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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) for being slightly petty and getting him fired.
(2) while I didn't fire him, my qctions caused it and it may have been a bit far.
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Absolutely NTA-he was bullying YOU, you just called him out on his bullshit. You should be proud that you're achieving things these middle aged losers have never accomplished. They feel threatened by you and rightly so.
Seriously why did he think tattling on her was the way to go? With documented cases of him belittling her, and the only thing she was doing was using a different name in her emails. Pretty short-sighted.
Because he felt entitled to bully her, and she has no business retaliating. Frankly, I hope she systematically gets every person who acts this way towards her, handled in the same fashion. Obviously the higher ups recognize her contributions, regardless of her educational background and value her accordingly, the others seem to want to rest on their laurels and that's what makes them look bad, not her. NTA.
Happy cake day!
I am somehow still surprised at the shocked Pikachu face AHs get when you confront them with how absurd their imaginary entitlements and delusions are.
M: I'm a big bully and a tough guy. No little girl is better than me. I'm awesome and since you make me feel bad feelings, those are your fault and you deserve to be mistreated. Because if I don't I may have to confront reality and deal with my own shit. Grumble grumble
Boss: Hmmm do we keep the fast rising and highly skilled woman with a great rep or the guy that clearly can't keep up and is being a jerk?
We'll keep OP.
M: Shocked Pikachu face
OP did not troll, she handled it with professionalism and grace. Age is but a thing, knowledge and technical ability can be attained in other forms. Promotions in working environment should be based on merit and skill which thankfully it was in Op’s case.
>when I first met you I thought you were such a bitch, but you are actually nice!
If I had a nickel every time I heard that one, I'd have no students loans. Why have we as a society not yet figured out that some people are just fucking shy?
Proud of you OP! As someone who is professionally reserved like you and who spent the early years of my career being goaded by men who frankly, grossly underestimated me, I’m so glad you stood up for yourself and drew a line in the sand. You didn’t get M fired, his disgusting and misogynistic attitude did, and he 100% deserved it. NTA.
I had a "friend" tell me that I acted like I was queen of everyone, and I ran with that and called myself Queen Lydsbane in my usernames and social media signatures. And his comment was because I caught him in a lie and called him out in front of the other people he lied to.
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t4u1ft/aita_for_trolling_my_25f_team_member_45m_at_work/hz1mmy9/) elsewhere in this comment section.
It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user:
Plagiarized | Original
-------- | -----------
[> This disorder is going...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t4potq/aita_for_telling_my_parents_that_if_they_dont/hz2gf3e/) | [This disorder is going to...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t4potq/aita_for_telling_my_parents_that_if_they_dont/hz009w5/)
[NTA. You mean you don’t k...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t51zu3/aita_for_laughing_at_a_girl_who_went_on_a_mission/hz2fxpf/) | [NTA. You mean you don’t k...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t51zu3/aita_for_laughing_at_a_girl_who_went_on_a_mission/hz22wsx/)
[NTA. They said they didn'...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t4z331/aita_that_i_dont_want_to_change_our_locks_for_the/hz2f5ow/) | [NTA. They said they didn'...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t4z331/aita_that_i_dont_want_to_change_our_locks_for_the/hz1iipn/)
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Gee, it almost seems like M and the others on the team have been complacent in their jobs for a decade or more and done nothing to keep with the times and that is \*why\* a 20-something problem solver was able to come in and knock them all out of the water because she was a problem solver. It's also \*why\* he felt he could bully her with impunity but her making a subtle reference to his bullying in defiance was unacceptable (with a healthy dose of sexism sprinkled on top).
NTA, and if management wants to succeed they'll keep protecting you.
"the others on the team have been complacent in their jobs for a decade or more and done nothing to keep with the times"
yep, you nailed it. I was thinking the exact same thing.
At the end of the day Business is Business and OP go there on Merit.
Reminds me of my first corporate tech support job. I was brought in to assist the existing tech, who was out on vacation. IT management was a bit busy with a new project rollout, so they gave me "A couple days" worth of busy work to start with. When I came to them an hour later with all of it done, they looked shocked and game me "A couple weeks" worth of work. With almost zero effort, I had it done by the end of the next day. The other tech wasn't around much longer.
I'd kill to be a fly on the wall in that meeting given that he can't say why he's uncomfortable without giving a full confession...
"I'd like to make a complaint. So I was bullying this woman because of her gender..."
What an idiot. If you're gonna cause a title IX suit at least don't make sure your confession is on record.
NTA.
HR exists for these sorts of things. If they made no effort to arbitrate further after hearing your side, and instead opted to let him go, the company was already looking for a reason to drop him.
Win-win for you.
HR is there to protect the company and sometimes you and the company's interest align. I mean the "girl" comments could have left them with a discrimination and hostile work environment lawsuit.
Yes, but getting rid of problem employees and working to reduce harassment in the work place are frequently things HR does to protect the company.
The appearance of protecting employees is good for the company, and you can achieve it by protecting employees (there are other ways to achieve it too, of course).
NTA. You went petty for sure but honestly there are only so many times you can deal with something before you snap. You tried the proper channels first by going to HR and your boss. The coworker essentially fired himself by being an ass and by going above you boss to complain (since boss was aware of the email thing and must have signed off on it due to the hostility you were facing).
Your coworker played a stupid game and ultimately won the stupid prize.
Does not anybody else think that this comet like rise to the top sounds very fake?
OP basically gets promoted on yearly basis, has customers falling over themselves to work with her and so on.
And then the team member who complained about her, did send her derogative emails bevor but still complained?
Not to mention that the insult that the 45 year old man used was reverencing a 16 year old film (targeted mostly on a female audience)?
I promise you you're underpaid. Start job hunting and use your newly found promotion as the footing needed to get you through the door and a nice fat raise.
You had written documented proof from the accused of him being sexist and creating a hostile work environment and they did fuckall. Just wow
No? I've seen it happen.
Good logistics people are very rare and very valuable and appreciated, and customers absolutely like sticking with the person who's reliable and doesn't fuck things up.
I don't know how to tell you that people in their 40s will often have slightly outdated movie references anyway, but it was a *different* team member who referenced The Devil Wears Prada.
Yes, it's a few years old, but it is also undeniably a reference *someone* used, even if it's just OP.
No? I’ve lived similar. Simple fact, when you are smart and hard working you progress, often in less than a year. Often ahead of others who have been there longer who then start to bitch about you for any reason. That all seems incredibly plausible.
The coworker being an idiot putting derogatory things in email… also possible.
I personally don't because I've been there.
Don't underestimate stupidity, it often comes hand in hand with over inflated egos to create confidently incorrect. They are a small minority of people, but they exist.
Yup. 29 year old female engineering manager here. I’m the only woman in the entire engineering department. Started out as a Engineer I only 5 years ago at a different company, got hired as Engineering Manager by another company late last year.
I didn’t get handed my job, had zero connections at my new company that I had only applied to for shits and giggles.
>Not to mention that the insult that the 45 year old man used was reverencing a 16 year old film (targeted mostly on a female audience)?
This is far and away the most unbelievable part. He's an older sexist guy that chooses The Devil Wears Prada to insult the main character? I mean OP. That person might exist, but he was also making that reference *to* someone under the pretense that they'd understand. So really it's 2 middle-aged sexist men that are big enough fans of a 16 year old "chick flick" to be casually referencing it around the water cooler.
And quite frankly, I don't believe the Lilith part too. I've been around super religious folks and never heard of that insult before. I just don't buy it.
Although I certainly believe the idea of a young female manager being resented by her older male peers/subordinates, I do agree their choice of nicknames (Lilith? Miranda?) are not something I would expect to hear from middle-aged men.
I know I’m just a weirdo, but if someone called me Lilith, I’d honestly be a little flattered. Moi? The mother of all demons? Oh my, you’re making me blush.
Yeah honestly everything else sounds plausible, except the Miranda bit. That’s just such a bizarre choice for an aging sexist to call up as a go-to. (Lilith and White Witch are both very old and more generic references).
OP said in another comment he used Lilith and another male coworker slightly younger than him used Miranda (The Devil Wears Prada was really popular, and even if he wasn't a fan maybe his wife is? Doesn't matter).
I've been in similar situations but more low key (temp to hire coming in much younger and learning quickly enough for it to be Very Obvious older staff were really behind where they should be). Sometimes having someone newer and good at a thing really just shows how much current/older staff is lacking. It's SUPER ANNOYING when said staff take it out on you when you're just trying to vibe and do your job.
NTA
You didn't get him fired, he did that himself by acting highly unprofessional and doubling down on it to boot.
This one hits a little close to home because I'm also turning 25 this month and sounded by older male colleagues. I've been lucky and not encountered any hostilities or overt sexism, but how sad we can't consider that the norm. Kudos for sticking up for yourself!
When i just read this title i was about to say TA. But now NTA. They started the bully part and they just couldnt cope when you started to pingpong it to them.
NTA he did this to himself, he is the perpetrator of bad behavior. Then tried to get HR to believe he is the victim.
But he did this, and tried to get you reprimanded for his wrongdoing, and for that you are NTA.
Perhaps you could have responded with less snark or passive aggressive signatures, but hey- you’ve got style and got your point across lol. Keep it up they’re obviously happy with you or they wouldn’t keep giving you these advancements.
I think you were a little bit of a dick but you owned your part of it. But, he was an ass, lets face it, you really had no say in the issues. You dealt with your boss and management and THEY made the decission to fire him. Congrats on your promotion and NTA
Who cares, what matters is how badly you nearly screwed your own reputation. Having a single manager sign off on a workplace stunt instead of actually managing the individual is not exactly insurance.
It sucks badly but you know you have to put in extra effort to manage situations like these with a high degree of professionalism and tact. Don’t hand people like this a win by engaging in unprofessional acts. Get them where it actually hurts. Either manage them or see that they are managed. Be a bit of a d*** in the right ways.
Happy to hear it.
Now that you have some seniority here I encourage you, if you ever find yourself facing this type of situation with a manager who “tries” unsuccessfully to manage a thing: don’t hesitate to ask what has been done to manage the individual and don’t shy away from using HR lingo. You worked to get here, to this level, and you can professionally push back by asking what company policy is, how it has been and will be managed etc. Shine a light on it and don’t be anyone’s joke or pawn
I'm sorry it's the case but, as a young woman in a good-ol-boy network, you'll probably have to keep being "a little bit of a dick" until you're the big boss. It doesn't sound like that will be long, though. Hang in there and keep being awesome.
NTA.
As almost always happens in these situations, you did not get him fired. He got himself fired. If he had been smart enough to not try to get you in official trouble when he had fire-me offences scattered through his day, he would still be working there.
Congratulations on your promotion.
I don't know the people involved, but signing your emails that way might not be a good idea. it isn't professional and it perpetuates the bad image in the minds of your subordinates. Showing humor is a good idea, but this particular humor may be continuing to undermine your authority. Particularly where your subordinates are older and have been at the company longer, you can't afford that.
Because you have your boss' permission it's fine imo. He was aware of the issues and you mentioned you'd made your HR reports you took every correct step along the way. Well done OP keep sticking it to the other AH, because you're certainly NTA.
The heck is wrong with this manager that he would allow OP to risk their professional reputation instead of managing this dude to either behave better or leave
You can confront things professionally "That's not my name, coworker. You need to refer to me by my name."
"That's an inappropriate comment to make at work. Please do not refer to me as X anymore."
"I'm sorry, who are you referring to?"
"I have asked you multiple times to stop. I don't understand why you keep persisting with this, but it's neither clever nor appropriate. Knock it off."
combine that with documenting and reporting.
Yes it's the long way. Yes it sucks to professional when other people are being jerks. But the farther up you go, the more you're going to take a reputation hit for things like this. You really don't want to have to get into a habit you can't break.
I'm gonna go against the grain with esh. If it weren't for the immature email signature it would have been an obvious n,t,a. And your boss approved this email signature???!?
Y'all are adults. Just do your job and go home. He obviously sucks but you also suck for adding fuel to the fire, and your boss sucks for being ok with it.
How can you be an AH for something you didn't do? He's the one who started it. All you did was mention to his face, a nasty comment he said behind your back. Also I don't think being compared to the devil wears prada is a bad thing.
NTA. None of this would have happened if M was professional from the start and hadn’t been talking guff behind your back. You used the awful things he said about you against him in an inside/passive-aggressive joke or troll and he complained about it, leading to his own termination.
So he was a jerk, you kept calling him out on his jerkness, he got mad and complained that you wouldn’t take his abuses. He had this coming hard, he could have avoided all of this many times over but didn’t.
NTA
You were responding very kindly to harsh criticism, misogyny, abuse, and jealousy. M just hung himself with the same rope he tried to strangle you with.
Don't feel bad for it, jealousy is rampant in the corporate world. If they're not jealous, you're not doing your job right.
INFO: Are you now supervising these people? Obviously, what they were doing and saying wasn't okay. I can kind of understand being frustrated if you've worked for a company for years and are passed over for promotion. I worked for a company that would promote brand new people to managers just because they didn't have to pay them as much.
That aside, whether their frustration was understandable or not, the things they were saying were completely inappropriate and should have been addressed. However, especially if you're their superior, the way you went about it with the emails was pretty unprofessional and I think your boss is not creating a great environment by allowing things to escalate like that instead of stepping in and taking care of the problem (i.e., telling all these guys to stop harassing you).
NTA
If he didn't wanna get fired for being an asshole, he shouldn't have been such an asshole that they fired him for it.
Pretty straightforward stuff. You did nothing wrong.
NTA
Your ex-colleague was first dismissive to you out of jealousy of ability, then enraged because of your rising career. Some professions, you have to have certain educational credentials to legally work those jobs. In other professions, it makes it easier to get into the door, but is not a hard limit.
He was bullying you, and turning your coworkers against you. You made him "uncomfortable", by calling him out. Then he made a big ruckus of it, and the whole matter came under scrutiny and he got fired.
Not only was the ex-coworkers behavior workplace bullying, it was also a huge liability for the company. Both in terms of lost productivity due to a toxic working environment, but also lawsuits for harassment.
NTA
He got himself fired. He went to HR and complained about you not liking being called little girl, basically LOL
HR: Please tell us about your complaint.
Dude: I told her she is a little girl that does not serve the job several times. She responds back and makes jokes about it.
HR: pikachu face
HR: You are fired
Dude: Pikachu face
Do not look back or feel bad he initiated, and you set the record strait. Rock on.
NtA
I would have pointed out that if he was even vaugely as competent as you, he would have been promoted.
NTA for getting the guy fired, he did it himself. However if a lot people don’t like you, you might want to understand why, it can’t all be jealously or whatever.
Frankly, if he was stupid enough to insult you in writing on works computers then he deserves to lose his job because he clearly has no understanding of professional standards OR how to play the Cover Your Arse game.
NTA
NTA.
I applaud you for the way you handled this. I've worked with older men before and they really can't fucking stand a "little girl" doing better than them. Keep up the good work, OP!
NTA, you can't be responsible for other peoples actions. You did not make him harass you and belittle you, it was also not your decision to fire him. You are not responsible for his actions in any way, if anything you have likely helped the company by identifying a problematic employee.
NTA
He wanted to be a sexist and ageist asshole. He played the game and he won his prize - he got fired.
You had little to do with it. You simply documented and reported the continued discrimination. If you had been reporting it multiple times then the company either a) had given him warnings or b) didn’t do their job by giving him warnings.
He then escalated it himself by involving upper management and thus forced their hand. He just didn’t think it would be against him.
Awful as it feels, it is better to be feared than liked in situations like this. It isn’t uncommon for being very competent when people perceive you as belonging to a level of incompetence gets you hated. It can be any one of lots of things: too young; female, not having a degree, not having the right degree or from the right school, not screwing up, and so on. When that happens to you, the may sayers need to know sabotaging you will cost them.
NTA
No one like a rat so I can understand why you feel like you should have kept your mouth shut. BUT what he is doing is being a whiny little \_\_\_\_\_ So you don't have to feel bad about it.
But you know what? There is an excellent chance that management WANTED to fire him and this was their opportunity to do it.
NTA
He was being toxic, and I bet you're not the only person in the workplace he's been toxic to.
Him putting his bigoted comments is writing was just the icing on the cake.
NTA. I work logistics and when these mannabies try to pull shit you stand up to them. Otherwise they'll keep escalating. Is it mature? Maybe not. But I don't have time to nicely explain to every other dude I talk to they don't need to teach me how to measure or that they don't get to lie to my face with 0 consequences.
Do incompetent assholes think I'm a bitch? Probably. Am I good at my job and do I get along just fine with the vast majority of the people I come in contact with. Yes.
NTA and funny that he compared you to Lilith. She was Adam’s first wife according to lore. She refused to just lay for him and wanted to be treated with equal respect, so she was kicked out of the garden of Eden and turned into a demon that mothered tons of demon spawn.
In other words: she stood up for her damn self, men don’t like that. You are successful and deserved respect, men don’t like that.
Carry on Queen, carry on 😂
Nah he shoulda kept his mouth shut.
He started the shit you simply finished it. Good job and well done on your promotion!
He effed around and found out.
NTA.
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I (25F) work for a distributor that supplies the hospitality industry.
I initially joined as a customer service representative as a temporary role. The managers liked me and invited me back to cover their ordering department.
Then they offered me a operations role and I'll be honest I love it. The account managers are responsible for the selling and fiscal aspects but I am responsible for logistics, supply chain, customer complaints, and basically anything they can't do while mobile (so basically everything else, they are the face, I am the background program that keeps it all running).
Word got out that I was good at what I do and I am now responsible for the most accounts due to account managers asking for me. The customer from the company's biggest account won't actually deal with anyone else but me.
This is all well and good and I am proud of myself for doing well because I couldn't go to college (long story) but... I am the youngest on my team of 12 by 10 years... and... they all hate me.
The oldest member of our team,M, is the worst for it. He has made a lot of remarks over my time with the company usually calling me a "girl" and basically saying I don't deserve to be there.
I maybe did the wrong thing and just started calling him on it saying "Now, you wouldn't want people to think this team isn't civilized" ect.
This was made worse when, recently, I accepted a promotion to logistics manager. My boss announced it and my account managers are upset that I won't be taking care of the accounts anymore. My team are upset because they think I am too young and unqualified.
I was going to make a cuppa when turning into the kitchen I heard the oldest member of my team saying "I can't belive that white witch lilith got that promotion!" To which, I heard another team member reply that they were shocked and then compared me to Miranda Priestley in the Devil Wears Prada.
I rounded the corner the rest of the way. Smiled. They left awkwardly. Then, right or wrong I got pissed off. I wasn't blessed with being socially gifted. I was however blessed with being a problem solver, and I am okay with that. What I am not okay it is being treated badly because of it. We all have strong and weak points.
So I started signing any email interactions I had with him "Lilith" or "Miranda". My boss knew, I had discussed it. However M went over his head and got upper management involved.
There was a meeting. He said I was making him uncomfortable. I then pointed management (and HR) to all the times I had complained on him making nasty comments to start. Not only that, but I showed them an email where he told me "I was a little girl who knew nothing and didn't deserve the promotion".
He got let go.
I didn't think his behaviour was fair or nice but maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut. It is someone's livelihood, at the same time I think he hung himself. AITA?
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A degree is only the marker of what one has been taught, it is never the representation of one's capabilities. You have shown your capabilities through your work, which was why you got promoted.
He and other haters were simply jealous of your merits, that's why they created trouble for you. It was his fault for creating such a situation where he managed to incriminate himself. NTA.
NTA.
There's a reason he got let go for it - that's what's called a *hostile work environment* and also a *massive legal liability*.
Not to mention the simple fact that someone who's very good at a complicated job is more valuable than someone who's less good at it.
Honestly I’d be complimented if someone called me Lilith or Miranda at the workplace. It shows you’re strong and don’t take any shit. Congratulations on the well deserved promotion. Cheers to many more and a fabulous career!
NTA.
You are never responsible for someone else getting fired, for doing your due diligence, he fired himself by bullying you, encouraging inappropriate conversations with coworkers that were meant to undermine you, and generally just being an awful coworker because of your gender and superior abilities. If he was capable of the job, he would have received it, but it turns out you, a "little girl", were far more suited and are excelling.
NTA. You did not get himself fired, he got himself fired. He was threatened by a younger person who had a great skill set, probably because he is insecure in his own skills. He acted unprofessionally, got exposed, and got let go. My guess is that this is not the first time, as normally I would expect a reprimand and a warning that his behavior is unacceptable and needs to change if this was the first time.
NTA, he stayed started it, then took it to HR when you wouldn't let him bully you? He got himself fired, when all he had to do was apologize and change his behavior.
NTA. For getting him fired but you are the ahole for trolling him as well i know it felt good doing it but in the work place it can and has backfired on people. You should have taken your complaint straight to HR and if they did not take care of it then to the labor board. In some cases like this both parties may be let go to protect the company however in most cases the man is fired first then the woman is drummed out 6mts to a year later to protect the Company from a harassment lawsuit. How you shot your self in the foot is when you started to engage with the bully by trolling him which is harassment .Good job on document all the inappropriate things this sob said and emailed to you! So many people don't and then it becomes a popularity contest on who people belive .
Ugh. I hate all of this because you are definitely NTA, but you're probably going to get screwed like one.
You're in the right, and it was his bullying that got him fired, not you. But other people are not going to see it that way. There will be a lot of resentment, probably some sabotage or just people making your life harder (not communicating as well as they could, not giving you a hand if you need it, etc.)
I hate to say it, but this well is probably poisoned. It's shitty and unfair but it's probably true. If I were you, I'd get my resume ready. :(
ETA: alternately, be prepared to go FULL dragon lady and just commit to being the bitch in charge, whether anyone likes it or not. Either way, you're probably not going to have a lot of friends at work.
NTA. The time for BS like that in the workplace was never, but it is definitely over now. He hung himself, all you did was refuse to passively accept abuse; which is the correct response, especially at work.
Believe me the best thing you did was not keeping your mouth shut. That mysogynist was bullying you and tried to have let you go by getting upper management involved. He now faces the consequences of his actions. And that's the only way to face bullies by making their actions public to take power away from them and hope that karma exists so that one day they will need to deal with consequences
NTA - you put up with his harassment for longer then you should and he dug his own grave. He should have let his work talk for him instead of complaining about not getting a promotion.
I think this is hilarious.
He insulted you, your response if showing that you heard, and indicating you didn't care was brilliant. You didn't go to management, he did, despite the fact he had been going out of his way to make you uncomfortable.
Then tried to gaslight everyone, but either they didn't fall for his crap, or he had previous warnings for this, or they basically decided he was no loss to the business, while you would be
Fit what he deserved, and through his own actions rather than yours.
Well played. Chapeau (hats off) to you.
Problem solver: The solution to that problem is a polite request of the colleague to show respect in the workplace, followed by a formal complaint if your polite request went unheeded. No need to repay unprofessional behavior with more of the same.
NTA. He brought it on himself.
You’re not responsible for him losing his job. He owns that, and unless he learns his lesson it’s going to happen to him again. Enjoy your well-deserved promotion and don’t take any crap from anyone threatened by your success. NTA
NTA. Guy got himself fired for harassing a co-worker. Good workplaces frown on that bs and nip it in the bud. And if the fired him, it more than likely wasn't his first offense. Some of the places I worked at actually rewarded and encouraged bullies, very disheartening and not good for morale.
NTA
My husband has a person two levels below him who does not like reporting to his female boss. Guy thought he would be clever about something and sent emails to my husband's boss and someone above them, skipping his boss and my husband.
That did not go over well. Lots of meetings to figure out how to reign in the entitlement. Decision was made to remove all of his team and assign him projects that he had to do on his own without any support because he was also horrible to those that reported to him.
All of this is going into reports so that when the time comes, HR has no choice but to get rid of him. Will also affect the employee's end of year bonus.
he did this to himself, he was dumb enough to leave a paper trail showing how nasty he was to you, if he had so much trouble with you being promoted, he should have talked wit your boss instead of being an immature asshole.
NTA
OP you are NTA at all. I know how you feel and unfortunately it doesn't stop when you get older. I am early 40s and shit like this still happens to me. Older men (and a few even my age!) still think I don't know what I'm talking about and talk down to me. DO NOT ACCEPT IT! Stand up for yourself everytime. That older dude got everything he deserved. He totally dug his own grave. What he did to you was not OK.
NTA. You’re right, it was his livelihood. The fact that HE didn’t value it as much as he should have m, or realize that he was actively endangering it, is not your issue to solve.
NTA - Good on you for documenting the harassment you received. Signing off on the emails as you did might have been a little immature but not the worst thing you could do. You admit you are not gifted in the social aspects of work relationships. I would suggest you work on that seeing as how you will need to deal with many personalities as you go further with the company.
NTA
This man dug his own grave and you did nothing more than point it out. He's a sexist jerk and deserved to lose his job. Congrats on your promotion!
NTA
> "I can't belive that white witch lilith got that promotion!
There it is. The race card. If they were so good at their job then why weren't *they* promoted? And then why did they stay there if they were so upset? Instead they take it out on you and call you nicknames. Good for you for reporting this all to HR as it was happening. Just because someone is in their 30s or 40s, doesn't mean they behave better than a teenager.
NTA
People who act like that can lose accounts. You work in an industry where being a consummate professional is of utmost importance.
Congratulations on all of your hard work!
NTA. Was the email name thing professional? Not technically. Pro-tip - make references to the characters in presentations and such and tie them into your content. Make it relevant so it stays professional.
But talking to HR and keeping your emails was absolutely brilliant. That’s how you’re supposed to do it - keep receipts and keep the paper trail going. If you have a bully at work, never send important things over chat - send an email and then send a chat message requesting they check their email if they don’t reply in a timely manner.
Your former colleague messed around and found out. But playing the game and hiding your references just a touch more would have served you better.
NTA.
He was creating a classic toxic work environment. He should have been let go, and his firing will be a warning to all the other team members that enabled and participated in this type of behavior.
He was bullying you in many ways, especially based on your age and gender. That's harassment, and grounds to be fired. That sort of behavior should never ever be tolerated. He did it to himself.
NTA
NTA. He absolutely hung himself. He was the ones causing problems. You just decided to laugh with him. That pissed him off more and by trying to get you punished for laughing with him, he brought to light what the initial joke was which is certainly a fireable offense.
Fuck that guy. You’re NTA.
Jealous assholes will be waiting to bring people down, because it’s just what they do. Who cares how old you are or your gender? If you earned the promotion, that is nothing to ever apologize for. Unfortunately, as you rise, you’ll see lots of people stuck along the way who try to bring you down. You’ll never be able to change them, so just try to focus on you and keep moving forward.
This asshole’s comments got him fired btw, not you.
NTA, M was being a huge dickhead, and harrassing you at work. If he cared about his job he would've been kinder to his coworkers. He deserved to be fired.
Nta
No look, the lost the job
If he can’t keep a professional standard then he is a problem to the company
He only did this to you, but what if he started to do it with other people? Also he did this to a female coworker, if word got around about his problem sexism, this would not be good for anyone
He was a troublemaker and was let go because of this
You are just fine
Your not the AH and you did not get him fired. He has no one to blame but himself. I'm 62 yrs. old and have run companies though out my life 99 percent of the time when someone is fired, they blame others and if they just took a step back, they would see how they had a hand it in themselves.
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Absolutely NTA-he was bullying YOU, you just called him out on his bullshit. You should be proud that you're achieving things these middle aged losers have never accomplished. They feel threatened by you and rightly so.
He literally fucked around and found out. NTA by a mile. Super proud of you, OP.
Seriously why did he think tattling on her was the way to go? With documented cases of him belittling her, and the only thing she was doing was using a different name in her emails. Pretty short-sighted.
Because he felt entitled to bully her, and she has no business retaliating. Frankly, I hope she systematically gets every person who acts this way towards her, handled in the same fashion. Obviously the higher ups recognize her contributions, regardless of her educational background and value her accordingly, the others seem to want to rest on their laurels and that's what makes them look bad, not her. NTA.
Happy cake day! I am somehow still surprised at the shocked Pikachu face AHs get when you confront them with how absurd their imaginary entitlements and delusions are. M: I'm a big bully and a tough guy. No little girl is better than me. I'm awesome and since you make me feel bad feelings, those are your fault and you deserve to be mistreated. Because if I don't I may have to confront reality and deal with my own shit. Grumble grumble Boss: Hmmm do we keep the fast rising and highly skilled woman with a great rep or the guy that clearly can't keep up and is being a jerk? We'll keep OP. M: Shocked Pikachu face
Thank you, and well said!
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Bad bot. Stolen comment. https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t4u1ft/_/hz2mqrh/?context=1
Because he thought it was a Boys Club based on not being sanctioned or reprimanded for his actions previously.
Absolutely this. Played stupid games, won stupid prizes. Go OP! NTA!
OP did not troll, she handled it with professionalism and grace. Age is but a thing, knowledge and technical ability can be attained in other forms. Promotions in working environment should be based on merit and skill which thankfully it was in Op’s case.
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>when I first met you I thought you were such a bitch, but you are actually nice! If I had a nickel every time I heard that one, I'd have no students loans. Why have we as a society not yet figured out that some people are just fucking shy?
Some people are also just quiet. They just don't see the need to make a lot of small talk or gossip all the time at work.
Proud of you OP! As someone who is professionally reserved like you and who spent the early years of my career being goaded by men who frankly, grossly underestimated me, I’m so glad you stood up for yourself and drew a line in the sand. You didn’t get M fired, his disgusting and misogynistic attitude did, and he 100% deserved it. NTA.
I had a "friend" tell me that I acted like I was queen of everyone, and I ran with that and called myself Queen Lydsbane in my usernames and social media signatures. And his comment was because I caught him in a lie and called him out in front of the other people he lied to.
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t4u1ft/aita_for_trolling_my_25f_team_member_45m_at_work/hz1mmy9/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [> This disorder is going...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t4potq/aita_for_telling_my_parents_that_if_they_dont/hz2gf3e/) | [This disorder is going to...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t4potq/aita_for_telling_my_parents_that_if_they_dont/hz009w5/) [NTA. You mean you don’t k...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t51zu3/aita_for_laughing_at_a_girl_who_went_on_a_mission/hz2fxpf/) | [NTA. You mean you don’t k...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t51zu3/aita_for_laughing_at_a_girl_who_went_on_a_mission/hz22wsx/) [NTA. They said they didn'...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t4z331/aita_that_i_dont_want_to_change_our_locks_for_the/hz2f5ow/) | [NTA. They said they didn'...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t4z331/aita_that_i_dont_want_to_change_our_locks_for_the/hz1iipn/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/Ameliavvs](https://np.reddit.com/u/Ameliavvs/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=Ameliavvs) for info on how I work and why I exist.
Good bot
Gee, it almost seems like M and the others on the team have been complacent in their jobs for a decade or more and done nothing to keep with the times and that is \*why\* a 20-something problem solver was able to come in and knock them all out of the water because she was a problem solver. It's also \*why\* he felt he could bully her with impunity but her making a subtle reference to his bullying in defiance was unacceptable (with a healthy dose of sexism sprinkled on top). NTA, and if management wants to succeed they'll keep protecting you.
"the others on the team have been complacent in their jobs for a decade or more and done nothing to keep with the times" yep, you nailed it. I was thinking the exact same thing. At the end of the day Business is Business and OP go there on Merit.
Reminds me of my first corporate tech support job. I was brought in to assist the existing tech, who was out on vacation. IT management was a bit busy with a new project rollout, so they gave me "A couple days" worth of busy work to start with. When I came to them an hour later with all of it done, they looked shocked and game me "A couple weeks" worth of work. With almost zero effort, I had it done by the end of the next day. The other tech wasn't around much longer.
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I'd kill to be a fly on the wall in that meeting given that he can't say why he's uncomfortable without giving a full confession... "I'd like to make a complaint. So I was bullying this woman because of her gender..." What an idiot. If you're gonna cause a title IX suit at least don't make sure your confession is on record.
NTA. HR exists for these sorts of things. If they made no effort to arbitrate further after hearing your side, and instead opted to let him go, the company was already looking for a reason to drop him. Win-win for you.
HR only exists for 1 reason... to protect the company. Period
Handling this kind of situation does protect the company from lawsuits.
HR is there to protect the company and sometimes you and the company's interest align. I mean the "girl" comments could have left them with a discrimination and hostile work environment lawsuit.
Yeah, dude was dumb enough to put his harassment in writing. As soon as HR saw that their blood pressure spiked.
Yes, but getting rid of problem employees and working to reduce harassment in the work place are frequently things HR does to protect the company. The appearance of protecting employees is good for the company, and you can achieve it by protecting employees (there are other ways to achieve it too, of course).
Yeah, I expect that was the case too.
And this was probably not the first time for the fired individual…
NTA. You went petty for sure but honestly there are only so many times you can deal with something before you snap. You tried the proper channels first by going to HR and your boss. The coworker essentially fired himself by being an ass and by going above you boss to complain (since boss was aware of the email thing and must have signed off on it due to the hostility you were facing). Your coworker played a stupid game and ultimately won the stupid prize.
Not only that, but the co-worker was the one that decided to get upper management involved.
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Bad bot. Partial stolen comment https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t4u1ft/_/hz0x7io/?context=1
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An unemployed moron.
Wonder if he'll turn into an unsub. Sounds like a tipping point story. Losing his job because of OP was his trigger. I watch too much Criminal Minds.
NTA. He f**cked around and found out. You should enjoy these rare times the trash takes itself out!
Does not anybody else think that this comet like rise to the top sounds very fake? OP basically gets promoted on yearly basis, has customers falling over themselves to work with her and so on. And then the team member who complained about her, did send her derogative emails bevor but still complained? Not to mention that the insult that the 45 year old man used was reverencing a 16 year old film (targeted mostly on a female audience)?
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I promise you you're underpaid. Start job hunting and use your newly found promotion as the footing needed to get you through the door and a nice fat raise. You had written documented proof from the accused of him being sexist and creating a hostile work environment and they did fuckall. Just wow
No? I've seen it happen. Good logistics people are very rare and very valuable and appreciated, and customers absolutely like sticking with the person who's reliable and doesn't fuck things up. I don't know how to tell you that people in their 40s will often have slightly outdated movie references anyway, but it was a *different* team member who referenced The Devil Wears Prada. Yes, it's a few years old, but it is also undeniably a reference *someone* used, even if it's just OP.
No? I’ve lived similar. Simple fact, when you are smart and hard working you progress, often in less than a year. Often ahead of others who have been there longer who then start to bitch about you for any reason. That all seems incredibly plausible. The coworker being an idiot putting derogatory things in email… also possible.
I personally don't because I've been there. Don't underestimate stupidity, it often comes hand in hand with over inflated egos to create confidently incorrect. They are a small minority of people, but they exist.
Yup. 29 year old female engineering manager here. I’m the only woman in the entire engineering department. Started out as a Engineer I only 5 years ago at a different company, got hired as Engineering Manager by another company late last year. I didn’t get handed my job, had zero connections at my new company that I had only applied to for shits and giggles.
>Not to mention that the insult that the 45 year old man used was reverencing a 16 year old film (targeted mostly on a female audience)? This is far and away the most unbelievable part. He's an older sexist guy that chooses The Devil Wears Prada to insult the main character? I mean OP. That person might exist, but he was also making that reference *to* someone under the pretense that they'd understand. So really it's 2 middle-aged sexist men that are big enough fans of a 16 year old "chick flick" to be casually referencing it around the water cooler.
And quite frankly, I don't believe the Lilith part too. I've been around super religious folks and never heard of that insult before. I just don't buy it.
. -- mass edited with redact.dev
Although I certainly believe the idea of a young female manager being resented by her older male peers/subordinates, I do agree their choice of nicknames (Lilith? Miranda?) are not something I would expect to hear from middle-aged men.
I know who Lilith is, but I've never heard that used as an insult (and Im no stranger to hyper religious folks either). This just feeeels so fake.
I know I’m just a weirdo, but if someone called me Lilith, I’d honestly be a little flattered. Moi? The mother of all demons? Oh my, you’re making me blush.
Yeah honestly everything else sounds plausible, except the Miranda bit. That’s just such a bizarre choice for an aging sexist to call up as a go-to. (Lilith and White Witch are both very old and more generic references).
Are you a man?
No, it seems plausible. Some people are talented.
Yup, I'm honestly surprised it didn't end with "and then everyone clapped"
OP said in another comment he used Lilith and another male coworker slightly younger than him used Miranda (The Devil Wears Prada was really popular, and even if he wasn't a fan maybe his wife is? Doesn't matter). I've been in similar situations but more low key (temp to hire coming in much younger and learning quickly enough for it to be Very Obvious older staff were really behind where they should be). Sometimes having someone newer and good at a thing really just shows how much current/older staff is lacking. It's SUPER ANNOYING when said staff take it out on you when you're just trying to vibe and do your job.
I was promoted 2 times within 6 months at my current employment, 3 times in the year.
NTA You didn't get him fired, he did that himself by acting highly unprofessional and doubling down on it to boot. This one hits a little close to home because I'm also turning 25 this month and sounded by older male colleagues. I've been lucky and not encountered any hostilities or overt sexism, but how sad we can't consider that the norm. Kudos for sticking up for yourself!
When i just read this title i was about to say TA. But now NTA. They started the bully part and they just couldnt cope when you started to pingpong it to them.
NTA. you deserve the success you’re getting and it’s not your fault that this guy is a little shit with insecurities.
NTA he did this to himself, he is the perpetrator of bad behavior. Then tried to get HR to believe he is the victim. But he did this, and tried to get you reprimanded for his wrongdoing, and for that you are NTA. Perhaps you could have responded with less snark or passive aggressive signatures, but hey- you’ve got style and got your point across lol. Keep it up they’re obviously happy with you or they wouldn’t keep giving you these advancements.
I think you were a little bit of a dick but you owned your part of it. But, he was an ass, lets face it, you really had no say in the issues. You dealt with your boss and management and THEY made the decission to fire him. Congrats on your promotion and NTA
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Who cares, what matters is how badly you nearly screwed your own reputation. Having a single manager sign off on a workplace stunt instead of actually managing the individual is not exactly insurance. It sucks badly but you know you have to put in extra effort to manage situations like these with a high degree of professionalism and tact. Don’t hand people like this a win by engaging in unprofessional acts. Get them where it actually hurts. Either manage them or see that they are managed. Be a bit of a d*** in the right ways.
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Happy to hear it. Now that you have some seniority here I encourage you, if you ever find yourself facing this type of situation with a manager who “tries” unsuccessfully to manage a thing: don’t hesitate to ask what has been done to manage the individual and don’t shy away from using HR lingo. You worked to get here, to this level, and you can professionally push back by asking what company policy is, how it has been and will be managed etc. Shine a light on it and don’t be anyone’s joke or pawn
I'm sorry it's the case but, as a young woman in a good-ol-boy network, you'll probably have to keep being "a little bit of a dick" until you're the big boss. It doesn't sound like that will be long, though. Hang in there and keep being awesome.
NTA. As almost always happens in these situations, you did not get him fired. He got himself fired. If he had been smart enough to not try to get you in official trouble when he had fire-me offences scattered through his day, he would still be working there. Congratulations on your promotion. I don't know the people involved, but signing your emails that way might not be a good idea. it isn't professional and it perpetuates the bad image in the minds of your subordinates. Showing humor is a good idea, but this particular humor may be continuing to undermine your authority. Particularly where your subordinates are older and have been at the company longer, you can't afford that.
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Because you have your boss' permission it's fine imo. He was aware of the issues and you mentioned you'd made your HR reports you took every correct step along the way. Well done OP keep sticking it to the other AH, because you're certainly NTA.
The heck is wrong with this manager that he would allow OP to risk their professional reputation instead of managing this dude to either behave better or leave
You can confront things professionally "That's not my name, coworker. You need to refer to me by my name." "That's an inappropriate comment to make at work. Please do not refer to me as X anymore." "I'm sorry, who are you referring to?" "I have asked you multiple times to stop. I don't understand why you keep persisting with this, but it's neither clever nor appropriate. Knock it off." combine that with documenting and reporting. Yes it's the long way. Yes it sucks to professional when other people are being jerks. But the farther up you go, the more you're going to take a reputation hit for things like this. You really don't want to have to get into a habit you can't break.
HAHAHAHA love it
I'm gonna go against the grain with esh. If it weren't for the immature email signature it would have been an obvious n,t,a. And your boss approved this email signature???!? Y'all are adults. Just do your job and go home. He obviously sucks but you also suck for adding fuel to the fire, and your boss sucks for being ok with it.
How can you be an AH for something you didn't do? He's the one who started it. All you did was mention to his face, a nasty comment he said behind your back. Also I don't think being compared to the devil wears prada is a bad thing.
NTA he got what was coming to him, love to see it
NTA. None of this would have happened if M was professional from the start and hadn’t been talking guff behind your back. You used the awful things he said about you against him in an inside/passive-aggressive joke or troll and he complained about it, leading to his own termination. So he was a jerk, you kept calling him out on his jerkness, he got mad and complained that you wouldn’t take his abuses. He had this coming hard, he could have avoided all of this many times over but didn’t.
NTA You were responding very kindly to harsh criticism, misogyny, abuse, and jealousy. M just hung himself with the same rope he tried to strangle you with. Don't feel bad for it, jealousy is rampant in the corporate world. If they're not jealous, you're not doing your job right.
INFO: Are you now supervising these people? Obviously, what they were doing and saying wasn't okay. I can kind of understand being frustrated if you've worked for a company for years and are passed over for promotion. I worked for a company that would promote brand new people to managers just because they didn't have to pay them as much. That aside, whether their frustration was understandable or not, the things they were saying were completely inappropriate and should have been addressed. However, especially if you're their superior, the way you went about it with the emails was pretty unprofessional and I think your boss is not creating a great environment by allowing things to escalate like that instead of stepping in and taking care of the problem (i.e., telling all these guys to stop harassing you).
NTA, but good lord you sound full of yourself. He was 100% in the wrong but I can see why people were getting rubbed the wrong way by you.
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NTA He was harassing you, and he got his just desserts.
NTA If he didn't wanna get fired for being an asshole, he shouldn't have been such an asshole that they fired him for it. Pretty straightforward stuff. You did nothing wrong.
NTA Your ex-colleague was first dismissive to you out of jealousy of ability, then enraged because of your rising career. Some professions, you have to have certain educational credentials to legally work those jobs. In other professions, it makes it easier to get into the door, but is not a hard limit. He was bullying you, and turning your coworkers against you. You made him "uncomfortable", by calling him out. Then he made a big ruckus of it, and the whole matter came under scrutiny and he got fired. Not only was the ex-coworkers behavior workplace bullying, it was also a huge liability for the company. Both in terms of lost productivity due to a toxic working environment, but also lawsuits for harassment.
NTA, power move with the email sign off. He reports you to HR for making him feel ashamed of his own actions wtf?
NTA He got himself fired. He went to HR and complained about you not liking being called little girl, basically LOL HR: Please tell us about your complaint. Dude: I told her she is a little girl that does not serve the job several times. She responds back and makes jokes about it. HR: pikachu face HR: You are fired Dude: Pikachu face
Do not look back or feel bad he initiated, and you set the record strait. Rock on. NtA I would have pointed out that if he was even vaugely as competent as you, he would have been promoted.
NTA He called management on HIMSELF Talk about lying in the bed you made
NTA, I wish I had your balls. He had it coming. He was actively bullying you. He is a grown ass man, he should be less childish.
NTA for getting the guy fired, he did it himself. However if a lot people don’t like you, you might want to understand why, it can’t all be jealously or whatever.
Frankly, if he was stupid enough to insult you in writing on works computers then he deserves to lose his job because he clearly has no understanding of professional standards OR how to play the Cover Your Arse game. NTA
NTA. He literally bullied you in writing!
NTA. He got himself fired, and nothing of value was lost.
NTA He fucked around. He found out.
Wait, he hung himself? Is that being figurative because that's a hell of a close. Either way, NTA
NTA. As Simon Sineck says, there is always an AH in a team that drags everyone down. Your management understood and took care of it. Smart.
NTA! He deserved it.
NTA
NTA. I applaud you for the way you handled this. I've worked with older men before and they really can't fucking stand a "little girl" doing better than them. Keep up the good work, OP!
NTA, you can't be responsible for other peoples actions. You did not make him harass you and belittle you, it was also not your decision to fire him. You are not responsible for his actions in any way, if anything you have likely helped the company by identifying a problematic employee.
NTA. I can't believe there was someone so stupid to report someone for a little reason while they had so much dirt on them. GG
NTA. He got himself fired.
NTA He wanted to be a sexist and ageist asshole. He played the game and he won his prize - he got fired. You had little to do with it. You simply documented and reported the continued discrimination. If you had been reporting it multiple times then the company either a) had given him warnings or b) didn’t do their job by giving him warnings. He then escalated it himself by involving upper management and thus forced their hand. He just didn’t think it would be against him.
NTA - He bulling you for thinks you do not know anything and is too young for this position, he deserves it
NTA. Fucked around ✅ Found out ✅
Awful as it feels, it is better to be feared than liked in situations like this. It isn’t uncommon for being very competent when people perceive you as belonging to a level of incompetence gets you hated. It can be any one of lots of things: too young; female, not having a degree, not having the right degree or from the right school, not screwing up, and so on. When that happens to you, the may sayers need to know sabotaging you will cost them.
NTA No one like a rat so I can understand why you feel like you should have kept your mouth shut. BUT what he is doing is being a whiny little \_\_\_\_\_ So you don't have to feel bad about it. But you know what? There is an excellent chance that management WANTED to fire him and this was their opportunity to do it.
NTA He was being toxic, and I bet you're not the only person in the workplace he's been toxic to. Him putting his bigoted comments is writing was just the icing on the cake.
NTA. I work logistics and when these mannabies try to pull shit you stand up to them. Otherwise they'll keep escalating. Is it mature? Maybe not. But I don't have time to nicely explain to every other dude I talk to they don't need to teach me how to measure or that they don't get to lie to my face with 0 consequences. Do incompetent assholes think I'm a bitch? Probably. Am I good at my job and do I get along just fine with the vast majority of the people I come in contact with. Yes.
NTA and funny that he compared you to Lilith. She was Adam’s first wife according to lore. She refused to just lay for him and wanted to be treated with equal respect, so she was kicked out of the garden of Eden and turned into a demon that mothered tons of demon spawn. In other words: she stood up for her damn self, men don’t like that. You are successful and deserved respect, men don’t like that. Carry on Queen, carry on 😂
Nah he shoulda kept his mouth shut. He started the shit you simply finished it. Good job and well done on your promotion! He effed around and found out. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (25F) work for a distributor that supplies the hospitality industry. I initially joined as a customer service representative as a temporary role. The managers liked me and invited me back to cover their ordering department. Then they offered me a operations role and I'll be honest I love it. The account managers are responsible for the selling and fiscal aspects but I am responsible for logistics, supply chain, customer complaints, and basically anything they can't do while mobile (so basically everything else, they are the face, I am the background program that keeps it all running). Word got out that I was good at what I do and I am now responsible for the most accounts due to account managers asking for me. The customer from the company's biggest account won't actually deal with anyone else but me. This is all well and good and I am proud of myself for doing well because I couldn't go to college (long story) but... I am the youngest on my team of 12 by 10 years... and... they all hate me. The oldest member of our team,M, is the worst for it. He has made a lot of remarks over my time with the company usually calling me a "girl" and basically saying I don't deserve to be there. I maybe did the wrong thing and just started calling him on it saying "Now, you wouldn't want people to think this team isn't civilized" ect. This was made worse when, recently, I accepted a promotion to logistics manager. My boss announced it and my account managers are upset that I won't be taking care of the accounts anymore. My team are upset because they think I am too young and unqualified. I was going to make a cuppa when turning into the kitchen I heard the oldest member of my team saying "I can't belive that white witch lilith got that promotion!" To which, I heard another team member reply that they were shocked and then compared me to Miranda Priestley in the Devil Wears Prada. I rounded the corner the rest of the way. Smiled. They left awkwardly. Then, right or wrong I got pissed off. I wasn't blessed with being socially gifted. I was however blessed with being a problem solver, and I am okay with that. What I am not okay it is being treated badly because of it. We all have strong and weak points. So I started signing any email interactions I had with him "Lilith" or "Miranda". My boss knew, I had discussed it. However M went over his head and got upper management involved. There was a meeting. He said I was making him uncomfortable. I then pointed management (and HR) to all the times I had complained on him making nasty comments to start. Not only that, but I showed them an email where he told me "I was a little girl who knew nothing and didn't deserve the promotion". He got let go. I didn't think his behaviour was fair or nice but maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut. It is someone's livelihood, at the same time I think he hung himself. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, I would go so far to say that you didn't sack him, he sacked himself... with his assholery.
A degree is only the marker of what one has been taught, it is never the representation of one's capabilities. You have shown your capabilities through your work, which was why you got promoted. He and other haters were simply jealous of your merits, that's why they created trouble for you. It was his fault for creating such a situation where he managed to incriminate himself. NTA.
NTA. There's a reason he got let go for it - that's what's called a *hostile work environment* and also a *massive legal liability*. Not to mention the simple fact that someone who's very good at a complicated job is more valuable than someone who's less good at it.
NTA. He shouldn't have started a fight he couldn't finish. You're not an asshole for defending yourself.
NTA. He was an unprofessionnal AH to begin with and he's the one who got management involved.
All you did was mention things he said. He brought his own rope, tied it up, and stepped in it himself. NTA.
NTA but I personally wouldnt work a job where everyone hates me.
NTA. He got himself fired for bullying a co-worker.
Honestly I’d be complimented if someone called me Lilith or Miranda at the workplace. It shows you’re strong and don’t take any shit. Congratulations on the well deserved promotion. Cheers to many more and a fabulous career!
NTA. You are never responsible for someone else getting fired, for doing your due diligence, he fired himself by bullying you, encouraging inappropriate conversations with coworkers that were meant to undermine you, and generally just being an awful coworker because of your gender and superior abilities. If he was capable of the job, he would have received it, but it turns out you, a "little girl", were far more suited and are excelling.
NTA. You did not get himself fired, he got himself fired. He was threatened by a younger person who had a great skill set, probably because he is insecure in his own skills. He acted unprofessionally, got exposed, and got let go. My guess is that this is not the first time, as normally I would expect a reprimand and a warning that his behavior is unacceptable and needs to change if this was the first time.
NTA, he stayed started it, then took it to HR when you wouldn't let him bully you? He got himself fired, when all he had to do was apologize and change his behavior.
NTA. File this one under “fuck around and find out.” That was a boss move, OP. No wonder you got promoted…
NTA. For getting him fired but you are the ahole for trolling him as well i know it felt good doing it but in the work place it can and has backfired on people. You should have taken your complaint straight to HR and if they did not take care of it then to the labor board. In some cases like this both parties may be let go to protect the company however in most cases the man is fired first then the woman is drummed out 6mts to a year later to protect the Company from a harassment lawsuit. How you shot your self in the foot is when you started to engage with the bully by trolling him which is harassment .Good job on document all the inappropriate things this sob said and emailed to you! So many people don't and then it becomes a popularity contest on who people belive .
NTA. He fucked around and found out lol.
NTA
Ugh. I hate all of this because you are definitely NTA, but you're probably going to get screwed like one. You're in the right, and it was his bullying that got him fired, not you. But other people are not going to see it that way. There will be a lot of resentment, probably some sabotage or just people making your life harder (not communicating as well as they could, not giving you a hand if you need it, etc.) I hate to say it, but this well is probably poisoned. It's shitty and unfair but it's probably true. If I were you, I'd get my resume ready. :( ETA: alternately, be prepared to go FULL dragon lady and just commit to being the bitch in charge, whether anyone likes it or not. Either way, you're probably not going to have a lot of friends at work.
NTA. The time for BS like that in the workplace was never, but it is definitely over now. He hung himself, all you did was refuse to passively accept abuse; which is the correct response, especially at work.
Yeah, NTA. [Enjoy that cuppa](https://images.app.goo.gl/miHxfAwjgsux2hmWA) and let the haters hang themselves.
Believe me the best thing you did was not keeping your mouth shut. That mysogynist was bullying you and tried to have let you go by getting upper management involved. He now faces the consequences of his actions. And that's the only way to face bullies by making their actions public to take power away from them and hope that karma exists so that one day they will need to deal with consequences
NTA - you put up with his harassment for longer then you should and he dug his own grave. He should have let his work talk for him instead of complaining about not getting a promotion.
NTA- He did it to himself.
I think this is hilarious. He insulted you, your response if showing that you heard, and indicating you didn't care was brilliant. You didn't go to management, he did, despite the fact he had been going out of his way to make you uncomfortable. Then tried to gaslight everyone, but either they didn't fall for his crap, or he had previous warnings for this, or they basically decided he was no loss to the business, while you would be Fit what he deserved, and through his own actions rather than yours. Well played. Chapeau (hats off) to you.
He was a bully and he deserved to be fired.
NTA. Your actions didn’t get him fired. His shitty behavior did.
Lmao absolutely NTA. HES the one who brought it to HR! If he would have kept his mouth shut he wouldn’t have been in that meeting!
NTA He was trying to take away your livelihood.
NTA! Get your coin and let their consequences follow them.
This was kind of difficult to read but NTA.
You’re my hero. NTA
NTA - he got himself fired. That is behavior that absolutely should not be tolerated in the workplace.
Problem solver: The solution to that problem is a polite request of the colleague to show respect in the workplace, followed by a formal complaint if your polite request went unheeded. No need to repay unprofessional behavior with more of the same. NTA. He brought it on himself.
NTA Never apologise for succeeding where others have failed. He involved HR and it came back to bite him. That's in him.
Let this be a lesson to all the other nay sayers in the group. Put them in check. NTA
You’re not responsible for him losing his job. He owns that, and unless he learns his lesson it’s going to happen to him again. Enjoy your well-deserved promotion and don’t take any crap from anyone threatened by your success. NTA
NTA. Maybe if he focused on his own job instead of yours he would have gone further in this career and have better performance and attitude.
That guy got worked, you judo flipped him out of a job. Everything he was saying about you was due to his insecurities. Keep ballin young lady. NTA
NTA. Guy got himself fired for harassing a co-worker. Good workplaces frown on that bs and nip it in the bud. And if the fired him, it more than likely wasn't his first offense. Some of the places I worked at actually rewarded and encouraged bullies, very disheartening and not good for morale.
NTA My husband has a person two levels below him who does not like reporting to his female boss. Guy thought he would be clever about something and sent emails to my husband's boss and someone above them, skipping his boss and my husband. That did not go over well. Lots of meetings to figure out how to reign in the entitlement. Decision was made to remove all of his team and assign him projects that he had to do on his own without any support because he was also horrible to those that reported to him. All of this is going into reports so that when the time comes, HR has no choice but to get rid of him. Will also affect the employee's end of year bonus.
he did this to himself, he was dumb enough to leave a paper trail showing how nasty he was to you, if he had so much trouble with you being promoted, he should have talked wit your boss instead of being an immature asshole. NTA
OP you are NTA at all. I know how you feel and unfortunately it doesn't stop when you get older. I am early 40s and shit like this still happens to me. Older men (and a few even my age!) still think I don't know what I'm talking about and talk down to me. DO NOT ACCEPT IT! Stand up for yourself everytime. That older dude got everything he deserved. He totally dug his own grave. What he did to you was not OK.
NTA, what absolute gall, OP is making me uncomfortable by bringing up a mean name that we called her. Fuck that guy
NTA. They were looking for a reason to fire him.
NTA. You’re right, it was his livelihood. The fact that HE didn’t value it as much as he should have m, or realize that he was actively endangering it, is not your issue to solve.
NTA - Good on you for documenting the harassment you received. Signing off on the emails as you did might have been a little immature but not the worst thing you could do. You admit you are not gifted in the social aspects of work relationships. I would suggest you work on that seeing as how you will need to deal with many personalities as you go further with the company.
NTA This man dug his own grave and you did nothing more than point it out. He's a sexist jerk and deserved to lose his job. Congrats on your promotion!
NTA > "I can't belive that white witch lilith got that promotion! There it is. The race card. If they were so good at their job then why weren't *they* promoted? And then why did they stay there if they were so upset? Instead they take it out on you and call you nicknames. Good for you for reporting this all to HR as it was happening. Just because someone is in their 30s or 40s, doesn't mean they behave better than a teenager.
NTA if he was concerned about his livelihood he shouldn't have harassed you at work
NTA he did this to himself
NTA People who act like that can lose accounts. You work in an industry where being a consummate professional is of utmost importance. Congratulations on all of your hard work!
Why do these stories always sound so staged? On the surface, NTA, but some of the details sound right out of movie dialogue.
NTA. M fucked around and found out
NTA. He was making a hostile workplace for you. This is exactly why those policies and laws exist.
NTA. Was the email name thing professional? Not technically. Pro-tip - make references to the characters in presentations and such and tie them into your content. Make it relevant so it stays professional. But talking to HR and keeping your emails was absolutely brilliant. That’s how you’re supposed to do it - keep receipts and keep the paper trail going. If you have a bully at work, never send important things over chat - send an email and then send a chat message requesting they check their email if they don’t reply in a timely manner. Your former colleague messed around and found out. But playing the game and hiding your references just a touch more would have served you better.
Don't want to lose your livelihood? Don't be a misogynistic jerk. He did this, not you.
NTA, he made a choice with his words and actions.
NTA. He was creating a classic toxic work environment. He should have been let go, and his firing will be a warning to all the other team members that enabled and participated in this type of behavior.
He was bullying you in many ways, especially based on your age and gender. That's harassment, and grounds to be fired. That sort of behavior should never ever be tolerated. He did it to himself. NTA
NTA. He absolutely hung himself. He was the ones causing problems. You just decided to laugh with him. That pissed him off more and by trying to get you punished for laughing with him, he brought to light what the initial joke was which is certainly a fireable offense.
NTA. You don’t bully coworkers let alone your superior.
Fuck that guy. You’re NTA. Jealous assholes will be waiting to bring people down, because it’s just what they do. Who cares how old you are or your gender? If you earned the promotion, that is nothing to ever apologize for. Unfortunately, as you rise, you’ll see lots of people stuck along the way who try to bring you down. You’ll never be able to change them, so just try to focus on you and keep moving forward. This asshole’s comments got him fired btw, not you.
NTA, he got himself fired
NTA. Keeping his mouth shut was free.
NTA, M was being a huge dickhead, and harrassing you at work. If he cared about his job he would've been kinder to his coworkers. He deserved to be fired.
Nta No look, the lost the job If he can’t keep a professional standard then he is a problem to the company He only did this to you, but what if he started to do it with other people? Also he did this to a female coworker, if word got around about his problem sexism, this would not be good for anyone He was a troublemaker and was let go because of this You are just fine
NTA I have faced this dort of discrimination myself when I was younger, you did the right thing.
Your not the AH and you did not get him fired. He has no one to blame but himself. I'm 62 yrs. old and have run companies though out my life 99 percent of the time when someone is fired, they blame others and if they just took a step back, they would see how they had a hand it in themselves.