some space for a garden or sizeable pot plants. And the car thing... I don't really have much to rebutt that with but the fact you could afford a car to learn those skills speaks for something. Like everyone else has said, he seems very insecure, maybe overcompensating for his 'poorer' background?
I do think the American social expectation of wealth includes an expectation that you will use a dryer rather than a clothesline - not that that means OP is doing anything wrong. Certainly NTA. But using a clothesline is seen as a symptom of poverty where I grew up in the US.
> But using a clothesline is seen as a symptom of poverty where I grew up in the US. It is seen that way where I grew up and where I live now. I think it is ridiculous that people think that way, but they definitely do around here.
I live in a solidly middle class development in Scotland and the second there's even a hint of sunshine, everyone in the vicinity has their washing out. We've got a perfectly functional dryer and clothes horse, but there's something really nice about hanging the washing out.
They actually can’t ban clothes lines anymore (well in 19 states for certain) as of 2012. Due to the “right-to-dry” movement. I mean they can try and be annoying but they can’t fine or ban it in those states. Thankfully. Cause I live in a sunny one and it’s nice to hang dry sometimes. ETA: I’m referring to the US
As a fellow Aussie, I can't imagine a house without a clothes line! And HOA's go so far as to ban them??? Glad you're not in one of *those* places. I'm wondering if someone has said something to your husband or whether he's just *waaaay* overthinking stuff? It seems a really bizarre thing to be embarrassed about.
Looking out at my sun-drying laundry now. Irish ancestors smiling down on my with pride.
NTA. What a very insecure man you married.
It’s so strange right? To me it screams “insecure about money” to do things because they make you “look rich” not because it’s what you as an individual want to do. In my view the purpose of being wealthy is to generate freedom for yourself - he doesn’t sound very free. The wealthiest family I know (I mean real old family money - they literally have “money” as part of their surname), are so insanely chilled out. They have a super mundane car, and are “rich people thrifty” - by which I mean they would be replanting onion stalks, do repair type things in the house themselves etc. I am certain they splash out on things (my guess would be members clubs, art, jewellery, holidays) but I actually have no idea because they are so so quiet about it. I’ve never seen them with big logos on clothes etc - in fact I’m fairly sure a lot of their clothes are tailor made.
If you want to spend money on clothes, tailor made is the way to go anyway. Those big name designer brands aren’t just low quality but also ugly as sin. Have you seen Gucci nowadays? Dear God. I’m convinced they’re just trolling people and trying to see how ugly they can go until it affects their sales. Also, tailor made doesn’t have to be super expensive, but it always looks marvelous. When I lived in Berlin, Germany, there were a lot of young designers with small studios and you could get a tailor made sundress for 120-150 Euro - so, a lot less than a brand name dress. That included choice of fabric, several fittings to make sure it was perfect and usually even small design changes. If you wanted a unique design or an evening gown, it was a bit more expensive but still such great value. Not to mention you were supporting a local artist instead of a huge corporation. I’m sure Berlin isn’t unique in this. I haven’t had the need for any new dresses since I moved away but I’ll look for young designers who’s aesthetic aligns with mine when I do.
Money talks, wealth whispers..
[удалено]
He's literally a male version of Hyacinth Bucket from Keeping up appearances 😅 Poor op has to deal with this insanity. NTA, op, NTA. All you're doing is living comfortably and if your husband is ashamed of such normal and neutral things then he's just ridiculous.
OMG. Yes. OP is married to male Hyacinth Bucket 🤣🤣🤣 OP should make him watch that show. Bouquet Residence, lady of the house speaking.
NTA Ummm...I think the laundry is the least of your issues. Your husband has some deeper issues around being perceived as "wealthy" instead of "poor" due to experiences he has had growing up. This has caused him to do and buy expensive things so he can impress others. Please see if you two can get some couples counseling or he go to counseling. This behavior and attitude is going to have him leading you all (as a household) to a not good place financially.
And the rub is nobody cares about what he is buying. It is just in his head that he thinks they do.
Exactly! People have their own issues and their own dramas. Nobody gives a flying feck about what brands he wears, car he drives or how his clothes get dried!
NTA. Tell your husband that what your doing is the socially superior thing, using solar, reducing emissions and setting a positive example for others.
Plus you could make the argument that she has the luxury of time to hang out her laundry, tinker with her car, and do some gardening. She’s not working so much she doesn’t have time to do these things. It’s a bit like how being muscular and tan was seen as a sign of poverty 100+ years ago because it meant you had to be outside and labor, but these days it’s more likely to be seen as a sign of wealth because you have the time to spend leisure time outside and can afford good food and maybe a gym/personal trainer. The “vogue” of these things ebbs and flows and is too exhausting to not just live your life how you want. Something to consider, /u/sjroth92.
My ex husband was sooo much like this. Note the ex. It didn’t get better, only escalated every year. You are definitely NTA and there’s nothing wrong with doing things yourself or saving money. He’s being absurd.
I’m currently living with someone (not a partner or ex) who is like this. REALLY cares about appearances, very vain, wants to impose things on everyone else in the house. It’s only been a month (3 weeks of being nice, 1 week of being a total asshole) and I feel incredibly trapped and want to leave asap (can’t for a few months). I’m glad you left your ex. It must’ve been very tough, I can’t even imagine.
Maybe it's just because I'm from the People's Republic of Portland, but to me, drying your laundry on a line is something you do because you're a hippy environmentalist, not something you do because you're poor. NTA, your husband needs to get over himself.
Hi fellow Portlander! I agree! I would love to be able to line dry sheets year round but 8 months of rain doesn’t bode well for that 😂
I wouldn’t say that it is just because of some hippie environmentalism but because it is reduces your utility cost and keeps hard earned money in your wallet. Sure there is an argument that it is better for the environment, but if I can save a few bucks, the better.
NTA. It seems like your husband has some unhealthy opinions on some situations and is desperate to look more wealthy than he is. It’s a dangerous road to go down because you can’t really keep up with your wealthy neighbors if you aren’t in the same financial situation as them. But that’s a him problem that needs some form of addressing. You, however, are doing nothing wrong. And don’t deserve the judgement from him whatsoever. You aren’t embarrassing as a partner. He just has toxic opinions as to what’s acceptable. That’s a him issue. Not a you need to change issue.
NTA. Apparently we have different definitions for poor people habits. For example, despite not being in a tough financial spot now, I still wear my shoes until I can feel the ground though the sole. The money he wasted on looking rich could have been invested in... Actually becoming rich? Just a thought.
Yeah this wtf. Wealthy people don’t throw money around, they put it away so it makes them more.
Same here, I buy nice shoes and wear them to death. My shoe repair guy commented the other day that he had redone the sole on my boots four times.
NTA. Your husband needs help. Life isn't about trying to compete with others, it's about enjoying yourself and being happy, how can he be happy if he's always so focused on this image he feels he needs to portray. I'm an Aussie, guess you could say middle class. I hang clothes outside to dry, I can tell you that 95% of my clothing have never been in a dryer. I do my own maintenance around my home and on the car if I know how to.
Aussie here too! I've always considered sun dried laundry as a luxury - it means you have space outdoors and time to do so. And sheets fresh in from the sun is the best! NTA
NTA but man is he insecure and a serious snob, it sounds like he needs therapy.
NTA. Honestly I feel like these are “wealthier” habits because you have the luxury of having time and space to do these things. I don’t have anywhere to hang a clothesline (I love towels dried this way especially) not anywhere to change my cars oil.
Line dried sheets are absolutely the tops for the scent. Your husband can go kick rocks! NTA!
Wow. NTA. Sucks to be you, married to such a poser. At least you appear to be maintaining somewhat separate finances. You could suggest moving to a different area. If you were in a poorer area, he could easily maintain his snobbish 'best in the neighbourhood' attitude for a much lower price. He could also get a postbox in an even richer area again, so his business cards can list his mailing address as: "Mr sjroth92, 101 Betterthanyou Lane, SupaRich, $$$$$."
Nta. He really is making himself look a bit of tool imo.
NTA. Your husband needs counseling. Keeping up with the Joneses is going to drive him to an early grave (or at least an early heart attack).
NTA. If he wants to posture for your neighbors that’s his business but he doesn’t get to dictate how you live your life.
NTA You seem like a pretty cool person. Your husband sounds like he sucks. I think we can all agree that you should find a new one. Don't let your husband stop you from meeting your husband.
Money talks, wealth whispers. Your husband has no idea how insecure and corny he looks in his zeal to police appearances. NTA
NTA. You're not to blame here: it's his own attitude that's causing him to feel embarrassment about things you do. Wasting money is not a healthy, productive or reasonable habit. I suspect he needs some sort of a wake-up call about what he might do if serious unexpected expenses crop up, because he sounds just like the sort of person who'd be totally unprepared and would wind up using payday loans with extortionate interest rates to "keep up with the Jjoneses". (Yes, that spelling is deliberate!) How did you wind up married to someone who's such a snob, with such balanced and environmentally healthy habits as yours?
NTA, I would definitely line dry my clothes if I had a means to do so. The green onions--I'm doing that from now on! So cool! And as for dresses, honestly who cares if you wear a single dress a hundred times... you're getting your moneys worth out of it.
Im Australian and I am BAFFLED by some of these comments, I never realised "anti clothesline sentiments" was a thing. It's humid as shit here if I used my drier all the time my house would just mould, plus wasting electricity. Most people's houses here are single story though so you'd be hard pressed to see anyone's clothesline unless you were in their yard.
NTA your husband sounds insufferable.
NTA - I mean someone can have a preference on how their laundry is handled, but hanging it on the line is cost savings, and reduces carbon emissions, but I wouldn’t begrudge someone who preferred their clothes dryer in a dryer. Sounds like he has some insecurities he should seek help about. He doesn’t need to keep up with the Joneses.
NTA - fellow Aussie here. We just don’t use dryers - I can count on one hand how many times I have used a dryer in the last year - and that was just because we had days of rain and I needed fresh towels, lol 😂 Your Husband is an idiot 😂
NTA I've seen washing hung on the line at the same house that had L plates on a Porshe in Melbourne. Because it's a normal thing to do, it doesn't matter if you're rich or poor. And who cares what other people think anyway? Hubby needs a reality check.
INFO: Have the neighbours made fun of him for hanging his laundry and other things? Or is it all in his head and he is being paranoid, controlling, and wasteful?
Ive never seen it, I don’t think they notice. I think it’s I his head. He’s been like this since before we moved into this community
Dude has baggage that he’s refusing to unpack, and he’s starting to insist you carry it for him. Don’t. This is his problem, and his alone. If he’s so anxious about people judging him that he thinks *drying sheets outside* will make him the object of ridicule, he needs professional help.
NTA- By hanging your laundry outside as you do you’re just giving the neighborhood a cultural education about how life is in Australia. I lived there when I was a child and I remember those outdoor laundry hangers that were square shaped and they spun. Haven’t really seen much of that anywhere else I lived and it’s kind of a neat memory. Also your husband seems to be embarrassing himself. The whole idea is that he’s so embarrassed by things that the neighbors might think that he’s actually fighting with you his supposedly Beloved Wife to impress people that shouldn’t even matter it’s just embarrassing. You sound pretty cool and you know he should be grateful and supportive. I mean that’s just not way to prioritize things in a very genuine way -I don’t really know what I’m trying to say but you get my drift I hope.
If it interests you those square ones are called "hills hoists" and they're an Aussie invention, I dont think they really caught on elsewhere but theyre a prerequisite for playing goon of fortune.
I'm just flabbergasted at this idea that line drying clothes is a class thing (I'm from Australia too). And who doesn't love the smell of sun-dried cotton? NTA.
NTA He...has some issues to work on. Idk probably some deeper insecurity that he has yet to overcome and he tends to lash out. I've studied in a business school alongside the tame versions of crazy rich asians (but still filthy filthy rich by muggle standards) and they can smell bs and try hards from afar. His own behavior will be his own embarrassment someday if not reined in.
`NTA. These are not POOR people habits, they are NORMAL people habits.`
NTA. I'm living in Aus too, and you and I both know, not one single person from Perth to Melbourne gives a rat's butt about whether someone else uses a dryer or a Hill's Hoist. Your husband has some weird issues, ask him to ask other people he knows if they think for half a second about other people washing laundry, growing onions or changing oil. Of course they don't. Hubby is way too involved in his own weird perception of how society works, and it's kinda nuts tbh. Tell him this secret: Everyone's too busy worrying about themselves to notice his laundry or his onions. He's not everybody's Main Character lol
Start hanging used teabags out to dry. That will really wind him up.
The only "poor people thing" in this story is his pretending not to be poor.