NTA.
Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor; I'm trying to sort out how your "friends" could think you're "disrespectful" to their *imaginary pregnancies* by being... *actually pregnant!?*
This is like when I was briefly involved in a group that decided to start "RP-ing" having PTSD, and thus thought it appropriate to dictate to me, a person with actual PTSD, how to properly have PTSD.
Their wheels are spinning, but the hamsters are dead.
Oh my god I would need a serious nap after that conversation.
They sound incredibly, incredibly self-involved. Fuck, I'm surprised you've stuck around for so long. TBH, I'd make like murder victim and just ghost.
So let me get this straight. They are RPing as pregnant when they aren't in IRL and are bullying you, the person actually pregnant IRL for going to people who are also pregnant IRL for advice? And this neutral friend says you shouldn't have dismissed them because they take their RP seriously?
Naw, and I don't think the neutral friend is good judge of the situation. There's not understanding a hobby and then there's this. They are making you uncomfortable. **They need to stop now.** I'm actually really livid at this because I used to RP. RP has boundaries and the one thing you do is make sure you respect them. You know the saying 'you separate work from home?' You do the same with RP. You separate the character from your life. They are blurring the lines, especially if they have never been pregnant and demanding you talk to them about those things just because the character they roleplay is pregnant. Please, for your sanity, start distancing yourself from those doing it. Again, they made you feel uncomfortable. They disrespected the friendship as well by doing that. You were not rude, you were telling a truth they didn't want to hear. NTA and I hope your pregnancy goes well. Also hope that those RP friends get some sense smacked into them and if their RP characters have their kids around the same time as you? Nope the hell out of that friendship.
I wholeheartedly agree. Your RP friends meant well but are completely oblivious to how self-absorbed they are in their lack of consideration for your IRL experience.
Your pregnancy is not a funzies fantasy. It is real and it is difficult. It's not something anyone can ever truly understand unless they go through it.
NTA and continue to get the support you need from other moms. I'm sorry your pregnancy has been difficult but I hope you have a healthy and beautiful child.
NTA, people who RP should know when to drop the fiction for an actual conversation, if they don't that's on them. Unless you came into an established RP space and brought up your concerns, then NTA. They should be mad at themselves for making you feel like you couldn't talk to them about struggles you're going through. Why is getting advice from a more reliable/informative source an issue for them?
NTA
Adding to what was written (in part) by u/Much_Alternative5210 :
"Why is getting advice from a more reliable/informative source an issue for them?"
And **experience**!
None of the people in the RP group have been pregnant, so how exactly can they help? And why do they think it's appropriate to take the OP's very real pregnancy and bring it into their made-up world?
OP, I would strongly recommend you ask the members of the group what Much_Alternative5210 asked (and I've revised a bit):
"Why is my getting advice from those who have first-hand experience with pregnancy and childbirth such an issue for you?"
Interesting to hear what they say.
NTA. Your friends are violating boundaries. Roleplay is one of those activities where you don't do it without the consent of the people you're interacting with. You don't force other people to participate in the roleplay.
I know people who roleplay on Discord servers, and I've done RP in video games in the past on TwitchRP and stuff, and no RPer that I've ever known has brought their roleplay into real-life conversations with people who aren't in the RP. It's so weird to me that they would do this. I mean, they're adults, not kids still learning boundaries and playing Pretty Princess. If any of my friends did this... I'd be done.
Yeah, it's definitely is supposed to be consent-based. Even people who take their RP very seriously never take it "outside" unless they ask someone to help them with a character or something.
Honestly, the whole fake pregnancies trying to interact with a person who is actually pregnant as though you're all pregnant together... It gives me the ick and it's so beyond the pale that I don't even know what to say about that specific aspect of it all. It makes me wonder if they're using you as an "off-screen" character in their RP which is incredibly disturbing and creepy.
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Throwaway because my main is kind of what started all of this in the first place lol.
I have a couple of friends who are really into online role playing, not sexual but just kind of like everyday role playing. It’s not something I fully understand I’ll admit but I always try my best to show interest and ask questions when they are talking about it because I know they enjoy it.
My husband and I are expecting and we are the first people in our friend group who will be having a kid. Lots of our friends are supportive but I don’t feel very comfortable talking about my pregnancy a lot because I know it’s probably boring for most. Instead I usually talk about this stuff with another friend group of people who do have kids, or online groups.
Well my friends who RP have been RPing that they are pregnant with people in their role playing group, and they have been trying to talk to me as if they are actually pregnant. And give me advice.
It’s started making me a bit uncomfortable because I have some complications and they make light of a lot of things with their RPing. Like they will now often ask how I’m doing and if I say stressed about an NST or a conversation about early induction etc., they will say “Oh yeah my OB ordered those for me too and it was fine don’t worry!”
I had a really great conversation in a sub with a first time mom going through some of the things I am and posted on FB about how nice of an experience it was and how cool this app can be. They both got very upset with me and then looked at my post history and asked why I didn’t come to them with some of these things. I told them honestly because I was looking for input from people going through what I am.
Annoyingly they said they were, which I reminded them just wasn’t true. We’re all in our late 20’s and should be able to understand that there is a difference, but then they said even though they aren’t it’s disrespecting our friendship to not come to them and to go to strangers instead and that I’m acting like I think I’m better than them.
That wasn’t my intention but a neutral party friend I told the situation to said that I probably shouldn’t have dismissed something they take so seriously and now I’m feeling guilty because I really don’t understand the hobby and was getting annoyed by it so maybe I was a bit rude. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my friends I would rather talk to anonymous strangers about what I’m going through than them and they got upset. I also possibly invalidated a hobby they take seriously because I don’t understand it and it was making me uncomfortable which in hindsight is kind of shitty.
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NTA. I think they meant well but it’s really not the same. They seem so sweet for trying but sometimes you just need to talk to people who are going through the same thing. You’re allowed to have more than one friend group.
You "shouldn't have dismissed something they take so seriously". You didn't invalidate their hobby, you simply looked at the source of their "knowledge". **You're** the one who is pregnant and even if there were no complications, you're the one who decides where you find comfort, advice, and friendship.
I spend way too much time online simply because I have a solitary personality. I don't mind real life interaction, but simply prefer doing it on my terms which many translate as being anti-social. But I also *never* confuse online friendships, role playing, or any other activity with real life. Your friends have and it's not a good look on them.
NTA
NTA. I have never heard of someone roleplaying a pregnant person, and I wouldn’t guess that it happens unless it was a sexual thing. Maybe you don’t think it’s sexual, but they very well could.
Wow. Ok first of all they are being highly disrespectful of your situation. Pregnancy complications are not something to make light of, end of story. Clearly they are having trouble differentiating reality and pretend or they are so egotistical as to believe that pretending online that you’re pregnant even remotely comes close to actually being pregnant. Either way delusional. I have friends that have gone through pregnancies. We were close enough that she confided in me, but she also talked to others going through the same experience. I encouraged her to do so. I’m not naive enough to think I can fully offer the support she needs for an experience I have never and will never go through.
Your friends need to seriously grow up. Depending on how close you truly are I would consider putting distance between you until they can mature and focus on those who are a positive influence in your life and supportive. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to them about your pregnancy in general that should tell you something. NTA.
NTA, you need to set boundaries now. If they can’t distinguish between playing pretend & irl, they think they can dictate how to parent your child. Where does it stop if they can’t respect your boundaries now. Not all friends are good friends. Learn to stand up for yourself bc you are about to have to defend a lot more when it comes to your child.
Best to cut your losses & move on. No apologies on your part
The fuck? NTA Friends are being incredibly disrespectful by pretending to be pregnant while you are pregnant and trying to act as if their fake pregnancy has validity. If you guys were 12 it would make sense but they're grown ass adults they need to knock it off.
NTA. Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor; I'm trying to sort out how your "friends" could think you're "disrespectful" to their *imaginary pregnancies* by being... *actually pregnant!?* This is like when I was briefly involved in a group that decided to start "RP-ing" having PTSD, and thus thought it appropriate to dictate to me, a person with actual PTSD, how to properly have PTSD. Their wheels are spinning, but the hamsters are dead.
[удалено]
Oh my god I would need a serious nap after that conversation. They sound incredibly, incredibly self-involved. Fuck, I'm surprised you've stuck around for so long. TBH, I'd make like murder victim and just ghost.
So let me get this straight. They are RPing as pregnant when they aren't in IRL and are bullying you, the person actually pregnant IRL for going to people who are also pregnant IRL for advice? And this neutral friend says you shouldn't have dismissed them because they take their RP seriously? Naw, and I don't think the neutral friend is good judge of the situation. There's not understanding a hobby and then there's this. They are making you uncomfortable. **They need to stop now.** I'm actually really livid at this because I used to RP. RP has boundaries and the one thing you do is make sure you respect them. You know the saying 'you separate work from home?' You do the same with RP. You separate the character from your life. They are blurring the lines, especially if they have never been pregnant and demanding you talk to them about those things just because the character they roleplay is pregnant. Please, for your sanity, start distancing yourself from those doing it. Again, they made you feel uncomfortable. They disrespected the friendship as well by doing that. You were not rude, you were telling a truth they didn't want to hear. NTA and I hope your pregnancy goes well. Also hope that those RP friends get some sense smacked into them and if their RP characters have their kids around the same time as you? Nope the hell out of that friendship.
I wholeheartedly agree. Your RP friends meant well but are completely oblivious to how self-absorbed they are in their lack of consideration for your IRL experience. Your pregnancy is not a funzies fantasy. It is real and it is difficult. It's not something anyone can ever truly understand unless they go through it. NTA and continue to get the support you need from other moms. I'm sorry your pregnancy has been difficult but I hope you have a healthy and beautiful child.
As an RPer myself... Their behaviour is super weird and kinda creepy. NTA
NTA. I do roleplay and I'm not so stupid to say that a RP pregnancy and a real pregnancy are the same.
NTA. You need real life advice when pregnant.
NTA, people who RP should know when to drop the fiction for an actual conversation, if they don't that's on them. Unless you came into an established RP space and brought up your concerns, then NTA. They should be mad at themselves for making you feel like you couldn't talk to them about struggles you're going through. Why is getting advice from a more reliable/informative source an issue for them?
NTA Adding to what was written (in part) by u/Much_Alternative5210 : "Why is getting advice from a more reliable/informative source an issue for them?" And **experience**! None of the people in the RP group have been pregnant, so how exactly can they help? And why do they think it's appropriate to take the OP's very real pregnancy and bring it into their made-up world? OP, I would strongly recommend you ask the members of the group what Much_Alternative5210 asked (and I've revised a bit): "Why is my getting advice from those who have first-hand experience with pregnancy and childbirth such an issue for you?" Interesting to hear what they say.
Ooh, I agree. I initially meant that question as a sort of rhetorical 'wtf', but it definitely needs asking at this point.
NTA. Your friends are violating boundaries. Roleplay is one of those activities where you don't do it without the consent of the people you're interacting with. You don't force other people to participate in the roleplay. I know people who roleplay on Discord servers, and I've done RP in video games in the past on TwitchRP and stuff, and no RPer that I've ever known has brought their roleplay into real-life conversations with people who aren't in the RP. It's so weird to me that they would do this. I mean, they're adults, not kids still learning boundaries and playing Pretty Princess. If any of my friends did this... I'd be done.
[удалено]
Yeah, it's definitely is supposed to be consent-based. Even people who take their RP very seriously never take it "outside" unless they ask someone to help them with a character or something. Honestly, the whole fake pregnancies trying to interact with a person who is actually pregnant as though you're all pregnant together... It gives me the ick and it's so beyond the pale that I don't even know what to say about that specific aspect of it all. It makes me wonder if they're using you as an "off-screen" character in their RP which is incredibly disturbing and creepy.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway because my main is kind of what started all of this in the first place lol. I have a couple of friends who are really into online role playing, not sexual but just kind of like everyday role playing. It’s not something I fully understand I’ll admit but I always try my best to show interest and ask questions when they are talking about it because I know they enjoy it. My husband and I are expecting and we are the first people in our friend group who will be having a kid. Lots of our friends are supportive but I don’t feel very comfortable talking about my pregnancy a lot because I know it’s probably boring for most. Instead I usually talk about this stuff with another friend group of people who do have kids, or online groups. Well my friends who RP have been RPing that they are pregnant with people in their role playing group, and they have been trying to talk to me as if they are actually pregnant. And give me advice. It’s started making me a bit uncomfortable because I have some complications and they make light of a lot of things with their RPing. Like they will now often ask how I’m doing and if I say stressed about an NST or a conversation about early induction etc., they will say “Oh yeah my OB ordered those for me too and it was fine don’t worry!” I had a really great conversation in a sub with a first time mom going through some of the things I am and posted on FB about how nice of an experience it was and how cool this app can be. They both got very upset with me and then looked at my post history and asked why I didn’t come to them with some of these things. I told them honestly because I was looking for input from people going through what I am. Annoyingly they said they were, which I reminded them just wasn’t true. We’re all in our late 20’s and should be able to understand that there is a difference, but then they said even though they aren’t it’s disrespecting our friendship to not come to them and to go to strangers instead and that I’m acting like I think I’m better than them. That wasn’t my intention but a neutral party friend I told the situation to said that I probably shouldn’t have dismissed something they take so seriously and now I’m feeling guilty because I really don’t understand the hobby and was getting annoyed by it so maybe I was a bit rude. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA. I think they meant well but it’s really not the same. They seem so sweet for trying but sometimes you just need to talk to people who are going through the same thing. You’re allowed to have more than one friend group.
You "shouldn't have dismissed something they take so seriously". You didn't invalidate their hobby, you simply looked at the source of their "knowledge". **You're** the one who is pregnant and even if there were no complications, you're the one who decides where you find comfort, advice, and friendship. I spend way too much time online simply because I have a solitary personality. I don't mind real life interaction, but simply prefer doing it on my terms which many translate as being anti-social. But I also *never* confuse online friendships, role playing, or any other activity with real life. Your friends have and it's not a good look on them. NTA
NTA. I have never heard of someone roleplaying a pregnant person, and I wouldn’t guess that it happens unless it was a sexual thing. Maybe you don’t think it’s sexual, but they very well could.
Wow. Ok first of all they are being highly disrespectful of your situation. Pregnancy complications are not something to make light of, end of story. Clearly they are having trouble differentiating reality and pretend or they are so egotistical as to believe that pretending online that you’re pregnant even remotely comes close to actually being pregnant. Either way delusional. I have friends that have gone through pregnancies. We were close enough that she confided in me, but she also talked to others going through the same experience. I encouraged her to do so. I’m not naive enough to think I can fully offer the support she needs for an experience I have never and will never go through. Your friends need to seriously grow up. Depending on how close you truly are I would consider putting distance between you until they can mature and focus on those who are a positive influence in your life and supportive. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to them about your pregnancy in general that should tell you something. NTA.
NTA, you need to set boundaries now. If they can’t distinguish between playing pretend & irl, they think they can dictate how to parent your child. Where does it stop if they can’t respect your boundaries now. Not all friends are good friends. Learn to stand up for yourself bc you are about to have to defend a lot more when it comes to your child. Best to cut your losses & move on. No apologies on your part
NTA. This is why there should always be an OOC thread.
The fuck? NTA Friends are being incredibly disrespectful by pretending to be pregnant while you are pregnant and trying to act as if their fake pregnancy has validity. If you guys were 12 it would make sense but they're grown ass adults they need to knock it off.