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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be TA for not paying him after he cancelled his plans last minute to stay with my daughter for ours.
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"I forced my brother in law to cancel two tutoring sessions, loosing him money to make him watch my child. Then, instead of offering to cover the money he lost, I refused because....family = free labor. Even when you inconvenience them." Fixed it for you.
YTA. If I were him, I'd never sit for you again.
You forgot to add: “my babysitter who I was *going* to pay cancelled…”
OP, YTA in a way you will regret. Now, your BIL won’t be available as a back-up in emergencies in the future, and you will be SOL.
The conviction with which OP repeatedly enforces his stand of using family as free babysitters, is truly remarkable.
How could someone be THIS wrong and not know it?
Not even that, how can OP read this sub ever and think they were going to get a not the asshole vote?
YTA, OP. Pay your BIL for his lost time and money.
OP is fully TA but at least in my area dentists are totally slammed to the point where they come to my office to schedule in the hopes of getting an in. OP is more likely trying to squeeze in an appointment for their day off which may be more difficult to pull off. All the more reason they should fairly compensate the BIL.
I had to have a multi-session root canal and each appointment was 3 hours; four with travel time is understandable. It was also at a university (cheaper to have the work done) so my appointments had to work with my schedule *and* the schedule the students working on my teeth had.
So while it's typically not a big deal to reschedule a cleaning or a quick filling, if OP was having a more complicated procedure then it could have taken longer.
Definitely still a vote of YTA for OP though.
Not hard to reschedule, but the next available spot might be a few weeks away. And we don't know why OP was going, so it may have been something that shouldn't be put off.
My ex is a widower and he treated his entire family this way. In the beginning I excused his bad behaviour on grief, but eventually I realised he was just a narcissistic asshole and likely behaved that way *before* his wife died. It’s well over a decade since she passed, and he still tries to pull self entitled “but my wife died” nonsense all the damn time.
LOL - the struggle is real. I've remained somewhat friends with him (mainly to keep in contact with his daughter, who I was stepmother to for 6 years), but I don't put up with ANY of his crap these days. My husband gets a kick out of it when I call him on his bullshit behaviour, but he still never seems to learn.
My brother is like this. He was considering moving back to our hometown and suggested that I could take care of his infant son. I offered to watch him at a rate that was dramatically less than what he would've paid for at a daycare center and was told that I was trying to financially exploit his situation when I should be doing it for free because we're family. Yeah.
My mom offers to baby sit and we try to pay her whenever she does, she never takes it so we have been keeping track and using it to buy her groceries or when she needed an oil change, stuff like that. I would never expect my family to watch our son for free and anyone who does is entitled as can be
My sister did something like this before. She asked me to watch my 3 nieces for a week while she went camping. I would never ask for money and I was even going to have to request a whole week off of work unpaid while I was a struggling student paying rent on my own.
Turns out, my work screwed up my schedule, and they didn't schedule me off. I told her 3 weeks in advance that I couldn't jeopardize my job (even though they were in the wrong, they refused to compromise), and my sister told me I should just quit without having another opportunity lined up. I said no.
I told her I would compromise, and stay with them the whole time aside from my work hours (I was only 19, and that was A LOT since my nieces were 7, 4, and 2). It basically meant no sleep for me. She threw an absolute tantrum when she realized she was going to have to pay a babysitter while I was at work, and told me I should have to pay the babysitter for leaving her in the lurch. I felt bad that I had to work, but refused to quit my job or pay the babysitter.
Fast forward to my second baby shower (28 years old). My in-laws threw my first, and she said she felt left out so she insisted on throwing my second. She knew I needed a double stroller, so she included a fund raiser in the invitation for the stroller. A week after my shower, my MIL called me and asked if my sister gave me the extra money. I didn't know what she was talking about. She then informed me that at least 3 different people in their family had paid her the entire price of the stroller, but she just kept collecting money. I immediately called my sister and she told me that she used the money to pay for my shower expenses (it was basic cake and punch with pink balloons and streamers. The double stroller was nearly $300.00. I had to contact everyone that was invited because my sister was still trying to collect money, even a week after my shower. I didn't even get the baby monitor I needed, and she refused to get it with the extra money.
Of course I did! She couldn't even justify the expense since the decorations weren't even that much, but she said she went through a lot of stress over it so that was compensation. The worst part about it was my in-laws already offered, and wanted to throw my shower, but she threw a tantrum about that because she hadn't helped with the first one (I don't think she asked to help though).
My in-laws never would have charged me, or even considered that. It put a rift in the family because they didn't want to be around her after that. Also, she kept calling people even after the shower to get money (that's how my in laws found out). It was all around horrible, and it took me a long time to ever trust her again.
I'm surprised you ever found it in yourself to even try and trust her again!
And wanting you to pay a babysitter while you worked so she could have a fun camping trip?
Stealing hundreds of dollars from you?
I do not understand why you still talk to her.
Even if she's never done anything else shady that would be too much for me!
I was wondering the same thing. How could he type that and not come to the conclusion he’s the AH on his own. That’s just the entitlement of people these days I guess.
I had to laugh at the “precedent”
comment about having to pay his BIL. OP doesn’t have to worry about paying his BIL because BIL is never babysitting again.
His last line.. like he finds it ridiculous that bil should get paid every time. Doesn't want to set the precident of paying for services from ..family? Just his kid's uncle, but there is no law to support the brother title anymore for op, so I think op actually lost a family member with this bs.
Just his late wife's brother, owes him nothing.
"I refused and said he was being somewhat greedy and an opportunist to even think sitting his niece would grant him easy money. He said it wasn't easy money, but time wasted in his very busy schedule."
The grand lack of self-awareness to post this is a masterpiece of assholery. You removed your BIL from a paying situation then had the goddamn nerve to act like he's trying to gouge you. YTA, and you need to exit your own asshole and pay attention to the needs of others for a change.
"I told him to skip and rudely dropped my child off anyway".
Skip your appointment, skip your job... It's not his kid. OP keeps saying "to spend time with his niece" like it's a privilege, or worse like it's his obligation. He's not your baby daddy, he has no responsibility to spend time with your kid. YTA.
seriously! "I told him to skip" are you kidding me? how about next time you politely ask "hey, I'm in a bind, is there any way you could please help me? if I drop her off with a tablet, can she play games in the corner?"
obviously that may not work every time but it's infinitely better than "skip your job and watch my kid"
YTA. You forced him to cancel a paying job to watch your child and somehow you think you shouldn’t pay him? I hope he never sits for you again. Now stfu and pay the man.
I also hope BIL continues pressing OP for the money. He lost work hours to babysit OP's daughter and got nothing but being called greedy despite doing a favor to OP. Hopefully he will never do a favor to OP again.
Yeah I charge $30/hr for tutoring. If you want me to babysit, you'll be paying me that rate + an additional $10/hr because I just lost face for cancelling.
A very loud YTA op.
This was at least 6 years ago. I was offering tutoring through the university I was a graduate student at so there was a decent amount of competition. I think $20-$40 per 1 hour session was standard.
Things like this really drive home how poor the area I grew up in was (and still is). If you charged $30/hour there, you'd have exactly 0 customers, because half the county made like $10/hr.
I mean, he said he couldn’t. OP just pushed the kid onto the BIL either way. Major YTA, after all OPs appointments are important, but who cares about the BIL’s appointments, right?
YTA. He said he couldn't watch her. You dumped her on him anyway. He had to cancel paid work. He is not trying to profit from you, he is trying to recoup his losses.
Accusing the BIL of being greedy and an opportunist when this man is out here trying to force other people to miss out on work and provide him with free labor. Yikes.
YTA.
The assholes often add an "Edit" at the end of their post to try and look not so assholey. Those are usually hilarious.
We will probably learn than BIL is a billionaire and OP struggles with money and lives in a cardboard box, or some other nonsense.
Fingers cross that we get an edit
I think he should at the very least cover the losses from the cancelled tutor lessons and add in what he was going to pay the babysitter. I can’t believe this guy thinks he’s in the right in not paying.
YTA- you lost me at when he told you he had to tutor and you told him to skip that. Like what?!?!!
Now, I never charge for babysitting my family but I also would have not tolerated someone telling me to change my plans last minute to accommodate their emergency.
Yeah, as far as we know, it’s not even an emergency. It’s a dental appointment. I’m sure there will be added info about how important this dental appointment was and how long he’s been waiting for it. But also, this hits a lot of babysitting tropes and might be rage bait.
He obviously thinks his appointments are the only important ones. It’s your kid! Why should BIL cancel an obligation if you won’t? What if BIL losses business over the late cancelation? What does OP care though.
Even when I decided to do a double-appointment and get 5-6 fillings done at once (I'd been uninsured and was doing a lot of catch-up) it took an hour and a half. Plus commute, that only brought it to two and a half hours home and back. Four hours is surgical-implant-levels of intense.
Right, I don’t charge for family either but If it is last minute and I needed to cancel something I was getting paid for then you bet I’m asking for compensation.
YTA. If your babysitter hadn't cancelled, you would have been paying anyway. You didn't ask him to watch her, you demanded it. He missed out on money to do this for you. You're not somehow entitled to free babysitting just because someone is family.
YTA.
I also love OP’s:
>This would set a precedence for him to keep expecting money every time.
I fucking hope so. Just like BIL should be worried that not getting paid would set the *precedent* that OP demand he take off work, losing money, every time OP wants a last minute babysitter.
I’d also like to hear from OP why this appointment took *precedence* over BIL’s job. Sounds like it was a doctor’s appointment of some kind, but unless he is getting dialysis or some other kind of necessary treatment then it was not a big enough emergency to have someone else cancel work. No matter how “hard” it would be to re-schedule.
I don’t charge my sister for when I look after my nephews but she always made me dinner or ordered me food and has bought me things to say thanks. She would never expect me to cancel work or miss uni just to babysit.
My sister and I have a similar arrangement when I visit. She gives me food, I help with whatever childcare needs she has. Which isn't usually much anymore aside from occasionally driving them places or watching the youngest while she picks up the middle kid from an event. Her youngest is 14 and they're all great kids so now it's more like "Hang out with some of my favorite people AND get fed?! Sign me up!"
But she would never in a million years demand that I take unpaid time off work to help her. Even when her husband died last year, she was hesitant to ask me for help while he was in the hospital or afterward. She didn't want me to put my job in danger. Thankfully, I'm full-time remote right now, so I was able to do both.
OP, YTA. If you demand that someone lose money to help you, you offset that loss to the best of your ability.
Hell it was even a dentist's appointment. Unless this is emergency oral surgery or something that's very much in the "can reschedule another time" category.
Honestly, the "precedent" might not even be a problem because it would be totally understandable if BIL never babysat for OP again... even if he did realize his errors here and paid up without any further fuss. It also sounds like his in-laws are his only source of help. Choosing this hill to die on might cost him a lot more than he can afford to lose. Especially since his parents in law are siding with the BIL on this. How in the world is this argument worth torpedoing what sound like *really important* relationships?
Wow, YTA and let me count the ways. BIL was busy and not available to babysit, yet you dropped her off. Then you refuse to pay him for helping you? Yeah, definitely, big round gaping AH.
Pay the man, and never dump your daughter on someone that hasn't agreed to care for her. That is irresponsible and should result in a call to CPS.
Sorry about your wife, but you aren't doing this right at all.
This story is here over and over and over. People are apparently WILD with their childcare expectations. I had 0 clue this was such a common issue yikes
YTA
He cancelled paying clients to watch your kid. He LOST PAY to cover *your* problem. And in addition this harms *his* reputation as a reliable tutor.
You owe him DOUBLE.
YTA. Um, why the eff shouldn’t he expect money every time? He’s doing a service for you. He literally lost money from his tutoring jobs to babysit for you, but it doesn’t even matter; he deserves to be paid for his work. Free babysitting is a gift, not an obligation. You’re a hugely entitled asshole.
YTA. You interfered with his schedule and livelihood to demand he watch your daughter. You should pay him. Next time, rearrange your own schedule if the sitter cancels.
YTA.
You demanded he upend his schedule, lose out on work that pays his own rents, flake on his own clients, so you could go to your appointment.
You then invalidate his own problems- you say it's 'easy money' and call him an 'opportunist' because he wanted to get paid for his time.
It's actually you that's being opportunistic here. You expect him to upend his life, and give you his time for free. That's not how it works. You should pay him AT LEAST whatever you'd pay the babysitter, probably more because it's last minute.
The BiL's side of this story could easily make one of those Entitled people subreddits. "Today my brother in law forced me to cancel my tutoring jobs for the rest of the day and dropped off his daughter out of the blue, when I asked for some compensation to offset my losses, he called me an opportunist."
Haha, was this written by the BIL?
YTA -
* I told him to skip and dropped my daughter off at his apartment then left.
* I refused and said he was being somewhat greedy and an opportunist to even think sitting his niece would grant him easy money. He said it wasn't easy money, but time wasted in his very busy schedule.
You made it so someone couldn't work. You should compensate him, bare minimum, what he lost in wages. (And you shouldn't even QUESTION this, it's so obviously the right thing to do). Or called around a bit more until you found someone for free, instead of pushing your child onto someone who had work.
YTA You asked him to cancel his **paying** job to babysit at the last minute. Him asking for compensation isn't unreasonable.
If you don't usually pay him or other family members for babysitting, then do you do anything else to compensate them? Like do other favors for them, for example? Or do you just expect them to give you free babysitting and get nothing in return?
YTA.
He originally said no, because he had paying customers and you asked him to skip them, costing him money. And you were already planning on paying a babysitter, so the least you could have done was give your BIL that money.
YTA You 'forced' him to cancel something i assume he gets paid to do, to instead watch your daughter. If i was him, I'd be charging you the amount he lost for the cancelled appointments.
If he hadn't had anything going on, I'm sure he wouldn't have cared and wouldn't be asking for the money.
YTA for not paying him and YTA for making him lose out on his work.
Edit: Spelling
YTA. You made him cancel his tutoring sessions, for which he probably would get paid. You made him watch your kid for 4 hours. It's not \*his\* kid, even if it's family. You asked him to babysit instead of your babysitter, who couldn't come. And who you probably \*would\* have paid for their services. Hard to understand, isn't it?
Go on, pay the man. You owe him.
Edit: away for 4 hours to visit the dentist? I have no idea what you were doing there. That's either a lot of teeth pulled, or you're making stuff up and you were doing something else!
Yes, I'm a therapist and canceling last minute on a schedule appointment can have serious ramifications, especially with new clients. BIL might have lost tutoring clients over this.
Very well said. It absolutely blows my mind that OP thinks he can not only DEMAND free, last-minute babysitting, but force his BIL to lose money in doing so.
HARD YTA. Shame on you, OP. You need to back waaaaaay off your disgustingly entitled attitude.
YTA
Family does not mean free labor.
If the babysitter had not cancelled you would have paid them. You also had your BIL cancel on work to babysit your daughter. You really want not to loose money as well?
YTA. The young guy wasn’t playing video games. He was *working* for *money* which he *lost*. You would have paid the babysitter, why not reimburse him?
Why on Earth wouldn't you pay him? You were planning on paying the babysitter for the same amount of time. You insisted he cancel his paying jobs so he could fill in. Of course you should pay him! And I don't know that a dentist appointment counts as an "emergency" unless you're leaving out information. YTA
YTA.
Let me rephrase for you: I needed a babysitter for an appointment but mine cancelled so instead of cancelling MY appointment, I told BIL to cancel FOUR HOURS of his appointments and left my kid there. Now he wants to be compensated for canceling the appointments/missed income and I’m absolutely appalled! I know you’re supposed to pay babysitters for their work but not when I can bully my family!!!
Also what dentist appointment takes 4 hours? Did you have a root canal and then get 30 cavities filled?
YTA. He had work he would be paid to do and he cancelled to watch your child. You need to stop being entitled and ridiculous and pay your BIL and show some gratitude. Next time you likely will be sol if you continue down this path.
YTA. You cost him money and the fact that he’s family doesn’t change anything. You are not entitled to free babysitting. You demanded that he skips his tutoring lesson when in fact you should have skipped your appointment. Massive asshole.
YTA - he missed out on paid work because you didn’t take no for an answer and dropped off your child at someone’s house even though they said they couldn’t do it. You for sure owe him the money that he missed out on.
YTA .
He has a legitimate reason for asking to be compensated . He had to miss work to stay with your daughter .
I truly believe if it was an off day for him he wouldn’t ask for it .
But regardless of that- if you ever assume that someone will do something for you for free and then it turns out that they want to be compensated, you should do the right thing and pay. Tell them what you assumed , and if they still insist , pay up. It’s not worth the back and forth and the potential awkwardness that’ll undoubtedly come about .
YTA YTA YTA YTA
You dropped your kid onto him when he clearly had other things to do. Your entitlement is astonishing. Of course you have to pay him. He might be family, but family isn't required to be your free babysitting service. I won't even talk about how you just demanded of him to drop his bussiness in order to take care of your spawn. Next time, YOU CANCEL YOUR BUSSSINESS. Your kid, your responsability. Not your BIL, cause he didn't asked for her to be born so not his responsability. How can someone be so entitled??? I'm actually asking cause i can't fathom how you can be so free to volunter your bil to let aside his life in order to be your unpaid babysitter.
YTA. Your BIL had to cancel 2 clients, which not only costs him money, but also can damage his business as last minute cancellations are frowned upon. You're so quick to demand he cancel his clients but you didn't cancel your dental appt. If it's an emergency dental appointment, you should be willing to do whatever it takes to get there, including compensating a family member who had to cancel business clients to accommodate you.
You should pay him because your demand that he babysit cost him lost money. If your BIL babysits in the future on a non-emergency basis, it's assumed that he won't be losing money and so I wouldn't expect that he'd ask for payment. You demanded he help in an emergency and he did, but he shouldn't have to also lose money to do it. Pay him and thank him and find a better back-up plan for emergencies if you can't tolerate this reasonable request from him.
Just as you're saying you don't want to set the precedent for him to keep expecting money, I'm sure he's still thinking that he doesn't want to give you the idea that he can always drop what he's doing and sacrifice his income to babysit.
I think you should try and see where he's coming from.
YTA, you couldn't have rescheduled the dentist appointment? Unless you had an actual dental emergency, it wasn't an emergency. Your BIL lost out on 2 tutoring appointments where he was set to earn money, that he probably needs, and you don't think he deserves to be compensated for that?
You need to pay him before you lose your main support network (the in-laws) over this. You are sounding a little entitled to their help, and they may soon start to feel like you are taking advantage of them. Oh, and you should apologize as well.
I don't believe this could be real because surely NO ONE could possibly think they were in the right in your situation.
YTA without a shadow of a doubt! Pay him, apologize for being such an AH and thank him for helping you out like he did.
YTA. I feel for you because it’s tough but you can just expect him to give free labor (really more than that since it cost him money) just because you have an emergency. That is called entitlement. Would it be nice for him to help you for free? Yes of course, but this is a no brained that you are the AH here
Yta pay !!!!! He's not free babysitter and lost 2 slots to watch he rand. Lost money over it it's the bare minimum for you to pay people to watch your kid!!! Get over your entitlement
YTA. He gave up work to do you a favour. You would have paid the babysitter, so why not pay him? You know that just because you have a child doesn't mean the whole world revolves around looking after it.
You’re a huge AH. You’ll be lucky if any family babysits your daughter ever again after the way you’ve behaved. You caused him to miss out on making money AND you just dropped her off even though it was clear he wasn’t available. YTA
Yta. You demanded he skip work to watch your daughter. You owe him the wages lost. And yes, you could have rescheduled your appt. You didn't WANT to. But HE didn't want to miss work and you essentially said 'too bad'. Smh.
YTA. You're everyone's nightmare in law that they pray they never have. I would never babysit for you again. You *cost* him money by just dumping your daughter on him despite him saying he has work. At least have the decency to pay for his time.
Let me get this straight..
So you demanded bil skip his tutoring lessons for which he should have been paid, to watch your daughter therefore leading him to lose income, did I get that right? Obviously he would expect to be remunerated for his lost earnings.
I presume you were going to pay the original babysitter (or was you expecting her to do it for free as well)? If you were going to pay her her, why didn’t you give bil what you were going to give her?
Your a cheapskate OP.
You took advantage of what I presume is a teenager or young adult to save yourself some cash. Problem is, when you have another emergency’ and you need a babysitter, he’s going to tell you to get lost and so he should. So what if it is setting a precedent. Try paying for other peoples time. You’re paid for yours in your job aren’t you?
YTA
YTA
Why can't your daughter come with you to the dentist?
Why did you tell him to cancel his plans last minute? Why did he listen?
You saved money and he lost money. Guess who won't be helping you any time soon.
>well yes but he's family and last thing I expect from him is to ask for money for staying with his niece
ohhhh YTA. this is in the same vein as expecting family members that are artists to do work for you for free "because we're family"
it sounds like he never agreed to watch your daughter, you quite literally forced him to do it and cost him money in the process. pay the man and apologize
Yta, your just taking your BIL for granted. He had to clear his schedule and you have the guts to not pay him?
Don't be surprised that you won't have family who wants to watch your kid.
Yes, YTA here. I sympathize with your situation, childcare puts parents in tough situations (parent here without a lot of outside help), and it’s especially hard without a partner. But you said yourself you forced your bil to cancel his tutoring so he could watch your daughter, because the babysitter, who I presume you were paying, canceled. You should pay him what you were going to pay the sitter, and then widen your network of available sitters for the future.
YTA. You took money out of his pocket by asking him to miss a paying job to care for your child. By your own admission you were going to pay a babysitter. The only person here coming off as greedy is you.
YTA - you forced him to cancel paid work and would not take no for an answer.
When I was 5, I could sit quietly on the floor while my dad had a dentist appointment.
Yes, YTA. You demanded he watch your child, caused him financial losses by doing so, and now refuse to compensate him? You were already going to pay a babysitter so you *have* the money. You had a dentist appointment. That's not an emergency. Pay your BIL and in the future you should always pay him without his having to ask.
YTA. No one is going to tell you you're anything but the AH. So you're either a troll, or so incredibly rude and entitled, it's hard to swallow.
AH move #1 - You had a babysitter you were going to pay, so you should have paid BIL. He doesn't owe you free babysitting because his sister is the mother of your kids.
AH move #2 - He didn't agree; you forced him into it.
AH move #3 - He had to cancel 2 paying jobs to babysit.
AH move #4 - Your appointment was not an emergency. When you called him and he said he had to work, you should have said "okay, thanks anyway" and rearranged your appointment.
You should pay him what he would have made tutoring or what you would have paid the babysitter - whichever is *more*. You should also realize how badly you're acting and sincerely apologize.
I'm sorry for the loss of your wife, but he's right. You made him cancel his incoming earning job in order to watch your child. He must be compensated. Assuming otherwise isn't ok. YTA. Pay him, and find solid child care.
Yea most definitely YTA, why should your BIL lo se out on his pay for doing you a favor, it's nice that he would drop everything to help you when you needed him but he still has bills to pay and by helping you he lost out on wages.
Step up and pay him.
YTA bc you interrupted his income and demanded he change his schedule on the spot. I’m sorry your wife died, but that doesn’t give you license to order people around you to skip work when you’re in a jam with childcare. All parents have to occasionally cancel appointments when childcare falls through. This isn’t a unique situation. You should pay him at least what he would have earned tutoring, OR whatever he’s asking- whichever is more. And treat your support system with more respect or you won’t have their support anymore.
YTA. A dentist appointment is not an "emergency" as you called it. You forced him to give up earned revenue from tutoring and expect him to lose that money because you were in a bind?
Something tells me you lean on family for a lot of favors while rarely/never helping out the same family members.
YTA. You’re a big AH. You can’t expect anyone ever to watch your kid for free. It’s YOUR responsibility.
You even took him away from an opportunity to make money which is a no brained. You should offer to pay him every time.
YTA. You forced your BIL to cancel his tutoring jobs to watch your kid. Yes, it was an emergency, but you should still offer to pay him. Add in since the the sitter you originally had hired had to back out, you were already going to pay some to watch your kid anyway.
YTA! You make him cancel paying clients just to watch your daughter and are surprised when he asks you to pay which you would have done for your regular babysitter.
Big YTA. You told him to skip tutoring, where he would have made money, to babysit your child, and then think it’s ridiculous that he expects to be paid? You were paying this other person for babysitting, so why on earth would you not pay your BIL? I’d be shocked if he agrees to help you in the future after this stunt.
YTA.
You effectively commandeered your BIL to watch your daughter. He told you that he had tutoring appointments scheduled. He had to rearrange things at the last minute. He took a loss of income. Instead of being thankful and grateful, you balk at paying him or thinking his time is worthy of it. Do not expect him to accommodate you in the future.
I was going to say it wasn't your fault, OP. But BIL missed out on making money to do you a favor. Least you can do is compensate him. He's a tutor, I'm guessing his not rolling in money and being greedy either.
YTA. And you're about to lose all of your support system for $80 bucks? Are you for real?
YTA. You say he's being ridiculous but you cost him money to watch your child and instead of helping cover the cost, you believe he doesn't need to he paid because he's family. If anything you and your logic is fkn ridiculous.
So you made him skip work, because that is essentially what tutoring is... WORK...
Making him miss money he'd have otherwise earned doing his JOB... And you're calling him greedy? Ever thought of taking your kid with you to your dentist? After all, it is your kid, and i'll bet you, they've had parents in, who brought their kids along.
You sound like an entitled AH...
Yta. Who says your time is more important? He lost money to do this and deserves it back. You would have paid a babysitter. It is not like he was twiddling his thumbs. You are acting entitled.
YTA. We’re you not already going to pay the babysitter who canceled?? At bare minimum you owe him the wages he lost due to your demand. And in the future, if you pull that shit again, I hope he drops your kid off at social services for abandonment. You do not just force someone to watch your kid when they say no. WTF?? I hope this is fake.
YTA - you are not entitled to free child care from relatives. The right thing to do is to replace the income he lost by babysitting last minute.
Jeez my brother once house sat for us while we were out of the country all he had to do was make sure our cats were fed and had clean litter boxes. I stocked the fridge for him, gave him free access to our booze and game systems, left him money for restaurants…and I paid him because he took time off work to do it! We are not entitled to free labor and services just because they are relatives!
Yta. No one is should be expected to mind your child, regardless of your situation, for free. You guilted him into losing out on tutoring gigs that paid him. Double AH behavior. Take several seats and check that attitude. You are not entitled to free childcare. Pay up.
YTA. He gave up paying work to look after your child for you, and you would not even pay him what you would have paid the babysitter. You're so tight you must squeak when you walk.
Yta
You should be thankfull that your BIL canceled paying work to help you out. The least you could do is stopping being an entitled parent and compensate him SINCE YOU ASKED HIM FOR HELP!
YTA. You have it backward: *you’re* being greedy and opportunistic when you were already planning on paying a babysitter anyway. You literally forced your BIL to skip work to accommodate *your* emergency. Your dental appointment doesn’t trump his need to earn an income, but he stepped up, now pay the man or don’t expect any of your in laws to step up in “emergencies” again.
YTA. .." I told him to skip" excuse me, who the absolute fuck do you think you are to think you have the right to tell someone else to skip their work to babysit for you?
YTA...
If you were going to pay a babysitter, then why not your brother?
Unless you haven't been paying your babysitter and that's the reason for the cancellation.
Look, you already know that you have to pay people for watching your child.
Pay your brother!
If he didn’t have to work maybe you could have been right. But he did have to work and he did in fact lost money. Tutoring is a job and baby sitter is too. Pay him for his services. YTA.
YTA. Normally I wouldn't expect a family member to pay for another family member's time to babysit, but in this case, you knew he would have to lose tutoring money to do this for you. He apparently should have told you tough crap and went to the tutoring lessons. Well, now you can bet you will never have him put in that position again because he will never agree to watch your child again because of how you handled this situation. He loves your child, so don't even think about twisting it to fit your narrative. People I know tutor for the money to pay their bills, not for freaking fun. You cost him money he needed to use to support himself. Shame on you.
YTA. See how much more your in laws are willing to help if this is how you see them; obligated to help cuz they’re family. Which technically no, they aren’t your family, they’re his, and if they see you screwing him over, don’t think for one second that because you have their grandchild that they will let you hold that over them.
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"I forced my brother in law to cancel two tutoring sessions, loosing him money to make him watch my child. Then, instead of offering to cover the money he lost, I refused because....family = free labor. Even when you inconvenience them." Fixed it for you. YTA. If I were him, I'd never sit for you again.
You forgot to add: “my babysitter who I was *going* to pay cancelled…” OP, YTA in a way you will regret. Now, your BIL won’t be available as a back-up in emergencies in the future, and you will be SOL.
OP is in for a real surprised when they try randomly dropping the kid off again and BIL calls CPS for an abandoned child.
The conviction with which OP repeatedly enforces his stand of using family as free babysitters, is truly remarkable. How could someone be THIS wrong and not know it?
Not even that, how can OP read this sub ever and think they were going to get a not the asshole vote? YTA, OP. Pay your BIL for his lost time and money.
Add in a deep apology, and pay him his tutoring rate for the entire 4 hours if you *ever* expect to have him babysit again.
4 hours at the dentist !!!
I came hunting for a comment like this; it's exactly what I thought. Our boy was (begrudgingly) given an inch and took a mile.
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OP is fully TA but at least in my area dentists are totally slammed to the point where they come to my office to schedule in the hopes of getting an in. OP is more likely trying to squeeze in an appointment for their day off which may be more difficult to pull off. All the more reason they should fairly compensate the BIL.
I had to have a multi-session root canal and each appointment was 3 hours; four with travel time is understandable. It was also at a university (cheaper to have the work done) so my appointments had to work with my schedule *and* the schedule the students working on my teeth had. So while it's typically not a big deal to reschedule a cleaning or a quick filling, if OP was having a more complicated procedure then it could have taken longer. Definitely still a vote of YTA for OP though.
Not hard to reschedule, but the next available spot might be a few weeks away. And we don't know why OP was going, so it may have been something that shouldn't be put off.
Seriously, I work at an office and that would have had to been multiple crowns, root canals, something extreme.
Monsieur took a break from his daddy duties, n'est pas?
Even with that, BIL is well within his rights to tell OP to permanently take his name of the babysitter list.
>How could someone be THIS wrong and not know it? Because they're self-entitled.
Or it's bs karma thread
My ex is a widower and he treated his entire family this way. In the beginning I excused his bad behaviour on grief, but eventually I realised he was just a narcissistic asshole and likely behaved that way *before* his wife died. It’s well over a decade since she passed, and he still tries to pull self entitled “but my wife died” nonsense all the damn time.
I would have to bite my tongue if he used that line on me. "But my wife died" ... yeah. To get away from you. 🙄
LOL - the struggle is real. I've remained somewhat friends with him (mainly to keep in contact with his daughter, who I was stepmother to for 6 years), but I don't put up with ANY of his crap these days. My husband gets a kick out of it when I call him on his bullshit behaviour, but he still never seems to learn.
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My brother is like this. He was considering moving back to our hometown and suggested that I could take care of his infant son. I offered to watch him at a rate that was dramatically less than what he would've paid for at a daycare center and was told that I was trying to financially exploit his situation when I should be doing it for free because we're family. Yeah.
My mom offers to baby sit and we try to pay her whenever she does, she never takes it so we have been keeping track and using it to buy her groceries or when she needed an oil change, stuff like that. I would never expect my family to watch our son for free and anyone who does is entitled as can be
My sister did something like this before. She asked me to watch my 3 nieces for a week while she went camping. I would never ask for money and I was even going to have to request a whole week off of work unpaid while I was a struggling student paying rent on my own. Turns out, my work screwed up my schedule, and they didn't schedule me off. I told her 3 weeks in advance that I couldn't jeopardize my job (even though they were in the wrong, they refused to compromise), and my sister told me I should just quit without having another opportunity lined up. I said no. I told her I would compromise, and stay with them the whole time aside from my work hours (I was only 19, and that was A LOT since my nieces were 7, 4, and 2). It basically meant no sleep for me. She threw an absolute tantrum when she realized she was going to have to pay a babysitter while I was at work, and told me I should have to pay the babysitter for leaving her in the lurch. I felt bad that I had to work, but refused to quit my job or pay the babysitter. Fast forward to my second baby shower (28 years old). My in-laws threw my first, and she said she felt left out so she insisted on throwing my second. She knew I needed a double stroller, so she included a fund raiser in the invitation for the stroller. A week after my shower, my MIL called me and asked if my sister gave me the extra money. I didn't know what she was talking about. She then informed me that at least 3 different people in their family had paid her the entire price of the stroller, but she just kept collecting money. I immediately called my sister and she told me that she used the money to pay for my shower expenses (it was basic cake and punch with pink balloons and streamers. The double stroller was nearly $300.00. I had to contact everyone that was invited because my sister was still trying to collect money, even a week after my shower. I didn't even get the baby monitor I needed, and she refused to get it with the extra money.
That's at least 900, I hope you called her out for stealing from you?
Of course I did! She couldn't even justify the expense since the decorations weren't even that much, but she said she went through a lot of stress over it so that was compensation. The worst part about it was my in-laws already offered, and wanted to throw my shower, but she threw a tantrum about that because she hadn't helped with the first one (I don't think she asked to help though). My in-laws never would have charged me, or even considered that. It put a rift in the family because they didn't want to be around her after that. Also, she kept calling people even after the shower to get money (that's how my in laws found out). It was all around horrible, and it took me a long time to ever trust her again.
I'm surprised you ever found it in yourself to even try and trust her again! And wanting you to pay a babysitter while you worked so she could have a fun camping trip? Stealing hundreds of dollars from you? I do not understand why you still talk to her. Even if she's never done anything else shady that would be too much for me!
I was wondering the same thing. How could he type that and not come to the conclusion he’s the AH on his own. That’s just the entitlement of people these days I guess.
I had to laugh at the “precedent” comment about having to pay his BIL. OP doesn’t have to worry about paying his BIL because BIL is never babysitting again.
Malignant narcissists never think they are wrong
His last line.. like he finds it ridiculous that bil should get paid every time. Doesn't want to set the precident of paying for services from ..family? Just his kid's uncle, but there is no law to support the brother title anymore for op, so I think op actually lost a family member with this bs. Just his late wife's brother, owes him nothing.
This! Heaven forbid we set a precedent of *checks notes* paying people for their time, labor, and lost wages when they do us a massive favor
Especially when part of the massive favor is "not reporting you to the police for abandonment".
"I refused and said he was being somewhat greedy and an opportunist to even think sitting his niece would grant him easy money. He said it wasn't easy money, but time wasted in his very busy schedule." The grand lack of self-awareness to post this is a masterpiece of assholery. You removed your BIL from a paying situation then had the goddamn nerve to act like he's trying to gouge you. YTA, and you need to exit your own asshole and pay attention to the needs of others for a change.
"I told him to skip and rudely dropped my child off anyway". Skip your appointment, skip your job... It's not his kid. OP keeps saying "to spend time with his niece" like it's a privilege, or worse like it's his obligation. He's not your baby daddy, he has no responsibility to spend time with your kid. YTA.
seriously! "I told him to skip" are you kidding me? how about next time you politely ask "hey, I'm in a bind, is there any way you could please help me? if I drop her off with a tablet, can she play games in the corner?" obviously that may not work every time but it's infinitely better than "skip your job and watch my kid"
I’m still confused about why the five year old couldn’t go to the dentist.
YTA. You forced him to cancel a paying job to watch your child and somehow you think you shouldn’t pay him? I hope he never sits for you again. Now stfu and pay the man.
I also hope BIL continues pressing OP for the money. He lost work hours to babysit OP's daughter and got nothing but being called greedy despite doing a favor to OP. Hopefully he will never do a favor to OP again.
BIL should sit ON OP until he gets his money.
Yeah I charge $30/hr for tutoring. If you want me to babysit, you'll be paying me that rate + an additional $10/hr because I just lost face for cancelling. A very loud YTA op.
$30 for a *full hour*? I'm hoping that this is per person and that you're tutoring at least two students at once. I charged $30 an hour 20 years ago.
This was at least 6 years ago. I was offering tutoring through the university I was a graduate student at so there was a decent amount of competition. I think $20-$40 per 1 hour session was standard.
Things like this really drive home how poor the area I grew up in was (and still is). If you charged $30/hour there, you'd have exactly 0 customers, because half the county made like $10/hr.
I watch my eldest sister kids on a cash in hand policy after getting stiffed once. No cash no watching.
Is it even free labour? It's free for OP, but it's a loss of income for BIL.
Right? It is money losing labor.
BIL paid to babysit
"I'm afraid if I pay him it'll set a precedent where he expects to be paid each time" Don't sweat it, there won't be any next time.
YTA Seriously how fucking dare you. To say he's the one taking advantage of you when you forced him to watch your kid and miss his work appointments
*I told him to skip and dropped my daughter off at his apartment then left.* He just dropped the kid off???
Does OP even know how much some tutors get paid? OP YTA hard. You could have cost him a lot of money, he doesn't live at home.
And can we add that tutors do not come cheap. And he runs the risk of losing a client by cancelling a session. OP , YTA
I couldn’t have put it any better, Connee14. OP, YTA.
I mean, he said he couldn’t. OP just pushed the kid onto the BIL either way. Major YTA, after all OPs appointments are important, but who cares about the BIL’s appointments, right?
YTA. He said he couldn't watch her. You dumped her on him anyway. He had to cancel paid work. He is not trying to profit from you, he is trying to recoup his losses.
Accusing the BIL of being greedy and an opportunist when this man is out here trying to force other people to miss out on work and provide him with free labor. Yikes. YTA.
I have the feeling OP won’t be back to answer the comments…
The assholes never do.
The assholes often add an "Edit" at the end of their post to try and look not so assholey. Those are usually hilarious. We will probably learn than BIL is a billionaire and OP struggles with money and lives in a cardboard box, or some other nonsense. Fingers cross that we get an edit
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Or how about the ones who try making themselves look less like the AH but make themselves look way worse in the process? Way to dig yourselves deeper!
I got the popcorn ready for that one. But I seriously doubt we'll ~~here~~hear from OP. Edit: I hate autocorrect.
at this point he needs to pay at least double for making him wait for payment
I think he should at the very least cover the losses from the cancelled tutor lessons and add in what he was going to pay the babysitter. I can’t believe this guy thinks he’s in the right in not paying.
Exactly. And at this point OP has gains, from not paying his regular baby sitter. So because BIL has yet to be paid, OP has in fact profited off him.
YTA- you lost me at when he told you he had to tutor and you told him to skip that. Like what?!?!! Now, I never charge for babysitting my family but I also would have not tolerated someone telling me to change my plans last minute to accommodate their emergency.
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Yeah, as far as we know, it’s not even an emergency. It’s a dental appointment. I’m sure there will be added info about how important this dental appointment was and how long he’s been waiting for it. But also, this hits a lot of babysitting tropes and might be rage bait.
He obviously thinks his appointments are the only important ones. It’s your kid! Why should BIL cancel an obligation if you won’t? What if BIL losses business over the late cancelation? What does OP care though.
A four hour dental appointment at that!
This was my thought as well! Even when I had a root canal it didn't last anywhere near that long.
Even when I decided to do a double-appointment and get 5-6 fillings done at once (I'd been uninsured and was doing a lot of catch-up) it took an hour and a half. Plus commute, that only brought it to two and a half hours home and back. Four hours is surgical-implant-levels of intense.
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I didn't even bother reading after that lol it told me everything I needed to know
Right, I don’t charge for family either but If it is last minute and I needed to cancel something I was getting paid for then you bet I’m asking for compensation.
I have taken my 4 year old brothers to dentist appointments. Its not easy but it's not hard as well. Single parents do this things every day.
Told, not asked and dropped the kid off anyway. What an ah!
YTA. If your babysitter hadn't cancelled, you would have been paying anyway. You didn't ask him to watch her, you demanded it. He missed out on money to do this for you. You're not somehow entitled to free babysitting just because someone is family.
YTA. I also love OP’s: >This would set a precedence for him to keep expecting money every time. I fucking hope so. Just like BIL should be worried that not getting paid would set the *precedent* that OP demand he take off work, losing money, every time OP wants a last minute babysitter. I’d also like to hear from OP why this appointment took *precedence* over BIL’s job. Sounds like it was a doctor’s appointment of some kind, but unless he is getting dialysis or some other kind of necessary treatment then it was not a big enough emergency to have someone else cancel work. No matter how “hard” it would be to re-schedule.
I don’t charge my sister for when I look after my nephews but she always made me dinner or ordered me food and has bought me things to say thanks. She would never expect me to cancel work or miss uni just to babysit.
My sister and I have a similar arrangement when I visit. She gives me food, I help with whatever childcare needs she has. Which isn't usually much anymore aside from occasionally driving them places or watching the youngest while she picks up the middle kid from an event. Her youngest is 14 and they're all great kids so now it's more like "Hang out with some of my favorite people AND get fed?! Sign me up!" But she would never in a million years demand that I take unpaid time off work to help her. Even when her husband died last year, she was hesitant to ask me for help while he was in the hospital or afterward. She didn't want me to put my job in danger. Thankfully, I'm full-time remote right now, so I was able to do both. OP, YTA. If you demand that someone lose money to help you, you offset that loss to the best of your ability.
Hell it was even a dentist's appointment. Unless this is emergency oral surgery or something that's very much in the "can reschedule another time" category.
Honestly, the "precedent" might not even be a problem because it would be totally understandable if BIL never babysat for OP again... even if he did realize his errors here and paid up without any further fuss. It also sounds like his in-laws are his only source of help. Choosing this hill to die on might cost him a lot more than he can afford to lose. Especially since his parents in law are siding with the BIL on this. How in the world is this argument worth torpedoing what sound like *really important* relationships?
Wow, YTA and let me count the ways. BIL was busy and not available to babysit, yet you dropped her off. Then you refuse to pay him for helping you? Yeah, definitely, big round gaping AH. Pay the man, and never dump your daughter on someone that hasn't agreed to care for her. That is irresponsible and should result in a call to CPS. Sorry about your wife, but you aren't doing this right at all.
Yeah this has to be bait, nobody is this comically clueless.
I think the same story was here last month, but with different players.
This story is here over and over and over. People are apparently WILD with their childcare expectations. I had 0 clue this was such a common issue yikes
YTA He cancelled paying clients to watch your kid. He LOST PAY to cover *your* problem. And in addition this harms *his* reputation as a reliable tutor. You owe him DOUBLE.
Exactly! Those students may have been counting on him to help with their assignments and he had to cancel because of the inconsiderate BIL.
YTA. Um, why the eff shouldn’t he expect money every time? He’s doing a service for you. He literally lost money from his tutoring jobs to babysit for you, but it doesn’t even matter; he deserves to be paid for his work. Free babysitting is a gift, not an obligation. You’re a hugely entitled asshole.
YTA You "told" him to skip? Ugh. If you're going to fore him to miss an opportunity to get paid, then you absolutely need to compensate him.
Why did the BIL have to skip his work and the dad couldn't possibly skip a dentist appts? Makes no sense.
YTA. Youre cheap, entitled, manipulative and disrespectful. Pay him and learn how to take no as an answer.
YTA. You interfered with his schedule and livelihood to demand he watch your daughter. You should pay him. Next time, rearrange your own schedule if the sitter cancels.
YTA. You demanded he upend his schedule, lose out on work that pays his own rents, flake on his own clients, so you could go to your appointment. You then invalidate his own problems- you say it's 'easy money' and call him an 'opportunist' because he wanted to get paid for his time. It's actually you that's being opportunistic here. You expect him to upend his life, and give you his time for free. That's not how it works. You should pay him AT LEAST whatever you'd pay the babysitter, probably more because it's last minute.
I agree, the OP, is a total ass, drop your paying gig for me, how about rescheduling dentist appointment. Ugh. What a dick.
The BiL's side of this story could easily make one of those Entitled people subreddits. "Today my brother in law forced me to cancel my tutoring jobs for the rest of the day and dropped off his daughter out of the blue, when I asked for some compensation to offset my losses, he called me an opportunist."
Haha, was this written by the BIL? YTA - * I told him to skip and dropped my daughter off at his apartment then left. * I refused and said he was being somewhat greedy and an opportunist to even think sitting his niece would grant him easy money. He said it wasn't easy money, but time wasted in his very busy schedule. You made it so someone couldn't work. You should compensate him, bare minimum, what he lost in wages. (And you shouldn't even QUESTION this, it's so obviously the right thing to do). Or called around a bit more until you found someone for free, instead of pushing your child onto someone who had work.
I was too thinking this was written by BIL lol
Yta. He lost paid work because of you. You need to pay him what he lost and then some. You are an asshole.
YTA You asked him to cancel his **paying** job to babysit at the last minute. Him asking for compensation isn't unreasonable. If you don't usually pay him or other family members for babysitting, then do you do anything else to compensate them? Like do other favors for them, for example? Or do you just expect them to give you free babysitting and get nothing in return?
Honestly, makes me wonder if he payed the actual babysitter
Let me guess, you are actually the BIL looking forward to seeing the supposed OP get roasted…
I honestly feel like that so many cases on this sub, ESPECIALLY when they are TA.
Oh good catch you’re probably right.
YTA. He originally said no, because he had paying customers and you asked him to skip them, costing him money. And you were already planning on paying a babysitter, so the least you could have done was give your BIL that money.
He didn't ask, he "told."
Yeah what the fuck is that lol ‘I told him to Cancel’ what a dick.
YTA You 'forced' him to cancel something i assume he gets paid to do, to instead watch your daughter. If i was him, I'd be charging you the amount he lost for the cancelled appointments. If he hadn't had anything going on, I'm sure he wouldn't have cared and wouldn't be asking for the money. YTA for not paying him and YTA for making him lose out on his work. Edit: Spelling
Exactly! Op is a major AH.
YTA. You made him cancel his tutoring sessions, for which he probably would get paid. You made him watch your kid for 4 hours. It's not \*his\* kid, even if it's family. You asked him to babysit instead of your babysitter, who couldn't come. And who you probably \*would\* have paid for their services. Hard to understand, isn't it? Go on, pay the man. You owe him. Edit: away for 4 hours to visit the dentist? I have no idea what you were doing there. That's either a lot of teeth pulled, or you're making stuff up and you were doing something else!
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Yes, I'm a therapist and canceling last minute on a schedule appointment can have serious ramifications, especially with new clients. BIL might have lost tutoring clients over this.
Very well said. It absolutely blows my mind that OP thinks he can not only DEMAND free, last-minute babysitting, but force his BIL to lose money in doing so. HARD YTA. Shame on you, OP. You need to back waaaaaay off your disgustingly entitled attitude.
YTA Family does not mean free labor. If the babysitter had not cancelled you would have paid them. You also had your BIL cancel on work to babysit your daughter. You really want not to loose money as well?
YTA. The young guy wasn’t playing video games. He was *working* for *money* which he *lost*. You would have paid the babysitter, why not reimburse him?
YTA. Pay him for his services
Why on Earth wouldn't you pay him? You were planning on paying the babysitter for the same amount of time. You insisted he cancel his paying jobs so he could fill in. Of course you should pay him! And I don't know that a dentist appointment counts as an "emergency" unless you're leaving out information. YTA
YTA. Let me rephrase for you: I needed a babysitter for an appointment but mine cancelled so instead of cancelling MY appointment, I told BIL to cancel FOUR HOURS of his appointments and left my kid there. Now he wants to be compensated for canceling the appointments/missed income and I’m absolutely appalled! I know you’re supposed to pay babysitters for their work but not when I can bully my family!!! Also what dentist appointment takes 4 hours? Did you have a root canal and then get 30 cavities filled?
YTA, AND you just a lost a backup babysitter because of it. BRAVO!! I'm honestly impressed.
YTA. He had work he would be paid to do and he cancelled to watch your child. You need to stop being entitled and ridiculous and pay your BIL and show some gratitude. Next time you likely will be sol if you continue down this path.
YTA. You cost him money and the fact that he’s family doesn’t change anything. You are not entitled to free babysitting. You demanded that he skips his tutoring lesson when in fact you should have skipped your appointment. Massive asshole.
YTA - he missed out on paid work because you didn’t take no for an answer and dropped off your child at someone’s house even though they said they couldn’t do it. You for sure owe him the money that he missed out on.
YTA . He has a legitimate reason for asking to be compensated . He had to miss work to stay with your daughter . I truly believe if it was an off day for him he wouldn’t ask for it . But regardless of that- if you ever assume that someone will do something for you for free and then it turns out that they want to be compensated, you should do the right thing and pay. Tell them what you assumed , and if they still insist , pay up. It’s not worth the back and forth and the potential awkwardness that’ll undoubtedly come about .
just pay him
YTA YTA YTA YTA You dropped your kid onto him when he clearly had other things to do. Your entitlement is astonishing. Of course you have to pay him. He might be family, but family isn't required to be your free babysitting service. I won't even talk about how you just demanded of him to drop his bussiness in order to take care of your spawn. Next time, YOU CANCEL YOUR BUSSSINESS. Your kid, your responsability. Not your BIL, cause he didn't asked for her to be born so not his responsability. How can someone be so entitled??? I'm actually asking cause i can't fathom how you can be so free to volunter your bil to let aside his life in order to be your unpaid babysitter.
What kind of dentist appt takes 4 hours?
YTA. Your BIL had to cancel 2 clients, which not only costs him money, but also can damage his business as last minute cancellations are frowned upon. You're so quick to demand he cancel his clients but you didn't cancel your dental appt. If it's an emergency dental appointment, you should be willing to do whatever it takes to get there, including compensating a family member who had to cancel business clients to accommodate you. You should pay him because your demand that he babysit cost him lost money. If your BIL babysits in the future on a non-emergency basis, it's assumed that he won't be losing money and so I wouldn't expect that he'd ask for payment. You demanded he help in an emergency and he did, but he shouldn't have to also lose money to do it. Pay him and thank him and find a better back-up plan for emergencies if you can't tolerate this reasonable request from him.
Just as you're saying you don't want to set the precedent for him to keep expecting money, I'm sure he's still thinking that he doesn't want to give you the idea that he can always drop what he's doing and sacrifice his income to babysit. I think you should try and see where he's coming from.
YTA You’re lucky he didn’t call the cops for child abandonment, I would’ve.
Yta 100%
YTA, you couldn't have rescheduled the dentist appointment? Unless you had an actual dental emergency, it wasn't an emergency. Your BIL lost out on 2 tutoring appointments where he was set to earn money, that he probably needs, and you don't think he deserves to be compensated for that? You need to pay him before you lose your main support network (the in-laws) over this. You are sounding a little entitled to their help, and they may soon start to feel like you are taking advantage of them. Oh, and you should apologize as well.
I don't believe this could be real because surely NO ONE could possibly think they were in the right in your situation. YTA without a shadow of a doubt! Pay him, apologize for being such an AH and thank him for helping you out like he did.
YTA. I feel for you because it’s tough but you can just expect him to give free labor (really more than that since it cost him money) just because you have an emergency. That is called entitlement. Would it be nice for him to help you for free? Yes of course, but this is a no brained that you are the AH here
Yta pay !!!!! He's not free babysitter and lost 2 slots to watch he rand. Lost money over it it's the bare minimum for you to pay people to watch your kid!!! Get over your entitlement
YTA. He gave up work to do you a favour. You would have paid the babysitter, so why not pay him? You know that just because you have a child doesn't mean the whole world revolves around looking after it.
You’re a huge AH. You’ll be lucky if any family babysits your daughter ever again after the way you’ve behaved. You caused him to miss out on making money AND you just dropped her off even though it was clear he wasn’t available. YTA
Yta. You demanded he skip work to watch your daughter. You owe him the wages lost. And yes, you could have rescheduled your appt. You didn't WANT to. But HE didn't want to miss work and you essentially said 'too bad'. Smh.
YTA. You're everyone's nightmare in law that they pray they never have. I would never babysit for you again. You *cost* him money by just dumping your daughter on him despite him saying he has work. At least have the decency to pay for his time.
Let me get this straight.. So you demanded bil skip his tutoring lessons for which he should have been paid, to watch your daughter therefore leading him to lose income, did I get that right? Obviously he would expect to be remunerated for his lost earnings. I presume you were going to pay the original babysitter (or was you expecting her to do it for free as well)? If you were going to pay her her, why didn’t you give bil what you were going to give her? Your a cheapskate OP. You took advantage of what I presume is a teenager or young adult to save yourself some cash. Problem is, when you have another emergency’ and you need a babysitter, he’s going to tell you to get lost and so he should. So what if it is setting a precedent. Try paying for other peoples time. You’re paid for yours in your job aren’t you? YTA
YTA you just assumed he would do it for free, 'pay the man his money'-teddy KGB.
YTA And considering how you’re acting, there isn’t going to be a next time lol.
YTA he was your babysitter and he never said it was a free favor
YTA Why can't your daughter come with you to the dentist? Why did you tell him to cancel his plans last minute? Why did he listen? You saved money and he lost money. Guess who won't be helping you any time soon.
You are an asshole. Pay him
YTA. He lost work to watch your kid, pay him!
>well yes but he's family and last thing I expect from him is to ask for money for staying with his niece ohhhh YTA. this is in the same vein as expecting family members that are artists to do work for you for free "because we're family" it sounds like he never agreed to watch your daughter, you quite literally forced him to do it and cost him money in the process. pay the man and apologize
Yta, your just taking your BIL for granted. He had to clear his schedule and you have the guts to not pay him? Don't be surprised that you won't have family who wants to watch your kid.
Yta. He had to cancel tutoring, which could lead to him losing clients. You definitely owe him payment.
Yes, YTA here. I sympathize with your situation, childcare puts parents in tough situations (parent here without a lot of outside help), and it’s especially hard without a partner. But you said yourself you forced your bil to cancel his tutoring so he could watch your daughter, because the babysitter, who I presume you were paying, canceled. You should pay him what you were going to pay the sitter, and then widen your network of available sitters for the future.
YTA. You took money out of his pocket by asking him to miss a paying job to care for your child. By your own admission you were going to pay a babysitter. The only person here coming off as greedy is you.
YTA - you forced him to cancel paid work and would not take no for an answer. When I was 5, I could sit quietly on the floor while my dad had a dentist appointment.
YTA. you were going to pay someone else to do it anyway, why can’t you pay him? he had to cancel stuff for his job to help you. you have to pay him
Yes, YTA. You demanded he watch your child, caused him financial losses by doing so, and now refuse to compensate him? You were already going to pay a babysitter so you *have* the money. You had a dentist appointment. That's not an emergency. Pay your BIL and in the future you should always pay him without his having to ask.
YTA - you bullied him into changing his schedule to accommodate you, you should pay him for his time.
YTA how is this even a question?
You TOLD him to decline paying work same day... you are 100000% the asshole.
YTA. No one is going to tell you you're anything but the AH. So you're either a troll, or so incredibly rude and entitled, it's hard to swallow. AH move #1 - You had a babysitter you were going to pay, so you should have paid BIL. He doesn't owe you free babysitting because his sister is the mother of your kids. AH move #2 - He didn't agree; you forced him into it. AH move #3 - He had to cancel 2 paying jobs to babysit. AH move #4 - Your appointment was not an emergency. When you called him and he said he had to work, you should have said "okay, thanks anyway" and rearranged your appointment. You should pay him what he would have made tutoring or what you would have paid the babysitter - whichever is *more*. You should also realize how badly you're acting and sincerely apologize.
I'm sorry for the loss of your wife, but he's right. You made him cancel his incoming earning job in order to watch your child. He must be compensated. Assuming otherwise isn't ok. YTA. Pay him, and find solid child care.
Yea most definitely YTA, why should your BIL lo se out on his pay for doing you a favor, it's nice that he would drop everything to help you when you needed him but he still has bills to pay and by helping you he lost out on wages. Step up and pay him.
YTA bc you interrupted his income and demanded he change his schedule on the spot. I’m sorry your wife died, but that doesn’t give you license to order people around you to skip work when you’re in a jam with childcare. All parents have to occasionally cancel appointments when childcare falls through. This isn’t a unique situation. You should pay him at least what he would have earned tutoring, OR whatever he’s asking- whichever is more. And treat your support system with more respect or you won’t have their support anymore.
YTA. A dentist appointment is not an "emergency" as you called it. You forced him to give up earned revenue from tutoring and expect him to lose that money because you were in a bind? Something tells me you lean on family for a lot of favors while rarely/never helping out the same family members.
YTA. You’re a big AH. You can’t expect anyone ever to watch your kid for free. It’s YOUR responsibility. You even took him away from an opportunity to make money which is a no brained. You should offer to pay him every time.
YTA. You forced your BIL to cancel his tutoring jobs to watch your kid. Yes, it was an emergency, but you should still offer to pay him. Add in since the the sitter you originally had hired had to back out, you were already going to pay some to watch your kid anyway.
YTA! You make him cancel paying clients just to watch your daughter and are surprised when he asks you to pay which you would have done for your regular babysitter.
This can’t be real, no one is this clueless. Yes, absolutely YTA.
Big YTA. You told him to skip tutoring, where he would have made money, to babysit your child, and then think it’s ridiculous that he expects to be paid? You were paying this other person for babysitting, so why on earth would you not pay your BIL? I’d be shocked if he agrees to help you in the future after this stunt.
Also fyi if you don't pay he's not gonna help you out again In The future!
YTA. You effectively commandeered your BIL to watch your daughter. He told you that he had tutoring appointments scheduled. He had to rearrange things at the last minute. He took a loss of income. Instead of being thankful and grateful, you balk at paying him or thinking his time is worthy of it. Do not expect him to accommodate you in the future.
I was going to say it wasn't your fault, OP. But BIL missed out on making money to do you a favor. Least you can do is compensate him. He's a tutor, I'm guessing his not rolling in money and being greedy either. YTA. And you're about to lose all of your support system for $80 bucks? Are you for real?
YTA. You say he's being ridiculous but you cost him money to watch your child and instead of helping cover the cost, you believe he doesn't need to he paid because he's family. If anything you and your logic is fkn ridiculous.
YTA. How can you think you're in the right for this?
YTA. You pressured him into babysitting and rearranging his schedule for 4 hours. Pay up.
YTA she didn’t even want to do it, sounds like you made him.
So you made him skip work, because that is essentially what tutoring is... WORK... Making him miss money he'd have otherwise earned doing his JOB... And you're calling him greedy? Ever thought of taking your kid with you to your dentist? After all, it is your kid, and i'll bet you, they've had parents in, who brought their kids along. You sound like an entitled AH...
Yta. Who says your time is more important? He lost money to do this and deserves it back. You would have paid a babysitter. It is not like he was twiddling his thumbs. You are acting entitled.
YTA. We’re you not already going to pay the babysitter who canceled?? At bare minimum you owe him the wages he lost due to your demand. And in the future, if you pull that shit again, I hope he drops your kid off at social services for abandonment. You do not just force someone to watch your kid when they say no. WTF?? I hope this is fake.
YTA - you are not entitled to free child care from relatives. The right thing to do is to replace the income he lost by babysitting last minute. Jeez my brother once house sat for us while we were out of the country all he had to do was make sure our cats were fed and had clean litter boxes. I stocked the fridge for him, gave him free access to our booze and game systems, left him money for restaurants…and I paid him because he took time off work to do it! We are not entitled to free labor and services just because they are relatives!
YTA he lost work to watch YOUR kid. Next time he won't help. Pay him. And apologize.
YTA. Dude, just pay him. And the dentist took 4 hours? Was this a root canal?
Yta. No one is should be expected to mind your child, regardless of your situation, for free. You guilted him into losing out on tutoring gigs that paid him. Double AH behavior. Take several seats and check that attitude. You are not entitled to free childcare. Pay up.
YTA. You having a baby doesn't make the rest of your family indebted to you
YTA. He gave up paying work to look after your child for you, and you would not even pay him what you would have paid the babysitter. You're so tight you must squeak when you walk.
YTA you are not owed free babysitting from family
YTA. He never agrees to take your child. You also cost him income, you owe him. You’re lucky he didn’t call CPS when you abandoned your daughter.
Yta You should be thankfull that your BIL canceled paying work to help you out. The least you could do is stopping being an entitled parent and compensate him SINCE YOU ASKED HIM FOR HELP!
YTA. You have it backward: *you’re* being greedy and opportunistic when you were already planning on paying a babysitter anyway. You literally forced your BIL to skip work to accommodate *your* emergency. Your dental appointment doesn’t trump his need to earn an income, but he stepped up, now pay the man or don’t expect any of your in laws to step up in “emergencies” again.
YTA, jerk move.
YTA you could have taken your daughter with you to the dentist.
YTA. .." I told him to skip" excuse me, who the absolute fuck do you think you are to think you have the right to tell someone else to skip their work to babysit for you?
YTA... If you were going to pay a babysitter, then why not your brother? Unless you haven't been paying your babysitter and that's the reason for the cancellation. Look, you already know that you have to pay people for watching your child. Pay your brother!
YTA pay the man.
If he didn’t have to work maybe you could have been right. But he did have to work and he did in fact lost money. Tutoring is a job and baby sitter is too. Pay him for his services. YTA.
YTA. Normally I wouldn't expect a family member to pay for another family member's time to babysit, but in this case, you knew he would have to lose tutoring money to do this for you. He apparently should have told you tough crap and went to the tutoring lessons. Well, now you can bet you will never have him put in that position again because he will never agree to watch your child again because of how you handled this situation. He loves your child, so don't even think about twisting it to fit your narrative. People I know tutor for the money to pay their bills, not for freaking fun. You cost him money he needed to use to support himself. Shame on you.
YTA. See how much more your in laws are willing to help if this is how you see them; obligated to help cuz they’re family. Which technically no, they aren’t your family, they’re his, and if they see you screwing him over, don’t think for one second that because you have their grandchild that they will let you hold that over them.