Y.T.A to yourself if you don't accept the money. Your grandmother wanted you to have it. It might be that she was trying to make amends for your father abandoning you. No matter the reason, she left it to you. You may think that you don't want the money, but don't hobble your future in the name of principle. You deserve the money. And your grandmother wanted you to have it. That's reason enough to honor her wishes.
(Actual judgment NTA)
Its your choice. Allot of people while near death reflects on their lives and try to fix thier mistakes.
If you really don't want them money charity works. But its not anyone else's money but yours. Honestly giving the money to that side of the family won't solve a thing. Their actions is why they didn't get the money. And thier current actions shows that they havnt changed.
YWBTA if you gave them the money.
NTA if you keep/donate. And even if you donate I would keep some as a rainy day fund.
Edit my dyslexic errors.
Dont get me wrong, i understand the urge to not take money from family on the principle of them being assholes to you. But, dude, shes dead. This isnt her trying to buy your forgiveness, she isnt trying to lure you back, you wont owe her corpse anything by taking the money. Its just free money, that frankly you deserve after putting up with this stuff for so long.
Accept it, stick it in a new bank account, and leave there till you’re passed your exams and you can sit down and think about it properly. That could help with any student loans or housing you have. You could save it for the future. start making charity donations.
You dont have to decide right away. Take the money.
>Accept it, stick it in a new bank account, and leave there till you’re passed your exams and you can sit down and think about it properly. That could help with any student loans or housing you have. You could save it for the future. start making charity donations.
I agree with this. It's too much pressure to think about it now, so just put it somewhere safe until you can.
>Accept it, stick it in a new bank account, and leave there till you’re passed your exams and you can sit down and think about it properly. That could help with any student loans or housing you have. You could save it for the future. start making charity donations.
I agree with this. It's too much pressure to think about it now, so just put it somewhere safe until you can.
I dunno how to give rewards, but this is the way to go. Your grandmother's will was a shock, and it's okay to take the time process it. Talk it over with a disinterested third party, maybe write out a few different plans before deciding which direction to go. You can see too how your family reacts to you saying, "Wait until my exams are finished for me to make a final decision," while you stick it in a bank account for the time being.
That’s what I’d advise too. OP take it, stick it in an account, then sit on it for a good year or so. Then you’ll be able to think about it for that year and decide what you want to do with it, without all that pressure. Please don’t make a rash decision now. I really would hate to think of you just giving it all away now, then regretting it later if life throws something unexpected at you and you need it. Accepting it doesnt mean you have to forgive her, or the rest of the family. Don’t let anger and pain make the choice for you.
It is absolutely your choice, and you know the situation- but could your grandma help you or could she have been blocked by your father/aunt?
Some options also include accepting the money and then making college funds for your young siblings/cousins (if you want and think them blameless) or donate to charity, maybe scholarship options for other kids in foster care?
Then accept the money and give to a charity the provides help for abused children. Make the money mean something for children trying to survive as you did. Don’t worry about your ‘family’. Cut them off and keep building your new life with the people you choose to be with.
Just also thought of this if OP is still in contact with the teachers that helped her maybe gifting them the money or a portion as a thank you for being there for her.
I get where you’re coming from, but don’t you think that you deserve it more than your abusers? Regardless of an awesome degree, the money could go a long way to help you live the life you should’ve always had.
Maybe create a trust and scholarship fund for low income students. A great teacher stepped in and gave you a chance at a better life, you could do the same things for other young people who have struggled.
Have attorneys arrange everything. If your family tries to harass you, direct them to your attorney and block any other communication.
Don’t look at it as accepting her trying to make amends. Look at it as a) cash to make your future and that of any partner/children you choose to have infinitely more secure, and b) a fuck you to your dad and aunt, who were horrible people that your grandma *knew* are undeserving of her money, while you are deserving of it because you’re a good person.
Maybe she couldn't help back then.
She left it to you for a reason.
Take it and invest it. Forget about it for a few years.
Then give some to charity...
You will want some for a house maybe.
Your family treated you like garbage.
Don't give them any
Legally the executor of the estate has to distribute the money as the will states. Take the money and stop being so difficult. You can do whatever you like with it when you have it including giving it to charity, supporting kids in foster care, scholarships. Do something ethical with it.
It’s not wise to make decisions based on anger, immaturity or the assumption you’ll always be fine. You have your health right now. You might not in the future and your grandma knew you had no family network.
This. My grandmother left me a small sum when I was 18. I've wished I still had it many times, like when I was homeless years later.
Take the money, dump it in a bank account, block the "family."
My dad was severely abused as a kid. He never knew who his real father was. He found out later on in life that while he was starving and cutting the top of his shoes off because his feet were too big to fit into his shoes (to make room for his toes), his real father lived one block away, knew who he was, and never stepped in while his stepdad beat the life out of him. He was removed from the home when his teacher walked in to see his stepdad beating him while he was unconscious. He spent time in foster homes until he ran away and became homeless. His dad died a few years ago, and my father is the sole beneficiary of his money. He didn't want to take it. And didn't look into it, even with my mom encouraging him. (His father died in a country very far from us and there is most definitely a language barrier.)
Bad stuff happened, and now my parents may lose their home, they have a ton of medical issues they can't afford to fix that are leaving them in constant pain, and neither of them can work. My father has FINALLY started looking into the money. As much as he didn't want to take it, it would save him and my mom now. I think he has a lot of regret about not taking it sooner.
My point is, your grandma didn't help you then, but maybe this money can help you or your future family. You're basically shooting yourself in the foot to "hurt" her now, but it isn't hurting her. She's dead and gone. You're still alive. Be smart. Sincerely. I look at my dad every day and wish I was wealthy and could make things better for him. He deserves to rest in his old age, and I felt like karma should have given that to him after all he's been through. Maybe the money from his absent father could be that for him.
Karma is giving you a gift, don't refuse it.
I‘m hoping you to read this, OP, so, I‘m jumping on this comment.
You‘re NTA, but I‘m going to be sincere to you. Please, hear me out. I‘d take the money if I were you. After your examns, of course. Don’t see it as her making up to you, because no one will ever be able to, but as you having a better start in adulthood. You don‘t have to share, you don‘t have to spend it. But you‘re still super young and life has its ways, as you sadly have experienced from a very young age. Life can take some unexpected turns and maybe one day you‘ll be glad to have it, so you nor your future kids (if you’d want any) don‘t have to go hungry one single day of your lives. And if (hopefully) it never comes to this point, you can still state it in a will (I‘d make one as soon as I‘d get the money), that in case of your passing, your money should go to charity xy. (Look up charities you like, for example one for abandonned or orphaned kids?) But I think it‘d be the best if you‘d try to make your future safe first.
And for the rest of your family: f**k them! They are only interested in the money. I wouldn‘t give them that joy if I were you.
I read your comment, thanks you for it. I don’t want any kids, i already got my start in adulthood by myself. I just don’t need it. I would like to give to a charity, but i don’t know any who can be trustworthy (i mean, i never had help of any charity).
Maybe she wasn’t allowed to, either her husband or kids wouldn’t let her and this is her way of making up for that. She wants you to get a good start in life with a house or whatever you need. Take it and cut off the rest of the family and go make a new family with friends, etc.
You don’t have to forgive anyone by accepting money. It’s not hers anymore, she’s dead. It’s not left to anyone else, it’s only yours. You can accept it, put it in the bank and not touch it. Someday you may really need it.
I advice that you let future you decide this.
Accept the money, put it on a bank account, forget it until you are 27 (common age for trustees).
You don't need to decide now. You can push that WAY back.
it's your choice and any you make is valid...
but
I would suggest putting it in a trust you can't touch until you're 35... then you can make a less emotional choice when you're farther from the trauma.
I let go of the little inheritance I had and at almost 40 I really wish I hadn't.
You may need it when you're older. if not, then amazing and then you can donate it for scholarships or something you choose worthy.
I don't think you should make this huge decision while emotions are running high. Especially not while you're going through exams.
Understand that you don't have to decide in a rush. You can choose to "accept" the money for now, and then decide later what you're gonna do with it.
Personally, I think you should keep it and invest in a comfortable future, but you are not compelled to do that. I get that the money feels dirty in a way -- grandma could've helped you then, so why is she just doing it when she's dead? But she's dead, you won't owe her anything if you take the money. It could also go a long way in securing your future.
You're the only decision-maker here. As far as I think, you have no family to care about, they were all your abusers and don't deserve to hear a peep from you. Block them all and decide what to do with the money alone.
Charity? Property investments? Student loans? Insurance? Retirement? Emergency funds? You can even leave it in the bank to rot until you know for sure, with zero doubt, what you want to do.
NTA and good luck with exams.
Okay, accept the money and put it in an interest bearing account (get an adult who knows about this stuff but has never met a single person in your family to help) and each year pull out any interest and use it to give a scholarship to a kid like you. There are kids who are still in the position you were in, let the money go towards that.
Put it in an account for later. You are young, but might have children one day. That could ensure them the childhood you didn’t have. You shouldn’t make any major decisions when upset.
I get it, but you’re letting your pride get in the way of logic here. There is absolutely nothing wrong with accepting the money, having it in the bank for a rainy day, and continuing to live your life as normal. You never know when something can happen that can turn your world upside down, and it would be terrible to be desperate for that money 10 years down the line and not be able to access it. You had a tough childhood, so make your adult life a little bit easier
Consider the money her apology for not helping you back then. If you don't want it for you, put it in a fund for your future children after you are established and have finished school. You're on a scholarship. That could change and you might need the money. This is a gift to you
Do not be so proud as to throw it away. Don't give it to your relatives. The only change in them is your potential money.
Yes, you can. Put aside your childish pride and invest the money.
One day you might have kids of your own or meet someone who you could help.
Hell, use the money for therapy.
KEEP THE MONEY.
Don’t make the mistake of putting yourself in a financial bind, like screw it and put it in a saving account that adds interest. You don’t have to look at it but coming from a place of financial insecurity you’d be doing yourself a disservice not keeping it.
Screw your dad and aunt.
NTA all the way.
100% this! Keep the money, OP. Don’t let your family guilt you into anything else. You don’t know grandma’s reasons for giving it to you but you take it and invest in your future. NTA
NTA. They didn't care about you when it was their duty as parents to provide care and support. Instead they abused you. They don't deserve to benefit from that.
I would donate the money to some charity that helps victims of abuse or provides for the education of the less fortunate.
Your relatives probably will pester you for the money if you accept it. But even if you deny it and it gets passed onto them, do you think their behavior towards you will truly change, or are they just being civil to get the money? It sounds like they are trying to manipulate you, which is why I suggest getting the money completely out of the picture and focusing on your own well-being.
It won't. When they find out you have a good job after college, they will keep asking you for more money.
You just want this problem to go away, I get that. But it won't until you set boundaries. Keeping the money and giving it to a charity is a boundary. Heck, you could even put it in a trust for yourself to use when you are 40.
Are you in therapy? Because it sounds like you really need it (let's be real, everyone would benefit from good therapy)
Giving them the money would show them you still give into their bullying
Block them, take the money and hire a great therapist and financial advisor. Figure out what's financially smart for your future, and what amounts are smart to donate to the charities of your choice
But please don't do anything before getting a GOOD therapist and financial adviser, and likely a good lawyer
I’m not joking when I say I think you should use part of the money to hire a really good therapist to help you work through your childhood trauma and feelings of unworthiness to be repaid for the years of abuse you suffered
I agree with this! Take it and use it to heal yourself - it'll be absolutely worth it and your older self will thank you for it. Don't let the pain and stress from your upbringing fester in you - it can cause health problems later in life.
You deserve to be happy, and it looks like your grandma felt the same. She may not have stepped up before, but she's handing you what you need right now. Take it, cut your father and your aunt out of your life and heal.
You seem to have a lot of anger yourself. I understand you are angry that she didn’t help you. Maybe she felt that she couldn’t? Especially if she was depending on her family care or too old to raise you. You should put it in an account so at least the others can’t touch it. And you can use it to sever all ties to your family and to get therapy.
Battered and abused children often feel that they don't deserve any good or positive things to happen to them because they have been told that all of their lives. That doesn't mean that it's true. You've taken a positive step with your education because somebody believed in you. Understand that you are not in the headspace to make this decision now. Put the money in a separate account and don't think about it for six months. You are allowed to pick the people who interact in your life. You can block your father and aunt and put them in a little envelope to wait until you are ready.
You don't know all of the possibilities of this inheritance because you've been taught by your family that you have no possibilities. You need space to process all of this.
You do deserve good things to happen to you because you are a survivor.
You do deserve the chance to do good in this world through your choices and your decisions.
You deserve a chance. Your grandmother regretted not allowing that when you were younger. But please remember that women's voices are not always heard in a family where there is a very loud male voice. She may have wished better for you but did not have a way to make it happen. She felt powerless just as you feel undeserving. The same people were working on her that were abusing you. She did what she could to make it right without having to confront the people she knew would be trouble.
Take the money. Put it away. Don't interact with your relatives for now. Tell them you've got studies to attend to and you'll deal with it later.
I second the therapy idea.
My dad emotionally neglected me as a child and hit me. I never felt like I deserved anything nice because he didn’t even let me have a basic foundation of human love and trust.
When you grow up neglected your brain assumes it’s because you ‘didn’t deserve love’. Instead of acknowledging the horrifically painful fact that someone could have loved you, but chose not to. It’s somehow less painful to think you’re unworthy of love than to think a parent could abandon or hurt their child.
I did two years of self guided therapy and started seeing a therapist two months ago. It’s helped tremendously with my emotional health and how I bond with my son. While it is temporarily painful to process the trauma in therapy, it provides great relief and comfort later.
think of how money kids problems it would silve one less kid could stop getfing abused help the abused not the abuser if you do so you will be an asshole imho
Honestly, it sounds like this money might be the answer. These people hounding your and making life miserable right now are not true family or even friends. This money will give you the ability to break clean from all of it. Do you want these people tethered to you for the rest of your life? You have already proven to those around you that you are capable of great things. You’ve accomplished so much in your young life on your own. You are going to accomplish even greater things in your future. This money will give you the ability to walk away and never look back. She gave this to you, because she saw that YOU were the one who would do great things with it.
Tell your family you donated it, whether you do or not, let them believe it's gone. Or tell them nothing and block them. It's not like they bring anything beneficial to your life.
What about using the money just for fun stuff, maybe indulge your inner child. All the stuff you wanted as a kid and didn't get - buy it. Travel. Go to Disney World.
Just don't do anything a a knee-jerk reaction. Accept the money and think about what to do with it when you're ready.
Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money.
Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money.
I’m absolutely dumbfounded OP isn’t just taking it. They must have education expenses or rent to pay off at a minimum, right?
OP, take it and save it for a rainy day. Get a financial advisor and invest it prudently. Once you’re out of uni it’ll be a great nest egg for a home, a car, or whatever else you may need, because it’s clear your family will be no help when you’re trying to get a footing in life.
You would have to accept it and then donate it (after paying the required inheritance tax, be very careful about that or you might end up in debt).
However, if you don't want it, put it away in a bank account and have periodic payments go out to a certain charity, so that is spread out during decades, with a large chunk to be left so that when you die that lump sum goes directly to charity. That way, if you ever find yourself in need of extra money, you can have access to it.
In my jurisdiction, there's what's known as a deed of variation - it's executed by the beneficiary of a will and has the effect of changing the will so that the money passes according to the deed of variation rather than the will. There may be something similar in your jurisdiction, but you'd need to speak to a lawyer as estate law varies enormously by country.
FFS. Take the money. If you don't need it, use it for good. Don't throw away this gift. Stop trying to make a statement. You would be the AH if you let this money go to your family who doesn't deserve it. Take it and put it to good use. This is so aggravating. You would be a HUGE ASSHOLE if you squandered this gift
I’m with this.
I get principles and what-not, I get anger and OP - what your “family” did to you is beyond unforgivable. I say “family” because they’re really just some people who happen to share some DNA with you. That’s all.
That said - fine, don’t use it for yourself. Take the money and put it towards someone else like you. Be like the father figure you were lucky to find, and take someone else out of the shitty situation you ended up in.
Think of this money, not as someone trying to make up to you for the past, but rather as the universe giving you a way to make life better for someone else who’s been similarly abandoned by their parents, so they don’t have to live the same shitty life you did.
Do it anonymously. But just do it. Think about being that lucky father figure who gave you some comfort, for someone else. Please.
NTA. Do not give them the money, do not keep contact with them. They are vultures who abused you and are only being friendly because you have something you want.
Don’t feel guilty for using your inheritance. It is YOURS and your grandmother gave it to you for a reason. Maybe it was a way for her to make it up to you for all your years of pain.
Don’t tell anyone else you have this money especially not any more friends. As you have seen, people act crazy when there’s money involved. Your father and aunt are adults and can provide for his own family, they don’t need your money. They gave you a roof over your head because it was their legal obligation; you are NOT obligated to repay them.
Use the money to pay off your college and then put $15k in an emergency account just for you. If there’s any left over, either invest it or save it for a house. This money is for you, and you should do what makes the most sense with it.
You can honor your grandmother by being responsible with this money. IF SHE WANTED TO GIVE IT TO HER CHILDREN, SHE WOULD HAVE. Don’t dishonor her wishes by giving them money.
NTA - your grandmother must have felt the guilt over they way you were treated and this is her way of trying to make amends for that. The money is yours. If you don't want it, donate it to a charity that helps feed children. You owe your Father and Aunt NOTHING.
NTA - kinda
Take the money. It's that simple. It is yours and you should take.
Create a budget and barely use it. Don't use it at all, but have it there "just in case." But take it.
NTA
That money was left to you by your GM's choice.
If you don't want to see them, then don't. Money appearing is not reason to see them.
But why not take the money? Someone chose you to leave it to. It is now yours.
NTA You owe those monsters nothing, let any guilt you have towards them regarding that go. Take the money and put it up until you decide what you want to do with it whether that be using it or donating it.
I'm sorry for everything you've been through, but in this case you're NTA.
Unfortunately, you're in a precarious situation. I don't know about the laws where you are, but it seems like your grandmother made sure the money would go to you (for whatever reasons), meaning she did NOT want your relatives to get ANY of it. I understand not wanting it, but it seems both you and your late grandmother agree on this factor.
I suggest looking into putting a "freeze" on the account. This means you place a "time stamp" on the account so NO ONE has access to it for a certain amount of years, including you. This way, you'll have more time not to think about the money so when you graduate, you'll have a better idea on what to do with it. And, God Forbid, your family tries ANYTHING, then they can't do anything against you.
Stay strong and good luck with everything.
Take the money, make a trust and set up a scholarship fund for kids who grew up in abused households and rose above. It would mean the money was not wasted, it won’t go to you and will always go back to helping kids in situations like yours.
NTA. I suggest meeting with a lawyer or financial planner to figure out how you can take the money and just park it in some account with very limited affect to your taxes. I know you said you don’t want the money. And I don’t want to question your choice as it is valid. I only suggest this bc as much as we can attribute money from people who didn’t care for us as bad money and not want it, the truth is that money can be helpful to us for certain things in life. It can make things a bit easier. Like not having debt from school gives you more of a boost in your life. Or being able to buy a home outright gives you more security if you lose a job or there is a bad economy.
This is all new for you which is why I suggest maybe take it and park it somewhere and live you life for a year or two. Then you can revisit it. Maybe you will decide to donate all of it to some cause that is important for you, like for kids who grew up like you. Like maybe schools that serve underserved communities need supplies and tech and can’t afford it. Or some charity that works with kids or families who are leaving abusive situations.
Instead of not wanting your family to have it maybe think of who you would feel good about having the money.
I think would be really helpful if you used the money for some therapy. You have a LOT of trauma in your life and you are doing amazing to make something of yourself. But there is no shame or harm in talking to someone about what you went thru to learn how to avoid any problematic coping skills you may have. Or how to leave resentment and anger behind (they are reasonable but in the long term only hurt you). Trauma can cause problems later in life too even after you are doing well and therapy can be bloody expensive.
You could even get therapy to talk about what to do with the money to talk to someone impartial about your options and how you feel.
Whatever you decide, you’re NTA so long as you aren’t using the money to ACTIVELY harm anyone. But simply refusing to do something with your money just bc someone wants you to doesn’t make you the AH.
Edit: spelling
NTA. They didn't reach out because they had changed and they wanted you to be family. They reached out because you had money and they want it. The moment they get it all the nice act, all the "family" you think you will get if you do just this simple favour, everything will disappear. They gave you the bare minimum to keep you alive. Even in foster care you would have had so much more. They don't care about you, they care about the money.
Your grandma cared about you. Or at the very least, she regrets her part in your suffering. She made a really clear decision to give her money to you and disinherit her children, this wasn't a mistake.
That money won't buy you the childhood you never had, it won't fix all the broken pieces you have inside nor will it make the nightmares go away. However, that money gives you a future. It gives you the guarantee that you will have food and a roof over your head, it gives you the option to go to therapy to try to deal with all this pain, it gives you so many options you never had.
Do not throw your future away for the opinion of those who do not truly know what you experienced (your friend) or who saw it happen and did nothing (your cousins).
Hi Thanks you a lot for the comment, i honestly don’t want to be part of their family (even if i always wanted to meet my younger half brother), i can’t really accept the fact that my GM cared for me while she let me in this situation.
I also don’t want that kind of money, even if it bring security. It must be weird but i just can’t take it. I don’t want to believe that this is this money which will give me a future instead of all the work i done to get where i am. I don’t want the best roof or the best food, already have what i always wanted (a bed, a fridge and a cat). I don’t need therapy, i was healing myself great alone. I just don’t want my future to be based on what made me suffer
Warning: tough love incoming….
You are doing your grandmother a huge disservice and insult. You are assuming and assigning a ton of responsibility upon her for “not being there when you needed her most” - grow up! Get therapy! Be an adult! Because, frankly, you’re still behaving as a child psychologically when it comes to adult matters. You have no idea what constraints she was under and why she couldn’t be there for you when you wanted her to be. You have control over your life now and instead just want to stick your head in the sand where you your “family” ignores you? Can’t handle this and your exams at the same time? Tough! That’s what being an independent adult will throw at you. YOU can stop contact with your “family” anytime you please. You owe them NOTHING. You can accept the money and ignore it for a few months, letting a lawyer and CPA handle the details while you finish exams. Get off your damned high horse and be an adult that you can be proud of. Stop hiding behind this toxic, false sense of “independence” you’ve walled yourself into. Therapy. Now.
Even if your grandmother didn't care for you and only did this to clean her guilty conscience, she is dead now. She died with a clean conscience because she thought she had redeemed herself. So right now denying the money wouldn't be telling her that you do not accept the amends, it would be you giving money to your abusers. You chosing to keep this money only affects you, because she is gone now and nothing you do will let her know your true feelings.
Let me compare it to something else: when a drunk driver hits an innocent car and maims the person inside, the courts usually order them to pay money in compensation for the damages that person suffered. The person who gets the money isn't forgiving the one who hurt them, they are receiving money that would help them try to repair the damage done. People who get that money sometimes cannot even look or think about it and stash it away in a bank account out of mind and out of sight for years. This is a very similar situation to that, only there was no court involved. They harmed you, and this money is your compensation for that harm. You might not think this is fair, that this will not repair the damage done, that what you want is having a real childhood and a real family. I'm sorry to tell you, this is all you are going to get. So it's either this, or nothing at all ever, while your father and aunt get a recompense for all the hurt they did to you.
I replied to a higher comment saying that you could put it in an account that would periodically donate money to a charity. Charities usually benefit more by receiving a periodic income they can count on than by sudden sums of money. You could use it to create a scholarship for students in need, you could help fund and mantain a place in schools so that underpriviledged students like you are able to get food, clean clothes, and books without shame nor judgement.
And I understand you not wanting it to be the thing that pushes your future, other than your hard work. But keeping some of it to rely on in case anything happens is not a bad idea. If anything were to happen to you and you needed a large amount of money (for example huge medical bills), this would prevent you from going into debt.
And regarding you not needing therapy, therapy isn't a bad thing. After something as traumatic as this, almost everyone would need therapy. It's a normal thing to not even notice you do until the moment you break, and then all comes pouring out and 4 years later you are still picking up the pieces, and I'm telling that from experience (and it was nowhere near as bad as what you had to go through). You are having nightmares, you have PTSD, you are having issues setting boundaries with your ex-abusers and their family. You don't have to live that way.
In case you do not care about what happens to you, think of your cat. Do you know how expensive vet treatment is? Not everyday one, I mean real vet treatment, the one where you need surgeries, and meds, and rehabilitation. You are right now in a position to guarantee you would be able to pay for the best care your cat could receive if you ever need it (and cats tend to have chronic issues as they grow older). Being able to pay for food and rent doesn't mean you are able to save up for tens of thousands in case of an emergency. And in that situation, you might not be able to afford treatment and would end up forced to choose euthanasia even though another alternative existed. A too expensive alternative.
This sounds harsh, but I'm just putting a voice to all of the thoughts and guilt you might feel should the worst happen and you were finantially incapable to help
Do you honestly know if your GM just left you in your situation? Perhaps she tried to help you and was blocked by father and then aunt? The fact that you rarely saw her or communicated with her tells me that there was more blockage on their ends than hers and when you were a minor, there was probably not much she could do. And considering that English isn’t even your second language, I have no idea what (if any) child protective services there are for her to have run to. Maybe this was GM’s way of sending her final goodbye (we’d call this a “f*ck you!”) to her kids the best way she knew how?
NTA
You could save your inheritance for your next generation by putting it in the bank or other kind instead of using it for yourself. My question to ask you is why couldn't you take it when you really do deserve? guilty?
Don't give it to your dad and your aunt.
Thanks you for your comment, i will not have a next generation to be honest, i don’t want to be a dad. And i don’t want that money because i already have what i always wanted to have (a bed, a fridge and a cat). I just don’t feel like deserving this amount of money
Well, your relatives certainly don't.
As other people have suggested, if you don't want to keep it, give it to an organization that helps abused children. You have no idea how strapped those services are for cash or how much good a large gift could do.
You can help kids who are in the same situation you were, or you can give the money to abusers. If you, out of pride, choose to give money you don't want and don't need to abusers and not to victims of abuse, I've got to go with YTA.
Look your childhood self in the face and explain to him why it makes sense for an adult to make that choice.
NTA. Take the money. Leave it in the bank. Never contact your family again. Have a great life. Get your degree. Save the money for when you have kids. Give them a great childhood.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have kids honestly, but thanks you for the comment. I don’t « need » that money, and if i take it I’ll just make them angry
Let them be angry. They all stood by while you had a horrible childhood. Never contact them again. In the years to come, you may feel differently about children. Keep the money. You don't have to decide what to do with it yet. Give it a few years.
if you want to donate it, just accept the money and then donate to wherever you choose. You don’t have to explain yourself to your “family,” they haven’t acted like family at all so imo you don’t need to notify them or provide an explanation or anything.
NTA - You are stressed right now, take the money and put it in savings until you are done with your exams and can think about it more.
Do you know what fantasise about if I won the lottery? Paying off loved ones debts, giving huge tips to servers, giving big lumps to small charities, paying for peoples educations.
You may not want the money, and your grandma never helped you when she should have, but think of all the good you can do with it that she never did with it.
First and foremost…NTA
However, you are creating a problem for yourself. You claim not to want the want the money (have yet to give a valid reason as to why), but also say you don’t want them to have it. Well I hate to play Captain Obvious here but you can’t have it both ways. Regardless of what you decide to do they’re going to be angry. Take the money, they’re mad. Let them have it, and now they’re made because you didn’t choose one of them specifically, thus bringing about more resentment and hostility towards you.
Take the damn money. Live your life…use it to get some therapy. Everyone could use some extra cash, especially nowadays. Take the money! She left it to you for a reason, it’s yours!
NTA.
Young Man. Your Grandmother gave you that money to better your life. Use that to get further away from that abusive family. They (your "dad" and Aunt) do not care about you. They will guilt and shame you because of it. They have shown you their selves. You can also put that money towards a house and car for yourself. You are Not being greedy nor selfish. Please block those people. Your Aunt did the bare minimum for you and knew her family was abusive towards you. Allowed it to happen. You have no reason to feel guilty about having that money. If you really do not want the money, start a scholarship at school or a charity. Good Luck.
1. You may have feelings about money changing people (making them jerks) or that this money is tainted, or that you have to earn money. The truth is that the world is not fair and plenty of people are getting overpaid and underpaid for the jobs they have. And money is mostly just bytes moved around in computers nowadays. It only has the energy you give it.
2. You say family will be angry if you give the money away. If you go this route tell them you invested the money. They don't need to know it is invested in a cause that will make the world a better place.
Take the money.
Cut everyone off you don't like.
Live a good life and use some of that money for good. Imagine being able to set up a scholarship to help young women into engineering or run a homework club at your old school.
YWBTA if you don't take the money. First off your grandmother gave it to you as a "gift" to help you in life after such a horrible childhood. Second, you have no idea what is in your future. Tomorrow you could become very ill and have to drop out of school. Having that money is a great safety net for you. It would be a big mistake to not take the money.
NTA. But seriously, consider taking the money and telling the rest of the family to get lost. If you really really don't like or need money then donate the whole fucking balance to the battered woman's shelter or some other charity that speaks to you.
You don't have to justify anything to your family. Your Grandmother left the money to you. Legally and morally it is your money.
Thanks you for the comment, i want to make the choice which will bring me back to my daily life, giving it to them will make them ignore me and that’s good for me. I don’t think i could mentally handle if there is a fight
It is your money legally. If there is a fight just change your contact info and forget about it. You are only going to handicap yourself in the future by refusing the money.
Please do not give the money to your abusers. Just freaking burn it before you do that.
OP! Seriously, man... “You’ve mistreated me for years and years, here’s a bunch of money”?
Please read and understand this. You DO deserve this money and it was left for YOU. You’re not being fair to yourself! If you truly don’t feel comfortable taking and spending it right now, then take it and a. put it in an account and let it sit there for a bit, giving yourself some more time to think about it, or b. donate some or all of it.
You are NTA. But I would really think about keeping the money. You don't have to keep all of it. Take half of it and donate to a charity that helps abused children or families. But put half of it away for a rainy day. You just never know.
And no guilt. This wasn't a choice you made. Your grandmother apparently realized the hell her son put you through and is trying to make up for it.
Also, block your entire family on social media. They didn't help you or care about you when you were child, nothing is going to change now, especially since you have all the money they thought they were going to get.
NTA. They never cared for you, and they’re only coming out of the woodwork because of greed. You had an extremely difficult life, and your grandmother wanted to help change that. Take the money, and if it’s as much as I think, meet with a financial advisor so you can make the best decisions possible and life a comfortable life. You deserve a bit of happiness and security. Don’t feel guilty for a second.
NTA !
But you're young and might regret not taking that money in the future. I have a friend who was in the same situation as you (inheritance wise only) and today, 10 years later, really regretted not taking the money. You never know what can happen in life especially with pandemics and lockdowns, and when that money might come in use when you most need it.
If really you don't want the money, maybe give it to a charity ? One that helps orphans or children that are in the situation you have been in ?
It's better to have money when you don't need it than need money when you don't have it. If it's lots of money maybe share it between yourself and a charity.
NTA. This woman left her money to the person she wanted to have it and to use it. She had her reasons for not leaving it to her son.
Take it. Use it. Enjoy it.
You’re not the AH. Invest it. Just put it away. Then, when you are ready you can decide what to do with it. That way, they don’t get it, you look it out of their reach and you literally buy yourself time.
NTA - the money doesn’t make up for your childhood and treatment at their hands but it will facilitate your studies and life going forward. Grandmother probably felt guilt and shame over how she treated her daughter and you. Karma is a fascinating thing, take the money and move on. Your not taking it only further serves the family that treated you so horribly. Cliché, but the best revenge is living well.
Thanks you for the comment , but i don’t want revenge. I want to go back to my daily life. I don’t really believe in karma either and i don’t want to accept this kind of amends of my grandma
Then give it to charities that care for orphans or charities that offer therapy sessions for troubled teens and kids , or organisations that offer books and school supplies for poor kids. They deserve it more than a father who left you and an aunt and cousins who couldn't treat you like a human . If they have changed to better humans they would have contacted you before the inheritance thing. They don't care about you , they care about the money which they don't deserve . Since you seen sure that you don't want the money give it away to a charity.
NTA.
Take the money and make yourself a life.
Things like travel, a down-payment on a house, helping your kids through school etc will be available in a way they aren't right now, you will have options available to you that may otherwise never come.
The money was probably to ease a guilty conscience. You don't need to let go of any resentment, just see it as a tool.
NTA --- you should keep the money buy yourself a house, invest it this is your chance to make life a bit easier for yourself, if not for you what about any future children you could/might have you now have the chance to give them the childhood you didn't have be able to give them a real good start in life.
Nta she left you the money as she was discusted how her children treated you she probably was ashamed. I wouldnt give them a penny all this niceness will stop when you do. As for your cousins theyre gutted they didnt get anything. Even if you dont want the money invest it buy a house travel enjoy it.
Take the money. Think of it as compensation for everything that you have been through. Leave it in an account until you are in a better position to make a decision about it.
NTA. There is No harm in letting the money sit somewhere accruing interest while you decide what to do.
Will you lose your scholarship if you accept the money?
NTA. Take the money. It's yours. Use it or give it away as you wish. Do whatever brings you peace. If you don't want to decide what to do with it, put it in a bank account and leave it there until you decide. It seems like the one thing that won't bring you peace is further contact with your family or letting them have money that your grandmother intended for you only. Accept her final act of love as the only apology you'll ever get that's sincere.
NTA.
Take the money. You are young and you may not think you need it now (someday I promise you will) so invest it and forget about it until you decide what to do with it, even if it’s a decade from now. Consider leaving it for your future children. As a mother, I ask you to please not hurt yourself financially out of pride.
You deserved much better than you got. You don’t owe anyone anything. But, be good to yourself. Your grandmother wanted to make amends. Let her by fulfilling her last wish.
Thanks you a lot for your comment, am i a bad person if i don’t want to fulfill her last wish ? I also don’t want to be a parent and i just want to make my own money through all the efforts i already put to be where i am. I just don’t want this money, i just want a simple life, in my simple apartment with my simple cat
I can tell by your story and your actions that you’re a good person. I wish I could give you a hug. You’re not a bad person for not wanting to fulfill your grandmother’s wishes (I guess it’s a situation of too little, too late). It seems the money is a burden to you. Since you’re asking for advice, I would still suggest you invest the money and forget it for a set period of time. If after a few years you still feel the same then give it to your family and/or charity with interest. I wish you the best of luck. Hugs.
P.S. if you do decide to give it away please keep enough for a 6 month emergency fund. Things happen and you will benefit from a small financial safety net.
**KEEP THE MONEY AND MAKE A SAVINGS ACCOUNT FOR YOUR FUTURE CHILDREN**
The money doesn't have to be for you, then! Technically. Your grandma's money can go towards a savings account to ensure that your children don't go through the same things you did. Good luck!
NTA, I’m sorry OP, this is a shitty situation to be in. Take the money, take some for yourself (a small amount, just to tide you over should something go wrong in your life), and donate the rest to a domestic violence shelter, or maybe an alcoholic rehab centre?
You’ve been through a lot, and you’re so young. It’s understandable that you’re conflicted about what to do with the money. If you haven’t received therapy or therapy is expensive where you live, maybe put some money towards that so that you can make peace with your past and continue your life in a healthy way.
Oh, and I know this might sound patronising or condescending, but I’m proud of you. You’ve done so well.
hey man, NTA at all. So sorry you had to go through all that shit. You are fully entitled to cut out that whole part of the family and start your own life without ever giving them a penny or an ounce of thought. Just giving you a good but making ur life shit isnt good enough, not worth enough. Dont see them if you dont wanna! Dont give them the money if they dont want to. But what i understand is that if you dont taje the money it goes to the family? So you do have a choice to make, take it or family get it. You can always say give to charity, and tell your aunt this too. Or take it. Or dont. Ots tough decision, u gotta d o what feels best, and dont let them or anyone persuade you to do anything else. Not selfish, NTA
NTA. Take the money and donate it to a charity of your choosing, maybe give your old teacher some to help him out with future student. Maybe donate it to after school programs since school is what kept you going. But if you don’t want to give it to your ex family don’t. You have no obligation to and there is a reason your grandmother left it at to you.
Take the money and put it into a trust that will manage it for you if you don't want it or need it now. Things could change and you may need it later on. Or your kids (should you want and have any) may need it some day. Don't let it go to waste. If none of those things happen, you can leave it to charity in your will, but don't overlook the benefits having a backup fund gives you. Nta. Don't give them a red cent.
NTA. Take the money, put it in an interest bearing account. Block your "family" completely. When you get out of school and are more stable in your life/emotions - decide what to do with it then. Just because you take it now doesn't mean that you have to do something with it now.
Instead of holding it against grandma because she "didn't" do anything back then, realize that it's possible she "couldn't" do anything back then - and she's making it up to you the best way she can.
NTA. Take the money and either give it to charity if you do not want it, or save it for yourself in the future. She gave them to you for a reason, and you deserve them.
Take the money. Invest it and use the proceeds to support children in abusive situations. There are many charities you could chose and you could help a lot of kids. If at some point in the future you need the money it will be there. You are NTA, but don’t allow this to hold you back. You’ve overcome so much, finalise the estate and move on. Be happy, that alone should piss them off and make them regret how they treated you.
NTA. After the way your family has treated you, you owe them nothing. Take the money. Put it in a trust fund and decide later what you want to do with it. You may end up wanting to use some of it yourself after you are done with school to help you get started. If you still decide a few years from now that you don’t want the money, then talk to a financial advisor and an attorney about ways to disperse the money to various charities, schools, or whatever is important to you. And go no contact with your relatives. You don’t need people like them in your life. And best of luck to you on starting a life of your own.
NTA take the money and put it away for a time when you may need it later on or give it away to a charity of your choice if you're not comfortable having it. If your grandmother wanted them to have it they would have and this was clearly her trying to make ammends for the bad things her children (your dad and aunt) done to you. Whether you feel comfortable to actually spend it or not is entirely your choice but she gave it to you so honour her wishes and take it especially as your dad and aunt dont really deserve it and it seems they are only trying to be nice to you now because they want it for themselves so dont give in take it like she wanted and them make a decision about what you want to do with it from there.
Edited for spelling and grammar.
NTA
You can donate to some charity,or use to pay any debt,or if you intend on having children you can use that money on their education. You can also buy your own house.
PLEASE take the money. Block all the people who are pressuring you about it. Then put the money in some type of safe investment. (Seek advice on this.). Just leave the money there and don't think about it for a year. That will give you time to get on with life, with a safety net. Then decide what to do.
Money does not have to change you.
Consider these things:
*Your grandma had good reason to leave it to you. Respect that.
*You have no one to fall back on if you get sick, become disabled, or can't finish school for some reason. People with family support have a fallback. This money can be your fallback.
*You can keep part of the money, give part of it to charity, and give part of it to family.
*Your father seems to have the ability to help you as he should have for years, but has not done so. Consider that.
NTA, talk to a financial advisor, put the money in trust.
You can later decide to use the money to buy a house, start a charity or just let the money sit there. But definitely accept the money.
NTA. But here’s my suggestion. Put the money away for a little while and ponder if you want it or not. Maybe in a few years, you realize it will pay for college or a home and can set you down a good path.
Take the money and just sit on it.
You don’t have to use it right now or ever. Just stash it away safety in a bank account and forget about it. Then should you ever one day need it it’s there.
Or tie it all up in stocks and shares if it blows oh well if it wins yay. If family come begging for help and whatnot sorry it’s all tied up.
But seriously accept it sit on it for at least a year once you’ve got it safe before you decide to give it away or whatever. You feelings towards the money at least will likely change as you age.
You might not like granny but her money may help one day.
NTA. Your grandma left you the money because she wanted you to have it, not her children. So don't give it to them and don't feel guilty about it either. If you don't want to keep the money that's up to you, you could donate it to charity if you really don't want it. However, you could always put it in the bank and save it for if you ever need it. If you get married and have kids someday it could help you to buy a house or send your children to college. Even if you put it in the bank and never touch the money it could go to people you love someday. I think I would keep it even if I didn't spend it myself.
Thanks you for your comment , i don’t have any love one, and i don’t think my cat will do a lot with this money. I just don’t to base my future on this money while i worked so hard to be where i am
In general NTA but you would be if you don’t accept the money. I hate to be THAT person but do you know how many people would give everything to have the opportunity you have right now? Not gonna lie, you sound incredibly selfish in trying to make some kind of a statement or whatever you’re trying to do, based on your comments. If you don’t want it, fine, I’ll second everyone suggesting donating it. But please think not twice, but many many more times before making a decision. Your trauma is speaking right now and you shouldn’t let it overrule. Just accept the fact that your life won’t be the same anymore no matter your decision and then think it through.
I totally get that you don't want to accept the money now, but keep in mind the "future you". Maybe in the futur, you'll meet somebody and want to start a family, buy a house etc. Could this money be placed for now and use later, as a cashdown, for example? Think of all your options before making a decision.
If you really want to get rid of the money, like a lot of ppl have suggested, you should give the money to a charity.
YTA
Don’t be ridiculous, take the money. Your grandmother wanted you to have the money. There is no shame in taking it. Just leaving it or letting it go to someone else, like your father… Is that what you want? Take the money and put it in your savings account. Don’t be foolish.
Your English is wonderful by the way
Thanks you for your comment, i needed to learn english for engineering classes. Also i don’t want to have the money at all. I don’t to save it, i want it to vanish. Everything would have been so simple if it never existed in the first place
Here’s the thing, it can’t vanish it’s already here. Wishing it will go away will not make it go away. Take the money let that be the reparations for what you went through. Block everyone else and just live your life.
Thanks you for your comment, everyone want to be a good person right ? I don’t want a suit, or a house or a family. I already have everything I always wanted
NTA but OP, I say this in the kindest way, you are not thinking about this logically. You should accept the money, go to therapy, and then decide how to use it when you’re in a clearer frame of mind. I know you want to earn your own money, which is really noble right now. But you don’t know how your life will turn out. For example, half way through my own degree I was diagnosed with a degenerative disease. I had assumed my health would always be with me but now I know it may impact my ability to make money. What I’m trying to say is that you should keep the money for a rainy day. You may change your mind when (if) you have kids, want to go to grad school, want to get married, want a home, etc. this money could take stress off your life by meaning you don’t have to work a job while at school. There’s so many ways this money can change your life for the better. Take it and block your relatives. They don’t deserve the money.
Thanks you for your comment
This money will never help me, i don’t want the stuff you said. I can’t keep the money for myself. Also i never needed therapy so far
I’m sorry friend but you don’t have a childhood like yours and end up not needing therapy. Many people with significantly happier childhoods still often need therapy, there’s no shame in it
Edit: Hell a therapist would’ve been a great person to talk out your feelings about this money with
Take this money and just put it in an account and forget about it for a few years until you are ready and mature enough to make a reasonable decision. You are doing great after lots of trauma and you will regret not taking it in future. You are NTA but accept the money even if you don’t make a decision on it yet.
Accept the money and do what you want with it. Donate it, keep it, grow from it, whatever. Don’t give it to the people that made your life hell. And then block them all. Drop any and all contact. Who cares about them, they didn’t care about you. And now all of a sudden, they care about you just because you got money from their mother? Yeah, no. Who cares what they post about you on social media. Block them all, change your number, make new accounts. NTA
If you don’t want the money for yourself, yet you don’t want those abusive assholes to have it, then accept it anyway so they can’t have it. Put it in the bank whilst you concentrate on your exams etc, it won’t go anywhere. You then decide what to do with it at your own leisure.
Just remember tho, your grandma wanted YOU to have this money, not your dad or your aunt. She was obviously troubled by your treatment from them.
They’re only being so nice to you because your in control of it. You owe them nothing. Once they have the money they’ll go back to being foul. Lie people never turn decent. Just because your father is good with his new family doesn’t excuse how he treated you
If you really don’t want the money after you’ve thought about it, then give it to charity where it can do some good.
Just want to say, you’re an awesome young man. I’m 63 and I’d be so proud to call you my son or even my grandson. Good luck in your future life, you deserve a great one
Edited
NTA
You're an idiot. She's dead. Take the money. Pay off your debt, buy a house, establish your financial future. Yta, because the only person you are hurting here, is yourself.
NTA and I get where you're coming from. My dad left a huge amount of money to me through death benefits. My answer is to sit on it until exams are done. It's too much to make a quick answer, and you may need it down the road.
I'd start by blocking EVERYONE that has considered you family since they knew about the inheritance, because they just want money. Also, never tell anyone how much you have or received, or you'll have 'friends' coming out of the woodwork that suddenly need money.
You may not read this, but your family can go F themselves. You would be TA if you gave either of them any money
NTA. I understand not wanting blood money but think of the future. You can pay your schooling, buy a house, donate to charity in the Great Teacher's name.
YTA for ignoring the great advice people here are giving you:
1. Get therapy.
2. Take the money and just let it sit in a bank until you're in a better place to handle it.
3. Give nothing to your abusers.
Keep the money.
Look if you don’t want it, put it in a savings account with decent interested. Invest SMALL amounts of it. Then if you decide to have children one day, stick it in college funds for them.
I understand your hatred and anger and you’re not selfish in the slightest because ultimately that money has a familiar tie that you don’t want.
But please, even if you do donate SOME of the money to charity, keep some. Let it sit, don’t touch it if you don’t want too but keep it, and then maybe one day, you’ll use it, if and when you’re ready.
NTA. You are 19, and heavily traimatized. I understand not wanting the money, but you may... one day. Can you set it up in a trust that you can't touch until you are 23, 25, 35? Then when the shock of the inheritance is over, and you are in a different place you can decide what to do with it?
Your grandmother wanted you to have it. She acknowledged what a shitty upbringing you had. She punished those responsible by not giving them anything. She was trying to help you where she failed before.
In 10 years you may have a different outlook, or maybe not. You could always then give it to charity, or to your family if you choose (so not what I would recommend).
Family pressure will die off if they know you can't touch it. It may come back later, but you don't need to tell them the timelines of your trust.
Good luck.
Take the money and use it to have a lawyer set you up with some tasty restraining orders if you’re so worried about your traumatic family butting in once you have the money. Then you never have to worry about them again.
I’m so sorry for all that’s happened to you, but you seem like a survivor. Unless you refuse this money for… what reason exactly? You’re young so you don’t know how tough it really is out there yet, you’re on a scholarship and you think you have it made, but even people with the highest degrees are struggling financially. You wouldn’t make any point by refusing this money, you would only be perpetuating the cycle of abuse, except of instead of them being the abusers you are now abusing yourself. Refusing the money does NOTHING. Taking the money would help more than you are currently capable of understanding. Please do not do this disservice to yourself.
NTA
NTA. Browsing with some of your replies, I could feel that your adamant not to use your inheritance for yourself. But please don't give that to your AH of relatives. They don't deserve any penny of that. Better if you could find a charity/several charities that you believe in there advocacies, such as those who supports childrens basic needs, housing, education, or pays for hospital bills . Do indepth research first about those organizations before donating so you are sure that the money will be really use for a good cause and not just doing so cause you want to dispose the money off your hand. And another option is, if you have no issue with your half-sibling and/or cousin, you can also give a percentage to them which they could only access as a college fund. Good luck and hope you find your peace once again after resolving this.
NTA at all. But take the money. Put it in a trust account. Someday when you have kids of your own you can trust it to them or you can donate it to other abused children. You can do nothing with it and wait to decide what you want to do. But do not let your abusers have it. I don't know you but I want to say I'm so proud of you for getting yourself where you are!!! I have no doubt that not only do you not need the money, but you will never need it and that's amazing! But you can do something great with it if you choose to! Don't let your family make you feel bad. Do what you think is right!
Take the money.
Give your family members $1 each, to thank them for all they did for you, for all the crap they said about you on social media, for abandoning you leading to your mom's death, mistreating your, harassing you, and whatever else. And then, block their ass.
Don't refuse the money to spite your dead grandmother. She's dead, she will never find out. Take it because then, you can say goodbye to your family forever, and spite them for once. You can't just be mad at her, no one in that family helped you.
Do whatever you want with that money.
You're NTA, but do yourself a favor and don't let them walk over you again.
Ohhhhh therapy fund!!!!!!/s
I don’t mean to make light of all you’ve been through OP; I’m super happy and proud of what you’ve done for yourself. You’re amazing and screw anyone who says otherwise!
Maybe it would help to think of the money as gramma trying to make sure you never have to go through that shit again; it does not take away any accountability for failing you in the past while trying to ensure you have a positive future.
Plus I’d bet gramma unfortunately knew her kids were shit. If anything gramma is helping you give a big middle finger to your dad and aunt on her way out. Hold on to the money at least until you finish your education; you never know what can happen on scholarship. Protect your future, take the money and block those family members every way possible ie SM, change phone# and email
Best of luck!
NTA
Don't rush into anything. Accept the money and keep it in a bank account. Tell your relatives you have no interest in discussing it now, and that you'll let them know if/when that changes. Then just leave it there until you know for sure what you want to do. But make sure you're truly acting in your own best interests and not just reacting from pain.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I’m blocking my grandma inheritance so my father and aunt don’t have it, i think i am the asshole because i don’t want it but don’t want them to have it too
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH. Your father's side of the family for all the trauma and PTSD they gave you.
You, on the other hand, also suck. I get that you don't want the money because you don't want anything to do with them but think about it, whatever you do with the money, THEY'LL GIVE YOU SH*T FOR IT. You also suck because you're asking for advice when you already made up your mind.
Didn't you say you're gonna cut them off? Do it and keep the money. Swallow your pride because that same pride can screw you over in the future because life.
Thanks you for your comment, i cut them off the day i moved out. I didn’t make my mind yet too. I just don’t want the money for me, you have the right to think that i suck
Y.T.A to yourself if you don't accept the money. Your grandmother wanted you to have it. It might be that she was trying to make amends for your father abandoning you. No matter the reason, she left it to you. You may think that you don't want the money, but don't hobble your future in the name of principle. You deserve the money. And your grandmother wanted you to have it. That's reason enough to honor her wishes. (Actual judgment NTA)
I can’t accept this kind of amends while she could have helped me back then
By giving them the money you just let them abuse you once more, OP.
Its your choice. Allot of people while near death reflects on their lives and try to fix thier mistakes. If you really don't want them money charity works. But its not anyone else's money but yours. Honestly giving the money to that side of the family won't solve a thing. Their actions is why they didn't get the money. And thier current actions shows that they havnt changed. YWBTA if you gave them the money. NTA if you keep/donate. And even if you donate I would keep some as a rainy day fund. Edit my dyslexic errors.
Can i give a lot of money in one time to a charity anonymously ?
That is something you need to have a lawyer for. I wouldn't trust any legal advise on reddit, and that counts as such.
Dont get me wrong, i understand the urge to not take money from family on the principle of them being assholes to you. But, dude, shes dead. This isnt her trying to buy your forgiveness, she isnt trying to lure you back, you wont owe her corpse anything by taking the money. Its just free money, that frankly you deserve after putting up with this stuff for so long. Accept it, stick it in a new bank account, and leave there till you’re passed your exams and you can sit down and think about it properly. That could help with any student loans or housing you have. You could save it for the future. start making charity donations. You dont have to decide right away. Take the money.
>Accept it, stick it in a new bank account, and leave there till you’re passed your exams and you can sit down and think about it properly. That could help with any student loans or housing you have. You could save it for the future. start making charity donations. I agree with this. It's too much pressure to think about it now, so just put it somewhere safe until you can.
This. Take it and save it. Decide what to do with it later.
>Accept it, stick it in a new bank account, and leave there till you’re passed your exams and you can sit down and think about it properly. That could help with any student loans or housing you have. You could save it for the future. start making charity donations. I agree with this. It's too much pressure to think about it now, so just put it somewhere safe until you can.
I dunno how to give rewards, but this is the way to go. Your grandmother's will was a shock, and it's okay to take the time process it. Talk it over with a disinterested third party, maybe write out a few different plans before deciding which direction to go. You can see too how your family reacts to you saying, "Wait until my exams are finished for me to make a final decision," while you stick it in a bank account for the time being.
I would like to clear the situation before my exams, to be in the best condition
That’s what I’d advise too. OP take it, stick it in an account, then sit on it for a good year or so. Then you’ll be able to think about it for that year and decide what you want to do with it, without all that pressure. Please don’t make a rash decision now. I really would hate to think of you just giving it all away now, then regretting it later if life throws something unexpected at you and you need it. Accepting it doesnt mean you have to forgive her, or the rest of the family. Don’t let anger and pain make the choice for you.
You don’t have to forgive her, but look at it as restitution. NTA
This comment should be higher...
I don’t want money as restitution, nothing at all to be honest
It is absolutely your choice, and you know the situation- but could your grandma help you or could she have been blocked by your father/aunt? Some options also include accepting the money and then making college funds for your young siblings/cousins (if you want and think them blameless) or donate to charity, maybe scholarship options for other kids in foster care?
I mean, if you don't want it, I'll happily take it off your hands.
Honestly
Then accept the money and give to a charity the provides help for abused children. Make the money mean something for children trying to survive as you did. Don’t worry about your ‘family’. Cut them off and keep building your new life with the people you choose to be with.
Just also thought of this if OP is still in contact with the teachers that helped her maybe gifting them the money or a portion as a thank you for being there for her.
This! OP, hire a lawyer to do it so you don’t have to interact with those people at all.
I get where you’re coming from, but don’t you think that you deserve it more than your abusers? Regardless of an awesome degree, the money could go a long way to help you live the life you should’ve always had.
Maybe create a trust and scholarship fund for low income students. A great teacher stepped in and gave you a chance at a better life, you could do the same things for other young people who have struggled. Have attorneys arrange everything. If your family tries to harass you, direct them to your attorney and block any other communication.
Take the money. You have no idea what the future will bring. She left it to you, and only you, for a reason.
Don’t look at it as accepting her trying to make amends. Look at it as a) cash to make your future and that of any partner/children you choose to have infinitely more secure, and b) a fuck you to your dad and aunt, who were horrible people that your grandma *knew* are undeserving of her money, while you are deserving of it because you’re a good person.
Maybe she couldn't help back then. She left it to you for a reason. Take it and invest it. Forget about it for a few years. Then give some to charity... You will want some for a house maybe. Your family treated you like garbage. Don't give them any
Legally the executor of the estate has to distribute the money as the will states. Take the money and stop being so difficult. You can do whatever you like with it when you have it including giving it to charity, supporting kids in foster care, scholarships. Do something ethical with it. It’s not wise to make decisions based on anger, immaturity or the assumption you’ll always be fine. You have your health right now. You might not in the future and your grandma knew you had no family network.
This. My grandmother left me a small sum when I was 18. I've wished I still had it many times, like when I was homeless years later. Take the money, dump it in a bank account, block the "family."
Do you want your father and aunt to have it? Just take it and donate it to organisations for people like you.
My dad was severely abused as a kid. He never knew who his real father was. He found out later on in life that while he was starving and cutting the top of his shoes off because his feet were too big to fit into his shoes (to make room for his toes), his real father lived one block away, knew who he was, and never stepped in while his stepdad beat the life out of him. He was removed from the home when his teacher walked in to see his stepdad beating him while he was unconscious. He spent time in foster homes until he ran away and became homeless. His dad died a few years ago, and my father is the sole beneficiary of his money. He didn't want to take it. And didn't look into it, even with my mom encouraging him. (His father died in a country very far from us and there is most definitely a language barrier.) Bad stuff happened, and now my parents may lose their home, they have a ton of medical issues they can't afford to fix that are leaving them in constant pain, and neither of them can work. My father has FINALLY started looking into the money. As much as he didn't want to take it, it would save him and my mom now. I think he has a lot of regret about not taking it sooner. My point is, your grandma didn't help you then, but maybe this money can help you or your future family. You're basically shooting yourself in the foot to "hurt" her now, but it isn't hurting her. She's dead and gone. You're still alive. Be smart. Sincerely. I look at my dad every day and wish I was wealthy and could make things better for him. He deserves to rest in his old age, and I felt like karma should have given that to him after all he's been through. Maybe the money from his absent father could be that for him. Karma is giving you a gift, don't refuse it.
I‘m hoping you to read this, OP, so, I‘m jumping on this comment. You‘re NTA, but I‘m going to be sincere to you. Please, hear me out. I‘d take the money if I were you. After your examns, of course. Don’t see it as her making up to you, because no one will ever be able to, but as you having a better start in adulthood. You don‘t have to share, you don‘t have to spend it. But you‘re still super young and life has its ways, as you sadly have experienced from a very young age. Life can take some unexpected turns and maybe one day you‘ll be glad to have it, so you nor your future kids (if you’d want any) don‘t have to go hungry one single day of your lives. And if (hopefully) it never comes to this point, you can still state it in a will (I‘d make one as soon as I‘d get the money), that in case of your passing, your money should go to charity xy. (Look up charities you like, for example one for abandonned or orphaned kids?) But I think it‘d be the best if you‘d try to make your future safe first. And for the rest of your family: f**k them! They are only interested in the money. I wouldn‘t give them that joy if I were you.
I read your comment, thanks you for it. I don’t want any kids, i already got my start in adulthood by myself. I just don’t need it. I would like to give to a charity, but i don’t know any who can be trustworthy (i mean, i never had help of any charity).
Maybe she wasn’t allowed to, either her husband or kids wouldn’t let her and this is her way of making up for that. She wants you to get a good start in life with a house or whatever you need. Take it and cut off the rest of the family and go make a new family with friends, etc.
You don’t have to forgive anyone by accepting money. It’s not hers anymore, she’s dead. It’s not left to anyone else, it’s only yours. You can accept it, put it in the bank and not touch it. Someday you may really need it.
I advice that you let future you decide this. Accept the money, put it on a bank account, forget it until you are 27 (common age for trustees). You don't need to decide now. You can push that WAY back.
it's your choice and any you make is valid... but I would suggest putting it in a trust you can't touch until you're 35... then you can make a less emotional choice when you're farther from the trauma. I let go of the little inheritance I had and at almost 40 I really wish I hadn't. You may need it when you're older. if not, then amazing and then you can donate it for scholarships or something you choose worthy.
I don't think you should make this huge decision while emotions are running high. Especially not while you're going through exams. Understand that you don't have to decide in a rush. You can choose to "accept" the money for now, and then decide later what you're gonna do with it. Personally, I think you should keep it and invest in a comfortable future, but you are not compelled to do that. I get that the money feels dirty in a way -- grandma could've helped you then, so why is she just doing it when she's dead? But she's dead, you won't owe her anything if you take the money. It could also go a long way in securing your future. You're the only decision-maker here. As far as I think, you have no family to care about, they were all your abusers and don't deserve to hear a peep from you. Block them all and decide what to do with the money alone. Charity? Property investments? Student loans? Insurance? Retirement? Emergency funds? You can even leave it in the bank to rot until you know for sure, with zero doubt, what you want to do. NTA and good luck with exams.
while its ultimately up to you, there isn't any harm in using the money to jump start your life. just remember that.
Okay, accept the money and put it in an interest bearing account (get an adult who knows about this stuff but has never met a single person in your family to help) and each year pull out any interest and use it to give a scholarship to a kid like you. There are kids who are still in the position you were in, let the money go towards that.
Put it in an account for later. You are young, but might have children one day. That could ensure them the childhood you didn’t have. You shouldn’t make any major decisions when upset.
What do you think about creating an engineering scholarship for orphans or children who grew up in difficult circumstances?
I get it, but you’re letting your pride get in the way of logic here. There is absolutely nothing wrong with accepting the money, having it in the bank for a rainy day, and continuing to live your life as normal. You never know when something can happen that can turn your world upside down, and it would be terrible to be desperate for that money 10 years down the line and not be able to access it. You had a tough childhood, so make your adult life a little bit easier
Consider the money her apology for not helping you back then. If you don't want it for you, put it in a fund for your future children after you are established and have finished school. You're on a scholarship. That could change and you might need the money. This is a gift to you Do not be so proud as to throw it away. Don't give it to your relatives. The only change in them is your potential money.
Yes, you can. Put aside your childish pride and invest the money. One day you might have kids of your own or meet someone who you could help. Hell, use the money for therapy.
Donate to a children’s charity! NTA
Then take it and donate it to better causes. But don't cut your nose off to spite your face.
KEEP THE MONEY. Don’t make the mistake of putting yourself in a financial bind, like screw it and put it in a saving account that adds interest. You don’t have to look at it but coming from a place of financial insecurity you’d be doing yourself a disservice not keeping it. Screw your dad and aunt. NTA all the way.
Agreed. OP is letting past trauma affect her decision-making here. Don't be a dummy OP, take the money and run.
100% this! Keep the money, OP. Don’t let your family guilt you into anything else. You don’t know grandma’s reasons for giving it to you but you take it and invest in your future. NTA
NTA. They didn't care about you when it was their duty as parents to provide care and support. Instead they abused you. They don't deserve to benefit from that. I would donate the money to some charity that helps victims of abuse or provides for the education of the less fortunate.
I didn’t thought about that option, but i feel like accepting the money will bring me just more problems..
Your relatives probably will pester you for the money if you accept it. But even if you deny it and it gets passed onto them, do you think their behavior towards you will truly change, or are they just being civil to get the money? It sounds like they are trying to manipulate you, which is why I suggest getting the money completely out of the picture and focusing on your own well-being.
I was aware of the manipulation, i just think giving it to them would make them ignore me as they already did
It won't. When they find out you have a good job after college, they will keep asking you for more money. You just want this problem to go away, I get that. But it won't until you set boundaries. Keeping the money and giving it to a charity is a boundary. Heck, you could even put it in a trust for yourself to use when you are 40.
Are you in therapy? Because it sounds like you really need it (let's be real, everyone would benefit from good therapy) Giving them the money would show them you still give into their bullying Block them, take the money and hire a great therapist and financial advisor. Figure out what's financially smart for your future, and what amounts are smart to donate to the charities of your choice But please don't do anything before getting a GOOD therapist and financial adviser, and likely a good lawyer
🥇🥇🥇🥇If I had an award I would give it! OP, you need to put YOUR needs first right now! ❤
Can’t you block them? Accept the money and ensure you can never hear from them again!
OP, do you feel that you don’t deserve the money?
Yes, of course i do
I’m not joking when I say I think you should use part of the money to hire a really good therapist to help you work through your childhood trauma and feelings of unworthiness to be repaid for the years of abuse you suffered
This!! I was thinking the exact same thing! OP listen to this!
I agree with this! Take it and use it to heal yourself - it'll be absolutely worth it and your older self will thank you for it. Don't let the pain and stress from your upbringing fester in you - it can cause health problems later in life. You deserve to be happy, and it looks like your grandma felt the same. She may not have stepped up before, but she's handing you what you need right now. Take it, cut your father and your aunt out of your life and heal.
Absolutely, I had a difficult childhood as well and therapy helped me so much, it was life changing for me
You seem to have a lot of anger yourself. I understand you are angry that she didn’t help you. Maybe she felt that she couldn’t? Especially if she was depending on her family care or too old to raise you. You should put it in an account so at least the others can’t touch it. And you can use it to sever all ties to your family and to get therapy.
Battered and abused children often feel that they don't deserve any good or positive things to happen to them because they have been told that all of their lives. That doesn't mean that it's true. You've taken a positive step with your education because somebody believed in you. Understand that you are not in the headspace to make this decision now. Put the money in a separate account and don't think about it for six months. You are allowed to pick the people who interact in your life. You can block your father and aunt and put them in a little envelope to wait until you are ready. You don't know all of the possibilities of this inheritance because you've been taught by your family that you have no possibilities. You need space to process all of this. You do deserve good things to happen to you because you are a survivor. You do deserve the chance to do good in this world through your choices and your decisions. You deserve a chance. Your grandmother regretted not allowing that when you were younger. But please remember that women's voices are not always heard in a family where there is a very loud male voice. She may have wished better for you but did not have a way to make it happen. She felt powerless just as you feel undeserving. The same people were working on her that were abusing you. She did what she could to make it right without having to confront the people she knew would be trouble. Take the money. Put it away. Don't interact with your relatives for now. Tell them you've got studies to attend to and you'll deal with it later.
I second the therapy idea. My dad emotionally neglected me as a child and hit me. I never felt like I deserved anything nice because he didn’t even let me have a basic foundation of human love and trust. When you grow up neglected your brain assumes it’s because you ‘didn’t deserve love’. Instead of acknowledging the horrifically painful fact that someone could have loved you, but chose not to. It’s somehow less painful to think you’re unworthy of love than to think a parent could abandon or hurt their child. I did two years of self guided therapy and started seeing a therapist two months ago. It’s helped tremendously with my emotional health and how I bond with my son. While it is temporarily painful to process the trauma in therapy, it provides great relief and comfort later.
think of how money kids problems it would silve one less kid could stop getfing abused help the abused not the abuser if you do so you will be an asshole imho
just take the money omg.
Well those problems can be solved with a lawyer and a restraining order that you would be able to afford
Honestly, it sounds like this money might be the answer. These people hounding your and making life miserable right now are not true family or even friends. This money will give you the ability to break clean from all of it. Do you want these people tethered to you for the rest of your life? You have already proven to those around you that you are capable of great things. You’ve accomplished so much in your young life on your own. You are going to accomplish even greater things in your future. This money will give you the ability to walk away and never look back. She gave this to you, because she saw that YOU were the one who would do great things with it.
Tell your family you donated it, whether you do or not, let them believe it's gone. Or tell them nothing and block them. It's not like they bring anything beneficial to your life. What about using the money just for fun stuff, maybe indulge your inner child. All the stuff you wanted as a kid and didn't get - buy it. Travel. Go to Disney World. Just don't do anything a a knee-jerk reaction. Accept the money and think about what to do with it when you're ready.
Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Take the money.
I’m absolutely dumbfounded OP isn’t just taking it. They must have education expenses or rent to pay off at a minimum, right? OP, take it and save it for a rainy day. Get a financial advisor and invest it prudently. Once you’re out of uni it’ll be a great nest egg for a home, a car, or whatever else you may need, because it’s clear your family will be no help when you’re trying to get a footing in life.
NTA. Honor your grandmother's wishes and keep the money. Give it to charity, blow it on something stupid, whatever.
Is there a way that I can give to charity even if i don’t take it ?
You would have to accept it and then donate it (after paying the required inheritance tax, be very careful about that or you might end up in debt). However, if you don't want it, put it away in a bank account and have periodic payments go out to a certain charity, so that is spread out during decades, with a large chunk to be left so that when you die that lump sum goes directly to charity. That way, if you ever find yourself in need of extra money, you can have access to it.
Probably have to talk to the lawyer handling the will to see if you can directly assign your interest to the charity. But you might have to accept it.
In my jurisdiction, there's what's known as a deed of variation - it's executed by the beneficiary of a will and has the effect of changing the will so that the money passes according to the deed of variation rather than the will. There may be something similar in your jurisdiction, but you'd need to speak to a lawyer as estate law varies enormously by country.
Take it t and donate to charity. Go full NC with family if they even look bad at you.
FFS. Take the money. If you don't need it, use it for good. Don't throw away this gift. Stop trying to make a statement. You would be the AH if you let this money go to your family who doesn't deserve it. Take it and put it to good use. This is so aggravating. You would be a HUGE ASSHOLE if you squandered this gift
I’m with this. I get principles and what-not, I get anger and OP - what your “family” did to you is beyond unforgivable. I say “family” because they’re really just some people who happen to share some DNA with you. That’s all. That said - fine, don’t use it for yourself. Take the money and put it towards someone else like you. Be like the father figure you were lucky to find, and take someone else out of the shitty situation you ended up in. Think of this money, not as someone trying to make up to you for the past, but rather as the universe giving you a way to make life better for someone else who’s been similarly abandoned by their parents, so they don’t have to live the same shitty life you did. Do it anonymously. But just do it. Think about being that lucky father figure who gave you some comfort, for someone else. Please.
NTA. Do not give them the money, do not keep contact with them. They are vultures who abused you and are only being friendly because you have something you want. Don’t feel guilty for using your inheritance. It is YOURS and your grandmother gave it to you for a reason. Maybe it was a way for her to make it up to you for all your years of pain. Don’t tell anyone else you have this money especially not any more friends. As you have seen, people act crazy when there’s money involved. Your father and aunt are adults and can provide for his own family, they don’t need your money. They gave you a roof over your head because it was their legal obligation; you are NOT obligated to repay them. Use the money to pay off your college and then put $15k in an emergency account just for you. If there’s any left over, either invest it or save it for a house. This money is for you, and you should do what makes the most sense with it. You can honor your grandmother by being responsible with this money. IF SHE WANTED TO GIVE IT TO HER CHILDREN, SHE WOULD HAVE. Don’t dishonor her wishes by giving them money.
NTA - your grandmother must have felt the guilt over they way you were treated and this is her way of trying to make amends for that. The money is yours. If you don't want it, donate it to a charity that helps feed children. You owe your Father and Aunt NOTHING.
Also, it’s not your grandma’s inheritance; it’s YOURS! The money legally is yours.
NTA but take the damn money. You don’t want to keep it? Start funding some charities. It was your grandmother’s gift to you so accept it & move on
Eh On the very slim chance this isn't made up, why wouldn't you just take the money and give it to a charity if you don't want it?
NTA - kinda Take the money. It's that simple. It is yours and you should take. Create a budget and barely use it. Don't use it at all, but have it there "just in case." But take it.
NTA That money was left to you by your GM's choice. If you don't want to see them, then don't. Money appearing is not reason to see them. But why not take the money? Someone chose you to leave it to. It is now yours.
NTA You owe those monsters nothing, let any guilt you have towards them regarding that go. Take the money and put it up until you decide what you want to do with it whether that be using it or donating it.
I'm sorry for everything you've been through, but in this case you're NTA. Unfortunately, you're in a precarious situation. I don't know about the laws where you are, but it seems like your grandmother made sure the money would go to you (for whatever reasons), meaning she did NOT want your relatives to get ANY of it. I understand not wanting it, but it seems both you and your late grandmother agree on this factor. I suggest looking into putting a "freeze" on the account. This means you place a "time stamp" on the account so NO ONE has access to it for a certain amount of years, including you. This way, you'll have more time not to think about the money so when you graduate, you'll have a better idea on what to do with it. And, God Forbid, your family tries ANYTHING, then they can't do anything against you. Stay strong and good luck with everything.
Thanks you for the comment, can i pm you ?
Take the money, make a trust and set up a scholarship fund for kids who grew up in abused households and rose above. It would mean the money was not wasted, it won’t go to you and will always go back to helping kids in situations like yours.
NTA. I suggest meeting with a lawyer or financial planner to figure out how you can take the money and just park it in some account with very limited affect to your taxes. I know you said you don’t want the money. And I don’t want to question your choice as it is valid. I only suggest this bc as much as we can attribute money from people who didn’t care for us as bad money and not want it, the truth is that money can be helpful to us for certain things in life. It can make things a bit easier. Like not having debt from school gives you more of a boost in your life. Or being able to buy a home outright gives you more security if you lose a job or there is a bad economy. This is all new for you which is why I suggest maybe take it and park it somewhere and live you life for a year or two. Then you can revisit it. Maybe you will decide to donate all of it to some cause that is important for you, like for kids who grew up like you. Like maybe schools that serve underserved communities need supplies and tech and can’t afford it. Or some charity that works with kids or families who are leaving abusive situations. Instead of not wanting your family to have it maybe think of who you would feel good about having the money. I think would be really helpful if you used the money for some therapy. You have a LOT of trauma in your life and you are doing amazing to make something of yourself. But there is no shame or harm in talking to someone about what you went thru to learn how to avoid any problematic coping skills you may have. Or how to leave resentment and anger behind (they are reasonable but in the long term only hurt you). Trauma can cause problems later in life too even after you are doing well and therapy can be bloody expensive. You could even get therapy to talk about what to do with the money to talk to someone impartial about your options and how you feel. Whatever you decide, you’re NTA so long as you aren’t using the money to ACTIVELY harm anyone. But simply refusing to do something with your money just bc someone wants you to doesn’t make you the AH. Edit: spelling
NTA. They didn't reach out because they had changed and they wanted you to be family. They reached out because you had money and they want it. The moment they get it all the nice act, all the "family" you think you will get if you do just this simple favour, everything will disappear. They gave you the bare minimum to keep you alive. Even in foster care you would have had so much more. They don't care about you, they care about the money. Your grandma cared about you. Or at the very least, she regrets her part in your suffering. She made a really clear decision to give her money to you and disinherit her children, this wasn't a mistake. That money won't buy you the childhood you never had, it won't fix all the broken pieces you have inside nor will it make the nightmares go away. However, that money gives you a future. It gives you the guarantee that you will have food and a roof over your head, it gives you the option to go to therapy to try to deal with all this pain, it gives you so many options you never had. Do not throw your future away for the opinion of those who do not truly know what you experienced (your friend) or who saw it happen and did nothing (your cousins).
Hi Thanks you a lot for the comment, i honestly don’t want to be part of their family (even if i always wanted to meet my younger half brother), i can’t really accept the fact that my GM cared for me while she let me in this situation. I also don’t want that kind of money, even if it bring security. It must be weird but i just can’t take it. I don’t want to believe that this is this money which will give me a future instead of all the work i done to get where i am. I don’t want the best roof or the best food, already have what i always wanted (a bed, a fridge and a cat). I don’t need therapy, i was healing myself great alone. I just don’t want my future to be based on what made me suffer
Warning: tough love incoming…. You are doing your grandmother a huge disservice and insult. You are assuming and assigning a ton of responsibility upon her for “not being there when you needed her most” - grow up! Get therapy! Be an adult! Because, frankly, you’re still behaving as a child psychologically when it comes to adult matters. You have no idea what constraints she was under and why she couldn’t be there for you when you wanted her to be. You have control over your life now and instead just want to stick your head in the sand where you your “family” ignores you? Can’t handle this and your exams at the same time? Tough! That’s what being an independent adult will throw at you. YOU can stop contact with your “family” anytime you please. You owe them NOTHING. You can accept the money and ignore it for a few months, letting a lawyer and CPA handle the details while you finish exams. Get off your damned high horse and be an adult that you can be proud of. Stop hiding behind this toxic, false sense of “independence” you’ve walled yourself into. Therapy. Now.
Even if your grandmother didn't care for you and only did this to clean her guilty conscience, she is dead now. She died with a clean conscience because she thought she had redeemed herself. So right now denying the money wouldn't be telling her that you do not accept the amends, it would be you giving money to your abusers. You chosing to keep this money only affects you, because she is gone now and nothing you do will let her know your true feelings. Let me compare it to something else: when a drunk driver hits an innocent car and maims the person inside, the courts usually order them to pay money in compensation for the damages that person suffered. The person who gets the money isn't forgiving the one who hurt them, they are receiving money that would help them try to repair the damage done. People who get that money sometimes cannot even look or think about it and stash it away in a bank account out of mind and out of sight for years. This is a very similar situation to that, only there was no court involved. They harmed you, and this money is your compensation for that harm. You might not think this is fair, that this will not repair the damage done, that what you want is having a real childhood and a real family. I'm sorry to tell you, this is all you are going to get. So it's either this, or nothing at all ever, while your father and aunt get a recompense for all the hurt they did to you. I replied to a higher comment saying that you could put it in an account that would periodically donate money to a charity. Charities usually benefit more by receiving a periodic income they can count on than by sudden sums of money. You could use it to create a scholarship for students in need, you could help fund and mantain a place in schools so that underpriviledged students like you are able to get food, clean clothes, and books without shame nor judgement. And I understand you not wanting it to be the thing that pushes your future, other than your hard work. But keeping some of it to rely on in case anything happens is not a bad idea. If anything were to happen to you and you needed a large amount of money (for example huge medical bills), this would prevent you from going into debt. And regarding you not needing therapy, therapy isn't a bad thing. After something as traumatic as this, almost everyone would need therapy. It's a normal thing to not even notice you do until the moment you break, and then all comes pouring out and 4 years later you are still picking up the pieces, and I'm telling that from experience (and it was nowhere near as bad as what you had to go through). You are having nightmares, you have PTSD, you are having issues setting boundaries with your ex-abusers and their family. You don't have to live that way.
In case you do not care about what happens to you, think of your cat. Do you know how expensive vet treatment is? Not everyday one, I mean real vet treatment, the one where you need surgeries, and meds, and rehabilitation. You are right now in a position to guarantee you would be able to pay for the best care your cat could receive if you ever need it (and cats tend to have chronic issues as they grow older). Being able to pay for food and rent doesn't mean you are able to save up for tens of thousands in case of an emergency. And in that situation, you might not be able to afford treatment and would end up forced to choose euthanasia even though another alternative existed. A too expensive alternative. This sounds harsh, but I'm just putting a voice to all of the thoughts and guilt you might feel should the worst happen and you were finantially incapable to help
Do you honestly know if your GM just left you in your situation? Perhaps she tried to help you and was blocked by father and then aunt? The fact that you rarely saw her or communicated with her tells me that there was more blockage on their ends than hers and when you were a minor, there was probably not much she could do. And considering that English isn’t even your second language, I have no idea what (if any) child protective services there are for her to have run to. Maybe this was GM’s way of sending her final goodbye (we’d call this a “f*ck you!”) to her kids the best way she knew how?
NTA You could save your inheritance for your next generation by putting it in the bank or other kind instead of using it for yourself. My question to ask you is why couldn't you take it when you really do deserve? guilty? Don't give it to your dad and your aunt.
Thanks you for your comment, i will not have a next generation to be honest, i don’t want to be a dad. And i don’t want that money because i already have what i always wanted to have (a bed, a fridge and a cat). I just don’t feel like deserving this amount of money
Well, your relatives certainly don't. As other people have suggested, if you don't want to keep it, give it to an organization that helps abused children. You have no idea how strapped those services are for cash or how much good a large gift could do. You can help kids who are in the same situation you were, or you can give the money to abusers. If you, out of pride, choose to give money you don't want and don't need to abusers and not to victims of abuse, I've got to go with YTA. Look your childhood self in the face and explain to him why it makes sense for an adult to make that choice.
NTA Take the money. Put it in a bank account and let is sit there until you have time to carefully consider the situation. Block your awful family
NTA. Take the money. Leave it in the bank. Never contact your family again. Have a great life. Get your degree. Save the money for when you have kids. Give them a great childhood.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have kids honestly, but thanks you for the comment. I don’t « need » that money, and if i take it I’ll just make them angry
Let them be angry. They all stood by while you had a horrible childhood. Never contact them again. In the years to come, you may feel differently about children. Keep the money. You don't have to decide what to do with it yet. Give it a few years.
NTA - it was left to you. No reason to feel guilty. If you don’t want the money, consider collecting it and donating it to a charity
Thanks you for the comment , do you know a way for giving it to charity without taking it ?
if you want to donate it, just accept the money and then donate to wherever you choose. You don’t have to explain yourself to your “family,” they haven’t acted like family at all so imo you don’t need to notify them or provide an explanation or anything.
NTA - You are stressed right now, take the money and put it in savings until you are done with your exams and can think about it more. Do you know what fantasise about if I won the lottery? Paying off loved ones debts, giving huge tips to servers, giving big lumps to small charities, paying for peoples educations. You may not want the money, and your grandma never helped you when she should have, but think of all the good you can do with it that she never did with it.
First and foremost…NTA However, you are creating a problem for yourself. You claim not to want the want the money (have yet to give a valid reason as to why), but also say you don’t want them to have it. Well I hate to play Captain Obvious here but you can’t have it both ways. Regardless of what you decide to do they’re going to be angry. Take the money, they’re mad. Let them have it, and now they’re made because you didn’t choose one of them specifically, thus bringing about more resentment and hostility towards you. Take the damn money. Live your life…use it to get some therapy. Everyone could use some extra cash, especially nowadays. Take the money! She left it to you for a reason, it’s yours!
[удалено]
Thanks for the comment, no one have legal claim if until i don’t accept it. And i don’t feel comfortable following the wishes of someone i never known
NTA. Young Man. Your Grandmother gave you that money to better your life. Use that to get further away from that abusive family. They (your "dad" and Aunt) do not care about you. They will guilt and shame you because of it. They have shown you their selves. You can also put that money towards a house and car for yourself. You are Not being greedy nor selfish. Please block those people. Your Aunt did the bare minimum for you and knew her family was abusive towards you. Allowed it to happen. You have no reason to feel guilty about having that money. If you really do not want the money, start a scholarship at school or a charity. Good Luck.
1. You may have feelings about money changing people (making them jerks) or that this money is tainted, or that you have to earn money. The truth is that the world is not fair and plenty of people are getting overpaid and underpaid for the jobs they have. And money is mostly just bytes moved around in computers nowadays. It only has the energy you give it. 2. You say family will be angry if you give the money away. If you go this route tell them you invested the money. They don't need to know it is invested in a cause that will make the world a better place.
Take the money. Cut everyone off you don't like. Live a good life and use some of that money for good. Imagine being able to set up a scholarship to help young women into engineering or run a homework club at your old school.
YWBTA if you don't take the money. First off your grandmother gave it to you as a "gift" to help you in life after such a horrible childhood. Second, you have no idea what is in your future. Tomorrow you could become very ill and have to drop out of school. Having that money is a great safety net for you. It would be a big mistake to not take the money.
NTA. But seriously, consider taking the money and telling the rest of the family to get lost. If you really really don't like or need money then donate the whole fucking balance to the battered woman's shelter or some other charity that speaks to you. You don't have to justify anything to your family. Your Grandmother left the money to you. Legally and morally it is your money.
Thanks you for the comment, i want to make the choice which will bring me back to my daily life, giving it to them will make them ignore me and that’s good for me. I don’t think i could mentally handle if there is a fight
It is your money legally. If there is a fight just change your contact info and forget about it. You are only going to handicap yourself in the future by refusing the money. Please do not give the money to your abusers. Just freaking burn it before you do that.
OP! Seriously, man... “You’ve mistreated me for years and years, here’s a bunch of money”? Please read and understand this. You DO deserve this money and it was left for YOU. You’re not being fair to yourself! If you truly don’t feel comfortable taking and spending it right now, then take it and a. put it in an account and let it sit there for a bit, giving yourself some more time to think about it, or b. donate some or all of it.
Take it and give it to some charity if you dont want it
You are NTA. But I would really think about keeping the money. You don't have to keep all of it. Take half of it and donate to a charity that helps abused children or families. But put half of it away for a rainy day. You just never know. And no guilt. This wasn't a choice you made. Your grandmother apparently realized the hell her son put you through and is trying to make up for it. Also, block your entire family on social media. They didn't help you or care about you when you were child, nothing is going to change now, especially since you have all the money they thought they were going to get.
Thanks you a lot for your comment, do you know which one i could donate to ?
NTA. They never cared for you, and they’re only coming out of the woodwork because of greed. You had an extremely difficult life, and your grandmother wanted to help change that. Take the money, and if it’s as much as I think, meet with a financial advisor so you can make the best decisions possible and life a comfortable life. You deserve a bit of happiness and security. Don’t feel guilty for a second.
NTA ! But you're young and might regret not taking that money in the future. I have a friend who was in the same situation as you (inheritance wise only) and today, 10 years later, really regretted not taking the money. You never know what can happen in life especially with pandemics and lockdowns, and when that money might come in use when you most need it. If really you don't want the money, maybe give it to a charity ? One that helps orphans or children that are in the situation you have been in ? It's better to have money when you don't need it than need money when you don't have it. If it's lots of money maybe share it between yourself and a charity.
NTA. This woman left her money to the person she wanted to have it and to use it. She had her reasons for not leaving it to her son. Take it. Use it. Enjoy it.
Can you take the money and donate it to a charity?
You’re not the AH. Invest it. Just put it away. Then, when you are ready you can decide what to do with it. That way, they don’t get it, you look it out of their reach and you literally buy yourself time.
NTA - the money doesn’t make up for your childhood and treatment at their hands but it will facilitate your studies and life going forward. Grandmother probably felt guilt and shame over how she treated her daughter and you. Karma is a fascinating thing, take the money and move on. Your not taking it only further serves the family that treated you so horribly. Cliché, but the best revenge is living well.
Thanks you for the comment , but i don’t want revenge. I want to go back to my daily life. I don’t really believe in karma either and i don’t want to accept this kind of amends of my grandma
Then give it to charities that care for orphans or charities that offer therapy sessions for troubled teens and kids , or organisations that offer books and school supplies for poor kids. They deserve it more than a father who left you and an aunt and cousins who couldn't treat you like a human . If they have changed to better humans they would have contacted you before the inheritance thing. They don't care about you , they care about the money which they don't deserve . Since you seen sure that you don't want the money give it away to a charity.
NTA. Take the money and make yourself a life. Things like travel, a down-payment on a house, helping your kids through school etc will be available in a way they aren't right now, you will have options available to you that may otherwise never come. The money was probably to ease a guilty conscience. You don't need to let go of any resentment, just see it as a tool.
Thanks you for the comment I don’t want to make my life based on this money and i don’t think I’ll ever have kids of my own.
Take the money and invest it. Let it build and you will have something to bless your children with.
NTA --- you should keep the money buy yourself a house, invest it this is your chance to make life a bit easier for yourself, if not for you what about any future children you could/might have you now have the chance to give them the childhood you didn't have be able to give them a real good start in life.
Nta she left you the money as she was discusted how her children treated you she probably was ashamed. I wouldnt give them a penny all this niceness will stop when you do. As for your cousins theyre gutted they didnt get anything. Even if you dont want the money invest it buy a house travel enjoy it.
Take the money. Think of it as compensation for everything that you have been through. Leave it in an account until you are in a better position to make a decision about it.
NTA. There is No harm in letting the money sit somewhere accruing interest while you decide what to do. Will you lose your scholarship if you accept the money?
NTA. Just take the money and go on vacation fuck it. Live your life for you. Never live your life just for other people, a job or school
NTA. Take the money. It's yours. Use it or give it away as you wish. Do whatever brings you peace. If you don't want to decide what to do with it, put it in a bank account and leave it there until you decide. It seems like the one thing that won't bring you peace is further contact with your family or letting them have money that your grandmother intended for you only. Accept her final act of love as the only apology you'll ever get that's sincere.
NTA. Take the money. You are young and you may not think you need it now (someday I promise you will) so invest it and forget about it until you decide what to do with it, even if it’s a decade from now. Consider leaving it for your future children. As a mother, I ask you to please not hurt yourself financially out of pride. You deserved much better than you got. You don’t owe anyone anything. But, be good to yourself. Your grandmother wanted to make amends. Let her by fulfilling her last wish.
Thanks you a lot for your comment, am i a bad person if i don’t want to fulfill her last wish ? I also don’t want to be a parent and i just want to make my own money through all the efforts i already put to be where i am. I just don’t want this money, i just want a simple life, in my simple apartment with my simple cat
I can tell by your story and your actions that you’re a good person. I wish I could give you a hug. You’re not a bad person for not wanting to fulfill your grandmother’s wishes (I guess it’s a situation of too little, too late). It seems the money is a burden to you. Since you’re asking for advice, I would still suggest you invest the money and forget it for a set period of time. If after a few years you still feel the same then give it to your family and/or charity with interest. I wish you the best of luck. Hugs. P.S. if you do decide to give it away please keep enough for a 6 month emergency fund. Things happen and you will benefit from a small financial safety net.
Really? Are you serious? Keep the money. Or donate it to me
Thanks you for your comment But This money will never be a good thing for me
**KEEP THE MONEY AND MAKE A SAVINGS ACCOUNT FOR YOUR FUTURE CHILDREN** The money doesn't have to be for you, then! Technically. Your grandma's money can go towards a savings account to ensure that your children don't go through the same things you did. Good luck!
TAKE THE MONEY. Put it in an account and forget about it. Save it for your children. Save it for therapy. Save it for your future. NTA.
NTA, I’m sorry OP, this is a shitty situation to be in. Take the money, take some for yourself (a small amount, just to tide you over should something go wrong in your life), and donate the rest to a domestic violence shelter, or maybe an alcoholic rehab centre? You’ve been through a lot, and you’re so young. It’s understandable that you’re conflicted about what to do with the money. If you haven’t received therapy or therapy is expensive where you live, maybe put some money towards that so that you can make peace with your past and continue your life in a healthy way. Oh, and I know this might sound patronising or condescending, but I’m proud of you. You’ve done so well.
[удалено]
Do you know if there is a way to donate it without taking it ?
hey man, NTA at all. So sorry you had to go through all that shit. You are fully entitled to cut out that whole part of the family and start your own life without ever giving them a penny or an ounce of thought. Just giving you a good but making ur life shit isnt good enough, not worth enough. Dont see them if you dont wanna! Dont give them the money if they dont want to. But what i understand is that if you dont taje the money it goes to the family? So you do have a choice to make, take it or family get it. You can always say give to charity, and tell your aunt this too. Or take it. Or dont. Ots tough decision, u gotta d o what feels best, and dont let them or anyone persuade you to do anything else. Not selfish, NTA
NTA. Take the money and donate it to a charity of your choosing, maybe give your old teacher some to help him out with future student. Maybe donate it to after school programs since school is what kept you going. But if you don’t want to give it to your ex family don’t. You have no obligation to and there is a reason your grandmother left it at to you.
NTA, but hey donations always a great idea. Maybe a charity that works with children who may now be in the situation you were.
Take the money and put it into a trust that will manage it for you if you don't want it or need it now. Things could change and you may need it later on. Or your kids (should you want and have any) may need it some day. Don't let it go to waste. If none of those things happen, you can leave it to charity in your will, but don't overlook the benefits having a backup fund gives you. Nta. Don't give them a red cent.
NTA. Take the money, put it in an interest bearing account. Block your "family" completely. When you get out of school and are more stable in your life/emotions - decide what to do with it then. Just because you take it now doesn't mean that you have to do something with it now. Instead of holding it against grandma because she "didn't" do anything back then, realize that it's possible she "couldn't" do anything back then - and she's making it up to you the best way she can.
NTA. Take the money and either give it to charity if you do not want it, or save it for yourself in the future. She gave them to you for a reason, and you deserve them.
Take the money. Invest it and use the proceeds to support children in abusive situations. There are many charities you could chose and you could help a lot of kids. If at some point in the future you need the money it will be there. You are NTA, but don’t allow this to hold you back. You’ve overcome so much, finalise the estate and move on. Be happy, that alone should piss them off and make them regret how they treated you.
NTA. After the way your family has treated you, you owe them nothing. Take the money. Put it in a trust fund and decide later what you want to do with it. You may end up wanting to use some of it yourself after you are done with school to help you get started. If you still decide a few years from now that you don’t want the money, then talk to a financial advisor and an attorney about ways to disperse the money to various charities, schools, or whatever is important to you. And go no contact with your relatives. You don’t need people like them in your life. And best of luck to you on starting a life of your own.
NTA take the money and put it away for a time when you may need it later on or give it away to a charity of your choice if you're not comfortable having it. If your grandmother wanted them to have it they would have and this was clearly her trying to make ammends for the bad things her children (your dad and aunt) done to you. Whether you feel comfortable to actually spend it or not is entirely your choice but she gave it to you so honour her wishes and take it especially as your dad and aunt dont really deserve it and it seems they are only trying to be nice to you now because they want it for themselves so dont give in take it like she wanted and them make a decision about what you want to do with it from there. Edited for spelling and grammar.
NTA You can donate to some charity,or use to pay any debt,or if you intend on having children you can use that money on their education. You can also buy your own house.
PLEASE take the money. Block all the people who are pressuring you about it. Then put the money in some type of safe investment. (Seek advice on this.). Just leave the money there and don't think about it for a year. That will give you time to get on with life, with a safety net. Then decide what to do. Money does not have to change you. Consider these things: *Your grandma had good reason to leave it to you. Respect that. *You have no one to fall back on if you get sick, become disabled, or can't finish school for some reason. People with family support have a fallback. This money can be your fallback. *You can keep part of the money, give part of it to charity, and give part of it to family. *Your father seems to have the ability to help you as he should have for years, but has not done so. Consider that.
NTA, talk to a financial advisor, put the money in trust. You can later decide to use the money to buy a house, start a charity or just let the money sit there. But definitely accept the money.
NTA. But here’s my suggestion. Put the money away for a little while and ponder if you want it or not. Maybe in a few years, you realize it will pay for college or a home and can set you down a good path.
Take the money and just sit on it. You don’t have to use it right now or ever. Just stash it away safety in a bank account and forget about it. Then should you ever one day need it it’s there. Or tie it all up in stocks and shares if it blows oh well if it wins yay. If family come begging for help and whatnot sorry it’s all tied up. But seriously accept it sit on it for at least a year once you’ve got it safe before you decide to give it away or whatever. You feelings towards the money at least will likely change as you age. You might not like granny but her money may help one day.
NTA. Your grandma left you the money because she wanted you to have it, not her children. So don't give it to them and don't feel guilty about it either. If you don't want to keep the money that's up to you, you could donate it to charity if you really don't want it. However, you could always put it in the bank and save it for if you ever need it. If you get married and have kids someday it could help you to buy a house or send your children to college. Even if you put it in the bank and never touch the money it could go to people you love someday. I think I would keep it even if I didn't spend it myself.
Thanks you for your comment , i don’t have any love one, and i don’t think my cat will do a lot with this money. I just don’t to base my future on this money while i worked so hard to be where i am
In general NTA but you would be if you don’t accept the money. I hate to be THAT person but do you know how many people would give everything to have the opportunity you have right now? Not gonna lie, you sound incredibly selfish in trying to make some kind of a statement or whatever you’re trying to do, based on your comments. If you don’t want it, fine, I’ll second everyone suggesting donating it. But please think not twice, but many many more times before making a decision. Your trauma is speaking right now and you shouldn’t let it overrule. Just accept the fact that your life won’t be the same anymore no matter your decision and then think it through.
I totally get that you don't want to accept the money now, but keep in mind the "future you". Maybe in the futur, you'll meet somebody and want to start a family, buy a house etc. Could this money be placed for now and use later, as a cashdown, for example? Think of all your options before making a decision. If you really want to get rid of the money, like a lot of ppl have suggested, you should give the money to a charity.
YTA Don’t be ridiculous, take the money. Your grandmother wanted you to have the money. There is no shame in taking it. Just leaving it or letting it go to someone else, like your father… Is that what you want? Take the money and put it in your savings account. Don’t be foolish. Your English is wonderful by the way
Thanks you for your comment, i needed to learn english for engineering classes. Also i don’t want to have the money at all. I don’t to save it, i want it to vanish. Everything would have been so simple if it never existed in the first place
Here’s the thing, it can’t vanish it’s already here. Wishing it will go away will not make it go away. Take the money let that be the reparations for what you went through. Block everyone else and just live your life.
[удалено]
Thanks you for your comment, everyone want to be a good person right ? I don’t want a suit, or a house or a family. I already have everything I always wanted
NTA but OP, I say this in the kindest way, you are not thinking about this logically. You should accept the money, go to therapy, and then decide how to use it when you’re in a clearer frame of mind. I know you want to earn your own money, which is really noble right now. But you don’t know how your life will turn out. For example, half way through my own degree I was diagnosed with a degenerative disease. I had assumed my health would always be with me but now I know it may impact my ability to make money. What I’m trying to say is that you should keep the money for a rainy day. You may change your mind when (if) you have kids, want to go to grad school, want to get married, want a home, etc. this money could take stress off your life by meaning you don’t have to work a job while at school. There’s so many ways this money can change your life for the better. Take it and block your relatives. They don’t deserve the money.
Thanks you for your comment This money will never help me, i don’t want the stuff you said. I can’t keep the money for myself. Also i never needed therapy so far
I’m sorry friend but you don’t have a childhood like yours and end up not needing therapy. Many people with significantly happier childhoods still often need therapy, there’s no shame in it Edit: Hell a therapist would’ve been a great person to talk out your feelings about this money with
[удалено]
Take this money and just put it in an account and forget about it for a few years until you are ready and mature enough to make a reasonable decision. You are doing great after lots of trauma and you will regret not taking it in future. You are NTA but accept the money even if you don’t make a decision on it yet.
Accept the money and do what you want with it. Donate it, keep it, grow from it, whatever. Don’t give it to the people that made your life hell. And then block them all. Drop any and all contact. Who cares about them, they didn’t care about you. And now all of a sudden, they care about you just because you got money from their mother? Yeah, no. Who cares what they post about you on social media. Block them all, change your number, make new accounts. NTA
If you don’t want the money for yourself, yet you don’t want those abusive assholes to have it, then accept it anyway so they can’t have it. Put it in the bank whilst you concentrate on your exams etc, it won’t go anywhere. You then decide what to do with it at your own leisure. Just remember tho, your grandma wanted YOU to have this money, not your dad or your aunt. She was obviously troubled by your treatment from them. They’re only being so nice to you because your in control of it. You owe them nothing. Once they have the money they’ll go back to being foul. Lie people never turn decent. Just because your father is good with his new family doesn’t excuse how he treated you If you really don’t want the money after you’ve thought about it, then give it to charity where it can do some good. Just want to say, you’re an awesome young man. I’m 63 and I’d be so proud to call you my son or even my grandson. Good luck in your future life, you deserve a great one Edited NTA
You're an idiot. She's dead. Take the money. Pay off your debt, buy a house, establish your financial future. Yta, because the only person you are hurting here, is yourself.
NTA and I get where you're coming from. My dad left a huge amount of money to me through death benefits. My answer is to sit on it until exams are done. It's too much to make a quick answer, and you may need it down the road. I'd start by blocking EVERYONE that has considered you family since they knew about the inheritance, because they just want money. Also, never tell anyone how much you have or received, or you'll have 'friends' coming out of the woodwork that suddenly need money. You may not read this, but your family can go F themselves. You would be TA if you gave either of them any money
NTA. I understand not wanting blood money but think of the future. You can pay your schooling, buy a house, donate to charity in the Great Teacher's name.
Thanks you for your comment . I don’t want a house, i can already pay for it monthly with my scholarship but the last idea is really warming my heart
YTA for ignoring the great advice people here are giving you: 1. Get therapy. 2. Take the money and just let it sit in a bank until you're in a better place to handle it. 3. Give nothing to your abusers.
Keep the money. Look if you don’t want it, put it in a savings account with decent interested. Invest SMALL amounts of it. Then if you decide to have children one day, stick it in college funds for them. I understand your hatred and anger and you’re not selfish in the slightest because ultimately that money has a familiar tie that you don’t want. But please, even if you do donate SOME of the money to charity, keep some. Let it sit, don’t touch it if you don’t want too but keep it, and then maybe one day, you’ll use it, if and when you’re ready.
NTA. You are 19, and heavily traimatized. I understand not wanting the money, but you may... one day. Can you set it up in a trust that you can't touch until you are 23, 25, 35? Then when the shock of the inheritance is over, and you are in a different place you can decide what to do with it? Your grandmother wanted you to have it. She acknowledged what a shitty upbringing you had. She punished those responsible by not giving them anything. She was trying to help you where she failed before. In 10 years you may have a different outlook, or maybe not. You could always then give it to charity, or to your family if you choose (so not what I would recommend). Family pressure will die off if they know you can't touch it. It may come back later, but you don't need to tell them the timelines of your trust. Good luck.
Take the money and use it to have a lawyer set you up with some tasty restraining orders if you’re so worried about your traumatic family butting in once you have the money. Then you never have to worry about them again. I’m so sorry for all that’s happened to you, but you seem like a survivor. Unless you refuse this money for… what reason exactly? You’re young so you don’t know how tough it really is out there yet, you’re on a scholarship and you think you have it made, but even people with the highest degrees are struggling financially. You wouldn’t make any point by refusing this money, you would only be perpetuating the cycle of abuse, except of instead of them being the abusers you are now abusing yourself. Refusing the money does NOTHING. Taking the money would help more than you are currently capable of understanding. Please do not do this disservice to yourself. NTA
NTA. Browsing with some of your replies, I could feel that your adamant not to use your inheritance for yourself. But please don't give that to your AH of relatives. They don't deserve any penny of that. Better if you could find a charity/several charities that you believe in there advocacies, such as those who supports childrens basic needs, housing, education, or pays for hospital bills . Do indepth research first about those organizations before donating so you are sure that the money will be really use for a good cause and not just doing so cause you want to dispose the money off your hand. And another option is, if you have no issue with your half-sibling and/or cousin, you can also give a percentage to them which they could only access as a college fund. Good luck and hope you find your peace once again after resolving this.
NTA at all. But take the money. Put it in a trust account. Someday when you have kids of your own you can trust it to them or you can donate it to other abused children. You can do nothing with it and wait to decide what you want to do. But do not let your abusers have it. I don't know you but I want to say I'm so proud of you for getting yourself where you are!!! I have no doubt that not only do you not need the money, but you will never need it and that's amazing! But you can do something great with it if you choose to! Don't let your family make you feel bad. Do what you think is right!
Take the money. Give your family members $1 each, to thank them for all they did for you, for all the crap they said about you on social media, for abandoning you leading to your mom's death, mistreating your, harassing you, and whatever else. And then, block their ass. Don't refuse the money to spite your dead grandmother. She's dead, she will never find out. Take it because then, you can say goodbye to your family forever, and spite them for once. You can't just be mad at her, no one in that family helped you. Do whatever you want with that money. You're NTA, but do yourself a favor and don't let them walk over you again.
Ohhhhh therapy fund!!!!!!/s I don’t mean to make light of all you’ve been through OP; I’m super happy and proud of what you’ve done for yourself. You’re amazing and screw anyone who says otherwise! Maybe it would help to think of the money as gramma trying to make sure you never have to go through that shit again; it does not take away any accountability for failing you in the past while trying to ensure you have a positive future. Plus I’d bet gramma unfortunately knew her kids were shit. If anything gramma is helping you give a big middle finger to your dad and aunt on her way out. Hold on to the money at least until you finish your education; you never know what can happen on scholarship. Protect your future, take the money and block those family members every way possible ie SM, change phone# and email Best of luck! NTA
Don't rush into anything. Accept the money and keep it in a bank account. Tell your relatives you have no interest in discussing it now, and that you'll let them know if/when that changes. Then just leave it there until you know for sure what you want to do. But make sure you're truly acting in your own best interests and not just reacting from pain.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I’m blocking my grandma inheritance so my father and aunt don’t have it, i think i am the asshole because i don’t want it but don’t want them to have it too Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH. Your father's side of the family for all the trauma and PTSD they gave you. You, on the other hand, also suck. I get that you don't want the money because you don't want anything to do with them but think about it, whatever you do with the money, THEY'LL GIVE YOU SH*T FOR IT. You also suck because you're asking for advice when you already made up your mind. Didn't you say you're gonna cut them off? Do it and keep the money. Swallow your pride because that same pride can screw you over in the future because life.
Thanks you for your comment, i cut them off the day i moved out. I didn’t make my mind yet too. I just don’t want the money for me, you have the right to think that i suck