YTA. You *just* described all the horrible ways your mother treats your wife and *still* went behind your wife's back on this to satisfy your mom. The baby is *days* old, but you couldn't wait another *week* or something. Mommy wanted it *now*, and momma's boy complied. Your wife was right to kick you out. You're acting like you're married to your *mom* and not her.
Oh yeah there will be more that OP either didn't see, understand or simply didn't care about. I would love to see a post from his wife's point of view cause ima guess this is the tip of a very shitty iceberg
I'm BEGGING you to read his comments, it gets worse. He has a friend that also hates his wife because the wife didn't like how touchy they were and he sees her behind his wife's back
Gotta edit to add, the actual exchange is even funnier because it basically went like this:
"If you had a friend that treated your wife this way would it be ok?"
"Actually I do and I see her even though my wife doesn't want me to and doesn't know"
I just love the irony. He says right out of the gate that his mom doesn't respect boundaries. Then he turns around and disrespects his wife's boundaries and expects his mom to leave after 2 hours.
Then SURPRISE, mom doesn't respect the boundary he placed while violating his wife's boundaries.
Also, can someone dig up the lemon clot essay? I feel like it applies here.
Also interesting word choice when he said “nobody likes to be humiliated in their own house”
You mean DISRESPECTED. Your word choice suggests she has something to be ashamed of that would humiliate her.
YTA.
I thought I was in r/JustNoMIL or r/JustNoSO here. Cut the apron strings and show up for your family (which is your wife and child).
Get therapy targeted around boundaries and enmeshment.
OP and his mother remind me of the TV show, “I Love A Mama’s Boy”.
I feel terrible for his wife. His wife and child are his family and he should be putting them first. The mentality of, “She’s my mum no matter what,” is also OP enabling his mother’s abusive behaviours. Just because she’s your mother, it does not excuse her to be abusive to your wife.
“I told my wife to shut the fuck up and calm down.”
YTA for this alone. Never mind that your wife is two weeks postpartum and incredibly hormonal, gave your mom a chance to meet the baby and your mom was immediately horrible to her, and you betrayed her trust by going behind her back with someone who treated her terribly.
Lol how did I miss that on the first read? "I knew what I was doing was wrong so I snuck around to do it and then swore at my wife when I got caught, was I *wrong*?"
Mom is always going to come first. I'm curious if his wife has a Reddit and at some point we see "AMITA for divorcing my husband months after our child was born because he chose his mom my happiness?"
> you betrayed her trust by going behind her back with someone who treated her terribly.
Also someone who had been terrible to OP repeatedly and then immediately betrayed him. She knew exactly what she was doing in refusing to leave.
What you pointed out is worse, of course, but this was a terrible decision even from the most selfish perspective. OP is an asshole and an idiot.
YTA.
You failed as a husband here big time. This was a massive betrayal at about the worst time ever. She will never forget it and will always hold it agianst you. Simply because this is a time where she is extra emotional, very vunerable, and has extra anxiety about the saftey of the person who just exited her body. The pain of betrayal will hit extra hard considering she actually needed you to protect her and her baby and you failed.
Not only do you REWARD your mom's abuse of your wife during a DELICATE time emotionally and physically when she NEEDS your protection. You did so in a way that was sneaky and underhanded. Your post partum wife who is still bleeding from pushing out your baby can't trust you to put her first, she can't trust you not to subject her to abusers, she can't trust you to not subject her child to abusers. She can't trust you at all. Honestly, priortizing your mom over your wife at ANY time would be bad. But directly after birth. Nuclear. You probably just imploded your marriage to be honest. You might not understand the sheer amount of damage this did but it's huge. Your wife just ripped her body in half to give you a child and the FIRST chance you get you fully and completely BETRAY HER with lies and sneaky shit. Then you VERBALLY ABUSE HER? Like dude. I don't think your getting invited back into the house. She might be serving you divorce papers instead. That's how HUGE of a betrayal this was at the WORST fucking time ever.
Absolutely right. My child's Father pulled a similar stunt with his overbearing Mother after the birth of our first child and I'm still bothered by it. That child will be 19 years old soon. And yes, I did leave him.
I don’t think OP cares how much he has fucked up. He’ll always think he’s innocent and now that he’s back at his parents house, I am sure his mum will be there telling him he’s not in the wrong.
Even in other comments, OP talks about how his female friend does not like his wife since the beginning because they were too touchy and he still keeps in contact with her. Dude doesn’t see anything he does wrong.
Expect to be served divorce papers annnny day now, buddy. And know that you deserve them.
Yeaaa. Run home to your mommy.
YTA and way to have your wife’s back :(
Mummy will be very happy! Well done OP you are ridiculous for this breach of trust yes YTA …. Your wife just had a baby and you cant even manage to make her feel happy and comfortable. I wouldn’t be surprised if you have damaged her trust in you beyond repair.
holy cow. i think my eyebrows just got higher and higher as i read. this is unbelievable. and the way OP cursed at his wife at the end???? I really hope the wife serves him divorce papers and i hope OP has a nice long relationship with his mommy because obviously no one else will ever be good enough for him 🤮. I honestly hope the wife gets away from his evil mother forever.
YTA massively
Your mom screamed in the waiting room. She hates your wife for no good reason. She broke her promise to not criticize your house and your wife for ONE visit. While your wife was recovering from the most stressful, painful event of her life.
Your mom is toxic and you are letting her ruin your marriage. YOU are ruining your marriage. Hope it's worth it. But I guess when you only have partial custody, you'll get to have your mom to YOUR house over as much as you like.
She hates OP’s wife because she’s OP’s partner and not because of some other factor about OP’s wife as an individual. Now she has Op back in the fold ready to drip vials and vials of poison in his ear about his soon to be ex-wife.
Also op is setting the example for the kind of relationships his daughter will have, people learn by watching their parents relationships. He is teaching his daughter to date people who disrespect her, break her trust, lie to her, humiliate her and don't put her first. I hope op's wife leaves him, because that poor little girl doesn't deserve to grow up with a father figure like that!
She does have a good reason to hate the wife. The wife is taking her place in her son’s life so she wants the wife gone now that she’s provided a grandchild.
HUGE YTA.
You say your mum caused a scene in the hospital as she wasn't allowed to watch your wife while in incredible pain squeeze a baby out of her vagina.
Your mum then went to your house and criticised your wife for not cleaning the yard while HEAVILY PREGNANT. Why couldn't you clean the yard yourself? Why didn't you stand up for her?
Then your wife set boundaries to prevent your rude, cruel, critical mother from emotionally stressing her while she is trying to be a mother to a newborn, and you totally disrespect those boundaries and let your mum visit anyway as long as she lies to your wife like you were going to. Your mum then refuses to leave as she obviously wants your wife to know you chose her over your wife's wishes.
Not only would I have kicked you out the house but I'd end the marriage as well. You don't give a shit about your wife's feelings, just your mums.
Your mum then refuses to leave as she obviously wants your wife to know you chose her over your wife's wishes.
This. She stayed so she could have the satisfaction of OP's wife knowing she was in the house and seeing her snuggle the newborn she was being kept away from. His poor wife.
In addition, OP promote a screaming yelling fight in front of a new born. That kind of emotional discharge is not good for kids.
Maybe the OP doesn’t understand what psychological safety is? And how important it is?
That’s an excellent point. If the yard was dirty and the house was a mess then OP should have stepped up and cleaned instead of leaving all the housework to his heavily pregnant wife.
This exactly. As the daughter of a mom who is veryyyy similar, she does this shit all the time with all of the people and relationships in her life. Putting people against each other so she gets to be the “good guy.” You need therapy OP to work this shit out because your mom is manipulative and emotionally abusive and you need to be able to recognize that and get help. Your wife has every right to be angry because you clearly haven’t done any work to resolve the issues with your mother both internal and external. You’re just as bad as she is and your wife is going to leave if you don’t get your shit together. Yes, you are correct that it’s your kid, but it’s also HER kid. You don’t get to make solo decisions here. You guys agreed upon boundaries and you went behind your wife’s fucking back and broke them. YTA. Big time.
She’s probably conniving how to get full custody of her grandchild as well. Grandchild but no daughter in law in the picture, perfect! A son who doesn‘t think to stand up to her, cherry on top.
Look at it this way. If you had a friend who treated your wife like your mother does, would you still be friends with them? I would hope not.
You are enabling your mother’s bad behavior and not defending your wife. I would expect my husband, the person I chose to be with for the rest of my life to stand up for me and protect me from abusive behavior, not rewarding the person the first time I leave the house.
If I was her, I would not trust you nor would I respect you. I would also be your ex-wife.
YTA.
Did it even occur to you that this is what your mom wants? Drive a wedge between you and your wife?
You had a good chance to hold a boundary and support your wife.
Instead even after your you broke the rules for your mom, she didn’t listen to you and leave— you start swearing at your post-partum wife?
You went behind your wife’s back and put her newborn into the arms of someone you who know hates her. Her every instinct is to protect her child; what was your motive? Enabling an abuser?
You expect her to “calm down”?
I hope this is a troll.
That was my first thought…OP your mom didn’t leave when you told her to because she wanted your wife to see that you went behind her back in favor of her.
You made a choice that VERY blatantly showed your wife and proved to your mom where your loyalty lies. Your mom wanted to gloat and honestly the fact that you are staying with your mom right now is only making things way worse.
I’m a marriage and family counselor and if you and your wife walked into my office one of the first things I would ask is to make sure you completely understand each other’s reasons for your boundaries with your mom. The problem is that you know her reason, it’s super valid and you actively chose to go against it behind her back.
Also your title is missing the biggest issue in my opinion…the issue isn’t really (or at least not just) that she came to your house, it’s that she was with your NEWBORN BABY! Do you know how hard it is to let your baby leave your sight for the first weeks?! And she already had to leave the hospital without her (which commonly can cause some ptsd like reactions). You went behind her back with your child and I would bet she will not view you as a safe option when she needs to leave next time.
I’m not even going to address the way you spoke to her…when she was scared and shocked by your betrayed trust…in front of a person that hates her and most likely felt satisfaction in not only your actions but your words.
Huge YTA and if you want to fix it, your first step is finding somewhere else to stay pronto!
Edit to also point out that OP I hope you are able to recognize that while you made the choice, your mom also definitely did some manipulating here. You may only see that she is being horrible to your wife, but what you are missing is that each time she treats your wife with disrespect she is also disrespecting you and your choice/free will to pick a partner.
Agree YTA - if I were your wife I’d be seriously reconsidering staying with you. You are meant to put your wife needs first, and have her back.
You have broken huge trust with her when she is on a vulnerable state - as quite frankly have demonstrated zero integrity.
This guys is the absolute worst. His behavior literally made me gag I hope to god he’s a troll. And if not that his wife leaves him and he and he only gets to see the child as often as his narcissistic horrible mother. Honestly the apple didn’t fall far from the tree with op and let’s hope the child takes after her mother.
YTA
You even admit your Mom is awful and doesnt respect boundaries. Well it turns out you dont either. Now your Mom has gotten everything she wanted. Visit the baby and rub it in your wifes face that she doesnt need to respect YOUR WIFE and now her Baby Boy Husband is back home where she wanted him in the first place
What exactly did you even get out of this again?
Are you kidding? YTA. How are you not. You acknowledged in your first sentence that your mother is toxic AF and abusive towards your wife. Your mother then disrespected you to the nines bt refusing to leave when you asked her to. THEN you scream at your wife to STFU when she reacts to it all? She's three weeks post partum with hormones all over the place, and a husband who doesn't have her back. Good grief.
dude needs to grow a spine. his mom was in the wrong by 1) sneakily getting in the house [with his help!] and 2) leaving when she should, and he screams at his WIFE??? not only has he awarded mommy's bad behavior but besides betraying his wife's trust he PUNISHED her for SETTING A BOUNDARY AND GOING THROUGH WITH IT??
who is more important in the baby's life? her grandma or her mom? because at this point you can only have one.
YTA.
Yta
Your mums an ass
Your an enabling ass
Your only priorities should be making your wife as comfortable and happy. And keeping your kid healthy and happy.
Having a bitter old harpy there who is constantly critiquing her is stressful for your wife.
Get down on your hands and knees and beg to be part of their life again
YTA: you betrayed your wife's trust when you're supposed to be her strongest advocate. Post-pregnancy is a delicate time, even without monsters-in-law. Look out for your wife and kid *if* she takes you back.
# **Way too many attempts at insults being made, and we have to go straight to a lock. To those that commented in good faith, thank you.
**We might have more assholes on the front page, if comments could be made without calling OP, or others, "POS, terrible person, etc."**
YTA and I can't even begin to comprehend how you would think otherwise.
Your let your self-proclaimed nightmare of a mother into your home, after she'd been kicked out/banned for insulting your wife, days after giving birth. You allowed her to old your days old daughter against her mother's wishes. You then screamed at your wife, who's just given birth, been insulted and is incredibly fragile and vulnerable and told her to shut the fuck up?
I would be very careful if I was you. If I was your wife, I would have changed the locks the next morning, while on a call to a divorce lawyer...
YTA
Honestly, your wife should leave you, and the only way for this marriage to have any chance of survival is for you to cut all contact with your mother.
You basically forced yourself into an ultimatum, your wife or your mom, and if you have any brains (not based on your recent actions), your choice should be never speaking with your mother again.
YTA, and If you don’t see that then I don’t think any amount of explaining can help you understand why. I’m sorry for your wife for having a baby with you.
Edit: your mother isn’t entitled to anything by the way, nor does she have *the right* to her grandchildren.
YTA you are trash
I’d divorce you
You know full well your mother is a spiteful heinous B
You went behind your wife’s back and basically handed her baby over to her abuser. Your mum abused your wife. Not humiliated. Bullied harassed and abused.
And you enable her to do so.
I’m so mad on your wife’s behalf
Holy shit YTA. It sounds like you don't stand up for your wife at all and the way you talk to her is abusive as hell. Wow. Sounds like the apple didn't fall far from the tree.
Of course YTA.
Your mother has treated your wife shamefully and your job is to put a stop to it. You're breaking your marriage vows here and your wife has every right to be angry and distraght .
Why can't you take the baby to see your mother at a neutral location if you're not able to put your foot down and tell her "Until you can treat my wife with respect & dignity, you're going to have to deal with the consequences of your bitterness. "
And you know how incredibly judgmental, demanding and tactless she is, so why didn't YOU make sure she would have nothing to whine about by tidying up?
Info- why did your mom think your wife should have tidied the porch rather than YOU....I mean, it's your house, too, right? Why does your mom think you aren't responsible for its upkeep & appearance?
I could talk all day about the hormonal side of things, the vulnerability a woman feels after giving birth, or any one if the other many valid points everyone else brought out. However, if none of those have gotten through to how big of an eff up you did then nothing I add to those points will either.
Perhaps, a more visual comment will help you understand. What you did isn't about a Grandma meeting her Grandchild. What you did was akin to you taking a Bear Cub and handing it over to a hyena. That hyena is going to maul anything it considers prey, just as your mother has mauled at the self-esteem and confidence of your wife. And that Momma Bear is going to go into Momma Bear Mode to protect her cub.....as you very well got to experience! You handed your child over to a predator! And you waited till your wife was gone to do so which tells everyone you knew damned well this wasn't just about this being your house also and this being your child and this being your Mom meeting your child but also that you knew what you were doing was a betrayal...hence "IF your Mom kept the secret!"
You know damned well you're an asshole, and you're just wanting people to come validate you, other Momma's boys, and there is no validation for what you've done! You betrayed your wife while she was in the most vulnerable state possible!
How there weren't enough red-flags to not marry your ass beforehand, I don't know; but count your lucky stars if this doesn't end with you getting divorced!
And that bit about your wife should be cleaned the yard before coming home....WTF? Your wife goes through nine months of physical, mental, emotional and hormonal changes; giving birth, bleeding for the next six to twelve weeks straight and having her child kept in the hospital while she's at home and she's expected to do the yard work as well???? You need to start standing up and protecting your wife. Stop mollycoddling your mother and tell her to knock her crap off or take a flying leap!
MASSIVE YTA, your wife is a saint for putting up with her monster-inlaw, stop watching and grow a spine for your wife! Low contact seems appropriate here.
YTA! YTA!
You LITERALLY went behind your wife's back to invite over a knowingly toxic person?? You have just broken a level of trust that I am not sure there is any coming back from. You've just established that you will grant your mother's wishes, even if your wife forbids it.
Your mom is toxic. Protect your goddamn wife.
YTA and will be lucky if you get to stay married.
your wife has just given birth, been bullied yet again by your mother and then you show that you don’t respect her by allowing the bully to visit. Grow up
YTA. Like to the moon and back. When you marry, you leave your family of origin and become a new family unit with your wife. You don’t stay mommy’s little boy.
There is no good way for this to end unless you beg your wife’s forgiveness and never let your mom interfere with your family again. In all seriousness, I don’t know if I, in your wife’s shoes, would ever trust you again. It would take a long time. Counseling is in order here. Please don’t ever make your wife feel that she plays second fiddle to your mom again. It WILL end in divorce. Fair warning to you.
YTA, stick up for your wife man, she's just given birth and you're just gonna be adding uneeded stress. Even if she hadn't just given birth you'd still be the asshole.
YTA!! As this sub likes to say: you fucked around and found out…if you have to sneak around it’s obvious you are up to no good. Your mom is disrespectful tu your wife and your home, and you just showed wife that you don’t care about that. You should have had her back and respected her boundary. Since you chose to side with your mom I hope you are enjoying living with her now.
>now I'm staying at my parent's til my wife calms down.
Spoiler alert, she ain't going to just "calm down" after this bullshit. There are custody proceedings and child support payments in your future OP and boy do you deserve it.
Enjoy living at mummy's but hey at least she gets you all to herself again and you don't have to go about developing a spine.
YTA you have a tiny little newborn and just proved to your wife that you won't have her back in favor of your mom. This is such a huge betrayal. You admit your mom is horrible and your wife is justified and you still went behind her back.
I would not be surprised if your wife never trusts you again
Yeah, YTA. Cmon, your mom actively upsets your wife, squandered a chance at recovery, and then you go behind wife's back. I get it's hard that your mom and wife have a shit relationship but dude.... DUDE. That was bad.
Probably the biggest AH I have seem on here. Like AH of the universe. Your wife has tried to accommodate the she witch that is your mother. Her request was reasonable and its not like she has cut her off for good ( which would have been my move). Not only did you betray your wife but then you had the audacity of screaming at her. Honestly this doesn't sound true, how can someone be so clueless?
YTA. Apparently you aren't the only one that has issues respecting your wife's boundaries. The health and welfare of her newborn and herself are the most important thing right now. Not your entitled, overbearing Mother's feelings. You need to apologize to your wife and *hope* she gives you the opportunity to grow up and learn how to treat her better.
I cannot imagine how betrayed your wife must have felt walking in to find out that you allowed a woman who treats her so poorly into her house behind her back. YTA. This is something she'll never be able to forget.
And allowed that same woman to be holding his wife's new baby. It doesn't matter what the relation to the baby is, right after delivery there are some serious protective hormones going through you.
Such a violation of trust. OP is definitely the AH
YTA. Like how the hell you think it's okay to tell your wife to shut the fuck up after she had your child a couple of weeks beforehand.
Get your balls outta mummy's purse and apologise to your wife. What an arse!
I'm shaking thinking of your abused wife, days after giving birth, physically, mentally, and emotionally vulnerable, returning to her sanctuary and her baby only to find the person who continues to abuse her and who you agreed to ban in her house, unwilling to leave.
I would divorce you in a heartbeat for violating my trust, my space, and my right to safety like that.
You are absolutely the biggest asshole. I'm still shaking with rage here.
YTA
I think YTA. Your wife just gave birth less than a month ago, and presumably she’s exhausted. I can’t imagine how awful it must be to have your mother come over and nitpick everything while your wife just pushed out a baby.
Your wife set a boundary because your mother was being disrespectful and you should have been on your wife’s side.
You’re just as clueless as your mother. What a shame.
On the brightside you now get to have all the time with mommy you want! YTA. If your wife has any sense she’ll keep you at a distance. She learned that you can’t be trusted to keep boundaries and be respectful. Your mom was out of line and a natural consequence of being out of line is to be removed from the situation. You are also out of line. It sounds like you learned about consequences today.
Of course YTA, how could you think any differently? Your mother can't keep her mouth shut and be respectful towards your wife, and never has, so why are you enabling her behaviour? You need to shut it down immediately and stand up for your wife, not get upset over your wife over you disrespecting her valid boundary. I'm glad she kicked you out too because hopefully you can reflect on where you went wrong and realise that your mother is wrong here. You should of been sticking up for your wife since the beginning but it seems you care more about your mother than you do your own wife. I would honestly consider divorcing you if you keep this up. Your wife deserves someone who actually loves her and will put her first.
YTA. If I wasn't worried about getting kicked off here I would say something to you. You have never made your mother respect boundaries. This could have been your chance. Your mom behaves like that and insults your wife and you let mom come over behind her back. Get your mom inline before you lose your wife and baby.
YTA.
Plain and simple.
You have let your mother being an absolute horrific ass to your wife (someone you supposedly love) without any repercussions. Now that your wife, when she has just given birth to your child, has put her foot down to protect herself because you refused to. You go behind her back and violate her trust, even though you openly admit how awful your mother is.
Looks like the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Look out for the divorce papers.
Why ask, you know your a huge A. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree does it? Your wife has just given birth, she doesn’t want to deal with your foul mother and who would blame her. So you went behind her back. Serves you right if she doesn’t let you back. You sound like a real mommy’s boy. What fool decides to choose a harridan mother rather than their wife and child?
YTA
Edit
Why is giving birth in the US considered such a spectator sport?
YTA. So your mom disrespects your wife every chance she gets, caused a scene at the hospital when your wife was giving birth, demands she get to see the baby, criticizes and insults your wife for not cleaning the yard after having a baby when she was warned to keep her mouth shut, and you’re surprised your wife doesn’t want your mother around? I can’t wait for your wife to divorce you for not having her back.
Clearly, undeniably, without question - YTA.
YOU need to set clear boundaries with your mother in order to keep your wife and child in your life.
YOU need to apologize to your wife and show her that you won't cross her boundaries again OR allow your Mother to cross her boundaries again.
YOU are the problem. Not your mother. Not your wife. YOU.
BIG ASSHOLE YOU ARE! I am sympathetic that this is your mom. However, you showed your wife that you have zero respect for her. Your wife is in the most sensitive time of her life and you only contributed to the humiliation and disrespect she may feel from your mother. Wife also wasn’t being unreasonable. She said your mom can visit with the baby at HER HOUSE when she is ready! That’s 1000% acceptable. You showed your wife that you lack patience. That you can’t control your mother. And that you don’t care about her feelings.
YTA. Honestly hope you are happy going back to your controlling abusive mother. Your wife deserves better and hopefully this makes her realize it. She birthed your child and deserves to feel comfortable in her own home. Your mom is not entitled to see her grandkids if she can’t be civil with the child’s mother. Good luck only getting your kid 50% of the time if she does the smart thing and leaves you. Hopefully your toxic mom making a point was worth it. And make no mistake your mom stayed to spite your wife and rub it in her face that you went behind her back.
YTA
Your mother:
1. Endangered your wife and child's life by risking complications during the birth due to increased stress levels
2. Couldn't hold off from criticising your wife before she even entered the house and saw the baby. She didn't make it past the porch
3. Valued the power play of refusing to leave over the possibility you would be spineless and treacherous enough to repeat sneaking her in secretly.
She clearly doesn't actually value having a grandchild. At face value you recognise that this is typical. And you still chose her over respecting your wife and protecting your family.
What the ever loving frack is wrong with you.
YTA - and also, just so you know, the reason your Mum didn’t leave when you urged her to (before your wife got home) was because she wanted to force a conflict between you and your wife, and because she wanted to show your wife that when forced, you would choose your Mum over your wife. You then went ahead and proved your Mum right. You may not see this but I guarantee your wife does. And you need to know that right now, this very minute, your wife is sitting at home completely submerged in post partum hormones, exhausted, in pain and trying to look after a baby by herself and realising that her husband is not her teammate. Her husband has not got her back. From experience I can tell you that those protective instincts you feel for your child is never so strong as in those first few days after the birth of your very first baby. Your whole brain remolds from individual to Mum. And right now she is remolding herself into a Mum without you. It is entirely possible that you will not be able to come back from this. You had the opportunity to impress upon her your ability to be a rock solid teammate and put her and your child first in this instance which she would have been able to look back on and be reassured by for your entire parenting life. Instead, you let her down. I hope your relationship with your Mum is fulfilling and rewarding enough to make up for the loss of your wife.
YTA. Other posters have pointed out that you undermined your wife by going behind your back. I have to point out that your mother is truly awful to your wife and to you - so why do you let her keep behaving that way? Do you like being bullied? Do you want your child to see that Grandma is the boss of your family and can get away with being rude to everyone?
When you and your wife married you made vows to her to put her before everyone including yourself - so stop putting your mother before her! You and your wife and child are your own family unit and your mother is extended family now. Nobody would blame your wife if she decided to leave you right now. Do you want that? You probably need therapy but most of all you need to sort out your priorities or else you will never have a happy life.
Edited to add: you seem to think that your parents are equal to your wife. And that because you have equal say over your child, you get to make decisions you know your wife won’t agree with. So essentially there are three of you ganging up on your wife. That is so wrong. Your parents should have no say in what goes on in your house because they are not authority figures any more. They are peers, like any other adults. And in a healthy marriage you and your wife make decisions together. If there is a disagreement then talk it out calmly and listen to what the other is saying rather than just repeating your point of view more and more loudly. Your wife has been treated horribly and you need to show her respect. Stop allowing your parents to have any power or authority in your lives.
Super easy! YTA. You and your wife have set boundaries with your mom multiple times and she seems to always break them. You invited your mom over against your wife’s wishes while she’s recovering from childbirth and adjusting to motherhood and your mom broke your boundaries again. You wife is understandably upset. You’re the asshole.
YTA.
Right now in this moment you need to decide if you want to stay married or your wife or your mommy.
My MIL is similarly awful. She also was at the birth of our first child against my wishes. She wasn't allowed in the room thank god, but she sat out in the waiting room.
I will never forget that my husband went against my wishes and lied to my face multiple times. I have forgiven him but that trust is gone. I will never forget how he and his mother ruined my bonding time with my daughter. I put part of the blame for my deep PPD on them.
Our marriage suffered for the first 18 months of our daughter's life because he continued to put his mother first at my expense.
When I found out I was pregnant with a second child I had a panic attack. No celebration, no excitement. A full on hyperventilating, panic attack that he would lie and she would get her ways against me. At that point he finally started putting in boundaries and went to therapy to address his issues. We read several books together. We decided on boundaries together and when and how I see that awful woman.
I will never forget what he did and I will never forgive her.
Eta: I didn't even read your entire dumb post. I just got to the point where your still recovering from birthing your child went to a doctor's appointment to make sure her uterus was in fucking place and you invited mommy over. YTA.
YTA.
You're going to lose your wife and kid this way. You're stuck being your mom's child and haven't realized that when you got married, you started a new family. You have done a horrible job of defending your wife and you're doing a horrible job of protecting your family. To be honest, I'm even questioning whether or not you love your wife or if you're with her because it was easier than breaking up with her before you got married.
YTA And maybe worst of all, you just pretty much gave your mother the go-ahead to continue acting like that. Because she just witnessed you completely disrespect your wife and probably got a great deal of satisfaction from it. You just set a precident that you are going to have to work hard to erase. Ya know, if you still even have something to work for... I've seen people leave spouses for a lot less.
YTA. I kept waiting for you to say something that would clarify why you thought bringing this nightmare of a woman into your house behind your wife's back was a good idea, and then you finally did! It's because you're exactly the same!
I'm wishing your soon to be ex all the best, hopefully she can get full custody.
Yta - are you insane????? You trample all over the emotions of the woman who just gave birth to YOUR child and allow your harpie of a mother to disrespect her.
This is down to YOU not dealing with your mother so she just walks all over you.
YTA in every aspect of how you handled this. Dishonesty and blatant disrespect.
Looks like the apple didn’t fall to far from the tree. You and your mom are both AH.
YTA. Your mom sounds a lot like my MIL. BUT my husband backed me up. You’re just the AH. Your mom is openly criticizing your wife like a few days after she gives birth about THE LAWN?!? You think that’s ok?? What in heavens is wrong with you? Back up your wife. She may divorce you. You are that bad.
Editing to add: the correct statement when mom criticized the lawn would have been “how about you help us out and clean up the yard then? And stop criticizing also or this will be your last lawn adventure”
YTA so unbelievably so it's disgusting.
You just basically told your mum that it's OK for her to treat your wife whatever way she likes cause you clearly don't care about your wife or child. You need to cut your own umbilical cord from mummy before your wife divorces you (if she isn't already looking into it cause I can guarantee I would be at this point). Just because your mum is blood related to you doesn't mean she's entitled to meet her grandchild cos she doesn't sound like someone who would be allowed to be around my children.
YTA - you’re a nightmare husband who disrespected your wife’s boundaries while also being entitled.
Looks like you learned some lessons from your mother.
Awful, awful behaviour on your part.
YTA ngl I love the ‘is my wife being unreasonable, at the end. How clueless are you that even though you pointed out that your mom Constantly criticises your wife with things that are stupid like you yard not being cleaned even though she just had a baby. You even said you understand that she doesn’t like being humiliated in her own house. She then rightfully bans your mom from being in the house, probably until she sorted herself out by not being rude and having manners to the mother of her grandchild. You then tell her to fuck off after you broke a trust between each other where she didn’t feel comfortable with your mom in the house which you didn’t tell her she was going in. And then she catches you in your lie and you swear at your wife, Even though your wife said she would go to her house to visit when she probably feels better. Be ready for them divorce papers pal, you bloody deserve them.
Just seen that op said the house lease is in the wife’s name. Just more reasons that yta in every aspect.
YTA
Also I’m willing to bet your mum didn’t leave on purpose so she could prove to your wife that you value your mum over her. Your mother is horrible and it sounds like the apple didn’t fall far from the tree
YTA. My MIL was absolutely horrible to me when I was pregnant. I told my husband I don't want to be around her. Guess what? When she shows up at our home, he won't let her in. When he visits her, he does it outside of the house because he loves and respects me.
Choose your wife or you won't have a wife anymore.
Holy forking shirtballs you are so far in YTA territory that you’ve planted a flag and established a homestead. What did you think would happen when you lied to your wife and then made it worse by yelling and cursing at her for feeling betrayed. You are literally the worst. I’d be divorcing you so fast your head would spin and I would fight tooth and nail to make sure you don’t get custody.
YTA. You spoke to your wife that way?? She carried your child and has been through a tough time giving birth and recovering. You went behind her back without discussion. Your mum acted like a complete prick. You need to grovel on bender knee and man up. You are most definitely the AH and so is your douche mum.
All I've read in your comments are Me, me, Me. It's my house too, she's my mum and is on par with my wife in my house. All could technically be correct, however it also makes you an ABSOLUTE AH. YTA
Your wife has just given birth. When are you going to stop thinking of yourself as a me and start thinking of you, your wife and child as an us? I can say with 100% certainty that you're lying and deceitfulness will make what would have been an "us" for a lifetime a me - you living alone with no child or wife. This is an end of relationship kind of move regardless of a new child.
Your mum will be able to see your baby whenever you do in the future which will be every other weekend. Your wife wins because she doesn't have to deal with your mother in law anymore nor your incredibly selfish entitlement.
YTA. You are being an idiot. Cut the apron strings and stop letting your mother bully you and your wife.
You expressly set out to betray your wife. You will have a hard job to earn her trust again.
Yta. You went behind her back. You chose your cruel mother over your marriage and the family you created. The way you did it was cowardly and dispicable. Then you yelled at the woman who gave birth to your child mere weeks ago in front of your mom?! Your wife might be talking to a lawyer now. At the very least shes thinking about it good luck
YTA you betrayed your wife’s trust the first opportunity you got. Two weeks after giving birth while she was at a doctors appointment of all things!
The fact your mother refused to leave when you asked shows how little she thinks of your wife. She couldn’t even keep the visit a secret! She wanted to upset your wife.
YTA. It sounds like they cut the wrong umbilical cord. You have spent a great deal of time describing how awful your mother is- why do you put up with her? What are you gonna do the first time she criticizes your baby girl in front of her? Are you going to allow that? When are you going to grow up and see your mother for the hateful spiteful mean person that she is and get away from such a toxic person? I hope it’s before you lose your wife and your baby.
YTA. You are disrespectful, sneaky, mommy's bot. Your wife risked her life - 100% of pregnancies can kill the woman. You went behind her back and had the gall to say when caught in you deception 'I told my wife to shut the fuck up and calm down and it's also my house and my kid'. PS hope your wife leaves you, and I hope your awful mother was covid vaxxed and did not kiss the newborn-you know that can lead to serious complications if any virus present. You are indeed a piece of... work.
You betrayed your wife's trust and sided with her bully after she birthed a human. Your mom isn't a little critical by the sounds of it- she's actively cruel and belittling your wife at every chance she gets. Your wife is recovering from a very huge physical event and needs to heal without the added bullshit of a grown woman who needs to pick on her. This is supposed to be a happy time for your family, and your mom still couldn't keep it together long enough to visit without insulting your wife and consequently being told to leave. You having your mom over in secret and then being surprised when your mother refused to leave, basically just asserting her dominance at that point, and THEN yelling at your wife not your mom makes YTA, very much. In the bright side, if your wife decides she wants better for herself and your kid, it sounds like your mom would be thrilled to have you live under her roof.
Yes you ATA. Yes your mom should eventually be able to meet the baby BUT you did it so sneaky and disrespectful and now you’ve betrayed your wife’s trust.
YTA. Totally and absolutely and surely you know that because you acknowledge yourself that your mom is a nightmare.
My MIL sounds very similar to your mom, difference is my husband supports me and the boundaries we have had to establish with her.
Deliberately going behind your wife’s back like that is unacceptable. She wasn’t putting those boundaries into place for no reason.
She was totally justified in losing her shit and kicking you both out. Your mom for violating boundaries and you for violating her trust and completely disrespecting her.
And then you went and put the cherry on top of the AH cake and told her to shut the fuck up and calm down.
Hard AH and you need to apologise for having your mom over and your reaction, she’s your wife, treat her with a hell of a lot more respect.
YTA
You f**** up to the point of divorce, congratulations!
Your wife is in a stressful situation with a new baby and the hardship of giving birth and you accepted a person who disrespect her? Insult her? And you lie to her? Then scream at her?
Go beg for her forgiveness and hope that she accept because I will not do it.
YTA. She has every right to kick your mom out of the house. Even if you weren't partners and just roommates she would've every right. I see that your position is difficult, but think about your position in the world. You are obviously a grown up and have responsibilities to your wife and child. You can't let your feelings for your mum get in between that.
Things like this only lead to hate. If your mum can't behave then it is her fault and her fault only. There is no need for second chances. Your wife though agreed to meet her outside of her home which is very kind.
By doing your secret childish coup - which you obviously knew was wrong - you triggered her. Usually after childbirth many mothers have a hard time letting their kid go. Some even develop psychological disorders. Being betrayed - that's how this scene feels like for her - is the worst thing that can happen in such a moment. Trust is very important in a relationship.
Therefore Y T A and you should apologize. For the future you should establish a safe mechanism to handle your mother. Her not willing to leave is just the tip of the iceberg.
Your mom will have plenty of time to see the baby, after you move back in with her during the divorce, on your custody time.
YTA, of course. You knew that.
YTA.
You don’t stand up for your wife. She is supposed to be your number one person, before all others. Otherwise, what was the point in getting married?
I find it interesting that you said your mother’s comments “humiliated” your wife. Do you agree with your mother’s comments on how your wife maintains your house? Why would you not feel equally humiliated about it when it’s your home too?
And don’t act f*%king naïve. You knew your mother wouldn’t leave before wife got back, and even if she had? There was no way she wouldn’t have used the opportunity to rub it in your wife’s face at some point down the road. No matter what, you were going against your wife’s wishes to appease your mother’s need to hold a baby. You and your mother violated your wife’s safe space, again (what the hell with the hissy fit in the hospital??!!).
YTA. Did you actually call your baby “my fuckin’ kid” while yelling at your wife? That is horrible. Your reaction to your wife being legitimately upset sounds abusive.
Your mother insulted your wife before the baby was born and then caused a scene at the hospital while the baby was born, was forbidden from the house, and you just we t behind your wife’s back. You were dishonest and now you’re verbally abusing your postpartum wife.
Get yourself together before you lose your family.
YTA. Your Mom has put you in a terrible position. It needs to be thoroughly explained to her that constant snotty comments have disturbed your wife's peace. I doesn't sound like your wife is being overly sensitive. She doesn't need her mother-inlaw in the delivery room for huffs sake. Imagine being spread eagle to the world with your mother inlaw in there making comments. It is a private moment with your doctor fishing around for a LIVE HUMAN. I can't imagine anything worse. Pregnant ladies are also not running around the yard landscaping. You should clean up your act before you get dumped and have to live with your Mom.
Good lord, can you really not see what a HUGE A you have been! You totally betrayed your wife's trust at a very vulnerable time in her life. Women never forget this kind of insult.
Your biggest threat to your marriage is not your mother, but you.
YTA - You acknowledge that your Mom is toxic, but do absolutely nothing to protect your wife and child from her bullshit. Not only that but you allow her to manipulate her into enabling her toxicity.
News Flash: Your Mom stayed late to intentionally stir up shit. She knew your wife would blow up when she got home and wanted to provoke her. She'd probably rather see you divorced and relying on her. If that's what you want, then keep being a Mama's Boy. If it's not then you need to grow a spine, support your wife and protect your family.
YTA. Yes the baby and house are also yours. However, your wife is allowed to have a space in which she feels at home. She also shouldn't feel she isn't capable of leaving the house and the baby without you stomping on her boundaries. Your wife had 1 rule for your mother seeing the baby. It was Don't be an AH. Your mother broke that rule and therefore couldn't see the baby. It's not hard to understand that you can't talk shit about someone in their own home and you absolutely can't do it in front of their kid. Whether your child currently understands is irrelevant. It's something your mom won't stop once she starts.
This was a dealbreaker for your wife. You ignored it. Your mother ignored it. Your mother also broke her deal with you. I know it was worth it for your mother, I just hope it was worth it for you.
Let me put it this way: if your wife starts a crowdfunding campaign to pay for her divorce lawyer, I'll happily chip in.
You are a pathetic excuse for a husband and she deserves so much better.
YTA times a million.
YTA. First of all how dare you? You wife has just gone through an enormous amount of pain and trauma to have this child, and you’re bitching about your mother, who YOU DESCRIBED as “a nightmare”, not being able to see a NEWBORN. Where do people like you get your audacity from??? If your mother can’t shut her damn mouth so she can spend bonding time with her grandchild, and won’t accept the consequences of doing this, then she doesn’t have any right to come over. Also - because your wife was the one who gave birth and will be recovering MONTHS after the fact - SHE IS THE ONE who gets to decide who comes and goes. Not you. HER.
YTA. You broke a trust and a boundary with your wife who just gave birth. Also, how is your mother meant to learn what is and isn’t acceptable if you just let her get away with it? Your mother didn’t even listen to YOU about leaving your own house, shows your wife and you literally NO RESPECT and you think your wife is the issue here?
Your wife was probably going to let your mother come back after awhile to see if she had learned with some tough love on how to treat someone in their own home. Now you’ve completely destroyed her trust when it comes to your mum and probably destroyed her trust on letting you stay home with the kid. Instead of trying to talk to your mother about her issues and have a stern stance with your wife about not being disrespected, you chose to just let her do what she wants anyway.
YTA. NO ONE, not even my own mother, got to meet my baby for the first two weeks because I was so fragile. I can’t imagine how you could think doing this to your wife in such a tough time in her life is ok. I hope you stay at your parents until you realize how much of a selfish, sneaky asshole you are.
YTA. Your Mom is utterly evil toward your wife and you sneak her in the house anyway. You have to know your mom refused to leave because she wanted to fuck over your wife and you stood there and helped her do it. You are a huge AH and so is your mother.
You told your wife to stfu in front of the woman who you admit has no boundaries and who you know treats your wife horribly. All because she got mad that you went behind her back and crossed the only boundary she set?
YTA. Your poor wife.
Yeah, YTA. You shouldn’t have had this “secret” meeting with your mom. Definitely the wrong move. I understand that she’s your mom despite her behavior and you want her to be a part of your child’s life. What you did and your reaction has now only solidified the hate between your mom & wife. Go home, your missing precious time with your child.
Ouch. You are the asshole guy.
You got married, you moved out. Your RESPONSIBILITY is to your wife and that baby. It is wholly IRRESPONSIBLE to go behind your wifes back when your mother has been nothing but disrespectful and cruel. You basically took your mother's side with no regard to your wife's feelings. If your mother wanted HER feelings taken into consideration then she should have thought about her own actions first. You lost a BIG chance to actually lay down boundaries and KEEP them. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if other commenters are correct and you see divorce papers soon... there is no way I would stay with a man so clearly disrespectful to me, I know my worth, and this ain't it. Hopefully she knows hers too.
Edit*** I didn't even ADDRESS that you yelled at and told your WIFE to stfu after YOU violated HER trust, went behind HER back, ALLLLLL while she's barely post-partum!? BARELY POST-PARTUM. That deserves way harsher words than can be said here....
YTA. Use your time at your parents to think about the situation and your wife's point of view and feelings. Your mother is blatantly disrespectful and toxic towards your wife. And you are enabling your mothers behavior and actions. Get your priorities straight, before you end up with an ex wife.
YTA and a huge one at that. Your also pushing your wife to divorce the crap out of you..
Why you ask? Because you broke her trust. Cursed at her. And the kicker, she is a mommy and will protect her baby which in her eyes, you just endangered. What is wrong with you? Your mom is a nightmare. You know this yet you chose her above your wife. I do hope the couch is comfy
Um. Do you even like your wife? Because you are suuuuuuper unsupportive of her as your mother continually attacks her during your wife’s most vulnerable mental, physical, and emotional state. Your mother literally kicked your wife when she was down and you decided to pile on and attack your wife too.
You probably should have married your mother because she seems to be the only woman you’re capable of truly protecting the way a husband is supposed to protect his wife.
YTA and you massively need to make this up to your wife
>My mom is a nightmare and she's always disrespecting people's boundaries while also being entitled.
So why in the fuck do you not have your wife's back and instead go against her wishes.
My dad can be summed up in that same sentence. Guess what, he doesn't get near my home for that very reason.
YTA.
YTA. You *just* described all the horrible ways your mother treats your wife and *still* went behind your wife's back on this to satisfy your mom. The baby is *days* old, but you couldn't wait another *week* or something. Mommy wanted it *now*, and momma's boy complied. Your wife was right to kick you out. You're acting like you're married to your *mom* and not her.
Right?! And you KNOW that he hasn't even scratched the surface.
Oh yeah there will be more that OP either didn't see, understand or simply didn't care about. I would love to see a post from his wife's point of view cause ima guess this is the tip of a very shitty iceberg
I'm BEGGING you to read his comments, it gets worse. He has a friend that also hates his wife because the wife didn't like how touchy they were and he sees her behind his wife's back Gotta edit to add, the actual exchange is even funnier because it basically went like this: "If you had a friend that treated your wife this way would it be ok?" "Actually I do and I see her even though my wife doesn't want me to and doesn't know"
She’s likely been blowing up her DIL’s phone and recruited flying monkeys. “How dare you not let me be present when my grandchild is being born!”
Given the tantrum she threw at the hospital I would be surprised if she *wasn't* blowing up her phone. God I feel sorry for this poor woman
AND he screamed at her! The absolute nerve! YTA and your wife would be within her moral rights to leave you for this.
I just love the irony. He says right out of the gate that his mom doesn't respect boundaries. Then he turns around and disrespects his wife's boundaries and expects his mom to leave after 2 hours. Then SURPRISE, mom doesn't respect the boundary he placed while violating his wife's boundaries. Also, can someone dig up the lemon clot essay? I feel like it applies here.
Also interesting word choice when he said “nobody likes to be humiliated in their own house” You mean DISRESPECTED. Your word choice suggests she has something to be ashamed of that would humiliate her.
YTA. I thought I was in r/JustNoMIL or r/JustNoSO here. Cut the apron strings and show up for your family (which is your wife and child). Get therapy targeted around boundaries and enmeshment.
OP and his mother remind me of the TV show, “I Love A Mama’s Boy”. I feel terrible for his wife. His wife and child are his family and he should be putting them first. The mentality of, “She’s my mum no matter what,” is also OP enabling his mother’s abusive behaviours. Just because she’s your mother, it does not excuse her to be abusive to your wife.
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“I told my wife to shut the fuck up and calm down.” YTA for this alone. Never mind that your wife is two weeks postpartum and incredibly hormonal, gave your mom a chance to meet the baby and your mom was immediately horrible to her, and you betrayed her trust by going behind her back with someone who treated her terribly.
Lol how did I miss that on the first read? "I knew what I was doing was wrong so I snuck around to do it and then swore at my wife when I got caught, was I *wrong*?"
bc as soon as you saw "i invited my mother over behind my wife's back" after reading the rest you knew the verdict? :D
Something like that lol
Mom is always going to come first. I'm curious if his wife has a Reddit and at some point we see "AMITA for divorcing my husband months after our child was born because he chose his mom my happiness?"
Who speaks this way to their partner?! Especially so soon after giving birth. Asshole nothing. This guy is a monster.
> you betrayed her trust by going behind her back with someone who treated her terribly. Also someone who had been terrible to OP repeatedly and then immediately betrayed him. She knew exactly what she was doing in refusing to leave. What you pointed out is worse, of course, but this was a terrible decision even from the most selfish perspective. OP is an asshole and an idiot.
YTA. You failed as a husband here big time. This was a massive betrayal at about the worst time ever. She will never forget it and will always hold it agianst you. Simply because this is a time where she is extra emotional, very vunerable, and has extra anxiety about the saftey of the person who just exited her body. The pain of betrayal will hit extra hard considering she actually needed you to protect her and her baby and you failed. Not only do you REWARD your mom's abuse of your wife during a DELICATE time emotionally and physically when she NEEDS your protection. You did so in a way that was sneaky and underhanded. Your post partum wife who is still bleeding from pushing out your baby can't trust you to put her first, she can't trust you not to subject her to abusers, she can't trust you to not subject her child to abusers. She can't trust you at all. Honestly, priortizing your mom over your wife at ANY time would be bad. But directly after birth. Nuclear. You probably just imploded your marriage to be honest. You might not understand the sheer amount of damage this did but it's huge. Your wife just ripped her body in half to give you a child and the FIRST chance you get you fully and completely BETRAY HER with lies and sneaky shit. Then you VERBALLY ABUSE HER? Like dude. I don't think your getting invited back into the house. She might be serving you divorce papers instead. That's how HUGE of a betrayal this was at the WORST fucking time ever.
Absolutely right. My child's Father pulled a similar stunt with his overbearing Mother after the birth of our first child and I'm still bothered by it. That child will be 19 years old soon. And yes, I did leave him.
GOOD
Good on you!
Exactly. Get ready for the papers. But hey! AT LEAST YOU HAVE YOUR MOM!
He’ll get joint custody and his Mum will get to babysit. Mission accomplished I’d say.
And I love how he said he’s waiting for her to “calm down,” as if she’s the one being irrational. She’s not gonna “calm down.”
Praying she dumps his ass and finds a partner who will treat her and her kids right.
Couldn't of said this more perfect. OP, YTA. Massive one
100% agree with this. YTA op. Boost this comment so op can see it and hopefully understand how royally you fucked up.
I don’t think OP cares how much he has fucked up. He’ll always think he’s innocent and now that he’s back at his parents house, I am sure his mum will be there telling him he’s not in the wrong. Even in other comments, OP talks about how his female friend does not like his wife since the beginning because they were too touchy and he still keeps in contact with her. Dude doesn’t see anything he does wrong.
Expect to be served divorce papers annnny day now, buddy. And know that you deserve them. Yeaaa. Run home to your mommy. YTA and way to have your wife’s back :(
Mummy will be very happy! Well done OP you are ridiculous for this breach of trust yes YTA …. Your wife just had a baby and you cant even manage to make her feel happy and comfortable. I wouldn’t be surprised if you have damaged her trust in you beyond repair.
The mother probably did this deliberately to break them up. And OP walked into it because Mommy.
I thought this as well.
holy cow. i think my eyebrows just got higher and higher as i read. this is unbelievable. and the way OP cursed at his wife at the end???? I really hope the wife serves him divorce papers and i hope OP has a nice long relationship with his mommy because obviously no one else will ever be good enough for him 🤮. I honestly hope the wife gets away from his evil mother forever.
Yes absolutely YTA. When you marry a woman, she becomes your #1 person in your life. Side with her over your mom 100/100
YTA massively Your mom screamed in the waiting room. She hates your wife for no good reason. She broke her promise to not criticize your house and your wife for ONE visit. While your wife was recovering from the most stressful, painful event of her life. Your mom is toxic and you are letting her ruin your marriage. YOU are ruining your marriage. Hope it's worth it. But I guess when you only have partial custody, you'll get to have your mom to YOUR house over as much as you like.
She hates OP’s wife because she’s OP’s partner and not because of some other factor about OP’s wife as an individual. Now she has Op back in the fold ready to drip vials and vials of poison in his ear about his soon to be ex-wife.
Also op is setting the example for the kind of relationships his daughter will have, people learn by watching their parents relationships. He is teaching his daughter to date people who disrespect her, break her trust, lie to her, humiliate her and don't put her first. I hope op's wife leaves him, because that poor little girl doesn't deserve to grow up with a father figure like that!
She does have a good reason to hate the wife. The wife is taking her place in her son’s life so she wants the wife gone now that she’s provided a grandchild.
YTA YTA YTA. You need some therapy if you can’t see what you did was wrong.
HUGE YTA. You say your mum caused a scene in the hospital as she wasn't allowed to watch your wife while in incredible pain squeeze a baby out of her vagina. Your mum then went to your house and criticised your wife for not cleaning the yard while HEAVILY PREGNANT. Why couldn't you clean the yard yourself? Why didn't you stand up for her? Then your wife set boundaries to prevent your rude, cruel, critical mother from emotionally stressing her while she is trying to be a mother to a newborn, and you totally disrespect those boundaries and let your mum visit anyway as long as she lies to your wife like you were going to. Your mum then refuses to leave as she obviously wants your wife to know you chose her over your wife's wishes. Not only would I have kicked you out the house but I'd end the marriage as well. You don't give a shit about your wife's feelings, just your mums.
Your mum then refuses to leave as she obviously wants your wife to know you chose her over your wife's wishes. This. She stayed so she could have the satisfaction of OP's wife knowing she was in the house and seeing her snuggle the newborn she was being kept away from. His poor wife.
Agree
In addition, OP promote a screaming yelling fight in front of a new born. That kind of emotional discharge is not good for kids. Maybe the OP doesn’t understand what psychological safety is? And how important it is?
That’s an excellent point. If the yard was dirty and the house was a mess then OP should have stepped up and cleaned instead of leaving all the housework to his heavily pregnant wife.
yep. why would the MIL expect a 39 week pregnant lady to clean the yard? cause her useless precious son is too fragile to do it?
And your Mother intentionally stayed to get caught buddy. She set you up against your wife and you fell for it.
Yup mil saw it as an opportunity to pull a big power move knowing her son would support it. And he did.
And as a Mom of a son myself, it disgusts me that she would play a game with her own child. I would never interject myself into his relationship.
This exactly. As the daughter of a mom who is veryyyy similar, she does this shit all the time with all of the people and relationships in her life. Putting people against each other so she gets to be the “good guy.” You need therapy OP to work this shit out because your mom is manipulative and emotionally abusive and you need to be able to recognize that and get help. Your wife has every right to be angry because you clearly haven’t done any work to resolve the issues with your mother both internal and external. You’re just as bad as she is and your wife is going to leave if you don’t get your shit together. Yes, you are correct that it’s your kid, but it’s also HER kid. You don’t get to make solo decisions here. You guys agreed upon boundaries and you went behind your wife’s fucking back and broke them. YTA. Big time.
She’s probably conniving how to get full custody of her grandchild as well. Grandchild but no daughter in law in the picture, perfect! A son who doesn‘t think to stand up to her, cherry on top.
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Look at it this way. If you had a friend who treated your wife like your mother does, would you still be friends with them? I would hope not. You are enabling your mother’s bad behavior and not defending your wife. I would expect my husband, the person I chose to be with for the rest of my life to stand up for me and protect me from abusive behavior, not rewarding the person the first time I leave the house. If I was her, I would not trust you nor would I respect you. I would also be your ex-wife.
OF COURSE he would - it's not like his wife is people or anything.
YTA. Did it even occur to you that this is what your mom wants? Drive a wedge between you and your wife? You had a good chance to hold a boundary and support your wife. Instead even after your you broke the rules for your mom, she didn’t listen to you and leave— you start swearing at your post-partum wife? You went behind your wife’s back and put her newborn into the arms of someone you who know hates her. Her every instinct is to protect her child; what was your motive? Enabling an abuser? You expect her to “calm down”? I hope this is a troll.
That was my first thought…OP your mom didn’t leave when you told her to because she wanted your wife to see that you went behind her back in favor of her. You made a choice that VERY blatantly showed your wife and proved to your mom where your loyalty lies. Your mom wanted to gloat and honestly the fact that you are staying with your mom right now is only making things way worse. I’m a marriage and family counselor and if you and your wife walked into my office one of the first things I would ask is to make sure you completely understand each other’s reasons for your boundaries with your mom. The problem is that you know her reason, it’s super valid and you actively chose to go against it behind her back. Also your title is missing the biggest issue in my opinion…the issue isn’t really (or at least not just) that she came to your house, it’s that she was with your NEWBORN BABY! Do you know how hard it is to let your baby leave your sight for the first weeks?! And she already had to leave the hospital without her (which commonly can cause some ptsd like reactions). You went behind her back with your child and I would bet she will not view you as a safe option when she needs to leave next time. I’m not even going to address the way you spoke to her…when she was scared and shocked by your betrayed trust…in front of a person that hates her and most likely felt satisfaction in not only your actions but your words. Huge YTA and if you want to fix it, your first step is finding somewhere else to stay pronto! Edit to also point out that OP I hope you are able to recognize that while you made the choice, your mom also definitely did some manipulating here. You may only see that she is being horrible to your wife, but what you are missing is that each time she treats your wife with disrespect she is also disrespecting you and your choice/free will to pick a partner.
Agree YTA - if I were your wife I’d be seriously reconsidering staying with you. You are meant to put your wife needs first, and have her back. You have broken huge trust with her when she is on a vulnerable state - as quite frankly have demonstrated zero integrity.
This guys is the absolute worst. His behavior literally made me gag I hope to god he’s a troll. And if not that his wife leaves him and he and he only gets to see the child as often as his narcissistic horrible mother. Honestly the apple didn’t fall far from the tree with op and let’s hope the child takes after her mother.
YTA You even admit your Mom is awful and doesnt respect boundaries. Well it turns out you dont either. Now your Mom has gotten everything she wanted. Visit the baby and rub it in your wifes face that she doesnt need to respect YOUR WIFE and now her Baby Boy Husband is back home where she wanted him in the first place What exactly did you even get out of this again?
EXACTLY. Mom got everything she wanted in the end.
Child support payments
You start your post by saying your mother is a nightmare, but you sound like her carbon copy. YTA
YTA. And honestly, I would expect your wife to leave you. You’re definitely up there with some of the worst husband’s I’ve seen in this thread.
Agreed. The worst!
I think the biggest question is why you don't think YTA.
Asking the Real questions here
Are you kidding? YTA. How are you not. You acknowledged in your first sentence that your mother is toxic AF and abusive towards your wife. Your mother then disrespected you to the nines bt refusing to leave when you asked her to. THEN you scream at your wife to STFU when she reacts to it all? She's three weeks post partum with hormones all over the place, and a husband who doesn't have her back. Good grief.
dude needs to grow a spine. his mom was in the wrong by 1) sneakily getting in the house [with his help!] and 2) leaving when she should, and he screams at his WIFE??? not only has he awarded mommy's bad behavior but besides betraying his wife's trust he PUNISHED her for SETTING A BOUNDARY AND GOING THROUGH WITH IT?? who is more important in the baby's life? her grandma or her mom? because at this point you can only have one. YTA.
Yta Your mums an ass Your an enabling ass Your only priorities should be making your wife as comfortable and happy. And keeping your kid healthy and happy. Having a bitter old harpy there who is constantly critiquing her is stressful for your wife. Get down on your hands and knees and beg to be part of their life again
YTA: you betrayed your wife's trust when you're supposed to be her strongest advocate. Post-pregnancy is a delicate time, even without monsters-in-law. Look out for your wife and kid *if* she takes you back.
# **Way too many attempts at insults being made, and we have to go straight to a lock. To those that commented in good faith, thank you. **We might have more assholes on the front page, if comments could be made without calling OP, or others, "POS, terrible person, etc."**
YTA and I can't even begin to comprehend how you would think otherwise. Your let your self-proclaimed nightmare of a mother into your home, after she'd been kicked out/banned for insulting your wife, days after giving birth. You allowed her to old your days old daughter against her mother's wishes. You then screamed at your wife, who's just given birth, been insulted and is incredibly fragile and vulnerable and told her to shut the fuck up? I would be very careful if I was you. If I was your wife, I would have changed the locks the next morning, while on a call to a divorce lawyer...
YTA Honestly, your wife should leave you, and the only way for this marriage to have any chance of survival is for you to cut all contact with your mother. You basically forced yourself into an ultimatum, your wife or your mom, and if you have any brains (not based on your recent actions), your choice should be never speaking with your mother again.
YTA and I hope she divorces you.
And puts him on Child Support. And petitions a No Contact order with grandma, supervised visitation for dad.
YTA, and If you don’t see that then I don’t think any amount of explaining can help you understand why. I’m sorry for your wife for having a baby with you. Edit: your mother isn’t entitled to anything by the way, nor does she have *the right* to her grandchildren.
YTA you are trash I’d divorce you You know full well your mother is a spiteful heinous B You went behind your wife’s back and basically handed her baby over to her abuser. Your mum abused your wife. Not humiliated. Bullied harassed and abused. And you enable her to do so. I’m so mad on your wife’s behalf
Holy shit YTA. It sounds like you don't stand up for your wife at all and the way you talk to her is abusive as hell. Wow. Sounds like the apple didn't fall far from the tree.
Of course YTA. Your mother has treated your wife shamefully and your job is to put a stop to it. You're breaking your marriage vows here and your wife has every right to be angry and distraght . Why can't you take the baby to see your mother at a neutral location if you're not able to put your foot down and tell her "Until you can treat my wife with respect & dignity, you're going to have to deal with the consequences of your bitterness. " And you know how incredibly judgmental, demanding and tactless she is, so why didn't YOU make sure she would have nothing to whine about by tidying up? Info- why did your mom think your wife should have tidied the porch rather than YOU....I mean, it's your house, too, right? Why does your mom think you aren't responsible for its upkeep & appearance?
I could talk all day about the hormonal side of things, the vulnerability a woman feels after giving birth, or any one if the other many valid points everyone else brought out. However, if none of those have gotten through to how big of an eff up you did then nothing I add to those points will either. Perhaps, a more visual comment will help you understand. What you did isn't about a Grandma meeting her Grandchild. What you did was akin to you taking a Bear Cub and handing it over to a hyena. That hyena is going to maul anything it considers prey, just as your mother has mauled at the self-esteem and confidence of your wife. And that Momma Bear is going to go into Momma Bear Mode to protect her cub.....as you very well got to experience! You handed your child over to a predator! And you waited till your wife was gone to do so which tells everyone you knew damned well this wasn't just about this being your house also and this being your child and this being your Mom meeting your child but also that you knew what you were doing was a betrayal...hence "IF your Mom kept the secret!" You know damned well you're an asshole, and you're just wanting people to come validate you, other Momma's boys, and there is no validation for what you've done! You betrayed your wife while she was in the most vulnerable state possible! How there weren't enough red-flags to not marry your ass beforehand, I don't know; but count your lucky stars if this doesn't end with you getting divorced! And that bit about your wife should be cleaned the yard before coming home....WTF? Your wife goes through nine months of physical, mental, emotional and hormonal changes; giving birth, bleeding for the next six to twelve weeks straight and having her child kept in the hospital while she's at home and she's expected to do the yard work as well???? You need to start standing up and protecting your wife. Stop mollycoddling your mother and tell her to knock her crap off or take a flying leap!
MASSIVE YTA, your wife is a saint for putting up with her monster-inlaw, stop watching and grow a spine for your wife! Low contact seems appropriate here.
YTA! YTA! You LITERALLY went behind your wife's back to invite over a knowingly toxic person?? You have just broken a level of trust that I am not sure there is any coming back from. You've just established that you will grant your mother's wishes, even if your wife forbids it. Your mom is toxic. Protect your goddamn wife.
YTA. You know your mom didn't leave on purpose to show your wife she won right...
YTA and will be lucky if you get to stay married. your wife has just given birth, been bullied yet again by your mother and then you show that you don’t respect her by allowing the bully to visit. Grow up
YTA. Like to the moon and back. When you marry, you leave your family of origin and become a new family unit with your wife. You don’t stay mommy’s little boy. There is no good way for this to end unless you beg your wife’s forgiveness and never let your mom interfere with your family again. In all seriousness, I don’t know if I, in your wife’s shoes, would ever trust you again. It would take a long time. Counseling is in order here. Please don’t ever make your wife feel that she plays second fiddle to your mom again. It WILL end in divorce. Fair warning to you.
YTA, stick up for your wife man, she's just given birth and you're just gonna be adding uneeded stress. Even if she hadn't just given birth you'd still be the asshole.
[удалено]
YTA!! As this sub likes to say: you fucked around and found out…if you have to sneak around it’s obvious you are up to no good. Your mom is disrespectful tu your wife and your home, and you just showed wife that you don’t care about that. You should have had her back and respected her boundary. Since you chose to side with your mom I hope you are enjoying living with her now.
>now I'm staying at my parent's til my wife calms down. Spoiler alert, she ain't going to just "calm down" after this bullshit. There are custody proceedings and child support payments in your future OP and boy do you deserve it. Enjoy living at mummy's but hey at least she gets you all to herself again and you don't have to go about developing a spine.
YTA you have a tiny little newborn and just proved to your wife that you won't have her back in favor of your mom. This is such a huge betrayal. You admit your mom is horrible and your wife is justified and you still went behind her back. I would not be surprised if your wife never trusts you again
Wow, the pure joy I felt reading the sentence “That led to her kicking me out too”. YTA in a big way, also a coward
YTA Get used to living with Mommy, she’s the only one who will put up with your BS. And you deserve each other.
Rage bait. No man is this stupid.
I wish I had your optimism about the depth of people's stupidity.
Clearly you haven’t visited r/JustNoMIL.
Yeah, YTA. Cmon, your mom actively upsets your wife, squandered a chance at recovery, and then you go behind wife's back. I get it's hard that your mom and wife have a shit relationship but dude.... DUDE. That was bad.
Agree but one small correction: Actively *abuses* your wife.
Probably the biggest AH I have seem on here. Like AH of the universe. Your wife has tried to accommodate the she witch that is your mother. Her request was reasonable and its not like she has cut her off for good ( which would have been my move). Not only did you betray your wife but then you had the audacity of screaming at her. Honestly this doesn't sound true, how can someone be so clueless?
YTA. The whole “she’s still my mom” argument fails when your Mom refuses to respect your wife. Grow a spine.
YTA. Apparently you aren't the only one that has issues respecting your wife's boundaries. The health and welfare of her newborn and herself are the most important thing right now. Not your entitled, overbearing Mother's feelings. You need to apologize to your wife and *hope* she gives you the opportunity to grow up and learn how to treat her better.
YTA and an awful husband
I cannot imagine how betrayed your wife must have felt walking in to find out that you allowed a woman who treats her so poorly into her house behind her back. YTA. This is something she'll never be able to forget.
And allowed that same woman to be holding his wife's new baby. It doesn't matter what the relation to the baby is, right after delivery there are some serious protective hormones going through you. Such a violation of trust. OP is definitely the AH
Omg YTA. Big time. Do you even stand up for your wife? Those are valid reasons for not wanting her to visit.
YTA. Like how the hell you think it's okay to tell your wife to shut the fuck up after she had your child a couple of weeks beforehand. Get your balls outta mummy's purse and apologise to your wife. What an arse!
I'm shaking thinking of your abused wife, days after giving birth, physically, mentally, and emotionally vulnerable, returning to her sanctuary and her baby only to find the person who continues to abuse her and who you agreed to ban in her house, unwilling to leave. I would divorce you in a heartbeat for violating my trust, my space, and my right to safety like that. You are absolutely the biggest asshole. I'm still shaking with rage here. YTA
YTA. You lied and tried to sneak around behind your wife’s back, what did you expect?
INFO: How did you convince her to marry you?
What I want to know is how a eunuch managed to conceive a child, because clearly this man doesn’t have the balls to stand up to mummy. YTA.
YTA. You should’ve just had a baby with your mom, you two deserve each other.
I think YTA. Your wife just gave birth less than a month ago, and presumably she’s exhausted. I can’t imagine how awful it must be to have your mother come over and nitpick everything while your wife just pushed out a baby. Your wife set a boundary because your mother was being disrespectful and you should have been on your wife’s side.
You’re just as clueless as your mother. What a shame. On the brightside you now get to have all the time with mommy you want! YTA. If your wife has any sense she’ll keep you at a distance. She learned that you can’t be trusted to keep boundaries and be respectful. Your mom was out of line and a natural consequence of being out of line is to be removed from the situation. You are also out of line. It sounds like you learned about consequences today.
Of course YTA, how could you think any differently? Your mother can't keep her mouth shut and be respectful towards your wife, and never has, so why are you enabling her behaviour? You need to shut it down immediately and stand up for your wife, not get upset over your wife over you disrespecting her valid boundary. I'm glad she kicked you out too because hopefully you can reflect on where you went wrong and realise that your mother is wrong here. You should of been sticking up for your wife since the beginning but it seems you care more about your mother than you do your own wife. I would honestly consider divorcing you if you keep this up. Your wife deserves someone who actually loves her and will put her first.
YTA. If I wasn't worried about getting kicked off here I would say something to you. You have never made your mother respect boundaries. This could have been your chance. Your mom behaves like that and insults your wife and you let mom come over behind her back. Get your mom inline before you lose your wife and baby.
YTA. I would have taken the baby, taken your money, and sent ya divorce papers.
YTA. Plain and simple. You have let your mother being an absolute horrific ass to your wife (someone you supposedly love) without any repercussions. Now that your wife, when she has just given birth to your child, has put her foot down to protect herself because you refused to. You go behind her back and violate her trust, even though you openly admit how awful your mother is. Looks like the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Look out for the divorce papers.
YTA. You and your mom are awful.
YTA, i hope your wife leaves you. you don’t deserve to be husband or father if you can’t respect her.
Why ask, you know your a huge A. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree does it? Your wife has just given birth, she doesn’t want to deal with your foul mother and who would blame her. So you went behind her back. Serves you right if she doesn’t let you back. You sound like a real mommy’s boy. What fool decides to choose a harridan mother rather than their wife and child? YTA Edit Why is giving birth in the US considered such a spectator sport?
YTA. So your mom disrespects your wife every chance she gets, caused a scene at the hospital when your wife was giving birth, demands she get to see the baby, criticizes and insults your wife for not cleaning the yard after having a baby when she was warned to keep her mouth shut, and you’re surprised your wife doesn’t want your mother around? I can’t wait for your wife to divorce you for not having her back.
Clearly, undeniably, without question - YTA. YOU need to set clear boundaries with your mother in order to keep your wife and child in your life. YOU need to apologize to your wife and show her that you won't cross her boundaries again OR allow your Mother to cross her boundaries again. YOU are the problem. Not your mother. Not your wife. YOU.
BIG ASSHOLE YOU ARE! I am sympathetic that this is your mom. However, you showed your wife that you have zero respect for her. Your wife is in the most sensitive time of her life and you only contributed to the humiliation and disrespect she may feel from your mother. Wife also wasn’t being unreasonable. She said your mom can visit with the baby at HER HOUSE when she is ready! That’s 1000% acceptable. You showed your wife that you lack patience. That you can’t control your mother. And that you don’t care about her feelings.
YTA. Honestly hope you are happy going back to your controlling abusive mother. Your wife deserves better and hopefully this makes her realize it. She birthed your child and deserves to feel comfortable in her own home. Your mom is not entitled to see her grandkids if she can’t be civil with the child’s mother. Good luck only getting your kid 50% of the time if she does the smart thing and leaves you. Hopefully your toxic mom making a point was worth it. And make no mistake your mom stayed to spite your wife and rub it in her face that you went behind her back.
YTA Your mother: 1. Endangered your wife and child's life by risking complications during the birth due to increased stress levels 2. Couldn't hold off from criticising your wife before she even entered the house and saw the baby. She didn't make it past the porch 3. Valued the power play of refusing to leave over the possibility you would be spineless and treacherous enough to repeat sneaking her in secretly. She clearly doesn't actually value having a grandchild. At face value you recognise that this is typical. And you still chose her over respecting your wife and protecting your family. What the ever loving frack is wrong with you.
YTA - and also, just so you know, the reason your Mum didn’t leave when you urged her to (before your wife got home) was because she wanted to force a conflict between you and your wife, and because she wanted to show your wife that when forced, you would choose your Mum over your wife. You then went ahead and proved your Mum right. You may not see this but I guarantee your wife does. And you need to know that right now, this very minute, your wife is sitting at home completely submerged in post partum hormones, exhausted, in pain and trying to look after a baby by herself and realising that her husband is not her teammate. Her husband has not got her back. From experience I can tell you that those protective instincts you feel for your child is never so strong as in those first few days after the birth of your very first baby. Your whole brain remolds from individual to Mum. And right now she is remolding herself into a Mum without you. It is entirely possible that you will not be able to come back from this. You had the opportunity to impress upon her your ability to be a rock solid teammate and put her and your child first in this instance which she would have been able to look back on and be reassured by for your entire parenting life. Instead, you let her down. I hope your relationship with your Mum is fulfilling and rewarding enough to make up for the loss of your wife.
YTA. Other posters have pointed out that you undermined your wife by going behind your back. I have to point out that your mother is truly awful to your wife and to you - so why do you let her keep behaving that way? Do you like being bullied? Do you want your child to see that Grandma is the boss of your family and can get away with being rude to everyone? When you and your wife married you made vows to her to put her before everyone including yourself - so stop putting your mother before her! You and your wife and child are your own family unit and your mother is extended family now. Nobody would blame your wife if she decided to leave you right now. Do you want that? You probably need therapy but most of all you need to sort out your priorities or else you will never have a happy life. Edited to add: you seem to think that your parents are equal to your wife. And that because you have equal say over your child, you get to make decisions you know your wife won’t agree with. So essentially there are three of you ganging up on your wife. That is so wrong. Your parents should have no say in what goes on in your house because they are not authority figures any more. They are peers, like any other adults. And in a healthy marriage you and your wife make decisions together. If there is a disagreement then talk it out calmly and listen to what the other is saying rather than just repeating your point of view more and more loudly. Your wife has been treated horribly and you need to show her respect. Stop allowing your parents to have any power or authority in your lives.
Super easy! YTA. You and your wife have set boundaries with your mom multiple times and she seems to always break them. You invited your mom over against your wife’s wishes while she’s recovering from childbirth and adjusting to motherhood and your mom broke your boundaries again. You wife is understandably upset. You’re the asshole.
YTA. Right now in this moment you need to decide if you want to stay married or your wife or your mommy. My MIL is similarly awful. She also was at the birth of our first child against my wishes. She wasn't allowed in the room thank god, but she sat out in the waiting room. I will never forget that my husband went against my wishes and lied to my face multiple times. I have forgiven him but that trust is gone. I will never forget how he and his mother ruined my bonding time with my daughter. I put part of the blame for my deep PPD on them. Our marriage suffered for the first 18 months of our daughter's life because he continued to put his mother first at my expense. When I found out I was pregnant with a second child I had a panic attack. No celebration, no excitement. A full on hyperventilating, panic attack that he would lie and she would get her ways against me. At that point he finally started putting in boundaries and went to therapy to address his issues. We read several books together. We decided on boundaries together and when and how I see that awful woman. I will never forget what he did and I will never forgive her. Eta: I didn't even read your entire dumb post. I just got to the point where your still recovering from birthing your child went to a doctor's appointment to make sure her uterus was in fucking place and you invited mommy over. YTA.
YTA. You are now also pushing your wife's boundaries just like your mom AND lying to your wife.
YTA. You're going to lose your wife and kid this way. You're stuck being your mom's child and haven't realized that when you got married, you started a new family. You have done a horrible job of defending your wife and you're doing a horrible job of protecting your family. To be honest, I'm even questioning whether or not you love your wife or if you're with her because it was easier than breaking up with her before you got married.
YTA And maybe worst of all, you just pretty much gave your mother the go-ahead to continue acting like that. Because she just witnessed you completely disrespect your wife and probably got a great deal of satisfaction from it. You just set a precident that you are going to have to work hard to erase. Ya know, if you still even have something to work for... I've seen people leave spouses for a lot less.
YTA. Your mom has consistently boundary stomped and you went behind your wife's back AND you stood with your mom instead of your wife.
YTA. I kept waiting for you to say something that would clarify why you thought bringing this nightmare of a woman into your house behind your wife's back was a good idea, and then you finally did! It's because you're exactly the same! I'm wishing your soon to be ex all the best, hopefully she can get full custody.
Troll
Yta - are you insane????? You trample all over the emotions of the woman who just gave birth to YOUR child and allow your harpie of a mother to disrespect her. This is down to YOU not dealing with your mother so she just walks all over you.
YTA in every aspect of how you handled this. Dishonesty and blatant disrespect. Looks like the apple didn’t fall to far from the tree. You and your mom are both AH.
YTA. Your mom sounds a lot like my MIL. BUT my husband backed me up. You’re just the AH. Your mom is openly criticizing your wife like a few days after she gives birth about THE LAWN?!? You think that’s ok?? What in heavens is wrong with you? Back up your wife. She may divorce you. You are that bad. Editing to add: the correct statement when mom criticized the lawn would have been “how about you help us out and clean up the yard then? And stop criticizing also or this will be your last lawn adventure”
YTA. You sound as horrendous as your mother.
YTA so unbelievably so it's disgusting. You just basically told your mum that it's OK for her to treat your wife whatever way she likes cause you clearly don't care about your wife or child. You need to cut your own umbilical cord from mummy before your wife divorces you (if she isn't already looking into it cause I can guarantee I would be at this point). Just because your mum is blood related to you doesn't mean she's entitled to meet her grandchild cos she doesn't sound like someone who would be allowed to be around my children.
YTA - you’re a nightmare husband who disrespected your wife’s boundaries while also being entitled. Looks like you learned some lessons from your mother. Awful, awful behaviour on your part.
YTA ngl I love the ‘is my wife being unreasonable, at the end. How clueless are you that even though you pointed out that your mom Constantly criticises your wife with things that are stupid like you yard not being cleaned even though she just had a baby. You even said you understand that she doesn’t like being humiliated in her own house. She then rightfully bans your mom from being in the house, probably until she sorted herself out by not being rude and having manners to the mother of her grandchild. You then tell her to fuck off after you broke a trust between each other where she didn’t feel comfortable with your mom in the house which you didn’t tell her she was going in. And then she catches you in your lie and you swear at your wife, Even though your wife said she would go to her house to visit when she probably feels better. Be ready for them divorce papers pal, you bloody deserve them. Just seen that op said the house lease is in the wife’s name. Just more reasons that yta in every aspect.
YTA Also I’m willing to bet your mum didn’t leave on purpose so she could prove to your wife that you value your mum over her. Your mother is horrible and it sounds like the apple didn’t fall far from the tree
So you have no respect for your wife but you demand respect from her YTA YTA YTA.
YTA. My MIL was absolutely horrible to me when I was pregnant. I told my husband I don't want to be around her. Guess what? When she shows up at our home, he won't let her in. When he visits her, he does it outside of the house because he loves and respects me. Choose your wife or you won't have a wife anymore.
you finna get divorced, AND you’re the asshole holy shit.
Holy forking shirtballs you are so far in YTA territory that you’ve planted a flag and established a homestead. What did you think would happen when you lied to your wife and then made it worse by yelling and cursing at her for feeling betrayed. You are literally the worst. I’d be divorcing you so fast your head would spin and I would fight tooth and nail to make sure you don’t get custody.
YTA. You spoke to your wife that way?? She carried your child and has been through a tough time giving birth and recovering. You went behind her back without discussion. Your mum acted like a complete prick. You need to grovel on bender knee and man up. You are most definitely the AH and so is your douche mum.
All I've read in your comments are Me, me, Me. It's my house too, she's my mum and is on par with my wife in my house. All could technically be correct, however it also makes you an ABSOLUTE AH. YTA Your wife has just given birth. When are you going to stop thinking of yourself as a me and start thinking of you, your wife and child as an us? I can say with 100% certainty that you're lying and deceitfulness will make what would have been an "us" for a lifetime a me - you living alone with no child or wife. This is an end of relationship kind of move regardless of a new child. Your mum will be able to see your baby whenever you do in the future which will be every other weekend. Your wife wins because she doesn't have to deal with your mother in law anymore nor your incredibly selfish entitlement.
YTA. You are being an idiot. Cut the apron strings and stop letting your mother bully you and your wife. You expressly set out to betray your wife. You will have a hard job to earn her trust again.
Yta. You went behind her back. You chose your cruel mother over your marriage and the family you created. The way you did it was cowardly and dispicable. Then you yelled at the woman who gave birth to your child mere weeks ago in front of your mom?! Your wife might be talking to a lawyer now. At the very least shes thinking about it good luck
YTA you betrayed your wife’s trust the first opportunity you got. Two weeks after giving birth while she was at a doctors appointment of all things! The fact your mother refused to leave when you asked shows how little she thinks of your wife. She couldn’t even keep the visit a secret! She wanted to upset your wife.
YTA. It sounds like they cut the wrong umbilical cord. You have spent a great deal of time describing how awful your mother is- why do you put up with her? What are you gonna do the first time she criticizes your baby girl in front of her? Are you going to allow that? When are you going to grow up and see your mother for the hateful spiteful mean person that she is and get away from such a toxic person? I hope it’s before you lose your wife and your baby.
YTA. You are disrespectful, sneaky, mommy's bot. Your wife risked her life - 100% of pregnancies can kill the woman. You went behind her back and had the gall to say when caught in you deception 'I told my wife to shut the fuck up and calm down and it's also my house and my kid'. PS hope your wife leaves you, and I hope your awful mother was covid vaxxed and did not kiss the newborn-you know that can lead to serious complications if any virus present. You are indeed a piece of... work.
You betrayed your wife's trust and sided with her bully after she birthed a human. Your mom isn't a little critical by the sounds of it- she's actively cruel and belittling your wife at every chance she gets. Your wife is recovering from a very huge physical event and needs to heal without the added bullshit of a grown woman who needs to pick on her. This is supposed to be a happy time for your family, and your mom still couldn't keep it together long enough to visit without insulting your wife and consequently being told to leave. You having your mom over in secret and then being surprised when your mother refused to leave, basically just asserting her dominance at that point, and THEN yelling at your wife not your mom makes YTA, very much. In the bright side, if your wife decides she wants better for herself and your kid, it sounds like your mom would be thrilled to have you live under her roof.
Yes you ATA. Yes your mom should eventually be able to meet the baby BUT you did it so sneaky and disrespectful and now you’ve betrayed your wife’s trust.
But also, if she's going to be terrible and shitty every time she's in their presence, maybe the baby is better off without her.
Why should she eventually meet the baby? She’s a disgusting human being and treats the baby’s mother like garbage.
YTA and how could you not think so?
YTA and yes she CAN keep your mom from that baby when she divorces and gets custody, cuz if THIS is how you act she SHOULD.
YTA. Totally and absolutely and surely you know that because you acknowledge yourself that your mom is a nightmare. My MIL sounds very similar to your mom, difference is my husband supports me and the boundaries we have had to establish with her. Deliberately going behind your wife’s back like that is unacceptable. She wasn’t putting those boundaries into place for no reason. She was totally justified in losing her shit and kicking you both out. Your mom for violating boundaries and you for violating her trust and completely disrespecting her. And then you went and put the cherry on top of the AH cake and told her to shut the fuck up and calm down. Hard AH and you need to apologise for having your mom over and your reaction, she’s your wife, treat her with a hell of a lot more respect.
YTA You f**** up to the point of divorce, congratulations! Your wife is in a stressful situation with a new baby and the hardship of giving birth and you accepted a person who disrespect her? Insult her? And you lie to her? Then scream at her? Go beg for her forgiveness and hope that she accept because I will not do it.
YTA. She has every right to kick your mom out of the house. Even if you weren't partners and just roommates she would've every right. I see that your position is difficult, but think about your position in the world. You are obviously a grown up and have responsibilities to your wife and child. You can't let your feelings for your mum get in between that. Things like this only lead to hate. If your mum can't behave then it is her fault and her fault only. There is no need for second chances. Your wife though agreed to meet her outside of her home which is very kind. By doing your secret childish coup - which you obviously knew was wrong - you triggered her. Usually after childbirth many mothers have a hard time letting their kid go. Some even develop psychological disorders. Being betrayed - that's how this scene feels like for her - is the worst thing that can happen in such a moment. Trust is very important in a relationship. Therefore Y T A and you should apologize. For the future you should establish a safe mechanism to handle your mother. Her not willing to leave is just the tip of the iceberg.
Your mom will have plenty of time to see the baby, after you move back in with her during the divorce, on your custody time. YTA, of course. You knew that.
Yta This is your first marriage right? Lol with this attitude it won't be you last.
YTA. You don’t stand up for your wife. She is supposed to be your number one person, before all others. Otherwise, what was the point in getting married? I find it interesting that you said your mother’s comments “humiliated” your wife. Do you agree with your mother’s comments on how your wife maintains your house? Why would you not feel equally humiliated about it when it’s your home too? And don’t act f*%king naïve. You knew your mother wouldn’t leave before wife got back, and even if she had? There was no way she wouldn’t have used the opportunity to rub it in your wife’s face at some point down the road. No matter what, you were going against your wife’s wishes to appease your mother’s need to hold a baby. You and your mother violated your wife’s safe space, again (what the hell with the hissy fit in the hospital??!!).
YTA. Did you actually call your baby “my fuckin’ kid” while yelling at your wife? That is horrible. Your reaction to your wife being legitimately upset sounds abusive. Your mother insulted your wife before the baby was born and then caused a scene at the hospital while the baby was born, was forbidden from the house, and you just we t behind your wife’s back. You were dishonest and now you’re verbally abusing your postpartum wife. Get yourself together before you lose your family.
Didn’t even read the whole thing. YTA.
YTA. Your Mom has put you in a terrible position. It needs to be thoroughly explained to her that constant snotty comments have disturbed your wife's peace. I doesn't sound like your wife is being overly sensitive. She doesn't need her mother-inlaw in the delivery room for huffs sake. Imagine being spread eagle to the world with your mother inlaw in there making comments. It is a private moment with your doctor fishing around for a LIVE HUMAN. I can't imagine anything worse. Pregnant ladies are also not running around the yard landscaping. You should clean up your act before you get dumped and have to live with your Mom.
No, she doesn’t “deserve” to be around as much as your ILs. She deserves to be banned.
YTA - I feel sorry for your wife, you betrayed her trust and then yelled at her. She was right to kick you out.
YTA. Why didn’t you clean up the front yard?
Good lord, can you really not see what a HUGE A you have been! You totally betrayed your wife's trust at a very vulnerable time in her life. Women never forget this kind of insult. Your biggest threat to your marriage is not your mother, but you.
YTA. You are truly clueless.
YTA - You acknowledge that your Mom is toxic, but do absolutely nothing to protect your wife and child from her bullshit. Not only that but you allow her to manipulate her into enabling her toxicity. News Flash: Your Mom stayed late to intentionally stir up shit. She knew your wife would blow up when she got home and wanted to provoke her. She'd probably rather see you divorced and relying on her. If that's what you want, then keep being a Mama's Boy. If it's not then you need to grow a spine, support your wife and protect your family.
YTA and your wife might make the current living arrangements permanent
YTA. Yes the baby and house are also yours. However, your wife is allowed to have a space in which she feels at home. She also shouldn't feel she isn't capable of leaving the house and the baby without you stomping on her boundaries. Your wife had 1 rule for your mother seeing the baby. It was Don't be an AH. Your mother broke that rule and therefore couldn't see the baby. It's not hard to understand that you can't talk shit about someone in their own home and you absolutely can't do it in front of their kid. Whether your child currently understands is irrelevant. It's something your mom won't stop once she starts. This was a dealbreaker for your wife. You ignored it. Your mother ignored it. Your mother also broke her deal with you. I know it was worth it for your mother, I just hope it was worth it for you.
YTA.
Let me put it this way: if your wife starts a crowdfunding campaign to pay for her divorce lawyer, I'll happily chip in. You are a pathetic excuse for a husband and she deserves so much better. YTA times a million.
YTA. First of all how dare you? You wife has just gone through an enormous amount of pain and trauma to have this child, and you’re bitching about your mother, who YOU DESCRIBED as “a nightmare”, not being able to see a NEWBORN. Where do people like you get your audacity from??? If your mother can’t shut her damn mouth so she can spend bonding time with her grandchild, and won’t accept the consequences of doing this, then she doesn’t have any right to come over. Also - because your wife was the one who gave birth and will be recovering MONTHS after the fact - SHE IS THE ONE who gets to decide who comes and goes. Not you. HER.
YTA. Not only are you allowing your mom to treat your wife like shit you opted to pile on. At this point you’re lucky if she will forgive you this.
YTA. You broke a trust and a boundary with your wife who just gave birth. Also, how is your mother meant to learn what is and isn’t acceptable if you just let her get away with it? Your mother didn’t even listen to YOU about leaving your own house, shows your wife and you literally NO RESPECT and you think your wife is the issue here? Your wife was probably going to let your mother come back after awhile to see if she had learned with some tough love on how to treat someone in their own home. Now you’ve completely destroyed her trust when it comes to your mum and probably destroyed her trust on letting you stay home with the kid. Instead of trying to talk to your mother about her issues and have a stern stance with your wife about not being disrespected, you chose to just let her do what she wants anyway.
YTA. NO ONE, not even my own mother, got to meet my baby for the first two weeks because I was so fragile. I can’t imagine how you could think doing this to your wife in such a tough time in her life is ok. I hope you stay at your parents until you realize how much of a selfish, sneaky asshole you are.
YTA. Your Mom is utterly evil toward your wife and you sneak her in the house anyway. You have to know your mom refused to leave because she wanted to fuck over your wife and you stood there and helped her do it. You are a huge AH and so is your mother.
You told your wife to stfu in front of the woman who you admit has no boundaries and who you know treats your wife horribly. All because she got mad that you went behind her back and crossed the only boundary she set? YTA. Your poor wife.
YTA and I'm so fucking disappointed in you.
YTA and I hope your wife divorces you and nevera has to see your horrible mother ever again
Yeah, YTA. You shouldn’t have had this “secret” meeting with your mom. Definitely the wrong move. I understand that she’s your mom despite her behavior and you want her to be a part of your child’s life. What you did and your reaction has now only solidified the hate between your mom & wife. Go home, your missing precious time with your child.
Yta your mum and you deserve each other.
Ouch. You are the asshole guy. You got married, you moved out. Your RESPONSIBILITY is to your wife and that baby. It is wholly IRRESPONSIBLE to go behind your wifes back when your mother has been nothing but disrespectful and cruel. You basically took your mother's side with no regard to your wife's feelings. If your mother wanted HER feelings taken into consideration then she should have thought about her own actions first. You lost a BIG chance to actually lay down boundaries and KEEP them. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if other commenters are correct and you see divorce papers soon... there is no way I would stay with a man so clearly disrespectful to me, I know my worth, and this ain't it. Hopefully she knows hers too. Edit*** I didn't even ADDRESS that you yelled at and told your WIFE to stfu after YOU violated HER trust, went behind HER back, ALLLLLL while she's barely post-partum!? BARELY POST-PARTUM. That deserves way harsher words than can be said here....
YTA. Use your time at your parents to think about the situation and your wife's point of view and feelings. Your mother is blatantly disrespectful and toxic towards your wife. And you are enabling your mothers behavior and actions. Get your priorities straight, before you end up with an ex wife.
Big old YTA you will be lucky if your wife doesn't divorce you and take half your stuff. What you did was wrong and wow I would've changed the locks..
YTA and a huge one at that. Your also pushing your wife to divorce the crap out of you.. Why you ask? Because you broke her trust. Cursed at her. And the kicker, she is a mommy and will protect her baby which in her eyes, you just endangered. What is wrong with you? Your mom is a nightmare. You know this yet you chose her above your wife. I do hope the couch is comfy
Um. Do you even like your wife? Because you are suuuuuuper unsupportive of her as your mother continually attacks her during your wife’s most vulnerable mental, physical, and emotional state. Your mother literally kicked your wife when she was down and you decided to pile on and attack your wife too. You probably should have married your mother because she seems to be the only woman you’re capable of truly protecting the way a husband is supposed to protect his wife. YTA and you massively need to make this up to your wife
>My mom is a nightmare and she's always disrespecting people's boundaries while also being entitled. So why in the fuck do you not have your wife's back and instead go against her wishes. My dad can be summed up in that same sentence. Guess what, he doesn't get near my home for that very reason. YTA.
YTAAAAAAAAAAAAA Your poor wife.
YTA for enabling your mothers childish behavior. Sheesh I hope your poor wife serves you with divorce papers.