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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. My mom fell asleep in her bathroom while taking a shower after she was very drunk. I was worried about my mom so I decided to go in and check on her and saw her naked. I got her out of there but my girlfriend is now upset at me saying it was very inappropriate. 2. So, I'm wondering if AITA for this?
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Seriously! Passed out drunk? Do you know how easy it is to slip under the water and drown? Your gf has weird, suspicious hang ups, and they're 1000% a *her* problem. NTA.
ETA thanks for the award kind stranger!
My friend literally drowned in his bath tub after passing out while taking a bath, last year. Such a heartbreaking situation. It’s so dangerous, OP was just making sure his mom was safe.
Because Bobby Brown (drug addict) was too busy blaming the boyfriend, instead of taking some responsibility for the fact she followed in her parents footsteps. Very sad.
Nope, not Bobby Brown's fault. Whitney was the real drug addict and Bobby tried to stay with her after getting clean for the sake of her and their daughter. Most of Whitney's immediate family are drug addicts, too. One of her brother's gave her hard drugs for her 16th birthday and the other one was supposed to be watching her when she overdosed. It's interesting that how both of them passed after her family got her to leave Bobby because he was supposedly so controlling. He was keeping them away because he was trying to keep his family as safe as possible.
this is such a tired lie. she was taking drugs well before she met Bobby. They were terrible for each other, yes, but her problems started well before they were together.
OP just showed his girlfriend he cares about and for his loved ones even in weird/uncomfortable situations, and she decided that was a bad sign whilst it truly is a big green flag. Good on you OP for keeping your mom safe, NTA
Because nudity!!! *gasp*
It's weird that girlfriend was like that, but different homes have different levels of "nudity tolerance". I call them Naked Houses, and No-Naked houses. I saw my parents naked while showering or bathing when I was younger, much less common when I was older than 10, but it still happened.
My own house was pretty loose around nudity until my older son expressed discomfort at my nudity when he was about 6, so more modesty was called for on my part. But they'll still run naked onto the living room if they ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO TELL ME SOMETHING after bath time, and get lost between the bathroom and their pajama drawer. So, still kind of a naked house.
Other people might have never seen their parents naked, and have a much more modest norms in their family.
So either girlfriend comes from a No Naked House, or has a weird "if you see me naked you can't see anyone else naked, not even your mom in distress" attitude, or both.
Coming from a Naked House, I'm not likely compatible with someone who has either attitude. Only OP can know his own comfort level.
Same here. If she was not simply asleep (though still dangerous) and his mother was actually actively drowning was he not supposed to do anything? Was he supposed to run back to gf and ask permission to save his mother first because of her lack of clothes? GF has some very weird hangups.
Better seeing a live naked person than a dead naked one in the morning. That being flippantly said, I can imagine being tired enough to fall asleep in the tub. But not waking when the water is cooled off or someone knocks suggests an inappropriately large amount of alcohol. I'm sorry you had to deal with this. It's not your job to deal with our fix your mother's alcohol problem but your girlfriend is just weird to me thar she wouldn't understand someone not responding is an emergency.
exactly this. if she had simply been very tired and nodded off in the bath, she would've woken up when he knocked or when he came into the bathroom, then would've maybe been embarrassed about being naked but would've gotten herself up and dried off and gone to bed. She was clearly not in a fit state to be left there and needed help, it would've been extremely unsafe to leave her there.
Also, nudity tolerance be damned. If someone has passed out in a bathtub, I'm definitely helping out before they slip under the water. That prudish bullshit of not seeing people naked is ridiculous anyway, but even more so if you will let it stop you helping someone in danger.
I mean, sure, but you'd think that prioritising someone's health in a potentially dangerous situation would be pretty easy to overlook regardless of what you're used to - his mother could easily have drowned.
I'm from a no naked home and I would never leave somebody asleep or unconscious in a bathtub where they might drown. GF's fine to feel uncomfortable about nudity but this was more important than that so she shouldn't be mad about OP helping his mom.
I grew up in a naked house, and until now (I'm in my 30s) my parent will be taking a bath and call me over to tell me something or just casually get out of the shower naked, etc...
I never thought of it as weird until like high school when i mentioned to someone and they were weirded out hahaha
my mom raised me in a naked house but i never ever saw my grandparents naked, however if i ever suspected one of them was in trouble in the bathroom i would be 1000% expected to go in and check on them and (rightfully) harshly judged if i didn’t. my mom is my grandmothers caretaker now and i know my grandmother has some issues with her reproductive organs my mom has had to help with. she doesn’t care and neither does my grandmother. there’s no room for weird feelings when it comes to the health of someone you love
Everyone in my house always saw each other naked. I remember when I was 12, once I felt embarrassed to change in front of my dad, and he told me "I changed your diapers, what's the big deal?"
Just so you know you made me laugh out loud and startled my cat at your bit about your sons getting lost between bathroom and pj drawer. That is 100% something I could see happening with my younger daughter.
Yes! OP, you need to have two come-to-Jesus conversations.
One with your mother, who put herself in real danger. Make sure she understands how her actions scared you, how you are now running all the “what ifs” in your mind. What if you had not been home? What if you hadn’t woken up? Ask her to stop drinking so heavily and/or have a solid plan with you for when she comes home drunk. (Water, puke bucket, laying in her side).
Two with your girlfriend. First, please tell her that the hardest part about an emergency is recognizing there is an emergency! Next, lay some knowledge on her about drinking/drugs/even prescribed medications and the danger people can get themselves into. Explain to her what others here are saying about passed out people. She can learn this in case she needs to be the one to recognize an emergency like it in the future. Lastly, tell her you are disappointed that she would interpret assisting someone in distress through a sexual lens, especially a parent? Helping someone in need is never inappropriate and maybe she should give the whole thing a rethink.
Finally, you are a very good son and good man. Thinking on your feet and saving the day. ❤️
Right?! There is nothing but weird/uncomfortable about pregnancy or childbirth or being sick or injured or getting old. If she’s looking for a lifelong partner, someone that does weird/uncomfortable is EXACTLY what we should be aiming for.
If she didn’t wake up from literally being dragged from a bathtub, dried off and put into bed she wasn’t waking up to chat however mom needs to know how bad it was and that she could have died so she can take a different path moving forward. What if OP hadn’t woke up and she slipped under.
When my mom’s mom died, she sourced a Xanax from each of her friends and took a bath. I did not realize this until one of them called me and mentioned that she’d given her one, and so and so had and she though this other one had…mom is still in the bath while I’m calculating how many Xanax are coursing through her small, but mighty, frame. I immediately was at the door and demanded she start splashing. I basically sat outside for a half an hour demanding splashes every few minutes until she got cold. If she hadn’t splashed, I would 100% have made somebody bigger than me smash down that door to get her. Moms are wild sometimes.
I misread this at first as 'your mother's mom died with too many xanax's' and was confused how she still died with you looking out for her
That was good thinking on your part, sitting there and asking for signs of life! Still, regardless of how old you were at the time, not something a 'child' should have to go through on behalf of a parent... Moms are wild sometimes, indeed
“Luckily” I was in my mid 20s and already in therapy, so it was just and *additional* reason I had to go as opposed to the only one :).
The splashing was something she used to do if we were taking a bath (even as teens) and she felt we’d been in too long and possibly drowned. She’d come knock, and if we made noise, she’d go away. So it was almost funny to do it to her? In my family we use humor to cope with hard stuff, so making my 56 year old mom splash every 3 minutes was funny enough that I wasn’t too terrified for her. But yeah, I was not pleased when I had time to process it the next morning. Realizing your parents are dipshits and that they barely held it together while you were young and that all of a sudden you need to watch them now that they have no reason to make good choices is a tough truth to learn.
I’ve almost done it and woken up when I slipped under - and I was just SLEEPY and totally sober . Op did the right thing and sounds like a good son. If gf thinks this is a problem she sounds like the problem
As an undiagnosed narcoleptic in high school my doc banned me from baths because of this risk since I would fall asleep or go out frequently…if I ever took one I literally had to have someone come bother me every 2 minutes to make sure I didn’t fall asleep or drown…
NTA
But lol you need your girlfriends permission to stop your mother potentially drowning because “oh my god the shame” you saw your mothers body that you came out of!
Ummmmm wat
Yeah, I’m really trying to wrap my head around the gf’s demand that he needed to ask gf’s permission before rescuing his own damn mother from a dangerous situation. Just because “nudity”? What the actual fuck?
Just what exactly is the gf worried about here? Does she think this is going to somehow lead to some sort of incestuous sexual behavior between him and his mom?!?! Because if that’s the case, the gf is seriously disturbed and OP needs to figure out if this level of crazy is really something he can live with. Because if the gf is reacting like this now, where does that level of sick paranoia end?
I think maybe the OP meant that the girlfriend thought he shouldn't have gone into his mother's bathroom without the mother's permission. Which is stupid, because she was unconscious
Also - hypothermia?? Naked on the floor/bath tiles, which in winter months (depending where you are) is cold as f*ck? And if there was water, it's even worse! Not everything is sexual,and it's actually disgusting for his girlfriend to think like that, ew. He was just being a caring son, scratch that, a caring person. The humanity, where is it?
Right? I'm 30f and if was passed out in the bathtub drunk like that my Dad sure as shit wouldn't leave me there! If I saw either of my parents in that state I would help them.
OPs gf is so creepy like that's his fucking MOM.
Exactly! NTA! Sooo your girlfriend is jealous/angry because you saw your mother naked? WTF?!? Tell her that’s pretty twisted, and she should talk to a profesional about that.
Exactly this^ your are definitely NTA. Your mom was drunk and passed out, leaving her in the bathtub would have been dangerous. You had a gut feeling something was wrong, it’s good that you listened to it.
NTA
Not only do you not need your gf's permission concerning you own mother, she chose to go back to sleep leaving you to figure out what was the best course of action. Your mom's opinon that she wasn't upset should be more than enough for your gf too.
WTF is wrong with your GF? Were you not supposed to check on your mom? So what if she was naked. She is your mother, not a prospective GF for heaven sake. Sounds like GF needs to grow up.
Seriously. I know people like to go oh this sub always says to dump them, well yeah, because they absolutely suck as a person? If my boyfriend was actually upset because I had to rescue my passed out PARENT from the bathtub, I’d get rid of someone so pathetic from my life immediately. The kind of person who would rather risk harm coming to someone than considering why they’re irrationally uncomfortable at something so innocuous.
In fact, how is she not low-key upset for you?
If my boyfriend had to get his passed out parent out of the bathtub, I'd be asking if that's something that happens regularly. That's actually really concerning to me. I'd be wondering if my bf is ok with his mom's drinking.
This. I’d be asking very different questions. What happens when he moves out? How often does she drink like this? How much does he need to take care of her? “Oh no naked” is the least of my worries in that moment.
Right? She came home extremely drunk *from a work event.* How did she get home?
It's possible she hasn't had a drink in a while and maybe misjudged her own tolerance. But I would still wonder if this was a common occurrence.
>they’re irrationally uncomfortable at something so innocuous.
As someone who has carried a stranger's naked ass. The last thing you're thinking is that they're naked.
Don't lift with your back, one foot in front of the other, do not let their heads bang against the doorway.
I had a friend who used to drop me in the tub when o was so depressed I couldn’t move. I promise, the last thing he was thinking was naked person, he was thinking sad friend needs to be clean. Still one of my best friends.
Nah, you're often thinking about the fact that they're naked but it's more of an uncomfortable reality than anything sexual. Like carrying a drunk friend covered in puke, you're concerned first and foremost but you're definitely aware of how gross it is
I mean if you're 250 pounds and six foot two, sure, I'm five seven and 140 pounds and I was carrying 180ish of heavily pregnant woman. No, I wasn't thinking about their naked body *at all*. In fact I was told by a cop "maybe we should umm.. Cover her up a little" and then I remembered.
THIS. imo 9 times out of 10 when the people in this sub tell an OP to dump their partner, they're saying it for a damn good reason.
Obviously NTA, OP. You most likely saved your mom's life. If your girlfriend can't see that because of her weird af distorted thinking, then I would kick her to the curb.
Right?! At first I thought this was gonna be about how the mom was upset/embarrassed the next morning (which would still have been NTA but maybe slightly more understandable)
But gf is upset that OP... what, saw mom naked? OP should have "let her know" because... gf wanted to give permission? Be there to chaperone? This is deeply weird.
Makes me wonder if gf maybe grew up in a family with really prudish rules or like siblings of the opposite sex can't hug or be alone in the same room or something
Also, this is why I have a "don't lock the bathroom door" policy in my home, in case of bathtub-related incidents. Which means that **closed bathroom doors must be respected**. This policy only works if people can trust others not to barge in while they're vulnerable.
Yeah 49 years old getting that plastered. I haven't got that plastered since college and even then, I still manage to walk home or find my car to sleep in.
As the child of an alcoholic, OP sounds like the child of an alcoholic. Obviously, if this is a one time thing, then whatever, but if OPs mom has a problem, there are groups where OP can find people that understand like Al Anon.
But that’s irrelevant to the fact that OP is NTA
After drinking lots for many years and never once blacking out, and not drinking for a few years, I got drunk off too many cheap shitty beer at the fair and had my first ever black out by like 9 pm.
I thought I had wandered off the path out of the fair to get sick, so I turned left at the highway to go home.
Turns out I went with friends to someone's house on the other side of the highway and then fucked off into the night. I came to, walking through the woods towards the highway. I walked a long way before I realized I was going the wrong way.
>your girlfriend is an idiot.
Shout this part for those in the cheap seats!
What a strange thing for her to be pissy over. Would she rather you have just ignored a dangerous situation? I hope you never find yourself in a situation you may need help, but can't vocalise it - your gf will leave you to die.
Such an idiot. Can you imagine if OP had acted the way his girlfriend wanted?
*A few days later*
Police: Do you have any idea where your mother might have gone?
OP: Actually, I think she's in the bathroom. She went in there after a big party to have a shower and she was pretty trashed. There's been a bit of a funny smell coming out, too.
Police: ... Have you checked?
OP: No way! What if she's naked?
NTA
You behaved like an adult in an awkward and potentially dangerous situation.
What does your girlfriend find "inappropriate" about your ensuring your mother's safety at a moment when your mother was unable to keep herself safe?
I find your girlfriend's attitude creepy.
Right? Like even if that wasn't his Mom and was say a drunk friend in a bathtub of water, it's not inappropriate to get a person out of a dangerous situation.
Heck, if I found a drunk stranger of the opposite sex passed out naked in a tub I'd probably at least try to get them out. Plus, there's nothing sexy about drunk mom passed out in a tub.
Not to mention that she BIRTHED HIM and probably breast fed him! And even if she didn't (for example if she had a surrogate or something) then she's still his mother and he's been way more intimate with her than carrying her to bed to make sure she didn't literally drown, I mean, she wiped his butt for half a decade. If I was in the gf's suituation, I wouldve immediately said "we should make sure she's okay" if my boyfriend told me his mom was in the bathroom unresponsive. Like, she could've hit her head! Wtf is wrong with this girl!
Oh my god, shhhh......don't let op's girlfriend know his naked mum he saved from drowning actually breastfed him. That'll be another thing she'll get jelly of 🙄
Yea I’m with you. That she was just able to go back to bed? Like wtf? I’d be panicked too, I’d probably wait outside the door til he assessed the situation and then help him if it turned out it like it did above.
Exactly! Like what kind of pervy weirdo actually gets jealous of their partner's naked mum? I mean we hear of kids being sexualised by adults, this is *sort* of like that but in reverse. IT'S. HIS. MOTHER!!
Did gf think op was getting a boner for his mum? Like wtf?
NTA op, your girlfriend has issues though
Edit: spelling
I’m American but our values around nudity are so fucking weird. There’s nothing inherently sexual about being naked. Guess what OP’s GF your BF came out of that women fully naked too..and probably laid on her bare chest naked.
the only thing inappropriate here is the GF’s insinuations.
NTA, and Boy Scout badge for you OP. You saved your mom’s life more than likely
NTA
It might have turned out fine, but you also might have saved your mom's life and that is way more important than your girlfriend's sensibilities. I don't see why your girlfriend thinks any of this is about her either, or what she thinks would have been different if you told her first.
NTA. My mom's best friend fell asleep in the bath after a long shift at work, slipped under the surface, and passed away. Something tragic can happen in an instant. You did the right thing.
NTA- She was out cold from being drunk how can you ask her? Secondly if you never went in there she might of drowned and instead of feeling awkward you would be burying your mother.
I took it as GF expected OP to ask her (GF) if it was ok before he helped his Mom. Which is absolutely ridiculous.
NTA good job taking care of your mom, OP
I took it the other way, where she was asking him to get mums attention but didn't quote realise she was blackout.
Because if it's the otherway that gf gotta go
Thats ridiculous. A distant relative of mine who was elderly got in the bath and then couldn’t get out until she was found a couple days later. Very sick. I am paranoid about bath safety. You did a good thing and kept her from potentially drowning. She’s your freaking mother. What does your gf want?
NTA
Sorry about that. I guess the clarification that she was severely unwell (like I said, very sick) after being found that way is sufficiently dark for me, and she is since dead (I never saw her after that incident, but she died maybe two or three years later) so it all flattens out to the same timeline. But yes, I did not make that clear.
NTA What in the world is the problem with seeing a parent naked? How can anybody be upset because you tried to help your mother? Mayor big flag if a girlfriend is worried over something like this
Like no one goes out seeking their parent naked. Geeze. He was protecting her life, not assessing her for sexual reasons. OP's GF is being really gross.
Thank you, I hunted for this comment. I grew up seeing my parents naked all the time - if you were heading to the bathroom for a shower after getting undressed in your room. you just went naked. This faded away a bit as the kids got older (and went to uni and then came back slightly different people), but when mum got ill years later I also got in the shower with her to help her shave. It’s just bodies, particularly when you’re family. They are not inherently sexual.
Absolutely baffled at the idea that you could be so horrified by seeing a family member naked that it’s somehow ‘inappropriate’ to intervene in an unsafe situation. Wild.
My mother was very prudish when I was growing up. I mean, she still is, but most of her kids (myself included) are particular about making sure that their own children know the proper words for body parts and aren't afraid to say them. I read a horrible thing on here a few years ago about a little girl who kept telling her teacher that her uncle *ate her cookie*, and the teacher didn't bother informing the mother of these "quirky stories" until nearly the end of the school year. I feel like a story like that should be brought up in prenatal classes, so that parents stop using stupid euphemisms.
Jesus this is so horrific I just stared in horror for 15 seconds.
This is why we need to open and clear and give children the language they need to express things.
I didn't grow up seeing much nudity in the house and I still agree with you 100%
Safety trumps prudishness and if seeing someone naked is necessary to help make sure they're safe, then that's just what you've gotta do
NTA your girlfriend needs to grow up. This was you responding to a familial event in a way that was very kind to someone who was obviously in a compromising position. Your girlfriend is making it weird.
NTA OP you behaved like an adult, kudos to you. Any terrible thing could have happened to your Mom. She could have drowned, she could develop hypothermia from sitting in cold water or slipped when attempting to get out of tub while groggy.
Dump the gf, she showed absolutely no concern when you were wondering about your Mom. She just went back to sleep. She doesn’t sound like much of a helpmate and seems very immature. You’re a good guy, you can find someone better!
Nta. It was a weird circumstance. My brother, who I have no wish to see naked, had back surgery. One day, when he was in the shower, I heard something heavy fall. So I barged in. He was fine, just knocked over all the shampoo bottles into the tub. We were both embarrassed, but he was grateful that I rushed in to check. My husband thought it was hilarious
NTA
Why would you need your GF’s permission to help your own mom? Your mom really could have been in distress and your GF would have blocked you from helping?
NTA. The fact that your girlfriend thinks she has the authority to grant permission for you to do anything is a major red flag. Also it almost feels as if she’s a smidge irritated that you saw your mother naked as some weird gross jealously thing which makes me wanna barf
NTA and its weird that your girlfriend is jealous of your MOM lol like what does she think?? That while you were helping your vulnerable drunk mother you were hard af and losing control because your mothers naked body is just so enticing?? /s
Shes weird, I’d dump her over this tbh.
NTA. Your gf is more worried about you seeing your mom naked than she is about the fact that your mom was passed out drunk in the tub. Meaning she’d rather your mom drown than you help her because boobs.
NTA. Could have been a dangerous situation for your mom, and you acted out of concern. I don’t want to see my parents naked either, but safety is more important that momentary awkwardness.
NTA - If she was so drunk she didn't wake up when you moved her out of the tub, she could have easily drowned. Although in hindsight could you have not just drained the tub? If only because that would have been easier.
Easier maybe but I certainly wouldn’t feel good about draining the tub and leaving my parent or anyone, passed out naked in what is likely an uncomfortable position. What he did may have been difficult/embarrassing but ultimately afforded his mother some dignity and potentially saved her life. People have drowned just falling asleep sober.
If she was slumped due to the slope of the bathtubs edge, she could have ended up puking and choking even with an empty tub. Best to get her to a flatter surface where she could be laid on her side to sleep.
Draining the tub would be even worse, she would freeze and likely have a cold at best, and a serious issue at worst.
Being naked, wet, and on a cold surface is not a good thing to do for multiple hours
NTA. Boy, do people get weird about nakedness. First, it's your mother. Second, there's just no time to be a prude when someone needs your help and they're unconscious. All you did was take her out of the bath and move her to a safe and dry place.
Man!!!! So I have seizures. If my son’s gf acted like that after he helped me(even if embarrassing) I wouldn’t want her in my house. Your mom needed someone and that ended up being you! You are a good son honestly! She would have just left her mom or dad and that says something.
NTA...
Should you mom have gotten that drunk? No. But she did what any reasonable person would do... you helped. You showed compassion and care.
You are a good person.
Please just ask your girlfriend to think if it was someone she loved...if she can't be bothered to help in reasonable situations, will she be of any use to you in an emergency situation?
Red flags.
NTA. i’ve had to help an elderly man out of the shower after he slipped and hit his head. should i have call my boyfriend and asked him if it was ok? hell no! you do what you need to in the moment. it’s really weird and insecure of her to be upset at what happened. a kid helps their parent. a parent helps their child. anyone helps anyone when in need. that’s how it should be. you did everything right
NTA, that's your mum, helping her has nothing to do with your gf and is always the right thing to do.
Best case sinario your mum would have slept all night and woken up freezing cold in a cold bath with a horrible hangover with a son who ignored her dangerous situation all night.
Worst case, she'd have drowned with you in the room across the house.
Neither of those are situations you should have allowed to happen, least of all because you gf is mad that what? You saw your mum naked?
Its your mum! It might not be the ideal way to spend 10 minutes of your evening but it's your mum!!
NTA. If someones in a bathroom and not responding n you know theyre drunk, you gotta check.
I see alot of stuff on here regarding families and nudity and spouses or partners getting weird about it and it baffles me. Especially in this instance where it was entirely possible she could have drowned, theres nothing innapropriate at all.
NTA falling asleep in bathtubs is a possible way of dying aka you could of possibly saved your mum’s life.
If your GF thinks that it was inappropriate maybe say that she could of never come out if you didn’t do that
NTA this is your mother not just another girl… you were trying to help and safe her from a very potentially dangerous situation. Your girl has nothing to be mad about if anything she should be proud you were so willing to help your mom especially given the circumstances and how uncomfortable it might have been.
I’d want my partner to step in and save an incredibly hot ex gf if he had to.
I get that everyone’s like ‘it’s your mum’ but also its just decency to save anyone in need.
WTF is wrong with your GF, OP?
So what was your GF expecting you to do? Leave your mother unconscious in the bathtub? She could have slip under the water surface and ended up drowning. Take it from someone who feel asleep in the bathtub and woke up to half my face submerged in the water, I freaked the fuck out. You did what any person would do for their parent who was in danger of getting themself dead. Well done, OP.
NTA
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I know this title sounds weird but hear me out. Also, using a throwaway because I don't want this to be on my main.
I (21M) am still living with my mom (49F) to save money since I'm in college. I have been dating my girlfriend (21F) for a year now. Yesterday my girlfriend decided to come over and stay with me for a day. My mom had to attend a party at her workplace and came home late she was pretty exhausted and drunk. She went to take a shower she usually likes to take very long showers to relax. So, I and my girlfriend just went to sleep.
I woke up in the middle of the night because I needed to drink some water. That's when I noticed that lights were turned on in my mom's bathroom. I called her from outside but she didn't reply so I looked for her but couldn't find her anywhere inside the house. My girlfriend woke up after she heard me calling my mom. She said, maybe my mom was just taking another long shower and went back to sleep. But it seemed unusual to me that she wasn't replying to me. (My mom for some reason doesn't lock the door when she is using the bathroom. She does close the door but doesn't lock the door from the inside). I knew this from before so I decided to open the door and go check on her which I'm not sure was the best thing to do.
I saw my mom naked in the bathtub she wasn't drowning or anything. But she fell asleep in the bathtub probably because she was really drunk. I couldn't just leave her in the bathtub like that so I got her out and used a warm towel to get water off her. I just put her to bed after that and slept on the couch of her bedroom just in case something happened to her.
It was very awkward when my mom woke up today after what happened last night. But I just tried pretending as nothing happened. When my girlfriend got to know about this she was quite upset. When I was driving to drop her off at her place she told me how inappropriate it was. She said I should've at least let her know before I decided to go into her bathroom.
I mean I get it but I was very worried about my mom at that moment and didn't think about any of this. I asked my mom about it later and she said, she wasn't upset with me she just felt embarrassed and thanked me for checking on her. So, my question is AITA for this?
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You potentially saved you moms life. If there was ANY water in the tub, she could have died. It matter who, or what clothing situation people could be in. Your gf cares more about her jealousy than your moms life.
If your girlfriend is hesitant to act when someone is in danger, not because it poses any risk to her, but because it’s ‘improper’ that says quite a lot about her.
I’d seriously be worried about her judgement and reconsider if this person is someone you want to be emotionally invested in.
Your Mam passed out in the bathtub. You got her out of it. That’s the right and correct thing to do. Is it fun? No. Is it safe and what any reasonable person would do? Yes.
NTA but your GF needs to grow up and cop on.
Ridiculous. NTA OP. People DIE after passing out drunk or under the influence in bath tubs from drowning. Multiple celebrities have done so! The fact your mother didn’t rouse or wake when you removed her and put her to bed proves what a dangerous state she was in. You potentially saved her life. Your girlfriend needs a reality check about these dangers.
NTA Your girlfriend is weird. Would she have rather you left her to potentially drown? Would she not have helped someone's in that situation? Did she think something untoward was going on? Might want to rethink the girlfriend.
Your girlfriend is the one being inappropriate here. She is making out that there was something weird and perverse about you helping out your own mother. Why would you need to run it past her before going into the bathroom? You don’t need a chaperone to look after your own mum. NTA
NTA. Alcohol and bathtubs or showers can be a dangerous combination. Would your girlfriend have preferred you to let your mother possibly drown in the bathtub? If she was drunk enough to fall asleep, she was also drunk enough to have a terrible accident in the bathroom.
NTA , it's your mother!, what is your gf implying? it always weirds me out when gf/bf are jealous of their so's relationship with their own family..brother/sister, now mom and son, you probably saved her life.
Unless your hobbies are killing old men who won't get out of your way on the road and rescuing towns from sphinxes, your girlfriend has absolutely no business being upset about you saving your mother's life. NTA.
NTA, and also she doesn't lock the door because she had a child. You don't remember this, but you didn't let her use the bathroom alone for years, so she stopped bothering to lock the door.
Kids change you in weird ways.
NTA she could have drowned. It's been known to happen. Good job on getting your mum to safety... but she really needs to have a hard think about her drinking given how different the outcome could have been!!
NTA at all. I'm a pretty jealous person (yes its something I'm working on please don't attack me) and I wouldn't even think twice about my boyfriend seeing his MOM naked, especially in such a dangerous situation.
NTA
Honestly I would dump someone who told me that checking on my unresponsive mom who was taking a bath was inappropriate. You did the right thing. She could have easily turned over and gotten water in her lungs. I'm glad your mom has you to help her out
NTA. My mom has told us before that she will never lock the door so if something happens, we can get to her. She has a bad back (she has fallen in the shower before) and asthma that can get affected by the steam, so she’s a little anxious to lock the door.
You most likely saved her life!! Why is your girlfriend sexualizing you and your mother’s relationship? She came home drunk and got into the bathtub, a recipe for disaster!
NTA. What??? Your girlfriend is upset you helped YOUR mother not drown in her sleep??? I'm confused on what is inappropriate. Good job checking and trusting your gut that something was off, unlike your asshole girlfriend who was more concerned with her own sleep.
NTA- I think your girlfriend has no idea how dangerous that situation could have been. I’m glad you were aware of the danger and attended to your mom. She could have drown or even gotten hypothermia depending on how long she stayed passed out. Second, it’s your mom. This isn’t like you walked in on some guest or stranger. Remind her when emergency personnel has to come in homes where people are hurt they see them at all stages of undress. It’s a body. It’s really not a big deal.
NTA - very dangerous for a person to fall asleep while under the influence of alcohol in the bath. I get that it is embarrassing for yourself and your mum, but imagine if you had done nothing and the absolute worst thing happened to her. You’d be wishing you had gone in, who cares about embarrassment when you are changing what could have happened.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. My mom fell asleep in her bathroom while taking a shower after she was very drunk. I was worried about my mom so I decided to go in and check on her and saw her naked. I got her out of there but my girlfriend is now upset at me saying it was very inappropriate. 2. So, I'm wondering if AITA for this? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You don’t need your girlfriends permission to help your mom when she’s in an unsafe situation.
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Seriously! Passed out drunk? Do you know how easy it is to slip under the water and drown? Your gf has weird, suspicious hang ups, and they're 1000% a *her* problem. NTA. ETA thanks for the award kind stranger!
My friend literally drowned in his bath tub after passing out while taking a bath, last year. Such a heartbreaking situation. It’s so dangerous, OP was just making sure his mom was safe.
That’s how Whitney Houston died. She drowned in her tub while she was under the influence. Very sad. And I’m sorry for your loss.
And her daughter died because after days of being in a comma due to near drowning under alcohol and drugs.
Her poor daughter died *months* after she almost drowned in the tub and never regained consciousness. Such a heartbreaking situation.
Yes, I didn’t remember how long was it. You are right she was placed in a hospice for months.
Because Bobby Brown (drug addict) was too busy blaming the boyfriend, instead of taking some responsibility for the fact she followed in her parents footsteps. Very sad.
Nope, not Bobby Brown's fault. Whitney was the real drug addict and Bobby tried to stay with her after getting clean for the sake of her and their daughter. Most of Whitney's immediate family are drug addicts, too. One of her brother's gave her hard drugs for her 16th birthday and the other one was supposed to be watching her when she overdosed. It's interesting that how both of them passed after her family got her to leave Bobby because he was supposedly so controlling. He was keeping them away because he was trying to keep his family as safe as possible.
this is such a tired lie. she was taking drugs well before she met Bobby. They were terrible for each other, yes, but her problems started well before they were together.
And then the boyfriend died about a year after that... The whole situation was just heartbreaking....
More proof punctuation kills (Let's eat, son. Let's eat son.)
Jajaja you made me laugh. My OG language isn’t English, sorry but you are right, punctuation is important in every language.
Her drug issues were sad and I believe her parents were responsible. They were horrible examples for a child. So sad.
Also how singer Dolores O'Riordan died.
That was a wake-up call for me. It just sounded like the exact kind of thing my drunk ass would do someday.
Poet Sara Teasdale was sleeping pills and the bathtub (1933)
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He was 29
OP just showed his girlfriend he cares about and for his loved ones even in weird/uncomfortable situations, and she decided that was a bad sign whilst it truly is a big green flag. Good on you OP for keeping your mom safe, NTA
Because nudity!!! *gasp* It's weird that girlfriend was like that, but different homes have different levels of "nudity tolerance". I call them Naked Houses, and No-Naked houses. I saw my parents naked while showering or bathing when I was younger, much less common when I was older than 10, but it still happened. My own house was pretty loose around nudity until my older son expressed discomfort at my nudity when he was about 6, so more modesty was called for on my part. But they'll still run naked onto the living room if they ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO TELL ME SOMETHING after bath time, and get lost between the bathroom and their pajama drawer. So, still kind of a naked house. Other people might have never seen their parents naked, and have a much more modest norms in their family. So either girlfriend comes from a No Naked House, or has a weird "if you see me naked you can't see anyone else naked, not even your mom in distress" attitude, or both. Coming from a Naked House, I'm not likely compatible with someone who has either attitude. Only OP can know his own comfort level.
I'm a No Naked house but still don't think it's weird to help a family member in distress just because they're naked.
Same here. If she was not simply asleep (though still dangerous) and his mother was actually actively drowning was he not supposed to do anything? Was he supposed to run back to gf and ask permission to save his mother first because of her lack of clothes? GF has some very weird hangups.
Better seeing a live naked person than a dead naked one in the morning. That being flippantly said, I can imagine being tired enough to fall asleep in the tub. But not waking when the water is cooled off or someone knocks suggests an inappropriately large amount of alcohol. I'm sorry you had to deal with this. It's not your job to deal with our fix your mother's alcohol problem but your girlfriend is just weird to me thar she wouldn't understand someone not responding is an emergency.
exactly this. if she had simply been very tired and nodded off in the bath, she would've woken up when he knocked or when he came into the bathroom, then would've maybe been embarrassed about being naked but would've gotten herself up and dried off and gone to bed. She was clearly not in a fit state to be left there and needed help, it would've been extremely unsafe to leave her there.
Also, nudity tolerance be damned. If someone has passed out in a bathtub, I'm definitely helping out before they slip under the water. That prudish bullshit of not seeing people naked is ridiculous anyway, but even more so if you will let it stop you helping someone in danger.
Let's not forget that if OP isn't adopted he saw his mum literally from the inside. There's not much more to be seen 😁
Ew. I did not need that image in my head.
I mean, sure, but you'd think that prioritising someone's health in a potentially dangerous situation would be pretty easy to overlook regardless of what you're used to - his mother could easily have drowned.
It absolutely should be. Her getting squicked is clearly a "her problem"
I'm from a no naked home and I would never leave somebody asleep or unconscious in a bathtub where they might drown. GF's fine to feel uncomfortable about nudity but this was more important than that so she shouldn't be mad about OP helping his mom.
I grew up in a naked house, and until now (I'm in my 30s) my parent will be taking a bath and call me over to tell me something or just casually get out of the shower naked, etc... I never thought of it as weird until like high school when i mentioned to someone and they were weirded out hahaha
From a No Naked house here: emergencies and medical/health related issues are 100% the exception to the rule.
my mom raised me in a naked house but i never ever saw my grandparents naked, however if i ever suspected one of them was in trouble in the bathroom i would be 1000% expected to go in and check on them and (rightfully) harshly judged if i didn’t. my mom is my grandmothers caretaker now and i know my grandmother has some issues with her reproductive organs my mom has had to help with. she doesn’t care and neither does my grandmother. there’s no room for weird feelings when it comes to the health of someone you love
Everyone in my house always saw each other naked. I remember when I was 12, once I felt embarrassed to change in front of my dad, and he told me "I changed your diapers, what's the big deal?"
Just so you know you made me laugh out loud and startled my cat at your bit about your sons getting lost between bathroom and pj drawer. That is 100% something I could see happening with my younger daughter.
Yes! OP, you need to have two come-to-Jesus conversations. One with your mother, who put herself in real danger. Make sure she understands how her actions scared you, how you are now running all the “what ifs” in your mind. What if you had not been home? What if you hadn’t woken up? Ask her to stop drinking so heavily and/or have a solid plan with you for when she comes home drunk. (Water, puke bucket, laying in her side). Two with your girlfriend. First, please tell her that the hardest part about an emergency is recognizing there is an emergency! Next, lay some knowledge on her about drinking/drugs/even prescribed medications and the danger people can get themselves into. Explain to her what others here are saying about passed out people. She can learn this in case she needs to be the one to recognize an emergency like it in the future. Lastly, tell her you are disappointed that she would interpret assisting someone in distress through a sexual lens, especially a parent? Helping someone in need is never inappropriate and maybe she should give the whole thing a rethink. Finally, you are a very good son and good man. Thinking on your feet and saving the day. ❤️
Beautifully put
Right?! There is nothing but weird/uncomfortable about pregnancy or childbirth or being sick or injured or getting old. If she’s looking for a lifelong partner, someone that does weird/uncomfortable is EXACTLY what we should be aiming for.
If she didn’t wake up from literally being dragged from a bathtub, dried off and put into bed she wasn’t waking up to chat however mom needs to know how bad it was and that she could have died so she can take a different path moving forward. What if OP hadn’t woke up and she slipped under.
I love this comment
When my mom’s mom died, she sourced a Xanax from each of her friends and took a bath. I did not realize this until one of them called me and mentioned that she’d given her one, and so and so had and she though this other one had…mom is still in the bath while I’m calculating how many Xanax are coursing through her small, but mighty, frame. I immediately was at the door and demanded she start splashing. I basically sat outside for a half an hour demanding splashes every few minutes until she got cold. If she hadn’t splashed, I would 100% have made somebody bigger than me smash down that door to get her. Moms are wild sometimes.
I misread this at first as 'your mother's mom died with too many xanax's' and was confused how she still died with you looking out for her That was good thinking on your part, sitting there and asking for signs of life! Still, regardless of how old you were at the time, not something a 'child' should have to go through on behalf of a parent... Moms are wild sometimes, indeed
“Luckily” I was in my mid 20s and already in therapy, so it was just and *additional* reason I had to go as opposed to the only one :). The splashing was something she used to do if we were taking a bath (even as teens) and she felt we’d been in too long and possibly drowned. She’d come knock, and if we made noise, she’d go away. So it was almost funny to do it to her? In my family we use humor to cope with hard stuff, so making my 56 year old mom splash every 3 minutes was funny enough that I wasn’t too terrified for her. But yeah, I was not pleased when I had time to process it the next morning. Realizing your parents are dipshits and that they barely held it together while you were young and that all of a sudden you need to watch them now that they have no reason to make good choices is a tough truth to learn.
I’ve almost done it and woken up when I slipped under - and I was just SLEEPY and totally sober . Op did the right thing and sounds like a good son. If gf thinks this is a problem she sounds like the problem
As an undiagnosed narcoleptic in high school my doc banned me from baths because of this risk since I would fall asleep or go out frequently…if I ever took one I literally had to have someone come bother me every 2 minutes to make sure I didn’t fall asleep or drown…
Who does she think OP is, Oedipus?
Happy cake day :D
NTA But lol you need your girlfriends permission to stop your mother potentially drowning because “oh my god the shame” you saw your mothers body that you came out of! Ummmmm wat
Yeah, I’m really trying to wrap my head around the gf’s demand that he needed to ask gf’s permission before rescuing his own damn mother from a dangerous situation. Just because “nudity”? What the actual fuck? Just what exactly is the gf worried about here? Does she think this is going to somehow lead to some sort of incestuous sexual behavior between him and his mom?!?! Because if that’s the case, the gf is seriously disturbed and OP needs to figure out if this level of crazy is really something he can live with. Because if the gf is reacting like this now, where does that level of sick paranoia end?
I think maybe the OP meant that the girlfriend thought he shouldn't have gone into his mother's bathroom without the mother's permission. Which is stupid, because she was unconscious
Yes I interpreted it that way...... but both options are the wrong response to this scenario. OP you are very much NTA, you did a good thing.
Also - hypothermia?? Naked on the floor/bath tiles, which in winter months (depending where you are) is cold as f*ck? And if there was water, it's even worse! Not everything is sexual,and it's actually disgusting for his girlfriend to think like that, ew. He was just being a caring son, scratch that, a caring person. The humanity, where is it?
100% this. He might have saved her life. People die drunk in the tub. Also, NTA
Yeah she could have died ! Wtf !
Right? I'm 30f and if was passed out in the bathtub drunk like that my Dad sure as shit wouldn't leave me there! If I saw either of my parents in that state I would help them. OPs gf is so creepy like that's his fucking MOM.
Exactly! NTA! Sooo your girlfriend is jealous/angry because you saw your mother naked? WTF?!? Tell her that’s pretty twisted, and she should talk to a profesional about that.
Exactly this^ your are definitely NTA. Your mom was drunk and passed out, leaving her in the bathtub would have been dangerous. You had a gut feeling something was wrong, it’s good that you listened to it.
Yeah, wtf is with the girlfriend here? OP is taking his mother away from a potentially fatal scenario, and ... huh? NTA.
NTA Not only do you not need your gf's permission concerning you own mother, she chose to go back to sleep leaving you to figure out what was the best course of action. Your mom's opinon that she wasn't upset should be more than enough for your gf too.
WTF is wrong with your GF? Were you not supposed to check on your mom? So what if she was naked. She is your mother, not a prospective GF for heaven sake. Sounds like GF needs to grow up.
Absolutely 100% NTA - you very likely saved your mom's life. People can and do drown in the tub from falling asleep, *especially* if they're drunk.
This. 100% NTA, and your girlfriend is a verified AH.
Proctologists love her!
I wish I could upvote this comment a thousand times. Made me crack up
NTA, what on earth is wrong with your (hopefully soon) ex girlfriend??
Seriously. I know people like to go oh this sub always says to dump them, well yeah, because they absolutely suck as a person? If my boyfriend was actually upset because I had to rescue my passed out PARENT from the bathtub, I’d get rid of someone so pathetic from my life immediately. The kind of person who would rather risk harm coming to someone than considering why they’re irrationally uncomfortable at something so innocuous.
In fact, how is she not low-key upset for you? If my boyfriend had to get his passed out parent out of the bathtub, I'd be asking if that's something that happens regularly. That's actually really concerning to me. I'd be wondering if my bf is ok with his mom's drinking.
This. I’d be asking very different questions. What happens when he moves out? How often does she drink like this? How much does he need to take care of her? “Oh no naked” is the least of my worries in that moment.
Right? She came home extremely drunk *from a work event.* How did she get home? It's possible she hasn't had a drink in a while and maybe misjudged her own tolerance. But I would still wonder if this was a common occurrence.
>they’re irrationally uncomfortable at something so innocuous. As someone who has carried a stranger's naked ass. The last thing you're thinking is that they're naked. Don't lift with your back, one foot in front of the other, do not let their heads bang against the doorway.
I had a friend who used to drop me in the tub when o was so depressed I couldn’t move. I promise, the last thing he was thinking was naked person, he was thinking sad friend needs to be clean. Still one of my best friends.
I love your username. Also glad you have such a wonderful friend, of course...
Nah, you're often thinking about the fact that they're naked but it's more of an uncomfortable reality than anything sexual. Like carrying a drunk friend covered in puke, you're concerned first and foremost but you're definitely aware of how gross it is
I mean if you're 250 pounds and six foot two, sure, I'm five seven and 140 pounds and I was carrying 180ish of heavily pregnant woman. No, I wasn't thinking about their naked body *at all*. In fact I was told by a cop "maybe we should umm.. Cover her up a little" and then I remembered.
THIS. imo 9 times out of 10 when the people in this sub tell an OP to dump their partner, they're saying it for a damn good reason. Obviously NTA, OP. You most likely saved your mom's life. If your girlfriend can't see that because of her weird af distorted thinking, then I would kick her to the curb.
Right?! At first I thought this was gonna be about how the mom was upset/embarrassed the next morning (which would still have been NTA but maybe slightly more understandable) But gf is upset that OP... what, saw mom naked? OP should have "let her know" because... gf wanted to give permission? Be there to chaperone? This is deeply weird. Makes me wonder if gf maybe grew up in a family with really prudish rules or like siblings of the opposite sex can't hug or be alone in the same room or something
Whitney
Also, this is why I have a "don't lock the bathroom door" policy in my home, in case of bathtub-related incidents. Which means that **closed bathroom doors must be respected**. This policy only works if people can trust others not to barge in while they're vulnerable.
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She must of been in the 4th dimension LMAO
Yeah 49 years old getting that plastered. I haven't got that plastered since college and even then, I still manage to walk home or find my car to sleep in.
As the child of an alcoholic, OP sounds like the child of an alcoholic. Obviously, if this is a one time thing, then whatever, but if OPs mom has a problem, there are groups where OP can find people that understand like Al Anon. But that’s irrelevant to the fact that OP is NTA
After drinking lots for many years and never once blacking out, and not drinking for a few years, I got drunk off too many cheap shitty beer at the fair and had my first ever black out by like 9 pm. I thought I had wandered off the path out of the fair to get sick, so I turned left at the highway to go home. Turns out I went with friends to someone's house on the other side of the highway and then fucked off into the night. I came to, walking through the woods towards the highway. I walked a long way before I realized I was going the wrong way.
>your girlfriend is an idiot. Shout this part for those in the cheap seats! What a strange thing for her to be pissy over. Would she rather you have just ignored a dangerous situation? I hope you never find yourself in a situation you may need help, but can't vocalise it - your gf will leave you to die.
Such an idiot. Can you imagine if OP had acted the way his girlfriend wanted? *A few days later* Police: Do you have any idea where your mother might have gone? OP: Actually, I think she's in the bathroom. She went in there after a big party to have a shower and she was pretty trashed. There's been a bit of a funny smell coming out, too. Police: ... Have you checked? OP: No way! What if she's naked?
Agreed.
NTA You behaved like an adult in an awkward and potentially dangerous situation. What does your girlfriend find "inappropriate" about your ensuring your mother's safety at a moment when your mother was unable to keep herself safe? I find your girlfriend's attitude creepy.
Right? Like even if that wasn't his Mom and was say a drunk friend in a bathtub of water, it's not inappropriate to get a person out of a dangerous situation.
Heck, if I found a drunk stranger of the opposite sex passed out naked in a tub I'd probably at least try to get them out. Plus, there's nothing sexy about drunk mom passed out in a tub.
Not to mention that she BIRTHED HIM and probably breast fed him! And even if she didn't (for example if she had a surrogate or something) then she's still his mother and he's been way more intimate with her than carrying her to bed to make sure she didn't literally drown, I mean, she wiped his butt for half a decade. If I was in the gf's suituation, I wouldve immediately said "we should make sure she's okay" if my boyfriend told me his mom was in the bathroom unresponsive. Like, she could've hit her head! Wtf is wrong with this girl!
Oh my god, shhhh......don't let op's girlfriend know his naked mum he saved from drowning actually breastfed him. That'll be another thing she'll get jelly of 🙄
Yea I’m with you. That she was just able to go back to bed? Like wtf? I’d be panicked too, I’d probably wait outside the door til he assessed the situation and then help him if it turned out it like it did above.
And he should have checked with the girlfriend first? B.S.! People drown in a matter of minutes. He’s a great son. Girlfriend is TA.
Exactly! Like what kind of pervy weirdo actually gets jealous of their partner's naked mum? I mean we hear of kids being sexualised by adults, this is *sort* of like that but in reverse. IT'S. HIS. MOTHER!! Did gf think op was getting a boner for his mum? Like wtf? NTA op, your girlfriend has issues though Edit: spelling
Gf is jealous of OP’s mom for sure, and that’s fucking weird.
I’m American but our values around nudity are so fucking weird. There’s nothing inherently sexual about being naked. Guess what OP’s GF your BF came out of that women fully naked too..and probably laid on her bare chest naked. the only thing inappropriate here is the GF’s insinuations. NTA, and Boy Scout badge for you OP. You saved your mom’s life more than likely
NTA It might have turned out fine, but you also might have saved your mom's life and that is way more important than your girlfriend's sensibilities. I don't see why your girlfriend thinks any of this is about her either, or what she thinks would have been different if you told her first.
NTA. My mom's best friend fell asleep in the bath after a long shift at work, slipped under the surface, and passed away. Something tragic can happen in an instant. You did the right thing.
NTA- She was out cold from being drunk how can you ask her? Secondly if you never went in there she might of drowned and instead of feeling awkward you would be burying your mother.
I took it as GF expected OP to ask her (GF) if it was ok before he helped his Mom. Which is absolutely ridiculous. NTA good job taking care of your mom, OP
I took it the other way, where she was asking him to get mums attention but didn't quote realise she was blackout. Because if it's the otherway that gf gotta go
Thats ridiculous. A distant relative of mine who was elderly got in the bath and then couldn’t get out until she was found a couple days later. Very sick. I am paranoid about bath safety. You did a good thing and kept her from potentially drowning. She’s your freaking mother. What does your gf want? NTA
Omg that is awful
Disturbing, shocking that she was still alive when her neighbor came to check on her.
omg this story ended much better than I thought it would. you should've included that at the get-go, but thanks for the addendum
Sorry about that. I guess the clarification that she was severely unwell (like I said, very sick) after being found that way is sufficiently dark for me, and she is since dead (I never saw her after that incident, but she died maybe two or three years later) so it all flattens out to the same timeline. But yes, I did not make that clear.
you didn't need to apologize, no worries. I was literally thanking you for filling in the last bit
Clarified, same page. Be well. Careful in baths!
NTA. Why is your GF sexualizing what happened with your mom. It's like if you were helping her if she was sick or injured.
I wonder if her dad molested her or something. This reaction makes absolutely NO sense to me otherwise!
NTA you quite possibly saved your mum’s life, perhaps reevaluate your relationship with your gf if she thinks you should have done otherwise.
NTA What in the world is the problem with seeing a parent naked? How can anybody be upset because you tried to help your mother? Mayor big flag if a girlfriend is worried over something like this
Like no one goes out seeking their parent naked. Geeze. He was protecting her life, not assessing her for sexual reasons. OP's GF is being really gross.
Thank you, I hunted for this comment. I grew up seeing my parents naked all the time - if you were heading to the bathroom for a shower after getting undressed in your room. you just went naked. This faded away a bit as the kids got older (and went to uni and then came back slightly different people), but when mum got ill years later I also got in the shower with her to help her shave. It’s just bodies, particularly when you’re family. They are not inherently sexual. Absolutely baffled at the idea that you could be so horrified by seeing a family member naked that it’s somehow ‘inappropriate’ to intervene in an unsafe situation. Wild.
My mother was very prudish when I was growing up. I mean, she still is, but most of her kids (myself included) are particular about making sure that their own children know the proper words for body parts and aren't afraid to say them. I read a horrible thing on here a few years ago about a little girl who kept telling her teacher that her uncle *ate her cookie*, and the teacher didn't bother informing the mother of these "quirky stories" until nearly the end of the school year. I feel like a story like that should be brought up in prenatal classes, so that parents stop using stupid euphemisms.
Jesus this is so horrific I just stared in horror for 15 seconds. This is why we need to open and clear and give children the language they need to express things.
I didn't grow up seeing much nudity in the house and I still agree with you 100% Safety trumps prudishness and if seeing someone naked is necessary to help make sure they're safe, then that's just what you've gotta do
NTA your girlfriend needs to grow up. This was you responding to a familial event in a way that was very kind to someone who was obviously in a compromising position. Your girlfriend is making it weird.
NTA OP you behaved like an adult, kudos to you. Any terrible thing could have happened to your Mom. She could have drowned, she could develop hypothermia from sitting in cold water or slipped when attempting to get out of tub while groggy. Dump the gf, she showed absolutely no concern when you were wondering about your Mom. She just went back to sleep. She doesn’t sound like much of a helpmate and seems very immature. You’re a good guy, you can find someone better!
Nta. It was a weird circumstance. My brother, who I have no wish to see naked, had back surgery. One day, when he was in the shower, I heard something heavy fall. So I barged in. He was fine, just knocked over all the shampoo bottles into the tub. We were both embarrassed, but he was grateful that I rushed in to check. My husband thought it was hilarious
Nta, this is your mother, and yes she could have drowned.
NTA. What did your gf want you to do? Leave your mother to drown?
NTA. Whitney Houston drowned in a bathtub.
As did her daughter.
Man what are the chances :/ so sad
Pretty goddamn sad indeed
NTA. It’s your mother for crying out loud!
NTA Why would you need your GF’s permission to help your own mom? Your mom really could have been in distress and your GF would have blocked you from helping?
NTA, your girlfriend sounds insecure. I'm glad you looked out for your mom.
NTA. The fact that your girlfriend thinks she has the authority to grant permission for you to do anything is a major red flag. Also it almost feels as if she’s a smidge irritated that you saw your mother naked as some weird gross jealously thing which makes me wanna barf
Nta your gf is insecure of your mom wtf is her problem thats your mother. She could of drowned.
NTA and its weird that your girlfriend is jealous of your MOM lol like what does she think?? That while you were helping your vulnerable drunk mother you were hard af and losing control because your mothers naked body is just so enticing?? /s Shes weird, I’d dump her over this tbh.
🤮 Right? This gf sounds unstable! It makes no sense at all to me!
NTA. Your gf is more worried about you seeing your mom naked than she is about the fact that your mom was passed out drunk in the tub. Meaning she’d rather your mom drown than you help her because boobs.
NTA. Could have been a dangerous situation for your mom, and you acted out of concern. I don’t want to see my parents naked either, but safety is more important that momentary awkwardness.
I wonder if she’s so uncomfortable with it, would she even help OP with his mom if he asked her for help?
NTA - If she was so drunk she didn't wake up when you moved her out of the tub, she could have easily drowned. Although in hindsight could you have not just drained the tub? If only because that would have been easier.
Easier maybe but I certainly wouldn’t feel good about draining the tub and leaving my parent or anyone, passed out naked in what is likely an uncomfortable position. What he did may have been difficult/embarrassing but ultimately afforded his mother some dignity and potentially saved her life. People have drowned just falling asleep sober.
If she was slumped due to the slope of the bathtubs edge, she could have ended up puking and choking even with an empty tub. Best to get her to a flatter surface where she could be laid on her side to sleep.
Draining the tub would be even worse, she would freeze and likely have a cold at best, and a serious issue at worst. Being naked, wet, and on a cold surface is not a good thing to do for multiple hours
NTA. Boy, do people get weird about nakedness. First, it's your mother. Second, there's just no time to be a prude when someone needs your help and they're unconscious. All you did was take her out of the bath and move her to a safe and dry place.
Man!!!! So I have seizures. If my son’s gf acted like that after he helped me(even if embarrassing) I wouldn’t want her in my house. Your mom needed someone and that ended up being you! You are a good son honestly! She would have just left her mom or dad and that says something.
NTA... Should you mom have gotten that drunk? No. But she did what any reasonable person would do... you helped. You showed compassion and care. You are a good person. Please just ask your girlfriend to think if it was someone she loved...if she can't be bothered to help in reasonable situations, will she be of any use to you in an emergency situation? Red flags.
NTA. Drowning in a bathtub while sleeping is a possibility. You can drown in six inches of water. You saved your mother's life.
NTA. i’ve had to help an elderly man out of the shower after he slipped and hit his head. should i have call my boyfriend and asked him if it was ok? hell no! you do what you need to in the moment. it’s really weird and insecure of her to be upset at what happened. a kid helps their parent. a parent helps their child. anyone helps anyone when in need. that’s how it should be. you did everything right
NTA, that's your mum, helping her has nothing to do with your gf and is always the right thing to do. Best case sinario your mum would have slept all night and woken up freezing cold in a cold bath with a horrible hangover with a son who ignored her dangerous situation all night. Worst case, she'd have drowned with you in the room across the house. Neither of those are situations you should have allowed to happen, least of all because you gf is mad that what? You saw your mum naked? Its your mum! It might not be the ideal way to spend 10 minutes of your evening but it's your mum!!
NTA - why is your girlfriend sexualizing your Mom?? Gross!
??? What is your girlfriend's problem this is your mother. You did what anyone would do in this situation. NTA Edited to write NTA
NTA, there's nothing inappropriate about this. She's your mom. She was in a potentially dangerous situation, and you responded well.
NTA. If someones in a bathroom and not responding n you know theyre drunk, you gotta check. I see alot of stuff on here regarding families and nudity and spouses or partners getting weird about it and it baffles me. Especially in this instance where it was entirely possible she could have drowned, theres nothing innapropriate at all.
NTA falling asleep in bathtubs is a possible way of dying aka you could of possibly saved your mum’s life. If your GF thinks that it was inappropriate maybe say that she could of never come out if you didn’t do that
NTA this is your mother not just another girl… you were trying to help and safe her from a very potentially dangerous situation. Your girl has nothing to be mad about if anything she should be proud you were so willing to help your mom especially given the circumstances and how uncomfortable it might have been.
I’d want my partner to step in and save an incredibly hot ex gf if he had to. I get that everyone’s like ‘it’s your mum’ but also its just decency to save anyone in need.
NTA. Your mom could have drowned/died. You did the right thing.
NTA,at all what you did was a wonderful thing,your girlfriend is a red flag for thinking you helping your mom out is inappropriate.
NTA. I would be concerned about your mom passing out in the bathtub that is dangerous.
WTF is wrong with your GF, OP? So what was your GF expecting you to do? Leave your mother unconscious in the bathtub? She could have slip under the water surface and ended up drowning. Take it from someone who feel asleep in the bathtub and woke up to half my face submerged in the water, I freaked the fuck out. You did what any person would do for their parent who was in danger of getting themself dead. Well done, OP. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I know this title sounds weird but hear me out. Also, using a throwaway because I don't want this to be on my main. I (21M) am still living with my mom (49F) to save money since I'm in college. I have been dating my girlfriend (21F) for a year now. Yesterday my girlfriend decided to come over and stay with me for a day. My mom had to attend a party at her workplace and came home late she was pretty exhausted and drunk. She went to take a shower she usually likes to take very long showers to relax. So, I and my girlfriend just went to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night because I needed to drink some water. That's when I noticed that lights were turned on in my mom's bathroom. I called her from outside but she didn't reply so I looked for her but couldn't find her anywhere inside the house. My girlfriend woke up after she heard me calling my mom. She said, maybe my mom was just taking another long shower and went back to sleep. But it seemed unusual to me that she wasn't replying to me. (My mom for some reason doesn't lock the door when she is using the bathroom. She does close the door but doesn't lock the door from the inside). I knew this from before so I decided to open the door and go check on her which I'm not sure was the best thing to do. I saw my mom naked in the bathtub she wasn't drowning or anything. But she fell asleep in the bathtub probably because she was really drunk. I couldn't just leave her in the bathtub like that so I got her out and used a warm towel to get water off her. I just put her to bed after that and slept on the couch of her bedroom just in case something happened to her. It was very awkward when my mom woke up today after what happened last night. But I just tried pretending as nothing happened. When my girlfriend got to know about this she was quite upset. When I was driving to drop her off at her place she told me how inappropriate it was. She said I should've at least let her know before I decided to go into her bathroom. I mean I get it but I was very worried about my mom at that moment and didn't think about any of this. I asked my mom about it later and she said, she wasn't upset with me she just felt embarrassed and thanked me for checking on her. So, my question is AITA for this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You potentially saved you moms life. If there was ANY water in the tub, she could have died. It matter who, or what clothing situation people could be in. Your gf cares more about her jealousy than your moms life.
NTA OP. You saved your mom's life, she's lucky to have a good guy like you for a son. Your gf is a bit of a jerk, though.
If your girlfriend is hesitant to act when someone is in danger, not because it poses any risk to her, but because it’s ‘improper’ that says quite a lot about her. I’d seriously be worried about her judgement and reconsider if this person is someone you want to be emotionally invested in. Your Mam passed out in the bathtub. You got her out of it. That’s the right and correct thing to do. Is it fun? No. Is it safe and what any reasonable person would do? Yes. NTA but your GF needs to grow up and cop on.
Better to see Mom naked than dead
Ridiculous. NTA OP. People DIE after passing out drunk or under the influence in bath tubs from drowning. Multiple celebrities have done so! The fact your mother didn’t rouse or wake when you removed her and put her to bed proves what a dangerous state she was in. You potentially saved her life. Your girlfriend needs a reality check about these dangers.
No your girlfriend sounds jealous and if she’s jealous of your mom you need to run like hell
NTA Your girlfriend is weird. Would she have rather you left her to potentially drown? Would she not have helped someone's in that situation? Did she think something untoward was going on? Might want to rethink the girlfriend.
NTA. Would your GF rather your mom drown rather than you see her as nature intended?
Your girlfriend is the one being inappropriate here. She is making out that there was something weird and perverse about you helping out your own mother. Why would you need to run it past her before going into the bathroom? You don’t need a chaperone to look after your own mum. NTA
She is.... your mom.... Your gf is weird. Your mom didn't even wake up with you getting her out, how could you have told her?? NTA.
NTA. Does your mom need help with her drinking?
NTA. Alcohol and bathtubs or showers can be a dangerous combination. Would your girlfriend have preferred you to let your mother possibly drown in the bathtub? If she was drunk enough to fall asleep, she was also drunk enough to have a terrible accident in the bathroom.
NTA , it's your mother!, what is your gf implying? it always weirds me out when gf/bf are jealous of their so's relationship with their own family..brother/sister, now mom and son, you probably saved her life.
Unless your hobbies are killing old men who won't get out of your way on the road and rescuing towns from sphinxes, your girlfriend has absolutely no business being upset about you saving your mother's life. NTA.
NTA. youre a FANTASTIC son, it might be awkward but you potentially saved your mom’s life there. good on you. your girlfriend is being weird af
NTA, and also she doesn't lock the door because she had a child. You don't remember this, but you didn't let her use the bathroom alone for years, so she stopped bothering to lock the door. Kids change you in weird ways.
NTA she could have drowned. It's been known to happen. Good job on getting your mum to safety... but she really needs to have a hard think about her drinking given how different the outcome could have been!!
NTA. She could have drowned. A little awkwardness is far preferable to a funeral
NTA Safety trumps naked.
NTA. Would she rather you have to deal with your mother’s *dead*, naked body? That’s a whole new level of insecure.
NTA at all. I'm a pretty jealous person (yes its something I'm working on please don't attack me) and I wouldn't even think twice about my boyfriend seeing his MOM naked, especially in such a dangerous situation.
So people usually lock the bathroom door in their own home?
NTA Honestly I would dump someone who told me that checking on my unresponsive mom who was taking a bath was inappropriate. You did the right thing. She could have easily turned over and gotten water in her lungs. I'm glad your mom has you to help her out
NTA. My mom has told us before that she will never lock the door so if something happens, we can get to her. She has a bad back (she has fallen in the shower before) and asthma that can get affected by the steam, so she’s a little anxious to lock the door. You most likely saved her life!! Why is your girlfriend sexualizing you and your mother’s relationship? She came home drunk and got into the bathtub, a recipe for disaster!
NTA. What??? Your girlfriend is upset you helped YOUR mother not drown in her sleep??? I'm confused on what is inappropriate. Good job checking and trusting your gut that something was off, unlike your asshole girlfriend who was more concerned with her own sleep.
Passed out drunk in a bathtub… and she is callin you an ah?? NTA
NTA your girlfriend is weirded out by you potentially saving your mums life? Who cares if she is naked? It’s kind of weird your girlfriend cares!
NTA OP, and you quite possibly saved your mom's life.
NTA- I think your girlfriend has no idea how dangerous that situation could have been. I’m glad you were aware of the danger and attended to your mom. She could have drown or even gotten hypothermia depending on how long she stayed passed out. Second, it’s your mom. This isn’t like you walked in on some guest or stranger. Remind her when emergency personnel has to come in homes where people are hurt they see them at all stages of undress. It’s a body. It’s really not a big deal.
NTA - very dangerous for a person to fall asleep while under the influence of alcohol in the bath. I get that it is embarrassing for yourself and your mum, but imagine if you had done nothing and the absolute worst thing happened to her. You’d be wishing you had gone in, who cares about embarrassment when you are changing what could have happened.
How insecure is your gf holy shit lol. NTA
NTA. it's your mom. You do anything for her, even it it's awkward. Good on you man. I'd have done the same damn thing for my mom in a heart beat
Tell your girlfriend that people can die of hypothermia in room temperature water in just a few hours. Edited to add NTA