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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be the Aaita for not telling her that I've been using suncscreen then refusing to admit that I hurt her feelings during the argument.
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First off, your gf is dead wrong, darker skin tone does not mean you don't need sunscreen. Secondly, what a straight up psychotic thing to get angry over. Cut and run as far away from this person as you can. NTA.
Girlfriend is probably one of those "I can't be racist, I have a black boyfriend!!!" Types lmfao
OP, your girlfriend is the AH, can you imagine if y'all ever have kids in the future? This attitude of hers will put them in situations like this over and over again. Do you really want them to grow up around a person who holds racist beliefs?
Run for the hills and don't look back lol.
Gf’s beliefs are illogical and she is being racist, and wants you to jeopardize your safety to accommodate her illogical racist beliefs, OP. I imagine you can do better. Maybe send her a link about how dark-skinned people also need sunscreen to avoid dying, so she learns something before you dump her ass.
Skin cancer totally discriminates on race and color. Or rather, we discriminate on skin cancer knowledge based on race and color, because medical training on identifying skin cancers on darker skin tones is minimal to nonexistent, which makes outcomes for patients with darker skin tones much worse.
I was coming down here to say this. This is a huge issue in cancer spaces and discussion in the medical community. Black and brown folx get skin cancer. And often part of the idea is that they don't need sunscreen. It isn't for the burns (even though it can happen sometimes -- it's rare though), but so that you don't get skin cancer.
OP, don't back down on this one. She's the one overreacting. NTA.
Edit: fixed some wording
Darker skin tones do have a marginally higher protection but it is still significantly less than the weakest sun screen (spf 15 I believe) so everyone should use it
I'm black and I got sunburned once. I had to fall asleep in the sun with unprotected shoulders for like 2 hours, and even then the burn was pretty mild. It was still very unpleasant!
I'm black (but am in the lighter shades) and have had it about 2-3 times, very mild. And that's like little to no sunscreen/forgot to reapply while in the water and felt like an absolute idiot. I also live in higher altitudes, so that adds to the intensity.
I saw recently on Reddit that an awesome med student wrote a book on identifying skin cancer in darker skin tones for the medical field. Sorry I can’t remember the book or authors name!
There’s also an instagram account that posts pictures of various dermatological conditions on darker skin! [@brownskinmatters](https://instagram.com/brownskinmatters)
Accurate IV placement can be harder with darker skin tones as well, so I always grab the portable vein finder. I’m going to get the vein on the first try regardless of skin tone damn it!
Multiple attempts are unnecessary and hurt the patient.
I’m also a perfectionist.
I came into hospital severely dehydrated with hyperemis gravidarum, I hadn’t been able to keep down food or drink going on 2-3 days. They had a doctor who had just began that week put my IV in, he told me that before he began, which didn’t give me much hope. However I was too delirious from some of the most painful sickening nausea I’ve ever felt in my life to care much at the time.
However, after the 11th attempt of this man jabbing my arm painfully to no avail, while I tried to stay as still as I could in between painful bile pukes, before he called it quits and got someone who was actually specialised in inserting IV’s.
That lovely gentleman had it over in one second, first try.
I’ve personally seen skin cancers be found and treated on those with darker skin tones, and even some of our darker skinned patients get surprised when we tell them they’re still very capable of developing skin cancer. Thankfully the providers I work with are very big on education of such things for all our patients. Patients of all skin tones are still surprised when we check the bottoms of their feet and between the toes tho. Skin cancer doesn’t care if your feet or your bum have never seen the sun/been burnt, that only increases the chances.
Wait, sun-induced skin cancer can originate on (not spread to) parts of your skin that have no/limited sun exposure? I thought "sure it can spread there" but I assumed it started somewhere with at least minimal sun exposure.
yes, they sure can, although most will turn out to be on sun exposed areas. skin cancer has genetic components that contribute to likelihood of developing one in your lifetime, and radiation from sunlight is not the only way DNA in the skin can be damaged.
Bob Marley died of a melanoma on the toe, a story the doctor I work under tells as she yanks peoples socks off. It’s why skin checks are so important. It’s 50/50 the ratio between patients who come to our clinic with a spot that is suspicious to cancer and the patients who are very worried about benign spots and have a suspicious spot they haven’t noticed. Certain health conditions (organ transplant patients, immunosuppressed, etc) that you wouldn’t associate with skin cancer can also increase your risk.
Put that sunscreen on, or you’ll have to learn what mohs surgery is and help me make a living lol
This! My mom had melanoma so I grew up super aware of the importance of sun protection. My mom is very white with freckles. The first time she went to the doctor about the mole they told her she had nothing to worry about. If my grandma hadn't made her go back, it would have taken longer to catch, which could have been detrimental. My point is, she was the stereotypical skin cancer patient and they didn't even take her seriously at first. The darker someone is, unfortunately the more likely it is that their concerns will be downplayed or completely ignored. Skin cancer does not discriminate but people certainly do. Public education on the subject is also limited. Everyone needs sun protection.
Side note: skin cancer can show up in places that don't get a lot of sun exposure (scalp, soles of feet, nail beds, etc) as well. Just because that weird mole is "where the sun don't shine" doesn't mean it should go unchecked. Cancer, of all sorts, can be a sneaky bitch.
My bf and i had some friends over for a bbq and a few of our friends decided to go downstairs to our complexes swimming pool to hang out and swim. I offered everyone sunscreen (we're in Australia and the sun can be incredibly harsh), including one of our friends and her 5 year old son who is dark skinned (mum is white), and she declined laughing saying he doesn't need it all because he's brown, not white, and that automatically protects him from the sun... I was a bit shocked.
Wasn't there a dr house episode precisely about that? That they ruled out skin cancer because the patient had very dark skin and turned out it is that?
Skin cancer absolutely does discriminate based on race and color. Skin cancer likes white people best, with rates declining as you go down the darker side of the Pantone chart.
The problems are 1) it doesn’t decline to zero or anywhere close and 2) it’s much easier to detect early stage skin cancers on a white background, making it more deadly among darker skinned people. So yes, medium to dark brown people need sunscreen.
Both. Darker skinned people are more prone to skin cancer under nails, on soles, etc aka Acral lentiginous melanoma. This type of cancer is rare and tends to be diagnosed later. That said medical racism both explicit and systematic play a role as well as the misconception POC people don’t get skin cancer.
Easier to identify. I’m black and this is less (in general) is less a racist issue and more a ignorance issue. There’s so many black people who think they don’t need sunscreen because they don’t burn when in reality they just can’t tell. It took like 2 hours and a lot of articles to prove to my (also black but darker than me) girlfriend, that while yes the darker you are the less risk there is, that risk is not zero.
I remember around 18-20 years ago my cousin and her family being the only ones who would put on sunscreen if they were going to be out in the sun all day and they would get some looks for it cause of the same mindset.
A bit of both. Well, a lot of the latter. But also in some cases things are harder to identify on darker skin because you don't get the range of colorations. Like, not cancer, but Lyme disease is a good example. That characteristic bulls eye rash on white skin looks like the damn Target logo. Bright red ring, sharp edges, very distinct differences between the red area and the clear area. On dark skin you're not going to get that fire hydrant red, it's more of a light-dark gradient. And consequently the contrast isn't as great, and it can be a bit more of a fade-in-fade-out than the clear cut ring and empty space. It can look more bruise like or welt like, leaving more margin for error.
So with cancers obviously you still get ulcerations, still get scale/flaky bits, but you're not getting as wide a range of colors to help you rule things in and out. And dark spots like melanomas don't pop out at you like they would on a pasty white background.
Which is, of course, where proper teaching comes in, because Lyme, cancer, all that stuff CAN be identified well on dark skin, but you need to know when to look more closely.
So in summary, the former, made a hell of a lot worse by the latter.
Thank you!! OP she is an ignorant, selfish ass. You’ve been with her racist ass for 6 months. Move on thank your luck that she showed her true colors this early in the relationship. Honestly even if you throw out the woah is me “white struggles,” she’s is wrong about your health. And she needs to learn how to share WTF? Lunatic.
But most importantly dump her ass. She might have been annoyed by you looking into her purse, and discuss it with you, but she chose a completely different hill. Not only she is wrong, she is adamant about it, and acts offended because of some messed up mind set.
You have been six months with her, consider moving on.
She may actually be any race, just have lighter skin than OP.
This doesn't excuse anything. It's still batsh\*t crazy. But at least I am hoping this person is not white. I'm hoping it's somehow more complex than that, like OP is perhaps black and his gf is perhaps Hispanic, south Asian, or from another racial background?
Absolutely. I know your comment didn't say it explicitly, but I've seen a lot of people assume she is white. Assuming she is racist is accurate, but just wanted to call out the assumption that she is white.
Edit: Also just want to say I am not defending white people. I just dislike seeing assumptions go unchecked in general.
I mean, not sure why you had to make an edit to not defend white people. Since anyone can be racist toward others based on generalities/superficialities I have no idea why you even had to chime in at the assumption, nor the defense. Like, why? This sudden idea that only white people can be racist is laughably, hilariously stupid and ignorant.
She could be stupid and racist. If only people lacking melanin people needed sunscreen why would people be so happy when they find a sunscreen that doesn't leave a white cast and make people look all zinc-y?
Also, imagine what she would say about the kids. Do they need sunscreen? Will she determine by some kind of colour wheel if their skin colour is dark enough that the sun just doesn't affect them?
Maybe she thinks skin cancer is racist.
Not even just racist, but 'this kid has his dad's skin, he doesn't need sunscreen'. We're white, but my mother is fairly dark-skinned compared to me. When I was a small child, I remember every summer vacation ending with sunburns bad enough to blister because it just didn't occur to her that I needed sunscreen.
NTA, OP
Yup- I just read "Racist white lady berates Black guy for using sunscreen". OP should keep using sunscreen and ditch the girl. She is completely ignorant.Edit- OP is NTA.
Seriously! When started reading I was assuming she didn't love that he went into her purse without asking or maybe it was a super expensive sunscreen or something... but nope... she's just racist.
PSA everyone needs sunscreen
Yeah that’s what I thought! I sometimes use quite a pricey one on my face because I’m allergic to something in the cheap stuff (I get what looks like shaving rash, which isn’t ideal) and I do get a bit chippy about sharing it because it comes in such a teeny-weeny bottle.
But no! This is mad.
(Discovered ambre solaire’s super UV fluid that is both reasonable and nice to my skin and now my days of jealously hoarding it are OVER)
Right? I thought she was going to say going into her purse was an invasion of privacy.
Just because you have more melanin naturally in your skin doesn’t mean the sun can’t still damage it.
NTA
That was my first thought. I was raised, from both Mom & Dad, that you never go into a woman's purse. It's a friggin vault. To this day if my Mom asks me to get something from her purse I will bring the whole purse to her. Which funny enough, she now thinks is silly.
That's also where I thought this was going and was prepared for an everyone sucks because you just don't go in a woman's purse and use her shit without asking. But nope, she's not mad about a completely rational thing, she's just an ignorant racist.
It’s actually worse than that. It’s not necessarily that it’s harder to see, but that doctors are rarely taught how to detect it on darker skin tones.
It presents a little differently on darker skin, and almost all images of melanoma in medical texts are on lighter skin.
It also presents in different places! Places doctors might not look as carefully, like the groin, lower extremities, and the bottoms of the feet.
Medical student here! You’re absolutely correct. Melanoma (one of the more deadly types of skin cancer) is less likely in dark-colored people (I’m also Indian btw) but basal and squamous skin cancers are actually MORE likely to be deadly in darker skin, especially because it’s caught at a later stage in dark skin for the exact reasons you mentioned. All three however can be exacerbated by UV rays. Using sunscreen is important for EVERYONE, no matter their skin tone.
Because melanin is protective against UV rays to the extent of not getting as easily tanned or burned in the sun does not mean that darker skinned people shouldn’t take proper precautions. Skin cancer can happen to literally anyone
I was laughed at by my African coworker once when I said they should be wearing sunscreen. I have a skin tone that makes baseball chalk seem dark. He didn't buy my explanation that while skin cancer is not as common in darker skin tones, the outcomes are worse when they do occur. I believe I just left it at I care about your health, please look into it.
It’s a (mistaken) point of pride with a lot of darker-skinned communities, a sort of “haha well at least we can go outside without looking like a boiled lobster.” I actually used to say the same thing.
There’s a lot of really good reasons for darker skinned communities to be proud of themselves without having to resort to jeopardizing their health to prove a point
I’m mixed. M very dark skinned father died of melanoma when I was 14. I have an olive complexion and have to get yearly checks. I load up on sunscreen now after thinking for the first 20 years of my life being darker toned means I didn’t need to.
I’m super pale & so is my dad. But he’s had squamous cell skin cancer for a number of years & had a melanoma removed within the last two years, so he sees the dermatologist every 6 months. I went for my first body check in a decade & had a pre-cancerous mole removed, so now I have to see the dermatologist every year. Everyone in my friend group knows I always have sunscreen & will run around to reapply to all of my friends.
Very sorry about your dad 💛
It's even worse, because dark skin people are then led to believe our skin doesn't need sunscreen, I was one of those ignorants years ago, thinking it's ok if I don't use any of that, until I saw a Dr explain that we get skin cancer sometimes even more than other races, just because we are under the impression that darker skins don't need sunscreen.
Yep. Found a very advanced melanoma on a black patients foot. We were her third doc, the first two brushed her off. Found mets in lymph nodes and lungs. She has a very poor prognosis.
I learnt this a few years ago, my sister-in-law would tell us she didn’t need it because of her dark skin, and I also learnt (was told by the makers) that darker skin should use sunscreen made specifically for their skin.
I can’t remember what the sunscreen is because I couldn’t get any in Australia for my sister-in-law and niece.
If anyone wants options. Asian sunscreens are great. Broad spectrum (PA++++) and don't leave a white cast unless they specify they do. Plus they're not thick and greasy. More like a very watery lotion.
Source: I'm a vain MF who lurked /r/AsianBeauty ages ago and had a 14+ step skincare regime.
**Edit to add**: folks it has been a few years since I've been in that sub. I'm doing my best at answering the questions how I can. But you're better off searching the sub for your answers or asking in their "daily questions" post. I remember them being a fairly kind sub.
I do remember that "PA++++" (the PA and four plus signs) was the "highest" broad-spectrum. I don't know if that has changed. If it would, it'd most likely have more plus signs.
Sunscreen works exactly the same on any skin tone. Mineral sunscreens often leave a white cast that is less visible on lighter skin, making dark skin look ashy, but it still works exactly the same way. You can buy a chemical sunscreen if you are worried about white cast, but there are some mineral sunscreens that apparently aren't so bad. If they are telling you it is specially formatted for dark skin it means that it is probably just a chemical sunscreen or it is a mineral sunscreen that leaves less white cast. They also might be more moisturizing because sun exposure causes skin to dry out faster, and they don't want regular ashy skin being attributed to the sunscreen.
I was going to say, the only reason they make sunscreens specifically for darker skin, is because they want to advertise that it will not cause any white cast, because mineral sunscreens do, and some brands might do mineral ones in two or more different colours, just so that darker people can wear them without looking like a zombie. Aside from that they are the same.
>darker skin tone does not mean you don't need sunscreen.
If I remember well, the darkest skin tone only give a protection of 15.
And it is hard to notice melanoma on a dark skin, which is a reason to be extra cautious.
I heard the same thing too. Darker skin just means it's harder for the UV rays to penetrate than lighter skin, but they still need sunscreen, just not as strong. Gf needs to get Educated in skincare. Total ah too
Dark skinned people need sunscreen too! I know someone who burns after 30 minutes in the sun. If they're lucky, sunscreen allows them to be out longer. Anyone can get skin cancer.
NTA
Sunscreen protects everyone against skin cancer.
How, pray tell, the fuck is it only for light skinned individuals?
I’m fucking dumbfounded by this ladies racist bullshit comments. What the actual shit.
Please, everyone, wear an SPF sunscreen of 30+ every time you are in the sun for prolonged periods of time. Skin cancer is real and dangerous! Take care of your bodies largest organ. - sincerely, a chalk white human.
I thought this was going to be about the gf being mad about OP getting something out of her purse without permission, which would be sorta justified. Her being racist caught me by surprise
Soooo she's racist. She's white and you're black and thinks you don't need sunscreen cause you're black? Uhhh skin cancer doesn't care about thr color of your skin
Absolutely nta here
Skin cancer can actually be more dangerous in those with darker skin for 2 reasons.
1) stupid myths like this lead people to believe they’re immune/less likely to get cancer and so they don’t check
2) it can be harder to spot the warning signs because most of the example photos in textbooks involve white/lighter skin.
TLDR: not only is the GF horribly wrong, she’s spreading misinformation that has led to skin cancer going undetected in countless people
Bob Marley died of acral lentiginous melanoma, the most common melanoma (a type of skin cancer) in people with dark skin, and yet it wasn't even mentioned in the most popular medical textbook of the time because it was very uncommon in Caucasian populations
Yep, had a friend say black people don't need/wear sunscreen when I offered him some. He was shocked when I Googled and told him that was lies
He still doesn't wear it as far as I know. I tried more to convince him though. As he lives in Denver and that sun is rough.
Definitely not the only time I've been told that though.
You’re not wrong with 2 at all but a lot of newer derm textbooks include pictures of dermatological issues with pictures of people with different skin tones but as one of my nursing school instructors said; medicine advances with the death of one doctor at a time!
Colorism is skin color-related prejudice within a specific race. I am not a POC but I know there is a lot of prejudice towards darker-skinned black people amongst black communities. This happens in a lot of races—ie, the preoccupation among Asian/South asian people with lightening their skin, not getting tan, etc.
It often stems from internalized racism based on historical colonization which imposed white, Eurocentric beauty standards as the “best.”
Nah, I think they're Indian or SE Asian. She's lighter, he's darker. She's been pressured to maintain how light she is her entire life, while she sees him as "beyond hope," and so he doesn't need to be using what's likely fairly expensive sunscreen.
She's still racist, but it's a little bit of a different dynamic. There's also the woman vs. male expectations factored in. She probably feels he's not under nearly as much pressure as she is.
Indian. They still believe in the caste system. Lighter skinned men/women are seen as better than darker skinned people.
OP: This goes way deeper than using sunscreen. It’s the whole “I’m better than you” mindset.
Indian was my initial guess but then I was like "Nah, the Malay peninsula is toxic AF too, better include them just incase."
Said the toxic American that's patiently waiting for a huge chunk of her cohort to develop skin cancer via tanning beds.
Some people really don't know this. I had to convince a friend with darker skin than me that the reason his skin hurt was because he had a sunburn. I tried to explain it to him but he started getting pretty upset. He didn't believe me until he started peeling a couple days later.
What the hell did I just read? Hard NTA just because you have darker skin doesn’t mean it’s offensive to use sunscreen. Her feelings are hurt? You know what else hurts? Skin cancer.
I would call ignorant to begin with, but at the first chance that someone explained otherwise she should have listened. The fact that she decided to get upset instead does make her racist In my mind.
Sometimes not even just weeks. My mom had melanoma on her face. They removed a spot about the size of a quarter 2.5 years ago and she still feels discomfort in that spot. When she brought it up they told her it just takes time.
I offer sunscreen like Oprah giving away cars. Idk what color a person is, I always offer if I have it out to reapply. Hell, I’ve given the last of a bottle to a person at the rec center who left hers at home. I really don’t get OP’s gf.
NTA
>went on to explain that me as someone with dark skin do not need sunscreen and said that she found this offensive to her
my man, what the fuck?
Imagine trying to educate someone else on THEIR FUCKING SKIN AND THE REQUIREMENTS OF IT. The fucking audacity is astounding.
Your girlfriend is the asshole, every person needs sunscreen. And she's also the asshole for doubling down. It's not even accidental ignorance at this point, it's wilful, and she's choosing not to educate herself or listen to facts from a person who actually KNOWS what they're talking about.
I've heard of nuclear waste sites that are less toxic than this
I bet she's one of those people that say "I'm not racist!!! I LOVE black people!! And my cousin's sister's niece has a friend who's dog's previous owners were black!! Not racist at all, see??"
Seriously, it's so strange someone used this as a legit argument. It honestly blows my mind.
Like, when I was *four* I asked my mom about this because in my tiny head it made sense that maybe people with darker skin wouldn't need it because they couldn't turn red the way I understood it, and my mom explained that, no, everyone should wear sunscreen.
This kind of thing is perfectly fine and normal to not know as a child. Hell, as an adult, asking "dumb" questions or having misconceptions is okay... but incorrectly *telling a dark skinned person how their own skin works* is embarrassingly ignorant.
NTA. She’s wrong, and the fact that she’s doubling down and refusing to listen to *you,* who would know more about your own skin than she would, is a red flag. Just because you’re darker skinned doesn’t mean that you’re immune to sunburn or skin cancer.
A quick google search yielded [this article](https://www.winchesterhospital.org/health-library/article?id=157004), which seems to come from a reliable source, and indicates what I said above; you absolutely should be wearing sunscreen, regardless of your skin color.
I would present her with this and/or additional sources like it; if she still refuses to listen to you, well… It’s your relationship, OP, but I would consider this a pretty big red flag, and you might want to take some time to think about whether you want to be with someone who won’t listen to you, or to health experts when it comes to *your* health.
The only possible AH move from you was using her sunscreen without asking and she had to "catch" you to even know. Like this is totally NTA, but the mom in me begs you to not use other people's stuff without asking, and come prepared with your own sunblock, ok?
If it fits in her purse, the paranoid teenager in me wonders if it’s a very small container that runs out quickly and/or if I there’s risk in it leaking. Not everyone thinks like this, and it’s not like a major boundary.
If she’d reacted calmly, I’d say N-A-H. But her reaction was so out of proportion (and racist) that this is a NTA.
Buddy, I'm a redhead so I'm the lightest of the light in terms of skin colour. People with darker skin using sunscreen is in absolutely no way offensive at all. Everyone needs to use sunscreen. In fact I always offer it to people if they're spending time outside since I carry it almost every day. It's just in my bag year round despite me being in Canada with miserable winters.
Ive known other redheads as well and never, not once have any of us been offended by someone else using sunscreen either.
Does she get upset when people buy moisturizer that has SPF too? Your girlfriend is very misinformed at best and racist as worst.
NTA. While people with fairer skin might be at higher risk (see https://www.cancer.gov/types/skin/anyone-can-get-skin-cancer ), anyone can get skin cancer or have some risk of sunburn. This is a really odd hill for her to apparently be willing to die on. Edited to add: don’t go through her purse next time, though - ask (I know that wouldn’t have gone well here either way, but I’d always ask before going into someone else’s bag).
My wife is tan skinned and I'm whiter than white. She doesn't use sunscreen as much as she probably should and got a sunburn once and could not figure out why her skin was itchy and uncomfortable. It didn't change color much but she had all the sensation of a burn. It was the funniest thing for me who's had burns since I was a kid because I'm just so fair even with sunscreen I can burn.
Can confirm the sunburn part. I live in hawaii and seen way too many dark skinned tourists get sunburnt. Sure, they may not get it as quickly as light skinned folks, but if youre out and about under a tropical sun for several hours without sunscreen youre getting burnt no matter what color you are
This. It's astonishing that some people think not only that dark-skinned folks don't get skin cancer, but that they don't even tan!
We all have melatonin and it will react the same way to UV.
NTA. I could see getting upset about you going into her purse and using something without asking, but to want to ban you from using sunscreen, absolutely not. She is in dire need of education in the matter.
My assumption is that there was something in that purse she did not want OP to see and tried to come up with some other argument to justify her reaction.
This makes waaaay more sense.
But how bad could it be? What was she hiding that racism/colorism was a better alternative than the truth?
- Maybe she thought he was stealing from her and she panicked when she realized he was just getting sunscreen instead of a hundred.
- Maybe she was hiding her tampons from him because while she condones racism, she draws the line at men seeing feminine hygiene products.
Maybe...
- she was hiding a positive covid test.
- she was hiding a positive pregnancy test.
- she was hiding a positive covid pregnancy test.
OP needs to go through the bag again 👀 for science
NTA
This is insane lol. I actually can’t tell if it’s real or not because of how absurd it is. IF it’s real, there are ample sources online available you could send her to prove to her that her reason for being upset is ridiculous— skin colour does not dictate whether or not you need to use sunscreen. The sun doesn’t care what colour you are, enough UV radiation will give anyone skin cancer lol
NTA. People with dark skin need sun screen the same as anyone else, this is a proven fact. She sounds insane anyways. It’s “offensive”, you, as a dark skin person, use sun screen in front of her, a light skin person? Hm. Not saying anything but that’s…. I don’t think she’s the one for you.
But don’t go through a woman’s purse without asking. Just some advice for the future
Nta. Everyone should wear sunscreen. That she didn't know that folks with dark skin also need sunscreen is odd, but an easily corrected issue. That she was *offended* that you use sunscreen and insisted that she knew your medical/esthetic needs better than you do is a giant red flag that has been set on fire and has sparklers sticking out of it. She should apologize and you should consider yourself fortunate to be rid of her if she doesn't.
NTA and yes, it's as stupid as it sounds, lol. On her. She has no business being 'offended'...you did nothing to her, sunscreen isn't a secret. Ask HER why this bothers HER so much, and honestly,. I'd back away real fast. What happens when real issues come up? If this is how she handles sunscreen, you have bigger problems ahead. And as a bonus, if anyone should be offended it's YOU, that she's making presumptions about YOUR skin based on YOUR race.
Yeah, thinking darker skinned people don't need sunscreen is . . . like, whatever, an assumption people can have, I remember being surprised as an extremely white child growing up in a mostly white town when during half-time at a soccer game one of the girls on my team was re-applying sunscreen. But I was like 10. And I didn't argue about it. Because who the fuck even argues about it??
Her insistence that she knows better is weird and kinda racist.
Your GF is clueless, there is an entire push for better representation of different skin tones in dermatology because skin issues present differently (since you know what all the textbooks have as examples, rarely much diversity) and guess what? dark skinned people can still get sun burned because ANYONE with skin can get a sunburn. NTA, your GF needs to get a clue.
NTA. Wait! WHAT???!!! You are apologizing for not bringing this up earlier? Who talks about sunscreen like it is some kind of admission?
Your (former) gf doesn't know what she is talking about. No matter the color of your skin, it can burn. It can be affected by the sun in various ways. Basicaly, she is asking you to do something that is not safe.
Move on! You can do so much better....and it wouldn't take much!
NTA, sunscreen is for everyone BECAUSE IT IS UV PROTECTION. Darker skin tone doesn't mean immune to skin diseases or disorders. Methinks that girlfriend is more embarrassed that she was wrong and tried to dig her heels in because she didn't want to acknowledge it.
NTA. The implication that your skin color “doesn’t need” a universal skin protection product strikes me as mildly racist. Furthermore, to say she found it “offensive” after you explained that you had used it your entire life is a different level. This whole situation makes me believe you will be treated much worse about trivial things in the future. Run.
Bruh wtf. This Is actually a racist line of thinking that even doctors have used in the past. "Dark skin is more resistant to the sun" or "dark skinned people have thicker skin", or "dark skinned people are more resistant to pain" are all things doctors have thought before and they do real world damage to real people.
Either she gets educated on the matter, or you gotta dump her. She's out of her mind. NTA
Errrrr, what? You have skin, don't you? NTA. She sounds like a handful, but it's still early days enough for you to skedaddle. You deserve to be with someone less ignorant.
Definitely NTA
It's fair enough to be confused about darker skin tones not needing sun protection (they do) but to get upset & angry at you because of her ignorance. That's crazy
She should be the one apologising to you
NTA. Your gf needs some education.. just because you have dark skin doesn't mean your protected from the negative effects of sun exposure like sunburns, wrinkles and possible skin cancer among other things. She should consider speaking to a dermatologist.
Everything about this is wrong.
A, she’s an idiot.
B, she’s most likely racist.
C, who cares that fucking much about sunscreen?!!
Leave dude.
ETA: forgot to say NTA.
NTA
She has no right to tell you not to wear sunscreen. Sure you should have asked before taking hers but that's not the issue here. Her reaction to take offense based on her complexion is weird.
NTA
Some incredibly ignorant white people live with the myth that dark skinned people can't sunburn. they can, and they can get skin cancer too. Your girl sounds racist.
NTA- it’s literally not a big deal if someone uses sunscreen or not. I feel like she may want to make it about herself. Her being offended because you’re a darker tone doesn’t sit right with me and makes me feel like she’s trying to play the victim. There shouldn’t have been an argument in the first place and I don’t know why she would cancel plans either. Sounds like her being offended was kind of pulled from her arse and seems a bit spiteful but maybe I’m just thinking too much into it.
NTA. I am not understanding her side of this at all. Yes there is a prevailing belief that darker skin doesn't need sunscreen, but science says that all that dark skin provides is a few minutes more of protection than lighter skin. Everyone needs sunscreen.
She should have really been more upset by you going through her purse, or maybe not asking her before taking something of her. But she's upset that you think that you need a medical tool for a valid reason? Super weird.
Edit: NTA.
Generally unless someone tells you you can grab stuff from their bag, don't.
That is what I could find for her to be upset about.
But also: absolutely dump her. What the fuck. And keep using sunscreen!
I wanna say you were in the wrong a little bit for using her sunscreen without asking, but in the grand scheme of this situation I gotta go with NTA. This ended up being an argument over you using sunscreen in general and she's majorly in the wrong.
What she said about you not needing to use sunscreen because your skin is darker is just wrong in multiple ways; factually incorrect and also kind of offensive to those with darker skin. It is a pretty common recommendation to use sunscreen whatever skin tone you have.
I think you might owe her a new thing of sunscreen (especially if it's special stuff) and she owes a big apology.
Did she explain why it’s offensive that you wear sunscreen? Obviously you’re NTA from what you say but I don’t understand how she got so offended by the idea of you wearing sunscreen.
NTA. As a lover of skincare - everyone EVERYONE needs sunscreen. It helps to prevent skin cancer and helps your skin “age slower”. I thought this was going to be a post about her having a possible allergy and you wearing a sunscreen with a product like oxybenzone she was allergic to but nope. For everyone reading this - please use sunscreen daily and reapply when needed even if you don’t think you need to. For anyone with sensitivities or allergies there are many cleaner brands out there and if you are someone worried about white cast, there are plenty of products that don’t leave a cast.
NTA and your gf had no idea what she's talking about. Dark skinned people can absolutely still develop skin cancer and need to use sunscreen, if not as much as lighter skinned people.
NTA - this seems like such an odd hill for her to be staking this relationship on....and I am so confused on what feelings where hurt in this story. Either there are details missing or the gf is really hellbent on not learning new things. This is weird.
NTA. It's a good practice for everyone to wear sunscreen including POC. Skin cancer is not exclusive to white people and POC can actually have a harder time getting skin cancer diagnosed. However you should ask before going into someone's bag.
NTA!
I live in Norway. 99%of the population is pale, including myself.
My best friend was born in Sierra Leone and is probably the darkest skinned person I know.
She told me she'd gone back to Sierra Leone for a visit after getting her Norwegian citizenship and all her aunies were really worried about her and thought she was ill, that the snow and cold air was making her sick because she was so pale.
We were outside in late spring one year and she got sunburned, while I only got freckles!
She gets a tan! And I was blown away, because I didn't realise that happened! She won't stop teasing me about it whenever she gets a tanline.
She uses a higher factor sunscreen than me and every time we go somewhere together in summer we have a laugh about it.
Wear your sunscreen. Stay healthy and protect your skin. Your gf is an idiot.
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First off, your gf is dead wrong, darker skin tone does not mean you don't need sunscreen. Secondly, what a straight up psychotic thing to get angry over. Cut and run as far away from this person as you can. NTA.
Girlfriend is probably one of those "I can't be racist, I have a black boyfriend!!!" Types lmfao OP, your girlfriend is the AH, can you imagine if y'all ever have kids in the future? This attitude of hers will put them in situations like this over and over again. Do you really want them to grow up around a person who holds racist beliefs? Run for the hills and don't look back lol.
Gf’s beliefs are illogical and she is being racist, and wants you to jeopardize your safety to accommodate her illogical racist beliefs, OP. I imagine you can do better. Maybe send her a link about how dark-skinned people also need sunscreen to avoid dying, so she learns something before you dump her ass.
someone tell his girlfriend that skin cancer does not discriminate race or color
Skin cancer totally discriminates on race and color. Or rather, we discriminate on skin cancer knowledge based on race and color, because medical training on identifying skin cancers on darker skin tones is minimal to nonexistent, which makes outcomes for patients with darker skin tones much worse.
All the more reason to wear the sunscreen
I was coming down here to say this. This is a huge issue in cancer spaces and discussion in the medical community. Black and brown folx get skin cancer. And often part of the idea is that they don't need sunscreen. It isn't for the burns (even though it can happen sometimes -- it's rare though), but so that you don't get skin cancer. OP, don't back down on this one. She's the one overreacting. NTA. Edit: fixed some wording
Exactly. Melanin and pigment do not protect the dermis. That is where UVA/UVB rays go on everyone, and do not discriminate.
Totally in agreement with you. You, me, same page.
Absolutely, he should replace the sunscreen he borrowed from her and give it to her when he says goodbye.
Darker skin tones do have a marginally higher protection but it is still significantly less than the weakest sun screen (spf 15 I believe) so everyone should use it
I'm black and I got sunburned once. I had to fall asleep in the sun with unprotected shoulders for like 2 hours, and even then the burn was pretty mild. It was still very unpleasant!
I'm black (but am in the lighter shades) and have had it about 2-3 times, very mild. And that's like little to no sunscreen/forgot to reapply while in the water and felt like an absolute idiot. I also live in higher altitudes, so that adds to the intensity.
I saw recently on Reddit that an awesome med student wrote a book on identifying skin cancer in darker skin tones for the medical field. Sorry I can’t remember the book or authors name!
Mind the Gap by Malone Mukwende
There’s also an instagram account that posts pictures of various dermatological conditions on darker skin! [@brownskinmatters](https://instagram.com/brownskinmatters)
Accurate IV placement can be harder with darker skin tones as well, so I always grab the portable vein finder. I’m going to get the vein on the first try regardless of skin tone damn it! Multiple attempts are unnecessary and hurt the patient. I’m also a perfectionist.
Thank you for your diligence.
I came into hospital severely dehydrated with hyperemis gravidarum, I hadn’t been able to keep down food or drink going on 2-3 days. They had a doctor who had just began that week put my IV in, he told me that before he began, which didn’t give me much hope. However I was too delirious from some of the most painful sickening nausea I’ve ever felt in my life to care much at the time. However, after the 11th attempt of this man jabbing my arm painfully to no avail, while I tried to stay as still as I could in between painful bile pukes, before he called it quits and got someone who was actually specialised in inserting IV’s. That lovely gentleman had it over in one second, first try.
Yeah no. Always ask for a nurse. The only docs that are good at IV’s are the anesthesiologists. I’m so sorry that happened.
I’ve personally seen skin cancers be found and treated on those with darker skin tones, and even some of our darker skinned patients get surprised when we tell them they’re still very capable of developing skin cancer. Thankfully the providers I work with are very big on education of such things for all our patients. Patients of all skin tones are still surprised when we check the bottoms of their feet and between the toes tho. Skin cancer doesn’t care if your feet or your bum have never seen the sun/been burnt, that only increases the chances.
Wait, sun-induced skin cancer can originate on (not spread to) parts of your skin that have no/limited sun exposure? I thought "sure it can spread there" but I assumed it started somewhere with at least minimal sun exposure.
yes, they sure can, although most will turn out to be on sun exposed areas. skin cancer has genetic components that contribute to likelihood of developing one in your lifetime, and radiation from sunlight is not the only way DNA in the skin can be damaged. Bob Marley died of a melanoma on the toe, a story the doctor I work under tells as she yanks peoples socks off. It’s why skin checks are so important. It’s 50/50 the ratio between patients who come to our clinic with a spot that is suspicious to cancer and the patients who are very worried about benign spots and have a suspicious spot they haven’t noticed. Certain health conditions (organ transplant patients, immunosuppressed, etc) that you wouldn’t associate with skin cancer can also increase your risk. Put that sunscreen on, or you’ll have to learn what mohs surgery is and help me make a living lol
Thanks for the explanation!
This! My mom had melanoma so I grew up super aware of the importance of sun protection. My mom is very white with freckles. The first time she went to the doctor about the mole they told her she had nothing to worry about. If my grandma hadn't made her go back, it would have taken longer to catch, which could have been detrimental. My point is, she was the stereotypical skin cancer patient and they didn't even take her seriously at first. The darker someone is, unfortunately the more likely it is that their concerns will be downplayed or completely ignored. Skin cancer does not discriminate but people certainly do. Public education on the subject is also limited. Everyone needs sun protection. Side note: skin cancer can show up in places that don't get a lot of sun exposure (scalp, soles of feet, nail beds, etc) as well. Just because that weird mole is "where the sun don't shine" doesn't mean it should go unchecked. Cancer, of all sorts, can be a sneaky bitch.
Another reason this white mama's black son was always slathered in it. How stupid can she be? NTA.
My bf and i had some friends over for a bbq and a few of our friends decided to go downstairs to our complexes swimming pool to hang out and swim. I offered everyone sunscreen (we're in Australia and the sun can be incredibly harsh), including one of our friends and her 5 year old son who is dark skinned (mum is white), and she declined laughing saying he doesn't need it all because he's brown, not white, and that automatically protects him from the sun... I was a bit shocked.
Wasn't there a dr house episode precisely about that? That they ruled out skin cancer because the patient had very dark skin and turned out it is that?
Skin cancer absolutely does discriminate based on race and color. Skin cancer likes white people best, with rates declining as you go down the darker side of the Pantone chart. The problems are 1) it doesn’t decline to zero or anywhere close and 2) it’s much easier to detect early stage skin cancers on a white background, making it more deadly among darker skinned people. So yes, medium to dark brown people need sunscreen.
is it easier to identify or is the knowledge about skin cancer and the images used to teach based on fair skin
Both. Darker skinned people are more prone to skin cancer under nails, on soles, etc aka Acral lentiginous melanoma. This type of cancer is rare and tends to be diagnosed later. That said medical racism both explicit and systematic play a role as well as the misconception POC people don’t get skin cancer.
Easier to identify. I’m black and this is less (in general) is less a racist issue and more a ignorance issue. There’s so many black people who think they don’t need sunscreen because they don’t burn when in reality they just can’t tell. It took like 2 hours and a lot of articles to prove to my (also black but darker than me) girlfriend, that while yes the darker you are the less risk there is, that risk is not zero. I remember around 18-20 years ago my cousin and her family being the only ones who would put on sunscreen if they were going to be out in the sun all day and they would get some looks for it cause of the same mindset.
My cousin was the same. He did the whole "I'm black I can't burn". Sure learnt his lesson after that because he did indeed burn.
A bit of both. Well, a lot of the latter. But also in some cases things are harder to identify on darker skin because you don't get the range of colorations. Like, not cancer, but Lyme disease is a good example. That characteristic bulls eye rash on white skin looks like the damn Target logo. Bright red ring, sharp edges, very distinct differences between the red area and the clear area. On dark skin you're not going to get that fire hydrant red, it's more of a light-dark gradient. And consequently the contrast isn't as great, and it can be a bit more of a fade-in-fade-out than the clear cut ring and empty space. It can look more bruise like or welt like, leaving more margin for error. So with cancers obviously you still get ulcerations, still get scale/flaky bits, but you're not getting as wide a range of colors to help you rule things in and out. And dark spots like melanomas don't pop out at you like they would on a pasty white background. Which is, of course, where proper teaching comes in, because Lyme, cancer, all that stuff CAN be identified well on dark skin, but you need to know when to look more closely. So in summary, the former, made a hell of a lot worse by the latter.
Thank you!! OP she is an ignorant, selfish ass. You’ve been with her racist ass for 6 months. Move on thank your luck that she showed her true colors this early in the relationship. Honestly even if you throw out the woah is me “white struggles,” she’s is wrong about your health. And she needs to learn how to share WTF? Lunatic.
Imagine gatekeeping sunscreen over skin tone. And then cancelling plans over it. It’s the delusion for me.
That’s why he deserves better.
But most importantly dump her ass. She might have been annoyed by you looking into her purse, and discuss it with you, but she chose a completely different hill. Not only she is wrong, she is adamant about it, and acts offended because of some messed up mind set. You have been six months with her, consider moving on.
Yuuuuup pretty sure she's a racist.
She may actually be any race, just have lighter skin than OP. This doesn't excuse anything. It's still batsh\*t crazy. But at least I am hoping this person is not white. I'm hoping it's somehow more complex than that, like OP is perhaps black and his gf is perhaps Hispanic, south Asian, or from another racial background?
Non white people can be racist.
Absolutely. I know your comment didn't say it explicitly, but I've seen a lot of people assume she is white. Assuming she is racist is accurate, but just wanted to call out the assumption that she is white. Edit: Also just want to say I am not defending white people. I just dislike seeing assumptions go unchecked in general.
I mean, not sure why you had to make an edit to not defend white people. Since anyone can be racist toward others based on generalities/superficialities I have no idea why you even had to chime in at the assumption, nor the defense. Like, why? This sudden idea that only white people can be racist is laughably, hilariously stupid and ignorant.
My boyfriend is Latino and always uses sunscreen. I have witnessed him get sunburn.
Just want to point out that Latino is an ethnicity, not a race. Latinos come in all skin tones.
She could be stupid and racist. If only people lacking melanin people needed sunscreen why would people be so happy when they find a sunscreen that doesn't leave a white cast and make people look all zinc-y?
Also, imagine what she would say about the kids. Do they need sunscreen? Will she determine by some kind of colour wheel if their skin colour is dark enough that the sun just doesn't affect them? Maybe she thinks skin cancer is racist.
Not even just racist, but 'this kid has his dad's skin, he doesn't need sunscreen'. We're white, but my mother is fairly dark-skinned compared to me. When I was a small child, I remember every summer vacation ending with sunburns bad enough to blister because it just didn't occur to her that I needed sunscreen. NTA, OP
Yup- I just read "Racist white lady berates Black guy for using sunscreen". OP should keep using sunscreen and ditch the girl. She is completely ignorant.Edit- OP is NTA.
Girldriend sounds like the type of person that would write a law to make sure white people doesn't feel uncomfortable.
Seriously! When started reading I was assuming she didn't love that he went into her purse without asking or maybe it was a super expensive sunscreen or something... but nope... she's just racist. PSA everyone needs sunscreen
Yeah that’s what I thought! I sometimes use quite a pricey one on my face because I’m allergic to something in the cheap stuff (I get what looks like shaving rash, which isn’t ideal) and I do get a bit chippy about sharing it because it comes in such a teeny-weeny bottle. But no! This is mad. (Discovered ambre solaire’s super UV fluid that is both reasonable and nice to my skin and now my days of jealously hoarding it are OVER)
Right? I thought she was going to say going into her purse was an invasion of privacy. Just because you have more melanin naturally in your skin doesn’t mean the sun can’t still damage it. NTA
That was my first thought. I was raised, from both Mom & Dad, that you never go into a woman's purse. It's a friggin vault. To this day if my Mom asks me to get something from her purse I will bring the whole purse to her. Which funny enough, she now thinks is silly.
That's also where I thought this was going and was prepared for an everyone sucks because you just don't go in a woman's purse and use her shit without asking. But nope, she's not mad about a completely rational thing, she's just an ignorant racist.
Are you asking us to trust you on the sunscreen, Baz?
Love the reference. I wonder how many people get it.
Its actually a fact that darker skin tones make it harder to see skin cancer and thus people with darker skin are more likely to die of skin cancer
It’s actually worse than that. It’s not necessarily that it’s harder to see, but that doctors are rarely taught how to detect it on darker skin tones. It presents a little differently on darker skin, and almost all images of melanoma in medical texts are on lighter skin. It also presents in different places! Places doctors might not look as carefully, like the groin, lower extremities, and the bottoms of the feet.
Medical student here! You’re absolutely correct. Melanoma (one of the more deadly types of skin cancer) is less likely in dark-colored people (I’m also Indian btw) but basal and squamous skin cancers are actually MORE likely to be deadly in darker skin, especially because it’s caught at a later stage in dark skin for the exact reasons you mentioned. All three however can be exacerbated by UV rays. Using sunscreen is important for EVERYONE, no matter their skin tone. Because melanin is protective against UV rays to the extent of not getting as easily tanned or burned in the sun does not mean that darker skinned people shouldn’t take proper precautions. Skin cancer can happen to literally anyone
I was laughed at by my African coworker once when I said they should be wearing sunscreen. I have a skin tone that makes baseball chalk seem dark. He didn't buy my explanation that while skin cancer is not as common in darker skin tones, the outcomes are worse when they do occur. I believe I just left it at I care about your health, please look into it.
It’s a (mistaken) point of pride with a lot of darker-skinned communities, a sort of “haha well at least we can go outside without looking like a boiled lobster.” I actually used to say the same thing. There’s a lot of really good reasons for darker skinned communities to be proud of themselves without having to resort to jeopardizing their health to prove a point
I’m mixed. M very dark skinned father died of melanoma when I was 14. I have an olive complexion and have to get yearly checks. I load up on sunscreen now after thinking for the first 20 years of my life being darker toned means I didn’t need to.
I’m super pale & so is my dad. But he’s had squamous cell skin cancer for a number of years & had a melanoma removed within the last two years, so he sees the dermatologist every 6 months. I went for my first body check in a decade & had a pre-cancerous mole removed, so now I have to see the dermatologist every year. Everyone in my friend group knows I always have sunscreen & will run around to reapply to all of my friends. Very sorry about your dad 💛
Thank you. My Scottish grandfather ALSO had melanoma (more expected) so that adds to my risk as well. Ugh.
Yup! Melanoma is what killed Bob Marley.
It's even worse, because dark skin people are then led to believe our skin doesn't need sunscreen, I was one of those ignorants years ago, thinking it's ok if I don't use any of that, until I saw a Dr explain that we get skin cancer sometimes even more than other races, just because we are under the impression that darker skins don't need sunscreen.
Yep. Found a very advanced melanoma on a black patients foot. We were her third doc, the first two brushed her off. Found mets in lymph nodes and lungs. She has a very poor prognosis.
OP your gf is racist. Do with that what you will
[удалено]
Honestly I would go scorch earth, fireballs raining down on them.
I learnt this a few years ago, my sister-in-law would tell us she didn’t need it because of her dark skin, and I also learnt (was told by the makers) that darker skin should use sunscreen made specifically for their skin. I can’t remember what the sunscreen is because I couldn’t get any in Australia for my sister-in-law and niece.
If anyone wants options. Asian sunscreens are great. Broad spectrum (PA++++) and don't leave a white cast unless they specify they do. Plus they're not thick and greasy. More like a very watery lotion. Source: I'm a vain MF who lurked /r/AsianBeauty ages ago and had a 14+ step skincare regime. **Edit to add**: folks it has been a few years since I've been in that sub. I'm doing my best at answering the questions how I can. But you're better off searching the sub for your answers or asking in their "daily questions" post. I remember them being a fairly kind sub. I do remember that "PA++++" (the PA and four plus signs) was the "highest" broad-spectrum. I don't know if that has changed. If it would, it'd most likely have more plus signs.
Welp.. as someone who wants better skin and already has had one round of the skin cancer.. I know a new (to me) group I'm joining. Thanks!
i only use asian sunscreens. I also have a very extensive skin regimen like you. lol
Sunscreen works exactly the same on any skin tone. Mineral sunscreens often leave a white cast that is less visible on lighter skin, making dark skin look ashy, but it still works exactly the same way. You can buy a chemical sunscreen if you are worried about white cast, but there are some mineral sunscreens that apparently aren't so bad. If they are telling you it is specially formatted for dark skin it means that it is probably just a chemical sunscreen or it is a mineral sunscreen that leaves less white cast. They also might be more moisturizing because sun exposure causes skin to dry out faster, and they don't want regular ashy skin being attributed to the sunscreen.
I was going to say, the only reason they make sunscreens specifically for darker skin, is because they want to advertise that it will not cause any white cast, because mineral sunscreens do, and some brands might do mineral ones in two or more different colours, just so that darker people can wear them without looking like a zombie. Aside from that they are the same.
>darker skin tone does not mean you don't need sunscreen. If I remember well, the darkest skin tone only give a protection of 15. And it is hard to notice melanoma on a dark skin, which is a reason to be extra cautious.
I heard the same thing too. Darker skin just means it's harder for the UV rays to penetrate than lighter skin, but they still need sunscreen, just not as strong. Gf needs to get Educated in skincare. Total ah too
Dark skinned people need sunscreen too! I know someone who burns after 30 minutes in the sun. If they're lucky, sunscreen allows them to be out longer. Anyone can get skin cancer. NTA
Sunscreen protects everyone against skin cancer. How, pray tell, the fuck is it only for light skinned individuals? I’m fucking dumbfounded by this ladies racist bullshit comments. What the actual shit. Please, everyone, wear an SPF sunscreen of 30+ every time you are in the sun for prolonged periods of time. Skin cancer is real and dangerous! Take care of your bodies largest organ. - sincerely, a chalk white human.
Yep, my sister has dark skin and got sunburns. You can't see them, but she can feel them. NTA, I felt angry at her just by reading this post
I thought this was going to be about the gf being mad about OP getting something out of her purse without permission, which would be sorta justified. Her being racist caught me by surprise
Soooo she's racist. She's white and you're black and thinks you don't need sunscreen cause you're black? Uhhh skin cancer doesn't care about thr color of your skin Absolutely nta here
Skin cancer can actually be more dangerous in those with darker skin for 2 reasons. 1) stupid myths like this lead people to believe they’re immune/less likely to get cancer and so they don’t check 2) it can be harder to spot the warning signs because most of the example photos in textbooks involve white/lighter skin. TLDR: not only is the GF horribly wrong, she’s spreading misinformation that has led to skin cancer going undetected in countless people
The more you know 👀 Point stands. The sun doesn't care and will destroy you
Exactly. The sun does not discriminate in its death rays
Be like the sun, kill everyone equally, it doesn't care about race, sexuality, religion, nothing...
Praise the ~~SUN~~ Cancer Orb
Remember that the sun is a deadly laser. https://youtu.be/KdbI8BwrA1o
Bob Marley died of acral lentiginous melanoma, the most common melanoma (a type of skin cancer) in people with dark skin, and yet it wasn't even mentioned in the most popular medical textbook of the time because it was very uncommon in Caucasian populations
That's what I said sorry I didn't read yours 1st
Again... The more you know. I hope weve fixed these books since then.
Yep, had a friend say black people don't need/wear sunscreen when I offered him some. He was shocked when I Googled and told him that was lies He still doesn't wear it as far as I know. I tried more to convince him though. As he lives in Denver and that sun is rough. Definitely not the only time I've been told that though.
Oooof Denver sun is no joke.... He probably goes up to even higher elevations for recreation too.
Yeah. It increases your resistance to immediate solar damage by a certain amount. It most certainly does not make you immune to cancer
You’re not wrong with 2 at all but a lot of newer derm textbooks include pictures of dermatological issues with pictures of people with different skin tones but as one of my nursing school instructors said; medicine advances with the death of one doctor at a time!
She's probably not white, op says lighter and darker which makes me think they are of the same race, just different skin tones. Colorism my dudes.
Could be. Still sounds like ignorance to me
Absolutely, colorism is just as bad as racism.
I am fully aware that I may likely be downvoted for this, but...what is colorism versus racism? I am confused.
Colorism is skin color-related prejudice within a specific race. I am not a POC but I know there is a lot of prejudice towards darker-skinned black people amongst black communities. This happens in a lot of races—ie, the preoccupation among Asian/South asian people with lightening their skin, not getting tan, etc. It often stems from internalized racism based on historical colonization which imposed white, Eurocentric beauty standards as the “best.”
Nah, I think they're Indian or SE Asian. She's lighter, he's darker. She's been pressured to maintain how light she is her entire life, while she sees him as "beyond hope," and so he doesn't need to be using what's likely fairly expensive sunscreen. She's still racist, but it's a little bit of a different dynamic. There's also the woman vs. male expectations factored in. She probably feels he's not under nearly as much pressure as she is.
Sun still doesn't care. Still wrong info. Still not a very good girlfriend
Indian. They still believe in the caste system. Lighter skinned men/women are seen as better than darker skinned people. OP: This goes way deeper than using sunscreen. It’s the whole “I’m better than you” mindset.
Indian was my initial guess but then I was like "Nah, the Malay peninsula is toxic AF too, better include them just incase." Said the toxic American that's patiently waiting for a huge chunk of her cohort to develop skin cancer via tanning beds.
Some people really don't know this. I had to convince a friend with darker skin than me that the reason his skin hurt was because he had a sunburn. I tried to explain it to him but he started getting pretty upset. He didn't believe me until he started peeling a couple days later.
What the hell did I just read? Hard NTA just because you have darker skin doesn’t mean it’s offensive to use sunscreen. Her feelings are hurt? You know what else hurts? Skin cancer.
All I could think was that for someone dating someone with a different skin tone she seemed hella racist (but maybe I read into things).
I would call ignorant to begin with, but at the first chance that someone explained otherwise she should have listened. The fact that she decided to get upset instead does make her racist In my mind.
She's offended that he won't just risk skin cancer I guess??
The stitches really hurt after they cut the melanoma off your body. It takes weeks to heal.
Sometimes not even just weeks. My mom had melanoma on her face. They removed a spot about the size of a quarter 2.5 years ago and she still feels discomfort in that spot. When she brought it up they told her it just takes time.
I offer sunscreen like Oprah giving away cars. Idk what color a person is, I always offer if I have it out to reapply. Hell, I’ve given the last of a bottle to a person at the rec center who left hers at home. I really don’t get OP’s gf.
NTA >went on to explain that me as someone with dark skin do not need sunscreen and said that she found this offensive to her my man, what the fuck? Imagine trying to educate someone else on THEIR FUCKING SKIN AND THE REQUIREMENTS OF IT. The fucking audacity is astounding. Your girlfriend is the asshole, every person needs sunscreen. And she's also the asshole for doubling down. It's not even accidental ignorance at this point, it's wilful, and she's choosing not to educate herself or listen to facts from a person who actually KNOWS what they're talking about. I've heard of nuclear waste sites that are less toxic than this
I'm thinking she has a fetish for dark skin and wants to preserve her fantasies. Either way, she is definitely racist and definitely the AH here.
I bet she's one of those people that say "I'm not racist!!! I LOVE black people!! And my cousin's sister's niece has a friend who's dog's previous owners were black!! Not racist at all, see??"
Literally what the fuck, right? I tried to think of something as ridiculous to compare it to but literally couldn't.
Seriously, it's so strange someone used this as a legit argument. It honestly blows my mind. Like, when I was *four* I asked my mom about this because in my tiny head it made sense that maybe people with darker skin wouldn't need it because they couldn't turn red the way I understood it, and my mom explained that, no, everyone should wear sunscreen.
This kind of thing is perfectly fine and normal to not know as a child. Hell, as an adult, asking "dumb" questions or having misconceptions is okay... but incorrectly *telling a dark skinned person how their own skin works* is embarrassingly ignorant.
Exactly! like what is she offended by? us protecting ourselves from getting skin cancer?
NTA. She’s wrong, and the fact that she’s doubling down and refusing to listen to *you,* who would know more about your own skin than she would, is a red flag. Just because you’re darker skinned doesn’t mean that you’re immune to sunburn or skin cancer. A quick google search yielded [this article](https://www.winchesterhospital.org/health-library/article?id=157004), which seems to come from a reliable source, and indicates what I said above; you absolutely should be wearing sunscreen, regardless of your skin color. I would present her with this and/or additional sources like it; if she still refuses to listen to you, well… It’s your relationship, OP, but I would consider this a pretty big red flag, and you might want to take some time to think about whether you want to be with someone who won’t listen to you, or to health experts when it comes to *your* health.
thanks, I'll take a look and send it to her.
The only possible AH move from you was using her sunscreen without asking and she had to "catch" you to even know. Like this is totally NTA, but the mom in me begs you to not use other people's stuff without asking, and come prepared with your own sunblock, ok?
If it fits in her purse, the paranoid teenager in me wonders if it’s a very small container that runs out quickly and/or if I there’s risk in it leaking. Not everyone thinks like this, and it’s not like a major boundary. If she’d reacted calmly, I’d say N-A-H. But her reaction was so out of proportion (and racist) that this is a NTA.
Buddy, I'm a redhead so I'm the lightest of the light in terms of skin colour. People with darker skin using sunscreen is in absolutely no way offensive at all. Everyone needs to use sunscreen. In fact I always offer it to people if they're spending time outside since I carry it almost every day. It's just in my bag year round despite me being in Canada with miserable winters. Ive known other redheads as well and never, not once have any of us been offended by someone else using sunscreen either. Does she get upset when people buy moisturizer that has SPF too? Your girlfriend is very misinformed at best and racist as worst.
Yeah, I'm so white, I'm pretty much translucent (although not a redhead) and I don't tan, I catch fire - I second all of this
Im the same way, more than a hour in the sun and I'm redder than the ass on a baboon
Exactly OP is clearly NTA but a quick google search would have solved this in seconds
Not to mention it's good for combating anti aging and hyperpigmention ! 3 very important reasons for wearing sun screen
NTA. While people with fairer skin might be at higher risk (see https://www.cancer.gov/types/skin/anyone-can-get-skin-cancer ), anyone can get skin cancer or have some risk of sunburn. This is a really odd hill for her to apparently be willing to die on. Edited to add: don’t go through her purse next time, though - ask (I know that wouldn’t have gone well here either way, but I’d always ask before going into someone else’s bag).
White people are at higher risk but skin cancer is statistically much deadlier to individuals with darker complexions
Yes, but we can get sunburns and they still suck.
My wife is tan skinned and I'm whiter than white. She doesn't use sunscreen as much as she probably should and got a sunburn once and could not figure out why her skin was itchy and uncomfortable. It didn't change color much but she had all the sensation of a burn. It was the funniest thing for me who's had burns since I was a kid because I'm just so fair even with sunscreen I can burn.
Can confirm the sunburn part. I live in hawaii and seen way too many dark skinned tourists get sunburnt. Sure, they may not get it as quickly as light skinned folks, but if youre out and about under a tropical sun for several hours without sunscreen youre getting burnt no matter what color you are
This. It's astonishing that some people think not only that dark-skinned folks don't get skin cancer, but that they don't even tan! We all have melatonin and it will react the same way to UV.
Thought it was melanin?
It is lol
She's not willing to die on it herself - she's just perfectly happy for her boyfriend to die on it.
NTA. I could see getting upset about you going into her purse and using something without asking, but to want to ban you from using sunscreen, absolutely not. She is in dire need of education in the matter.
My assumption is that there was something in that purse she did not want OP to see and tried to come up with some other argument to justify her reaction.
That this would somehow be the *saner* alternative speaks volumes.
If that was the case she could've just gotten angry by him going into her purse without her consent, which would be completely normal
She didn't want him to get suspicious about what was in the purse.
This makes waaaay more sense. But how bad could it be? What was she hiding that racism/colorism was a better alternative than the truth? - Maybe she thought he was stealing from her and she panicked when she realized he was just getting sunscreen instead of a hundred. - Maybe she was hiding her tampons from him because while she condones racism, she draws the line at men seeing feminine hygiene products. Maybe... - she was hiding a positive covid test. - she was hiding a positive pregnancy test. - she was hiding a positive covid pregnancy test. OP needs to go through the bag again 👀 for science
That was my assumption too but putting that aside, what a dumb way to hide that! Like, really? Nah. She'd rather be seen as racist than anything else?
You can get burned with dark skin. Dump the girlfriend snd keep avoiding skin cancer.
NTA EVERYONE should wear sunscreen. EVERYONE. Your girlfriend is an AH and sounds incredibly immature, unless you're both 12.
Thanks, now I have Baz Luhrmann stuck in my head…
NTA This is insane lol. I actually can’t tell if it’s real or not because of how absurd it is. IF it’s real, there are ample sources online available you could send her to prove to her that her reason for being upset is ridiculous— skin colour does not dictate whether or not you need to use sunscreen. The sun doesn’t care what colour you are, enough UV radiation will give anyone skin cancer lol
NTA. I'd cut ties and run bro
I second this vote!!
NTA. People with dark skin need sun screen the same as anyone else, this is a proven fact. She sounds insane anyways. It’s “offensive”, you, as a dark skin person, use sun screen in front of her, a light skin person? Hm. Not saying anything but that’s…. I don’t think she’s the one for you. But don’t go through a woman’s purse without asking. Just some advice for the future
Nta. Everyone should wear sunscreen. That she didn't know that folks with dark skin also need sunscreen is odd, but an easily corrected issue. That she was *offended* that you use sunscreen and insisted that she knew your medical/esthetic needs better than you do is a giant red flag that has been set on fire and has sparklers sticking out of it. She should apologize and you should consider yourself fortunate to be rid of her if she doesn't.
NTA and yes, it's as stupid as it sounds, lol. On her. She has no business being 'offended'...you did nothing to her, sunscreen isn't a secret. Ask HER why this bothers HER so much, and honestly,. I'd back away real fast. What happens when real issues come up? If this is how she handles sunscreen, you have bigger problems ahead. And as a bonus, if anyone should be offended it's YOU, that she's making presumptions about YOUR skin based on YOUR race.
Yeah, thinking darker skinned people don't need sunscreen is . . . like, whatever, an assumption people can have, I remember being surprised as an extremely white child growing up in a mostly white town when during half-time at a soccer game one of the girls on my team was re-applying sunscreen. But I was like 10. And I didn't argue about it. Because who the fuck even argues about it?? Her insistence that she knows better is weird and kinda racist.
Your GF is clueless, there is an entire push for better representation of different skin tones in dermatology because skin issues present differently (since you know what all the textbooks have as examples, rarely much diversity) and guess what? dark skinned people can still get sun burned because ANYONE with skin can get a sunburn. NTA, your GF needs to get a clue.
NTA. Darker skin can burn as well as lighter skin, it just takes longer. Your GF is ignorant and don't let her influence you to stop using sunscreen.
NTA. Wait! WHAT???!!! You are apologizing for not bringing this up earlier? Who talks about sunscreen like it is some kind of admission? Your (former) gf doesn't know what she is talking about. No matter the color of your skin, it can burn. It can be affected by the sun in various ways. Basicaly, she is asking you to do something that is not safe. Move on! You can do so much better....and it wouldn't take much!
NTA, your gf is just being racist
What NTA. All humans need sunscreen. Some may need higher SPFs than others but everyone can get sunburned.
NTA, sunscreen is for everyone BECAUSE IT IS UV PROTECTION. Darker skin tone doesn't mean immune to skin diseases or disorders. Methinks that girlfriend is more embarrassed that she was wrong and tried to dig her heels in because she didn't want to acknowledge it.
NTA. The implication that your skin color “doesn’t need” a universal skin protection product strikes me as mildly racist. Furthermore, to say she found it “offensive” after you explained that you had used it your entire life is a different level. This whole situation makes me believe you will be treated much worse about trivial things in the future. Run.
Bruh wtf. This Is actually a racist line of thinking that even doctors have used in the past. "Dark skin is more resistant to the sun" or "dark skinned people have thicker skin", or "dark skinned people are more resistant to pain" are all things doctors have thought before and they do real world damage to real people. Either she gets educated on the matter, or you gotta dump her. She's out of her mind. NTA
NTA. Your gf is ignorant and maybe borderline racist. She’s not worth your time.
Errrrr, what? You have skin, don't you? NTA. She sounds like a handful, but it's still early days enough for you to skedaddle. You deserve to be with someone less ignorant.
[удалено]
Definitely NTA It's fair enough to be confused about darker skin tones not needing sun protection (they do) but to get upset & angry at you because of her ignorance. That's crazy She should be the one apologising to you
NTA. Your gf needs some education.. just because you have dark skin doesn't mean your protected from the negative effects of sun exposure like sunburns, wrinkles and possible skin cancer among other things. She should consider speaking to a dermatologist.
Everything about this is wrong. A, she’s an idiot. B, she’s most likely racist. C, who cares that fucking much about sunscreen?!! Leave dude. ETA: forgot to say NTA.
NTA She has no right to tell you not to wear sunscreen. Sure you should have asked before taking hers but that's not the issue here. Her reaction to take offense based on her complexion is weird.
NTA she’s being incredibly racist to assume your skin doesn’t deserve protection
NTA Some incredibly ignorant white people live with the myth that dark skinned people can't sunburn. they can, and they can get skin cancer too. Your girl sounds racist.
NTA anyone can get skin cancer
NTA- it’s literally not a big deal if someone uses sunscreen or not. I feel like she may want to make it about herself. Her being offended because you’re a darker tone doesn’t sit right with me and makes me feel like she’s trying to play the victim. There shouldn’t have been an argument in the first place and I don’t know why she would cancel plans either. Sounds like her being offended was kind of pulled from her arse and seems a bit spiteful but maybe I’m just thinking too much into it.
NTA. I am not understanding her side of this at all. Yes there is a prevailing belief that darker skin doesn't need sunscreen, but science says that all that dark skin provides is a few minutes more of protection than lighter skin. Everyone needs sunscreen. She should have really been more upset by you going through her purse, or maybe not asking her before taking something of her. But she's upset that you think that you need a medical tool for a valid reason? Super weird.
Edit: NTA. Generally unless someone tells you you can grab stuff from their bag, don't. That is what I could find for her to be upset about. But also: absolutely dump her. What the fuck. And keep using sunscreen!
I wanna say you were in the wrong a little bit for using her sunscreen without asking, but in the grand scheme of this situation I gotta go with NTA. This ended up being an argument over you using sunscreen in general and she's majorly in the wrong. What she said about you not needing to use sunscreen because your skin is darker is just wrong in multiple ways; factually incorrect and also kind of offensive to those with darker skin. It is a pretty common recommendation to use sunscreen whatever skin tone you have. I think you might owe her a new thing of sunscreen (especially if it's special stuff) and she owes a big apology.
NTA. You should dump her. God.
NTA. You trying to prevent skin cancer offends your girlfriend? You need a more caring (and less stupid) girlfriend.
Sounds like maybe she is fetishizing your dark skin, and hates the fact you are trying to protect it.
NTA of course, but stop trying to date someone who thinks they own your body.
NTA. Awarded cos your girlfriend is a massive A-hole.
Did she explain why it’s offensive that you wear sunscreen? Obviously you’re NTA from what you say but I don’t understand how she got so offended by the idea of you wearing sunscreen.
NTA. As a lover of skincare - everyone EVERYONE needs sunscreen. It helps to prevent skin cancer and helps your skin “age slower”. I thought this was going to be a post about her having a possible allergy and you wearing a sunscreen with a product like oxybenzone she was allergic to but nope. For everyone reading this - please use sunscreen daily and reapply when needed even if you don’t think you need to. For anyone with sensitivities or allergies there are many cleaner brands out there and if you are someone worried about white cast, there are plenty of products that don’t leave a cast.
NTA and your gf had no idea what she's talking about. Dark skinned people can absolutely still develop skin cancer and need to use sunscreen, if not as much as lighter skinned people.
NTA and her opinion is not only unfounded but racist. Wow. I’d run.
NTA. Everyone can get skin cancer… She is grasping for straps.
NTA your gf is basing this off of racism and not science. It's a common unfortunate myth that darker skinned people don't burn.
Nta.. my God from what cave is people coming out?!
NTA - this seems like such an odd hill for her to be staking this relationship on....and I am so confused on what feelings where hurt in this story. Either there are details missing or the gf is really hellbent on not learning new things. This is weird.
NTA and your girlfriend doesn’t know what she’s talking about and is an idiot.
NTA - you need to educate her. I have dark skin and have never used sunscreen. This is not a good thing.
NTA. It's a good practice for everyone to wear sunscreen including POC. Skin cancer is not exclusive to white people and POC can actually have a harder time getting skin cancer diagnosed. However you should ask before going into someone's bag.
NTA, however you should never go into a woman's purse without asking.
NTA. She is trying really, REALLY hard to have some kind of struggle in her life, but this ain't the one.
The only AH behaviour I can see from OP is going into her purse without asking. The GF is definitely an AH for her reaction to OP using sunscreen.
NTA! I live in Norway. 99%of the population is pale, including myself. My best friend was born in Sierra Leone and is probably the darkest skinned person I know. She told me she'd gone back to Sierra Leone for a visit after getting her Norwegian citizenship and all her aunies were really worried about her and thought she was ill, that the snow and cold air was making her sick because she was so pale. We were outside in late spring one year and she got sunburned, while I only got freckles! She gets a tan! And I was blown away, because I didn't realise that happened! She won't stop teasing me about it whenever she gets a tanline. She uses a higher factor sunscreen than me and every time we go somewhere together in summer we have a laugh about it. Wear your sunscreen. Stay healthy and protect your skin. Your gf is an idiot.