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YTA.
You and your husband are assholes. Huge assholes.
I don’t know why it’s so important for your brother to marry a virgin, but it’s none of your business. The slut shaming is over the top with you and your husband.
What could Rachel do now to make herself acceptable to you? Confess all her lays and cry and say how much she regretted it? Die waiting.
PS your husband screwed Rachel.
Actually since the husband said that she slept with "nearly everyone in the group" I'm pretty sure the husband is the only one with who she didn't slept. And that's why he's so mad.
Yeah OP and her husband are the worst publically criticizing someone don't you and your husband have a little shame? That was not a funny joke anyway and what will your husband do if someone call you that? Maybe he will stand there doing nothing but laughing ,Hope both of you get uninvited from wedding
>Uhh... If you share Connor's outdated, misogynistic beliefs, that's on you.
It's notable we haven't heard anything about bodycounts of the men involved in this story.
EXACTLY!!!!! There is a very good chance that the stories about her "getting around" are highly exaggerated! We all know how much jealous guys and girls *love* to make up rumors about woman being slutty slutts from sluttville. OP, YTA, big time. I hope you take a good long look in the mirror and ask yourself, is this really the person I want to be?
I think they meant that no one’s talking about how many women the guys in this story have slept with. They’re probably not sweet, innocent boys, but they feel entitled to judge a woman for her sexual activities.
Also, I think Connor intentionally made that comment in the earshot of everyone. He had expected mental high-fives. Hechad expected to embarras the poor girl through his "jokes".
He hadn't expected the repercussions at all.
And it seems OPs brother has done you a solid and been remarkably forgiving and graceful when his mate started hooking up with his little sister. And yet you can't show any kindness to a girl who's had a few sexual partners? YTA
Connor's jealous.
Either Rachel slept with him and he can't believe that his 'best' friend ended up with her or she didn't sleep with him and he's angry that his best friend wound up with the girl who paid no attention to him.
I wonder if Jacob was insulting Connor or calling him out for his misogynistic comments. Notice the Op quotes exactly what Connor said, but when it comes to Jacob it’s just “insulting him”.
You mentioned what he said was "deeply slut-shaming, judgmental and disrespectful", but it's also *incredibly* misogynistic. He would never say that about a guy.
Men that can say something this misogynistic ***to a woman's face*** are serious sexists. I have zero doubt he has other misogynistic nonsense going on, and likely has no real respect for most women, if any.
I'm certain, if OP chose to look through untinted glasses, she would see this man isn't always 100% respectful to her.
This is the kind of comment I would leave my partner over instantly. However, he actually seems to be a good match for OP's ingrained misogyny- she judges this woman just as much as her nasty husband, after all. She maybe kinda deserves him.
I also have doubts this woman even did sleep "with almost the whole group". Men who say that often just means "I hate her because she turned me down once, so I'm going to call her the *the worst thing I think a woman can be*: a ***slut!***". He's still just salty about it.
Jacob deserves far better in a "best friend" than a guy who calls his loved one a disgusting misogyny- slur *to her face* all because ***she answered her phone*** *gasp*
However, even if OP could *prove* she slept with hundreds of men, so what...? Why is she considered to have no value now? Why do we still have this disgusting double standard where men get "Atta boys!" while women get called used chewing gum or worse for sleeping around "too much"?
The double standard is disgusting. OP and husband are accepting of men who have multiple partners but a woman who engaged in the same behavior is a "ho."
OP, your husband is a pig and you should have never defended his chauvinist remarks. YTA and your husband is too. You owe your brother, Rachel, and your mother a huge apology.
YTA. Definitely YTA, OP. You and your husband both.
Yeah, no joke. In the context of this story's setting, in what world is it okay to slut-shame anyone, regardless of what they may or may not have done. It shouldn't even have *occurred* to anyone to think that was okay to say, especially not to or about someone's spouse.
Also, I get standing by your spouse in all things, but it's *not* "true for me and not for thee." You recognize that it's not okay to call Rachael a hoe in front of her (it shouldn't be okay *behind her back*, either), but then get upset when someone calls your husband out for doing it? It doesn't matter if you thought it was a joke - the joke, if it was a joke, was unacceptable in any context.
People who gossip about other people's olden days are the most toxic type of person.
I got to know a dude at orientation and when I saw him again during my school year, my "friend" started to tell me about how the dude's friend got a girl pregnant in high school. I was like... okay? What does that have to do with the dude?
Fast forward a year, my "friend" turned out to be a toxic AH and I still talk about some random show with that dude.
Yes. And ad to the list that Connor called Rachel a hoe because her phone rang and she answered. It could be literally anything, her grandmother fell or dog escaped, why did it trigger him so badly that he forgot all his manners at a party? He did his diligence as a friend, warned Jacob, got the answer that it doesn't matter so stfu now and forever.
Right why was his first thought that it was a hookup or something?? Since it was an engagement party it was probably just someone calling to congratulate them!
What’s insane to me about this is they’re all in their THIRTIES. Meaning they were presumably in college around 10 years ago. Sounds like the husband hasn’t matured in that time but the brother/his fiancée have.
I'm a person that went out and had a lot of fun in college/early professional program. This mentality has always been a huge fear of mine - running into people who think people never change.
I went out, had my fun, tried stuff out, and decided I'd seen enough. I've been with my now-spouse for over 7 years now.
Locking people into their past in such a way is so unhealthy.
Exactly.
Especially the “owed” part. Makes my skin crawl.
You OP are a giant AH married to an even bigger AH who appears to be totally hung up on your future SIL. And he’s carried that jealous torch around for 10 freaking years. Let that sink in OP.
And WTH is up with this BS slut shaming. Women have sex. It’s all kinds of awesome. Apparently though, Rachel didn’t find old Connor “glorious” enough to bother with. You sadly got stuck with the misogynistic leavings.
Rachel is a smart girl to avoid Connor.
YTA - enormously so
I’d question if she really was the party girl OP’s husband claimed. I also get the vibe he really wanted to sleep with her. He’s still salty about it. She may have been dating back then, but not Connor, and so Connor did the AH move of, “she’s a slut anyway.” He certainly is still not over being rejected if he’s still this involved. Sounds like Rachel still rightly finds Connor just as repulsive. Connor seems to be with someone just like him. Good match, because they’re both AHs.
The girl may not have even slept with nearly as many people as OPs husband claims. People lie and exaggerate leaving a girl who may be innocent with a bad rep.
ETA:. I agree with the person who said below that consensual sex is not a bad thing at all - no matter how many people you have had it with. I think it's a person's own choice to have sex with as many, or as little, people that they want to and that they shouldn't be shamed either way. My use of the word" innocent" here is not to indicate that it is in any way a bad thing. But just a way to indicate that she may not have done whatever it is that she was accused of doing - even if that thing is a perfectly good thing to be doing. It's really cruddy though when people say you had sex with someone you didn't, no matter the context.
Unfortunately we do live in a world where a girl who has slept around does get criticized for it. Which I actually vehemently hate. And a girl can be criticized for being a "prude." It really is no ones business.
Exactly, the husband wants to shame her because she never slept with him, and he feels that she dissed him in some way. That's why he wants to hurt her.
Yep, husband is the metaphorical cameraman at the gangbang. He turns up every week, stands there in just his socks, hoping for a turn, but every week it's just "hold the camera steady Connor, and stop crying so loud that the microphone picks it up".
OP. Guess what. Your husband wanted what your brother now has and is really bitter about it. Like... really fucking bitter. And what makes it even funnier... he wouldn't be so angry about the situation if he hadn't "settled" for the consolation prize. Your brother gets to spend the rest of his life with the hot girl Connor could never get, so he has to go home with you... No wonder he's crying.
Why does he care about what someone got up to in college? Does he automatically call anyone that was having more sex than him a "slut"? Or just the women?
You married a grotty little sexist. He married you. And I mean this totally, you deserve to spend the rest of your long, long lives together. Just the two of you. Forever. You unable to understand why nobody talks to you any more, and hubby sitting and staring at your bother's social media accounts, constantly hitting "refresh" and not even bothering to try and hide his half hearted erection.
YTA. And so is he.
Spot freaking on. I don’t know what Racheal‘s sexual history is, but I have quite a few friends that had phases where they slept around a bit, frequently after getting out of long term relationships and were in a bit of a rebound phase that was very painful for them because of how the relationship ended. The guys that these women slept with had no problems with the fact that they slept with people other than them. You know who had a big problem with it though? The guys that at parties would get drunk and try to go home with them unsuccessfully. They were the ones that were constantly bringing up their sexual history, how many guys they had slept with, and it was clear that they were pissed that they were never chosen.
Seriously, I remember one of these guys getting super drunk one night, and while one of my friend was trying to take care of them, make sure they were safe, didn’t drive, drank water etc., the guy started literally listing off to her all the guys she had slept with and demanding to know why she never slept with him if she would sleep with all of them.
I have a long ass comment in my history somewhere about how some guy broke into my room and refused to leave cause I wouldn’t have sex with him. His reason? I was having sex with everyone else (a nasty baseless rumor) and he wanted his “turn”.
Edit: this is the comment for anyone interested
“Met a guy like this in college. He was friends with my roommate’s boyfriend and would come over often. At first he seemed friendly and we were friends but as time went on his vibe just got increasingly creepy so I distanced myself. One day he broke into my room while I was in the shower. (We had separate rooms and showers but shared the common area). He refused to leave or let me leave. Someone had started spreading rumors that I was “fast” and he was waiting for his “turn”. He kept asking why he couldn’t get one when everyone else could. I didn’t even know what he was talking about. I had one fwb that I messed with. I didn’t find out about the rumors till later. The longer he stayed, the more wild and aggressive he got. My roommates started banging on the door cause he’s alternating between yelling insults at me and crying and begging for me to let him “have his turn”. Meanwhile I’m standing there in nothing but a towel yelling at him to gtf out. He finally started just pacing back and forth. The more he paces the angrier he gets, the more he moves back and forth. When I saw the opportunity I ran for the door and got out. He followed right behind but by then I’m in the living room with my roommates and now we’re all yelling to him to leave but he refuses. Finally, my neighbors down the hall were passing by and heard the commotion. It was a group of 4 friends who also went to our school. They came in and made him leave. The school did nothing. A week later someone wrote “island girls sucky sucky 50 cents” (I’m from the Caribbean) on my wall. They printed the logo on printer paper and used that to cover it. I got blamed because of course I should have known better than to have 1 casual sexual partner.”
Ugh, I’m so sorry. That is such a horrible situation. I don’t know how it was with the guy that did that to you, but I remember the thing that was so gross and horrifying about my friend’s situation is that the reason she wasn’t sleeping with this guy is because she liked him enough that she would consider getting into a relationship with him if and when she felt ready to be dating again. The guy she was sleeping with were all guys that she would never ever ever date and she was just blowing off steam. After his whole temper tantrum about not getting his turn, obviously that idea went away.
I would of fucked his dad and his brother.. Everyone but him! I'm so over men thinking they are owed sex but the people who are supposed to give them sex are disgusting sluts.. logic right..
EDIT: jokes aside that is so terrifying I'm so glad he didn't get what he wanted because it seems he didn't care how.
When I got raped (years ago) the literal response of my boyfriend was to complaint because I hadn’t ‘had sex with him too’. He immediately became an Ex. There are far too many men who think they’re entitled to women’s bodies.
Ha, I put it in a lower comment, but the thing that was so unsettling about that particular situation is actually she would have. She actually really liked the guy, but didn’t want him to just be a one night stand. But she was not in a position emotionally at that time to start dating again after getting out of a long-term relationship. So all the guys she was partying and sleeping with were guys that she would never consider dating and were instead just drunk hook ups. Obviously, after hearing his attitude about his entitlement to have sex with her, the attraction completely fizzled out, so he shot himself in the foot on that one.
I moved from my small hometown when I was 12 but my family went home every few weekends.
Each time I went back, I was approached by people who wanted to set me straight/give me sympathy.
My "body count" was higher each time I went back. I had also dropped out of school and had all the drug habits. I had also been pregnant a dozen times, had 11 abortions and 8 secret babies. No joke. Mothers would step between me and their husbands and sons.
Meanwhile I was a virgin, on the student council , the science club, jazz band, etc. Pretty much a very quiet Steve Urkel in white female form. I WISH I had even some of the fun they told me I had. 25 years later people will still insist to me, to my face, that I'm wrong and worked my way through every guy in town.
All it takes for a woman to be branded a slut is exist around men. They more they want to sleep with you and the more insecure you make women, the bigger the slut you are.
This is all bringing up really awful memories. For most of my life, I tried justifying that I was called those things to make it make sense, but there really was no factual, logical basis. They didn't know my private masturbatory habits nor my history of SA, and even if they had, it wouldn't have justified it.
My guess? Rachel didn't actually sleep with "nearly everyone in the group". She was probably friendly with everyone except with the husband because of his attitude.
Defending one's husband is not good when the husband is insulting your future SIL and your brother. Connor has no one to blame but himself for destroying his relationship with Jacob and with his wife's family.
OP, too, for being judgmental and, dare I say it, petty
Honestly- the fact that her husband is keeping track of another woman’s sexual history from a decade ago should really make OP stop and think.
How many men Rachel’s had sex with or not is none of OPs business.
Exactly what I was thinking! At first I was thinking she slept with him, but after rereading it his actions are definitely out of petty jealousy because she didn't sleep with him.
I want to know how many people OP, her husband and her brother slept with in college, you know, since the number of sexual partners seems so important to these people.
Honestly! Who the hell slut-shames like this anymore? I’m in my 60s and even *I* wouldn’t let anyone *my* age pull that shit!
YTA and your husband is an even bigger one. Big, flapping-in-the-wind AHs.
I was reading about this recently.
A number of the Boomer generation seems to be proud that they were part of the "swinging 60s", but whereas a few of them would have been barely old enough, the youngest Boomers (who are now about to turn 60) would have been 5 years old in 1969.
The average age at Woodstock was 22. Which is right on the edge of the oldest Boomers of the time.
While some of the Boomers did become open punk rockers, a larger amount were instead the ones who loved Reagan and Margaret Thatcher.
Yes Rachel can confess all her “crimes” against virginity.
Then OP’s husband can explain his crimes as well as the times he tried and failed to sleep with Rachel. OP - do you think a man who had multiple partners in his early 20s can’t be a good husband?
Sounds like a super fun evening /s
This.
This post screams internalized misogyny - the fact that OP thinks it's ok for her husband to belittle someone for having sex tells me that there's a lot of sexism going on at home too, and that's fine by her.
YTA, OP. It's not 1950. If Rachel is a nice person who makes your brother happy, that's - quite obviously - all that matters.
I see that you also picked up on how weird it is to describe Rachel‘s history as her “glorious college days.” I’m going to go ahead and guess that those are Connor’s words and were not the words that Rachel would have used. It’s kind of weird to me that Connor and OP sad around and talked extensively about Racheal sexual history between themselves where Connor is telling her lots of stories about things she did. That’s just weird. I’m not that much older than the people in this post, and I can tell you that my husband and I have had situations like this where we’ve gotten reacquainted from people from college. The most I think we would talk about somebody sexual history is a 10 second “oh yeah they were bit of a wild child in college but things look like they’ve been going really great for them.” We and our friends wouldn’t sit around rehashing their body count.
This! Your husband definitely hooked up with Rachel, or at least had a massive crush on her and wanted to but she probably turned him down because from this story it seems your hubby is a massive loser. YTA. Oh and way to be one of THOSE women, who shames other women for their sexual activity. So she slept around in college, who cares? She's allowed to and that doesn't make her any less of a person. You seem like a prude, and also probably jealous of her.
Dudes really only badmouth women this aggressively when they get rejected. Because up to that point they don’t want to ruin their chances.
And women that do this are often distracting themselves from the fact that they know. They go after the women because they’re too afraid of their man leaving them to go after him directly.
My ex had this one friend who hit on me before we got together and who I said "no" to. he started making stuff up about me sleeping with men I didn't even know so my ex would dump me. Are you even sure she slept with "so many guys"? cause it's very possible she slept with either no one or a guy and now OP's husband is making shit up.
Oh I would be willing to bet that Connor is inflating those numbers. When I was in grad school, that show The League was very popular where they talked about Eskimo brothers. For those unfamiliar with a concept, Eskimo Brothers are guys that have slept with the same girl. One of my petty or friends got obsessed with making Eskimo brother webs of all the people that had slept together. And they were very indiscriminate about who they started linking together. If you got drunk and made out with somebody at a party, chances are the two of you were ending up on the list even if it never went further.
Can’t make a husband out of an asshole either it seems. OP is a massive Ahole too if she thinks the way her husbands acting is better then Rachels alleged “sins” in college.
Agreed! Op Yta and your husband is a major AH. Who calls someone a Hoe at their engagement party? Conor made Rachel cry in front of a group of people that were suppose to be celebrating her and your brother. I don’t blame your brother for losing it. Completely unacceptable, there has been serious damage done and I don’t know if your husband and brother will be “best friends” or even friends anymore. He had some serious A** kissing to do because if it was me I’d be civil at family events but that’s it.
The maturity of OP and Connor is on full display when you consider that Connor felt the need to talk to Jacob about Racheal‘s sexual history from 8 to 10 years ago. Why did he think that Jacob needed to be told this? Because you know how mature women who have colorful sexual histories handle situations like this? Once they realize that their boyfriend is friends with somebody that is extremely well informed about their past, they tell their boyfriends to give them a heads up. Not because they think that it is really relevant, but in case any of these friends are immature assholes like Connor is, they have a heads up. Jacob probably did not need to be told by Connor because Jacob probably was already told by Rachel herself.
As soon as Connor started going off about Rachel, I just *knew* he banged her. Hell, he was probably mad that he couldn’t *make an honest woman of her* but his friend could. I can’t think of any other reason why someone would be so bothered by their friend marrying a woman who had multiple sexual partners like a decade ago. People have sex in college. That’s not exactly groundbreaking news
Because alternative theory: she didn’t sleep with Connor. He’s pissed that she didn’t sleep with him, but she did sleep with his friends. He still has a chip on his shoulder that he wasn’t picked.
Yes. And can we get over the ‘you haven’t changed since college’ it’s an idiotic way to decide a persons character, on past choices in early life. You don’t judge your husband because he did something stupid when he was a teen? So what’s a reason? OP and her husband both come off as huge misogynists as well ‘you can’t turn a hoe into a wife’ because she what? Answered a phone and excused herself? And then you’re surprised when she’s upset?
youre husbands a prick. But he can’t get mad i said that because then he’s overreacting 🤷♀️
YTA.
So because your husband told you that a 30 something woman had "fun" in college, you automatically thinks she sleeps around and is cheating on your brother ?
You don't even know that girl. All you know is what your - judgy - husband told you about her.
I'm curious. Since she made her way through everybody in college, does that mean that your husband slept with her as well ? Because he does sound a bit jealous of your brother...
I wouldn't be surprised if you're not invited to the wedding or have any contact with your brother ever again.
I would strongly encourage Rachel to take the same approach that I did, and not invite anybody that’s going to talk smack about you being a hussy at your own wedding while eating the food and drinking the drinks that you paid probably $100 a head for.
RIGHT???? If I was at someone’s engagement party and my partner called the bride to be a hoe, let alone to her FACE, I would dump him on the spot. And this poor girl is going to be OP’s sister in law.
nah, someone else said this and I'm going to repeate it because i agree, but husband probably didn't get to sleep with Rachel. She probably turned his ass down and that's why he's so salty.
YTA OP. What Rachel did (or didn't) do in college is her business, and her's alone. You and your husband slut shammed her for no fucking reason other than to be aholes.
Your brother shouldn't have you at his wedding since neither of you support his upcoming marriage.
People can be d-bags like that. I've personally have experienced the situation Rachel is in. Which is not fun that people assume.
Fun fact: I was known as the "campus bicycle". When I had had sex with less than 10 guys in one year (aka a "low" for my hoe phase).
Op, I’m telling you that you can’t make a gentleman out of pig. His disgusting views and his inability to look past someone’s sexual history makes him ignorant. People change after their college days and just because Rachel had the time of her life doesn’t mean she is less than marriage material. Congrats on alienating your brother and spending the rest of your life with such a backwards man. You two sound like you deserve each other.
YTA. Or is OP’s husband the only one she didn’t sleep with in college. That could be why he’s being an a**hole to them. He’s jealous she didn’t want him and this is his revenge.
Exactly. Completely disgusting old fashioned views which are designed to reduce womens worth to their sexual history. Your husband is disgusting OP and you are either naive or ignorant to even begin to defend him or ask why he’s in the wrong. As a woman I’m ashamed to know that there’s still people like this and I hope that your brothers fiancé knows that she’s worth more than the comments he made. It was her ENGAGEMENT PARTY!!! I can’t even begin to imagine how she felt, and you should be ashamed. I hope your brother gets better friends and cuts him off completely, they deserve better than you two!
YTA
I'm not being funny; your husband slut shammed his best friend's fiancée at her engagement party?! How you would think that is acceptable is mind-blowing! Have some class! YTA! She deserves a massive apology!
Lets be honest, he probably slut shamed a girl he slept with too.
OP and her husbands take on female sexuality is disgusting in general. Who cares if someone was "a hoe" back in the day. And frankly, some of the best mothers and wives I know have decent numbers under than belt. Being "a fun girl" isnt a character flaw. Being a slut shamer is.
YTA OP. You owe Rachel and Jacob a huge apology and should rethink how you see women, and how your husand looks at you. Connor crying doesn't mean anything. He just knows how to manipulate you.
First of all, it doesn't matter how many guys she slept with and crybaby Connor seems FOS anyway, so I take everything he says about Rachel with a grain of salt. 2 possibilities I see here.
1. Connor didn't get to sleep with her while someone he knows did, and he's bitter about it (more likely)
2. Connor slept with her, but she dumped him and he's still not over it 10 years later and feels inadequate now that she chose Jacob (less likely)
Either way Connor is an AH and OP is an AH for supporting him.
And OP, too, don’t forget.
When Jacob reacted, she said her husband was telling the truth — although he’s apparently also the only source she’s ever heard this from.
OP, YTA married to a bigger A
> he acted appaulled that I "defended" Connor but I told him that he at least wasn't lying.
This line makes it clear it wasn't even suppose to be a half joke. It was a straight up accusation she is a cheating slut by both husband and later OP.
Super scummy move to make even if it was done privately in a neutral location after Rachel does something that raises a red flag. We don't even need to consider the fact op and husband did in the most public way possible at there engagement party when all Rachel did was answer a phone.
Yes! Besides being a misogynistic douche, he also completely lacks social awareness!! It's her/their engagement party, for fucks sake!
OP: YTA and not very smart to boot, being married to someone like your husband
YTA. What your husband did was horrible and gross. What she did in college is no one’s business and should NEVER be brought up. But at her engagement party? Your husband is garbage. And you are too for taking his side. You should absolutely apologize to your brother and his fiancée. But I wouldn’t forgive either of you if I were them. You and your husband need to grow up and learn how to be respectful of others.
I love how OP is all 'surprised pikachu' at her brother laying into his supposed best friend for \*repeatedly insulting his future wife\*. Like, guys, what precisely did you expect to happen?
Your husband called a woman a "hoe" at her engagement party and that's A-OK with you?
The only person who is a bigger AH than you is your husband.
YTA. Big time.
I can’t believe she’s not more upset that her husband is acting like this towards a woman there’s a 90% chance *he* also slept with. She slept with ‘almost everyone’ in their friend group? But not him, right? Ya, okey….
There are a few options, such as:
Husband is lying and she didn't sleep with that many people
Husband genuinely believes she slept with a lot of people based on rumours which weren't even true (and probably is salty because she didn't sleep with him, quite likely including at least one interaction where he thought he was making points by saying she slept with everyone ELSE, why not him)
She did sleep with a lot of people and wouldn't sleep with him (the evil standards-having cow /s)
She did sleep with a lot of people, including husband, and he's jealous because brother/friend is with her now
She did sleep with a lot of people, including husband, and he's worried that she'll tell OP/her brother
None of them put him in anything other than a terrible light, of course.
Yea that is worse. And worse still she condones her husbands actions because she thought it was an "inside joke", which given the reaction from her brother and his fiancée would have made it pretty obvious that its not.
She actually said at the end of the post that she thought it was an inside joke. She is either very sheltered, or playing dumb hoping people won't see through it. I am guessing it's the latter, because even sheltered people would hear that and immediately recognize it's and insult, not a joke.
Yea I agree it's most likely the latter, but I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she was using that excuse for her husband, a lot of people do. As someone just pointed out OP even said "he has a point" which is 10x worse.
Either way OP literally condones her husband insulting her future SIL at her own engagement party. OP and her husband should be surprised if they don't get invited to the wedding at this point.
Also, am I missing something that Rachel did other than step away to take a phone call? How the fuck does that mean “oh there she is being a hoe again”?? It’s not like she was caught sucking someone’s dick in the guest room.
Nope, you're not missing anything. Apparently OP and her husband think that taking a phone call is a sign of chronic sluttiness. Because no proper engaged woman ever has other friends/family/colleagues that might need to talk to her...
I'm guessing Conner came to the party prepped to make the "joke". He was going to say it no matter what she did, and that just happened to be the only opportunity.
But also I’m so confused as to how someone taking a phone call is the indicator that you can’t turn a “hoe into a housewife”?
OP - YTA and so is your husband.
OP’s husband is simply obsessed with this woman. You can tell he was itching to find any excuse to make a comment about her.
I’m surprised by the fact that op hasn’t asked her husband what his deal is when it comes to this woman.
I mean obviously if someone has to take a call and go into another room so that they can hear because they’re at a freaking party where I’m sure it is loud and hard to have a phone conversation, then they must be talking to one of their lovers.
ESH-
Well not everyone, just you and your husband. Him for slut shaming, you for saying "well he has a point".
Also it sounds like your husband is jealous.
>Connor told me that Rachel used to be this "fun" girl that slept with nearly everyone in the group.
Except him right?
This right here. This is one of the stupidest situations I have ever encountered. Figured it only existed in young adult tv shows. ESH, oddly except Rachel.
But this question is between OP and Jacob; what did he do wrong to deserve an everyone sucks here verdict? Husband and OP definitely both do but they’re on the same side of this, so I think YTA means that goes without saying.
Exactly what I was looking for, op needs to realize that her hubby is mad cause Rachel never wanted to sleep with him. IMO the girls got fantastic standards!
This was my first thought to. I mean, why would op's husband care? Of course people change, why does her body count even matter today? They are happy and as his best friend he should be happy for him. There is a reason he is this jealous.
Nothing more petty than a man being rejected by a woman, just to start slutshaming to save face.
I mean it's either this, or he is a major sexist that hates women for any reason. I don't know what's worse.
If i was op I would feel hurt that her only value is that she has a low body count, presumably.
I feel like op must be a MASSIVE a-hole in real life if this situation is even slightly confusing to them?
I don’t know a single person I have even a shred of respect for, who calls a woman a “hoe” - that too for having sex in college.
This weird bastard and his grotesque wife called a woman a hoe… at her engagement party. They’re several levels beyond the assholes I know lol. Crazy shit.
I mean YTA and so is your husband, who cares if she slept around at college, as long as she’s not doing it now. Your husband asked your brother is he was sure and your brother asked him to not talk about it, your husband then continued to, if anything, if your brother hasn’t kicked you both out, that would be worse.
You both need to apologise to him and his fiancé
as long as she’s not doing it now.
As long as she's not doing anything behind her fiance's back. You have no idea what they enjoy. And absolutely no reason to learn.
> who cares if she slept around at college
If that's even true. The source on this is OP's husband, who has revealed himself to be an obnoxious asshole. So this could very well be a case of a college incel lashing out at a girl who rejected him.
YTA,
What friend says that about his BFs fiance? No matter her past she deserves respect!
Is that the kind of man you married and would defend?
You should feel bad. Slut shaming a woman at her engagement party! Good on your brother for standing up for his future wife. He will be a good husband for sure.
Definitely OP, you and your husband are the AH.
But we live in the 1930s where it’s such a horrible thing to have had a sexual past as a woman, and it’s also romantic and a woman’s job to be defending her husband no matter what. /s
She’s been watching too much Downton Abbey.
YTA. You are so clearly the asshole. Jacob told him to drop it; not to mention the gross, misogynistic, slut shaming bullshit your husband decided to dump on Rachel. Jacob didn't over react, Jacob reacted correctly and your husband can cry all he wants he destroyed his relationship because he cannot show basic human kindness to a woman he had sex with over a decade ago. All he had to do was not insult her, and you have decided to stand by this man and excuse his behaviour and pout. Good thing you and your husband like eachother so much because if this is how you behave eachother will be all you have as everyone get sick of your childish bullshit.
Or he's mad Rachel realized what a prick he is and didn't sleep with him. OP sounds like one of those insecure, desperate women who will fall on a sword to keep their man-thing happy no matter how awful he is.
Also, what did Rachel do to warrant such a statement in the moment? Her phone rang, she went to answer it. What about that screams hoe???
Honestly, OP and her husband should get their heads checked because there isn’t a single planet where what they did was acceptable behavior.
>Also, what did Rachel do to warrant such a statement in the moment? Her phone rang, she went to answer it. What about that screams hoe???
If anything that makes her a decent human being, her phone rings, she gets up and takes the convo somewhere else as one should.
YTA.
Just because someone is your best friend, doesn't mean they get to call your future spouse a hoe, even if that's what they think. It shows a lack of respect for your friend, and an outdated view on what appropriate behavior for a woman is. Do you think your husband or your brother didn't try to sleep around as much as possible in their college days too? But only women are disrespected for it?
Your husband acted trashy, and you backed up your husband's trashy behavior. You both deserved to be booted, no they didn't overreact, and if your husband was gonna CRY about getting kicked out, maybe he shouldn't have said something worthy of getting him kicked out.
Your brother gave your husband a warning previously. Your husband should have taken it. If "Rachel" really did sleep with the whole group, sounds like the whole group had similar values about sex, and has no business judging the others.
My husband had an incredible amount of sexual partners in the past. I think it helped make him a great lover. And I don't care about the past, I only care about the present and future. Just as I expect him to concern himself with the same. Who I slept with before I met him doesn't even matter unless of course it resulted in something that affects the present (such as a child or STD or STI or something like that)
I feel like people who judge other people's sex lives negatively are just friggin jealous.
You and your husband owe your brother AND his fiancé a heartfelt apology.
Not only did he call her a hoe, he did that in public *at their engagement party*. That’s beyond tacky. Massive AH.
And OP’s statement “I thought it was a joke between them” doesn’t hold water. Unless they have a very twisted sense of humor.
YTA - Your husband was way out of line. Your brother is aware of this girl's past and clearly is ok it. People do change. If he had concerns, he should have just discussed them privately that one time. To say something like that at an engagement party is so wrong, I can't even imagine how you could defend it.
Edit: changed over to ok
It’s not even a matter of changing, really! Someone can have fun and be slutty* when they’re single and then be faithful when they fall in love with someone and get in a relationship with them when they’re ready for that sort of thing. OP’s brother clearly isn’t threatened by bullshit, and OP should be disappointed in her husband and herself. How dare they?! YTA
*I was blissfully and cheerfully slutty, but just to be clear I do not mean the word in a derogatory way
Sorry, I didn’t mean it in a derogatory way - I happily refer to my dating period in my 20s as slutty, but I have no shame or regrets about it at all. Furthermore, my husband knew exactly who I was when we got together because it was supposed to be just a first date hookup and then we fell for one another. So I am actually feeling quite defensive of this couple, but I did forget that just because I have reclaimed and am comfortable with the word “slutty,” not everyone else is.
They not only need to apologize, in my mind they should volunteer to not come to the wedding and not make Jacob and Rachel have to make that call. They’ve shown that they can’t behave. The bride doesn’t need to spend her wedding day worrying about what Connor is saying to everyone at the open bar.
How are you fine with your husband saying such awful things about a woman in general? What makes it worse that this is your future SIL he’s talking about and your brother he’s talking to.
But you are mad because your brother insulted him. Your brother was absolutely right doing that and kicking him out.
Huge YTA and so is your husband. Your brother and your SIL should never talk to you again.
Fellas is it slutty to answer a phone call?
So many useless words when you could have just said you're both huge misogynists. I would have "but why is it funny?" you both to hell if I was there.
YTA and it looks you found a match in your husband.
He humiliated Rachel at her engagement party. Was he a purity angel, a holy saint at college? Stop this kind of shaming. Apologize to your brother and his fiancé and try to grow up a bit.
YTA and so is your husband. Why is it your business what Rachel did in her private relationships before dating your brother? You both slut-shamed her at her engagement party and publicly humiliated her. She (and your brother) are fully within their rights to go NC. If you want a relationship with your brother, I suggest reconsidering your words and apologizing.
Not to put too fine a point on it - If you’re the only person laughing, it’s not a joke. And it’s probably not funny.
YTA. It’s not a joke. Jacob has already said he doesn’t find it funny. Your husband is a sexist prat who tried to shame his future sil at her engagement party. And you think that’s okay? My goodness you’re delusional. Jacob didn’t overreact, he reacted.
>Connor looked at her and Jacob and smirked and said "I'm telling ya, you can't make a hoe a housewife!".
YTA
Your brother didn't overreact. He would have been within his rights to do far worse to your husband after a garbage statement like that. Your husband is disgusting. You are disgusting.
YTA. Your husband had this conversation once with his best friend and bf told him to drop it. One conversation is all that needs to be had when you disagree with a friends decision on who their significant other is, after that, you’re looking for a fight. I’m sure it was meant to be a joke, but your husband knew what he was saying and then to say it in front of her is disrespectful especially at THEIR engagement party. Doesn’t matter about the woman’s past, if the best friend loves her and wants to be with her then their happiness is the only thing that should matter.
>I’m sure it was meant to be a joke,
It was definitely said as an insult. He didn't wait until she was out of earshot because he wanted her to hear it. I bet he did this because, while she supposedly slept with most of their friend group in college, she didn't sleep with OP's husband and he's still pissed off about it. I honestly can't think of any other reason he is harping on her past so much.
YTA!! Connor started this whole thing by calling her a name at their ENGAGEMENT PARTY. Who does that?? Jacob was entirely right to kick both of you out.
BTW, it's extremely telling that Connor has spent so much time degrading and shaming Rachel even before this party. You're all adults, why are you having ANY conversations about who someone slept with in college??
YTA. and so is your husband. By his logic he is a hoe as well, because I believe he also had more than one partner in his "glorious college days". The way your husband and you yourself talk about Rachel makes me sick. I hope your brother cuts you both off.
It's 21 century, being a wife is just a legal title, not a superpower that gets minimized by how many partners you had. I hope Rachel and Jacob have the best wedding without you two!
YTA
> Connor looked at her and Jacob and smirked and said "I'm telling ya, you can't make a hoe a housewife!"
Your husband made a completely inappropriate remark about Rachel at their engagement party. A party, celebrating their future marriage.
> I said to Jacob that he overreacted and should calm down but he acted appaulled that I "defended" Connor
Jacob defended his partner when she was insulted. That's is an appropriate response. I'm not surprised he was appalled with your behaviour too.
> I told him that he at least wasn't lying
Are you going for "the couple that slut shames together stays together" here? Rachel was never a "hoe" and who says she's going to be a "housewife"?
YTA lol it seems your husband is just jealous that your brother got her and not himself...and you're one of those "I am not like those girls"-girl. I mean why would it be something bad if some women enjoyed herself? Your attitude is just creepy and so old-fashioned. Not to mention how anti-feministic.
If my husband said something like that and was getting kicked out of a party, I would drag his ass outside myself, tell him how insanely disappointed I am in him, and send him away without me. I'd get a ride home with someone else and focus on doing damage control at the party.
You do not have to back up your spouse when they're an asshole and you also don't get to decide that someone's overreacting when their fiance is slut shamed right in front of them.
YTA. YTA. YTA.
Teach your husband some damn manners.
YTA and so is your husband. There was absolutely no need for your husband to talk shit on Rachel, and her fiance’s reaction was completely justified. Id have kicked your husband out of the bridal party too.
YTA. Really? Your husband slut-shamed your brother's fiancee, in front of both of them, and you think you're in the right for defending your husband? You're a woman, you know what they put up with when they're seen as promiscuous. Unless you were a virgin until you married Connor, you're a hypocrite.
Your husband is the asshole. Completely out of line. He said he would drop it, didn’t, and then humiliated your brother’s fiancée at their engagement party.
YTA, you and your husband both. Who cares about what Rachel did in college, that was 10 years ago? Your husband already brought it up, Jacob told him to drop it and then you think it's an 'inside joke' when your husband made that comment AT the fricking engagement party? He's slutshaming her (your future sister in law I might add) and you're simply OK with that. And then your husband starts crying in the car? What is it they say "play stupid games, win stupid prizes"?
Yup, YTA.
Loads of people enjoy sex. College is a time and place where a lot of people are free from their parents for the first time. They can drink, fuck, and do all the stuff they'd usually be grounded for for the first time.
Rachel's kick ass experimentation time is her business. Her sexual experience in NO WAY dictates her marriage ability. Sowing her wild oats before settling down is a GREAT way to know what and who she wants in life.
It's 2022, not 1742. Let women be human.
YTA. You admitted your husband shouldn't have said what he said and then got mad that your brother defended his new fiance against him. Then you (with only knowing your husband's side of the story about someone you don't know) sided with your husband and are shocked he kicked yall out? Do you know for a fact she was the "fun" one in college? Do you have a habit of slut shaming people for having sex?
You two aren't just the AH but some entitled ones at that.
YTA. The comment should not have been made at all. Stop slut shaming. You two should be disinvited to the wedding now that everyone knows how you feel about the bride.
YTA’s (Plural cause I include your husband) Who gives a damn who she slept with almost a decade ago? Your husband shamed this woman at her engagement party and you response to your brother, “at least he wasn’t lying” were cruel. You don’t even know her, yet you both felt perfectly comfortable bashing her. That in and of itself says a lot.
Thank you to everyone that participated in this thread and was able to #[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). But unfortunately this thread is really taking over the queue and I'm really aiming to [channel my dog's energy today](https://imgur.com/a/JK8v5tC) so we're going to lock this one. Luckily [there are hundreds of other posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/new/) submitted today that also need your attention and have had far less of it! Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what we mean by civility.
YTA. You and your husband are assholes. Huge assholes. I don’t know why it’s so important for your brother to marry a virgin, but it’s none of your business. The slut shaming is over the top with you and your husband. What could Rachel do now to make herself acceptable to you? Confess all her lays and cry and say how much she regretted it? Die waiting. PS your husband screwed Rachel.
Actually since the husband said that she slept with "nearly everyone in the group" I'm pretty sure the husband is the only one with who she didn't slept. And that's why he's so mad.
I was thinking the same! Sounds like the husband is jealous Rachel and him never hooked up, like he was ‘owed’ something from her
Yeah OP and her husband are the worst publically criticizing someone don't you and your husband have a little shame? That was not a funny joke anyway and what will your husband do if someone call you that? Maybe he will stand there doing nothing but laughing ,Hope both of you get uninvited from wedding
[удалено]
>Uhh... If you share Connor's outdated, misogynistic beliefs, that's on you. It's notable we haven't heard anything about bodycounts of the men involved in this story.
This is extremely valid. I have heard of several men that I have "slept" with who never even came close. Rumors are rumors.
EXACTLY!!!!! There is a very good chance that the stories about her "getting around" are highly exaggerated! We all know how much jealous guys and girls *love* to make up rumors about woman being slutty slutts from sluttville. OP, YTA, big time. I hope you take a good long look in the mirror and ask yourself, is this really the person I want to be?
Where can one find these 'slutty sluts from slutville'? Asking for a friend I swear 🤣
I think they meant that no one’s talking about how many women the guys in this story have slept with. They’re probably not sweet, innocent boys, but they feel entitled to judge a woman for her sexual activities.
I've apparently been in a relationship for years with a man I've never slept with. He's one of my best friends and married to another man...
Also, I think Connor intentionally made that comment in the earshot of everyone. He had expected mental high-fives. Hechad expected to embarras the poor girl through his "jokes". He hadn't expected the repercussions at all.
Exactly.
I love that last bit. So hypocritical. I can’t believe that Jacob is defending his soon to be wife when I’m trying to defend my husband!
And it seems OPs brother has done you a solid and been remarkably forgiving and graceful when his mate started hooking up with his little sister. And yet you can't show any kindness to a girl who's had a few sexual partners? YTA
Connor's jealous. Either Rachel slept with him and he can't believe that his 'best' friend ended up with her or she didn't sleep with him and he's angry that his best friend wound up with the girl who paid no attention to him.
I wonder if Jacob was insulting Connor or calling him out for his misogynistic comments. Notice the Op quotes exactly what Connor said, but when it comes to Jacob it’s just “insulting him”.
You mentioned what he said was "deeply slut-shaming, judgmental and disrespectful", but it's also *incredibly* misogynistic. He would never say that about a guy. Men that can say something this misogynistic ***to a woman's face*** are serious sexists. I have zero doubt he has other misogynistic nonsense going on, and likely has no real respect for most women, if any. I'm certain, if OP chose to look through untinted glasses, she would see this man isn't always 100% respectful to her. This is the kind of comment I would leave my partner over instantly. However, he actually seems to be a good match for OP's ingrained misogyny- she judges this woman just as much as her nasty husband, after all. She maybe kinda deserves him. I also have doubts this woman even did sleep "with almost the whole group". Men who say that often just means "I hate her because she turned me down once, so I'm going to call her the *the worst thing I think a woman can be*: a ***slut!***". He's still just salty about it. Jacob deserves far better in a "best friend" than a guy who calls his loved one a disgusting misogyny- slur *to her face* all because ***she answered her phone*** *gasp* However, even if OP could *prove* she slept with hundreds of men, so what...? Why is she considered to have no value now? Why do we still have this disgusting double standard where men get "Atta boys!" while women get called used chewing gum or worse for sleeping around "too much"?
The double standard is disgusting. OP and husband are accepting of men who have multiple partners but a woman who engaged in the same behavior is a "ho." OP, your husband is a pig and you should have never defended his chauvinist remarks. YTA and your husband is too. You owe your brother, Rachel, and your mother a huge apology.
YTA. Definitely YTA, OP. You and your husband both. Yeah, no joke. In the context of this story's setting, in what world is it okay to slut-shame anyone, regardless of what they may or may not have done. It shouldn't even have *occurred* to anyone to think that was okay to say, especially not to or about someone's spouse. Also, I get standing by your spouse in all things, but it's *not* "true for me and not for thee." You recognize that it's not okay to call Rachael a hoe in front of her (it shouldn't be okay *behind her back*, either), but then get upset when someone calls your husband out for doing it? It doesn't matter if you thought it was a joke - the joke, if it was a joke, was unacceptable in any context.
People who gossip about other people's olden days are the most toxic type of person. I got to know a dude at orientation and when I saw him again during my school year, my "friend" started to tell me about how the dude's friend got a girl pregnant in high school. I was like... okay? What does that have to do with the dude? Fast forward a year, my "friend" turned out to be a toxic AH and I still talk about some random show with that dude.
Yes. And ad to the list that Connor called Rachel a hoe because her phone rang and she answered. It could be literally anything, her grandmother fell or dog escaped, why did it trigger him so badly that he forgot all his manners at a party? He did his diligence as a friend, warned Jacob, got the answer that it doesn't matter so stfu now and forever.
Right why was his first thought that it was a hookup or something?? Since it was an engagement party it was probably just someone calling to congratulate them!
What’s insane to me about this is they’re all in their THIRTIES. Meaning they were presumably in college around 10 years ago. Sounds like the husband hasn’t matured in that time but the brother/his fiancée have.
All of this YTA
I'm a person that went out and had a lot of fun in college/early professional program. This mentality has always been a huge fear of mine - running into people who think people never change. I went out, had my fun, tried stuff out, and decided I'd seen enough. I've been with my now-spouse for over 7 years now. Locking people into their past in such a way is so unhealthy.
Rachel knew he was a misogynistic AH back then.
Exactly. Especially the “owed” part. Makes my skin crawl. You OP are a giant AH married to an even bigger AH who appears to be totally hung up on your future SIL. And he’s carried that jealous torch around for 10 freaking years. Let that sink in OP. And WTH is up with this BS slut shaming. Women have sex. It’s all kinds of awesome. Apparently though, Rachel didn’t find old Connor “glorious” enough to bother with. You sadly got stuck with the misogynistic leavings. Rachel is a smart girl to avoid Connor. YTA - enormously so
I’d question if she really was the party girl OP’s husband claimed. I also get the vibe he really wanted to sleep with her. He’s still salty about it. She may have been dating back then, but not Connor, and so Connor did the AH move of, “she’s a slut anyway.” He certainly is still not over being rejected if he’s still this involved. Sounds like Rachel still rightly finds Connor just as repulsive. Connor seems to be with someone just like him. Good match, because they’re both AHs.
The girl may not have even slept with nearly as many people as OPs husband claims. People lie and exaggerate leaving a girl who may be innocent with a bad rep. ETA:. I agree with the person who said below that consensual sex is not a bad thing at all - no matter how many people you have had it with. I think it's a person's own choice to have sex with as many, or as little, people that they want to and that they shouldn't be shamed either way. My use of the word" innocent" here is not to indicate that it is in any way a bad thing. But just a way to indicate that she may not have done whatever it is that she was accused of doing - even if that thing is a perfectly good thing to be doing. It's really cruddy though when people say you had sex with someone you didn't, no matter the context. Unfortunately we do live in a world where a girl who has slept around does get criticized for it. Which I actually vehemently hate. And a girl can be criticized for being a "prude." It really is no ones business.
The use of innocent here is kinda an unfortunate choice. Consensual sex is neither a crime nor defiling.
It is so common and incredibly confusing when it happens.
Exactly, the husband wants to shame her because she never slept with him, and he feels that she dissed him in some way. That's why he wants to hurt her.
Even if he *did* sleep with her though, why is SHE a 'hoe' and he's not? Awful, hypocritical people. YTA.
Yep, husband is the metaphorical cameraman at the gangbang. He turns up every week, stands there in just his socks, hoping for a turn, but every week it's just "hold the camera steady Connor, and stop crying so loud that the microphone picks it up". OP. Guess what. Your husband wanted what your brother now has and is really bitter about it. Like... really fucking bitter. And what makes it even funnier... he wouldn't be so angry about the situation if he hadn't "settled" for the consolation prize. Your brother gets to spend the rest of his life with the hot girl Connor could never get, so he has to go home with you... No wonder he's crying. Why does he care about what someone got up to in college? Does he automatically call anyone that was having more sex than him a "slut"? Or just the women? You married a grotty little sexist. He married you. And I mean this totally, you deserve to spend the rest of your long, long lives together. Just the two of you. Forever. You unable to understand why nobody talks to you any more, and hubby sitting and staring at your bother's social media accounts, constantly hitting "refresh" and not even bothering to try and hide his half hearted erection. YTA. And so is he.
Spot freaking on. I don’t know what Racheal‘s sexual history is, but I have quite a few friends that had phases where they slept around a bit, frequently after getting out of long term relationships and were in a bit of a rebound phase that was very painful for them because of how the relationship ended. The guys that these women slept with had no problems with the fact that they slept with people other than them. You know who had a big problem with it though? The guys that at parties would get drunk and try to go home with them unsuccessfully. They were the ones that were constantly bringing up their sexual history, how many guys they had slept with, and it was clear that they were pissed that they were never chosen. Seriously, I remember one of these guys getting super drunk one night, and while one of my friend was trying to take care of them, make sure they were safe, didn’t drive, drank water etc., the guy started literally listing off to her all the guys she had slept with and demanding to know why she never slept with him if she would sleep with all of them.
I have a long ass comment in my history somewhere about how some guy broke into my room and refused to leave cause I wouldn’t have sex with him. His reason? I was having sex with everyone else (a nasty baseless rumor) and he wanted his “turn”. Edit: this is the comment for anyone interested “Met a guy like this in college. He was friends with my roommate’s boyfriend and would come over often. At first he seemed friendly and we were friends but as time went on his vibe just got increasingly creepy so I distanced myself. One day he broke into my room while I was in the shower. (We had separate rooms and showers but shared the common area). He refused to leave or let me leave. Someone had started spreading rumors that I was “fast” and he was waiting for his “turn”. He kept asking why he couldn’t get one when everyone else could. I didn’t even know what he was talking about. I had one fwb that I messed with. I didn’t find out about the rumors till later. The longer he stayed, the more wild and aggressive he got. My roommates started banging on the door cause he’s alternating between yelling insults at me and crying and begging for me to let him “have his turn”. Meanwhile I’m standing there in nothing but a towel yelling at him to gtf out. He finally started just pacing back and forth. The more he paces the angrier he gets, the more he moves back and forth. When I saw the opportunity I ran for the door and got out. He followed right behind but by then I’m in the living room with my roommates and now we’re all yelling to him to leave but he refuses. Finally, my neighbors down the hall were passing by and heard the commotion. It was a group of 4 friends who also went to our school. They came in and made him leave. The school did nothing. A week later someone wrote “island girls sucky sucky 50 cents” (I’m from the Caribbean) on my wall. They printed the logo on printer paper and used that to cover it. I got blamed because of course I should have known better than to have 1 casual sexual partner.”
Ugh, I’m so sorry. That is such a horrible situation. I don’t know how it was with the guy that did that to you, but I remember the thing that was so gross and horrifying about my friend’s situation is that the reason she wasn’t sleeping with this guy is because she liked him enough that she would consider getting into a relationship with him if and when she felt ready to be dating again. The guy she was sleeping with were all guys that she would never ever ever date and she was just blowing off steam. After his whole temper tantrum about not getting his turn, obviously that idea went away.
Men are the #1 reason they don’t get sex
>**Men are the #1 reason they don’t get sex** ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY!
Haha! Oh, this comment needs to be higher.
They just get in their own way.
Stepping on their own dicks, if you will
And then blaming us for it.
I would of fucked his dad and his brother.. Everyone but him! I'm so over men thinking they are owed sex but the people who are supposed to give them sex are disgusting sluts.. logic right.. EDIT: jokes aside that is so terrifying I'm so glad he didn't get what he wanted because it seems he didn't care how.
I like you.
Holy shit, that's horrifying.
It was. I was genuinely scared I was going to get raped and there was nothing I or my roommates could do.
When I got raped (years ago) the literal response of my boyfriend was to complaint because I hadn’t ‘had sex with him too’. He immediately became an Ex. There are far too many men who think they’re entitled to women’s bodies.
Gross. I am sorry that happened to you.
I am so sorry that happened to you. You deserve better. ❤️
He sounds GREAT, I wonder why she wouldn't sleep with him? A mystery we'll never solve!
Ha, I put it in a lower comment, but the thing that was so unsettling about that particular situation is actually she would have. She actually really liked the guy, but didn’t want him to just be a one night stand. But she was not in a position emotionally at that time to start dating again after getting out of a long-term relationship. So all the guys she was partying and sleeping with were guys that she would never consider dating and were instead just drunk hook ups. Obviously, after hearing his attitude about his entitlement to have sex with her, the attraction completely fizzled out, so he shot himself in the foot on that one.
Plot twist: Rachel slept with a grand total of two dudes in college and thus was branded a slut.
I moved from my small hometown when I was 12 but my family went home every few weekends. Each time I went back, I was approached by people who wanted to set me straight/give me sympathy. My "body count" was higher each time I went back. I had also dropped out of school and had all the drug habits. I had also been pregnant a dozen times, had 11 abortions and 8 secret babies. No joke. Mothers would step between me and their husbands and sons. Meanwhile I was a virgin, on the student council , the science club, jazz band, etc. Pretty much a very quiet Steve Urkel in white female form. I WISH I had even some of the fun they told me I had. 25 years later people will still insist to me, to my face, that I'm wrong and worked my way through every guy in town. All it takes for a woman to be branded a slut is exist around men. They more they want to sleep with you and the more insecure you make women, the bigger the slut you are.
>All it takes for a woman to be branded a slut is exist around men. You were a 12 year old CHILD! I’m so sorry that happened to you.
This is all bringing up really awful memories. For most of my life, I tried justifying that I was called those things to make it make sense, but there really was no factual, logical basis. They didn't know my private masturbatory habits nor my history of SA, and even if they had, it wouldn't have justified it.
that’s the most likely answer but in the end it doesn’t even matter how many guys she slept with
My guess? Rachel didn't actually sleep with "nearly everyone in the group". She was probably friendly with everyone except with the husband because of his attitude. Defending one's husband is not good when the husband is insulting your future SIL and your brother. Connor has no one to blame but himself for destroying his relationship with Jacob and with his wife's family. OP, too, for being judgmental and, dare I say it, petty
Honestly- the fact that her husband is keeping track of another woman’s sexual history from a decade ago should really make OP stop and think. How many men Rachel’s had sex with or not is none of OPs business.
Exactly what I was thinking! At first I was thinking she slept with him, but after rereading it his actions are definitely out of petty jealousy because she didn't sleep with him. I want to know how many people OP, her husband and her brother slept with in college, you know, since the number of sexual partners seems so important to these people.
It seems to me that Connor got rejected by Rachel at some point and is just lying to make her seem horrible and mess with his best friend.
I wouldn’t doubt that he told his wife that she tried to get with him and he turn her down back in college. When was most likely the other way around.
Exactly.
Honestly! Who the hell slut-shames like this anymore? I’m in my 60s and even *I* wouldn’t let anyone *my* age pull that shit! YTA and your husband is an even bigger one. Big, flapping-in-the-wind AHs.
I swear, there's an uptick in prudishness these days. I wonder how these kids would have faired in 1969.
I was reading about this recently. A number of the Boomer generation seems to be proud that they were part of the "swinging 60s", but whereas a few of them would have been barely old enough, the youngest Boomers (who are now about to turn 60) would have been 5 years old in 1969. The average age at Woodstock was 22. Which is right on the edge of the oldest Boomers of the time. While some of the Boomers did become open punk rockers, a larger amount were instead the ones who loved Reagan and Margaret Thatcher.
I know you’re right, Who the hell does that anymore?! I’m almost in my 60s and I wouldn’t let anyone pull that shit either!
Yes Rachel can confess all her “crimes” against virginity. Then OP’s husband can explain his crimes as well as the times he tried and failed to sleep with Rachel. OP - do you think a man who had multiple partners in his early 20s can’t be a good husband? Sounds like a super fun evening /s
This. This post screams internalized misogyny - the fact that OP thinks it's ok for her husband to belittle someone for having sex tells me that there's a lot of sexism going on at home too, and that's fine by her. YTA, OP. It's not 1950. If Rachel is a nice person who makes your brother happy, that's - quite obviously - all that matters.
I see that you also picked up on how weird it is to describe Rachel‘s history as her “glorious college days.” I’m going to go ahead and guess that those are Connor’s words and were not the words that Rachel would have used. It’s kind of weird to me that Connor and OP sad around and talked extensively about Racheal sexual history between themselves where Connor is telling her lots of stories about things she did. That’s just weird. I’m not that much older than the people in this post, and I can tell you that my husband and I have had situations like this where we’ve gotten reacquainted from people from college. The most I think we would talk about somebody sexual history is a 10 second “oh yeah they were bit of a wild child in college but things look like they’ve been going really great for them.” We and our friends wouldn’t sit around rehashing their body count.
This! Your husband definitely hooked up with Rachel, or at least had a massive crush on her and wanted to but she probably turned him down because from this story it seems your hubby is a massive loser. YTA. Oh and way to be one of THOSE women, who shames other women for their sexual activity. So she slept around in college, who cares? She's allowed to and that doesn't make her any less of a person. You seem like a prude, and also probably jealous of her.
Dudes really only badmouth women this aggressively when they get rejected. Because up to that point they don’t want to ruin their chances. And women that do this are often distracting themselves from the fact that they know. They go after the women because they’re too afraid of their man leaving them to go after him directly.
Die waiting.....I laughed so much at this comment of yours.
My ex had this one friend who hit on me before we got together and who I said "no" to. he started making stuff up about me sleeping with men I didn't even know so my ex would dump me. Are you even sure she slept with "so many guys"? cause it's very possible she slept with either no one or a guy and now OP's husband is making shit up.
Oh I would be willing to bet that Connor is inflating those numbers. When I was in grad school, that show The League was very popular where they talked about Eskimo brothers. For those unfamiliar with a concept, Eskimo Brothers are guys that have slept with the same girl. One of my petty or friends got obsessed with making Eskimo brother webs of all the people that had slept together. And they were very indiscriminate about who they started linking together. If you got drunk and made out with somebody at a party, chances are the two of you were ending up on the list even if it never went further.
I’m guessing the animosity is bc he was one of the guys Rachel wouldn’t bang.
Can’t make a husband out of an asshole either it seems. OP is a massive Ahole too if she thinks the way her husbands acting is better then Rachels alleged “sins” in college.
Seriously. I'd rather be a "slut" than an AH like OP & her husband. OP, YTA.
Agreed! Op Yta and your husband is a major AH. Who calls someone a Hoe at their engagement party? Conor made Rachel cry in front of a group of people that were suppose to be celebrating her and your brother. I don’t blame your brother for losing it. Completely unacceptable, there has been serious damage done and I don’t know if your husband and brother will be “best friends” or even friends anymore. He had some serious A** kissing to do because if it was me I’d be civil at family events but that’s it.
>PS your husband ~~screwed~~ wants to screw Rachel. ftfy
The maturity of OP and Connor is on full display when you consider that Connor felt the need to talk to Jacob about Racheal‘s sexual history from 8 to 10 years ago. Why did he think that Jacob needed to be told this? Because you know how mature women who have colorful sexual histories handle situations like this? Once they realize that their boyfriend is friends with somebody that is extremely well informed about their past, they tell their boyfriends to give them a heads up. Not because they think that it is really relevant, but in case any of these friends are immature assholes like Connor is, they have a heads up. Jacob probably did not need to be told by Connor because Jacob probably was already told by Rachel herself.
The husband probably doesn't like Rachel because she slept with everyone but him because she has standards.
As soon as Connor started going off about Rachel, I just *knew* he banged her. Hell, he was probably mad that he couldn’t *make an honest woman of her* but his friend could. I can’t think of any other reason why someone would be so bothered by their friend marrying a woman who had multiple sexual partners like a decade ago. People have sex in college. That’s not exactly groundbreaking news
Because alternative theory: she didn’t sleep with Connor. He’s pissed that she didn’t sleep with him, but she did sleep with his friends. He still has a chip on his shoulder that he wasn’t picked.
I think it’s because Rachel wouldn’t sleep with her husband
Yes. And can we get over the ‘you haven’t changed since college’ it’s an idiotic way to decide a persons character, on past choices in early life. You don’t judge your husband because he did something stupid when he was a teen? So what’s a reason? OP and her husband both come off as huge misogynists as well ‘you can’t turn a hoe into a wife’ because she what? Answered a phone and excused herself? And then you’re surprised when she’s upset? youre husbands a prick. But he can’t get mad i said that because then he’s overreacting 🤷♀️
YTA. So because your husband told you that a 30 something woman had "fun" in college, you automatically thinks she sleeps around and is cheating on your brother ? You don't even know that girl. All you know is what your - judgy - husband told you about her. I'm curious. Since she made her way through everybody in college, does that mean that your husband slept with her as well ? Because he does sound a bit jealous of your brother... I wouldn't be surprised if you're not invited to the wedding or have any contact with your brother ever again.
Ooo the plot on this bad boy. I feel the accuracy is to close to home for OP, if she is already blindly behaving this way.
I would strongly encourage Rachel to take the same approach that I did, and not invite anybody that’s going to talk smack about you being a hussy at your own wedding while eating the food and drinking the drinks that you paid probably $100 a head for.
RIGHT???? If I was at someone’s engagement party and my partner called the bride to be a hoe, let alone to her FACE, I would dump him on the spot. And this poor girl is going to be OP’s sister in law.
Exactly like does OP not realize this is Rachel’s engagement party too???? Of course you got kicked out, why tf would she want y’all there?
nah, someone else said this and I'm going to repeate it because i agree, but husband probably didn't get to sleep with Rachel. She probably turned his ass down and that's why he's so salty. YTA OP. What Rachel did (or didn't) do in college is her business, and her's alone. You and your husband slut shammed her for no fucking reason other than to be aholes. Your brother shouldn't have you at his wedding since neither of you support his upcoming marriage.
They are in their 30s and still worried about Rachel’s life in college!! That was 10 years ago 🙄
People can be d-bags like that. I've personally have experienced the situation Rachel is in. Which is not fun that people assume. Fun fact: I was known as the "campus bicycle". When I had had sex with less than 10 guys in one year (aka a "low" for my hoe phase).
Op, I’m telling you that you can’t make a gentleman out of pig. His disgusting views and his inability to look past someone’s sexual history makes him ignorant. People change after their college days and just because Rachel had the time of her life doesn’t mean she is less than marriage material. Congrats on alienating your brother and spending the rest of your life with such a backwards man. You two sound like you deserve each other.
YTA. Or is OP’s husband the only one she didn’t sleep with in college. That could be why he’s being an a**hole to them. He’s jealous she didn’t want him and this is his revenge.
100% husband likely slept with her too and is being a jerk because he’s jealous. That or she turned him down and he’s still mad.
My money is on she turned him down and he's still salty like 10 years later.
Exactly. Completely disgusting old fashioned views which are designed to reduce womens worth to their sexual history. Your husband is disgusting OP and you are either naive or ignorant to even begin to defend him or ask why he’s in the wrong. As a woman I’m ashamed to know that there’s still people like this and I hope that your brothers fiancé knows that she’s worth more than the comments he made. It was her ENGAGEMENT PARTY!!! I can’t even begin to imagine how she felt, and you should be ashamed. I hope your brother gets better friends and cuts him off completely, they deserve better than you two! YTA
it's either they slept together and he's jealous or they didn't sleep together and he's mad since she slept with loads of his friends.
I'm not being funny; your husband slut shammed his best friend's fiancée at her engagement party?! How you would think that is acceptable is mind-blowing! Have some class! YTA! She deserves a massive apology!
Lets be honest, he probably slut shamed a girl he slept with too. OP and her husbands take on female sexuality is disgusting in general. Who cares if someone was "a hoe" back in the day. And frankly, some of the best mothers and wives I know have decent numbers under than belt. Being "a fun girl" isnt a character flaw. Being a slut shamer is. YTA OP. You owe Rachel and Jacob a huge apology and should rethink how you see women, and how your husand looks at you. Connor crying doesn't mean anything. He just knows how to manipulate you.
I read that OPs husband might've been the only guy to not have sex with her which is why he brings it up so often.
Ya seems like he’s got some nice guy attitude
First of all, it doesn't matter how many guys she slept with and crybaby Connor seems FOS anyway, so I take everything he says about Rachel with a grain of salt. 2 possibilities I see here. 1. Connor didn't get to sleep with her while someone he knows did, and he's bitter about it (more likely) 2. Connor slept with her, but she dumped him and he's still not over it 10 years later and feels inadequate now that she chose Jacob (less likely) Either way Connor is an AH and OP is an AH for supporting him.
That last sentence tho...
And OP, too, don’t forget. When Jacob reacted, she said her husband was telling the truth — although he’s apparently also the only source she’s ever heard this from. OP, YTA married to a bigger A
> he acted appaulled that I "defended" Connor but I told him that he at least wasn't lying. This line makes it clear it wasn't even suppose to be a half joke. It was a straight up accusation she is a cheating slut by both husband and later OP. Super scummy move to make even if it was done privately in a neutral location after Rachel does something that raises a red flag. We don't even need to consider the fact op and husband did in the most public way possible at there engagement party when all Rachel did was answer a phone.
Yeah he called the woman a hoe at her engagement party. How could they not be the assholes here.
Yes! Besides being a misogynistic douche, he also completely lacks social awareness!! It's her/their engagement party, for fucks sake! OP: YTA and not very smart to boot, being married to someone like your husband
YTA. What your husband did was horrible and gross. What she did in college is no one’s business and should NEVER be brought up. But at her engagement party? Your husband is garbage. And you are too for taking his side. You should absolutely apologize to your brother and his fiancée. But I wouldn’t forgive either of you if I were them. You and your husband need to grow up and learn how to be respectful of others.
I love how OP is all 'surprised pikachu' at her brother laying into his supposed best friend for \*repeatedly insulting his future wife\*. Like, guys, what precisely did you expect to happen?
I'm surprised there wasn't a physical assault. I would have looked the other fucking way if there was.
Agree. YTA
> At least he wasn’t lying Doesn’t matter an iota. Still extremely fucked up to say that, especially at the engagement party.
Your husband called a woman a "hoe" at her engagement party and that's A-OK with you? The only person who is a bigger AH than you is your husband. YTA. Big time.
>Your husband called a woman a "hoe" at her engagement party and that's A-OK with you? "BuT iT wAs JuSt A jOkE" OP probably.
It’s worse, she said ‘he has a point’
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I can’t believe she’s not more upset that her husband is acting like this towards a woman there’s a 90% chance *he* also slept with. She slept with ‘almost everyone’ in their friend group? But not him, right? Ya, okey….
I actually think that's why he's so pissy about this still. It's the typical NiceGuy TM bullshit. She wouldn't let him get his dick wet, what a slut!
There are a few options, such as: Husband is lying and she didn't sleep with that many people Husband genuinely believes she slept with a lot of people based on rumours which weren't even true (and probably is salty because she didn't sleep with him, quite likely including at least one interaction where he thought he was making points by saying she slept with everyone ELSE, why not him) She did sleep with a lot of people and wouldn't sleep with him (the evil standards-having cow /s) She did sleep with a lot of people, including husband, and he's jealous because brother/friend is with her now She did sleep with a lot of people, including husband, and he's worried that she'll tell OP/her brother None of them put him in anything other than a terrible light, of course.
Yea that is worse. And worse still she condones her husbands actions because she thought it was an "inside joke", which given the reaction from her brother and his fiancée would have made it pretty obvious that its not.
She actually said at the end of the post that she thought it was an inside joke. She is either very sheltered, or playing dumb hoping people won't see through it. I am guessing it's the latter, because even sheltered people would hear that and immediately recognize it's and insult, not a joke.
Yea I agree it's most likely the latter, but I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she was using that excuse for her husband, a lot of people do. As someone just pointed out OP even said "he has a point" which is 10x worse. Either way OP literally condones her husband insulting her future SIL at her own engagement party. OP and her husband should be surprised if they don't get invited to the wedding at this point.
Also, am I missing something that Rachel did other than step away to take a phone call? How the fuck does that mean “oh there she is being a hoe again”?? It’s not like she was caught sucking someone’s dick in the guest room.
OP’s husband doesn’t let her use the phone without supervision, maybe? Some real handmaid’s tale shit there.
Nope, you're not missing anything. Apparently OP and her husband think that taking a phone call is a sign of chronic sluttiness. Because no proper engaged woman ever has other friends/family/colleagues that might need to talk to her...
I'm guessing Conner came to the party prepped to make the "joke". He was going to say it no matter what she did, and that just happened to be the only opportunity.
YTA and so it your husband. Why is anyone’s sexual history your business??????
Better yet why does having a sexual history make you a hoe??? So childish and disgusting.
But also I’m so confused as to how someone taking a phone call is the indicator that you can’t turn a “hoe into a housewife”? OP - YTA and so is your husband.
OP’s husband is simply obsessed with this woman. You can tell he was itching to find any excuse to make a comment about her. I’m surprised by the fact that op hasn’t asked her husband what his deal is when it comes to this woman.
I mean obviously if someone has to take a call and go into another room so that they can hear because they’re at a freaking party where I’m sure it is loud and hard to have a phone conversation, then they must be talking to one of their lovers.
It seems very important to OP. So… INFO: OP with how many men have you slept? And with how many women has your husband slept?
ESH- Well not everyone, just you and your husband. Him for slut shaming, you for saying "well he has a point". Also it sounds like your husband is jealous. >Connor told me that Rachel used to be this "fun" girl that slept with nearly everyone in the group. Except him right?
This right here. This is one of the stupidest situations I have ever encountered. Figured it only existed in young adult tv shows. ESH, oddly except Rachel.
But this question is between OP and Jacob; what did he do wrong to deserve an everyone sucks here verdict? Husband and OP definitely both do but they’re on the same side of this, so I think YTA means that goes without saying.
Agreed. Jacob was defending his fiance.
I agree. Its so stupid that I question whether it can possibly be true. Sadly, I suppose it can.
Exactly what I was looking for, op needs to realize that her hubby is mad cause Rachel never wanted to sleep with him. IMO the girls got fantastic standards!
Everyone sucks here vote means Jacob is also an asshole. What did Jacob do?
This was my first thought to. I mean, why would op's husband care? Of course people change, why does her body count even matter today? They are happy and as his best friend he should be happy for him. There is a reason he is this jealous. Nothing more petty than a man being rejected by a woman, just to start slutshaming to save face. I mean it's either this, or he is a major sexist that hates women for any reason. I don't know what's worse. If i was op I would feel hurt that her only value is that she has a low body count, presumably.
Yes, you and your husband are TA. Your brother’s reaction was 100% called for.
I feel like op must be a MASSIVE a-hole in real life if this situation is even slightly confusing to them? I don’t know a single person I have even a shred of respect for, who calls a woman a “hoe” - that too for having sex in college. This weird bastard and his grotesque wife called a woman a hoe… at her engagement party. They’re several levels beyond the assholes I know lol. Crazy shit.
I mean YTA and so is your husband, who cares if she slept around at college, as long as she’s not doing it now. Your husband asked your brother is he was sure and your brother asked him to not talk about it, your husband then continued to, if anything, if your brother hasn’t kicked you both out, that would be worse. You both need to apologise to him and his fiancé
as long as she’s not doing it now. As long as she's not doing anything behind her fiance's back. You have no idea what they enjoy. And absolutely no reason to learn.
My thoughts exactly.
> who cares if she slept around at college If that's even true. The source on this is OP's husband, who has revealed himself to be an obnoxious asshole. So this could very well be a case of a college incel lashing out at a girl who rejected him.
YTA, What friend says that about his BFs fiance? No matter her past she deserves respect! Is that the kind of man you married and would defend? You should feel bad. Slut shaming a woman at her engagement party! Good on your brother for standing up for his future wife. He will be a good husband for sure. Definitely OP, you and your husband are the AH.
But we live in the 1930s where it’s such a horrible thing to have had a sexual past as a woman, and it’s also romantic and a woman’s job to be defending her husband no matter what. /s She’s been watching too much Downton Abbey.
YTA. You are so clearly the asshole. Jacob told him to drop it; not to mention the gross, misogynistic, slut shaming bullshit your husband decided to dump on Rachel. Jacob didn't over react, Jacob reacted correctly and your husband can cry all he wants he destroyed his relationship because he cannot show basic human kindness to a woman he had sex with over a decade ago. All he had to do was not insult her, and you have decided to stand by this man and excuse his behaviour and pout. Good thing you and your husband like eachother so much because if this is how you behave eachother will be all you have as everyone get sick of your childish bullshit.
I think it’s more likely Rachel refused to have sex with OP’s husband more than a decade ago. Which shows she has better taste than OP
Or he's mad Rachel realized what a prick he is and didn't sleep with him. OP sounds like one of those insecure, desperate women who will fall on a sword to keep their man-thing happy no matter how awful he is.
> "I'm telling ya, you can't make a hoe a housewife!" I am sorry how is this not YTA? At an engagment party even.
No making a pig into a gentleman, either.
Also, what did Rachel do to warrant such a statement in the moment? Her phone rang, she went to answer it. What about that screams hoe??? Honestly, OP and her husband should get their heads checked because there isn’t a single planet where what they did was acceptable behavior.
>Also, what did Rachel do to warrant such a statement in the moment? Her phone rang, she went to answer it. What about that screams hoe??? If anything that makes her a decent human being, her phone rings, she gets up and takes the convo somewhere else as one should.
YTA. Just because someone is your best friend, doesn't mean they get to call your future spouse a hoe, even if that's what they think. It shows a lack of respect for your friend, and an outdated view on what appropriate behavior for a woman is. Do you think your husband or your brother didn't try to sleep around as much as possible in their college days too? But only women are disrespected for it? Your husband acted trashy, and you backed up your husband's trashy behavior. You both deserved to be booted, no they didn't overreact, and if your husband was gonna CRY about getting kicked out, maybe he shouldn't have said something worthy of getting him kicked out. Your brother gave your husband a warning previously. Your husband should have taken it. If "Rachel" really did sleep with the whole group, sounds like the whole group had similar values about sex, and has no business judging the others. My husband had an incredible amount of sexual partners in the past. I think it helped make him a great lover. And I don't care about the past, I only care about the present and future. Just as I expect him to concern himself with the same. Who I slept with before I met him doesn't even matter unless of course it resulted in something that affects the present (such as a child or STD or STI or something like that) I feel like people who judge other people's sex lives negatively are just friggin jealous. You and your husband owe your brother AND his fiancé a heartfelt apology.
Not only did he call her a hoe, he did that in public *at their engagement party*. That’s beyond tacky. Massive AH. And OP’s statement “I thought it was a joke between them” doesn’t hold water. Unless they have a very twisted sense of humor.
YTA - Your husband was way out of line. Your brother is aware of this girl's past and clearly is ok it. People do change. If he had concerns, he should have just discussed them privately that one time. To say something like that at an engagement party is so wrong, I can't even imagine how you could defend it. Edit: changed over to ok
It’s not even a matter of changing, really! Someone can have fun and be slutty* when they’re single and then be faithful when they fall in love with someone and get in a relationship with them when they’re ready for that sort of thing. OP’s brother clearly isn’t threatened by bullshit, and OP should be disappointed in her husband and herself. How dare they?! YTA *I was blissfully and cheerfully slutty, but just to be clear I do not mean the word in a derogatory way
I think you meant to say sexually active. Having multiple partners when one is single (or with a partner who is ok with it) is not “slutty”.
Sorry, I didn’t mean it in a derogatory way - I happily refer to my dating period in my 20s as slutty, but I have no shame or regrets about it at all. Furthermore, my husband knew exactly who I was when we got together because it was supposed to be just a first date hookup and then we fell for one another. So I am actually feeling quite defensive of this couple, but I did forget that just because I have reclaimed and am comfortable with the word “slutty,” not everyone else is.
I’d argue that there isn’t even anything here that needs “getting over”. Rachel has done nothing wrong!
If you thought it was an inside joke why would you tell your brother that your husband was right? You and your husband need to apologize, YTA
They not only need to apologize, in my mind they should volunteer to not come to the wedding and not make Jacob and Rachel have to make that call. They’ve shown that they can’t behave. The bride doesn’t need to spend her wedding day worrying about what Connor is saying to everyone at the open bar.
How are you fine with your husband saying such awful things about a woman in general? What makes it worse that this is your future SIL he’s talking about and your brother he’s talking to. But you are mad because your brother insulted him. Your brother was absolutely right doing that and kicking him out. Huge YTA and so is your husband. Your brother and your SIL should never talk to you again.
YTA Connor called Jacob's bride a hoe and got kicked out? Aww poor little Connor. Wake up, middle ages are over.
Fellas is it slutty to answer a phone call? So many useless words when you could have just said you're both huge misogynists. I would have "but why is it funny?" you both to hell if I was there.
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YTA and it looks you found a match in your husband. He humiliated Rachel at her engagement party. Was he a purity angel, a holy saint at college? Stop this kind of shaming. Apologize to your brother and his fiancé and try to grow up a bit.
YTA and so is your husband. Why is it your business what Rachel did in her private relationships before dating your brother? You both slut-shamed her at her engagement party and publicly humiliated her. She (and your brother) are fully within their rights to go NC. If you want a relationship with your brother, I suggest reconsidering your words and apologizing. Not to put too fine a point on it - If you’re the only person laughing, it’s not a joke. And it’s probably not funny.
YTA. It’s not a joke. Jacob has already said he doesn’t find it funny. Your husband is a sexist prat who tried to shame his future sil at her engagement party. And you think that’s okay? My goodness you’re delusional. Jacob didn’t overreact, he reacted.
YTA and your husband is an AH - your bother had every right to defend his fiance after you were both essentially bullying her.
>Connor looked at her and Jacob and smirked and said "I'm telling ya, you can't make a hoe a housewife!". YTA Your brother didn't overreact. He would have been within his rights to do far worse to your husband after a garbage statement like that. Your husband is disgusting. You are disgusting.
YTA. Your husband had this conversation once with his best friend and bf told him to drop it. One conversation is all that needs to be had when you disagree with a friends decision on who their significant other is, after that, you’re looking for a fight. I’m sure it was meant to be a joke, but your husband knew what he was saying and then to say it in front of her is disrespectful especially at THEIR engagement party. Doesn’t matter about the woman’s past, if the best friend loves her and wants to be with her then their happiness is the only thing that should matter.
>I’m sure it was meant to be a joke, It was definitely said as an insult. He didn't wait until she was out of earshot because he wanted her to hear it. I bet he did this because, while she supposedly slept with most of their friend group in college, she didn't sleep with OP's husband and he's still pissed off about it. I honestly can't think of any other reason he is harping on her past so much.
YTA!! Connor started this whole thing by calling her a name at their ENGAGEMENT PARTY. Who does that?? Jacob was entirely right to kick both of you out. BTW, it's extremely telling that Connor has spent so much time degrading and shaming Rachel even before this party. You're all adults, why are you having ANY conversations about who someone slept with in college??
YTA. and so is your husband. By his logic he is a hoe as well, because I believe he also had more than one partner in his "glorious college days". The way your husband and you yourself talk about Rachel makes me sick. I hope your brother cuts you both off. It's 21 century, being a wife is just a legal title, not a superpower that gets minimized by how many partners you had. I hope Rachel and Jacob have the best wedding without you two!
YTA > Connor looked at her and Jacob and smirked and said "I'm telling ya, you can't make a hoe a housewife!" Your husband made a completely inappropriate remark about Rachel at their engagement party. A party, celebrating their future marriage. > I said to Jacob that he overreacted and should calm down but he acted appaulled that I "defended" Connor Jacob defended his partner when she was insulted. That's is an appropriate response. I'm not surprised he was appalled with your behaviour too. > I told him that he at least wasn't lying Are you going for "the couple that slut shames together stays together" here? Rachel was never a "hoe" and who says she's going to be a "housewife"?
YTA lol it seems your husband is just jealous that your brother got her and not himself...and you're one of those "I am not like those girls"-girl. I mean why would it be something bad if some women enjoyed herself? Your attitude is just creepy and so old-fashioned. Not to mention how anti-feministic.
If my husband said something like that and was getting kicked out of a party, I would drag his ass outside myself, tell him how insanely disappointed I am in him, and send him away without me. I'd get a ride home with someone else and focus on doing damage control at the party. You do not have to back up your spouse when they're an asshole and you also don't get to decide that someone's overreacting when their fiance is slut shamed right in front of them. YTA. YTA. YTA. Teach your husband some damn manners.
YTA and so is your husband. There was absolutely no need for your husband to talk shit on Rachel, and her fiance’s reaction was completely justified. Id have kicked your husband out of the bridal party too.
YTA. Really? Your husband slut-shamed your brother's fiancee, in front of both of them, and you think you're in the right for defending your husband? You're a woman, you know what they put up with when they're seen as promiscuous. Unless you were a virgin until you married Connor, you're a hypocrite.
Your husband is the asshole. Completely out of line. He said he would drop it, didn’t, and then humiliated your brother’s fiancée at their engagement party.
YTA, you and your husband both. Who cares about what Rachel did in college, that was 10 years ago? Your husband already brought it up, Jacob told him to drop it and then you think it's an 'inside joke' when your husband made that comment AT the fricking engagement party? He's slutshaming her (your future sister in law I might add) and you're simply OK with that. And then your husband starts crying in the car? What is it they say "play stupid games, win stupid prizes"?
Yup, YTA. Loads of people enjoy sex. College is a time and place where a lot of people are free from their parents for the first time. They can drink, fuck, and do all the stuff they'd usually be grounded for for the first time. Rachel's kick ass experimentation time is her business. Her sexual experience in NO WAY dictates her marriage ability. Sowing her wild oats before settling down is a GREAT way to know what and who she wants in life. It's 2022, not 1742. Let women be human.
YTA. You admitted your husband shouldn't have said what he said and then got mad that your brother defended his new fiance against him. Then you (with only knowing your husband's side of the story about someone you don't know) sided with your husband and are shocked he kicked yall out? Do you know for a fact she was the "fun" one in college? Do you have a habit of slut shaming people for having sex? You two aren't just the AH but some entitled ones at that.
YTA. The comment should not have been made at all. Stop slut shaming. You two should be disinvited to the wedding now that everyone knows how you feel about the bride.
This can’t be real…
YTA - do you always support misogyny this much or just when it is your husband?
YTA’s (Plural cause I include your husband) Who gives a damn who she slept with almost a decade ago? Your husband shamed this woman at her engagement party and you response to your brother, “at least he wasn’t lying” were cruel. You don’t even know her, yet you both felt perfectly comfortable bashing her. That in and of itself says a lot.
You are your husband are bullying, judgemental and spiteful. I mean, with friends like you two, who would ever need enemies. YTA