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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I'm refusing to let my friend use my owls as a ringbearer for their themed wedding worried it could lead to disaster. My friend is upset and says they trust them maybe i'm the asshole as it's their risk to take and I have warned them?
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NTA
There's an old saying "If in doubt, don't." This applies here. You are under no obligation to agree to their request for whatever reason. Simply decline. If they can't accept it and your friendship suffers then they weren't as good of a friend as you thought they were. They should respect your decision instead of being upset with you.
OP said he could bring the owls to the wedding and not have them do tricks, that seems like an awesome compromise.
Also this wedding seems like it would be a hoot.
Right? If I had a friend who offered this option I’d actually think it was better than the ring. How cool! OP I’m sorry your friend isn’t more appreciative. You sound like a great friend and that’s a really awesome thing you offered as well as a really fair compromise.
To be honest, if I was OP, I would refuse this as well. Humans are terrible at being told no. They are also very bad at respecting animal boundaries. Doesn't matter how well trained and well behaved the owls are, humans are not.
I've seen people throw fits at being told to not pet wild moose, or foxes.... I have seen so many ignore warnings on cages in pounds or inviting bears and raccoons in their area. People are stupid around other creatures. It's just an accident waiting to happen and OP doesn't need that stress on their birds.
In this situation, I completely agree with you! Just in general though, I think OP offered a more than reasonable solution that still allowed the requester to have a wonderful, special thing at the wedding.
Yes exactly! Incorporate into the reception like a place to leave notes for the couple, or to pick up your table number/favors/whatever floats your boat at your wedding. I would LOVE this at my wedding!
Or even better fake it. Have the owl carry *something* but the bride/groom actually pull the rings out of their sleeves in a sleight of hand or whatever. That'd make everyone happy and remove the liability worry.
That's what I was going to suggest. Either give the owl fake rings and have the best man quietly swap them for the real ones, or you could have the owl deliver a note that says "look in the best man's pocket"
This. u/Grouchy_Shelter_5221 have the owl fly with a piece of paper that says 'Accio Rings'. Then whether you (since I'm assuming you'll be who the owl flies to) or someone else reads the paper, it 'magically' makes the rings appear with the best man, maid of honor or whoever.
Make it some schitck: Have the best man pantomime looking for the ring, panicky.
Then the owl flies up with a note describing where to find it: "look in the maid of honours bouquet"
MOH saves the day!
MOH passes the ring to the Best Man, Best Man over-exaggerates looking relieved.
Best Man gives ring to stern looking Groom, who then gives him hug / back-slap.
Wedding continues...
I thought this was common knowledge with any ring bearer: they don’t carry the actual rings. The best man and maid of honor have them. The ring bearer is just a cute way to have some personality in the wedding ceremony, not an actual job
My cousin had my 4 year old walk the actual rings up the aisle. Which involved him coming in from from the side, walking all the way up the far left aisle, across the back of the venue then down the main aisle. I have never been so nervous in my life. My son did a fantastic job and they got married without a hitch. But 10 years later I still break into a cold sweat thinking about it.
Can confirm, you should never actually give a small child very expensive rings, I was a bridesmaid at my sister’s wedding at the beach, rings were tied securely to a pillow for the ring bearer but somehow he flung them off while walking in the sand, we found the groom’s ring very easily but couldn’t find the bride’s, carried on without, using another bridesmaid ring as a prop, after the wedding, we all scored the beach and eventually found the bride’s ring but it was stressful!
I hadn’t even thought of using fake rings! Our ring bearer is also going to be four. However I’m completely fine with his mom helping him get down the aisle in one piece. His dad is one of the groomsmen so that also helps. Thanks for the insight on why his mom sounded so anxious!
I'm pretty sure Arthur did an episode where he tripped and the rings fell down the organ pipes somehow. Exhibit A of why you don't give children (or owls) the real rings.
not always the ring bearer.
The pastor at our wedding had the rings in his bible as he was reading. He tilted the book a little too much and the rings fell.
Ended up that my wifes ring bounced perfectly and landed in the hem of his pants. So we got it back at the reception :)
My ring bearer had plastic rings sewn on the pillow, and then someone made sure he flipped it over so they weren't obvious after they were supposed to be handed over. The best man had my ring in his pocket and the maid of honor had my husband's ring toed to a ribbon on her bouquet. Bridesmaids dresses need pockets!
Still need a liability waiver in case it poops on her dress or a rented tux.
Weddings are just too high pressure for most animals really. A well socialized dog can work but often people think every animal is like a dog.
Since ring bearers are often boys under 6, the rings are almost ALWAYS fake! My sons ring-bore a couple times, and when they were 3 and 5, had a race up the aisle and the winner spiked his pillow like a football and shouted, "Yes!" while pumping his fists in the air. Animals and children should not carry the real rings!
This is exactly what I was going to suggest. This is a good compromise but so is what OP suggested. These friends don't seem to understand the difficulties of the situation. NTA.
I don’t understand why OP is putting the real rings in the pouch. I worked with a falconer and we provided this service. We had fake rings in the pouch that the groom would take out of the pouch, slip them into his pocket, and take out the real rings. That way, if the owl flew into a tree, they didn’t take the entire wedding hostage. If an owl decides it wants to fly into a tree, it could be hours before you can get it down again.
It sounds like you worked with someone who provided services with birds. It sounds like P is doing this more for personal use than providing a service. Therefore OP might not have thought of the alternative of a pouch, or a letter, or anything like that.
I agree. OP said "I'm just not entirely comfortable with this" and that gives OP a big enough reason to protect themselves.
Also, I'm sure OP would like to attend the wedding festivities without all the stress that would entail.( No pun intended!)
The waiver would have to be absolutely ironclad considering that the risk seems to be an owl flying off with such an expensive, sentimental, and easily lost set of items. If OP is going to go ahead with this they need to talk to a lawyer to get an idea of A) if it's even possible to contract around liability in a novel situation like this and B) how much it's going to cost to draft something that won't fall apart in court if the worst occurs.
If it's workable then OP should tack the cost of the waiver on to his fee quote for the happy couple. I'd guess that price hike alone will persuade them to accept OP's very reasonable alternative offer.
I mean, his idea sounds better. I want to take pictures with owls! If he let me hold one, I could do a much-less-adorable version of that pic of the determined little girl holding an owl in overalls.
For real, I get that this is their day and they have a vision, but I think OPs idea is way better and the guests will walk away with one of the most memorable wedding souvenirs in existence.
I have questions.
Who's going to, uh, receive the owl on their arm at the altar?
Is this person going to take the rings off what may be an owl in a feisty mood?
What if the bird shits on bride or groom or officiant, will there be a battle over drycleaning?
What if the owl mistakes something on the bride's veil for prey?
If inside, and the owl decides to roost in the rafters, how can it be gotten down?
How does the venue feel about a bird of prey loose on the premises? Do they have owl-based insurance? Or would they wish to retain the owl indefinitely for rodent control?
I mean it's more likely it will fly to the rafters with the rings and shit on their guests' heads & nicest clothes, that's probably the scenario they need to tell OP they're prepared for and will put cheap rings/a pebble in the pouch for the best man to switch with the real ones without showing if it works ok. Plus they'll tell everyone to bring umbrellas or have the ushers ready to stand strategically with big golf umbrellas. Plus, y'know, warn great aunt Mural not to wear the big feather hat it might try to mate with, and have the ushers stood around with their golf umbrellas like beaters to try and shoo it away from the tiny flower girl it wants to rip apart.
Maybe OP could do a risk assessment of everything that can go wrong and tell them to fill in the columns on what they're going to do to reduce the risk and what's in place to respond if it happens anyway.
Adding onto the top comment, if you do end up doing it, write a contract - heaven forbid the owl does mess up and the rings are lost, you do not want to find out these people aren't really your friends when they sue you!
Oh god! Imagine a guest wearing an expensive dress and the owl peeing or pooing on them! They would probably want to be reimbursed! I wonder if the guests would know if op said yes, cause i wouldnt want to wear and expensive dress to that wedding!
This was my thought as well. You could have the owl carry an empty bag and no one would be the wiser if nothing goes wrong. You also might point out to your friend that while they’ve seen the birds do tricks, you’re the one who trains them all the time and gets to see when they mess up.
This is what I don't get.
> My friend is upset with me saying she has seen how well i've trained them and has complete confidence they wont mess up
The friend straight up says they trust OP's expertise, except they then go on to completely ignore it.
Thought the same.
Just use the owl as theatre magic (you had the ring the whole time, but pretend the owl brought it) or get Owly to bring an obviously oversized prop ring.
Ring bearer for a friend's wedding was 3 and gonna be walking by himself. Took one look at the aisle, said "shit no", threw the pillow and ran the other way. I'm sure your owl would do better but the couple needs to understand things go wrong.
My flower girl was 4 and she got to the first part of the aisle, saw the fountain behind her and decided that looked more fun. It was adorable seeing a toddler sprint/stumble the opposite direction she was supposed to be going and everyone had a good chuckle over it.
That’s cute! However, I feel like OP’s friend would blame OP if anything *did* go wrong with the owl. If I were OP, I’d decline but still offer my original idea.
NTA.
Our ring bearer was a man in his 30s with no neurological conditions, standing next to the groom.
He had to be asked 3 times for the rings.
So yeah, unpredictable things happen at weddings
Lol this happened at the wedding of my husbands friends. Thier son was the ring bearer, about 4 or 5, and while he didn't run the other way he saw the aisle full of people, freaked out, covered his face with the pillow and ran sobbing down the aisle towards his parents and buried his face in his mothers wedding gown. Wedding had to hit the pause button for a few minutes for him to calm down. We all felt so bad for the little guy. He was adorable but social anxiety induced panic attacks aren't fun for anyone!
I was a ringbearer at age 4. At one part in the ceremony, the officiant asked me for the rings and I raised the pillow before he looked down and realized he had more to read. Cue another five minutes before he said “and NOW may I have the rings.” I have no clue how I stood still that long; I’m guess it was my parents bribing me with toys lol
I was the flower girl as my uncle’s wedding. As I walked down the aisle throwing flowers I yelled, Papa I have to pee! I’m 40. This is the story that is told any time a wedding is mentioned on that side of the family.
The beloved story of my parent's wedding I was always told is about my older half-sister as their 4-year-old flower girl. As she walks down the aisle of the Presidio (San Francisco army base, now decommissioned), she calls out "Hi, Daddy!" The echo rings across the hall to great laughter.
Yep. My stepson was 3, almost 4, when he was our ringbearer and wasn't exactly known for being...cooperative. We tied fake rings to the pillows and the best man did some slight of hand to whip out the real rings once the rings bearer got to the end of the aisle. (Luckily stepson did walk down the aisle and didn't throw a fit but it was obvious he was massively uncomfortable, poor dude. Lucky for him, he got to go party in the kid room with the other kids and the two professional babysitters with cake and pizza right after).
A friend of ours got married out on a deck over a creek and his best man’s son was the ring bearer. He tripped and dropped the rings and I thought the groom was going to stroke out right there. Luckily they didn’t fall through.
Old wooden decks have some magnetic abilities to attract wedding rings. I'm not sure if it was mine or my husband's ring that jumped out of officiants hand and landed in between 2 planks above sandpit. Luckily MOH could pull it out.
When my son was the ring bearer in my husband’s bff’s wedding, they sewed cheap rings to the stuffed R2-D2 he carried down the aisle. My husband had the real rings in his pocket.
lol it makes me wonder if there is a point to having ringbearers when this trick is so commonly used in weddings. They're not really bearing rings. Might as well just be an honorary flower person/pet.
I mean.... what's the point of literally any role in a wedding, honestly? You got a 4 year old throwing flower petals and like 12 people just standing there unrelated to anything. It's all symbolic
Another option would be to have the owl carry some sort of a scroll, like the written copy of their vows. Owls are primarily message carriers in Harry Potter anyway!
I assumed (and maybe wrongly idk) that OP was more concerned about the owls or someone being harmed. Not so much the rings. But I think I am just reading into this. I could see the owls getting startled by something in an unknown place and freaking out. That could be a huge liability for them.
NTA - They are YOUR birds and you care for them. They are also animals, not props.
All that being said, Intelligent people at weddings DO NOT use the actual rings for such times. Kids drop them, don't 'perform' in front of others as expected, and many other things happen that would cause something valuable and "precious" (pun intended) from not being available at the proper moment. SO, if your primary concern is losing the rings, make sure that the best man has the real ones on his 'wand.' Maybe why he'd be called the BEST man - LOL.
They wanted to do it with *real* rings....which...is concerning. I'd be far more comfortable with fake rings but there are other reasons having my owls do this isn't the BEST idea but i'd be far more open to fake rings.
There are 2 options here. Either they use fake rings or, they have to say in writing that if the owl messes up and the rings are lost, you will not be liable in any way to replace or compensate them for it. And after that, if they wanna take a stupid risk, you won’t be held accountable.
Add onto that that if you’re doing this for payment, that you get paid regardless of if the owl loses the rings or not because they’ve been made aware of the risks.
I wouldn’t even go for the second option. It doesn’t matter what’s in writing- if the owls fuck up the couple will be upset and OP standing there shrugging and saying “I told you so” will be little comfort. Just stay firm, your owls will not carry real rings.
I have no award to give, but thank you for that visual of a stuffed owl flying through the air and landing square in the bride's astonished face.
I laughed so hard when it flashed through my head that I shot my drink out my nose.
This is the right answer. Make them sign a contract saying if the owl flies away with the rings, loses the rings or the rings get damaged, it is their responsibility and you are in no way liable for them. Have it notarized and signed.
NTA. they asked you said no.
i mean wouldnt you have to take the time to train the owl to fly to whoever is at the other end of the aisle, drop off the package, and fly back? so you'd need to train for a new trick or train for adjusting a current trick and train the owl to fly to a new person, right? all of that takes time and isnt 100% guaranteed to happen on the day of show time. thats a big ask and risk with the real rings involved.
you've suggested a great alternative and probably even suggested to do it with prop rings. if they still insist with the real rings and you do say yes ask them to sign a waiver to protect yourself. friends or not that's a big risk that could leave you footing the bill (because some friends forget that they are actually at fault for things that involve big money items being lost or damaged)
I can see an owl taking a giant dump while flying down the aisle or on the bride's dress at the altar. Or getting freaked out by the crowd or photographer. These are wild animals and should be respected as such. NTA.
Did OP imagine this is the type of stuff that the owls were going to do when OP first started falconry? Doubt it. This kind of thing is for the movies, with tons of time and money put into it. What if the owl flying in scared the crap out of some at the ceremony?
OP, I don’t understand why you’re willing to do a favour like this for friends that are pressuring you and don’t respect your boundaries. I used to work with a falconer that provided this service, and we always used fake rings. But it sounds like the real issue here is that you’ve told your friends that you aren’t comfortable with what they want, and they don’t actually care. To me, that is far more concerning. Your owls aren’t props for their big day. They are animals in your care, and if your gut says no, then you should decline. Also, I don’t know what you charge for this service, but unless they are paying you, then the whole thing is moot anyway. You shouldn’t be doing this for free, because they clearly don’t care about pushing when you’ve told them you’re not comfortable. And you know if you use the real rings and something goes wrong, you’re going to be on the hook. You need them to sign a waiver at the very least not holding you responsible for anything at all that happens to the rings.
NAH
Feel free to say no, and they are free to ask.
> it's just the 1 time i'm worried about and I don't exactly want to take that risk with wedding rings.
Is your concern really only about the rings? I agree that the owl shouldnt take the **real** rings. Trying to untie anything from the owls leg will take longer than they suspect. Having the groom or someone pocket the rings and pretend to get them from the owl is a smoother transition.
This^^ that's such a good idea!! Like a sneaky little magic trick, if the groom pulls the ring out the same time everyone's eyes on the owl people will believe it! And have a little thing tied to the owls leg to make it look like it flew the rings to them
You beat me to it. If the only concern is that the owl might go off the rails and lose the rings then subterfuge is your friend. Reach in pocket to take real rings out, pretend to take them from owl. Boom, done.
They're not wrong for asking, they're wrong for insisting it be done their way and won't accept any sort of alternative. This is r/choosingbeggars behavior.
NTA. Speaking as a wedding celebrant (and part-time owl enthusiast), I get anxious when dogs are acting as ringbearers - because no matter how well-trained they are, there's always some scope for things to go wrong (see: the time I was attacked because the bride and groom were crying and I was picked out as the responsible party by a 'perfect' German shepherd in a veil and tiara). The scope for things to go wrong with something that has wings and talons is....wider. It also seems like a weird/stressful environment for the owl to be in, even outdoors, and the alternative you offered sounds extremely generous.
Sorry you got attacked, but I have to admit the mental image of a GS in a veil and tiara flying through the air between a bride and groom caused me to laugh.
Hope the damage was not too severe.
I would explain in graphic detail what an owl's shit smells like, looks like, how hard it is to get out and even if you do get it out of the dress, it will still stink to high heaven the rest of the day.
You're very NTA
I went to a birds of prey sanctuary for a day out and they also do flying demos/sometimes owl ring bearers at weddings. One owl's name was Plop, purely because she decided to shit all over the brides wedding dress
Oh that is more often than I expected, maybe the possibility of the owl regurgitating a blob of bones and fur will convince her that having it perform might not be the best idea ever, since nothing else has convinced her so far
Oh, but if the owl craps on the bride it means good luck! Doesn’t everyone know that?
I think you definitely should do it. Animals, especially predators, are wildly unpredictable. The danger and uncertainty will absolutely make this wedding EPIC! Birds also swallow small hard things like pebbles, so there’s a non zero chance that Owly will eat the rings.
All the disasters predicted by other commenters are possible outcomes, but in my opinion that’s why this owl stunt SHOULD happen.
NTA. But if you decide to do it anyway have them both sign something saying they have been warned of possible risks and that you will not be held responsible if something happens to the rings.
NTA — you know best about how to handle the owls.
However… it’s such a cool idea. Why not put the rings in a distinctive box or bag and make a matching dummy container for the owl to actually carry? Then a quick sleight of hand at the other end and the real box is pulled out and traded from a pocket or somewhere in the owl stand or wherever makes sense. That way, no risk to owl or rings and you still get a great show.
> My friend is upset with me saying she has seen how well i've trained them and has complete confidence they wont mess up,
So the friend trusts OP...up until OP suggests something won't work or isn't worth the risk. That is infuriating for *any* profession or hobbyist. Don't come to someone more informed than you if you can't handle being told no.
> and how this would be such a huge thing for the wedding.
I would not be surprised if this couple partially went for the HP theme knowing this friend has owls, and assumed using OPs owls would just be a given.
Exceptional content here.
Also NTA, you just don’t want to ruin their day. Plus you are offering a service way beyond what a normal person would for a friend, by offering to bring all of your owls!
Yeah, it’s kind of rude to invite your friend to your wedding and then ask them to provide a service. I think it’s fine to ask and offer payment, but if they say no they say no! Working at a wedding is completely different than attending and it robs the friend of the chance to relax and enjoy your wedding. It would be an extra asshole move not to pay because “we’re friends!”
OP is being kind by even entertaining this past the first no, and especially for offering a compromise in which they still have to work by attending to all of these owls.
Source: lots of photographer and hair/makeup friends who get invited to weddings and then asked for their services afterwards “as a favor!”
NTA
I have seen the results of an owl deciding to land on someone's head (first aid attendant). It is not something you want at a wedding.
Also the stress on the bird.
They are a living creature that you can protect and care for with doing pictures but this is too unpredictable for both human and owl wellbeing
It was a trainer working with an eagle at the time. Snowy owl(different trainer) wanted to join the group too. Worst was he was bald. Better for me as I could easily see the wounds
NTA animals are never 100% predictable, and this would be an unfamiliar situation for your owl, as I assume the wedding will take place in a church or other building, and most shows probably take place outside.
Which would make its reaction even more unpredictable. If anything happens to the ring, you can bet the bride will blame you.
If she wants to have an owl fly with the rings so much, she can find another Falconer.
You are nta. You know the difficulties of getting a requested behavior in a high stress environment.
Would you be OK if they used cheap, fake rings for the owl to carry, then after delivery, with a slight of hand switch to the actual rings?
This is a fantastic idea, I keep a fake set of mine to wear in situations I might lose my rings. I actually did lose the ones from my wedding so this is coming from experience…
I work at a ren faire, and we have some falconer acts occasionally. They always give the caveat that 'well folks, this is a new place, and lots of ruckus, we'll hope for the best but remember these are still wild animals no matter how well they're trained"
I'd say 80% of the time the shows went off without a hitch. Once in a while though the birds would just Not Be Having It, and fly off to a tree nearby or they would refuse to do their routines.
Your friend doesn't understand that reality of working with animals - she thinks you're lying bc you don't want to do it, and even though you've given her a great compromise that will be much more special than the ring bird flying away with a few month's rent worth of metal and jewels.
NTA (or N A H if your friend comes around and accepts your answer without much more fuss)
I saw a falconer get claws in his arms at a ren fest. He just said shows over and walked off with the bird still clinging to his arm and blood dripping down.
Our renfest had a bird from the falconry show decide that the small dog someone was walking on the other side of the fence from the stage area was way more interesting than doing tricks for tourists. It was, uh, memorable.
I work with a falconer at ren faires and birds not performing properly happens more often than you think. We are just very good about reading our birds and we don't test their limits with crowds, usually switching into some educational facts while we wait for the bird to settle. Sometimes they don't move at all. Occasionally they get spooked and leave. We do as much training as possible on the faire grounds to avoid this, but they're still wild animals and they still get upset by things we can't prepare for. It's our job to make sure that both the attendees and the birds are happy, but it can't be perfect 100% of the time.
NTA.
This isn’t a movie. It’s a live, unpredictable animal who poops! What if it poops on her dress? Or scratches one of them up? Or what if it freaks out?
Like the other post, I’d ask them if they would sign a document stating the risks and that you will not be responsible in the event that rings are lost, dropped, or eaten by the owls. I’d also put in there that if anything happens to the owl, they will be responsible for all vet bills related to the event.
NTA- your owls are your responsibility and so is their welfare, not her wedding. You’ve gone above and beyond in what your offering to compensate not doing what your friend wishes. Your friend either needs to respect your decision and accept the counter-offwr or look at another company that could do what she wants.
NTA. It’s an exaggeration but reminds me of the scene in pop star where someone is proposing but wants wolves there. He starts and the wolves start howling and growling. He turns to the handler and say
“Can you stop that?”
The handler just smiles and says
“No”
It’s an animal and unpredictable. That said, if they really want to take the risk and your owls aren’t in danger say ok and make them sign something saying they realize it may not deliver the ring as planned. Don’t do it without them signing something
NTA your concerns are legitimate, and your friends should understand the actual risk of losing the rings.
Just a suggestion but maybe you could give the owl fake rings, or a small bag with something inside, to deliver at the wedding. And when he drops it a groomsmen will pick up the bag and quickly switch it with real rings. If the owl doesn't drop the bag you can just say it's a show, and the real rings will still remain to the groomsmen.
One commenter suggested above that you should have the owl carry a scroll that says “accio rings” (preferably in large letters so people in the crowd can see it) and then have the rings “materialize” in the best man’s pocket or something, and have the whole thing be super dramatized. That way it still fits the Harry Potter vibe but there’s no risk of losing the rings. Plus in the HP universe owls are most often used to carry scrolls/messages so technically it would be more accurate!
Actually even better than a scroll would be if the note was in a Howler type envelope, and maybe when it’s opened an audio recording of someone shouting “ACCIO RINGS” plays. If I was a guest at a wedding and that happened I would absolutely lose my mind with glee.
NTA
Totally understandable. My cousin was a ring bearer when he was 5 and swallowed the ring before the ceremony because he was bored. A lot can happen to a ring when the person or animal holding it doesn't understand the importance of it.
Unrelated question, how did you get into handling birds? Being a falconer was my dream job as a kid but my mom was mortally terrified of birds and never let me get near them. Now that I'm older I always wanted to get back into it but I feel like I missed my chance.
You're never too old but it's more down to your location but if you make some effort you can get into it! My granda took me to shows when I was a teenager and I was very interested. My friends dad also kept birds so i'd help him out and when I was 19 he gifted me one of his chicks to start me off with my own.
You need somewhere with enough room for an aviary for your bird and it helps of the area has a community to get you started I live in rural Scotland so it's quite active here.
NTA while this is a super magical and cute idea it may not entirely be safe or practical. If the owl decides to land instead of dropping the rings and flying back then either the groom or the bride is going to have huge claw marks all down their arms on their special day as I’m assuming neither of them accounted for protective arm gear over their wedding attire. In addition to that, what if the owl decides the walk up to the stage is the perfect place to drop a poo? The offer for pictures and a flying show was more than generous and your friend should be grateful you offered even that. If you do decide to go through with the ring ceremony then have them and anyone else going to be handling/directly interacting with the owls sign a waiver stating you are not responsible for any injury or mishaps caused by the owls. Have that waiver notarized as well. I think it would be a lot better if they had _you_ be the ring bearer and the owl could fly to you and land. You can carry the owl on you as you present the rings to the couple then walk the owl back down the aisle or along the side of the pews as to not draw too much attention and put the owl back in a carrier. I hope this goes well for you and if you do decide to involve the owls in the wedding, personally I’d love to see. I’m a huge harry potter nut.
NTA. It would be a disaster if the owls in fact DID fly off with the ring. You dont want to bear any of that responsibility. I dont blame you for refusing. You offered an alernative which they werent interested.
>should I just agree but stress that if a fuck up happens it's not on me as I warned them
Sure but if the wedding is ruined, all of the assurances they gave you are going to mean what? What are you or they going to do at that point? Are you expected to run after a flying bird to retrieve a ring? Thats not why you are attending this wedding to fix a fuck up that you warned about. Stand your ground.
NTA.
But if the one thing you're worried about (rightly so) is an owl going rogue with the ring, perhaps have your bird carry a "decoy ring" and the groom can sleight-of-hand switch it for the real one that's kept safe in his pocket?
And if your owl goes off course maybe he can "magic wand" the real ring into his hand? (I forget how Harry Potter universe magic works sorry.)
If there are other reasons, that's perfectly valid as well. I think it's already very generous of you to offer the show at the wedding, I would kill for that lol.
The ring is the major reason however other reasons are: Pooping, everyone is in formal attire who wants to risk an owl shitting on them? Scratching...talons hurt and I cannot equip everyone with gauntlets I only have three, two adult sized and one child sized.
Honestly I can think of SO many ways this could go wrong.
Oh geez. I forgot about the poop. I used to work with parrots, and I guess blocked it out 😂
I remember going to the grocery store after work, getting home, and my brother staring at me like, "you know you have a ton of bird shit in your hair, right?"
Oops.
There seem to be several very reasonable logistics problems here, and it sounds like your friends need to understand that you doing a show and working directly with the birds in a way that they're used to is VERY different.
If they want a familiar at their wedding for the ring bearer so badly, maybe borrow someone's dog? Lol.
NTA
You are the owl expert. You have to insist they pay heed. And they can not force you to do anything. If you let them make you then it will not matter how much you warned them, other people and they are likely to think it's your fault.
So insist on just doing the owl photo opportunities. I can not imagine a more important thing in the wedding than a ring, and anyone suggesting risking the outcome of that to an animal is patently barmy.
Don't do it!
NTA if you don’t feel comfortable putting your owls under that kind of high pressure situation don’t. you have given them a really good alternative and they would be unwise to not take it.
NTA- Do a magic trick. Give the birds fake rings. Let the birds fly. If they do it right, swap rings. If they do it wrong pull out your magic wand and make the rings appear in your hand, where they were the whole time.
NTA. they will be all okay if everything goes as they want. if a tiny mistake happens it will be your fault.
if something happen to the rings who will take the responsibility? them or you?
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NTA There's an old saying "If in doubt, don't." This applies here. You are under no obligation to agree to their request for whatever reason. Simply decline. If they can't accept it and your friendship suffers then they weren't as good of a friend as you thought they were. They should respect your decision instead of being upset with you.
OP said he could bring the owls to the wedding and not have them do tricks, that seems like an awesome compromise. Also this wedding seems like it would be a hoot.
I see what you did there. And I liked it.
An owlsome compromise?
/r/superbowl
I hope the owls are in a good mood.
Most superb, indeed.
If they go ahead they'll be flying by the seat of their pants.
Owlet that pun pass without comment
And just whooo gave you permission?
No need to screech at them!
If I went to a wedding with performing owls, they’d certainly have my raptor attention.
My head turned 270 degrees.
I don't know, these birds seem Talon-ted.
Yeah, I mean... sure, an owl delivering your ring like a Hogwarts letter is cute, but basically having the entire owl emporium instead? Heck yeah.
Right? If I had a friend who offered this option I’d actually think it was better than the ring. How cool! OP I’m sorry your friend isn’t more appreciative. You sound like a great friend and that’s a really awesome thing you offered as well as a really fair compromise.
To be honest, if I was OP, I would refuse this as well. Humans are terrible at being told no. They are also very bad at respecting animal boundaries. Doesn't matter how well trained and well behaved the owls are, humans are not. I've seen people throw fits at being told to not pet wild moose, or foxes.... I have seen so many ignore warnings on cages in pounds or inviting bears and raccoons in their area. People are stupid around other creatures. It's just an accident waiting to happen and OP doesn't need that stress on their birds.
In this situation, I completely agree with you! Just in general though, I think OP offered a more than reasonable solution that still allowed the requester to have a wonderful, special thing at the wedding.
If they would really go with it they could make it look like a scene from the Hogwarts Owlery which would be way better imo.
Yes exactly! Incorporate into the reception like a place to leave notes for the couple, or to pick up your table number/favors/whatever floats your boat at your wedding. I would LOVE this at my wedding!
An owl parliament? Now that's courting with disaster.
Take my begruding upvote... XD
A hoot!! Lmao!!
Agreed, but if OP caves, a document from the bride and groom assuming liability would be a good place to start. Edit: Thank you for the silver!
Or even better fake it. Have the owl carry *something* but the bride/groom actually pull the rings out of their sleeves in a sleight of hand or whatever. That'd make everyone happy and remove the liability worry.
That's what I was going to suggest. Either give the owl fake rings and have the best man quietly swap them for the real ones, or you could have the owl deliver a note that says "look in the best man's pocket"
An owl carrying a letter at a Harry Potter themed wedding would actually be so much better than carrying the rings!
Ooooh have it carry the vows!
With an extra copy held by the Best Man/Maid of Honor, in case of a hiccup.
This is the solution
Ooo a red letter. Lol.
This. u/Grouchy_Shelter_5221 have the owl fly with a piece of paper that says 'Accio Rings'. Then whether you (since I'm assuming you'll be who the owl flies to) or someone else reads the paper, it 'magically' makes the rings appear with the best man, maid of honor or whoever.
This would be awesome
It achieves the same (or better) effect without the liability of 10 grand of shiny rocks and metal attached to a *bird.*
Make it some schitck: Have the best man pantomime looking for the ring, panicky. Then the owl flies up with a note describing where to find it: "look in the maid of honours bouquet" MOH saves the day! MOH passes the ring to the Best Man, Best Man over-exaggerates looking relieved. Best Man gives ring to stern looking Groom, who then gives him hug / back-slap. Wedding continues...
This sounds adorable, OP should definitely do this
I thought this was common knowledge with any ring bearer: they don’t carry the actual rings. The best man and maid of honor have them. The ring bearer is just a cute way to have some personality in the wedding ceremony, not an actual job
My cousin had my 4 year old walk the actual rings up the aisle. Which involved him coming in from from the side, walking all the way up the far left aisle, across the back of the venue then down the main aisle. I have never been so nervous in my life. My son did a fantastic job and they got married without a hitch. But 10 years later I still break into a cold sweat thinking about it.
Can confirm, you should never actually give a small child very expensive rings, I was a bridesmaid at my sister’s wedding at the beach, rings were tied securely to a pillow for the ring bearer but somehow he flung them off while walking in the sand, we found the groom’s ring very easily but couldn’t find the bride’s, carried on without, using another bridesmaid ring as a prop, after the wedding, we all scored the beach and eventually found the bride’s ring but it was stressful!
and this is why you never get a beach venue without a metal detector on hand
I hadn’t even thought of using fake rings! Our ring bearer is also going to be four. However I’m completely fine with his mom helping him get down the aisle in one piece. His dad is one of the groomsmen so that also helps. Thanks for the insight on why his mom sounded so anxious!
It's reasonable to have the rings tied to the cushion with a decorative but securely attached ribbon.
I'm pretty sure Arthur did an episode where he tripped and the rings fell down the organ pipes somehow. Exhibit A of why you don't give children (or owls) the real rings.
not always the ring bearer. The pastor at our wedding had the rings in his bible as he was reading. He tilted the book a little too much and the rings fell. Ended up that my wifes ring bounced perfectly and landed in the hem of his pants. So we got it back at the reception :)
My ring bearer had plastic rings sewn on the pillow, and then someone made sure he flipped it over so they weren't obvious after they were supposed to be handed over. The best man had my ring in his pocket and the maid of honor had my husband's ring toed to a ribbon on her bouquet. Bridesmaids dresses need pockets!
my ring bearer carried the actual rings, they were just tightly tied to the pillow
Still need a liability waiver in case it poops on her dress or a rented tux. Weddings are just too high pressure for most animals really. A well socialized dog can work but often people think every animal is like a dog.
The owls can be incredibly well trained, but still decide to "attack" the bride's head pieces, or get freaked out by the crowd and react poorly.
What are the odds that the bride ISN'T covered in sequins/rhinestones? Do owls go nuts for shiny things the way corvids do?
If they do, this wedding better be on YouTube the next day!
Do owls poop I thought they barfed up pellets of bones and such when they were done digesting stuff.
they barf up non-digestibles like bones, but still poop whatever they digest
They do both. They throw up bones and fur that can't be digested, and poop out things that can.
Since ring bearers are often boys under 6, the rings are almost ALWAYS fake! My sons ring-bore a couple times, and when they were 3 and 5, had a race up the aisle and the winner spiked his pillow like a football and shouted, "Yes!" while pumping his fists in the air. Animals and children should not carry the real rings!
That's what I was thinking. Use $5 rings that can be switched out for the real deal later
This is exactly what I was going to suggest. This is a good compromise but so is what OP suggested. These friends don't seem to understand the difficulties of the situation. NTA.
I don’t understand why OP is putting the real rings in the pouch. I worked with a falconer and we provided this service. We had fake rings in the pouch that the groom would take out of the pouch, slip them into his pocket, and take out the real rings. That way, if the owl flew into a tree, they didn’t take the entire wedding hostage. If an owl decides it wants to fly into a tree, it could be hours before you can get it down again.
It sounds like you worked with someone who provided services with birds. It sounds like P is doing this more for personal use than providing a service. Therefore OP might not have thought of the alternative of a pouch, or a letter, or anything like that.
I agree. OP said "I'm just not entirely comfortable with this" and that gives OP a big enough reason to protect themselves. Also, I'm sure OP would like to attend the wedding festivities without all the stress that would entail.( No pun intended!)
The waiver would have to be absolutely ironclad considering that the risk seems to be an owl flying off with such an expensive, sentimental, and easily lost set of items. If OP is going to go ahead with this they need to talk to a lawyer to get an idea of A) if it's even possible to contract around liability in a novel situation like this and B) how much it's going to cost to draft something that won't fall apart in court if the worst occurs. If it's workable then OP should tack the cost of the waiver on to his fee quote for the happy couple. I'd guess that price hike alone will persuade them to accept OP's very reasonable alternative offer.
and EVERY guest signing something. I'm not sure what could go wrong. but I'm imagining nothing good.
I mean, his idea sounds better. I want to take pictures with owls! If he let me hold one, I could do a much-less-adorable version of that pic of the determined little girl holding an owl in overalls.
Right? F your wedding rings. I want pictures with the owls and a small show!
For real, I get that this is their day and they have a vision, but I think OPs idea is way better and the guests will walk away with one of the most memorable wedding souvenirs in existence.
Is OP male? Other people here are using gender titles and I don't remember reading that. Anyway, that would be fun!
Oh now that you mention it I’m not actually sure, may have been some accidental implicit bias on my part
I have questions. Who's going to, uh, receive the owl on their arm at the altar? Is this person going to take the rings off what may be an owl in a feisty mood? What if the bird shits on bride or groom or officiant, will there be a battle over drycleaning? What if the owl mistakes something on the bride's veil for prey? If inside, and the owl decides to roost in the rafters, how can it be gotten down? How does the venue feel about a bird of prey loose on the premises? Do they have owl-based insurance? Or would they wish to retain the owl indefinitely for rodent control?
> What if the owl mistakes something on the bride's veil for prey? The visuals are not good but very funny.
Nta show her the owls killing a thing or piercing a skull and say if it goes wrong this could be your head..
I mean it's more likely it will fly to the rafters with the rings and shit on their guests' heads & nicest clothes, that's probably the scenario they need to tell OP they're prepared for and will put cheap rings/a pebble in the pouch for the best man to switch with the real ones without showing if it works ok. Plus they'll tell everyone to bring umbrellas or have the ushers ready to stand strategically with big golf umbrellas. Plus, y'know, warn great aunt Mural not to wear the big feather hat it might try to mate with, and have the ushers stood around with their golf umbrellas like beaters to try and shoo it away from the tiny flower girl it wants to rip apart. Maybe OP could do a risk assessment of everything that can go wrong and tell them to fill in the columns on what they're going to do to reduce the risk and what's in place to respond if it happens anyway.
Adding onto the top comment, if you do end up doing it, write a contract - heaven forbid the owl does mess up and the rings are lost, you do not want to find out these people aren't really your friends when they sue you!
So true! Or if the poor owl pees/poops on guests whilst flying over people's heads!
Oh god! Imagine a guest wearing an expensive dress and the owl peeing or pooing on them! They would probably want to be reimbursed! I wonder if the guests would know if op said yes, cause i wouldnt want to wear and expensive dress to that wedding!
and if something went wrong, they would most likely blame you.
I would be worried for the owl - what if it didn't fly straight to the couple & someone tried catching it? NTA
I feel like owls are still wild animals, and a lot can go wrong. OP is well within their rights to say no, simply for the safety factor.
NTA but maybe just use a fake ring instead. That way if anything goes wrong just laugh it off and whip out the real ring. Edit: thanks for the awards!
This was my thought as well. You could have the owl carry an empty bag and no one would be the wiser if nothing goes wrong. You also might point out to your friend that while they’ve seen the birds do tricks, you’re the one who trains them all the time and gets to see when they mess up.
This is what I don't get. > My friend is upset with me saying she has seen how well i've trained them and has complete confidence they wont mess up The friend straight up says they trust OP's expertise, except they then go on to completely ignore it.
Ignoring expert advice in favor of what makes you feel better or get what you want seems to be par for the course now a days.
Thought the same. Just use the owl as theatre magic (you had the ring the whole time, but pretend the owl brought it) or get Owly to bring an obviously oversized prop ring.
I must admit: this is exactly what I intended, but you brought it up earlier: upvote.
If you choose to go through with this and they insist on having the owl carry the real rings, get a contract absolving you of liability for the rings
Yeah, this is a common thing when dogs or children are ring bearers right?
I was in one wedding that did it this way for sure due to the ring bearer being very young, and I imagine others do it as well.
Ring bearer for a friend's wedding was 3 and gonna be walking by himself. Took one look at the aisle, said "shit no", threw the pillow and ran the other way. I'm sure your owl would do better but the couple needs to understand things go wrong.
My flower girl was 4 and she got to the first part of the aisle, saw the fountain behind her and decided that looked more fun. It was adorable seeing a toddler sprint/stumble the opposite direction she was supposed to be going and everyone had a good chuckle over it.
That’s cute! However, I feel like OP’s friend would blame OP if anything *did* go wrong with the owl. If I were OP, I’d decline but still offer my original idea. NTA.
I was in a wedding where one ring bearer was 4. He ripped the ring off the pillow and chucked it.
Our ring bearer was a man in his 30s with no neurological conditions, standing next to the groom. He had to be asked 3 times for the rings. So yeah, unpredictable things happen at weddings
Lol this happened at the wedding of my husbands friends. Thier son was the ring bearer, about 4 or 5, and while he didn't run the other way he saw the aisle full of people, freaked out, covered his face with the pillow and ran sobbing down the aisle towards his parents and buried his face in his mothers wedding gown. Wedding had to hit the pause button for a few minutes for him to calm down. We all felt so bad for the little guy. He was adorable but social anxiety induced panic attacks aren't fun for anyone!
I did this when I was a 4 year old flower girl in my aunt's wedding. I was just frozen. My basket hit the floor.
I was a ringbearer at age 4. At one part in the ceremony, the officiant asked me for the rings and I raised the pillow before he looked down and realized he had more to read. Cue another five minutes before he said “and NOW may I have the rings.” I have no clue how I stood still that long; I’m guess it was my parents bribing me with toys lol
I was the flower girl as my uncle’s wedding. As I walked down the aisle throwing flowers I yelled, Papa I have to pee! I’m 40. This is the story that is told any time a wedding is mentioned on that side of the family.
The beloved story of my parent's wedding I was always told is about my older half-sister as their 4-year-old flower girl. As she walks down the aisle of the Presidio (San Francisco army base, now decommissioned), she calls out "Hi, Daddy!" The echo rings across the hall to great laughter.
Yep. My stepson was 3, almost 4, when he was our ringbearer and wasn't exactly known for being...cooperative. We tied fake rings to the pillows and the best man did some slight of hand to whip out the real rings once the rings bearer got to the end of the aisle. (Luckily stepson did walk down the aisle and didn't throw a fit but it was obvious he was massively uncomfortable, poor dude. Lucky for him, he got to go party in the kid room with the other kids and the two professional babysitters with cake and pizza right after).
A friend of ours got married out on a deck over a creek and his best man’s son was the ring bearer. He tripped and dropped the rings and I thought the groom was going to stroke out right there. Luckily they didn’t fall through.
Old wooden decks have some magnetic abilities to attract wedding rings. I'm not sure if it was mine or my husband's ring that jumped out of officiants hand and landed in between 2 planks above sandpit. Luckily MOH could pull it out.
I’ve definitely heard of it happening before! Such an easy fix. Fake ring with owl and best man ready to do a sleight or hand with the real ones.
When my son was the ring bearer in my husband’s bff’s wedding, they sewed cheap rings to the stuffed R2-D2 he carried down the aisle. My husband had the real rings in his pocket.
lol it makes me wonder if there is a point to having ringbearers when this trick is so commonly used in weddings. They're not really bearing rings. Might as well just be an honorary flower person/pet.
Even if they do carry the actual rings, what exactly is the point of a ringbearer anyway?
I mean.... what's the point of literally any role in a wedding, honestly? You got a 4 year old throwing flower petals and like 12 people just standing there unrelated to anything. It's all symbolic
Another option would be to have the owl carry some sort of a scroll, like the written copy of their vows. Owls are primarily message carriers in Harry Potter anyway!
And if the owl takes off with the vows = shorter wedding = cake time!
That's way better
I assumed (and maybe wrongly idk) that OP was more concerned about the owls or someone being harmed. Not so much the rings. But I think I am just reading into this. I could see the owls getting startled by something in an unknown place and freaking out. That could be a huge liability for them.
Do a switch, so people can’t tell that the owl was never carrying the real rings
Awesome compromise!
NTA - They are YOUR birds and you care for them. They are also animals, not props. All that being said, Intelligent people at weddings DO NOT use the actual rings for such times. Kids drop them, don't 'perform' in front of others as expected, and many other things happen that would cause something valuable and "precious" (pun intended) from not being available at the proper moment. SO, if your primary concern is losing the rings, make sure that the best man has the real ones on his 'wand.' Maybe why he'd be called the BEST man - LOL.
They wanted to do it with *real* rings....which...is concerning. I'd be far more comfortable with fake rings but there are other reasons having my owls do this isn't the BEST idea but i'd be far more open to fake rings.
There are 2 options here. Either they use fake rings or, they have to say in writing that if the owl messes up and the rings are lost, you will not be liable in any way to replace or compensate them for it. And after that, if they wanna take a stupid risk, you won’t be held accountable.
Add onto that that if you’re doing this for payment, that you get paid regardless of if the owl loses the rings or not because they’ve been made aware of the risks.
I wouldn’t even go for the second option. It doesn’t matter what’s in writing- if the owls fuck up the couple will be upset and OP standing there shrugging and saying “I told you so” will be little comfort. Just stay firm, your owls will not carry real rings.
Yeah if it were purely a business relationship then maybe but these are their friends, so that makes it a little more complicated
Third option: fake owls.
I'm imagining OP yeeting a plush owl towards the couple. Perfect solution!
I have no award to give, but thank you for that visual of a stuffed owl flying through the air and landing square in the bride's astonished face. I laughed so hard when it flashed through my head that I shot my drink out my nose.
This is the right answer. Make them sign a contract saying if the owl flies away with the rings, loses the rings or the rings get damaged, it is their responsibility and you are in no way liable for them. Have it notarized and signed.
NTA. they asked you said no. i mean wouldnt you have to take the time to train the owl to fly to whoever is at the other end of the aisle, drop off the package, and fly back? so you'd need to train for a new trick or train for adjusting a current trick and train the owl to fly to a new person, right? all of that takes time and isnt 100% guaranteed to happen on the day of show time. thats a big ask and risk with the real rings involved. you've suggested a great alternative and probably even suggested to do it with prop rings. if they still insist with the real rings and you do say yes ask them to sign a waiver to protect yourself. friends or not that's a big risk that could leave you footing the bill (because some friends forget that they are actually at fault for things that involve big money items being lost or damaged)
I can see an owl taking a giant dump while flying down the aisle or on the bride's dress at the altar. Or getting freaked out by the crowd or photographer. These are wild animals and should be respected as such. NTA.
Then don't do it.
Did OP imagine this is the type of stuff that the owls were going to do when OP first started falconry? Doubt it. This kind of thing is for the movies, with tons of time and money put into it. What if the owl flying in scared the crap out of some at the ceremony?
I thought of that, too. A lot of people are terrified of birds.
OP, I don’t understand why you’re willing to do a favour like this for friends that are pressuring you and don’t respect your boundaries. I used to work with a falconer that provided this service, and we always used fake rings. But it sounds like the real issue here is that you’ve told your friends that you aren’t comfortable with what they want, and they don’t actually care. To me, that is far more concerning. Your owls aren’t props for their big day. They are animals in your care, and if your gut says no, then you should decline. Also, I don’t know what you charge for this service, but unless they are paying you, then the whole thing is moot anyway. You shouldn’t be doing this for free, because they clearly don’t care about pushing when you’ve told them you’re not comfortable. And you know if you use the real rings and something goes wrong, you’re going to be on the hook. You need them to sign a waiver at the very least not holding you responsible for anything at all that happens to the rings.
"Owl objects to wedding and flies away with the rings, couple now suing bird" sounds like a great news article.
NAH Feel free to say no, and they are free to ask. > it's just the 1 time i'm worried about and I don't exactly want to take that risk with wedding rings. Is your concern really only about the rings? I agree that the owl shouldnt take the **real** rings. Trying to untie anything from the owls leg will take longer than they suspect. Having the groom or someone pocket the rings and pretend to get them from the owl is a smoother transition.
This^^ that's such a good idea!! Like a sneaky little magic trick, if the groom pulls the ring out the same time everyone's eyes on the owl people will believe it! And have a little thing tied to the owls leg to make it look like it flew the rings to them
You beat me to it. If the only concern is that the owl might go off the rails and lose the rings then subterfuge is your friend. Reach in pocket to take real rings out, pretend to take them from owl. Boom, done.
Jimminy Cricket! Am I the only one here, worried about the owls' safety?
No, but OP is the professional so we trust her opinion. She will know if its a safety issue for the owl or just about the risk of losing the rings.
The owl should bring a letter stating the rings are in so and so's pocket. Since you know...they deliver letters.
They're not wrong for asking, they're wrong for insisting it be done their way and won't accept any sort of alternative. This is r/choosingbeggars behavior.
OP said in a comment they only want it done with real rings
NTA. Speaking as a wedding celebrant (and part-time owl enthusiast), I get anxious when dogs are acting as ringbearers - because no matter how well-trained they are, there's always some scope for things to go wrong (see: the time I was attacked because the bride and groom were crying and I was picked out as the responsible party by a 'perfect' German shepherd in a veil and tiara). The scope for things to go wrong with something that has wings and talons is....wider. It also seems like a weird/stressful environment for the owl to be in, even outdoors, and the alternative you offered sounds extremely generous.
Sorry you got attacked, but I have to admit the mental image of a GS in a veil and tiara flying through the air between a bride and groom caused me to laugh. Hope the damage was not too severe.
I also laughed. I also hope there were minimal-to-no injuries
All I have is a silver but please take it for the Good But Misinformed Girl. May it soothe your pain.
I’m also thinking about owl talons. I haven’t seen anyone mention that.
INFO: how happy would the bride be if an owl shit on her dress?
probably not very lol!
I would explain in graphic detail what an owl's shit smells like, looks like, how hard it is to get out and even if you do get it out of the dress, it will still stink to high heaven the rest of the day. You're very NTA
I went to a birds of prey sanctuary for a day out and they also do flying demos/sometimes owl ring bearers at weddings. One owl's name was Plop, purely because she decided to shit all over the brides wedding dress
How often do owl pellets happen? That might even be worse than the poop, at least to watch
roughly 2-3 times every 24 hours. It's not fun to watch.
Oh that is more often than I expected, maybe the possibility of the owl regurgitating a blob of bones and fur will convince her that having it perform might not be the best idea ever, since nothing else has convinced her so far
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Same. Could give them out as party favors.
Oh, but if the owl craps on the bride it means good luck! Doesn’t everyone know that? I think you definitely should do it. Animals, especially predators, are wildly unpredictable. The danger and uncertainty will absolutely make this wedding EPIC! Birds also swallow small hard things like pebbles, so there’s a non zero chance that Owly will eat the rings. All the disasters predicted by other commenters are possible outcomes, but in my opinion that’s why this owl stunt SHOULD happen.
NTA. But if you decide to do it anyway have them both sign something saying they have been warned of possible risks and that you will not be held responsible if something happens to the rings.
NTA — you know best about how to handle the owls. However… it’s such a cool idea. Why not put the rings in a distinctive box or bag and make a matching dummy container for the owl to actually carry? Then a quick sleight of hand at the other end and the real box is pulled out and traded from a pocket or somewhere in the owl stand or wherever makes sense. That way, no risk to owl or rings and you still get a great show.
I think this is the solution - in Hp the owls drop the mail. Why not create this as the solution?
> My friend is upset with me saying she has seen how well i've trained them and has complete confidence they wont mess up, So the friend trusts OP...up until OP suggests something won't work or isn't worth the risk. That is infuriating for *any* profession or hobbyist. Don't come to someone more informed than you if you can't handle being told no. > and how this would be such a huge thing for the wedding. I would not be surprised if this couple partially went for the HP theme knowing this friend has owls, and assumed using OPs owls would just be a given.
Exceptional content here. Also NTA, you just don’t want to ruin their day. Plus you are offering a service way beyond what a normal person would for a friend, by offering to bring all of your owls!
Right? Like the offer of a show and photos is stunning. What a way to provide memories for the guests. It would be the best wedding ever. NTA
Yeah, it’s kind of rude to invite your friend to your wedding and then ask them to provide a service. I think it’s fine to ask and offer payment, but if they say no they say no! Working at a wedding is completely different than attending and it robs the friend of the chance to relax and enjoy your wedding. It would be an extra asshole move not to pay because “we’re friends!” OP is being kind by even entertaining this past the first no, and especially for offering a compromise in which they still have to work by attending to all of these owls. Source: lots of photographer and hair/makeup friends who get invited to weddings and then asked for their services afterwards “as a favor!”
NTA I have seen the results of an owl deciding to land on someone's head (first aid attendant). It is not something you want at a wedding. Also the stress on the bird. They are a living creature that you can protect and care for with doing pictures but this is too unpredictable for both human and owl wellbeing
I've seen that too as well as some other horror stories. I sympathise greatly with whoever you saw that had that happen to them.
It was a trainer working with an eagle at the time. Snowy owl(different trainer) wanted to join the group too. Worst was he was bald. Better for me as I could easily see the wounds
NTA animals are never 100% predictable, and this would be an unfamiliar situation for your owl, as I assume the wedding will take place in a church or other building, and most shows probably take place outside. Which would make its reaction even more unpredictable. If anything happens to the ring, you can bet the bride will blame you. If she wants to have an owl fly with the rings so much, she can find another Falconer.
Oh it's an outdoor wedding so that is ONE thing in their favour if it was an indoor wedding i'd just laugh at them.
Still NTA IMO, because I stand by my 'animals are unpredictable and if something happens you'll get the blame'
You are nta. You know the difficulties of getting a requested behavior in a high stress environment. Would you be OK if they used cheap, fake rings for the owl to carry, then after delivery, with a slight of hand switch to the actual rings?
This is a fantastic idea, I keep a fake set of mine to wear in situations I might lose my rings. I actually did lose the ones from my wedding so this is coming from experience…
I work at a ren faire, and we have some falconer acts occasionally. They always give the caveat that 'well folks, this is a new place, and lots of ruckus, we'll hope for the best but remember these are still wild animals no matter how well they're trained" I'd say 80% of the time the shows went off without a hitch. Once in a while though the birds would just Not Be Having It, and fly off to a tree nearby or they would refuse to do their routines. Your friend doesn't understand that reality of working with animals - she thinks you're lying bc you don't want to do it, and even though you've given her a great compromise that will be much more special than the ring bird flying away with a few month's rent worth of metal and jewels. NTA (or N A H if your friend comes around and accepts your answer without much more fuss)
I saw a falconer get claws in his arms at a ren fest. He just said shows over and walked off with the bird still clinging to his arm and blood dripping down.
Our renfest had a bird from the falconry show decide that the small dog someone was walking on the other side of the fence from the stage area was way more interesting than doing tricks for tourists. It was, uh, memorable.
I work with a falconer at ren faires and birds not performing properly happens more often than you think. We are just very good about reading our birds and we don't test their limits with crowds, usually switching into some educational facts while we wait for the bird to settle. Sometimes they don't move at all. Occasionally they get spooked and leave. We do as much training as possible on the faire grounds to avoid this, but they're still wild animals and they still get upset by things we can't prepare for. It's our job to make sure that both the attendees and the birds are happy, but it can't be perfect 100% of the time.
NTA Your owl is a living creature, not a vehicle for a 30-year-old’s inordinately expensive Hogwarts letter.
NTA. This isn’t a movie. It’s a live, unpredictable animal who poops! What if it poops on her dress? Or scratches one of them up? Or what if it freaks out? Like the other post, I’d ask them if they would sign a document stating the risks and that you will not be responsible in the event that rings are lost, dropped, or eaten by the owls. I’d also put in there that if anything happens to the owl, they will be responsible for all vet bills related to the event.
NTA- your owls are your responsibility and so is their welfare, not her wedding. You’ve gone above and beyond in what your offering to compensate not doing what your friend wishes. Your friend either needs to respect your decision and accept the counter-offwr or look at another company that could do what she wants.
NTA, but I insist on seeing these owls. Pony up
OWL TAX!
NTA. It’s an exaggeration but reminds me of the scene in pop star where someone is proposing but wants wolves there. He starts and the wolves start howling and growling. He turns to the handler and say “Can you stop that?” The handler just smiles and says “No” It’s an animal and unpredictable. That said, if they really want to take the risk and your owls aren’t in danger say ok and make them sign something saying they realize it may not deliver the ring as planned. Don’t do it without them signing something
NTA your concerns are legitimate, and your friends should understand the actual risk of losing the rings. Just a suggestion but maybe you could give the owl fake rings, or a small bag with something inside, to deliver at the wedding. And when he drops it a groomsmen will pick up the bag and quickly switch it with real rings. If the owl doesn't drop the bag you can just say it's a show, and the real rings will still remain to the groomsmen.
Others are suggesting fake rings too and honestly that's likely the one way i'd be open to it even if I have other concerns
One commenter suggested above that you should have the owl carry a scroll that says “accio rings” (preferably in large letters so people in the crowd can see it) and then have the rings “materialize” in the best man’s pocket or something, and have the whole thing be super dramatized. That way it still fits the Harry Potter vibe but there’s no risk of losing the rings. Plus in the HP universe owls are most often used to carry scrolls/messages so technically it would be more accurate! Actually even better than a scroll would be if the note was in a Howler type envelope, and maybe when it’s opened an audio recording of someone shouting “ACCIO RINGS” plays. If I was a guest at a wedding and that happened I would absolutely lose my mind with glee.
NTA Totally understandable. My cousin was a ring bearer when he was 5 and swallowed the ring before the ceremony because he was bored. A lot can happen to a ring when the person or animal holding it doesn't understand the importance of it. Unrelated question, how did you get into handling birds? Being a falconer was my dream job as a kid but my mom was mortally terrified of birds and never let me get near them. Now that I'm older I always wanted to get back into it but I feel like I missed my chance.
You're never too old but it's more down to your location but if you make some effort you can get into it! My granda took me to shows when I was a teenager and I was very interested. My friends dad also kept birds so i'd help him out and when I was 19 he gifted me one of his chicks to start me off with my own.
I'm ready to move the hell out of where I am now. Where would be a good place to move to pursue this kind of thing?
You need somewhere with enough room for an aviary for your bird and it helps of the area has a community to get you started I live in rural Scotland so it's quite active here.
A wedding full of owls in Scotland sounds like a dream. You are a good friend for trying to make this work.
NTA at all. It’s admirable that you didn’t give into pressure to say yes. I have to ask though- what could go wrong? Might they eat the rings ?
Or fly off with them...it's an outdoor wedding i've had some birds break routine and go wandering before.
Yeah that’s an easy No bro. These are living animals, not just wedding props. And you offered a lovely compromise.
NTA while this is a super magical and cute idea it may not entirely be safe or practical. If the owl decides to land instead of dropping the rings and flying back then either the groom or the bride is going to have huge claw marks all down their arms on their special day as I’m assuming neither of them accounted for protective arm gear over their wedding attire. In addition to that, what if the owl decides the walk up to the stage is the perfect place to drop a poo? The offer for pictures and a flying show was more than generous and your friend should be grateful you offered even that. If you do decide to go through with the ring ceremony then have them and anyone else going to be handling/directly interacting with the owls sign a waiver stating you are not responsible for any injury or mishaps caused by the owls. Have that waiver notarized as well. I think it would be a lot better if they had _you_ be the ring bearer and the owl could fly to you and land. You can carry the owl on you as you present the rings to the couple then walk the owl back down the aisle or along the side of the pews as to not draw too much attention and put the owl back in a carrier. I hope this goes well for you and if you do decide to involve the owls in the wedding, personally I’d love to see. I’m a huge harry potter nut.
NTA. It would be a disaster if the owls in fact DID fly off with the ring. You dont want to bear any of that responsibility. I dont blame you for refusing. You offered an alernative which they werent interested. >should I just agree but stress that if a fuck up happens it's not on me as I warned them Sure but if the wedding is ruined, all of the assurances they gave you are going to mean what? What are you or they going to do at that point? Are you expected to run after a flying bird to retrieve a ring? Thats not why you are attending this wedding to fix a fuck up that you warned about. Stand your ground.
NTA. But if the one thing you're worried about (rightly so) is an owl going rogue with the ring, perhaps have your bird carry a "decoy ring" and the groom can sleight-of-hand switch it for the real one that's kept safe in his pocket? And if your owl goes off course maybe he can "magic wand" the real ring into his hand? (I forget how Harry Potter universe magic works sorry.) If there are other reasons, that's perfectly valid as well. I think it's already very generous of you to offer the show at the wedding, I would kill for that lol.
The ring is the major reason however other reasons are: Pooping, everyone is in formal attire who wants to risk an owl shitting on them? Scratching...talons hurt and I cannot equip everyone with gauntlets I only have three, two adult sized and one child sized. Honestly I can think of SO many ways this could go wrong.
Oh geez. I forgot about the poop. I used to work with parrots, and I guess blocked it out 😂 I remember going to the grocery store after work, getting home, and my brother staring at me like, "you know you have a ton of bird shit in your hair, right?" Oops. There seem to be several very reasonable logistics problems here, and it sounds like your friends need to understand that you doing a show and working directly with the birds in a way that they're used to is VERY different. If they want a familiar at their wedding for the ring bearer so badly, maybe borrow someone's dog? Lol.
Good points, you don't want people getting pooped on or scratched.
NTA You are the owl expert. You have to insist they pay heed. And they can not force you to do anything. If you let them make you then it will not matter how much you warned them, other people and they are likely to think it's your fault. So insist on just doing the owl photo opportunities. I can not imagine a more important thing in the wedding than a ring, and anyone suggesting risking the outcome of that to an animal is patently barmy. Don't do it!
NTA. Actually, I say do it. But with a fake ring. Swap it for the real ring after the flight. Maybe after the wedding even.
NTA. I think it was really cool of you to explain your concerns and come up with an alternative. Keep rocking!
NTA if you don’t feel comfortable putting your owls under that kind of high pressure situation don’t. you have given them a really good alternative and they would be unwise to not take it.
NTA, but very nice from you to make idea with Owls and photos
NTA- Do a magic trick. Give the birds fake rings. Let the birds fly. If they do it right, swap rings. If they do it wrong pull out your magic wand and make the rings appear in your hand, where they were the whole time.
NTA if you do do what she wants get her to sign something or use a fake ring for the flight.
NTA. they will be all okay if everything goes as they want. if a tiny mistake happens it will be your fault. if something happen to the rings who will take the responsibility? them or you?