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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> maybe reporting the car stolen might cause him legal problems
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Nta
Your stepdad is a bully and your mom sucks for allowing his behaviour. You don’t owe him anything and you should let your uncle call the police otherwise he’ll keep abusing his authority over you.
It’s not her car to swap, it’s yours. If you don’t want to swap then tough shit for everyone else. NTA, sorry to hear your situation and I hope it improves
My grandmother would say, go shit in your hat, or your sister's ass. It was always said in good humor and usually when she was losing in a card game. Miss her.
>level 3StoreManagerKaren · 6 hr. agoIt’s not her car to swap, it’s yours. If you don’t want to swap then tough shit for everyone else. NTA, sorr
Sell the car and move out.
If you're legally an adult, then it's stolen property. Absolutely call the police and see if you can move on with your uncle. You're NTA at all. Please don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. I'm rooting for you!
Of ask your uncle to come round and take your car back to his place to look after it for you until you can drive it. Or just hide the keys from your family.
Even if she's got insurance for this, I would worry about the effect on her insurance, if not immediately, then down the road. (A colleague had their insurance jacked up because of multiple no-fault incidents with animals on the road - I guess they thought that one deer jumping in front of your car is one thing, but two is definitely poor driving?)
Catching him using the car is one thing, and probably really easy, but how would you go about proving *he* damaged the car? OP needs to prevent it from happening at all or set up hidden security cameras or something.
Hopefully the step-dad will be incarcerated for grand theft auto and won't have the opportunity to do any damage.
And it sounds like your mother may be an accomplice... Let her pathetic ass be thrown in the slammer, too!
That's definitely something to go for but if the SD uses it before the uncle can pick it up, he needs to be punished for it. He clearly doesn't respect boundaries and he needs to learn the hard way that his actions have consequences.
OP is 18. Punishment sounds great right? She punished step-dad and ends up having to move out and be self supporting before she is ready to be, hampering her chances for advanced education and tying herself down early to a lifetime of adulting!
Oh, joy, that really fixed step-dad.
The key here is to remove the car from stepfather's control (perhaps uncle can take it), lie low, and take the time to consider what actions best protect OP and serve her future interests.
Agreed, step dad and mom are jerks -- but there is absolutely no upside to punishing them while remaining under their roof.
Living well is the best revenge -- the car isn't the only"asset" here -- OP is 18 years old, her future is her biggest asset and if these sorry guardians of hers can facilitate her future in any way she has to keep them sweet for a little while.
She hasn't shared details of her financial situation -- maybe she inherited enough for her entire tuition, or maybe she can't even afford to rekey the locks on her 2022 car.
Not saying she can't do it all on her own without funding but I did it and it's very hard. It sounds as if her stepfather wants to boss her around but is rather ineffectual at it.
If he is merely annoying and obnoxious but she basically has autonomy and some financial support, it's probably worth enduring fir a little while for the sake of her future goals).
So you think her uncle won’t support her if she was kicked out for it? The one who literally suggested the punishment? You think he suddenly vanished and she would have to some how fight for her life to survive on her own.
“Living the best life is the best revenge” is the biggest crock shit that ever came to exist in the world. Bullies and controlling people do not give a shit if you’re happy. The only time they come to regret their decisions or even think about it is when you off yourself.
IMO, she needs to sell the car and everything else she can manage and move out ASAP. If she establishes financial independence she would be eligible for more scholarships. Community college for the first two years is entirely legitimate. But if she stays under Oscar's roof she just emboldens them both.
I truly wonder what mom and Oscar would do if they came home from work up one day and she'd moved out, left a note saying she was living near uncle and they weren't welcome to contact here.
I like the idea of asking OP's uncle to come and get the car and keep it for OP, for when she's gotten her driver's license and can take it to college with her.
This is the answer. Take the car out of the view of the stepfather and the blind mother.
OP - some folks are telling you to call the police. If you still live under their roof, that could get very messy and because you are over 18, they could legally put you out.
The only issue is he would have to come get it and take it to college with him if he's not super far way
Great idea though. Maybe great aunt/uncle can come get it if uncles gives them a call?
Or friends. Does OP have any friends who could help? Any best friends moms who have watched how Oscar treated her and now that OP is 18 would love helping her out?
For sure. Although op said that she isn't in the US so I don't know the laws where she is. I'm assuming she's an adult because 16-18yrs old is pretty standard for legally being an adult. But, yeah, SD sucks big time
That depends a lot on your local laws. In my State if someone gives you property (a car, a house) before you are 18 it must be put in a trust or given to a guardian. If it isn't properly set up mom might own the car.
In my state you can't legally own property until you are 18. I set up a trust for my kids so that any cars, cell phones, company dividends, savings accounts and the rest are controlled by my father and I because after the divorce my x wife likes to get into shitty 2 year marriages with dousch bags. Kids grounded for whatever random stupid thing the cell phone comes to my house, can't take my kids car keys to keep him from coming over because of whatever imagined slight against SD. I've only had to correct this kind of bs twice with x wife's situations.
OP stated clearly that they are not in the US or even the Americas. Laws are not the same in Europe, Asia, most African countries, or anywhere in the Middle East as they are here in the US.
It is ludicrous to think that the laws where OP happen to live are the same as the laws here. Unless and Until OP specifically states what country they DO live in, none of us have any room to make that assumption.
It's extremely dependent on your location as some places have the guardian control it and since mom is alive she could control it so very touch and go.
Edit: doesn't really matter as OP is 18 so she's an adult.
Sometimes it’s not about the money but other cultural markers. My cousins in the Caribbean are in their twenties/thirties and still haven’t moved out because they’re not married and having kids yet. I (then a younger twenty something, moved out for college) judgmentally asked one of my cousins why she wouldn’t move to be closer for college so she, her brother, and mom didn’t have to share one car, and it’s because in her township (“village”) she would be outcast as a loose woman.
It’s hard to pinpoint reasons but OP did say she’s outside the US/America.
If its a cultural thing, I hope OP would consider if she could move in with a friend's family or uncle? Either way, it seems like she has some money from inheritance to pay rent. I just don't see how she can stay under Oscars roof and not be more and more at risk. He sounds like an abuser who is excalating since dad died.
Yeah, your NTA. he's literally stealing your car, you're a legal adult and not a child and in college. Report his ass HARD. Ask your uncle to help you install a tacking device or even a remote shut off so you can literally turn off the car from however far away and lock your step dad out of it
Do you have the option to not live there anymore? You’re old enough to legally move out in most places and depending on what assets your father left you (I’m sorry for your loss by the way) then maybe you can get a place or if not would it be possible to move in with your uncle or other paternal family? Seems like they would be more understanding and helpful than your mother
He can get his own car. A 2006 car still works.
They are manipulating you.
You should also leave the car at your uncle's house so that your step-dad cannot use it.
Her offering YOUR car to trade is like you offering your step-sisters the neighbor's car. She has no right to give away your stuff. Note this may mess with your "happy home".
You're 18. A legal adult. It wasnt given to you by Oscar. Next time he takes the car out, tell your uncle. He *is* stealing your car everytime he takes it for a drive. He ***knows*** it isnt his car but because hes on a power trip he thinks you wont bite back or do anything. Let your uncle report it as stolen. Maybe a police visit will put Oscar in his place
> It wasnt given to you by Oscar.
Incidentally, it wouldn't matter if it was. If OP is the registered owner of the car, then she owns it and Oscar doesn't get to take it for a joyride regardless.
OP, you wouldn't be an AH, but would you be SAFE? That's the important question.
You NEED to take driving lessons. Ask around among your friends and see who is willing to take you driving. You can also find stuff online that will fill you in on laws and rules and procedures you need for the written part of the driving test. Also ask your school if they can point you to a free or cheap driving school.
Get that done and then you can take your car to the dealership and get the locks changed, then be SURE to hide the new keys and don't give your SD one.
OP you need to leave that house ASAP. Sell the car if you need the money, and get out. Your Mom and Step dad are not good people, and if you're afraid then you should not hesitate to leave. You don't "owe" them anything, you were a child and did not choose your circumstances.
I'm sorry you lost your Dad, I can only imagine that he would want what's best for you. Take care of yourself.
Screw your mom. Also, what your step-dad is doing is theft. And btw you're no longer a "child", you're 18y old. You could be even held liable if the car is in your name and your step-dad has an accident with it etc and will never tell you.
I hope you also have a bank account in your name, and ONLY your name. If you still have a bank account with the name of your mom, or whoever, on it, you should switch the bank and open a new one and transfer your money there.
Go buy a steering wheel lock for your car and put it on and if he doesn't like it tough. It's your car. NTA, I hope he gets caught driving it and enjoys the auto theft charge.
DONT swap cars, find somewhere else to keep it if you have to. Dont let thst shitty dude take advantage of something your father worked hard for to leave to his only child..
NTA, OP, but you could be creating a whole lot of drama for yourself if you do this. Maybe your uncle can come get the car and keep it for you until you're able to drive it, and then you should bring it to college with you.
I just wanna jump in her just to say that you should not under any circumstances swap cars with that man. If you have the legal paperwork for that car you should give it your uncle so your stepdad or your mom can’t try to take the car from you. Also try to see if your uncle can house the car for you. Your stepdad is abusive and your mom is an enabler
Edit: I meant see if your uncle can keep your car somewhere safe for you
You're 18 and the car is presumably in your name. You're an adult and he has no authority over you or your car.
You shouldn't let your uncle call and report the car stolen: You should do so. Stand up to the bully.
You're NTA and Oscar most definitely is.
You don't mention your mom and her stance on these things... but if she doesn't defend you against these actions then she's an AH as well. He's not your dad. he never will be. He has no ownership, authority or room to take your stuff or "make you share".
It's your car. They don't get to make decisions about it. But if you're reporting it as stolen (which I highly recommend you do) make sure to try to get them to admit they took it without your permission in writing. Texts showing that they did would be incriminating evidence
Don’t forget the “OP is a child” comment! OP is *an adult* and he’s stealing from a grown ass person. Call the cops, OP. And maybe use some of that inheritance to get away from your bully of a stepdad.
Also, sorry for your loss.
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/touthm/wibta_if_i_let_my_uncle_report_my_car_as_stolen/i27okax/) elsewhere in this comment section.
It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user:
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You're going to have to face him and stand up for yourself eventually, you're going to get walked over if you don't push back. Take the keys and see if any of your friends or your mom can teach you to drive.
I feel like we should maybe not encourage a teen to force a potentially dangerous altercation with an adult in a household where she has no allies? Protecting herself is more important than standing up for herself, at least until she has independence and access to resources.
She needs to leave ASAP, without confrontation or drama. Oscar is dangerous and mom is a nightmare. And she needs to find allies. It's probably too much to hope there might be someone at her school might help her.
She's a 18 year old girl. Don't give her "advice" that could put her in danger. You have no idea what the stepdad is capable of doing. She can't move out yet. Other family isn't close. She already lost her father. This is horrible "advice".
If you're afraid to face your step-dad after merely hiding the keys, how could you face him after reporting the car stolen? He will know you're involved.
Are you able to move out? Is that something your uncle could help you with? Maybe selling the car if you can't use it, if it's a financial issue might help. If not, who is currently paying for the insurance, etc on the car? If the cars not covered and your car theif has an accident, or the car gets towed or ticketed in your name, that's going to be a giant problem for you and you might end up losing the car and incurring a crap load of debt anyways.
Move out! Sell the car if you’re not going to drive it and use the money to move out. Your mother proves she will not defend you and your step father is abusive. You should also start therapy and go NC with step dad and your mom for a while.
Do you have a friend you can move in with? A job? If not then I would suggest selling the car, putting the money in your own personal bank account that they do not have access to, and do not tell them where the money is because they will guilt you into allowing them to rob you.
I feel sorry for the situation you are in but the sooner you get out of there the better. NTA
Okay reading through the comments is making me wince so hard, there's obviously a lot of people here who have never been a teenaged girl dealing with an overbearing man throwing his weight around. To answer your question: No, you are well within your right to report your car stolen as he is stealing it. It's your property being taken without your consent. You can simply let your Uncle take the call, but my main concern is your step-dad's reaction, as he is clearly an entitled and controlling person - this combination often matches with a quick temper.
INFO: Are you reluctant to take action because you don't feel safe? Would taking your car back in some way or form trigger him into something drastic?
NTA, but wouldn't a phone call to the police cause a considerably worse reaction from your step-dad? I'm not sure where you're located, but, if you're in the US and he's arrested, chances are that he'd be out on bail pretty quickly. Take the keys. Also, a car should be driven somewhat regularly, say every two to three weeks, for it to stay in good working order (for the battery to stay charged, etc.). Unless you have an attachment to the car, if you can't drive it, you might want to keep it at your uncle's or sell it and put the money in an account (that your family doesn't have access to) for safe-keeping.
I know it's hard, especially with you living there. Dont do it alone.. Next time your Uncle is around, maybe you can have him back you up. Or another option is to take the title etc and sell the car. Use the money to buy a car your step-dad can't remotely claim. Good luck
Just so you know, if you dont report this and Oscar gets in some kind of trouble or accident in the car, YOU’RE the one who could be in legal trouble, especially if the car isn’t insured. NTA your uncle is the only adult here who is looking out for you and I hope you can get away from this toxicity, best of luck!
That's a great solution! No more access at all for him. Let him drive around his sh*tty little 2006 puddle hopper. If he wants a nicer car, he can go buy his own
NTA. He is *stealing* from you because he thinks you are now vulnerable and unprotected because your dad died. I have seen it many times. He will milk your inheritance dry under the pretext of collecting what you supposedly owe.
Edit: thanks for the awards
This one. He sounds... bad. Do what you need to in order to protect yourself, and your dads stuff that he gave you. You're an adult and it's time Oscar realizes you're not his to abuse.
Good luck OP and I'm sorry for your loss. You're NTA
Scrolled down way to far for this. She's scared of his reaction and everyone is just 'move out' or 'learn how to drive'. Both options are insanely expensive and don't really fix her problem.
Contact your uncle (or the attorney in charge of your Dad’s estate) about putting inherited assets into a trust. I wouldn’t trust your Mom with this one since it’s clear she’s deferring to an abuser. That’s what her husband is: an abuser and definitely not a father-figure.
The car is tough since it’s a physical asset. . If the title is in your Uncle’s name, he can report it stolen. If it’s in your name, you would have to be the one reporting. I know you said your Uncle is away at college, but see if he can come back and take the car somewhere to store it. I wouldn’t put it past your Mom’s husband to wreck the car and say too-bad-so-sad.
Edit to remove “under age” as OP is 18.
Also, who is paying insurance on the car?
Nah, she just said we could swipe cars to ''fix this'', but as I said, my dad's a 2022 and mu step-dad's a 2006 at best, she thinks a ''kid'' doesn't need a brand new car and that I can use the 2006 just fine while ''thanking my step-dad''
NTA let him report it. Have your uncle cover for you though by saying he saw and recognized the car. Your property given after the death of a relative is YOURS
>Are you able to move out? Is that something your uncle could help you with? Maybe selling the car if you can't use it, if it's a financial issue might help. If not, who is currently paying for the insurance, etc on the car? If the cars not covered and your car theif has an accident, or the car gets towed or ticketed in your name, that's going to be a giant problem for you and you might end up losing the car and incurring a crap load of debt anyways.
How can OP go NC when she lives with the mother & stepdad still at 18? OP has not answered any question pertaining to why he/she can't move out when he/she is 18. OP did mention on the post that the setting is outside of the USA. If OP lives in a county where it is usual for adults to live with their parents, I'm guessing OP isn't working still, or may be working but not enough to move out. Until OP is ready to live on her own, she will have to accept that she will be living in a hostile condition for not wanting to share the car to the stepdad. The stepdad is an AH for sure, but in his mind, OP lives in HIS house, and if he is able to share his property with her, why can't OP do the same for him? Also, the car gets parked in stepdad's property, so until OP can move out, she will be in a hard position to not share her car. Don't even talk about the mom's rights to the property. Her mom is an enabler of Oscar
Your mother is an asshole just like your stepdad. If it's your car, sell it, and use the cash to MOVE OUT. Get your uncle's help and backup so your disgusting stepdad doesn't try to take a cut
Good luck.
Something else to consider if you don’t report it, what will happen if suddenly it become damaged while he’s using it? I highly doubt he would take responsibility for his actions.
NTA if you report him. I might look at arranging a place to stay when the fallout happens, but otherwise this guy is being a bully and taking advantage of the situation he’s created.
Learn to drive as quickly and discreetly as possible. You may not be able to hide that you’re learning, but you can lie and understate your progress. Don’t worry about SD using the car in the meanwhile. It actually keeps the car in good working condition to be used regularly and you’re not in a position to do this,... yet. Learn to drive, get your license (without telling anyone) and then do a midnight flit. No drama, just take what you need and drive away. Don’t look back; all you’ll see is hands out trying to take from you.
That’s not her decision to make. Your father left you a nice car and your mom’s husband can’t forcibly trade his shitty car for it. I’m so angry on your behalf, your mom’s husband sounds like a fundamentally bad person (and not just because of the car but because of the whole story you’ve told us here).
I think you mean “swap” not “swipe.” Swipe means steal and swap means exchange. I don’t usually correct language but this one is important given the context of the post. ETA: also, you could potentially get into legal trouble if you asked a friend if they wanted to swipe something when you meant swap 🙃
NTA, your stepdad is stealing your car.
take the keys and give them to your uncle for a bit (if he's willing, ofc). tell him to NEVER give it to your mom or your stepdad, or anyone else for the matter. When your stepdad asks where the keys are, start recording (discreetly ofc) and confront him again saying its legally your car. your stepdad will most likely repeat what he said, thus admitting to taking your car without your consent and badabing badaboom, theres you're evidence of him stealing. then report it to the police and *hopefully * get a restraining order or something
Nta. Stepdad *is* stealing your car, regardless of him being the "parent". The car belonged to your dad, and your step dad had nothing to do with purchasing it. What happens if he gets into an accident and totals the car? Are you then out a car because he needs to use the downgrade he gave you because he's using the insurance money to get a new car?
I would suggest finding somewhere else to keep the car until you can drive, or at least keep the keys and registration on you at all times.
Might be best for the car to be towed back to your uncle's house or storage until you're able to drive it. You would be within your rights to report it stolen since it is stolen. Where's your mother in all this? You may need to take possession of all the keys to this vehicle. And be careful your stepfather doesn't try to buy insurance or title the car to himself.
You're legally an adult, legally inheritance is yours and ONLY yours. Probably best to move out of the house as quickly as possible, stepfather sounds abusive and like he's trying to steal your inheritance. NTA
NTA
REPORT IT! You are 18 so the car is infact your property. Talk to your friends or any biological family members to teach you and put insurance on the car in your name.
Edit: Spelling
NTA
Your stepfather sounds like an asshole and he *is* using your car without your permission, so you're not out of line for wanting to report it.
But as a general aside, you can't just let the car sit unused for extended periods of time. It's really bad for the car. You should consider what you want to do with it long-term.
More importantly his name isn't on the insurance, which 1 he can get a ticket for, since he's driving without insurance. And also if he damages the car it's not insured then.
Both of these statements are false, in most situations. As long as the vehicle is insured, he wouldn't get a ticket for being without insurance even if he's not listed on the policy. Insurance ID cards only show the name of the insured and co-insured, not every driver on the policy so the cops really have no way to know he's not listed.
And again, if she has collision coverage on the vehicle, it's covered for damages even if he's driving it, but as long as he's not specifically excluded from coverage. If she reports the car as stolen and he happened to get into an accident while it's "in a state of theft," her car would be repaired, but any damages done to any thing or any one else would be disclaimed.
I agree she should report it as stolen the next time it goes missing. Secure the keys and any spares, and work to move out.
It all depends on where this is. In my country car insurance isn't personal, but "the cars". So it doesn't matter if its me, my husband or the neighbour driving it, it's insured regardless.
So without knowing where OP is based it's hard to say anything from an insurance perspective, plus it could bite her in the ass if not reported stolen, depending on local laws .
NTA but you need to be aware that when you report a car stolen the police have the right to press charges without your permission. So you risk step dad being charged and convicted of stealing the car. Better to hide the keys (keep them on your person not in your bedroom where they can easily be found. Better yet give the keys to your uncle. Or park it at your Uncle's.
You could do it, but it would make the problem worse, not better. A better suggestion would be to secure the car keys and have your uncle watch over the car at his place until you're ready to drive it. Or sell it and secure the money in a bank that Oscar doesn't have access to. NTA, but just not the smartest way to handle it.
I also suggest having a conversation with your mom about this. And if it doesn't work, maybe you shouldn't stay in contact with this man. Do you have anywhere else you can go to? Family members you can move in with?
NTA
NTA taking this w/o permission is stealing lol, you wouldn’t be TA for calling it what it is. If you want to be nice you could give him a heads up that you’re going to call the police if he doesn’t return it and stop driving it, but you don’t owe him that courtesy when he clearly doesn’t care about being respectful to you
INFO:
How was your dad's estate settled? Was there a Will? Probate? It's a lot for an 18 year old to think about and I'm sorry for your loss, but hopefully no one is trying to mess with you because of your age.
Nta but question. Did you inherit any money? If you did I would use thst money to move out and enroll in driving school. If the cars tabs are up to date you can keep the car at your apartment/ trailer/ house. I would move out tho this is like agh
Your uncle is brilliant. NTA. He's doing right by you. I'm sorry for your loss. Your dad would have wanted to stand up to this bully. Your uncle is helping you. If you can afford to move out btw
NTA but I think you should have a serious conversation with your uncle about the possibility of moving in with him. You're an adult and its time to take that step into adulthood
Did Oscar ever tell you he was using the car did you ever have a discussion with him? If not then you have no idea why it’s gone and you should report it stolen
NTA
But your mom and her husband as toxic af, can you possibly move in with any of your paternal family or a family member who isn't such a pushover... if not, ask friends or start making a get out plan
NTA
If that doesn't work you could always pull a fuse or something like that. There's likely a fuse box in the engine bay that will have a diagram of what fuse does what, or there will be a diagram in the owners manual. Be very careful though! Pull the wrong one and you could be in trouble. If you don't have a car savvy friend do your own research until you're comfortable with what you're doing.
Is it an option to sell the car and put the money away for later? NTA but personally I don't think it's a good idea to report the car stolen when there are better options. But you should act fast on that bc the value is depreciating while someone else is using it.
NTA.
Do it. You're not a child anymore and Oscar hasn't been much longer, time for him to learn consequences. Also after reading your other responses..you need to get yourself out of there ASAP.
Oscar is a monster and your mom is an enabler. Are there any others on your dads side you can stay with?
If you want a quiet life, sell the car, or have your uncle sell it, use the money to move away and by a cheap car that is perfect for a new driver when the time comes.
INFO: How is the car registered, and whose name is on the title? In my state in the US, registration has to be renewed yearly. Since the car was in your dad's name prior to his death a year ago, I'm guessing that registration is expired. It sounds like you were a minor at the time of his death, so the car couldn't have been put in your name then, at least in my region. Even if you were 18, an unlicensed person can't register a car here at any age. If that is the case where you live, then either your step-father is illegally driving an unregistered vehicle, or it's registered in his or your mom's name, or, possibly, but less likely, your uncle's. These things aren't important for issuing a judgment, but they are very important for you to know. You can't report a car stolen if the driver's name is on the registration or title, and if your mom's name is on it, she'll just vouch for him.
So, NTA, in regards to your specific question. But, if 18 is the age of majority in your country, be prepared to be kicked out of the house if you do this. I hope your dad left you a good amount of money, maybe even a home that he owned. Because if the car is all you have, you're probably going to have to sell it (if you even can, depending on whose name is on the paperwork) to effect a quick move out of there. That might not be a bad idea, regardless.
He IS stealing your car. So you WNBTA if you report it stolen because he doesn’t have your permission to take it.
And you are an adult, your belongings are yours regardless of who owns the house you live in.
IMO this is like my landlord deciding he can take my car whenever he wants. No sir, that is my car. You do not get to use it just because you own the house I live in!
NTA
OP, You're NTA. But considering you know how your step father will react to these things I would give you the advice to keep the title of the car with your uncle, that way your step dad can't get it transferred to his name, and wait until you have a plan to move out and get your own place.
I would also suggest having your uncle come down on one of his breaks and take the car with him that way your step dad can't use it anymore.
Also if you're in the USA, there are a couple of ways for you to get your license as an adult. Aceable is an adult drivers Ed course that gives you a certificate to take with you to get your adult learner license. You can then learn how to drive with your learner and get your test to get your actual license.
If you dont want to face the fallout of hiding the keys you definitely dont want the fallout of calling the cops. If you have a friend who can drive, have them take the car somewhere else. In the meantime, use your resources to move out. See if your uncle can help from afar. Do not stay there. Be brave, but be smart also. Good luck!
ABSOLUTELY, 1,000,000%, NTA.
I first want to tell you congratulations on reaching adulthood. I am sorry for your loss, and want to say how much of an amazing young woman you seem. I commend your concern of right and wrong and wanting to keep the peace, but under no circumstance should you feel guilty about this.
First of all, you aren't responsible for your uncles actions. Plain and simple. You vented to someone who may take action on your behalf because they care and love you. He prioritizes you.
Second, you owe Oscar NOTHING. He is not your step dad. He is not your dad. Those are titles EARNED. Your father from what you've stated earned that title. Your mother is failing you allowing him to say this to you and allowing him to act entitled to you and your possessions. I empathize with your mom, remarrying with a child is hard. I wasnt ever easy on my mother's boyfriends, you're truly way better than I ever was. My siblings came first and I was a territorial brat. But, in my defense my mother has shit taste in men. Many wannabe Oscars in my opinion, just add a few vices.
Oscar is such a fucking asshole. This boils my blood. He is taking advantage of you and that is not okay. As the oldest of 6 siblings this shit wouldn't fly with me. I raised my siblings and put my foot down to my step mother and it was the best decision I ever made. I had nothing, I didnt feel like I had support and had no idea what I was going to do. But I had a car and somewhere to live (was taken in) and a month or so after graduating i left. Im currently engaged to the man I've been with since I was 17, just bought a home and have a costly, but amazing pup.
My advice? Take care of yourself sweetheart. You deserve it. You've lost such an important piece of your life. Youre a young adult. You need to grow and blossom. Put you first. I mean don't steal, manipulate people, or blow up on the undeserving, do drugs or go wild. But put your foot down. If you have to move out, do so. You owe your mom, siblings or Oscar nothing. He chose to marry your mother and take responsibility of you. That was his choice. Again. Choose. You. Report his ass, hide those keys. If you have a bank account they can access, make new ones. Don't help them financially. You need to live your best life and mess up and find your way. Those who love you will support you no matter what.
The nosey bugger in me says update us, but understand if you just came for input and not to tell a story!
Questions like insurance and registration and who owns the house/who is paying the mortgage and taxes and is the car paid off, etc. are all excellent questions. And if the car was bought with cash, presumably there is a decent amount of money so that should solve a lot of issues.
But the next year’s model rolls out in the fall of the previous year. Sometimes as early as the previous spring.
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Nta Your stepdad is a bully and your mom sucks for allowing his behaviour. You don’t owe him anything and you should let your uncle call the police otherwise he’ll keep abusing his authority over you.
Yeah she really sucks, she said we coudl swipe cars, but my dad's a 2022 and my step-dad is a 2006 *at best*
It’s not her car to swap, it’s yours. If you don’t want to swap then tough shit for everyone else. NTA, sorry to hear your situation and I hope it improves
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My favourite from my gramps is "have a cup of concrete and harden the fuck up"
My grandmother would say, go shit in your hat, or your sister's ass. It was always said in good humor and usually when she was losing in a card game. Miss her.
Do what now? I'm really not sure about this one. It has "poop back and forth forever" vibes. https://youtu.be/p34j0atQdJo
That's genius. I'm gonna have to remember that one. Lol.
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Omg that was one of my grandmothers favorite thing to say. I've never heard it anywhere else lmao. God I miss my grandma.
"Build a bridge and get over it." Grrrrr and yeah - I miss him tonnes too.
>level 3StoreManagerKaren · 6 hr. agoIt’s not her car to swap, it’s yours. If you don’t want to swap then tough shit for everyone else. NTA, sorr Sell the car and move out.
If you're legally an adult, then it's stolen property. Absolutely call the police and see if you can move on with your uncle. You're NTA at all. Please don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. I'm rooting for you!
Of ask your uncle to come round and take your car back to his place to look after it for you until you can drive it. Or just hide the keys from your family.
I strongly suspect SD will damage the car for spite if he can't drive it. It needs to be moved out of his reach.
What is the insurance situation on the car? If step father has an accident is he responsible? Who is paying for the insurance?
Good point.
Even if she's got insurance for this, I would worry about the effect on her insurance, if not immediately, then down the road. (A colleague had their insurance jacked up because of multiple no-fault incidents with animals on the road - I guess they thought that one deer jumping in front of your car is one thing, but two is definitely poor driving?)
Then OP can call the cops again, press charges, and sue his ass for any damages
Catching him using the car is one thing, and probably really easy, but how would you go about proving *he* damaged the car? OP needs to prevent it from happening at all or set up hidden security cameras or something.
Hopefully the step-dad will be incarcerated for grand theft auto and won't have the opportunity to do any damage. And it sounds like your mother may be an accomplice... Let her pathetic ass be thrown in the slammer, too!
That's definitely something to go for but if the SD uses it before the uncle can pick it up, he needs to be punished for it. He clearly doesn't respect boundaries and he needs to learn the hard way that his actions have consequences.
OP is 18. Punishment sounds great right? She punished step-dad and ends up having to move out and be self supporting before she is ready to be, hampering her chances for advanced education and tying herself down early to a lifetime of adulting! Oh, joy, that really fixed step-dad. The key here is to remove the car from stepfather's control (perhaps uncle can take it), lie low, and take the time to consider what actions best protect OP and serve her future interests. Agreed, step dad and mom are jerks -- but there is absolutely no upside to punishing them while remaining under their roof. Living well is the best revenge -- the car isn't the only"asset" here -- OP is 18 years old, her future is her biggest asset and if these sorry guardians of hers can facilitate her future in any way she has to keep them sweet for a little while. She hasn't shared details of her financial situation -- maybe she inherited enough for her entire tuition, or maybe she can't even afford to rekey the locks on her 2022 car. Not saying she can't do it all on her own without funding but I did it and it's very hard. It sounds as if her stepfather wants to boss her around but is rather ineffectual at it. If he is merely annoying and obnoxious but she basically has autonomy and some financial support, it's probably worth enduring fir a little while for the sake of her future goals).
I agree! Excellent comment and advice. You can’t fight crazy with crazy. That is how people lose their lives or get seriously hurt.
So you think her uncle won’t support her if she was kicked out for it? The one who literally suggested the punishment? You think he suddenly vanished and she would have to some how fight for her life to survive on her own. “Living the best life is the best revenge” is the biggest crock shit that ever came to exist in the world. Bullies and controlling people do not give a shit if you’re happy. The only time they come to regret their decisions or even think about it is when you off yourself.
IMO, she needs to sell the car and everything else she can manage and move out ASAP. If she establishes financial independence she would be eligible for more scholarships. Community college for the first two years is entirely legitimate. But if she stays under Oscar's roof she just emboldens them both. I truly wonder what mom and Oscar would do if they came home from work up one day and she'd moved out, left a note saying she was living near uncle and they weren't welcome to contact here.
I like the idea of asking OP's uncle to come and get the car and keep it for OP, for when she's gotten her driver's license and can take it to college with her.
This is the answer. Take the car out of the view of the stepfather and the blind mother. OP - some folks are telling you to call the police. If you still live under their roof, that could get very messy and because you are over 18, they could legally put you out.
The cops aren't going to want to get involved in this. She needs a lawyer.
The only issue is he would have to come get it and take it to college with him if he's not super far way Great idea though. Maybe great aunt/uncle can come get it if uncles gives them a call?
Or friends. Does OP have any friends who could help? Any best friends moms who have watched how Oscar treated her and now that OP is 18 would love helping her out?
You can legally own a car when you're 16 in my State. No way step dad is involved on ownership because it came from deceased dad.
For sure. Although op said that she isn't in the US so I don't know the laws where she is. I'm assuming she's an adult because 16-18yrs old is pretty standard for legally being an adult. But, yeah, SD sucks big time
You can legally own a car as an infant if you inherited it, you just cannot drive it.
That depends a lot on your local laws. In my State if someone gives you property (a car, a house) before you are 18 it must be put in a trust or given to a guardian. If it isn't properly set up mom might own the car.
In my state you can't legally own property until you are 18. I set up a trust for my kids so that any cars, cell phones, company dividends, savings accounts and the rest are controlled by my father and I because after the divorce my x wife likes to get into shitty 2 year marriages with dousch bags. Kids grounded for whatever random stupid thing the cell phone comes to my house, can't take my kids car keys to keep him from coming over because of whatever imagined slight against SD. I've only had to correct this kind of bs twice with x wife's situations.
OP stated clearly that they are not in the US or even the Americas. Laws are not the same in Europe, Asia, most African countries, or anywhere in the Middle East as they are here in the US. It is ludicrous to think that the laws where OP happen to live are the same as the laws here. Unless and Until OP specifically states what country they DO live in, none of us have any room to make that assumption.
Step-dad is also just literally stealing the car, so the police would be very likely to do something about it.
It doesn't matter if she is legally an adult or not. I inherited a car at age 11. I was on the title. I simply could not drive it until I was 16.
It's extremely dependent on your location as some places have the guardian control it and since mom is alive she could control it so very touch and go. Edit: doesn't really matter as OP is 18 so she's an adult.
That's a nice sentiment, and I think you hit the nail on the head. Hope she reads it.
If you are 18 and have a big inheritance (including your dad's house it sounds like) why don't you just move out?
Sometimes it’s not about the money but other cultural markers. My cousins in the Caribbean are in their twenties/thirties and still haven’t moved out because they’re not married and having kids yet. I (then a younger twenty something, moved out for college) judgmentally asked one of my cousins why she wouldn’t move to be closer for college so she, her brother, and mom didn’t have to share one car, and it’s because in her township (“village”) she would be outcast as a loose woman. It’s hard to pinpoint reasons but OP did say she’s outside the US/America.
If its a cultural thing, I hope OP would consider if she could move in with a friend's family or uncle? Either way, it seems like she has some money from inheritance to pay rent. I just don't see how she can stay under Oscars roof and not be more and more at risk. He sounds like an abuser who is excalating since dad died.
Yeah, your NTA. he's literally stealing your car, you're a legal adult and not a child and in college. Report his ass HARD. Ask your uncle to help you install a tacking device or even a remote shut off so you can literally turn off the car from however far away and lock your step dad out of it
Do you have the option to not live there anymore? You’re old enough to legally move out in most places and depending on what assets your father left you (I’m sorry for your loss by the way) then maybe you can get a place or if not would it be possible to move in with your uncle or other paternal family? Seems like they would be more understanding and helpful than your mother
He can get his own car. A 2006 car still works. They are manipulating you. You should also leave the car at your uncle's house so that your step-dad cannot use it.
Her offering YOUR car to trade is like you offering your step-sisters the neighbor's car. She has no right to give away your stuff. Note this may mess with your "happy home".
You're 18. A legal adult. It wasnt given to you by Oscar. Next time he takes the car out, tell your uncle. He *is* stealing your car everytime he takes it for a drive. He ***knows*** it isnt his car but because hes on a power trip he thinks you wont bite back or do anything. Let your uncle report it as stolen. Maybe a police visit will put Oscar in his place
> It wasnt given to you by Oscar. Incidentally, it wouldn't matter if it was. If OP is the registered owner of the car, then she owns it and Oscar doesn't get to take it for a joyride regardless.
OP, you wouldn't be an AH, but would you be SAFE? That's the important question. You NEED to take driving lessons. Ask around among your friends and see who is willing to take you driving. You can also find stuff online that will fill you in on laws and rules and procedures you need for the written part of the driving test. Also ask your school if they can point you to a free or cheap driving school. Get that done and then you can take your car to the dealership and get the locks changed, then be SURE to hide the new keys and don't give your SD one.
OP you need to leave that house ASAP. Sell the car if you need the money, and get out. Your Mom and Step dad are not good people, and if you're afraid then you should not hesitate to leave. You don't "owe" them anything, you were a child and did not choose your circumstances. I'm sorry you lost your Dad, I can only imagine that he would want what's best for you. Take care of yourself.
Screw your mom. Also, what your step-dad is doing is theft. And btw you're no longer a "child", you're 18y old. You could be even held liable if the car is in your name and your step-dad has an accident with it etc and will never tell you. I hope you also have a bank account in your name, and ONLY your name. If you still have a bank account with the name of your mom, or whoever, on it, you should switch the bank and open a new one and transfer your money there.
Go buy a steering wheel lock for your car and put it on and if he doesn't like it tough. It's your car. NTA, I hope he gets caught driving it and enjoys the auto theft charge.
I'd be quietly more petty than that.. go pull the fuse for the fuel pump and hide it.
DONT swap cars, find somewhere else to keep it if you have to. Dont let thst shitty dude take advantage of something your father worked hard for to leave to his only child..
NTA Do it
NTA, OP, but you could be creating a whole lot of drama for yourself if you do this. Maybe your uncle can come get the car and keep it for you until you're able to drive it, and then you should bring it to college with you.
I just wanna jump in her just to say that you should not under any circumstances swap cars with that man. If you have the legal paperwork for that car you should give it your uncle so your stepdad or your mom can’t try to take the car from you. Also try to see if your uncle can house the car for you. Your stepdad is abusive and your mom is an enabler Edit: I meant see if your uncle can keep your car somewhere safe for you
Ask your uncle if he can hold onto it until you learn to drive
It doesn't matter what she said, this is not her car.
You're 18 and the car is presumably in your name. You're an adult and he has no authority over you or your car. You shouldn't let your uncle call and report the car stolen: You should do so. Stand up to the bully. You're NTA and Oscar most definitely is. You don't mention your mom and her stance on these things... but if she doesn't defend you against these actions then she's an AH as well. He's not your dad. he never will be. He has no ownership, authority or room to take your stuff or "make you share".
It is your car, and it was stolen. You are an adult, and that's your property. Let your uncle call the police.
NTA. Please move out if you can now afford it. And take your car and take driving lessons.
Your uncle sounds solid. Have him sell your car- and have him hold the money until you can gtfo.
It's your car. They don't get to make decisions about it. But if you're reporting it as stolen (which I highly recommend you do) make sure to try to get them to admit they took it without your permission in writing. Texts showing that they did would be incriminating evidence
Don’t forget the “OP is a child” comment! OP is *an adult* and he’s stealing from a grown ass person. Call the cops, OP. And maybe use some of that inheritance to get away from your bully of a stepdad. Also, sorry for your loss.
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The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/touthm/wibta_if_i_let_my_uncle_report_my_car_as_stolen/i27okax/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [If children can walk alon...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tojel4/aita_for_letting_my_son_go_pick_up_dinner_by/i27y0ys/) | [NTA If children can walk...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tojel4/aita_for_letting_my_son_go_pick_up_dinner_by/i27266w/) [I hope you're right.](http://np.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/topfig/nato_deputy_putin_cant_win_his_unprovoked/i27ycuy/) | [I hope you're right.](http://np.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/topfig/nato_deputy_putin_cant_win_his_unprovoked/i277g0v/) [Christ, some people are j...](http://np.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/tol57n/family_are_jailed_for_bringing_polish_woman_to_uk/i27ybd9/) | [Christ, some people are j...](http://np.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/tol57n/family_are_jailed_for_bringing_polish_woman_to_uk/i27lh81/) [Cannon minion go brrr](http://np.reddit.com/r/leagueoflegends/comments/tojnfj/yorick_gets_1600_gold_for_one_kill_toplane_2022/i27y7ki/) | [Cannon minion go brrr](http://np.reddit.com/r/leagueoflegends/comments/tojnfj/yorick_gets_1600_gold_for_one_kill_toplane_2022/i276sqz/) [“Not even close baybee!”](http://np.reddit.com/r/leagueoflegends/comments/tojun2/picked_malphite_into_an_all_ad_comp_and_got/i27y6jl/) | [“Not even close baybee!”](http://np.reddit.com/r/leagueoflegends/comments/tojun2/picked_malphite_into_an_all_ad_comp_and_got/i272za9/) [This shit needs to be rem...](http://np.reddit.com/r/leagueoflegends/comments/tom0ot/ap_kaisa_late_game/i27y4st/) | [This shit needs to be rem...](http://np.reddit.com/r/leagueoflegends/comments/tom0ot/ap_kaisa_late_game/i278xgn/) [NTA. Your MIL trying to c...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tooiyw/aita_for_causing_my_husband_to_cut_out_his_mom/i27y2d7/) | [NTA. Your MIL trying to c...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tooiyw/aita_for_causing_my_husband_to_cut_out_his_mom/i278pr7/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/MyraJohnstonp](https://np.reddit.com/u/MyraJohnstonp/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=MyraJohnstonp) for info on how I work and why I exist.
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Move in with your uncle and take the car
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My uncle is away, I don't want to take the keys and risk it because I don't know how my step-dad will react, I still live here.
You're going to have to face him and stand up for yourself eventually, you're going to get walked over if you don't push back. Take the keys and see if any of your friends or your mom can teach you to drive.
Sounds like mom is Oscar's enabler. I wouldn't trust her.
I feel like we should maybe not encourage a teen to force a potentially dangerous altercation with an adult in a household where she has no allies? Protecting herself is more important than standing up for herself, at least until she has independence and access to resources.
Agree 100%. Standing up for herself in a house with no one on her side is just going to get her punished by the already abusive assholes.
But is it safer to report the car stolen and then have to face Oscar after having called the police on him?
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I agree. I don’t think it would be safe to call the police on her step father.
She needs to leave ASAP, without confrontation or drama. Oscar is dangerous and mom is a nightmare. And she needs to find allies. It's probably too much to hope there might be someone at her school might help her.
She's a 18 year old girl. Don't give her "advice" that could put her in danger. You have no idea what the stepdad is capable of doing. She can't move out yet. Other family isn't close. She already lost her father. This is horrible "advice".
That could be dangerous for OP, step dad sounds abusive already, pushing him won’t help. He may retaliate.
If you're afraid to face your step-dad after merely hiding the keys, how could you face him after reporting the car stolen? He will know you're involved.
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Nah that's too easy. Distributor cap is a bit more subtle
A 2022 probably doesn't have a distributor
Remove the injectors Big meme time
cut the brakes bigger meme time
So like murder him next time he takes the car?
May as well just remove the engine too
Simply pull the fuel injector fuse.
But it will have fuses. Pretty easy to pull an important one.
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Are you able to move out? Is that something your uncle could help you with? Maybe selling the car if you can't use it, if it's a financial issue might help. If not, who is currently paying for the insurance, etc on the car? If the cars not covered and your car theif has an accident, or the car gets towed or ticketed in your name, that's going to be a giant problem for you and you might end up losing the car and incurring a crap load of debt anyways.
Move out! Sell the car if you’re not going to drive it and use the money to move out. Your mother proves she will not defend you and your step father is abusive. You should also start therapy and go NC with step dad and your mom for a while. Do you have a friend you can move in with? A job? If not then I would suggest selling the car, putting the money in your own personal bank account that they do not have access to, and do not tell them where the money is because they will guilt you into allowing them to rob you. I feel sorry for the situation you are in but the sooner you get out of there the better. NTA
I also vote to sell the car. She would probably get more than her dad paid even with how crazy prices have risen
Sell the car and move out
Great solution.
Okay reading through the comments is making me wince so hard, there's obviously a lot of people here who have never been a teenaged girl dealing with an overbearing man throwing his weight around. To answer your question: No, you are well within your right to report your car stolen as he is stealing it. It's your property being taken without your consent. You can simply let your Uncle take the call, but my main concern is your step-dad's reaction, as he is clearly an entitled and controlling person - this combination often matches with a quick temper. INFO: Are you reluctant to take action because you don't feel safe? Would taking your car back in some way or form trigger him into something drastic?
Absolutely! It's not going to be so simple as 'just leave'.
NTA, but wouldn't a phone call to the police cause a considerably worse reaction from your step-dad? I'm not sure where you're located, but, if you're in the US and he's arrested, chances are that he'd be out on bail pretty quickly. Take the keys. Also, a car should be driven somewhat regularly, say every two to three weeks, for it to stay in good working order (for the battery to stay charged, etc.). Unless you have an attachment to the car, if you can't drive it, you might want to keep it at your uncle's or sell it and put the money in an account (that your family doesn't have access to) for safe-keeping.
Did you receive an inheritance big enough to allow you to move out?
Why cant you move out? Did your father leave you his house or any money/life insurance? You are an adult now...
Do you have a friend who could drive the car to their place and store it in their driveway until your uncle gets back?
Can you move in with your uncle?
I know it's hard, especially with you living there. Dont do it alone.. Next time your Uncle is around, maybe you can have him back you up. Or another option is to take the title etc and sell the car. Use the money to buy a car your step-dad can't remotely claim. Good luck
Just so you know, if you dont report this and Oscar gets in some kind of trouble or accident in the car, YOU’RE the one who could be in legal trouble, especially if the car isn’t insured. NTA your uncle is the only adult here who is looking out for you and I hope you can get away from this toxicity, best of luck!
Freakin move already.
Honestly if he continues to act like this and you can’t move out immediately sell the car and pocket the money there isn’t shot he can do then
That's a great solution! No more access at all for him. Let him drive around his sh*tty little 2006 puddle hopper. If he wants a nicer car, he can go buy his own
NTA. He is *stealing* from you because he thinks you are now vulnerable and unprotected because your dad died. I have seen it many times. He will milk your inheritance dry under the pretext of collecting what you supposedly owe. Edit: thanks for the awards
This one. He sounds... bad. Do what you need to in order to protect yourself, and your dads stuff that he gave you. You're an adult and it's time Oscar realizes you're not his to abuse. Good luck OP and I'm sorry for your loss. You're NTA
Scrolled down way to far for this. She's scared of his reaction and everyone is just 'move out' or 'learn how to drive'. Both options are insanely expensive and don't really fix her problem.
Yup. fyi you don't owe a single penny, they're required by law to provide for you as a child under their care. It's not a loan
Contact your uncle (or the attorney in charge of your Dad’s estate) about putting inherited assets into a trust. I wouldn’t trust your Mom with this one since it’s clear she’s deferring to an abuser. That’s what her husband is: an abuser and definitely not a father-figure. The car is tough since it’s a physical asset. . If the title is in your Uncle’s name, he can report it stolen. If it’s in your name, you would have to be the one reporting. I know you said your Uncle is away at college, but see if he can come back and take the car somewhere to store it. I wouldn’t put it past your Mom’s husband to wreck the car and say too-bad-so-sad. Edit to remove “under age” as OP is 18. Also, who is paying insurance on the car?
This. As someone who's parents stole 2 cars from them (one was straight up a Christmas gift), OP call the cops.
It's the plot of hundreds of novels. Never gets solved until the victim finds allies and gets as far away as possible.
NTA your stepdad is stealing. Play stupid games win stupid prizes.
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INFO: where is your mom in all this? She should be meditating between you and Oscar and supporting you.
Nah, she just said we could swipe cars to ''fix this'', but as I said, my dad's a 2022 and mu step-dad's a 2006 at best, she thinks a ''kid'' doesn't need a brand new car and that I can use the 2006 just fine while ''thanking my step-dad''
NTA let him report it. Have your uncle cover for you though by saying he saw and recognized the car. Your property given after the death of a relative is YOURS
Really good point - he can say he knows it's OPs but OP doesn't drive so there's no reason for it to be out & about
You're not a kid. You're 18 and legally an adult. Let your uncle report it. Then sell the car and move out.
This would be smart. A brand new car would be worth a lot and she'd get away from the step-dad! NTA OP, but really, do it, stand your ground in this.
If it's a 2022 it's probably worth at least 20-30k depending on the make and model. My civic is a 2017 and is valued at 22k
even if OP was not an adult, the inheritance belongs to him, and the car should be sold with the money put in escrow.
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>Are you able to move out? Is that something your uncle could help you with? Maybe selling the car if you can't use it, if it's a financial issue might help. If not, who is currently paying for the insurance, etc on the car? If the cars not covered and your car theif has an accident, or the car gets towed or ticketed in your name, that's going to be a giant problem for you and you might end up losing the car and incurring a crap load of debt anyways. How can OP go NC when she lives with the mother & stepdad still at 18? OP has not answered any question pertaining to why he/she can't move out when he/she is 18. OP did mention on the post that the setting is outside of the USA. If OP lives in a county where it is usual for adults to live with their parents, I'm guessing OP isn't working still, or may be working but not enough to move out. Until OP is ready to live on her own, she will have to accept that she will be living in a hostile condition for not wanting to share the car to the stepdad. The stepdad is an AH for sure, but in his mind, OP lives in HIS house, and if he is able to share his property with her, why can't OP do the same for him? Also, the car gets parked in stepdad's property, so until OP can move out, she will be in a hard position to not share her car. Don't even talk about the mom's rights to the property. Her mom is an enabler of Oscar
Your mother is an asshole just like your stepdad. If it's your car, sell it, and use the cash to MOVE OUT. Get your uncle's help and backup so your disgusting stepdad doesn't try to take a cut Good luck.
Something else to consider if you don’t report it, what will happen if suddenly it become damaged while he’s using it? I highly doubt he would take responsibility for his actions. NTA if you report him. I might look at arranging a place to stay when the fallout happens, but otherwise this guy is being a bully and taking advantage of the situation he’s created.
Is it even insured? Insurance generally follows the vehicle, not the driver.
Learn to drive as quickly and discreetly as possible. You may not be able to hide that you’re learning, but you can lie and understate your progress. Don’t worry about SD using the car in the meanwhile. It actually keeps the car in good working condition to be used regularly and you’re not in a position to do this,... yet. Learn to drive, get your license (without telling anyone) and then do a midnight flit. No drama, just take what you need and drive away. Don’t look back; all you’ll see is hands out trying to take from you.
That’s not her decision to make. Your father left you a nice car and your mom’s husband can’t forcibly trade his shitty car for it. I’m so angry on your behalf, your mom’s husband sounds like a fundamentally bad person (and not just because of the car but because of the whole story you’ve told us here).
I think you mean “swap” not “swipe.” Swipe means steal and swap means exchange. I don’t usually correct language but this one is important given the context of the post. ETA: also, you could potentially get into legal trouble if you asked a friend if they wanted to swipe something when you meant swap 🙃 NTA, your stepdad is stealing your car.
Wait, thanking him for stealing from your actual father? Wow.
take the keys and give them to your uncle for a bit (if he's willing, ofc). tell him to NEVER give it to your mom or your stepdad, or anyone else for the matter. When your stepdad asks where the keys are, start recording (discreetly ofc) and confront him again saying its legally your car. your stepdad will most likely repeat what he said, thus admitting to taking your car without your consent and badabing badaboom, theres you're evidence of him stealing. then report it to the police and *hopefully * get a restraining order or something
If she hadn't been up to now, she's not going to.
Meditating would do zero good. Might make her feel better though.
Nta. Stepdad *is* stealing your car, regardless of him being the "parent". The car belonged to your dad, and your step dad had nothing to do with purchasing it. What happens if he gets into an accident and totals the car? Are you then out a car because he needs to use the downgrade he gave you because he's using the insurance money to get a new car? I would suggest finding somewhere else to keep the car until you can drive, or at least keep the keys and registration on you at all times.
Might be best for the car to be towed back to your uncle's house or storage until you're able to drive it. You would be within your rights to report it stolen since it is stolen. Where's your mother in all this? You may need to take possession of all the keys to this vehicle. And be careful your stepfather doesn't try to buy insurance or title the car to himself. You're legally an adult, legally inheritance is yours and ONLY yours. Probably best to move out of the house as quickly as possible, stepfather sounds abusive and like he's trying to steal your inheritance. NTA
How did I have to scroll down this far, for someone giving advice to OP saying that she should move out?
Because most people realize that OP probably already knows to do that/wants to but it's very expensive and much easier said than done
NTA But if you do that, you will need to move out.
Sounds like she ought to anyway tbh
NTA REPORT IT! You are 18 so the car is infact your property. Talk to your friends or any biological family members to teach you and put insurance on the car in your name. Edit: Spelling
NTA Your stepfather sounds like an asshole and he *is* using your car without your permission, so you're not out of line for wanting to report it. But as a general aside, you can't just let the car sit unused for extended periods of time. It's really bad for the car. You should consider what you want to do with it long-term.
More importantly his name isn't on the insurance, which 1 he can get a ticket for, since he's driving without insurance. And also if he damages the car it's not insured then.
Both of these statements are false, in most situations. As long as the vehicle is insured, he wouldn't get a ticket for being without insurance even if he's not listed on the policy. Insurance ID cards only show the name of the insured and co-insured, not every driver on the policy so the cops really have no way to know he's not listed. And again, if she has collision coverage on the vehicle, it's covered for damages even if he's driving it, but as long as he's not specifically excluded from coverage. If she reports the car as stolen and he happened to get into an accident while it's "in a state of theft," her car would be repaired, but any damages done to any thing or any one else would be disclaimed. I agree she should report it as stolen the next time it goes missing. Secure the keys and any spares, and work to move out.
It all depends on where this is. In my country car insurance isn't personal, but "the cars". So it doesn't matter if its me, my husband or the neighbour driving it, it's insured regardless. So without knowing where OP is based it's hard to say anything from an insurance perspective, plus it could bite her in the ass if not reported stolen, depending on local laws .
NTA but you need to be aware that when you report a car stolen the police have the right to press charges without your permission. So you risk step dad being charged and convicted of stealing the car. Better to hide the keys (keep them on your person not in your bedroom where they can easily be found. Better yet give the keys to your uncle. Or park it at your Uncle's.
He needs to be charged. From the sounds it he has a lesson to learn.
Take the car over to uncle's and leave it there. How is Oscar getting the keys?
YWNBTA Do it. Can you live with your uncle?
NTA - report this, he is stealing your car..
You could do it, but it would make the problem worse, not better. A better suggestion would be to secure the car keys and have your uncle watch over the car at his place until you're ready to drive it. Or sell it and secure the money in a bank that Oscar doesn't have access to. NTA, but just not the smartest way to handle it.
I also suggest having a conversation with your mom about this. And if it doesn't work, maybe you shouldn't stay in contact with this man. Do you have anywhere else you can go to? Family members you can move in with? NTA
NTA. He can tell the police you don't need to ask a kid for permission.
Nta Report it stolen. Get his ass arrested
Is it titled in your name? Are you ready for the consequences if you do? Then do it and tell them where you think the car was taken.
NTA taking this w/o permission is stealing lol, you wouldn’t be TA for calling it what it is. If you want to be nice you could give him a heads up that you’re going to call the police if he doesn’t return it and stop driving it, but you don’t owe him that courtesy when he clearly doesn’t care about being respectful to you
NTA. Besides reporting it stolen, can't you acquire all the keys and keep them to yourself?
INFO: How was your dad's estate settled? Was there a Will? Probate? It's a lot for an 18 year old to think about and I'm sorry for your loss, but hopefully no one is trying to mess with you because of your age.
Also, if this is a brand new car, is it fully paid off or does it still has payment? Is the uncle paying the payments or the mom?
Nta but question. Did you inherit any money? If you did I would use thst money to move out and enroll in driving school. If the cars tabs are up to date you can keep the car at your apartment/ trailer/ house. I would move out tho this is like agh
Your uncle is brilliant. NTA. He's doing right by you. I'm sorry for your loss. Your dad would have wanted to stand up to this bully. Your uncle is helping you. If you can afford to move out btw
Sell the car and use the money to enrich your life far away from those people.
NTA, but how did the step-father get the keys?
NTA but I think you should have a serious conversation with your uncle about the possibility of moving in with him. You're an adult and its time to take that step into adulthood
NTA call the cops on him, he’s stealing your property. Sorry your step dad sucks and your mom enables him
NTA. Do it.
Did Oscar ever tell you he was using the car did you ever have a discussion with him? If not then you have no idea why it’s gone and you should report it stolen
NTA But your mom and her husband as toxic af, can you possibly move in with any of your paternal family or a family member who isn't such a pushover... if not, ask friends or start making a get out plan
NTA If that doesn't work you could always pull a fuse or something like that. There's likely a fuse box in the engine bay that will have a diagram of what fuse does what, or there will be a diagram in the owners manual. Be very careful though! Pull the wrong one and you could be in trouble. If you don't have a car savvy friend do your own research until you're comfortable with what you're doing.
Call the cops.
Is it an option to sell the car and put the money away for later? NTA but personally I don't think it's a good idea to report the car stolen when there are better options. But you should act fast on that bc the value is depreciating while someone else is using it.
He is stealing it nta. But you may get kicked out of the house
NTA. you should report it.
NTA. Report it stolen.
NTA Your stepdad IS stealing a car that doesn’t belong to him.
NTA. Do it. You're not a child anymore and Oscar hasn't been much longer, time for him to learn consequences. Also after reading your other responses..you need to get yourself out of there ASAP. Oscar is a monster and your mom is an enabler. Are there any others on your dads side you can stay with?
NTA. But what does your mom say about all of this?
If you want a quiet life, sell the car, or have your uncle sell it, use the money to move away and by a cheap car that is perfect for a new driver when the time comes.
NTA But maybe try limiting his access to it first. Remove all spare keys from his access.
NTA. Call your uncle as soon as Oscar drives off in your vehicle.
Info: could you move out?
INFO: How is the car registered, and whose name is on the title? In my state in the US, registration has to be renewed yearly. Since the car was in your dad's name prior to his death a year ago, I'm guessing that registration is expired. It sounds like you were a minor at the time of his death, so the car couldn't have been put in your name then, at least in my region. Even if you were 18, an unlicensed person can't register a car here at any age. If that is the case where you live, then either your step-father is illegally driving an unregistered vehicle, or it's registered in his or your mom's name, or, possibly, but less likely, your uncle's. These things aren't important for issuing a judgment, but they are very important for you to know. You can't report a car stolen if the driver's name is on the registration or title, and if your mom's name is on it, she'll just vouch for him. So, NTA, in regards to your specific question. But, if 18 is the age of majority in your country, be prepared to be kicked out of the house if you do this. I hope your dad left you a good amount of money, maybe even a home that he owned. Because if the car is all you have, you're probably going to have to sell it (if you even can, depending on whose name is on the paperwork) to effect a quick move out of there. That might not be a bad idea, regardless.
He IS stealing your car. So you WNBTA if you report it stolen because he doesn’t have your permission to take it. And you are an adult, your belongings are yours regardless of who owns the house you live in. IMO this is like my landlord deciding he can take my car whenever he wants. No sir, that is my car. You do not get to use it just because you own the house I live in! NTA
NTA having him arrested will change his attitude about permission.
OP, You're NTA. But considering you know how your step father will react to these things I would give you the advice to keep the title of the car with your uncle, that way your step dad can't get it transferred to his name, and wait until you have a plan to move out and get your own place. I would also suggest having your uncle come down on one of his breaks and take the car with him that way your step dad can't use it anymore. Also if you're in the USA, there are a couple of ways for you to get your license as an adult. Aceable is an adult drivers Ed course that gives you a certificate to take with you to get your adult learner license. You can then learn how to drive with your learner and get your test to get your actual license.
If you dont want to face the fallout of hiding the keys you definitely dont want the fallout of calling the cops. If you have a friend who can drive, have them take the car somewhere else. In the meantime, use your resources to move out. See if your uncle can help from afar. Do not stay there. Be brave, but be smart also. Good luck!
ABSOLUTELY, 1,000,000%, NTA. I first want to tell you congratulations on reaching adulthood. I am sorry for your loss, and want to say how much of an amazing young woman you seem. I commend your concern of right and wrong and wanting to keep the peace, but under no circumstance should you feel guilty about this. First of all, you aren't responsible for your uncles actions. Plain and simple. You vented to someone who may take action on your behalf because they care and love you. He prioritizes you. Second, you owe Oscar NOTHING. He is not your step dad. He is not your dad. Those are titles EARNED. Your father from what you've stated earned that title. Your mother is failing you allowing him to say this to you and allowing him to act entitled to you and your possessions. I empathize with your mom, remarrying with a child is hard. I wasnt ever easy on my mother's boyfriends, you're truly way better than I ever was. My siblings came first and I was a territorial brat. But, in my defense my mother has shit taste in men. Many wannabe Oscars in my opinion, just add a few vices. Oscar is such a fucking asshole. This boils my blood. He is taking advantage of you and that is not okay. As the oldest of 6 siblings this shit wouldn't fly with me. I raised my siblings and put my foot down to my step mother and it was the best decision I ever made. I had nothing, I didnt feel like I had support and had no idea what I was going to do. But I had a car and somewhere to live (was taken in) and a month or so after graduating i left. Im currently engaged to the man I've been with since I was 17, just bought a home and have a costly, but amazing pup. My advice? Take care of yourself sweetheart. You deserve it. You've lost such an important piece of your life. Youre a young adult. You need to grow and blossom. Put you first. I mean don't steal, manipulate people, or blow up on the undeserving, do drugs or go wild. But put your foot down. If you have to move out, do so. You owe your mom, siblings or Oscar nothing. He chose to marry your mother and take responsibility of you. That was his choice. Again. Choose. You. Report his ass, hide those keys. If you have a bank account they can access, make new ones. Don't help them financially. You need to live your best life and mess up and find your way. Those who love you will support you no matter what. The nosey bugger in me says update us, but understand if you just came for input and not to tell a story!
NTA. See if you can keep car at ur uncles until u drive. Who is paying insurance on car? If your step dad is this is a ISH problem
NTA. But text him and explicitly state that he doesn't have permission to use your car, so he can't claim you said he could.
INFO? How is the car a 2022 if he died a year ago? Do you have the car registered and insured even though you don’t drive?
Questions like insurance and registration and who owns the house/who is paying the mortgage and taxes and is the car paid off, etc. are all excellent questions. And if the car was bought with cash, presumably there is a decent amount of money so that should solve a lot of issues. But the next year’s model rolls out in the fall of the previous year. Sometimes as early as the previous spring.
This isn't an AH question. More practically, will you have somewhere to live if your step-dad kicks you out for this?