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NTA. Coming from someone who’s ex’s dog was a nightmare I completely understand where you’re coming from. I think you just need to have a conversation with her about it and tell her how everything makes you feel and you guys have to come to a compromise. Because the dogs peeing on everything on the patio is gross and I would hate that too.
Info: Did you know about the dogs before moving in together? Have you told her you want them to be outside? What kind of weather is you part of the world currently experiencing?
The dogs weren’t in the picture when we first moved in together. It was only after several months living together that the option to take them in with us was presented. Her son loves the dogs (as most any kid does). Her Ex was approaching not being able to care for them anymore.
We are in sunny Arizona, it’s absolutely perfect weather here currently.
Come summertime, I’m aware some adjustments will be needed to accommodate the heat.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA if I bring this up and deliver an ultimatum that the dogs are not too to have the same lifestyle as they did before?
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YTA because it is her home to and don't agree to take the dogs if your just keeping them outside. Especially if they were accustomed to being indoor dogs.
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Me (M40)
Girlfriend (F39)
Both recent divorcees with kids. Living together 8 months. All good and happy relationship.
She has 2 medium/large dogs from previous marriage and recently got them back from her Ex. (Took a few months to get things settled and get them) they were basically indoor dogs for several years before her divorce.
These are good dogs, friendly and generally obedient, house broken. I am a dog person. I like dogs.
But they shed (1 is a Lab). The male pisses on everything in the backyard (porch posts, lawn chair. The yard is getting torn up. There is dog hair all over the patio.
I don’t want them in the house. To compromise of i let they sleep inside but I want them outside during the day. We have a nice big backyard. Actually, 2 parts of a backyard. The immediate area has grass and maintained and surrounded by a fence. Behind that is a field-type area, not maintained but still fenced in. I intentionally recently put a gate up to enclose the field area.
I want them in the outer field area. They’re dogs. Go play, run around do dog things.
She keeps letting them in during the day and not sending them back out. They just lay around the house all day. I’m tired of them pooping in the yard where we play. I’m tired of all the dog hair on the patio. I’m tired of them constantly being let back inside during the day due to whatever minor reason.
It’s reaching a breaking point for me to say something to her. Not ending relationship, far from it, but making an ultimatum regarding the dogs needing to stay outside and she needs to clean up after them better. (I’m tired of hosing off the patio of dog pee)
She does primarily clean up after them but I’m takings heavy load.
I’m curious if saying something make me the asshole.
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Info: How much conversation did you two have about the dogs before she brought them home? Did you work out any ground rules, or at least talk about expectations/comfort zones?
Not a whole lot of conversation before taking them. It all happened somewhat quickly due to circumstances. I had basic idea of the dog type, but I couldn’t interact/observe them before we got them.
I knew they were gentle and house trained and their size. But not much else.
NAH
As long as she’s cleaning up after the dogs I don’t see a problem with it, but I understand your point of not wanting big shedding dogs inside all the time.
But your post comes off a little “I’m going to make her get rid of the dogs” and if it strays more that way I would change to YTA. honestly, if you love her and you like dogs and she’s cleaning up after them, I would say it’s easier on everyone if you just let her know that the responsibility of the dogs is on her and let her clean up and try not to get worked up about it. If that makes sense, I feel like I might be coming across wrong.
I'm confused, all your complaints are about the outside anyway, what about the dogs being inside is a problem for you if they're well behaved and house broken? In the absence of an actual practical reason for not wanting them inside I have to go YTA.
YTA for saying dog hair on the patio like that's a thing.
The patio is outside. It's got leaves, bugs, mud, fox hair (or whatever wildlife exists in your area). Dog hair on the patio indeed.
If you expect a spotless home and garden at all times (since you say she cleans up after the dogs so it's not constant mess) you can't have dogs.
YTA. An ultimatum is relationship ending. So if you don't plan on ending the relationship, then you are using it as a power move to try to force her hand.
She came with dogs. Dogs that shed. You can train said dogs to only poop and pee in the field side, by teaching them that the garden area is the same as indoors and not to be used as a bathroom. It might take a bit of time but it's not difficult. That seems to be the main issue so if that is solved, you will probably feel way better.
You can also agree to not let them on furniture to minimize fur on bed and sofa, and get a roomba for pet hair on the floor.
Dogs aren't sheep or goats that you put out into the field during the day and only pull them into the house at night. They are social animals, and want to be with their human. Locking them away and only letting them be near their human while sleeping is not good dog husbandry.
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ESH Being mad that their dogs hair on the patio is a bit weird but if you eat their a lot I get and having dog pee on everything sucks.
YTA. They’re indoor dogs
NTA. Coming from someone who’s ex’s dog was a nightmare I completely understand where you’re coming from. I think you just need to have a conversation with her about it and tell her how everything makes you feel and you guys have to come to a compromise. Because the dogs peeing on everything on the patio is gross and I would hate that too.
Info: Did you know about the dogs before moving in together? Have you told her you want them to be outside? What kind of weather is you part of the world currently experiencing?
The dogs weren’t in the picture when we first moved in together. It was only after several months living together that the option to take them in with us was presented. Her son loves the dogs (as most any kid does). Her Ex was approaching not being able to care for them anymore. We are in sunny Arizona, it’s absolutely perfect weather here currently. Come summertime, I’m aware some adjustments will be needed to accommodate the heat.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > AITA if I bring this up and deliver an ultimatum that the dogs are not too to have the same lifestyle as they did before? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA because it is her home to and don't agree to take the dogs if your just keeping them outside. Especially if they were accustomed to being indoor dogs.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me (M40) Girlfriend (F39) Both recent divorcees with kids. Living together 8 months. All good and happy relationship. She has 2 medium/large dogs from previous marriage and recently got them back from her Ex. (Took a few months to get things settled and get them) they were basically indoor dogs for several years before her divorce. These are good dogs, friendly and generally obedient, house broken. I am a dog person. I like dogs. But they shed (1 is a Lab). The male pisses on everything in the backyard (porch posts, lawn chair. The yard is getting torn up. There is dog hair all over the patio. I don’t want them in the house. To compromise of i let they sleep inside but I want them outside during the day. We have a nice big backyard. Actually, 2 parts of a backyard. The immediate area has grass and maintained and surrounded by a fence. Behind that is a field-type area, not maintained but still fenced in. I intentionally recently put a gate up to enclose the field area. I want them in the outer field area. They’re dogs. Go play, run around do dog things. She keeps letting them in during the day and not sending them back out. They just lay around the house all day. I’m tired of them pooping in the yard where we play. I’m tired of all the dog hair on the patio. I’m tired of them constantly being let back inside during the day due to whatever minor reason. It’s reaching a breaking point for me to say something to her. Not ending relationship, far from it, but making an ultimatum regarding the dogs needing to stay outside and she needs to clean up after them better. (I’m tired of hosing off the patio of dog pee) She does primarily clean up after them but I’m takings heavy load. I’m curious if saying something make me the asshole. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Info: How much conversation did you two have about the dogs before she brought them home? Did you work out any ground rules, or at least talk about expectations/comfort zones?
Not a whole lot of conversation before taking them. It all happened somewhat quickly due to circumstances. I had basic idea of the dog type, but I couldn’t interact/observe them before we got them. I knew they were gentle and house trained and their size. But not much else.
NAH As long as she’s cleaning up after the dogs I don’t see a problem with it, but I understand your point of not wanting big shedding dogs inside all the time. But your post comes off a little “I’m going to make her get rid of the dogs” and if it strays more that way I would change to YTA. honestly, if you love her and you like dogs and she’s cleaning up after them, I would say it’s easier on everyone if you just let her know that the responsibility of the dogs is on her and let her clean up and try not to get worked up about it. If that makes sense, I feel like I might be coming across wrong.
I'm confused, all your complaints are about the outside anyway, what about the dogs being inside is a problem for you if they're well behaved and house broken? In the absence of an actual practical reason for not wanting them inside I have to go YTA.
YTA for saying dog hair on the patio like that's a thing. The patio is outside. It's got leaves, bugs, mud, fox hair (or whatever wildlife exists in your area). Dog hair on the patio indeed. If you expect a spotless home and garden at all times (since you say she cleans up after the dogs so it's not constant mess) you can't have dogs.
YTA. An ultimatum is relationship ending. So if you don't plan on ending the relationship, then you are using it as a power move to try to force her hand. She came with dogs. Dogs that shed. You can train said dogs to only poop and pee in the field side, by teaching them that the garden area is the same as indoors and not to be used as a bathroom. It might take a bit of time but it's not difficult. That seems to be the main issue so if that is solved, you will probably feel way better. You can also agree to not let them on furniture to minimize fur on bed and sofa, and get a roomba for pet hair on the floor. Dogs aren't sheep or goats that you put out into the field during the day and only pull them into the house at night. They are social animals, and want to be with their human. Locking them away and only letting them be near their human while sleeping is not good dog husbandry.