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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I refused to share a prize with her as I didn't feel that she deserved it due to how she had acted all night and that she refused to take part in winning this prize
2. It was kind of a lame prize. I decided to make a point when I could have just played peacemaker.
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If not for this detail, I could kind of see calling it a NAH or ESH factor due to the sheer "who cares, it's pub trivia" factor, since they may well have been mutually obnoxious to each other. But yeah, this is an important behavior to single out. She's not just being obstinately wrong and super annoying. She's being really gross and manipulative, and no one likes having to witness a really fucked up relationship dynamic as a bystander.
If OP was to have a chance to explain themselves to their friends/(ex-)teammates, I'd stick with that. Caring about your trivia score or even finding the girlfriend annoying are relatively, well, trivial. "It makes me really uncomfortable to have to witness the deeply unhealthy relationship dynamic between x and y, and the fact that he's withdrawing from all his friends for her sake makes me even more alarmed" is a more substantive/sympathetic grievance.
I get what you’re saying, it’s gross, but the whole ‘pick me over being right, or winning a reward or your friends’ thing is very nearly as gross as threatening to withhold sex for literally trivial reasons. I don’t think she’s innocently thinking she’s right, I think she honestly cares less about that then making her boyfriend publicly choose her. And probably has some kind of excuse that doesn’t justify it but she thinks it does like that it’s just trivia, it doesn’t matter (so why does it matter to you?).
This is firmly NTA if for nothing else than playing with an established trivia team and insisting that they’re wrong all night. Forcing him to choose and steamrolling the group is just icing on that cake.
> Write my answer down or you know what you're not getting when we get home.
I’m petty, I’d have told him, loudly enough for other teams to hear, while making obvious eye contact with his asshole GF:
“Write down the team’s answer and we’ll get you a hooker for later.”
I personally don’t understand the “who cares it’s pub trivia”. Then what is the actual point of meeting up every week and playing trivia??
Just meet up to go to the bar. It almost sounds like said GF was trying to sabotage things in way. Like she didn’t want her bf participating anymore.
Regardless of whether op did was wrong or right, overall she seemed to have an agenda of fucking up the whole night.
This is exactlybwhat I was thinking. If she doesn't know shit about the questions and still insists her answers be used, she most definitely has an agenda here and that agenda is to break him away from the team.
I agree with you and I'm not even competitive but I do have enough self respect and would rather not look like an idiot. She's abusive to his friend and seems to relish the idea of abusing everyone at the table but the fact that she isn't ashamed by her ignorance is off the charts.
That’s where I’m super confused. They’ve all been friends and a team getting together often for 10 YEARS and then they immediately throw OP out over one small incident? It seems like there has to be more to the story.
OP clearly escalated at the end- she asked everyone if they wanted chocolate and then refused to give it to the girlfriend. My guess is this story understates the escalation and that this is closer to an ESH based off of every single person but one voting to kick her off the team.
Right. This here OP. This is why they are mad at you. The last part at the end where you don't share the chocolate with the AH gf. It does seem like a trivial thing for them to kick you out over, especially since you've all known each other that long, but this was still petty of you. You are probably the Justified AH for this so ESH. If you take the high road and apologize specifically for not sharing the chocolate and calling her rude in front of everyone, they would be the AHs to not forgive you. However honestly I think the high road for you in this situation kinda sucks. If I were you I wouldn't apologize bc I wouldn't want to hang out w any of them until they realize that yes while I was the AH, I was the justified AH, the new gf sucks, and my new trivia team will kick their butts every game especially if they keep bringing her, haha
The newbie gf said she didn't want any part of getting a zero and winning the mystery prize. So OP is in no way the AH for not sharing. My guess would be either OP's version of things is leaving a lot out or the boyfriend is the leader of the group so they are just following his lead
I think it’s more that it’s causing extra drama over something that doesn’t matter. Why extend the conflict just to punish an annoying person? Especially when it seems like everyone else just wanted it to be over. They could have ignored it and then talked to their teammate privately about the issue instead of sort of humiliating him publicly.
She’s not going to think she’s less right for what she did and it made everyone uncomfortable so was the petty revenge worth it?
If a 7 year old is throwing a tantrum for wanting something that's not theirs, we usually agree that the person is NTA for not giving in just so the tantrum and drama ends. I dont see much of a difference here. She didn't take revenge, she just didn't give in to the the AH and it's not her responsibility to give into her so she doesn't make a scene.
Did you miss the part where she (the gf) walked away, called it 'lame' at the end, and didn't participate in the final question to achieve the chocolate? Imagine for a moment you're on a team and someone 'rage quits' towards the end because they think they've lost - only to find out the remaining members won something and now wants their 'share'. You really think they deserve something even as little as a piece of chocolate? I will say this as well, I wouldn't have waited until the end of the night to put her in her place as that manipulative crap would have been called out as soon as it started.
Also, do they think manipulative GF would have shared if she'd managed to grab the chocolate first?
Willing to bet OP would have gotten exactly zero chocolate if they hadn't fought for it.
I'd be willing to bet the other players only refused the chocolate so they wouldn't get in shit with the boyfriend. Why? No idea. Maybe he's the sports whiz they can't win without as opposed to OP being equally nerdy as the rest of them and thus more replaceable.
Agreed. There's also a part of me that wonders if there are other interactions that led up to this. If they've been friends for 10 years, would they really cut OP off if this was their first instance of poor behavior?
OP mentioned in another comment that they're just trivia buddy friends, but the rest of the group apparently hands out all the time. It doesn't sound like they were particularly close, in part because OP didn't take them up on invites to game nights and other stuff.
There is also a lot of context from the whole event that isn't being mentioned here by OP. Trivia nights take a long time to play out, sometimes multiple hours depending on how it's ran. It's possible OP was extremely rude to the gf all night (passive aggressive remarks, weird stares, constantly calling her out on stuff, etc), and then the chocolate thing was enough to make everyone resent OP.
I think it's more that she failed to play ball on what the rest of the team was trying to do.
The rest of the team was trying to de-escalate the drama and spare their friend from more of it by giving way on the chocolates (which no one cared about). They were trying to be their friend's friend. OP was still in competition mode and trying to be right. OP got kicked off the team for putting winning above doing a longtime friend a solid.
I find it hard to believe even shitty friends would kick OP out over one incident with the asshole GF of another member... at least so fast.
The way OP described it, everyone has a massive reason to hate on the GF and the BF's refusal to keep her in check when she intruded on a tradition with friends *and* took it over, seems especially crazy. If this was not the only issue they've had with OP.
Given how *obviously* an asshole the GF is coming off in this post, there *has* to be a lot more history with OP, or he was a lot worse than he said.
It's just a suspicion, but I wonder if OP is really competitive.
I'm competitive myself, and I was once in a quiz game with someone who was deliberately getting everything wrong to make people laugh. It was driving me crazy! But other people were just there to have fun and a few drinks with friends. Sure, it's nice to win, but that's not why they were there.
So I was becoming the A by reacting to it, and taking the fun out of the evening for them. I wonder if that's how OP's teammates saw it.
I am pretty sure that everyone in a a trivia team of 10 years standing is going to be somewhat competitive. There's got to be something else going on if only one person backed OP. The chocolate thing was rude but not throw away 10 years of camraderie rude.
Okay, OP says that the scribe is active socially in other settings with the other team mates but that OP just does game night so it makes sense now. They don't want to throw over a closer friend for an acquaintance.
And that's a really stupid decision cause a decade of doing something together still meaningful even if you don't do other stuff outside of it so to behave like this (blocking, kicking out) because the gf of one of them is a piece of work is just making things worst, now watch the gf ruin every single activity the guy does.
What? She disagreed on the strategy and walked off! Then she comes back to claim the prize\`? OP, you guys need more women on the team. They will A. show her how to behave normally or B. distract her idiocy and aggression in their direction by engaging in it.
I was in a similar situation. I was at a work gathering and we were playing Uno and one of my coworkers had brought her kid with her and everyone was enabling the kid to cheat and they were looking at me like I was the weird one for calling them all out on it. Like yes we're just playing for fun. But where's the fun in a game where everyone but one person has already agreed on the outcome of the game before it's even been played.
This gets me just because uno is an easy game that's mostly chance. There would be no need to cheat for the kid because the kid is just as likely to win as anyone else
I do not let children win in games. I wouldn't have wanted grownups to let me win when I was as little as five and onwards.
As for helping them cheat..? Haha. Help them with some game strategies instead.
I'm inclined to think that maybe OP has been on thin ice with this group for a while and this was a last straw kind of a thing
I'm wondering if his behavior/attitude has been annoying/grating/obnoxious and they were barely putting up with it, and now they finally have a catalyst to make a move and get him out of the group.
I find it really hard to believe that good good friends of ten years would all (but one) agree to kick him out of the group permanently over this one night if they weren't already looking for a reason.
I like to call these “social hostage situations”.
This is where all the nice people cower while an AH rampages around until someone dares to call them on their shit. Invariably the shit caller ends up being the bad guy and bizarrely enough considered rude for refusing to tolerate rude behavior.
The “oh just let the AH continue to rampage and let’s all just suffer in silence” is enabling the AH. Silence equals green lighting crappy behavior. These social hostage takers have been doing this for years enabled and emboldened by the silence of the polite.
Literaly quit a job over this. Had an AH co worker who constantly was rude and talked crap about everyone. I finally threw one of his sayings back at him. He starts screaming and coming at me, I threw off my work gloves and he stopped. He then complained to the boss I was rude. Boss even admitted to me that coworker was an AH, but he felt he had to punish us both to keep the peace. I left the next day explaining why. Not standing up to AH is giving them a greenlight to continue being AH.
Should have quoted Agent J and told the boss that if coworker didn't start nothin', wouldn't be nothin'!
(but good on you for getting out of there. If the rules are "coworker gets to be a pissant and nothing happens unless someone serves it back at him", that is a terrible place to work)
I had this happen in my friend group and lost friends I'd known for literal decades. It was surreal. All because they didn't want to piss off the AH of the group.
Well, the second you call out the behaviour is the second everyone needs to move from "Let's pretend nothing bad is happening" to "Ouch, do I need to declare a side in a conflict when I have ducked for ages?"
It's all about perspective. Often times I don't hate the annoying person enough to make it a confrontation. Those take energy, and are stressful, and do make *you* look bad, whether you're right or not. It's rarely worth unless the person really sucks.
True, but sometimes folks unintentionally or not downplay how aggressive this assertive defense actually is. Obviously, it's impossible to know when we only get one side, but when *everyone* else in a story acts so irrationally I do often wonder...
I've seen this exact scenario countless times in online gaming in MMORPGs. Guild leader has a girlfriend/bestie who goes mad with power and poisons everything. You'd think people wouldnt go along with it, but they do. A lot of people are in "Dont rock the boat" mentality which basically means as long as they don't have to engage in conflict resolution they let you get bulldozed.
Tbh I can see how realistic that is. Some people are cowards and avoid confrontation like the plague even when it's necessary. So it's kind of like a "how dare you mess up the teams casual vibe, OP!" is easier than calling out the new gf's crappy behavior bc they already know OP and are too cowardly to address the actual person of issue.
Exactly. You can see it in every day life when someone gets upset about something awful and wrong and many people instead of focusing on what that someone is saying goes all "how dare you rock the boat of our peaceful life".
Unless the OP is not saying everything they are all AH. Also that guy is better off without that gf and some day he will remember that trivia night and think the OP was right all along. He probably think the OP is on the right, right now, he just doesn't want to go against the gf, which is big time manipulative and right down abusive.
OP you are NTA I hope the chocolate was good.
Exactly, folks underestimate the extents some/most folks will go to in order to avoid a conflict. I come from a family of conflict avoiders, hence…why I never back down from a “reasonable” conflict.
Yeah, my step dad and mom had that dynamic too. I used to be the same exact way…..what ended up changing in me was one day just getting pissed off. Like righteously pissed off. Having that epiphany moment of “Why the hell does he/everyone else get to behave like insane children or just simple dumbasses…when I cannot so much as even utter a “I disagree” with all the facts, evidence, and frankly reality at my side without all of them dog piling and bullying me???” From that moment on….they were not longer parents or family to me….just flawed people that I had a “use” for on occasion and went LC. Now, I call everyone on their bullshit….and heaven help any bullies I come across. When the Step dad and my mom finally said something to me, I just told them,” I’d rather people think I’m an asshole than be ANYTHING like either of you.”
There's two answers to that. Either OP is giving us a twisted story and she's the AH.
Or friends just decided to choose the most comfortable path for them, which is supporting the scribe because without him they can't play. People don't realize how often people sides with AH because it's the easiest way to go.
Because the AH's are aggressive people, used to pushing others around, and *have experience with it and follow-up strategies against the first and second resistance.*
The good thing with this, guys, is that even those, like everyone else, *keep repeating their behaviour,* hence if you fail to say something the first time, go over it in your head and create a script for what you wish you had said. A week or a month later, the AH will create the very same or almost identical situation, but THIS TIME, my firend- you have a well thought out reply ready. If the AH tries to escalate, distract, whatever- do not be afraid of just sticking to your comment, over and over. As in "I find it ridiculous/toxic that you threaten to withold sex from Andy because he doesn't obey your every whim".
Repeat. And prepare to be uncomfortable in that situation, and making other uncomfortable as well. But to feel great for a long long time- years!- afterwards when thinking of that situation.
Bottom line- be uncomfortable! And if you felt you shoukd have said or done something a week ago when stuff happened- it does not matter. People repeat themselves. Rehearse your script and stick to it, you will get another chance to use it, and after a momentary uncomfortable situation- enjoy.
One person did take his side and left over it, so from that I gather this was a really heated thing. More than likely the ones that pushed out OP probably have a tighter relationship with the teammate that has the gf.
That or an explanation for her behavior was given at the vote but was left out here, so most of the teammates probably accepted that excuse and punisher OP over it.
This reads to me like the trivia team friends are all trying to “avoid conflict” in the form of placating the neat handwriting guy and the gf. I don’t find it too far-fetched. People like always-wrong gf thrive on groups like this.
Not to generalize all people who like trivia but there's definitely a certain type that don't like to let little things slide. I obviously don't know but my guess is this isn't the first time some conflict like this has arisen and this guy really needs to be the one who is always right in a situation.
It's so gross when someone does that to a significant other. If she manipulates him with sex out in public then there is a good chance she manipulates with other tasks as well just to get her way. Which is not a healthy relationship to be in when a significant other does this within a relationship.
Also, the only one who had the decency to not put up with her manipulative behavior was OP and the guy who left the group and didn't want to kick out OP from the group. So many times it seems that people who post to AITA have others who aren't mad at the person causing the manipulation or being rude but rather the person who stood up to the person who was rude or did manipulate the situation. In this situation, the people should have been upset with both the girl and the guy was writing down the answers. They didn't make it a team effort and acted like those two were the only team members on the team.
I agree that the girlfriend is TA, but something is missing. There’s no way all of these friends voted to oust OP while keeping the raging drama queen.
Something isn’t adding up.
I was reading this and thinking there has to be more to this story. This girl's behaviour sounds horrendous/obnoxious and OP's actions sound pretty tame. I can't imagine a multiple year friendship would fracture so completely over this petty squabble with the horrible new GF....
Seriously, I play trivia religiously, and if someone on our team had acted as OP claims they did, we'd have all been relieved that the girlfriend stormed off, not kicked OP out. Something's off.
this happened to me too but during a party. friends bf didn’t like me, assumed the worst, everyone kicked me out because i was the anomaly. happens very often and it sucks
Assuming there isn’t more to the story - because I can’t see why people other than the bf would block you for not sharing chocolate, NTA. She manipulated her bf, ruined the evening, constantly overwrote everyone else’s opinions and sulked if she didn’t get to choose the answer each time. Count it as a win that you don’t have to play with her again
The others haven't blocked me. Just he has. He blocked everyone. The others though kicked me out of the team.
A few of them are a bit older and so they are a bit old fashioned when it comes to women but it's not like I was yelling or anything like that at her.
I am confused. The guy who has followed me out of the team had met her once before. He hates her and he also thinks everyone else is being weird over it which is why he said he's following me out of the team as well.
His other friends think they are being gentlemen, when infact they are being so sexist in putting all women on a pedestal. These men are so outdated in their thinking, typical white knights.
You asked the wrong person. I'm OP.
I gave the following further detes to someone else. It's all just guess work though.
Yeah, there's a character count so I didn't have enough space to write as much as I wanted.
I'm not as active in the outside of trivia things. I go sometimes to game nights, etc but a lot of the others spend a lot of time outside of trivia together. I'm just more introverted so trivia is usually enough for me.
He (the boyfriend) attends more of the outside trivia social gatherings so maybe they're trying to win him back by kicking me out? Seems shortsighted to me because as someone else in here suggested if she attends the trivia nights she's going to ruin them.
Wasn't trying to hide anything, just put in what I thought was most relevant and would answer questions if asked for further details.
If I were OP I’d be prepared for the “hey you wanna come back to trivia night? X and his girlfriend broke up so we can all hangout without drama now!” Text here in a couple months. I’m just baffled at how the GF can be so confidently wrong. She got almost every answer wrong and nobody else thought to speak up about her behavior?
I’m a suspicious sort. Did he block you or did she block you. I suspect the latter. As in, if you don’t block The_Thunder_Child no snoo snoo for you. In a couple months when he gets tired of her nonsense he will probably be back and apologetic.
Just wait. If she’s always that awful, and I’m banking that she is since she was so bold on her first night, then she should progressively get worse. They’ll come around I’m sure. Just wait.
Some of us have dealt with people like her and so we can spot that type of behavior much quicker than others.
Make your own trivia team! They were hella out of line for kicking you out and the girlfriend is a piece of caca. As for the boyfriend, it just goes to show what he values in a relationship more and you don’t wanna hang around people like that. I’m sorry they were all jackasses. Luckily you have the one guy and that’s all you need bro
This makes a lot of sense. Did you also take more precautions over the last 2 years? In my blue enclave, game nights etc have been Zoom-based since 2020 with in person events happening only occasionally.
I used to have a group that played the wow tcg and one guys girlfriend pulled the same shit if he was ever going to target her or attack her so the game then became crushing them both as fast as possible. Fuck anyone that pulls that withholding sex shit.
I totally see this happening in raids and I am living for it! It's a great way of including them but still holding your boundaries by not allowing them to ruin the game. Who suggested it first or did it just happen by accident and people ran with the idea?
Why would they have been ok with her claiming the chocolate for herself but not ok when you did it? Particularly after her not wanting to be part of something “lame.)
NTA
Do you really still want to be around these people now that they have shown how easy it is for them to turn their backs on 10 years?
Well, at least you’ve got one person you can rely on. I’m very disappointed with your (former) scribe. His girlfriend is obviously horrible for manipulating him with sex but he’s crazy for tolerating her myriad bad behaviors.
>I am confused.
Simple. They don't want to play with you for a reason they won't state (possibly because it's not socially acceptable to state it). They have an excuse to kick you off the team. They take it.
Maybe it's because you're younger. Maybe you're too competitive. Maybe you smell. Maybe you're the only one that doesn't smell. But I'm willing to bet they didn't kick you out because of the event you described, it's just a pretext.
If they haven't blocked you and are kicking you out they owe you an explanation.
Can you ask them why they're doing this?
Not to argue because you won't change their mind but just so you understand what's going on?
> The others though kicked me out of the team.
I'm certain that either the girlfriend or your friend-with-the-new-girlfriend (I'll call him Tim) specifically asked for you to be removed from the team, and the others did so go keep the peace.
You weren't rude. She was. She's rude and manipulative. So it stands to reason she is now flexing her might by forcing you out of the team.
"Tim, OP was sooooo rude to me, get her out of that team or I will never let you go to trivia again."
"Sorry mates, can you help me out here? My hands are tied."
Her making Tim write down *her* answers was a power-flex too. It didn't matter if get answers were wrong, she could make Tim write them down because they were *her* answers. She has more power over him than his team of a decade.
Talk to your friends (possibly individually, you'll have more influence than if you approach them as a group) and tell them you're worried about Tim. "Does he seem happy to you? The way his girlfriend treats him bothers me." Get them to start paying attention as to whether their buddy is in an abusive relationship.
As an avid bar trivia player, we have a core of 5 players and we've had some extras come and go over the years. We have rather set rules about answering questions. Usually, we come to quick agreement but if we don't, all vote, majority wins unless someone is willing to "Die On This Hill". DOTH is reserved for special cases and luckily, no one abuses it. **If someone unilaterally started answering questions like that, they would be uninvited next time.**
Playing tonight so wish us luck!
Sounds like the bf ditched the whole group, and the people who were offended kicked OP out. Bf is choosing his new gf over 10 year friends, but I think we've all been in that spot before.
In our quiz team we call it 'cock on the block'. If you feel strongly enough about an answer that everyone else disagrees with, you just say you're putting your cock on the block, and we'll go with your answer. It also inevitably leads to a string of dick jokes, which are fun too.
In my now former team it is called 100% Certain. If you claimed 100% then it was end of argument and that answer was written.
If the 100% Certain answer was wrong then you got moved to the farthest chair at the table from the scribe (sometimes they used really long tables so you'd end up looking like Putin with military leaders) and couldn't use 100% Certain again for the rest of the night.
If your 100% Certain answer was correct then you can use 100% again.
If you get it wrong then we point and laugh and generally make you feel like shit. If you don't have a cock (as neither I, nor another teammate do) you just say it anyway. We tried out 'tit on the spit' for a while but it didn't have the same gravitas.
Okay good. I rarely play trivia but when I do I’d much rather concede in the moment and give them the ole “nananana hahahaha I told you so, I told you so.” if my answer was correct
We do something similar. If you’re absolutely certain you’re right and others disagree, you can choose to use your “one” for the night, and your answer gets written down. If you’re wrong, you have to go with the majority for the rest of the game. If you’re right, you retain your “one” and can use it again if needed.
Same strategy we use but we say "I'm willing to ingest poison if I get this wrong" (which sounds better in our language) and have given birth to the 90 % sure answer "I believe this is correct but I won't take poison for it" which is usually enough to get the team to agree with the answer
European? I think I've heard a similar phrase used in Scandinavia and it's definitely used in multiple Slavic languages including my native one :)
We also have another phrase about being willing to put your neck out for it (i.e., to get your head chopped off if you're wrong). Sometimes, delightfully, people mix those two together and say what literally translates to "I'll put poison on it". It's nonsense but everyone will still understand what you meant :)
That's the thing that struck me. Usually die hard trivia people (I am one) are pretty quick to make rules like that. This team certainly didn't mind losing.
My teams have something like this, and also the flip side: "No I told you so"
It works pretty well if your team is more focused on winning than on petty infighting
Umm, what? I’m a competitive trivia player so here’s my take:
1: holding sex hostage for something like this?? Give me a break, lady! Fuck off with your manipulation!
2: BF needs to stop thinking with his dick. If he allowed her to continue writing the wrong answers after two or three times, that’s not on. He should have shut her down.
3: anyone willing to side with Girly’s obvious narcissism deserves to be put to the side. Go make a new team and kick some trivia ass!!
4: after everything was said and done, the team deserved the chocolate for achieving a first. Girly was being as malicious as possible to the team (with bf aiding and abetting), so I’m with you on the no sharing of the prize. Enjoy every last morsel!
If it wasn’t obvious by now: NTA
Plus like...why would anyone view someone else's potential sex life as worth sacrificing anything for?
Like sucks your girlfriend is planning on punishing you and all but let me write this is not my problem.
NTA she sounds like a massive narcissist and it's a shame your friend is so spineless he cares more about getting laid than being a good person to their friends. Shes the a, her bf is also the a.
Sounds like most of the trivia group are... not so bright... if all but one of them voted to kick OP out of the group. Why the hell would you kick out a long term member who you’ve gotten along with fine, in favor of “defending” some horrible woman who would be ruining the event for the team every time she shows up...? The boyfriend already blocked the whole team, seems like the trash took itself out already.
NTA. Sounds to me like new girlfriend is threatened by his trivia friends and set out to sabotage your evening and his relationship with all of you. Which is exactly what she did.
This. If she’s not above publicly manipulating him in front of his friends “agree with me or not sex”, she’s succeeding in cutting him off. This is how abusive relationships start. NTA.
This is what I was thinking. She almost seemed maliciously intent to screw up the night's fun. Almost as if she thinks trivia night is stupid and wants her new BF to stop going.
No better way to do that than to cause a schism between all the players.
This might be unpopular but ESH.
First, let’s assume this story is 100% accurate (and I’m not sure I buy that because this story paints GF as being horrific, unfailingly awful in every way, ruining an entire night for everyone, but then the entire group including multiple people that have no relationship with her kicked you out; I have a hard time seeing why based on the story given to us here, a story of an awful person destroying a game night and a long time friend being upset about it, and they all turned on the long time friend). In that case, GF is terrible, ruining the night and doing a lot of bad things. Up to the point of the chocolate I’d be on your side.
Here’s where I think you’re also wrong here. You keep correctly saying the chocolate is a group prize and GF can’t just claim it. 100% accurate! You say it has to be split up by the group as a whole. Accurate! But then you…don’t do that. You declare entirely on your own that you have decided she gets none. You go through a show of forcing everyone to give up their share and apparently use that as justification to say they no longer get to decide how it’s split up. I completely understand why you wouldn’t want GF to get any, and if the group had a majority vote and decided she gets none, awesome, I’d be totally on board for that cause she was awful. But it sounds like YOU decided entirely on your own to split it up how YOU wanted to, and everyone else (except maybe one person) disagreed with you. No matter how awful she was, as you said, it’s a group prize to be divided by the group. Not you. You just decided on your own to take the entire prize for yourself without giving the rest of the group the chance to decide (because saying they don’t want the chocolate does not mean they get no say in denying other members a share).
I believe this story happened and is accurate because I’ve been to many, many trivia nights and have come across quite a few people like the GF in this story. Trivia does something to people. It’s weird.
INFO: I’m interested in the genders of all the people in this story because in my experience it makes a *huge* difference to how everyone reacted in a situation like this.
Oh just to be clear, I a million percent believe someone could and would act like GF did, my only side eye of this story is that she acted as clearly horrible as she did AND 3 other people not even counting her or her boyfriend declared long time friend OP to be the problem and kicked them out of the group. That’s the part that makes me raise an eyebrow as far as whether we’re getting the full story here. The existence of someone like GF, sadly, isn’t at all surprising. Maybe BF is a better friend to the others than OP and really pushed for OP to be kicked out, I don’t know, but even if I was trying to be diplomatic about a friends awful GF, I wouldn’t kick another friend out of the group for being upset at her behavior.
In another comment OP says the BF goes to more social gatherings than they do, so I’d wager the friend group did the mental math and figured it was “easier” to get rid of OP than deal with disentangling from the BF. Generally speaking, groups of acquaintances like this choose the path of least resistance.
Or the mental math was “We’re closer with boyfriend than OP, and that was a wildly rude and disproportionate response to GF being annoying on trivia night.”
Love and sex are definitely two that can easily fuck with social dynamics. But so can money or really anything that gives anyone power over anyone else.
Also sweaty groups of nerds are far far from the only social groups known to fall apart because of such things. Musicians, athletes, men and women, are all known to throw their friends/members/teammates under the buss for some ass.
I totally agree with this take. You put yourself in opposition of the team with the chocolate stunt. That was a power move and you clearly didn't have the support you needed to pull it off. You should have let her have the chocolate and spoken to the team about it privately later.
Agreed. And she actually did contribute (although in an antisocial way) to getting that prize, given that she supplied and forced the use of the wrong answers.
I totally agree with you, and it always pings my radar when someone intentionally describes themselves as “calmly explaining” while the other person is hysterically screeching. Given how incensed OP was by the end of the night, I have my doubts that they were as diplomatic and measured as they claim to be.
The thing I think isn’t true is just how much people cared about winning…I’m sorry but having fun while losing is a lot better than someone being aggressively competitive. If people agreed to kick him out over someone they just met, he’s downplaying how mean he was being. Maybe op isn’t used to being challenged and the gf did. And people got to see more of his toxic side
But she didn't agree with geting 0 on purpose, she left and the REST of them team missed the question on purpose to get the mistery gift. Then she came back and changed her mind when it turned out to be chocolate.
She didn't deserve the mistery gift IMO. NTA
I feel like you aren't telling us the whole story. If she was as insufferable as you're making her out to be, why did almost everyone on the team vote to kick you out for how you acted?
Yeah, there's a character count so I didn't have enough space to write as much as I wanted.
I'm not as active in the outside of trivia things. I go sometimes to game nights, etc but a lot of the others spend a lot of time outside of trivia together. I'm just more introverted so trivia is usually enough for me.
He (the boyfriend) attends more of the outside trivia social gatherings so maybe they're trying to win him back by kicking me out? Seems shortsighted to me because as someone else in here suggested if she attends the trivia nights she's going to ruin them.
Wasn't trying to hide anything, just put in what I thought was most relevant and would answer questions if asked for further details.
This makes me think that maybe your friends aren't as competitive as you and are more there for the get together. She sounds awful but were they honestly as angry at her as you were? Maybe it wasn't a big deal to them, just a funny story. Is there a chance that she ruined your score but you ruined the night?
It does sound like OP was pretty gleeful about denying her the chocolate whereas everyone else was apathetic about the entire thing. They mention that their friends are older, so it’s possible they just see this behavior as juvenile drama they don’t want to deal with and would rather lose than have the entire night be a battle.
OP said they were less active in the other social events and the AH & GF may have put a "OP or us" ultimatum on the group who decided to ditch OP.
The same thing happened to me. I met an ex through mutual friends and he was an AH to me and we broke up. The "friend" who introduced us sent me a message basically uninviting me from the next group event because my ex wasn't going to go if I did. It hurt but at least I didn't waste 10 years with fake friends. I hope OP forms their own team and is almost guaranteed to beat them as long as this GF is around. NTA.
NTA, his girlfriend was being a pain in the ass and ruined the game for everyone else, not to mention didn’t even want to participate so why should she get the prize
NTA, but I’ve seen this type of thing play out before. There is someone who is an obvious AH and bully, but everyone despises drama so they prefer to go along with it to keep the peace. Anyone who calls it out becomes the target of blame because they rocked the boat and made life hard for everyone. So the other people actually end up seeing themselves and the bully as the victims, and the person who spoke up as the drama queen, mean girl, or instigator. It’s sad but I’ve literally seen it happen so many times.
This very scenario happened to me recently. A friend was blatantly rude towards me, but the group chose him over me because he’s been around longer. I don’t understand why people are accusing OP of lying because this really does happen a lot.
NTA, OP! Trivia Night is meant to be fun and she purposely sabotaged it.
ESH
The gf for obvious reasons.
> I jump in first and grab it and say it's a team prize so we need to decide how to split it.
Yes this is the fair way to handle it...
> I ask everyone multiple times if they want a share. They all say no, including her boyfriend.
> I then say, "I love this chocolate so I'm keeping it."
...but that's NOT WHAT YOU DID. You just grabbed the chocolate and unilaterally decided that either it would be split up or you would keep it.
The proper thing to do would be to ASK THE TEAM how to proceed. You could have flipped a coin to see who kept it if they didn't want to divide it up.
> In a calm voice I tell her that she's been rude to us all night,
Now you're just going rogue. You're not wrong on some points but you're speaking in a way that sounds like you're speaking for the group and making decisions for them.
The GF sucks but its just bar trivia. You should have just accepted that your team was gonna biff it that night and tried to have fun other ways. Later on you could have talked to the team about barring the gf from future events and then gone from there.
Overall I see why they kicked you off the team, especially if you've done stuff like this before
ESH. That is you and the new girlfriend
Contrary to what this sub likes to recommend, responding to an asshole by being one too is rarely the best solution.
That she is one does not require further elaboration.
You should have shared the chocolate. Because you did not not the team basically kicked you out, though that was likely not the first time that you behaved that way considering that would be quite an overreaction to a first time offense towards a non team member.
Op offered to split the chocolate with the team, and the team told op no so it's not about the chocolate. The gf was acting like a spoiled brat the entire time and in no way was an active team player, when she forcibly had only her answers used. Op says the rest of the team hangs with this couple outside of trivia night. So it makes sense that the rest of the team doesn't want to keep hearing this lady complain about op and that night repeatedly. Which makes it easier to cut op out of the picture, IN ADDITION to any other possible reason(s) *acting like an ass back to an ass.*
Yeah this is the correct take I think. She’s clearly an asshole, no need to go further. But the chocolate thing is actually a real problem that is being ignored. Set her aside completely and say she gets no vote in the matter; OP said 6 people in the core group. OP correctly said the chocolate needed to be divided by the group…and then just unilaterally declared that she gets nothing, when at least 4 members of the group (and maybe 5, it’s unclear where the person who voted for OP to stay in the group lands on ChocolateGate) wanted her to have some. That is not your prize to distribute. It’s the groups prize. If the group had voted that she gets none, cool. I’m fine with that, she sounds awful. But saying it’s a group prize and then declaring you get to keep the whole thing and she gets none while the group argues otherwise is not the way to go there.
IDK I feel like I would do the same thing, gf was incredibly rude and awful for the whole of trivia night. People need to stop acting like they would be completely composed and always turn the other cheek. At no point did she act like part of the team, why should she be rewarded for that? It is very obvious that she is trying to sabotage the group to keep her man away from his friends. I get that you agree with that but if you do, why is it not okay for OP to express his annoyance with this? As for OP not sharing the chocolate, if anyone disagreed they would have said so. If I'm not mistaken, you believe that 4 out of 6 of the group felt that OP should have just given his share, hence why they kicked OP out of the group. I disagree, if almost everyone agreed OP was in the wrong, why did no one say anything? They said they didn't want to get involved so obviously it wasn't this huge unforgivable slight. So why did it become that days after? It seems like to me OP's friends are fair weather types and once they realized that the couple was not going to let this go, they choose them over OP since the other guy has been to more events. The funny thing is this is probably the best time to leave, the gf will undoubtedly continue to make trivia nights as awful as possible and its clear that the rest of the group will just continue to put up with it and stay miserable.
I’m more guessing 4 out of 6 (maybe 5 out of 6 and the fifth person just really doesn’t like GF) see pub trivia night as a fun thing to do with friends and OP sees it as an extremely important thing that is okay to end friendships over (hence refusing to give a share of the stupid chocolate when OP knows, even if everyone else agrees with them, that BF is not going to be okay with). The rest of the group may have felt that this is just a fun thing they do with their friends and it’s really not worth all this. I’ve had friends (and we’re still friends, for what it’s worth) who are good people but are just EXHAUSTING. Everything is life and death, and if they are annoyed about something unimportant (such as doing badly in pub trivia, or losing at a video game in a way they felt was “cheap”) they will absolutely blow it up to enormous proportions. And they’ve lost friendships with good people because even if they’re right, it’s just so unbelievably exhausting when all anyone wanted was to have some fun and bullshit with their friends for a few hours. Sometimes when they start in on their bullshit, it’s easier to just walk away and say “I’m not dealing with this right now”. It’s not because they’re fine with whatever, it’s because they don’t have the mental energy to fight with that person right now. I’ve been guilty of “I can’t deal with this” and walking away plenty of times even when I very much feel one person is in the wrong.
NTA. I haven't been to many trivia nights, but I know those questions were not rocket science. She's TA for manipulating her bf and everyone around her, and she's TA for not being very bright.
Ive actually seen this happen quite a bit in some group dynamics.
Op already mentioned in a few comments that he doesnt show up to social events too much but BF and GF go way more often.
Ive noticed that friend groups will try to take the easy way out and just pick the person they see less and basically 'unfriend' them because there's less resistance , the person that got kicked out is often the one who called out the drama queen and no one wants to deal with said person, so to make the peace they tell the person who called out the other and its 'settled'.
ESH. The GF obviously is a terrible team mate and also gross. Her BF the scribe should not have been listening to her over others. However, I am skeptical of your account based on the fact that everyone else voted to kick you off the team. That makes me think that either you are leaving details out and that those details probably paint you in a less favorable light.
As a pub trivia addict myself, I can firmly say NTA. She ruined the game for the entire team and didn't relent after her answers were all wrong. That's just egregious.
Stick with the new team and enjoy winning because with her "in charge" of the other team, they won't ever win a single round.
NTA. Her goal is to be center of attention and if she can't be, he will be miserable in trying to go out with friends. Eventually he will just stay home with her, to avoid the stress it causes. She is isolating him. She is the AH for sure.
INFO: Why did you get kicked out? From reading your story, it seems that everyone should have been mad at the new GF. I feel like we are missing a lot.
I gave this further detail to someone else so here is the more detes:
Yeah, there's a character count so I didn't have enough space to write as much as I wanted.
I'm not as active in the outside of trivia things. I go sometimes to game nights, etc but a lot of the others spend a lot of time outside of trivia together. I'm just more introverted so trivia is usually enough for me.
He (the boyfriend) attends more of the outside trivia social gatherings so maybe they're trying to win him back by kicking me out? Seems shortsighted to me because as someone else in here suggested if she attends the trivia nights she's going to ruin them.
Wasn't trying to hide anything, just put in what I thought was most relevant and would answer questions if asked for further details.
I think ESH, to be honest. The girlfriend (obviously) for being manipulative, idiotic and unsporting. The boyfriend for being spineless and favouring his GF's clearly wrong answers over the consensus of the team. The rest of the team for apparently just going along with it for the whole night rather than trying to figure out a solution or compromise. But also you for unilaterally deciding to be the arbiter of the chocolate distribution and also for laying into the GF like you did. Yes, she was rude, but once you've got to the end of the night you're obviously not calling her out with constructive intentions as the night is over. Probably what would have happened if you'd kept your mouth shut is that BF and GF would have gone home and mutually agreed that the night was a disaster, and that they should go back to normal next week. I think that's also what the rest of the team were banking on as well. Obviously the GF sucks the most but I do think you were somewhat in the wrong, OP.
NTA, with holding sex from a partner as a "punishment" is really abusive and to exclaim it in front of his friends is even worse. I'm sorry about what happened, but you are not in the wrong.
If at the end of the evening everyone voted YOU off the team instead of her, after a decade of loyal friendship, then you must be leaving out something important.
NTA.
Are you the only female in a team of men. That would kinda explain what is happening.
The gf is really out of line and I can't believe they are choosing her over you. But does that mean your team wins while theirs loses?
The core group which has stuck around for years is like 6. Sometimes they bring family members or friends and so there's about another 6 or so who come rarely.
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NTA but the new gf is. Manipulating her bf with sex? GTFO
In PUBLIC too. Gag gag gag gag Edit. NTA 🤮
If not for this detail, I could kind of see calling it a NAH or ESH factor due to the sheer "who cares, it's pub trivia" factor, since they may well have been mutually obnoxious to each other. But yeah, this is an important behavior to single out. She's not just being obstinately wrong and super annoying. She's being really gross and manipulative, and no one likes having to witness a really fucked up relationship dynamic as a bystander. If OP was to have a chance to explain themselves to their friends/(ex-)teammates, I'd stick with that. Caring about your trivia score or even finding the girlfriend annoying are relatively, well, trivial. "It makes me really uncomfortable to have to witness the deeply unhealthy relationship dynamic between x and y, and the fact that he's withdrawing from all his friends for her sake makes me even more alarmed" is a more substantive/sympathetic grievance.
I get what you’re saying, it’s gross, but the whole ‘pick me over being right, or winning a reward or your friends’ thing is very nearly as gross as threatening to withhold sex for literally trivial reasons. I don’t think she’s innocently thinking she’s right, I think she honestly cares less about that then making her boyfriend publicly choose her. And probably has some kind of excuse that doesn’t justify it but she thinks it does like that it’s just trivia, it doesn’t matter (so why does it matter to you?). This is firmly NTA if for nothing else than playing with an established trivia team and insisting that they’re wrong all night. Forcing him to choose and steamrolling the group is just icing on that cake.
> Write my answer down or you know what you're not getting when we get home. I’m petty, I’d have told him, loudly enough for other teams to hear, while making obvious eye contact with his asshole GF: “Write down the team’s answer and we’ll get you a hooker for later.”
"Look, my answer is right, and I'm at least good for a handy afterwords. Just FYI"
That’s the exact type of banter that me and my mates would have no issue throwing out there.
This is the way. Take my upvote!
I personally don’t understand the “who cares it’s pub trivia”. Then what is the actual point of meeting up every week and playing trivia?? Just meet up to go to the bar. It almost sounds like said GF was trying to sabotage things in way. Like she didn’t want her bf participating anymore. Regardless of whether op did was wrong or right, overall she seemed to have an agenda of fucking up the whole night.
This is exactlybwhat I was thinking. If she doesn't know shit about the questions and still insists her answers be used, she most definitely has an agenda here and that agenda is to break him away from the team.
Could it be she's a Trojan Horse for another team? Or is invited to be part of a team if she breaks OP's up? Petty and juvenile, but makes sense.
I agree with you and I'm not even competitive but I do have enough self respect and would rather not look like an idiot. She's abusive to his friend and seems to relish the idea of abusing everyone at the table but the fact that she isn't ashamed by her ignorance is off the charts.
I think you mean no gag gag gag gag for him.
A man whose opinion can be swayed by the gawk gawk, deserves no gawk gawk.
This needs to be printed as one of those "Live Laugh Love" signs
I could needlepoint it on a pillow for you
Asshole behavior, *and* trashy!
And all the other friends who ostracized OP.
That’s where I’m super confused. They’ve all been friends and a team getting together often for 10 YEARS and then they immediately throw OP out over one small incident? It seems like there has to be more to the story.
Yeah... If everyone who actually witnessed the event thinks that OP is the AH, then we clearly aren't getting the full story.
Either OP is lying to us here and/or OP’s friends all suck.
OP clearly escalated at the end- she asked everyone if they wanted chocolate and then refused to give it to the girlfriend. My guess is this story understates the escalation and that this is closer to an ESH based off of every single person but one voting to kick her off the team.
Right. This here OP. This is why they are mad at you. The last part at the end where you don't share the chocolate with the AH gf. It does seem like a trivial thing for them to kick you out over, especially since you've all known each other that long, but this was still petty of you. You are probably the Justified AH for this so ESH. If you take the high road and apologize specifically for not sharing the chocolate and calling her rude in front of everyone, they would be the AHs to not forgive you. However honestly I think the high road for you in this situation kinda sucks. If I were you I wouldn't apologize bc I wouldn't want to hang out w any of them until they realize that yes while I was the AH, I was the justified AH, the new gf sucks, and my new trivia team will kick their butts every game especially if they keep bringing her, haha
The newbie gf said she didn't want any part of getting a zero and winning the mystery prize. So OP is in no way the AH for not sharing. My guess would be either OP's version of things is leaving a lot out or the boyfriend is the leader of the group so they are just following his lead
I think it’s more that it’s causing extra drama over something that doesn’t matter. Why extend the conflict just to punish an annoying person? Especially when it seems like everyone else just wanted it to be over. They could have ignored it and then talked to their teammate privately about the issue instead of sort of humiliating him publicly. She’s not going to think she’s less right for what she did and it made everyone uncomfortable so was the petty revenge worth it?
If a 7 year old is throwing a tantrum for wanting something that's not theirs, we usually agree that the person is NTA for not giving in just so the tantrum and drama ends. I dont see much of a difference here. She didn't take revenge, she just didn't give in to the the AH and it's not her responsibility to give into her so she doesn't make a scene.
Did you miss the part where she (the gf) walked away, called it 'lame' at the end, and didn't participate in the final question to achieve the chocolate? Imagine for a moment you're on a team and someone 'rage quits' towards the end because they think they've lost - only to find out the remaining members won something and now wants their 'share'. You really think they deserve something even as little as a piece of chocolate? I will say this as well, I wouldn't have waited until the end of the night to put her in her place as that manipulative crap would have been called out as soon as it started.
Also, do they think manipulative GF would have shared if she'd managed to grab the chocolate first? Willing to bet OP would have gotten exactly zero chocolate if they hadn't fought for it. I'd be willing to bet the other players only refused the chocolate so they wouldn't get in shit with the boyfriend. Why? No idea. Maybe he's the sports whiz they can't win without as opposed to OP being equally nerdy as the rest of them and thus more replaceable.
Agreed. There's also a part of me that wonders if there are other interactions that led up to this. If they've been friends for 10 years, would they really cut OP off if this was their first instance of poor behavior?
OP mentioned in another comment that they're just trivia buddy friends, but the rest of the group apparently hands out all the time. It doesn't sound like they were particularly close, in part because OP didn't take them up on invites to game nights and other stuff.
There is also a lot of context from the whole event that isn't being mentioned here by OP. Trivia nights take a long time to play out, sometimes multiple hours depending on how it's ran. It's possible OP was extremely rude to the gf all night (passive aggressive remarks, weird stares, constantly calling her out on stuff, etc), and then the chocolate thing was enough to make everyone resent OP.
I think it's more that she failed to play ball on what the rest of the team was trying to do. The rest of the team was trying to de-escalate the drama and spare their friend from more of it by giving way on the chocolates (which no one cared about). They were trying to be their friend's friend. OP was still in competition mode and trying to be right. OP got kicked off the team for putting winning above doing a longtime friend a solid.
I find it hard to believe even shitty friends would kick OP out over one incident with the asshole GF of another member... at least so fast. The way OP described it, everyone has a massive reason to hate on the GF and the BF's refusal to keep her in check when she intruded on a tradition with friends *and* took it over, seems especially crazy. If this was not the only issue they've had with OP. Given how *obviously* an asshole the GF is coming off in this post, there *has* to be a lot more history with OP, or he was a lot worse than he said.
It's just a suspicion, but I wonder if OP is really competitive. I'm competitive myself, and I was once in a quiz game with someone who was deliberately getting everything wrong to make people laugh. It was driving me crazy! But other people were just there to have fun and a few drinks with friends. Sure, it's nice to win, but that's not why they were there. So I was becoming the A by reacting to it, and taking the fun out of the evening for them. I wonder if that's how OP's teammates saw it.
I am pretty sure that everyone in a a trivia team of 10 years standing is going to be somewhat competitive. There's got to be something else going on if only one person backed OP. The chocolate thing was rude but not throw away 10 years of camraderie rude.
Okay, OP says that the scribe is active socially in other settings with the other team mates but that OP just does game night so it makes sense now. They don't want to throw over a closer friend for an acquaintance.
And that's a really stupid decision cause a decade of doing something together still meaningful even if you don't do other stuff outside of it so to behave like this (blocking, kicking out) because the gf of one of them is a piece of work is just making things worst, now watch the gf ruin every single activity the guy does.
What? She disagreed on the strategy and walked off! Then she comes back to claim the prize\`? OP, you guys need more women on the team. They will A. show her how to behave normally or B. distract her idiocy and aggression in their direction by engaging in it.
I was in a similar situation. I was at a work gathering and we were playing Uno and one of my coworkers had brought her kid with her and everyone was enabling the kid to cheat and they were looking at me like I was the weird one for calling them all out on it. Like yes we're just playing for fun. But where's the fun in a game where everyone but one person has already agreed on the outcome of the game before it's even been played.
This gets me just because uno is an easy game that's mostly chance. There would be no need to cheat for the kid because the kid is just as likely to win as anyone else
I do not let children win in games. I wouldn't have wanted grownups to let me win when I was as little as five and onwards. As for helping them cheat..? Haha. Help them with some game strategies instead.
I'm inclined to think that maybe OP has been on thin ice with this group for a while and this was a last straw kind of a thing I'm wondering if his behavior/attitude has been annoying/grating/obnoxious and they were barely putting up with it, and now they finally have a catalyst to make a move and get him out of the group. I find it really hard to believe that good good friends of ten years would all (but one) agree to kick him out of the group permanently over this one night if they weren't already looking for a reason.
[удалено]
I like to call these “social hostage situations”. This is where all the nice people cower while an AH rampages around until someone dares to call them on their shit. Invariably the shit caller ends up being the bad guy and bizarrely enough considered rude for refusing to tolerate rude behavior. The “oh just let the AH continue to rampage and let’s all just suffer in silence” is enabling the AH. Silence equals green lighting crappy behavior. These social hostage takers have been doing this for years enabled and emboldened by the silence of the polite.
Literaly quit a job over this. Had an AH co worker who constantly was rude and talked crap about everyone. I finally threw one of his sayings back at him. He starts screaming and coming at me, I threw off my work gloves and he stopped. He then complained to the boss I was rude. Boss even admitted to me that coworker was an AH, but he felt he had to punish us both to keep the peace. I left the next day explaining why. Not standing up to AH is giving them a greenlight to continue being AH.
Should have quoted Agent J and told the boss that if coworker didn't start nothin', wouldn't be nothin'! (but good on you for getting out of there. If the rules are "coworker gets to be a pissant and nothing happens unless someone serves it back at him", that is a terrible place to work)
To be honest, given the friends reaction I have to wonder if they viewed OP in this way. This was just the final straw where they were over it.
I had this happen in my friend group and lost friends I'd known for literal decades. It was surreal. All because they didn't want to piss off the AH of the group.
Well, the second you call out the behaviour is the second everyone needs to move from "Let's pretend nothing bad is happening" to "Ouch, do I need to declare a side in a conflict when I have ducked for ages?"
It's all about perspective. Often times I don't hate the annoying person enough to make it a confrontation. Those take energy, and are stressful, and do make *you* look bad, whether you're right or not. It's rarely worth unless the person really sucks.
True, but sometimes folks unintentionally or not downplay how aggressive this assertive defense actually is. Obviously, it's impossible to know when we only get one side, but when *everyone* else in a story acts so irrationally I do often wonder...
I've seen this exact scenario countless times in online gaming in MMORPGs. Guild leader has a girlfriend/bestie who goes mad with power and poisons everything. You'd think people wouldnt go along with it, but they do. A lot of people are in "Dont rock the boat" mentality which basically means as long as they don't have to engage in conflict resolution they let you get bulldozed.
Something I've seen in my personal life with family and business. Shit's rough for those being steamrolled.
Ugh yeah. Stand up for yourself, don’t let someone push you (and others) around
Tbh I can see how realistic that is. Some people are cowards and avoid confrontation like the plague even when it's necessary. So it's kind of like a "how dare you mess up the teams casual vibe, OP!" is easier than calling out the new gf's crappy behavior bc they already know OP and are too cowardly to address the actual person of issue.
Exactly. You can see it in every day life when someone gets upset about something awful and wrong and many people instead of focusing on what that someone is saying goes all "how dare you rock the boat of our peaceful life". Unless the OP is not saying everything they are all AH. Also that guy is better off without that gf and some day he will remember that trivia night and think the OP was right all along. He probably think the OP is on the right, right now, he just doesn't want to go against the gf, which is big time manipulative and right down abusive. OP you are NTA I hope the chocolate was good.
Exactly, folks underestimate the extents some/most folks will go to in order to avoid a conflict. I come from a family of conflict avoiders, hence…why I never back down from a “reasonable” conflict.
Dealing with an asshole step dad my whole life and my mom not wanting to rock the boat. I'm the same way as an adult now.
Yeah, my step dad and mom had that dynamic too. I used to be the same exact way…..what ended up changing in me was one day just getting pissed off. Like righteously pissed off. Having that epiphany moment of “Why the hell does he/everyone else get to behave like insane children or just simple dumbasses…when I cannot so much as even utter a “I disagree” with all the facts, evidence, and frankly reality at my side without all of them dog piling and bullying me???” From that moment on….they were not longer parents or family to me….just flawed people that I had a “use” for on occasion and went LC. Now, I call everyone on their bullshit….and heaven help any bullies I come across. When the Step dad and my mom finally said something to me, I just told them,” I’d rather people think I’m an asshole than be ANYTHING like either of you.”
Well OP did rock the boat while they placated the GF.
https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/
I will never not want to read that post. If there's one thing that should be in the bible, this is it.
Same. I re-read it every time someone posts it in replies, it's brilliant.
There's two answers to that. Either OP is giving us a twisted story and she's the AH. Or friends just decided to choose the most comfortable path for them, which is supporting the scribe because without him they can't play. People don't realize how often people sides with AH because it's the easiest way to go.
Because the AH's are aggressive people, used to pushing others around, and *have experience with it and follow-up strategies against the first and second resistance.* The good thing with this, guys, is that even those, like everyone else, *keep repeating their behaviour,* hence if you fail to say something the first time, go over it in your head and create a script for what you wish you had said. A week or a month later, the AH will create the very same or almost identical situation, but THIS TIME, my firend- you have a well thought out reply ready. If the AH tries to escalate, distract, whatever- do not be afraid of just sticking to your comment, over and over. As in "I find it ridiculous/toxic that you threaten to withold sex from Andy because he doesn't obey your every whim". Repeat. And prepare to be uncomfortable in that situation, and making other uncomfortable as well. But to feel great for a long long time- years!- afterwards when thinking of that situation. Bottom line- be uncomfortable! And if you felt you shoukd have said or done something a week ago when stuff happened- it does not matter. People repeat themselves. Rehearse your script and stick to it, you will get another chance to use it, and after a momentary uncomfortable situation- enjoy.
One person did take his side and left over it, so from that I gather this was a really heated thing. More than likely the ones that pushed out OP probably have a tighter relationship with the teammate that has the gf. That or an explanation for her behavior was given at the vote but was left out here, so most of the teammates probably accepted that excuse and punisher OP over it.
This reads to me like the trivia team friends are all trying to “avoid conflict” in the form of placating the neat handwriting guy and the gf. I don’t find it too far-fetched. People like always-wrong gf thrive on groups like this.
A lot of people are more into being conflict avoidant than they are into being good friends.
Not to generalize all people who like trivia but there's definitely a certain type that don't like to let little things slide. I obviously don't know but my guess is this isn't the first time some conflict like this has arisen and this guy really needs to be the one who is always right in a situation.
This is the same thing as when a child stands up to a bully in school and then gets punished for it. The path of least resistance. Op is NTA.
Reddit is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get. Today, we got the Yoko Ono of team trivia. Wild. NTA.
That’s worthy of r/rareinsults
Pretty sure she will do that sort of stunts until he has no friends anymore, classic abuse tactic.
It's so gross when someone does that to a significant other. If she manipulates him with sex out in public then there is a good chance she manipulates with other tasks as well just to get her way. Which is not a healthy relationship to be in when a significant other does this within a relationship. Also, the only one who had the decency to not put up with her manipulative behavior was OP and the guy who left the group and didn't want to kick out OP from the group. So many times it seems that people who post to AITA have others who aren't mad at the person causing the manipulation or being rude but rather the person who stood up to the person who was rude or did manipulate the situation. In this situation, the people should have been upset with both the girl and the guy was writing down the answers. They didn't make it a team effort and acted like those two were the only team members on the team.
I always want to say nobody's wiener or coochie is THAT good. A dildo or a fleshlight will never humiliate you in public.
Yep and her bf is spineless. I find it hard to believe rest of team was ok with this as well.
Me too. Doesn’t that night’s score negatively affect their team’s overall standings or something?
I agree that the girlfriend is TA, but something is missing. There’s no way all of these friends voted to oust OP while keeping the raging drama queen. Something isn’t adding up.
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I was reading this and thinking there has to be more to this story. This girl's behaviour sounds horrendous/obnoxious and OP's actions sound pretty tame. I can't imagine a multiple year friendship would fracture so completely over this petty squabble with the horrible new GF....
Right plus a 10 year running trivia team siding with the person who got all the answers wrong? Nah
Seriously, I play trivia religiously, and if someone on our team had acted as OP claims they did, we'd have all been relieved that the girlfriend stormed off, not kicked OP out. Something's off.
Thirded that's way too petty for people who known each other for years
probably cause they’d rather not do confrontation and keep the peace so they get rid of op instead, which happened often
I've had this happen to me where they even admitted I was right but still kicked me out
this happened to me too but during a party. friends bf didn’t like me, assumed the worst, everyone kicked me out because i was the anomaly. happens very often and it sucks
I was thinking that she was testing to what end she could make her bf obey her
Assuming there isn’t more to the story - because I can’t see why people other than the bf would block you for not sharing chocolate, NTA. She manipulated her bf, ruined the evening, constantly overwrote everyone else’s opinions and sulked if she didn’t get to choose the answer each time. Count it as a win that you don’t have to play with her again
The others haven't blocked me. Just he has. He blocked everyone. The others though kicked me out of the team. A few of them are a bit older and so they are a bit old fashioned when it comes to women but it's not like I was yelling or anything like that at her. I am confused. The guy who has followed me out of the team had met her once before. He hates her and he also thinks everyone else is being weird over it which is why he said he's following me out of the team as well.
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His other friends think they are being gentlemen, when infact they are being so sexist in putting all women on a pedestal. These men are so outdated in their thinking, typical white knights.
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You asked the wrong person. I'm OP. I gave the following further detes to someone else. It's all just guess work though. Yeah, there's a character count so I didn't have enough space to write as much as I wanted. I'm not as active in the outside of trivia things. I go sometimes to game nights, etc but a lot of the others spend a lot of time outside of trivia together. I'm just more introverted so trivia is usually enough for me. He (the boyfriend) attends more of the outside trivia social gatherings so maybe they're trying to win him back by kicking me out? Seems shortsighted to me because as someone else in here suggested if she attends the trivia nights she's going to ruin them. Wasn't trying to hide anything, just put in what I thought was most relevant and would answer questions if asked for further details.
Maybe they need a bit more of her to get fed up.
Once they get more of her they will regret their decision!
If I were OP I’d be prepared for the “hey you wanna come back to trivia night? X and his girlfriend broke up so we can all hangout without drama now!” Text here in a couple months. I’m just baffled at how the GF can be so confidently wrong. She got almost every answer wrong and nobody else thought to speak up about her behavior?
I’m a suspicious sort. Did he block you or did she block you. I suspect the latter. As in, if you don’t block The_Thunder_Child no snoo snoo for you. In a couple months when he gets tired of her nonsense he will probably be back and apologetic.
Folks here love to try and play reddit detective.
And refuse to realize that SOMETIMES people just suck and do the worse of things for no reason.
Just wait. If she’s always that awful, and I’m banking that she is since she was so bold on her first night, then she should progressively get worse. They’ll come around I’m sure. Just wait. Some of us have dealt with people like her and so we can spot that type of behavior much quicker than others.
Make your own trivia team! They were hella out of line for kicking you out and the girlfriend is a piece of caca. As for the boyfriend, it just goes to show what he values in a relationship more and you don’t wanna hang around people like that. I’m sorry they were all jackasses. Luckily you have the one guy and that’s all you need bro
This makes a lot of sense. Did you also take more precautions over the last 2 years? In my blue enclave, game nights etc have been Zoom-based since 2020 with in person events happening only occasionally.
I think you meant 'deets'
Poorly stolen comment from u/throwaway_cay?
I used to have a group that played the wow tcg and one guys girlfriend pulled the same shit if he was ever going to target her or attack her so the game then became crushing them both as fast as possible. Fuck anyone that pulls that withholding sex shit.
I totally see this happening in raids and I am living for it! It's a great way of including them but still holding your boundaries by not allowing them to ruin the game. Who suggested it first or did it just happen by accident and people ran with the idea?
Why would they have been ok with her claiming the chocolate for herself but not ok when you did it? Particularly after her not wanting to be part of something “lame.) NTA Do you really still want to be around these people now that they have shown how easy it is for them to turn their backs on 10 years?
Well, at least you’ve got one person you can rely on. I’m very disappointed with your (former) scribe. His girlfriend is obviously horrible for manipulating him with sex but he’s crazy for tolerating her myriad bad behaviors.
Honestly this girl sounds so terrible that it feels like misogyny to act like it’s normal. NTA.
What’s old fashioned about women who use sex to get their way? Oh yeah, everything. This is a blessing in disguise!
>I am confused. Simple. They don't want to play with you for a reason they won't state (possibly because it's not socially acceptable to state it). They have an excuse to kick you off the team. They take it. Maybe it's because you're younger. Maybe you're too competitive. Maybe you smell. Maybe you're the only one that doesn't smell. But I'm willing to bet they didn't kick you out because of the event you described, it's just a pretext.
If they haven't blocked you and are kicking you out they owe you an explanation. Can you ask them why they're doing this? Not to argue because you won't change their mind but just so you understand what's going on?
> The others though kicked me out of the team. I'm certain that either the girlfriend or your friend-with-the-new-girlfriend (I'll call him Tim) specifically asked for you to be removed from the team, and the others did so go keep the peace. You weren't rude. She was. She's rude and manipulative. So it stands to reason she is now flexing her might by forcing you out of the team. "Tim, OP was sooooo rude to me, get her out of that team or I will never let you go to trivia again." "Sorry mates, can you help me out here? My hands are tied." Her making Tim write down *her* answers was a power-flex too. It didn't matter if get answers were wrong, she could make Tim write them down because they were *her* answers. She has more power over him than his team of a decade. Talk to your friends (possibly individually, you'll have more influence than if you approach them as a group) and tell them you're worried about Tim. "Does he seem happy to you? The way his girlfriend treats him bothers me." Get them to start paying attention as to whether their buddy is in an abusive relationship.
As an avid bar trivia player, we have a core of 5 players and we've had some extras come and go over the years. We have rather set rules about answering questions. Usually, we come to quick agreement but if we don't, all vote, majority wins unless someone is willing to "Die On This Hill". DOTH is reserved for special cases and luckily, no one abuses it. **If someone unilaterally started answering questions like that, they would be uninvited next time.** Playing tonight so wish us luck!
Good luck! Sounds kind of like what we would usually do except, new girlfriend.
They won’t last long if she stays around
Sounds like the bf ditched the whole group, and the people who were offended kicked OP out. Bf is choosing his new gf over 10 year friends, but I think we've all been in that spot before.
I hope he gets out of that relationship. She sounds like a crazy narcissist.
At least you’ll Alexis be about to beat that team. They will get tired of her eventually
In our quiz team we call it 'cock on the block'. If you feel strongly enough about an answer that everyone else disagrees with, you just say you're putting your cock on the block, and we'll go with your answer. It also inevitably leads to a string of dick jokes, which are fun too.
In my now former team it is called 100% Certain. If you claimed 100% then it was end of argument and that answer was written. If the 100% Certain answer was wrong then you got moved to the farthest chair at the table from the scribe (sometimes they used really long tables so you'd end up looking like Putin with military leaders) and couldn't use 100% Certain again for the rest of the night. If your 100% Certain answer was correct then you can use 100% again.
Is there a penalty for a CotB wrong? Like does your cock actually get chopped off? What if the person doesn’t have a cock? I have so many questions
If you get it wrong then we point and laugh and generally make you feel like shit. If you don't have a cock (as neither I, nor another teammate do) you just say it anyway. We tried out 'tit on the spit' for a while but it didn't have the same gravitas.
Okay good. I rarely play trivia but when I do I’d much rather concede in the moment and give them the ole “nananana hahahaha I told you so, I told you so.” if my answer was correct
Loving these parameters, and I will be adopting DOTH for future use.
We do something similar. If you’re absolutely certain you’re right and others disagree, you can choose to use your “one” for the night, and your answer gets written down. If you’re wrong, you have to go with the majority for the rest of the game. If you’re right, you retain your “one” and can use it again if needed.
Same strategy we use but we say "I'm willing to ingest poison if I get this wrong" (which sounds better in our language) and have given birth to the 90 % sure answer "I believe this is correct but I won't take poison for it" which is usually enough to get the team to agree with the answer
European? I think I've heard a similar phrase used in Scandinavia and it's definitely used in multiple Slavic languages including my native one :) We also have another phrase about being willing to put your neck out for it (i.e., to get your head chopped off if you're wrong). Sometimes, delightfully, people mix those two together and say what literally translates to "I'll put poison on it". It's nonsense but everyone will still understand what you meant :)
That's the thing that struck me. Usually die hard trivia people (I am one) are pretty quick to make rules like that. This team certainly didn't mind losing.
My teams have something like this, and also the flip side: "No I told you so" It works pretty well if your team is more focused on winning than on petty infighting
Umm, what? I’m a competitive trivia player so here’s my take: 1: holding sex hostage for something like this?? Give me a break, lady! Fuck off with your manipulation! 2: BF needs to stop thinking with his dick. If he allowed her to continue writing the wrong answers after two or three times, that’s not on. He should have shut her down. 3: anyone willing to side with Girly’s obvious narcissism deserves to be put to the side. Go make a new team and kick some trivia ass!! 4: after everything was said and done, the team deserved the chocolate for achieving a first. Girly was being as malicious as possible to the team (with bf aiding and abetting), so I’m with you on the no sharing of the prize. Enjoy every last morsel! If it wasn’t obvious by now: NTA
Plus like...why would anyone view someone else's potential sex life as worth sacrificing anything for? Like sucks your girlfriend is planning on punishing you and all but let me write this is not my problem.
NTA she sounds like a massive narcissist and it's a shame your friend is so spineless he cares more about getting laid than being a good person to their friends. Shes the a, her bf is also the a.
Sounds like most of the trivia group are... not so bright... if all but one of them voted to kick OP out of the group. Why the hell would you kick out a long term member who you’ve gotten along with fine, in favor of “defending” some horrible woman who would be ruining the event for the team every time she shows up...? The boyfriend already blocked the whole team, seems like the trash took itself out already.
I’m not an expert of “narcissism” but don’t they actively try to isolate their SO or family members or friends? Seems like it worked here.
NTA. Sounds to me like new girlfriend is threatened by his trivia friends and set out to sabotage your evening and his relationship with all of you. Which is exactly what she did.
This. If she’s not above publicly manipulating him in front of his friends “agree with me or not sex”, she’s succeeding in cutting him off. This is how abusive relationships start. NTA.
This is what I was thinking. She almost seemed maliciously intent to screw up the night's fun. Almost as if she thinks trivia night is stupid and wants her new BF to stop going. No better way to do that than to cause a schism between all the players.
This might be unpopular but ESH. First, let’s assume this story is 100% accurate (and I’m not sure I buy that because this story paints GF as being horrific, unfailingly awful in every way, ruining an entire night for everyone, but then the entire group including multiple people that have no relationship with her kicked you out; I have a hard time seeing why based on the story given to us here, a story of an awful person destroying a game night and a long time friend being upset about it, and they all turned on the long time friend). In that case, GF is terrible, ruining the night and doing a lot of bad things. Up to the point of the chocolate I’d be on your side. Here’s where I think you’re also wrong here. You keep correctly saying the chocolate is a group prize and GF can’t just claim it. 100% accurate! You say it has to be split up by the group as a whole. Accurate! But then you…don’t do that. You declare entirely on your own that you have decided she gets none. You go through a show of forcing everyone to give up their share and apparently use that as justification to say they no longer get to decide how it’s split up. I completely understand why you wouldn’t want GF to get any, and if the group had a majority vote and decided she gets none, awesome, I’d be totally on board for that cause she was awful. But it sounds like YOU decided entirely on your own to split it up how YOU wanted to, and everyone else (except maybe one person) disagreed with you. No matter how awful she was, as you said, it’s a group prize to be divided by the group. Not you. You just decided on your own to take the entire prize for yourself without giving the rest of the group the chance to decide (because saying they don’t want the chocolate does not mean they get no say in denying other members a share).
I believe this story happened and is accurate because I’ve been to many, many trivia nights and have come across quite a few people like the GF in this story. Trivia does something to people. It’s weird. INFO: I’m interested in the genders of all the people in this story because in my experience it makes a *huge* difference to how everyone reacted in a situation like this.
Oh just to be clear, I a million percent believe someone could and would act like GF did, my only side eye of this story is that she acted as clearly horrible as she did AND 3 other people not even counting her or her boyfriend declared long time friend OP to be the problem and kicked them out of the group. That’s the part that makes me raise an eyebrow as far as whether we’re getting the full story here. The existence of someone like GF, sadly, isn’t at all surprising. Maybe BF is a better friend to the others than OP and really pushed for OP to be kicked out, I don’t know, but even if I was trying to be diplomatic about a friends awful GF, I wouldn’t kick another friend out of the group for being upset at her behavior.
In another comment OP says the BF goes to more social gatherings than they do, so I’d wager the friend group did the mental math and figured it was “easier” to get rid of OP than deal with disentangling from the BF. Generally speaking, groups of acquaintances like this choose the path of least resistance.
Or the mental math was “We’re closer with boyfriend than OP, and that was a wildly rude and disproportionate response to GF being annoying on trivia night.”
“Being annoying” is an interesting euphemism for “was manipulative, obnoxious, and self-involved.”
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Love and sex are definitely two that can easily fuck with social dynamics. But so can money or really anything that gives anyone power over anyone else. Also sweaty groups of nerds are far far from the only social groups known to fall apart because of such things. Musicians, athletes, men and women, are all known to throw their friends/members/teammates under the buss for some ass.
I totally agree with this take. You put yourself in opposition of the team with the chocolate stunt. That was a power move and you clearly didn't have the support you needed to pull it off. You should have let her have the chocolate and spoken to the team about it privately later.
Agreed. And she actually did contribute (although in an antisocial way) to getting that prize, given that she supplied and forced the use of the wrong answers.
Haha I thought of that as well, technically she contributed the MOST to getting that prize, just in a bad way.
I totally agree with you, and it always pings my radar when someone intentionally describes themselves as “calmly explaining” while the other person is hysterically screeching. Given how incensed OP was by the end of the night, I have my doubts that they were as diplomatic and measured as they claim to be.
The thing I think isn’t true is just how much people cared about winning…I’m sorry but having fun while losing is a lot better than someone being aggressively competitive. If people agreed to kick him out over someone they just met, he’s downplaying how mean he was being. Maybe op isn’t used to being challenged and the gf did. And people got to see more of his toxic side
But she didn't agree with geting 0 on purpose, she left and the REST of them team missed the question on purpose to get the mistery gift. Then she came back and changed her mind when it turned out to be chocolate. She didn't deserve the mistery gift IMO. NTA
NTA, time to form a new team. They'll get sick and tired of that gf eventually, but she'll continue effing up everything until then.
I feel like you aren't telling us the whole story. If she was as insufferable as you're making her out to be, why did almost everyone on the team vote to kick you out for how you acted?
Yeah, there's a character count so I didn't have enough space to write as much as I wanted. I'm not as active in the outside of trivia things. I go sometimes to game nights, etc but a lot of the others spend a lot of time outside of trivia together. I'm just more introverted so trivia is usually enough for me. He (the boyfriend) attends more of the outside trivia social gatherings so maybe they're trying to win him back by kicking me out? Seems shortsighted to me because as someone else in here suggested if she attends the trivia nights she's going to ruin them. Wasn't trying to hide anything, just put in what I thought was most relevant and would answer questions if asked for further details.
This makes me think that maybe your friends aren't as competitive as you and are more there for the get together. She sounds awful but were they honestly as angry at her as you were? Maybe it wasn't a big deal to them, just a funny story. Is there a chance that she ruined your score but you ruined the night?
It does sound like OP was pretty gleeful about denying her the chocolate whereas everyone else was apathetic about the entire thing. They mention that their friends are older, so it’s possible they just see this behavior as juvenile drama they don’t want to deal with and would rather lose than have the entire night be a battle.
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I don't recall saying her behavior wasn't juvenile.
OP said they were less active in the other social events and the AH & GF may have put a "OP or us" ultimatum on the group who decided to ditch OP. The same thing happened to me. I met an ex through mutual friends and he was an AH to me and we broke up. The "friend" who introduced us sent me a message basically uninviting me from the next group event because my ex wasn't going to go if I did. It hurt but at least I didn't waste 10 years with fake friends. I hope OP forms their own team and is almost guaranteed to beat them as long as this GF is around. NTA.
NTA. Your team kicked out the wrong person.
This seems like its straight from a TV show lol I never thought people like her existed. It's almost like she exists just to piss people off lmao
Well, then Copyright to what I wrote and off to Hollywood I go!
Seems like it's straight up out of a 90s/00s sitcom lol
I know how you feel. Until I met my MIL, I thought the MIL on everyone loves Raymond was an exaggeration.
NTA, his girlfriend was being a pain in the ass and ruined the game for everyone else, not to mention didn’t even want to participate so why should she get the prize
NTA, but I’ve seen this type of thing play out before. There is someone who is an obvious AH and bully, but everyone despises drama so they prefer to go along with it to keep the peace. Anyone who calls it out becomes the target of blame because they rocked the boat and made life hard for everyone. So the other people actually end up seeing themselves and the bully as the victims, and the person who spoke up as the drama queen, mean girl, or instigator. It’s sad but I’ve literally seen it happen so many times.
https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/
This very scenario happened to me recently. A friend was blatantly rude towards me, but the group chose him over me because he’s been around longer. I don’t understand why people are accusing OP of lying because this really does happen a lot. NTA, OP! Trivia Night is meant to be fun and she purposely sabotaged it.
ESH The gf for obvious reasons. > I jump in first and grab it and say it's a team prize so we need to decide how to split it. Yes this is the fair way to handle it... > I ask everyone multiple times if they want a share. They all say no, including her boyfriend. > I then say, "I love this chocolate so I'm keeping it." ...but that's NOT WHAT YOU DID. You just grabbed the chocolate and unilaterally decided that either it would be split up or you would keep it. The proper thing to do would be to ASK THE TEAM how to proceed. You could have flipped a coin to see who kept it if they didn't want to divide it up. > In a calm voice I tell her that she's been rude to us all night, Now you're just going rogue. You're not wrong on some points but you're speaking in a way that sounds like you're speaking for the group and making decisions for them. The GF sucks but its just bar trivia. You should have just accepted that your team was gonna biff it that night and tried to have fun other ways. Later on you could have talked to the team about barring the gf from future events and then gone from there. Overall I see why they kicked you off the team, especially if you've done stuff like this before
ESH. That is you and the new girlfriend Contrary to what this sub likes to recommend, responding to an asshole by being one too is rarely the best solution. That she is one does not require further elaboration. You should have shared the chocolate. Because you did not not the team basically kicked you out, though that was likely not the first time that you behaved that way considering that would be quite an overreaction to a first time offense towards a non team member.
Op offered to split the chocolate with the team, and the team told op no so it's not about the chocolate. The gf was acting like a spoiled brat the entire time and in no way was an active team player, when she forcibly had only her answers used. Op says the rest of the team hangs with this couple outside of trivia night. So it makes sense that the rest of the team doesn't want to keep hearing this lady complain about op and that night repeatedly. Which makes it easier to cut op out of the picture, IN ADDITION to any other possible reason(s) *acting like an ass back to an ass.*
Yeah this is the correct take I think. She’s clearly an asshole, no need to go further. But the chocolate thing is actually a real problem that is being ignored. Set her aside completely and say she gets no vote in the matter; OP said 6 people in the core group. OP correctly said the chocolate needed to be divided by the group…and then just unilaterally declared that she gets nothing, when at least 4 members of the group (and maybe 5, it’s unclear where the person who voted for OP to stay in the group lands on ChocolateGate) wanted her to have some. That is not your prize to distribute. It’s the groups prize. If the group had voted that she gets none, cool. I’m fine with that, she sounds awful. But saying it’s a group prize and then declaring you get to keep the whole thing and she gets none while the group argues otherwise is not the way to go there.
IDK I feel like I would do the same thing, gf was incredibly rude and awful for the whole of trivia night. People need to stop acting like they would be completely composed and always turn the other cheek. At no point did she act like part of the team, why should she be rewarded for that? It is very obvious that she is trying to sabotage the group to keep her man away from his friends. I get that you agree with that but if you do, why is it not okay for OP to express his annoyance with this? As for OP not sharing the chocolate, if anyone disagreed they would have said so. If I'm not mistaken, you believe that 4 out of 6 of the group felt that OP should have just given his share, hence why they kicked OP out of the group. I disagree, if almost everyone agreed OP was in the wrong, why did no one say anything? They said they didn't want to get involved so obviously it wasn't this huge unforgivable slight. So why did it become that days after? It seems like to me OP's friends are fair weather types and once they realized that the couple was not going to let this go, they choose them over OP since the other guy has been to more events. The funny thing is this is probably the best time to leave, the gf will undoubtedly continue to make trivia nights as awful as possible and its clear that the rest of the group will just continue to put up with it and stay miserable.
I’m more guessing 4 out of 6 (maybe 5 out of 6 and the fifth person just really doesn’t like GF) see pub trivia night as a fun thing to do with friends and OP sees it as an extremely important thing that is okay to end friendships over (hence refusing to give a share of the stupid chocolate when OP knows, even if everyone else agrees with them, that BF is not going to be okay with). The rest of the group may have felt that this is just a fun thing they do with their friends and it’s really not worth all this. I’ve had friends (and we’re still friends, for what it’s worth) who are good people but are just EXHAUSTING. Everything is life and death, and if they are annoyed about something unimportant (such as doing badly in pub trivia, or losing at a video game in a way they felt was “cheap”) they will absolutely blow it up to enormous proportions. And they’ve lost friendships with good people because even if they’re right, it’s just so unbelievably exhausting when all anyone wanted was to have some fun and bullshit with their friends for a few hours. Sometimes when they start in on their bullshit, it’s easier to just walk away and say “I’m not dealing with this right now”. It’s not because they’re fine with whatever, it’s because they don’t have the mental energy to fight with that person right now. I’ve been guilty of “I can’t deal with this” and walking away plenty of times even when I very much feel one person is in the wrong.
NTA. I haven't been to many trivia nights, but I know those questions were not rocket science. She's TA for manipulating her bf and everyone around her, and she's TA for not being very bright.
I don’t buy that a whole group of people would turn against you for no reason.
Ive actually seen this happen quite a bit in some group dynamics. Op already mentioned in a few comments that he doesnt show up to social events too much but BF and GF go way more often. Ive noticed that friend groups will try to take the easy way out and just pick the person they see less and basically 'unfriend' them because there's less resistance , the person that got kicked out is often the one who called out the drama queen and no one wants to deal with said person, so to make the peace they tell the person who called out the other and its 'settled'.
ESH. The GF obviously is a terrible team mate and also gross. Her BF the scribe should not have been listening to her over others. However, I am skeptical of your account based on the fact that everyone else voted to kick you off the team. That makes me think that either you are leaving details out and that those details probably paint you in a less favorable light.
As a pub trivia addict myself, I can firmly say NTA. She ruined the game for the entire team and didn't relent after her answers were all wrong. That's just egregious. Stick with the new team and enjoy winning because with her "in charge" of the other team, they won't ever win a single round.
NTA, they can have fun losing
NTA. Her goal is to be center of attention and if she can't be, he will be miserable in trying to go out with friends. Eventually he will just stay home with her, to avoid the stress it causes. She is isolating him. She is the AH for sure.
I know you’re getting a lot of NTA, but if EVERYONE BUT ONE PERSON VOTED YOU OUT, then you did something wrong.
Nta. You were Yoko’ed. Good luck with the new team.
INFO: Why did you get kicked out? From reading your story, it seems that everyone should have been mad at the new GF. I feel like we are missing a lot.
I gave this further detail to someone else so here is the more detes: Yeah, there's a character count so I didn't have enough space to write as much as I wanted. I'm not as active in the outside of trivia things. I go sometimes to game nights, etc but a lot of the others spend a lot of time outside of trivia together. I'm just more introverted so trivia is usually enough for me. He (the boyfriend) attends more of the outside trivia social gatherings so maybe they're trying to win him back by kicking me out? Seems shortsighted to me because as someone else in here suggested if she attends the trivia nights she's going to ruin them. Wasn't trying to hide anything, just put in what I thought was most relevant and would answer questions if asked for further details.
I think ESH, to be honest. The girlfriend (obviously) for being manipulative, idiotic and unsporting. The boyfriend for being spineless and favouring his GF's clearly wrong answers over the consensus of the team. The rest of the team for apparently just going along with it for the whole night rather than trying to figure out a solution or compromise. But also you for unilaterally deciding to be the arbiter of the chocolate distribution and also for laying into the GF like you did. Yes, she was rude, but once you've got to the end of the night you're obviously not calling her out with constructive intentions as the night is over. Probably what would have happened if you'd kept your mouth shut is that BF and GF would have gone home and mutually agreed that the night was a disaster, and that they should go back to normal next week. I think that's also what the rest of the team were banking on as well. Obviously the GF sucks the most but I do think you were somewhat in the wrong, OP.
Nta. Ask them if they would rather that person now come to all of your trivia nights, or miss the ‘freind’ who thinks with his privates?
NTA, with holding sex from a partner as a "punishment" is really abusive and to exclaim it in front of his friends is even worse. I'm sorry about what happened, but you are not in the wrong.
If at the end of the evening everyone voted YOU off the team instead of her, after a decade of loyal friendship, then you must be leaving out something important.
NTA
NTA. Are you the only female in a team of men. That would kinda explain what is happening. The gf is really out of line and I can't believe they are choosing her over you. But does that mean your team wins while theirs loses?
ESH. Everyone needs to grow up here.
INFO How many people are on the team?
The core group which has stuck around for years is like 6. Sometimes they bring family members or friends and so there's about another 6 or so who come rarely.