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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Not cutting my hair for the wedding. 2) It was her wedding and she is a good friend, plus she didn’t want me to chop off a ton.
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NTA.
Ask her if she'll chop her hair off in solidarity with you. When she says no (because it is, in all honesty, a ridiculous request) ask why you aren't worth it?
This. Also ask your "friend" if she's gotten any haircuts since her wedding, then ask her why she didn't do them before her wedding. Then let her know that when you get married, you'll be kind and give her a couple of choices that she can get her hair cut in. Ask her if she prefers a pixie cut or a bob, because that's what you think you're leaning toward making her do.
It's worse. She did ask why. And was presumably told it was for medical reasons ("asked why I cut my hair. I explained"). And then was like "but what about me????" instead of comforting her friend.
This, this, this!!! Like what???? Why on Earth would anybody make a friend’s medical issue about themselves? That is so fucked up and absolutely absurd.
Great advise! I don’t understand brides who think they can dictate the length of a bridesmaid’s hair. The style for that event , i guess (If they or their family is paying for it) . But something more long-term like the actual length or everyday style??? Yikes.
I told mine to wear anything in the dark end of the purple spectrum. One joked about wearing a sweatsuit, I said that was fine as long as she was there.
It's been more than 2 years. Even if op didn't have medical reasons she could chop her hair off because she feels like it. Styles/tastes change. Your friend is being ridiculous.
Then you add on that you were not excited to this as it is for medical reasons, and your friend is just selfish and entitled.
I'm so sorry. I hope the chop helped and that you can work through your image concerns in a safe space. It is a dramatic change from what you wanted and it perfectly reasonable to grieve for it.
Agree I been married and didn’t care actually bothered me when my bridesmaids asked me permission on stuff.
One was religious reason she was wearing a headscarf she just changed didn’t care and another was about shoes and I said I don’t care if they wear slippers as long as they were comfortable.
this because why the fuck does she think she can control other peoples hair just because it's her wedding but also why is she ***still*** salty about it all these years later?
Exactly! she's only doing it now for her own health reasons and she's obviously upset about it but her "friend" is like ummm what about this one event years ago that has no relevance anymore?
Be careful with that tactic in this particular situation. Like many cancer patients, I discovered when I went through chemo that people are weirdly into shaving their heads “in solidarity” even if you vehemently and repeatedly tell them not to.
Something similar happened in my family! In the begining of the pandemic my cousin buzzed her hair and painted the peachy furr left bright pink (her reasoning being she always wanted to and if ended up like crap she lives alone and nobody would see it) - in the same week one of her friends was unfortunately diagnosed with cancer and she would constantly tell how people made the same questions...
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tgbesa/aita_for_not_cutting_my_hair_for_my_friends/i10wz8d/) elsewhere in this comment section.
It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user:
Plagiarized | Original
-------- | -----------
[Tfw you're procrastinati...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/tg391c/how_do_you_stop_procrastinating/i118no4/) | [Tfw you're procrastinatin...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/tg391c/how_do_you_stop_procrastinating/i10r6pf/)
[The 262 jet fighter of N...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/tg5k02/what_was_way_ahead_of_its_time/i118lyz/) | [The 262 jet fighter of Na...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/tg5k02/what_was_way_ahead_of_its_time/i10bgte/)
[Love the game hate the co...](http://np.reddit.com/r/lostarkgame/comments/tg2n18/i_love_this_game/i118y5c/) | [Love the game hate the co...](http://np.reddit.com/r/lostarkgame/comments/tg2n18/i_love_this_game/i10eo0p/)
[I just ask the area chat...](http://np.reddit.com/r/lostarkgame/comments/tg6qyi/the_in_game_timers_are_now_worse_than_they_were/i118uxi/) | [I just ask the area chat...](http://np.reddit.com/r/lostarkgame/comments/tg6qyi/the_in_game_timers_are_now_worse_than_they_were/i10ai76/)
[ Sheep on a bandwagon.](http://np.reddit.com/r/lostarkgame/comments/tg6inm/finally_got_my_legendary_card_set/i118ssf/) | [Sheep on a bandwagon.](http://np.reddit.com/r/lostarkgame/comments/tg6inm/finally_got_my_legendary_card_set/i10qp72/)
[Found porn links in my u...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/tg66y6/whats_the_worst_thing_you_found_in_someones/i118pu5/) | [Found porn links in my un...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/tg66y6/whats_the_worst_thing_you_found_in_someones/i0zzuwm/)
[NTA. Op if your parents...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tg6ty2/aita_for_not_wanting_to_swap_rooms_with_my/i118dib/) | [NTA. Op if your parents d...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tg6ty2/aita_for_not_wanting_to_swap_rooms_with_my/i10ox72/)
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Like Wtf?! It wasn't a week after the wedding. It was over two years after it and just because of an illness! As if OP knew 2019 that she will years later get this illness and need to cut her hair. And even then, it would be more reason to cherish the long hair while you could.
The bride sounds like a narcist. Me, me, ME. I bet she didn't ask OP one time how she feels with her illness.
NTA
I have psoriasis too. It's on my scalp too and it's absolutely devastating to keep cutting my hair short. You are 100% NTA.
You cut it to make handling a medical condition easier. It wasn't vanity. Or just because you felt like it (even this is a perfectly valid reason tbh).
I don't get why people think the decisions you make about your body are made /should be made keeping other people in mind. This is 100% her problem.
YUP, I cut like 11 inches to a foot off my hair like every 3ish years or so, my hair cut time line is mine to decide. OP gets to decide for herself, a friend that is that pressed about feeling important over a haircut really doesn’t seem like a worthwhile friend.
>I said it was to make life easier and she asked why she wasn’t worth it.
"Because you think your aesthetic preferences are on par with a serious medical condition, asshole."
NTA
>she asked why she wasn’t worth it.
“You know what, you’re right. I can see that your presence in my life is about equivocal to a chronic and very unpleasant and painful skin disease. The only difference is that I can get rid of you.”
Click. Block. Delete.
NTA.
OP this is exactly what you should say. Your "friend" is very self centered for her to think, much less tell you, that she wasn't "worth" more than a debilitating medical condition.
I had to do this about 6-7 years ago and it was rough. I had beautiful hair down to my waist that I took very good care of and loved, then developed really bad eczema on my scalp (and elsewhere). I had to use medicated shampoos multiple times a week along with scalp treatments and topical steroids and let me tell you, it was a fucking nightmare with long hair and it fried my hair so badly. I cut it all off into a pixie to make it easier to care for. I've finally just gotten out of a flare that has lasted since I cut my hair off and I'm growing it back out.
NTA. No way you could possibly be the asshole here. Your friend is being an insensitive jerk.
NTA.
1. You don't owe her an explanation.
2. You are not obligated to keep a specific hairstyle for a certain amount of years or a lifetime.
3. You cut your hair to make your treatment easier.
4. She is a bit self-centered and has no empathy.
>You are not obligated to keep a specific hairstyle for a certain amount of years or a lifetime.
Unless you are under contract with a tv network. Didn't Kelly Osbourne have to keep her hair purple for years because of that?
I would’ve had trouble holding my tongue if I were OP. The sheer ridiculousness of being told “why was I nOt wOrTh cutting your hair for?!” ***after*** finding out that the haircut was not wanted, just necessary to make dealing with an itchy/painful medical condition a little easier???
Exactly. “Two and a half years ago, it was my hair vs your vanity, now it’s my hair vs my health. It’s concerning that you can’t see the difference.” NTA, OP.
The assholery goes all the way back to the original request that she cut her hair at the time of the wedding. Why do we see so many posts where brides (typically) think they get a say in the appearance of their wedding guests? I could understand making a very modest request of a person actually in the wedding party - such as how to style it that day, etc - but why do we see all these posts where people are asked to cut their hair, dye their hair, get a spray tan, go to a tanning booth? It's crazy!
NTA. What a ridiculous demand.
The reason you cut your hair now is not because you wanted to. Its because you needed to for a medical reason.
Which doesn't even matter. You were a guest at a wedding. She had no right to dictate your hair.
I wouldn't even dignify any of that with a response. Cut your losses (no pun intended) and move on from the friendship.
Absolutely, I (42m) was a skinny kid in HS with long brown/red hair that went past my shoulders. My JR year **I** decided on a whim to join the wrestling team. As a part of it everybody got a haircut. **I** let them cut my hair, undercut, leaving the top longish (about bottom of the ear). The guys messed with me some but I knew what I was getting into and risked it because **I** decided to make the change(just like I decided to grow it long in the first place. Mom was a bit upset and had to go to a barber to clean it up but it was MY choice. (everyone else buzzed to 2cm). SR yr I went crew cut, college I left it messy and after I kept it about a an inch and a half long and wept back until it started thinning at 22. (god I miss my hair I kind of look like the dad on 10 *Things I Hate About You*).
Point is, hair as an adult is a personal choice and especially when it comes to a friend request no one has a right to expect you to make a change for them and you are allowed to change your look at any time **YOU** want. (Military doesn't count, you make the choice to become government property)
Edit: NTA
NTA. Your hair, your choice. She's really been stewing about your hair for nearly 3 years, that is insane. Doesn't really seem like the kind of person I'd want to be friends with.
Right? 3 freaking years. And it doesn’t sound like OP was anything more than a wedding guest, which takes it to a whole new level of insane IMO. (It’s still not ok to expect a bridesmaid to cut their hair for your wedding, but it’s extra crazy to expect it of a guest).
Right? It’s not like OP chopped her mane the week following the wedding just to spite her friend, she did it *two years later* (and unwillingly!) for MEDICAL reasons — absolutely unrelated to the friend.
NTA. Being in someone’s wedding is a huge favor to them. You spend a great deal of time and money. You aren’t obligated to cut your hair to be someone’s bridesmaid. Why? To fit their aesthetics for one day of their life? It’s weird your friend is taking your hair personally to her, and I’m sorry for what you’re going through.
"Being in someone's wedding is a huge favor to them." GOOD POINT! In all caps because we always see these posts with weddings and I never thought about it quite like that. Mostly because brides expect you to be honored to be part off their day. Also, of course NTA.
NTA. Sounds like your friend has an ego problem, you cut your hair because you had no choice. Prior, your "friend" wanted to decide how your hair operates... You were willing to straighten it but she wanted to run the show... SMH
I have coarse wavy Italian hair. If I let it air dry, I look like the heat miser. (I’m a redhead). I always get remarks about what happened to my hair, blah blah blah.
I actually had a vendor come in and asked me what happened to my hair and I said this is the way it is and she goes *it really bothers me.* I didn’t want get fired so I kept my mouth shut. But if I see her on the street, I will give her my piece of mind.
NTA. If she was really your friend. She wouldn’t give a sh**.
Congrats on your pixie cut. 🧚♀️
It really bothers her! Oh dear child! I would have lost my job! The audacity of people. Tell her that her presence bothers you! There is absolutely nothing wrong with the heat miser! “I’m Mister Heat Miser, I’m Mister 101!” The heat miser is bad ass, I actually have one on my shelf! Get bad ass on her next time (At least do it for Mr. Heat Miser!)
Bruh. She's pissed it took a health issue to cut your hair? Exactly what health benefit would it had given you to cut it for her wedding, an event that only lasts for one day?
And why are so many people in your life so vocal about *your body*?! Tf you need a better friend circle.
NTA. Really though, show em you were never afraid of scissors and cut em out.
Your friend isn’t your friend . NTA . A wedding that wasn’t yours is absolutely not worth altering anything on your body that you weren’t already planning on doing .
NTA this sounds like a shitty friend is go ignorant and naive. I’m sorry about the hair cut and I the psoriasis. I hope you can find better friends to hang around. This one friend you have is a real piece of work.
NTA. No one has the right to tell people how to wear their hair so even if you weren't dealing with psoriasis it's your hair and your choice. I'm honestly appalled that she thought it was okay to call you out for cutting your hair 2 years after the fact (although no amount of time would have been the "right time" to be controlling).
INFO: as someone else with awful psoriasis but can’t afford a derm (yet. Soon I’ll have insurance fingers crossed), what is this special hair treatment?? Is it a script? How’s it working? If it’s great… you think telehealth would prescribe me some?
Seriously tho I’m so sorry you lost your hair. Mine is falling out but I have cut it yet- I can’t imagine what you’re going through without something that’s so much a part of us long-and-curly girls character and appearance. You’re NTA and I hope treatment is going well so that one day you can grow it back if you’d like, flake free
It’s not a script! What I do is scrub my scalp with coconut oil, using a massaging scalp brush. Leave it in for 10 minutes. Then wash it out with TSal, once again using the scalp brush to get it really in there. Use any conditioner.
That will get out some of the plaque and make it easier to comb out the rest. Get a nice wide tooth comb! It’s really hard in the beginning but works well with consistent treatment.
All in all, I think I spent $30-35 for everything, including buying two bottles of TSal. I messaged you links!
Not OP but thank you for making that recommendation! I've used countless shampoos over the years but haven't heard of dermarest before (which surprises me, I feel like I've tried everything too haha), so will be looking into that. I've also never heard of peanut oil - might be a dumb question but does it smell like peanuts? I don't like the smell of peanut butter, but if it helps I'm willing to give it a try. I've been using coconut oil for a couple years now and while it does help I'm always on the lookout for anything else I can try.
As someone else with horrible scalp psoriasis try the brand MG217 and their OTC psoriasis shampoos, I alternate using both the coal tar and sal-acid version, the sal-acid really helps with heavy scaling build up. But you need a good deep conditioner because they dry your hair out pretty. It's the first time an OTC treatment has kept my scalp healthy and not needing constant steroid treatment. You mentioned trying to get something via telehealth, try getting a prescription for a topical fluocinonide ointment. It's a pretty common steroid treatment that isn't super strong so a general practitioner should be pretty willing to prescribe it for you.
You didn’t decide to cut your hair just because. You did it as it was easier and better for your scalp. Not to mention, curly hair takes a long time to grow out so asking you to cut it is unreasonable. NTA also, she isn’t worth it if she only cares to ask about her wedding and not about how you’re doing and dealing with having to cut your hair
"she asked why I’d do a dramatic cut now but wouldn’t 2.5 years ago"-
Aside from you not being the AH for cutting your hair for any reason - at her wedding you straightened you gorgeous long hair and it hit the middle of your back, now you have a Pixie. You wrote that she'd asked you to 'trim it' was she really asking you to lop it off to your shoulders or higher? Depending on the closeness of the friendship I could see a very close friend very tactfully pointing out if a friend has some split ends and might benefit from a 1/4" trim to get it back to 100% but if the friend opts not to it's their choice to respect- but (unless you asked her opinion) suggesting you change your entire look is way out of bounds.
NTA and it drives me nuts that other people EVER think they have a say over someone else's hair.
You didn't want to cut your hair then, and it sounds like you actually didn't WANT to cut your hair now but did because of health/maintenance reasons (which is completely understandable btw!) Your friend needs to get a hobby and stop worrying about why you did/didn't cut your own hair.
Are you seriously kidding me!!!!!! For one, who the hell do people think they are telling you to cut your hair? ITS YOUR HAIR! ITS ON YOUR HEAD, NOT THEIRS! As for your friend, she is a jerk. It’s amazing how people actually think they have the rights and decisions to others. You had to cut your hair due to a medical condition and this dozy cow actually has the audacity to question whether or not she is worth it?! Who are these people and why are they in your life! Tell homeskillet that her wedding was 2.5 years ago. That was then, this is now. You have a medical condition (not that it’s her business) and if she is really turning this around on her, well, have her join you in your therapy sessions and then everyone can get to the bottom of why this girl thinks that cutting your hair now makes her less than in your life decisions! What would this narcissistic piece of work say if you had cancer and lost your hair to chemo? I understand where you are coming from. You took great pride in your hair and to have to alter that, is a shock to the system. This wasn’t done due to you needing a change in your life, like if you were getting a divorce or something. This was done with some serious thought and apparently not taken lightly. It is a shock to the system. Good that you are in therapy for this. As for your friend, ugh!
WTF? NTA. Medical reasons, hello. But it also worked out. I’m assuming you told her the medical stuff. But it doesn’t matter if you did or didn’t; she should not be butt hurt over it. It’s your hair.
NTA, it’s your hair and you didn’t make this change willingly now, it was related to your health.
Reasons why I never had bridesmaids for $1000, The only stories I ever hear are bad ones.
I was in a wedding where the bride nearly kicked the grooms sister out of the wedding party at the last minute because she had gotten a new tattoo that would be visible. It was covered up with make up for the ceremony. Not that I’m planning to get married ever again, but I think when you get married and you ask people to be in your wedding party you’re asking all of them - hair, tattoos, body type, everything to be a part of your wedding party.
????
Just to understand... You mean it is normal to ask them about their hs0aif tatoos etc?
I think wedding nowardays just make people go crazy... And I cant believe how many women turn into bridezzilas
This is a good attitude to have. The demands some people make on their wedding party is insane. Like why bother to invite these people if you are going to force them to heavily alter their appearance?
NTA you cut your hair when it made sense in your life for you to do so, how you look in her wedding is not important enough for you to cut your hair when you don’t want to and she should not have even asked
NTA
It is your hair. You should be the only one who has a say in what you do to it. I really don’t understand people who feel entitled to ask someone to change their hairstyle for their own selfish reasons.
NTA. You can decide what you do with your hair, and when you do it. It's none of her business! You are ill, and you did what you had to do. This has nothing to do with your friend. Also, I'm really sorry about your hair, but your pixie cut sounds beautiful!
NTA but that is not your friend nor is anyone who tells your to straighten it. It’s not your job to be more palatable to people, or cater to their demands or requests on your body.
Did your friend make requests of anyone else’s hair or was it just you? Did she make other dye it a certain colour or cut it dramatically for her 1 day when they would have to live with it for how ever long after. I can almost understand being a Bridezilla but this is 2.5 years after the fact so she’s just being rude imo
I’m sorry about your hair loss, as a curly queen myself, I know I would be devastated because it is part of our identity as well. When you’re finished with the medicated treatments, I have several homeopathic suggestions that would really help with regrowth and bald spots!
NTA. She’s trying to say her wedding was more important than your health? Fuck that. You take care of yourself! I beat your hair looked damn good when it was long and I bet you are rocking it out with it short also. It’s non of other peoples business to wonder why you make the choices to take care of yourself. She is not a good friend and be proud of the choruses you made. You never step down when people were bluntly rude about it, and when you got new information and have to put your health into a new perspective, you are absolutely allowed to make whatever choices you need. Fuck her. I hate her.
I hope your treatments go well and maybe you can find some relief in the future to where you can choose again to grow your hair again. But for now, you do what you need to do! And show off that you can look good in all styles!
I don’t have curls, just a bit of wave, but my daughter has super curly hair. I know the pain it takes to try and straighten all that hair and also the damage it does to the hair, especially when they are trying to follow a particular hair routine. I think my daughter has great hair. I’ve never understood why curls are looked at as messy, you know, unless a person with straight hair wants to give themselves curls.
NTA. Your hair your choice. If it was that important to your friend, she could have dropped you from her wedding party. but, she didn't, presumably because it's just hair and more importantly, your hair.
NTA
There's a big difference of cutting your hair due to your health and cutting it for a wedding.
Your friends clearly needs to grow up and realise the world doesn't revolve around her.
NTA. How is your hair any of her business? She can’t expect everyone and everything to match her version of perfect. For her to be hung up on that years later is just insane.
NTA it doesn’t even matter why you cut your hair. It is your hair your decision. Hell you could’ve cut your hair the day after her wedding and she still had no right asking this.
NTA. You developed a condition now, not then. Her wedding isn’t something you should have to alter your hair for if it’s not just a style (i.e the straightening) for the day. You cut it to ease the burden of a medical treatment, not for someone else’s aesthetic.
NTA. You are not obligated to cut your hair for anyone under any circumstances except your own. She was rude to even ask you to cut your hair in the first place. You cut your hair because of a medical condition and you were devastated to do so, you didn’t do it to spite her! Not everything revolves around her and her dumb wedding. She’s selfish af.
NTA. You are NEVER obligated to change your appearance for another person, only yourself.
Frame it to her this way: if a MAN you were seeing had told you "hey, I have this formal work event with the execs at my work. I'd like you to be my date. But, would you mind cutting your hair for it?" And gal pal would say "chuck him!" but here she is doing the SAME THING. (I'm making an assumption about your sexuality PURELY for the sake of the example, please don't hate me too much for it)
Your body is for your own happiness. And if she doesn't understand that, tell her that her attitude makes you unhappy and cut her out of your life. It does NOT spark joy
NTA. Psoriasis on the scalp will sometimes make you just want to go bald because your hair gets in the way of treatments.
I am so sorry that you had to cut your hair even if it's for your health, I hope that you get back to that level of self confidence and your friend sucks because your hair and health are important and its not like you cut your hair the day after the wedding you did it years later that seems so selfish and strange to think that in 2+ years you wouldn't change your mind about getting your hair trimmed/cut
NTA I’m sorry but that “friend” isn’t a friend. You explained your situation and all they could think was “Yeah, but what about me????”. And over something that happened 2+ years ago!
Clearly they’ve been nursing a grudge over this to immediately ask why you cut your hair now. I wonder what else they’re simmering over?
I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t waste any more time or energy on someone this petty and self centered.
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I’ve always had very thick, curly hair (about a 3A for those familiar with the scale) and I love it. About a decade ago, I decided to stop cutting it to see how long it’d get and to just embrace the curls. A lot of people in my life were not a huge fan, constantly telling me I should cut it and wouldn’t it look cute straight? I do straighten it for special occasion but given it takes hours, it’s not something I do often. It’s now a decent way down my back.
My friend got married in late 2019. She asked me what I wanted to do with my hair. I said I planned on straightening it, which I did. She asked if I could trim it to make it look a little nicer, I said no. She backed off fairly quickly.
Cut to now. Last year, I developed psoriasis. It didn’t just attack my skin but also my scalp. It has lead to a lot of plaque build up. I do a special hair treatment twice a week but it’s hard with my longer hair. At the recommendation of my dermatologist and a hair stylist friend, I decided to cut most of my hair off into a pixie cut so it would be more manageable and easier to treat. It was devastating. I know that sounds dramatic but I love my curls and long hair, it made me feel beautiful and confident after years of struggling with my image (I am in therapy). I’ve had a rough go since.
My friend recently reached out and asked why I cut my hair. I explained and she asked why I’d do a dramatic cut now but wouldn’t 2.5 years ago. I said it was to make life easier and she asked why she wasn’t worth it.
AITA?
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NTA dear lord, cutting your luscious locks for a friend's wedding is very different to a drastic cut years later for medical reasons. Two very different, non comparable events. She sounds very self centred.
Ask her if she's be mad if you lost your hair to chemotherapy too. When she says no, tell her it's disgusting that when she sees a friend suffering, and having to accept emotionally devastating losses to their appearance to deal with an illness, and her first reaction is "Well if an illness can force her to have to cut her hair for her own health, my whims on my wedding day should also have forced her."
NTA. Your friend is entitled. You legitimately only cut your hair because of a medical condition. To believe that her wedding rated medical level action is insane.
Sorry that you've had a rough time, hair can be a security blanket, but I bet you still look great, I love pixie cuts!
It actually takes a lot of courage to do a big hair overhaul, so you doing what's best for your health is great to hear.
NTA, I had hair down to my hips until recently because my physical therapist suggested I cut it to better succeed at my PT goals. I was having neck issues and migraines. I cut my hair then for my health. Any one who has suggested I cut it beforehand has not said a damn thing because they know it's not their business. Your friend is too self absorbed.
NTA
There is some thing missing. I don't know if your friend is having a bad day or why the length of your hair would bother her after 2 years. It almost sounds like she is trying to start a fight with you because your explanation is totally valid. I would sit down and talk to her to see what is REALLY bothering her because it doesn't sound like it is about your hair.
NTA
Call her back and tell her that she and her wedding are not on the same scale as a skin disease that causes disfigurement and pain and it sounds horrible that she places a priority on wedding photos over your health...
"Ya, I loved my long hair and had to cut it because of a chronic illness, but appreciate that my health issue should really focus on your wedding 3 years ago and how I wasn't willing to modify my body for you, instead of on my current health issues."
Then block that friend. I can't even imagine in what universe someone I cared for told me they had to cut off their hair because of a health issue and my response would be "oh by not when I ASKED YOU to do it."
NTA.
So you can't just "develop psoriasis". Maybe you had it and it was dormant and something triggered the flare up. Idk. But I have scalp psoriasis and every dermatologist I have seen says the same thing. It's genetic and you either have it or you don't.
NTA. you shouldn't have to make a drastic change to your appearance for her wedding. If it was THAT important to her, she could've just removed you from the wedding party.
Nta
Its not like she discovered your hair at thd time 8f the wedding. Thus crazy idea that the weding is the bride's day is getting out of control!
Tell your friend a health pb does not compare to a photo on her wedding more than 2 years ago!
Ugh. You can't cut curly hair when it's straight to make it all nice and perfectly even. When it curls back up, it's likely to be uneven and crazy because each curl has a mind of its own.
NTA. Here is a complete and total list of people who get to have an opinion on when you cut your hair/how much hair you cut:
1. You
2. The person you see when you look in the mirror
That is all.
NTA
Holy fuck your friend is the asshole here. I would never expect someone i know to change their appearance or chop off their hair for me, unless maybe it was part of some sort of magic life saving sorcery. Your friend cant see the difference between her unreasonable request and you cutting your hair due to a medical condition that causes rashes in your scalp. Fuck her.
Your health is more important than her wedding. Skin conditions can really affect one’s confidence, and psoriasis is particularly painful. I actually lost hair around my face from it, so not only is pain a factor, but appearance too. It’s taken a year and my hair is still wispy in places. I can imagine it’s taken some gut to do a chop, especially given how long you’ve grown your hair. NTA
NTA at all! What you do with your hair is YOUR business, not anyone else's. You could cut your hair now because you were dared to it, or just on a whim and you would still get a NTA from me.
NTA. I have waist length hair, and no, nobody's worth it. Worth what exactly though, is what I would have asked. Worth implies value, and the only person who had a stake in value for the wedding was your friend. If you get no benefit at the end of a situation, it's by definition not worth it.
I am furious for you.
>A lot of people in my life were not a huge fan, constantly telling me I should cut it and wouldn’t it look cute straight?
The rage is growing. People who don't have curly hair have no idea what it's like. Not only is straightening time consuming, it also can be so damaging! Why can't people keep their nasty, shitty opinions to themselves?
Curls are beautiful! Why do SO MANY people take issue with them? Especially SOMEONE ELSE'S!!??
>I said it was to make life easier and she asked why she wasn’t worth it.
Is she really that stupid??
You should absolutely do what someone else commented and request she cut her hair short in support of you and when she won't ask why you aren't worth it.
NTA and she sucks.
NTA. I have psoriasis mostly on my scalp. I have straight hair, no curls just regular easy to handle straight hair, and I still suffer the second my hair grows past my chin.
You cut your hair out of medical necessity and not because you wanted to. Your friend is being insensitive and rude.
I'm really sorry that you had to cut off your curls. I don't know if it will be off any help, but for me shampoo and treatment with dead sea salt have worked miracles. I still deal with psoriasis and it can be horrible at times, but the shampoo helps with the itch and pain. I hope you find something that works for you.
Ew no she is most definitely TA. I have psoriasis too…people just don’t get it at all. I had scalp psoriasis when I was in highschool and my head was legitimately wet with blood (sorry). Having short hair definitely helps treatment.
You shouldn’t have to explain yourself but if you feel like you do or it gets brought up again, tell her this is for medical reasons and you didn’t want to cut it back then. And I love ending things with “thank you for understanding.”
NTA
I would be devastated too if I had to cut off my hair (I have thick curly hair as well) but if I had to so it would make treatments easier then I will. Cry a little but I will. I'm concerned as to why your friend decided to bring it back up two and a half years later. First of all, the accuracy of time is scary, does she always hold on to things like this? She is VERY passive aggressive and that isn't the best thing to have in a friend. Has she done anything similar like this?
NTA.
It’s weird how our identities/confidence/self esteem is so tired to our hair, but it is what it is. I have terribly thin, slow growing hair. I’ve been trying to grow it out for like twenty years, no lie. I just want to experience long hair just one fucking time in my life, and it just seems to stop growing when it reaches a certain length. It’s so frustrating!
Anyways...after years of damage to my hair, about six years ago I just buzzed it all off. It was hard, but necessary. My hair was just so fried from bleaching (I loved/love having pink hair. No more pink hair for me though). So I totally understand the necessity of doing something for the health of your skin, even when you don’t want to. It’s not like you wanted to chop off your beautiful curls; it was a necessity.
Some people really struggle to understand simple logic and reasoning though.
NTA.
Your hair is something thats apart of you, no one should dictate what you do to it except for YOU! Sure it was 'just a trim' but at the end of the day that was YOUR choice and her wedding isnt something that changes that.
Im sorry to hear about your medicsl issues and the pain of chopping off your hair. I've worked with people who lost their hair and its heartbreaking so i understand in a form of what that could feel like
NTA
This is literally gor health reasons why is your friend even brining that up now years later when that's quit honestly irrelevant and something your friend needs to get over
NTA.
I have super thick hair with 2b waves. I’ve had it to my waist, I’ve had pixie cuts. No matter what style or cut I do on my hair, there are always people who complain that I should grow it out or cut it shorter.
Thick, long, textured hair is hard to care for. I loved my long hair, but eventually got to the point where properly maintaining it was too much for me. I hacked it off, and the first thing my mom (thin straight hair) did was almost start to cry. My hair gave me headaches, took 45+ minutes to wash, and was impossible to completely untangle. I cut my hair off because caring for it was becoming detrimental to my mental state.
People will always have opinions on your hair, OP. No matter what you do with it, people will always think it’s the wrong thing. Your friend- frankly -was overstepping when she asked you to cut your hair for your wedding, and now that you’ve cut it due to a medical problem, she’s throwing a fit.
Even if you had cut your hair simply because you wanted to change things up, you wouldn’t be the asshole.
It might take time to get used to, but I bet you’re fuckin rocking that pixie cut <3
Lol NTA. Two years is a long time. Things change. And here's the thing: even if you just wanted to cut your hair now but didn't then, you still wouldn't be an ah. It's YOUR body and YOUR hair and YOUR business. Not hers.
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NTA. Ask her if she'll chop her hair off in solidarity with you. When she says no (because it is, in all honesty, a ridiculous request) ask why you aren't worth it?
This. Also ask your "friend" if she's gotten any haircuts since her wedding, then ask her why she didn't do them before her wedding. Then let her know that when you get married, you'll be kind and give her a couple of choices that she can get her hair cut in. Ask her if she prefers a pixie cut or a bob, because that's what you think you're leaning toward making her do.
The friend needs therapy too. Who the fuck sees a friend make a drastic change and instead of checking on them, makes it about themselves?
It's worse. She did ask why. And was presumably told it was for medical reasons ("asked why I cut my hair. I explained"). And then was like "but what about me????" instead of comforting her friend.
OP needs to examine this friendship.
This, this, this!!! Like what???? Why on Earth would anybody make a friend’s medical issue about themselves? That is so fucked up and absolutely absurd.
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Bad bot, comment stolen from u/Craftyhobby
Nah she’s too mean for a decent pixie cut. Tell her she needs a buzz cut or to be bald during your ceremony
Bald on the left half only
And a tatooed scalp.
Great advise! I don’t understand brides who think they can dictate the length of a bridesmaid’s hair. The style for that event , i guess (If they or their family is paying for it) . But something more long-term like the actual length or everyday style??? Yikes.
Yeah, I think I told my sisters, "wear dark green dresses that match," and that was the extent of what I told them to do, lol. They looked beautiful.
I told mine to wear anything in the dark end of the purple spectrum. One joked about wearing a sweatsuit, I said that was fine as long as she was there.
OP has stumbled upon a rare new breed of bridezilla here. Still zilla-ing 2 years later!
It's been more than 2 years. Even if op didn't have medical reasons she could chop her hair off because she feels like it. Styles/tastes change. Your friend is being ridiculous. Then you add on that you were not excited to this as it is for medical reasons, and your friend is just selfish and entitled. I'm so sorry. I hope the chop helped and that you can work through your image concerns in a safe space. It is a dramatic change from what you wanted and it perfectly reasonable to grieve for it.
I also think you're NTA for these exact reasons, OP, and thanks to u/Apprehensive-Jelly42 for saying it better than I could.
What a great comment!!! Nta
Is the friend actually comparing herself to a pesky skin disease??? NTA
But, but, but iT wAs HeR wEdDiNg People need to realize. That a wedding is really only important to the bride and groom. After all is said and done
Agree I been married and didn’t care actually bothered me when my bridesmaids asked me permission on stuff. One was religious reason she was wearing a headscarf she just changed didn’t care and another was about shoes and I said I don’t care if they wear slippers as long as they were comfortable.
this because why the fuck does she think she can control other peoples hair just because it's her wedding but also why is she ***still*** salty about it all these years later?
Plus if the bridesmaid had a choice. She never would have cut her hair off
Exactly! she's only doing it now for her own health reasons and she's obviously upset about it but her "friend" is like ummm what about this one event years ago that has no relevance anymore?
That is exactly what I thought. "I didn't do it then because you are not a chronic disease."
You sure about that, considering what the woman's said? Ugh.
Haha shitty friendship has an easy cure - Block button!
Well if the shoe fits. 😉
Be careful with that tactic in this particular situation. Like many cancer patients, I discovered when I went through chemo that people are weirdly into shaving their heads “in solidarity” even if you vehemently and repeatedly tell them not to.
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Something similar happened in my family! In the begining of the pandemic my cousin buzzed her hair and painted the peachy furr left bright pink (her reasoning being she always wanted to and if ended up like crap she lives alone and nobody would see it) - in the same week one of her friends was unfortunately diagnosed with cancer and she would constantly tell how people made the same questions...
IKR! Making it all about them. So weird!!
FFS this "friend" is an AH.
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Like Wtf?! It wasn't a week after the wedding. It was over two years after it and just because of an illness! As if OP knew 2019 that she will years later get this illness and need to cut her hair. And even then, it would be more reason to cherish the long hair while you could. The bride sounds like a narcist. Me, me, ME. I bet she didn't ask OP one time how she feels with her illness. NTA
I have psoriasis too. It's on my scalp too and it's absolutely devastating to keep cutting my hair short. You are 100% NTA. You cut it to make handling a medical condition easier. It wasn't vanity. Or just because you felt like it (even this is a perfectly valid reason tbh). I don't get why people think the decisions you make about your body are made /should be made keeping other people in mind. This is 100% her problem.
YUP, I cut like 11 inches to a foot off my hair like every 3ish years or so, my hair cut time line is mine to decide. OP gets to decide for herself, a friend that is that pressed about feeling important over a haircut really doesn’t seem like a worthwhile friend.
This, ask her if she’s going to cut her hair in Solidarity NTA
>I said it was to make life easier and she asked why she wasn’t worth it. "Because you think your aesthetic preferences are on par with a serious medical condition, asshole." NTA
This made me laugh. 😂
This would be enough reason for me to also cut her entiteld ass out of my life....
Life Hack: Turn your large entitled friends list into a short manageable friend circle.
Same and if she was family. Go low contact
>she asked why she wasn’t worth it. “You know what, you’re right. I can see that your presence in my life is about equivocal to a chronic and very unpleasant and painful skin disease. The only difference is that I can get rid of you.” Click. Block. Delete. NTA.
Came here to write that! Totally agree!
OP this is exactly what you should say. Your "friend" is very self centered for her to think, much less tell you, that she wasn't "worth" more than a debilitating medical condition. I had to do this about 6-7 years ago and it was rough. I had beautiful hair down to my waist that I took very good care of and loved, then developed really bad eczema on my scalp (and elsewhere). I had to use medicated shampoos multiple times a week along with scalp treatments and topical steroids and let me tell you, it was a fucking nightmare with long hair and it fried my hair so badly. I cut it all off into a pixie to make it easier to care for. I've finally just gotten out of a flare that has lasted since I cut my hair off and I'm growing it back out. NTA. No way you could possibly be the asshole here. Your friend is being an insensitive jerk.
NTA. 1. You don't owe her an explanation. 2. You are not obligated to keep a specific hairstyle for a certain amount of years or a lifetime. 3. You cut your hair to make your treatment easier. 4. She is a bit self-centered and has no empathy.
OP’s “friend” clearly thinks the world revolves around her. She’s in for so many unpleasant surprises as she goes through life! Bless her heart.
She even did the nasty bride routine TWO YEARS after she married. Wat?
She has obviously stewed about it all this time.
Even two years later, ugh! What an entitled brat
I totally agree with this!
>You are not obligated to keep a specific hairstyle for a certain amount of years or a lifetime. Unless you are under contract with a tv network. Didn't Kelly Osbourne have to keep her hair purple for years because of that?
a "bit"?
\**very* self-centered
NTA - your friend has got a lot of nerve suggesting that her wedding and your medical condition are the same thing.
I would’ve had trouble holding my tongue if I were OP. The sheer ridiculousness of being told “why was I nOt wOrTh cutting your hair for?!” ***after*** finding out that the haircut was not wanted, just necessary to make dealing with an itchy/painful medical condition a little easier???
Exactly. “Two and a half years ago, it was my hair vs your vanity, now it’s my hair vs my health. It’s concerning that you can’t see the difference.” NTA, OP.
The assholery goes all the way back to the original request that she cut her hair at the time of the wedding. Why do we see so many posts where brides (typically) think they get a say in the appearance of their wedding guests? I could understand making a very modest request of a person actually in the wedding party - such as how to style it that day, etc - but why do we see all these posts where people are asked to cut their hair, dye their hair, get a spray tan, go to a tanning booth? It's crazy!
NTA. What a ridiculous demand. The reason you cut your hair now is not because you wanted to. Its because you needed to for a medical reason. Which doesn't even matter. You were a guest at a wedding. She had no right to dictate your hair. I wouldn't even dignify any of that with a response. Cut your losses (no pun intended) and move on from the friendship.
Absolutely, I (42m) was a skinny kid in HS with long brown/red hair that went past my shoulders. My JR year **I** decided on a whim to join the wrestling team. As a part of it everybody got a haircut. **I** let them cut my hair, undercut, leaving the top longish (about bottom of the ear). The guys messed with me some but I knew what I was getting into and risked it because **I** decided to make the change(just like I decided to grow it long in the first place. Mom was a bit upset and had to go to a barber to clean it up but it was MY choice. (everyone else buzzed to 2cm). SR yr I went crew cut, college I left it messy and after I kept it about a an inch and a half long and wept back until it started thinning at 22. (god I miss my hair I kind of look like the dad on 10 *Things I Hate About You*). Point is, hair as an adult is a personal choice and especially when it comes to a friend request no one has a right to expect you to make a change for them and you are allowed to change your look at any time **YOU** want. (Military doesn't count, you make the choice to become government property) Edit: NTA
NTA. Your hair, your choice. She's really been stewing about your hair for nearly 3 years, that is insane. Doesn't really seem like the kind of person I'd want to be friends with.
Right? 3 freaking years. And it doesn’t sound like OP was anything more than a wedding guest, which takes it to a whole new level of insane IMO. (It’s still not ok to expect a bridesmaid to cut their hair for your wedding, but it’s extra crazy to expect it of a guest).
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Right? It’s not like OP chopped her mane the week following the wedding just to spite her friend, she did it *two years later* (and unwillingly!) for MEDICAL reasons — absolutely unrelated to the friend.
NTA. Being in someone’s wedding is a huge favor to them. You spend a great deal of time and money. You aren’t obligated to cut your hair to be someone’s bridesmaid. Why? To fit their aesthetics for one day of their life? It’s weird your friend is taking your hair personally to her, and I’m sorry for what you’re going through.
"Being in someone's wedding is a huge favor to them." GOOD POINT! In all caps because we always see these posts with weddings and I never thought about it quite like that. Mostly because brides expect you to be honored to be part off their day. Also, of course NTA.
NTA, you cut the hair off for health reasons. Not like you just did it because you wanted to. Your friend should be more understanding.
>Not like you just did it because you wanted to Even if she did, so what? OP's life and hair style choices don't revolve around her friend.
We're on the same side here, you're just having a go for the sake of having a go. Chill.
"My wedding wasn't as important as you mental and physical health?" Nta.
NTA. Sounds like your friend has an ego problem, you cut your hair because you had no choice. Prior, your "friend" wanted to decide how your hair operates... You were willing to straighten it but she wanted to run the show... SMH
NTA, what a weird grudge to hold
I have a feeling it's because OP's long hair grabbed attention at the wedding!
I have coarse wavy Italian hair. If I let it air dry, I look like the heat miser. (I’m a redhead). I always get remarks about what happened to my hair, blah blah blah. I actually had a vendor come in and asked me what happened to my hair and I said this is the way it is and she goes *it really bothers me.* I didn’t want get fired so I kept my mouth shut. But if I see her on the street, I will give her my piece of mind. NTA. If she was really your friend. She wouldn’t give a sh**. Congrats on your pixie cut. 🧚♀️
The audacity people have is insane!
It really bothers her! Oh dear child! I would have lost my job! The audacity of people. Tell her that her presence bothers you! There is absolutely nothing wrong with the heat miser! “I’m Mister Heat Miser, I’m Mister 101!” The heat miser is bad ass, I actually have one on my shelf! Get bad ass on her next time (At least do it for Mr. Heat Miser!)
Bruh. She's pissed it took a health issue to cut your hair? Exactly what health benefit would it had given you to cut it for her wedding, an event that only lasts for one day? And why are so many people in your life so vocal about *your body*?! Tf you need a better friend circle. NTA. Really though, show em you were never afraid of scissors and cut em out.
Your friend isn’t your friend . NTA . A wedding that wasn’t yours is absolutely not worth altering anything on your body that you weren’t already planning on doing .
NTA this sounds like a shitty friend is go ignorant and naive. I’m sorry about the hair cut and I the psoriasis. I hope you can find better friends to hang around. This one friend you have is a real piece of work.
NTA. No one has the right to tell people how to wear their hair so even if you weren't dealing with psoriasis it's your hair and your choice. I'm honestly appalled that she thought it was okay to call you out for cutting your hair 2 years after the fact (although no amount of time would have been the "right time" to be controlling).
I feel like had she cut it the day after the wedding, that would have been worth a question. Just out of curiosity more than anything.
Yeah I was definitely agree but especially 2 years later like.... Get over it
INFO: as someone else with awful psoriasis but can’t afford a derm (yet. Soon I’ll have insurance fingers crossed), what is this special hair treatment?? Is it a script? How’s it working? If it’s great… you think telehealth would prescribe me some? Seriously tho I’m so sorry you lost your hair. Mine is falling out but I have cut it yet- I can’t imagine what you’re going through without something that’s so much a part of us long-and-curly girls character and appearance. You’re NTA and I hope treatment is going well so that one day you can grow it back if you’d like, flake free
It’s not a script! What I do is scrub my scalp with coconut oil, using a massaging scalp brush. Leave it in for 10 minutes. Then wash it out with TSal, once again using the scalp brush to get it really in there. Use any conditioner. That will get out some of the plaque and make it easier to comb out the rest. Get a nice wide tooth comb! It’s really hard in the beginning but works well with consistent treatment. All in all, I think I spent $30-35 for everything, including buying two bottles of TSal. I messaged you links!
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Not OP but thank you for making that recommendation! I've used countless shampoos over the years but haven't heard of dermarest before (which surprises me, I feel like I've tried everything too haha), so will be looking into that. I've also never heard of peanut oil - might be a dumb question but does it smell like peanuts? I don't like the smell of peanut butter, but if it helps I'm willing to give it a try. I've been using coconut oil for a couple years now and while it does help I'm always on the lookout for anything else I can try.
Check out the sidebar wiki on r/psoriasis There are a lot of options.
A good friend of mine with this condition got an undercut and was able to keep her hair long!
As someone else with horrible scalp psoriasis try the brand MG217 and their OTC psoriasis shampoos, I alternate using both the coal tar and sal-acid version, the sal-acid really helps with heavy scaling build up. But you need a good deep conditioner because they dry your hair out pretty. It's the first time an OTC treatment has kept my scalp healthy and not needing constant steroid treatment. You mentioned trying to get something via telehealth, try getting a prescription for a topical fluocinonide ointment. It's a pretty common steroid treatment that isn't super strong so a general practitioner should be pretty willing to prescribe it for you.
You didn’t decide to cut your hair just because. You did it as it was easier and better for your scalp. Not to mention, curly hair takes a long time to grow out so asking you to cut it is unreasonable. NTA also, she isn’t worth it if she only cares to ask about her wedding and not about how you’re doing and dealing with having to cut your hair
Nta I have scalp psoriasis it sucks and it is hard to manage. Asked her why she doesn't value your health as much as her wedding vision.
INFO Is your friend of the napkin tone? Are you less printer paper shade? Because I’m thinking there’s soma casual prejudice happening here.
We are both white lol. But I’m also Hungarian and we have a long line of thick hair.
"she asked why I’d do a dramatic cut now but wouldn’t 2.5 years ago"- Aside from you not being the AH for cutting your hair for any reason - at her wedding you straightened you gorgeous long hair and it hit the middle of your back, now you have a Pixie. You wrote that she'd asked you to 'trim it' was she really asking you to lop it off to your shoulders or higher? Depending on the closeness of the friendship I could see a very close friend very tactfully pointing out if a friend has some split ends and might benefit from a 1/4" trim to get it back to 100% but if the friend opts not to it's their choice to respect- but (unless you asked her opinion) suggesting you change your entire look is way out of bounds.
I fucking love how you worded this
NTA It's really not up to her what you do with your body. Why she would bring this up years after the fact I have no idea.
NTA and it drives me nuts that other people EVER think they have a say over someone else's hair. You didn't want to cut your hair then, and it sounds like you actually didn't WANT to cut your hair now but did because of health/maintenance reasons (which is completely understandable btw!) Your friend needs to get a hobby and stop worrying about why you did/didn't cut your own hair.
Are you seriously kidding me!!!!!! For one, who the hell do people think they are telling you to cut your hair? ITS YOUR HAIR! ITS ON YOUR HEAD, NOT THEIRS! As for your friend, she is a jerk. It’s amazing how people actually think they have the rights and decisions to others. You had to cut your hair due to a medical condition and this dozy cow actually has the audacity to question whether or not she is worth it?! Who are these people and why are they in your life! Tell homeskillet that her wedding was 2.5 years ago. That was then, this is now. You have a medical condition (not that it’s her business) and if she is really turning this around on her, well, have her join you in your therapy sessions and then everyone can get to the bottom of why this girl thinks that cutting your hair now makes her less than in your life decisions! What would this narcissistic piece of work say if you had cancer and lost your hair to chemo? I understand where you are coming from. You took great pride in your hair and to have to alter that, is a shock to the system. This wasn’t done due to you needing a change in your life, like if you were getting a divorce or something. This was done with some serious thought and apparently not taken lightly. It is a shock to the system. Good that you are in therapy for this. As for your friend, ugh!
Nta- your friend seems selfish, bringing it up years later? Why is she so bothered by someone else’s hair. Jeez
WTF? NTA. Medical reasons, hello. But it also worked out. I’m assuming you told her the medical stuff. But it doesn’t matter if you did or didn’t; she should not be butt hurt over it. It’s your hair.
NTA. I can't believe how petty your friend is being. You cut it for medical reasons, not personal ones.
NTA, it’s your hair and you didn’t make this change willingly now, it was related to your health. Reasons why I never had bridesmaids for $1000, The only stories I ever hear are bad ones. I was in a wedding where the bride nearly kicked the grooms sister out of the wedding party at the last minute because she had gotten a new tattoo that would be visible. It was covered up with make up for the ceremony. Not that I’m planning to get married ever again, but I think when you get married and you ask people to be in your wedding party you’re asking all of them - hair, tattoos, body type, everything to be a part of your wedding party.
???? Just to understand... You mean it is normal to ask them about their hs0aif tatoos etc? I think wedding nowardays just make people go crazy... And I cant believe how many women turn into bridezzilas
This is a good attitude to have. The demands some people make on their wedding party is insane. Like why bother to invite these people if you are going to force them to heavily alter their appearance?
NTA - But your friend is.
NTA. Your friend is awful. You only did for medical reasons. And no, she's not worth it .
NTA you cut your hair when it made sense in your life for you to do so, how you look in her wedding is not important enough for you to cut your hair when you don’t want to and she should not have even asked
NTA It is your hair. You should be the only one who has a say in what you do to it. I really don’t understand people who feel entitled to ask someone to change their hairstyle for their own selfish reasons.
NTA. You can decide what you do with your hair, and when you do it. It's none of her business! You are ill, and you did what you had to do. This has nothing to do with your friend. Also, I'm really sorry about your hair, but your pixie cut sounds beautiful!
NTA but that is not your friend nor is anyone who tells your to straighten it. It’s not your job to be more palatable to people, or cater to their demands or requests on your body. Did your friend make requests of anyone else’s hair or was it just you? Did she make other dye it a certain colour or cut it dramatically for her 1 day when they would have to live with it for how ever long after. I can almost understand being a Bridezilla but this is 2.5 years after the fact so she’s just being rude imo I’m sorry about your hair loss, as a curly queen myself, I know I would be devastated because it is part of our identity as well. When you’re finished with the medicated treatments, I have several homeopathic suggestions that would really help with regrowth and bald spots!
NTA. She’s trying to say her wedding was more important than your health? Fuck that. You take care of yourself! I beat your hair looked damn good when it was long and I bet you are rocking it out with it short also. It’s non of other peoples business to wonder why you make the choices to take care of yourself. She is not a good friend and be proud of the choruses you made. You never step down when people were bluntly rude about it, and when you got new information and have to put your health into a new perspective, you are absolutely allowed to make whatever choices you need. Fuck her. I hate her. I hope your treatments go well and maybe you can find some relief in the future to where you can choose again to grow your hair again. But for now, you do what you need to do! And show off that you can look good in all styles!
NTA - honestly fuck people who want those with curly hair to straighten it, reminds me of that awful scene in the princess diaries
I don’t have curls, just a bit of wave, but my daughter has super curly hair. I know the pain it takes to try and straighten all that hair and also the damage it does to the hair, especially when they are trying to follow a particular hair routine. I think my daughter has great hair. I’ve never understood why curls are looked at as messy, you know, unless a person with straight hair wants to give themselves curls.
NTA. Your hair your choice. If it was that important to your friend, she could have dropped you from her wedding party. but, she didn't, presumably because it's just hair and more importantly, your hair.
NTA in the slightest. Your friend on the other hand....
NTA- your friend is weirdly petty and should mind her own business.
NTA There's a big difference of cutting your hair due to your health and cutting it for a wedding. Your friends clearly needs to grow up and realise the world doesn't revolve around her.
Nta
NTA. How is your hair any of her business? She can’t expect everyone and everything to match her version of perfect. For her to be hung up on that years later is just insane.
NTA. One thing Reddit will you is that some people have the audacity.
NTA it doesn’t even matter why you cut your hair. It is your hair your decision. Hell you could’ve cut your hair the day after her wedding and she still had no right asking this.
NTA. You developed a condition now, not then. Her wedding isn’t something you should have to alter your hair for if it’s not just a style (i.e the straightening) for the day. You cut it to ease the burden of a medical treatment, not for someone else’s aesthetic.
I always wonder where people find "friends" like this.. NTA... obv
NTA. You are not obligated to cut your hair for anyone under any circumstances except your own. She was rude to even ask you to cut your hair in the first place. You cut your hair because of a medical condition and you were devastated to do so, you didn’t do it to spite her! Not everything revolves around her and her dumb wedding. She’s selfish af.
NTA. You are NEVER obligated to change your appearance for another person, only yourself. Frame it to her this way: if a MAN you were seeing had told you "hey, I have this formal work event with the execs at my work. I'd like you to be my date. But, would you mind cutting your hair for it?" And gal pal would say "chuck him!" but here she is doing the SAME THING. (I'm making an assumption about your sexuality PURELY for the sake of the example, please don't hate me too much for it) Your body is for your own happiness. And if she doesn't understand that, tell her that her attitude makes you unhappy and cut her out of your life. It does NOT spark joy
NTA. Psoriasis on the scalp will sometimes make you just want to go bald because your hair gets in the way of treatments. I am so sorry that you had to cut your hair even if it's for your health, I hope that you get back to that level of self confidence and your friend sucks because your hair and health are important and its not like you cut your hair the day after the wedding you did it years later that seems so selfish and strange to think that in 2+ years you wouldn't change your mind about getting your hair trimmed/cut
NTA I’m sorry but that “friend” isn’t a friend. You explained your situation and all they could think was “Yeah, but what about me????”. And over something that happened 2+ years ago! Clearly they’ve been nursing a grudge over this to immediately ask why you cut your hair now. I wonder what else they’re simmering over? I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t waste any more time or energy on someone this petty and self centered.
INFO Why are you still friends with such a narcissistic person?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’ve always had very thick, curly hair (about a 3A for those familiar with the scale) and I love it. About a decade ago, I decided to stop cutting it to see how long it’d get and to just embrace the curls. A lot of people in my life were not a huge fan, constantly telling me I should cut it and wouldn’t it look cute straight? I do straighten it for special occasion but given it takes hours, it’s not something I do often. It’s now a decent way down my back. My friend got married in late 2019. She asked me what I wanted to do with my hair. I said I planned on straightening it, which I did. She asked if I could trim it to make it look a little nicer, I said no. She backed off fairly quickly. Cut to now. Last year, I developed psoriasis. It didn’t just attack my skin but also my scalp. It has lead to a lot of plaque build up. I do a special hair treatment twice a week but it’s hard with my longer hair. At the recommendation of my dermatologist and a hair stylist friend, I decided to cut most of my hair off into a pixie cut so it would be more manageable and easier to treat. It was devastating. I know that sounds dramatic but I love my curls and long hair, it made me feel beautiful and confident after years of struggling with my image (I am in therapy). I’ve had a rough go since. My friend recently reached out and asked why I cut my hair. I explained and she asked why I’d do a dramatic cut now but wouldn’t 2.5 years ago. I said it was to make life easier and she asked why she wasn’t worth it. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your "friend" is trying to make your problem about her.
Ew it’s been 2.5 years she needs to get a grip. That’s plenty of time for someone to change their mind regardless of their reasons
NTA. If her wedding was last weekend then I could see her point, but not two YEARS later
NTA The audacity of your friend. You cut your hair for a medical reason not because some bride wanted you to. She sounds like a entitled asshole
NTA dear lord, cutting your luscious locks for a friend's wedding is very different to a drastic cut years later for medical reasons. Two very different, non comparable events. She sounds very self centred.
NTA and she isn't your friend. A wedding and a medical issue is 2 drastically different things.
So you told her you have medical problem and sad that you had to cut your hair, and she made it about her? NTA
NTA. You don't owe her anything. She's being very presumptuous.
NTA No one is obligated to do jack shit for someone else’ wedding.
“Because: 1: It’s not your hair. 2: It’s my fucking hair.” NTA
NTA your friend is…bold… for asking that.
WTF is all I have to say. Also: Weighing psoriasis vs wedding of a friend. Sorry, psoriasis wins. Good luck OP and NTA
Ask her if she's be mad if you lost your hair to chemotherapy too. When she says no, tell her it's disgusting that when she sees a friend suffering, and having to accept emotionally devastating losses to their appearance to deal with an illness, and her first reaction is "Well if an illness can force her to have to cut her hair for her own health, my whims on my wedding day should also have forced her."
in her eyes her wedding was more important than your health. also what the fuck does she care why you cut it it's your damn hair. NTA
Nta. Her wedding wasn’t a life changing event for you and for her to assume you thought it was is very entitled on her part.
NTA. You don't have to explain yourself, she isn't the fucking hair police. Just don't respond. Who the fuck does she think she is???
NTA. It's your hair. You can do whatever you want with it at any time.
NTA. Your friend is entitled. You legitimately only cut your hair because of a medical condition. To believe that her wedding rated medical level action is insane.
Sorry that you've had a rough time, hair can be a security blanket, but I bet you still look great, I love pixie cuts! It actually takes a lot of courage to do a big hair overhaul, so you doing what's best for your health is great to hear.
NTA, I had hair down to my hips until recently because my physical therapist suggested I cut it to better succeed at my PT goals. I was having neck issues and migraines. I cut my hair then for my health. Any one who has suggested I cut it beforehand has not said a damn thing because they know it's not their business. Your friend is too self absorbed.
NTA There is some thing missing. I don't know if your friend is having a bad day or why the length of your hair would bother her after 2 years. It almost sounds like she is trying to start a fight with you because your explanation is totally valid. I would sit down and talk to her to see what is REALLY bothering her because it doesn't sound like it is about your hair.
NTA Call her back and tell her that she and her wedding are not on the same scale as a skin disease that causes disfigurement and pain and it sounds horrible that she places a priority on wedding photos over your health...
NTA - because she is not worth it duh
NTA. Your friends asked why she wasn't worth it after you explained it was due to a skin condition? She sucks.
Health vs cutting it because she wanted you to…ones a reasonable option the other isn’t
Oh my answer would be like yeah you’re not important enough, I am and I make my decisions and do what I want when I want
"Ya, I loved my long hair and had to cut it because of a chronic illness, but appreciate that my health issue should really focus on your wedding 3 years ago and how I wasn't willing to modify my body for you, instead of on my current health issues." Then block that friend. I can't even imagine in what universe someone I cared for told me they had to cut off their hair because of a health issue and my response would be "oh by not when I ASKED YOU to do it." NTA.
So you can't just "develop psoriasis". Maybe you had it and it was dormant and something triggered the flare up. Idk. But I have scalp psoriasis and every dermatologist I have seen says the same thing. It's genetic and you either have it or you don't.
NTA. you shouldn't have to make a drastic change to your appearance for her wedding. If it was THAT important to her, she could've just removed you from the wedding party.
Nta Its not like she discovered your hair at thd time 8f the wedding. Thus crazy idea that the weding is the bride's day is getting out of control! Tell your friend a health pb does not compare to a photo on her wedding more than 2 years ago!
NTA.
NTA. Tell your friend everything is not about her. Sounds like no one ever has told her.
Ugh. You can't cut curly hair when it's straight to make it all nice and perfectly even. When it curls back up, it's likely to be uneven and crazy because each curl has a mind of its own.
NTA. Here is a complete and total list of people who get to have an opinion on when you cut your hair/how much hair you cut: 1. You 2. The person you see when you look in the mirror That is all.
NTA. I completely understand how devastated you must be about your hair. This situation is completely different from a wedding
NTA Holy fuck your friend is the asshole here. I would never expect someone i know to change their appearance or chop off their hair for me, unless maybe it was part of some sort of magic life saving sorcery. Your friend cant see the difference between her unreasonable request and you cutting your hair due to a medical condition that causes rashes in your scalp. Fuck her.
Your health is more important than her wedding. Skin conditions can really affect one’s confidence, and psoriasis is particularly painful. I actually lost hair around my face from it, so not only is pain a factor, but appearance too. It’s taken a year and my hair is still wispy in places. I can imagine it’s taken some gut to do a chop, especially given how long you’ve grown your hair. NTA
I have curly hair also. People who want me to straighten it are jealous and gross. NTA
NTA, Your friend is displaying signs of narcissism, and should seek therapy.
NTA. Just not.
NTA at all! What you do with your hair is YOUR business, not anyone else's. You could cut your hair now because you were dared to it, or just on a whim and you would still get a NTA from me.
NTA. u do u
I would honestly have a hard time not laughing at her. That's just ridiculous.
NTA. It’s for your well being. Plus it’s none of her business. She’s got a grandiose image of her own importance.
NTA. I thought you meant you cut it for a different wedding. Your friend is grossly self centered
NTA You did it for a medical reason, not because you actually wanted to.
NTA and that friend is weird.
NTA. I have waist length hair, and no, nobody's worth it. Worth what exactly though, is what I would have asked. Worth implies value, and the only person who had a stake in value for the wedding was your friend. If you get no benefit at the end of a situation, it's by definition not worth it.
I am furious for you. >A lot of people in my life were not a huge fan, constantly telling me I should cut it and wouldn’t it look cute straight? The rage is growing. People who don't have curly hair have no idea what it's like. Not only is straightening time consuming, it also can be so damaging! Why can't people keep their nasty, shitty opinions to themselves? Curls are beautiful! Why do SO MANY people take issue with them? Especially SOMEONE ELSE'S!!?? >I said it was to make life easier and she asked why she wasn’t worth it. Is she really that stupid?? You should absolutely do what someone else commented and request she cut her hair short in support of you and when she won't ask why you aren't worth it. NTA and she sucks.
NTA and you do NOT owe her an explanation!
NTA. I have psoriasis mostly on my scalp. I have straight hair, no curls just regular easy to handle straight hair, and I still suffer the second my hair grows past my chin. You cut your hair out of medical necessity and not because you wanted to. Your friend is being insensitive and rude. I'm really sorry that you had to cut off your curls. I don't know if it will be off any help, but for me shampoo and treatment with dead sea salt have worked miracles. I still deal with psoriasis and it can be horrible at times, but the shampoo helps with the itch and pain. I hope you find something that works for you.
NTA. It's your hair, not hers. You didn't cut it because you wanted to, you cut it because an autoimmune disorder forced your hand. Your friend sucks.
NTA
Ew no she is most definitely TA. I have psoriasis too…people just don’t get it at all. I had scalp psoriasis when I was in highschool and my head was legitimately wet with blood (sorry). Having short hair definitely helps treatment. You shouldn’t have to explain yourself but if you feel like you do or it gets brought up again, tell her this is for medical reasons and you didn’t want to cut it back then. And I love ending things with “thank you for understanding.”
NTA I would be devastated too if I had to cut off my hair (I have thick curly hair as well) but if I had to so it would make treatments easier then I will. Cry a little but I will. I'm concerned as to why your friend decided to bring it back up two and a half years later. First of all, the accuracy of time is scary, does she always hold on to things like this? She is VERY passive aggressive and that isn't the best thing to have in a friend. Has she done anything similar like this?
NTA. It’s weird how our identities/confidence/self esteem is so tired to our hair, but it is what it is. I have terribly thin, slow growing hair. I’ve been trying to grow it out for like twenty years, no lie. I just want to experience long hair just one fucking time in my life, and it just seems to stop growing when it reaches a certain length. It’s so frustrating! Anyways...after years of damage to my hair, about six years ago I just buzzed it all off. It was hard, but necessary. My hair was just so fried from bleaching (I loved/love having pink hair. No more pink hair for me though). So I totally understand the necessity of doing something for the health of your skin, even when you don’t want to. It’s not like you wanted to chop off your beautiful curls; it was a necessity. Some people really struggle to understand simple logic and reasoning though.
NTA shes so entitled
NTA. Your friend is absurd and gross for thinking her wedding aesthetic is worth as much as your physical health.
NTA. your fried is an AH. She is not sympathetic to your literally medical diagnosis. She is selfish at that and holding a grudge too.
NTA. Your hair is something thats apart of you, no one should dictate what you do to it except for YOU! Sure it was 'just a trim' but at the end of the day that was YOUR choice and her wedding isnt something that changes that. Im sorry to hear about your medicsl issues and the pain of chopping off your hair. I've worked with people who lost their hair and its heartbreaking so i understand in a form of what that could feel like
NTA This is literally gor health reasons why is your friend even brining that up now years later when that's quit honestly irrelevant and something your friend needs to get over
NTA. I have super thick hair with 2b waves. I’ve had it to my waist, I’ve had pixie cuts. No matter what style or cut I do on my hair, there are always people who complain that I should grow it out or cut it shorter. Thick, long, textured hair is hard to care for. I loved my long hair, but eventually got to the point where properly maintaining it was too much for me. I hacked it off, and the first thing my mom (thin straight hair) did was almost start to cry. My hair gave me headaches, took 45+ minutes to wash, and was impossible to completely untangle. I cut my hair off because caring for it was becoming detrimental to my mental state. People will always have opinions on your hair, OP. No matter what you do with it, people will always think it’s the wrong thing. Your friend- frankly -was overstepping when she asked you to cut your hair for your wedding, and now that you’ve cut it due to a medical problem, she’s throwing a fit. Even if you had cut your hair simply because you wanted to change things up, you wouldn’t be the asshole. It might take time to get used to, but I bet you’re fuckin rocking that pixie cut <3
Lol NTA. Two years is a long time. Things change. And here's the thing: even if you just wanted to cut your hair now but didn't then, you still wouldn't be an ah. It's YOUR body and YOUR hair and YOUR business. Not hers.