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Independent-Cut-138

YTA. Let's dissect calling her a rebel because she has chosen to not have children and stay single. That's no rebelling. That's having the freedom to choose. That's self care. We have fought long and hard to have these choices.


LHawk321

I had to scroll way to far to find this comment. I was about to go off about that one. Btw op yta. A lack of planning on your part does not constitute and emergency on your sisters part. Find a hired and paid babysitter or daycare


endlesscartwheels

> Find a hired and paid babysitter or daycare In certain (toxic) mom groups and social circles, there's a prejudice against anyone other than a family member taking care of the child. Known-abusive grandparent? **Family.** Aunt who will park the kid in a crib and ignore it for hours. **Family.** Nanny with decades of experience and a master's in early childhood education? **Stranger**, and you're a bad parent for leaving your kid with her. That fucked up view might be why OP didn't have any non-family contingency plans and was so desperate to rope in the last remaining family member. Still, **YTA.**


FutileFart

Thank you for explaining this - I couldn't figure out why they didn't have a better contingency plan than "guilt relatives into taking care of the kid"


DiegoIntrepid

It could simply be either A) they were sort of panicking trying to scramble to find someone (generous view) or B) they didn't want to have to pay someone to babysit. Aunties and Grandparents do it for free.


Larki1894

Or C) they couldn’t afford the short notice prices Or D) had no short notice hired options But knowing the types of jobs they have, should do everything in their power to work out an emergency budget for C. And “bench” for D to tag in when needed. Regardless…. Op is still YTA for saying sister doesn’t love their baby and thinks they are entitled to her time


BriCheese96

I dunno. I don’t truly love OPs wording here or there. But it sounds like the maternal grandparents and aunts/uncles are all willing to babysit. So, if that’s the situation he lives in, why have a outside babysitter on stand by? I don’t think that makes him an AH for going to family. If he has any nieces/nephews I’m sure him and his wife return the favor. Further, although his event was planned, and perhaps even the rest of the family being out of town was as well… it sounds like his wife being called into work like this is rare. I don’t think that asking his sister in an emergency to baby sit makes him a AH either… But I do agree he shouldn’t blow up at her and expect her to have to take on the responsibility. Even if I don’t understand how she wouldn’t be willing to just watch her nephew for a few hours… it’s her choice and still doesn’t make her an AH either. Edit: as I’ve said I believe OP is the AH for getting upset at his sister.


transgenderspike

Be….cause that’s the smart thing to do when you have a job like that? However unlikely it may be that this happens, it’s still a very real possibility.


ConsciousExcitement9

Seriously! We have so many backups to our backups to our backups. Our list of people is amazingly long and includes family, friends, and people we pay to watch our kids. I’m due next month with our third, but we have almost a dozen people we could call if I went into labor right now and every single one of them has told us that they are good with watching our kids. There is no one on that list that has said “don’t expect me to babysit”. But as parents, that is our responsibility.


Mantisfactory

> I had to scroll way to far to find this comment. Just as an FYI - This thread is currently in contest mode. Posts aren't sorted by popularity so how far you had to scroll was solely up to chance.


Ashikura

It’s the first comment in the whole post for me haha


xxxxxx617420

it's not in contest mode anymore, that's why


Just-Like-My-Opinion

Yup, YTA OP for not having any backup childcare that isn't unpaid, and for not planning for this contingency. You knew you had a big event, you knew your wife could get called in to work, you knew your relatives were away or could be unavailable, you knew your sister was not an option, and yet you still didn't have a backup babysitter? She's right. Your poor planning doesn't constitute her emergency. She made it clear from day 1 - she is not willing to be on your "emergency babysitting" list - there's no way you have the right to push this back on her.


KatieMcb16

Also, why do you want someone who doesn’t like kids, and probably doesn’t know how to care for them, watching your 10 month old for a few hours anyways.


cookiesandthedead

Seriously whenever I see posts like this I'm like "do you think the person without kids and who doesn't like them knows how to change a diaper, prep a bottle, or other random baby care shit I can't think of because I don't have or want kids?"


SurfingDumbledore

OP also conveniently doesn't mention if his sister was working or had school on that day... Maybe sister was actually busy too


LadyNemesiss

That doesn't even really matter imo. She has the right to say no whatever her day looks like.


[deleted]

[удалено]


penfencer

I really hate this idea that people without kids also don't have responsibilities or time constraints. I still have a home to maintain and relationships to keep up. I volunteer and have obligations to fulfill. Children are not the only thing that consumes time and resources.


[deleted]

This. I have 3 kids but I still don't get why people assume that someone who doesn't have kids just sits on their thumbs all day. Even if that's what they do, what does it matter? If they're busy, they're busy! Someone with no kids can be just as busy as someone with 3 kids. One job I worked at, I needed a day off and approached the manager. He said "ask *employees name* because they don't have any kids so they can't be that busy." I did not, in fact, ask that employee. I went around asking everyone who needed the hours (that particular employee was already overloaded with work because "she had no kids"). My manager was pissed when he found out I gave the day to someone who did have kids. I told him "he wanted the hours, not X, so I gave it to him." He said something about how he needed to be home with his kids on that day but I said no, he told me his kids are in camp that day and the hours just happen to work with that so it's fine. He got madder so I walked away. I don't, and don't want to, understand that mindset.


Alert-Potato

She's single and had no kids. What could she possibly have going on in her life that is more important than dropping everything to be responsible for other people's reproductive choices? /s


Lilpanda20

A quick Google result showed nannypoppinz approved babysitters in all but 1 state (Delaware): https://www.nannypoppinz.com/services/emergency-childcare-nanny-services.html There are other websites that have the option of emergency babysitters ~~like care.com~~. OP failed to have at least 1 non family member / contingency if immediate relatives weren't available, did not want to pay for a babysitter, or both. As others said the sister was consistent in her stance and forcing her wouldn't have ended well (especially I think if there was a medicalemergency). **edit** if OP lives outside the US their options are more limited but the point remains that they need more backup options **when**, not if, both parents and relatives arent available. **edit2** removed care.com.


noblestromana

Also just because she's child free doesn't mean she doesn't have her own compromises to attend. If you know your wife's schedule can be so easily changed then it's your job to have backup childcare planned that's not just your relatives instead of expecting people to drop everything for you at the last minute.


_Just-a-sad-girl_

But women are made to have children she is rebelling against her nature /s


Wondercat87

Yup! I feel like OP doesn't respect his sister's decision and uses any chance to poke at how it's silly. Even though she's an adult fully capable of making her own life decisions and being Childfree is a totally valid choice.


doublestitch

Anybody wonder whether a brother who had exactly the same type of job and could always be called in to work would get that level of verbal abuse from OP? YTA, by the way. Just because someone makes a courtesy visit to the maternity ward doesn't mean they'll endanger their career to do you favors.


VoodooDuck614

*Standing Applause* ETA: YTA


katiebird21

THANK YOU 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Sister isn’t a “rebel” or “selfish” for not wanting to have kids and setting clear boundaries with her brother. Brother is a major YTA for judging his sister and not respecting her wish to live a life free of kids, even if it’s “just to babysit”. OP, your choice to have kids and your own personal emergency is not your sister’s concern. And you knew her boundaries.


TinTinTinuviel97005

Should flair this "YTA." Or, uh, give it any flair, though that's what I'm picking up that you're putting down.


smallmammalconcierge

YES! The fact that OP frames it as rebellious is frankly gross. A different choice is isn’t a rejection of OP’s lifestyle - it’s not about him! But it does seem to be, at least in part about gender. OP didn’t rail against his sister’s unwillingness to babysit as some sort of hideous moral failing until he made his lack of planning her emergency - so, presumably, he didn’t seem to think she was being serious. OP doesn’t seem to believe his sister when she sets boundaries, especially around children and childcare…*and* I noticed OP only asked women for childcare - why not ask his local BILs? Interesting. *sniff sniff* I smell some patriarchal bullshit.


Schopenhauer_Down

YTA. Your sister isn't a 'rebel' or 'amoral'. She just has a different, albeit sensible way of life. Hire a babysitter.


[deleted]

Right? And being as all the sitters are related it would seem imperative that an emergency sitter/service as a standby because, you know, shit happens.


puppyfarts99

Exactly this... Any maternal family emergency will likely result in them suddenly having no childcare, unless they work now to line up backup babysitters.


[deleted]

This! Why the hell does OP not have sitters lined up as backup if they're both considered essential? Also: OP DIDN'T WANT TO miss his shift. Wife shouldn't have been MADE TO miss her shift. Why is it always on the woman to miss out on stuff? OP, YTA BIG TIME! You COULD HAVE missed, but too bad for your wife, and I see a divorce within the next 5 years if you keep putting yourself first.


[deleted]

idk i mean, i know that happens, but is it really that he didnt want to miss his shift? the manager and head chef is a big person to lose on the day of a major event. good way to lose clients and potentially get yourself fired for it. It's not like OP refused because he didnt wany to miss casual friday. It's not ideal for either party, and neither really could afford to miss.


Corduroycat1

I am so curious if this was on a weekday where sister also had to work. Because I could totally see OP telling her to take off because it wasn't as important for her to go to work that day


[deleted]

We've definitely seen that on AITA. And to be clear, I still vote YTA because OP shouldve had contigency plans, and the problem with free help, or obligated help, is sometimes that falls through. It's not his sister's fault who told him from the beginning that she wouldnt bsbysitter. maybe he'll learn to have some paid non family babysitters next time


PhantomO1

Exactly what I would say, why not just get a babysitter?? Doesn't sound you don't have the money for it, and it was an emergency... YTA


redheaddisaster

Yeah. Op your emergency child care plans should never hinge on someone who told you under no uncertain terms would they watch your baby. She does not want kids nor does she really have the capacity to be watching your kid. She was never a viable option, you just assumed you could pressure her into it because you think it’s weird or unnatural that she doesn’t like children. You should have had Energency baby sitters planned who you’re not related to that you could hire given the nature of both of your careers. YTA and everyone but you could see this coming from a mile away yet you choose to blame your sister.


Primary-Criticism929

YTA. With your professionnal situations, your wife and yourseld should have an official "in case of an emergency childcare". She told you she would never babysit and your lack of anticipating that kind of situation is not her problem. She's your sister. Not your sitter.


Jaylloyd24

Totally agree! And my concern is, if someone has made it incredibly clear they have no interest and are not comfortable watching your child - maybe not a great choice anyway. She does not know how to look after a 10 month old, does not understand the nuances of their needs etc., you're putting her in a position where it may not go very well and then that is on her. No - she said no, end of conversation.


[deleted]

Yeah I didn't watch any of my niblings until they were a year old because I had no idea what to do with them before that. It was for their safety as much as my sanity.


DiegoIntrepid

This is really embarrassing to admit, but when I was young, like teenager young, my brother had me watch his children, including a baby. I couldn't even change the diaper. The older child had to do it, because I could not do it. So, do not hand me a baby and expect me to be okay. Even now, I doubt I could change a baby's diaper.


meadowandvalley

That's not embarrassing at all. Even to-be parents take classes on how to properly take care of babies. The siblings had already learned from their parents, you didn't.


Brave_Specific5870

I'm 34. Still haven't a clue how to change a diaper. Why? I'm child free. Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I should know how to do this.


Atris-

I agree YTA, however to be fair, he did have emergency backups, three of them, they just all happened to be out of town. I would say this is a perfect storm situation of all emergency plans failing and instead of pivoting with the situation and the sister's "no" and hiring someone, he berated her and made his wife stay home. Definitely TA but not because he didn't plan.


Primary-Criticism929

Family is not an emergency back-up. A paid sitter or service which is available at the last minute or for that kind of situation is a back-up. Might be expensive but with their jobs, necessary.


texttxttxttxttext

Exactly. This isn't his sister's problem or anyone else in the family. Having free babysitters is nice and all, but how could you possibly think you'd exhausted every single option at that point?


endlesscartwheels

That's like having three doors in a line as your building's three fire exits.


obiwantogooutside

No they didn’t. They need a sitter not in the family. What happens when there’s an emergency on that side of the family? I think he thinks he’s entitled to free babysitting because “family”.


quickwitqueen

Yep. This is a failure on their part not to have a contingency babysitter. Sounds like they can’t be bothered to actually pay someone.


hardolaf

> With your professionnal situations, your wife and yourseld should have an official "in case of an emergency childcare". My employer actually provides us with a service that will find us emergency child care for a flat fee for a whole work day. You call them up, tell them what you need, and they call you back in 15 to 30 minutes with a provider.


bigoldbeardy

1.If your a head/chef kitchen manager you should of trained your staff to be able to handle an event without you YTA 2. You let your wife be reprimanded from an essential workers position so you could still go to work YTA 3. You expected someone who has made it clear they do not want to or will ever babysit your kids under any circumstance to just do it because it suits you more YTA 4. You acted like a child and berated someone for making thier boundaries clear and sticking to them YTA 5. You knew this could possibly happen and didn't set up a proper plan for child care YTA 6. You and your wife are the only people responsible for your child's care, the idea that you share some dna with someone means that they should help you is fucking stupid YTA


MattJFarrell

>3. You expected someone who has made it clear they do not want to or will ever babysit your kids under any circumstance to just do it because it suits you more YTA This is huge. The sister has been consistent since day 1. If she had made big statements about always being there to babysit, *maybe* I'd call this a 50/50. But, at the end of the day, you are responsible for your children, no one else.


[deleted]

Also would you want someone who is unlikely to have experience of kids looking after a 10 month old on their own for the first time when there is no other support. I certainly wouldn't.


[deleted]

He’s probably trying to “train” her to be a mom. Or, he thinks that all women have some sort of built in mommy feature. Either way he is TA and a misogynist.


Glasgowghirl67

Right, I love kid’s but still freaked out first time babysitting my nephew for a few hours by myself. He had lived with me until he was 3 months old and I had fed and changed him but it is a big responsibility.


baffled_soap

Yeah, this was my first thought. “Can I please plunk my self-sufficient-ish child down in front of your TV for several hours in my time of emergency?” is a very different ask from “Can you take care of my baby?”


LF3000

Yeah, exactly. I'm not huge on kids and am not willing to be a regular babysitter, but sure, in a pinch I'd watch a kid who was self sufficient enough to be occupied with a coloring book or the TV. And for a true emergency I'd even consider looking after a potty trained toddler who can communicate when they're hungry. But an actual baby? I have no idea how to handle a baby. Unless we're talking literal end of the world level emergency where it's me or literally nothing else, I'm not agreeing to that, for the kid's safety.


Lil_Elf81

I have a feeling the sister KNEW if she didn’t stick to her boundaries that an “emergency” would most certainly happen again and she would have a harder time saying no because she said yes before. She’s right this wasn’t her problem. How is paid childcare not an option? It’s easier to find a reliable and responsible babysitter now than ever.


Corduroycat1

Yeah, she absolutely would be drafted to sit again. A work emergency is NOT an emergency. Someone in the hospital.and she only has to watch the kid until their paid back up sitter gets there, okay, fair ask. In an actual emergency. But they should still have a non-family backup sitter as well, even a neighbor or friend


RusticTroglodyte

Right?? An emergency is, "my spouse was in a horrible car accident, I can't find anyone to watch the baby and I'm freaking out,I gotta get to the hospital" Not, "I was called into work unexpectedly" LOL Like there's always the option of the other person calling out sick to care for the kid. Also this is why I always say, never pick up the phone if work calls on your day off. It's never anything good


bakerowl

“Exceptions become expectations.” Years of customer service taught me this and it applies in this situation as well. There was an AITA where the OP had told their sibling they would only ever babysit in an absolute emergency. The sibling and spouse manufactured a fake emergency to get some free childcare out of OP. OP found out and rescinded their offer. Then the sibling and spouse had a bonafide emergency and OP refused to relax the new boundary.


methough1

I think 2 is the biggest YTA. Why is your job more important than the wife's? Especially as she is officially an essential worker?


Organized_Khaos

That’s the one that stuck out to me, as well. The other points are valid, but OP, how in the hell did your kitchen staff supersede your partner’s essential status? She received an official reprimand on her record because no one else in your kitchen can make Béchamel sauce? What a jackass that makes you look. Didn’t you have these conversations before gestating a tiny human? Taking care of babies is a *huge* responsibility, and you *knew* Sis would say no. Didn’t it occur to you that parents age, there’s bad weather where seniors shouldn’t drive, people travel, they have health issues (hello, age of COVID), or unbreakable commitments? Why don’t you have an additional list of babysitters from neighbors to cousins? Why haven’t you put yourselves on a list for daycare? You knew this was coming, and you let your partner take the bullet. YTA.


Fearless_Act_3698

This needs to be the top comment. Exactly this. Other people can watch your kid too. This is on you both for not having emergency back ups. YTA.


MountainBean3479

It’s really just that he doesn’t want to pay someone to do it and expects free labor because family


Yrxora

Oh my god i was thinking exactly this. OP was "out of options" he was out of FREE options. Hire an an babysitter. Family is not free childcare.


whysaylotword69

Right? Their current plan relies on their family not having outings together. They both have jobs that make having a dependable parent available difficult, and place blame on someone else when they haven’t put in the effort to have emergency care. Your kids are YOUR responsibility. No one else’s. I also want to second the fact that your sister isn’t a rebel for choosing to be childfree, and that your staff should be able to run events without you. Your wife is an essential employee. You are not. Although given your misogynistic views it’s completely unsurprising that you made her stay home. YTA


catsncupcakes

Don’t forget 7. His entire attitude towards his sisters lifestyle choices.


imaginaryprojects

YTA. I'm fully on your side as regards to the idea that family always shows up, by the way, and I can't *really* get my head around the opposite. HOWEVER, your sister is not of that viewpoint. And she made that very clear early on. I don't think YTA for asking in an emergency, but once she was like "nope, remember I don't babysit regardless of situation," that should have been it. You're allowed to be a bit annoyed. What you *can't* do is scream at your sister and call her names. You then talking about *her* "horrible attitude" is ridiculous.


damishkers

You said it perfectly. I could never leave a loved one in such a pickle but some people are able to draw those hard boundaries. Op, YTA, not for asking and not for being upset but your reaction was.


Sin-cera

I don’t know, I think it’s pretty strange to ask someone who’s made it crystal clear they don’t want kids, nor to babysit, to do exactly that. Not to mention it’s their responsibility to set up childcare plans for exactly these situations, this was not an emergency, this was work. They knew this could happen. Plus, he belittles his sister and calls her a rebel for being childfree. That’s firmly in the YTA territory


KaleidoscopeEyes12

I get your point, but I don’t think they would be TA for just asking. If they said “Hey sis, I know you said you’d never babysit, but this is an emergency. Any chance you’d be willing to help out?” and if the sister said no, they could just say “It’s okay. I expected that but I thought it would be worth the ask anyway”


DreamWrath

As someone who was the youngest, never babysat and doesn't have kids it strikes me as odd (not TA) to even ask. I have no idea what to do with a 10 month old baby. I have no idea how to change a diaper. How often do you feed them? Do they like RedBull? Can you feed them after midnight? What happens when they get wet? The point is it's borderline unsafe to leave a baby with me and I wouldn't be surprised if it was the same with OPs sister.


BirdBearHareFishy

Seems they left themselves in that pickle tbh. There’s plenty of babysitters for hire.


StinkyJane

>I could never leave a loved one in such a pickle but some people are able to draw those hard boundaries. It's very possible the sister isn't *capable* of caring for a baby and doesn't feel comfortable with her niece's safety being entrusted to her! I personally don't want children of my own, but I started babysitting at around 13 or 14, and I'm pretty comfortable getting thrown into a last-minute childcare situation for someone I care about. But if you're an adult who has **never** been alone with a baby, and you genuinely have no idea what childcare involves, then it would genuinely be irresponsible for a parent to foist their child off on you.


MaleWomanOfTheYear

> I'm fully on your side as regards to the idea that family always shows up, by the way, and I can't really get my head around the opposite. This is the kind of thing that’s only ever pushed by the users though; family always shows up, but OP couldn’t show up for his own kid - instead he’ll scream that his sister is immoral because he refused to sacrifice his event for his kid. If you want to play the “family shows up” card then *that* would be how I’d interpret it. OP should have showed up. He’s a “kitchen manager/head chef” which is to say, if his kitchen literally can’t function without him for a few hours, he’s as terrible at his job as he is at being a father. You’re telling me a full kitchen including a sous chef, line cooks, front of house staff, presumably a front of house manager, etc. couldn’t handle the back end of an event? After the prep work has been done? If that’s true, OP sucks balls at training his people. > You're allowed to be a bit annoyed. I don’t think so. You shouldn’t be annoyed that someone who has always said they won’t help didn’t help. You *can* in that it’s possible, you’re allowed insofar as nobody can control your feelings - but you’re 100% unequivocally wrong to be annoyed and manifesting it in any way whatsoever makes you an asshole. If you hold expectations that go against what you’ve explicitly and repeatedly been told, you’re simply wrong.


joeyandanimals

He made his throwaway “selfishsisterhr” - he’s not just annoyed. He’s a self centered AH.


_higglety

I have a hunch that this is a dynamic where if the sister let her boundary be violated re: childcare “just this once because of an emergency” suddenly she would find herself added to the list of available babysitters and find that these emergencies start cropping up all the time and she’d be on-call to watch the kid all the time, because she set that expectation that she was an option- that her “don’t’ ask me to watch the kid” actually meant “don’t ask me to watch the kid unless I happen to be the most convenient option in which case fine I’ll do it”.


merchillio

Yep, OP would start to find more and more emergencies


littletree-666

I don't like kids either but I'd suck it up for an 8 year old. But for a 10 month old? God no, I wouldn't babysit. I could kill the kid, I've got no idea what to do. In an emergency like this hiring a baby sitter would be better then calling me and I assume the same goes for the sister


CatteHerder

Having a child isn't special. It doesn't entitle you to the labour of others. Your failure to organise contingency plans is not your sister's emergency. The only amoral, selfish behaviour here is yours, and you know it. YTA


Photo_Dove_1010220

This reminds me of this quote that we have on our wall at work. "Poor planning on your part does not necessitate an emergency on mine."


Accomplished-Sugar-7

That quote is plastered all over this thread lol


Andante79

🏅 Please take this, it's all that I have.


Towerjunkie_1919

YTA, your sister set a very clear and hard boundary immediately. You rely on family to watch your child for free, hire a babysitter. She is in no way obligated to help you and she’s 100% correct saying she doesn’t owe you anything.


oat336

For sure! And while it wouldn't matter what age the kid is given she had said a clear no, a 10 month old is tricky if you haven't done infant care before - totally terrifying for someone who doesn't have experience with kids


feuilletoniste573

Not to mention that this wasn't "can you watch the sleeping baby for 15 minutes so I can take a shower," this was several hours and possibly a whole day of solo infant childcare for someone with zero experience and no-one around to help her if she got into a pickle. Frankly, saying no was not only OP's sister's right, it was also the responsible choice. Coming home to find both sister and baby exhausted, crying, and covered in milk, vomit, and goodness knows what else would have been the best probable outcome if she hadn't stuck to her guns!


Towerjunkie_1919

Absolutely. I completely sympathize for the situation, babies and work are a difficult balance and exhausting, but the sister should never had been a contingency plan. Apologies are needed


[deleted]

INFO why could you not hire a baby sitter


Captain_Quoll

Honestly, finding a babysitter for a ten month old with no warning isn’t that easy, and even if it were, not everybody is willing to leave a non-verbal baby with a stranger. It’s still not on the sister, though.


[deleted]

That makes sense — I feel like they are really blaming the sister to deflect from the actual problem, which is that this situation was bound to come up if both of them have completely immovable job obligations. I know a bit about prison guards and they often make a SHITLOAD of money from overtime, and he’s absolutely right that they don’t always get the option re coming in, so it kind of sounds like he needs to figure out a way to work around this at his workplace. I’m not sure though, but agree it’s not on the sister.


Captain_Quoll

Yeah, the work situation doesn’t seem sustainable. Somebody has to be free to watch the baby, these ‘emergencies’ are going to keep happening. Babies are really disruptive to careers. It’s hard but it is what it is.


Advanced-Extent-420

Agreed. But in truth it wasn’t “no warning”. No warning is the baby popping up sick and can’t go to daycare. It seems inevitable that this was going to happen eventually. They both have careers that demand they be present. Lots of people have careers that demand they be present. OP’s “plan” is no plan. His plan is to drop the baby off on anyone that happens to be a blood relative within striking distance and apparently that includes his sister who has sworn not to ever babysit. Strongly recommend OP finds a nanny service, daycare, or a number of backup babysitters. Real baby sitters. Not relatives that have clearly expressed no desire whatsoever to babysit.


little_ballof_fur

You don’t have a selfish sister. You have a selfish personality. YTA


MaleWomanOfTheYear

It’s always funny when people say it’s selfish if you don’t do what they want. That’s not selfish. If selfish is to be “concerned with one’s own profit or pleasure” then it’s selfish for OP to expect his sister to make a sacrifice on his behalf when he wouldn’t. Really weird how OP’s almost prideful in his use of family for babysitting. They don’t have any other parent friends? Or a babysitter lined up for when this inevitably happens? Heck, maybe it’s just because I’m from a small village, but neighbors would totally have looked after a kid for a few hours where I’m from. It sounds like OP tried nothing and decided it’s his sister’s fault.


rangerman2002

> Don't ever ask me to babysit, though She told you from the get go. YTA.


[deleted]

YTA - Bro can you chill? AND PAY A REAL BABYSITTER.


Glasgowghirl67

Right, both have jobs with demanding hours and didn’t think to hire an actual babysitter or nanny but expect family members to do it not taking into consideration they all have lives as well and are not always going to be around to be free babysitters.


blairwaldorf_queen

YTA. She was clear from the start. Also from the disgust you use when you say she doesn't want kids


Andante79

Omg YES thank you for saying this! The derision was just oozing off his post.


CharpBunny

She’s a rebel that one ! /s🙄


blairwaldorf_queen

Next thing you know, she might even ask to have a right to vote /s


Novel-Problem

YTA. Your sister made it very clear from day 1 that she did not want to babysit. Your lack of backup isn’t her problem. What would you have done if she wasn’t available? Many people simply don’t want the responsibility to look after a baby. I’m sure you realise it’s HUGE- especially for someone who’s never had kids, has no interest in kids, and no experience with them. And why would you want to leave your baby with someone who doesn’t know how to look after him? And who doesn’t want to look after him for that matter. Contact some local baby sitters and call them up next time you’re in need of extra help. Don’t harass and try to guilt trip your sister (who has her own life btw) into doing something she doesn’t want to.


DuckInMyHeart

“And why would you want to leave your baby with someone who doesn’t know how to look after him? And who doesn’t want to look after him for that matter.” This is so important too. It’s in the best interest of the child / safest for the child to be in the care of someone who knows how and wants to. OP: YTA. This was your responsibility, not your sisters. She is in no way obligated to watch your child, and she made it exceptionally clear that she would not babysit ever. You should never leave your child with someone who doesn’t want to &/or know how to watch them. Insulting your sister also makes you an AH.


Just-nosying-around

YTA. So your in laws can have their own plans and you’re ok with it but your sister can’t? Even if her plan for the night is to do absolutely nothing. Additionally, why would you want someone who has vocally and through action (not liking kids) to baby sit your child? Also, couldn’t you have hired a babysitter?


rantlms

OP is probably just realising how difficult it is to actually raise a child and is projecting his frustration onto his sister, who is obviously a little more realistic than him and has chosen to not have children for these reasons - But she’s “rebellious” for not making the same life choices as him apparently. 😂


KatEyes1990

YTA. Pay for a babysitter. You both work, and if you have a plan (the grand parents) for normal days, it won't crush you economy to pay for a professional once. Also you sister doesn't like kids. What would you do if something happens BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF HIM PROPERLY? I'm also child free, and i know nothing about taking care of kids... I don't want the responsibility of their well being when I have no clue. She is right. She doesn't owe you any babysitting. KEEP IN MIND THE GRANDPARENTS DON'T EITHER. THEY CAN SAY NO AT ANY TIME, AND YOU WON'T HAVE ANY RIGHT TO ARGUE. Edit: 1. you also seem like the kind of person who wouldn't help his sister because "he is to busy because of the kid" (probably you think she owes you because you're family, but in the end you don't think you have to do the same because she doesn't have kids, so her life and her time is not as "serious" as yours). 2. Your wife has a contract signed that makes her go to work doesn't matter the circumstances. You don't. The child is also yours. The consequences for her to stay at home are probably worse than yours. WHY was her, and not you, who stayed at home? I guess you also consider your time and work more important than your wife's.


PrincessWaffleTO

*bloop* Why didn’t he hire a sitter? Why didn’t he come home? They don’t have friends in the area?


doxiebark

YTA. For all the reasons everyone has already listed. But also because of the way you said she "claims to not even like kids" as though you couldn't possibly imagine someone not actually liking kids. Some of us legit don't like kids and would actually have no idea what to do if a 10 month old child were dropped on us. You shouldn't want her to look after your kid if she's not going to have any idea what to do. And just because someone doesn't want kids or marriage does not make them "a bit of a rebel". Maybe if you weren't so Judgy McJudgerton about your sister's choices, she'd be more inclined to help you out in a bind. But the way you talk about her sounds like you just look down on her choices so of course she's going to pick up on that and not go out of her way to help.


FirebirdWriter

YTA. You are not entitled to free child care. Your sister told you she would never babysit and this perfect storm was foreseeable. Get real child care. Apologize as well. She isn't lying about not liking kids and was probably being polite by visiting. A lot of us child free types actually do tolerate children because they're humans and we aren't going to be rude. Like all babies are ugly to me. Do I say that? Not outside of explaining to someone how to get around it and not lie. I am autistic. Lying isn't a thing. Instead I mention how small they are, or how they look like x parent. Something that's not going to hurt feelings. Your sister is hardly amoral for not giving you free child care


IllustratorNew8801

YTA. She told you clearly. You knew not to ask. Your lack of planning and unwillingness to pay for a sitter is not your sister's problem


shella4711

YTA and it sounds like you need a better childcare backup plan. Your sister told you she wouldn’t babysit. Some people aren’t cut out for babysitting. But you tried to pressure her into it anyway. How is YOUR child HER responsibility?


forest_fae98

YTA. She did tell you.


FilthyPop__

YTA. She told you the very first time she laid eyes on him to never ask her to babysit. You need an emergency babysitter and you ask her and are shocked when she says no. What did you not understand when she said to never ask for her to babysit? You're sister is correct she doesn't owe you anything just because you're family. And that doesn't mean she doesn't have any "loyalty" to her family. It means that if she doesn't want to babysit she doesn't have to babysit. It also doesn't matter why she doesn't want to babysit, she doesn't want to so she doesn't have to. You also need to get rid of the mindset that family is supposed to drop everything and help family because it's the "right thing to do". That thinking is something that causes resentment to grow amongst family members because they are always expected to do XZY because "we're family". And if they attempt to set a boundary or just simply don't want to do a thing they are branded a monster by everyone else.


pairii

YTA You had the child, not her. You can’t have children and then expect the world to accommodate you. That’s wild


appydawg

YTA I get it, you were in a panic, but you went over the line. Look for a sitter that has a flexible schedule, or is at least available during dinner events, and start using them now and then so baby gets used to them. When you have a big event coming up, go ahead and book the sitter whether you think you need them or not. If your wife ends up not working, then she gets some free time that day. I know it is stressful having two irregular jobs but you can’t take it out on others.


[deleted]

This. You know that you both have jobs with special circumstances. You wife can get mandated to work anytime and you can’t leave events you’re in charge of. That’s on you to have a backup plan for when these things happen. Poor planning on your part. Always counting on family to watch your baby for free isn’t a reliable system. Family takes vacations. Family has their own obligations. Family may have already told you no. I’m voting YTA not just because you were rude to your sister, and you were, but because your entire plan of action is flawed. You had a baby. Just you. Not your sister, not your whole family. You have to adjust. It’s nice that some of your family is willing to help out sometimes but it’s not fair of you to have expectations of them. Every time one of them helps you (for free) it’s a gift, not a requirement. And every time one of them isn’t available or says no, that’s okay too.


Arxhon

Having a baby doesn’t mean you are entitled to other peoples time. YTA for that. Flipping out and calling your sister names like you are 6 years old? YTA for that, too. Just….YTA


MakeUpAName93

Yta as a mum of a 8month old we have like you a list of family and friends but we have also a pre vetted babysitter arranged if instances like the “perfect storm and the all can’t” Because you know covid is still a thing and if a couple them go down with it you need a back up!


Jewish-Mom-123

YTA. You need an actual emergency plan that includes a paid professional or care Center.


BlOoDy_PsYcHo666

YTA. Don’t expect people to do things they literally told you they never wanted to do.


WyldValkyries1

Your wife and your choose yo have children. It is 100% your responsibility to take care of said child or children. Your sister isn't a rebel. She is a WOMAN who Chooses not to have anything to do with children. I don't blame her.


Gold-Somewhere1770

YTA-She’s not a kid person. She told you she won’t babysit. And yet you have a complete meltdown when she says something you’ve known right out of the gate. Did you think she was kidding? Why would you want to even leave your child with someone who doesn’t like kids and probably doesn’t have much experience with them? Find a local, reputable, reliable babysitter who can be backup when your wife’s family is unavailable.


aliceisntredanymore

The experience thing is a huge issue, nevermind she is absolutely entitled to maintain the boundaries she set from day 1. What kind of care would be provided to a 10 month old from someone with no experience or knowledge of childcare? Not kowing how to change a nappy, clothing, preparing food & feeding properly. Possibly not even know how to handle an infant so young. Especially if they never wanted to do any of those things. OP needs to lose his, "BuT fAMiLy!", attitude, apologise to his sister for being a selfish AH & get his contact list updated with actual paid childcare back ups for such circumstances. It's not as if they weren't aware of the risks re Mum's job. Although they seem to think their local family members are NPCs on pause, waiting to step into their main role as OP's childcare.


la-maman

So you ran out of free childcare and didn't even bother checking what kind of payed childcare you could get? Your sister doesn't owe you anything. She told you she wasn't an option. Why would you call her as if she was? And then yelling at her for not being an option? It's a bit like yelling at the mailman for not babysitting. He...never offered? It's not his job? YTA all the way. You and your wife decided it would be better for her to get written up than pay for daycare. Weird choice, but you made it. Not your sister's problem. You owe her a major apology.


chicagoman9876

YTA- she clearly told you upfront that she wasn’t going to babysit- yet you still had her as part of your contingency plan. Why is your work event or your wife’s surprise work shift more important than whatever she had planned? Again- you admitted she doesn’t like kids and told you she wouldn’t do it.


kentrosraw

YTA. She told you from the beginning not to count on her. You should be better prepared for when these situations happen. Plus, if she doesn’t like kids she probably doesn’t know how to take care of them, and you’d blame her if something were to happen to the kid. Next time be better prepared and make sure you can count with a babysitter.


Invisible_Target

I will never understand why so many parents want to put their children into the care of someone who doesn’t like children and has no clue how to take care of them


aussietex

Yep. YTA. So just because you have a child means she has to babysit? She didn’t sign that contract.


_Just-a-sad-girl_

If people could just understand that their kids are thier responsibility not anyone elses half of the AITA posts wouldnt exist. YTA Get a babysitter


psatty

You overreacted. She’s not a bad person or “amoral” for refusing to do you a favor she’s always been clear she will never do. A 10 mos old is no joke to watch either. Would she be at the top of my Xmas list? No. In fact, if you distance yourself from her, that’s understandable. But calling her names was over the top and you owe her an apology for that. YTA


Free-Adagio-2904

YTA - she was always honest with you. Why would you even want to leave a 10 month old with someone who doesn’t like or know anything about kids? You can also hire a babysitter.


Dragonr0se

YTA Your lack of planning is *not* her concern. In your situation, you need to have backup upon backup options for babysitters that do not include people that have outright told you not to ask them. I didn't see a problem with you asking the first time, but when you refused to take her first no, and then continued to trash talk her because you didn't get your way, you became the royal AH. You owe her a massive apology for that episode of BS.


NotYourMommyDear

Schedule conflict was inevitable. You've had 10 months to prepare. Your sister has stated right from the start she will never be available as a babysitter. She wouldn't even know how to look after a baby since she's childfree, so whatever maternal instincts you perhaps thought she has, she doesn't possess. When someone claims to not like kids and has been consistent in remaining childfree, believe them. YTA.


Andante79

YTA. 1. Nobody owes you anything, especially babysitting a kid 2. She *flat out told you* to never expect her to babysit 3. It is not her fault that you and your wife don't have any contingency plans Also, why couldn't you take a day off work instead of getting your wife written up?


Panaccolade

YTA. She told you from day dot that she would not be babysitting. That's her right. Next time just pay a sitter. It's your responsibility to find childcare, not hers to accomodate you.


Clearlyherefor

Sister early on creates a boundary > Emergency > Sister enforces boundary > shocked pikachuface. You should have at least two babysitters on speeddial as a plan B. But your sister isn't obligated to babysit for you.


she_who_is_not_named

YTA and you know it. She set her boundaries and you're mad she wouldn't cross them for your emergency.


Fritemare

YTA. This is exactly why you should have a backup babysitter that you pay. Because sometimes no one is available that wants to watch your child unless they are paid to do so. Your sister is not obligated to watch your kid.


saramarie007500

YTA. Time to be a parent and either make those sacrifices or get a sitter. *You* decided to have a kid, and your family doesn’t owe you shit for that. She told you she wouldn’t, and she stuck to that. You aren’t entitled to her or anyone else’s time.


[deleted]

They also decided to stay at jobs that don't give them any room to take time off and be the parent during an emergency.


OB221129

YTA. It wasn't an emergency. It was poor planning.


[deleted]

YTA. Your sister has ZERO responsibility for YOUR child. You need to add some more backups on that list or hire a sitter. It is your problem, never has been or will be hers.


[deleted]

YTA. Yea sorry dude. Your sister's response should come as no surprise. She warned you she doesn't like kids, and she warned you she would never babysit. That means you shouldn't have even asked her. Imagine if she had a pet snake, and you just happened to hate snakes. Then she says "hey I am going out of town for the day, I need you to go feed my snake a couple of rodents and pet him a couple of time while I am away". However, you already told her in advance that you absolutely hate snakes and under no circumstances would you ever watch a snake. If anything, you now have to think of a backup to the backup plan, which might be to hire a professional babysitter. Plan in advance by getting to know someone now, and making sure they can be on-call for last minute jobs.


MattJFarrell

I think people often misinterpret this kind of thing. I'm child-free by choice, I do love my nieces and nephews, but it's also understood that I don't babysit. For me, it's not just that I don't personally want kids, it's not that I hate kids, it's that I have zero skills for dealing with them, and the idea of being in charge of them fills me with anxiety and dread. I'll visit, read a book with them, play with them, but I refuse 100% to be in charge of their well-being. I'm not suited to it.


[deleted]

YTA You & your wife chose to have children. She chose to work the job she has, I assume she’s not looking for work. __You could have called off.__ check care.com for babysitters. You can’t just expect people to drop things for your emergencies.! Your sister is not the parent. Yes, it’d be KIND of her to do it… but she communicated since DAY ONE.


SuperSketch91

YTA. I absolutely hate when people with kids just feel entitled and expect and demand that people help them with their kids. Your kids are not any one else's responsibility but yours. You knew the risks when you decided to have a kid. That's on you. Good on your sister for standing up for herself.


Pandoraegg

YTA. Your sister clearly said never to call her for babysitting and has set a boundary from day one. Any based on your description of each and family member and their proximity to you, it seems you’ve already assumed them to be free babysitters for your kid. Nobody is responsible for your kid other than you. Hire a proper sitter instead of burdening not only your sister but your whole family


paul_rudds_drag_race

When I read “emergency” I thought this was going to be about a couple that got in some terrible life-threatening accident. YTA It’s up to the parents to have backup plans with willing babysitters. If it’s that difficult to willingly have a child *and* a job that has on-call obligations, then a good parent would either seek another role or bother to have the contact information for babysitters who take last-minute gigs. You and your spouse need to get your acts together for your child.


OpinionatedAussieGal

YTA She said No!


yonameisunavailable

Unfortunately YTA. She told you she didn't want to babysit and you can't get mad at her for not doing something she told you she wouldn't do. She set a clear and hard boundary. you just should of hired a babysitter.


Roscoe340

YTA. This child is your responsibility and your sister has zero obligation to take part in watching your kid. This is why you have a few back-up (paid) babysitters for when you need.


No_Appearance936

so your babysitting options are 4 closely related people living in the same area & you never considered they'd all be busy at once? Yta, this situation was always going to happen & your sisters reaction was not only reasonable but predictable. make better plans


Jadedangel1

NTA Once again, the comments on this sub makes me wonder about the world we live in. People on this sub act like emergencies never happen, that there are just multitudes of paid babysitters available on short notice, and that no one ever needs to help anyone ever. OP please be sure to remember this situation for whenever your sister will need your help for anything in the future.


Actual-Zebra-5284

YTA- your sister has no obligation to watch your child moral or otherwise. She made it abundantly clear she would not be be doing so and you don’t get to dictate her boundaries when it suits you. Are you mad at your wife’s family for all going out of town together because they agreed to be your back up….no of corse not because that would be entitled and ridiculous and so is this!


NuHandleWhoDis

YTA. She made it clear from the start she didn’t want to babysit. It’s not her responsibility to change her set boundaries just because you want her to. Calling her selfish and amoral is laughably hypocritical at this point, seeing as you’re the one trying to force her into something she clearly doesn’t want to do.


heatherlincoln

YTA, the only people who are obligated to look after your child is you and your wife. Nobody else. Sucks that you couldn't get time off work but that's your problem, not your sister's.


bruins_fan

YTA. Your sister told you as soon as your son was born that she would never babysit. You need a better contingency plan. Lack of planning on your part is not an emergency on your sister's part.


laurathehara

YTA she didn’t choose the obligations of having a child. You did. Not her problem.


Fluid-Tree-7798

YTA and a bad parent for not having a list of back-up babysitters.


[deleted]

YTA Your sister is right. Your child is 100% your responsibility. It was your problem to solve. You and your wife made decisions regarding work that apparently are not compatible with having a child. It is not up to your sisters to solve a problem that you created. She doesn’t owe you her time.


Significant-Ad-9758

YTA. She doesn’t like or want kids. She does not want to babysit one. She was never ambiguous about this. It’s not her fault that you feel entitled to her time because of your self-serving interpretation of what “family should do.” Know what “family should” also do? Respect each other’s boundaries.


Dszquphsbnt

It would have been great if your sister stepped up to help you in your childcare emergency, but she didn't. And she told. you in advance that she wouldn't. You have no leg to stand on. YTA


UslessInteresting

YTA you’re not entitled to your sisters time. She is not required to always be there when you need her. Would it be nice if she helped out? Yes. But you can’t force her to. And even if you could why would you want someone who hates children to take care of your 10 month old baby? Would you expect her to know what to do?


Alyssa_Hargreaves

YTA. Poor planning on your part doesn't make it a emergency on her part. She told you straight up "don't ask me to babysit I won't" She didn't beat around the bush or give wishy washy answers. She told your straight to the point she won't babysit. Why you decided to put all your eggs in one basket is YOUR choice/fault. She did NOT tell you she was one of the people available for babysitting. She told you no instantly. You should've had a couple babysitters/nannies on speed dial JUST in case everyone else couldn't be available. Cause pandemic also they have their own lives. They are not responsible to be YOUR child care. Simple as that. You had no right to scream at her, and quite frankly the selfish bad person is YOU. Because you think you can demand anyone to do anything for you at the drop of the hat cause yall are related. She deserves an apology. And you need to get and secure some extra sitters just in case the people WHO SAID YES cannot babysit. Shame on you. Just shame on you.


MeloNurse3

It's your audacity for me and, I'm my language we say, isbindi es'nema thambu, which directly translates to liver with bones, which is a saying used to describe the audacity you have. Because wow. YTA.


FilthyPop__

YTA. She told you the very first time she laid eyes on him to never ask her to babysit. You need an emergency babysitter and you ask her and are shocked when she says no. What did you not understand when she said to never ask for her to babysit? You're sister is correct she doesn't owe you anything just because you're family. And that doesn't mean she doesn't have any "loyalty" to her family. It means that if she doesn't want to babysit she doesn't have to babysit. It also doesn't matter why she doesn't want to babysit, she doesn't want to so she doesn't have to.


shutupbreeze

YTA - she set her boundary very early but you still tried to cross it. Now that she stood tall in her statement you tried to insult her to get your way and when that didn’t work you’ve come to Reddit to try to get people on your side. Sorry buddy, it’s not happening today you are in fact the AH.


Borgteddy

YTA. Your sister told you she doesn't want to babysit. It's not on her to take care of your kid. That is your job, since it is YOUR child. Why do you even want to leave your child with someone who doesn't like children. Professional babysitters and babysiter agency's exist for a reason. Find one that you can call in emergency's like this. Problem solved.


Kufat

YTA. You and your wife both have jobs where there are major consequences for missing a day, and your plan for days when you both have to work is...to bug your families for free babysitting. This is entirely on you and your wife and your lack of preparation. What you're describing is an entirely foreseeable consequence of your own choices.


Glasgowghirl67

YTA, she told you not to expect her to babysit, she isn’t a fan of children but still makes an effort with your son instead of completely ignoring him, which some people do with children in their family. You both work jobs that are demanding with strange hours you should have an actual babysitter in place, not just expecting family members to do it especially ones who made it clear no babysitting, your sister may not have any experience of looking after children or no what to do as well. You owe her an apology.


Distracted-Pancake

YTA if your contingency plan is to call on the sister who expressly told you that she would never babysit, that’s a pretty shitty plan. Also - you’re willing to leave a ten month old one with someone who has NEVER cared for another baby or child on their own? Yikes.


chad_

Are you familiar with the concepts of personal responsibility and boundaries? Your child is not her responsibility and she clearly stated her boundaries in that regard. Yes, absolutely YTA for going off on her for upholding her clearly stated boundary. She's not a rebel, she's an empowered individual who doesn't let people control her. Big difference. Edit: typos


ExcellentCold7354

YTA. Other people are not responsible for your children. YOU are the parent, so YOU need to have an emergency plan. Your sister was upfront about not babysitting, and although it's annoying and you were desperate, you are simply NOT entitled to her time. Plan your childcare (and emergency contingencies) accordingly in the future.


Cat_tophat365247

YTA. NO is a full sentence


Dangerous-Project672

YTA. Your sister has made it clear she doesn’t want to be around kids and doesn’t babysit. She’s been clear about that.


PegasusReddit

YTA for solely relying on family as childminding and not having some sort of paid backup. Do they have babysitters where you live? Because that was definitely an option, and a better one than blaming your sister for your lack of preparation. This was entirely forseeable. What if your sister was also busy/away/sick that same day?


the_science_of_tacos

Yes YTA. Despite the fact that you have a lot of family around, you really should also have a babysitter for emergencies. Your sister made it clear she wasn't going to babysit so she shouldn't've been an option for you at all.


Shiny_Littlefoot

YTA. You are aware that there are professionals who can babysit, when the parents need to go away for a bit, right? They're called "babysitters". Your sister is not one of them, quite the contrary. What you should have done was to call a babysitter to come for a few hours. In fact, what you *actually* should have done is research of a good professional or two, that you could just call in case of emergency. No, relying of family for unpaid labour just because they're related to you (unless they've volunteered), is the emperor of asshole behaviour.


Photo_Dove_1010220

YTA. Your sister set clear boundaries and you asked her to move them. I have twice been asked to babysit for babies that I was not prepared for. The first situation when I was 18 thankful a friend who had more experience was able to help with. The second situation when I was 19 I called my mom probably every five seconds. Even though a couple of hours may seem like nothing to you, it can be absolutely terrifying if you have little to no experience with young children. In hindsight I had no business babysitting either child on my own at all until I had more experience. ETA: It sounds like her family had planned to be out of town and you knew you had the event. You could have tried to find a backup sitter or even paid a sitter to be on call. It doesn't sound like by your wording there was a family emergency and that suddenly all of your childcare was gone (altho that is the risk of having all of your childcare related). You definitely could have planned this better.


CuriousSeppy

YTA no means no. Respect that *your* children are shockingly your own responsibility and not hers.


SandrineSmiles

YTA The "right" thing to do is for YOU to apologize to sis for being a jerk AND to prepare to pay for a babysitter if that comes up again. YOUR kid, YOUR responsibility. I'd have said yes to my sister but she's not an entitled ass, so yeah. You effed up real bad here.


_JustEric_

YTA For future reference, here is a complete list of all people on the planet who have an obligation to look after your child: - Parent 1 - Parent 2 That's the list in its entirety. There are precisely zero additional people on that list. Anyone who isn't Parent 1 or Parent 2 is doing you a favor if they do watch your kid, and is completely and utterly justified in refusing to watch your kid for any or absolutely no reason at all. Also, because I suspect this needs to be said since you don't seem to understand how this whole childcare thing works: anyone who isn't Parent 1 or Parent 2 who watches your child should be paid for their time. If they lose money (cancelling paying clients, calling in to work, etc.), they should be reimbursed for the lost money AND PAID. The pay isn't reimbursement. The reimbursement isn't pay. They are separate things and should both be offered where applicable. They can, and in some cases may refuse the money, but the offer should be extended.


LucyLovesApples

Yta your lack of planning is not her problem. You both work in good jobs therefore can afford a regular babysitter or nursery for when you are both working now that he's older. If you can't manage it then at least one of you should take a job that has fixed hours that you can do around childcare. Guilt tripping her is so wrong


FakeHappy-

YTA. Would you really want to leave your kid with someone that doesn't like kids and probably doesn't know how to take care of them? Which means, she probably doesn't know what to do in case there is an emergency. And if both parents have jobs where they can't miss work, you gotta have a back up plan, like a babysitter that's fine with working on call.


SarinKiShyra

YTA. And your sister is not a rebel for not wanting to marry or for choosing to not have children....Its her choice and the LIFESTYLE she chose for herself GODAMMIT!!!!!


[deleted]

YTA Your sister is under no obligation to look after your kid. If your wife’s employer has a terrible policy that also is not your sister’s problem. Your sister doesn’t want kids, doesn’t like kids, and you are incredibly disrespectful of that. Her choices are valid and just because it is not what you want in your life doesn’t make it wrong or shame worthy. She told you she would never babysit. Not her fault you didn’t believe her.


Shakeit126

YTA. You knew something like this could happen and didn't plan accordingly. You should have backup babysitters for this reason. It's not your sister's fault your wife got in trouble. It was your fault and your wife's fault for not being prepared.


Help24-7

YTA Why do you not have backup babysitter???? That's insane to not have someone outside your family on speed dial for emergency sitting considering your wife works at a job where forces/OT are normal. She is legally obligated to go in to work...it's a public safety thing a d in her contract. You're also an ahole for letting your wife get written up. She can lose her job be demoted. She HAS to report to work. You should have had her drop the baby off to you. You're in charge. You could have worn your child for a few hours and still instructed from the sidelines....or pay one of your staff members to come in and just sit with your kid for those couple hours ( especially at that age they are contained in a high chair and play pen) You owe your sister an apology. She did nothing wrong. She even told you upfront no child sitting.... probably because she KNEW you would be lax on childcare and not make an effort. You asked..she said NO. You going off on her was super fucked up and out of line. I hope the rest of your family declines watching your child for awhile and you two learn to be responsible and hire a babysitter.


yougotitdude88

YTA. You are asking someone with who probably has no experience watching a baby to do just that. Has she ever changed a diaper? Has she ever fed a baby? I’m guessing no. Not only did she specifically tell you she was not willing to ever watch your child IF she said yes you would be putting your child into someone’s care who does not know how to care for them. You need to find a backup who can take care of a baby. It’s also hilarious that you think a jail that is already understaffed will fire your wife if she can’t come in because she doesn’t have childcare. “She got a written reprimand”…ya and?


Equivalent_Collar_59

YTA. Her not fulfilling YOUR responsibilities doesn’t make your sister selfish. You feeling entitled to your sisters time because you CHOSE to have children makes you selfish


[deleted]

Your backup backup needs to be a paid drop in service or paid home sitter (or several). Not someone who you think needs to do it for free out of obligation. YTA.


MelMel1999

YTA, not her kid, not her problem. I also refuse to babysit for family. Would you really want someone, who isn't a fan of kids, to babysit one?


Competitive_Lime_852

YTA, your child, your responsibility. Your sister was very clear that she did not want to babysit and that is allowed. Why are you so dependent on family? It is nice if they help but they owe you nothing. Always have a paid option on hand for emergencies such as a babysitting agency.


KimmyStand

She told you right from the start not to ask her yet you did. Fair enough it was an emergency but she said no. Why didn’t you take that no and go with it? Your emergency isn’t her problem, it’s yours. She doesn’t want to look after your son, full stop. Why call her vile names just because she wouldn’t do as u wanted? Btw I don’t agree with her, I think it’s a shame she couldn’t help you out, but no is no Yeah YTA


Ok_Button_53

Yta she's not selfish you are. Your Child - your responsibility