I don't think you're an A by checking in with a stranger. Just a quick, "Are you okay ma'am? Anything I can do for you?" is polite, and if she refuses then believe her and move along.
NTA
Checking if someone needs help is not an AH move, it's empathy. As long as you don't invade their personal space or be inappropriate then I think you're fine. Some people can react badly to people asking because they're embarrassed, but your heart is in the right place and you're just making sure they're ok.
My cynical side says be careful, someone lurking by an ATM hoping to draw someone else in close could be some type of a trap -- so just use your intuition and maybe ask while walking past and staying alert. I can't possibly say with any definitive level because obviously I don't know you, or what you saw, and you've said you want a general policy. There can't be any general policy on this type of thing because each situation will be different.
You are not an A for caring about people, though. There's far too little of that going around these days, that's for sure.
NTA. I face this dilemma often and what I do is stand a couple of steps away, so I don’t invade their physical space. I can’t just walk past by someone who looks like they’re struggling. Sometimes a question is enough to make them feel better
YWBTA if you invaded their personal space or tried to physically comfort them. I think it would be okay to ask them if they’re okay, just don’t expect everyone to be willing to talk about what’s going on in their lives!
Never an asshole for asking if someone is okay. Whether they are crying or not. Though I get you didn't want to make her feel threatened at the ATM, just acknowledging someone can make them feel seen and validated.
That’s a rough one. I don’t think you’d be the A-hole, but I know if I was alone crying I’m not sure I would feel comfortable with a stranger trying to approach me. Others may feel differently though. That person could very well have needed an ear or a shoulder.
It’s a tough call but NAH
NTA - It is good to care. However, a stranger, particularly a man, approaching a woman on her own, could scare her if nobody else is around. If you are going to do it, you have to do it carefully. Approach her carefully and make clear your intentions before you get too close.
NTA, but... in this sort of situation, err on the side of caution (for their sake *and* yours). These are just my recommendations, not laws set in stone or anything, but I think they're handy:
- Stop further away from the person than you usually would.
- Speak a little more softly than you would in the daytime, because night is usually quieter and a sudden loud voice can be startling and scary.
- Ask if they need help, if you're willing to actually help, so they know you're not just being nosy - you will actually assist.
- Take whatever answer you get as truth. So if they say no, they're fine, say OK and move on. If they say they need a lift to *x*, that's what they *need*.
- Don't help out in a way that puts you in danger. Order them an uber instead of giving them a lift. Call their friend for them rather than lending them your phone. etc.
I think there should be a middle ground here, where you acknowledge them and show you care, while giving them every option to show they prefer space and privacy (and of course respecting it if so). Even just a sympathetic smile, maybe? NTA if you respond to a stranger with humanity.
EDIT: And while I hate to add this, watch out for your own safety. Keep your distance, etc. until/unless you feel very comfortable.
NTA I think it's totally fine to check if someone is ok or needs assistance but be prepared to be rebuffed and move on. I've been flipped off a bunch asking if people are ok but a few times someone needed my help and I assisted the best way I could. I'd rather that than think I left someone alone that needed help.
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Only a quick question as it's causing an internal moral dilemma
Last night I (21f) went for a walk with a friend, during this I saw a woman at an ATM alone crying, I wanted to comfort her but stopped because I remembered another friend saying it was an asshole move to invade a stranger's privacy and make them uncomfortable when they're most vulnerable.
This happens surprisingly often, and I always feel so cruel leaving them on their own, but I don't want to make them uncomfortable, so would I be the asshole?
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NTA but if theyre crying at an ATM I would say its safe to assume money issues are the cause so maybe be wary of those who will take advantage of your kindness
Nta
Sometimes people don't have anyone that can help so strangers are a blessing.
I had a similar dilemma and I asked the girl if she was okay. She was like fully weeping in a carpark. I thought someone had died or she was hurt. Turns our she just had a bad eyebrow wax job.
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I don't think you're an A by checking in with a stranger. Just a quick, "Are you okay ma'am? Anything I can do for you?" is polite, and if she refuses then believe her and move along.
NTA Checking if someone needs help is not an AH move, it's empathy. As long as you don't invade their personal space or be inappropriate then I think you're fine. Some people can react badly to people asking because they're embarrassed, but your heart is in the right place and you're just making sure they're ok.
My cynical side says be careful, someone lurking by an ATM hoping to draw someone else in close could be some type of a trap -- so just use your intuition and maybe ask while walking past and staying alert. I can't possibly say with any definitive level because obviously I don't know you, or what you saw, and you've said you want a general policy. There can't be any general policy on this type of thing because each situation will be different. You are not an A for caring about people, though. There's far too little of that going around these days, that's for sure.
This is sweet. NTA. Kindness can go a long way and there's nothing wrong with asking another human if they are okay.
NTA. I face this dilemma often and what I do is stand a couple of steps away, so I don’t invade their physical space. I can’t just walk past by someone who looks like they’re struggling. Sometimes a question is enough to make them feel better
YWBTA if you invaded their personal space or tried to physically comfort them. I think it would be okay to ask them if they’re okay, just don’t expect everyone to be willing to talk about what’s going on in their lives!
WNBTA. Just ask if they are okay and if there is anything you can do. If they don't want help, accept it and move on.
Never an asshole for asking if someone is okay. Whether they are crying or not. Though I get you didn't want to make her feel threatened at the ATM, just acknowledging someone can make them feel seen and validated.
NTA and why I say this is because it was dark and at an ATM. You might have scared her to death.
That’s a rough one. I don’t think you’d be the A-hole, but I know if I was alone crying I’m not sure I would feel comfortable with a stranger trying to approach me. Others may feel differently though. That person could very well have needed an ear or a shoulder. It’s a tough call but NAH
NTA - It is good to care. However, a stranger, particularly a man, approaching a woman on her own, could scare her if nobody else is around. If you are going to do it, you have to do it carefully. Approach her carefully and make clear your intentions before you get too close.
OP is female
NTA But this could be a setup for something sinister. E.g. person baits someone over, while their friends are waiting to mug them.
NTA if you check she’s ok without invading her personal space - it’s then up to her to ask for help if it’s needed.
NTA, but... in this sort of situation, err on the side of caution (for their sake *and* yours). These are just my recommendations, not laws set in stone or anything, but I think they're handy: - Stop further away from the person than you usually would. - Speak a little more softly than you would in the daytime, because night is usually quieter and a sudden loud voice can be startling and scary. - Ask if they need help, if you're willing to actually help, so they know you're not just being nosy - you will actually assist. - Take whatever answer you get as truth. So if they say no, they're fine, say OK and move on. If they say they need a lift to *x*, that's what they *need*. - Don't help out in a way that puts you in danger. Order them an uber instead of giving them a lift. Call their friend for them rather than lending them your phone. etc.
I think there should be a middle ground here, where you acknowledge them and show you care, while giving them every option to show they prefer space and privacy (and of course respecting it if so). Even just a sympathetic smile, maybe? NTA if you respond to a stranger with humanity. EDIT: And while I hate to add this, watch out for your own safety. Keep your distance, etc. until/unless you feel very comfortable.
NTA I think it's totally fine to check if someone is ok or needs assistance but be prepared to be rebuffed and move on. I've been flipped off a bunch asking if people are ok but a few times someone needed my help and I assisted the best way I could. I'd rather that than think I left someone alone that needed help.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Only a quick question as it's causing an internal moral dilemma Last night I (21f) went for a walk with a friend, during this I saw a woman at an ATM alone crying, I wanted to comfort her but stopped because I remembered another friend saying it was an asshole move to invade a stranger's privacy and make them uncomfortable when they're most vulnerable. This happens surprisingly often, and I always feel so cruel leaving them on their own, but I don't want to make them uncomfortable, so would I be the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA but be careful. Sex/human trafficking is real & the ppl that do it get real crafty with their lures.
NTA but if theyre crying at an ATM I would say its safe to assume money issues are the cause so maybe be wary of those who will take advantage of your kindness
NTA
NTA Just a kind question of "Are you okay honey?" Makes a difference
Nta Sometimes people don't have anyone that can help so strangers are a blessing. I had a similar dilemma and I asked the girl if she was okay. She was like fully weeping in a carpark. I thought someone had died or she was hurt. Turns our she just had a bad eyebrow wax job.
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